The Missionel Purpose Driven Shack of Jabez

The Missionel Purpose

Driven Shack of Jabez

A book never read by

Rick Warren

Or

Andy Stanley

but written by Chuck Haley

The Missionel Purpose Driven Shack of Jabez: Esoteric Essays

Intro: Writing relaxes me. My personal reward to myself is that if I can get all my work done by Friday I

take the day and write. I write articles for our local news paper for the religion page or I write notes to

church members. On occasions I write essays. Not to anyone particular but I just have things I need to

get onto paper before I bust. The way they get in there is they crawl in, in the small hours of the night

when I am fluffing up my pillow and flipping it over to feel the cool side on my face. A thought slips in

and tries to make a nest. Sometimes they live.

To understand them best please realize I use as few words as possible. I am sick to death of picking up a

book by some well known writer and find it is just one or two sermons he has stuffed and filled with milk-

toast illustrations to make a book. I could have gotten just as much out of a fortune cookie sized

statement from him as I did from the book. You will not find that here.

Most essay’s here are short. All work for economy of words. Some are meant

to be funny others are funny by accident. None of them are meant

to make you think. They were made because I was

thinking. Entering this little book is like entering my mind;

organized like a languid Venn Diagram with a

multitude of tangents and printed by Roy

Lichtenstein.

Against my better judgment, but at the advice of those who

play well in the sand box of the legal system, this work is copy

written and may not be duplicated in part or whole without the express

permission of me, the author. Penalties are commensurate with the law and I

add to them the punishment of listening to nothing but Donny Osmond songs while

driving in D.C. at rush hour.

Here they are. Have fun.

Because I Don’t Have a Time Machine I Do A Lot Of Time Hitch-Hiking? (Theoretical physics and God)

Of the many things that keep me awake at night, the one that has been of most entertainment to me is the question of, “how does God measure time?” The obvious answer is the one that is obviously wrong. We are tempted to say, “By the clock”. But the clock is based on the sun and the sun was not the first thing created so then if you don’t have a sun you don’t have a sun rise and you don’t have a 24 hour day at first, so, how do you measure time. Also, it limits God in his ability to work outside of time or before the sun was created. Such as making the sun stand still or having the shadow on some steps go backwards. It would also disallow the concept of the God “who was and is and is to come”. So there must be a different way of measuring time for God. Having asked smarter people than me and having dismissed them all but one I have landed on the concept that God is in no way tied to time but time is tied to God. And this tie is not measured in seconds but in events. As events are described in prophecy and apocalyptic literature it can only be understood through the view finder of events. As God passes through time so things change. When he pauses or backs up, so does time. After looking at this from all angles I do wonder if there is one conflict. One can be the God who was and is and is to come and still have time tied to you at the action but it negates being that same God at all these times at one time. Is a limited God really God? I think I’m straining at a Nano-second where I would rather be swallowing a calendar. So, let’s go swallow something. You may be familiar with the concept of the “Arrow of Time”. This takes the reality that some things seem to exist in chaos and because of the chaos they have energy that cannot be used to produce because the energy is being used up for chaos. This chaos is called entropy.

Here is the rub. Things have an innate order to them. Even things that seem to be random do or will work into a pattern. Enter a gymnasium filled with ping pong balls on mouse traps. Ping pong balls resting on mouse traps house energy and then one is set off and upon landing sets off another three or more and for a few seconds it all looks like complete random chaos. But given

just a few seconds to settle, you start to see an undulation to and from the center of the first action. Order had been created out of chaos.

Approach a slanted table with sides and dowel posts arranged like the vertical mortar of a brick wall: Much like the Plinko game seen on The Price Is Right TV show. The same balls dropped and allowed to bounce against organized off-set picks will end at the bottom in a flat pile resembling a pyramid. And again order comes out of chaos. Recent mathematicians have started seeing fractals in places where they never expected to see them. They have seen them for centuries in sea shell and the spiral of pine cones but now they seem to be appearing in something as artificial as the wake of a jet engine and things as non tangible as the patterns of the stock market. This is the most extreme observances of order coming out of chaos that I know of. Now this begs the question, “how?” How do we get order out of chaos and be able to explain it. This is where this tangent comes in contact of my question of God. Because physicists now have a concept called “The Arrow of Time”. In an oversimplified way I present my understanding of The Arrow of Time. It asks what force draws order out of this chaos. It answers that time it’s self is a force and therefore has drawing power.

That’s where it stops. This is where I pick up. If in fact time is tied to God by events and time is the force that brings order out of chaos then it is God at work and it makes so much more sense to ascribe power to the force of the presence of God than to a man made concept of time. We speak of “the end of time”. But as long as God is moving, time will not end. It can rest when he rests but it will never end. As long as God is moving in our midst we will always see order being created out of disorder because it is His very nature.

Everybody Wang Chuck Tonight (where the Gross Happiness Product and measurements of the church

meet)

In the church we have talked for a long time about looking for a new matrix of success that would

replace nickels and noses. The common question of “how is your church doing?” is broken down in the

recent issue of Leadership as being interrupted, 1. How big is your church, 2. Is that up from last year, 3.

Does that make you more important than me, 4. Can I raise my importance by just being around you?

This is sick but is the one we have as our default program.

Like most of us I too would love to have a new way to look at the Body of Christ and measure its success

that does not point back to human effort or even to our western/capitalist mindset.

Recently I heard of the death of King Wangchuck of Bhutan

and his successor, the teenage son, known as King Khesar.

He implemented measures his grandfather and father

worked on since the 1970’s that replaced the measure of

the success of a country from its GDP to its GDH. That is its

gross domestic product to its gross domestic happiness.

They came up with a way to measure this. The home web site is http://grossnationalhappiness.com/.

The variables used in the first survey were:

1. Economic Wellness: Indicated via direct survey and statistical measurement of economic metrics such

as consumer debt, average income to consumer price index ratio and income distribution

2. Environmental Wellness: Indicated via direct survey and statistical measurement of environmental

metrics such as pollution, noise and traffic

3. Physical Wellness: Indicated via statistical measurement of physical health metrics such as severe

illnesses

4. Mental Wellness: Indicated via direct survey and statistical measurement of mental health metrics

such as usage of antidepressants and rise or decline of psychotherapy patients

5. Workplace Wellness: Indicated via direct survey and statistical measurement of labor metrics such as

jobless claims, job change, workplace complaints and lawsuits

6. Social Wellness: Indicated via direct survey and statistical measurement of social metrics such as

discrimination, safety, and divorce rates, complaints of domestic conflicts and family lawsuits, public

lawsuits, crime rates.

