Stepping Back From the Practice of Law: What I learned From Taking a Two Year Sabbatical Clay Hornsby 804 Lake Colony Circle Birmingham, Alabama 35242 clayhornsby12@gmail.com

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Introduction After practicing law for many years I decided to take a sabbatical. It was “half-time” in my work life and before continuing on in the same method and manner as previous years, I wanted to take inventory, reflect, and contemplate the first half while being open to the possibility of doing something new and different in the second half. In short, I traded money for time which allowed me the opportunity to reflect. This reflection resulted in a change in perspective not only on the practice of law but on life itself. The following are a few of my observations. Bruised Ego Ambition and self-confidence are essential to being a successful lawyer. Additionally, I tended to have an inflated ego. However, since my sabbatical, I have learned that Court houses stay open, hearings on motions stay scheduled, objections continue to be made, juries selected, cases tried and verdicts rendered. In a deeper punch to the gut, your law firm’s telephone continues to ring, cases continue to come in, payroll continues to be paid and the firm even thrives (gasp!)in your absence. My firm didn’t miss a beat. One of my

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partners asked me to come back, stay a month and retire again so as to keep the karma going. Still, leaving a firm you had some hand in creating and shaping for over twenty years and watching it move on without as much as a hiccup can give one pause; How much of a difference did I really make? How crucial was my contribution? Can my position be so easily replaced? I realized through asking these questions that I was not God’s gift to the practice of trial law. Although this was disconcerting and uncomfortable at first, it became liberating to honestly explore who I really was outside the framework of being a lawyer. Self-Image More than any other country, Americans identify with their work and their self-image becomes inextricably tied to it. I remember as a younger lawyer being on an emotional roller coaster that depended entirely on how well I did financially in a given year or what my partnership evaluation revealed at year end. If my evaluation was predominantly positive I enjoyed a wonderful holiday season. If my evaluation was mostly negative I didn’t have such a wonderful holiday. I regret that many times with my family and young children I was not present in mind or spirit because I was inwardly beating myself up. I couldn’t get back to feeling good about myself until the next big settlement or successful trial occurred. My self- image was all

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outwardly controlled causing my emotions to run up and down like an outdoor thermometer. I always felt inadequate. There was always more. There was always somebody my age making more money, winning bigger cases or settlements, getting more publicity and recognition. And the stakes kept getting higher. If I made “x’ amount of money one year then from that point forward that set the floor. The next year I had to make more. My income was inconsistent so my self-image was as well. Taking time away from the practice of law has allowed me to see this pattern more clearly. I am learning to find my self worth from within. I’ve become more of a human “being” than a human “doing”. I have begun to experience the peace that comes from realizing that I am worthy “just because.” I don’t have to accomplish anything to feel good about myself. More is never enough Many years ago I attended the funeral of a well-known country lawyer in rural central Alabama. The Preacher conducting the funeral said that the deceased had a saying that “more was never enough.” I‘ve never forgotten it. During this time off I have come to realize that my self worth was not tethered to my job and that a never ending search for more friends, more money, more prestige and more accolades will never completely

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satisfy. I now prefer deeper relationships and less emphasis on the accumulation of money and outward approval. I desire inner confirmation that the life I am living on the outside is consistent with the way I feel on the inside. This change was initially uncomfortable but I have found that over time it is much more fulfilling and satisfying. Less Stress The way I practiced law was hectic, risky, accelerated and full of pressure. If I wasn’t worried about my client’s criminal record and upcoming deposition then I was wringing my hands over the next motion for summary judgment or whether my expensive expert would survive a daubert challenge or whether my secretary would get to work on time or have to leave early again or why expenses are thirty percent higher than last month or why the case I was counting on didn’t get settled at mediation. The stress wasn’t acute but chronic, day after day slowly building upon the day before. I am not alone. Psychology Today back in 2001 described the work environment like this: There are many ways self-esteem now gets battered at

work. The pace of work demands is so fast that no one stops

to acknowledge even excellent performance. The demand

for productivity has grown so significantly that no one feels

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they are doing enough; everyone looks at the undone

workload and feels inadequate. We work an unprecedented

number of hours. That encroaches on our downtime and

deprives us of the most restorative of experiences—

connecting with self, friends and family.

