Saucy Sassy Gutsy Gals of Saint Augustine’s Past

A Theatrical Presentation of Free Verse Monologues Written in the Spirit of Edgar Lee

Master’s Spoon River Anthology

StarringMargaret Kaler, Dianne Jacoby, Maggie Thierrien at The Fountain of Youth 2013

Written and Directed by

Patrick M. Hughes©

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PlaylistA "Chorus" of 3 actresses will recite the Prologue and the Epilogue.

There are five monologues in Act 1 and four in Act 2.

Monologues in the order of their appearance:

1. Princess Antonia, the daughter of a Timucua chieftain's ugly sister complains about the Florida's Governor's disinterest in her charming advances. (Margaret)

2. The Spanish colonization of Florida progressed from its days of war and death allowing time for romance. Indeed, there was no more enduring love than that of Dominga de Zespedes for a lowly soldier, who stood firm despite her father’s every effort to thwart their union. (Maggie)

3. Mary Evans 1730-1792. Sharp businesswoman of 50+ years of age. Managed a pub in The Oldest House, engaged in other successful business ventures but made a big mistake in her third marriage when she wed a penniless Irishman half her age. (Dianne)

4. Frances Kirby Smith 1785-1875, a staunch confederate lady and spy during the Union’s occupation of St. Augustine. At some 80 years of age she rages against the Yankees while recalling the role of St. Augustine’s women in support of the Confederate cause. (Margaret)

5. Mary Dolores, "Lola Sanchez" rides to the defense of Confederate troops. (Maggie)

6. Mother Superior and Bishop Verot’s misfortunate funeral after the civil war.

Intermission

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7. People came from many a corner of the world to live in St. Augustine.  Some had a past they wanted to leave behind.  Abbie Brooks, 1830-1914 was a most respected lady in our town, but she had a life-long secret kept to herself, until now! (Dianne)

8. Ana M. Hughes Marcotte 1853-1913. A brilliant commentator and wit, she helped found the Tatler magazine in 1892 and wrote up gossipy tales of the rich, the famous and the outrageous. (Margaret)

9. Gracie Belle, the Madame at the house for Ladies of Eden on Spanish Street that served a clientele from Flagler’s Hotel. (Maggie)

10.Sarah Mather and Rebecca Perit 1819-1894. In 1857 Sarah Mather of Massachusetts founded a school in St. Augustine which became renowned for its scholarship. But there was more to her story, especially when it came to her partner, Rebecca Perit, and that made for much gossip in our city. (Margaret)

11. Luella Day McConnell, Diamond Lil 1870-1927 was a highly visible public person of many names and faces. A living phantasmagoria that despite many setbacks launched the Fountain of Youth and prevailed over all detractors. Luella tells her story after she died at 57 years of age. (Dianne)

The Introductions: Each of the three actresses will introduce the next character onstage.

Period costumes

CD Music suggestion: St Augustine: A Musical Journey by Mary Jane Ballou, Harpist.

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(Bodhran leads actresses to DSR, DSC, DSL)

Prologue(All three Chorus walking from the back of the theater, one on either side

and one in the middle)

Welcome all. We are Ladies of St. Augustine’s past.

(Actress DSR as all three move upstage)

The full moon flits between dark clouds

Casting eerie shadows for our spells

And unnatural haunting about the streets,

Above the rooftops, around tall pinnacles.

(All three actresses)

Welcome! We are Ladies of St. Augustine’s past

(Actress DSL)

Gathered here to entertain with tales of wonder

Since that fateful time when Ponce de Leon,

Set sail from Puerto Rico, northward

In search of Bimimi hoping to find spring waters

So curative, it was said, that an old person

Bathing therein would regain their youth!

(All three chorus, turning to face the audience)

Rejoice. You are here friends! Welcome all.

(All three sing)

Green Grow the Lilacs

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(Princess Antonia steps center stage, while Actress 2 - Dianne - presents her to the audience, and then leaves the stage with actress 3.)

When Pedro Menendez de Aviles stepped ashore in St. Augustine 1865, he made a point of courting the support of the Timucua Native Americans who lived in villages throughout central and northeastern Florida and southern Georgia. However it would seem that the first Governor of Florida was not much of a ladies' man. When tricked into taking a Timucua Chieftain’s not so handsome sister, Princess Antonia for a wife, the great Adelantado did not do too much cooing in her ear, much to her disappointment.