7. Political Wellness: Indicated via direct survey and statistical measurement of political metrics such as

the quality of local democracy, individual freedom, and foreign conflicts.

By the final survey the titles were change to Psychological Wellbeing indicators, Ecology indicators

http://grossnationalhappiness.com/

Health, indicators Education indicators, Culture indicators, Living Standards indicators, Time Use

indicators, Community Vitality indicators, Good Governance indicators.

In reading the layout of the information it struck me how much religious/spiritual things were included

in the Psychological Wellbeing section. From that parallel I thought it might be possible to take the work

already done and cross pollinate it with what we do in church and find a new way of measuring our

wellness.

I see the following parallels.

Psychological wellbeing indicators = spiritual wellbeing

http://grossnationalhappiness.com/gnhIndex/gnhIndexVariables.aspx

Ecology indicators = the physical appearance of your campus and congregants


Health indicators = practice of traditional basics i.e. Bible study, prayer, love for each other etc.


Education indicators = basic knowledge i.e. ten commandments, list of spiritual gifts, plan of salvation

etc. http://grossnationalhappiness.com/gnhIndex/gnhIndexVariables.aspx

Culture indicators = living out the Bible (note the similarity of ten commands in this list)


Living Standards indicators = Tithe and finance reliability

of church

http://grossnationalhappiness.com/gnhIndex/gnhIndexV

ariables.aspx

Time Use indicators = balance in life


ariables.aspx

Community Vitality indicators = Do I feel at home in my

church?


ariables.aspx

Good Governance indicators = how is the pastor, deacons, teachers, etc doing and are they

approachable? http://grossnationalhappiness.com/gnhIndex/gnhIndexVariables.aspx

This is a brief cross pollination of these modern ideals and what could be expected of the church. I leave

this information to those of you with more resources than I, to figure out if I have rambled on with silly

babblings or if they can be used to measure success for the church.

The obvious problem is that when we ask questions people start answering. When they answer it can

hurt our feelings and many pastors climb into the pulpit looking for affirmation in the eyes of the

congregants. Even though this is a serious pathology it is a reality of ministry. Therefore most will never

ask these questions because it will mean they will lose affirmation.



Of clouds, bull fighters and salt: (a rambling on creativity)

The year was 1974 when I sat in the fifth row on the far left side of Grace Baptist Church and heard a

reasonably talented husband and wife sing a few songs. I was as still as any ADD teen could be with my

itchy leisure suit jacket pricking right through my faux silk Nauru print shirt. It was the fifth and last song

when I heard something that has lasted in my memory for years.

The husband said, “Here is a song God gave us on a trip to Rock City just last year.”

As the song started with a reference to “homemade cat head biscuits” I realized that the reason God

gave it to them is because He didn’t want it. But they sang as if inspired by Gabriel’s trumpet, a host of

heavily choirs and Neil Peart drums.

I have pondered the muse that landed on them the day they looked at the Rockies and penned such

words as, “And I see Momma’s face in those clouds up there, way up there, up yon, up in heaven.”

Don’t take this too lightly because I am of the opinion that we mere mortals have a limited amount of

ponders so we should use them wisely. (I figured that one out while pondering about why so many mass

murders have the middle name Wayne.)

Just last night I listened to a short lecture by Elizabeth Gilbert

(pictured); author of “Eat, Pray, Love.” It grazed the exceedingly

deep issue of inspiration and where it comes from. It is from a

strictly non-Christian point of view but it inspired me to add my

bent to her brilliance.

Her study of inspiration led her to the realization that having one

accept the credit for inspiration of the created work is self assured

destruction because one day there will be a dud you create and

then you must accept the blame. So, she looks at other cultures for a way to distance oneself from the

inspiration and lands on the ancient Greeks that talked about a muse who would help come up with

ideas and then the ancient Greeks that had something called “genius” that kind of lived in the walls and

helped you out with the development of the creation.

She says, “Allowing somebody, one mere person, to believe that he or she is the vessel, the font and the

essence and the source of all divine, creative, unknowable eternal mystery is just a smidge too much

responsibility to put on one fragile human psyche. It’s like asking someone to swallow the sun.”

Odd note about a “Genius” is that not everyone had a good one, and most had ones that were more

“side line judges” at a soccer game or “Monday morning quarter

backs” around the water collar. So if you just kept churning out

poor plays you could just blame it on a lazy ineffective or missing

genius (pictured). Personally I am kind of like that when writing

sermons. “This would be better folks but my genius was in Boca

Raton this week playing golf.”

Then Elizabeth Gilbert gets really close to the truth when she talked about how the Moors used to cheer

on an artist when they would want everyone to know that they just had a glimpse of god (sic) and would

announce it by chanting “Allah, Allah, Allah” This was picked up by the Spaniards when they would

support a great flamingo dancer or a wonderful move by a bull fighter and shout the corrupted version

of the word, Ollie, Ollie, Ollie!”

This comes back full circle to my squirming on a

wood pew on a hot spring day listening to the

couple sing about “wheat fields, a babies smile

and Jesus”. And wonder how lame their muse

was.

So here is my take. I am a very creative person. I

say that with little humility. Most everyone that

knows me will soon make mention of my

creativity. For myself, I only feel I have no filter. I

think everyone else has the same thoughts and ideas I do but they limit their public offering of them

because they feel they will be mocked or even fail. I have failed enough to no longer fear it…much.

I personally just toss every thought out, barrowed, original, plagiarized, deformed or otherwise formed that passes through my little brain. If it goes in my head it will soon come out my mouth. Oddly enough I seldom remember what I said because that ribbon of verbiage is so long and continues that I cannot keep track of it all. Again let me remind you of my lack of humility.

You have heard someone say “Inspiration struck”… It is the same description used by the Old Testament I see the capricious nature of the Spirit with that same quality that some see inspiration. Jesus himself

looks at the work of the Holy Spirit and compares it to the wind in John 3. Mark Badderson uses the

metaphor of the wild goose to explain the work of the Spirit and what looks like from our perspective to

be a capricious nature. (This alone may be the difference of the Old Testament prophets speaking of the

Spirit resting on them for a brief time and our understanding of having the Spirit as a seal of salvation.)