The added pressures have contributed to a genuine rise in

aggression and rudeness in the workplace. Rudeness

anywhere makes people feel devalued. In part rudeness is

the behavioral fallout of the widespread loss of loyalty of

employers to employees and vice versa that has

accompanied rapidly changing market conditions. Also,

many younger workers, not trained in social and

communication skills, challenge authority inappropriately and

assume an entitlement unfufillable against the demands for

increased productivity.

Job security is at an all-time low, compounding the fragility of

self-esteem. The upshot is the workplace is no longer an

arena in which people can count on fortifying their sense of

self. Instead it has become a major source of stress and

depression.

Psychology Today, Ellen Mcgrath, 10/01 I could not prevent ‘worry’ from hovering over me like a rain cloud over a ballgame. In the first half of my life practicing law was welcomed and I looked forward to all the challenges of each case and even enjoyed the

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travel. After twenty-five years it began to have a monotonous, tread mill aspect to it and the strain that was so easily handled in my twenties and thirties was at mid-life beginning to manifest itself in small and irritating health challenges including a few unwelcomed pounds. What really grabbed my attention, or the real wake up call, came after a law school classmate died and several other colleagues experienced serious health complications. This snapped me out of my work trance and forced me to evaluate my own health issues, life style and priorities. Being away from the law practice for only six months resulted in less stress, increased relaxation and general calmness. After about fifteen months my overall health improved. I did not realize how much stress was inside my body, like a poison, for so many years until I had the opportunity to decompress and, over time, flush it out. Living life more relaxed and slower-paced may have saved my life. It certainly has increased the quality. Slowing Down The gift of slowing down from a fast paced life changed my perspective on everything! It was like being under water while the waves moved above and I could see from a different, more enlightened angle. Although this was a revelation to me I’ve learned that there is a plethora of literature cautioning us to slow down. For it is in the slow, quiet stillness that you will begin to hear the inner workings of your life. It’s hard to listen going

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ninety miles an hour all day every day. My favorite bible verse is 1 Kings 19:9-12. Elijah expects to hear a word from God in the big and spectacular but the word of God comes in a still, small voice. Elijah arrived at the cave and stayed there…… A tremendous, mighty windstorm was tearing at the mountains and breaking the rocks in pieces,… but the LORD was not in the windstorm. After the wind there came an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake there came fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire, there was the sound of a gentle whisper. 1 King 19;9-12 ISV

I have found this to be true. It was only when I slowed down and learned to be still and quiet that I was able to hear my inner voice which, over time, led to the courage to change some aspects of my life. There are many examples in literature of the benefit of slowing down. The following quotes have been meaningful to me. If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer, let him step to the music which he hears, however measured and far away. Henry D. Thoreau Slow down, happiness is trying to catch you. There is more to life than increasing it’s speed. Mohandas Ghandi

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Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Will Rogers Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished Lao Tzu Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it. Soren Kiekegaard Once you stop rushing through life, you will be amazed how much more life you have time for My social life is a series of encounters where we briefly debate who is in the greater rush. Robert Brault

Most of us are familiar with Robert Frost’s poem, Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening. I interpret this poem to mean there is a conflict between the demands of life with it’s self imposed obligations and the still, quiet inner voice. I ignored this voice for too long always moving on to keep another promise. I now know that it is possible to slow down and even stop and explore the woods.

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Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening Whose woods these are I think I know. His house is in the village though; He will not see me stopping here To watch his woods fill up with snow. My little horse must think it queer To stop without a farmhouse near Between the woods and frozen lake The darkest evening of the year. He gives his harness bells a shake To ask if there is some mistake. The only other sound’s the sweep Of easy wind and downy flake. The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

The Need for Lawyers What lawyers do on a daily basis is needed and valuable to the functioning of a healthy society. A country without justice quickly disintegrates. Enforcing criminal laws through a non-corrupt criminal justice

