Texas Twister January 2015

Page 2 January, 2015 Texas Twister

“Is it not high time for the people of this country explicitly to de-

clare, whether they will be freemen or slaves? It is an important

question which ought to be decided. It concerns us more than any-

thing in this life. The salvation of our souls is interested in this event.

Immorality of every kind comes in like a torrent. It is in the interest

of tyrants to reduce the people to ignorance and vice. For they can-

not live in any country where virtue and knowledge prevail. The re-

ligion and public liberty of a people are intimately connected; their

interests are interwoven, they cannot subsist separately; and there-

fore they rise and fall together. For this reason, it is always observ-

able, that those who are combined to destroy the people’s liberties,

practice every art to poison their morals. How greatly then does it

concern us, at all events, to put a stop to the progress of tyranny. It

has advanced already by far too many strides. We are at this mo-

ment upon a precipice. The next step may be fatal to us.”

Samuel Adams, October 5, 1772

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CAPTAIN JACK’S SEAFOOD GRILLE A group of 15-year-old boys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at the McDonald’s next to Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because they only had six dollars among them, they could ride their bikes there and Jennie Webster, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives on the same street and they might see her. Ten years later, the group of now 25-year-old guys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because the beer was cheap, the bar had free snacks, the house band was good, there was no cover charge, and there were lots of cute girls. Ten years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was decided they would meet at Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because the booze was good, it was near their gym and, if they went late enough, there wouldn’t be too many whiny little kids. Ten years later, at 45, the group once again discussed where they should meet for din-ner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because the martinis were big and the buxom waitresses wore tight pants. Ten years later, now 55, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because the prices were reasonable, they have a nice wine list and fish is good for your cholesterol. Ten years later, at 65 years of age, the once again group discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because the lighting was good and they have an early bird special. Ten years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped accessible. Ten years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because they had never been there before.

HUSH YOUR MOUTH!By Ginger Lane

Words are full of power! They are thoughts manifested into reality. When we open our mouths and speak, they can lift someone up or bring them down so we have to be careful what we say AND what we hear. I had a friend that was becoming increasingly dissatisfied with her marriage. The more she told me about her situation, which I thought really wasn’t bad; I realized that her story always included what she and another friend had discussed. They were having sessions of ‘male bashing’ and both their husbands were getting the short end of the stick. As soon as I told her I wouldn’t add flame to the fire and gave her my thoughts about what was happening, she agreed. Strangely, when she cut off the negative influence she was getting, her marriage im-proved. I’m not sure what part of human nature is fueled by words, but they are infectious. If you are constantly talking about things that are making you unhappy, trust me, you will become even more so. Sure, there are unpleasant things in everyone’s world, but concentrate your efforts on the solution, not the problem. If there is no solution, mentally move on. Don’t listen to negative input. We have several websites and are constantly posting new information on it. Every-thing you design must be of a certain quality or it will not look good. Sandee Farmer, our editor, took a computer class and was taught the acronym GIGO. It means gar-bage in, garbage out. It’s the same thing with our minds, negative in, negative out OR positive in, positive out. My friends and family have lovingly joked with me about my cooking. And, I probably joke about it more than anyone. However, I’ve told myself for so long that I am a bad cook; it is so embedded in my mind that I’m now afraid to serve anything. I was having some friends over for Bible study and thought about making some hot chocolate. I started to think that it wouldn’t be good and so I squashed that idea. Really? Hot chocolate? And, that is when I decided to stop making a joke of my cook-


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A judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 P. M. And getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and every-one waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict.When the bailiff returned, the judge said, “Well have they got a verdict yet?” The bailiff shook his head and said, “Verdict? They’re still doing nominating speeches for the foreman’s position!”

ing. I’ve had great fun with it for years, but now my own words have stopped me from doing something that I would enjoy. Have you ever disliked someone you never met? I’ve had friends tell me about someone in their family and even though I never met them, I despised them. And, that can be hard when you voice your opinion of the relative and your friend is shocked and takes up for them. The only reason you don’t like them in the first place is because of what you have been told! People that work together at a great job can be lead astray with one bad apple. Break time and one person starts mouthing about how this is unfair and how things should be better and how the company should be run. Before you know it, you have a whole crew of unhappy employees. One bad apple spoils the whole barrel. So, when you have conversations with yourself or others, be careful what you say and what you allow yourself to hear. Repeat the good stuff often and dismiss the bad quickly. You are the sum of your thoughts, words and actions.The Pledge of Allegiance was written in 1892. We’ve recited it hundreds of times throughout our lives and so to us, it is a reality. When you repeat words over and over, they will become the truth.“I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” Change your life with the language you use and remember what your mom told you.