You have heard someone say “inspiration struck” as if it hit them like a temporary powerful surge. It is a

lining up of seemingly random ideas that for an instant form a pattern or otherwise make sense and fit

like a child’s puzzle. It is a can of pick-up sticks expectantly landing in a star, fan or even a fractal. It is

the same description used by the Old Testament to relate the presence of the Spirit. Inspiration that

leads to creativity is fleeting. Inspiration that leads to creativity is divine.

In the New Testament we see the focal affectation of the Holy Spirit is to be capricious. It comes and

goes where ever it wants, just like in John 3, it is like the Wind. In the Badderson book it is like a wild

goose. From our perspective it looks like the goose is moving around in a meaningless random path yet

he knows where he is headed and makes the best use of ponds, fields and golf courses to get there.

Geese love golf.

I don’t think I need to be humble about my creativity because I, just like the singer from my teen years,

blame God for it all. Good or bad I believe God is the source of all inspiration and the drawing hand of

creativity.

I look at the potter throwing a slug of clay on a wheel and see one hand

on the inside and one on the outside and imagine just like Jeremiah that

one hand is Jesus forming us from the outside in, and the other is the Holy

Spirit forming us from the inside out, and God the father is drawing us up

to himself and when we are taken off the wheel we should only see His

finger prints on what is inspired.

Here is the rub. We are the tools he uses to form these unique vessels. It

is up to how sharp we have honed our creative edges that determine

whether the slugs of clay become a high-gloss-glaze-vases with thin walls

and well fitted caps or if we create ash trays with horse-hair-fired patterns

that over flow with soggy cigarette butts and woeful ashes.

Creativity should be seen in our lives, our homes and in our sermons.

A sermon without creativity is like green beans without salt.

I look at the Holy Spirit and remember that F. F. Bruce tells us in his commentary of Romans that the

interpreters have a hard time of separating when it is that Paul speaks of the Spirit of God and when he

speaks of our own spirit. One possibility is that when we are living in tune with the Spirit there should

be such an intertwining of the two that one cannot discriminate between where one stops and one

starts. This is euphoric.

I hear Elizabeth getting so close when she talks of observers catching a glimpse of God in a dance, a bull

fight or any other art. What she misses is that a creation needs a creator. Divine creation needs a

Devine Creator. The Trinity was there at the beginning and they created everything and continue to

create everything by himself. (Sic) God speaks to our heart and we resonate like the sound board on the

back of a piano. He plays the tune and we carry the music to all that will hear, see, and understand.

Some hide their creativity. They have been hindered by stogy church members that think anything

creative is just so much fluff; all puppy dogs and unicorns. Some fear that being creative in a sermon

would devalue the real work of evangelism, or conviction. Yet we have only 40 or so minutes each week

to disparate the work of the world in the lives of our parishioners and the work of God. To be creative is

to hit the subject of the sermon with a sledge hammer.

One could shout every sermon to show the reality and eminent return of Christ or one could find

creative ways to get the point across even more effective. Creativity is a gift. Not everyone has enough

to get by, but we all know how to borrow and then cite our source.

John Maxwell says, “The first time you use my stuff you say, “My friend says.” The second time you use

my stuff you say, “I have said before”. The third time you use it you say, “Like I always say.” So, cite your

source and be creative.

Like the Mississippi delta it is a confluence of The Creator, we are simple human tools, and the draw of

the subject that brings the art to life. It is a melding. It is fabrication of a mighty two edged sword that

strikes to the heart of our lives. It is the right brain at its best. It is without equal in words, yet we try

anyways.

Blessed are those that not only have eyes but also see. Blessed are those that not only have souls but

resonate.

Hoarding Cash

The Bible has more to say about money than any other single topic, more than salvation, Hell, or even the last days. But we don’t talk a lot about money. One reason is that we don’t really like the way scripture promotes giving to the church. A lot of people give a lot of money to the church and aren’t we glad…at least I am. But what then? I spoke to a friend who pastors a nice church in Ohio. They have been around since the forty’s and in the 1st decade have had a huge growth spurt and are responsible for several ministries today. He cites one reason. He says they “give Biblically” to him that means they encourage all to give to the store house of God. But they never intend to keep it. The goal is to have nothing in the church account at the end of the month. We sit here and are aghast at such folly. We don’t really believe that when God commands us to not “store up for yourself, treasures on earth where moth and dust corrupt”, that God was just joking. He could have never meant such a thing. Some of you remember the depression. I do not. I do however remember growing up poor and I do know what it is to be the only kid on the play ground without new jeans on the opening day of school. Remembering such things colors our opinion about giving. I also know of a rather modest church well south of here where the congregation goes back to the late 1800 and they have amassed a huge portion of goods. The pastor told me, “I really have no idea how much money we have. (I know we have) invested in stocks and a lot of corporate debt, that is bonds, and nearly every facet of our church has its own bank account. I know there are a few hundred thousand in the youth and children’s accounts and a lot in the general fund but we don’t really touch that… and the cemetery fund is approaching a million dollars.” I asked if it affected his church he only said he didn’t bother preaching on faith because it just didn’t resonate. “We have too much money to need faith.” So often we look at ourselves and ask, “What will God say to me when I enter Heaven?” but I wonder sometimes “what will His church say to God in the end?” One thing the church cannot say is, “silver and gold have I none but such as I have I give thee”.

Wisdom (the truth about judgment) Sometimes I get this overwhelming desire to smack a stranger in the face with a carp. Usually I get this urge after talking to an unnamed-friend on the phone. You know the verse that says, “Judge not lest ye be judged?” My friend has taken that to a new level creating its own art-form. It goes like this, “Chuck, your fat. And if you don’t get skinny you will die.” I ask, “Is your third wife listening in on the conversation because it seems like those are her words.” He replies, “Don’t judge round man. As a minister you should know that one.” Then I go out of town a buy a carp from a fish monger and skulk near a busy intersection. We are programmed to not judge, be politically correct, but that is not where the Bible ends on the subject. We are also told to make righteous judgments. Without righteous judgments we could never develop wisdom.

