THE KISS

Danielle Steel

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CORGI BOOKS

THE KISS

‘Courage is not the absence offear or despair,but the strength to conquer them.’

To my wonderful children,who are my heart, my soul,my courage,To Beatrix, Trevor, Todd, Nick,Sam, Victoria, Vanessa, Maxx,and Zara,

With all my love,Mom

d.s.

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A single moment,etched in time,shining brightlylike a starin a midnight sky,an aeon, an instant,a million yearspressed into one,when all stands stilland life explodesinto infinite dreams,and all is changedforevermore,in the blink of an eye.

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1

Isabelle Forrester stood looking down at thegarden from her bedroom window, in the houseon the rue de Grenelle, in the seventh arrondisse-ment in Paris. It was the house she and Gordonhad lived in for the past twenty years, and bothher children had been born there. It had been builtin the eighteenth century, and had tall, imposingbronze doors on the street that led to the innercourtyard. The house itself was built in a U-shapearound the courtyard. The house was familiar andold and beautiful, with tall ceilings and splendidboiseries, lovely moldings, and parquet floors thecolor of brandy. Everything around her shone andwas impeccably tended. Isabelle ran the housewith artistry and precision, and a firm but gentlehand. The garden was exquisitely manicured, andthe white roses she’d had planted years beforewere often called the most beautiful in Paris. Thehouse was filled with the antiques she and Gordonhad collected over the years, locally and on theirtravels. And a number of them had been herparents’.

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Everything in the house shone, the wood wasperfectly oiled, the silver polished, the crystalsconces on the walls sparkled in the bright Junesun that filtered through the curtains into her bed-room. Isabelle turned from the view of her rosegarden with a small sigh. She was torn aboutleaving Paris that afternoon. She so seldom wentanywhere anymore, the opportunities were sorare. And now that she had a chance to go, she feltguilty about it, because of Teddy.

Isabelle’s daughter, Sophie, had left for Portugalwith friends the day before. She was eighteen yearsold and going to university in the fall. It wasIsabelle’s son, Theodore, who kept her at home,and had for fourteen years now. Born threemonths premature, he had been badly damaged atbirth, and as a result, his lungs had not developedproperly, which in turn had weakened his heart.He was tutored at home, and had never been toschool. At fourteen, he had been bedridden formost of his life, and moved around the house in awheelchair whenever he was too weak to do sounder his own steam. When the weather waswarm, Isabelle wheeled him into the garden, anddepending on how he felt, he would walk a littlebit, or just sit. His spirit was indomitable, and hiseyes shone the moment his mother came into theroom. He always had something funny to say, orsomething to tell her. Theirs was a bond thatdefied words and time and years, and the privateterrors they had faced together. At times she felt asthough they were two people with one soul. Shewilled life and strength into him, talked to him forhours, read to him, held him in her arms when he

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was too weak and breathless to speak, and madehim laugh whenever she could. He saw life as shedid. He always reminded her of a tiny fragile birdwith broken wings.

She and Gordon had spoken to his doctors of aheart-lung transplant, performed in the States, buttheir conclusion was that he was too weak tosurvive the surgery or perhaps even the trip. Sothere was no question of risking either. Theodore’sworld consisted of his mother and sister and waslimited by the elegant confines of the house on therue de Grenelle. His father had always beenuncomfortable in the face of his illness, and Teddyhad had nurses all his life, but it was his motherwho tended to him most of the time. She had longsince abandoned her friends, her own pursuits,and any semblance of a life of her own. Her onlyforays into the world in recent years were in theevening, with Gordon, and only rarely. Her entiremission in life was keeping Teddy alive, andhappy. It had taken time and attention away fromhis sister, Sophie, over the years, but she seemed tounderstand it, and Isabelle was always lovingto her. It was just that Teddy had to be the priority.His life depended on it. In the past four months,ever since the early spring, Theodore had beenbetter, which was allowing his mother this rareand much-anticipated trip to London. It had beenBill Robinson’s suggestion, a seemingly impossibleone at first glance.

