Stoppard, Tom - On the Razzle (Samuel French, 1982)

8/10/2019 Stoppard, Tom - On the Razzle (Samuel French, 1982)

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/stoppard-tom-on-the-razzle-samuel-french-1982 1/83



On the Razzleby om oppard

Adapted fomEe Fux wl e ich mache

by oha Netoy

ML F, 45 WEST 25TH TREET NW YOK

7623 USET BULEVARD OYWOO



Copyrght� 8 8 by Tom Sopprd

AU, RIGHTS RERVDCA70N: Professionals and amateurs are hereby waed that ON H RAZZL is

suject t a ryalty. It is fully prtected under the cpyright ls of the nited tats f America the BritiJh mmnwealth including anada and all other cuntrie of theopyright nion All rights including prfesinal amateur motion picture recita-tin leturing public reading radi broadcating television and the right of translation into foreig langages are strictly reserve In its present form the play is dedicated to the reading pulc nly

Te amaeur live stage peormance rights t ON H AZZL are contrlledexcluively by muel French Inc and ryalty arrangements and licenses must be

sered well in advance of presentation A NO that amateur royalty fees are

et upn applicatin in accrdance w1th your producing circumstances en applying fr a royalty qutation and licee p/eae give us the number f prmances intended dates f production yur seating cacity and admissin fee Royalties are payable ne week before the opening permanc of the play to muel French Inc at 45 25th treet N' Yrk NY 10010; or at 7623 unet Blv llywd A9006 r to amuel rench (ana) t /00 mbard treet lwer level ornto Ontario anadaM M3

Royaly f the required amount mut be paid whether the pl is preented forcharity r gain and whether r not admissin is charge

tock ryalty quoted upn applcation t muel rench Incor all other rights other than thse stipulated above apply to Peters rasier &

unlp House 4 Ruell treet ondon W28 HA nglandPartilar emphasis is laid n the questn of amateur or profeinal readings

permiin and terms for which must be sered in writing frm muel French Incopying frm this bk in whle or in part is strictly frbidden by law and the right

of peormance is ntransferableenever the pl is prduced the fllowing ntice mst appear on all prgrams

printing and advertiing for the play "Produced by special arrangement with muel

French Inc ue authrship credit must be given on all prgrams printing and adveising forthe pl

ISBN 85 ned n U.SA #5

No one sha commit or uhorze y ct or omsson by whc he copygh of or therigh o copyght, hs play may mpared

No one sh make ay changes n ths py or the pose o pcton

Pbcton of ths py ds no mpy avaaby or oce Both mes andproessos onsdering a rcton e trngly advsed n her own neress oappy o Sme French nc, o wen sson oe stng ehersas dver-sng o okng a thee.

No o hs k my eprced stoed n a reeva sysem o rnsmed nany o by ny means now known or ye o nvented ncdng mechancaeecronc photopyng ecordng deotpng or othese wthot the pro w-ten msson o he pbshe



CHARACERS

WEINBELCHISOPHE

SONDEMAIEZANGLEGEUBELGIAN FOEGNEMELCHIO

HUPFEPHILIPPINEMADAME KNOMS FISCHECOACHMANWAIE ONEWAIE WOGEMAN MANEMAN WOMANSCOS MANSCOS WOMANCONSABLELISEEMISS BLUMENBLAAGAMUFFIN

PIPE CIIZENS WAIES CUSOMES EC



n th azzl was st performd on 1 September 1981 at theRoya Lyceum Theae, Edinbgh as p of h 81 EnburghInternaonal Fval d opened to the press on Sepember1981 at the Lyttelton heae. The cas cluded:

WENBELCHISTOPHESONDESMAIEZANGLEGETUD FOEIGNEMELCHIO

HUPFELGHTNINGPHLIPPINEMADAME KNOFAU SCHECOACHMAN

TALAN WAITEGEMAN COUPLE

SCOTTSH COUPLE

SECOND WATE

CONSTABLEAULEN BLUMENBLATLSETTE

Direced b Per WoDeigd b Cr s

Ray Brokseci KendaBarry McGnMy Choninsale LandenHda BradPa GregoryMichael chen

John Chashoas Hnty and mothy HcAysn eesosemy McHaleDeborah NrtonHar ce

on Chisers CdgCde GGreta Wsn Cbrii b

A Hy Hicksie



INRDUCIN

On h Ra i an aapaon of nn Jx ch machn yJohann No (802) ho oihe a a coc ao paigh in Vienna ing he 840 an '5 No oeeigh-o pa a han o hich ae i ega peoein ha ci e hi o o ohe hae ha a ea oneeia in he Gean-peaking heae ince he Secon WoWa I i a a Vienee iing fo Viene ha hi faee fo hi eccenc a h gage a hi ieionin Vieee iaec gie paia h o he aeion of one ciicha Neo i nanaae een ino Gean

hi ex i no an co no e aee a anaon he ain chaace an o of he po coe fo Neo ao none o he ioge aep o oe a anaon o haNo oe M eho gh e copae o co-conhikng ih ap a copa hee one ake a eaing on henex anak an pick one on a oa i

No a a aiica an ea oageo an ofenne on a oca efeence He ao ike o ince coic ongeeen cene On h Ra ake no e o iae ignopeio ao in iaoge an ha no ong i e in Viea(hogh ao f ea ae han nn]x no eniao he o enia hich hi pa ke fo he oigina ae he ao hic ae of o cony ce ecaping oon o a a of iici feeo aene hap an naoecape fo icoe; a econ he pi cocen o akehe ae a coic an eneaien a poie

Haing no Gean I a inee o Neie an Sephen

Paice ho pepae a coe iea anaon fo e a he eqeo he Naion heae a ho ggee he ie o PeeWoo ho iece he Naiona heae poco i oe he

7



id f ringing n rin f nnJx fr Dn h Bnk

n rin c r i rd crd nrnn Widr h Macha i n i n!dn n i f Wir p n nc D!

) i n pin f nn Jx n dcrd i rn hr Nr p kng prp in ringing p fr nnn cc r in h Engihhr d k ph f r n rrn Jx i i cnrcing cin gr) r hp hich Pr Wd n d rcd

ic i nind cn Wir prnich r h Macha gnr nd rignid f rigin hn inn i fhrhi dpin f p rr r fr hn nhng hdin ind r xp D i h chkr f h iWdr n innin

r f hp drnc n h gr h irii nd On h Ra ifn n ni iin cnn f pin inEngi fr nn Jx w ch achn i cn

TOM STOD

8



AUHRS E

Athoh thi text ike the t edition i in to act the oiginapodction a done ih o intemiion he midde actbegining ith The Jone to Viea and ending ith theetat Scene.





AC E

Zngr hopn which cutomr r rvd with gr pnch R nd

CHSTO MA i th chir in gidd cg Odfhiondprngodd cnitr trv on wir twn th c nd thcountr. A chut divr rg ck of our from up ov to

poition hind R countr hr trp door to crSONDS incognito, i mong th cutomr A town cock chim thhour. Cutomr r ng uhrd out CHSTO SONDS

rmin Shop coing for unch.

Zngr room cn occup th tg with th hop th ction ingtwn th twoZANGL nd GTUD ZANGL i uu workd up no.GTUD nvr i

ZANGL My tair ha t m dn aganGTUD Y, I can ZANGL N, yu damd l cat Im rrrng t my n

urm hich hant arrivd yt, ad tday i th gdaua paad ith th mad band h Spg dBnvnt Scti th Grcr Cmpany It nugh t

mak n burt a braturt Il l uch a l Thr Il b,pridntct ad hnrary pprin th Frind thOpra Fu and Far Club, t m ir th JhanStrau Mmria Sld duckhtng, ad I hav tappar br th pubic in my d rm Prhap Id bttrnt g ut at . That rtuhutr Sndr i ar my d

GTUD My rd

ANGL My ard! I nt rt ay un Mar i y u hi rach N, dnt rgt, M uggag i t b ntahad t my itrinla, Bumnblatt at



wentytee rsasseGUD Mss Blumenblatts.ZANGL What s the addressGUD Twentythree ClsasseZANGL What s t?

GUD Twentythree rlsasse.ZANGL Very well. Mare n stay wth her until Sonders nds

some othe nnocent girl to pursue, and furthermore t stop the lte slut from chasng after hm Im damned suretheyre sendg messages to each other but I cant work outhow they're dong t

Zng! n th hopn cod chcntr ng ongth wr to MA n hr gdd cg

Zngr hoph hop cod WINL nd CHSOH r nt SONDSh hddn h nt th cntr ZANGL on to hmZANGL Sonders!MA Uncle!SONDS Herr Zangler!ZANGL Unhand my foot, sr!SONDS I love your niece!ZANGL Outrgd My knees, sr Mod Oh, my nic

Outrgd Well, my nece and I are not to be prsed aptso easy, and nor are hers, I hope I make m meanngclear

SONDS Mare must be mne!ZANGL Never! She s a star out of thy mament Sonders!

I am a Zangler, proson merchant to te beaumode, topboard for the Cheesemongers and number three n theSmll Bore Club.

SONDS Onl ee?ZANGL Do you suppose Id let my arede be hounded up

andm heress be mounted up and bnk by auehound-be ed t and hounded by amounteba?! Not for te tea n Cna! Wel, I ght



for the te in Chn or the rice-no thts ridiculousthe preserved ginger then-no lets s hlf the te heginger shipment of shkn soup doubledscounted justto te it o our hnds

ONDR All ou tnk bout is mone!

ZANGLR l th bout is mone! As fr s m concernedn n o interferes ith m Mrie ight s ell vehs hnd in m til!

ONDR ke no secret of the fct tht m not the eminn grs of Orientl trde but hve expetions and nooutstnding debts

(A man, ORGNR, visb in th strt starts knokng onth shop door. MAR ha mrgd from hr cg nd gos toda with it)

ORGNR Grus Grott! H nts and shaks hands a roundZANGLR Were closed for lunch Wht expeons?ORGNR Enshulgen!

ZAGLR Closed!OGNR Mein eren! c nct ein custoer ZANGLR Wht did he s?R dont no Uncle think hes foreignerORGNR Gut orgengeshstttensie-bitte shorn-de

shorn

ZANGLR Were closed! Open to ocloc!OGNR ch comen looen nden Herr SondersZANGLR Here! Snders ORGR Herr Snders?ZANGLR No th SondersORGNR Herr Sonders? ch hben ein docuent

ZANGLR Hes creditorORGNR Herr Snders ZANGLR No debs eh?OGNR; J-dett!-ONDR Nein nein- bus Comen bcen in the orgen

ONDR shrs th OGNR ot o th shop. Th ORGNR

is at a lga mssngr who has om om Blm toaon th ath o ONDR rih at H sds n thisdavo at th nd o th pay

ZANGLR tought ou sid ou hd no debts!3



SONDS No otstanding debtsrnofteml debts I mayave I probably overlooked my ater1 wo s a bt sor.Bt as for my epeaons Herr Zangler I ave teonor to nform yo tat I ave a rc ant n Brssels.

ZANGLE A rc ant n Brssels! I reel, I toer, I am roted

from te eld! A rc ant n Brsselsm standng ere my bons done d e as a rc an n Brssels

SONDE: Ses gong to leave me al er moneyZANGLE Wen s at?SONDES: Wen se's dead, of coseZANGLE Lsten I know Brssels Yo ante wll be sng p

n bed n a lace cap wen Belgm prodces a composer.SONDES I ope so becase we se lv I know se' make

me a lberal allowanceZANGL A libera allowance!? How mc s tat n Brssels?

I'm afrad I never do bsness on te bass of grandloqentconage and n te lecon of te fase prospects a lberal

alowance s te apa and o my God ow many mesdo I ave to tell yo?I wll not alow my ward to go oand marry abroad.

SONDS Ten Il say ere and mry er tat's yowont

ZANGLE: And meanwe n Brssels your nerance wll be

eaten to te bone by codcls leng my wont wat pon er lke te poor cat w te addockSONDES Te wat?ZANGL Look to te ant! Don't waste yo me moonng and

skng ond my empormIm sendng Me away toa secret addrs were yo never nd er, sc owyo ( GTUD h h ntd ith ZANGLE's d )Wat s t?!

GTUD Twenytee Carlstrasse Mss Blmenblatts.NDES Twentyree Carlsrasse ! Mss Blmenblat's!ZANGL (Sptting o old-yo stpd-GUD Sold I let Mare ave te new travelng se?ZANGL ld baggage!GTUD Not e new traveng case .SONDE (Laving) My mble respes



GE: H is yu old unifm And nw svan as d

SOE: sv ma!GEU His

SO o)

G: ang ld fol w askd yo o on ybig mGEU: ou us. ll.G: W i MaiGE Ss upais ying on Scs avlling ou

you go ca om yu fcy.