“If you don’t have anything good to say about someone, hush your mouth!”


Hush Your Mouth Continued from Page 4

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The basketball coach stormed into the university president’s office and de-manded a raise right then and there. “Please,” protested the college President, “you already make more than the entire History department.” “Yeah, maybe so, but you don’t know what I have to put up with,” the coach blustered. “Look.” He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. “Run over to my office and see if I’m there,” he ordered. Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. “You’re not there, sir,” he reported. “Oh, I see what you mean,” conceded the President, scratching his head. “I would have phoned.”***** A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave her 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify her request. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said: “I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?” The blonde said, “I want 15 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath.” The milkman asked, “You want it pasteurized?”

OK, are you ready for this?

The blonde said, “No, just up to my chin.

The Travel Agent

For thirty Years I have been a Travel Agent, serving our legislators and their staffs. This is how I know we’re in trouble!

I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat on the plane, so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.

I got a call from a candidate’s staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information. Then she interrupted me with, “I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Ca-petown is in Massachusetts.” Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, “Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.” Her response .(click).

A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, “Don’t lie to me, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state.”

I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife who asked, “Is it pos-sible to see England from Canada?” I said, “No.” She said, “But they look so close on the map.”

An aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, “I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between the gates to save time.”

An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from De-troit left at 8:20 a.m. and got into Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she


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bought that!

A New York lawmaker called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?” I said, “ No, why do you ask?” She replied, “Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said ‘FAT’ and I’m overweight. I think that is very rude.” After putting her on hold for a minute while I ‘looked into it’ (I was ac-tually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just put-ting a destination tag on her luggage.

A Senator’s aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”

I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, “How do I know which plane to get on?” I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.”

A lady Senator called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, FL. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?” I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, “Yeah, whatever!”

A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. “Oh, no I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.”

A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reserva-tions, “I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.” The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?” “Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the lady. After some search-ing, the agent came back with, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Rhino anywhere.” The lady retorted, “Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map.” The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?” “That’s it! I knew it was a big animal,” she said.

Now you know why Government is in the shape that it’s in.

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Last Words - Death Bed Statements

I can’t believe I actually found this interesting. It seems to me that a person’s last words should be pri-vate, yet I was captivated as some are comical, profound, and sadly tragic.

“I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.”

~~ Leonardo da Vinci, artist, d. 1519Can you imagine that Leonardo da Vinci felt that way? And, from our past presidents: John F. Kennedy last words were: “No, you certainly can’t.” (This was said in reply to Nel-lie Connally, wife of Governor John Connelly when she commented, “You certainly can’t say that the people of Dallas haven’t given you a nice welcome, Mr. President.”)“Thomas Jefferson--still survives...”

~~ John Adams, US President, d. July 4, 1826(Actually, Jefferson had died earlier that same day.) “This is the last of earth! I am content.”

~~ John Quincy Adams, US President, d. February 21, 1848

“Oh, do not cry - be good children and we will all meet in heaven.”

~~ Andrew Jackson, US President, d. 1845“I have tried so hard to do the right.”

~~ Grover Cleveland, US President, d. 1908“I love you Sarah. For all eternity, I love you.”

Spoken to his wife.~~ James K. Polk, US President, d. 1849

“I have a terrific headache.”He died of a cerebral hemorrhage.

~~ Franklin Delano Roosevelt, US President, d. 1945“Put out the light.”

~~ Theodore Roosevelt, US President, d. 1919“I die hard but am not afraid to go.”

~~ George Washington, US President, d. December 14, 1799

“I am ready.”~~ Woodrow Wilson, US President, d. 1924

And, some famous women…“Am I dying or is this my birthday?”

When she woke briefly during her last illness and found all her family around her bedside.

~~ Lady Nancy Astor, d. 1964“Nothing, but death.”

When asked by her sister, Cassandra, if there was any-thing she wanted.

~~ Jane Austen, writer, d. July 18, 1817“Is everybody happy? I want everybody to be happy. I know I’m happy.”

