The Bint’s Guide to Being a

Soldier’s Wife

By Fila Arabshahi

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About the Author

Fila Arabshahi was born in 952 in Baghdad to a Persian carpenter, Arya Arabshahi, and his wife Marjaneh Arabshahi. When she was sixteen she was married to an Abbasid soldier, Mohammed ibn al-Hussein. After four years of living in Baghdad and the birth of two children, her husband accepted a position at a misr (military garrison) in Egypt. Dutifully, Fila said goodbye to her family and followed her husband to his military post in Egypt.

At first, life in the garrison town was difficult for Fila. She missed her family, her in-laws who also lived in Baghdad, and the cosmopolitanism of Baghdad in general. But soon, she learned to immerse herself in her duties as a soldier’s wife, and in raising her children—six in total, four boys and two girls. Eventually, she came to accept the life of a Persian wife in the military town in Egypt.

Fila wrote/dictated (she is illiterate) this book to a well-off Persian wife of a military general who moved to the garrison town in 980 AD. She was 28 and intended for it to help all Muslim wives adjusting to their lives as soldiers’ wives in a garrison town—helping them to understand their duties and responsibilities and lessening the burdens of their transitions. She hopes all women find it helpful in learning how to fulfill their lives and the lives of their husbands while showing humility to Allah.

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Table of Contents

1. On Food Preparation

2. On Raising Children

3. On Being a Muslim Wife

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On Preparing

Food_______

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Sura ‘AbasaNo. 80 (verses 24-32)Then let man look to his food,

That we pour down the water, pouring it in abundance,

And we split the earth into fragments,And we produce therein corn,

And grapes and grasses,And the olive and the palm,

And gardens, dense with trees,And fruits and fodder,

Provision for you and for your cattle.

Allah has provided a great many things for us, and we must use them in their abundance wisely to produce food for our husband and our family. Truly, this is one of the most important tasks that a wife must do and that she must teach her daughters to do. In Egypt, we are blessed with the grain, rice, and produce harvested from the fertile Nile, but we must use our resources wisely. In times of conflict or drought, we must have provisions saved and know how best to use these provisions in order to satisfy the soldiers and yet make sure that our abundance of provisions stays plentiful in case of more times of hardship. The Quran speaks of the female followers of the Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon Him, preparing food wisely for the Prophet and his followers during the first hijra to Medina. We must follow the example of these pious women and of the wives of the profit Mohammad, peace be upon him, and prepare food dutifully for our husbands, the

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soldiers of the garrison, who are always in desperate need of nutrients so that they may best fulfill their military duties and defend the lands of dar al-Islam for all faithful Muslims.

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Proper Food and the Quran

O, You believers, eat from the good things, we have provided for you and be grateful to God

if it is him ye worship.-Quran 2.173

Yogurt and ButterAbdur-Raham was said to have bought yogurt and butter in the market place.

-Bukhari 3:264, 265

DatesThe Prophet, peace be upon him, has

said: if somebody takes some dates every morning, he will not be effected by poison

or magic on that day till night-Bukhari 7:663

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HoneyAllah inspired the bee saying Take your habitations in the mountains and in the

trees and in what they erect. Then, eat of all fruits, and follow the ways of your Lord made easy for you. There comes

forth from their bellies, a drink of varying color wherein is healing for men.

-Quran 16:68, 69

MilkAnd verily! In the cattle, there is a less

for you. We give you to drink that which is in their bellies, from between

excretions and blood, pure milk; palatable to the drinkers.

-Quran 16:66

Olive OilUse olive oil and anoint yourself with it,

because if is from a blessed tree.- Al-Bayhaqi 24:35

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Forbidden MeatsForbidden to you are: al-maytatah (dead

animals not slaughtered), blood, the flesh of swine, and the meat of that which has been slaughtered as a sacrifice for others than Allah, or has been slaughtered for idols, or on which Allah’s name has not

been mentioned while slaughtering, and that which has been killed by strangling,

or by a violent blow, or by a headlong fall, or by the goring of horns, and that which has been partly eaten by a wild animal—unless you are able to slaughter it before its death and that which is sacrificed on

stone alters.-Quran Al-Ma’idah 53

Understanding the significance that certain foods were given in the Quran can help one appreciate their preparation in meals. It is

important to understand and give thanks to all the plenty that Allah has allowed for us and to not eat that which is haram. Considering the foods blessed by the Prophet Mohammad,

peace be upon him, can help you to choose

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wise foods at the market for meal preparation when resources on the garrison are scarce.