GE: My f? My c A pabl widow and Madam f Mad os Fasion HousGE: oug as muc-so is a boal.GE: o i isn d you nv is a a and coa so!

w g ou ad snd nw sva And don lMai ou f yu sig f s and Sondrs xchg s

muc as a glanc w m gon l pu you on cabbagwa yo c ass i back ino suppo wiouknowig dnc(xit GERUThis lac is bgining los is cc f m bsid mcal ad f hs aris lk a colossus, and un a

baclo sablsmn scond o nn as fa as y cns nd m suoundd by vilag idos and nncmpn oops of vy sip. s upll suggl rying insla lil on ino is lac(hr is kck o th door)En(hr kck o th door)(rio) Cm in(t ECIOR

CIO Excus m, ar you spkpr, my rd

AGE ou do m o much honu and no nough amHr Zangl prvyo of highcass povisions

CIOR undsand you a in dspa nd of a sanZANGER You undsand og rs no shoag f s

lk you, oy of mss ik m o g h giumplymn



CHIOR Thats classc. And very rue. A good servt willkeep for years, whle masters lke you are beng runed everyday. Hows busness by the way?gy provisonal, Iust?

AGER You ske me as rather mpernent

CIOR I was just takng shop Pease dsregard t as thenexperence of blushful youth, as the poet sad.

AGER Do you have a reference?CR No, I just read t somewhere.AGER Have you got a esmonia?ECHIOR Produn tttr pp) I have sr. And ts a

cassc, f I sa so myse.AGER Do you have y eperence n the eld of medmerchandse?

CHIOR Detely, Im always ng t.AGER Wel, I must say I have never seen a testmon lke t.CHIOR Its just a b ceased thats al.

AGER Honest ndustrous, enterprsng ntelgent,responsbe, cheerful, magnave, wtty welspokenmodest, n a word classc . . .

ECHIOR When do you want me to start?AGER ust a moment, arent you forgetng the ntervew?ECHIOR So I am-how much are you payng?AGER S glders a week ncludng laundry.CHIOR I dont do laundr.AGER I mean the houekeeer wash your sts.CHIOR Thats classc I lke to be clean.AGER And board, of course.ECHIOR Clean d bored.AGER And lodgng.CHIOR and bored and lodgngAGER l ncluded.ECHIOR Ah board and lodgng How about sharng a bed?AGER I won't countenance mmoralty.CHIOR O bed. As for the bod, at my last place t was

groanng t to bust the neghbours used to bang on the

wallsAGER I assure you, no one goes hungry here: soup beef,

puddng, a the trmmings.



LCHIOR: Clss. lws hv o t m bkfst.ZANGLER: t hs v b th stom fo th st to

hv o.LCHIOR: You wouldnt lk m to d lquo fom th stok.ZANGL: C ot.

LCHIOR: shoud p to vod th tmpto.ZANGLER: m gd to h tMELCHIOR: Ad th.ZANGLER : ht l ou do good ob . . o th.MELCHIOR: om th potZANGLER Ad lbd.

LCHOR s tht s o oZGLER: Y.MELCHIOR: Souds lss. s th hg ls ou wntd

to sk mZANGLER: o . . dot so.MLCHIOR: l tht sms stsfo. You wot t ths

s hv lws ptd wth m mpos o th bt otms.ZANGLER: You hv v b skdMELCHIOR: Thl s but ol hv lt t b ow

b subtl gl o m du tht th job hs sous.

ZANGLER: Thts v osdtLCHIOR: dot lk to us o b gvg ot- svt t looks pumptuous.

ZANGLER: Tht shows modst.LCHIOR: Yo humbl st s.ZANGLER: Ys ght.LCIOR: Clss!ZANGLER: Onl oull hv to stop usg tht wod ts spd.LCHOR: hs othg stupd out th wod. ts just th

w so popl us t wthout dso.ZANGLER: Do thLCHIOR: Oh s. ts bsolutl ss. t m dusZANGLER: You duts th duts o svnt To b wth

ou n mk m od unom look l w-d httlo shows hs tl hm to go to hl.(Ent tio, PER. PER bing t im ZANGLER ne

17



nom on a tailor dmmy h coml ig-o incld adiclo hat wih fah c, olihd iding boot withmoo hining and y adibl , and h nomi which i to ha with gold bto and baid c.ahr aing or holt fo kn gn� wod . .

h gna ct i ing and mical. h nom ibigh than h old which i bigh. h ailor i onlyonibl fo h cloh h t of th i alady inth oom)

HFER Here we arthe masterpiece is readyZANGLER: You managed it my dear Hupfer! In the nck of time

MELCHIR Go to hellZANGLER Shut upMELCHIR (o h dmy) Shut up!R Well with the help of two journeyman tailors I have

done the impossiblelet me help you into itMELCHIR Too small

HUFER (act to MELCHIR I see you have a new servant, HerrZanglerZANGLER (hfl) Oh yes I woke up ths morng feeling

like a new man So I got oneFER: TrousersLCHIR Too ghtHUFER ( di) Hes a personal servant is heZANGLER Yes he is a bit but I lie to give yout a chance and

then I lie to ck it down the stairs if it doesnt watch itslip

MELCHR: I worked for a taor once. I cooked his goose for him.HFER There we areMELCHIR Everything went well unl I got cofused and oosed

hs cooZANGER Pay aention You may learn sometngMELCHIR After that he got a valet standZANGER Youll see how a trouser should t ecept its a bit

ght isnt i(t i mo han a bi tigh)

HUFER SnugZANGER Snug Id be in trouble if I nelt down. I n

of my nupals



HUPFER It he preng.ZANGLER Excty. I dont want them preedHR ry the tnicZANGLER I le the rogggHUFER C we pleae keep our mind on he tunic. Now et

me help youZANGLER It omewhat ontcted, e.HUFER ht he tye.ZANGLER But it tg me de them e btton

y o when it do ad breatheHUPFER It a uom it i not uppoed to be a nighth

ZANGLER I dont undertnd it You took m meaurementLCHIOR Wel ht expi t I God hd been a tailor theredbe o ad a h eet to the yard d he word woud ooie a teecornered ht

ZANGLER d it' a day ate.MELCHIOR And it would hve been d te Wed al be o an

eghtdy weekZANGLER Shut pMELCHIOR th dummy) Shut p.ZANGLER I uppoe it wil hve to do t a pinch How do I

ook?MELCHOR Id rther not y.ZANGLER I order ohow do I ook?MLCHOR ClicZANGLER Shut up!MLCHOR HUPFER Shut up!HUPFER You dre to et your ervant pe to me e t?MELCHOR In the lvery o the Zanger I am no m minion.ZANGLER hat wel aid What ou ne?MELCHIOR: MelchiorZANGLER Melcior, throw ti mn otHUPFER: Don touch me You, i reive yor mearement

rom nature he tailor t i to interpre th to obet advnge nd move the btto ater. M humblerepe I leave my bill

MELCHIOR htin th dummy at HUPFER Oh no ou wontyoul te him wth oExit HUPFER with dummy.)

9





AGER r l I m hr unlMECHIR I'v workd it outAGER I snt pkn with n s ointtMCHR I tk sw hi lvAGR Now hrs so ony to th th oh

CHR Ct I t th rst of yor st?AGER Thr s't tm Do you udrstd y rqirmts?MCHR PrftlyAGER Rpt thMCHR Cth th oho strht to th Impril Grdns

Cfprivt dnnr for two hpn on

AGER Nononth Blk d Wht Chop HousMECHR Sir I b you to osdr d orr is

won of th world sophsttd drssd to h ninwth h to knok your y ot nd n y to knok yoht oYou wnt to win hr dn hr nd nam h dyNow dos tht sst to you fon tnrd nd plt

of old ts in th old Blk nd Whit?AGR (Slghtly puzzld Ys it do Wht r you tt t?MCHR d Knorr is not just nothr husu Fson

is hr ddl nAGR or or lss Knorr Fshon Hous I n I s

wht you mn Th Ipril Grdns Cf is

fshionbl p is itMCHIR Its t only pl for th qlty t th omntAGER Th qulity Ar you sur it is qut rndMCHR Rnd? Th plohmn's lnh is six oystrs nd

r d th frpp

AGER I s wll prhps jst tis on

MCHR Lv it to m sirhpn-lobstrrostfolbrthdy kAGER Pklduplins MECHR And to nsh o to t hr in th oodAGER Prhps w should hv-MCHR

}

Tgthr A botl of th hd stu

AGRMECHR (Lavg Shnpps(Cah h AGER puts th rst hs ut btshat t

21



ZANGL We, a eem g J e cke claWy do I ave a ene of mpenng dae? (e eets)Snde ae my nece and a dcoveed e eeade wee I am endng e o e afe keepng of myenlaw Bmenba, wo a neve lad eye on

hm, o, fo a mae, on Mae ee nce e wa ababy-whle I ave o lve my bne n e cge of myaan d an appence, and follow my new ev,wom I aven ad me o nodce o anyone, o owno jon e pade d ake my ce o dnne n afahonae eaan n a nom I c own n

ne e moe an we col ave a fce on o and(e ets.)

angle' shop

he shop s losed fo lunch WNBE ocupes t lke a gentleman oflesue e s wi"ng a lete at the count e has a ga and a glassof wne CHISHE s a the doo leadng o he est of he houee s holdng a boom, he ndeeatype of boom, not a yad boomCSTHE e gone

(e jons WENBEL and s oeed a glas hee s also a ja

of ollmops o hand)A, ank yo, M enbel(WNBL connues to wite t CSTs poson onthe counte hee s a stack of to pages fom newspapes usedhee fo wappng puposes CHST lea on the sackeang he top page)a, I hogh o cocoa p pon

WNBEL thout lookng up) he wa haCHS (amnng he op of he page) eek eoe la

(WENBE sgns hs lete and blos t)WEEL Doe eve occ o yo, Cophe, ha ee e

backone o conyCHSHE o an e, M enbe

NBEL he mechan caCHSHE h yeWEL he backone o he cony he vey veeae o



continnt stbity rom coc to clviclom tCptins to wr you

CSTOR: T tonils WEINBER: t Tyrol om ustro to brst d

Hngri to ligts ot t mrcnt clss is bckbon

of t mpir on wic t sin out of o doings;do you vr sy tt to yorslCHRISOR: ot in so mny words WinbrlWEIER (Puli CISOR' forelok) W you sould

Wt is it ftr tt disngs m om bst?CISOR: ot lot Winbl

WEINBER: TrdCISOR: I ws g ttIER: Wt wod w b witout d?CHRISOR Closd WinbrlWEINBER: Thts it T surs wold go up on civiizon

s w know it Its t mrcnt clss tht olds vg

togrUning t dps srmn nd t lgmidn ovr pickld ring on mogany cotr

CHRISTOR: Youv put m rigt o m rollmop(He has been eating one.)

WEINBER : uning t ovls of Hvn nd t Hous ofHnovr ovr bo of ndrold cigars nd th mtcrland t churc wardn in t fl of lucifr T prl srnd th courtsn r joind t h nck by t mrctclss W r t brokrs btn invnon nd ncssityblncing spply d dmd on t knif dg of protnd loss I giv yout mrcnt clss!

CISTOR: T mrcnt clss!(They toast)

INBER W know good ms nd w know bd Sommd smbls on its mcT t mcin sms tositt t whirling cogws nd rciprocng pistonsisngg n uny silnc dscnds pon t mrcnilworld st r idly wisting ppr into cons icking dst ovr pils of prsrvd gs nd pyramids ofncrn dts stng lik wnton gods o thnoth fc of th Emmnt nd gzng into t st

And thn sddn wit g roar ngin busts



into ife and the teeng world of coerce s upon us!Soeone wants a pound of coee, soeone ese an ounceof capers, he wants soked eel, he wants leons a skvywants rosewater a fat lady wants buter, but a skny onewants whaebones the rate coes for a candy sck the

bail roars for a botle of brandy, and tere's a Gadarenerus on the pigs toters At such ties the ercant cassstands alone ordering the tuult of desre into the ledgerlyrhyth of exchange wth a copose as placable as acoage loafTongue(u he peech WNBR h folded h lee nd pu

n n envelope. CHRISTOPHR c ou h ongue ndWEINBR dab poge mp on he ongue nd lp onhe envelope e el he envelope wh fcon)

CSTOPHR How s your roance Herr Weinberl?INBR As well as can e expected of a relatonsip based on

pseudonyous correspondence between two post oce

boxes. One has to proceed cautously wt loney heartsadvertiseents There is a great deal of sefdeusion aongtese woenalthough I ust at I a becong veytaken wth the one who sgns hersef Eegant And UnderForty. a tinking of coing out fro beind y ownno de plue of Scaraouce Te trouble s, I ratherti have given her the ipression that I a ore or lesste oner of tis place, not to ention oters lke it .

CHRSTOPHR At least you're not a dogsbody lke e.WNBR Dogsbody Youre an apprentceYou'e had a

valuale traing during your ve years under e.CISTOPHR You see tings derenty fro te y egts

of chef sales asssttWEINBR Chrstopher, Cstopher, ha a pretel The

dgny of labo ebraces servant and aster, for everyaster s a serant too, answerable to the voice of a igherautoriy

ZANGR (ude) Wenberl!(hou eemng o huy WNBR nn pu hng o

ode)WNBR tought you sad ed goneCHRSTOPHR He ust ae canged s nd

24





ZANGLER: N I mean I a ub abu leavng.INBERL: I n unean yu CiefZANGLER My nece an w i peyg n my n. Tee

mhing n quie igh hee.CHRISR: My nece an wa peying n y min-?