Isabelle and Bill had met four years before at areception given by the American ambassador toFrance, who was an old classmate of Gordon’sfrom Princeton. Bill was in politics, and was

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known to be one of the most powerful men inWashington, and probably the wealthiest. Gordonhad told her that William Robinson had beenresponsible for putting the last president in theOval Office. He had inherited a vast, almostimmeasurable fortune, and had been drawn topolitics and the power it afforded him since hisyouth. It suited him, and he in fact preferred toremain behind the scenes. He was a power brokerand a king maker, but what had impressed Isabellewas how quiet and unpretentious he was, whenthey met. When Gordon explained Bill’s circum-stances to her, it seemed hard to believe that hewas either as wealthy or as powerful as he was.Bill was enormously unassuming and discreet, andshe had instantly liked that about him. He waseasygoing, and looked surprisingly young, and hehad a quick sense of humor. She had sat nextto him at dinner and enjoyed his companyimmensely. She was pleased and surprised when hewrote to her the following week, and then latersent her an out-of-print art book they had dis-cussed, which she had told him she had beenhunting for for ages. With far more pressing pur-suits at hand, she had been amazed that heremembered, and touched that he had gone to thetrouble of finding it and sending it to her. Art andrare books were his passion.

They had talked endlessly about a series ofpaintings that had been found at the time, lostsince the Nazis absconded with them during thewar, which had turned up in a cave somewhere inHolland. It had led them to speak of forgeries, andart thefts, and eventually restoration, which was

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what she had been doing when she met Gordon.She had been an apprentice at the Louvre, and bythe time she retired when Sophie was born, shehad been thought to be both skillful and gifted.

Bill had been fascinated by her stories, just asshe was by his, and over the next months, an oddbut comfortable friendship had formed betweenthem, via telephone and letters. She had foundsome rare art books to send to him, and the nexttime he came to Paris, he called her and asked ifhe could take her to lunch. She hesitated and thencouldn’t resist, it was one of the rare times whenshe left Theodore at lunchtime. Their friendshiphad begun nearly four years before, and Teddywas ten then. And over time, their friendship hadflourished. He called from time to time, at oddhours for him, when he was working late, and itwas early morning for her. She had told him thatshe got up at five to tend to Teddy every morning.And it was another six months before he asked herif Gordon objected to his calling her. In fact, shehad never told him. Bill’s friendship had becomeher secret treasure, which she diligently kept toherself.

‘Why should he?’ she asked, sounding sur-prised. She didn’t want to discourage his calls. Sheenjoyed talking to him so much, and there were somany interests they shared. In an odd way, he hadbecome her only real contact with the outsideworld. Her own friends had stopped calling yearsbefore. She had become increasingly inaccessibleas she spent her days and nights caring for Teddy.But she had had her own concerns about Gordonobjecting to Bill’s calls. She had mentioned the

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first art books he sent when they arrived, andGordon looked startled but said nothing. Heevidenced no particular interest in Bill’s sendingthem to her, and she said nothing to him about thephone calls. They would have been harder toexplain, and they were so innocent. The thingsthey said to each other were never personal, neverinappropriate, neither of them volunteered any-thing about their personal lives, and they rarelyspoke of their spouses in the beginning. His wassimply a friendly voice that arrived suddenly in thedark hours of the early morning. And as the phonedidn’t ring in their bedrooms at night, Gordonnever heard them. In truth, she suspectedGordon would object, if he knew, which was whyshe had never told him. She didn’t want to lose thegift of Bill’s calls or friendship.

Bill called every few weeks at first, and thenslowly the calls began to come more often. Theyhad lunch again a year after they had met. Andonce, when Gordon was away, Bill took her todinner. They dined at a quiet bistro near the house,and she was stunned to realize, when she gothome, that it was after midnight. She felt like awilted flower soaking up the sun and the rain. Thethings they talked about fed her soul, and his callsand rare visits sustained her. With the exception ofher children, Isabelle had no one to talk to.

Gordon was the head of the largest Americaninvestment bank in Paris, and had been for years.At fifty-eight, he was seventeen years older thanIsabelle. They had drifted apart over the years, shewas aware of it, and thought it was becauseof Teddy. Gordon could not tolerate the aura of

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constant illness that hung over the child like asword waiting to fall. He had never allowed him-self to be close to him, and they all knew it. Hisaversion to Teddy’s illness was so extreme, it wasalmost phobic. Teddy himself was acutely aware ofit, and had thought his father hated him when hewas younger. But as he grew older, he saw it differ-ently. By the time he was ten, he understood thathis father was frightened by his illness, panickedalmost, and the only way he could escape it was toignore him entirely, and pretend the child didn’texist. Teddy never held it against him, and hewould speak of it openly with Isabelle, with a wist-ful look, as though talking about a country hewished he could visit, and knew he never could.The child and his father were strangers to eachother, almost as though they had never met.Gordon blocked him out, and put all his energiesinto his work, as he had for years, and removedhimself as much as possible from life at home, par-ticularly his wife. The only member of his familyhe seemed even slightly drawn to was Sophie. Hercharacter was far more similar to his than toher mother’s. Sophie and Gordon shared many ofthe same points of view, and a certain coolness ofoutlook and style. In Gordon’s case, it was bornof years of erecting walls between himself and themore emotional side of life, which he perceived asweakness in all instances, and had no appeal tohim. In Sophie’s case, she simply seemed to haveinherited the trait her father had created in himself.Even as a baby, she had been far less affectionatethan her brother had been, and rather than turningto anyone for help, particularly Isabelle, she