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Meal Planning, Hospitality,and

Food

Be kind to parents, and the near kinsman, and to orphans, and to the needy, and to the

neighbor who is of kin, and to the neighbor who is a stranger, and to the companion at

your side, and to the traveler, and to [slaves] that your right hands own. Surely God loves

not the proud and boastful such as are niggardly, and bid other men to be niggardly, and themselves conceal the bounty that God

has given them.-Quran 4.36-37

When you are greeted with a greeting, return the greeting or improve upon it. Allah takes

account of everything.-Sura an-Nisa: 86

Has the story reached you of the honored guests of Ibrahim? Behold, they entered his

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presence and said: Peace! He said: Peace! And thought these seem unusual people. Then he

turned quickly to his household, brought out a fattened calf, and place it before them. He

said: Will you not eat!?-Sura adh-Dhariyat: 24-27

With large families such as the one Allah has blessed me with, it is important to plan meals for the week wisely. Breakfast can be simple: olives, bread, milk, and fruit. Lunches can be provided for by wisely using leftovers and saving all the plenty with which Allah has blessed you. When preparing complex dishes for dinner, make plenty so that all may be fed well and so that leftovers can be used. As Allah and the Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him, intended provide for guests and those in need with a great abundance. Insist that your guests eat more and more and fill their stomachs until they are absolutely full, and then provide them with your best tea. Provide guests and travelers with the very best meals that your family is capable of providing for them. Spare nothing for guests, and let them eat for than their fill. In the Amsar, traveling guests are common and they must be well provided for to sustain them on their travels. Soldiers in particular must be well provided for they fight the most holy of struggles to protect the dar al-islam and expand its frontiers so that all may be blessed by the grace of Allah and the teachings of the prophet Mohammad.

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***A note on involving your daughters. Daughters must be involved in food preparation from a very early age so that they how best to conserve and respect the abundance of Allah and prepare wonderful dishes for their future husband, children,

and in-laws. A girl as young as five should be involved in food preparation. By the age of eight, girls should know what is accepted of food preparation during Ramadan and should

know how to make a proper pilaf and prepare loose mint tea for visitors without the visitors having to request tea. By the age of ten, girls should be intimately involved with the food

preparation of more complex dishes, and by twelve, daughters must know how to prepare a dinner for their siblings in need

be. By teaching your daughters how to prepare food at an early age, they will have plenty of time before marriage to

perfect their skill and learn best how to use produce, grains, meat, and spices. This will best prepare them for happy

marriage and life as a Muslim wife.

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A Few Recipes*** You will note that many of these recipes have a

Persian influence. Although I grew up in Baghdad and learned to make traditional food to pleaseArabs, my

mother and father immigrated from the Persian territories to Baghdad after accepting the teachings of the Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him, and of Islam. When I was a young girl my Persian mother taught me how to prepare traditional Persian cuisine. I believe that Persian cuisine is truly the most tasty,

and my husband loves many of my tasty Persian dishes. Whenever I become friends with Arab

women, I attempt to teach them Persian dishes so that they can best satisfy their families.

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Sweet and Sour Stuffed Chicken

(Serves Eight)

Ingredients:4 Small Frying Chickens

5 Teaspoons Salt2 Tablespoons Oil

2 Large Onions4 Garlic Cloves Peeled

2 Apples Cored and ChoppedI Cup Pitted Dates Chopped

1 Cup Raisins ChoppedPalm Full of Pepper

2 Teaspoons Cinnamon2 Teaspoon Sugar1 Cup Orange Juice

1 Cup Water

Preheat oven to 350 Degrees F.

Clean 4 chickens and rinse under cold water. Pat dry and rub with salt.

Heat oil in a skitllet and fry onions and garlic.

