Russ

"I just need help getting proper medical care and I’m willing to do whatever I can to earn it."

“Right now I’m disabled, originally as a result of a head injury (from a car accident) seventeen years ago. As time went on, doctors and other medical professionals realized something else was going on…I was never properly diagnosed, so I went untreated, or improperly treated, until a year ago when they finally diagnosed me.” “My head injury put me on (government) support. I would have needed it ten years later anyway like my mother. But I was already on it for my head injury. When it came time for the review doctors saw something more and labeled it organic brain disorder.” “After the head injury, once the initial dysarthria had subsided…things got back to somewhat normal. Except I never quite understood people. There was something I was missing and I knew that, but I never could figure out what it was. I turned out I have a hereditary condition, ADHD…while I’m able to socialize with you, and seem normal and everything, it leaves me unable to interpret social cues that are very important for life…”

“Even though it makes sense to you, my mind isn’t processing it correctly. What I spit out comes out different than what I’m trying to say. And people take it the way they hear it, which I understand, but that’s not what I’m saying. Also, I’m above average intelligence and that causes problems because people think, oh, he can’t be mentally ill because he’s smart. But the problem is I’m smart and mentally ill…” “I’ve always been quick to pick things up, and I’m well-learned. But I’m here at forty-eight years of age…and I’m capable of doing lots of things but I’m incapable of the social skills that it normally takes to enter the work force…” “I moved out of my mother’s when I was twelve and went with my father. He became very successful. I’ve seen him twice in the last twenty years. Once he came to my bedside after my head injury. Spoke to me for ten minutes and then that was it. He left.” “Before I was in the car accident, I had my own maintenance business that I had started a year prior… I had developed a following. I had two property managers that called me up for everything. I was on the top of their lists for call-outs. And I had lots of clients who’d wait weeks for me to come fix their stuff. And for a maintenance man, that’s a really good following. I did that before the accident. But…I don’t have the proper insurance or the proper resources to get the proper treatment, to get me back on track.” “That’s where I’m at today…” “I just need help getting proper medical care and I’m willing to do whatever I can to earn it.”

Tina

“I just want to put it out there, that there is a way out of this.” So far what has been the best part of today? “Seeing all the volunteers. I really like that. I mean the services are great because I know there’s a lot of people here to help but there’s so many people helping, volunteer-wise. Can you tell me something about yourself? “I’m twenty-eight years old and I’m six years clean and sober, and six years off of the streets.” “[I want] to give people hope ‘cause I was homeless out living on the streets, living on the levee, living in tents, most the time without any type of blanket, any type of anything. I was out on the streets living nowhere for three years, and there was no hope.” “I thought I was never going to get out of it. I just thought that’s how I was gonna die. I didn’t think I was gonna get out of it drug-wise and being homeless, and feeling hopeless, and just (not) knowing that there is help and that there are ways to get out of it, pull yourself out of it. I was in the worst of worst places and I’m out of it.” How did you get out of it? “When I found out I was pregnant with my son, I stopped using. I got into a program, and I got housing services. I went into an SLE (Sober Living Environment).”

“I stopped going to jail. I got assistance with my tickets, and all this stuff that the county could help with and I never knew. I never knew about all these assistances. So I got all my legal stuff taken care of.” “I worked with Families in Transition, I got on the Housing Authority list. I waited. I waited in an SLE for awhile, went into rented rooms for awhile, and now I have my own house. I have a two bedroom house. I’ve had my own house for seven months…this is the first time I’ve had my own house.” What are your goals for the future? “I want to go back to school. I volunteered work for Janus for about three years. So I got all of my community hours out of the way, as far as being a counselor. I was supposed to do 1,500 hours and I did 3,000 hours. I got all my hours out and I got so much help for myself working with all these women and children, and other people like myself.” “[I’d like to] be a youth counselor…‘cause I’ve been there. I’ve been out on the streets since I was eleven, like moving all over the place. I’ve been there.” “I just want to put it out there that there is a way out of this. People don’t have to live the way (I did). I thought I was going to die out on the levee. I thought someone was just going to find me out there. I didn’t have any hope.” “There are services to help people. And just get information, learn about these things, ask questions—things that I didn’t do. When I started finally doing them, there were people willing to help. And they want to help. People who are out there are not alone.”

