Group facilitation skills

Physical setting

Administrativetime eg . TAGnotices

SAFETY BAY SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL

GROUP FACILITATIVE SKILLS WORKSHOP

INTRODUCTION :

Based on information gathered from staff during interviewsand discussions at faculty meetings, (see Appendix 1 - handout) a numberof factors having an affect on the Pastoral Care System at S .B .S .H .S . wereidentified .

Below is a 'summary of these factors -

TAG

HOUSE

FACULTY

7TH, 8TH JULY 1986

Group facilitationskills - meetings

Classroom management- discipline probs .ie . facilitation skills

More effectivepastoral care .Definition ofpastoral care :Teachers developingcaring/helpingrelationships withstudents leading toa more positivelearning environment

Interview skills -students/parents

Interview skillsfor problemstudents/parents

The focus of the workshop is on Group facilitation skills . Other factorsneed to be discussed in faculty meetings and if necessary raised atSenior Staff meetings .

2 . CONTRACTING

a . OBJECTIVES -

b .

1 . To provide a model for more effective group facilitation .

2 . To provide an overview of the skills involved in facilitatinga group .

3 . To provide some experiential learning in a group facilitationand managing difficult individuals .

4 . To provide the opportunity for each individual to developaction plans .

EXPECTATIONS -

Summary of skills Group 1 and 2 members hoped to gain from theworkshop .

How-to develop a cohesive group .

to build ownership by kids in group activities .

to motivate students to want to belong to groupto share responsibility for leadershipto manage time more effectivelyto help the group _.move in a common directionto handle disruptive influences eg . aggressive behaviourto include shy/withdrawn studentsto get natural group leaders on side

AGENDA

d . APPROACH

(See handout)

9 .10 - INTRODUCTION

9 .20 - CONTRACTING

9 .45 - FACILITATION - THE ROLE- THE PROCESS

9 .55 - IDEAS ON ESTABLISHING ROLE AND CONTRACTING

10 .30 - BREAK

10 .50 - PRACTICE FACILITATION SKILLS

11 .50 - ACTION PLANNING

12 .20 - EVALUATION AND CLOSE

12 .30 - FINISH

APPLYING"PLANNING MOREEFFECTIVEBEHAVIOUR"

GENERALIZING"PRINCIPLES ABOUTREAL WORLD"

I

LEARNING CYCLE

EXPERIENCING"DOING"

PUBLISHING"SHARING REACTIONS"

PROCESSING"DISCUSSING PATTERNSDYNAMICS"

3 . LECTURETTE -

Distinguishing the pure facilitator's role from the pure teaching role- Note : facilitative skills are used by teachers in the classroom to

varying degrees depending on the individual teacher's style .See sheets 1, 2 .

2 . Facilitation Process and skills . See

4 . How do we establish the facilitative role in our TAG groups ?Sub-groups (Activity) - Summary

sheets 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 .

General discussion to define role - both of teacher and group, thendiscuss and suggest change . (Could role play dictatorial vs facilitator)Take emphases for preparation and ideas off teacher, place responsibilityon to the students .Teacher participation in TAG activities .Self-disclosure - sharing pet peeves .Become aware of personality of individuals (and facilitator)(eg introverts/extroverts etc)Give direction not instruction (group decides)Flexibility .Display care for students .Display neutrality .Physically move away from 'front of class'Work out an Agenda - jointlyEstablish ground rules - jointlyRelationship building precedes decision making etc .Act as mediator between school and their (groups) objectives

5 . How can we build an effective contract with our TAG groups? (Ownership)Sub-groups (Activity) - Summary .

Establish common aims and objectives through participation .Determine what TAG group expects from TAG sessionsEstablish a group worthGroup responsibility for all group activities including ground rules .Include individual contracting when necessary .Develop trust then get group to develop what they want to do .Don't do things for them .Don't pick up the responsibility .Listen/explore .

6 . Effective facilitative behaviour (processed from group experience)- Summary

(1) Clarify bac}:ground of TAG - establish purpose .(2) CONTRACTING

Establish ground rules jointly .

Clarify limits and consequences .Refer/adhere to ground rules .Establish and record plans jointly (Objectives)Establish roles (facilitator, participants)Develop ar Agenda jointly (Ownership)

(3) GENERAL FACILITATIVE SKILLS .

Show empathy . Listen to, acknowledge or record all comments .Put onus en group - give responsibility to group - don't pickup responsibility . Share tasks and leadership .Be relaxed and genuine humour, self disclosure .Be acceptiig - don't edit or ignore input from group . (Neutrality)Demonstrate understanding, seek clarification .Try to giv> each member equal time, eye contact etc .Become a member of the group - don't sit 'at front' . participate inactivities

- Develop an awareness of individuals within group .- Model effective group behaviourSee handout or more information .

(4) Specific skills for difficult individuals to develop cohesiveness .

withdrawn behaviour :

Break into small groups (put shy group together)Encourage comments from non contributorsorganize tasks so that everyone contributes .Allocate a specific role .Spend some time with them on one-to-one basis .Encourage and give feedback for appropriate behaviour .