ZANGLER: (gnong hm) Seng n quie e cke Snei a yeinewl Dn Ju He' ne Maie' hea f I knw he' aleay i.

NBERL We he in le i in puZANGLER: I'm ging uae im.INBERL: Fuan i g f him Cef.

ZANGLER: I ending Mie away f a few ay. Yu' ave maae he whie he ll N-WENBERL: T we e ime .ZANGLER: NWENBERL: The he while?ZANGLER: Tha' he by Yu'l have anage he il he

whie and he bk a h cle f buine.I uppeyu'e pepae ha?NBERL: Vy wll ppa if I ay ay He ZagleZANGLER : Thee will be he change Pepae yulf f a

upie I have alway pie yef n big a gmae wh a mad vey eanable pviin f

a.NBERL: Yu av ChiefZANGLER: Wel wha wul yu ay having a mie?CHRISTHER: One each haing?IERL: Cngalai Cief We wih yu an yu bie

evey happi.ZANGLER: Tha yu hank yuWEERL: May n ak wh i e funae yug ayZANGLER: Acuay he a widw in buine le e We

acaly ike e fa f i i a hau cuu huecaing xcluively h beau mne wih he giwking up. Wha yu ay ha?

INBERL Wl hee n a yu can ay Cief

ZANGLER : Wha he vil i h a wih eveybdy Thaanhe ing ha wa wying e-aving h plac inchag f yu w I nee ne wih a ppe ee f



responsbt, not a lorolln counterclerk an a cackhane apprence

INBER Im more.CISTOPR I'm arcleNBER Wo have ou ot n mn Che

ZANGER Well, ou wo of cose!WEINBER I me to put n chare wth a sense of responsblty?ZANGER Wat woul you o n m shoes?WEINBER JneZANGER What?WENBE Jnle make any erence just for one afteroon

Chef?ZANGER It may be loner. Te uraton of my absence wlepen on how tns o at a certan enaement I havets evenn Meanwhle esperate satons ca foresperate measures Master Chrstopher Approach

CHRSTOPR He calle me Master Is t the sack?

ZANGER Ive been payn for your clothes a these years, asyou knowCHRISTOPHER o, I thouht you bouht them ouht wen

ou took me onNBER hut upZANGER By rhts you owe me anoter s months

appretceshp but to ceebrate my nupals I ave eceto foro tose onths I am appon you cef saesassstant

WEINBER uch an honour s rante to such a few how yourrattue then Hes stunne Cef

CHRISTOPR Chef saes assstant! Oh Herr Zanler, yobountness !

ZANGER You ma ca me Chef top snvenwhere'sour-

CHRISTOPHER Than ou Chef!ZANGER ThanyouChefnWEINBER (ed) H on, ChefZANGE HanonChef-no-CHRSTOPR W I have my ceremony, Chef Ive ot to

have my-ZANGER What?

2



ITOP non Cef!ZANGLE Bl yo.And we mt hve the ceemony. Re

yo igh oe and epet fte me weITOP I wea . ZANGLE einbel do yo emembe how i goe

WEINBEL To ve nd to bide.ITOP To ve and to bide.INBE N we by the ed pon of the Gnd

Ve-nit been ong tie

HRITOP (Rapd) we by te ced pon of tempei Gnd Goce nd by the gocey chin of i

oce to tive fo hi vie in feehold to bide by higment which ow fom i pemie to hono ctom keep p hi tock give cedit to few be cedt tol d not be fond wng when weighed in the ceo hep me God!

ZANGLE Yo my jmp the conte

TOP jump)Tht tht wi iom yo of chnge in yo dehod y o to mexcept of coe tht yo hve toby yo own cloth.

TOP Thnk yo Cief!ZANGLE And emembe alwy give people thei chnge

beeen nge and thb.Noting let dow the tone of plce o mch chnge fom the t

TOP Right Cef.E Ece me Cef. yo chief le itnt o

notZANGLE Yo e not hve decided to mke yo my pe

To tke ee om the dy of my migeWEINBE (Sund) Me Yo peZANGLE Y A mied man who h come into poeion

of cote tblhment be pending e mewy om hee. t ony ght tht yo hod hve an

nteet n the popety of the bine nd pobblchepe

WENBEL Pe ..ZANGLE Ye ye oon my bide h conmted my

epnion into he tnove yo wi be my ptne f yo28

'



se ad ade yo may d yoself my old fom.Now-wha shal I do hall I go o wha?

WINR Wha . . .?ZANGR No, I'l go.CHRIOR Good lck, Cef!

ZANGR I'm gog o o he paade ad call o my aceI's he day. Im hopg o hae a lle see osdehe a shop efoe I ake he o die.

CHRIOR Osde? I he see?ZANGR Yes. I ca' help I'm a fool o myself whe I'm

loe. If I'm o ack mog yo'll kow whee Il e.

CHRIOPHR I ail?ZANGR I he lle's ams.CHRIOPHR Hae oe fo me, Cef!ZANGR Wha?No. I wll go ad pla my ssoCHRIOHR Plgh yo-ZANGR Tha's he oy!

ZANGR goe)WINR In daze) Pae . . pae . . . Im a pae.Oe mome a ppo coeclek, he e a pllarof h coea adig commiy

HRIOHR Cef sales asssa . . Ie always ee a heoom of he ladde ad ow . . A though trk him)Who's gog o e de me, he?

WINR Bookkeepe-ha as e Hmalaya of myaspaos, fom he aage po of paesp I lookolealy dow po he ookkeepe's place as f fom aroe of clods.

CHRIOHR He's a pae ad I'm he eire sa. I'll haewo mases sead of oe, hee cog he dow, adhe egh of my ahoy wl e fel y he hosekeepe'sca.

WIR d e-sagely ogh-o, o of all mes,whe oe has smed po me lke a lac po aom a apple, I feel a ses of . (aue) gef

CHRIOHR Tha ca s gog o wsh had ee ee oWINR Wha s happeg o me? I feel a looseg of

osce esas . . Deses si my eas lke sfgcaes o a adly loaded ao

29



CISTPHER (eak out) Oh, Moth, what s th whfoof t all-th th sng and how th abding fo apoo boy n th gocy tad I glad shs dad anddosnt s chand to this count a dog to akl knowng nothing of th wold xcpt what happns

to gt wappd ound th nt pound of gocs.Sng th sus only o an ac wndow, and thsunst d n a ow of spc as, agog at tavlls'tals of pavd stts! Oh, nbl I hav co ntoy kngdo and I s that t s th ockd oo fo wicyou clbat you scap And f I hav to wat untl I a

as old as you that longe than ve een alve!WEINBERL (oely) yond th doo s anoth oo Thsant s th slav of hs ast and th ast s thslav of hs busnss.

CHRISTPR (egading ZANGLER' old unifom left in the oom)Ty t on.

WEINBER atCSTPR Ty t on.IER NCHRISTPR Go onWEIERL Gtud ight co nI ustnt!CHRISTPR All ght.

WEINBERL I dnt!CHRISTPR All ght.WEINBER Da I (e tat to don the unom.) If only I could

look back on a day whn I was fancy a al al of aday packd wth advnu and gh ks, a day tob wn I a a gandgoc nglng toughVnna n y boots and spus and th lvy of thGocs Copany o passng th gog and spnng thyan wth th chant pncs of th tal tad whn Icould say Oh I was a gay dog n y day a apscallon -wy I b onc . but I hav nothg tob.(eeately) Iv got o acu a past bfo ts too lat

CHRISTPR Can co wh you nblWEINBERL Co wth whCHRISTPR want t now



INBEL Now?ITO Ths very nueINBE (ppae) Wha? ock up he shop?ITO Is aready ockedWEINBE We hes a he prade ..

ITO: And der n o. Is oy us o.Mare sconed o quarers.He never know.IBE W ...(e paces abou fesh an he

embraces HITO.) a abou he books?TO We cook he booksWEIE Yes-wha abou he cook?

HITO We he cook.We e her he od us o eher he od us he doesn w o open he shop.WEINBE Wha happens when she es m we od her he od

us o e her he od us HITO The cook . GETD (sage) Isn me you opened he shop-s one

wo ocock.WEINBE She do for us ... e me ou of hs!(HIO pus he unorm unc er WEIELs heaGED appears)

GETD So youre s n wo nds, Herr Zaer?HITO He s, ad hes haf ou of boh of hem.

(o WEINBEL oudy) Is erud, Herr Zaner . e?( INBE nes are mued an unnegbe anfurous WEIEL speaks)

INBEL o GETD Twenyree Carsasse, Mss Benbas.

(his s he wrong answer an WEINBE spea even morefuouy)

HITOH aser says d Wenber and e m no oopen he sop hs aferoo.

GETD Don open he shop Te Weber.(WEINBE agan)

CHITOH Sc orders he says ad ow he wod beobged you woud be so kd as o eave hm.

GETD Ta doesn sound ke hm(INBEL dances abou and roars ITO goes



hough o help him no he unc GRRD peak a heleave) ·

ht do.CHRSTPR (ulng he unic ove WR hea Sh

o

WBR Ad ow bt foot fowdCSTPHR ll t y wotd toWR I tht y?CHRSTPR t ot y v tR Ill t d wll b o

(oo lam and ingle of pu)

AGR (age GtdWBR God hv h b (CHRSTPHR pick up R dcaded clohe andu o owad he hop pu howev l appoach) t lt h l t(efoe WBR can folow CHRSTPHR GRTRD ene

fom he kchen and WR dive behnd he funiueAGR ene a he ame ime)AGR: (hou) D d blt t tht whod

Sd owh to b th vll d h ddtlv o th oh d wdow op God Hly -If I p hv to o b Il th

pd. I told yo ot to lt ot of yo htGRTRD Yo told to d W bl d tll -AGR Dot tll wht told yoh h oo. f

h ot ot of h Sotth tp t to o h p thty t o. Ill p wth th d f d pl to d

GRTRD: Std th hbo bod.(h leave in deen diecions. WBR comes ou fombehnd he funure and runs in he hop looking for hiclohe)

angle hopWBR ene caling fo CHRSTPHR u ha on u

32



eneed when te tap doo n the oo stats ong u a es nto a upboad, o pehaps unde the ounte ODE ad Rdessed n a vounous tatan hoode ape ege fo the eaODER t's ightit's stcouge mo moMARE Oh Augustw musn'ti's no pope

ODER Now's o chcewe escpe by e shop owhile they'e sechig ou he bc.MIE Oh but it's ot pope.ODER: Do' you ove me?MIE: ou now I ove you bu I o' wn o wyODER: Eopemn is' ung wy i's ug o.

MARIE I's ot popeODER: Is i pope o yo i to behve he you?

MIE: Ye Ths why they c i popety.I OhAugust you'e eibe n ss me gn.Yo me meee uy ow thee.

(e ebaes he oe nsde

ae th out.)ODER: Oh Mie!MARIE: I men i the celOh omeboy' cog!ODER: Hie i he!MARIE: No it s' pop!

(e dves nto WEIBER's upboad ug afte hCHRITOPHER entes fo a seo doo wth ER's othes ang f h and ung out of the sho he upboad doo usts open. MAI oes out ODE osout ad IBE's egs oe out WIBE s ng on h font)

ODER: Someoe hs been evoppg o uMARIE: I hought i ws sqush i thee.

(ODER dags WEIER out hs hees spus e adMARIE ae aghast to nd that ZAGER sees to be yng othe oo wth hs fae st n the boa ODER aMARIE kee down ad bow the heds IBER getsunstead to h feet WEIBER gazes dow to the owns of the hea)

MARE: Oh my uce!ODER: Oh my oHe Znge!E Do' be ngy Uce I me o hm.ODER She's bess si inct I sw I me in c I

33



swea se dd agans e MIE I dd o SODERS No se ddn- aven-O s was ove a

dove us o deceve ou(h ar kssg IBERs hads)

IE Won ou spea o me Uncle Yo s wodse se o bea an e slence of ou ange(ER dply mbarrassd dsgags hs hads ad pash wo ha)

SODE Wa do ou ?MARIE Do ou mean

(h ry o ras hr hads bu WEIBER rmly kpshr ha dow ad prsss hm oghr)SODERS: Hes blessng ou uon

(IER gus hr fas o a lgg kss durwhh h s abl o rr sl from h room)

SODERS: Mie

RE O AugusO Uncle ouve made e so Wee as e goneSODERS: Wa a spsngan e is Benea s oug

manns e s e ve soul of acMARIE: (g up) I alwas new e was deneaSODER: Le me ss ou aganRIE: You can ss me popel now

(hy go o aohr lgrg kss durg whh ZAGERs h a sl apopl lgh SODER oshm)

SODERS (ua) ee ou e m de we weewodeng wee oud go o

ZAGER (rag l) Sonds ( oup of buo y o hsuom)

RIE O ou mus call m Augus nowoue gong o besuc frends-sn e dsome

ZAGER: Ill imE: Uncle bu ou usZAGER : Slu

SODERS: M de s wa can ave appenedZAGER You blacgud You baefaced dadSODS He mad



GRTRUD enteGERTRUD (lac) O yo've fod emIE O Ucle yo'e o yoelf ZANGLR Ill mae yo ea yo wod yo gaefl lle

Meaa

GERTRUD Mae yo ea yo eola yo gaefl leZANGLER (ceam) S IE O (he weepng fo the oo.)SNDERS MaeGERUD Se' e I ca el

GERRU ext, folowng are)

SNDER T abd-'ll come bak we yo'e feelgcalmeZANGLER chae SNDRS out)

ZANGLER Yo de o ow yo oe ee aga d I o yo coqee o e o ace d femoeI'll dhe e

(h take ZANGLER out of the oom. WEINBERL n h ownclothe, an CHRSTPHR eappea. hey ae gleeful)INBE Coe Dd yo ea ta?CHRSTPHR (ookng down the teet He' l g I

do' e'l eve come backWINBERL O my I feel e a eal aclo We'e o e

azzle a la (h emace)

(nte WEINBERL dng hoe CHRSTPR leang theWEER We'e doe Wee o e azzle We'e gog o

ge a a a aCHRISTPR (apponte) I wa a azzle lke

Webel?INBERL No ye-wa l we eally ge o o tde

(o hoe) Come o Lgg

CHRISR How fa Vea Webel?IER I' a log way CoeCHRISTR Ho lage Vea Webe?INBRL I e lage Coe Woa Lgtg .