Doni “I’m Doni. I’m fifty-three.” So far what has been the best part of today? “Getting my glasses. Being able to get my glasses. Medicare won’t pay for glasses but they will pay for the prescription. So that’s the best part of my day. ” Can you tell me something about yourself? “I was born in California, up near San Francisco. I lived here most of my life… At twenty-six I moved to Connecticut…Had a lot of trouble in Connecticut. Got myself in so much trouble, that finally about six or seven years ago my sister came and got me, and brought me back here to California. I was in jail overnight once for stealing.” “I came here and I was doing good until last year about March. I went for my mammogram and found out I had breast cancer. And that was the worst day of my life. What happened was I went in and they told me I had cancer and had me come back within a week. They did a biopsy and within a month I had the right breast removed. I had no choice. It was invasive... I went from March to August with treatments, cancer. The funny thing about it, most people told me they get sick afterwards. The only thing was I only got sick on the last one. Very sick. I was so sick for five days, I was in bed…” “And then in September last year my hair started coming back, which was the best thing in my life, finally getting it back. Nothing really else happened except I finally got my medication. I do have depression but not real bad. ”

“I had problems trying to find a home that year. I finally got into a nice apartment that Housing [Section 8] would take…the apartment I have now is wonderful. The landlord’s there all the time and helps you out. He even lives on the property, which is the best thing in the world.” “I had my medication finally lowered for my depression. It isn’t as bad. I’m able to get out now and do more things. I go two days a week to yoga. And I do go to MHCAN, which is an organization for people who have depression, bipolar, schizophrenic. They can come in there with a referral and see people and get some help. I go there twice a week. I do my own shopping. But I do have somebody who pays my bills for me because I‘m a money spender…But as of today I’m doing fine. I’m doing wonderful, and I’m happy.” What would you like people to know about your situation? “It takes time. Explore. Find what you want. If you have to go to the library, get on the computer. Find out what resources are there. This is what I did for my apartment. I got on the computer and checked out apartment. If you don’t have Section 8, I’ll tell you right now, get it. It takes five to six years to get it, but get it. You’ll love it because once you get an apartment, it’s wonderful.” And what are your goals for the future? “Keep myself busy. I’m thinking about getting a part time job but I don’t know if my cancer will come back or not. But I need the money. There’s not enough money (now) for me to have for spending or doing anything. So I may go get a part time job. If not, I’ll just have to deal with what I have and be happy with what I have…I used to have to depend on everybody to help me and right now I’m out there trying to do things for myself. ”

Anything else you’d like to add? “I’m glad they have these things (Project Homeless Connect) every year. I didn’t even know about it last year…this was wonderful that I could come here and get some resources and things I need. So I would tell anybody, anytime they have this kind of fair at the Civic Center, please come every year. You’ll enjoy it. You’ll get what you need.” .

Alien “You cannot feel yourself if you cannot understand what other people feel.” “I’m Alien and I’m twenty-seven [years old].” So far what has been the best part of today? “We (me and my girlfriend) got my dog shots. The spaghetti was really good. We got medical. I got my antibiotics. Socks. Everybody loves socks.” Can you tell me something about yourself? “[Laughs] Now there’s the open-ended question…I’m just a kid. I’ve got a lot of problems. I have a son. He’s six years old. Yeah. I’m not allowed to know where he’s at…That sucks.” What would you like people to know about your situation? “Right now we’re sleeping under someone’s carport. The guy he came out yesterday and he saw us laying there sleeping. He got into his car, drove away, and no cops showed up. So that tells us, as long as we keep it clean, we’re gonna be okay, ya know? ” “I love being outdoors. Fresh air, all that, it’s beautiful. I got a gorgeous woman, beautiful dog.” And what are your goals for the future? “I’ve already finished about half of my credits, so I’m going to go back to college and get my teaching credential, even though I’m not gonna be a teacher. It’s kind of weird to meet somebody who’s a homeless kid, a drunk, who has a college education, huh?”