Aggressive/dominant behaviour :

Confront disruptive behaviour with "I" statements on aone-to-one basis initially, then give responsibility to groupto provide feedback - refer to ground rules .

F

Use strengths - allocate leadership role or specific task s .

Give dominant individuals allocated time (agreeable to group) .

Probe into superficial (red herrings) comments to find some 'meat' .

Develop individual contracts - if necessary remove from group ifother members rights are being infringed upon .

Encourage and give feedback for appropriate behaviour, don't acceptinappropriate behaviour, acknowledge it .

See handout for further information .

7 . Sample of Action Plans .

Develop a programme for future meetings - jointly develop for whole term .

Pave each student suggest and run a session .

Allocate a role/responsibility to a withdrawn student.

Develop a long-term task for an individual with a specific interestpresent to TAG .

Reclarify purpose of TAG .

Establish groups expectations .

8 . EVALUATION . Generally, feedback was positive and several requestswere made to follow up this initial workshop with training to furtherdevelop individuals' skills .

OBSERVER

NON

DIRECTIVE

QUESTIONER

FACILITATOR

COUNSELLOR

LEADER

TRAINER/TEACHER

DIRECTIVE

JUDGE

FORMAL TEACHING

FACILITATING PARTICIPANT

CENTRED LEARNING ORCOLLABORATIVE WORK

PRESENTING INFORMATION SHARING OWN EXPERIENCESAND HEARING OTHERS

ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE

IDEAS AND EXPERIENCEOF OTHERS

OF PARTICIPANTS

THE SUBJECT

THE PARTICIPANTS

ABILITY TO REPRESENT

SELF-AWARENESS, SKILLINFORMATION DEVELOPMENT,

PARTICIPANT RESPONSIBILITY

TEACHER <-- PARTICIPANTFACILITATOR PROVIDESPROCESS EXPERTISE

TO TEST UNDERSTANDING/AWARENESS

TEACHER DECIDES SHARED RESPONSIBILITY -CONTRACT

HEAVY TEACHER PARTICIPANTCOMPONENT

MAINLY BY TEACHER . VARIETY OF SOURCES

ON CORRECTNESS OF

INFORMATION

FACILITATION PROCESS & SKILLS

INITIAL CONTRACTING

DESIGNING

MEETING PREPARATION

CONTRACTING

FACILITATING/INTERVENING

EVALUATING

FACILITATION

FACILITATION IS A BODY OF KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS ABOUT

HOW TO CONDUCT MEETINGS, LEARNING EXPERIENCES AND

COLLABORATIVE PLANNING AND PROBLEM SOLVING PROCESSES

INVOLVING RELATIVELY SMALL NUMBERS OF PEOPLE

BEG 30 OR LESS)

PRIMARY TASKS

F ACILITATOR

SOMEONE WHO HELPS OTHERS WORK OR LEARN IN WAYS THAT

SUCCESSFULLY ACCOMPLISH THEIR OBJECTIVES,

1

TO GET THE GROUP TO FOCUS ON A COMMON TOPIC

AND A COMMON PROCESS,

TO PROTECT GROUP MEMBERS AND ENSURE THAT

EVERYONE HAS THE OPPORTUNITY TO PARTICIPATE,

TO REMAIN NEUTRAL AND BUILD TRUST .

1

STAY NEUTRAL

EFFECTIVE FACILITATOR BEHAVIOURS

3

MAKE PROCESS SUGGESTIONS

4

ACKNOWLEDGE BEHAVIOUR

5

USE A VISIBLE RECORD

6

DON'T BE DEFENSIVE AND

DON'T TALK TOO MUCH

-6-

FACILITATING SKILLS

2

MAINTAIN/REGAIN GROUP FOCUS

7

BE ACTIVE - USE BODY LANGUAGE

BUILD AN AGENDA

5

GET AGREEMENT ON PROCESS

C

O

N

T

R

AC

T

I

N

G

AN EXPLICIT AGREEMENT OF WHAT THE FACILITATOR AND THE GROUP

EXPECT FROM EACH OTHER AND HOW THEY ARE GOING TO WORK

TOGETHER

EFFECTIVE FACILITATOR BEHAVIOUR

GET AGREEMENT ON CONTENT/OUTCOMES

2

ESTABLISH GROUND RULES AND DEFINE ROLES

4

GET OWNERSHIP OF THE AGENDA - CHECK EXPECTATIONS

6

GET AGREEMENT TO ENFORCE THE PROCESS AGREEMENTS

7

GET THE GROUP TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ITS ACTIONS

8

BE AWARE OF POTENTIAL PROCESS ISSUES

LEADERSHIP

LEADERSHIP IS MANY THINGS . . .

"- It is patient, usually boring coalition, building .

'"'" It is purposeful seeding that one hopes will get a good harvest .

It is meticulously shifting the attention of the institution throughthe mundane language of management systems .

'"'" It is altering agendas so that new priorities get enough attention .

It is being visible when things are going wrong - awry, and invisiblewhen they are working well .

-'" It is building a loyal team that speaks more or less with one voice .

