STRUGGLING FOR LIFE

Mahendra Bhatnagar / 1

Mahendra Bhatnagar / 3 Struggling For Life / 2


Dr Mahendra Bhatnagar, an academi-cian of repute, is one of the mostprominent voices in Indian English Po-etry and Hindi. He has eleven collec-tions of poetry (English) including fivedistinguished anthologies in English andagain, five poetic anthologies in En-glish and Hindi. More than a hundredverses stand translated in French. Witha number of creative and critical writ-ings, he has done research onPremchand and probably, this speaksof social perspective he depicts in lyr-ics. Many scholars evaluated his writ-ings and still many have undertaken ex-haustive research work on his poetryand other creative work. In lyrics, thepoet eloquently gives expression toIndian consciousness with a moraltinge. If the poet wants economicwellbeing and social equality, he is notan advocate of inane materialism butemphasizes a moral and spiritual or-der so that man tries to attain nobleobjectives of life.. P C K Prem

POETRY OF MAHENDRA BHATNAGAR

STRUGLLING FOR LIFE Lyrical Glimpses of Life and Existence

(A philosophy of Life)

EDITED WITH AN INTRODUCTION

BY

P C K PREM

2015 INDIAN PUBLISHERS DISTRIBUTORS DELHI


INTRODUCTION

To understand Mahendra Bhatnagar is not very easy, forwhen one goes through apparently straight, evocative andexperiential lyrics he creates baffling yet simple syntax and putsstress on understanding. At Eighty-Seven, he is energetic, vigilantand stunningly expressive when he speaks of man and age. Heappears gentle and unpretentious but piercingly strikes animposing note, as one perceives lips emitting an inscrutablerestrained smile. A brilliant shine on the face amazes and theterraces of white beard with indistinctly dark patches and broadforehead with slowly withdrawing hairline open up variedexperiences he had. All speak of a kind of bigness, someinconceivable largeness. He believes in panoramic vision of life,and one discerns restrained efforts in his creative writings wherehe maintains a massive structure of thoughts and feelingstogether, a fantastic synthesis.

He looks back and talks of history in man and man inhistory but conception of past swiftly wanders in regions of manshopes and future indefinite. He struggles with varied thoughtsand feelings and synchronizes each word and feeling with immenseinput of import and objective. Whatever moves in the mysteriousflow of life in the world, he holds it strongly as if, and squeezesmeaning of life and existence adding primarily realisticdimensions.

A startling hugeness in poetic outpouring confounds amodern poet, who loves to talk obliquely and on many occasions,depends heavily on symbols and metaphors. A cursory glance atthe book of MB stuns (and if one looks at the amazing list ofcreative writings, one is stupefied) and when one scuffs fingers,the sheer size looks bewildering. He is different from acontemporary poet, who composes a lyric, recites to a fellowpoet, a friend or relation, elicits opinion, shares it and when he

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I sincerely express my sense of deep gratitude to the poets,

who agreed to translate many poems into English. I fully understand

the limitations of translators but on my request, willingly offered

scholarly counsel and translated lyrics from Hindi into English. I am

indebted to Adeswar Rao, Amir Mohammad Khan, Anshu Bharadwaj, D. C.

Chambial, H. C. Gupta, Kalpna Rajput, Kedar Nath Sharma, Lakshmi

Shankar Sharma, Mukesh Sharma, Narendra Sharma Kusum, P C K Prem,

Ramsevak Yadav, Ravinandan Sinha, Shalin Kumar Singh. Varendra Kumar

Varma, Vijay Kumar Roy (all co-translators of my poems & advisers.)

for the great and invaluable help.

I am greatly thankful to P C K Prem (bureaucrat turned

academician) a distinguished critic, poet and an author from Himachal

Pradesh, who readily agreed to edit and finalize the project despite

obvious social and literary engagements. I thank him again.

Mahendra Bhatnagar


a goal.

With a very long struggling past and struggle for basis inlife that saw sufferings of pre-independence era, agonizing lifeof freedom fighters, communal disturbances and sufferings ofthe people under apathetic and cruel regime, left indelible imprintsupon the sensitive mind of a bilingual poet. An academician andeducationist of stature, who saw life so intimately, exhibitstremendous anxiety for the poor and the subjugated, andcontinues to aerate thoughts and feelings of the deprivedsegments of society, and therefore, sincere worries find eloquentexpression in lyrics from a mundane and materialistic life to alife of deep contemplation, disadvantages and injustice.

He scrutinizes the human world and the natural worldand here, he talks of the exploitation of nature and so,environmental issues crop up. He appears sad and discontentedand one feels he has lost the spirit of optimism and bright futurefor man but suddenly he rises up like a sphinx and assertsindomitable fortitude of man standing against unforeseen ordealswhether man-created or inflicted by the anger of nature. Ifnature is calamitous, it is mans work, for man is responsible forinsensible and dim-witted exploitation of the natural worldcreating disparity and therefore, degradation and abusiveutilization of man and nature has resulted in continuous sufferingsto the vulnerable sections while it protects the interests of thepowerful the poet laments in some lyrics.

As a student of literature, he possesses not only realistic,caring and empathetic outlook but broods over the destiny ofman philosophically. Mahatma Gandhi, John Ruskin and Marxistideology oversee his creative writings, and it appears that thegreat Hindi author Munshi Prem Chand has left a lifelongimpression on the poet in him. Like A. Pushkin, MB believes in thefinest exposition of virtuous human feelings, love, amity andconsciousness of the infinite values of life. He celebrates thisrealization in many verses. He accepts with faith and courage,the transience of life, agonizing losses and bitter trials. If atcertain moments, in hour of crisis, he looks inward, it is short-term, for the real inner joy and outer contentment for the poet

publishes a book of 70-80 pages, he organizes poetic recitationsand expects cheers as an apparent thirst for recognition haunts.That is poets dilemma because he thinks he stands ahead of others.MB is mysteriously different. It needs courage to enjoy his lyrics.Not very long verses he writes but still a staggering numberperplexes and requires extreme patience and courage to readpoets mind.

To enjoy verses of MB can be a privilege if one wants toknow life, which everyone claims to know and still wades throughobviously cool but stormy waters of existence withoutcomprehending the mystery of life. He is a poet of mansaspirations, hopes and optimism in man and again, one noticesconsistent efforts where he integrates mottled elements thatconstitute incompatible and at times, absurd aspects of life sothat a holistic view emerges. A journey into the subjective areaof experiences leads him to walk into the unmeasured landscapeof humankind where he establishes a tangible link with the worldof nature.

He does not run away from the social, economic andpolitical life of man but genuinely tries to locate and defineunity of unfathomable cosmic continuation and afterwards, aparadoxical come back to pragmatic life, surprises. Depiction oftruth and realities of life has a touch of practicality that connectsto ordinary human life without philosophic tinge. Still he speaksso naturally about the self, the life outside, and the existencethat require a concrete pedestal to stand firmly. This astonishingattitude of MB not only teases and irritates but also provokes todeliberate on the unthinkable magnitude of life.

Conflicts and contradictions determine resilience and gritof a man and classify limitations many verses affirm. He believesin a system with a definite code, for he has faith in the ultimatevictory a man shall attain. He understands life does not move in adistinct cycle and therefore, vagaries in life and blurred imagesof transformations for the better continue to create an aura oftriumphant situations, which recede every moment one approaches


POEMS

1 Reality2 A Moment3 Continuity4 Nay5 Expectation6 Ever Deprived7 Lively8 Violation9 Premonition10 Ascetic11 Substance12 Conclusion13 Comparison14 Experience15 Prayer16 Awakening17 Realism18 Player19 Attribute20 Enlightenment21 The Delectable22 Destiny-Defiance23 Desired24 Life25 Courage26 Contradictory27 Lonely28 Solitary29 The Final Curtain30 Wonder31 Hurt32 Broken Hearted33 Renunciation

Consciousness34 Relationship35 Companions

36 Agony37 The Final Request38 Advice39 Arrogance40 Frustrated41 Unaffected42 Self Observation43 Actually44 Before End - 145 Before End - 246 Enlightenment47 A Fact48 Cyclical Occurrences49 Self-Experience50 Acceptance51 Confrontation52 Intolerable53 An Incomplete Idol54 Helpless55 Aspiration Sun56 Truth57 A Special Thought58 A Wish59 To Live60 Insistence61 Well wisher62 A Longing63 A Poem Prayer64 Duty65 Recognition66 Climax67 Significant68 Building69 Freedom-Spree-170 Freedom-Spree-271 Unrequited Bestowal72 One Sunday73 Reality74 Helplessness

comes when he demonstrates anxieties for the destiny of man intotality.

MB poetic persona creates an image of massiveness, asort of hugeness as I said earlier, for he stands as a witness tothe astounding happenings of nearly a century, who collectedand treasured clear memories of the first thirty years of colossaloccurrences that changed the history of the world. An intimatewitness to the alien rule, he also suffered with the masses and soa humanistic approach to life characterizes his creativeness thatworks as a fountainhead for lyrics on nationalism, patriotism,cleanliness in politics and picturesque chronicling of not onlyexperiences but also spasms and anguish of a society carving outits identity and existence.