Wisdom is the understanding

of what action caused what result The story is told of a few pastors mentoring some students in an unused room of the local gym. The students came in almost daily with words like, “My girlfriend is pregnant. I don’t know how that happened.” Or “Timmy is in jail again. The police keep busting him for position. I don’t know how his life is so messed up.” And my favorite is the young woman with the imported cigarettes in her new leather knee high boots complaining, “We don’t even make enough to make bus fare. I don’t know where my money goes.” This is a true lack of wisdom. If you don’t really know or understand that you choose your own poverty or your own misfortune much of the time, then you are not looking at the results of your actions. Consider Solomon telling the mother to just split the baby in half and both of you get half. He understands the connection between a mother and child and that the real mother would rather the baby grows up without her than to lose the baby right then to death. The lying woman could not care about the baby. She was still grieving her own loss. Solomon understood cause and effect in the lives of mothers. We can hone our skills in similar areas. Wisdom is the understanding of what action caused what result. Shouting at the lady behind the burger counter gets your food spit on. Living in obedience to the Word gets you blessed. Hitting a stranger in the face with a carp might result in a long conversation with out of town law enforcement. Use wisdom in life. In a word, wisdom is perspective. In three words it is, cause and effect. In reality it is the ability of knowing the future. If you do this than that results. It’s kind of like a super power. Wisdom, is knowing what the future holds. Maybe Christians should wear capes. A few years ago the southern Baptist convention was held in San Antonio, TX. I attended with my son,

Jared. We stayed at the Sam Huston hotel “with a view of the Alamo. We did have a view. The view

was of the roof. Not an impressive sight.

On one afternoon we walked over to the Alamo for a

quick stroll. It was free. Inside a docent told the story

of J. F. Kennedy. He told his host politely that as soon

as the speech was over he had to get out quickly and

would he point out the back door right then. The

host replied, “If we had a back door at the Alamo do

you think our heroes would have died defending it?”

If we understand cause and effect we can plan for the

future. We can find or make a back door. We can put away money or draw an escape rout. But this

takes perspective. Wisdom is perspective. We find wisdom in the Bible.

How Stella got Her Stanley Kowalski Back (marriage advice/humor)

Heroes often go into a situation knowing there is no back door. They don’t build in escape clauses and

they don’t hedge their bets. It is all or nothing. It should be the same way with marriage.

We are called to commit completely to our spouses. Too many in our world add children but multiply

spouses. I heard a few boys doing “You mama” slams once where one said, “Your mama’s so ugly she’s

only been married once.”

I’m not saying marriage is easy. In fact it’s hard. How hard? It’s harder than spearing fruit flies with

knitting needles. But most go into marriage to be the hero. To commit for life.

In my mind one event can sum up why marriage is so hard. It is the bath ritual. Men, we get dirty we

take a shower. We slather, lather and rinse (repeat if having just come in from the garden). Women are

not so.

They shower often but from time to time they bathe. They run a tub full to the rim with hot water, light

a few candles, pour in some bath oil (this oil is also good for stopping a door from squeaking but don’t

let your wife see you do it)maybe some incense, dim the lights or just turn them off. Plug in the IPod

and grab a book.

In this rim-sleep-tub they run more water when it gets cold and splash only when necessary. My dirt is

the same as their dirt but they seem to need this ritual to get clean. Their dirt requires fragrances soaps,

lavender sprigs, aroma therapy, bubbles, fizzy things, and some romance. They get these things at

specialty stores with the name “bath” in the title. i.e. Bed Bath and Beyond, Bath and Body Works, Bath

Shower Bath, Bath and Oily Things. OK I made that last one up.

Men just don’t get this but we do our best to understand it because we are in for the long haul. We are

committed. Women put up with us and our habits because they are in for the long haul.

Women like to talk…and talk…and talk about feelings. You ask a man how he feels and he says, “I feel

like a pizza”, or “I feel fine” But we don’t do emotions.

Women ask, “What are you thinking?” Men say “Nothing”. Women don’t believe us. But it’s true. Men

have the capacity to think about nothing and do it for hours, especially when a rod and reel are involved.

The hero usually shows cracks in his marriage when he is feeling the need to be someone’s center again

and his wife has heard all his stories where he was the hero and has heard all the times he caught the

ball for his sand lot baseball game. So he looks for a new set of ears.

A pretty little young raven haired beauty stops the husband at the water cooler and says, “Nice tie”.

Those were the nicest words he has heard in months. His head is now caught in a little trap made up of

kind words.

He goes home to his wife who has simply run out of things to say. They eat Jenny Craig dinners and

watch the news. He reads the paper and she scraps her feet. They go to bed and the entire time he is

thinking about what tie to wear the next day.

Morning comes and he is starving for positive words from a woman, that this girl, young enough to be

his daughter, is in his crosshairs and he is lurking around the water cooler for a chance to “accidently”

run into her. This time he starts, “Nice pin. Did your husband get it for you?...Oh, no husband…Me

neither.”

The next thing you know they share a room in Phoenix at the Tub and Tile Convention.

What would have happened if he had put that kind of effort into a special weekend with his wife? It

could have happened if she had only said, “nice tie” one morning. No one; and I do mean no one, likes

divorce. People that go through it, hate it. The children hate it. The judge and the lawyers hate it.

If you are the victim of divorce then please don’t hear this a condemnation. Hear it as hope for the next

time. The Bible gives a few allowances for divorce and I would say that if you feel your life is in danger

than you have the obligation to remove yourself from the danger immediately and leave the thought of

divorce for a safer day.

It is the hero that makes the marriage work no matter what. The hero always understands that women

and men are different and have different languages and needs and ways to satisfy those needs.

The best way to meet each other is to talk. Here again we see the man is so different. He only has a few

thousand words each day until he just runs out. The woman secretly has a word debit card that never

runs out. She can talk for hours before her voice sounds like she has gargled glass and then let her vocal

chords be baked in the hot Arizona desert on a slab of tarmac and run over by three off-road Jeeps.

Then she might consider slowing down.

Here’s a solution. Men, you might not know this but there are books on conversation starts. Go to your

local book store and ask for one. They are great. They are filled with questions about vacations,

concerts, first everything, best everything and so on. You will be amazed just how much you have to talk

about and how interesting your spouse is.