'" It's listening carefully much of the time, frequently speaking withencouragement, and reinforcing words with believable action .

'" It's being tough when necessary, and it's the occasional naked use ofpower "hundred things done a little better" - Henry Kissinger .

They are the necessary activities of the leader that take up most ofhis or her day .

"Transactional Leadership"

'"'" The other less frequently occurring form of leadership is

"Transforming Leadership"

- leadership that builds on man's need for meaning , leadership thatcreates institutional purpose .

RELATIONSHIPS - dealing with the irrational side of man . This job ismuch tougher than that of transactional leader, forhe/she is a true artist, the true pathfinder .

LEADERSHIP - unlike naked power wielding, is thus inseparable fromfollowers' needs and goals .

Leadership

Page 2 .

Some recent writers believe that leaders are appealing to certainunconscious needs . The fundamental process is an elusive one ;it is, in large part, to make conscious what lies unconscious amongfollowers .

Managers prefer working with people . Leaders stir emotions . Two notableattributes :- BELIEVEABILITY and EXCITEMENT

Leadership, unlike naked power wielding, is thus in-separable fromfollowers' needs and goals .

Transforming leadership occurs when one or more persons engage with othersin such a way that leaders and followers raise one another to higherlevels of mot ivation and morality .

Their purposes, which might have started out separate but related in caseof transactional leadership, became fused . Power bases are linked,not as counterweights, but as mutual support for common purpose . Variousnames are used for such leadership . . .

elevatingmobilizinginspiringexaltingupliftingexhortingevangelizing

The relationship can be moralistic, of course . But transforming leadershipultimately becomes moral in that it raises the level of human conductand ethical aspiration of both the leader and the led, and thus has atransforming effect on both .

Transforming leadership is dynamic leadership in the sense that the leadersthrow themselves into a relationship with followers who will feel "elevated"by it and often become more active themselves, thereby creating newcadres of leaders .

People get strengthened and uplifted by this form of leadership - theyfeel more powerful, rather than less powerful or submissive .

Therefore the traditional way of explaining the influence of a leader onhis followers has not been entirely correct .

The leader does not force them to submit and follow him by sheeroverwhelming magic of his personality and,persuasive powers .

aacaauciaaaaZr

In fact he is influential by strengthening and inspiring his audience .

The leader arouses confidence in his followers . The followers feel betterable to accomplish whatever goals he and they share .

To be best at certain things

Mike DetiukSafety Bay Senior High SchoolApril 1987

Encouragement v5 Praise

Accentuate the positive

CLASSROOM PRACTICES AND CONCEPTS

Confidence (no ostracism and sarcasm)

Acceptance - verbal and non-verbal

Load activities toward success

Mutual respect (no double standards)

Increase self-evaluation (reduce competition)

Peer help and encouragement

Listen with Empathy

I'ime

I mime

here 6,

Now

PAST

or

Future

OPEN/CLOSED COMMUNICATION & RELATIONSHIPS

Keith Pearson

'.i !I

.ltd irT

I7~F_ ,

Du t

(Du r-!lStening

must

be

reaI

~enS1C1'.'e and SeriOLIS,

not looking busily around,

not with a worried or distracted frown,

not preparing what you will say next,

but giving me your full attention .

You are telling me that I am a person of value,

important and worth listening to,

one with whom you will share yourself .

I have ideas to share,

feelings which too often I keep to myself,

deep questions which struggle inside me for answers .

I have hopes only tentatively acknowledged

which are not easy to share,

and pain and guilt and fear I try to stifle .

These are sensitive areas and a real part of me,

but it takes courage to confide in another .

I need to listen too if we are to come close .

How can I tell you I understand?

I can show interest with my eyes or an occasional word,

attuned to pick up not only the spoken words,

but also the glimmer of a smile,

a look of pain, the hesitation, the struggle

which may suggest something as yet too deep for words .

So let us take time together,

respecting the other's freedom,

encouraging without hurrying,

understanding that some things may never be brought to light,

but others may emerge if given time .

Each, through this listening, enriches the other

with the priceless gift of intimacy.

WHEN I SAY NO I FEEL GUILTY

from Pete Smith (Dr Manuel P Smith)

SYSTEMATIC : ASSERTION TRAINING

We learn to be non-assertive . Our parents tell us "of course you like cabbage""of course you look better in grey shirts", "Of course you like visiting Grandma" .And even though you're "convinced" you don't feel good inside after its happened .You've been conned ; manipulated . Their parents did it too them .

But we are not here to feel bitter about our parents . It is important to knowhow we became what we are, its more important to know how to become what we wantto be . We can understand and dwell on our problem, or develop strategies forovercoming it .

Many people will think they know usI am the ultimate judge of myself -stand, etc, and I have the right to

So lets see what we can do about our rights to stand firm .

l . BROKEN RECORD

If its important to you, be persistant - be like a broken record . Repeat your-self calmly, focus on your goal and don't be side-tracked! Remember, you havea right not to answer their questions . Its not rude to refuse to be manipulated .

