- Seminar Highlights - LOUISE AZNAVOUR, PHD€¦ · - Seminar Highlights - LOUISE AZNAVOUR, PHD Clinical Psychologist © COPYRIGHT, 2005 Revised Edition 2008 2 ♥ ♥ ♥ OPPORTUNITY

- Seminar Highlights -

LOUISE AZNAVOUR, PHD Clinical Psychologist

© C O P Y R I G H T , 2 0 0 5 R e v i s e d E d i t i o n 2 0 0 8

2

♥ ♥

♥

OPPORTUNITY COMES.

IF YOU ARE NOT AWARE AND ALERT YOU MISS IT....

AND THE WORSE THING IS

YOU MAY NOT EVEN KNOW THAT YOU MISSED IT!!!

♥ ♥

♥

Visit>> www.stayingupbeat.com

Dr. Louise Aznavour PhD Psychologist Contact >> [email protected]


3

The workshop on ‘STAYINGUPBEAT’ focuses on practical techniques to generate all three ingredients to make your presence felt wherever you are:

Energy Creativity Flexibility of Mind

The information comes from years of clinical practice, teaching doctorate students, seminars and ongoing research based on:

Learning Theory Psychology Literature Business

The material presented urges interaction from you. Passive reading will not give you much help. One secret of intelligent people is that they interact with whatever they see, hear, touch and smell. They keep their senses active and their brains engaged.




4


Ask yourself three questions:

AZNAVOUR SAY

‘STAYINGUPBEAT’

3 Questions for your mindset:

• Are you a creative person? • Is creativity relevant to your life? • Do you care to know?



5

SURELY, YOU SEE THAT

YOUR KALEIDOSCOPIC BRAIN NEEDS A SURPRISE

BASKING IN THE WONDERS OF THE STARS

KEEPING THE GLITTER IN YOUR EYES

AIMING NOW AT THE FIRST PRIZE




6

= Seminar Highlights =

Part I




7

= OPTIMIZE =

MAKE THE BEST

OR

MOST EFFECTIVE USE

OF A SITUATION OR AN OPPORTUNITY

The major theme of this workshop is on how to continuously optimize in your life at home, socially and at work.




8

EXERCISE ON CHANGE: Let us begin this day by immediately getting you involved with your own desired changes. The more you interact with the material presented, the more you will pull out information that applies to you personally.

Think of one situation of your life that is

a) Disturbing to you and

b) You are not satisfied with the way you are handling it


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Now, holding the Mirror of Reality ask yourself this:

How can I OPTIMIZE (MAKE THE BEST OR MOST EFFECTIVE USE OF) the situation more than I actually do?

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Ask yourself essential questions:

What is holding me back?

What thoughts or behaviors are blocking me?

Who is sabotaging me (family members, friends, and

colleagues, or YOU….)?




1 1

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Visit>> www.stayingupbeat.comWhat will I gain by not changing the situation?



1 2

Choose the ones that fit your case:

I will not be criticized

Life seems easier

It is less work and effort

I feel others will like me more

I will not make enemies

Others will not be jealous of me

They will not see me as a threat

Now, go back, find one or two trusted friends and ask them to give

you feedback on what you wrote.




1 3

Never forget this:

WHENEVER YOU ROCK THE BOAT

SOMEONE AROUND

WILL TELL YOU TO SIT DOWN!

Learn how to swim. Let others grab onto the edges of the boat just in

case you make some waves some day. In any case, always there will

be someone protesting no matter what your behavior may be.

Lesson to learn: Increase your choices of action.

Whether it is rocking the boat, sitting down or jumping ship all in all

relying on your own abilities is good practice.

Good practice: Continue developing your abilities. Abilities when

developed allow you to be yourself rather than try to be under the

shadow of someone else.




1 4

Even though you can always learn from others,

You can only be yourself

As

☺ ALL OTHERS ARE ALREADY TAKEN ☺




1 5

BECOME FUTURE ORIENTED

Your past is not is a bus stop

to be revisited daily to get stuck there.

Your past is not necessarily a backdrop

creating your bright future from nowhere.

To stay young at heart and mind,

reinvent yourself to get rid of a bind

To travel widely,

you need a passport mainly.

And the passport to your future

needs to be renewed periodically.




1 6

KNOWKNOW

THYSELFTHYSELF

SOCRATESSOCRATES

Socrates was known to go around telling everyone “Know Thyself!”

(Know Yourself).

He believed that unless we knew our own self we could not learn

about others and the rest of the mysteries of life. So, he tried to

convince everyone to the importance of knowing themselves first.

Also, Socrates wanted each individual to develop independent

thinking abilities and have disciplined thought processes in order to

be able to think for themselves.




1 7

♥ ♥

♥

STOP AND THINK:

SOME PEOPLE HAVE A FIXED WAY OF SEEING THINGS.

OTHERS RESIST CHANGE

AND

THEY WANT TO KEEP THINGS THE WAY THEY ARE.

LUCKY ARE THOSE WHO SEE OPPORTUNITIES

AND

MAKE THE BEST OF A SITUATION.

SO,

WHICH ONE ARE YOU?

♥ ♥ ♥




1 8

♣ ♣ ♣

SOME PEOPLE DO NOT COME UP

WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THEMSELVES

AND YET

THEY ARE READY TO CRITICIZE

THE IDEAS OF OTHERS VERY EASILY.

♣ ♣ ♣




1 9

Holding the Mirror of Reality consider this: When someone brings you a suggestion for you to consider, do you get curious and ask yourself:

‘What do I like about this suggestion?’

