The Priority of Relationships

Source: George McCalep, Faithful Over a Few Things, Orman Press, 1996

Key Revelation

Chapter 1: “Valuing Change”

Chapter 6: “Relationships”

• Switching to make “Relationships” chapter 1!

The Two Most Important Words in Church Growth

#1:• “Gospel”

#2:• “Relationships”

5 Stages of Relationships

1. Pre-existent• What do people think about us before

we ever met?

2. First-impression• What’s the drive-up/drive-in/walk-in

perception?• appearance, parking, greeting

5 Stages of Relationships

3. Acquaintance• name-calling, kinship in the Lord

4. Maturing• “that’s just the way s/he is”• “one of ours”

5 Stages of Relationships

5. Tried, tested, and true

• not going to leave just because we disagree about an issue

• the “exit” lights are out

Our Church Growth Problem …

We have difficulty seeing significant church growth …

• … because so few of relationships reach stages 4 & 5!

• Our church relationships are too often immature and broken

7 Relationship Networks

Pastor-God Members-God Pastor-Staff Pastor-Members Members-Pastor/Staff Members-Members Church-World

12 Suggestions for Improving Relationships

1. Eliminate voting on people within the church.

• Votes assure multiplying losers through shoot-offs

• addresses “member-member” relationships

12 Ways to Improve

2. Tithe budget to missions.• off the top

• (just like an individual)

• gives relationships a purpose

• addresses “church-world” and “member-God” relationship

12 Ways to Improve

3. Matthew 18:15-22• Addresses all 7 relationship nets

• “Gospel steps”• a). Go to the brother/sister• b). Go with a couple of wise kin• c). Go before whole church• d). Treat as Gentile

12 Ways to Improve

4. Be administratively conscious.

• Eliminate hurts by keeping people informed and “in the loop”

12 Ways to Improve

5. Emphasize kinship more than membership.

• Relax about the “joining” thing!• Create warm place for “friends” of the

church• Remembers, the goal is to make

disciples, not members.

12 Ways to Improve

6. Create multiple opportunities every year for the congregation to show love to the pastor (and staff).

• Celebrate victories• Thanking for the unknown labors• Provide for the pastor/staff financially

12 Ways to Improve

7. Ensure assimilation into the church via developing small group networks.

• Addresses • “members-God” • “members-members” • “church-world”

12 Ways to Improve

8. Emphasize the love and unity of the body of Christ through celebration of the Lord’s Supper.

• More often than once a quarter?

12 Ways to Improve

9. Celebrate the arrival of new members in the family.

• What do you do to rejoice in God for those the Lord has entrusted to you?• vs. Homecoming, anniversaries

12 Ways to Improve

10. Preach-teach prophetically

• Stress what it means to be “family”

• Don’t be afraid to address “state of the church” issues in worship

12 Ways to Improve

11. Be proactive to intervene in areas that have historically fostered bad relationships.

• i.e. choir, softball team, trustees

12 Ways to Improve

12. Model the process!

• Don’t do what I say, do what I do!• Practice what you preach• Are there unreconciled relationships

in your church? • In your life?

Conclusion

“God does not bless our mess!”

• If our relationships are out of order, then the church will not grow

• Solid relationships precede valuing “change” and church growth

Conclusion

Want to grow as a church?

• Begin with strengthening the relationship networks of your church

Appendix: 11 Ways to Strengthen “Members to

Pastor” Relationship Send pastor on vacation Provide baby-sitting Send notes of thoughtfulness Surprise attendance off-site Run interference (delegation) Adequate salary/benefits An inaccessible day off weekly

Appendix: 11 Ways to Strengthen “Members to

Pastor” Relationship Sabbatical every 4-7 years Enthusiasm in laity and officers to

support and encourage Nip gossip in the bud Be not easily offended

The Priority of Relationships

Dr. John P. ChandlerThe Ray and Ann Spence Network for

Congregational Leadershipwww.rasnet.org

Copyright John P. Chandler, 2000