Men also need to learn the language of woman. When a woman is standing in front of an open

refrigerator filled with food and says, “There is nothing in this house to eat,” what men should hear is,

“take me out for dinner.”

When the wife is standing before you with one black sling back pump on one foot and one black four

inch heal on the other and asks you which one is better. She is not usually consulting your fashion sense.

In fact she likely giggles at your fashion sense. She is asking for approval of how she looks and it just

might be prudent to offer a complement.

When she stands before a closet full of clothes and says “I have nothing to wear” she wants to go

shopping. If she says, “Was that the dog?” she wants you to take the dog for a walk. If you don’t have a

dog then you have other issues.

I do a lot of the cooking in our house. One night I told my wife that she would need to cook dinner the

next night because I would be occupied until around 6:00. When I arrived home I asked, “what did you

make for dinner?” She answered, “Reservations.”

Heroes learn new languages. Heroes pay attention and work on a relationship. Heroes understand the

differences or at least try to understand them. It is the hero that leaves his parents and cleaves to his

wife and the wife that weaves a new relationship out of two completely different people.

A Measure of Change; Just when you thought we were done with Wangchuck (perspective on church

growth)

Some claim that I have already dealt with two of the topics addressed in this essay. I say that they lie!

Unless one goes back to read page 9 again where one might just possibly find some smidge of , well,

kind of a, I would think that …I need a pop tart right now. Please read on.

Humans have a tendency to measure things. We do it for a universe of reasons but we still do it. What is strange is how we measure church. When pastors meet they often ask, “How are things at your church?” Which means “what are your numbers?” and if you dare to answer spiritually we will only be asked in a different way until we get around to numbers. What numbers? They are usually referred to as nickels, noses and nails. That is offering average, attendance average and what new building or mission projects are going on. The conversation goes something like this: “Pastor Bubba, how are things going at your church?” “Well, Pastor Cooter, my people really love Jesus. And how is your wife?” “Hummm. Let me ask another way. How many folks are you running these days?” Now the conversation has gotten direct. But not direct enough because the real question Pastor Cooter is asking is not, how many do you run but behind that is, “Is that more or less than last year?” Is that more or less than my church? Are you more important than me? And the final question behind the question is, “Can I make myself more important by hanging around you?” We just can’t help it. Numbers are engrained in our heads. There is a Jeff Foxworthy joke that has been adapted for preachers that says, “If you have ever been to a professional sports event and estimated the attendance, you might be a preacher.” Pastors aren’t the only ones that do it. Church members do it even more but they don’t get caught at it. King Kashmir, son of King Wangchuck of Bahtan just last year published a new way of measuring success in his country. It is called the Gross Happiness Product. It is well worth researching if you have time. Here is the rub. You might be measuring by nickels or happiness, but you are still measuring. According to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle the act of measuring a thing changes the thing. (That is to say that if you are measuring a molecule by catching the shadow of it you change that molecule with the very light, proton, you hit the molecule with. So, the act of measuring changes the outcome simply by being measured.) Here is what that looks like in the church. You could give each member a quiz each week on an assigned Bible passage to prove if they have read their Bible every day. Or you could just ask for a show of hands. Adrian Rogers once asked his congregation to read Matthew 29 by the next week. When asked if they read it just under half raised their hands. There is no Matthew 29. The quiz would change the way we read because we read differently for spiritual edification than we do for tests. And the act of asking gets a much higher result than reality and we change members into liars. So we change the thing when we measure it.

It is like saying, “That church or that preacher or that Sunday School teacher is so out of the box.” We are not really measuring that person. We are measuring the proximity to the box. The box becomes the object of the measuring. In reality there is no box for spiritual things. But we create a box to get a handle for our own mind to measure teachers, churches etc. Here is where the rubber meets the road. If we are simply living the Christ centered life and not worrying about where everyone else is but enjoying just being in the presence of God and celebrate living according to His will we find ourselves full of joy. It is a journey where God loves on us and we love on God. The way to destroy that supreme joy is to measure ourselves against someone’s box. The very act of measuring our journey changes our journey.

Sermon titles to avoid at all cost (humor) We have all heard sermon titles that we would never preach, like; turn or burn, get right or get left and

the newer, “if you ain’t at the table then you’re on the menu”. But you might have missed a few post

modern seeker insensitive sermons.

“Jesus rode an ass on Palm Sunday and this week I’m going to ride yours!”

“Rahab was a prostitute, a liar and a trader and she’s in heaven; so you just might be safe.”

“Jesus loves you and I’m doing my best”

“I’d hate to be you on judgment day”

“You think it’s hot here; wait until eternity”

“Rebecca lit off a camel: the dangers of tobacco”

“The last word on the second coming, part 1”

“If God can talk through a donkey He just might have something to say through me”

“The road to Hell is paved with good conventions”

“Cute Stories about My Family Designed to Raise My Value To You” “One Sports Analogy after Another Related to the Gospel That Proves I’m Not a Weenie.” “11 Disciples and Judas: By hook and by Crook” “Drip Dry: The Two Things That Make Us Baptist” “Gethsemane and the Committee Meetings” “Confession of All My Personal Sins” “Which Denominations Get To Heaven” “I Wrote this One during the Offertory Just Now” “Sin, Conviction, Condemnation and Our Congregation: Who Did What” “The Funniest Confessions I’ve ever Heard” “Nothing Personal”

Thankfulness (mindless meanderings about gratitude) What a beautiful morning. I sit sipping coffee on the deck of Java Jack’s as logging trucks trundle down Church Street, the fresh resin lacing the crisp early morning with hints of butterscotch. Children tussle in a window of a bus in primary colored sweaters and indigo jeans. I look at the long shadows and the short coffee vapor and wonder if things could be any better. I take time to count my blessings today. I don’t do that often…hardly at all. But imbued by the joy of creation I count them now: The path of my life My beautiful wife My sight My church My dry warm home Fresh tomatoes God’s voice My best friends, that is, my sons Azure morning skies Lipstick colored sunsets Amber waves of grain – I feel a song coming on. The wheat field shouting to the sky Fresh starched shirts Languid river Bald Eagle on an ice flow Worship songs Well mannered children Salvation I think the enemy likes it when we are too busy to meditate, sing to God, pray, and count our blessings. I know our Heavenly Father is pleased. Did I say “spell check”? I am overwhelmingly grateful for spell check. And I am grateful for you…even if I don’t know you.

