Twister Twister April 2015

Page 2 April, 2015 Texas Twister

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A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.

Jesse Lane to the Rescue and Then...

By Ginger Lane

We all want to help. When someone or some-thing is in trouble, I believe it is most people’s nature to rush to the rescue. And, many times, it is to our own peril. Then, sometimes, it’s just a funny story you get to pass along.Jesse was in a rush to get on his way when he walked out of his house. But, then he heard something. It sounded like a baby or a cat and whatever he was hearing was in trouble. He began listening and following the sound. Fi-nally, about two houses down, he found it. There… hang-ing from a slatted bench, there was a baby goat. Its hoof was caught in between the boards and it was just stuck there crying for help and obviously in pain.The goat was inside a fenced yard. Jesse didn’t really want to trespass so he ran to the front of the house to find the owners, but no answer. They weren’t home. He went to the neighbor’s house, knocked there, still no luck. He’s late to where he needs to be, but can’t leave the little guy ‘hanging’. So, back to the fence he went and managed to loosen the latch. Once in, the six OTHER baby goats thought they had a new toy! They surrounded him. He could hardly take a step. As he was telling me about his adventure, it was more like they attacked him! Now you have to picture this 6 foot 3 guy trying to fend off six 18 inch tall baby goats. As he made the way to the one that was caught in quite a predicament, he was thinking about the predicament he had gotten him-self in. It only took a moment to free the goat; Jess now had to make his way back to his freedom. Worried he would step on one of them AND now that the goat was free, worrying that the owners would come home and find him as an intruder in their yard. He made it back to the gate only to find yet an-other challenge. You see, getting in the back yard was a

lot easier than getting out without letting all the little baby goats run free. Every time he inched open the gate, they tried to escape! Now, he’s been stuck in the back yard for a bit and looking around for options, he sees that a neighbor is now watching him. Great! So, Jesse began to explain what he was doing back there. Finally, the lady that thought she might have been catching someone trying to break into a house was convinced of his story and came to what is now Jesse’s rescue. She was able to help free him from the back yard and no baby goats got away. I’m pretty sure we were all put on this Earth to watch out after each other and other things. Next time you see someone or something in distress, go the extra mile. It’ll be an adventure, another story to tell and a memory to keep!And, did you know? Goats discovered coffee! Legend has it that a man named Kaldi, in the Ethiopian highlands noticed that when his goats chewed a certain ‘berry’, that they became spirited and they didn’t want to sleep at night.


Isn’t it amazing just how sophisticated computers are becoming? Just the other day, I was looking at the newest ones at COMP USA.I saw one which REALLY caught my eye. Instead of an Owner’s Manual, the operating instructions consisted of a SINGLE sheet of paper, printed on only ONE side.The sheet read, “If you have trouble operating this computer in any way, please do the following:1. Locate the nearest 12-year-old child.2. LISTEN to what s/he says.

*****A dentist ran out of anesthetic just before the last extraction for the day was scheduled.

He gave the nurse a very large needle, instructing her to jab it hard into the patient’s butt when the signal was given, so it would take his attention away from the tooth extraction.

It all happened in an instant.

The nurse, patient, and pliers were in place. The sig-nal was given, and the nurse bayoneted the patient with the needle just as the dentist yanked the tooth.

Afterwards, the dentist asked, “Hurt much?”

The patient hesitated, “Didn’t hardly feel it come out. And, man, those roots were really deep!”

*****A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I’m referring to?”

“You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.”

The man lowered his head and said, “Wedding cake.”