INBE get o and CSTR get on the hoe)Gddy Lgg



CHRISTOPR Wl tere be woen M WenberWEIE Beaf woen CtopherCHRSTOPR How od are he woen n ea M WeinberWEIER Twentywo ChrtopherCHRSOPR: How doe one eet the M Wenber

WEIE They proenade in pack wth pao and govep o here They conor wth coopot enofheword n he fahonabe caf

CISTOPR I have read ha hey e often kep MrWenber

IERKep for wha Copher

RSTOPR Tha' wha away pzzed mIER Whoa ghng ea Copher he pace

o d o k (Th are l u Venna)

CITOPR (Imresse) I' j e yo ad IE (Enchane) I n'

Arrng n Ven gay an musc TOPR as aln we-e The algue ar f he se change.TOPR I e way ke h ener A

ay pop

IER (Sligh uzzle) Wel ore or e

TOPR: (Enhuscal) Band pagee ofcoor coe' e a pade

WEER (Thughul) Y

TOP ha wod od Zager hn he aw owIER Oh

(Th ny rs)ade

ISTOP ade (Th are g gh hem)

IE My od ppoe Zer happe There he -ge do

ER an TOPR /us see NGarhng The ara musc suenly ncrpraes hemasse surs f he Grcs' Cmpany CSTOPR smunsan r an IER exi un cer f Lighni)



A xror-d Korr Fo HouD rd CHRSTPHR d WIRL r ru. Thyo o brh h oud h wdow whh h rdoor o th ho hou. Wdow bovCHRISTPHR e we ry ha a avee

WIRL Ye ha woud have ee o a a hacah h o .CHRISTPHR O he ohe ha we o wa o e

e WIRL: hooe a . CHRISTPHR Yoe o oweae ae yo?

WEIRL I o kow I've ee e a a aa j heeCISTPR: Yove o e cIRL: I o o I oy hae e I ee a

e oce' o I e j my ck f ve oebe' De.

CHRISTPR: I o ceay be cocece t o e e of eoe come o Vea fof ove e o o o e we yoe ee o a ack o aeo oo foe I'm y o o ook e b e

IBER: Coe.

ISTPR:Y ebe?

WEIBRL: bace me. a aee o Lh?CISTPR: e away WEIRL: ha w we o f he oe?CHRISTPR e bo he ae oo.IRL: kee mm.CHRISTPR: I oy he co ee e o e, whee

e azze?IRL: Tee' ey o me Thee oay a

avee ay wa o a h vey oPHLIPPIE ov bou d u h h oTh h u, or h r , h word 'Korrhio Hou.)

WEINBRL Fo a e ko e have ae a aome whey

CHRISTPR No o o hae o a okey e

37



cdesac e isWE ER: Te arade m be over Les goISTOPHER: We mg r io e bossINBERL: No, e's go e wole o Vea o coose

rom, eres absoluey o reaso wy .

(Distant footfalls ad jingle of spus appoach h lileseet echos wih the sound)

\'EINBE : I's Nemesis !

CHRISOPR Wel, e's go Zagler wi im !(he run in opposite diections, thn chang hei minds,

then ush hough he dooway ino the shop. hei faces

appar in he windows, one in each, waching th stcauious a ANGLER comes ino viw* o theircotenation ZANGER walks saigh o e shop he facsdisappear. s ANGLER tuns h doo handl wovoluminou swahed aan mannquins lap ino hewindows, one in ach h same momn MELCHIOR uns

in fom he sid while ZANGLR is in he doowayMELCHIOR S !O wa luck e assnova erson-ewos ncarate-e Don Jua is a te me GadensCe w a ice yong lady lke a ladylke young ece

ANGLER : (mging confused) E, wa? Wa? Wo's ths?MLCHIOR: Herr Zanger !

ANGLER Yo serva, sir-o by God i's mine Wa are yo doig ere?LCHIOR: I came o d you, yo emieceANGLER I od yo o go sag o e resaraLCHIOR I did b e Cassaa icarae as rived ad e

!ANGLER: B as js dsers. Wa abo m der?MELCHIOR: Te der is a arraged, b I'm o e a of

e Casseroa ad yo ms come immedaey beore ies cod

ANGLER: Te em o p i i e ove o seem o ac asese o prooro I am abo o pre mysel o myce i o ceai erms, ad I'm ded i Im

• In te ogn producon Zngler was ccomped by the 'esexe whch serended e windows smry dsssed by Zgerfer Melcor vl.



ong to be hied and ut o my stoke by the doussefmotance of a jumedu asycook Honsy, thesefashonabe ng houses, hey theye dog you afavour by takng yo money. I tod you to wat fo me.

MELCHOR I was wang fo you, sir, and who soud ve by

hosecab but the vey sae seduce I saw eave your omeANGLER Te you e, you see!-I sod av emaede to te Back d Wte Cho House.

MECHIOR He had a oung wom wt ANGLER Of cose e dd-t must be tree o fo os

snce e found himsef w a vacc.

MELCHIOR She was n a Scottsh getu.ANGLER Vena has been oveun w Scotsh getus, kts,toshantes, Roya Stuat enc ses and gandnge of evey stre snc the tow ost ts hd ove teVd Mach In y oon ts a sgrace. Even tcocoate cake . . . Sacett ! No, no, a Scottsh getu

mes notngthee's even two n the window hee WEER and CHRSTOPHER hiy ru idiy Thn hav a popr viw of ELCHIOR, y h way)Dam t, e you debeatey trying to ck my bubbewhe I stnd kockng at my ance's man enrce?

MELCHIOR He caed he Mare.ANGLER A vey comon name I tod Geud to ut Me

nto a ocked cab and give the coachman an ea ve edeveed e esony nto the ads of my ssteawMss Bumenbat Wat coud sure tha that?

MELR A ve? es I woud say that we must be tang otwo deent Maes.

ANGLER Exacty d what yos does s no concen of meLCHIOR don't tnk se' do muc. I had a sten ad

she sd was It's not oe.ANGLER t's te!MLCHO No, no, a tart and ward of an eey eent cANGLER It' them ! ! Quck, fetch me a hafted cab you

som foo!LCHOR We'e o!ANGLER (Lving) What a stuaon!MELCHIOR (Foowing hi) assc!

9



Madame Knor's Fashion HouseNBRL and CHRSTOPHR ome out of the wndos in the hop.CHRISTOPR disrobes WRL is late and PLPP entersWRL starts sashaying round the shop in his tartan loak, forCHRISTOPR's benet

WINBRL Wat do you tink?CHRSTOPHR : t as a crtain Scottis audaciyWINBRL : A, tr you at last m addrssing th

abitr of ts fashion hous?PHLIPPNE: ' su dont kow sir wll ftc Madam at

onc. But xcus m sir tt is a ladys cap

IRL : I kno was trying it on for a ady of my siz andacquaintanc

PHILIPPIN: Tat cap is rsd t has a tickt on it.WNBR Ys know (Reads the tikt) Frau Fischr av

com to co it and pay for itCHRSTOPR: Not xactly to pay for it.INBRL :

No not xactly to pay for it, but to con paymt(CSTOPR ha been looking out atious through thewindows

CHRISTOPR: tnk t s all c no Hrr FischrINBR : Is that c?PHILIPP m not su 'd bttr go and fch MadamWRL :

Exclnt ideaCISTOPR: Manwl wll b oIRL -ay gratf if you woud tak car of this (e

hands h the cape grandlyPHLIPP: Ys si Did you say Hrr ischr?WE: Ceany Woud payCISTOPR: Con paymntWENBRL : Conm paymnt for sombody ss wif (ToCRSTOPR.) Wy dont you s if our frind is aywrin sigt?

CHRSTOPR Good ida ll b bak in a momntWNBRL : s anyting th matrPHLPPNE : Frau Fiscr as bn a widow for th yarsNBRL S tiks s has ysPHILPPNE S tinks sh as Wat about th funralWNBRL t was t funra that put th ida ito hr had

40



hat shed lays be a do Hoeer three days ago shdd e he hoor of beomg y eo CHRSTPHR who ha paued in admiaion on hi way ou)o oe ba ot yo?CHRSTPR goe)

PHPPE I'l feh Made mmedaey She sars he orroom

WBR Tell her theres o hrr-he robab bheg ad hagPHPPE goe bu inan eu)

PHPP B Herr sher h ddt ra sher hage

her ame o yours stead of yo hagg yo ame ohers?

WBR She dd I dd't My ae a t haes s alsosher Thas ho e met We ere aed alhabea order a e dll at he dg aademy

PHPP: Oh I see

PHPP goe WBR look cauio ino he eehile he i o engaged, MRS SCR ene he hopWR bow o he and coninue o look ou of hewindow for CHRSTPR' eu. fer a few momenD KRR ene guhig)

KRR There hey are Theyre bo here Ad ha a

ole of aghty hdre yo are !-Oh y dear fedhy ddt yo el e?MRS SCR: Are yo feelg al rgh y de?MM KRR No I am o feg all rgh I a feeg

dsty t o ay beg arred for tree hoedays hot sayg a rd to your oldest fred ad leg

your hsbad to brea the esMRS SCRfo//ow MAD KRR gaze owadWEBR)Hoeer I forge yo he walk round WBR)Ad o ha I see your hsbad I a qe derstadhy yo e m hdde aay

MRS SCHR My hsbad?

he examine WBR wihinee) Ad he oed o arage hse dd he?R inche fom h gaze paiculaly hn he geou he lognee o cuinize him a he bee DAM



KNO keeps ghing.)MME KNORR A oe too soo It is such hoou to meet

you I thn it is so omtic-you must hve swept he ohe feet e e how og hve you know ech othe?

MRS FSCHER: Not og t

WENBE No ot ogMME KNORR You ust hve bee ie with yo he i

w MRS FSCHER You cot sy I wet ito it with my eyes opeMME KNORR Of couse you , I sue you hve ot bee

sppoite

MRS FSCHER Supise moe th sppoite My husbhs vey iviu wy of eig with the bies ofoiy timeI epect we be egge et wee exchge cs the wek fe

MME KNORR Ist she piceess?WENBERL expe you thk Im the pesuptuous

MRS SCHER: No I woudnt sy you wee pesupuousPesuptio oe hs ecoutee befoeWENBERL We ite fowMRS SCHER A itte fow? You wi meet yousef comg

bckMM KNORR But why so sue secet?

MRS FISCHER hee ws eso My husb wi te youMME KNORR Oh o teWEINBER My e wife c te you just s we s IMRS FISCHER But I wou ike y to te heWENBERL A I wou ike y to te hefte shes you

ieMM KNORR Oh e ot queig ey MRS SCR It ws wm of my e husbsNBERL A t the sme e w of my e wfeE KNORR But it is eoiyWEINBERL: hee is othg exoiy bout it Whe two

ctive peope MME NORR A ige of tue isMRS FSCR: EeyWENBERL : Yes, iee We I must be goigMRS FSCR Goig? Wht o you e



WNR hve some bsess o ed tMR HR Aret you gong o see me y o my ew Soh

pe? Afe wouldn be f f yo ddnt lke WNRL Why?MR HR ( AM NORR jhingy) Why?s he he

soul of geneosy? If ke someg, ths enough fo hmWNRL Auly, I h hs fd hs hd s g, you

kowMR HR H s ngsuh sense of humou Well

ke MM KNORR WNRL) W be sh o ou?

WNRL Aou, I hk We, f hs l you wed Deghed o hve me you lsmy wfe hs od me somuh bou you

MR HR on be so mpen, my de-Ive hd suh wondeful de

WNR One eeds ot of pene mge I nd

MR HR I hope Ive neve gve you use fo ompWNRL Oh oMR HR Hve I eve onded yo o mes lge o

m?W!RL No evemuh ppeedMR HR Don I do my b o ene o you des

gs eso?WNRL ou do you do And sne you mke po ofdog so I m sue you wo md f I now ve yout you fed d you Sotsh pe nd go bou mybusness

MR HR I wod nd vey mh Ot of ouresy o

Mdme Ko I no let you foget t yo onybusness ody s o ke us ou o eebo sppeMM NORR A eebo suppe Is fe exory ! I

ws hopng my ne would pn me dow he Blk ndWhe Chop Hose ogh, bu, no fo he s me, hepefeed o snd me up

WRL Dd heMM KNORR He dd*

• h nxt sv spchs ppy oy if ZANGLEs s hs pu tsppc s sc.