Add apple, dried fruit, spices, water, and sugar. Then mix.

Stuff the chicken with mixture and then truss shut.

Place stuffed birds in a dish and pour over the orange juice.

Cover and bake for 1 ½ hours with basting.

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Persian Rack of Lamb(Serves 4)

Ingredients:1 Rack of Lamb

2 Tablespoons Ground Cumin2 Tablespoons Ground Cinnamon

2 Teaspoons Ground ClovesJuice of 6 Lemons1 ½ Cups Olive Oil

A Palm of Black Pepper1 Cup Pitted Dates

1 Cup Dried ApricotsJuice of 2 LemonsZest of 2 LemonsJuice of 2 OrangesZest of 2 Oranges1 Cinnamon stick

8 Cardamon seeds½ Dark Sugar

Combine the cumin, cinnamon, cloves, dill, rosemary, lemon juice, oil, and black pepper.

Stir well to mix then use this spice blend to rub all over the lamb.

Transfer the meat to your roasting pan then cover and set aside to marinate in your refrigerator over night.

The following day transfer the rack of lamb to an oven pre-heated to 180°C and roast for between 1 hour and 1 hour

and 20 minutes, depending on your desired degree of doneness.

Whilst the lamb is roasting, combine the prunes, apricots, lemon juice and zest, orange juice and zest, the cardamom

seeds, and the cinnamon stick in a saucepan.

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Add just enough water to cover and bring the liquid to a boil. Season with dark brown sugar, to taste, then lower the heat

and simmer until the liquid has all been absorbed.

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Beef Kofta and Lentil Stew

(Serves 6)

Ingredients:2 Pounds of Ground Beef

5 Tablespoons of Fresh Mint ChoppedFlour

2 Tablespoon Olive Oil2 Onions Chopped

5 Cloves of Garlic Crushed2 Hunks Fresh Ginger Copped

1 Teaspoon Tumeric½ Teaspoon Cardamom

1 Teaspoon Chile Powder5 Potatoes Chopped1 ½ Cups Red Lentils

5 Cups of Water

Combine chopped mint with ground meat, salt and pepper, and roll into balls.

Placed balls on an oiled baking sheet and roast in an oven at 350 degrees for twenty-five minutes.

Heat oil in a large pan and cook onion until lightly browned

Add garlic and spices, cook for 5 minutes

Add potatoes, lentils, and water. Bring to a boil and then reduce the heat.

Cover and cook for 20 minutes until sauce is think.

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Serve over basmati rice with meatballs.

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Arab Rice Pudding(Serves 8)

Ingredients:4 Cups Arborio Rice

5 Cup Water8 Milk

1 Cup Sugar4 Tbs Rose Water7 Strands Saffron

1 Vanilla Pod

Add water and rice to a pan. Stir simmering until water is absorbed.

Soak the saffron in warm milk for five minutes and add vanilla from vanilla pod.

Add the milk and saffron to the rice after water is absorbed. Cook for thirty minutes on a simmer.

We there is still some milk left, add sugar into the mixture.

Cook for 2 minutes and pour into a warmed dish.

Refrigerate and serve cold.

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Preparing Food For Special Occasions:

Ramadan

God is the Greatest, God is the Greatest, God is the Greatest,

There is no deity but GodGod is the Greatest, God is the

Greatestand to God goes all praise.

“O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may

become the pious. Fasting for a fixed number of days, but if any of you is ill or on a journey, the same number (should be made up) from other days. And as

for those who can fast with difficulty, they have to feed a poor person. But whoever does good of his

own accord, it is better for him. And that you fast, it

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is better for you if only you know.”-Quran 2:183-84

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Ramadan, or the Islamic religious observance that takes place during the ninth month of the Islamic

calendar, is an important time for food preparation. During Ramadan, we do not eat from sunrise until

sundown in order to show Allah our patience, sacrifice, and humility towards all that has been

graciously provided to us by Allah. The breaking of the fast during our days of fasting is celebrated by

wonderful food and bounty that will sustain us through the next day. On Eid al-Fitr at the end of the

month, we break the fast and end the month by feasting all day on wonderful Ramadan food.

