Silvertongue - O Week

EASTERSINCANBERRAEasters is the National Intervaristy Debating Championships. This novice debating tournament pits universities across the country in a fierce battle to finish the bar tab first (also debating). All first year debaters are invited to attend, MAD even provides a bus to get you there and the alcohol to help you forget you’re in Canberra.

More information at Monday Evenings, in Taste-bud or visit monashdebaters.com

Official magazine of the Monash Association of Debaters

Editor: Jacqui DuongdEsign: Sam Whitney

For advertising enquiries please contact the editor on 9905 1509

Opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of the Monash Association of Debaters, the editor or infact even those of the writers but if you’re going to be angry you still may as well blame Beavis.

Monash Association of DebatersPrEsidEnt: Gemma Buckley VicE-PrEsidEnt: Stephen MooresEcrEtary: Rebecca LewtrEasurEr: Sam Whitneyasst trEasurEr: Nisha DuttaWEbmastEr: Allan QuanchisPonsorshiP: Duncan WallacerEcruitmEnt: Jacqui DuongmEmbEr training: Chris BissetSchools Training: Madeline SchultzintErnals: James BeavisExtErnals: Lynton Gunnsocials: Matthew GuyEquity: Katie Heading, Fin Gustus

INSIDEFEATURES REGULARS

Full Worlds Report featuring champions Amit Golder and Kiran Iyer page 8

FEBRUARY 2011

06 Executive ProfilesMeet the people who are running

your club.

04 Editorial

08 Tournament Report

12 MAD Calendar

22 How MAD are you?

26 Fun Stuff

28 Cartoons

10 Sunrise, SunsetOur newest World Champions

reflect on their experiences of another tour-nament in Asia

14 Why Come to EastersWhy you should come to the fun-

nest tournament of the year

24 MAD vs DAVSeasoned second year Bec Irvine

gives you the lowdown on the difference between MAD and the DAV

Welcome to the first edition of Silvertongue for 2012! Whether you are a fresh faced first year or a seasoned veteran, this issue will grace you with all the news from the summer and inform you of our fun upcoming events. Highlights of this edition also include the exec profiles, the goss from Worlds, as well as an awesome Fun and Games section!

For those of you new to MAD, I hope you enjoy your time here regardless of what you want to get from joining one of the greatest clubs on campus. Whether you want to compete internationally, brush up on your debating skills or enjoy the weekly free pizza, MAD will welcome you with open arms.

For returning members – welcome back! I hope you had a great summer and enjoyed MAD’s second consecutive Worlds win wherever you were. We have an exciting semester ahead that’s sure to satiate all your summer debating cravings.

Silvertongue is now produced bi-annually, but I promise each edition will be jam packed with plenty of goodness. Remember that this is your magazine so submissions are always encouraged! If you would like to contribute (in whatever capacity) please get in touch with me at [email protected].

Lastly, many thanks to everyone who submitted articles, especially to Sam for his hard work with the graphics and layout. This edition would not have come together without all your help.

Enjoy this issue and I hope to see you around soon!

-- Jacqui

Everyone I know tells me that they have learnt more from their time in MAD than they have in their entire university degree. That comment is in no way intended to cast aspersion on the quality of teaching here at Monash University (you will soon learn that everyone in MAD loves Monash).

However, that comment is significant in what it tells us about the Monash Association of Debaters. MAD will teach you more than you ever expected from an extra-curricular activity. MAD will teach you about the world. Not only will you suddenly find yourself an expert on the Kalahari Bushmen of Botswana or on the Global Financial System, but you will also gain hands-on experience of the world. Before I joined MAD I had never left the sunny shores of Australia. Now my passport is filled with stamps of all shapes and sizes, from countries as far as South Korea and Botswana and as close as Malaysia and New Zealand.

MAD will also teach you life-skills, the value of which should not be underestimated. Confidence, discipline, level-headedness and critical-thinking are just some of the things that competitive debating will improve and refine in you. There is a reason that public speaking ranks higher than death on most surveys of people’s worst fears, and given that, being able to do it successfully will serve you incredibly well.

Most importantly MAD teaches you about yourself: it helps you realise what you are interested in and passionate about. It is hard to put into words the effect that joining this club will have on your life. As a friend of mine put it, “MAD will define your university experience”. As much as you are looking forward to throwing yourself into university debating, we are just as excited to have you. Our club prides itself on being able to take people of all experience and skill levels and turn them into world class debaters, and we look forward to meeting you this year and getting this journey started.

Editorial

President’s Welcome

Silvertongue / FEBRUARY 2012

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Dear Students,

Monash University is proud to support the Monash Association of Debaters (MAD). As the largest non-faculty club on campus, MAD plays a prominent role in university life for many Monash students.

MAD’s professionalism has been reflected through a range of groundbreaking initiatives, from publishing the world’s only peer-reviewed debating journal to conducting debating training tours throughout the Asia-Pacific region. MAD was champion of the 2011 and 2012 World Universities Debating Championships, defeating teams from Oxford, Harvard and Cambridge Universities, and providing invaluable exposure for the Monash brand.

We hope you will enjoy your experience with this fantastic club.

Yours Sincerely,

Professor Ed Byrne Vice Chancellor and PresidentMonash University

VC welcome

You look like you’d be pretty fun...

...so come eat our food

WELCOME BBQMONDAY 27TH FEBRUARY || 1PMMENZIES LAWN || FREE FOR MEMBERS

MONDAY 1ST MARCH || 6PM TILL LATEFAWKNER PARK, SOUTH YARRY || FREE

FIRST YEAR BBQ

Monash Association of Debaters

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PRESIDENT: GEMMA BUCKLEYGemma is the longest serving member of the current executive, having been part of the club for a staggering six years. She is our ruling overlord, so expect to see her at most club events, training days and tournaments. She’s been here longer than pretty much everyone else, so speak to her

if you are in need of some divine wisdom. But good luck understanding it.