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preferred to do everything for herself. Gordon’scoolness had translated to independence in her,and a kind of standoffish pride. Isabelle wonderedsometimes if it had been her instinctive reaction toher brother needing so much of her mother’s time.In order not to feel shortchanged by what was notavailable to her, she had convinced herself and herown little world that she needed nothing fromthem. She shared almost no confidences withIsabelle, and never spoke of her feelings if shecould avoid it, which most of the time she couldand did. And if she confided in anyone, Isabelleknew, it was not her mother but her friends.Isabelle had always cherished the hope that onceSophie grew up, they would find some commonground and become friends. But thus far, therelationship with her only daughter had not beenan easy one for her.

Gordon’s coldness toward his wife, on the otherhand, was far more extreme. Sophie’s seemingdistance from her mother could be interpreted asan attempt to stand on her own two feet, incontrast to her brother’s constant neediness, andto be different from him. In her case, it seemedalmost an attempt to prove that she did not needthe time and energy her mother did not have togive, due to Teddy’s being constantly ill. InGordon’s case, it seemed to be rooted in some-thing far deeper, which at times seemed, or felt toIsabelle at least, like a deep resentment of her, andthe cruel turn of fate that had cast a handicappedson on them, for which he appeared to blame her.

Gordon had a dispassionate view of life, andgenerally observed life from a safe distance, as

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though he were willing to watch the game but notplay it, unlike Teddy and Isabelle, who werepassionate about everything they felt, andexpressed it. The flame that she and the childshared was what had kept Teddy alive through alifetime of illness. And her devotion to her son hadlong since distanced Gordon from her.Emotionally, Gordon had been removed from herfor years, since shortly after Teddy’s birth. Yearsbefore she met Bill, Gordon had moved out oftheir bedroom. At the time, he had explained it bysaying that she went to bed too late and rose tooearly, and it disturbed him. But she had sensedaccurately that there was more to it than that. Notwanting to make things worse between them orconfront him, she had never dared to challengehim about it. But she had known for a long timethat Gordon’s affections for her had at first dimin-ished, and then finally disappeared.

Isabelle could no longer even remember the lasttime they had touched or kissed, or made love. Itwas a fact of life she now accepted. She had longsince learned to live without her husband’s love.She had often suspected that he not only associ-ated Teddy’s illness with her, but blamed her for it,although the doctors had reassured her that hisinfirmities and premature birth had not been herfault. She and Gordon never actually discussed it,and there was no way to acquit herself of his silentaccusations. But she always felt them, and knewthey were there. It was as though just seeingIsabelle reminded Gordon of the child’s sickroom,and just as he had rejected his son from birth, outof a horror of his defects and illness, he had

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eventually rejected Isabelle as well. He had put upa wall between himself and his wife to shut out theimages of illness he detested. He hadn’t been ableto tolerate what he perceived as weakness since hewas a child himself. The wall between them wasone Isabelle no longer attempted to scale,although she had at first. Her attempts at drawingcloser to him after Teddy’s birth had been futile,Gordon had resisted all her efforts, until finallyshe accepted the vast, lonely chasm between themas a way of life.

Gordon had always been cool and businesslikeby nature. He was said to be ruthless in business,and not a warm person in any aspect of his life,but in spite of that, he had been affectionate withher at first. His standoffishness had almost seemedlike a challenge to her, and was unfamiliar to her.But because of that, each smile won, each warmgesture, had felt like a victory to her, and all themore impressive because he showed no warmth toanyone else. She had been very young then, andintrigued by him. He seemed so competent, and sopowerful in her eyes, and in many ways im-pressive. He was a man in total control of everyaspect of his world. And there had been muchabout Isabelle that Gordon had liked, and whichhad reassured him that she would make a perfectwife. Her ancestry certainly, her aristocraticheritage and name, her important connections,which had served him well at the bank. Herfamily’s fortune had evaporated years before, buttheir importance in social and political circles hadnot. Marrying her had increased his staturesocially, which was an important factor for him.