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I GOTTA GET A LIFE!By Ginger Lane

Back in my younger days, it was run, run, run! Now, I’m getting way too content with what I would have called some pretty humdrum days. Life is good. However, I’ve lived in the Cash area for a long time and the closest place to pick up any-thing has been Reames Market. It’s a great convenience store! And, their deli is just awesome. If you haven’t had their burgers and beer fries, you are really missing out. Still, there are some necessities that this community had to travel fifteen to twenty minutes to purchase. Well, ladies and gentleman, we now have a Dol-lar General within three miles of my house. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. Way too happy, as a mat-ter of fact! When I first found out there was a store being built, I literally smiled a real smile every time I thought about it. I couldn’t help it. My family and friends got so tired of me reminding them that I would soon have what I now call ‘my store’. Here’s the problem. I have realized that getting a Dollar General close to home was one of the highlights of my current lifestyle! Now, that’s just sad. So I decided that I’m going to expand my in-terests. As a matter of fact, I was walking in my yard and after the rain; I noticed that one of the many areas standing in water looked like the state of Texas. As I stood there thinking about taking a photo, sending it to my friends….maybe posting it on Facebook, I was won-dering if this could be considered an exciting event in my life. That moment quickly passed and I decided to just keep that thought to myself. An exciting life to me now is at the end of the day saying, “I MADE IT!” I have some really great friends that put up with me always working, an awesome family and my relation-ship with God. Wait! Maybe I do have a pretty good life already!

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Marriage Quotes By MenI married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

Wife: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!

I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don’t like to interrupt her.

If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Legal LaughsThe following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide..

1. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

2. Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?

3. Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.” Q: Did he kill you?

4. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

5. The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

6. Were you alone or by yourself?

7. How long have you been a French Canadian?

8. Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

9. Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture. A: That’s me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

10. Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

11. Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

12. Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now? A: I’ll be three months on November 8. Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at that time?

13. Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable? A: I used to be.Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

14. So you were gone until you returned?

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Legal Laughs Continued15. Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there girls?

16. You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

17. Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

18. Q: Have you lived in this town all your life? A: Not yet.

19. A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, “Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question.”

20. Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Ed-ington at the Rose Chapel? A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct? A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

Got The World On Your Shoulders?

Make a List! By Ginger Lane At times, we can get overwhelmed by the things going on around us. There is just not enough time in the day, money to pay the bills and don’t even get started on the friends and family things. Being overwhelmed is when all these issues are scrambling around in your brain. You can’t even stay focused on one before the next one jumps in front of you.Here’s the thing. Make a list. Don’t try to solve anything while writing it down, just make the list. It will only take a few minutes. You have to make note of every single thing that is bothering you. I’d be surprised if you can write down more than 10 things. I’ve supervised people for over 30 years and ev-ery time I had an employee get in a situation where they felt they couldn’t even work for all the things the world was throwing at them, I would ask them to get a piece of paper. I’d give them quiet time to really concentrate on what was really wrong and assure them it was their private list. They didn’t have to show it to me. They only had to tell me how many things were on the list. None of them have ever come up with more than 10 things on the list. Granted, some things that are happening in your life are really big things, like a family member that is sick. But, it is one thing. I can assure you that when you look at that list, it’ll make you feel a bit silly for being so upset over such few things. And, then you can start marking them off as you tackle them. Some things will have to just stay on the list for a date in the future, and some will be marked off

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as a ‘nothing you can do about it whatsoever’. There are some things that are out of our control, so you just have to let them go. You can’t change what-ever happened in the past… just let it go. You are wast-ing precious time when you obsess about something that cannot be resolved. It’s over with and done. When I have things like this on my list, I just pray and give it to God. It’s His to take care of. I also keep a ‘to do’ list. Now my list is long and it has everything I can think of on it and I add to it daily. But, then I don’t have to count on remembering anything. My thoughts are free, unburdened and that is a great feel-ing. I don’t know how anyone survives without a ‘to do’ list. I also make a separate ‘today’ list. On this one, I keep what I hope to accomplish today. This smaller list keeps me focused on what needs to be done now. And, what I don’t get done today goes on the top of the list for the next day. If I’ve confused you about the process, here it is in short.List #1. Write down everything that is bothering you.List #2. Write down everything you need to do.List #3. Write down what you need to do today. Just one more hint. Only think about one thing at a time. You don’t have to think of everything else. You have it on a list and when you get one thing marked off, then think about the next one on the list.

God grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things rightif I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this lifeand supremely happy with Himforever in the next.