“...I just wish that one day I could get my classroom but they’re not gonna give it to me. I have too many charges… It happens, ya know? It’s not that I’m a bad person. It’s just the life that I live. It puts you in that situation where you have to make them snap decisions, dude.” What do you consider your best quality? “Empathy. You cannot feel yourself if you cannot understand what other people feel…I gotta realize that they have grandmothers, they have parents, they have family, they have children. Empathy, that’s gotta be the best one.”

Teresa Could you say your name and age? “Teresa and my age is fifty-four.” So far what has been the best part of today? “Chiropractic adjustment.” Can you tell me something about yourself? “I worked in the hospital for thirty years. Dominican and lots of hospitals, acute care hospitals. I started getting duodenal ulcers and so I quit, and went to landscaping school for a year and a half. But I’m having a hard time finding enough work, especially during the winter. Winter’s hard. I moved to the forest with my dog, five and a half years ago, so I’ve been outdoors for five and a half years.” “What would you like people to know about your situation? I think I’m learning a lot. I’ve definitely gotten a lot stronger. I think that a lot of people have different illusions about homelessness, and they don’t realize that they’re not all just bums. Yeah. I’m not a bum. I work hard. Through this transition of trying to find another occupation I’m just in poverty.” What are your goals for the future? “Ideally, I want to start a macrobiotic café and community center. That’s my vision.” What do you consider your best quality? “Hardworking, extremely courteous to others. Fun. I’m very playful.”

And can you tell me about your dog? “She is thirteen years old now. She’s a big wolfish-type dog. She’s been in the Aptos parade two times, off-leash. She’s a very gentle, good guard dog. We have a lot of land to run around in, so that’s good.” Is there anything else you’d like to say? “I think that probably more people are going to become homeless. The world situations are changing. I would like to see more apprenticeship programs in school rather than just textbook teaching. People being able to learn skills. You know like in CALWorks [for moms]. It seems like there’s not enough services out there that there should be.” “But I think that I’m learning some valuable skills that could help people if they get into this kind of situation. I’ve learned how to cook on fire, which is really great, and I’m an exquisite cook.”

Davey

"Homelessness is not a disease. Anyone could get involved in it."

“Hi. My name’s Davey B. and my age is forty-seven. I live in Santa Cruz County.” What’s been the best part of today for you so far? “Seeing regular people mingling with homeless people. Because it’s all a big community. And seeing all the services here instead of walking around. It would have taken me a week to do all this. I’ve been ignoring a lot of things, like checking up on my low income housing, talking to social security office, and getting a dental check-up. I would say the best thing here is the dental…That’s why I came here mainly because of the dental.” Tell me something about yourself. “Well. I’m an upstate New York native. I was raised in the snow and I couldn’t handle the snow anymore so I came out to California, following the Grateful Dead, back in 1985…I was a deadhead. So I came out here because of the Grateful Dead…And realized that I liked Santa Cruz. So I’ve lived here for twenty-five years, on and off homeless.” “I’ve got a nineteen year old boy, and a thirteen year old boy.”

“… I went eighteen/nineteen years without a full time job...Going in and out of odd jobs. Then I became a professional mold mechanic. And I’ve been surviving doing that for the last fifteen years.” “In and out of that, I disappeared to Tucson for three years and was involved in the Casba Tea House, a rolling vegetarian restaurant that went up and down the west coast on the weekend festival circuits in the summertime. I was promoting vegetarianism, and we had a portable stage and a Bedouin tent. We were setting up a stage every weekend for belly dancers and musicians. Sometimes we’d play music all night long. And that was the highlight of my time in California.” What would you like people to know about your situation? “Homelessness is not a disease. Anyone could get involved in it. …You have no phone, you have no friends, you have no family, you have no housing, you have no vehicle, you have nothing.” “…I would say that homelessness is easy to get into and it’s very difficult to get out of. Once you’re in it, it is all-encompassing…” Where do you see things going from here? “I’m trying to get self-employed…I‘m a mold mechanic and I spend most of my time at the junk yard recycling. Junk yards were the first recyclers in America. And I’ve been recycling for thirty years.” What do you consider your best quality or qualities? “My best qualities are being compassionate and sharing…I like to give away socks, I like to give away toothbrushes…