Everyone must be full on the day of Eid al-Fitr. Those of us who can provide for the poor of the military

garrison must provide and make sure there bellies are full.

*** A note on providing food to the mourning. After someone dies it is important the community provide food to the family in mourning. It is said that the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon, instructed others to help the family of the deceased by bringing food to the. A family in mourning must not worry about food preparation for their children or entertaining family guests who are in mourning. In a military garrison, we must show that we are a strong Islamic community and make sure to provide for the family of the deceased, especially if the love one was lost during a jihad.

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Some Ramadan Recipes

Suhor: Egyptian Feta Cheese Omelet

Roll(Serves 8)

(It important to have a light meal before the sun rises to help your family and you sustain yourselves while fasting until

sundown.)

Ingredients:16 Eggs Beaten

2 Teaspoons Black Pepper¾ Cup Crumbled Feta

4 Roasted Potatoes Diced Small3 Tablespoons of Mint1 ½ Tablespoons Milk¼ Cup Vegetable Oil

In a bowl, beat eggs and pepper together.

In another bowl mix crumbled cheese and potatoes with milk and mint.

Heat oil in a large skillet. Pour in eggs and tilt until the pan is covered with egg.

When edges appear, place feta mixture in a line in a center of eggs.

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Using spatula, peal the egg out of the skillet and roll the egg into a role.

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Braised Goat Shoulder with Prunes and Lemon For a

Crowd(Serves Twelve)

Ingredients:6 Pounds Goat Shoulder

Salt and Pepper¼ Cup Olive Oil

2 Medium Onions Diced20 pitted prunes

½ Cup Lemon Chopped1 ½ Cups Apricots

½ Cup Vinegar3 Cups Chicken Broth

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F.

Heat the oil in a large dish.

Season the goat shoulder with salt and pepper, and place the goat in the dish. Brown on both sides.

Add onions to the pan and cook them until brown.

Mix in the prunes, apricots and lemon. Cook for a few minutes.

Pour in the vinegar and chicken stock and bring to a simmer.

Bake for 2 hours and serve over basmati rice.

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Stuffed Figs(Serves Six)

Ingredients:1 1/8 Pounds Fresh Figs

½ Pound Blanched Walnuts and Almonds1 Tablespoon Coco Powder2 Tablespoons Cinnamon

The Peel of 1 Orange Diced¾ Cups Sugar

1 ½ Cups Water2 Cloves Crushed

Chop the walnuts and almonds and combine them in a bowel with orange peal, cinnamon, and coco powder and mix.

Slice the figs lengthwise and open them in half. Fill them with the chopped nut mixture. Close them back up and place

them in a jar.

Combine water, sugar, and cloves in a pot and stir gently while heating the syrup. Boil the mixture for 6 minutes.

Cover the figs with the hot liquid and let cool. When cooled, serve the figs.

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On Raising Children_______

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Motherhood in Islam

And we have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents.  His mother bears him with hardship and she brings

him forth with hardship, and the bearing of him, and the weaning of him is thirty months, till when he attains full

strength and reaches forty years, he says:  "My Lord!  Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favour which You have bestowed upon me and upon my

parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please You, and make my off-spring good.  Truly, I have turned

to You in repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims submitting to Your Will.

-Quran. Al-Ahqaf 46.15

A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good

companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man

further asked, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said:

Then your father.

-Bukhari, Muslim

It is important to have children to show your respect and faith in the blessings of Allah. Allah’s mercy has provided for many women who have children on the military garrison. Having children is the biggest blessing that one’s life can have. After having children, they must become the number one priority of the parents’ life. Being blessed with my children

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has been the most wonderful and difficult challenge in my life.

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Teaching Your Children

Believers observe themselves and maintain their good deeds. They review, assess, and evaluate their

status. Those who do this in life will have an easy time on the Day of Judgment. And those who do not,

will have a difficult time on the Day of Judgment.