2 . FOGGING

This is putting up a smoke screen or a fog that effectively prevents the otherperson from navigating to their destination . You calmly acknowledge theircriticism without getting hooked into what they are saying . You do not need todefend yourself . You just need to listen and accept what is being said andacknowledge that there may be some truth in what they say . You judge for your-self what to do or not to do about it .

e .g . "You maybe right ;prioritize as well as Ifor that activity" .

3 . NEGATIVE ASSERTION

TUART COLLEGE

better than we know ourselves ;I know what I like, want, dontexpress that .

I could organize mycould" . "Perhaps I

the truth is,want, wont

time better" . "I probably do notcan look at allocating more time

Accept your faults - without guilt . Do you know anyone who is perfect? Whohas never made a mistake? Errors are just errors - nothing more or less .Do not apologise and feel guilty ; admit the mistake . As we change our verbalwing behaviour, we will change how we feel about ourselves .

Compare these : "I am terribly sorry ; how could I have been so stupid" . and"You are right . It was a bad mistake" .

How do you feel in each situation? Once mistakes are made we can do two things :We can feel depressed and guilty and useless for a week (and be ineffectual inthat time) or we can acknowledge the mistake, choose to put it behind and presson (and be effective in out life) .

0

01v,~W

4 . NEGATIVE INQUIRY

e .g . Ask . "What is it about what I do that makes me a bad manager . .?"

.

, V-fi.._~_!

Prompt further criticism of yourself to break the manipulative cycle andencourage the other person to be open and honest with you .

Confrontations seldom use clear, open, honest communication . By negativeinquiry you will help the criticizer focus on the specific nature of his/her complaint .

5 . FREE INFORMATION

This is accurate empathy . Listen for verbal and non-verbal clues as to theothers' present experience and capitalize on them . e .g . "It must befrustrating to a person, of your experience ", etc . Be genuine .

6 . SELF DISCLOSURE

Admit and offer positive and negative facts about yourself - your feelings,your thoughts and your reactions .

All this assertiveness leads to a WORKABLE COMPROMISE : It does not have tobe fair ; it just has to work . Caution : this does not mean be compromised orcompromise others . If the issue involves your self worth, moral values, etc ,there can be no compromise!

O .K . TRY IT OUT FOR YOURSELF

SITUATION 1 . A religious person has knocked on your door and you do not wantto listen .

SITUATION 2 . A product you have purchased does not perform and you want arefund .

SITUATION 3 . Your spouse is annoyed by your use of time .

SITUATION 4 . Your superior is really critical of your recent poor performance .

SITUATION 5 . Your friend/colleague/spouse is really critical of your choiceof activity on your agreed day off .

Your bound to have more of your own .

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Extract from "REACHING OUT" by David W . Johnson

THE FOUR POSITIONS IN ACCEPTANCE OF SELF AND OTHERS

Harris (1967) states that there are four possible positions held with respect

to yourself and others . They are :

1 .

I'm Not O .K ., You're O .K . In this position the person feels at the mercy

of other people . He feels a great need for support, acceptance, and

recognition . The person in this position hopes that others who are O .K .

will give him support and acceptance, and he worries about what he has to

do to get others to give him the support and acceptance he needs . He

communicates to others that he is self-rejecting and needs their acceptance

and support .

2 .

I'm Not O .K ., You're Not O .K . In this position there is no source of

support and acceptance, not from oneself or from others .

this position give up all hope of being happy and may withdraw from all

relationships . Even if others try to give support and acceptance, the

person in this position rejects it because they "are not O .K ." . He

communicates to others both self-rejection and rejection of them .

Individuals in

3 .'!

I'm O .K ., You're Not O .K . The person in this position rejects all support

and acceptance from others, but provides it for himself . He feels that he

will be all right if others leave him alone . He is ultra-independent and

doesn't want to get involved with others . He also

acceptance of others because they "are not O .K ." .

that he is fine, but they are not .

rejects the support and

He communicates to others

4 .

I'm O .K ., You're O .K . In this position the person decides that he is

worthwhile and valuable and that other people are also worthwhile and

valuable . He accepts himself and responds to acceptance from others . He

can give acceptance and receive acceptance . He is free to get involved in

meaningful relationships . He communicates to others that he appreciates his

own strengths and appreciates their strengths . This is the position that

everyone should strive to be in . This is the position which facilitates the

development of close, meaningful relationships with others .

Evervtime you relate to another person you are communicating one of the

above positions . Most people relate to everyone from the same position ;

that is, how they feel about themselves and others does not change greatly

from relationship to relationship, and it governs everything they do . It

is important for you to make the conscious decision that you are going to

relate to others from the fourth position and strive to do that . Only when

you accept yourself and accept other people can you build and maintain mature

meaningful relationships .

1 . SELF-CONCEPT

A Weak Self-Concept

Forming the Self-Concept

FIVE

COMPONENTS

CONTRIBUTING

.1,0

EFFECTIVE

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATIONS

Five interpersonal components offer clear distinctions between good communica-tors and poor communicators . These components are Self-Concept, Listening,Clarity of Expression, Coping with Feelings, and Self Disclosure .