~~ Ethel Barrymore, actress, d. June 18, 1959“Beautiful.”

In reply to her husband who had asked how she felt.~~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning, writer, d. June 28, 1861

“I must go in, the fog is rising.”~~ Emily Dickinson, poet, d. 1886

“Please know that I am quite aware of the hazards. Women must try to do things as men have tried. When they fail, their failure must be but a challenge to oth-ers.”

Last letter to her husband before her last flight.“KHAQQ calling Itasca. We must be on you, but cannot see you. Gas is running low.”

Last radio communiqué before her disappearance.~~ Amelia Earhart, d. 1937

“All my possessions for a moment of time.”~~ Elizabeth I, Queen of England, d. 1603

And, the best!“See in what peace a Christian can die.”

~~ Joseph Addison, writer, d. June 17, 1719“Ay Jesus.”

~~ Charles V, King of France, d. 1380“Is it not meningitis?”

~~ Louisa M. Alcott, writer, d. 1888“Waiting are they? Waiting are they? Well--let ‘em wait.”

In response to an attending doctor who attempted to comfort him by saying, “General, I fear the angels are

waiting for you.”~~ Ethan Allen, American Revolutionary general, d.

1789“Nothing, but death.”

When asked by her sister, Cassandra, if there was any-thing she wanted.

~~ Jane Austen, writer, d. July 18, 1817


Brain Exercise

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: “If you don’t use it, you will lose it” also ap-plies to the brain. Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still a MENSA candi-date. OK, relax, clear yourmind and . . . begin.1. What do you put in a toaster?The answer is bread. If you said “toast”, then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, “bread”, go to question 2. 2. Say “silk” five times. Now spell “silk”. What do cows drink?Answer: Cows drink water. If you said “milk”, please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content your-self withreading something more appropriate such as “Children’s World”. If you said, “water” then proceed to question three. 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from? Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said “green bricks”, what the heck are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said “glass”, then go on toquestion four. 4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Ger-many. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politicallydivided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack in the middle of “no man’s land” between EastGermany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survi-vors - East Germany or West Germany or in “no man’s land”? Answer: You don’t, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANY-THING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, “Don’t bury the survivors” then proceed to the next question. 5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?Answer: One degree. If you said “360 degrees” or anything other than “one degree”, you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in andexit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question. 6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from Lon-don to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver? Answer: Oh, for goodness sake! It was YOU, Read the first line!!!

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Always put yourself in others’ shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

23

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• I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now. • You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by looking at her hands. If they are holding a gun, she’s probably angry. • Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. • You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone...that’s common sense leaving your body. • I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom. • I didn’t make it to the gym again today. That makes five years in a row. • I decided to stop calling the bathroom the John. I renamed it Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. • To the paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: if you find one...what’s your plan?Auden

• I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

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The CMHS Mighty Fox Band has accepted an invitation from the Greenville Entertainment Series to perform with Saxophone Soloist Rob Verdi for his Live On Stage SaxSational Concert. This concert will be held on Monday, January 12, 2015, in the Greenville Munici-pal Building in Greenville, Texas. Show time and ticket information has not been released. Additional information about Rob Verdi’s Love On Stage SaxSational Concert can be found at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Bqc5_rqMko.

27 FCCLA members attended a leadership workshop hosted at McKinney Boyd High School. On the FCSA tests, Ashley Hudson and Mollie Carr received gold medals. They also had 5 silver and 16 bronze medal winners.

FCCLA would like to thank everyone who par-ticipated in “Socktober.” They collected 72 pairs of socks and over $400 for local children.

CLEANING WITH WINDEXTIPS!