-Al-Hassan al-Basry

It will be one of the most important tasks you complete as a parent: teaching your children to be wise and pious. A child must show the utmost respect to his parents while also developing his piety and morality as an individual. Respect, piety, and humility must be the characteristics that a child learns to admirer from a young age. They must review, assess, and evaluate their status in life. Teaching children to be self-reflective and pious muslims is perhaps the most important aspect of being a good parent.

Moreover, parenting is not an individual job, it is the job of a pair of parents. You must never feel alone in questions of parenting. It is important to communicate daily about the function of parenting in your children’s life with your husband. You guys are partners in parenting and your husband relies on you during the day to be teaching your children correctly about life.

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Tips for Teaching Your Children to be

Clean

Remind your child that the Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him, is reported to have said: No prayer is accepted without purification.

The manners that Muslim children are instructed to use when in the bathroom include washing one’s hands with soap and water after cleaning yourself. Show them repeatedly the correct way to do it and have them show you how to do it.

Cleanliness is sometimes hard on the military garrison, so you must constantly remind your children of the need for cleanliness and the holiness of this cleanliness.

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Tips for Teaching Your Children About

Ablution

Allah in the Quran teaches that: O you who believe! When you prepare for prayer, wash your faces and your hands up to your elbows, rub your wet hands over your hands, and wash your feet up to the ankles. –Quran 5:5

The ablution is meant to have you stand before Allah clean and purified.

Here’s a good method of washing: wash hands up to the wrists three times, rinse your mouth with water three times, sniff a little water into your nostrils three times, wash your face three times, wash your arms up to the elbows three times, wipe your head with a wet hand, wipe your ears with your hands, wash your feet up to the ankles three times

Remind your child that his ablution is ruined before prayer if there is on your child’s hands anything that prevents water from reaching the skin, urination, defecation, or passing gas, loss of consciousness, or deep sleep

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Tips for Teaching Your Children to

Pray Remind your children that the Quran says: the

prayer is enjoined on believers at fixed times. –Quran 4:103

Make sure that your children pray at the same time everyday that way they learn discipline at dawn, noon, the mid-afternoon (pick a specific time), the sunset, the night.

Encourage your child to ask about the meaning of the prayers. And to reflect on the change of meaning of the prayer to your child as he grows up

Remind your children that acts that ruin a prayer are laughing out loud, excessive extraneous movements, eating, intentionally speaking

Remind your sons that Friday Prayer is obligatory for all men who are healthy or not traveling. It is not obligatory for women. Remind your sons that this is a chance to have private time with their father and talk about faith.

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Teaching Your Children About

Charity

Remind your child that the Allah in the Quran states: And perform the prayer, and give zakat, and whatever good deeds you will send forth before you, you shall find it with Allah.

Teach your child about the proper way to understand the zakat by taking them to marketplace and reminding them that zakat is only mandatory if you are: Muslim, sound in mind and adulthood, an owner of assets that have been owned for more than one year, free from debt, and in possession of a surplus

Assure them that it is still okay to sometimes spend money on yourself. The Quran says: O you who believe! Spend of the good things which you have legally earned and of that which we have produced from the earth for you. –Quran 2:267

Have your children help portion the meat of your livestock for zakat and the third of your slaughter for the poor during Eid al-Adha. Getting your children also involved distributing charity to the poor around the military garrison is a great exercise in teaching about charity. Help them to understand that zakat is given to the poor, those short of money, zakat workers, those whose hearts are to be reconciled, those in debt, those fighter for Allah such as the soldiers around us, and the many travelers who seek refuge in our military garrison resting from travel and in need of money.

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When your child is greedy and asks for more, remind that Allah says: “Do they not see that Allah enlarges provision for who He wills and straitens it for whom He wills? Verily, in that are indeed signs for people who believe (Qur’an 30: 37)

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Teaching Your Children About Piety

Teach your children about the five pillars of Islam from a very young age: to bear witness that there is no god but Allah and that Mohammad is his messenger, perform the obligatory prayers, to give zakat, to fast during Ramadan, and to perform the pilgrimage.

Teach your children to appreciate the greatness of creation. Allow them to take time to appreciate nature—birds, plants, the Nile.