The most important single factor affecting people's communication withothers is their self-concept - how they see themselves and their situa-tions . While situations may change from moment to moment or place toplace, people's beliefs about themselves are always determining factorsin their communicative behaviour . The self is the star in every act ofcommunication . Everyone has literally thousands of concepts about them-selves : who I am, what I stand for, where I live, what I do and do notdo, what I value, what I believe . These self-perceptions vary in clarity,precision, and importance from person to person .

Importance of the Self-Concept

A person's self-concept is who she/he is . It is the centre of ouruniverse, our frame of reference, our personal reality, our specialvantage point . It is a screen through which we see, hear, evaluate,and understand everything else . It is our own filter on the worldaround us .

A person's self-concept affects their way of communicating with others .A strong self-concept is necessary for healthy and satisfying interaction .A weak self-concept, on the other hand, often distorts the individual'sperception of how others see them, generating feelings of insecurity inrelating to other people .

A person with a poor view of themself may have difficulty in conversingwith others, admitting that they are wrong, expressing feelings, acceptingconstructive criticism from others, or voicing ideas different from thoseof other people .

In their insecurity they are afraid that others may notlike them if they disagree with them .

Because they feel unworthy, inadequate, and inferior, they lack confidenceand think that their ideas are uninteresting to others and not worthcommunicating . They may become seclusive and guarded in their communica-tion, negating their own ideas .

Even as a person's self-concept affects their ability to communicate, sotheir communication with others shapes their self-concept . As people areprimarily social animals, they derive their most crucial concepts of selffrom their experiences with other human beings .

Individuals learn who they are from the ways they are treated by theimportant people in their lives - sometimes called "significant others" .From verbal and non-verbal communication with these significant others,each person learns whether they are liked or not liked, acceptable orunacceptable, worthy of respect of disdain, a success or a failure . If anindividual is to have a strong self-concept, they need love, respect, andacceptance from significant others in their life .

Self-concept, then, is a critical factor in a person's ability to be aneffective communicator with others . In essence, an individual's self-concept is shaped by those who have loved or have not loved them .

2 . LISTENING

Most communication education has focused on skills of self-expressionand persuasion . Until quite recently, little attention has been paidto listening . This over-emphasis on the skills of expression has ledmost people to under-emphasise the importance of listening in theirdaily communication activities .

However, each person needs information that can be acquired only throughthe process of listening .

Listening, of course, is much more intricate and complicated than thephysical process of hearing . Hearing is done with the ears, whilelistening is an intellectual and emotional process that integratesphysical, emotional, and intellectual inputs in a search for meaning andunderstanding . Effective listening occurs when the listener discerns andunderstands the sender's meaning : the goal of communication is achieved .

The "Third Ear"

Reik (1972) refers to the process of effective listening as "listening withthe third ear" . An effective listener listens not only to words but to themeanings behind the words . A listener's third ear, Reik says, hears what issaid between sentences and without words, what is expressed soundlessly,what the speaker feels and thinks .

Clearly, effective listening is not a passive process . It plays an activerole in communication . The effective listener interacts with the speakerin developing meaning and reaching understanding .

Several principles can aid in increasing essential listening skills .

(1) The listener should have a reason or purpose for listening .

(2) The listener should resist distractions - noises, views,people - and focus on the speaker .

(3) It is important for the listener to suspend judgment initially .

(4) The listener should wait before responding to the speaker .Too prompt a response reduces listening effectiveness .

(5) The listener should repeat- verbatim what the speaker says .

(6) The listener should rephrase in their own words the contentand feeling of what the speaker says, to the speaker'ssatisfaction .

(7) The listener should seek the important themes of what thespeaker says, by listening through the words for the realmeaning .

(8) The listener should use the time differential between therate of speech (100-150 words per minute) and the rate ofthought (400-500 words per minute) to reflect upon contentand to search for meaning .

The listener should be ready to respond to the speaker'scomments .

3 . CLARITY OF EXPRESSION

Effective listening is a necessary and neglected skill in communication,but many people find it equally difficult to say what they mean or toexpress what they feel . They often simply assume that the other personunderstands what they mean, even if they are careless or unclear in theirspeech . They seem to think that people should be able to read each other'sminds : "If it is clear to me, it must be clear to you, also ." Thisassumption is one of the most difficult barriers to successful humancommunication .

A "longer" board

Satir (1972) tells of a family ruckus that occurred when the father senthis son to the lumber yard for a "longer" board . The child thought he knewwhat his father wanted and dutifully went to the lumber yard, but the"longer" board he brought back was still three feet too short . His fatherbecame angry an accused the boy of being stupid and not listening . Thefather had simply assumed that since he knew what he meant by "longer", hisson would also know . He had not bothered to make himself clear or to checkhis meaning with his son .

The poor communicator leaves the listener to guess what they mean, whilethey operate on the assumption that they are, in fact, communicating . Thelistener, in turn, proceeds on the basis of what they guess . Mutual mis-understanding is an obvious result .

To arrive at planned goals or outcomes - from accomplishing the mundanework of everyday life to enjoying the deepest communion with another person- people need to have a means for completing their communication satis-factorily .