Stain RemoverWindex is a great stain remover! I have used it on everything from carpet to furniture to clothing items. Spray the area to be treated with Windex and use a small brush to scrub at the stain. Rinse and repeat until the stain is gone! Just be sure to use the colorless Windex. Blue Windex may leave a stain behind! How ironic.Bug DeterrentThis cleaning tip is one that I have put to use on multiple occasions! I’m a big baby when it comes to bugs! A few sprays of Windex will usually stop a pest in its tracks. I’ve also found that leaving small bowls of Windex at areas that bugs are likely to en-ter or invade will deter them. They don’t like the smell!Grease RemovalIf you spend much time cooking, here is one clean-ing tip you will love! Windex cuts grease like no-body’s business, so I use it on my kitchen counters, my stove and refrigerator! Anywhere that grease splatters or collects gets liberally scrubbed with Windex. Bye bye greasy countertops!Ring RemovalHere is one use for Windex that isn’t necessarily a cleaning tip, but something you may find useful. Windex can be used to help remove a ring from a swollen or stuck finger! The Windex constricts blood vessels, and lubricates your finger helping to slide the ring right off!• To clean dust off a pleated lamp shade, whisk it off with a clean paintbrush or vacuum it with the dusting-brush attachment.• For a flat lamp shade, use a lint roller or brush, or blow it off with a hair dryer set on High.

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Happy New Year Texas Twister Readers! Well, Christmas is behind us and we so enjoyed our sons and their families and I think we all got full.I pray that all of you had a wonderful time. I know we did.And I want to wish you all a Happy and Healthy New Year! I want to take this time to thank all our service men and women and their family, for all they do for us and the sacrifices they’ve made for us. So, if you see one, past or present, tell them how much you appreciate them and their service to this country.

BAKED FRIED CHICKEN Prep Time:10 minutes Cook time: 20 minutesServings: 4Ingredients1 tsp paprika 1 each cooking spray 0 1/2 tsp ground thyme 1 tsp garlic powder 0 1/2 cup bread crumbs 0 1/2 cup plain yogurt, whole milk

10 oz boneless skinless chicken breasts Directions 1. Preheat oven to 350F and prepare a baking pan with nonstick cooking spray.2. Trim the fat off of the chicken, cut into 4 equal piec-es, and marinate them in the yogurt for several minutes.3. In a bowl, mix together the bread crumbs, paprika, thyme, and garlic. Dredge the chicken in the crumb mix-ture and arrange on the baking pan.4. Bake for 20 minutes; watch closely to ensure that the chicken “crust” does not burn. Nutritional value: Calories 167, Total Carbs 11.9 g, Sug-ars 2.0 g, Total Fat 2.9 g, Saturated Fat 0.9 g, Unsaturat-ed Fat 0.3 g, Potassium 274.5 mg, Protein 21.8 g, Sodium 172.1 mgDietary Exchanges 1/2 Fat , 1/2 Milk , 1 Starch , 3 Lean Meat

ALMOND JOY MACAROONS Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 30 minutes Servings 30 Ingredients 2/3cup Pineapple, crushed, canned, with juice, drained 1 cup flaked unsweetened coconut 26 each Stevia packet 5 each egg whites 1/8 tsp salt 1 tsp vanilla extract 1 each cooking spray 1/4 cup whole almonds 1/2 cup semi sweet chocolate chips Directions1. Put the pineapple, coconut, sugar substitute, egg whites, and salt into a medium saucepan and cook over medium-high heat, stirring constantly, for 5 to 6 minutes, until all of the liquid has evaporated and the mixture is sticky.2. Remove from the heat, stir in the vanilla, and refrigerate for at least 1 hour or up to 2 weeks.3. To bake the cookies, preheat the oven to 350°F with a rack in the Center position.4. Coat a baking sheet with pan spray or line it with a silicone baking mat.5. Scoop out tablespoon-size balls of the mixture to make about 30 cookies. If the dough is too dry to scoop, stir in 1 tablespoon water before scooping.6. Arrange the cookies on the prepared bak-ing sheet, spacing them about 1/2” apart (they will not spread).7. Press an almond into the top of each cookie.

8. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until the cookies are golden brown. Halfway through the baking time, rotate the pan from front to back.9. Transfer the cookies to a wire rack and let them cool completely, about 1 hour.10. Melt the chocolate in the top of a double boiler until you can stir it smooth. (Alternatively, use a micro-wave oven.)11. Spoon the melted chocolate over the cookies in a zigzag pattern. Allow the chocolate to harden before serv-ingNutrition Facts Calories 53.0Total Carbs 5.0 g, Sugars 0.9 g, Total Fat 3.1 g, Satu-rated Fat 2.3 g, Unsaturated Fat 0.0 g, Potassium 16.7 mg, Protein 1.1 g, Sodium 19.8 mg Dietary Exchanges: 1 Fat, ½ Other Carbs