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She was the perfect accessory to enhance both hisstanding and his career. And in addition to theappeal of her pedigree, there had been a childlikeinnocence about her that had briefly opened thedoor to his heart.

In spite of whatever social ulterior motives hemay have had, there was a basic sweetness toIsabelle as a young girl that would have been hardfor any man to resist. She was compassionate,kind, without guile. And the loftiness of Gordon’sstyle, his considerable attentions toward her, andhis exquisite manners when he courted her, hadelicited a kind of hero worship from her. She wasfascinated by his intelligence, impressed by hispower and success in the world, and Gordon hadbeen smooth enough with the advantage of beingseventeen years older than Isabelle, to say all theright things to her. Even her family had beenthrilled when he proposed. It had been obvious tothem that Gordon would be a perfect husband andtake extraordinarily good care of her, or so theythought. And in spite of his reputation for beingtough in his dealings at the bank, he seemedextremely kind to her, which ultimately provednot to be the case.

By the time Isabelle met Bill Robinson, she wasa lonely woman standing vigil over a desperatelyill child, with a husband who seldom even spoketo her, and leading an unusually isolated life. Bill’svoice was sometimes the only contact she had withanother adult all day, other than Teddy’s doctor,or his nurse. And he appeared to be the onlyperson in her world who was genuinely concernedabout her. Gordon rarely, if ever, asked her how

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she was. At best, if pressed, he told her that hewould be out for dinner that night, or that he wasleaving in the morning on a trip. He no longershared with her what he did in the course of hisdays. And their brief conversations only re-inforced her feeling of being shut out of his life.The hours she spent talking to Bill opened thewindows to a broader, richer world. They werelike a breath of fresh air to Isabelle, and a lifelineshe clung to on dark nights. It was Bill who hadbecome her best friend in the course of their con-versations over the years, and Gordon who wasnow the stranger in her life.

She had tried to explain it to Bill once in one oftheir early-morning phone calls, in the second yearof their friendship. Teddy had been sick for weeks,she was feeling run-down and exhausted andvulnerable, and she was depressed over how coldGordon had been to her the night before. He hadtold her that she was wasting her time nursing theboy, that it was obvious to everyone that he wasgoing to die before long, and she had best makeher peace with it. He had said that when the boydied finally, it would be a mercy for all of them.She had had tears in her voice and her eyes, whenshe spoke of it to Bill that morning, and he hadbeen horrified by the callousness of the child’sfather, and his cruelty to Isabelle.

‘I think Gordon resents me terribly for all theyears I’ve spent taking care of Teddy. I haven’t hadas much time to spend with him as I should have.’She entertained for him, but not as frequentlyas she knew he felt she should. Gordon had longsince convinced her that she had failed him as a

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wife. And it irked Bill to hear how ready she wasto accept what Gordon said.

‘It seems reasonable, under the circumstances,that Teddy should be your first priority, Isabelle,’Bill said gently. He had been quietly researchingdoctors for her for months, in the hope of findinga miracle cure for Teddy, but he hadn’t beenencouraged by what he’d been told by thephysicians he’d consulted. According to Isabelle,the child had a degenerative disease that wasattacking his heart, his lungs were inadequate, andhis entire system was slowly deteriorating. Theconsensus of opinion was that it would be amiracle if he survived into his twenties. And it toreat Bill’s heart knowing what Isabelle wentthrough, and would have to face someday.

Over the next few years, their friendship haddeepened. They spoke on the phone frequently,and Isabelle wrote him long philosophical letters,particularly on the nights she spent awake, sittingat Teddy’s bedside. Teddy had long since becomethe hub of her life, and not only had it alienatedher from Gordon, but there were times when italso kept her from Sophie, who berated hermother for it on more than one occasion. She hadaccused her mother of only caring about herbrother. And the only one Isabelle could talk toabout it was Bill, in their lengthy conversations inthe heart of the night.

The moments they shared transcended theirdaily realities, the pressures of the political arenaseemed to vanish into thin air when he talked toher. And for Isabelle, she was transported to a timeand a place when Teddy wasn’t ill, Gordon hadn’t

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rejected her, and Sophie was never angry. It waslike being lifted out of the life she led into theplaces and topics that she had once cared about sodeeply. Bill brought her a new view of the world,and they chatted easily and laughed with eachother. He spoke to her of his own life at times, thepeople he knew, the friends he cared about, andonce in a while, in spite of himself, he spoke of hiswife and two daughters, both of whom were awayin college. He had been married since he wastwenty-two years old, and thirty years later, whathe had left was only the shell of a marriage. Cindy,his wife, had come to hate the political world,the people they met, the things Bill had to do, theevents they had to go to, and the amount of timehe had to travel. She had total contempt forpoliticians. And for Bill for having devoted a life-time to them.