43



I togt I would be getng a ltte gold bdWENERL And yo ddnt?MME KNRR I d not It turned out to be a little brass bd.WIERL Did itMM KNRR It did.

WEINERL Did you ger tn green?MME NRR trned een. But now te eveng proses to

tn ot ust as memorable.MRS ISCHER So you wil oblige s, wont you?WEINERL I wold adore to bt alas-MRS SCHER Very well -Egenia my dear, Im afrad I ave

to tell yotat ts man-WEINBERL Wy dont we al wak aroud to t Blak and WtCop House and rase a foang tankd to o appness.Ad aer tat I rey mst das

MRS ISCHER Bak and Wte Cop House? Im su t wilase no spse to anyone ere tat you would prefer to

teat us to somewer a ltte better t tat. I an angeinto y new Sots ensemble Wll need a ab KNRR ats a wonderfl idea I do tnk you wife

deves a kss or tatWEINBERL Do you t so? : O I doWEINBERL Well Im not gog to deny anyone tei due

Permit meINBER kisses M ISCR o her emba"assmen

MME KN Do you al tat a kss? You dot ave to stand oeremony n ront o me.

WEINBERL: O ve wel (He gies a lngering ks on hemouh Ad in ase y bde as any more good deas Ill

gve er one on aount(He kisses again CISTPR eners he shop

CHRISTPR l lea.WEIERL A, tere you are. I dot tk youve met my fe

is is my osn from te onty Im te kissngos, es te on osi My wi-my es

rend ade Korrmy ousi-te ou of us egong to ave sppr togeter at (He looks enquiringa MRS ISCR



S FISCR The pera Garden CafWEIER The Ipeial Garde Caf Where ele? Go ad

feth a ab e ushers CISTPR out)He be bak i a e oent

ISCR We keep the ab ad go on oehere eeIE: te good id!e tkes her to pote embce CHRSTPR comest of h ze e gves of delght, thows his ht the ir rus o ow the steet.)



AC TW

h Impi Gr jhis is crvtry ntrm h min rsturnt is stg

Lrg in in bck , thrugh hich r visib sm f th grn, tc, tc., n prti vi f hnsm cb, pssibyith hs ttch. hr is r int this grn hr r innut sing rs t th kitchn. Stirs frm th min r up t g t th bck, frm hich in ks ut vr th grn hr th cb is.

h pc is fshinb, vn prtntius; th cint kis Atcurtinup n trc f custmrs, itrs, tc pss thrughhi music pys. h mns rsss suggst tht th tn h

gn m fr trtn. hr is s cncrting Scttish inuncin th Vinn ts,· bgpips hv bn imprt.hr r t ining tbs, sm chirs, ctstn. hr is

fing scrn f hins sign.h fshinb sc isprss n th music cs t n n.Aft pus th ismbi vs f ZANGLER n LCHIRh r hin n th stg r hr

ZANGLER: MelcoLCHIR He ZagleANGER: at' aeed to e ucMELCHIR Ye kow t atl te uece of Gema

emm atly te decadece of a Eme tat aoutlved t uoe ad al Scot fotgt do'told t mye Gve me te evegee evey metat wat a toe golde olde of yetee teBlue Dube ad tat ote oe-

ZANGLER MelcoMLCHIR: Ye He Zagle



ANGR Sut u or ouMLCHIR: Ver good Hr Zager

A jnge f pur annune ANGLRs appearane e tty reveaed on the tage LCHR reman nvbeANGR evnty den't kn whee MCHR dng)

ANGLR: (ookng rund) MelcoMCHR: Her Zngler.ANGLR: (ookng round) Have ou see te et?MLCHIR: Not et, Her Zangler.ANGLR: Remembe-absolute discetionMLCHIR: Yes, Her Zage

ANGLR: kng rund) Dont draw aenon to ousel-bend into te background

MCHIR Ver good Herr ZagerANGR: Wee te devi e ou?CHR: Here He ZangleANGLR A

MCHR edenty ated behnd the hnee reen erema nvbe ANGR addree hme t the reen)No isten dot wat an scanda Just kee te underobservaion. We a ave to ssue alse den

MCHIR: Cssic! do a ate-tere imorted eeou kow

ANGLR: Wat a retenous lace Trust neceMCHR: Yes I do one o Itaan itesANGLR (lanng rond wth dsgust) L dolce v

ognoscen !-oo ! uruy) Prim donn! MLCHR: Quite good-ut more o s to it-cognoc

-rim n!

(WAR enters o move the sreen to one sde of he room)WAIR N: Peettete igno otre questo vento. . [xe m, geteen, a I just ove th sreen foryo ](s WAR sar fods he seen shu MLCHIRsoe o.)

MLR No coeel en(R oes h seen o o h do a eaesGR foows a and addresses t sreen)

A e o a t?

47



zANLR pen p he sreen and MLCHR nw makes hsfrst appearane limpng int vew severely ZNGLRis relieved and a o drps the nharaeris sldeons, 'v nvr non sch a oon oin ohav o saihn o o hn o ho

LCHOR hank o v ch rr ZanZANGLR No o osi an hav a oo ron

h WAES ne a a m a w paes apa rmh oo ag o h aa h co h agb ad hogh h swing d int he kihenFor a kno Snrs an Mari a hav nish

hir hors 'ovrs an sipp aa or h nMELCHR No, sir, has hir coach osiZANGLER s i? hrs h coachman?MELCHR n h ichn having a quck on.ZANGLER Fch im in hr, an o spak o himMELCHR A onc, Hrr Zangr.

(Th r WATER r fom h kche carg aeab pagoa of crocr H co br hdrco of h aua)

ZANGLER: And rmmbr wa dno candacopiscron(Th cod WATERfoow h r WATER a mamaer)

LHR: Vry goo Hrr angr-LCHR u a pa c hogh h chx door hr a mp v cah of fag cocbod h oo MELCHR e hogh h chac doorHs no hr (H appoah h ga oo o Coachman ! Your an in hr

CACHMAN Ou hou) ha o you an?MELCHR n rZANGLER: (Shoug cr) Discrion, am you MELCHR Whp o ZANGLE Sorry.

h CACHN r om he gard H a ag ma

mm coa wag a a ha; he car a whp)cr) Ah, coac-my mpoyr ishs o syou-in priva-is a mar of so dicac- r on

48



yor scretionyo kno hat mean?CACHMAN: (os Say no more lead me to her here s she?

(He ccs his whip shes a goer ad has an arse a mancan et a decnt prchase on

MELCHR: No no!

CACHMAN (evey iey Yore rght!dscreon-Teher to meet me bend the stablesMELCHIR: No . ZANGLER: Yo there CACHMAN: hos that?MELCHR: My empoyer.

ZANGLER comes fow mpoan an hasZANGLER Zaner. mport an merchansng.CACHN: (omes fow an cics his hees Bodehemer.

Transport and ating ondZANGLER: Peyor of hhcass prosons sppler of cooked

meats and decac to the genry

CACHMAN: Horse manZANGLER: Ho ae yoCACHMAN spply horse manreZANGLER: Oh see. Well loo here Bodehemer am a ma

of some conseqence n the Grocers Company. Yo dohat te yo f yo kno hats good for yo bsness

CACHMAN: Horse manre (Asey d anpoZANGLER: Qte No Yo hae been engaed for the eeng

by a man h s ecoring cean yong lady n a Scotsetp(The ACHMAN evien has w pesaies, ne for sel neres an he her for eehng else He ropshe oher)

CACN d hat a corer A ppp She as posa reshness

ZANGLER: Qte-CACN: -an se any man od g s eye teet to

s ntZANGLER: Thats qte enoghCACHMAN: Happy the man ho enjoys te fredom of her lacy

bodice!ZANGLER: (Angri Yo ae addessng her gan s!

9



COACHN h e ey ike henZANGLER W yo be qe!ACHN (Qetly) orry wha e hey eZANGLER Now senCOACHMAN Rond ike es or ghy oy ike ears

ZANGLER How dre yo!(he COACAN l ZANGLER o hi feet y hi lapel)

COACHN Answer e!ZANGLER (ap) ighy ony

(he COACHMAN thow hm aide timphant)COACHN kew by God !

ZANGLER eel ove to LCORZANGLER Are yo se COACHMAN Conferene or WsZANGLER For God' e he ans obsessed

(t the COACHMAN pll hie togethe dden and h digned peaty)

COACHN ' sorry yo hono -y aooges !-eedsregrd ' be rgh nowZANGLER e yo qe eCOACHMAN Oh y These never s ongZANGLER Wh s yo oCOACHN Thnng abo bos sZANGLER We yo kee yo nd o heACH ' ohZANGLER Th God e're b on e on No hen yo

senger reener yor oah n yo o ke he on rondabo roe o Tenyree Crsrasse

COACHN Where' ZANGLER Tenyhree CrsrsseCOACHMAN ' do ha hey' reo eZANGLER The an abdng neeCOACHMAN We don' ow abo haZANGLER do ' go d feh he oabe nd ein o

h (e jngle h pe to make the pont) He jm behnd and ersde he o ener he hose e

give yo y obeCOACHN o o e esonZANGLER Here's one ha yor oenson When yo dever

s



te ugve M Bluenbat wl gve you te oteCACHMAN Say no oe I e a goe tenZANGLR I wl ollow and ave te an put on a age and

tu avod a publ anda You go bak to you plae Aoon a tey lb aboad w up you e No

MLCHR Sk upZANGLR NoLCHR Hoe-ZANGLR at te boy W u you oe d and te

ugtve peonally to M BluenbattCACHN Soty tye e Lke a good me?

ZANGLR (ncedulouly Se tyevenCACHN (os ees O e ook

MLCHR: O t e Fen aCACHN Fen md? W e et me n?MLCHR: Se knon o t

(CACHN o lee)

ZANGLR: (o MLCHR) Ive ead emakCACHN Wat ae tey lke?ZANGLR Sgty ponted

(CACHN exis)Ho dd you now about te Fen md?

LCHR You mean tee one?

ZANGLR ' go and et a ontableMLCR Wat about you elebaon uppe wt yoane?

ZANGLR Sonde a uned my pan ut ave omeooked gooe e I ang to ke ben-oe pked uube we I n t ook

-MLCHR Got t(ZANGLR leve in he diecio of he eu. WARW enes wih ol beng ZANGLRs celebiosuppe)

WAR W Hee we ae ! One btday upe o two aodeed obte emdo oat o apagne andow any adle wl e ant on te ake

MLCHR ake tat away Snu the de and ane teake Bng e ome bee and pke I want te table ove

51



tere, my mater wat a le ew f te WAER WO Wat am I gg t wt ti?MELHIOR: I am t a layt Hae yu ee a yg

uple, te wma a Stt getup?WAIER WO: Wat la?

LHOR Maae!WAER O eaves OE and MARIE ener)LHIOR: It tem!RIE: O Augut, t t rperONDER : Here a paper prg yu ae a age t e

marre wtt yur guara et

MRIE Bt t t prperONDER I ae yu t gale frm te real gKeep t wt yu at all meLHOIR akes a napkin and enu fo a able andconfrons he bod)

LHIOR: Bua era !yu wa a arta?

ONDE: (luen) N, gaze tate; u el at al capea aa tra tala ar, per me e pe a maami a [o hank you very uch. y copanion and I havesoe ho chocolae waiing for a ou able in he garden]

LHIOR: Rgt, qure Srry I tugt yu eremee ele(OER and RIE exi GEAN OLE ene)

LHIOR It tem!(he GERMAN OPLE look a hi wih alar andincoprehension MELHOR addresses hewih heary innocence)Ntg! le! Take e! Cry !(he G OPLE ignore hi)(Wat eater ere ag, e! Turg t a t akI t l ute?

GEN MAN: Btte?MELHIOR: I t? Lat igt wa etely ak Wu yu ay

tt a a ak r t a ak?GEAN WON: (eaving) DakeMELHIOR: (azed) Daker?

GEN MAN BtteMECHIOR: Pleae yele Sparklig ple I t tik t

temal tey a talk at te weater



SCTTISH CUE ntr)SCTTISH N FoaTTISH WN Ye budy rea oo Hamsh McGreoMCHI I's hem!SCTTISH WN: d o hnk ee mssn Venese Week n

Fo WamSCTTISH CE unt CHISR and NRntr fllwd by INBE and M FISCR MCHIRstps t n id)

NR e beau monde CHIR Is em

WEINBER Look abou us ben maed-MRS ISCR I on' fee maed un eve had he consommMCHIR Prees

MCHIR its thrugh itchn las crah r-ntrs) inbrl) I don cae f youe maed o noYou c do ha you ke

MCHIR xi) NRR Wha a sange feoM ISCR: has neve happened o me befoe a e

Impea Gdens Ce.INBER Yes s e s me fo me ooCHISHER I happens o me evey me I come

MRS ISR: We' say hee Euena do you mnd?CHIST: We Ive eached he hehMRS ISCR he esauan s so coded and fanky I had o

dea ese cosh paens had become que so commonWEINBER: Ive o fou udes ef afe payn he coachman I's e penay of success Hdeade.