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I hope no one forgot the black-eyed peas and cabbage for New Years Day! That’s an old superstition and we all know that it is hard work that brings in the money. But, it doesn’t hurt to cover all your bets, so to speak. When the dark, dreary, days of January come, my thoughts and taste buds turn to soup and stews at which point I drag out Mom’s old cookbooks to see what were favorites in the “old days” when I was a kid. When I lived by myself, I made this a lot because I love meatballs, I love soup, and you use the slow cooker. Dad’s not to keen on meatballs….he tends to “chop” his up into much smaller pieces mumbling all the time. To get back in his good graces, I make Caraway Cheese Biscuits to go with the meatball soup. My grandmother, his mom, cooked with caraway seeds a lot when he was young and he loves the flavor. I was checking facebook after I hunted up this recipe and found the perfect eat-a-long food to go with it. It’s a bacon-wrapped grilled cheese sandwich roll! Oh My! YUMMM to the 9th degree for sure. There is nothing better to lift the January Blues than chocolate and

friends. Ladies gather your girlfriends around a warm fire, put this plate of chocolate monkey bread on the table and gossip the afternoon away! Hope you love these win-ter recipes as much as I do!

VEGGIE MEATBALL SOUP 1 pkg. 12 oz frozen fully cooked Italian meatballs 1 can 28 oz diced tomatoes, un-drained3 cups low sodium beef broth 2 cups shredded cabbage 1 16 oz kidney beans rinsed and drained1 medium zucchini, sliced (or yellow squash) 1 cup fresh-frozen green beans cut into 1 inch pieces1 cup water 1 medium carrots, sliced 1 tsp dries basil ½ tsp minced garlic 1/8 tsp dried oregano1/8 tsp pepper 1 cup uncooked elbow macaroni ¼ cup minced fresh parsley grated Parmesan cheese In a 5-qt. slow cooker, combine the first 14 in-gredients, cover and cook on low for 5-6 hours or until vegetables are almost tender. Stir in the macaroni and parsley; cook 30 minutes longer or until macaroni is ten-der. Serve topped with cheese. And YUMMM!! (Plus it makes the house smell good!)

CARAWAY CHEESE BISCUITS 2 cups all-purpose flour 3 tsp baking powder ¾ tsp salt 6 Tbsp cold butter, cubed 1 cup (4 oz) finely shredded cheddar cheese, divided 1-1/2 tsp caraway seeds ¾ cup milk Preheat oven to 425°. In a large bowl, whisk flour, baking powder and salt. Cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Stir in ¾ cup cheese and cara-way seeds. Add milk; stir just until moistened. Drop by ½ cupfuls onto ungreased baking sheets. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Bake 12-15 minutes or until golden brown. Serve warm! Oh YUMMMM!!!!!

BACON-WRAPPED GRILLED CHEESE 1 slice sandwich bread for each one, crust removed 1 slice favorite cheese for each one1 slice pre-cooked bacon for each one butter or butter flavored spray for skillet Roll each slice of sandwich bread used flat, place

1 slice of your favorite cheese on each slice of bread. Roll into log and wrap with pre-cooked bacon securing bacon to roll with tooth-pick. Heat skillet to medium heat, and spray or melt butter. Place rolls into skillet and cook until bacon is crisp and cheese has melted, rolling log so it’s crispy on all sides. Serve warm with soup or stew or by themselves! They are YUMMMM

CHOCOLATE MONKEY BREAD 1 cup packed brown sugar ¾ cup butter, cubed 2 cans (16.3) large refrigerated buttermilk biscuits64 milk chocolate kisses and a few extra to eat ½ cup sugar 2 tsp ground cinnamon In a small saucepan, combine brown sugar and butter. Cook and stir over medium-low heat for 10-12 minutes or until sugar is melted; set aside. Cut each bis-cuit into quarters. Shape each piece around an un-wrapped chocolate kiss; pinch seams to seal. In a large resealable plastic bag, combine the sugar & cinnamon. Add biscuits a few pieces at a time, and shake to coat. Spooning ¼ cup caramel sauce into a well-greased 10-inch fluted tube pan. Arrange a third of the biscuits in the pan and drizzle with ¼ cup caramel, repeat layers twice. Bake, uncovered at 350° for 40-45 minutes or until golden brown. Cover loosely with foil if biscuits brown too quickly. Immedi-ately invert onto a serving plate. Let stand for 10 minutes before serving. OH MY YUMMMM!!!!