The only things Cynthia was interested in, nowthat the girls were gone, were her own friends inConnecticut, going to parties, and playing tennis.And whether or not Bill was part of that lifeseemed unimportant to her. She had shut him outemotionally years before and led her own life, notwithout bitterness toward him. She had spentthirty years with him coming and going, andputting political events ahead of everything thatmattered to her. He had never been home forgraduations and holidays and birthdays. He wasalways somewhere else, grooming a candidate fora primary or an election. And for the past fouryears, he had been a constant visitor at the WhiteHouse. It no longer impressed her, and she wasonly too happy to tell him how much it bored her.

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Worse than that, she had dismissed the man alongwith a career she detested. Whatever there hadonce been between them was long gone. Shehad had a face-lift the year before, and he knewthat she had been having discreet affairs for years.It had been her revenge for a single indiscretionhe’d committed ten years before, with the wife of acongressman, and never repeated. But Cindy wasnot long on forgiveness.

Unlike Isabelle and Gordon, he and Cindy stillshared a bedroom, but they might as well not havebothered. It had been years since they’d madelove. It was almost as though she took pride in thefact that she was no longer sexually interested inher husband. She was in good shape, had aconstant tan, her hair had gotten blonder over theyears, and she was almost as pretty as she hadbeen when he married her thirty years before, butthere was a hardness about her now, which he feltrather than saw. The walls she had erectedbetween them were beyond scaling, and it nolonger occurred to him to try. He put his energiesinto his work, and he talked to Isabelle when heneeded a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on, orsomeone to laugh with. It was to Isabelle that headmitted he was tired or disheartened. She wasalways willing to listen. She had a gentlenessabout her that he had never found in his wife. Hehad liked Cindy’s lively spirit, her looks, herenergy, and her sense of fun and mischief. She hadbeen so much fun to be with when they wereyoung, and now he wondered, if he disappearedoff the face of the earth, if she would even misshim. And like their mother, his daughters seemed

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pleasant when they were home, but essentiallyindifferent to him. It no longer seemed to matterto anyone whether or not he was home. He wastreated as an unexpected visitor when he arrivedfrom a trip, and he never really felt he belongedthere. He was like a man without a country. Hefelt rootless. And a piece of his heart was tuckedaway in a house on the rue de Grenelle in Paris.He had never told Isabelle he loved her, nor shehim, but for years now, he had been deeplydevoted to her. And Isabelle greatly admired him.

The feelings Bill and Isabelle had expressedtoward each other over the years were officiallynever more than friendship. Neither of them hadever admitted to each other, or themselves, thatthere was more to it than simply admiration, ease,and a delight in the lost art of conversation. ButBill had noticed for years that when her lettersdidn’t come, he worried, and when she couldn’ttake his calls, because Teddy was too ill, or shewent somewhere with Gordon, he missed her.More than he would have cared to admit. She hadbecome a fixture of sorts to him, someone hecould count on and rely on. And he meant asmuch to her. He was the only person, other thanher fourteen-year-old son, whom she could talk to.She and Gordon had never been able to talkto each other as she and Bill did.

Gordon was in fact more English in style thanAmerican. His parents had both been American,but he had been brought up in England. He hadgone to Eton, and was then sent to the United Statesfor college, and went to Princeton. But immediatelyafter graduation, he returned to England and from

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there moved to Paris for the bank. But no matterwhat his origins were, he appeared to be far moreBritish than American.

Gordon had met Isabelle one summer at hergrandfather’s summer house in Hampshire, whenshe was visiting from Paris. She was twenty yearsold then and he was nearly forty, and had nevermarried. Despite a string of interesting women inhis life, some of them racier than others, he hadnever found anyone worthy of a commitment, ormarriage. Isabelle’s mother had been English andher father was French. She had lived in Paris allher life, but visited her grandparents in Englandevery summer. She spoke English impeccably, andshe was utterly enchanting. Charming, intelligent,discreet, affectionate. Her warmth and her lightand her almost elfin quality had struck him fromthe moment they met. For the first time in his life,Gordon believed that he was in love. And thepotential social opportunities offered by theiralliance were irresistibly appealing to him.Gordon came from a respectable family, but notnearly as illustrious as Isabelle’s. Her mother camefrom an important British banking family, andwas distantly related to the queen, and her fatherwas a distinguished French statesman. It was,finally, a match that Gordon thought worthy ofhim. Her lineage was beyond reproach, and hershy, genteel, unassuming ways suited him to per-fection. Her mother had died before Isabelle andGordon met, and her father was impressed byhim, and approved of the match. He thoughtGordon the perfect husband for Isabelle. Isabelleand Gordon were engaged and married within a