John “I was born in Campbell, just over the hill in Silicon Valley. I have one sibling, four years older than me, a brother. He lives in Virginia and we’re not close. I do have family in the area. They’ve been here for three generations but we’re not close…” “… I’ve had customer service jobs before. I’ve had professional agency jobs before, computer design work and that sort of thing. So it’s not just the people who are drop-outs per se (who are homeless)…I don’t even do marijuana—nothing, none of that. I’m all into health and wellness.” “One of my best jobs was for an advertising agency doing web development in the 1990s. That went well until the bottom fell out of that industry. When the dot com bubble burst, that was kind of the end.” “I can’t keep up on the skills they require now because I’ve been out of it for too long. I don’t have access to a machine that will allow me to experiment enough to teach myself like I used to.” “Also, just having the mental energy to do that work. I spend too much of it now, just getting meals and trying to stay safe and warm and all that.” “…The emotional part is really draining. For example: I’m a server for the Homeless Services Center kitchen. That way I get more food. I deal with a lot of people every day. Roughly 200 people per meal. I usually do it twice a day. That’s a lot of interaction and that takes a lot of energy.”

“I don’t have money for bus fare. So to start at a job somebody’s gonna have to front me money or I’ll have to borrow it from a friend for that first paycheck period, until I can afford bus fare.” “At the career center that’s run by Goodwill on Encinal, called Shoreline Community Career Center, they have a computer lab that’s open to anyone to come and use the machines to look for jobs…Mostly I look on Craig’s List and Monterey Bay Help Wanted…I’m able to keep my website update…I have my work portfolio there, so I’m able to stay current applying for jobs.” What do you consider your best qualities? “I’m as open minded as possible…I put my feelers out as far as I possibly can…I try to think of the big picture as much as possible and try and figure out something that’s going to be useful and important.”

Jack “My name is Jack. I’m fifty-eight. I was born in Kansas and grew up mostly in Southern California. Foster Homes, Boys Homes, pretty much state raised.” “In 1983 I lost my wife and my son. I went off the deep end. I started robbing banks. For the next five years, that’s what I did. I was traveling around the country robbing banks. I was finally arrested here in Santa Cruz in 1989. Arrested, convicted, sent to prison for seventeen years and four months.” “[When you are paroled] the State of California requires you return to the county that you were convicted in. It doesn’t matter if you know anybody there or not, whether you have any ties or anywhere to go. So when I got out in 2006, I was paroled and I came to Santa Cruz, and went immediately to the shelter.” “My parole agent told me, 'Jack you have to go somewhere where I can have an address for you, where I can find you…go down to the shelter. They’re used to dealing with us all the time. They deal with parolees all the time.'” “I had culture shock so bad. Everything had changed. When I went in, there weren’t cell phones, there weren’t laptop computers. The whole world had moved on.” “So I figured I’d better do something to help adjust. I’m a veteran, a VietNam veteran, so I have available to me, counseling at the VA Hospital. I went to the hospital in Palo Alto. They set me up with a counselor. I don’t think I could have acclimated as well as I have, had it not been for her.”

