The Faytaren Familymedia.kerygmafamily.com/media/KMAG/pdf/20190501.pdf · what we proclaim, our witness will bear fruit.” “Grandparents are the memory of a family, they are the

Kerygma | May 2019 A

The Faytaren

Family

BloomThe Hard Work behind

Great Relationshipsmake Your Home Happy

Make Your Family Connections Flourish

No. 349 VOL. 31 MAY 2019

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Philippines P100 US $8.14AUS $8.14Euro 5.07UK 4.49CDN $7.95SING $9.42HK $51.83RUPIAH 103,000

May 2019 | KerygmaB

One day, a group of angry men threw a woman, who was caught in the act of adultery, at Jesus’ feet. According to the Law, she had to be stoned

to death.But to God, as shocking as this may sound, His

relationship with the woman was more important than those rules. So Jesus threw a pail of cold water on them, saying, “He who has no sin cast the first stone.”

One by one, the guys dropped their stones and walked out.

When everyone left, Jesus bent down to this crying, terrified woman and asked, “Where are those who condemned you?”

The woman said, “They’ve left . . .”Then Jesus said two powerful things to her. It’s

important that you keep the sequence of these two.Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Sin no more.”Religious people have inverted the sequence. They

preach, “Sin no more . . . and God won’t condemn you.” But this is not what God said.

The first thing God says to you is, “I don’t condemn you. I love you. I accept you as you are. You may feel like junk right now because of your sins. Well, I don’t condemn you. And if you receive My love and enter into a relationship with me, I’ll help you not to break the rules anymore. Because of My love for you, you can overcome sin in your life.”

That’s the Gospel of Jesus. He prioritizes your relationship with Him. More important than the rules. Actually, more important than anything else in the universe.

Dear friend, go do the same. Prioritize your relationships. Make relationships your win in life. Because life is all about relationships. K

May your dreams come true,

The Boss |

Life Is All about ReLAtIonshIps

Phot

o by

Dak

ila A

ngel

esKerygma | May 2019 1

May 2019 | Kerygma2 | Mailroom

Kerygma is the only magazine I love to read. I always look forward to receiving my issue and I read it from cover to cover. All the life stories there are uplifting and inspiring. I also like the last page, Bo’s Point of Contact. I feel Jesus there, touching and blessing me with His miracles. After reading, I share the magazine to a friend who needs that particular issue.

The Kerygma May 2018 issue with the story of Don Reyes gave hope to our family when, like him, our eldest son suffered from renal failure. It made us realize that in our storm, God is there to fight for our battles. We are now surrendering everything to God. May His will be done. God is good, all the time!

Vannie OcampoOrmoc City, Leyte

Neil and Syril CorpuzImus, Cavite

FOR SUBSCRIPTION-RELATED CONCERNS:E-mail: [email protected]

Mobile: 0933-817-3635 (Sarah Discutido)Telephone number: 725-9999 locals 101 to 108

FOR FEEDBACK AND DEAR K / STORY SUBMISSIONS:E-MAIL: [email protected]

OR SEND TO: The Editor, 60 Chicago St., Cubao, Quezon City

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Mobile: 0917-773-2435

kerygmabooks

CONNECT WITH US!

Just Breathe | Kerygma | May 2019 3

If you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all.” It’s a maxim I often heard my mom, teachers, and other people say. For a loquacious person like me, it’s easier said

than done. Oh, how many times have I gotten into trouble because of

things I said that I shouldn’t have! And how many relationships have I destroyed because of my tongue.

I remember the time when pagers were the state-of-the-art communication gadget. You call a number and dictate your message to an operator, who will type out the message and send it to the recipient’s beeper. I got a pager message saying a young community member had died. So naturally, I told everyone in the center about it. Then at our prayer meeting that week, guess who walked into the auditorium? The person whose death I had ceremoniously announced! It so happened I was also onstage giving a talk or maybe singing during worship. You can just imagine my horror at seeing the dead come to life. It was the dad of that person who passed away but the pager operator made a mistake in encoding the message. I never heard the end of that story that I had killed a man—with my fake news! That’s why Saint Paul wrote, “If any one does not offend in word, he is a perfect man. . . . The tongue is a small member, but it boasts mightily!” (James 3:2, 5).

Sometimes, when we come across some juicy information, otherwise called gossip, it feels like we will burst if we don’t pass it on. We even clothe gossip in “holy attire” by passing it off as a prayer concern. “Uy, pray for Sister So-and-So. Did you hear what happened to her? She fell in love with her ministry head and that’s not all . . .”

But while silence is beneficial most of the time, there are occasions when it can hurt more than words. Especially when the silence comes from a loved one with whom we have a misunderstanding or that person we just broke up with. It can also hurt when silence springs from neglect, like in the case of my almost empty-nester friend who doesn’t get calls from her out-of-town college kids for as long as two weeks in a row.

The best kind of silence—but maybe the hardest type to practice—is the holy kind. When I attended my Life in the Spirit Seminar ages ago, the formula they taught us for our prayer time was ACTS (for adoration, contrition, thanksgiving, and supplication). But the speaker added a Q, for quiet time.

sILence Is GoLden

Most of the time

It takes practice to listen to God because it doesn’t come naturally in our noisy world. Being still and quiet gives God room to speak to us in our hearts, to reveal His will or to reveal more of Himself. We mistakenly believe that when we speak to God, that’s praying. But silence is also a form of prayer. And a powerful kind at that.

You can say a thousand words to God and remain unchanged, but one word from Him can transform your life forever. K

Be still and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)

By Rissa singson [email protected]

Rissa’s outfit courtesy of Elite Garments/FreewayPhoto by Daniel SorianoHair and makeup by Ara Fernando

| About the WritersMay 2019 | Kerygma4

aboutthe writers

Michelle Aguirre, also known as Chi, serves as a prayer warrior at The Feast Light Alphaland, happening every Monday, 6 p.m. at Jollibee Alphaland Southgate Mall, P. Tamo Ext. Makati City. Follow The Feast Light Alphaland on Facebook.

Dr. Didoy Lubaton is the builder of The Feast Mall of Asia. He is the author of the book, Don’t Let Them Lose You, and coauthor of Bo Sanchez in Whole Again: Restore Your Body to Its Original Design. E-mail him at [email protected].

Ped Faytaren is the builder of The Feast Ortigas Galleria Saturday session. He and his wife, Dems, are both lawyers by profession, and are loving parents to three daughters, Sofia, Sabrina, and Simona.

Ariel Driz is a certified Master Lean-Six Sigma Master Instructor. He has over twenty-five years of experience in high-technology industries, with expertise in Lean Six Sigma, Design for Six Sigma, and Process Improvement. E-mail him at [email protected].

Rose Fres Fausto is a writer, speaker, Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, and behavioral economist. She wrote Raising Pinoy Boys, The Retelling of The Richest Man in Babylon (English and Filipino versions), and FQ: The nth Intelligence. E-mail her at [email protected].

Michele Alignay, PhD, RP, RGC is a speaker, training consultant, and author of the award-winning book, Family Goals: Embracing the Imperfections of Family Life. She specializes on family life, parenting, and relational well-being. Visit www.michelealignay.com.

Joel Saludares is the builder of The Feast Ortigas Galleria Sunday PM and Thursday Sessions. He is a corporate trainer, NLP practitioner, and a life coach. He is married to Renee, and they are blessed with three girls, Luzia, Leanne, and Jorelle.

Charmaine and Charlene Albino are acoustic singer-songwriter twins, known for their original singles, “Lagi” and “Dahan-Dahan.” Follow them on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Spotify, and YouTube as Charm and Charl.

1 the Boss

2 Mailroom

3 Just Breathe

6 daily pause

8 new You

9 Real stuff

10 Feast snapshots

13 dear K

14 Family hacks

16 health & home

18 Wealth & Wisdom

20 K-techism

23 It happened

29 Introduction to teaching

32 teaching

38 testimony

43 Faith@Work

45 K preacher

47 one Last story

48 point of contact

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chairman of the board and publisher BO SANCHEZ • editor-in-chief RISSA SINGSON KAWPENG • editorial consultant TESS V. ATIENZA • managing editor MAYMAY S. TRINIDAD • co-managing editor KRIZELLE R. TALLADEN • creative director MIKE CORTES • creative consultant PAOLO S. GALIA • graphics director REY DE GUZMAN • assistant layout designer LEAH KIM S. RECTO • contributing writers CHI AGUIRRE, LOVELLA SALVADOR-FERIA, JOANNA PARUNGAO, DR. MICHELE ALIGNAY, PED FAYTAREN, CHARM AND CHARL ALBINO • staff writers DINA F. PECAÑA, ELLE Z. SILVESTRE •

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2“It is worthwhile to live as a family—that a society grows strong, grows in goodness, grows in beauty, and truly grows if it is built on the

foundation of the family.”