‘How can I use this idea?’

Or

Do you tear the idea apart to get rid of it because you do not know

much about it?

Do you ignore the suggestion perhaps because you are scared of

anything new or different coming your way?

Do you turn your back on the idea because it did not come from

you?

Do you reject and bury the suggestion because someone else

other than you may get the credit?


olding the Mirror of Reality to your face, decide, which of the

Do you reject it simply because no one has done it that way before

so therefore why rock the boat?

H



2 0

above fits you most of the time? _


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lso in order to get objective feedback ask two people who know you

A



2 1

well to assess your reactions when situations like the ones above

show up.

Ask for feedback from someone who:

Likes you

an

You trust

nd then, ask for feedback from someone who:

Does not like you

an

Will not be too easy on you

o, what do others say about your ‘inviting or killing suggestions’?

d

A

d

S




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Overall, what did your findings tell you?

o then, how well do you know yourself?

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_

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2 3

If you want to be ‘STAYINGUPBEAT’

Then

Kno

Bring your best self out always

Holding the ‘Mirror of Reality’

To pr ill see

…..not easy hmmmmm?!!!

w Thyself

And

By

omote precision in what you w




2 4

☺

FOR SURE WE ALWAYS BRING HAPPINESS TO OTHERS:

SOME ARE SO HAPPY TO SEE US COME OVER

AND

SOME OTHERS ARE HAPPY TO SEE US GO!

ARE YOU COMING OR GOING?

☺




2 5

SELF-DISCOVERY EXERCISE: What is one word someone who likes you will use to describe you? _______________________________________________________

What is one word someone who dislikes you will use to describe you? _______________________________________________________ What is your personal motto (saying)? _______________________________________________________




2 6

Here are three personal favorites:

‘AND WHY NOT’

♦

“LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH”

♦

‘DON’T GET MAD, GET FOCUSED’

♦

Now your turn




2 7

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What do you want your gravestone to read: e.g., a funny one I saw said “All dressed up and nowhere to go!” _________________________________________________________

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2 8

The above exercises give you quick checks on your principles, on

your desires, as well as things you need to focus on.

These are some useful materials that I work with while doing Creativity Consults to individuals and groups.

♦ ♠ ♥ ♣

Visit>> www.stayingupbeat.com= Seminar Highlights =



2 9

Part II





3 0

ARE YOU TOP HEAVY? Scientists say that the left-brain controls the right side of the body

whereas the right-brain controls the left side of the body.

Today you found out if you are right or left brain dominant. Based on

the information you just found out about you, consider the following:

If you are dominantly a left-brain thinker, is it true that you

are mainly logical, systematic, goal oriented, verbal, step-by-

step and linear in thinking?

If you carry more of the characteristics of a right-brain

person, is it true that you are mainly spontaneous,

instinctive, emotional, using images and seeing the whole

rather than the parts while you think?

Do you agree or disagree with the scientists?

Do you have any personal opinion on this issue of the

functions of Right Brain versus Left Brain? Do you care?



3 1

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♦ ♠ ♥ ♣




3 2

BALANCING ACT: OPTIMIZE THE USE OF YOUR BRAIN

If you are Right Brain dominant which exercises did you select

from the ones proposed?

If you are Left Brain dominant which exercises did you select from

the ones proposed?

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3 3

READ THE FOLLOWING SLOWLY AND

PICTURE THIS


WHAT IF YOU SLEPT?

AND WHAT IF IN YOUR SLEEP

YOU DREAMED?

AND WHAT IF IN YOUR DREAM

YOU WENT TO HEAVEN

AND

THERE PLUCKED A STRANGE AND BEAUTIFUL FLOWER?

AND WHAT IF

WHEN YOU AWOKE, YOU HAD

THE FLOWER IN YOUR HAND?

OH, WHAT THEN?

= Samuel Taylor Coleridge =



3 4

=UPBEAT=

..................POSITIVE, CHEERFUL, OPTIMISTIC, BUBBLY..............

It is easy to agree that a workplace or a home without much laughter

cannot be an upbeat place. So, Let’s loosen up a bit:


HAHA…….HA.HA……HAHA…….HAAAAA.HAAAAA!!!!

Visit >> www.stayingupbeat.com


http://www.stayingupbeat.com/


3 5

“Walk Softly… Breathe Calmly…Laugh Intensely”

Nelson Mandela

Through the controlled breathing exercises we practiced today, you learned that you have voluntary control over the electrical circuitry of your own brain. The brain waves at will can be slowed down or speeded up. These breathing techniques will fill you with energy and at the same time help you slow down your brain waves from beta to alpha waves inviting inspirational thinking. ‘To inspire’ means ‘to breathe in’. Scientists say that the slower alpha waves facilitate ‘inspired thinking’ which is an animated, stimulated and creativity oriented thinking. So, then how about if you take breathing breaks and practice the following breathing techniques for 1-3 minutes several times a day?




3 6

Be kind to yourself, give yourself a brake... PRACTICE EXERCISES:

SINGLE NOSTRIL BREATHING

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DIAPHRAGMATIC BREATHING


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THE “HA” BREATH

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“RAG DOLL” as in ballet workouts

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3 8


“TURNING SIDE TO SIDE” as seen in Japan and China

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TECCHIES-JEFF LARSEN (ERGONOMIC HEAVEN)

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SHOULDER SHRUGS

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BACK RELAXER

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PAIN IN THE NECK (THE WRITER’S POSE)

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4 1

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4 2

YOU KNOW WHAT:

WE DON’T NEED TO GET OLD

J !!!