Amen. Serenity Prayer Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

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The CMHS Music Department is pleased to announce for the 6th consecutive year, the CMHS Mighty Fox Band received a Division I Superior Rating at the ATSSB UIL Region 3 Concert Band and Sightreading Contest. The contest was held at Canton High School. This is in addition to the their 5th consecutive Division I Superior Rating for Marching Band received last October. Congratulations to the CMHS Mighty Fox Band on yet another wonderful accomplishment and an outstanding contest season.

The Caddo Mills Middle School Beta Club competed at the state convention at the Gaylord Texan in Grapevine. There were over 2000 students from around the state in attendance. Below are the awards they brought home and pictures. Photography - Eldon Kyle Milton - 2nd place; Quilting - Deja Rollins - 3rd place; Spelling - Ashlyn White 2nd place; Quiz Bowl Team - 3rd place - Jett Pierce, Brady Gaines, Matthew Marlborough, and Stephen Sikes; Campaign Skit - 2nd place; Texas State Jr. Beta President - Reese Payne

Congratulations to the TMSCA team who competed in the Regional Qualifier. Overall the team place first among all 3A schools and qualified 14 for the State Meet in San Antonio. We took home 1st place in Team Math, Science and Calculator and 2nd in Number Sense. Those who qualified for state are: Julie Johnson, Kay Dominguez, Lillie Cardwell, Kylie McHargue, Chloe Lawless, Debbie Williams, Gaby Lopez, Miranda Zapata, Diego Sanchez, Brett Harrington, Hunter Parrish, Jacob McCain, Antonio Sanchez, Matthew Marlborough Matthew Marlborough was also the Top 8th grader in all of the Region.

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There is a light that guides us through the darkest days. Losing sight of it isn’t an indication that it has been extinguished, just that we may no longer be looking for it.

Herbert MoralesWe sometimes find that the storms of life have driven us, not upon the rocks we feared, but into the haven we were seeking all along

George MacDonaldAnother factor in maintaining balance involves the element of time. As we peer into society’s future, we - you and I, and our government - must avoid the impulse to live only for today, plundering, for our own ease and convenience, the precious resources of tomorrow. We cannot mortgage the material assets of our grandchildren without asking the loss also of their political and spiritual heritage. We want democracy to survive for all generations to come, not to become the insolvent phantom of tomorrow

-Eisenhower’s farewell speech, 1961

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Quinlan ISD...There’s an App for That!Easier, Faster, Quicker Communications Right on your Smart Phone...Download our New App Today!

FHS Construction Trade Students Advance to STATE...

Congratulations to FHS Construction Trade students who placed at the Dis-trict 5 Construction Trades competition held recently. These students placed high enough to earn the chance to compete at the state competition to be held on March 26, 27 and 28 in Corpus Christy. “I am very proud of their hard work and dedi-cation. They are learning skills that will carry with them for life and they are rep-resenting Ford High School with pride,” said teacher David Hartman.

Masonry1st - Abel Vasquez - Qualified for State Masonry

2nd - Charles Miller - Qualified for State Masonry3rd - Marco Reyes - Qualified for State MasonryTechnical Test Category 12nd - Chase Fitzgerald - Qualified for State Carpentry3rd - Felipe Ortiz-Hernandez Jr. - Qualified for State CarpentryTechnical Test Category 1Blue Ribbon - Tony Tolentino - Job Exhibit Building Trades - Qualified for State Job ExhibitThese young men should be very proud. QISD is very proud of them.

FHS Dual Credit students were inducted in to the Phi Theta Kappa honors or-ganization at Paris Junior College. Phi Theta Kappa is the international honor society of two-year colleges. Membership in PTK is by invitation only, and members must have a 3.5 GPA over at least 12 credit hours of study in classes at PJC. QISD is EXTREMELY proud of our students recognized and invited into such a prestigious organization.L to R: Charles Willman, Lenora Willman, Emily Callaghan, Sydney Reagan, Ken-dall Barrow, Adyela Ayala

FHS Choir STATE Bound Students... FHS Choir students competed in the Region 4 UIL Solo & Ensemble Contest on Friday, Feb. 20 at TAMU-Commerce. 32 students at-tended this competition and brought home 28 medals for Superior Performance:Class 1 soloists continuing on to the State level in May are:Brittany Hawkins, Kourtney