“A family is truly a family when it is able to open its

arms and receive all of this love.”

“Saying ‘yes’ to God’s love is the first step to being

happy and to making many other people happy.”

“The Christian way is that of the Beatitudes: meekness, humility,

patience in suffering, love for justice, ability to endure

persecution, not judging others.”

“Let us look at our hands, often so empty of love, and today let us try to think of some gift we

can offer freely.”

“The Church grows in silence, in prayer, and

with the good works that give witness.”

“If we live as Jesus taught us, and in harmony with what we proclaim, our witness will bear fruit.”

“Grandparents are the memory of a family, they are the ones who gave us

the faith, transmitted to us the faith.”

“Let us be close to our brothers and sisters who are going through illness and also their families.”

“In families, there are difficulties, but these

difficulties are overcome with love . . . Love is a

festival. Love is joy. Love is to keep moving forward.”

“Smallness is freedom. One who is small, in the Gospel sense, is

unencumbered and free from any urge to show

off, and from any claim to success.”

| Daily Pause with Pope Francis

Pause and reflect on the words of Pope Francis every day

of the month and let each nugget of wisdom inspire you to live a truly holy and blessed life.

May 2019 | Kerygma6

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3 5 6“The secret to navigating life well is to invite Jesus on board. The helm of life should be given to Him, so that He can

direct the route.”

“Meekness and tenderness: these human virtues seem small, but they

can overcome the most difficult conflicts.”

“Friends, Jesus teaches us to believe. Seek out and listen to the voices that encourage you to look

ahead, not those that pull you down.”

“What will remain on the threshold of eternity is not how

much we earned, but how much we gave

away.”

“Prayer from a humble heart is heard

by God.”

“Let us be careful not to have a perverse heart that leads to cowardice; an obstinate

heart that leads to being shut off; a heart that is slave to

the seduction that leads to a Christian life of compromise.”

“The Spirit of God speaks freely to each person through feelings and

thoughts. The Spirit cannot be confined with simple reasoning, but must be

welcomed with the heart!”

“The first step in prayer is to be humble, go to the Father, and say: ‘Look at me, I am a sinner.’ And

the Lord listens.”

“The spirit of the world is conquered with the spirit

of faith: believing that God is really in the brother and sister who are close to me.”

“Do not be afraid to weep when you encounter

difficult situations—tears are drops that irrigate life.

Tears of compassion purify hearts and feelings.”

“Love does not tolerate indifference; love is

compassionate. Love means putting your heart

on the line for others.”

“God wants us all to see one another as

brothers and to live as such, forming a great

human family that is harmonious in its

diversity.”

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“Jesus is the gift of God for us. If we welcome Him, we too can be a gift of God to others.”

“All are called to love and cherish family life,

for families are not a problem; they are

first and foremost an opportunity.”

Daily Pause with Pope Francis |

“Let us not quench our thirst with just any water

but with the ‘spring of water welling up to

eternal life.’”

“To make peace is to imitate God, who wants to make peace with us: He sent us His Son, and

He has forgiven us.”

“Faith grows when it is lived and shaped by love. That is

why our families, our homes, are true domestic churches. They are the right place for faith to become life, and life

to grow in faith.”

“Children and young people are the future, they

are the strength, those who take us forward. They are the ones in

which we place our hope.”

“The strength of the family lies in its capacity to love and to teach how

to love.”

“To form a family is to be a part of God’s dream, to join Him in building a world where no one will

feel alone.”


Irrational Reasons You need to

end to Avoid

overspending

1. Obsession for foreign brands. Undeniably, Filipinos love to spend for expensive western brands, thinking it’s more “in style” and durable. This mindset not only lets you spend more and save less, but it also has a negative impact on the local market.

2. Cultural beliefs and practices. Most Filipinos have always been attached to old customs, and some of them are not practical, like buying twelve round fruits during New Year. If some practices do not fit your budget, simply stop doing it.

3. False sense of entitlement. An individual who has the “Me! Me! Me!” attitude gets what he wants, when he wants it. If he can splurge on gadgets or shoes, he will do so. This behavior not only affects the people around you, but it also kills your motivation and right mindset to succeed in life.

4. Jump on the bandwagon. The bandwagon effect is a psychological phenomenon whereby people follow trends. If you see people on social media making noise about milk tea, you are urged to try it. Remember, you don’t always have to join the crowd because when certain serious matters, such as politics, begin to take hold, bandwagon beliefs can have damaging consequences.

5. Emotional spending. When you feel brokenhearted, you travel; when you feel stressed, you dine out; when you’re bored, you go shopping—these coping mechanisms to make yourself feel better only drives you to spend more. Emotional spending is harmful when it becomes a habit, so better control it before it gets worse. K

Source: https://tycoon.ph/

5Nowadays, it’s easier to shop with online

stores that are open 24/7, and credit cards that are only a single swipe away. It’s no

surprise that we end up making impulse purchases that we regret later on. Get to know the slip-ups that may lead to financial burden:

May 2019 | Kerygma8 | New You

Two explosions hit the Cathedral of Our Lady of Mount Carmel in Jolo, Sulu last January 27, which took the lives of twenty-seven people and injured 111 others.

The PNP Criminal Investigation and Detection Group (CIDG) said that two improvised explosive devices were used to bomb the cathedral. Civil military operations chief of Western Mindanao Command Col. Gerry Besana said, “What happened was the handiwork of the Abu Sayyaf group.”

“We need to intensify the security operation to protect the community,” responded Philippine National Police (PNP) chief Director General Oscar Albayalde.

The Philippine Catholic bishops have condemned the attack as an “act of terrorism” and offered their condolences to families of the civilians and soldiers who were killed by the explosions. The CBCP also extended its solidarity to the rest of the Catholic community in the Apostolic Vicariate of Jolo.

“We urged those who planned and executed this brutal act to ask forgiveness of God and humanity, to leave behind their destructive ways and to start a new life of truthfulness, justice, and love befitting true human beings,” said Archbisop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle in a statement, adding, “We call on all Filipinos, especially Catholics and Christians, not to abandon our commitment to peace. Only good can combat evil.”

Three days after the Jolo Cathedral bombing, a grenade exploded inside a mosque in North Cotobato. K

Source: https://www.philstar.com/

Kerygma | May 2019 9 Real Stuff |

catholic church Mourns

over cathedral Bombings

| Feast Snapshots

shInInG the LIGht thRouGh the

4AMclubLate December 2017, I was confused. I felt lost and

depressed even after leading the servants of The Feast Video Congress 2017. Suddenly, it dawned

on me that after serving God, I was actually beset with serious challenges that were only swept aside with the preparations for the Congress.

I never felt alone again until that time. I knelt down in prayer every day just to pour it all out to God. Then I realized that this was something I couldn’t hurdle on my own. I had to talk to somebody. I needed help. I opened up to my friend Gelo, our worship leader in The Feast Light Alphaland. He reminded me how Elijah also experienced depression but he stayed with God. Unceasing prayers and my friend’s comfort helped me stay sane for the following weeks.

In January 2018, Gelo gave me a present, The Purpose Driven Life (TPDL) by Rick Warren. This book was familiar to me because I had seen this around our house but never read it. (I didn’t believe in the existence of God for twenty-five years until I encountered Him through The Feast.) Going over the pages now, I saw that I needed at least one person to read this with me to make it more effective.

Ironically, I didn’t think of asking Gelo to be my partner. Instead, I prayed for someone whom I could share the book with. A friend came to mind, so I

called her to join me in going through the book. We met for this purpose a few days later. To my surprise, she brought along two common friends, which got me thinking, “What if we all read this book then have our small group sharing?”

My heart skipped a beat. I felt excited again and happy after weeks of melancholy. We started our first session via conference call on our mobile phones at 4 a.m. We discussed our reflections for each chapter of TPDL and prayed for each other after every session.

A few days after we started, two more of our friends joined us. The 4 a.m. discussion group now became a group of six—the maximum number of people who could join a conference call. Every 4 a.m., we discussed about how God worked in our lives as we read, reflected, and applied what we learned in TPDL. Eventually, we called our group The 4AM Club.

After forty days of roller-coaster rides of blessings, challenges, laughter, tears, and realizations, we were purpose-filled. We felt the overflowing love of God that imbued us with a joyful heart. We believed that we needed to share God’s love with others by creating another batch of this 4AM discussion group.