UST BECAUSE WE HAVE TO AGE




4 3

CREATIVITY WORKOUT:

‘YES, OFC D ALSO’

Creativity te o may be

telligent; however, these people may not have tricks and methods

OURSE...BECAUSE....AN

chniques give you an advantage over others wh

in

to bring out their creativity.




4 4

TO BE AT ITS BEST

NEEDS TO BE

THE MIND

PREPARED




4 5

Today we practiced ‘YES, OFCOURSE....BECAUSE...AND ALSO’.

t

xists.

thod teaches the team members how to optimize on a given

ituation rather than complain about why things cannot be done.

rainstorming sessions in companies.

up effort, reinforce quick

inking abilities.

tice this technique with friends and colleagues.

each it to your children as a game.

spontaneously, this is one sure

ethod to get everyone FEELING AND ‘STAYINGUPBEAT’:

Participants learn to accept things the way they are and build on wha

e

This me

s

This is an effective technique used in improvisation classes and

b

The aim of this method is to build up gro

th

Make sure to prac

T

As their creative juices flow freely and

m




4 6


How will you make use of this very powerful technique we

practiced today?

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4 7

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4 8

These Are Marks of Winning Teams

♪

♫ ♪♫

‘OPTIMIZING ‘

&

‘TAKING THE BALL AND RUNNING WITH IT’

&

‘GOING WITH THE FLOW’

&

‘KNOWING HOW AND WHEN TO PASS THE BALL’

&

‘WILLINGNESS TO COOPERATE’

♪ ♫ ♪♫




4 9

So, whether they are aware or not, creative people very frequently

use techniques to optimize (making the best or most effective use of

a situation an opportunity) rather than block and kill ideas.

As we discussed, the technique of

“YES, OFCOURSE....BECAUSE...AND ALSO”

is the direct opposite of

‘YES, BUT’

style where ideas are killed rather then embellished.




5 0


THE STORY OF

EVERYBODY, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY AND NOBODY ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WERE 4 MEN

NAMED EVERYBODY, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY AND NOBODY THERE WAS AN IMPORTANT JOB TO BE DONE

EVERYBODY WAS ASKED TO DO IT BUT EVERYBODY WAS SURE THAT SOMEBODY WOULD DO

IT ANYBODY COULD HAVE DONE IT. BUT NOBODY DID IT SOMEBODY GOT ANGRY ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT WAS

EVERYBODY’S JOB EVERYBODY THOUGHT THAT ANYBODY COULD DO IT

AND NOBODY REALIZED THAT EVERYBODY WOULDN’T DO IT

IT ENDED UP THAT EVERYBODY BLAMED SOMEBODY AND NOBODY DID THE JOB THAT ANYBODY COULD HAVE DONE

IT IN THE FIRST PLACE TO THIS DATE THESE FOUR MEN ARE STILL ARGUING WHY

NOBODY DID THE JOB

Source unknown



5 1

Now, Here’s the Aznavour take on the story: All these people above are losers and you would not want to belong

to that team. There are doers in life and then there are onlookers who

criticize everything but produce nothing…some do teamwork and

some produce no work!

Of course, as a promoter of STAYINGUPBEAT I believe that at

home or at work creating a Winning Team, YOU can be the

motivator, energizing and empowering Everybody so that Nobody

can complain to Anybody about life being hopeless due to that

Somebody!

Achievers have direction. They look for projects. They are doers.

They get energized taking responsibilities. They stay young.

You and I are achievers. So, go ahead become that leader to

empower Everybody in your Winning Team!




5 2

= PROBLEMS AS PUZZLES =

…You are the child of the universe,

No less than the trees and the stars;

You have a right to be here.

And

Whether or not it is clear to you,

No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should…

- From Desiderata by Max Hermann -

Now, here’s the Aznavour take on this:

Faced with problems

Many go hiding. They duck. They complain.

In contrast,

As a student of life

You know that

Each puzzle has in itself the mysteries of this universe.

And

Problems are puzzles waiting to be solved.

So,

Be curious

Learn

When things do not go as planned

Take a deep breath

Collect your thoughts

Regroup your energies

Say:

“Life, here I am, throw your challenges at me!”

Visit>> www.stayingupbeat.com♣♠♦



5 3

☺ Be aware:

Creative behavior is addictive

As well as

Being a playful path to

‘STAYINGUPBEAT’

☺




5 4

THE RUMOR HAS IT THAT THOMAS EDISON TOOK BREAKS

OFTEN TO CLOSE AND REST HIS EYES. DURING THAT TIME,

HE HELD A SPOON IN HIS HAND. SOON HE WOULD DRIFT INTO

A SNOOZE.

WITHOUT FAIL, ALL OF A SUDDEN THE SPOON HELD IN HIS

HAND WOULD FALL TO THE FLOOR MAKING A STARTLING

LOUD NOISE. EDISON WOULD JUMP UP IN SHOCK AND WITH

MANY RACING THOUGHTS. IMMEDIATELY HE WOULD WRITE

DOWN THESE THOUGHTS.

EDISON KNEW THAT CREATIVE SPARKS WOULD COME WHILE

HE WAS IN A RELAXED SEMI-SLEEP STATE CLOSE TO

UNCONSCIOUS PROCESSES.

Clearly, Edison was a creativity addict. Now, it is your turn to try it,

you might like it, too!




5 5

SUMMARY OF HIGHLIGHTS ON BEING CREATIVE:

You use a kaleidoscopic view of reality

Which is ever changing

♦

You reshuffle the pieces as with a kaleidoscope

And come up with something new.