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system and providing fairness through the civil justice system does more to make this country efficient and profitable and, not to mention, enviable as a place to live than anything I’ve come across. Lawyers never get credit for it and, in fact, are ostracized, but our country would shut down were it not for lawyers. The foundations of justice can be traced to the notions of

social stability, interdependence, and equal dignity. As the ethicist John Rawls has pointed out, the stability of a

society – or any group , for that matter-depends upon the extent to which the members of that society feel that they are being treated justly. When some of society’s members come to feel that they are subject to unequal treatment, the foundations have been laid for social unrest, disturbances, and strife. The members of a community, Rawls holds, depend on each other, and they will retain their social unity only to the extent that their institutions are just. Moreover, as the philosopher Immanuel Kant and others have pointed out, human beings are all equal in this respect; they all have the same dignity, and in virtue of this dignity, they deserve to be treated as equals. Whenever individuals are treated unequally on the basis of characteristics that are arbitrary and irrelevant, their fundamental human dignity is violated.

Justice and Fairness, Santa Clara University. Markula Center for Applied Ethics; Developed by Velasquez, Claire Andre, Thomas Shanks, S.J and Michael J. Meyer.

From my new perspective across the bar I was reminded of how civil trial work fits within the

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framework of our greater society. Resolving disputes in a fair manner is an integral and vital part of a functioning democracy. We should all be extremely proud of our role in making America a more just place to live. The Value of a Legal Education My bet is that we all have undervalued our law school education and our legal training. It all started with the Socratic method of teaching where we took a position and were asked continual questions until a contradiction was exposed in our initial assumption. This pointed out the valuable lesson about making assumptions without all the facts and that one little fact change can cause a completely different conclusion. As litigation attorneys, we know that all issues have more than one side and each side has strengths and weaknesses. In my opinion the general population does not think like this. We take it for granted but it’s sorely needed outside the legal community. In the past year and a half as I have mingled among my non-attorney friends, I have noticed a lack of framework for evaluating an issue. There is a reluctance to gather the facts necessary to properly evaluate an issue and a refusal to consider that there are other points of view with merit. As a lawyer this is second nature. It does not seem so natural and easy for a non-lawyer. I am

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proud of my legal training because of the way it taught me to think. I am a better member of society because of it. What are you doing with your time? I have been asked this question numerous times. Over the years I had accumulated a list of books that I wanted to read. I have had time to read and it has been very satisfying. Having more time to spend with my daughter as she graduated from High School and then moved to college was gratifying. I was really “present” and took in her excitement more so than when my first child left for college five years earlier. My wife and I have traveled with no worries about “due dates”, irate client calls or opposing lawyers mad about objections or rescheduling of depositions. My Dad and I were able to travel on an ABOTA trip with about one hundred other lawyers from around the country to Prague, Berlin, Krakow and Warsaw and that was very memorable. I stopped counting how many people came up to me and said how “neat” or “cool” or “unique” it was to see a son and father traveling together. I reflected on why this was novel and deduced that father and child schedules, financial situation, children and grandchildren activities, timing and/or desire probably prohibited this from occurring more.

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I would counsel that we need not wait until we retire to take time off for some of these important milestones in our children’s lives or to travel with family. In fact, time off leads to productivity. Time off leads to Productivity Ironically, taking a step back from the daily grind can make you more productive upon return. Stefan Sagmeister owns a graphic design firm in New York City and every seven years he shuts his studio down for one year. He gives an interesting TED talk about the value of time off including how it leads to expanded creativity and is financially beneficial. www.ted.com/speakers/stefan_sagmeister (October, 2009)

It makes sense that significant time off would lead to more innovation and productivity upon return but law firms and businesses in general are slow to change their traditional structure. However, those that can think outside the box in this area reap the rewards. Higher education has seen the benefit of time away with the sabbatical system but often times the sabbatical itself becomes filled with the pressure to publish an article or book. The sabbatical is a beneficial idea and one that law firms should seriously explore. An appropriate amount of time off can bring a needed change in perspective and can provide huge benefits in

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terms of physical and emotional health and can make one more productive when returning to work.

The Lumberjack competition story illustrates this point: It was the final of the annual lumberjack competition, only

2 competitors remained, an older experienced lumberjack and a

younger, stronger lumberjack.