Princess Antonia

Yes, Menendez loved a harpist, fiddler And that silly dwarf who sang and danced, But what a tardy lover! Instead of taking me, Princess Antonia,His new Timucua bride to bed, he had me Whisked off to Havana for catechism lessons With the nuns! Is it possible the great invader Was put off by this strange looking bride, in her late thirties, Often shunned by Timucua warriors Who were startled by the long black hairs Sprouting from my upper lip, like a catfish?One day Menendez sailed into Havana harborAnd I fluttered many a loving eye in his directionBut my tardy lover kept his distance. What shame! I failed to stir his romantic desires,And when I told him of my dearest wish, he pointed To the protective cross worn upon his chest In battle, declaring that he had sworn not To be with his wife for eight days!What a cockamamie taleThinking that he planned to leave Havana Before the eight day even as he slept With a young lusty Spanish lover,Or so I thought, I sneaked into his room one night To find him alone, snoring like a hog She’s beneath the bed, I thought droppingTo my knees, but I found no maiden there

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My ho-hum husband awoke, and roared With laughter when he saw my jealous mistakeI implored him to let me sleep In a corner of his bed so my brother Would not scorn me for failing as a wife, But I was sent away unsated. Great conqueror, indeed

(Princess Antonia introduces Dominga de Zespedes, and then leaves the stage)

The Spanish colonization of Florida progressed from its days of war and death allowing time for romance. Indeed, there was no more enduring love than that of Dominga de Zespedes for a lowly soldier. She stood firm despite her father’s every effort to thwart their union.

Dominga de ZespedesIn 1784 neither Church, State, Traditions nor any silly regulationsCould keep me, Dominga de Zéspedes Daughter of the new Spanish Governor in East Florida From the man I loved. Amidst the bustling throng on St. Augustine’s streetsI spied him out despite chaperones and guards!Juan O’Donovan of the Hibernian Regiment, Serving with the Spanish crown. A handsome Irishman indeed Standing above the restHe wallowed in my ‘sweet languishing eyes’,For so they speak of our swooning gentler sex!But when this soldier, a mere foreigner, Lacking status and income Faced my angry father, he was repulsedIn no uncertain terms“No”, Never!” Father roared, ‘And elope she shall not!’ So he swore, and doubled my guards,Forcing me to slip away undetected to a friends houseWhere Father Miguel O’Reilly blessed our loving union.Despite this sacramental recognition Father had poor Juan arrested,Only to find the whispering gossipy

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Sneers at his daughter’s loss of honorEven more objectionable than Juan’s lowly Irish origins!The Governor promptly ordered a second marriage, This time in public view, but then wrecked my joyFor he posted Juan far away in Cuban exile. My love endured this separation, And believe you me I needled father daily ‘Til Juan returned two years later,When we were married once again, just to make sure!Soon I bore his proud son Juan Vizente Maria Bernardo Domingo Begnigno O’Donovan.Our love lives on!

(Dominga de Zespedes introduces Mary Evans and leaves the stage)

Mary Evans 1730-1792 hailed from South Carolina but made her fortune in St. Augustine with the help of two husbands and a pub in The Oldest House. As for her third and youthful husband…he was an absolute disaster.

Born Mary Evans, in South CarolinaI arrived in St. Augustine 1763As the Spanish handed over FloridaTo the British. A respectable midwife I made a good living, married once, And then again to men who grew my Wealth in land and agriculture, Managing a tavern at the Oldest House Near St. Francis Barracks where soldier’s Pay was squandered on my beer! But when my second husband diedThis wise and wealthy woman of fifty-sixMarried a dashing young IrishmanJohn Hudson who, though he had no

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Money was half my age!The blighter drank and gambled awayMy fortune, then destroyed our good nameFor after Britain gave Florida back to Spain,And in the public Plaza no less, the rascal Wiped his buttocks with the royal edict Ordering all foreigners to swear allegiance To the Spanish crown, earning him a month In jail and our banishment from the town!But I toughed it out, survived his manyBetrayals, and with the help of friends I left behind a handsome estate When I died in 1792

(Mary Evans introduces Frances Kirby Smith, and then leaves the stage)

When Florida State opted for the Confederacy, Union troops occupied St. Augustine. Many of her sons gave their blood for the South, and back home, the women of St. Augustine did mightily in support of the rebel cause. General Edmund Kirby Smith’s mother, Frances Kirby Smith renowned for her acerbic tongue raged against the Yankees even as she spied on them for the Confederates.