CISTR If oy y moe coud see e no MS ISCR Unfonaey e success s yous he hepen s mne

CHISR he neve eamed ha one day Id be ubbngshoudes h e me caame

WEINBER: Have you o any cash?ISTR: Peope of my cass don' cay cashWEINBER: I ony had en des hen I se ouCISR en udes You hoped o acque a pas fo en

de



WEERL: Well s sine thehow s to kno ' berrie for dinner?

M KNR: ppachng Here we re. hnry.WEINBERL: ( CHRSPHER) Yo're not.CISTPHER: Sit don here, y Epress-( WENBERL.

Not ht? KNRR: ( WEINBERL Yor cosin tkes ret lieres

consierin ' ened to e rieCHSTPR: Be ne toht n l revel y tre ienty

n ive yo hf y kindoINBERL ( CHRSTPHER) Not hnry.

CSTPHER naps at h) Not even Herzeovin, if yoon't ke the est of yorsel yo'l end p servin in shop.

MRS ISCHER: ppachng) Hs the chpne rrive yet?WEIERL: I on't think e shold et here. ts toeher too

spn for y tste.

KNR Don't ble eit's the penlty ofS ISCR: Sprtn- know it's not ht yo're se to btMe Knor nd on't kno ny etter. Where's theMs?' yn

CISTPR: t's probbly o the bck.WENBE The servce here is terrible. Wter Yo see? ets

oe on. SCR: Don be lous. Anywy yo let the coch

n g1 dont know hy you d' sk hi to wit.E I d' ce for . He seeed ery isreeble

feo. ISC: s beuse of yo . I ge good .CSP: o d I.E eer s cou My is ou.S: no coco t e er cent.: o e good s. S: y husbd lk o reend es soous. : ou ere's noer one lie ?

I: Ayy I ough t od be ce o bckoss e k.

M SCR Wl? o b



MM KNORR hrs a ra hm overWNRL (ee Wer ar ROHR WarWAR WO Co, sirNRL (o CHROR Four uders !

OR WhaWNRL (o hi hea) our guiler our sins w fou

guilen ha resass aans us (e cathe MR Re) Grae

MR FCR dardWAR WO e you ready o order, sr

WNRL wer -si don my d fow You skeme as bin a sendd ha Wha you hae

WR WO SrWN Why shoud e ae e a aoed o us by

a eonom order ha ses one man aboe oher Ieben n hs mar a ra da of houh aey and

sm o me ha n a nushe e aue of aboiaMR CR Wha ar you babbn abouN You may a babb bu one day n s hane

Wnbersm ge brh o a new order Hsor swa

MR CR We e a wngWR O I woudn hae he sea-s hern n oameaNR Soieys aous be sed one and for

ad when h b om waier I wan you o ofme as a omrade

AR WO Y sr d I woud hae he nees eher

if I were youN Wha are he neesWAR O I woudn know sr Thas why I woud

ha hmMR CR We wed ke a dr o ben wNR A rh-brn us hree bers and a exa ass

CR Suh a sense of humour He kno I ner drber: Two bers and a ass of waerM CR I mus ha somen ho



WINBL Ho eMS ISCH I men omeng o o e.INL To beer nd rdi N oure rg-e rou.MS ISCH Ti gone que enoug

INL A rg Brng u o beer, o ge o eoue ed nd o uge or e e

MS ISCH Te oue redWINL Te u ye o come

arly o CHISTPH) Ge CHISTP Go .

WINL Good- e go.{WINL hands he enu o WAIT TW)My commen o e oc recever

MS ISC ou obouy ve no de o o enern dy.CHISTPH Wc i e addresses WAIT TW

iperiously) You ere- you nme-e n e

be dinner n e oue, nd e n no WAIT TW e, e clearly preers CHISTPHs ype ocusoer hough sres h) I en o ve obeju redy o erve.

CHISTPH EceenWAIT TW TemdorCHISTP Eceen, TermdoWAIT And o o e mng, nd o deer

I no nybody brdy, by ny cnce N azed and pleased) e I ne WAIT T Geu niverre-you ge bger

.CHISTPH A bger- good. We' dk cmgne o

, cmgne e mn coure nd e deere ve ome

IN lared) CmgneCHISTP Trockenbeerenuee. You k I kno nongWAIT TW An eceen coce, . And I my y o,

eure o erve genem. e glances eannul

a WINL and depars)WINBL I eoe ke im o re gong o u oke

no Wenberi Teor. o CHISTPH) Neveree



he bil comeSTP Peole of my clss don' py he billINL I me-HISTP ( Very delberae) I kno h ou men I m

no enel supid Sociey will py r sociey Do you

folo meINL No ex HISTP (xpansively) I's dnble hng Weinberl, bu

hen he reckonng com he cleer people re nohere obe found hee gorn you see disppered . leing he bill o be pid by he bourgeoisie he shop

keepers he dows nd such like ge meI ( las) Go ouMS IS Oh, do sop lkng polics, e ce here or

celebron dinerINLs anner has changed draaical)

INL My de e hy didn' you sy you were hungry

We' he lobser each. N Oh i's rue loeWINL My press MS ISH ( o DAM N) Anoher oneINL I il gie ou hf my kingdom oo IS Hungr?

INL Sring(o AIT T who has reappeared wh he ANGLdnner roley)Ah, here ou re lspil !look shrp ou lueyou job, here's pleny of ohers'l do i for he moneyMLHI eners fro he garden he oher ln

AIT N. e son is h e WNL pary ave saheselves down a he able sage lef he ANGL ale ssage righ� b boh ables are qie near he cenre)

ML Wh's ll his?-I'e rrnged for y employer oe here nd no hese people he pushed in

HISTP I's free coun

LHIOh clssic

ISTPH I sn men o be originAIT N (alian accen) heres room for eerybody

( AIT pors chapagne)



M My empye ss t eat ane.WN Y empye seems t be nused abut te natue

ts tabsnt. It's wat we a a etauantM y dnt yu av yu de smewee eseWNB y dn't yu tae yuse be yu get a

bste dw yu btes.WAT W ervng p dnner fr fr) Pease! My maste wises t ave a ea vew tat

asm abman wie es eangWNB Yu maste's taste n aben is smetng we

pee nt t suss

I ny ts stupd pae ad a dvdng waTP Peaps yu maste sud aange t be peeddeveywee by a upe ate etng biayes

WAT N tn ent) Sign tee is a Cinese seenw we use smetimes wen a ustme ees te dugtdtdaugt

Tat wi ae t d Cme ee and ep me wt t N Wat a nuisaneM hdder) Cinsee and tatan HTP ait a mnute ! e ant be swn up ke ts n

nt yu we ad e end.WNB nd TP get p nd t M ndWAT N wh re brng frwrd the reen)

N e dnt ntend t eat u dne seened mpubi vew e t -

TP naists-W S uess yu want yu Cinese seen ded

und yu es- I an yu my maste nt be put ut te

es yuNB Yu may te yu maste tat e as a bne t

p wit me I dnt wis t see s dgM Yu an te m yuse. I an ea m ng

he nd f pr pprhng N nd TPpek tgether.)

}TP

ey) Sen

N nd TP hnge tk wth grt

s



smoothness and tae the screen in hand moving it so that itseaates the two tabes)

MECHIR Cssic . . ANGER enters WNER and CHRSTPHER sit down attheir tab visib coweig)

ANGER Mlcor.MECHR Yo ono.ANGER vrygs rrngd T consbl is poisd o

prs Sondrs Hs pd y sl b s lips rpsd No- prsd o sppos-no-

MECHR Sppr is srvd

ANGER No!-O sppr is srvd!MECHR Ts boy.ANGER sits down at his tabe WAITER NE sets out the beeand ickes and eaves WAITER TW whees awa the emtytroey)

ANGER W is is r� doig r?

MECHR Trs vry rog crod n blcopl of s nd ir gs ork didn n yo ob disrbd.

ANGER Goodt the othe tabe WEINER has oured the chamagneuer commences

MME NRR Wl if is f of srpriss ! s yo ck in ord!

CHRSTHER Quiety) Tnk yo Wr going o nd i. NRR n nyds.CHRSPHR Quiety) O ys. o WNER ck n

orld.WEINER queaki Tnk yoANGER o MCHIR Fc ppr nd n

go nd kp n y on Sondrs nd Mi.MECHR rocures, at the side o the oom, a wsae

a oe which he hands to ANGERTyr b in gdn. kno if gs p

MCHR ll o bck of r ovr .ANGER No-no scnd!MS ISCHER And no forgng our ddng plns

g . . ll ck in orld! he tots D

9



) T youMS ISCH ik glsses.

(h chn gla)CHISTP (Qtl) l e luck n e wold

(CHISTPH chn gla ith KN) KN Tnk you k glsses (o WIN) Tk

you(IN taring nto pac ISTPH pa qt toWIN)

CHISTPH ink glsses

WINB (qal) e y ey us go wi sceen.MS ISCH Wy e you speking lk INB (qa) Lik w ISC You spekng pc wy.INB (o CISTP) CISTP (Qtl) No noced

MM KN (o CHISTP Ws ppened o you voceCISTPH (Qt) Nonges no need o sou. KN ' no soung speking nolyINB (qa) No so loud.MS ISC And wy en you glos you ppeCHISTP (Qtl to WIN) cken

WIN (qa) Woudn' you bMM KN d lke soe cckn. And so oe cpgne feel i okng ledy

CISTP (Qtl) Bes o legM N All ove.CISTPH (Qtl to WINB) Bes o legWIN (qa) ll ke wing-ve you go CISTP (Qtl) Go (o KN) Te

bole's py. ge (CHISTP gt p and ov to th coattand whrnnoticd b th won h pt on MS ISC' flngthtatan coat and pt th hood ov h had)

WINB ( qa) ll ge on oo

M ISCH W don need wo wes.WINB (qa) lg l elp ge e s oneMS ISC Don' b slly-



MME KNORR: Oh oo-ve got the wishboneWINRL Have o?MM KNORR Coe on Hildegade

MDA\1 KNORR n MRS FSCHR pl wsbnAh we done Yove got the ain at.

WNBRL qs MADAM KNOR hat eans its owish

MM KNORR o-is o wies wish.WENRL qs hats not how we a itMRS FSCHR begnnng to eget that eve aied oWENRL Yod bette both have a wish

MME KNORR Oha ightWNRL Cose ees cont to twent and dont te e

hat o wish.MME KNORR }MRS FSCHER

gr Onetwotheeo .

MADAME KNORR n MRS FSCHR cls r ys CHRSTOPHR

s crp lng bc wl n ZANGLR's r n lvsrg grn r. ZANGLER s src by s nwsppr

ZANGLR s s sly Viennese chaion cabetosseais to qai at Baea n pl What ae isthis?

nw WENRL s crp wy p srs n slvng by gllry wnw n rr rp n cb.M KNORR } gr seventeenghteenneteenMRS FSCHR twentyMRS FSCHR God heavens ! t os

coNSTALE nrs fr grn.

CONSTL Sia ong coe hae eat into coachZNGLR Did one o he oo Scottsh?CONSTALE dont ow bt the othe one had a tatan coaZNGLER ts the! J behind and tae th to iss

Benbatts wentthee CastasseCONSAL xs. w WTERS nr n v scrn.

WAlTR ON O with the ightsnr USOY w bry c fw by PPR.LL ngng Ha bithda t

Ha bithda to o,



Hay rthday dar Madam KnorrHay rhday to you

MM Thank youWI Tn on th htL My cak

ZanrL: My anc

SS and I enter)SS: My ca!L: Sndr SS My God

MI My unc!L: My dBSBY (o L) our

L fant at th ght of t.)

vng roo MSS BLBLTT atoble trane dor ntror door wndow to dark extror thebotto of a tarae and another exit rote whh old be hneyeran n pot andletkSS BLMBLT ttng readng the newpaper alod to ISTTthe renh ad he twe ntrrpted by a T n a age; the

T ay nythng n the paper? reeve a glare of reprooffroMISS BLBLTT and then the parrot ay orry and MISS

BLMNBL read fro the paperMISS BLMBLTT ' n dorn th cn of un

Autran c do not mak th rror of confunc octy octy n nra t th xam of thRoman Emr vr for u Whn tho horum to t tandard ar n to hav aandond dcntyan vau for th dnrat our of an an cutur ay nouh nouh W hav nothn aant thCc rac a uch W ar aurd tat th Ct hav aon and ocur htory and hav mad t conuonto cnc and th art uch a t But th ay ar not

ou ay and cannot ut condmn th nfatuaon tth araran aroqu uvr of Sr Watr Scotch andh k t a mora u .



a's v wll b i don' so m advisngHnngS ndaws in sam a. Hadlcom il fa

LSETTE Oi adam 'adl lk ms. Bu ow l i iso o g no iving.