Undoubtedly, he is deliberate, not casual in what he feelsand writes. A unique fusion of words, emotions and thoughtsconstitutes a definition of poetry for MB, one can easily infer.He is aware of the stress and tension an age suffers in whichman lives and at this stage, a secular and universal man in poetMB rises up to face the challenge of life in an age ofconfrontations and uncertainties.

April 2015 P C K PREM


151 Awareness Within152 The Irony of Fate153 Recognize You Cant154 Life155 An Evening156 Night Shall Pass Away157 Unwanted158 Who Could Foresee159 What is the Secret160 Through the Unwanted

Moments161 Prayer162 The Incredible163 Second Birth164 The Worship of Art165 Vision166 Sing167 The Offshoot168 Lose Not Your Heart169 Irresistible170 Suffering171 Dilemma172 Unstopping Feet /173 Support174 No Life175 We Know It Well176 Companion177 This is Not Destination178 Devotion to Song179 Lamp of Life180 Introduction181 New Life182 Destination183 Conviction184 Situation and Suspense185 Where is Rest?186 Value of Tears187 Let Run Down188 Destruction189 Evolution

190 Flow of Passion191 A Boon192 To the Companion193 Sing the song194 You195 Desire196 Agony197 Not Yet198 Life-Stream199 Intolerable

Appendix:Poet Mahendra Bhatnagar

75 Self-Beguile76 Desire Fulfilled77 Analysis78 A Wish: Unfulfilled79 Gratefulness80 Incomplete81 Tug of War82 Birthday83 Failed84 Companionless85 Waiting86 Essence87 Perplexity88 Understanding of

Destination89 Stop / 8690 Capability91 Situation92 Man93 Answer94 Exploration95 Hindrances are

Challenge96 As Before97 Away from Static State98 In Expectation99 Unexpected100 Destiny101 Operation102 Autobiography103 Unwanted104 Epitaph105 Misunderstanding106 The Art of Living107 Revival108 A Solemn Pledge109 Even If110 Self-Liking111 Fragmented112 Biography

113 The Paths Bend114 Most Wanted115 Unexpressed116 Queries117 A State of Mind118 Unexpected119 New Year120 For Me Alone121 Easy: Difficult122 Day End123 Retrospection124 Repentance125 Destiny126 Alms127 Faith128 Life As Bestowed129 Disillusionment130 Point of View131 How to Suffer Pain: A

Point of View132 Horrified133 Reality134 Achievement135 Farce136 Misapprehension137 Envy138 Self-Realisation139 Arguing140 To The Environment141 Whirl Wind142 Life Context143 Difference144 Winged Steeds of

Destiny145 Faith146 Gift of a Lively Faith147 Man and Dream148 Life149 Retaliation150 Break Not


2. A MOMENT

A momentonly a momentsnatches away

Lifeall of a sudden,yes, only a moment.

Every moment carriesits mysterious meaning,it createsits history complete,persistsagain and again.

That is why it is essential,you live every momentto the fullestbeforeit crushes existence.

Every momentslips away silentlyin a similar measured pace,inscribing myriad disasters,dictating its meaning.

1. REALITY

No endof the path

we keep on walking.

Darknessspread out on far off landsnever becomes lesseven a little.

Like a flickering lampday and night

we keep burning.

Only a few moments are leftfor meall of a sudden on any daythe throbbing of the heart will stop.

Knowingly allwe keep deceiving death.

At each and every stepone cannot find his goals.

In lifeone finds only heaps of pebbles,

where are pearls?


4. NAY

Well, how one can bea stranger in a crowd.

Well, how can one bearthe sting of lonelinessin a surging crowd.

Well, how one can sayhis word to anyonein the noiseof countless voices.

3. CONTINUITY

Becoming indifferentin seclusion,on the experiences of my lifewhen I brood on peacefully.

I peep throughmy inner pastextinct.

Hazy pictures,relevant or irrelevantdevoid of any harmony,order brokenemerges as unruly.

Then all of a suddentaking a turn on my ownaccordI return to the present,to the entanglements ofearthly life.


6. EVER DEPRIVED

All my life I was alone,unseenever neglected,totally ignored.

All my life,on my own strengthI have borne,the raids of storms.All my life an imbroglioremained stationary

as before.

All my lifeI bore unbearableagony and pain,to anyone never did I sayany word for help.I burnt selfin the fire of curse.

I did not find anyonewho could soothemy oozing wounds ,and even for a whilethe rapid hailstorm,never stopped.

Alone I wanderedin the realm of dearth,in home, in cities and in villages,here and thereI do not know when and where.

5. EXPECTATION

Now and then at leastsomeone shall love us,

In a life of lonelinessabsolutely desolate,In a lifethrown out forcibly,in a deep well,in a life that sufferedmerciless blows and assaults,At least someone shall like us,applaud us.

At least let us getgood wishes,or goodwill of someone.In curse - scorched worldin sorrow spread all aroundsomeone should be sympathetic

some time ever.

In an intense electrifiedsuffocating atmosphere,when the unrest resoundsheart rending,shriek and scream,burning in flamesthe ruined lifeconfined in a prison.In those disastrous momentsa desire springs upthat someone shall like us,

well, now and then.


8. VIOLATION

Faith in perpetual relations,the faith of many a birthturns meaningless,all of a sudden.

O the sense of belongingpiled up for many a year,vanishes in a moment.

When the damof ethical self-restrictionbreaks down,like playing cards,the charged electric wires,that windthe self-imposed boundaries,suddenly become lifeless.

Boundaries vanish,the legs resting,the legs trembling and falteringbegin to leap forward.

Pure worship,the hard-acquired devotion is breached.The virtuous actions turn shallow,the so-called truthful pledgesget falsified,all the pledges and promises become meaningless.

And love becomes a synonymfor extreme selfishness.

Definitions of sin and virtuechange their opinion,

7. LIVELY

I stay on amassing pain,O, I stay onamassing much grief,I stay onamassing pain and grief,of many-many years.

I was awake throughout nightsand days and was awakethroughout my life,I stay onwrapping up my body,with much dirt and brownish dust,my feet were stuck in the mire.

Serpents coiled aroundmy neck and ankles,I am bound by cobras,black and venomous.

I stay onspreading fire on my bed,dhain-dhainshooting out flames of firekeeping it ablaze.


9. PREMONITIONS

We left far behindthe half-burnt corpsesof love-relationships,

and enmities.

Screamingand rolling restlessly,

for agesthe dying sound

has become silent.

By this timethe dried up remnants,might have been lostin the air,swept away,in countless rains.

I did not returnsince my departure,thenwhy the ghostly shadow,stares at me.

Perhaps,it isthe ultimate endof my whole existence.

Every volcanoon one day ought to cool down,and disappear forever.

deception of the union of souls,in its naked form,in its real form descends.

Iron pillars of restraintbreak and tumble down,he girders of discretion,displaced are swept awaylike blades of grass.

When the seism of lustor of ardent lovemakes whole body tremble,every strong pivotof the mind totters.

Then, the man forgets,past, present and future.


11. SUBSTANCE

O why you are wonder-struck,when you are of no useto anyone

why should anyonecome to you.

Keep quiet,bear everything,

lie downsuffer patientlyhere or there.

Let someone listen to experiences,let someone listen to your tale,

no time is herefor anyone.

Useless to expect it,from anyone.

It is better if you write,on the walls of an empty room,if you portray heartin different colours,Perhaps, someone at some moment,may read or ponder over.

Or you putyour tragic talein any recording deck,in your own voice,maybe, someone listens,sometime.

But be assuredthe stink,may not spread anywhere,

10. ASCETIC

The people are dejected so much thatthey commit suicide,in the state of restlessness,or lose the balanceof their body and mind.

And in a perturbed moodthey weep and laughwithout reason.

Until now you aresteady, self centered, calm, aliveand balanced.

In factfor a man, who lived in asceticism,one finds no differencebetween dying and living,for him no difference,betweendrinking poison or nectar.


12. CONCLUSION

Logical thinkingon pros and cons is essentialas far as possible,argument should be mature,whatever time it may take.For judging substanceprofound thinking,logic and investigation are essential,from every angle desired.

For whatever happenedlife is stable forever,not even a chance givenfor the rectification of mistakes.

Impossible to changethe past deeds even a little.

It is trueyou are the doer and the judge,but not the controller,you are detachedfrom the outcome or result,helplessness it is.

Proved it islife a test difficult,at every momenta test difficult.Keep on observingcount every breathaccept and adoptthat lies before you.

hence at once, be assuredsurely the peopleburying you in pit,or entombing you,or giving you a pompous burningsleekly,turn you into ashes.

Orderlythey will completethe last ritual certainly.


Moves of chess begin to move,like a defective computerand deceiveeven the controller,then the stake won almostturns into defeat.

Or at oncethe vanished presentdescends from that very sequence,once againlike the result of an earthquake,like its very form as before.

13. COMPARISON

Life is not a bookthat can be written or composed,in a planned wayafter profound thinking.

Its contents may bedivided into consecutive chapters,carefully,heart touching contexts,may be sorted out.

By self-experience and practice,it may be patterned into beautifuland artistic form,making it radiantin the glare of craftsmanship,devoid of laxity and burden.

The tale of lifeby itself accomplished or spoiledand never linked the preceding.

None knowswhat would to happen,what is going to be mouldedand mended,when everythinggets stained with a jolt.