♦

You stay alert and observe

Keeping the radar on all the time

♦

You develop a 360° vision

♦

You look at things as everyone else

And think of different possibilities

♦

You stay spontaneous, improvise and say:

“Yes of course ...because...and also”

♦




5 6

HOW TO INCREASE AND MAINTAIN BRAIN POWER: Never underestimate the power of the mind over the body. Through mental concentration

Some people can bring their heart beat almost to a complete

stop.

Others sit and meditate for long periods almost without clothes

in freezing weather.

And others can increase or decrease their body temperature.

So, the mind can create physical reactions in the body.

Some people show allergic reactions only when they know that they

are eating that particular food. Yet when they eat the same food

without knowing, they do not show any allergic reaction.

It is also known that people, who are able to remain relatively calm in

difficult situations, talk to themselves differently than others who

panic.

Now, let us put the information together. We said that the mind can

create physical reactions in the body. We also said that people who

remain calm in difficult situations talk to themselves differently than

others who panic.




5 7

= Seminar Highlights =

Part III




5 8

TECHNIQUES FOR BUILDING EMOTIONAL MUSCLES AND ‘STAYINGUPBEAT’:

TECHNIQUE # 1

= SELF-TALK: MOUTH TO EAR CONNECTION =

Do not block initiative in others. Listen to what they say. You

may learn something.

Avoid saying “No” as an instinctive reaction many negative

people have developed.

Be aware of the effect your self-talk has on you and people

around you.

Visit my website www.stayingupbeat.com as it will help

you to continue ‘STAYINGUPBEAT’.





5 9




6 0

WITH MY ATTITUDE

AND

THE WAY I TALK,

DO I INCREASE OR DECREASE

MY ENERGY

AND

THE ENERGY OF THOSE AROUND ME?

“AM I AN ENERGY VAMPIRE?”




6 1

What are you waiting for to change?

Conserve energy for all concerned.

STOP BEING AN ENERGY VAMPIRE

Energy is a rare commodity!




6 2

TECHNIQUE # 2 = HOW TO TALK TO YOURSELF =

SELF-TALK “YES / NO” SELF ENERGIZING EXERCISE

Prior top doing these exercises where you aware that you created

your own moods and even depressive feelings?

What messages people around you were sending to let you know you

needed to change?

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6 3

What are some of the words you have decided to eliminate from your

vocabulary?

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6 4

TECHNIQUE # 3 = YOU ARE THE PRODUCER AND DIRECTOR =

Over many years with thousands of patients / clients I have come to the conclusion that:

PEOPLE WHO LOSE CONTROL

WHEN ANGRY

COME OUT OF THE SITUATION DEFEATED.

&

THE ONE WHO GOT THEM ANGRY

ANGRY ENOUGH

TO BE OUT OF CONTROL

IS THE WINNER.




6 5

Do you agree disagree with this observation? Base your judgment on observed events. Think of concrete events from your life at home or at work where you were so angry that you lost control. What happened then? _______________________________________________________

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6 6

TECHNIQUE # 4 = SARNOFF SQUEEZE =

The technique that we practiced is similar to Heimlich maneuver. Under what situations do you think you could make this technique useful to you? _______________________________________________________

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6 7

TECHNIQUE # 5 = HEALTHY WAKE-UP RITUAL =

Observe and learn from animals. Notice the lazy wake-up yawning and stretching a cat enjoys. Which part of the rituals, we talked about and that we practiced today,

will be useful to you?

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6 8

TECHNIQUE # 6 = THE THOUGHT STOPPING TECHNIQUE =

STOP THE POUNDING OF YOUR HEART

BY THE QUIETING OF YOUR MIND

Anonymous

Having practiced the THOUGHT STOPPING TECHNIQUE how can

you personalize it and make it more useful to you?

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6 9

TECHNIQUE # 8

= BE SOLUTION ORIENTED =

Do you usually think and say things similar to:

“Ah! You have not seen the worst yet?”

If you answered yes...it is time to change...and fast...

WHAT YOU SAY TO YOURSELF

MAKES YOU

FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL!

So be careful:

Depending on how you treat your mind, it can play tricks on you.

Watch what you say to yourself.




7 0

WHAT YOU SAY TO YOURSELF MAKES YOU FEEL WHAT YOU

FEEL!

In what way does this apply to you? Examples from your life?

Do you mainly agree or disagree with this statement?

Your thoughts on this:

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7 1




7 2

This does not mean there is nothing to complain about. It simply means:




7 3

Do you feel energized being with a person whose conversation is mainly based on what is not going right in their lives, around the world....? How do you feel when you are around such people? Do you feel like saying: “Let us do something about it if we can, otherwise let us focus on things that we can do something about”? _______________________________________________________

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7 4

You see, there are people who are mainly passively reacting to what

happens around them. They are like antennas, picking up every noise

from the surroundings.

So, their moods change with:

the weather

with the way someone else treats them

the news as it is reported on the radio

what is in the newspaper

what is on T.V.

These people feel there is nothing they can do in the situation.

They are victims.




7 5

It is unfortunate that

Complainers simply talk about problems

and

Hope that others would do something about those problems.




7 6

E.g. they complain about the weather.

At first they may say:

‘Ah, It’s Raining!’

Then as the sun comes out they say:

‘Ouff It’s Hot!’

And then again ‘Yack Its Cold!’.




7 7

In contrast, people who feel they are in charge of their destiny may say:

There Is No Bad Weather.

There Are Only People

Who Are Not Dressed Appropriate To The Weather.




7 8

You want to be ‘STAYINGUPBEAT’?