MISS LUA n' wa as and. broinlaw's l d said a was snngMa o saf king oda was loong fowd osing d cild again af s n s. S nd m mo smaq an Zang as bargaindfo. H fa is js lk m own. oo know wa i is o

av lovd and o av bn saad om man osol m a .

LS O adam 'o long fo a m o sal mn'Ow kno n i 'ans?

MSS LUMENAT Yo kno nv a Wi m i on a orsam in Banosass . . . cn

s w in bloom . . H sa do oosi m Os m. sldLISET Wa and o ' ada?MSS LUNATT H md o bn sos and go

knockd down b a ram cong o a. B i assll lov and i as sl saraon. 'll nv forg

ain as assd o of m viw fo v(oaching sond of bawling)s a os ol nx doo ang bagis agan?

SETT is a cooon osid. go o s.(he goes and iediate the CONSTALE ents, IE and CISTOPR befoe hi. CSTOPR sti

dessed a gil in the stol cotth cloak fo the estaanthe cloak siila to the w by CONST n ou go d no ans. Somon s gong o a o s.CONST a m o an'?CSTOP ' no wo ou ' no vn

wom o think is woman o

MSS LA (ing to feet) o wa owd scn o Ausi xcs?(cea o stage COACN ts th ISE e



shlde shin e ish blesistt sa

CONSTBE o ou oss COCAN (in LISETT dn A tous aoogis

eas isg a igt o ts ts o

igtst sta isig o ti s iig ausLISETTE Wait

(LISETTE isses hi fl n he h.At ast

COACMAN (ihl raed Ae ou a goe?LISETTE a a go ou a oss

COACN ae te est ai of stuts of a oaani te it (LISETTE sns in his a(eildeed Wat d sa?

LISETTE (evivin oigt, iow wi be oeMISS BLUMENLATT Wo ae tese eoe? Wat e te

doig ee?CONSTABLE M isuos ae tat tis oue ae o emainee u te aia of o boteiaw

MISS BLUMLATT: Wat? S tis at be te oug woma?INBER Of ose se istCISTOPR: And a oe itIERL if se as to ( CRISTOPR At te se time

we dot wa to be tae fo omeoe wo eaes soitto a is bis

CONSTLE ae a ee ee fom ou boteiaw wiexais

MISS BLUNBLATT Lt me ae it.(CONSTABLE hands he ZANGLER ee

CONSTABLE statio sf o t fot stes, ad wt foo oteia(CONSTABLE exis

WEINERL a aes Now ou a see tat fiedad ae te inot is of a oie fo te ie ofwi wo exode te edibiit of a oi oea

(MISS LUMENBLATT fnishes edin leeMISS BLUMNLATT (din up he lee A-ow ue

std



IBE goo-SS BUEB Liee you kno hee e kep he n

boen bicu Tke he cochm ino the kchend gie m one.

ISE Oui, Mdme W zi w

ISEE exis foowed by he COCIE We m be going-e hve ong y o ge homeSO Ye, nd omebd l ough o give u u

e o o oubleISS BUEB ag hei way) So ! You e no

ig hee

IBE Wh!SO I wn' o u Don' be u

SS BUE akes hi io a ebace)ISS BUB M de pey cild-o coe I don'

blme you You e i exctly lke own I hppenedo me on hoem in e Bnhosse

WEIE You men, he minue yu go on i ook o like oce?SS BU I m oe Oh, ou hve behved

clel bu wh cn gin he owe o love? d you,i, ou hve much o ne o bu do no give u hope.I no the om ou hin I m.

SO Wh? You don' menWEIE O coue he don'Mdme, od ou indelig u exctl wh i in h lette?

I BU Onl h ou would exe oived ie hen hi vigin niece h been bduedb nooiou Don Ju.

IE He' ong bou me he i bou he.CISO Wonge hgISS BUE O coe he i Hve no I ee you

ied in he moningBE ih hikig) T ou N1 we

ough whe' o og, nd I'd le o ee on i,

elewhe-he doobe hea)SS BUEB hs) Liee!

he kiche doo ope s ad ISEE appeas



breahng heav her ad's ap bak o fron he aranrbbo fallng over her fae he arhes he door)By th y dd th ochmn tk th bsct

LITT H s tkng t no Md (he ope he doubledoors and goes o he ueen fron door.)

MI BLUBLTT (o CHRITPR hs y b yo nclCITPR Non too soonWIB sl cl thngs p

LITT appears wh MLCHIR on th oth hnd myb t ont

LI hs m nssts on bng dd (he onnues

owards he kihen and leaes whou ereon)MLR Fn Blmnbl MI BLUBLTT l s?

WIRL and CITPR are naural rped anddaed)

CTPR hts-

IBRL gls svntMLCHIR My mploy hs snt m hd to xpln to yotht ths yong copl ho got nto th coch notll th yong copl (e noes IBRL andCITPR ts thm

MI BLULTT O cos ts thm

LCIRNot only s t th ts hm

MI BLUMEBLTT Do yo ko ths n H Sonds?WIBERL looks around n surprse and hen realzes ha he sbe addressed)

WEIBRL Sonds?CITPR Mrs lov Sh mst tn mMI BLULT hts t m M?CITPR (ankng fan) Oh v got tIBRL (erred) tn gv t to oLCHIR Shm on o s MI BLULTT Dont b mprtnntMLR Bt ths n s-MI BLUMLTT kno l bot tht

LCHIR My mploy s oblgd to py ths mns bMI BLUMEBL ht b?MELCHIR o sv th lds o bng trd ov to th



poeMSS BLUNBLATT Wha lade?MLCOR And no he go anoher one (o CRSTOR

on have dnner wh h, hell aer you beorehe deernohe deer you beore he aa

MSS BLUMNLAT Wha all h nonene? Who enyou?MLCHIOR Your brohernaw, Herr Zangler He mook

ma for ond, and h lady for h neI Exal ! o he wan you o e u go before he ge

here

MSS BLUMNBLATT Bu ha he ea ooe of wha ayn h leer (o MLCHOR oure obvouy no o beued( doorbell oun ai)(hou) Lee!LISTT ner in een ore dirr nd oe o open he

door)MLCHOR Th mu be Herr ZanglerLGTNNG hnne e)

CHRSTO ghnng (o WNBRL Are you a goerNBRL I am a goer!

INBRL r o clib ou o indo hen LSTTreenr)

LIS err Wenber hereNBRL ha one le or he indoill e pue)

NBRL Wenber?RL pu hi e bk ino he ro)

MSS BLUMNBLAT Herr Wenber how m n A horouglyreable m, Ive heard Zangler peak of hm

WINBRL Have you?MSS LUMNBLAT on onern youre ou haven a are

n he orldLS reppear h SONDRS

LIS Herr WenberlLS ak a dined bu deerined exi o kcJn SONDR bo)

SONDRS adam, my apooge for alln o lae Wenberl. BLULA I deghe o make o auane

67



t m ntroduc you to rr Sondr.WEINBER and SONERS scrtiniz ach othr ssiciosly)r Sondr rr inbr.

rr inbrl rr SondrBut rha you to rdy kno ach othr.

WEINER ty) I dont bliv Iv had th honor.SONERS No, I dont bliv o.

SONES is f awar of ISOR who is hidin hisfac in his hood)NE rachs for HRISOHER's hand and kisss itMEHIOR is zzld and mrs o hi)

MEHIOR Madam, it SONERS Mari nd I ut av idiaty. rr Zanglr hchangd hi id nd inutd to ta Mari ayCo on, y dar, you uncl i aing or u-

MISS BUNBA Jut on mont, r inbr Kindydit om ordring ol in and out o my hou a it

r bzing cckooclock. Mri han to b in ovth rr Sondr.SONERS ll, y nd nMEHIOR Excu m

MISS BUMENBA hos) Y nd no Th momnt thy mth boluty bold ovr. It i omtng I

undrtd bcau hr t i rcily my on, xctthat in my it horam in th Bahnho.SONERS You r ov by tm?MEHIOR Mdm SS BUMENBA Furthrmor on only h to ook t r

Sondr to that h i no Don Ju. Look into hiy. I hav n mor achry in cockr nil.h taks WEIER th arm and t asid to confrwith him)Th i t mut do. I nd Znglr magth Wnbr to com hr d

NE is makin sidlon attmts to cat ISOR'sattt SOR is cn from t ossbiliy)

SONERS Mar . . M . . . Who i th imotor? o . .?anwhil HIOR is sctinizin NERS from closrran)



MLCHOR Maa . . SONDES Ho e yoM BLNBL: ha . MELCHOR e e re ipoe SONER a oe an an o are yo

MS BLMENBA (To ONDER o ean yo on knohi An e been png ielf abo a Zangler'ervan kne e an o be rue Shouts) LieeThe kitchn door cashes open, EE sways in he doorwayglazed, discreetly disarayed, utterly changed, and goes to hedoor.)

Feh he onabe in here.SEE asses through on he errand like a prased dun.To MLCHOR a aving you arree.

MEHO Aght) MeM BLMENBL For ale imperonaionMLCHOR: Ti plae i eeing i au am abou

ony person hre ho in preening o be oebody elThe ONSE enters SE remains outsde.)ONSE a an o for you, MaaM BMLA Appreend hi peron.LCHOR ah yoelf, afoo.ONSE Have a e Conable.BLNBLA ean re h.SODES Ge rid o hi.NBE Y h a enae.

SE now apears in he doorway)SEE Herr Zangler paryM BLMNBL : Sho i in

In he momen beween annunemen and Eentry OR WNB and HSO eave e roomby deren roues but ih identia tming. WEEeaves indow SO oes u t sarsSOES eaves e himney osbeE in ith O and oh arm and /oon OSEpaes bu sti eeps od of OSE out aus goes srah b

E: Here e e, beer a h eer

6



AO ' a re b, en?LCOR O a gdn-ZANGLE rt g t Le nce ace a m

ance fre rau Fr-Fr Beba MSS BLNBLA can

ZANGLER And m wd, MaeMSS BLNBLATT u ur?ZANGLER wdng tmrwMISS BLNLATT ookng ond and nong t abn)

at ne t H n and ?ZNGLER N e weddngm wdng

MSS BLNBLATT uc t?ZANGLER m nt ng Md K ut f m gt uwer rred m n a t cbgt m Mcr b t gru?

MSS LMENBLATT u me -?LCIOR O, t w m

ZANGLER H m nt f c CONSTAL eleases MLCIOR)MELCOR Ad d u man cd nbr?ZANGLER aLR r ?ZANGLER At m fat p b t p

MLCIOR t m cMS ISCR nb t tat am f-?ME KNO t w n t t cun w t ur ct MSS LNLATT Nt tt ct t d jut k

M?S FISCR m f t ZANGLR u c't bMISS LLAT LCIOR td u t t ISR t m c ubZANGLR , w c t ? ?MISS BLLATT H ut d t d

pn

ZANGLR ses o and og he wndow.)ZANGLR M d ut but t m m p

f b z

70



LCOR is hlpng ZANGLER u hrugh h wndw, nd hollows)

MELCOR isppring) Ca!(unds ZANLER nd MELCO rhng rund hgrdn KNO wchs r h window)

MME KNORR (ond) In't he atef Dd yo note the

MR CER t I pefe h to yo t hbandEena

MME KNORR h ye h had to e feet poo fd MI MENLATT What hapened to h

KNO He ot knoked don b hoeta n theBahoftaeMI LNLin)

M LMENL' grd

A high wl runing acoss h sg wih d s ino i h ido MI LML' hous oo i hus r gard ppbdroo windowZNGLR and CIOR a i w bing h bushsZGLER The aden opetey ed n and the ate

oked bt thee no n of tem What happened to

te oahm?CIOR He ve thk th te pomad apaentZNGLR: We he uppoed to eman otdeMELCIOR: He dn't ant to fhten the hoZANGLER: Te to bg oah ond to the gate If e

et o no e be home b t ht Wenbe ont be

expeng me bak o , I th m on te hop Ift the ame Wenbe, he nhed hghaoeI e to tLI h ad o ho i ac igh pi o h op do)

L: Mone! One of te peo ed to m oom

ZGR:Lok te doo on !

: The peon he ha oked tZGLR: eak t do!I I have nothe key

71



(LIETT AGLER and LHOR p bak no h houscosng h door and avng h gadn dak aganWEIERL cos ou o hdng.oongh)

WEINERL: (hsprng oudy) Chrsopher!

( ooks round vany HRTOR s a h upsarswndow howvr)

HRITOHER: (hsprng oud) Herr Wenberl!WEIERL: Is ha you?ITOR Y!WEIERL: Were are you?

HRITOHER: Hereand soeones ryng o unloc he door!WEIERL: Can you ge do?ITOR: No Can you ge over he wall?IERL: No We're done or I' sorry CrsopherHRITOR: I wasn' yo aul Wenberl Than you or

everyng I was a wonder razzle

WIERL: Yes No bad really To he w emITOR: ( rgn) There's soebody con bed yo!(WEIERL gos back no hdng. ODER approachscauous wh a addr. OER ookng around n hdark.)

OER: (hprs) Mie •

TOR:Augus! , ,

OER ook up and ss h.)ODER: Mie ! Courage mo aour I have a ladderITOR: ( nw) Frs class !ODER: Is ha reay you?HRITOR : (hangng ack) Oh Aus i's o proper!OER: I's you ! Courage y e cabbage( pus h

add up agans h wndow.) Trus me!HRITOR: I , I will!