It’s A Rorschach Life for Us (mistakes we make in unintentional exegeses)

Hermann Rorschach invented the Ink Blot test in 1921 and it was the standard in the US throughout the

1960’s when people understood how to cheat the test and manipulate outcomes. It is a simple test.

One drips a wad of ink on one side of some heavy paper and then folds it and unfolds it to reveal a new

shape with its mirror image.

The subject is asked to tell what the image is. The same image can be a mask, a bat or a butterfly. The

standard answers had standard interoperations but in general it was determining if you saw dark and

disturbing things or happy things.

This might show you were a well adjusted

person or secretly an ax murder. If you are

looking at the ink blot to the right and think it’s

a mask then I have very bad news for you.

But, life is a Rorschach for everyone. We all

have predispositions to life we project on

everything. It is not uncommon to hear

someone say, “How can anyone live in Cuba

(insert your least favorite country here) or how

can any Christian support that politicians

policy. We acutely could know why these

things are appealing to others if we just pay a little attention to them. But we chose to live with blinders

of self projection to make life easier for us to maneuver.

Here is a little experiment for you to try. When you are in a small group of people of three to ten peers,

make this simple statement. “I just don’t feel whole; it’s like something is missing.” And wait for the

feedback.

Answers like, “you need to see my masseuse”, “try this little pink pill”, or “here is a scripture to help you

out” will come flooding out of the people with whom you are talking. What you are hearing is what

helped them out when they felt incomplete. They have projected on you their shortcomings (and we all

have them) and let you know what makes them feel like something is missing by letting you know what

made them feel whole again.

The reason we don’t speak this verbally most of the time is that we are afraid of being answered in an

embarrassing way. Such as, “I just don’t feel whole.” “That’s because you stink as a person.”

If you do this little experiment I want to know the outcome. If you are feeling especially risky you can

try the next step. Start with a similar group, “I just don’t feel holy; it’s like something is missing.” If you

get any feedback at all I would love to hear about it. So far this second statement is always met with

complete silence. That’s kind of scary.

Where this hits me hard is my exegetical work for sermon preparation. It occurred to me when listening

to a woman speak to a large Christian group about her recent experiences of adopting and the other

multiple adoptions she and her husband have done.

Early in the story she said, “It’s like the Da Vince Code all over again. Like someone has hidden a new

way of life right in plain sight. Every page I turned to in scripture I found another reference to adoption.

I remember asking out loud, ‘why didn’t anyone show me this before?’”

I realized that it was not every page or even one out of five pages one can find adoption and yet this was

what she brought to the table. What about me?

Have you ever heard someone support the republican platform with scripture, the democrat platform,

the green party…

Have you ever been listening to a bachelorette speech that quoted scripture to motivate students to

“Seize the day” or “Find your passion”?

But what about me? There are passage I avoid all together because of my blinders and because I don’t

want to deal with the results of my test. I don’t study how early churches were in homes or by creek

banks or hidden away in dark miserable places. I don’t study how pastors were not paid like we are

today and had to make tents to survive. And I certainly don’t preach the passages that instruct me to go

and raise the dead.

If you didn’t realize, the Rorschach test is designed so that whatever answer you give it is something

that was originated in you. It was birth in you. It is an image in your life that means something to you

and likely only you.

We tend to project our preconceptions onto life, death and scripture all the time. I can’t help but think

that we do a disservice to our congregation by imposing meaning that was never intended. How can we

stop?

Here’s a slight tangent. I hear a few preachers begin with something like, “Hide me behind the cross…let

the people see only you.” I feel this a cop-out. God gifted you with a personality and you should use it.

I am lucky enough to have a big personality and I can’t help but use it often. Hidings our personality is

tossing away a grace God has gifted us with.

Does this same logic apply to the Rorschach style of preaching? I’m only speaking for myself here, but I

would love to be able to present God’s word with great application and completely devoid of personal

twists or bents. Can any of us do this with the personality god gave us or with the life experience we

have?

Most people never Take Initiative Because No One Tells Them To (common sense work ethic)

After a long conversation between me and a woman wanting to enter the work force for the first time, I

sat and wrote this list. Her attempts were completely frozen in place because she looked at all the

younger and prettier people trying for the same job she wanted. Her degree was one that had long

been out dated and after her husband passed and the bills piled up she did her best to get by but the

money just kept running out.

People in the church, community and myself had given generously to her but things just kept slipping

though her fingers. On this last visit she said, “I don’t have what it takes to be successful in this world

anymore.”

As a reaction to her statement I jotted down this list that can apply to sports, work, school and life. It is

not meant to be an exhaustive list, just my list. Here are a few things one can do to be successful

without having any talent or degree at all.

Show up on time Learn your “play book” Learn to follow before you can lead Play consistently Play hard Make wise decisions Act on decisions Follow through Never quit - unless you are making a clean break and a major career change Never call in sick when you’re not Always do your best Always work to make your boss a success Take blame with integrity Always give away credit Never just rely on talent but use your talent well Believe in what you’re doing Have passion for life and success Take initiative Focus on the “big rocks” first Make preparation Practice Use perseverance Have courage greater than your fear Have a teachable spirit Demonstrate character that rises above human expectations Build relationships that encourage Take responsibility for yourself first then for your co-workers Use teamwork If you’re not familiar with the “big rocks” concept the short version is this. A motivational speaker goes to a crowd and presents a large glass cylinder. He pours into it a cup of sand, a cup of gravel, and cup of small rocks and a cup of larger rocks. The larger rocks just won’t fit into the vessel.

He tries again and this time he starts with the large rocks and works down to the sand. When he is done he produces three cups of rocks and they all fit nicely. He asks for someone to apply the lesson they just learned. The common consciences were that you can always do more. This is wrong. The lesson he wanted them to learn was, if you start with the big rocks first, the important things in life, your time will produce more room for other things. This list will by no means guarantee success but it would help me hire someone.

In God We Trust (how faith relates to war and atheism) I stood in an airport a few years ago and saw a book on the shelf called, “Why Religion Ruins

Everything”. I admit I never picked up the book nor did I read the cover. I did see a review that implied

the book contained a scathing review of every war waged in the name of God. This truly did resonate

with me.