We prayed, and we were able to gather three groups for another batch. Each group of Batch 2 was composed of four people and two facilitators from Batch 1.

By chi Aguirrephotos by chi Aguirre, Mark Monedero, and paolo Bergado

May 2019 | Kerygma10

Feast Snapshots |

Each group has unique stories and experiences to share. Almost everyone in the batch was unchurched but came to know and experience God’s love through the 4AM small group discussion. After forty days of waking up before dawn, everyone felt so much love for God. We were blessed to start our day together with prayer and sharing our God moments, our lowest and darkest days, and how we experienced God’s healing. We were blessed to hear and see miracles from young people who were once lost but found their purpose in life.

We also had regular meetups which we call “face-to-face sessions.” There we discussed one chapter of the book over lunch or dinner, then did a relationship-building activity like watch a movie, shop together, discover new restaurants, or hang out just to talk about anything under the sun.

The 4AM Club went on until Batch 4 (at present) in spite of difficult challenges we had to overcome after Batch 2. We experienced persecution, judgment, and prejudice against what we were doing. But it was all worth it because

we knew our purpose—why we were doing it. It wasn’t and will never be about us but about Jesus and helping each other find the purpose God has given to us.

Now, the 4AM Club members, who were not originally from The Feast, have been part of The Feast Light Alphaland, and most of them even attend and serve at The Feast Bay Area in PICC.

Looking back, I never thought God would use my depression for His bigger purpose. God made me grow and helped me become closer to the person He wants me to be. There are so many lessons I kept in my heart that I always share with each batch. Truly, God works in mysterious ways. K

The Feast Light Alphaland happens every Monday, 6:00 p.m. at Jollibee Alphaland Southgate Mall, P. Tamo Ext., Makati City. Like and follow www.facebook.com/TheFeastLightAlphaland. To find a Feast near you, visit www.feast.ph.

Clockwise from upper leftmost photo: Batch 2 with its mostly millennial members; Batch 4 gathering after forty days; Batch 1 first anniversary; Batch 3 fellowship after forty days with Karl Zafra (leftmost, sitting), The Feast Light overall head; Batch 1 with Rissa Singson Kawpeng (center) during The Feast Light Alphaland 4th anniversary; one of groups from Batch 3.



I had a best friend back in college. We treated each other like real sisters. We were inseparable. But things changed after graduation. I tried to stay in touch, but only for a few months, because my best friend transformed into a different person. She started to smoke, flirted with guys and hooked up with them, and spent her evenings in bars. I am not that kind of girl. Her personality changed even with how she perceived me. She became like a total stranger so I distanced myself and stopped talking to her. I know things will never be the same again. But how do I get over this friendship breakup?

Lost Friend

Rissa Singson Kawpeng is a sought-after speaker, a radio and TV personality, and a bestselling author. She was named the Best Female Influencer of 2018 by the Catholic Social Media Awards.

Dear Lost Friend, I’m sorry to hear about losing your best friend. Any breakup is painful, whether it’s with a gal pal or a

boyfriend. I also lost a best friend when I was still single. It was even more painful because I didn’t just lose her but

all my friends from that community—people I had grown up with. They all “broke up” with me because I decided to leave our community and they didn’t want to associate with someone who was no longer one of them.

Because of that experience, I told myself that I didn’t ever want to lose a friend because we had differing opinions.

People grow. They change. Someone who used to have the same dreams as ours may not have the same aspirations years from now. Or it can be the other way around. Maybe we’re the ones who find other things to pursue. But just because our paths divert doesn’t mean we stop being friends.

It’s sad to hear that your best friend has turned to vices. Please do pray for her, but more than ever, keeping the friendship is your way of reaching out to her and knowing what’s going on in her life. Maybe she has changed because she’s surrounded by friends who also smoke, go to bars, and hook up. Your nonjudgmental, accepting presence may be the fresh air she needs in her life right now.

Keep on talking to her. Don’t distance yourself. Overcome this friendship breakup. Be the friend that she needs at this time of her life. This doesn’t mean that you will hang out with her or join her in her vices. But it means being there for her the way you were when you were inseparable.

Rissa

Dear K |

how do I Let Go of My Best Friend?

Dear K | Kerygma | May 2019 13

As a young family, Randy (my husband) and I introduced our children, Jeremiah and Isaiah, sixteen and thirteen respectively, to various

traditions that were handed down to us by the older generation.

Like many families, our summer ritual is to visit different destinations. But it doesn’t end there. We also make sure that we do something meaningful, most especially for the kids. Allow me to share the things we did during our recent summer vacations.

The Family ShieldIn 2015, we went to Boracay where we introduced the “Family Shield” to our children. The Family Shield is an activity Randy learned from his family, which they did during his teenage years.

Before the trip, we asked our sons to think of the role they play in the family and a symbol to represent them. On our last night, we had a sharing in the pool under the stars where each one disclosed their symbol and why they chose it.

When we returned, we asked Isaiah, who was then learning acrylic painting, to render an artwork showing our symbols on a shield or coat of arms. We actually have a coat of arms that Randy and I bought in Madrid during

our honeymoon, but this new family coat of arms is more meaningful because it reminds us of how important our roles are in our family.

Money ManagementAt the start of 2016, we asked the boys to save money from their meager allowance for their shopping budget in Legoland, Malaysia. From January to March, they started to save scrupulously. It helped that they also received monetary rewards from academic and exemplary discipline performance and from birthday gifts. We were glad to see them save.

In the week of our trip, we asked what their total savings were and surprised them by doubling their money. They were overjoyed. At the Legoland Hotel, we introduced our sons to the family morning prayer and stretching exercises, which we did at the beginning of each day. Shopping with their own money taught the boys to budget.

We realized how each child differs when it comes to spending. One buys a big set and busts all his money, while the other chooses two sets and other little things. That summer, our sons learned about daily family prayer, exercise, budgeting, and spending.

not Your

ordinary summer

GetAWAYby Lovella salvador-Feria

| Family HacksMay 2019 | Kerygma14

Family Hacks |Family Hacks |

100 DreamsIn 2017, two weeks before our Sagada trip, Randy gave the boys the template for “100 Dreams.” Each one had to list down their dreams in terms of family, career, education, country, health, spirituality, and travel.

On the last night of our stay, we shared our dreams around the bonfire in Sagada Cellar Door. As a family, we gained insight on how we will support each other in making our dreams come true.

It was delightful to hear the simple dreams of my children. One wished to experience a provincial Catholic festival, to cook a Gordon Ramsey-style Beef Wellington, and to become a pastoral leader in community. The other one dreamed for his brother to become a priest and officiate his wedding in Boracay. We had to remind him to write dreams for himself and not for others.

That summer, my boys learned how to dream big and small. They learned to hope that someday, some dreams will come true and some will cease to make way for even better ones.

The Day of PrayerMy husband and I have been doing the Day of Prayer (DOP) ever since we got married in 2002. In 2017, when our boys were twelve and fifteen, we taught them the DOP. A week before this, Randy e-mailed the guide for the boys. We start the day at the Blessed Sacrament where we encouraged them to pray and do a sort of Lectio Divina on the daily reading. From their reflection, they are to listen and seek the Lord’s direction for them for the year. From that time on, we always have DOP as a family at the start of each year.

That summer, we vacationed in Lipa, Batangas. There we decided to try badminton as a family. Our sons learned to sweat in the court, but also learned to move and do things as a family—we swam, fished, ate, and played hard together.

Every summer, we always think of how to put meaning into our family activity. It’s our chance to connect with our children in a purposeful and significant way. K

Let’s strengthen more families! Share your unique family traditions by sending us an e-mail at [email protected].


sAvInG WondeR WoMAn:

copInG WIth

the stRess oF

pReGnAncY

And GIvInG BIRth

By dr. didoy Lubaton

| Health & HomeMay 2019 | Kerygma16

We see our mother and wife as Wonder Women. They can do everything. They take care of us when we’re sick. They fill

our tummies with hearty meals. And many of them manage to have successful careers. But there comes a time when our Wonder Woman needs saving.

This may happen during and after pregnancy. Only women who patiently carried their child in the womb for months can say how stressful getting pregnant and giving birth can be. Working, budgeting expenses, taking care of their family and others can take a toll on the body and mind of the new mother. Any imbalance and difficulty coping with the stresses of life can make a mother develop a burden, which can create an internal battlefield.