(RITOR cos down h addr)ODER: Have you go he docuens?TOR: Wha?ONER: Have you go he documens?

ITOR: Wha docuens?ODER: You ca' have orgoe he docuens I gave you i

he ra72



ROPR: O oe documen ONDE Wel wee e ey?

COPR pons dramaay upwar) ave o go and ge emONDER mbs up LGHNNG whnnes o-sage)

CHROPR LghnngCOPR and WEERL ake add o he wa hhear he oah approahngh hde again behn hesummerhoehe COCHN mbs rom hs oah o he wa and hearsLEE sream)

COCHN Lee Oh hee a adde N mbs down he adder akes o he wwand imbs hrough no LEEs edroom where h oudyenouns ONDEA sam me he door rom he house s ung open Ireees in a hgh sae o exemen ZNGLER LCHOR

KNORR FCR MRE and M BLUNBL)ZNGLER Tee' a adde Tey've go away Unoc e gae M BLUMENBL orward ih a arge key andnoks he ae in h wa)Wee e oacm?rom he now darkened bedroom ONDER wearn

CON's ha and oak desen by he adderverybody ese exep M BLUL who s hodn gae en psng hrough wa and sraigh ino hneror o he oah ousde he gae ME is in heque ONDER removes he adder rom he ndow andpes i agains he wa)

ONDER o E) Coage my ng gps and pses hroh ino he oahOER goes up he dder an akes CON's seabody is no inside oh whh deparsLGNG whinnes osage)

COPR Lghnng

LGHNNG ens COPHER mouns up and WERLea m o)ER Gddy p Lgnng

exi)



ZANGLER hopINBRL and CHRISTOR arrive on LIGHTNING.he oah now een hrough he pane of ZANGLER hop windowhe oupan are a unpaing hemelve fom he ineriorSONDRS ge down from he oah

ZANGLER NORR MRS ISCR IE and MELCHIORdiappear noii from iew and en he ZAGLER premie oage. one of h epeial expli. he age i main oupied,of oure by he empy ineror of he hop. i ear ming andhe hop i no open yeINBRL and CHRISTOPHER he hop door from he oude,

uueful. here i a deperaion abou hem and hey diappearfrom iew. eanwhile, ZANGLER h been heard from wihin houingfor WEINBERL.ZANGLER (age) The're not ut the're not

owntr- the're not n the ho we've ot them(he rap door in he oor ope and CISTOPR emerge.

e drop he rap door ZANGLER hurrie ino he hop.ZANGLER oma aken bak by eeing STOPR.)Aht' ou

CISTOPR: Goo mornn, Herr Zler (e goe o heree door and ar unboling i.) Jut oen u, HeZner

ZAGLER here' enberl?CISTOPR He' here Herr ZnlerZANGLER: here?CISTOPR here?ZANGLER , where?CISTOPHER o men, where he now, Her Zner?ZANGLER (mpaienly) Y -

CISTOPR Her enber-?ZANGLER Ye!-ere Herr Wenberl now, o numkull

(INBERL plum u of e ue an ae behind oner in ng poson.)

INBERL Goo mornn, Her ZlerZANGLER Shut u enberl • M e elow I

touht

(here i a gal n. ir SO en frohe ree door whih h u be opene I

STOPR.



R entrs from the ho, folod KNOR FICR and CHIOR)o ONDR Wha do o wan . . . ie . . . pahe coachan om he ll.RIE goes to the til and ONDR goes to her ZANR's

attenton turns to D KNORR and MR ICR. MRICR reats to INR's presene behind the ounter andshe approahes hi so that only th ount is beteen theeanhil DE KNORR is taking i the prese ofCITOR)a I preen m h per, Herr Weinbl. We owe

him an apolog I eel . . nd m cie l ai,aer Criopher . . adame Knorr m ce,he re Fra Zangler: he wedding i omorrow

CHRITOHR: Congralaon. Haen we me beoreZANE: Wha KNO: o

CITO: o, I hogh no.ZANER: O core o haen T i he r e haadame Knorr ha had he riiege o being wep rondhe heap o m mp re

CHRITOR: Tha er wel p CieZANER: I don men he heap o m cmp e.CHRITOR : Hped rond he cene o o memorZANER: oCITOHER: Sqired ond he hb o o empire.ZANER: Tha he bo-hi i he me adame Knorr

ha had he priilege o being qired rod he hb o mempire-Wha do o hin o i all Egenia Raherempric eh-Eer modern conenience-a pringoaded cah ow o noc or ee o d o ha o( emstrats t h aist mahi, hih koksOE's ha .)Snder

OE: He geZAN: Ill k himIE Oh, Unce

h BEIA FOREI ters from th strt, ratherdramatial)



FOIGR He Sonde !(ebod stops and gives him their attention)

OER Go wyo God ke re you l dogging me o mierle unpid hil?

OREIGER He Soder ! I coming om Brue

comig rom he le o yo evely depred nOER Wh?FOREGR you i mored!OER Moed?FOIGER A doo nOER My ! ow dredul ! You men my der unie in

Brue h unorunely ped wy?FOIGR (ointing to OER) Thi mn i oo ich Oh oh drig do hi men ?OE (o GLER.) Si •

GLER u in i?OER Au

GLER Augu o coue! my de . (o FOGR.)How much exly ? Wel neve mid o now-hink we deeve chpge rek re ou lemonde! (houts Gerud! Buly roud!GERTRU enters.)Where hve you een?

GERTRU Fechig he poGLER ereo Bollinge GERTRU Youe upse I cn elGLER Ge ou nd cch he po-oGERTRU Pck my g-GLER NoGERTR Pop e cork-GLER Th he oy-ge ou d pop he cork

GER exits)We hve wo hppy couple o o e ll Mrie i omorggele ge d Augu-(?} ER no.) Auguhere i cedi To hi profeion Wh e you in y hewy?

OER Rik cpl miy I hi cleGLER ve you hough ou ighcl proiio?OER Wel open ccoun oon wee mried

76



ZNLR: Opn an account? Tush man com n h m andoull at holsal for th rst of our lf And thatsothr tng August . . (pious I hant got long . .

SONDRS: (risk W ought to gong tooZNLR: On da August th Zanglr mpr ll nd a n

hand th -no.SONRS : On th r.ZNLR: Thats m o

RU ers wih ray)ZNLR: -lt th st gass for th on ho has ntrd

m f d chgd m fortun.

(ives rs gass o FORINR an hen o ONDRS an KNORR RTRU caries ray own he ineZNLR: Mar Frau Fschr . m fathfu ptnr rr

Wnrl.RTRUD : (o INRL Thrs a lr for ou rr

Wnrl.

(he gves WINRL a eer whih is of neres o MRSFICR)ZNLR nd m Chf Ss Assstant Chrsophr g

ou th Grocrs Compan LL: Th Grocr' CompanZNLR: ou a calr too Jul.ONDRS: AutZNLR : August . ou can ha m old uformRUD: (o WINRL Od unformh ou craf old ZNLR: What s t?RTRUD : Tntthr Crlsass. ss Bumnlatts.ZNLR: Wr a ou n?

RTR exis)ZNLR: rr Wnrl ould ou sco Frau Fschr?

ou mght com r acquantd FISCR: I am alrad l acquantd th rr Wnrl.ZNLR: ou ?: our not ou?MRS ISCR: o ou sa that aftr rng m a thos

romanc lrs ScaouchWINRL: Egant d nd ForZNLR: Wll hee app coups to toast I l

77



(nter RUD)RTRUD Beakfast is seve.ZANR: hk you Geu.

(e strts to ed everybody outM ICHR brngng up the rer.)-ugea

ONDR MaieWINR: May I take you in Hilegae? ICR Youve been taking me in fo months He

Webel ICR exts. IR nd CHRITOPR ebrce wth(preture) reef

ZANR : (utsde) Melchio(WINBR nd ITOPHR sutneous reze tht theyoud st be undone.)

INB: Melco(ut HIOR pproches wth chpgne botte rechrgesWIRs nd CHRITOPHRs gsses, produces thrd gs

fro hs pocket s t nd tosts the)CHIOR: Qassic(CHIOR goes out.INR nd ITOPR go to ther paes behnd thcount. hey drnk ent tost hey ook t ech other)

ITOPR: (s I) I ont think you kno my wfe

(INR sputter wth peasure.)IN: (s ITOPR) We wan the bes e n tehouse an we want it now(hey sputter joyfu nd pue ech other about thhouders)

ITOPR (s MI BUNBTT) He Weinbel-HeSnes-He Snes, He Weinbel

IR (s ONR) Miewho is imoso?(ut ther joy eporte mot mmedtey. ghnd reahe for th broom)Wel . y cie saes ssistt Woul you o me eonou (e bow nd oers the broom whch ITOPR tkes)he street door opens to dt s UIN)

MUIN: e you the goce, you eminence?IR I believ I a s



GAMN I undeand ou ave an opening o anppeniep n e goe ade

W I beeve ae Te ueu apin weeve a ooug aning n goe geen goeauee weg and eaue okakng ndow

deng deb ed and peona gene Te ou aeo dawn o dak and e pa ix guide pe one ou gude o boad and odgng one gude oaund and one gude pu ade n ou nae aganong and beaage Woud a be aao?

GN Ye I nk a oud be aao

WN Have ou an oea expeene?GAMN I ave been ie odng o ead oudee Dog and Duk Bu I own ae and aneave a an e

WN Cope Gve e booAGN Jyfully O-an ou

(CHSTOP gves te br)W You nd e a en ae bu a a one In I ave oe epuaon n e eanie wod o ute tere s a rar f ebel fr ZANG)ause grave) Eue e I a aa n enna eedaand ee ae ae o du pne eeaves)

GAMN enna Have ou eve een o ea ?SOP Me? O e. Good Lod O oeGN Wa ke ?SOP areesy ea? We .

g ea) ondeuh GN sees t furus egt HSOates m)

79



PERSONAL PROPS

CUSTOMER

German newspaper coin

MISS BUMENBATT

Spectaces (W)

CONSTABETruncheon'Scribble etter (white paper)White envelope addressed to-

Miss Bumenbatt,23 Carlstrasse Vienna

SONDERS

Document (pink ribboned)CoinNote pad for message in "zinger

ADY N BACK

Cigar (slim panatela)Matchescigar type in back bag

BEGUM FOREIGNERSpectacles (W)

MECHOR

2 fat cigars - punctured t smoking endTestimonia (wting cear) folded in fourMatches smal nonsafety - in right hand waistcoat

pocket

GERTRUD

Scissors on chateaineBrown duster

ZANGER

Spectacles (W)

Pocket watch (W)

(W) - Wardobe

So



Large gold coin - give o desse & spe on s. popsle

IETTE

Bunch of keysSpeccles W)

WEINBE

Scile lee lue ppe)Blue enveope3 o sps in lehe lleSpeccles W)

CITOPEDuse - in pon



SECON POPS LIS

p L watch wardra dust jug of nk fsh bottng papr ak

fows p HB scssors on hatan wadCoat hang od costum ps boots boot cp at top

1 3 On Zangrs dsk from C/U:

Cgars n bo matchght vas handb bott

pns nkw pap nvopsCash bo cons papr mon In top ft dawof dsk

Bgan mans cas documntaors dumm nw ostumSw ja of soft swtsp JC pns tap masu b

p BMc pncp MK tstmona cgas n cas matchsp L cons pnc nz

Sack of bans wth schnapps bott ng n topHav unopnd sack fom ca2 schnapps gasss2 unchpacks rappd n nwspapPrts on sand l p pfWhskWorstd stockng + cons

Jar of omops ?Wrttn tt bank nvopInk pn bottrLarg swt jar of cand stcksp RB wat stamps

5Woodn sgn Bo Wantd



6

Notng yet

7

Vey study bouquetas key on poeBee muggaettes and mates n bay tn

8

abe on apeIndoo wateng anp RM notebook pen

dty offee ups and saues napkns

lqueu gasses4 tabe ots4 knves foks bead knfe soup spoon (desset

foks minimum8 wne sts8 menus

empty tays tays fed dty dses5 tays fed food to be sevedTay ds of fake obste themdo ds of fake

chckenTay bee pkes fo Vey lage tay lobste themdo seved on 4 pates

dsh of ken obste upstage pat of cckens eaten

4 plates same sze as abovePlate of adshes4 champagne gassesBotte of champagne opened evey ngtIe bucket celoo stand fo e buket3 small vases of flowesBasket of fowes



ree to go o MKs headNewspaper o rameog coach whipp birth certiicate BMc

2:2

ewig or isetteNewspaper with part o textarge magierBottle o schapps gassetter opeed, bt o essetia textCover over parrot cage

2:3

Bioclarsadder

2:4

Case rom act oe or BegiaPlai white postcardsetter let rom I 42 bottes o champage At east oe opeed each per8 champage glasses o trayDste

ack or Weiberl to side dow chte very sippyCois i tiWhisk or 4Woode sig rom 5

Documents

Stoppard, Tom - On the Razzle (Samuel French, 1982)