An Effective Communicator

A person who can communicate their meaning effectively to others has a clearpicture in their mind of what they are trying to express . At the same timethey can clarify and elaborate what they say . They are receptive to feedbackand use it to further guide their efforts at communication .

4 . COPING WITH FEELINGS

Suppression

A person's inability to deal with feelings like sadness, hurt, anger, etc .frequently results in communication breakdowns .

Some people handle their anger by suppressing it, fearing that the otherperson would respond in kind . Such people tend to think that communicatingan unfavourable emotional reaction will be divisive . They may become upseteven when others merely disagree with them .

I may, for example, keep my irritation at you inside myself, and each timeyou do whatever it is that irritates me, my stomach keeps score . . . 2 . . . 3. . . 6 . . . 8 . . . until one day the doctor pronounces that I have a bleedingulcer, or until one day you do the same thing that you have always. done andmy secret hatred of you erupts in one great emotional avalanche .

You, of course, will not understand . You will feel that this kind of over-charged reaction is totally unjustified . You will react angrily to myburied emotional hostility . Such a failure to cope with anger can end inhomicide .

Lxpression

Expression of emotions is important to building good relationships withothers . People need to express their feelings in such a matter that theyinfluence, affirm, reshape and change themselves and others . They needto learn to express angry feelings constructively rather than destructively .

The following guidelines can be helpful .

(1) Be aware of your emotions .

(2) Admit your emotions . Do not ignore or deny them .

(3) Own your emotions . Accept responsibility for what you do .

(a) Investigate your emotions . Do not seek for a means of rebuttalto win an argument .

S . SELF-DISCLOSURE

Report your emotions . Congruent communication means an accuratematch between what you are saying and what you are experiencing .

(6) Integrate your emotions with your intellect and your will . Allowyourself to learn and grow as a person .

Emotions exist outside our control but we can make choices about how weexpress them and respond to them . They should be identified, observed,reported and integrated . Then people can instinctively make the necessaryadjustments in the light of their own ideas of growth . They can changeand move on with life .

Sidney Jourard, author of The Transparent Self (1971) and Self-Disclosure(1971), says that self-disclosure ("the ability to talk truthfully and fullyabout oneself") is necessary to effective communication . Jourard contendsthat an individual cannot really communicate with another person or get toknow that person unless they themself can engage in self-disclosure .

Indeed, this is a mutual process . The more I know about you, and the moreyou know about me, the more effective and efficient our communication willbe .

A person's ability to engage in self-revelation is a symptom of a healthypersonality . Powell (1969) puts it this way :

I have to be free and able to say my thoughts to you, to tellyou about my judgments and values, to expose to you my fearsand frustrations, to admit to you my failures and shames, toshare my triumphs, before I can really be sure what it is thatI am and can become .

I must be able to tell you who I ambefore I can know who I am . And I must know who I am before Ican act truly, that is, in accordance with my true self .

It can be argued that an individual will understand only as much of themselfas they have been willing to communicate to another person .

Blocks to Self-Revelation

To know themselves and to have satisfying interpersonal relationships,people must reveal themselves to others . Yet self-revelation is blocked bymany . For examples (Powell, 1969) :,

Powell : "I am writing a booklet, to be called Why Am I Afraid ToTell Who I Am?"

Other "Do you want an answer to that question?"

Powell : "That is the purpose of the booklet, to answerthe question ."

Other

"But do you want my answer?"

Powell : "Yes of course I do ."

Other

"I am afraid to tell you who I am because if Itell you who I am, you may not like who I am,and it's all that I have ."

This conversation from real life reflects the fears and doubts thatmany people have - that they are not totally acceptable to others,that parts of themselves are unlovable, that they are unworthy .Cautious, ritualized communication behaviour is the result .

Dynamics of Trust

The dynamics of fear can be exchanged for the dynamics of trust .No one is likely to engage in much self-disclosure in a threateningsituation . Self-disclosure can be made only in an atmosphere ofgood will . Sometimes it takes one person's risk of self-disclosureto stimulate good will in other people . Trust begets trust ; self-disclosure generates self-disclosure . The effective communicatoris one who can create a climate of trust in which mutual self-disclosure can occur .

G.-TNG AN EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATOR

- is based on these five basic components :

(1) An adequate self concept .

(2) The ability to be a good listener .

(3) The skill of expressing one's thoughts and ideas clearly .

(4) Being able to cope with emotions in a functional manner .

(5) The willingness to disclose oneself to others .

Adapted from the 1974 Annual Handbook for Group Facilitators .

QGI aLVLEG; KnYOV(S I' 00 VN[E 10E000 LLL NODD CL OF PCW oOFLE90UOO ML MEWEL oOP[MGYJY

PROBLEMRECOGNITION

PROBLEM IDENTIFICATION :

'I have to audit l help anunsatisfactory staff member .-

TASKANALYSIS

CONCEPT-UALISATION

TASK ANALYSIS

Provide feedback in away that minimizeshurt and maximizes potential for change .

Deal with the inevitable hurt feelingsand defensive l hostile response .

Establish why the person continues toengage in, the behaviours of concern . .