Feel that you can make a difference in this world

and that

YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM

A good antidote to depression is to carry your SOLUTION

ORIENTED PERSONALITY with you wherever you go.

Do not leave home without it!




7 9

In fact unless you get your Solution Oriented Personality activated,

you may not even know that solutions, possibilities and opportunities

exist.


You see, for centuries humans insisted that it was not

possible to run one mile in less than 4 minutes.

One day a single person (Roger Bannister, a runner)

finally in 1954 ran 1 mile in less than 4 minutes.

Centuries of false beliefs were no longer valid. What is

more interesting is that once runners knew what was

possible to do, then the following year 37 other runners

ran one mile in less than 4 minutes!!!!!!!!



8 0

TECHNIQUE # 9 = THE STIMULUS CONTROL TECHNIQUE =

WE LIVE LESS THAN A HUNDRED YEARS

AND

WE WORRY ENOUGH FOR A THOUSAND

- Chinese Saying -

You may be sad, depressed, worried and not focused. At the same

time the world still goes around independent and unaware of your

moods.

Spring, Summer, Winter and Fall will come independently whether

you are sad or happy.

If you do not want to waste your energies due to your down mood,

then use the STIMULUS CONTROL TECHNIQUE as we practiced

which requires that you sign an agreement with yourself to limit the

time, place and degree of self-weakening moods you will carry

around.






8 1

SO,

SAVE YOUR ENERGY

BY

FOCUSING ON SOLUTIONS

&

USING TECHNIQUES FROM OUR SEMINAR SUCH AS

‘THE STIMULUS CONTROL TECHNIQUE’

IN ORDER NOT TO BE DROWNED IN HELPLESSNESS

WHICH CAN

LEAD TO DEPRESSION.


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Your signed agreement:

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TECHNIQUE # 10 = USE DISTRACTION METHODS =

Studies in psychology, including my doctorate thesis, show that:

Pain is easier to tolerate using methods of distraction, taking your

mind away from pain.

IF PAIN IS IF PAIN IS INEVITABLEINEVITABLE

……

AT LEASTAT LEAST

SUFFERING CAN BE SUFFERING CAN BE OPTIONALOPTIONAL

In my study: the participants tolerated physical pain for longer periods

by using deep breathing, distracting self-talk, pleasant images,

singing silently, telling jokes and the thought stopping technique.

More interestingly, in addition to tolerating physical pain for longer

periods, these subjects also reported feelings of having good control

over pain.




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What are your preferred distraction techniques that take your mind away from physical and emotional pain?

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TECHNIQUE # 11

= MOVE TOWARDS WHAT YOU WANT, INSTEAD OF

MOVING AWAY FROM WHAT YOU DON’T WANT =

Which of the two describes you best? You work hard because you are mostly motivated by a Fear of

Failure.

Or

You work hard because you are motivated by a Desire to Succeed.

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_______________________________________________________Visit>> www.stayingupbeat.com



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Which of the two would sound most like you? Why?

“I want to keep my brain active and learn new things”

Or

“I do not want my brain become lazy and go to waste.”

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“I want to keep my brain active and learn new things” is moving

towards what you want.

“I do not want my brain become lazy and go to waste” is moving away

from what you don’t want.

Which of the two would sound most like you? Why?

“I don’t want you to ignore me.”

Or

“I like it so much when we find quality time together like this.”

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“I don’t want you to ignore me” is moving away from what you don’t

want.

“I like it so much when we find quality time together like this” is

moving towards what you want,




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Remember:

Whatever thought

You choose to focus on

Will gain strength.

So, you decide what your focus will be on.

Are you aware of your thoughts?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?!?




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So concentrate on what you want.

E.g. Focus on “How To Get Healthy” instead of “How Not To Be

Sick”. So, make an effort to

MOVE TOWARDS WHAT YOU WANT…

INSTEAD OF

AWAY FROM WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT…




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TECHNIQUE # 12 = PRACTICE SAYING ‘ANYWAY’ =

Here is a timeless gem by Dr. Kent M. Keith. Memorize it. Make

a copy of it. Take it to bed with you. Read several lines each

night before going to sleep. Contemplate on each thought and

as to why it is such a precious piece of writing.

The Paradoxical Commandments

By Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior

motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.




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The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas

Can be shot down by the smallest men and women

With the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the

teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.




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Here’s Aznavour take on this:

Faced with adversity, whereas others may give up on their dreams,

Resilient People experience momentary defeat and then they

rebound with renewed energy and determination ANYWAY.

Resilient People are born on the same planet, too. They, too, are

made of flesh and blood. Resilient People also fall down, they have

failures, and they may be misunderstood as well as envied.




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They have their fair share of calamities yet they go on

‘STAYINGUPBEAT’ ANWAY.

Plants survive through cracks of asphalt. A sunflower does the right

thing that comes naturally: it turns towards sunlight. In the process of

doing the right thing, Resilient People, too, find a path to reach for the

sun. Their survival skills get a booster shot with each adversity.

Resilient People learn, readjust and carry on implementing their

visions and dreams ANYWAY!

As a Clinical Psychologist and Creativity Consultant, through

professional and personal experiences, I find that building resilience

while doing the right thing ANYWAY is a winning practice.

Having the context above as your background, re-read The

Paradoxical Commandments by Dr. Kent M. Keith and share them

with others. This is teaching par excellence fitting well with

‘STAYINGUPBEAT’.




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TECHNIQUE # 13

Daily Practice:

= EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION & FAIRPLAY =

Hold and face the Mirror of Reality while reading this.