Contact Gemma: [email protected]

VICE PRESIDENT: STEPHEN MOOREStephen is the Vice-President, and such will be in charge of..um...er...what is it that the Vice-President does again? No but actually, other than sleeping and doing general bitch

work, Stephen is in charge of the 50th Anniversary celebrations, making himself look like a poorly-dressed idiot and much, much more!

Contact Stephen: [email protected]

SECRETARY: REBECCA LEWBec ’s attention to detail has led to a great many changes in the secretary portfolio, all, of course, for the better. With an iron fist, Bec is in charge of all forms of communication, so watch out for her weekly Tastebud mailouts and pristine executive minutes, as well as her

assuredly stellar organisation of the O-Week stall.

Contact Bec: [email protected]

TREASURER: SAM WHITNEYSam is back as treasurer for a second year in a row, looking to bring even more jew-fro to every MAD function. He is the guardian of the banana stand (because there’s always money in the banana stand), and with the help of his trusty assistant. Nisha, hopes to bring balance to the force,

er, club’s finances.

Contact Sam: [email protected]

ASSISTANT TREASURER: NISHA DUTTANisha is primarily in charge of MAD’s vast supply store, and the office itself. Alongside Sam, she ensures accountability and procedural correctness, and makes sure that MAD passes its audits. Watch out for her toiling in the veritable dungeons, and

make sure that you come down to the office to say hello or talk all things Star Wars/Dr Who/nerdiness.

Contact Nisha: [email protected]

WEBMASTER: ALLAN QUANCHIAllan Quanchi – Allan is the club’s IT officer; born to write code, he spends his days debugging MAD’s website, or maybe doing other manly activities, like baking or frolicking in the fields with his cows. Nevertheless, Allan will be responsible for the MAD website (www.monashdebaters.

com), Twitter account (@MADDebaters) and Facebook Group (www.facebook.com/groups/maddebaters).

Contact Allan: [email protected]

MALE EQUITY: FINLAY GUSTUSFinlay made his executive debut last year being thrown in the proverbial deep end of member training, and still managed to come out the other side unscathed. Together with Katie, he’ll be handling ESL training, ‘x’ and equity complaints, if he manages to get out of bed in time.

Contact Fin: [email protected]

FEMALE EQUITY: KATIE HEADINGKatie breaks the mould in every way possible; despite being one of the few (big L)Liberals in debating, she still manages to keep a hold of her soul (although she does have a wicked Margaret Thatcher fetish). Katie will be the other half of the equity team, and definitely

the friendly face you should go to if you need help.

Contact Katie: [email protected]

Whether you’re new to MAD or a seasoned veteran, it’s always great to learn about the people who run your club! Vice President Stephen Moore helps you get to know them.

Exec Profiles!


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SPONSORSHIP: DUNCAN WALLACEDuncan’s welcoming face and professionalism make him the perfect representative of the club to external sponsors. Make sure you come along to one of our numerous Grand Finals and sponsors’ events as they will be, without question, exceptional.

Contact Duncan: [email protected]

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RECRUITMENT: JACQUI DUONGJacqui may spend half her existence on public transport from Deer Park, but still manages to be one of the most active members of the executive. Full of enthusiasm, she’ll be managing MAD’s marketing and recruitment initiatives, meaning that hers is one of the first faces many new members will see as they join

the club.

Contact Jacqui: [email protected]

MEMBER TRAINING: CHRIS BISSETChris’s good looks, wealthiness and exceptionally wide-reaching connections provide the backbone of his excellent training programme, and, for the brief moments he’s actually in Melbourne, he’ll be teaching you all

the ins and outs of intervarsity debating.

Contact Chris: [email protected]

SCHOOLS TRAINING: MADELINE SCHULTZMadeline is starting her first term on the executive this year, and it’s sure to be only a matter of weeks before the MAD office is covered in pictures of cats. She has taken on the arduous task of coordinating schools training, where she will be introducing

wide-eyed youngsters to the joys of competitive debating with the help of you, the members, to train them.

Contact Madeline: [email protected]

EXTERNAL COMPETITIONS: LYNTON GUNNDespite Lynton’s long stay at University, his participation in debating has only just begun, and this year he will be coordinating MAD’s contingents to debating tournaments around the world. Lock in your place early for the

Easters bus, and make sure you get yourself to Canberra for what is sure to be a wild ride!

Contact Lynton: [email protected]

INTERNAL COMPETITIONS: JAMES BEAVISThere are only three things you need to know about Beavis: First, he has a girlfriend (the lovely Emma Bland). Second, he goes to the gym (have you seen those guns?). Third, he

has a girlfriend and goes to the gym. Having exhausted his ability to produce Silvertongues of several dozen pages, he has now limited his literary contribution to the club to single sentences, and thus will be setting topics for all our internals this year.

Contact Beavis: [email protected]

SOCIALS: MATT GUYMatthew is a gaysian nightmare, and will dirty dance you to the point of indecency. He will be organising every box social, hootenanny and casual gathering MAD hosts over the course of the year - and you won’t want to miss any! Watch out for his exceptional work

at the first social event of the year: Commencement Dinner!

Contact Matt: [email protected]

MONASH WINS WORLDS

MONASH WINS WORLDS

How they did itAfter 9 rounds Monash B broke to the

finals on 18 points

OC

TOFI

NA

LS

QUA

RTER

FIN

ALS

SEM

IFI

NA

LS

GRA

ND

FIN

AL

MONASH B SYDNEY A

HOBART WILLIAM SMITH A AUCKLAND A

SYDNEY A OXFORD C

NOTTINGHAM A MONASH B

MONASH B OXFORD A

STANFORD A OXFORD C

MONASH B STANFORD A

OXFORD B SYDNEY B


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Worlds Report: Sunrise, Sunset

THE first Worlds we debated together was held at Assumption University

in Thailand in 2007/08, and we were Monash D. Five years later we had rapidly ascended to Monash B, in our last Worlds together at De La Salle University in the Philippines in 2011/12. Many things changed in that time – mostly Amit’s hair - but many things also stayed the same. We decided to use the natural symmetry of our Worlds debating careers as an opportunity to reflect on these differences and similarities.