“Because like I said, everything’s different. And on top of it, I got nowhere to live. I’m sleeping outside. My skills from the Army helped me out because I knew what I was doing outside. So I didn’t really have a problem sleeping outside, but I knew that I didn’t want to get used to that…I had to make it a temporary situation, even though it took me up until three months ago to get inside. I knew that I was in for a long hard pull but I also know that there was help.” “My daughters saved my life when I was inside [prison]. They’re both grown and I’m a proud grandfather. My youngest daughter reached out to me in 2003. I still had another three years to go on my sentence. She found me, after twenty-four years.” “It was an amazing experience. I’m not a religious person. I was born and raised Catholic. But even though I was raised Catholic didn’t in my heart know, know that there was a God. I didn’t know. I hoped but I didn’t know.” “I think everybody has a secret litmus test for God. If you [God] can do this, I’ll believe that you’re real. And I did as well.” “From the day that I last saw my daughters, and every day since then, I thought about them and wanted to see them…I knew that it would take a miracle from God to bring me in contact with my daughters, and for them to have an open heart, to be willing to speak to me, to at least begin the process of getting to know one another. I wanted it with all my heart but I never truly believed that it would happen. And then it did.”

“I was sitting in my cell one day and I got a piece of mail. This was after fourteen years at that point. I didn’t get mail. I didn’t have anybody out there. And I get a letter and the return address on the top corner has my last name on it. It didn’t make any sense to me. I looked at the initial before the last name and it was A. My youngest daughter’s name is April. I was in shock.” “The guy who shared my cell with me said I turned white as a ghost. I sat down on the edge of my bed and fell apart. It meant so many things at that moment. Not only was my dream here in front of me, my heart’s desire right in front of me. But there was the realization that God is real. He knows that I’m here. And it changed everything. It changed my whole life.” “When I came home, I was sleeping outside but I’d promised myself and my daughters, that I wouldn’t let them down and that I’d make something of the rest of my life. And every single day since I’ve been home, I’ve worked my ass off to do that. It’s taken some time, but everything I have, I’ve earned.” “And I really believe that if they were to come and see me now—they live in Wisconsin, their whole lives are back in the Midwest—they would be proud of me.” “I didn’t want my life to be in vain. A lot of people paid dues for the lessons I’ve learned. For me to be able to have any awareness, to be able to sit here now and know I’m a good man. People paid prices for that—my ex-wives, my kids. And I have an obligation not only to them but to myself to not let my life be in vain. I’m smart and it’s up to me to use that intelligence…”

“I just recently got my Section 8. I got it through HUD a program through the VA. I got my voucher four months ago and recently I moved into a place.” “It’s been a long haul but I made it. I have a computer, I’m able send e-mails to my daughters. It’s all coming together. And honestly, I just showed up. God has done so much in my life… “So I’ve been homeless since 2006 but I’ve never been alone, and it’s all getting better…” “When I first came home from Nam, it was difficult. It was a different Veteran’s Administration. The organization was different, the care was different. It wasn’t what it is today. Now it’s good. My experience now has been so good, and so positive up in Palo Alto. I’m very grateful for everything.” “I couldn’t have done any of this by myself. With a prison history that’s seventeen and a half years long…If I didn’t have my pension…I’m totally disabled. I have rods and screws in my neck and my lower back. If it weren’t for the VA, if it weren’t for their medical care, I wouldn’t be in any kind of shape.” “So yeah, grateful, absolutely….”

Nick

"It's real powerful being out here and hearing some of the stories, and coming up with some of my own.."

Could you say your name and age for me? Nick Taylor, twenty years old. So far, what has been the best part of today for you? All the conversations I overhear, and talking to people. Yeah, lots of good people. Can you tell me something about yourself? I grew up in Norfolk, Virginia. I went to college for a couple of semesters. I failed out. It wasn’t for me. I wanted to get to know the homeless people, and get to know the tramps… It's real powerful being out here and hearing some of the stories, and coming up with some of my own. …I got five (siblings). They’re all wonderful. I’m the oldest. I’ve got twin sisters going off to college right now and I love ‘em for that. And I got two younger brothers that look up to me and love me. And I don’t want them to have to go through life like I’m doing it. But I’m just doing it to show that it can be done and it’s not something to be looked down upon.

So what brought you to Santa Cruz all the way from Virginia? I traveled out here with a friend. He had a job out here. So I started hitchhiking from Venice, LA. And I’ve gone through Santa Barbara and all kinds of places until I got up to here. I’m trying to work my way up to Oregon. I’m gonna pick some blackberries and sit on the beach and look at the whales. …I love California. This is my first time being out west. But I’ve heard a lot of good stories about Oregon. It’s supposed to be nice and open up there.