McCloud, Dakotah Pitts, Michael Ross, Miguel Serrano, Theo Serrano, Jaycob Pritchett, Kayly McKeown (not pictured), Tad Serrano and Bradlie ClemClass 1 ensemble members continuing on to the State level are:Brittany Hawkins, Shelby McaDonald, Kourtney McCloud, Kaylyn O’Bryant (not pictured), Dakotah Pitts, Michael Ross, Miguel Serrano, Theo Serrano, Jaycob Pritchett, Katrina Eudy, Garett Jernigan, Melanie Lim, Kayly McKeown (not pictured), Hannah Overly, Tad Serrano, and Kevin WilsonDanya Cruse: Class 3 soloTaylor Laster: Class 2 solo“These students have been preparing for this contest since November, working mostly before and after school. I am (as always!) so very proud of them for their talent and their work ethic,” said Judith McCarty, QISD Director of Choirs.

QISD FREE COLLEGE - First 22 FHS Students Earn Associate’s DegreeCongratulations to these 22 Ford High School Students. They will graduate in May with an associate’s degree from Paris Junior College that they earned for FREE while at FHS and prior to receiving their high school diploma in June.


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Computer Term Dictionary586: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art: Any computer you can’t afford.

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3: Apple’s new Macs that make you say, “Gee, it’s three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a microsecond ago.”

Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, “Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.”

Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

GUI (pronounced “gooey”): What your computer becomes after spilling your coke on it.

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Laptop: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

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Howdy Texas Twisters, Hope you are enjoying this sunshine, I know we are. And it was so nice on out anniversary, that my dear hubby and I went out to eat on our 41st anniversary on March 23rd. And this month he gets to do it all over, because I will be celebrating my birthday, and no, I’m not telling my age hahaha But you can guess :) Also, if you don’t mind could you say a prayer for our little dog, she’s 12 years old and can’t walk much anymore. But she doesn’t mind, since we are her legs for her hahaha. Can you say spoiled rotten? Then our vet, Dr. Spencer told us she was on the down side now that’s she’s so old. Just don’t tell her that, because she thinks she is a young whipper snapper. hahaBut with prayers I know she will be with us just a little longer. Ok, about these recipes, I hope you like them, I know we do and yes they are diabetic, so enjoy! I would like to take this time to thank all our ser-vice men and women and their family, for all they do for

us and the sacrifices they’ve made for us. So, if you see one, past or present, tell them how much you appreciate them and their service to this country. God Bless You [email protected]

Easy Loaded Baked PotatoesMakes 4 servingsIngredients4 baking potatoes (5 to 6 ounces each)1 10 ounce package of frozen broccoli in cheese1 cup low-fat cottage cheese DirectionsPuncture potatoes with a fork. Microwave potatoes on 100% power (high) for 6 to 8 minutes or until tender, turning over once. Using a knife,cut an “X” in the top of each potato. Press in and up on the ends of each potato.Microwave broccoli according to package directions. Spoon cottage cheese over the potatoes. Spoon the broc-coli over the potatoes. Makes 4 servings (1 loaded potato per serving) Nutritional Facts per Serving:205 calories, 3 g total fat (1 g sat. fat), 6 mg cholesterol, 535 mg sodium, 33 g carbohydrates, (3 g fiber, 3 g sug-ars), 11 g protein Diabetic Exchanges: Lean Meat 0.5, Vegetables 1, Starch 2

Ok, now everyone loves Chocolate Ice cream, I know I do, so here is one to try for those long hot days.