DIFFERENCES

DIFFERENT lead up – Before Assumption Kiran went on a two

month holiday around Asia with school friends (or as Sashi would say, high school mates), meaning that Round 1 of worlds was the second debate we had done with each other! By contrast, before DLSU worlds we did at least 30 practice debates

together across 3 warm-up tournaments and various Sundays at Monash Caulfield. Before Assumption, Kiran read the paper every few weeks (the World Trade Centre collapsed!) and Amit recycled his matter file (mostly Tim’s matter file) from Australs. Before DLSU we prepped at least 50 cases together and did many hours of reading and research. (All of this turned out to be useless, but how were we to know? Also, this was pretty lucky as Amit forgot to prep the Philippines, although he contends that this was Kiran’s fault for ever allowing it to end up on Amit’s list.)

DIFFERENT expectations – Because of all that additional prep and

practice, because of our success at warm-up tournaments and because in the intervening years we had both done far better at Australs and Worlds, our expectations of DLSU Worlds were higher. At Assumption we didn’t know what we wanted – we sort of hoped to break. At DLSU, we wanted to break top 10 and be debating on the final day. Win

some, lose some.

SOUTHEAST Asia is not all the same! – In a twist that was particularly

shocking to Amit, it turns out not all Southeast Asian Nations are the same. Obviously there were some similarities, such as the heat and that weird smell. But in Thailand we lived and debated at a grand, palatial university, in cases literally covered in gold, but stuck out in the middle of a swamp in outer Bangkok. At DLSU we stayed in a 5 star luxury hotel (with some security fussing), but debated in a fairly unimpressive, old university, with a briefing hall 7 stories up that was surrounded by the smog and grime of Manila. Importantly, after break night at Assumption, we were bussed to Pattaya: the child-sex capital of the world! We’re not exaggerating when we say it’s the worst place in the world. Like, war-torn Congo is better than this place. Whereas at DLSU Worlds we just stayed in the oasis that is the Sofitel – and the experience was all the better for it!

By Amit Golder and Kiran Iyer


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NEW lows – At Assumption Worlds we experienced some real

disappointments, particularly through only getting 4 points on the final day, and ending round 9 with scores of 75 each! (Kiran still thinks we beat NTU E in Round 9.) DLSU provided us not straight 75’s, but instead a 75 and a 73 for the team and the final day yielded the mammoth total of 2 team points. Despite this, we managed to end up on 18 team points, impressively gaining one extra point across five years of debating experience. Go us!

SAME

INCONSISTENT adjudications – Worlds offers a diverse range of

judges, some good, some not so good. Assumption worlds saw us get some disappointing adjudications, and some educational, high quality ones. However the contrast was most noticeable at DLSU where we received our best adjudication ever as well as the worst adjudication either has ever received (or even heard of)! It goes to show that you can be debating in good rooms against good opposition, but nothing in debating is ever guaranteed, especially the tenor of adjudications.

NO speaker prizes – Neither Assumption, nor DLSU Worlds saw

Kiran or Amit receiving any manner of speaker prizes. At Assumption at least, Amit managed to steal someone’s ESL trophy and claim it as his “27th best speaker” prize. Five years later, you might have been forgiven for thinking one of us would get a speaker prize – but history has a way of repeating itself, and once again Amit was forced to steal someone else’s prize (Bisset’s) as his own.

TRYING to get perfect beach bodies – When worlds is in a hot place,

you know you’re gonna be seen wearing precious little clothing. Amit and Kiran, in true team synergy, both aimed to develop amazing, enviable summer physiques right in time to impress the fickle debating crowds. As always, Kiran came the closest to succeeding,... (The rest of this sentence has been deleted because Amit’s critical comment about Kiran’s legs is unfair. As many have noted (or at least thought), recent lower body gym work has made a noticeable impact.) Similarly, Amit’s long-held plans to be buff and tan by [insert name of tournament from 2005-2012 here] continued to fail as TV and food retained their powerful grip over his spare time.

WHO is the competition? At Assumption Worlds the universities

that were the greatest threats to us were Sydney, Oxford, Yale and of course other Monash teams! At DLSU the competition wasn’t necessarily any more diverse, our biggest threats were still Sydney, Oxford, Stanford this time instead of Yale and the other Monash teams (thanks for round 9 Mez and Col!). Maybe it’s comforting that in five years the main competitive unis stayed largely the same?

THE outcome? It might, on the surface, appear that Assumption and DLSU

worlds had sharply different outcomes for Kiran and Amit. And whilst its true that in terms of who won things were a little different for us, everything else was more or less the same – Amit was drunk and depressed (Read: whiny bitch’ in Tagalog.) on break night, some of us tried vainly to get lucky, after worlds we went on a bit of a holiday, ate and drank and shopped a lot and came back home with some pretty good (if sometimes hazy) memories. Maybe this time we had a little more silverware.

We sent other teams too right?MONASH A MONASH C MONASH D

Meredith Prior & Colette Mintz Madeline Schultz & Christopher Bisset Katie Heading & Ashleigh Feurtado

BROKE to finals on 4 wins (20 points)

FACED off against Harvard A, hometown hunks Melbourne A and, heartbreakingly our own Monash C and narrowly finished their campagin in the Octofinals

BROKE to finals on 6 wins (22 points)

DEFEATED Melbourne A and sadly our own Monash A in the Octofinals

CRUSHED Harvard A and Auckland B in the Quarterfinals

BRAVED the likes of Oxford B, Sydney B and UCD L&HA in the Semifinals where they bowed out, for now...