In the tale-flow of lifenothing is pre-planned,nothing is desirable or undesirable,no premonition,no effort and no exertion,well thought over.


At the fag end of life,at the stage of catastrophe,nearly at the end of the play,when I stood face to facebefore the truthhung on the cross,I experiencedcountless electric shocks

dangerous sparks.

My body and mindthe twisting pain crushed.

All are amazingeverything peculiar.my existence is only my statue,dumb and lifeless.

Now what is left out,Except tasting the bitter juiceof repentance.

The world does not possesseven a little,shame and modestyeither in the pastor in the present.

14. EXPERIENCE

What I did throughout lifeexcept doing

strange foolish things,or payingthe debt society imposed.

Mistakes plenty of mistakes,I did,and I missedoverlooked every time.

Let me say like this,I lived,but did I learn the way of living,did I practice the style of hypocrisy,and now when everything happened,and perished

I am wonder-struck,much astounded,and am a destitute of wisdom.

I trusted peopleclose to me,blindly I trusted.

And the rascals lootedmy entire home and hearth,and destroyedthe beauty and embellishmentsof life.

They were hypocrites and masked,Spurious,in the garb of truth,strange and wonderful.


16. AWAKENING

Neither I was disappointed nor dejected,it is trueall my efforts were useless,I could not succeed,but I am

not at all restless.

Every time,let the blows of defeat becomea source of your strength,let the mind engaged in workbe filled always,with virility and vigour.

Let your heartbe in high spirits,and your search for the goalnot stop.

Let your search for the objectof your longing,not stopany time, at any cost,certainly , doomed you are

if you are dejected.

Ruined you areif you are frustrated.

15. PRAYER

O sun,the blazing red sun,

Fill my dejected heartwith the fire of life.

Give smartness to my body,inactive and tired,and make it move forward.

Remove the spread out snow and thick darknesswith your dazzling golden sunshine.

O sun,the blazing red sun.


18. PLAYER

I am running without a pause,I am runninguntiring and constantly,

day and night,night and day

panting and bewildered,now and then falling and rising,yet I keep runningin quick succession,with a crash.

It looks running without a breakall my life is my fate only.

I run constantly,breaking the limitationsof the time fixed,without competing with anyone,absolutely alone.

Look how I runfast and faster.

I swim without a pauseday and night,night and day,

jerking and pushingboth my hands and legshere and there,without giving up,I keep disgorging foamagain and again.

It is not a coolOlympic swimming pool,

17. REALISM

Living life is difficult, unbearable and burdensome.

As ifit is a dreadful ride

on two boats.

There is a saw,poison smeared and double edged,and also a sharpened dagger,close to the throat.

There is a noose around the neck,bewildered at every time,running and fightingall around.

The full-moon night vanishes,and only the dense darknessspreads everywhere.

Living life is a compulsion,too much burdensome.


and also to far off places,from one room to room,and one house to the next,one village to the other,one city to another city,and from the blazing desertsto the icy lands,and from plainsto the high mountain terrains.

Yet the realm of high heavensshudders at my roars,the world of the dead is scaredto see my form.

Certain it isevery heart attack I would defeat,and would cripple every paralysisby the soul immortal.

Industrious am II will keep on living,and will remain full of lifefree and liberated.

but a boiling hot water tankemitting fumes,on its chestlook how I swimin utter disarray.

No other swimmer is nearby,I swim alonein a wavy motionlike a fish.

Now it looks it may not be safe,my legs and handsmay turn stiff and stifferyet still and surelyI swim swim.

For I have seen very wellcorpses were afloaton the fleeting waves,jumping repeatedlyhigh and long,I keep on leaping and jumpingday in and day out,like a ball I keep reboundingAgain and again.

Like a blockheadI keep jumping and leapingand returningagain and again.I broke earlier records.

It looksthe scales will be small.I lift the weightsone after another,weighty and weightierand take them here and there,


20. ENLIGHTENMENT

Bitter experiences gave mematurity.

The meanness of mantaught me to live rightly.

Ingratitude revealedthe secret of life,liberating me,from the spell of fascination.

Then alone I could singthe song of painwhen the agetormented ruthlessly.

Then alone I could knowthe secret of life and the worldwhen I was badly hurtby the self and also others.

19. ATTRIBUTE

It is the manwho can face any disaster.

He plays fearlesslywith the strong blowsof hostile storms,and with dreadful reverse currents.

The fast moving chariot of his life,never stops though got struckor caught somewhere.

He, with the power of intellector with the might of armspushes it asidewithout getting tired or defeated.

It is the restrained manwho can face all calamities.


23. DESIRED

I roved muchin the murkiness of clouds,I wandered endlesslyin the darkness of my mind.

Carrying my sable ashen bodyI rambled unceasingly,day in and day out,I meandered.

Now is the timeto bathe to the fullin the stream of light,to get into the radiant waterfall of truthand bathe for the rest of my life.

I will sink in light,and I will swim in light,I will let my body float,and I will let my mind float,I will bathe to the full.

21. THE DELECTABLE

The faith-lampbe ever lit,a dream be ever cherishedit is enough for self-cognizance.

The wheel of lifebe ever moving,Yamas noosebe ever eluding,it is enough for breathand surviving.

22. DESTINY-DEFIANCE

Every instant when it moves,construction loving hands,

and when feet givemomentum-making company,

image is then madeit also shapes Destiny.


25. COURAGE

It is true man is powerlessbefore chance,however capable a person might be only destiny wins.

It takes only a momentfor mans creation to crumble downso potent is Nature.

Yet, each challenge is welcome,come what may,incessant will the progress beof human knowledge and science.

24. LIFE

Each moment is welcome.

Holding my hand rises the day,riding on my shoulders, grows the day,out of my mind,a new piece of writing is shapedby the day,out of my body,a new creation is sculpted by the day.

Fighting on my strengththe day has been victorious.

On my living from moment to momentlives the day,my pace gives meaningto the immortal time,I am the unconquered,a ceaseless fighting it is.

Before me bowseach mountain obstacleeach approaching momentI welcome.


27. LONELY

In this cityof glorious buildings,of reflections of beautyfloating in luminescence,you know noneand nobody is familiar.

Someone with whomyou can talk easily anytime,some with whom you can sharethe secrets of the heart.

Someone who is close to your heart,and reliable.Someone to whom you can write a letter,and talk on phone unhesitatingly.

Someone whose door you can knock boldly,or call out his name.

Who is such a friend,all are unfamiliar,all are strangersin this large sprawling city.

Not anywhere in sight is someonewho you can call your own.

26. CONTRADITORY

In desolate forests,a warm welcometo the blooming flowersraining on beds of thorns,flowers look mute in agony.

A joyous, hearty welcometo the multi colourednectar rainingblushing flowers.

An ardent welcometo the succor giving flowers,lying on gravellyand difficult thorn-filled path.

But there is only the feelof pricking thorns on each step,everywhere rings their cacophony,hurting the body

and the mind.

O creator!do not createa one-sided life.


29. THE FINAL CURTAIN

It is evening now,no one will comeforget all names.

It is evening now.

Do not lit the lampssoothing is the darkness,let me dream of onewho always deceived me,the one who grew in helplesssilence of mind.

Nothing remainsto be done.

It is evening now,let me go to bed,this early in the evening,unending,

scope and the range look vast,do not light the lamps,

28. SOLITARY

Now no one remembers me,no one ever visits me.

Life lies mutein the arms of death.O, the heart does not make songs,nor does it sing any.Silent are the instruments,no tune is played on themnor any rises.

Those who were there are loston the way,those who are tired-defeated,and bored are gone to sleep.

Whom would one call,whom would one wake up.

The world is strangeand we are aliens.

Whom would one visitwhom you would draw close to heart,each is lost in joys of self,and in sorrows.

No one is with me,all colours flew from life.


32. BROKEN HEARTED

When faith is lostan earthquake

inside takes birth.

Within, a massive blood-tide rises,but patiently a man bears the hurtof harsh fate,lying silent and half deadon a bed of embers,and each moment he gets the burns.

He lives and diesagainst the backdropof shrieks and moans,and drinks poison,laughing insanelyfaith is lost,when camaraderie ends.

30. WONDER

Who stole the laughter of flowersand gave a harvest of thorns,who torments again and again,cruelly reminding of long forgotten lapses.

31. HURT

A bitter taste fills the mouth,difficult it is to drink.

Living is an obligation,heavy is the heart,it is impossible for meto welcome someone,

with a false smile.

Desolate and sear is the garden,withered and mute is life,and the flowers seem disappearedonly the yellow leaves fall.


34. RELATIONSHIP

When the fortress of trust Crumbles,

a crippled man bears silentlythe deepest agony,

he gets ready to livea meaningless life.

And to taste bitterness everydayhis remaining days are singed.

When the fortress of trustCrumbles or else,annihilating selfhe floats noiselessly in emptiness.

Destroying identity, he quietly saysO, do not breakanyones trusttrust is the bond,trust is life.

33. RENUNCIATION - CONSCIOUSNESS

When a simple believing man bearsthe cunning and infidelityof those near heart,then he weeps in pain alone,and laments overmisfortunes again yet again.

But he does not become a murderer,nor he commits suicide,alone he burns silentlyin the hell-fires of mind,and consoles self futilely,again and again roving in delusionand thus betrays the selfrepeatedly.