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year. And he was in total command. He made itvery clear to her right from the first that he wouldmake all their decisions. And Isabelle came toexpect that of him. He had correctly sensed that,because of her youth, she would pose noobjections to him. He told her who they wouldsee, where they would live, and how, he had evenchosen the house on the rue de Grenelle, andbought it before Isabelle ever saw it. He wasalready head of the bank then, and had a dis-tinguished position. His status was greatlyenhanced by his marriage to Isabelle. And he inturn provided a safe, protected life for her. It wasonly as time went by that she began to notice therestrictions he placed on her.

Gordon told her who among her friends hedidn’t like, who she could see, and who didn’tmeet with his approval. He expected her to enter-tain lavishly for the bank, and she learned how tovery quickly. She was adept and capable, remark-ably organized, and entirely willing to follow hisdirections. It was only later that she began to feelthat he was unfair at times, after he had eliminateda number of people she liked from their socialcircle. Gordon had told her in no uncertain termsthat they weren’t worthy of her. Isabelle was farmore open to new people and new opportunities,and the varied schemes and choices that lifeoffered. She had been an art student, but took ajob as an apprentice art restorer at the Louvrewhen she married Gordon, despite his protests. Itwas her only area of independence. She loved thework and the people she met there.

Gordon found it a bohemian pursuit, and

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insisted that she give up her job the moment shegot pregnant with Sophie. And after the baby wasborn, in spite of the joys of motherhood, Isabellefound that she missed the museum and thechallenges and rewards it offered. But Gordonwouldn’t hear of her returning to work after thebaby was born, and she got pregnant again veryquickly, and this time lost the baby. Her recoverywas long, and it wasn’t as easy afterward to getpregnant again. And when she did, she’d had adifficult pregnancy with Teddy, which resulted inhis premature birth, and all the subsequent worriesabout him.

It was then that she and Gordon began driftingapart. He had been incredibly busy at the bankthen. And he was annoyed that, with a sick childunder their roof, she was no longer able to enter-tain as frequently, or pay as close attention as heliked to her domestic and social duties to him. Intruth, in those early years of Teddy’s life, she hadhad almost no time for Gordon or Sophie, and shefelt at times that they banded together against her,which seemed terribly unfair to her. Her whole lifeseemed to revolve around her sick child. She couldnever bring herself to leave him, in spite of thenurses they hired, and unfortunately by then, herfather had died, her mother years before. She hadno one to support her through Teddy’s early years,and she was always at his side. Gordon didn’twant to hear about Teddy’s problems, or theirmedical defeats and victories. He detested hearingabout it, and as though to punish her, he removedhimself almost instantly from any intimacy in theirmarriage. It had been easy to believe eventually

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that he no longer loved her. She had no concreteproof of it, he never threatened to leave her, notphysically at least. But she had a constantly uneasyfeeling that he had set her adrift and swum off.

After Teddy, there were no more babies.Gordon had no desire for them, and Isabelle hadno time. She gave everything she had to her son.And Gordon continued to convey to her, with andwithout words, that she had failed him. It was asthough she had committed the ultimate crime, andTeddy’s illness were her fault. There was nothingabout the boy Gordon was proud of, not thechild’s artistic abilities, nor his sensitivity, nor hisfine mind, nor his sense of humor despite theburdens he bore. And Teddy’s similarity to Isabelleonly seemed to annoy Gordon more. He seemed tohave nothing but contempt for her, and a deep,silent rage that he never expressed in words.

What Isabelle didn’t know, until a cousin ofGordon’s told her years later, was that Gordonhad had a younger brother who suffered from acrippling illness as a child and had died at the ageof nine. He had never even mentioned his brotherto Isabelle, nor had anyone else. The subject wastaboo to him. And although his mother had dotedon Gordon when he was younger, the latter part ofhis childhood was spent watching his mothernurse his brother, until he died. The cousin wasn’tentirely sure what the illness had been, or whathad exactly happened, but she knew that Gordon’smother had fallen ill after the boy died. She hadlingered then, with a long illness, and died a slow,painful death. And what seemed to have stayedwith Gordon was a sense of betrayal by both of

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them, for stealing attention from him, andtenderness and time, and eventually dyingand abandoning him.