FINISHING on 3 wins (15 points), Monash D’s debut at Worlds saw them hold their own against some of the toughest teams in the world never loosing a debate.

ADJUDICATORSBREAKING to finals were former MAD champions Victor Finkel & Tim Jeffrie

VALIANTLY representing MAD in the rounds and watching top rooms were James Beavis, Melissa Kennedy and Timothy Whiting and Kathryn Wardell


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MEMBER TRAININGMONDAYS FROM 5PM LAW BASEMENT (BLD 12)COME ALONG EVERY MONDAY TO LEARN AND PRACTICE DEBATING. BE TRAINED BY WORLD CHAMPION DEBATERS THEN PUT YOUR NEW SKILLS TO THE TEST IN PRACTICE DEBATES. SESSIONS ARE TAILORED TO DIFFERENT ABILITY LEVELS, NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED AND FREE PIZZA EVERY WEEK

FIRST YEAR CUPMONDAY 12TH, 19TH OF MARCH FROM 5PM LAW BASEMENT (BLD 12)THE FIRST INTERNAL COMPETITON OF THE YEAR DESIGNED SPECIFICALLY FOR FIRST YEAR DEBATERS. FORM YOUR OWN TEAM OR BE PAIRED WITH OTHER FIRST YEARS AND SKILLED TEAM LEADERS. FREE PIZZA

WELCOME BBQMONDAY 27TH FEBRUARY FROM 1PMMENZIES LAWN || FREE FOR MEMBERSHELP YOURSELF TO AS MUCH FREE FOOD AND DRINK AS YOU CAN STOMACH, AND WHILE YOU’RE AT IT CATCH UP WITH SOME OLD FRIENDS OR LEARN A BIT MORE ABOUT THE CLUB. WINS ALL ROUND!

PUBLIC SPEAKING COMPMONDAYS 19TH, 26TH MARCH 1-2PM LAW BASEMENT (BLD 12)COMPETE IN THE MAD ANNUAL PUBLIC SPEAKING COMPETITION. PRESENT ON ANY TOPIC YOU WANT. SIGN UP MARCH 9TH ONLINE

FIRST YEAR BBQMONDAY 1ST MARCH FROM 6PM TILL LATEFAWKNER PARK, SOUTH YARRY || FREE FOR MEMEBERSFREE FOOD, FREE DRINKS, KICKASS MUSIC, THE POSSIBILITY OF SOME TEAM-BUILDING SPORT AND UNDIVIDED ATTENTION CONSTANTLY BEING PAID TO YOU. SOUND GOOD? COME TO THE FIRST YEAR BBQ AND ALL YOUR DREAMS WILL COME TRUE.

FEB

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MAR

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WHAT’S HAPPENING AT MAD?

FIRST YEAR GRAND FINALWEDNESDAY 21ST OF MARCH FROM 7PM TO BE CONFIRMEDAFTER FOUR ROUNDS OF INTENSE AMATEUR ACTION (DON’T GOOGLE THAT PHRASE) COME CHEER ON THE TWO TOP TEAMS AS THEY BATTLE IT OUT TO BE CROWNED FIRST YEAR CUP CHAMPIONS!


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EASTERS10-14 APRIL AUSTRALIAN NATIONAL UNIVERSITY, CANBERRAEASTERS IS THE NATIONAL INTERVARISTY DEBATING CHAMPIONSHIPS. THIS NOVICE DEBATING TOURNAMENT PITS UNIVERSITIES ACROSS THE COUNTRY IN A FIERCE BATTLE TO FINISH THE BAR TAB FIRST (ALSO DEBATING). ALL FIRST YEAR DEBATERS ARE INVITED TO ATTEND, MAD EVEN PROVIDES A BUS TO GET YOU THERE AND THE ALCOHOL TO HELP YOU FORGET YOU’RE IN CANBERRA.



FIRST YEAR FUN EVENTFRIDAY 20TH APRIL TO BE CONFIRMEDARE YOU A FIRST YEAR? DO YOU LIKE FUN? ARE YOU PARTIAL TO EVENTS? THEN THIS SOCIAL IS FOR YOU, DON’T MISS OUT ON YOUR CHANCE TO COMBINE YOU THREE FAVOURITE PASSIONS IN A NIGHT OF FRIVOLITY!

PUBLIC SPEAKING GRAND FINALWEDNESDAY 4TH APRIL FROM 5PM LAW BASEMENT (BLD 12)WHO HAS THE MADDEST ORAL SKILLS? COME ALONG TO CHEER ALONG YOUR AUDIBLY GIFTED FRIENDS.

MAR

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APR

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PRE-EASTERS PARTYSATURDAY 31ST OF MARCH FROM 7PM TO BE CONFIRMEDBEFORE WE ALL HEAD OFF TO PAINT CANBERRA A SLIGHTLY LIGHTER SHADE OF RED COME MEET YOUR FELLOW CONTINGENT MEMEBERS, PRACTICE GETTING REGRETTABLY DRUNK WITH UNLIMITED JELLO SHOTS, BEER AND SOME!


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WHY YOU SHOULD COME TO EASTERS!DEBATINGEasters is a novice tournament that focuses on development, and there are specific rules on team composition. MAD’s Easters teams will have an experienced team leader and two novices. This means you will have the opportunity to learn about fun things like case construction and rebuttal from a more experienced member of the club, both before and during the tournament. After each debate, your adjudicator will give you feedback for how to improve. This is a very relaxed tournament compared to Australs and Worlds – it isn’t about how many debates you win or whether or not you break to the finals, it’s about improvement!

SOCIALSAfter each day of debating we all get dressed up (some more than others) to attend the tournament’s socials. These range from casual pub nights to the formal championship dinner. Enjoy the free food and drink provided by the tournament while you mingle with other debaters – be sure to spend some time with people from other institutions!