What would you like us to know about your situation? Well, it’s not something everyone would want and it’s not something everyone would choose. People look down on street tramps and homeless. But it’s through every little kind act that people do, even if it’s just flipping a little quarter into your case, or giving you their leftover pizza. It’s through all those little things that make everything work out so wonderful. Like one situation, I was sitting on Venice beach, and I was getting pretty hungry, and this little girl comes up. She must have been about seven years old, and she hands me her bag lunch. It had an orange and a sandwich in it. She gave me some water. That just made my day. …I’ve done a lot of reading and writing and a lot of my favorite writers have been on the road before, and they have exploited travel. What are your goals for the future? Just to keep going. I wrote a book, a short story awhile back, from when I stayed in New York City. It didn’t really get anywhere but I’m working on a second book right now.

What do you think is your best quality? Humility. Knowing your boundaries. And always keep positive because no matter what happens, I got this firm belief that everything that happens to us is the best possible thing that could happen to us. Anything else you’d like to say? Smile all the time. That’s the best way to do it.

Debra

Could you say your name and age? Debra Cady and I’m fifty-nine. [Debra is a volunteer] So far, what has been the best part of today for you? Just getting here. It’s really exciting. It’s like being at a fair. Lots of people and lots of people coming together to do good; to help others. There’s nothing like it. People volunteer to give up some time and come and help. And I’m very impressed with all the booths, the way they’re set up. It’s my first time I’ve done this. The way they’ve set it up and organized it, it’s amazing. Can you tell me something about yourself. Yes, I’m a hairdresser. And I volunteered actually to be a hairdresser. And then I got a phone call saying that a group of people at the last minute who were going to be escorts couldn’t make it. So they asked me if I’d do escorting instead. Actually, I’m quite thrilled to do that because thirty years I do hairdressing. Escorting people around the booth set-ups is actually more exciting. What are your goals for the future? I’m going to Haiti and help out with the earthquake there, in June. And I’m wondering if I want to go overseas and do missionary work long term. I’m thinking about it. But it gets a bit scary, the older you get. What do you consider your best quality? I’m willing to take risks, adventure, and help people. Is there anything else you’d like to add? Well, I’m really excited about today. I’ve not worked with many homeless, at all actually. So I’m excited to see how this works.

Thomas

So far, what has been the best part of today for you? I went to an AA meeting that was really good. I had a lot of laughs. It was great. It was a good meeting. Can you tell me something about yourself? I’m fifty-five and I have an apartment right now. It’s a Section 8 apartment. I’ve been homeless off and on, mostly on, since I was about twenty—the past thirty-five years. So the Section 8 apartment has been really good for me. This is the first time I’ve lived in a place for this long. I’m hoping they don’t cut any funding for Section 8 because I know there are other people out there waiting to get into it, who have been homeless for a long time. And a lot of bad things happened to me when I was homeless—being assaulted, and having stuff stolen. Being cold, and getting sick, and not getting well after being sick. A lot of real unpleasant stuff. It seemed like all the people I knew who had a place to live they had a lot of stuff I didn’t have, and it wasn’t things. It was a good night's sleep every night. They were all well rested and well slept. Their clothes were always clean and they were always clean. A whole bunch of stuff that I missed for a long time. And now I got it and I’ve been doing a pretty good job. I’ve gotta pay my portion of the rent on time, I’ve gotta take care of my other bills and stuff . But it’s been really good for me. I’m learning about myself and being a little bit more of a contributor to society. I think I wasn’t quite so much before.