Religious people have, throughout the ages, waged war in the name of, on behalf of, and for the sake of

God. It is painfully obvious that God was not in most, if not all of these conflicts. This is not to say they

were not just-wars with righteous and moral outcomes. It’s just that God was not in the War Room

when the scheme was hatched.

There are plenty of people around who have taken upon themselves the task of defending the Holy

Wars to reclaim Jerusalem. I let them do what they do best. Others have written apologetics of how

the USA has not overstepped her bounds in waging war because we are the only nation with the moral

authority to make such judgments. I’m sure they make for great reading on a lonely night.

Do you deny how many people have died in the name of religion? I do not. Some have died at the hands

of religious people like the Mountain Meadows Massacre where Mormons (pictured) slaughtered an

entire settlement for their food in the name of the Mormon god or the 286 armed conflicts going on

around the world right now where all but two have Muslims involved.

But others have also died that I’m sure you don’t think of

much: The ones that are today tortured and killed in

Pacific Rim countries for their faith in Christ. They would

rather die instead of recant. Some might think that is a

waste of life, but look at it from the Christian

perspective. I have never ever heard of an atheist giving

their life for their cause.

Atheists continually flaunt their rights in the face of a nation founded on faith yet if given the choice

they would never live in a nation founded on atheism like China or the former soviet empire. Why?

Because a nation who believe they are only as great as the highest ideas can look to God and believe

they can reach that height in morality are so much better than a nation that believe it was from “the

ooze to the zoo to you”. And that is the best anyone can be.

Please understand that both Atheism and Christianity are a faith. If you believe in Atheism than that

implies some form of Darwinism as the creative force. Most scientists no longer believe that Darwinism,

neo-Darwinism or alternate variations of evolution can answer real questions about sub atomic matter

and the macro-universe at the same time.

But an atheist must have some idea of the origin of life. If it is some form of “There was this original

matter that happened to bump into another hunk of original matter and it all went kaboom” then that

begs the question of “where did the original matter come from?” Believing it just existed is a faith

affirmation. Just like Christians believe we have God as the author of original matter. The difference is

that we readily admit we have a faith. Atheists pretend faith is science. It is not. It is a religion.

Do I deny sin has been

waged on humanity in the

name of God? I do not.

The difference for me is that I have never seen an atheist die for their faith. I hear every day of

Christians dying for their faith. Who really believes what they say? This brings us full circle to wars in

the name of God.

I am reminded of a scene from a Donald Miller book called ‘Blue Like Jazz’, where a few students at Reid

University set up a tent style confessional booth. You can read the book for the full effect of the story.

One sat in a borrowed priests robe and other had religious affectations. Finely a small group of girls

came up unbelieving that anyone would erect a confessional booth in the middle of the school. The first

one stepped into the booth only to hear the one in the priest robe say, “Forgive me for I have sinned.”

And continue apologizing for all the times a Christian had judged or condemned her or her friends. The

confession continued with apologies of the Holy Wars and more recent atrocities. It was one of the

most moving stories I have ever read.

Do I deny sin has been waged on humanity in the name of God? I do not. I also know martyrs have and

are dying for the sake of Christ every day and will continue to as long as hate filled people keep forcing

their faith on others; Christian and Atheist alike. I would challenge, however any unbeliever to make a

list of causes or events or beliefs they would die for and see if Atheism is on that list.

It is always a matter of faith. You might have faith in the existence of the Big Bang. I have faith in the

existence of a Creator and that we are His creation. Just don’t lie to yourself and say that Atheism is

anything other than a faith affirmation because it is not a science.

Secret Agent Peter

I remember my friends and I chasing each other with plastic pistols through the field two blocks from

our new house. We played cow boys, soldier, and spy nearly every day. We moved to a place that, at

the time, was outside of town and near the country when I was three. Our two story house cost

$13,000 and it was a mansion compared to what we had earlier.

Behind the knee walls of the second story were passages that adults had to crawl through but we could

walk bent over. One closet attached the large bedroom to the bedroom over the garage. It was long

and forever packed with clothes that never seemed to get worn.

Between the golden field full of pits and forts, the side wall cubbies full of boxed photos and the long

closet, I had some of my greatest adventures as a spy for a secret government agency. The agency was

named U.N.C.L.E and my play name was Illya Kuryakin.

Not very original but I loved it all the same. We engaged in one under cover event after the next and

when my cousin Steve got involved we just jumped from one episode to the next shooting and being

shot and dying and getting better to shoot again. It was a wonderful game.

Maybe it is things like this that shaped my world view because when I read the account of Peter

sneaking around the fires and pillars of the Roman court I get this feeling that Napoleon Solo is about to

spin out of the shadows with his gun drawn and help Peter rescue Jesus.

I know that tradition paints Peter as an emotion driven man who speaks his mind even when he only has

half of it intact. But every time I read about Peter he is always bold. Bold to a fault. Think of him

rebuking Jesus for professing about his death. Think how humbling it would have been for the man

when Jesus looked him in the eye and said, “Get thee behind me Satan!” Most of us would have just

walked away right then.

Not Peter. He is a man’s man and had thick skin and a sharp tongue. He not only stands up to Jesus, he

stands up to the crashing waves and to a Roman soldier. He is bold at every turn. But when we get to

the last days of the passion we see Peter hiding in the shadows and hiding his identity and him getting a

glimpse of Jesus through a window. We notice him getting closer and closer to the place where Jesus

was being held until the cock crows (third trumpet blows) and he has fulfilled the prophecy Jesus just

spoke over him about denying Jesus.

We take that denial of Jesus as a condemnation of the

person of Peter and we redefine who he was based on

that one event. It is common sense that if he wanted to

just blend in, he would have done what the others did. He

would have ran and hid. He did not. He tried to get as

close to Jesus as he could. But for what reason?

You already know what I think. I believe it is much more

likely and more in continuity with the character of Peter

http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0028796/

that he was there to try to rescue Jesus. When I envision this scene all that is missing is a ninja suit, night

vision goggles and a helicopter.

The fulfillment of Peter denying Jesus three times tells me that Peter had to come to terms with the

fulfillment of Christ’s life. He had to die and try as best as he could Peter could not do anything about it.

Technological Adolescence (Mid-life and gadgets)

As a 51 year old man I am in a place where I can look back with just enough perspective to understand

the builder generation yet not so old as to be capable of any significant introspection on my own life. I

kind of like it that way.