Tell them that the Quran states: “Verily, in the heavens and the earth are signs for the believers. And in your creation and the moving creatures there are scattered over the earth signs for people who have faith and certainty. And in the alternation of night and day, and the provision of rain that Allah sends down from the sky, which revives the earth after its death, and in the turning about of the winds are signs for people who understand. –Quran 45: 3-5

When your children ask questions about creation that you cannot explain, say to him: And with Allah are the keys of all that is hidden beyond the reach of human perception; none knows them but He. And He knows whatever is in or on

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the earth or the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. –Quran 6:59

When your children question their faith remind them: There is nothing whatsoever like Him, and He is all-hearing, the all-seeing. –Quran 42:11

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Tips for Teaching Your Children About the

Prophet Mohammad, Peace Be Upon Him

Ensure your children that Allah sent the Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him, to all mankind regardless of race, color, nationality, or language

Tell your children that in the Quran, Allah says: O mankind! Verily, I am the messenger of Allah to you all from Allah, to Whom belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth. There is no god except he; He gives life and death. So believe in Allah and His Messenger Mohammad, the Prophet who can neither read no write, who believes in Allah and His words, and follow his so that you may be guided. –Quran 7:158

Encourage your children to talk to their father about the story and sacrifices made by the Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him, during his lifetime. It is through understanding the actions of Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him, his wives, and followers that we learn how to act in our own lives.

Teach your children to learn the recitations of the Quran. The Quran is the eternal words of Allah. Remind them that because the Prophet Mohammad was an illiterate man—he could neither read nor write so the Quran stands as

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evidence of the authenticity of his prophethood. In the Quran, Allah states: verily, it is we who have sent down the Quran/Rememberance and surely will We guard it from corruption. –Quran 15:9

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Tips for Teaching Your Children to Appreciate life

in Amsar In Islam, soldiers of the Caliphate embark on the

holy pursuit of physical jihad for the constant struggle to preserve one’s faith and defend the rights to freedom of worship. Remind your children to appreciate the jihad that the soldiers are responsible for.

Teach your children that the Arabic word for Jihad comes from the Arabic root J-H-D relating to the Arabic words for effort, labor, and fatigue.

Teach your children that the Quran says: And strive you who commits jihad for Allah with the endeavor of Jihad which is his right. He has chosen you and has not laid upon you in the religion any hardship” --Quran 22:78

The Quran also states: “For those who commit Jihad in the cause of Allah, We surely guide them to Our paths and lo! Allah is with the good doers” –The Quran 29.69

Also remind your children that those who most believed in the Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him, were most likely to be doing Jihad for the Prophet Mohammad. Remind them of this when they think of the work of the soldiers on the misr.

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-----On Being a

Muslim Wife-----

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Your Relationship with Your Husband

“Live with them (your wives) on a footing of kindness and equity. If you dislike them it may be that you

dislike something in which Allah has placed a great deal of good”

-Quran 4:19

“After fear of Allah a believer gains nothing better for himself than a good wife who obeys him if he gives

her a command, pleases him if he looks at her, is true to him if he adjures her to do something, and is

sincere towards him regarding her person and his property if he is absent.”

-Al-Tirmidhi #3095, Narrated by Abu Umamah

A marriage, as the Holy Quran suggests, should be a relationship of kindness and equity. While my husband is the leader of the family, I am his closest consultant, and it is up to all wives to make sure their husbands feel supported and advised. Life is never easy on the garrison. Sometimes there are violent skirmishes with traveling strangers, and sometimes the mere isolation of the garrison as compared to the booming metropolis of Baghdad that my husband and I were use to is tough for us. In these situations, it is important for the wives of the garrison to remember that they are the primary emotional supporters of the husbands and that a large part of happiness in a man’s life comes from the relationship he has with his wife. When you are pleasing and supportive for your husband, surly there is much

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potential for your husband to be pleasing and supportive for you. In my life, I have made the relationship I have with my husband my number one priority, for without him and my children, all that I have worked for and all that I value on the garrison would be lost.

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Tips for Pleasing Your Husband

**Here are some tips for new wives that I have learned about how to cement a relationship of kindness and equity with your husband.