Do not think him a coward,he knows it wellthat nothing is gained

if you curse anyone,why one should run awayfrom the act of living this life.


36. AGONY

Had my life been a waste,I would have endured it,in a sorrowful voiceI would have sung poemsnow and then.

But to bear a painful experienceof septic wounds,be scorched from moment to momentin this flaming furnace of life,from birth to death is killing and harshly destroying.

The entire ocean is muddy,nobody knowsthe sins of how many births visit me.

35. COMPANIONS

O waves of painhow much and how longyou will tickle me.

How much and how longyou will make me laugh non-stop.

Holding me in your armshow long and how farwill you make me a loving companion.

O waves of painCruel,waves wounding the consciousness.


38. ADVICE

O body, you are so tired,O mind, so weak and defeated you arego to sleep.

This living is hard,existing in the howlingof violent storms,

O my sad and hurt soul,O a deeply wounded body,

lose your memory,and feel a bit better,

you are very tiredgo to sleep.

39. ARROGANCE

To me, you gave a roof security and respectand a beautiful name

of a relationship,Should merely for thisthe statement be justifiedHate a sinful act,and not a sinner.

What a sin isand what is virtueand what is the truth.

37. THE FINAL REQUEST

Poor, extremely poor I am,while leaving give me alsosomething to live on.

something that is truly minea pleasant sweet, dream.

Thirsty, very thirsty I am,while parting give me alsoa little to drink.

let that be the clean Ganges water,or overflowing honey.

I know I have to burntill the last moment,a deep darkness hangsover the road I travel.

A lonely life is a cursefirmly forbidden are laughter and tears.


41. UNAFFECTED

For years I lived life aloneand will go on living quietly

the rest of it.I drank poison-waterday and nightweakly in the expectation of death,in watching the annihilating future,everything poisonedI will drink gladly, unbidden,and live remaining days.

Do not worryI am the resident of a house of poison,and the great Pilgrimage of Shivaof my time.

42. SELF OBSERVATION

Throughout my lifeI did not do a good deed.

Like thisall live lives,I did not have an extraordinary life.

I was lost in self,O Creator,be merciful and forgive me.

40. FRUSTRATED

When that which was wanteddesired and longed for was not gained,When in a green gardenspread over miles,the desired, the loved,and the fragrant,thrilled rose, failed to bloom,when lifes struggle went waste,when misery tortured the heart,each moment,what the sense in living was.

Agreed that many precious gifts camemy way and diamond necklaces too,on countless successesinnumerable throats sangmy praise to the skies,I received the high-test awards,and blessings at each step,but I did not get what I desired,it seemed that a precious life was a wasteas if almost complete,difficult austerities failed at the end.

The flames of want rose,each dream was reduced to ashesas if no ones blessingstouched the poor, the frustrated,and the indigent beggar.


44. BEFORE END -1

Memories are flowers,multi coloured,laughing flowers.

When memories wake upit seems each door is decoratedwith buntings of mango leavesall around.Life becomes fragrant with scents.life overflowswith sweet, intoxicating nectarlife glows

with bright fresh colours.

At such moments man immersesin the sweet world of dreams,forgetting the present.

Everywhere, everythinglooks favourable,as if branches are flowers ladenas if flowers of pleasant feelingsswing everywhere.

43. ACTUALLY

While observing cautiontime flew fast,everything tidied went awry.All that was in handslipped away suddenlyat every cautious step.

Every strand tore awaywhile sorting outor got twisted tediously.Every thread became tautin the process,gradually, at every stepof seeking solution.

Life was spentlearning life.Vocal scores were lostat soprano pitchin learning the art of music.


46. ENLIGHTENMENT

Strange it is,days, weeks, months, yearspass in strife a wonder it is.

One can control nothing,nothing indeed,does life mean helplessness.

One dayjust like thatsuddenly everything will vanish.

Do we see a dividing line anywherethen what one can say aboutmeaningfulness or futility.

Existence is somethingthat will disappear,birth and consciousness are somethingto be dissolved,then why this strife.Let night and dayday and night pass each moment,unbroken is the passage of time,through obstacles and felicity.

45. BEFORE END -2

Memories are thorns,piercing, pointed thorns.

When memories awakenit seems as if all arounda dust storm rages,life burns in painful hell-fires,stumbles and cries in wilderness,with a stricken heart.

Man at such momentscrumbles and fallsin the dark, deep cave

and is uprooted completely.

Everywhere, everythingappears hindering,as sharp knife-like thornsenter the heart,the thorns of painfulan unwanted experience.


48. CYCLICAL OCCURRENCES

We wished notthat in golden-silvery azure skyof this home,rained fire dense.

We wished notthat ignorant, innocent childhoodand immature simple youthof this abodelonged passionately for love.

We wished not sweet melodiesof this abode be silenced,on this land.Someone sowed poisonous seedsof hatred, revenge and violence.

We wished notclouds of doom to overcastand wash away everything,roaring storms should come,shake and ravage,glittering rainbow and dream-palacesin a moment.

But all undesired went on happeningbefore us,and we could only see,all before us in turnall battered and shattered,and blown up.

47. A FACT

As life beganthe end followed,just when it dawneddarkness prevailed.

In the skywith ceaseless diffusionthe rays vanished,so an endless streamof bright lightfar and wide was visibleno more.A loud noise prevailed everywheretill every limit of the horizona crimson morning brightened up.

The lyric, the song and the loveand the beloved,all ceased to exist.

But wait light will comeit will gush ina new morrow.


50. ACCEPTANCE

Loneliness is your lottolerate it happily.

Loneliness is naturaltake it desirously.

To try to escape it is aberration,only accepting it is only a fate.

Therefore accept it willingly,salute it whole-heartedly.

49. SELF EXPERIENCE

Everyman in his calamity is alone,all the aggregate of miserysolely is his,in moments of pain,man is all alone.

The night of distresseslonely has he to passin pitch dark,ray of hope has he to generate.Every hurt he must amuse,every truth he must console.

He and he aloneon each step to bearthe brunt of stormssilently has to put on the chestbrewing, gathering, ebullient tides all around.He has to sufferhits of misfortune of life accursed,on difficult path going up and downplaying ironies bitter sports, cruelof destiny inauspicious.

Alone and he alone has totaste the bitter draughtand experiencethe effect of poison-deadlyalone, aye, all alone,because the fact isthat in each calamity alone a man has lived.


52. INTOLERABLE

Very gloomy hearttired bodyvery cheerless heart.

Sky full of sultrinessair stands stillsuffocation, suffocationand suffocation.

Overcast dense darknessno where any rayeyes go astray.

Very saddened heart,a crestfallen heartburn, burnand burn.

51. CONFRONTATION

The stonesthe more I hurledthe more each sprang up,more I crushedThe more each leapt up.

The mudmore I washedmore clean each was.The sootmore I mixed upmore it smearedmore it cleared upglittered and became pure gold.

With fettersthe body wheneverI tied tight untied it freed, flowednorth south, east - westflowing scattered,waved,becoming heavy nimble mercury.

Against each danger I sported firmlyyour blowmarching forward I bore.


54. HELPLESS

If life is pain,then bear its pangseach one must.

If life is a secret,remain silent.

If there is no harbourThen row on certainly.

If it is a calamityThen be washed awayyou must.

If fire surrounds,Then burn constantly,a must it is.

How terrible a truth isso utter every falsehoodeveryone must!

53. AN INCOMPLETE IDOL

It is decided nowthe life will not give you any grace,now, life will not give you,any more spare time.

Recalling the past days,how long would you burn,knotted in the opposite currentshow much would you flow,Oh, how long would you toleratethe strokes of the storms.

Life will not give you any more turnto play in such a way,it will not give youany more verve.

let all impossible fancies show upand warbling desires get shape,and you would experience,leaping loving passions.

Life will not give ever such heaven,Also will not offer eversuch fortune.


56. TRUTH

Bondage rises as a challengeas refusal,and raises alwaysrebellion, force and resistanceblaze and anger.

Bondage rises as loves achievement,as acceptance,and raisesinfatuation , lasting bindingand graceful offeringthe fire of living.

57. A PARTICULAR THOUGHT

Dreams do not come true just like that.It takes generations to realize.

Dreams do not turn into reality,with mere words of manav1 incantation,

Patience and diligence of generationsactualizes dreams.

1 Maanav-Mantra: Words of incantation for fulfilling thedreams.

55. ASPIRATION: SUN

I

May every person be a sun,full of energy and pure as heat,May every person blazelike the sun,be a flameimpartial and unblemished.

II

May every person belike the sun bright,punctual and a plume of light.wherever he may golet every particle shine,uproot dilemma and gloomfrom the room.

III

May every person be like the sunradiant, full of warmth,and resplendent.May every person look as if,shining like the sun.


59. TO LIVE

Terror fills the skies,hot are the winds,with sulphur, with venom.

But up to the destinationbraving stormsceaselessly,we have to move!

Like a flood of firethe flames shoot upagain and again.

But up to the destinationover crackling embers,on lonely paths,we have to walk,bearing the heat,getting singed andbeing burnt!

Mines of gunpowderare laid all over,in the rivers, the mountains and the forests.

But up to the destinationsolitary,we have to walk,our iron feet poundingthe pits, the trenchesagain and again.