I was mostly sucking up social services, food stamps, and what have you. And now I’m really contributing a lot. I do really good work. I work with IHHS, which is In-Home Supportive Services. I go into people’s homes, elderly people and disabled people, and I help them with what they need. I don’t make a lot of money but I make enough. And I’m politically active. I try to do grassroots politics to help people, especially low income people, but just everybody. So, I’ve been contributing and feeling good about that. What would you like people to know about your situation? Well, I guess what I’d like to let people know about my personal situation is, it was really very bad for a long time, and right now I’m kind of struggling but I’m doing okay. And I’m looking at a lot of friends and people I know who are not doing okay, because they’re not in an apartment and they’re trying to get into one. They’re trying to get a job. There aren’t a lot of jobs. Some of them don’t have the skills, and some of them just don’t have the resources. They don’t have a place to take a shower every day. They don’t have the clean clothes that are needed. There are just a lot of things that they need. So anyway, my situation is good because I’m doing alright and I’m helping other people and I’m happy about it. So, what are your goals for the future? Well, I’m fifty-five so I don’t know how much future I’ve got, but whatever future there is—I’m still fairly healthy. I’m in a twelve-step program and I like working with that because it helps me to stay sober by helping other people, and that’s a really important part of the program. So I’m thinking of continuing to do that—helping other people both to get sober and stay sober. That seems important.

And I also like doing grassroots politics, ‘cause it seems like the state of California and the United states are both having some real serious problems, and a lot of them are political problems. So being involved in politics is something I hope I can continue to do. And it’s all sorts of different stuff—registering voters, and right now I’m working on the California State budget crisis. We’re trying to get legislation passed so the people of California can vote on a tax extension, to avoid twenty-six billion dollars in cuts. It feels like I’m doing something concrete and constructive. And if this succeeds I will have helped save a lot of cuts to social services and education and stuff like that. So what I’m hoping for my future is to stay in an apartment, not become homeless again. And to keep working with other people who are trying to get sober and stay sober. And keep doing this kind of politics because I like it, it feels good, and I think it’s helpful. What do you consider your best quality? My favorite thing has always been helping other people. I feel really grateful that that’s an important part of who I am. It seems like some people don’t have that and that’s too bad. Because it’s really fulfilling to me, I love doing it, and at the same time it’s helping other people. So I think that’s my best quality.

SheaShaunna

My name is SheaShaunna, and my age is 65 years young. So many things in life are such a struggle, like food, or where to cook, or how to get your laundry done, when you don’t have the change. For so long there’s only been questions, like how do I get my resume out there? And today [at Project Homeless Connect] there’s some answers. There’s somebody to help me get my clothes washed and dried. And I’ve been carrying soiled clothes around for so long. You can’t even wash them by hand if you don’t have a place to live. And so today, I think there’s a little bit of hope. I went unconscious while I was driving and I got arrested but I was unconscious so I couldn’t sign the ticket. They gave me a DUI but I had no drugs or alcohol or anything. I’ve had insomnia for years. All these years I was feeling confused, and depressed. And all the doctor did was give me Prozac and sleeping pills. I just got Medicare. My doctor said Medicare would pay for a sleep study test. Medicare paid and the sleep specialist said, oh you have sleep apnea. Now Medicare’s paying for a breathing machine because my brain was not getting enough oxygen, so I was going unconscious. And so now it’s been a week I’ve been on the sleeping machine. I had to be homeless and get on Medicare and Medical. And when I was working trying to make my own way, I couldn’t afford anything.

I just got into a place. I got there the last part of February. And where I am, my landlord tells me I’m gonna have to move in three or four months because he’s not gonna rent to people anymore. I don’t want to be homeless again. I don’t want to be in my car again. Right now, I have a rent but it’s so high. And because I’m getting Social Security which is less than my rent, I’m only getting $56 for Food Stamps. Everything in my life seems to be such an enormous struggle…The least little thing in my life just seems so undoable, or so many obstacles to go through. And I’m getting really, really tired. When I was unconscious and was in Watsonville Hospital. When I came to they asked me who do you want us to call and come get you, I just wanted to go back to sleep and stay asleep, just stay unconscious because I can’t imagine why anybody would want to wake up… I’ve done a lot of good things and I have a lot of successes in my life, but I don’t want to relive any of this stuff any more…I learned how to take care of everybody else and it’s so painful because I don’t know how to take care of me…my life right now is in the hands of the creator of all there is and right now I need guidance.