My parents grew up with one address, their own. They might have a few others memorized but most of

them were hand printed in a two tone blue address book that lay on top of the refrigerator and was

referred to often.

That same book held phone numbers categorized under the husbands name, last name first. It held a

few important dates like the occasional birth date or anniversary. Every once in a while a line would be

scratched out or when someone moved or died the entire block was inked over.

Today I have two e-mail accounts, a few house addresses

and every one in my family and extended family has their

own phone number. That’s a lot of information to

keep up with. So we need more and more powerful

technology to keep up with the basics in life. This does not

even account for the new 2000 TV stations we now have at

our finger tips.

In the near future we may well have fully integrated TV,

personalized music, computer, and phone all with the

remote control implanted in our skulls.

If the statement I just made scares you then you likely will fit into the audience for this essay. If what I

just said is met with, “interesting. Wonder if I can learn that by reading a book?” Then you are likely my

contemporary. If you just shrugged and said, “I got that on my smart phone or 4G network.” Then just

go skip to the next essay. And tuck in your shirt while you are at it.

Here is a work that I want to help frame our time together today. The word is helium. I was in the

seventh grade and was wearing my first pair of baggies. The cutest girl in class was sitting right behind

me in class and I had just finished giving her my smoldering look and pretending I could not ask her to

the dance because I had another date that was so much more important.

The truth was my church didn’t let us dance. Yep, it was that kind of church. And the entire time I was

sweating just facing a girl that was allowed to wear a mid drift shirt. Now I know what a lot of you are

thinking right now, “What are baggies?”

Baggies were a hiccup in the bell bottom fashion statement where the leg was loose and cuffed. No

reason to giggle. They were to the fashion industry what the interbang is to the alphabet.

Class was called to order and the teacher called the first question. I tossed up my hand and said

“helium!?” Only it didn’t come out with a smolder nor did it reflect the fact that I was wearing baggies.

It came out in the squeaky yelp only associated with adolescence and small coon dogs that accidently

get hit in the snout with a whiffle ball bat. (We should not mention the latter to my Uncle Ferddy. He

loved that dog.)

It was an awkward feeling to know that I was singled out for my squawking voice and the humiliation

was deep and lasted nearly an entire class period before another boy also squawked and then he was

the focus of our attention.

The thing is that as we are growing up and we are changing and learning and our bodies are growing and

every second is accompanied with a new pimple, a new arm pit hair, and new double octave squeak, at

least we know that everyone around is going through the same thing.

This is not so when it comes to technology. We might be an early adopter and learn the new gadget at

the same time the young are getting their hands on it but likely we sit back and find out what the

standard will be in this area. By that I mean we don’t want to put money into a blue ray DVD reader if

blue ray will be replaced by black ray or 4G by 5G etc. We will invest into new gadgets when we

discover which one will benefit the most for the least money. That’s just smart.

Then comes the late adopters. The ones that like gadgets but want the bargain. They get what they pay

for and then they have dozens of people around them to teach them how to use the new thing.

But why do they have dozens of people around that know the ins and outs of the new thing? And do any

of them remember baggies?

They know this stuff because to them it is old hat but to the one that just bought-in it is undiscovered

horizons. The relationship is now upside down. The seventh grader who should be experiencing

humiliation at his changing body is the confident one and the grandparent or parent is being

condescended to by the child because he knows something the parent does not.

This is the very cable TV plot I hate; where the smart mouthed child knows everything and the father is a

bumbling idiot. It is uncomfortable to watch and humiliating to the adult that now is experiencing

adolescent emotions like insecurity and awkwardness.

If you must experience insecurity and awkwardness you should do it in the privacy of your home. No

one wants to feel it in public and the last place you want to feel insecure or awkward is church.

It is little wonder churches have trouble adapting to the new sound system or the new staff person or

the new curriculum. It is a learning curve that brings about uncomfortable emotions. That day the

Sunday School bell is replaced by a text blast to each teacher. That day the church directory is put on

computer. That day the membership roster is scanned into the archives. That is the day we feel loss of

identity and remember the adolescence of yesteryears and wonder how we will ever live though

another.

There are things we can do. We can get a tech-coach. Many of us have one of these. They are usually

near the seventh grade and still are excited to spend time with grandparents. Subscribe to a technology

magazine. Intentionally adopt a mindset that is open to things you don’t have to understand to enjoy.

My mom is an amazing woman. Not that long ago, she listed the new things she had learned since she

retired. They are, the harmonica, the harpsichord, a PDA, three different computers, four different

phones and the satellite TV receiver. But when it came to the new DVR she sat the remote down and

said, “Some one else do this. I’m done learning new stuff.” The point is not that she hit the information

wall but that she learned so much so quickly.

I’m sure I will be there too one day. I will come to the place where the next new thing has no appeal to

me and I want to get the bargain on the out of date gadget. I will go ask my neighbor’s grandson

(because apparently my boys don’t plan on giving me any grandchildren) and say, “I just don’t feel like

learning how to warm up my flying car with the brain implant I bought at radio shack, can you help me?”

Final word: It is customary to end in a great essay that makes peoples head spin and they walk away

thinking you were the greatest thing ever born. I figure you are thinking that anyway so let me end with

these words, “I like the cool side of the pillow best.”

My musings mostly come in the soft hours of night when my brain won’t shut off and my body is flipping

around like a pig on a spit. I cannot number the ideas that fly in and out that I try to hold on to, thinking

they would make a great sermon topic, conversation point, essay, scrawl on a bathroom wall, news

paper article or maybe something important. Then comes the morning, and the thoughts that only one

sleep ago ricochet like jumping beans now hide like scared children in Grimm’s Fairytail. I can no more

pull them out of hiding than I can recall my dream, coax a cat to sing opera or remember what I had for

supper last night.

But, on the rare occasion that one thought is well formed enough that it does make it back the next

night it will likely ends up in print somewhere. The ones that are populous in nature end up in the news

paper. The ones religious end up in sermons. The ones I deem esoteric end up here.

Don’t look for a common tie that binds these in one wad. It does not exist. Don’t look for deeper

meanings; I did that already and found boredom. Only hold to this one thing; I like the cool side of the

pillow in those soft hours and you might too.

Documents

The Missionel Purpose Driven Shack of Jabez