58. A WISH

Let life flow freely,and lead to victory.

Let each one find solaceunder the tree shade of blessings.

Let there be songs played day and nighton the harp of the soul.

Let sweet dreams ever comeand bring pleasure and laughter.

Let no one be sadand allow laughter ring.

Let each man become goldpure in the inner fire.

Let each one bear bravelythe knocks of the unknown fate.


61 WELL WISHER

If evil wishesefficacious were,desolate this world

before longwould have been.

It would have provokedon each stepmans Durwasa-vanity1

eternalfountain of love in netherworld

before longwould have been lost.

Where are youo pious Shakuntale2

of curselive muddy reactionoh, where are you

1. A great Rishi of ancient India known for anger and cursingnature2. Shakuntale (Dushyants wife) the renowned heroine of Kalidasand mother of Bharat.

60. INSISTENCE

Compel notManso much thatundergoing injustices -

beast he became !

OrHaving borne the unendingexperiences of painful sufferings -He collapsed

and a relic he became !

Compel notManso much thatLife to himbecame

a sharp prickingever oozing

gangrene !

Compel notManthus -to such an extent !


63. A POEM-PRAYER

Wedding manwith man,turning directionof brewing hurricanesof cruel violent passions,going forwardto break the horrificblind fury and on-rushpoetry powerful is hymn,prayer it is.

Its voices reverberate in the skiesits meanings resoundin innocentfull of sweet melodiesin hearts passions ebullient.

May man love manmay all the worldhis own family is.

Ours is thisinvaluable ideological inheritance.

Poem composed in thistranscendental mentality is hymn,prayer it is.

62. A LONGING

Were it but once that wefelt ourselves risen to eminencethough for moments few.

Were it but oncethat we might live life naturalputting off the mask of smile artificial,pining boundless is Manfor hearty boisterous laughter.

Were it but onceface to facewith the selfs expansion,how narrow minded is Manunfamiliar with benevolence.

In darkness filled mindonce at leastlightning could flash,How costly has become

Cost of light.Only playing is]each man a jesters roleof a miser money-lender.

If only once weour dwarfishnessour meanness could abandonand could experience jubilationof getting on the summit.

If only once just once weThough for moments few,had sensationof being atop.


65. RECOGNITION

How ugly is the realtyof the sky-kissing rainbow-rimmedbuildings

is known to us.

How petty, fragmented and dwarfishis the face of these heights

is known to us.

How beautifulis the unreal and false attractionof the fairy like young women

is known to us.

How pleasing, soft and enthrallingis the lotus leavedfair-skinned touch

is known to us.

Familiar are we with the prick ofthese fragrant nectar like moist flowers,with the primeval burning of the bodyscented with the winy lust,How inviting is their bed

is known to us.

64. DUTY

To love this life,this worldis what a man must do.

To love people,mute animals, birds, sea-creatures,the forest creepers,the trees, is what a man must do.

To lovethe buds and the blooms,the myriad huedbutterflies is what a man must do.

To love the miracle-studded,and wondrouslyincoherent dreamsto love the petite fairiesfloating through the sweet fancies is what a man must do.


67. SIGNIFICANT

A phenomenonmust in some shape appearafter all take some form,we reach at least right or wrongat some conclusion,some abode , a doorsome destination.

Thus in wildernesshow long shall we stray,thus in fire furnacehow long shall sizzle, writhe.

A phenomenonmust some shape takesome figure at long last.Lines of set-up defined or dimmust some embodiment haveat long last some epithet,that we could know,directions, aloofness and expanses.

Thoughts, abstract beliefs be concrete,in depths of thought-sphere,be concrete this way or thatabstract thoughts,so that we could make up minds,and could dress ideasin some language-format.

From this where or thatsome ray of light must shoot,darkness must diffuseand we from dry-well,

66. CLIMAX

Only a momentmarks the difference,between happeningand non-happening.

A fine borderline stretchesbetween being and non-being.only a thin line lies linking laughterand tears.

A little change,and the expressionof our innermost feelings changes.It is not possibleto draw the boundarybetween living and dying.

Conditions are almost the same.

A desire kept alive for agesmay take shape one moment,and may disappear the next.

A blink in time is enoughto change gain into loss.Only a moment lies between beingand non-being.


69. FREEDOM-SPREE I

It looksaltered a great deal unusual.it looksyoke borne from years

is unharnessed all of a sudden.For yearsfrom long narrow graveled stonyundesired roads,bearing heavy burdenon body and mind,passed passed like an acrobat,day after day.On one and the same poleclimbed up and down.

Thanks, free I am nowlike the wind can goanywhere,can fly, dance and sing.

Thanks, I am all free,like a wave.When I please, can ripple and twist,lie on rocksjump from hills, slip on verdures

run and run excitedly.Orstretch in a ponddrop by drop scatter.

Free I am somewhatas if,the door of cageopened all of a sudden.The parrot flapping wingsshould soar high in the sky,amongst age-group co-mates mingle,

should come outat least come out,

a phenomenon,must assume some outlinebe exposed to wind and sunshine,a phenomenonmust someone assume form.

68. BUILDING

The walls riselike the sides of a well.

Rooms are smalllike narrow streets.

In itthere is neither a gardennor a courtyard.

Is thisa picture of modern architecture.

Or an imageof the cramped heart.

A mirror of selftrapped in self


70. FREEDOM-SPREE II

Nowcarefree shall I sleepjoyful shall I walk

pace up to the Janak-tal1,no hurry shall there beshattered are shackles

all chains.

For hours I shall bathe,singing tuneful-tuneless songsnumerous

shall I bathe.

Where arerecordings of Pakeeza2 and of

Gitadutta3.In nights stillnessshall play on them again and again,hum now and then.

O plants of my orchard,no complaint you now have,I shall see to my hearts fillshall waterand enfold ye in arms.

O Kaner4, Kachnar5, Guava tree,be sad no moreO Rajanigandha6, O Jasmine,feel frustrated no more,your aromawill be felt in every pore,every breath as ifFlower-born were.Even with intentshall I not trample yeO mine orchards

and fondle with life-partnerEnfold, peck and kiss.

Whatever it pleasedand whenever should speak,High or lowagog or stealthily.

It looksentwined serpent-traps of years

were cut,clouds of poisonous rains

scattered off.

Now,on sandalwood treeswill blossom musky-flowersMahua1-like

flower clusters will appear.What that never happened,it seems shall happen now.

Because a lotlooks new,and changed.

1. A tree with orange-pink edible flowers.


71. UNREQUITED BESTOWAL

Now, what I can give you,except a carvedstationary statue,except dispersed dust.

Whatever I am,I have becomebeen cast,used up many a breath,from the assigned stock,attained fulfillment.

It is not possible nowto indulge intentative hewing and carvingwhat would be left incomplete,the rest will stay put pent-up.

At the present stage of lifeand its fag endme, a rising and setting sun,what I can give you exceptthe warmth of a knowncuddly feeling.

You are likethe deep sea on high tide,your burning, searing lusts arelike the infinite sky!

What can I give youO, passion incarnateapart from intense fanciesand an edgy thrill.

green grass,I shall live nearby.Shall lie on velvety bodyfull of primitive urge,with hands soft shall I caressO lush texture,hey-hogay faced.

Every moment is ours,Realized the dream is.

1. A tank in Gwalior, a historical town of northern M.P.State

2. A name of a famous Hindi film.3. A well-known playback female singer.4. A plant of white, yellow and red flowers.5. A tree, its leaves and flowers are used as

medicine and buds used as vegetable.6. (Tuberose) A flowery plant blossoming at fall of night

emanating sweet smell.


73. REALITY

Life was a longing,but a yoke unwieldy becamelife was a firmament,but a well dry becamefancy invented feelings full,beauteous form,life was an amatory ode (Gazal),being distracted,a curse became.

74. HELPLESSNESS

Thrust upon, undesired life, I livedevery instant, every step, shame I lived,history, now you ask me whatfolly and dirtiness of the world,I lived.

75. SELF-BEGUILE

Reality we concealed; life-longlies we told as truths; life-longrelated self-experience, as a talewent on humming in pain; life-long.

76. DESIRE-FULFILLED

Hey, ho, what an applause I got,life-long only deep grief I suffered,there remained a lot of wealth of pain,sure enough, life onerous I had.

72. ONE SUNDAY

The whole daypassed away in waiting,and craving for all sorts of men.No one came unforeseen,none unwanted too encountered.The whole day passed awaymoment by moment,this Sunday.

None brought any tidinggood or bad,interesting or scary.

The whole day passed awayin cogitation,in desiring to seeone or the other,strolling to and froin the rooms.

Early in the morningOnly the newspaper arrived,the milk vendorrang the door bell,in the morning and the evening,as his wont.Otherwise not a leaf rustled,even a bird did not flyover the sky,around me.The whole day passed awayas a long waitin mute helplessness.


78. A WISH UNFULFILLED

I wish this dayavoiding,lifes struggle and strifein a closed roomslumbering I would pass.

For years countlessbeing carefree, insentientfeelingprimordial lust and love I slept not.

I wish this daylying inactive inert and still,in the art-gallery of pastbeing lost I would pass.

For years countlesson the ways of villages desertedin arms of towns left

I strayed not.

I wish this dayall promises, assignments, pledgesforgetfulin Gangetic billowyyour memoryweeping I would pass.

