Deborah Marie Fade TCNJ Scholarship Application Part 3, Essay

Page 1 of 3

1. Identity and culture are clearly intertwined. How has your experience of culture

influenced the development of your own personal identity? What does it reveal about your

personal life philosophy?

Identity is a “fluid mosaic.” Our identities flow with life, taking shape as we develop.

When we view these “self-portraits” up close, we notice that every one is a brilliant, ever

adaptable composition of elements, like a mosaic. In biology, the “fluid mosaic model”

describes the structure of the plasma membrane of a cell, but why confine such a descriptive

term to the pages of a lab manual?

While I examine my identity and consider how culture has influenced its development, I

observe my daughters struggling to find their own identities. I’ve provided them with half of

their genetic make-up that, when combined with another half from their father, forms the

platform upon which their individual identities are built. This genetic platform is just the stable

basis of identity. Cultural experience supplies the material for its continued growth.

Identifying with kindred spirits offers comfort and strength to both the individual and the

cultural group as a whole. However, relying on just one culture to define us can stunt our

growth. When we resist stepping outside of cultural boundaries, we often miss opportunities for

personal growth and meaningful relationships to add to our mosaics.

My idea to begin college at a non-traditional age was initially intimidating. It was like

leaving a pool of predictability and venturing into the rapids. I’d be stepping into two unfamiliar

territories at once: the modern youth culture and the culture of intellectuals. I worried that I

would not identify with either, but soon discovered that I was quite capable of adaptation and

even enjoyed the process! I started by sitting in the front row of every class. Next, I registered

for Honors courses and engaged myself in fascinating class discussions. The less I resisted

change, the stronger my confidence grew. Each new experience added a facet to my mosaic as I

interacted with students and faculty alike.

My identity morphs as I transplant myself from place to place and graduate from one

societal role to another. If my identity had remained in its teenage manifestation, I wouldn’t be

composing a scholarship essay at this very moment. College was the last thing on my mind

thirty years ago. With limited experience outside of my cultural upbringing, my metaphorical

Deborah Marie Fade TCNJ Scholarship Application Part 3, Essay

Page 2 of 3

“vision” remained nearsighted. Mimicking the life of my own stay-at-home mother felt natural

to me, so I embraced the familiarity. Time spent within the “mom culture” has enriched my

identity with compassion, patience and endurance, virtues that I employ both at home and in my

studies.

Every time I dare to step beyond my cultural boundaries, I am richly rewarded. While

exploring the cultural and psychological underpinnings of the Homeric Hymn to Demeter, I was

introduced to the concept of the dual identity in the mythical characters of Demeter and

Persephone. They can be viewed as mother and daughter or as one person with interchangeable

identities. Persephone, the goddess of the underworld, is the naïve young woman smitten by

Hades, the ultimate bad boy, and on the verge of separating from her mother’s influence.

Demeter, the goddess of grain and agriculture, has “been there and done that.” She tries to

shelter Persephone from male domination by using her feminine powers and influence to hold on

to her child as long as possible. I’ve found comfort and guidance in these timeless mother-

daughter archetypes and have learned how I can benefit from the lessons of this myth, just as the

women of ancient Greece once had, by applying them to my own life. My inner Demeter

understands that my daughters must fight their own battles and fashion their own identities.

When I connected Elizabethan literature with history, I discovered Shakespeare.

Although I regard my background as “uncultured,” there is no denying the impact literature has

had on my identity. A year ago, I entered an “Introduction to Shakespeare” class without a shred

of knowledge on the subject. I dutifully completed the reading assignments but failed to make a

connection between the mysterious author and his famous works. My professor stressed the

importance of applying Elizabethan culture to the plays to understand them better. At the

semester’s end, she challenged us to continue exploring the life and times of the Bard on our

own. Thus began my obsession with Renaissance history. I’ve found that by recognizing

cultural influences within the plays, the Shakespearean settings and characters burst to life. My

youngest daughter loves to call me a “Shakespeare geek,” but then confounds her sixth grade

literature teacher with some slightly unorthodox interpretations of the sonnets! Apparently,

culture is infectious.

My biology professor, who introduced me to the “fluid mosaic model,” reminds me daily

that there are no “dumb” questions. This is true, because the less I fear playing the fool, the

Deborah Marie Fade TCNJ Scholarship Application Part 3, Essay

Page 3 of 3

more I develop my intellect. Just as how Shakespeare’s fools, like the gravediggers in Hamlet or

Puck in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, capture the audience’s attention by asking the awkward

questions that cleverly reveal the truth. It is through my own example, as an intrepid student,

that I transfer this advice to my daughters. If they can connect to culture as I’ve done, finding

their unique identities will be more like an adventure than a struggle.

Sometimes, we need to view ourselves through the eyes of a stranger, but this challenging

exercise requires letting go of the insecurities and self-judgment that we’ve imposed upon

ourselves. For example, I initially rejected the idea of becoming a teacher because, despite the

encouragement of others, I couldn’t see myself in that role. Yet, when I turned my concentration

away from the mirror, and looked inward to see myself as others do, the potential within my

mosaic slowly came into focus.

My “fluid mosaic” is on the verge of metamorphosis again as I prepare to graduate from

one culture and transfer to another. This time, the transition is less intimidating because of the

strength and confidence I’ve acquired along the way, thanks to my family, friends, professors, a

couple of goddesses, and a bard!