In human interaction, those who do not play by rules of fairness may

falsely think they are winners. This is shortsighted and not intelligent.

Absence of fair play invites sabotage from victims. Everyone loses.

So, since you and I are not shortsighted, let us practice the following

and share it with as many others as we can. Everyone wins!

GIVING PARTICIPANTS TIME TO COMMUNICATE

(alternating listening/talking/listening).

LISTENING WITHOUT VERBAL OR NON-VERBAL

INTERRUPTIONS (e.g. verbal or facial gestures indicating

approval or disapproval).

LISTENING WITH EMPATHY (using the other’s perspective to

understand).




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REPHRASING, AND SUMMARIZING WHAT THE OTHER

SAID (and then stating your position).

AVOIDING BLAME AND FAULTFINDING (e.g. if you had not

done….).

AVOIDING LABELS (e.g. cruel, bastard, stupid….).

KEEPING FOCUS ONLY ON FACTS.

IDENTIFYING THE NEEDS AND BENEFITS FOR ALL.

PROPOSING COMPROMISES, AIMING AT WIN / WIN

SOLUTIONS.

This communication guide is especially useful in difficult situations

where impasse seems inevitable.




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Follow traffic rules for human interaction ‘accidents’ & sabotage decrease when everyone uses shared rules




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TECHNIQUE # 14

= LET IT GO BROTHER LET IT GOOOO! =

The following is a popular

teaching story. Enjoy!

Two monks were silently walking from one

village to another. Keeping silent during the day

was part of their tradition.

They came to a river where a beautifully dressed

woman was trying to pass to the other side and

looking around for help. The first monk without

hesitation picked her up in his arms took her to

the other side of the river and there let her down.

Several hours later immediately at sunset, the 2nd

monk could not keep silent any second longer and said in an angry

voice: “Shame on you. We are not supposed to even look at women,

forget about touching them. You picked that woman up and carried

her in your arms!”

The 1st monk answered: “But, I let that woman behind us hours ago. It

is you who has been carrying her in your mind for the past so many

hours. Let it go my brother, let it gooooo!”




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Do you know how to let go? What are some things from your past you need to let goooooo?

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TECHNIQUE # 15 = MISTAKES AS TEACHERS =

I am sure that you know some people who are defeated before they start. Think of one defeatist and pessimistic person that you know; how do you feel when you are around this person, energized or somewhat exhausted? Wouldn’t you instead prefer to be with someone like Edison and have playfully creative sparks fly all around?

MISTAKES ARE TEACHERS

MISTAKES ARE FAILURES




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YOUR CHOICE:

YOU CAN EITHER

CHOOSE TO SEE

MISTAKES AS FAILURES

OR

YOU CAN CHOOSE TO SEE

MISTAKES AS YOUR TEACHERS




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Now, hold the Mirror of Reality to yourself, and try to figure out which style fits you most. Are mistakes failures or are mistakes your teachers? Why? _______________________________________________________

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TECHNIQUE # 16

= SELLING AN ATTITUDE =

Eat junk food daily, you will get your body reflect that which you have

stuffed it with. Cry daily, and the curves of you face will get a

downturn.

Increase your awareness towards the attitudes you reflect to the

world. What do others read from your verbal and nonverbal

messages?

This week pay special attention to the faces of people who usually

radiate tension, anger and panic. See how tight the muscles around

the mouth have become.

Don’t take my word for it, look around and observe.

Look at the facial expressions of models on magazine covers. There

is not a hint of a smile on their faces. With all the money they are

paid, you would think they owe it to the public at least to offer a smile.

One day I interviewed one such model and was told that the

organizers order this apathetic facial expression.

I checked this out elsewhere and received similar responses from

other models.




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Ask the following questions:

Why would organizers order apathetic facial expressions?

What message in general are models ordered to send….

dissatisfaction? Boredom? Anxiety? Indifference? Why?

What is your dominant facial expression when you look into

the mirror (tension, anger, frustration, calmness, serenity…)?

Do you have an irritating, calming or uplifting effect on people

around?

Have a debate with your friends on these issues.

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NO PESSIMIST

EVER DISCOVERED

OR

OPENED A NEW DOORWAY FOR

Helen Keller




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Your Choice:

Waking up in the morning you choose your ‘attitude’ as you would

choose the clothing you will wear for the day. Then, you decide to

wear this attitude. This is similar to having your own choice for a

personal motto as we discussed previously.

So from now on in the morning getting out of bed your chosen

attitude is:

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Three of my personal favorites are:

Make sure you get your positive and chosen attitude stick to you like glue. Otherwise other people’s moods, attitudes will determine yours’.




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TECHNIQUE # 17

= TWO GOOD QUESTIONS =

Many people just plunge head on into each obstacle

They end up with bumps and bruises

And then

Repeat similar self-defeating routines next time around

Without taking the time

To become mindful

To slow down

And

To adjust their survival tactics

Life will throw curves at you to deal with. Make sure to include the

following step before moving on. Focus on the experience and ask

yourself:

• “What did I learn from this?”

• “What to do differently, if necessary, next time?”

You may think this suggestion is trivial. Working with thousands of

people in different settings, in projects and in therapy has taught me

otherwise!




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Winners take responsibility for their actions and weigh outcomes.

They learn from the present to get ready for the future. You want to

be ‘STAYINGUPBEAT’? Then think like a winner.

Checkpoint During troubled times, holding the Reality Mirror to yourself, do you

really ask those two basic yet fundamental questions?

• “What did I learn from this?”

• “What do I do differently, if necessary, next time?”