Determine what skills requiredevelopment.

Contract for change.

FEEDBACK TO

DESIGN OF P.D .REPRESENTATIVE

TO MEET IDENTIFIEDGROUP

H

NEEDS OF GROUP

Provide support during the difficultprocess of change .

Determine what to do if the personis unable to change .

Prepared by Peter Simpson ~

PROGRAMMEDELIVERY

SKILLS I KNOWLEDGE-REQUIRED

Giving informational vs evaluativefeedback .

Setting the scene .Reflective listening .Self disclosure.Adjourning .

Understanding behaviour .

Knowledge of good practise.Task analysis and job redesign .

Setting goals I performance criteria .Negotiating help /resourcesEstablishing consequences .Gaining agreement .

The 'encouragement' process .Measuring progress .

FOLLOW UP

EVALUATION

Ministry regulationsRole of Superintendent I Union etc .Writing adverse reports

.'Outplacement' counselling .

CONCERNS REGARDINGPROFESSIONALDEVELOPMENT

"

notrelevant to real world ofwork.

EFFECTIVE PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT

can make you aware of newskills but leaves you well belowa level of skills were you wouldunsupported, try to utilise themon your own in yourworkplace.

"

participants often have little sayin what is presented to them .

IMPLICATIONS FOR TRAINERS

PD must be task driven ratherthan skills drive-n-- --

/ provide ingredients rather thanrecipes.

must address issues of;

consolidation of skillstransfer to work place

must involve audience inplanning .

establish links between skillstaught and tasks required tosolve the problem.

Ar e You For You, Or Aaain s t You?

It's not the events in our lives that affect our selfworth, it's the way we perceive those events . Forexample, look at these events, and the different waystwo people perceived them :

1 .

A friend comments on how nice you look today -

"He/she's only saying that . This is just an oldrag .""Oh, how nice!

I think I look pretty good, too ."

2 .

You made an appointment to meet someone, but you'relate, and they don't wait for you .

"Boy am I a creep! Why do I always make such amess of things?""I feel sad and disappointed that I let my frienddown . What can I do to stop this from happeningagain?"

The perceptions you have of events in your life reinforceyour self esteem . If you continually put yourself-down,you'll believe that you have low self worth .

And whenyou have low self worth, you'll put yourself down evenmore . Sounds vicious, doesn't it? But there is analternative . You can consciously choose to perceiveevents - both successes and failures - in a morefavourable light . Your self worth will benefit by thepraise you give yourself for your successes (no matterhow small) and by the more constructive way (what can Ilearn from this?) you look at your failures .

EMPATHY

Empathy literally means "to feel in" - to stand in another'sshoes for a moment to get inside his feelings . It's atemporary, partial identification with at least one segmentof another person's experience . It is the process by whichtwo persons begin to show understanding and acceptance foreach other's feelings . It involves both tuning in to thefeelings of another, and responding to the feelings in a waythat allows the other to know he has been heard .

It is through the responding to feelings of others thatpersons really touch each others lives . Empathy, thecommunication and acceptance of feelings between persons,is probably the most important gauge of the depth of arelationship: Trust develops when feelings are attendedto, when empathy is practised . The sharing, understandingand accepting of feelings is the heart of human relationships .Empathy is the skill which activates these processes betweenpeople, and allows people to tune into and respond to thefeelings of others .

EMPATHY AS AN ACQUIRED SKILL

Empathy is an interpersonal skill which can be improved byspecific practice . Identification of feelings, accurateinterpretation of facial and vocal cues and responding toothers with understanding are all skills that improve withspecific training and experience .

People need to practise empathy in order to become skilfuland to avoid habitual roles . Five habitual roles we allplay at times are

Fact-Finder

- Seeking informationIgnoring feelings .

Fix-It Specialist

- Solving the problem for another .

Advisor

- Telling another what to do .

Questioner

- Always seeking more information.

Judge

- Evaluating other's feelings .

If we can develop empathy skills, we can avoid these unfulfillingpersonal response habits and move on towards more satisfyinginterpersonal relationships .

THE PROCESS OF EMPATHY

Empathy involves the simultaneous blending of at least fourprocesses.

1 . Tuning to your own feelings . Every person experiences acontinuous flow of feelings about himself, about how the

EMPATHY cont .

conversation is going, about personal comfort or discomfort,about the other person . Feelings may affect the physicalstate of the individual . They may act as a screen makinghim more sensitive to hearing some feelings and difficultfor him to tune-in to others .

2 . Expressing feelings . People are continuously sending outsignalq that are indications of the feeling occuringwithin them . The expression can be verbal or throughgesture, posture or facial movements . At times our non-verbal expressions may be incongruous with our spokenmessage, leading to misinterpretation and confusion . Con-sistency of expression is essential for accurate communic-ation of feelings .

3 . Tuning irn to another's feelings . In a conversation withanother, each person constantly receives signals indicatingthe feeling state of the other person . The listener mayinterpret the signals correctly or incorrectly .