For years countlessConfronting your face

I wept not.

77. ANALYSIS

All debit, no creditlifes balance nil.The remainders are thorns pointedwhat we picked up are flowerscolourless stale,in our possessiondust, dust and dust confine less.

On the way, on each turnin or out, in marketat the hands of faithwere ever plunderedfrom inmates and from outsiderseverunder too sharp edged daggersof treachery and fraudwith infinite easeOh, were being cut.Peoples created, weavedtrickeries and machinations of all speciesfrom inferiority and meannessI much desired to escape.

But to see throughblanketing gentlemanliness, civilityput-on masksdifficult, too involvedto understand designsto escape their fraud.There survives not any inheritancerazed is the structure,thatwith sweat of brow we had built.


81. TUG OF WAR

I have not seen for yearssunrise, sunset.the sky full of the moon and stars,I have not seen,for years, have not seen.

Buds burstingflowers exhaling fragrancemadly dancing on twigs,kissing butterflies and bees,for years I have not seen.

For years I have not bathed in rains,neither have I sung any song full throatednor for years,have I seen for a single momentmehndi1 fragrant hands plump,dyed with Mahavar2

jingling two-feet strayedI have not seen ah, for years.

Somewhat to such an extentwas I entangled in lifes struggle,seeing and feeling,as if not in the leastwere under control.

1. An evergreen shrub, its green leaves are used for dyinghands and feet by women (excepting widows) invariably onthe eve of marriage or other auspicious festive occasions.

2. An auspicious red-coloured liquid used by Indian women todecorate feet.

79. GRATEFULNESS

O, my mindquitthe place.Whom to wait for heremore now,O, my mind.

The day declined,it is evening,deep darkness surrounds,on four sides.

My mindaccepts heartilythis solitarinesswith pleasure,O, my mind.

O, GodI am grateful to youextremely beholden.

80. INCOMPLETE

Something remainsun-said.

Shall I add an appendix,or hold back.

Something unendurablepersists.


84. COMPANIONLESS

Cold nightDesolation,now and then somewhere

some tree trembles,whenthen sighs the wind,or cries with pain a chakwa.1

None to talk deepa very deep silencecompleteunbroken coma

absurd and hurt.

Blunted mindshaky body

sorrowfulpitiable palsied desolation.Naught to say,cold night.

1 A cursed Indian bird, which is separated from his life-partnerduring the night.

82. BIRTHDAY

And now turnsone more pageof the book of life.One year moreof living.

Lucky I was,deathspared me.Evenin the storm,the lampkept burning.

83. FAILED

The wave likebouncing hopes in my heartdied down.Suddenly,the twittering branch,of the eveningwent deaf and mute.

The waiting wakeful eyes,wept feebly in silence.

The mourning night,washed the whole creationwith droplets of dew.


86. ESSENCE

Lifedeserted like crematorium,lifeaccursedarduous and solitarylike a banyan tree.

Lifeanother name of gloom,Lifethe agonizing outcomeof past ominous sins.

Lifean experienceof noons scorching heat,Life an experienceof throat pricking needlesacute thirst.

Lifea stasiswithout sourceraw gash.Lifeunwanted sannyasmere tension.

85. WAITING

The nightis cold and endless,how long

To keep awake baffles,the night is wet,dew-drenched,the curse of winter.

How much moreWe can bear quietly.The shivering body,in the fog leaves droop,How long we can tellthe story of our agony.


88. UNDERSTANDING OFDESTINATION

That daywe started the journeybefore dawnbegan an incessant journey,thoughtthat well reach destinationdefinitely.

That dayin the darkness of the night,with great faithwe started a continuous journey,thinking that well reachthe shoreand reach without any doubt.

Passing through an uneven pathfathoming the deep ditches,we set on our journeywith resolute will.

Admitted that our pathwas beset with several hurdles,stood,the rupture and the slipperiness.Hurricanestried to stop speed,lightning and thundering cloudstime and again,but we didnt stopdidnt bend before opposition.Gradually path became clearand one daywith pulsating heartwe reached the halting place.Badly tired, languid

87. PERPLEXITY

Multihued dreams seenin the kingdom of mind,engrossed in the erotic fancies,false, lustful violation of propriety.

Though reveriesa world of happy heaven.

The great boon of the Earthan optimum staircaseof possible desires.

Meaning of birthand ever no-frills yearning,infinite joy and creationlife-vision.

But world is a realityhow much different,a world formed in dreamssilken soft patterns of fancieslost in a moment.

Some onefortunate and potentcould materialize a few moments,by chance or abduction,for othersmere irrelevance

narcissism.


90. CAPABILITY

Lifea mere voyage,unlimited journeyon an infinite path.

To stop momentarily for restis a mere preludeof marching ahead.

Destination is far, very far,time, little, too little.

91. SITUATION

Despite best effortsone finds no order,

all at sixes and sevens.

No knowledge of directiona straying away.

complexto more compositeis the thorny situation.

Not decreased,instead amplified

the isolation.

helpless and inert.

Steadily awareness dawnsdestination isnt the end,but is the foundation,a gate to enter, the stage of life,the land for action.

why blunderto consider it a dreamland.

It is betterto be at the same pointfrom where the journey began.

89. STOP

Lifecoveredlong distances.

Screaming and panting,Innumerable steep heightsabysmal depthsit covered.

Resonant echoesof dawn and duskstopped, yes stopped,on the path of life past,turning into a sigh,vanished into the void.Lifeits journeyof destinationsstands covered.


Man gives in to the cruelheart-touching assaults,man loots manwith risky sentiments.

Man miles away todayfrom man,devoid of intimacyeach step hollowonly full of vanity.

92. MAN

Todayfrom the horrible savage,man-eater wild beastsis safe.

Man!

Not at allfeared, suspicious and worried,of the devastatingangry expressionsof the seasons,

Man!

Knowshow to save himself and other creaturesfrom the various furious actsof nature.

Man!

Its easy for himto reachthe heights of the void.Its easy for himto fathom the deepsof the seas.

But how strangeman is the most unsafefrom man,utterly ignorant ofthe mans psychology.

Afraid of mutual trickery,blood in eyeshurt and angrywith mutualvenomous satirical remarks.


94. EXPLORATION

All this whilehow we lived

we alone knowhow horrible wasthe fluttering, roasting and crackingoverflow

we alone know.

Implicationof life and of the worldwas mysterious

to-date.Now we know that wellYea, very well

we know that.

Wrapping folds countlessmannow transparent is,inside and outsidewe rightlyquite truly

recognize him.Come, let methe saga ofpanting, dying stormrelate.

Striving against life on firethe saga of man relate.

93. ANSWER

I will not at all behumble or sad

I acknowledge the loss.

Knaves stealthilyhatch conspiracies,wait in ambush,how did youstrangely decide listen onlyto one partys arguments.

No entreaty to youI condemn you.

I can never beinferior thus


Just to the nefarious satietyof your flatterersyou stripped mefrom my temporary right,I hate and snub,your facetious blatant,evil wicked backbitingand odious character.

Know identify wellit does not enfeeble a little



of the prowess of man,magnanimous, ever moving.

To accept theseFeel,of tireless toillong familiarhuman history evidenced.

Hindrancesnever leave dismayedhindrance-killers,they makebeliefs even more firm.

Intelligenceconfronting the difficultis never defiled,insteadfull of emergent urgesharper it becomes.

Each hindranceshall be feeble,destroyedand shall in the void vanish.

95. HINDRANCES ARE CHALLENGE

Hindrances leave us not desperate,every moment makes us

energy conscious.In confrontation with difficultiesLegs waver not,insteadhaving electric wingsmeasure the earth-sky expanse .

ImpedimentsTerrible, insurmountable, invincibleit is sheer nonsense.

Hindrancesdependent make us not,hindrancesmake us not in the least miserableun-laborious.

They evokeall latent capabilities inertneither fear nor helplessness remains.

Lightning flashes in mighty bodynew resolutions rise in mind.

Hindrances challenges areto accept them,synonymof humanity, greatness.

To accept theseclarion callof lifes transcendental force eternal.

To accept thesecognizance


98. IN EXPECTATION

Let the desert of scarcitiesbloom into prosperity,a lifefull of new sentimentsmay come again.

Let me singa strong impetuous song.

Let the peaksof dense dark fall down,let the flags of lightwave everywhere,on the surface of earth.

Let the lampof sensitive sentimentsbe lighted in every heart,Let me sing the song.

The paths besetwith several distressesbe freed,the circle of barbed wirewill break from every side,of electric obstructions,of life ending extensions.

On the bored strongmental horizon of man,let me put forthshoots of belief,Let me sing the song.

96. AS BEFORE

How we should knowour capacity and power..How we guessourpossibilities..We live in conditionsfruitless, neutral and unfit.

97. AWAY FROM STATIC STATE

Situationswhen dont changemobilitygets restrained,being static,loses exhilaration of fringy..Change and breakof situations is must,whethernew situationsbe altogether against,or be doubtful.


life is without logic,and the manis miserable, surely.

Wait for sudden happenings,Wait.

Live contacts are not made,they develop.Desired dreams not invited,They come voluntarily.

O, cursed peopleof the world,Wait..Wait,for sudden.