The NumbersAbout ten percent of pregnant women and thirteen percent of moms who just delivered a child have a greater stress or burden coping with the situation. Numbers are higher in developing nations—15.6 percent among the pregnant and 19.8 percent after giving birth. One of ten women develop depression while pregnant in high-income countries. On the other hand, one out of five women have it in developing countries (World Health Organization, 2015).

Possible Causes and DetectionThe reason for the depression is unknown. But hormone levels change during pregnancy and right after childbirth. Those hormone changes may produce chemical changes in the brain that play a part in causing depression.

From pregnancy till a year after giving birth, women can develop mental challenges, but certain factors increase the risk. Some of them include poverty, migration, extreme stress, exposure to violence (domestic, sexual, and gender-based), emergency and conflict situations, natural disasters, and low

social support. Be aware of the signs and symptoms of these mental challenges if you’re a new mother or have a loved one who is. New mothers may have low moods, loss of interest and enjoyment, and most of the time, lack energy leading to lowered activity. If these symptoms persist for two weeks or more, this leads to diagnosis of pregnancy-related burden. These moms may experience anxiety and bodily symptoms. Some moms have certain difficulties carrying out their usual work, home, or social activities due to the overwhelming burden.

Healthy InterventionsTo all new moms, feeling depressed after giving birth doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person, that you did something wrong, or that you brought this upon yourself. You have to acknowledge that you may be suffering from perinatal or postpartum depression. You are not alone.

My dear friends, seek professional help. One treatment is to seek healthy, empathic, no-judgment conversations with a trusted professional, such as a community health worker or a psychologist. Focusing on the well-being of the mother and child leads to more participation compared to focusing on the burden alone. Antidepressant medicine is to be avoided because of the adverse effect on the child in the mother’s womb or her breast milk.

I encourage those involved with maternal care to encourage the mother to actively participate in finding and practicing healthful activities. Involve the whole family in helping the mother get through her burdens. A simple cleaning of the house, cooking meals, or giving her the time out (me time) she needs would greatly help.

The family can get through this together. Be their superheroes for now. And eventually, you will get your Wonder Woman back. K

Health & Home | Health & Home | Kerygma | May 2019 17

| Wealth & Wisdom

the seAsons In A WoMAn’s

LIFe


Wealth & Wisdom |

By Rose Fres Fausto

Chapter nine of my first book, Raising Pinoy Boys, is titled “A Mother’s Dilemma: To Work or Not to Work.” It often gets interesting feedback from my

readers. It narrates my journey from being a career woman to becoming a full-time homemaker.

I sometimes receive frantic e-mails asking if they should give up their job in order to be a full-time mom. There is no easy answer. But let me share what I’ve learned that brought me so much joy and peace of mind about my decision. I call it the Seasons in a Woman’s Life.

Season to be a student:When I was a student, I heeded my mom’s advice that this was my main “occupation.” Despite some health challenges, I was quite successful in my studies and my parents were happy to get “reserved seats” during graduation.

Season for first career:When I started my career in finance, I focused on it and was rewarded with promotions and good compensation.

Season to get married:When Marvin and I got married, we just continued the fun we used to have as friends, then lovers. We had an open and healthy communication (including Asset Allocation meetings!), FriDates, and total support to each other with the help of family, friends, and of course, God. Gee! We’re turning pearl this year!

Season to be a mother:When the kids started coming, something stirred me. The season to be a parent is more challenging for women. Men can focus and succeed in their career. They are called great providers, great family men. On the contrary, the careers of women get “interrupted” with child-bearing, delivery, and the greater bulk of child-rearing, making it difficult to balance things.

I am not up-in-arms against this seemingly “unequal” setup, but there should be mother-friendly reforms in the business and employment landscape because nature has

assigned child-bearing and rearing to us. We are physically equipped to feed our infants and are better wired to care for them during their early years. The more support we get, the better we do it, the better for the whole society.

Admittedly, it’s not easy to give up one’s promising career; moreso, if it brings in half of the family income, and especially if you’re like me who never imagined herself becoming a full-time housewife.

But I realized then that it was my children’s season, and they were to take the center stage. Of course, one could also argue that it was also the season for my career. I was an assistant vice president of a top investment house in my twenties. Besides, there are successful career women out there who never gave up their jobs and still raised fabulous kids. I’m honestly happy for them and I truly admire them. But in my case, I knew I wouldn’t be able to have both—a successful investment banking career and sons raised to their fullest potential. I felt that there were just too many aspects of child-rearing that necessitated at least one parent to be present—and I wanted that parent to be me. Unfortunately, my work could not allow me to be meaningfully involved in the day-to-day activities of my growing-up sons. I knew something’s got to give, and it wasn’t going to be my sons.

Season for My Second Wind:If I could only guarantee what I have right now to all moms, I would definitely advise them to become full-time mothers while their kids are young. The greatest gift of that decision for me is I can forge ahead with my second wind without any guilt about having missed on my sons’ growing-up years. You see, I’m having the time of my life now—writing and speaking about money and family.

Where I am now is also my season to share what I know. You come to an age when you wish you can make a positive impact beyond your nuclear family.

The key is to listen to that inner voice. What does it say to you now? What should take center stage in your life right now?

What season are you in? K


Back in college, there were certain classes that you could enroll in provided you had already taken and passed a prerequisite

class. For example, one has to pass German 101 in order to take up an advance course in the language.

In our life as Catholics, our prerequisite class, so to speak, is baptism. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) describes this sacrament as “the basis of the whole Christian life, the gateway to life in the Spirit” (1214). Through baptism, we are freed from sin and reborn as children of God and members of the Church. It is also the “gateway” that enables us to partake of all the other sacraments through which the Holy Spirit works within us.

The word baptism is from the Greek word baptizein that means to immerse or plunge. The water poured on our head as infants symbolizes our “burial into Christ’s death, from which [we rise] up by resurrection with Him, as ‘a new creature’” (1214). This brings about our birth in water and Spirit—the only way we can enter the Kingdom of God (1215). As we are cleansed and renewed through baptism, we become enlightened as we receive the Word, “the true light that enlightens every man” (1216).

Indeed, baptism is our very first birthday gift, a sanctifying gift that God, our parents, and godparents have given us. Of this life-giving gift, St. Gregory of Nazianzus writes: “Baptism

| K-techism

Baptism: GAteWAY to LIFe In the spIRIt


Baptism: GAteWAY to LIFe In the spIRIt

is God’s most beautiful and magnificent gift . . . We call it gift, grace, anointing, enlightenment, garment of immortality, bath of rebirth, seal, and most precious gift. It is called gift because it is conferred on those who bring nothing of their own; grace since it is given even to the guilty; baptism because sin is buried in the water; anointing for it is priestly and royal as are those who are anointed; enlightenment because it radiates light; clothing since it veils our shame; bath because it washes; and seal as it is our guard and the sign of God’s Lordship.”

Jesus Himself, though sinless, humbly received this gift through John who baptized Him at the Jordan River. Jesus willingly submitted Himself to baptism in order to “fulfill all righteousness” and show us His example of self-emptying. It was after His baptism did Jesus begin His mission and public life, in the same way that we start our true life in the Spirit. K

By dina pecaña

K-techism |

SAINT RITA OF CASCIA

Feast Day: May 22Birth: 1381Death: 1457

At an early age, Rita dreamed to become a nun. But her parents made her marry at age twelve to an ill-tempered and violent man, whom she still treated with kindness and patience. She spent eighteen years of unhappy marriage and had two sons. Her husband soon died, and his two sons wanted to avenge for their father. Rita prayed to allow her sons to die rather than commit murder. Shortly, his two sons died of a fatal illness.

As a widow, she entered the Augustinian convent in 1413. For the next forty years, she devoted her life to prayer and works of charity and harmony, especially among the citizens of Cascia. St. Rita experienced visions and mystical occurrences. One time, she received a stigmata, which resembled Jesus’ wound from the crown of thorns. She died of tuberculosis at the age seventy. St. Rita is the patron of the impossible.

Source: https://www.catholic.org/

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el/istockpho

to Kerygma | May 2019 21

saintat-a

glance


By niel Jhocson as told to Joana pinon-Bertumen

It Happened |

I did everything Wrong except trust in the Lord

By Joanna parungao

It’s cancer,” my doctor said. Dr. Sonia Bongala is the

first obstetrician-gynecologist I consulted after several years of blithely ignoring the fact that I had polycystic ovarian syndrome, and years before, had also been diagnosed with menorrhagia, so I needed to be hospitalized and almost given a blood transfusion.