The rules of the competition were quite simply he who could fell

the most trees in 24 hours was the overall winner.

The younger lumberjack was full of enthusiasm and went off into

the wood and set to work straight away, he worked all through the

day and all through the night, he felt more and more confident with every tree he felled that he would win, because he knew that he had

superior youth and stamina than the older lumberjack that he

could also hear working away in another part of the forest.

At regular intervals throughout the day the noise of frees being

felled coming from the other part of the forest would stop, the

younger lumberjack took heart from this knowing that this meant

the older lumberjack was taking a rest, whereas he could use his

superior youth and strength and stamina to keep going.

At the end of the competition the younger lumberjack felt confident

he had won, he looked in front of him at the piles of felled trees

that were the result of his superhuman effort.

At the medal ceremony he stood on the podium confident and

expecting to be awarded the prize of champion lumberjack, next to

him stood the older lumberjack who looked surprisingly less

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exhausted than he felt.

When the results were read out he was devastated to hear that the

older lumberjack had chopped down significantly more trees than

he had, he turned to the older lumber jack and said,

“How can this be? I heard you take a rest every hour and I worked

continuously through the night, once more I am stronger and fitter

than you old man”.

The older lumberjack turned to him and said,“Every hour I took a

break to rest and sharpen my saw and when I returned to work I

could push the saw harder and it cut through the wood easier and

as a result I was able to cut more trees.”

Conclusion Mark Twain once said that “the two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why… .” I’m not sure I found out “why” I was born but I did find the joy in slowing down. It’s difficult not to tow the cultural line. The expectations of others, particularly parents, spouses and friends are

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more influential than we realize. Stepping back across the bar has allowed me the space and time to review my life as a person, husband, parent and attorney. It allowed reflection on past decisions and why I made those decisions and brought awareness and focus on the present and provided insight in planning for the future. I know that everyone is not at a place financially, emotionally or mentally to take a significant amount of time away from work. However, if the idea resonates with you then I would strongly recommend you consider it. It takes courage to take the initial step but well worth it in the long run. Upon return to work, I anticipate being able to work smarter and more efficiently but I know for certain that I will be more grateful for this gift called ‘life’.

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Recommended Reading: Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally Really Grow Up. James Hollis, PH. D. ( Jungian Analyst) Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life Richard Rohr ( a Franciscan Priest ) Walden,Henry David Thoreau Death of a Salesman, Arthur Miller From Freedom to Slavery,Jerry Spence Personal Freedom, an Owner’s Manuel for Life. Jerry Spence The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz When all you’ve ever wanted isn’t enough: the Search for a Life that Matters. Harold Kushner Half Time, Changing Your Game Plan From Success to Significance; Bob Buford On Sabbaticals

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REST ASSURED, THE SABBATICAL SOLUTION FOR LAWYERS by Lori Simon Gordon Planning a Sabbatical by Robin Page West; www.amerianbar.org Timeout: Sabbaticals Help Lawyers Reassess, Redirect Careers, Holler Schwartz Temple; www.abajournal.com Timeout, Timeoff; Lawyers on Sabbatical, from Washington Lawyer, July/August, 2005; www.dcbar.org Time Off, with Pay, by Erin Walsh, ABA Business Law Section, Vol. 12,Number 4; March/April 2003; apps.americanbar.org How Implementing a Sabbatical Program benefits the employee and the firm, Hopping, Green and Sams Law Firm; July 31, 2012; hgslaw.com Are you Considering a Sabbatical ? The Complete Lawyer, Vol. 3, Number 6; www.denniscoyn.com