99. UNEXPECTED

Each movement, say fortuneof static, lifeless objectsis logically fixed,each vibration of creation,slow or gigantic,is accomplished by the rules of nature..But the mutual harmony,closenessand relationshipof sensitive creatures,is a mere coincidence..Thats whyin the vast universein the world of billion people,millions of people are alone,are anxious and impatientto get company of someone,to have a co-traveller.

Necessities standbut not fulfillment,prayers made but not idols,wanderings are therewithout ways,rivers without banks..Search is on everywherelife is a moving corpse.

Gold in hand turns to dust,the close and dearfound and adoptedbecomes alien..Then it appears


103. UNWANTED

I never wanted itthat the nimble feetof coloured dreamsshould not reach the horizon.

I never sought itthat the rain should not fill with songthe heavens of lifethat the lightening should not flash,in the lap of the nectarraining dark clouds.

I never required itthat the tirednessof failed fanciesshould break wings,that youth should not kiss,the riding tides.

But things happened, unwanted,dreams were cripple,lost was the pleasant dewinessof saavanwhen the charmof a loving heart

turned to poison.

100. DESTINY

Keep on watchthe shoresflowing in midstream.

They will not supporteven a day to you,tired and lonely.

Because they are already occupied,unwanted you,keep on flowing,endureadversities as usual.

101. OPERATION

How many flowersleft unseen,the shooting pain risein heartunknown.

102. AUTOBIOGRAPHY

What lifedrink the bitter every day,the sweet ocean ripplesbuthow much empty am I,really,do I live.


105. MISUNDERSTANDINGS

To our reciprocal bondsto prosperous ever-growing relationshipsto closeness and intimacymisunderstandingoften shakes violently

shatters usopposite each other

turns.

The past of our amityfalse, meaningless becomesthe history of goodwillhaving proved a mere farceall the past happeningsin the milieu of unimagined strange contexts,establishes.

We convinced of the otherwisejustification of truthto change are forced,in darknessand in deeper darknessand we are lostin still deeper darkness.

Misunderstandinghe allusion of human faith,constantly walks over, one and many confusions,frequently making hollowabsorb sap of life.

Falling a prey misunderstandingsin reality a curse it is,to suffer misunderstandingagain and again.

104. EPITAPH

None is for younone is for anybodythe world outright selfish is.

At our deathsomeone aggrieved shouldsing pathetic songs,and shed tearsin sweet memory

lifelong.Light tearful life-lamp,to think thusis disease sheerthe world is very selfish.

Give not yourself in vainso much importshould understanddue being disillusioned,significanceof self-existence,

no harm in it there is,whilstthe world is all selfish.


106. THE ART OF LIVING

The grammar of lifeI did not read,it is perhaps,thatI did not know how to livein real sense..In self-displaylike an abortive expressionremained non-effective.Henceday-night, inside-outsideI remained out of sorts..I did not knowthe world-life practice,meanings and their uses,thats whythe so called worlddidnt absorb me..I did not learnto discriminatethe scientific separationof loutish material and minuteI understand not whatever saiddid not fitin the field of explanation,So, perhaps my statementwas not liked.

I did not readthe grammar of life,perhaps,it is, thatI did not learn

Really an acute curse-fever trouble is,who knows, as a result of which cursesI got gifts of misunderstandings,gifts of false accusations and scandalsaplenty,carrying which on lifes backI wander.

The bundle of misunderstandingsin its bulkstill will how much bigger growthe gusto of lifehow longer shall it check,should I breach relationships,the yoke of misunderstandingsall at once should throw away,free from worryof individual and societyshould adjoin life with lifeless mattershould I compassion strangle.


107. REVIVAL

I live in a deserted dense forest,bear, day and night,intolerable painof utter loneliness..I do not willinglyopt for the torture-cell,I never desire,the friendless cageto lead a lonely life..Doubtful stillness lives,and life seems a waste of timeshort of basis..Timely untimelyfire mountains of beastly spiteburn in me,lava-river of retaliationand revenge pricksmy injured wounded consciousness,and the deserted dense forestseem only safe..Certainlyhow helplessis the past to man..The dense forest,the loneliness is my helplessness,let me bear the pain of it..Let me burn,let me burn.Forests will extinguish,iron cages will melt..

to lead a happy lifelike others.I lived alwaysin the simplicity of life,did not display the allegorical,mystifying and symbolic lexis..I kept on burninglike a commonly used lamp of mustard oil,in a small recess.I did not litthe idiomatic mercury tubes,on the walls painted,it is perhapsthat society got no entertainment,and not delightedat its expectations..I did not plungeinto the show of the world.I did not singin evasive expressionwith connotation accomplished.

I did not knowto taste the life in stylein the metaphorical decorated pot.

So, perhaps,I did not learn to livelike tactful experts.


109. EVEN IF

I do not mindyour fraudulent lookshurt my conscience,like a sting of jealousdisregard..I do not mindyour ridiculous satires,piercing my heartlike arrows of fireunkind torments..Unattractive images,lie beforeI know them,know their history from the beginning..I have healing cure of them,nothing goes wrongtoday if they stayembracing the horizon.

I will come,return,and abandon self,become a part of collective consciousness,and merge in the eternal crowd..Where personal stingswill be lostor will sleepin the depths of oblivion.

108. A SOLEMN PLEDGE

Let the mountains of painfall and breakagain and again,

immortalI will remain uncrushed.

.Let the rapid dark cloudscover the sky,let the furious storms thunder,seizing all,

an iron manI will be invincible.

.Lacs of scorpions sting,let arisethe poison scorched tide in body,

pledged to endureI will remain unshaken.


111. FRAGMENTED PERSONALITY

In childhoodif somebody saw notwith affectionate looks,with craving,and caressed nothugging with vatsal1 feeling,then a mans persona

definitely cracks.

In youthif one couldnt get somebeloved partners love

trustworthyexclusiveand unshaken.

Life dry, burdensomesheer desert and lust-born,then that mans personality

inside and outsideindeed shatters.

If being old is not heardspeech reverential, honourable,none likes to hearthe tale of self-experiencedumb at this last stepmans character really,creaksand for ever breaks.

1. Affectionate

110. SELF-LIKING

In photoI did not like my face,I got my snaps again,with great enthusiasm,gave different poses,as the photographer directedsmiled lessening seriousness also,and drew passions on face too,But in those pictures tooI did not like my face, photos were not I desired,not at all.

But, are those figuresnot mine,are the multi-coloured photosnot mine.

We do not want to seethe real shape in photo in fact,we want to see ourselvesaccording to own perception of beauty,to see deformities hidden or confined.


113. THE PATHS BEND

The bend of the pathis dear to me.

A rather too long waymakes me bored,for no reasonI get plunged into thesluggish weariness,without knowing anything.

When I fail to seeanything new on the oft-beaten trackI am unable to walk.

Therefore, a hearty welcometo every new bend,a welcome over brimmed ,with deep emotion.

What if the turn of the pathis so dear to me,and close to my heart.

112. BIOGRAPHY

The picture that drownedin darkness of pastto draw itagain and again..The thing that scatteredat placeson the trodden path,to gather itthoughtfully..The things to expire,yearningto keep, carefullyagain and again..Is not the custom and aimof poetry..Biography is a sequenceof past lived..Poetry,instant,flowing,alive.


115. UNEXPRESSED

Man formsa well-known peripheryof self creation,every unimagined anguish.

Somewhat uncontrolled violationfor self and others,meaningless,averse meaningless.

Experienced life pain,only confinedto the preset limit,in mans environ,in the state of the sub-conscious.

114. MOST WANTED

May there beon the sweet lips a smilelike a blossomed lotus flower,or there be a lovely songfull of rapturous feelings.

A smilea sweet song are rareto find in this cursed age,infinitelyhard to see.

Only there is avery deep layer of snowon the quiet blue-hued lips.

In every heartone finds a rattling crop of pain,the seeds of joyexist no more, exceptthe tingling limbs.

Man lifelesslike a portrait,looks for rainbow hues.


117. A STATE OF MIND

My desires appear oppressedand restiveto find expression.

My lustful desirespreserved carefullyin a lone hidden place,in the hope,that they find fulfillment.

My lustful and restive desires look oppressed,Yet, are keen to actualize,in all experiences.

But somehow,the atmosphere is ladenwith teargas,leaving me to weepunto myself or suffer wrathof the unfulfilled desires.

116. QUERIES

Who has scatteredthe myriad seedsof disloyaltyon minds stratum.

Who has scatteredthe rare and highly valued gemsof firm faith,on the horrid path of suspicion.

By pricking the thornsof a sheer mockery in our feet,has seizednot the full legacy.

Who suddenlywith hollow philosophy,undermined the weighty wisdomof truth-experience proved,beliefs of life.

Who with a devastating speedof a hurricane,deflected the sky-scrapinghigh summits,of our iron faith.


and bracelets of colourful flowers.But jasmine didnt bloomnor was heardthe dolour of koel9!

A yearof burdensome datesof obscure memoriescame to an end.

1. A month from mid June to mid July2. An Indian bird supposed to drink only rain water during

Swati constellation3. A month from mid July to mid August4. Greenery5. A month from mid August to mid September6. Folk song of rainy season7. An adolescent woman, who often comes out to meet her

lover in the moonlit night8. A boat of the shape of pea-cocks wing9. Indian cuckoo

118. UNEXPECTED

Like all timesarrived Asharha1

with a flood of giftsof clouds anew,but the intense thirst-stricken chatak2

said nothing,only stared with vacant eyes,neither welcomed the newcomernor drank life giving nectar.