It was in October 2018 when I begun to bleed again. My period has always been irregular so I didn’t take it seriously. But I went on bleeding intermittently for months, sometimes heavily, sometimes barely, but always there.

Finally, I decided to get myself checked on the 16th of January.


| It Happened

Dr. Bongala asked me to get an ultrasound, which I did five days later. I got the results on January 21, and it showed that I had a thickened endometrium. Nearly twenty-two millimeters, it was way above the accepted normal range.

I was advised to undergo dilation and curettage to deal with the bleeding, and while we were at it, check if there were any anomalies in my cells. I had the procedure on January 29, and on February 1, I learned that I had uterine cancer.

Dr. Bongala referred me to Dr. Jay Famador, an obstetric gynecologist and gynecologic oncologist. “He’s very good,” she assured me. “He’s very kind.”

I thanked her and texted my parents. A dear friend was with me that day. We went to the oncologist for my first appointment. I told my parents not to call me. I didn’t want to cry. Not yet.

An Aegis of Grace and the Kindness of StrangersThe day I decided to see an OB was the day I started to pray for grace—that it was not cancer, and that if it was, for the Lord to give me the strength to face what was to come.

When I heard my diagnosis, a part of me was surprised that my heart kept beating normally, steady and strong. I waited for the panic and the fear but they did not come. I felt the Lord’s protective embrace the entire time.

I truly believe God led me to my doctor and his staff. I was from the nightshift and they were full that day, but Ate

Leth and Ate Jean penned me in for an appointment with Doctor Jay. Ate Jean and Ate Leth both work in his office. They are sweet, kind, and generous with their help. They keep the atmosphere light and take the time to interact with each patient, learn our names and our stories.

When I met Doctor Jay and he looked at my files, I remember clearly how outraged he seemed on my behalf that I should face this disease at the young age of thirty-three.

He gave me treatment options. I could either take pills or go the surgical route. If I took the pills, there was no guarantee that my body would respond to the medication and in the time it would take for us to find out, the cancer would be given the chance to spread. If I took the surgical route, he would remove my uterus along with all my other reproductive organs. I would go into surgical menopause and would need to take calcium supplements the rest of my days.

I asked for a week to decide. Doctor Bongala was right. Doctor Jay is kind, I thought—

him and Ate Jean and Ate Leth.

‘Always Pray and Never Give Up’ (Luke 18:1) Makati Med has a chapel on the ninth floor. I went there often as I prepared for my surgery and got the clearances I needed. I decided I was OK with being the boss aunt to my future nieces and nephews since I wouldn’t be able to have my own kids.

“Are you sure the crucifix is for this room?” I asked. She said yes.

“I didn’t call for it but yes, please, I would like one in my room,” I said.


Idem quaspit exceprae volupta quisitatur autes et aut vollant eatendam doloratur aditat autatur

asperum voluptatur? Quistiuration cullaccum aut eatem hil et.

It Happened |

My brush with death made me realize that I was not alone. We are born into families, we create our own families, we forge

ties, we make memories, we live our lives, and touch each other in so many ways simply by existing. (This photo was

taken on the day I was discharged from the hospital. A friend lent me this stuffed bear for moral support.)


| It Happened

There’s a pew I always sat on near the back, on the right side of the chapel. I sat there one day and saw a slip of paper. It was a handwritten note. I could barely decipher what it said but I could make out clearly the words “the Sacred Heart of Jesus.” I went home that day and looked up the novena for the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I clicked on the first page and the words “always pray and never give up” jumped at me and bolstered my courage.

I had been praying the rosary daily, asking Saint Philomena and Saint Peregrine to intercede for me. So I added the novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus to my daily prayers. This communication with the Lord was a great comfort to me and grounded me.

My operation scheduled on February 13 included extrafascial hysterectomy, bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy, bilateral pelvic lymph node dissection, and peritoneal fluid cytology. The procedures would stage my cancer and hopefully keep it from spreading.

The night before my surgery, an attendant entered my room carrying a cross. She said someone had called and requested it for my room. I was alone, I had checked myself in and was still waiting for my parents and friends to arrive.

“Are you sure the crucifix is for this room?” I asked. She said yes.

“I didn’t call for it but yes, please, I would like one in my room,” I said.

I stayed in the hospital for six days. I prayed, I looked at my family and friends and felt an overwhelming sense of love. I realized how blessed I was to have such wonderful people in my life.

God also sent me a guide in the form of Anne, a cervical cancer survivor of two years. I met her a few days before my surgery. She was a godsend and a fountain of information. She visited me the night before I was to go under the knife.

She demystified chemo and radiation as she had gone through both. She told me about her experiences and what to expect as I recovered. We keep in touch to this day.

Top: Joanna with Dr. Jay FamadorMiddle: Joanna on the hospital bed, with her friends beside herBottom: The computerized version of the handwritten note that Joanna found in the hospital chapel


It Happened |

You Are Not Alone I didn’t know if I was going to survive, but I prayed for the grace to accept whatever was coming. I experienced so many little gifts and miracles the days leading up to my surgery and afterwards. I prayed. I trusted. I let go.

Five days after I was discharged, I went back to the hospital for the reading of the histopath. Will the surgery be enough? Had the cancer spread? Will I need to undergo chemo and/or radiation?

Doctor Jay announced the verdict: I was clear and wouldn’t need chemo. I was elated! Before the surgery, I had googled the type of cancer I had but stopped because I encountered the words, poor prognosis. I was terrified. That day when I learned I was all clear, I googled again.

Endometriod endometrial adenocarcinoma. What I found was this: they’re always more aggressive than serous or clear cell carcinomas of the endometrium. “Even when low grade and low stage, endometrioid adenocarcinomas are associated with a high mortality rate.”

I am very blessed and very grateful to still be here. There is a saying about us coming into this world alone

and dying alone. I used to think there is some semblance of truth to that. After all, aren’t we all at our core individuals?

But my brush with death made me realize that I was not alone. We are born into families, we create our own families, we forge ties, we make memories, we live our lives, and touch each other in so many ways simply by existing.

I prayed for strength and healing, and right alongside me were my family and friends doing the very same thing. I want to name them all here but there isn’t enough space. But I love every single one of them with all of my heart.

I am sharing my story because I want to encourage others to love freely and without reservation because our time on earth is limited. Live a life with purpose, a life pleasing to the Lord.

And please get tested regularly. Don’t take your health for granted. The prospect of diagnosis can be scary, but it’s not the end of the world. There are options available and it’s always better to catch illness early. K

Joanna with her cousin, Joy, who put her life on hold

to help her recover



After one of my talks, a very anxious mother approached me and asked, “Bo, can you help me? I have a problem

with my eighteen-year-old daughter. She’s like a bedspacer in the house. She goes home only to sleep. She’s always with her friends.”

I had very little time to talk to her so I took my best shot. I asked her, “Is there happiness at home?”

Here’s my belief. I believe kids will love to go home if there’s love in the home.

There’s an old song that goes, “A chair is still a chair even when there’s no one sitting there. But a chair is not a house, and a house is not a home, when there’s no one there, to hold you tight, and no one there you can kiss good night” (from “A House Is Not a Home” performed by Luther Vandross).

Friend, is there happiness in your home?I’ve noticed that the happiest relationships

have a rhythm of celebration. In other words, they throw parties. I don’t mean a party with balloons and clowns (though that would be great, too), but putting a “party spirit” in your relationship.

How? Make every family meal a joyful occasion. Hold untouchable weekly family nights and weekly dates with each family member. Have annual family celebrations even in the simplest reasons and ways.

But don’t just throw the party. Make sure that these are filled with gratitude, hard work, and creativity.

Just like the father in the bibilical story of the prodigal son. When the “bad” son came home, his father threw a party. Even if the son already wanted to become a slave. The father ignored this and proceeded with the celebration.

God loves parties. And He loves to throw a party of love for all of us, even if we don’t deserve it. He loves us more than we can ever imagine.

Let’s receive this love today. And learn to throw more parties in our lives. Our relationships need them badly.

Live a life of celebration. Especially in your relationship with God. He invented joy, celebrations, and parties. So learn from Him.

In this issue, learn how to make your home happy and your family connected in love. Turn the page and transform your home. K

SPECIAL SECTION: Introduction to Teaching |

Make Your Homes Happy

By Bo sanchez


| SPECIAL SECTION

Kerygma Books has a wide array of guides to help you transform your family relationship into one full of

God’s love and grace. Check out these books and have a life-changing family life!

How to Build a Happy Family by Bo Sanchez

For years, Bo Sanchez’s readers (and fans) have been asking him to write a book on family life. But somehow after several bestselling books, he never felt it was the right time. Until this book was published.