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TECHNIQUE # 18

= Make Your Life Worth Living =

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets

So

Love the people who treat you right.

Forget about the ones who don’t.

And

Believe that everything happens for a reason.

If it changes your life, let it.

Nobody said life would be easy,

They just promised it would be worth it.

Anonym.

I received the above jewel to share with you. Here is Aznavour take:

“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right”

Ethical living with a sense of what is right and what is wrong makes

us bypass regrets. As a bonus, some people in turn become our

reflection and treat us right, too. They practice the BOOMERANG

EFFECT entering into the Winners Circle.




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Treating others the way we want to be treated is smart behavior since

knowingly doing wrong to others invites retaliation and sabotage in

return, anyway.

“Forget about the ones who don’t treat you right.”

Don’t waste your time with those who do you wrong. Move on, leave

them behind. Forget them after having taken measures so that they can do no continued harm!

“Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance,

take it. If it changes your life, let it.”

In fact, experiences are puzzles to be solved. We learn new codes,

we build stronger muscles and we are ready for new puzzles. It gets

easier. So, look for new puzzles to solve. The rest becomes self-

explanatory to you as the eager student of life always looking into the

Mirror of Reality on the road to ‘STAYINGUPBEAT’.




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TECHNIQUE # 19

= WANT TO GAIN PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE? =

Read this message.

I received the following from a visitor to my website who felt the depth

expressed by George Carlin and wanted it to be shared by many.

So here it is:

Message by comedian

GEORGE CARLIN

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but

shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more,

but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and

smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees

but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more

problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too

little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read

too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too

much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to




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life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but

have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered

outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better

things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom,

but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but

accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more

computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but

we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small

character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of

two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality,

one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from

cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom

window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can

bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share

this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not

going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe,




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because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the

only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but

most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes

from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person

will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious

thoughts in your mind.

And always remember:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the

moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 1 person....Who cares?




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Thank you George Carlin; your messages are so well placed!

Dear reader, make a copy and take these words to bed with you. Read a line or two each night, slowly. Then contemplate on what you read while falling asleep.

e.g. 'We've learned to rush, but not to wait'....does this apply to you? For the next week decide on a steady pace and a predictable rhythm to practice, as if learning the steps of a new dance.

Contemplate on 'We've learned to rush, but not to wait'. Bring a slight change to your behavior that teaches you patience.

We are not looking for perfection.

Some people are out of control as if they are on a rollercoaster. The fact that you made a choice lets you be in control. This helps you get away from manic, restless or depressive behaviors that are so rampant in society.

Simplify your life. See the effect of these exercises on you after a while.

Share your thoughts with me on gaining perspective on the way to ‘STAYINGUPBEAT’!





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I while ago I wrote a book with the following inscription on the cover. It reads:

“5” ESSENTIAL SURVIVAL TOOLS

HO

PE


UMORPTIMISM

ERSPECTIVE

NERGY

HO

PE


UMORPTIMISM

ERSPECTIVE

NERGY


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When I asked several people to read the “5” essential tools, most

adults found only “4”.

Was this a simple matter of deteriorating eyesight in those adults?

I don’t think so.

Is it possible that we loose the ability to see the 5th and most

important tool, namely, HOPE?

Perhaps we have left ‘hope’ behind. On this point I am only partially

jesting.......

In contrast young children had no difficulty seeing the whole picture.

Without missing a beat they would read: “Humor, Optimism,

Perspective, energy, and HOPE”.




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Remember:

HOPE UNDERLIES IT ALL

HOPE IS THE COMMON DENOMINATOR

HOPE IS A TOOL FOR THE OPTIMIST

HOPE IS THE BREAD AND BUTTER OF THE CREATIVE

HOPE IS THE PATWAY OF THE RESILIENT

HOPE MAKES HUMANITY LOOK FORWARD

HOPE IS THE VITAMIN OF THE SOUL

HOPE MAKES THE WORLD TURN AROUND

HOPE IS.................

A flower finds its way out of cracks of asphalt and reaches towards

the light and sun...Similarly, creative people, even in their darkest

moments, always find their way like the flower and reach towards the

light and the sun.




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TECHNIQUE # 20

= YOU WANT TO BE ‘STAYINGUPBEAT’,

POSITIVE & OPTIMISTIC? = Here is a practical suggestion:

BETTER TO LIGHT A CANDLE

THAN TO CURSE THE DARKNESS - Chinese Proverb -

No one can exist in a vacuum pretending immunity to the problems of

‘others’.

The ripple effect of lung cancer caused by smoking can create a

chain reaction in the rest of the body even leading to death. Similarly,

the ripple effect of illiteracy, human excess, pollution, global

warming… make us and our home the earth, sick.

Understanding interconnectedness, some people give away money

or time and energy to keep parts (humanity) and body (earth) healthy.

Simple!

Studies from the field of Positive Psychology show that those who

mainly focus on their own “needs” feel miserable even if they collect

all the goods. In contrast, those who do ‘Acts of Kindness’ feel they

are in control of situations and feel energized making a difference in

the world.




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Here is a sample of Acts of Kindness (or differently put: Healthy Selfishness) from the rich and famous:

Some U.S. companies ask their workers to give time

volunteering for the community.

President Jimmy Carter volunteers to build houses through

Habitat for Humanity (a charitable organization).

Teenagers from all over the world volunteer to build schools,

clean streets, mentor young ones…

Actors collect money to help the less privileged.

Bill Gates and his wife Melinda are immersed worldwide

through Gates Foundation.