Alcohol is usually provided at socials, but drink responsibly to avoid spontaneous head-butting of the pavement or street furnishings (feel free to speak to Ham or Ranga Tom for more specific information)

MONASH BONDINGThis year we will be taking a bus to Canberra, which will be free for all Monash participants! This will give us the opportunity to get to know each other on the drive, and learn all of the hilarious and humiliating stories of previous Easters. During the tournament, we can and will incur the wrath of hotel staff as we host room parties or invade the room parties of other contingents. Easters is a great opportunity to develop strong friendships with other Monash humans!

If you need more convincing, please contact your friendly neighbourhood Externals Officer, Lynton ([email protected].

So now that you have decided to come to Easters, here is a comprehensive list of things you should and should not do at Easters.

EASTERS: DO’S AND DO NOT’SEasters. Without a doubt, the best tournament of the year. After being thrown into the intellectual melting-pot of a national debating tournament, you will emerge as a more magnificent, if slightly more questionable, butterfly/person. To help you attain the best possible experience you could have, here is a list of do’s and dont’s from someone who knows.

THINGS TO DOMake sure your contingent knows who you are

No really. You don’t want a repeat of my first Easters, where the following conversation happened:

NISHA AND MEL: Hello!

ME: Hello!

NISHA AND MEL: What uni are you from?

ME: Monash. What about you?

NISHA AND MEL: ...Monash.

ALL: ...

Externals Officer, Lynton Gunn talks about why you should come to the funnest tournament of the year, while Equity Officer, Fin Gustus gives you a few tips on do’s and do not’s!

Why you should come to

EASTERS


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Apparently, everyone thought I was from UWA - Twist.

Learn the terminology

This one is tricky. Debating has a few special words that you’ll have to get used to, but within MAD we also have an entire dialect.

Here are a few examples:

BREAKING - To break is not to physically fall apart, but to make it to finals as a debater or an adjudicator. NB: The word takes on its literal meaning once again when everyone jumps on you when you break.

KEEP THE CAP/SCRAP THE CAP - A cap is placed on the amount of teams from any one institution that can make it to finals. We like it, Sydney don’t. You may have this shouted in your face at one point (try not to flinch when this happens).

PRO - Something that is good, agreeable.

ANTI - Something that is bad, disagreeable.

PRANTI - PRETTY anti.

TWIST - Exclaimed when something unexpected happens (for an example, read above).

The bottom line, if you don’t understand what’s happening ask someone who looks old/decrepit. Personal challenge: Keeping your original personality once you start using the terminology!

Get old people to tell you stories

The best way to absorb the culture and history of the club is to have someone old tell you stuff. This can be done in an informal manner one-on-one, or perhaps in a mass storytelling session that would play out in the following way:

“Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m’shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. Gimme five bees for a quarter,

you’d say. Now where was I... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn’t get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...”

Room parties

Sometimes when tournaments aren’t as fun as they were advertised to be (read: no socials) we make our own fun! MAD is famous for our amazing room parties that all the other contingents want to get involved in!

A few tips:

- When the guy says he is going to kick out the entire floor of the hotel, he is probably not kidding.

- Guard your alcohol like you would your personal belongings at the YMCA.

- Have an awesome playlist.

- Stop caring about people spilling stuff. IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

Win

Sometimes we win Easters. Yay.

THINGS NOT TO DO

Tweet at the grand final

In fact, don’t tweet at all ever, if you don’t want to end up like Beavis. If you want to bitch about something, just do it loudly to the person next to you!

Bang your head on things

You’d think this would go without saying, but banging your head on things can cause pain, and sometimes blood! (and stitches!) If you just can’t help yourself from doing this though, make sure it is not in front of a large group of debaters who will argue about whether you should be taken to hospital or not.

Get old people to tell you stories

You may think that I’m giving you contradictory advice, and I am. Getting

old people to tell you stories is kind of like a lucky dip - you may learn heaps about the club and it will be a great bonding experience, but on the other hand, you may be mentally scarred for life. Good luck!

Do not don’t do drink irresponsibly

We are all about safety at MAD. But to increase your chance of fun, feel free to not don’t do drink not a lot. :)

PARTING MESSAGEJust go. I guarantee that you will not regret attending Easters (not a guarantee).

I look forward to seeing you there!


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MAD ABOUT TOWN

A glimpse into the year that was, following MAD’s exploits across the globe including Korea Australs, Regressive Dinner Womens and End of Year Party


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1919


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CONQUERING THE WORLDThroughout the last few years MAD has made a bit of a name for itself travelling the world, depleting bar tabs and occasionally debating. Here’s a sampling of tournaments the club has travelled to....

LONDON


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CONQUERING THE WORLD

SYDNEY

BRISBANE

ISTANBUL

KUALA LUMPUR

MANILLA

GABORONE

SEOUL

MELBOURNEADELAIDE

AUCKLAND


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MAD v DAVTen Important Differences

CUE CARDSThrow them out. That’s right, for the last three years DAV adjudicators have been hypocritically nagging you to use cue cards, pressuring you into spending your days searching Officeworks for the largest pack of system cards you can find, whilst doing the complete opposite themselves. In uni debating the predominant style is A4 sheets of paper spread out on the table that you stand behind.

HALF THE PREP TIMEYou will get 30 minutes for 3-on-3 and 15 minutes for BP style. Nothing to worry about, just get used to writing less.

FREE PIZZAYou will get it for dinner every Monday. Plus free beer if Julian happens to turn up.

DEBATE ETIQUETTE Despite what our equity officers will tell you, at uni most etiquette goes out the window. You can swear in debates (as long as they’re not hosted at parliament house, just ask Beavis) and you can insult your friends (ONLY your friends mind you) but remember that there are limits, and that proper etiquette should always be observed in intervarsity tournaments (again, just ask Beavis).