After being married to his wife for fourteen years, while raising two sons, he already felt the credibility to write about this important topic. Bo learned that family life is like pushing a luggage cart, overflowing with three suitcases and four balikbayan boxes, complete with a squeaky left wheel. In spite of these challenges, Bo shares lessons gleaned from his own life as a married man and a father on how you can push your own cart of family life.

With incredible depth, humor, and simplicity, you’ll be swept away by Bo’s powerful message in this book.


Booksfor the Fam

SPECIAL SECTION |

How to Deal with Horror Parents, Monster Kids, and Freaky Siblings by Bo Sanchez

Today, many homes are haunted by ghosts of their family’s past. Some people are haunted by the horrible way they were parented. Unfortunately, they find themselves repeating the same terrible mistakes with their own children.

In this life-changing book, bestselling author Bo Sanchez turns into a would-be “exorcist” for wounded families. Bo shares powerful secrets on how to stop toxic patterns inherited from one generation to the next.

You’ll learn how to deal with monster parents and break the cycle of horror parenting. You’ll discover the three hats you need to wear to raise healthy kids. You’ll also find out the secrets on how to create a loving family and cut the roots of envy among your siblings.

This book contains the secrets to transform your families from horror families to happy families, from haunted houses to healthy homes.

Family Goals: Embracing the Imperfections of Family Life by Michele Alignay, PhD

This book will give you practical and wise lessons to help you: confront sticky issues and conflicts that tear your family apart; increase your intimacy with your mate; apply healthy ways of coping with life’s stresses, especially those that attack your family’s well-being; have crucial conversations with your kids and teens on growing pains, sexuality, and other issues in our digital age; and maneuver through critical family matters that will help you achieve your family goals so you can go from OK to great.

Family Goals was hailed as the Best Book in Family Life by the 11th Cardinal Sin Catholic Book Awards.

Raising Heirs: Of the Spoiled and Entitled Second Generation—And Why We’re Still Your Only Hope by Eleanore Lee Teo

The first generation makes the money. The second generation spends it. By the third generation, there’s nothing left. It’s the same classic story that we’ve heard before and we can’t help but ask—why do many accomplished entrepreneurs find it easier to build a business than to raise their children to become independently successful?

This book is for those wondering why their children are lazy and

reckless with their money. This is for the children who wonder why they’re being labeled as lazy and self-indulgent. And this is for those who are close to success and have the time to prepare their children for what’s to come.

Before I Forget: A Daughter’s Journey in Caring for a Mother with Alzheimer’s by Cindy Reynes

Cindy Reynes took up a second degree to become a nurse. But when her mother got afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease, she chose not to practice her profession and instead

become her mom’s primary caregiver. While caring for her mom, she faced the greatest challenge a daughter can have: to keep loving and honoring a parent who no longer remembers her—one who was fast becoming a stranger.

She captured the heartwarming and, at times, heartbreaking stories in a journal that has now evolved into this book. In these pages, Cindy shares her painfully honest, humorous, and poignant struggles as a care partner of her mom afflicted with this progressive disease.

This chronicle of her pilgrimage from denial to acceptance, resentment to forgiveness, and heartbreak to unconditional love also offers practical tips on how you can care for your loved ones in sickness or in health.

Before I Forget was given a Special Citation for the Family Life Category at the 12th Cardinal Sin Catholic Book Awards.

Visit www.kerygmabooks.com/shop to get these titles available in paperback and e-book versions. K


The strongest connections are at home,” said one telecom company. I agree! But it’s not about mobile data or fiber connections we’re

talking about. Scan social media and you will find posts of people celebrating love, life, and families. How heartwarming!

But we will also find posts that mention a relational issue here, a communication gap there. Parents, spouses, and so-called true friends do not know how to talk about issues in their close relationships. They make their busyness an excuse as to why the problems happen or why they failed to connect and communicate in their significant relationships. Amidst the busyness, we become functional, digitized, and nonhuman. But truth is, only real, human, face-to-face, person-to-person connections can be the basis of making relationships flourish.

We can find the secret to real relationship connection in 2 John 1:12, “I have much to write to you, but I do not want to use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face, so that our joy may be complete.”

| SPECIAL SECTION: Teaching

Bloom: Make Your Family

ConneCtions Flourish

By Michele s. Alignay, phd, Rp, RGc


SPECIAL SECTION: Teaching | SPECIAL SECTION: Teaching | Kerygma | May 2019 33


In my unpublished postgraduate research, I studied the patterns of communication of families with adolescents, especially when it comes to crucial topics like sexuality and relationship issues. I studied ten families and the prevailing patterns are examples of what typically happen in Filipino families. I refer to this as the Filipino Family Communication Patterns (Alignay, 2018). And they are very relevant to our culture and our way of connecting with others.

1. Pakikiramdaman. This refers to the use of sensing, intuiting, observing, or other nonverbal means to gather information about others. The thing with sensing is that it has limited closure between parties, and little initiative is made to further connect and communicate.

2. Parinigan o Pakikipagbiruan. Parinigan is communicating indirectly by hinting or retorting about an issue or information, in the hopes that the person who needs it hears. The parinig or side comments are part of indirect communication carrying a more serious tone, while pakikipagbiruan is utilizing jokes or intending puns to establish connections in communicating something to someone else. Both

are one-way communication without the intent of actually hearing from the other person. While it is an effort to connect, it fails to achieve a deeper connection.

3. Pinagsasabihan. This manner of communication is the more traditional way. Although it’s one way, it directly addresses the information to the other family member. There may be connection but not actual communication. It is often used when giving feedback or reminders, or as a method of reprimanding. Yet disclosure is mostly on the head level, and the receiving person simply takes in what was heard, but doesn’t get a chance to be heard in return.

4. Pakikipagkwentuhan. In our context, kwentuhan

is connecting through stories. It is a two-way exchange of updates and happenings among people we like being with. In the context of the study, pakikipagkwentuhan as a mode of family communication has the presence of self-disclosure, though in a more head and experience level. There is two-way sharing of insights, experiences, opinions, and even some feelings through the form of stories, done so with the hope of addressing


SPECIAL SECTION: Teaching |

the issues. Many of us utilize this mode to be nonthreatening and to actually connect with our loved ones. Through the kwento (stories), we hope to connect better, get to know what’s happening with each person in the family, and give a glimpse of what is happening in our own lives.

5. Pag-uusap is discussing matters with each other, usually using a more serious tone. It’s initiated by the parents and focuses on how self-disclosure becomes part of the family system. Such may include the sharing of insights, experiences, opinions, and even feelings regarding a certain matter—whether simple or serious. The high degree of self-disclosure, if made by the parents or an older family member, is reciprocated by the other person. There seems to be objectivity, high self-disclosure, and real emotional experience between family members that nurture and foster the relationship.

If you note all five patterns of communications, we use them as a gauge or level to evaluate family communication. The pakiramdaman, parinigan or pakikipagbiruan, and pinagsasabihan are mere initial connections in the family. These are methods of one-way communication and there is lack of self-disclosure or the honest opening up of oneself. There is lack of invitation to a more emotional connection to deepen the relationship. This is what I refer to as functional connections. Many families use these patterns as they go through the rudiments of their lives. Their questions are mostly: What happened to you? What’s your schedule? And other questions answerable by yes or no.

I note this to be a normal occurence. Why? Because we are afraid to go deeper. As family members, we can hear them out, but not really listen to them. We talk to check each one’s “functions,” schedules, budget, rules, home management concerns, school activities, and all those connected to the external matters in the family. This is good and needed. But if connections are stuck in these patterns, there is no emotional bond and involvement with what is really happening inside each family member. There is no talk about feelings, frustrations, joys, and worries. If family connections remain at

At the core of any human relationship or family encounter is the quality and authenticity of each person’s self-disclosure. It is about relating with the other, by sharing who we really are despite our flaws, vulnerabilities, and imperfections. True self-disclosure is the core of real connections.



this level, there is difficulty to confront issues, problems and concerns. The family may be situated in the same place and context, but when crisis happens, they do not know how to approach one another for fear that they would move away, reject, or get angry at the other members.

Pakikipagkwentuhan and pag-uusap create more connections, and there is two-way communication. Family members engage together in a topic. But the difference between the two is the depth of connections. If we rate the depth of emotional connections, pakiramdaman, parinigan or pakikipagbiruan, and pinagsasabihan have a minimal form of connection; pakikipagkwentuhan is good; and the last, pag-uusap, has in-depth authentic family connection. This is important to know because this is the basis of crucial connections in the family—something that we need to intentionally and deliberately work on.