Editor’s Note: For those of you who are too young to remember Paul Harvey, he lived in the time before this Age of Equivocation…before we became members of the Society of the Perpetually Offended. Paul Harvey seemed to be the voice of our conscience. I have attempted, to the best of my ability, to transcribe Harvey’s Tribute; however, at the end of the article, we put the web address of his speech.

Policeman By Paul Harvey

A Policeman is a composite of what all men are, I guess…a mingling of a saint and sinner, dust and deity. Culled statistics wave the fan over stinkers, underscore instances of dishonesty and brutality because

they are “news”. What that really means is that they are exceptional, unusual, they are not commonplace. Buried under the froth is the fact and the fact is that less than one-half of one percent of policemen misfit that uniform and that is a better average than you’d find among clergymen! What is a policeman? He, of all men, is at once the most needed and the most wanted…a strangely nameless creature who is “sir” to his face and “pig”, or worse, behind his back. He must be such a diplomat that he can settle differences between individuals so that each will think he won, BUT if the policeman is neat, he’s conceited; if he’s careless, he’s a bum; if he’s pleasant, he’s a flirt; if not, he’s a grouch. He must make instant decisions which would require months for a lawyer, BUT if he hurries, he’s careless; if he’s deliberate, he’s lazy. He must be first to an accident and infallible with his diagnosis. He must be able to start breathing, stop bleeding, tie splints and, above all, be sure the victim goes home without a limp…or expect to be sued. The police officer must know every gun, draw

on the run, and hit where it doesn’t hurt. He must be able to whip two men twice his size and half his age without damaging his uniform and without being “brutal”. If you hit him, he’s a coward. If he hits you, he’s a bully. A policeman must know everything-and not tell. He must know where all the sin is and not partake. A policeman, from a single human hair, must be able to describe the crime, the weapon and the criminal- and tell you where the criminal is hiding – but if he catches the criminal, he’s lucky; if he doesn’t, he’s a dunce; if he gets promoted, he has political pull; if he doesn’t, he’s a dullard. The policeman must chase bum leads to a dead-end…stake out ten nights to tag one witness who saw it happen-but refuses to remember. He runs files and writes reports until his eyes ache to build a case against some felon who will get dealed out by a shameless shamus or an honorable who isn’t honorable The policeman must be a minister, a social worker, a diplomat, a tough guy and a gentle man. And, of course, he’d have to be genius because he will have to feed a family on a policeman’s salary.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dluz-0k3WZA


903-883-5263 January, 2015 Page 23

Lake Country Motel1933 Texas 276

Quinlan, Texas 75474903-447-2261

The Lake Country Motel is located less than one mile from Beautiful Lake Tawakoni on Hwy 276.We have clean colorful rooms with microwaves, small refrigerators and a TV in each at a great price. There are 10 double bedrooms and 3 single bed-rooms plus a one bedroom apartment that has a liv-ing room and a kitchen. Our motel is Ideal for fishermen, sportsman, work-ers, travelers or visiting family in the area. The park-ing lot is big enough to accommodate boat trailers and the property is secure with surveillance cameras that are monitored 24 hrs a day.There are restaurants and grocery stores convenient-ly located next to the Motel and a 18 hole golf course across the street. Happy sweet hosts are ready to greet you when you arrive. Thank you for staying with us!

Really Handy-Handyman Services

Ed White-Owner has been in business since 2007. He specializes in most home repairs and restoration. Some services include: window caulking, caulking of tubs, showers and sinks, installation of doors, in-terior and exterior painting, deck repair and pressure washing. No job too small! Please call 903-217-8979 if you have a need.

Helping Hands Today (HHT), with head-quarters on Old Business Highway 34, in Quinlan, Texas, is a non-denominational faith-based chari-

table organization. As presented in our Mission Statement, HHT was founded to serve the local and rural community, facilitating growth and change in the mental, physical, and spiritual realm of individu-als everyday lives. Since need has no boundaries, our Helping Hands are often extended throughout Hunt County. While complimenting and working co-operatively with other Hunt County charities, HHT routinely helps those in need with food, gas, clothing, utilities, and prescriptions, etc. In our five years of existence, we have been able to help resi-dents obtain identification documents, and assist in working through bureaucracy for those in need of medical, dental, mental health and nursing home care. We have helped to find shelter for the home-less, and have donated furniture, appliances, house-hold goods and money to those who had loses due to fire. Being “faith-based”, we offer to pray with those who come to us.