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The Wreck of The Persona Once a very prosperous man decided to build for himself a sailing yacht. His intention was that it would be the most talked about boat that ever sailed. He was determined to spare no expense or effort. As he built his craft, the man outfitted it with colorful sails, complex rigging, and comfortable conveniences in the cabin. The decks were made from teakwood; all the fittings were custom made of polished brass. And on the stern, painted in gold letters, readable from a considerable distance, was the name of the boat, The Persona. As he built The Persona, the man could not resist fantasizing upon the anticipated admiration and applause from the club members at the launching of his new boat. In fact, the more he thought about the praise that was soon to come, the more time and attention he gave to the boat’s appearance. Now---and this seems reasonable ---because no one would ever see the underside of The Persona, the man saw little need to be concerned about the keel, or, for that matter, anything that had to do with the issues of properly distributed weight and ballast. The boat builder was acting with the perceptions of the crowd in his mind---not the seaworthiness of the vessel. Seaworthiness seems not to be an important issue while one is in the dry dock. “Why should I spend money or time on what is out of sight? When I listen to the conversations of people at the club, I hear them praising only what they can see, “ he told himself. “I never remember anyone admiring the underside of a boat. Instead, I sense that my yachting colleagues really find exciting the color and shape of a boat’s sails, its brass fittings, its cabin and creature comforts, decks and wood texture, potential speed, and the skill that wins the Sunday afternoon regattas. “ And so, driven by such reasoning, the man built his boat. And everything that would be visible to the people soon began to gleam with excellence. But things that would be invisible when the boat entered the water were generally ignored. People did not seem to take notice of this, or if they did, they made no comment. The builder’s sorting out priorities of resources and time proved to be correct: members of the boat club did indeed understand and appreciate the sails, rigging, decks, brass, and state rooms. And what they saw, they praised. On occasion he overheard some say that his

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efforts to build the grandest boat in the history of the club would certainly result in his selection a commodore. When the day came for the maiden voyage, the people of the club joined him dockside. A bottle of champagne was broken over the bow, and the moment came for the man to set sail. As the breeze filled the sails and pushed The Persona from the club’s harbor, he stood at the helm and heard what he’d anticipated for years: the cheers and well-wishes of envious admirers who said to one another, “Our club has never seen a grander boat than this. This man will make us the talk of the yachting world. “ Soon The Persona was merely a blip on the horizon. And as it cut through the swells, its builder and owner gripped the rudder with a feeling of fierce pride. What he had accomplished! He was seized with an increasing rush of confidence that everything – the boat, his future as a boat club member (and probably a commodore), and even the ocean—was his to control. But a few miles out to sea a storm arose. Not a hurricane—but not a squall either. There were sudden gusts in excess of forty knots and waves about fifteen feet. The Persona began to shudder, and water swept over the sides. Bad things began to happen, and the poise of the captain began to waiver. Perhaps the ocean wasn’t his after all. Within minutes The Persona’s colorful sails were in shreds, the splendid mast was splintered in pieces and the rigging was unceremoniously draped all over the bow. The teakwood decks and the lavishly appointed cabin were awash with water. And then before the man could prepare himself, a wave bigger than anything he’d ever seen hurled down upon The Persona and the boat capsized. Now, this is important—most boats would have righted themselves after such a battering. The Persona did not. Why? Because it’s builder had ignored the importance of what was below the water line. There was no weight there. In a moment when a well-designed keel and adequate ballast might have saved the ship, they were nowhere to be found. The man had concerned himself with the appearance of things and not enough with the needed resilience and stability in the secret, unseen places where storms are withstood. Furthermore, because the foolish man had such confidence in his sailing abilities, he had never contemplated the possibility of a situation he could not manage. And that’s why later investigations revealed that there were no rescue devices aboard: no raft, life jackets, or emergency

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radios. And the result of this mixture of poor planning and blind pride was that the foolish man was lost at sea. Only when the wreckage of The Persona was washed ashore did the man’s boat-club friends discover all this. They said, “Only a fool would design and build a boat like this, much less sail in it. A man who builds only above the waterline does not realize that he has built less than half a boat. Didn’t he understand that a boat not built with storms in mind is a floating disaster waiting to happen? How absurd that we should have applauded him so enthusiastically.” The foolish man was never found. Today, when people speak of him--which is rare-- they comment not upon the initial success of the man or upon the beauty of his boat, but only upon the silliness of putting out on an ocean where storms are sudden and violent. And doing it with a boat that was really never built for anything else but the vanity of its builder and the praise of spectators. It was in such conversations that the owner of The Persona whose name has long been forgotten, became known as simply the foolish man. The True Measure of a Man-How Perceptions of Success, Achievement & Recognition Fail Men in Difficult Times by Richard Simmons, pages 3-6