Reflecting on these patterns and manners of connecting with your family, what kind of conversations do you normally have? Do family talks, dates, and catch-ups excite you, or do they seem to be a chore?

When you are together during Sunday family lunch, do you chat, laugh, and celebrate togetherness? Or is everyone on their mobile phones, tuning out from the table, and can’t wait for the meal to be over?

When a family member has a concern, does he or she immediately tell a family member

or the parents without apprehensions? Is the situation accepted without judgment? Or if someone has a concern, do they retreat to their world and move away from the family for fear of being judged and reprimanded?

If you are a parent, a spouse, a sibling, or a son or daughter, do you wait for real connections to happen? You must slowly make it happen. Create human, real, person-to-person connections every each chance you get—or create an opportunity. A genuine relationship is something that none of the latest technology or online world can ever replace. Think about your family’s connections.

Next, identify the small steps you can take to improve your family connections, one person, one step at a time.

Here are some questions to guide you through an objective exercise in assessing the quality of your family connections:

• What is the common manner of our family conversations? Identify it based on the five patterns mentioned.

• How will I rate our connection in the family? Rate the depth of connection from 1 to 5 (1 being the shallowest and 5 being in-depth).

• Are we functional or emotional in our connections? What areas can we improve on? What could be the roadblocks that keeps us from connecting fully with each other?

• What improvements can I start to make my family connections better?

| SPECIAL SECTION: TeachingMay 2019 | Kerygma36

SPECIAL SECTION: Teaching |

We cannot wait for perfect conditions to unfold for us to start deepening and nurturing the more important relationships we have. For relationships to thrive and flourish, there are no instant solutions and shortcuts. Quality and quantity of time and experience matter greatly.

Have you wondered about the bigger difference between functional and emotional connections? Did you notice why some relationships flourish and can stand against any setback?

At the core of any human relationship or family encounter is the quality and authenticity of each person’s self-disclosure. It is about relating with the other by sharing who we really are amidst our flaws, vulnerabilities, and imperfections. True self-disclosure is the core of real connections.

Yet we are all not skilled in the art of connections because we cannot fully be honest with ourselves.

“To reveal myself openly and honestly takes the rawest kind of courage,” said author, John Powell, SJ.

When we go deeper in our connections, there is the risk that we will be judged or rejected, that others will not like what they see in us—simply because there are areas in ourselves that even we cannot accept as well.

When we confront an issue in the family, we will realize that we are partly, may not be directly, at fault, too. We are all part of one “emotional skin” in the family, and so, issues do not happen in isolation. We have to face the risk that in deepening connections, we open up ourselves more to let these people become a part of who are. It’s beautiful yet risky.

When we try to work on a problem, or try to nourish our relationships, we need to be fully aware of ourselves and do some rectification for our issues as well. K


May 2019 | Kerygma38 | SPECIAL SECTION: TestimonyMay 2019 | Kerygma38 May 2019 | Kerygma38

The Hard Work Behind Great Family Relationships

By ped Faytarenphotos: dakila AngelesMakeup and Grooming: Beauty by Felisadae hair: hairstyle by dyna


To say that I am a busy man is a very simple way to describe my daily life. It’s more like a juggling act.

My weekdays often start with waking up at 5:30 a.m. to take my two older daughters to school before 6 a.m. I am then usually the first person at the office by half past 7. By mid-morning and early afternoons, I attend hearings most of the time, followed by picking up the girls from school.

I also have a small business which I am trying to grow and I do a lot of the tasks to ensure that our physical and online stores are running smoothly. I try to squeeze this in during my day when I have some free time. This is also when I prepare my talks for The Feast Ortigas Galleria Saturday session which I lead.

Our Saturdays are also hectic because we try to do all ministry tasks like our Light Groups and other

ministry meetings on these days, before our anticipated Mass and prayer gathering at 6:30 p.m.

As for Sundays, my wife, Dems, and I try to keep them exclusive for family time. We usually stay home and I cook for the family. I love to cook and I find it therapeutic and relaxing so I usually cook whatever food my kids request.

Sometimes, our siblings and Dems’s parents come over and we spend our Sunday afternoons together.

The Past and the PresentWhen I was growing up, I didn’t get to spend much time with my dad who was often busy with work. So I decided that when I start a family of my own, I would try my best to do better. For one, I go out of my way to be sweet to them, even when they don’t like it. I get them flowers so they know that’s what they deserve. I

also try to be intentionally showy and I tell them I love them all the time.

My eldest, Sofia, likes to bake, so we sometimes bond while whipping up something together in the kitchen. My second daughter, Sabrina, enjoys taking motorcycle rides with me. So I take her as my date on motorcycle riding events, and this becomes our time together. Simona, our youngest, is quite clingy, especially to her mom. I often play with her before she goes to bed, which usually takes some time.

My wife and I keep our weekly dates on Thursday evenings. Sometimes we don’t even go out. We just hang out on our balcony or watch a movie together on Netflix. The important thing is intentionally spending some quality couple time.

When it comes to nurturing relationships, what matters are the little things, like taking the kids to

school and picking them up, attending school affairs, or being involved in their activities and doing things with them that they enjoy, even if you don’t really like it, such as shopping for clothes.

When our eldest had her prom, we turned it into a family affair—from looking for someone to sew her dress, going to her final fitting, and being there on the day itself to see her off and pick her up.

Actually, it was more like a family reunion with everyone on both sides of the family present to send her off. I think we kind of embarrassed her but I’m hopeful she’ll look back fondly at those memories when she’s much older.

Also, while they are usually asleep in the car on the way to school during our morning drives, I like the fact that I am involved in my girls’ daily school lives.

SPECIAL SECTION: Testimony |

The Hard Work Behind


The StruggleMy main struggle in relating with my daughters is about catching their attention. It’s frustrating to talk to them when they have their gadgets in front of them or have earphones on. Many times, I fantasize about cutting the earphone cords, only to remember that I’ll have to buy them a new one later. On the other hand, when they are all talking, everyone is so loud that my brain short-circuits. It’s not easy being surrounded by women. Maybe when I get older and have poor hearing, it will be easier.

Seriously, it’s a test of patience, but Dems and I just keep trying to get through to them by banning their gadgets during meal times or during our family discussions.

The ResponseMost of my family members are not very affectionate or expressive with their feelings. So we have a running joke in the house that when they ask me to do something for them, I would say, it’s because “I’m your favorite.” It’s my way of conditioning them to be more expressive and appreciative.

They may not always say it, but I know that what Dems and I are doing have a positive effect on our kids, especially our teenagers who are now both serving at The Feast and doing well in school despite the demands of their academic programs. I am so proud to see them growing up to be fine young ladies.

The CallI don’t claim to be a great husband or dad, but I can confidently say that I try my best at those jobs.

Family is our first ministry, so I keep at it. Great relationships don’t just happen. They take hard work and a lot of sacrifice. There are times you need to die to your personal preferences and spend time with your family on their terms or interests—even if it’s not yours.

Above all, make sure to guide your family’s journey with Jesus in the center. K

| SPECIAL SECTION: TestimonyMay 2019 | Kerygma40 | SPECIAL SECTION: TestimonyMay 2019 | Kerygma40



What a crazy title for a Christian business article! I borrowed this phrase from my favorite author Seth Godin in his book This Is Marketing.

Nowadays, people are looking to find their fortune in the worldwide web. It’s practically the new “gold rush,” the new thing. After all, it connects all of us in this virtual world for “free.” What a time to be in business! I get to sell anything to anyone . . . anywhere.

But when you’re a startup entrepreneur seeking to make a dent in this new marketing canvas, Taylor Swift is not your model.

She is the epitome of being all things to all. Who doesn’t like Taylor’s songs? She used to be a country singer, a genre not very popular among non-American audiences. The total sales of all her albums to date: more than fifty million albums worldwide—she’s one of the bestsellers of all time! The transition she made to the main stream is among the rarest and amazing of feats. With thirty-two Grammy nominations and ten wins—the youngest ever to win at twenty—she alone can dare defy online giants, Spotify and iTunes. One word: phenomenal.

But if you’re a newbie in this online world, even if she has forty-three million followers on Twitter and fourteen million in Instagram, she’s not your model.

The Internet is a paradox. It’s both big and small. It’s big because it connects the whole world. With a Wi-Fi or data connection, one has the power to reach out to just about anybody in the neighborhood or halfway around the world!