Chocolate Ice CreamIngredients3/4 cup sugar1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder1 unflavored gelatin4 cups Whole milk3 eggs, beaten1 teaspoon vanilla

Directions:In a large saucepan, combine sugar, cocoa powder, and gelatin. Stir in milk and stir over medium heat until mix-ture starts to boil. Remove from heat. Whisk about 1 cup of hot mixture into beaten eggs, return all to the saucepan. Cook and stir for 1 to 2 minutes or until an instant read thermometer registers 175 degrees and mixture coats the back of a clean metal spoon. Do not boil. Stir in the va-nilla and chill for 4 to 24 hours. Mixture will be thicker after chilling.Transfer mixture to a 4 or 5 quart ice cream freezer and freeze according to the manufactures directions. Makes 1 1/2 quarts or 12 (1/2 cup) servings.Nutritional Values per Serving: 124 calories, 4 g total fat (2 g sat. fat), 61 mg choles-terol., 54 mg sodium, 17 g carbohydrates, (16 g sugars), 5 g protein Diabetic ExchangesOther Carb 1; Fat 1

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Community Seeds is in the process of building an incubator kitchen (com-mercial kitchen), from which the less fortunate (and lo-cals) can prepare their favorite food items and sale them. This will bring funding into homes with limited or no in-come and stimulate our local economy. Also from this kitchen, individuals will learn: food handling safety and culinary arts. These skills are necessary for someone in-terested in the food industry. The incubator kitchen will also be used by individuals interested in starting their own “catering” business. This incubator kitchen will also have a “country store” attached to it. From this store, the best products that are produced from the kitchen will be sold to the general public. Proceeds from the sale of certain items from the country store, will go towards a scholar-ship fund to assist local high school students, who are in-terested in pursuing the “arts” in college. This project is the only one of its kind in the state of Texas, funded by the USDA!This incubator kitchen project is being funded by the USDA and Locally by The Greenville Follies. The Fol-lies will be giving the proceeds for their upcoming April 24 and 25 performances to Community Seeds. Since 1989, the Follies have given over $600,000 to local chari-ties! WE ENCOURAGE EVERYONE TO SUPPORT COMMUNITY SEEDS BY SUPPORTING THE 2015 GREENVILLE FOLLIES!Together, WE CAN make a difference…God bless you (Deuteronomy 15:11).

Lone Oak, Texas is at the intersection of U.S. Highway 69 and FM513 and FM1567, fifteen miles southeast of Greenville in southeastern Hunt County. The first settlers arrived in the area in the late 1850s. Lone Oak was named for an impressive 4 foot diameter oak tree that stood alone on a grass-covered prairie. Postal authori-ties established a branch at Lone Oak in 1869. Twelve years later the tracks of the Missouri, Kansas and Texas Railroad reached the community, and the City was incor-porated in 1890. The city limit population was 598 gath-ered from the last 2010 census. The City of Lone Oak is known for its outstanding food establishments, Public Li-brary, excellent school district rating as exemplary and in the Texas Honor Circle, Community Seeds, Youth Sports Association, Volunteer Fire Department, Animal Rescue, and 26 businesses and various church establishments. The City of Lone Oak continues to grow with access to area recreational and fishing lakes, a new cheese factory, host-ing several holiday festivities and parades, and a proposed 50-unit residential housing development. We invite you to visit our quaint town, and see why Lone Oak is the perfect place for your business and your family.

The City of Emory Development Corporation (EDC) was established in 1996 by Ivan Alexander, our city attorney. His knowledge and comprehension of the importance of economic development, tourism and “qual-ity of life” were the spearhead of this endeavor. What be-

gan on a volunteer basis through his office became a full-time (one person) office in 2001 and by 2007 required a second staff member – something very rare for a commu-nity of our size! Some of our most noted projects include the development of the Emory Business Park; incentives for the construction of a furniture warehouse; building of a FEMA Tornado Shelter /community center; the recruit-ment of a national brand hotel; a joint effort between the EDC and the City utilizing a USDA grant to improve wastewater/sewer service; construction of an ambulance facility; expansion of the city park; and providing a facil-ity for continuing and higher education in Emory. The EDC office welcomes all business owners, communi-ty members and visitors to stop by anytime. Recent reno-vations to our office include a beautiful gallery of historic pictures from Emory and Rains County.City of Emory Development Corporation329 N. Texas St. Emory, TX 75440(903) 473-2465 ext. 106 or 112www.emorytx.com

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903-883-5263 April, 2015 Page 25

Spring has sprung or at least it has for now. Yeah! I was getting tired of the cold weather foods. It’s time for some salads and grilled meat and and and other stuff! I will eat green stuff, just not a lot of it. I went looking for salads (yes made with greens) but I found this great lemon-tarragon chicken salad. Oh man! YUM! Oh Yes! I did find a “new” green salad. It seems this month all I could think of was getting outside to get my garden prepped. So chalk my short, easy and YUMMM recipes up to that!