Above all it is important remain faithful to Allah and the Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him, and encourage your husband to remain faithful and pious through all of life’s hardships

Make time as often as you can for your husband and your sexual relationship. Sex helps to bond a married couple together and delivers pleasure and relieves stress for both partners. It is said in the Hadith: “When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire she must go to him even if she is occupied at the oven.” Al-Tirmidhi 3257, narrated Talq ibn Ali

Remember to express your appreciation for your husband and your lot in life whenever you can, because it is not this life but the next life that is important. Martial possessions and resources are somewhat limited on the garrison, but we must appreciate the wealth and health that we have,

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for the life of the wife of a soldier is a supported and good one. When your husband is stressed, remind him that he is a warrior of Allah performing jihad and that you are happy and well supported.

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It important to always respect your appearance and your hygiene. I wear khol under my eyes to deepen my gaze and try to eat well and retain my figure for my husband to be pleased. Weekly, I wash my hair with kerosene so that it shines before my husbands eyes in bed and heightens his sexual desire. It is important for all Muslim women to bath when discharge is noticed, after sexual relations, and after her monthly period.

One of the most important aspects of the relationship between a husband and a wife is loyalty. I know that my husband will always support me and he knows that I will always support him. Loyalty demands that when my husband has a dispute with another family in the garrison, he receives 100% of my support. On several occasions my husband has been in a dispute with men of the garrison of whom I was a friend with their wives. Nevertheless, I have always supported my husband through these trying times.

Greet the guests of your husband with open arms, but I refuse guests who come and do not have my husband’s permission to come into my house. Much of this is a safety precaution. I do not want my husband to worry about the children or me when he is at work.

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Cultivate a relationship with your husband’s family. Even though my husband’s family lives in Baghdad, they do make a yearly visit to the garrison. When they are in my house, I treat them with the most hospitality it is possible to show no matter what, and I try hard to spend quality time with my husband’s mother and his three sisters.

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Conflict in Marriage

“As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, (1) Admonish them, (2) refuse to share their beds,

(3) beat them; but if they return to obedience seek not against them means of annoyance: For Allah is Most High, Great. (4) If you fear a break between them, appoint two

arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers; If they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation.”

-Quran 4:34-35

“If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint two arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, God will cause their reconciliation: For God

hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things.”-Surah 4 Verse 35

Conflict in marriage happens, especially in stressful times at the garrison, but it is important to try your best to work through conflict to provide a stable and happy environment for your children. It is important for couples to try their very best to remain calm in the face of conflict and wait for each other to cool down until anger has been diffused before you discuss your conflict. Outside arbitration can often be helpful if an argument escalates out of control, but pick someone both you and your husband both trust to be an arbitrator. I tell all my friends that domestic violence is wrong except for in absolutely extreme circumstances. My husband has never hit me, and I have never given him any cause. Most of all you must trust in Allah to guide you through the trials of

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your relationship and ultimately solve any problems you may have. If you have faith in Allah, he will find reconciliation for you in times of conflict.

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Taking Multiple Wives on the Military Garrison

"If you fear lest you may not be perfectly equitable in treating more than one wife, then

you shall be content with one."-Quran 4:3

"You cannot be equitable in a polygamous relationship, no matter how hard you try."

-Quran 4:129Many men in the military garrison have multiple wives but only ones who can provide for multiple wives and who feels compelled to have multiple wives may take on a second wife. My husband has not felt compelled to take on multiple wives. It is important to understand the example of the Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him, when considering taking on multiple wives. For the vast majority of his life, the Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him, was married to only one women, Khadijah. He produced all of his children except one from Khadijah and treated her with love and respect. He felt satisfied with his marriage to Khadijah. But after Khadijah passed away when the Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him, and so he married the widows of his friends who had left children. That way, he incorporated the children in need of his community into his household. There was also three political wives in the Prophet’s late life, Aisha, Hafsah, and Maria. These were important political marriages in his life. No matter the circumstances, it is important for a man to give all his attention to all of his children in order to produce a happy household. For young families, polygamy should be avoided in order to sure that

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the family grows and succeeds through its early and most challenging years.

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