Physically, we are wired together in this giant super highway. At the same time, it’s composed of tiny private conversations. Each and every participant has their own little concerns and guilty pleasures that would cause them to engage.

Seeking to engage the masses in the Internet is not the way to go. What do you do when an ad or a commercial in YouTube or social media shows up? We normally do one of two things: we skip or we ignore. The attention span of the ordinary human being has decreased tremendously compared to a goldfish.

People don’t like to be disturbed. Godin contends that the Internet is the first medium not designed for the marketer. It gives the power back to the audience—the power to give their permission.

For mere mortals like me, the way to grow my service or business is not think big but to go small. I needed to focus on a small number of individuals that I care about.

When I started my consulting career, I taught about all types of topics: management, creativity, sales, leadership, team building, coaching, problem solving, soft skills, IT, project management, and hard skills—that’s a lot! One day, a dear friend named Mike Joseph told me to concentrate my efforts in Six Sigma (or Lean Six Sigma) because that was my area of expertise. For some reason, I acted on it right away. I modified my LinkedIn account to focus my profile on Lean Six Sigma. Soon enough, offers and speaking engagements started to come and increase—even from unknown sources—just because I forgot “big” and went “small.” Unknowingly, I was building my brand as an experienced Lean Six Sigma coach not to everybody but to the people who cared for the work I do well.

So Taylor Swift was not my model.Narrowing down your market by identifying the people

you care about is key to widening your base.As I mentioned in my previous article, being consistently

generous leads to huge returns. The original, most successful bloggers had no idea how to monetize their content when

Faith @ Work |

tAYLoR sWIFt Is not YouR ModeL!By Ariel B. driz

Continued on page 44


From page 43


they started. They simply wrote about things they cared about—travel, food, clothes, experiences, science, insights, and art. Their audience was initially small but they cared. It was an audience that gave them permission to speak to them—consistently and for free.

“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Luke 6:38).

Don’t you hate it when all that a person does in social media is to sell and charge you for his service every step of the way? What if you’re great at taking pictures using the iPhone and teach Apple geeks some of your secrets for free? What if you do it consistently? It starts with your inner circle that would give you their trust because you are generous. And soon enough, you will have a thousand true fans who will miss you if you stopped posting. Now you have started a circle of friends who care. In marketing terms, you now have a brand.

Can a few friends really make a difference?On its supposedly last showing week, the movie Heneral Luna was going to be one of those great and

expensive historical movies that did so-so in the box office. Until a few unknown but impressed individuals started posting rave reviews on Facebook. In a matter of days, people started to queue up and watch. The film became the highest-grossing Filipino historical film of all time.

The most powerful tool in social media is the share button. It makes the most mundane stuff significant and turns unknown individuals into leaders. But it starts with you when you genuinely share. K

I was working on a Saturday when I asked my wife, Agirl, for a favor. I needed her to do an online transfer for me. I sent her the account details. A few minutes later, I saw the notification on my

e-mail that the transfer was complete. Upon checking, I saw that she transferred P3,000 instead of P3,230.

I was a little irritated so I asked her if she read the e-mail I sent with the details. As Agirl passed me by, I noticed that her eyes were red. I heard her sob a little too, so I asked her what was wrong. She blurted out, “Why can’t I do anything right? Why do I feel stupid every time you ask me to do something?”

That started a little fight between us. I told her, “Nothing I do, say, or make you feel can ever define who you are. Yes, I love you with my all, but it is only God who can define who you are. Not me, not even you.”

Friend, how do you see yourself? How do you know yourself? Know that no matter what the world says, it’s only God—who created you—should define who you truly are.

Not even what you think or say about yourself should define you.

To love yourself means to love who you are. But for many of us, it’s difficult to love ourselves. Why? Because

we allow others to define us. We allow the world to define us. We even allow ourselves to define who we are. And oftentimes, our view is very different from the way God created us and how He sees us.

To love yourself, you need to improve your inner voice. Remember this inner view of yourself will be the reflection of your outside self.

So how can you have a better self-image?It’s important to remove your negative self-belief.

I’ve always believed that there is an innate goodness in everyone. Know that you are not perfect, because only God is perfect. But when He looks at us, He sees perfection in us. Why? Because He created us. Stop calling yourself names and do not believe the names that others call you. Remember that if there’s one label we have, it’s that we’re God’s most special creation.

Lastly, while we are not perfect and we make mistakes, we should learn to forgive ourselves. Know that whatever we do, God accepts us. He loves us and will embrace us as we are. Let’s be reminded of this always and never allow the world’s opinion to define us.

When you see a broken image of yourself, go back to God and allow Him to remind you of who you truly are. K

K Preacher |

God’sImage of

YouBy Joel saludares




We go by the stage name “Charm and Charl,” short for Charmaine and Charlene—our real names. We were known by a

different name before, but ever since we started singing professionally, we had to change it into a fresher name so people can recall. Our singing career started when we were in high school. We joined various competitions back in the day. We also joined the glee club where we met two friends and decided to form a quartet. We called ourselves “Miles.” Somehow, we managed to get into national television programs like ASAP XV, PBB opening programs, and the like. As budding artists, we thought our big break was within reach, but sadly, one of our members had to migrate to the U.S. Continuing without her wasn’t the same.

We decided to push through with our career as a duo. We joined KPop Starhunt, a Korean reality TV show, but to no avail. Both of us got eliminated early in the competition. We tried our chances for a national competition instead. When The Voice PH aired its first ever season, we were one of the few who passed pre-auditions to make it to the blind auditions. But then again, no chairs turned. Several failed attempts took a toll on us, and we stopped singing for a couple of years. Offers got fewer, and we thought that maybe singing was not for us. This made us question our talents and purpose in life.

With other personal problems in the way, Charm joined the UST Campus Feast during our last year in college. It was a refreshing change since both of us

were seeking for a community in school. The next thing we knew, we were part of its music ministry. Eventually, we joined the music ministry of The Feast SM Manila after months of attending their sessions. We overflowed with gratefulness and love. We were singing again, but this time for God.

After a few years of service, we felt the longing to perform again. But we didn’t know where to start or

how to get gigs. The miracle came when a friend from The Feast introduced us to our manager today. Before signing with our manager, we thought to ourselves that we want to make our career different this time. We were trying this path again, but this time we want to do it with God—with a purpose of inspiring dreamers like ourselves that it’s never too late to restart.

Today, as full-time artists, we’ve never been this fulfilled in doing what we love to do. We now have our original compositions on Spotify and iTunes for people to hear. We have several gigs every month. We get offers to guest on radio and TV, and we’re very

grateful for each and every opportunity. Although the big break hasn’t yet arrived, we

know and believe that our miracle will come again. We are actively waiting as we practice daily, write songs, and take guitar and piano lessons. God did it before, and He will do it again for us. God is so good that He brought us to where we are today, and we will not stop serving His purpose in our lives through beautiful music. K

One Last Story |

By charm and charl Albino

serving God’s purpose through Music

Phot

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Chi

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SPECIAL INTENTION FOR THIS MONTH:

Father God, we pray for every home—that it will always be filled with Your kind of love, and that family members will genuinely connect with each other. We pray for forgiveness and healing for those whose relationships have drifted apart. May You restore what needs to be restored. May we be reminded that the family is our first ministry, our first Church, and so we must take care of it. Amen.

I pray that You Receive Your Miracles in Jesus’ name!

I PRAY THAT GOD LIFT YOUR TRIALS, heal your diseases, bless your problems, and direct you to the path He

wants you to take. I pray that God remove your fears and give you the courage to surrender your burdens to Him.

So place your hand over my hand, and let’s pray with trust, together with our prayer team of intercessors praying for you right now . . .

This page is our Point of Contact, our spiritual connection.

Say after me . . .

In the Name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Lord, I surrender to You my worries and anxieties. I surrender to You my needs, my problems, my trials. I place them all in Your big hands. And I open myself to all that You want to give to me. On this day, I say yes to Your love, to Your blessings, to Your healing, to Your miracles. And Lord, specifically, I ask for the following miracles for my life . . .

I believe that You answer my prayer in the best way possible! And I thank You in advance for the perfect answers to my prayers. I also ask for the special intercession of Mama Mary. I pray all this in the Name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen!

E-mail your prayer requests to me at [email protected] or write to me at Shepherd’s Voice Publications, #60 Chicago St., Cubao, Quezon City, Philippines 1109.


pointof contact

Documents

The Faytaren Familymedia.kerygmafamily.com/media/KMAG/pdf/20190501.pdf · what we proclaim, our witness will bear fruit.” “Grandparents are the memory of a family, they are the