Holly "I applaud everybody who put on this event… They ask you when you walk in, are you a volunteer or are you homeless? Today I had to tell them, I’m homeless. Maybe

next year I’ll be a volunteer."

What interested me about [Project Homeless Connect] is having a bunch of resources pulled together under one roof, for people who have found themselves homeless in Santa Cruz County. What a wonderful idea. There are lots of resources available for people who are homeless however they are spread out all over the place…getting to all of those places can be very difficult. It can be very overwhelming to even find out what they are. Because when you’re trying to find out on a daily basis where you’re going to eat and where you’re going to sleep at night, getting a checking account and things like that, kind of fall by the wayside. I’m a firm believer that everybody who is in the situation that I’m in now needs to be taken by the hand and pulled through the system. Every single one of us needs a personal advocate because the amount of trauma that happens when you find yourself homeless, can emotionally be so overwhelming…

Tell me something about yourself that you want to share. I had an unplanned pregnancy and I had twins in 2008. I was together with the father, we were not married. At the time I had the more “marketable skills”… And he was an excellent father. So I became the bread winner and he became the stay-at-home dad. He left when the twins were eleven months old.

He left and because he was the primary caregiver, the twins went with him. He’s been getting State aid. He gets Food Stamps, Medical, all that kind of stuff—for the kids. In August of last year I was ordered to pay child support every month to the State of California. Since everything is computerized, they just garnish your wages. So I couldn’t pay my rent anymore because I didn’t have enough money. I have another son, who’s fifteen and a half. The father lives here in Santa Cruz…He had an extra room in his house and he invited me here to get me back on my feet financially. He offered me what I thought was going to be a safe space here in Santa Cruz. What I forgot was the whole reason I left him in the first place was that he was an abusive alcoholic. So I left what was a very bad scene. I went straight to the Walnut Avenue Women’s Center. So here I am. It’s been almost three months now. I’ve been couch surfing here and there. I’ve met some people who have provided me a safe place to stay for a night or two. I’ve never been in a situation like this before—ever. I started to see a doctor at the mental health department, in Santa Cruz. They put me on disability for six months… I go to meetings at the Walnut Avenue Women’s Center every Tuesdays and Thursdays. And I learn about the cycle of abuse and how to identify red flags. And I read about safe coping skills, and what we can do to keep ourselves safe, and how to move through trauma and how to heal.

I’m really grateful for some of the people I’ve met here in Santa Cruz and by the way I’ve been treated here in town by some of the organizations—really looking at me like a person, with compassion, instead of somebody who f___ed up, excuse my language. Like somebody who made some huge mistake that we can’t ever forgive. The compassion factor that I’ve felt in Santa Cruz has enabled me to move through the process a lot easier. Because it’s a traumatic experience…To have complete strangers reaching out their hands to you for help is a joy… Everything’s coming together… I have just been getting back on my feet financially. I was able to get my cell phone turned back on. I’m now able to get my registration paper on my car. I was able to get my car insurance paid for again. I now have a little bit of money to maybe get a room somewhere… I’m a singer. I’m a promoter. I’m an organizer. I’m an activist, an activator. I would like to use this experience to help show other people the way out… I want to make sure that a certain percentage of whatever profits I make go to working with people in domestic violence, mentally ill, and the homeless… What are your best qualities? I have an incredible ability to talk to people. I can talk to anybody. I grew up in a military family and moved all over the country, so meeting new people is nothing for me… I have a really good sense of humor. I sing, and I like my voice.

Anything else you’d like to add? I applaud everybody who put on this event and everybody who attended this event. They ask you when you walk in, are you a volunteer or are you homeless? Today I had to tell them, I’m homeless. Maybe next year I’ll be a volunteer.

Thank You to all our

Participants

We were unable to use all our interviews due to technical difficulties. And, we did edit the content of some interviews for readability. Thank you to everyone for your time, your stories and your willingness to share.