Lemon-Tarragon Chicken Salad 1/2 cup chopped pecans 3/4 cup mayonnaise 1 tablespoon chopped fresh tarragon 1 teaspoon grated lemon rind 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice 1 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 3 cups chopped cooked chicken 2 celery stalks, finely chopped 1/2 small sweet onion, finely chopped 2 cups seedless red grapes, cut in half Garnish: halved lemon slices Arrange pecans in a single layer on a baking sheet. Bake at 350° for 5 to 7 minutes or until lightly toasted. Cool pecans on a wire rack 15 minutes or until

completely cool. Whisk together mayonnaise and next 5 ingre-dients in a large bowl; stir in pecans, chicken, celery, and onion just until blended. Stir in grape halves, if de-sired. Garnish, if desired. You can use canned chicken if you have unexpected guests show up as well as ½ tsp. crushed tarragon if you have to make a trip to the store for fresh. Rotisserie or baked chicken is best! The Yum factor increases 10 times with rotisserie chicken.

Spinach-Grape Chopped Salad 2 tablespoons pine nuts 1 (6-oz.) package fresh baby spinach, thoroughly washed 1 cup seedless red grapes, sliced 1/4 cup crumbled reduced-fat feta cheese 1/4 cup light raspberry-walnut vinaigrette Heat pine nuts in a small skillet over medium-high heat, stirring constantly, 5 minutes or until toasted and fragrant. Coarsely chop spinach. Toss together spinach, grapes, feta cheese, and vinaigrette in a serving bowl. Sprinkle with pine nuts, and serve immediately. YUM-MM!!!! Oh and add a few shrimp or some sliced, grilled steak with fresh bread. You have a YUMMM meal!

3 Ingredient Cake 1 box Super Moist Cake Mix (Butter or White work best)1 5.3 oz. Container of Greek yogurt ( have used lemon meringue pie & caramel) Your favorite1 Cup Water Pre heat oven to 350°. Spray loaf pan well, so it won’t stick. Mix all ingredients together on low speed for

2 minutes, the on medium high for 2 more. Pour into pre-pared loaf pan and bake for 50-55 minutes or until knife comes clean when inserted in the center. Cool in pan and plate. Serve warm with fresh fruit, ice cream, cool whip or just warm! YUMMMM!


There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. ~Chinese Proverb

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?” The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a light bulb.” The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2’s face is going all red.The doctor asks Patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself” Patient #1 replies, “What? And work in the dark?”

*****Marriage Lessons

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his

friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” Tom responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbear-ance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness --and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”

***** Due to his owner’s negligence, a dog became lost in the deepest jungles of Africa. Wandering around, the poor dog notices a leopard heading rapidly in his di-rection with the intention of having lunch. Just then, the dog noticed some bones laying on the ground close by. The dog immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching leop-ard. Just as the jungle cat is about to leap, the dog loudly says, “My, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here.” Hearing this, the leopard slinks away. “That was too close,” thought the leopard, “that dog nearly had me.” Meanwhile, a mischievous monkey had ob-served the entire scene, and decided to cause trouble for the dog, while getting on the good side of the leopard as well. The monkey dashed off after the leopard, to tell him what truly happened. The dog saw the monkey dash off and suspi-ciously tailed him from behind. He overhears the monkey spilling the beans, and quickly decides on a course of ac-tion, racing back to the pile of bones. At the same time, the leopard has decided to take

care of the dog once and for all. The monkey hops on the leopard’s back, to watch the demise of the doomed dog. As the leopard approaches, he can hear the dog talking to himself: “Where’s that lazy monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago for another leopard, and he’s still not back!”

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Twister Twister April 2015