The cousin said that her mother had been con-vinced that Gordon’s father had died of a brokenheart, although several years later, but he hadnever recovered from the double loss. In effect,Gordon felt he had lost his entire family as a resultof one sick child. And then he lost Isabelle’s timeand attention to Teddy’s illness. It had explainedthings to her when the cousin explained it toIsabelle, but when she had tried to speak of it toGordon, he had brushed her off, and said it wasall nonsense. He claimed he had never been closeto his brother and had never had any particularsense of loss. His mother’s death was a dimmemory by then, and his father had been a verydifficult man. But when Isabelle spoke to him of it,despite his protests, she had seen the look of panicin his eyes. They had been the eyes of a woundedchild, not just an angry man. She wondered then ifit was why he had married so late, and remainedso distant from everyone, and it explained, finally,his resistance to Teddy in every possible way. Butwhatever she had come to understand did not helpher with Gordon. The gates to Heaven neveropened between them again, and Gordon saw to itthat they remained firmly closed, and stayed thatway.

She tried to explain it to Bill, but he found it im-possible to understand, and inhuman of Gordon todesert her emotionally. Isabelle was one of themost interesting women he’d ever met, and hergentleness and kindness only made her more

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appealing to him. But whatever he thought of her,Bill had never suggested any hint of romance toher, he didn’t even allow himself to think it.Isabelle had conveyed to him clearly right from thefirst that that was not an option. If they were goingto be friends, they had to respect each other’srespective marriages. She was extremely proper,and loyal to Gordon, no matter how unkind he’dbeen to her, or distant in recent years. He was stillher husband, and much to Bill’s dismay, sherespected him, and had a profound regard for hermarriage. The idea of divorce or even infidelitywas unthinkable to her. All she wanted fromBill was friendship. And no matter how lonely shewas with Gordon at times, she accepted that nowas an integral part of her marriage. She wasn’tsearching for anything more than that, and wouldhave resisted it in fact, but she was grateful for thecomfort that Bill offered. He gave her advice onmany things, had the same perspective on mostthings as she did, and for a little while at least,while they talked, she could forget all her worriesand problems. In her eyes, Bill’s friendship was anextraordinary gift that he gave her, and one thatshe treasured. But it was no more than that.

The idea of the trip to London had come uppurely by accident, during one of their early-morning conversations. She’d been talking aboutan upcoming exhibit at the Tate Gallery, which shewas dying to see, but knew she never would, asit wasn’t scheduled to come to Paris. And Billsuggested that she fly to London for the day, oreven two days, to see it, and enjoy a little timethere on her own, without worrying about her

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husband or her children for a change. It had beena revolutionary idea to her and something she’dnever done before. And, at first, she insisted thatshe couldn’t possibly go. Leaving Teddy wassomething she never did.

‘Why not?’ Bill asked finally, stretching out hislong legs, and resting his shoes on his desk. It wasmidnight for him, and he’d been in the office sinceeight that morning. But he had stayed just a littlelater, so he could call her. ‘It would do you a worldof good, and Teddy’s been better for the past twomonths. If there’s a problem, you could be homewithin a couple of hours.’

It made sense, but in twenty years of marriage,she had never gone anywhere without Gordon.Theirs was a remarkably old-fashioned Europeanmarriage, unlike the very liberated arrangement hehad shared in recent years with Cindy. In fact,these days, it was far more common for Bill andCindy to travel separately than together. He nolonger made any effort to spend vacations withher, except for an occasional week here and therein the Hamptons. And Cindy seemed muchhappier without him. The last time he hadsuggested they take a trip together, she had comeup with a million excuses, and then left on a tripto Europe with one of their daughters. Themessage was clear between them. The spirit oftheir marriage had long since disappeared,although it was something neither of them waswilling to acknowledge. She did whatever shewanted, and with whom, as long as she wasn’ttoo obvious about it. And Bill had the politicallife he loved, and his phone calls to Isabelle

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in Paris. It was an odd disparity between them.In the end, after several conversations, Bill con-

vinced Isabelle to go to London. Once the decisionhad been made, she was excited about it. Shecould hardly wait to see the exhibit, and do a littleshopping in London. She was planning to stay atClaridge’s, and perhaps even see an old schoolfriend who had moved to London from Paris.