INTRODUCING YOURSELF In a speech at uni, please, never, ever say your name or what speaker you are in the debate. Never. Think carefully about your introductory sentence and try and make it witty and relevant to what’s going on in the debate.

ADJUDICATIONSOften adjudicators at uni won’t give out any kind of personal feedback in their oral adjudication. It is common practice to ask for personal feedback after (unless there is something pressing preventing you, such as the need to eat pizza) because it is almost considered a slight on the adjudicator if you appear to not want their feedback.

TOPICS You will never, ever get them in advance (with the rare exception of the odd promotional debate). ALL tournaments, internal or external, will be secret topics.

SKILL LEVELYou probably thought you were good. Maybe you even won Swannie awards and got to finals every year. Doesn’t matter. At uni, you’re probably not going to do as well as you did at school. Doesn’t mean that you’re bad, or that you should give up, because you have to remember that most of the time you are up against people who are older and more experienced, and who go to a dozen or so tournaments, some of them international, every year. Just try to learn from them and remember it might take you a couple of years to reach your full potential.

PRIZESForget shitty plastic medals and trophies, or generic certificates. Now, when you win you will get wine, wine, and more wine. And it will be shitty wine. And you will be grateful for it.

MOST IMPORTANTLY FUN!

Completely non-credited scientific studies have shown that MAD is approximately 14.8 times more fun than the DAV. It’s all uphill from here (with the occasional downward plunge to vomit into the toilet after a big night at an intervarsity tournament). Before long, the DAV will only be that place you go to when you’re strapped for cash and feel like crushing the spirits and dreams of a few high school children with your scathing feedback.

If this all sounds a little daunting, fear not. Nearly every member has had to make this transition. Remember these tips and you’ll soon blossom into a a true MADdie.

Bec Irvine takes a look at differences between school level competitions and uni debating and put together this guide to help you with a smooth transition


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Reasons I Hate MAD

I HATE THE MAD USES ALL MY FREE TIME!So the Arts/Law student, our stereotypical MAD member, has about 12 contact hours in first year. You probably think this is because both Arts and Law have so much reading to do! Not true! It’s actually because the faculties realize that Arts/Law students are statistically more likely to join debating, and that they will therefore have lots of extra time commitments. No, I don’t mean a larger study load! I mean partying, drinking, attending events and even the occasional debate will be filling up your schedule in no time!

I HATE THE WAY MAD USES ALL TIME THAT ISN’T FREE!Somewhere around the point you decide its ok to skip one lecture, MAD starts invading on not just those free hours better spent sitting with MADdies on the beautiful Menzies lawn than viewing a powerpoint, but actually taking over your ‘real’ timetable as well. And even if you don’t skip a lecture, by the end of week 5 you’ll be sitting with fellow debaters (especially if taking Nations at War or Contemporary Worlds or, for some reason, first year maths) and MAD will have completely infiltrated all aspects of your week! Trust me, I live with two other MADies, I’d know!

I HATE THE WAY MY NON DEBATING FRIENDS CAN’T UNDERSTAND MY NEWSFEED.Statements such as “Go MAD!”; “We won Worlds!”; “Mon B @PWC AWDC are OO.” will all be filling your newsfeed. And you’ll get it. And you’ll get 30 likes from other MADdies…but then one day a non debater will ask you what the hell you are talking

about. Why? Because not everyone knows what these things are, and you’ll be posting about them all the time!

I HATE THE WAY MAD TAKES ALL MY MONEY!So there are heaps of free things MAD gives you, and, for lots of our new and our top debaters and adjudicators this includes sponsorship! But as well as this you’ll be spending all your savings, and working hard to make sure you can go on every tournament known to debating. What do you get in return? Awesome parties, great times with friends, and visits to countries such as South Korea, Botswana and the Philippines!

I HATE THE WAY MAD TAKES ME TO BORING PLACES LIKE ADELAIDE AND CANBERRA!The flip side to countries such as South Korea, Botswana and the Philippines are some of the domestic debating destinations…they’re kind of holes. BUT, in exchange for visiting places far less cool than Melbourne you get road trips which are always awesome fun! Bus? Bus!

I HATE THE WAY MAD TEAMS ALWAYS LOSE WHEN ATTEMPTING ANY SPORT OTHER THAN DEBATING.MAD doesn’t just debate! We also attempt things like Fun Runs, and Soccer! We’re much better at debating…

I hate the way MAD is so incestuous.

Every MAD member who has a boyfriend or girlfriend is dating another MAD member, or at a stretch, a debater from

another institution. Ok, so maybe I am exaggerating slightly, but let’s just say it’s a good place to meet members of the opposite (or same!) sex. Unless you’re a straight lady. Because then the person of interest is probably gay, your brother, in a relationship, about to come out, about to move overseas or all of the above, but don’t let any of these reasons stop you from trying!

I HATE THE WAY MAD MAKES ME FATI am going to blame the free pizza on Monday nights compounded by the copious amounts of alcohol and BBQ’s supplied by the club for every kilogram I weigh! But never fear, combine MAD’s supplies with participation on the soccer club and you’ll come away with a free meal without any negative side effects!

I HATE THE WAY MAD IS SUCH A TOLERANT AND WELCOMING ENVIRONMENT!I’m not even going to pretend to hate this part! Seriously, no matter who you are or what you believe in you will fit into the club and be made to feel welcome. We even have a few spaces for Liberals!!

BUT MOSTLY I HATE THE WAY I DON’T HATE MAD, NOT EVEN CLOSE, NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT, NOT EVEN AT ALL!Mad is a great club, one which really will define your University experience. We debate well and often, but we do a lot of other fun stuff too and I hope you can join and experience it all even if it’s the only thing you ever do at Monash!

10Our secretary, Bec Lew, really, really loves hates this club. So much so that she needed an entire page in Silvertongue to pour her heart out and tell us why MAD is such a terrific terrible club.