Warren Buffet donated a large chunk of his riches to Bill

Gates Foundation. Also, he says he will not leave the bulk of

his money to his children since he does not believe in the

‘gene pool’ or creating ‘dynastic wealth’.


Kirk Kirkorian and Andre Agassi who need no introduction

are among those who do good deeds.



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Add others you know about to the above list:

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Some may say:

“Oh well, only the rich can think about doing ‘Acts of Kindness’. They

have no problems. It is easy for them to talk about giving. Let them

give!”

Here is one reply:

“Lighting a candle rather than cursing the darkness is an act of

Healthy Selfishness. You will be energized. And no matter the size

of your candle this world will become brighter.”

Be part of solutions and feel energized by:

Helping an elderly cross the street

Reading a book to a blind person

Helping an old person clean the house

Donating time to your cause

Bringing food to the underprivileged

Assisting someone weak get on the bus




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Providing psychological and physical help free of charge to

those who cannot afford to pay

Helping an orphan with his homework

Babysitting for children whose parents have to be away to

earn a living for their child

Recycling clothing, furniture, appliances, books….

Add your own examples:

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Do one Act of Kindness daily. It is good for your health!

And when you belong to a team whose members are resilient, your

personal resources multiply. This is one of the secrets of

‘STAYINGUPBEAT’.

What is your Act of Kindness for the day?

Discuss this with friends and family.

Send me your thoughts write to:

[email protected]



mailto:[email protected]


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A penny for your thoughts on Acts of Kindness?!? _______________________________________________________

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☺

I THINK THAT

LIGHTING A CANDLE RATHER THAN CURSING THE DARKNESS

IS AN INTELLIGENT ACT OF HEALTHY SELFISHNESS:

IF

EVERY ONE OF US DID LIGHT A CANDLE

NO MATTER WHAT THE SIZE OF THAT CANDLE

WE WILL HAVE A BRIGHTER WORLD.

YES?

☺




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If you agree with that statement then make sure you work for that image of the world. This takes you beyond your daily concerns and makes you belong as a doer as a ‘can do’ activist! When you belong to a team whose members are resilient, your personal resources multiply if you use them intelligently. This is one of the secrets of STAYING UPBEAT. Studies show that totally selfish and greedy people who only focus on their own personal, shortsighted and thus and limited “needs” end up feeling miserable even if they have collected all the monetary goods they think they needed.

ACCORDING TO RESEARCH RESULTS FROM THE FIELD OF

POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY:

THERE IS SOMETHING VERY POWERFUL AND ENERGIZING IN

ALTRUISM

TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES

AND

ABOUT THE WORLD THAT SURROUNDS THEM




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What is your “Act of Kindness” for the day?

Share with group:

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As usual,

I finish our get together by inviting all of us

To practice the winning attitude:

= AZNAVOUR SAY =

‘STAYINGUPBEAT’

Read what you see below in colored letters:

Which fits you most often, hmmm?

Opportunity Is Nowhere or Opportunity Is Now Here

READY FOR THE BIG CHALLENGE?

GET SET

GO !!

Exercise:

FOCUS ON PROBLEM SOLVING RATHER THAN COMPLAINING

SAVE ENERGY!

SOLVE OR GO AROUND PROBLEMS INSTEAD OF ONLY SEEING PROBLEMS

• Try to live 24 hours without criticizing anyone or anything.

• No criticism is to enter even into your private

thoughts.

• Also, during this time try not to complain even once.

• Focus only on solving or going around problems.




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WELCOME TO THE WINNING CIRCLE!

GOOD LUCK!

OPPORTUNITYISNOWHEREOPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE




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EPILOGUE

Consider this:

1. We feel most energetic and empowered around some people yet

totally exhausted with others.

2. Attitudes that we allow around us and / or inside us may either

energize or deplete us.

3. Creativity, Resilience and Problem Solving get easier with

’STAYINGUPBEAT’ tools.

Think of two friends you have. Under equally difficult conditions,

one is Staying Upbeat (meaning: keeping on being positive)

whereas the other is Staying Up Beat (meaning: not

sleeping, remaining awake defeated).

Which of the two friends will be less exhausted in the long run?

Which one do you think will have the stamina to solve issues more

effectively in the long run?

Using this perspective, I hope that www.stayingupbeat.com will

raise awareness and be useful in the process. Enjoy!





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There is so much doom and gloom being circulated in this world. So,

to add a lighter touch and using the motto

“Do not curse the darkness, light a candle instead!”

I entered the process of constructing a website in November 2007.

The aim of www.stayingupbeat.com as the name indicates is to have

lighthearted and empowering entries with upbeat messages.

Creativity and problem solving gets easier in life while ‘STAYINGUPBEAT’!

This site will always be under construction. Following your visit to

www.stayingupbeat.com I would appreciate receiving feedback.

Please Note: Your continued contributions to the section "YOUR SAY" (videos, slide shows, wise quotes, sayings, teaching stories

that you come across and want to share) will help us all to strengthen

our resolve for ‘stayingupbeat’ attitudes.

New items will be added periodically especially under Brain Workouts, Your Say, Aznavour Say, Humor, Secrets of Life and Building Good Habits.

Looking forward to your feedback and contributions,

Thank You,

Louise



www.stayingupbeat.com



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Documents

- Seminar Highlights - LOUISE AZNAVOUR, PHD€¦ · - Seminar Highlights - LOUISE AZNAVOUR, PHD Clinical Psychologist © COPYRIGHT, 2005 Revised Edition 2008 2 ♥ ♥ ♥ OPPORTUNITY