Like all timessavana3 rained in torrents,with lusty shaky breastsas black clouds gathered thickhankered restless,and beggedspreading the green, wet border.4

But peacocks didnt dance,bhadon5 went away sapless,the silent skydidnt give voice to kajali6 songs.

Like all timescame the wintry-moonlit nights chillyto remind about the young moon facedbeautys words.But Shuklabhisarika7

didnt move from her home,pathwaysadly awoke every night,no morpankhi8 ever stirredin the tranquil lake.

Like all timessweet-flourished Spring came,

with new leaves


O New Year,I slept and woke upwith a longing,to give you an important place,in the index of life.

Despite eagerness couldneither live nor die.

120. FOR ME ALONE

A cold silentnight of winter

for me alone.

All unknown starstrees slept,before me only onea body of darkness

for me alone.

God knowsof what acts unpardonablean d exceptional,sins result,all lost in a world of dreams,but I alonetired and restless.

This dumb-foundedheavy snow cold,shivering night,

for me alone.

119. NEW YEAR

O New Year,I could not welcome youdespite willingness.

Thought of planningvaried celebrationsbefore the auspicious arrival,God knows what peculiar new ideas,assimilated in mind,but could not put a little of thatinto practice.

O New Year,how you camewithout any pomp and show,and even with willingness,I could not embrace youin my love-laden arms.

O New Year,How sad you must be feeling indeed,I could not dedicate even a single lineto welcome you,although willingness it wasthis timeto write not one but many poems.

O, what happened,something memorableoutstandingmust have occurred,the prologue or the epilogueof the drama of life,but nothing came about,onlya sensation of rehearsal.


122. DAY END

Today,like ever silently went away.

Undesired, unbearable,rang the harsh alarm,of early morn,not even a single bird chirpedto rejoice the day.

The dawn distributed the golden sunshineto every house, every door,neither anybody knockedat my closed doors,nor gently called my name.

Noon a matured experienced woman,wrote moments of restin every bodys diary,but boredom, only boredomto me.

Idle and lethargicI look at the approachingevening crimson,what at all you can offer,a silent answerdarkness ... dense darkness.

121. EASY: DIFFICULT

It is easysimply to pass a day,difficult to live.

How easy to spend life,difficult to manageto set to stitchthe threads, the fibresof a fractured personality.

Poison only to vomittimely or ill-timed,difficult to drink.

It is easysimply to pass a daydifficult to live.


124. REPENTANCE

Lo!I spent lifelaughing and weeping

but could not live.

Spent the daywakingsleeping the night,yes, I spent life,

but could not live,

Being in sensesor senselesslyhow I havesquandered the life

but could not live.

Getting a littlebut losing all,Oh, so exhausted the life,

but could not live.

In longing and in turbulencesustaining and ruiningstaying mute, talking loudif one relevant,irrelevant anotherspent lifedreaming, dreams a few

but could not live.

123. RETROSPECTION

Flew away,many a year of lifedevoid of rejoicings,full of dearth,yes, fluttered awayseveral years of life.

The time will not returnlost in dust and sun,slept in darkness.

In uproars aroundlife continued to scream,helpless at every step,more vulnerable in endeavours.

I could not singa single song of joy,even a single song of pain.

Soundcontinued to resound only,struggle and struggle,and struggle.

All the directions of comfort,turned round.

Eh, many a year of life,fluttered awaybefore long.


127. FAITH

Defeated in lifebut not despondent.

Where is fidelityfaithlessness has everembraced me,not sweet fruit,only ablaze poisonmeted to my ill fate.

I feel cursed,deceived at every step,not despaired.

transitory remorse and painsuffocationthink it a blessingno other fetter,of attachment.

125. DESTINY

The smoke of doubts booms,how to breathe,

Lips envenomed deephow to drinkthe honey.

When the tideof repentance risesin heart,how to sleepon cozy bed.

On the stony soilof barren land,how to sowa new life.

126. ALMS

Hey! who filledthe dense gloomin my precious life-vessel,give me a handful of light.

Oh! who hungthe serpents numerousof suspicion,on the sandalwood naturedbody.

Give me bits of trust,fragments of faith.Give mea handful of light.


129. DISILLUSIONMENT

Perhapswhich was never acceptableto you,if a fallacy of that claim appearedin mind today

It is good,It is propitious.

Unstable deceived mind,think nothighly preciousvery rare heritageof life is lost.

Not faintnessbut certainly awareness.

Not the mist of temptationtrue knowledge,

the reality of life

Life will now get significancein a new lustre,be not worried at allin despair.

128. LIFE AS BESTOWED

Golden days of lifeworth living like a sacred boon,like a soothing song,lovely and enchanting words and echoing daysah, worth living.each moments joyworth drinking.

The days of lifescontinuous contrariness,the strenuous daysfull of dejection, melancholyand extreme emptiness,ominous like a curse,difficult days like a fang feverbitter and bristlyah worth living.Each moment restraintworth drinking.

The life as bestowed,good or badto live constantly,to live inevitably.


131. HOW TO SUFFER PAIN : A POINT OF VIEW

Smile if the heart aches,however, if pain findsits expressionin the slightest wrinkle on the face,or when its expression is evenhalf-consciously barred,it is only condemnablefie itit is unmanliness.

Sing if the heart achesSing with an easethat none can ever get at it,sing with the honey-soaked voice,the mirth of life.Let not the dead leaves of autumneven slightly rustle,oh, singthe songs of spring.

Sing burying sobs and sighs,the tinkling, echoing melodiesof the ankle-bells,sing oblivious of the sadand agonizing moments,of a lonely life,the never ending laughterof a boisterous life.

Sing the songs of love,Love is a great boon,it is priceless,and smells like sweet scentedshrubs of life.SmileIf the heart aches :Smiles that are milky white,

130. POINT OF VIEW

Be not allured to the past,past is dead.Let it turn to ashes,do not bear its burden,

be not a bier.The worshippers of the deadone day in present selfwill become passiveuseless and unwantedalso dreary.

What is pastis extinct,

why it be the controller of the present,and overpower the present.Free the present from the past,live it with full fervour,enjoy with this knowledgeof reality,every future moment will adapt itselfto the present.

The futureis infinite.


133. REALITY

Bitternesseverywhere available,

sweetness a rarity.

Panic evidenteverywhere,

courage rare.

Everywhereannoyance display,

stasis lost.

Everywhereaffectation, meretricious ness,reality a very long way off.

Smiles that are immaculate white,Smiles that are silver-like,Smiles that are moonlight-like!

132. HORRIFIED

Always horrifiedfrom the faults of vision,varied, strange and affected withhundreds of prejudices,and bounded bythe dense dark of doubtsand we look at one anotheras strangers.

And in the unwantedvenomous choking ambiancewhen we edgily writhe,the ocean of acute wicked, malice thunders,full of innumerablenasty creatures,free from the shacklesof all reticencebecoming man.


136. MISAPPREHENSION

We the beings of the science age,got the zenith of intellectgreat and highly developed omniscient.

Enduring ethics,eternal lifes values are hollowfor us.

Our dictionarydefines heart,as merely a mass of musclesthat purifies blood,provides fresh blood to all the arteries,the mystery of its palpitation,is quite clear,on its abating or putrefyingwe can also change it.

Related to heartprimeval mans passions,all the feelings,delicate charming emotionsof man are nothingbut ridiculous.

For us primeval manssentiments of mutual love,physical movements,due to pangs of separation,all childish, unhygienicand meaningless.

It is in the history of manthe utmost waste of time,to us.

134. ACHIEVEMENT

I could not achieve,what was ever desired,

no sorrowing.

Under numerous coversof alleged noble gloryexposure of such anaked meanness.

achievement of failure,no grief or mourning.

Easily manifestinvisible dramaof so-called great personalitylabelled as impartial, neutral,

achievement of failure,no sorrow.

135. FARCE

I hate artificial smile,when some peoplesmile in this mannerI feel they will bite.Trap in their snake-noose.

Whensuch an unpleasant smile is a partof etiquette,how dreary it looks.I hate artificial dry smile,I hate it infinitely.


137. ENVYDo not envyand do not fear envy.

Others expression of envywhether symbolic or spokenor through actions spells success.A cleanser of self-profundity,why timorous of itand so baffled.

Envy as neural,equally necessary its containment,destroy not embrace the envy.

Equipoise the enviousencourage him to advance,give him a chance to develop,fill his little self with glory.

Then none will envy,then none will fear of malice.

The day man tolerates beatings of envy,it will becomeonly an insignificant topic in poetics,of describing the short-lived1 emotions.

1. Sanchaari-bhaava : in Sanskrit Poetics there are 33short-lived emotions. After strengthening the potentialemotions, they subside.

For usAattraction Synonym of lustfor sensuous pleasure!

Womanish postures Simply acting of limbslearnt through practice,easily within reachby getting admissionin the dramatic theatres!

Love dialogue Artificial,miraculous voice luxuriance!

Mating lover-beloved Only for the sake of sensual

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STRUGGLING FOR LIFE