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We’re a mad bunch at M.A.D. Literally. It’s not a joke. The acronym of M.A.D does not stand for Monash Association of Debaters as many would have you believe, but instead Monash Asylum of Debaters. We are those bunch of kids on campus who get their rocks off by arguing about religions groups who throw rocks, and thinking we can do so whilst hung over from a huge tequila bender. We are those students who start up that massive, controversial argument, which consumes the entire tutorial. And we are that one insane club which tries to host a civil form of discussion with the Socialist Alternative, through the medium of debate. Yes, we are truly MAD! As the selling of t-shirts at O-week has just been a poor excuse to clear out old stock before we bring in the compulsory MAD straight jackets, we though it would be useful to outline the conditions to which MAD members suffer. As a guide to determine your own level of mneMADness, we’ve included a points scheme to help you assess whether MAD is the right club for you. Also, for no apparent reason, we thought this article would be assisted by some photographs of our current members and recent alumni.

DIOGENES SYNDROMEA condition characterised by extreme self-neglect, reclusive tendencies, and compulsive hoarding, sometimes of animals. It is found mainly in old people and is associated with senile breakdown.

(2 points)

STENDHAL SYNDROMEA psychosomatic illness that causes rapid heartbeat, dizziness, confusion and even hallucinations when an individual is exposed to art, items or people that are considered exceptionally beautiful.

(2 points)

THE COTARD DELUSION A rare psychiatric disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that he or she is dead, does not exist, is putrefying or has lost their blood or internal organs. It can include delusions of immortality, and obsession with death.

(2 points)

REDUPLICATIVE PARAMNESIAIs the delusional belief that a place or location has been duplicated, existing in two or more places simultaneously, or that it has been ‘relocated’ to another site. For example, the notion that West Somalia is in fact East Somalia, and it is controlled by pirates. (I think this is Madeline)

(4 points)

FOREIGN ACCENT SYNDROMEA syndrome causing someone to speak their native language as if they had a foreign accent. Research has shown that in patients suffering from this condition, the brain’s speech center was affected or damaged.

(4 points)

BIGOREXIASometimes called reverse anorexia, is a disorder in which an individual becomes obsessed that they are not muscular enough. Symptoms include: constant checks in front of the mirror, becoming distressed if a gym session is missed, taking muscle enhancement supplements, eating beans.

(4 points)

TRICHOTILLOMANIAThe urge to pull out one’s hair. This condition primarily affects the pulling out of scalp hair, thus giving the patient the appearance that he/she is prematurely balding.

(6 points)

AIWS OR MICROPSIA OR ALICE IN WONDERLAND SYNDROMEA condition whereby a patient’s sense of time, space and body image are distorted. Patients may feel that people appear tiny or over enlarged, or that some part of their body shape/size has been altered.

(4 points)

HISTRIONIC PERSONALITY DISORDERA personality disorder characterised by a pattern of excessive emotional attention-seeking and seductive behaviour, usually beginning in early adulthood. These individuals are lively, dramatic,

vivacious, enthusiastic, and flirtatious.(12 points)

EXPRESSIVE LANGUAGE DISORDER: A communication disorder in which there are difficulties with verbal (and sometimes written) expression. It is a specific language impairment characterized by an ability to use expressive spoken language that is markedly below the appropriate level for the mental age, but with a language comprehension that is within normal limits. There can be problems with vocabulary, producing complex sentences, and remembering words, and there may or may not be abnormalities in articulation.

(12 points)

So You Think You’re MAD?


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ANTIGERIA OR CONTRAGERIA OR BENJAMIN BUTTON SYNDROMEThe condition whereby the patient appears to to be in a perpetual state of childhood. While many consider youth to be a blessing, being constantly reminded that they look 12, not 21, and having

to constantly be asked for ID when purchasing alcohol, makes this genetic condition one of the most painful to live with whilst at University.

(12 points)

CONDITIONS YOU DON’T HAVE, BUT ASPIRE TO HAVE Note: if you aspire to contract any of these conditions, you are truly a MADie.

ECHOLALIAthe automatic repetition of vocalisations made by another person. More chronic cases of this condition can be found in patients who mimic the very style of speaking of others.(Amit)

STEREOTYPIC MOVEMENT DISORDERIs a condition whereby non-functional motor behaviour (e.g., hand waving, table banging, aggressive head nodding) that markedly interferes with normal activities. (Ben??)

TRANSLATE YOUR POINTSHow to tell if you are a true MADie. Add up all of your points and then see where you rank.

65+ You obviously can’t add, so you must be an Arts, Law or Arts/Law student. You’re a born and bred

MADdie.

52-64 You are probably an old hack or current member. If not, see a Doctor.

36-52 No one has understood you your whole life. All of those hours spent researching

on Wikipedia about North Korea, credit default swaps and European Union agricultural subsidy programs has only led to disappointment. Don’t worry, at MAD we have competitions where such knowledge is nurtured, used and praised. It may come as a shock, but you are a MADdie, and we are your family.

10-36 You may walk, talk and appear like a normal person, but when asked a question, you

will fire off a torrent of facts until your ‘opponent’ flees. MAD will be a suitable home for you. You shall find friends, party hard and probably find love and a new sexuality at the same time. If this sounds appealing, you’re a MADdie at heart. If this does not sound appealing, relax and take comfort in the knowledge that no one can change their future.

2-10 As you are mostly sane, joining MAD will have to come with due consideration. As

your current level of insanity is almost undetectable, your employment prospects are good. Though if you wish to enter the public service, you will need some extensive MAD therapy beforehand.

0 You are currently suffering from a condition known as delusion. We highly advise you not to join MAD, as it

will only exacerbate your current condition.

YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO BE WEARING:

a. Pants with holes in the crotch

b. Skinny jeansc. Coloured chinosd. Boots and beanies

YOUR FAVOURITE WORKOUT ACTIVITY IS:a. Watching yourself in the

mirrorb. Flexing your muscles

(but maybe not your legs, cos there’s not much there)

c. Sitting on the couchd. Punching things

YOUR LOVE LIFE CAN BE DESCRIBED AS:a. Fulfilledb. Traumaticc. Awkward and rared. Triangular

YOUR IPOD IS MOST LIKELY TO BE PLAYING: a. Weird jazz music no one

has ever heard ofb. Powerfinger or other

generic Australian rock music

c. Hip remixes of Lady Gaga and transvestites

d. Something like Bertie Blackman or Florence and the Machine

HOW GAY ARE YOU?a. Somewhere between 85%

and 92%. Or maybe it’s 98%

b. Hey! Bromances are NOT gay!

c. Making the butt sexd. I only heart boys... so I’m

not!

IN A DEBATE, YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO:a. Talk about yourselfb. Say ‘ladies and

gentlemen’ and ‘right’ 27 times a minute

c. Intimidate, harass or yell at other speakers

d. Throw heavy objects at the opposition

AT A DEBATING TOURNAMENT, YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO BE:a. Asleep in a corner after

splitting your pants open. b. Singing about Sashic. On the dancefloor d. Making good

conversation

YOUR FAVOURITE DEBATING TOPIC WOULD BE SOMETHING ABOUT:a. Weaponry b. The WTOc. Robot sexd. International Relations

YOUR FAVOURITE MEMORY OF MAD IS:a. Anytime you’ve ever won

anythingb. Singing the MAD songc. Making fun of other

peopled. Beating Tim Mooney...

TWICE!

PEOPLE WOULD DESCRIBE YOU AS:a. Richb. Blackc. Sarcasticd. Scary

MAD currently has four modern day world champions (we have 8 overall). They are the celebrities of the debating world, known not only for their debating prowess but also for a variety of other prominent characteristics.

Find out who you are most like with this fun quiz!

MAD Celebrity Quiz

IF YOU RECEIVED...MOSTLY A: YOU ARE VICTOR FINKEL

Sweet and charming, you are a favourite amongst the crowd and despite the 85/15 percentage, seem to attract hordes of foreign ladies wherever you go. You enjoy rocking out with epic dance-offs but your extreme moves often end with you tearing large holes in the crotch of your pants. Being an icon is hard work, and you are often found sleeping in a corner at any given social function. You are a MAD Life Member, having given tirelessly from presidential terms to convening international tournaments. You’re also a huge overachiever but we still love you because your success usually means MAD gets more money.

MOSTLY B: YOU ARE KIRAN IYERFriendly, outgoing and down to earth, you are one of the most humble and dedicated members of the club. Despite your Indian ethnicity, you are pretty good at being white, with a great love for AFL, cricket and Australian music. You love going to the gym to build up your arms even though your legs are disproportionately skinny and make your lower half look like a stick insect. Although you identify as a straight male, your relationships with certain members of the club make that slightly questionable. You are a truly proud MADie, love a trashy night out and you are adored by many.

MOSTLY C: YOU ARE AMIT GOLDERYou are sarcastic, rude and like to make fun of other people, but not because you cruel and malicious. Instead, you do this to hide the fact that deep down you are a really nice guy who cares a lot about those who are close to you. You struggle to fit in with your community as a financially challenged Jew from the wrong side of the racecourse, but have been generous with the time you commit to serving the club. You love to be the centre of attention, which is why your dance moves and choice of clothing are really one of a kind.

MOSTLY D: YOU ARE FIONA PROWSEA talented, worldly thinker and one of the most feared debaters from Down Under, this World Champion easily made Mugabe quiver in his proverbial boots. Charming and pretty, you bring the looks to MAD’s hall of fame. In any other team, you would have seemed rich. In any other team, your partner would have seemed dedicated to public service. Your dedication to the club (a Life Member), to women’s debating (Chief Adjudicator of Women’s) and to the development of new members (serving on the Executive) has embodied an elite culture of success – without which Monash would not have been as competitive as it is.

NO CLEAR ANSWER/MIXED COMBINATIONYou are probably a psychopath with multiple personality disorder. But that’s OK, because it means you’ll fit right in with MAD. (Plus, possessing MANY of the great characteristics our World Champions also display can only be a good thing.... RIGHT?)


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UN SECURITY COUNCILJUSTICE LEAGUE

• Tie up the bad guys with red tape

• Ability to survive evil mastermind’s monologue and give a reply speech

• Able to throw (Belgian) civilians between himself and bullets

SKILLS

Sam Myers, MAD’s resident cartoonist, drew up these cartoons during the Mel-bourne Mini Grand Final of 2011.

The topic was about the Israel/Palestine crisis, and the OG based their model around the UN playing the hero.

The ‘UN Security Council Justice League’ series is based on a stereotype of each of the members of the Security Council and set in an imitation of the Justice League of America.

While Mexico is not actually on the secu-rity council, ‘he’ represents all the non-permanent, “crap crap” minor nations who get a temporary seat.


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• Can accurately predict conflict and surrender

• .......nothing

• Able to squash villains in a single roll

• Able to steal the food from the hand of starving African children

• Ability to sleep through all engagements (siesta!)

• Once finished tequila can glass villains into submission

BONUS FEATURE: acts as token minority

• Able to overestimate skills and power

• Can host high tea and bore villains to death by reciting their family tree

• Will follow the requests (read: orders) of the US

• Will act to undermine the French through irrational hatred

• Able to suppress unrest and disperse protests quickly

• Can buy villains with American money

• can call in 1 billion reinforcements

RISK: Doesn’t care about UN and can go rogue

• Has outdated weaponry

• Will do anything as a result of being constantly drunk

• Has many big scary mob connection; often called Yuri

Documents

Silvertongue - O Week