4 . Responding to feelings with understanding . When we hearthe indication of feelings from another we have a varietyof response choices . We can choose to ignore the feelings,responding instead to something within ourselves, orsomething external to both people we can attempt tominimise, change or "solve" the feelings ; or we canindicate that we understand and accept the feelings .

Communication is more helpful when the feelings withinboth individuals are recognised, expressed accurately,'heard' and responded to with understanding and acceptance .

STRATEGIES FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF EMPATHIC SKILLS

A variety of strategies exist to develop each of the fourmicro-skills required for the four steps of empathy :

1 . Tuning in to your own feelings .

2 . Expressing feelings .

3 .

Tuning in to anothers feelings .

4 . Responding to feelings with understanding .

1 . Tuning in to your own feelingsa) Relaxation exercises to identify 'tight' spots in the body.b) Identifying the physiological changes in the body associated

with different feelings .c) Inducing different feelings within oneself through fantasy.d) Identifying feelings induced through discussing an emotional

subject .

2 . Expressing feelingsa) Observing the non-verbal behaviour of others in 'fish bowl'

situation .b) Receiving feedback on personal non-verbal behaviour .c) Enacting a feeling .

'

3. Tuning in to another's feelingsa) Identifying the feelings expressed in short fictional

situations .

EMPATHY cont .

4 . Responding to feelings with understanding

a) Discriminating between empathic and non-empathic responses .

b) Practice in making empathic (paraphrase) responses .

THE BENEFITS OF EMPATHY

l . It frees a person of hostility .

2 . It allows him to regain a sense of worth, meaning, hope .

3 . It allows him to be what he is, rather than to bemeasured against a standard of judgement .

4 . It frees him from necessity of defending himself .

5 . It allows him to use energy in creative ways, to findanswers for himself and to assume responsibility forhimself .

Puttin Empathy To Work

If you have a few people around you, try this exercise .If not, next time someone is talking to you, use thefollowing rules,

One person is the focus person . He talks about someparticular subject that is of interest to him . (If youcan't think of any off-hand, issues like politics, religion,unemployment, current affairs, conservation, family issues,etc ., aretgoodies) .

The other person (or people) must try and find out as muchas they can about the speaker's views and feelings by -

1)

Focussing

the focus person is always thecentre of attention . Debating,expressing own opinions, arguingor changing the subJect are notallowed .

The focus person can later give the listeners feedback as tohow well he felt he was listened to .

2)

Encouraging

the focus person must be encouragedto elaborate on his views andfeelings but questions are not to betoo probing .

3)

Understanding

the listeners must try to understandthe focus person's views, show theyaccept that his views are right forhim . The listeners need not agree,with what the person says .

GUIDELI~`ES FOR IMPROVING YOUR LISTENING SKILL

KNOW WHEN TO USE ACTIVE LISTENING

KNOW WHEN NOT TO USE ACTIVE LISTENINGF

It won't work when you feel unaccepting - when you own theproblem . Nor will it work to influence the others to changesome behaviour you don't accept . Don't try it if you haven'tthe time or are not in the mood . Don't use it as a techniqueto manipulate others to behave the way you want them to behave .

COMPETENCE COMES ONLY WITH PRACTICE

You won't become competent at Active Listening without lotsof practice . Practice with your other half, your friendsand your children .

DON'T GIVE UP TOO QUICKLY

It takes time for others to realise that you really do careand want to understand and that you are accepting theirproblems and feelings . Remember they've been accustomedto hearing you warn, preach, teach, advise and interrogate .

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW THE CAPABILITIES OF OTHERS UNLESS YOU GIVETHEM A CHANCE TO SOLVE THEIR OWN PROBLEMS

Start, if you can, with the attitude that others can solvetheir own problems without your direction or .solutions .You'll be surprised how your trust will grow .

ACCEPT THAT ACTIVE LISTENING WILL AT FIRST FEEL ARTIFICIAL

It undoubtedly feels more gimmicky to you than to your familyand others . With practice, you'll feel more natural and lessclumsy .

TRY USING MORE OF THE OTHER LISTENING SKILLS :

PASSIVELISTENING : ACKNOWLEDGEMENT RESPONSES AND DOOR OPENERS

Every response does not need feedback .primarily when feelings are strong andis apparent .

WHEN INFORMATION IS NEEDED, GIVE IT

Use Active Listeningthe need for acceptance

Just make sure you first know what the real problem isbefore you give information . Check it out to see if yourinformation is wanted . Give it brieflv . And be preparedto have vour ideas rejected - they might not be appropriateor helpful .

Remember that Active Listening is only a technique so youcan better communicate vour acceptance and empathy . Useit when you are free enough of your problems to feel acceptingand want to help others with their problems .

AVOID P U)HING OR IMPOSING YOUR ACTIVE LISTENING

Listen for clues that tell you they don't ,.krant to talk orare through talking . Res ect their need for privacy .

DON'T EXPECT OTHERS TO ARRIVE AT YOUR PREFERRED SOLUTIONv

Remember that Active Listening is for helping others to arriveat their own solution - it is to help with problems . Beprepared for tines when no solution surfaces - you may neverfind out how the _oroblem was solved . Thev will know butyou won't .

April 21, 1982CB