Our funding currently comes from the generosity of several area churches, and individuals who have a heart for helping those in need. However, resources often fall short of needs. Besides donations of mon-ey, we accept donations of used furniture, applianc-es, etc., which can either be sold to generate funds, or passed on to those who cannot afford to buy. All donations are greatly appreciated, and have the ad-vantage of being tax deductible.

The Suicide of Ronald OpusAccording to Wikipedia: Ronald Opus is the sub-

ject of a fictional murder case, often misreported

as a true story. The story was originally told by

Don Harper Mills, then president of the American

Academy of Forensic Sciences, in a speech at a

banquet in 1987. After it began to circulate on the

Internet as a factual story and attained the status of

urban legend, Mills stated that he made it up as an

illustrative anecdote “to show how different legal

consequences can follow each twist in a homicide

inquiry”

On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner

viewed the body of Ronald Opus, and concluded

that he died from a shotgun wound to the head.

Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-

story building intending to commit suicide. He left

a note to that effect indicating his despondency.

As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was

interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a

window, which killed him instantly. Neither the

shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net

had been installed just below the eighth floor level

to protect some building workers, and that Ronald

Opus would not have been able to complete his sui-

cide the way he had planned.

The room on the ninth floor, where the shot-

gun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man

and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he

was threatening her with a shotgun! The man was so

upset that when he pulled the trigger, he completely

missed his wife, and the pellets went through the

window, striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject ‘A’ but kills

subject ‘B’ in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder

of subject ‘B.’

When confronted with the murder charge,

the old man and his wife were both adamant, and

both said that they thought the shotgun was not load-

ed. The old man said it was a long-standing habit to

threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun.

He had no intention to murder her. There-

fore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an acci-

dent; that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally

loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a

witness who saw the old couple’s son loading the

shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident.

It transpired that the old lady had cut off her

son’s financial support and the son, knowing the pro-

pensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly,

loaded the gun with the expectation that his father

would shoot his mother.

Since the loader of the gun was aware of

this, he was guilty of the murder even though he

didn’t actually pull the trigger. The case now be-

comes one of murder on the part of the son for the

death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist...

Further investigation revealed that the son

was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increas-

ingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to

engineer his mother’s murder. This led him to jump

off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be

killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth

story window. The son, Ronald Opus, had actually

murdered himself. So the medical examiner closed

the case as a suicide.

903-883-5263 January, 2015 Page 25

Page 26 January, 2015 Texas Twister An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, “What is this, Father?” The father [never having seen an elevator] responded “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.” While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, “Go get your mother.”

***** There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says “If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day”

*****How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue..and then you add eggs and sugar...and you get cake?Where did the glue go?NEED AN ANSWER?You know darned well where it went!That’s what makes the cake...Stick to your backside!!

Costume party A couple was invited to a swanky costume party.

Unfortunately, the wife came down with a ter-

rible headache and told her husband to go to the party

alone.

He being a devoted husband protested, but she

argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and

go to bed and there was no need for his good time being

spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an

hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early

enough, decided to go the party.

Since her husband did not know what her cos-

tume was, she thought she would have some fun by

watching her husband to see how he acted when she was

not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her hus-

band cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with

every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch

here and a little kiss there.

His wife sidled up to him and being a rather se-

ductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and

dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just

arrived. She let him go as far as he wished... Naturally,

(since he was her husband.)

Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and

she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a

quickie.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped

away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed,

wondering what kind of explanation he would make for

his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and

she asked what kind of a time he had.

He said: “Oh, the same old thing. You know I

never have a good time when you’re not there.”

“Did you dance much ?”

“You know, I never even danced one dance.

When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Browning and some

other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all

evening. But you’re not going to believe what happened

to the guy I loaned my costume to....”

*****

AdviceBy following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show,

you too can find inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, “The

way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things

you’ve started and never finished.”

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I

started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house

this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle

of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, a

bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of

my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake,

some Doritos and a box of chocolates. You have no idea

how great I feel!

903-883-5263 January, 2015 Page 27

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Texas Twister January 2015