It was only days later that Bill discovered heneeded to meet with the American ambassador toEngland. He had been a major donor to the lastpresidential campaign, and Bill needed his supportfor another candidate, and he wanted to get himon board early, to establish a floor for their con-tributions. With his support, Bill’s dark horsecandidate was suddenly going to become a greatdeal more attractive. And it was a pleasant co-incidence that Isabelle would be there at the sametime. She teased him about it when he told her hewould be in London when she was.

‘Did you do that on purpose?’ she asked withher slightly British-tinged English. And along withit, she had the faintest of French accents, which hefound charming. At forty-one, she was still beauti-ful, and didn’t look her age. She had dark brownhair with a reddish tinge, creamy porcelain skin,and big green eyes flecked with amber. At hisrequest, she had sent him a photograph two yearsbefore, of herself and the children. He oftenlooked at it and smiled while they were talkingduring their late-night or early-morning phonecalls.

‘Of course not,’ he denied it, but her questionwasn’t entirely inappropriate. He had been well

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aware of her travel plans when he made theappointment with the ambassador in London. Hehad told himself that it was convenient for hisschedule to be there then, but in his heart of heartshe knew there was more to it than that.

He loved seeing her, and looked forward formonths to the few times a year he saw her in Paris.He either found an excuse to go, when he hadn’tseen her in a while, or stopped to see her on hisway to somewhere else. He usually saw her threeor four times a year, and when he was in Paris,they saw each other for lunch. She never toldGordon about it when they met, but insistednonetheless to Bill, and herself, that there wasnothing wrong or clandestine about their seeingeach other. The labels she and Bill put on thingswere polite, concise, appropriate. It was as thoughthey met each other carrying banners that said‘friends,’ and they were of course. Yet he had beenaware for a long time that he felt far more for herthan he ever could have said to her, or anyone else.

He was looking forward to being in London.His meeting at the embassy would only occupyhim for a few hours, and beyond that, he plannedto spend as much time as possible with her. Billhad assured her that he was dying to see theexhibit at the Tate as well, and she was thrilled atthe prospect of sharing that with him. It was afterall, she told herself, her principal reason for goingto London. And seeing Bill was going to be anunexpected bonus. She had it all sorted out in herhead. They were the perfect friends, nothing more,and the fact that no one knew about their friend-ship was only because it was simpler that way.

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They had nothing to hide, she told herself. Shewore a cloak of respectability in his regard thatseemed to be desperately important to her. It wasa boundary she had long since established forthem, and one that Bill respected, for her sake. Hewould never have done anything to upset her orfrighten her away. He didn’t want to jeopardizeanything, or anyone, that had become so infinitelyprecious to him.

As she stood in her bedroom in the house on therue de Grenelle, she looked at her watch, andsighed. It was time to leave, but at the last moment,she hated the thought of leaving Teddy. She had lefta thousand instructions for the nurses who wouldbe caring for him while she was away. They werethe same nurses he always had, but they were goingto be sleeping in the same room with him while shewas away. And as she thought of Teddy, she tiptoedsoftly next door, to the bedroom next to her own.She wanted to check on Teddy one last time. Shehad already said good-bye to him, but she felt herheart give a tug as she thought of leaving him. Andfor just an instant, she wondered if it was a goodidea for her to go to London. But he was sleepingpeacefully when she looked in, and the nurselooked up with a smile and a wave, as though toshoo her on her way. The nurse on duty was one ofIsabelle’s favorites, she was a large, smiling, sunny-faced girl from Bretagne. Isabelle waved back ather, and then gently backed out of the room andclosed the door. There was nothing left for her todo, it was time for her to go.

Isabelle picked up her handbag and a smallovernight case, straightened the simple black suit

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she wore, and glanced at her watch again. Sheknew that at that exact moment Bill was still onhis plane traveling from New York. He had beenworking there for the past few days. Most of thetime, he commuted to Washington.

She put her suitcase on the backseat of her car,and put her black Hermès Kelly bag on thepassenger seat next to her. She drove onto the ruede Grenelle with a smile in her eyes as she turnedthe radio on, and set off for Charles de Gaulle, asBill Robinson sat staring out the window of theGulfstream he owned and used constantly. He wassmiling to himself as he thought of her. He hadcoordinated his flight to arrive in London at thesame time as Isabelle’s. And he was overwhelmedby a sense of anticipation.

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THE KISSA CORGI BOOK: 9780552148528

First published in Great Britainin 2001 by Bantam Press

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Copyright © Danielle Steel 2001

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