My son General Edmund Kirby Smith,Was a Confederate through and throughLike myself, Mrs. Frances Kirby Smith, Gentle lady that I was. Though I hailedFrom Connecticut in 1820, I was noYankee, and cursed the day a Union ArmyOccupied St. Augustine even before Florida State opted for the rebel cause, for we were

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Betrayed from within and I was known to say “That Northern abolitionists freely walked St. Augustine’s streets enjoying the Southern Climate, while hating the Southern people”.So began their vile attempt to exterminate us all, Forcing me to live under martial law, with picketsAt every corner, blocking all communication With the countryside, prohibiting movement After nightfall, leaving us without provisions Unless we took an oath of allegiance. What me? Swear allegiance to the devil himself? Never!My son begged me to curtail my acerbic tongueBut how could I do so, for we suffered the fistOf an oppressor that pulled the rope tighter and Tighter around our necks each day, but the women Of St. Augustine found ways to fight back, in sewing Clubs that made uniforms, orchestrating mail transportTo our boys, and as for myself, I arranged entertaining Evenings for the Union officers, plied them with wine, Crawfish tails, and hushpuppies to loosen their tongues, While I passed the news of planned maneuvers to our Military commanders! But then by order of Col. BellSuch treason by the women of St. Augustine was to bePunished with jail, and in 1863 a letter from UnionHeadquarters demanded that I, Mrs. Smith and others be Removed from town and obliged to live among those with Whom we sympathized. So they got me in the end. A rabble-rouser indeed! What rot these Yankees write! I pleaded my age, 77, and the doctor wrote of my ill-health,

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But in the end I had to go, though not for long, and when The war was over, a fiery Mrs. Smith known for her love Of Southern gentility returned to resist the destructive Carpetbagger’s so-called Reconstruction during the last Ten years of life.(Frances Kirby Smith introduces Lola Sanches, and then leaves the stage)

Three Cuban sisters lived on a farm near Palatka. Their father was a prisoner of the Union in Castillo de San Marcos. Given their feminine charms, they were able to invite Union officers to a house party where they heard of a planned attack on Confederate soldiers. Lola raced on horseback to inform Captain John Jackson Dickison of this plot. The Union troops were ambushed, and the USS Columbine, a Union warship was captured as a result of her courageous ride.

Mary Dolores, “Lola” Sanchez

Our poor father languished in the Castillo de San MarcosA suspected Confederate believed to have informationVital to the Union cause and though we all gave allegianceTo the South my sisters and I, little Lola Sanchez did smile, Feigning interest in many a Yankee soldier fair, at timesHaving them o’er for dinner at our farm outside Saint Augustine.Then one night as we prepared supper for our officer guestsTheir plan to attack a Confederate camp was overheard,So while my sisters chatted up those men, telling them dinnerWas delayed, I saddled a great bay mare, and holding downThe reins, I urged her on as she bent and flexed those powerful legs To gallop off across the marshy land, My long trailing skirt swirling about her flanks, Racing through the forest between tall treesJumping o’er felled branches and mossy dykes. ‘Where is Lola,’ those soldiers asked my sisters back at home.‘She’s busy in the kitchen. You know. That’s what women do,”My sisters smiled in reply. But their little Lola under a full moon was crossing Moccasin CreekAnd rode on with horse hoofs digging into the rain-drenched ground To meet the reds, brave boys all, whose only crime lay

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In defending our constitutional right to secession.Warning them of the pending hit,I quickly waved farewell, riding back again, My bay mare drenched in sweat and mud. Oh, how her neck arched up with pride when I patted That long shaggy mane as we swept into our barn.Splashing water on my hot flushed cheeks,I put on the finest dress, powdered my browAnd strode into that dining room with a massive joint of meat Upon an oval plate that kept those Yankee men in blue So damned content they never did suspect That the gentle sex could equal the deeds of men in battleOr match those of some snooty chef adorned in gros bonett,You know folks, the tall white hat worn by master cooks, All men of course!

(Lola Sanches introduces Mother Superior, and then leaves the stage)

The Catholic Church flourished in the early days due to St. Augustine’s Spanish past. However, despite Captain Menendez de Aviles efforts at Matanzas Inlet to keep Protestants at bay, the arrival of the British, the Spanish sale of Florida to the United States in 1821 for a paltry five million dollars, and the arrival of Union Forces in the city brought a new and more mixed religious population to the first coast. During the Civil War, the first Catholic Bishop of St. Augustine openly sided with the rebel cause. Though a devout and holy man who served rich and poor and Yankee alike, it was a great disappointment to all when he seemed to be ill-fated in death after the civil war despite the best efforts of the Mother Superior who tended to the funeral arrangements.

Mother Superior and The Bishop’s Tomb

I’m sure dear friends our Bishop did nought in lifeTo deserve his fate in death, nor did I, Mother Superior That fatal day I oversaw the buriel of the first Bishop of Florida, The Most Reverend Jean Pierre Augustin Mercillin Verot,A saintly man of many good works, For though a champion of the rebel’s cause

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He took his priests to serve Union soldiers At the dreaded Andersonville prison camp in Georgia.Oh, how I admired this man who died in 1876During the sweltering month of June.With a multitude of celebrities in attendance,We had done our best to preserve The corpse laying it in a holeWith sawdust and ice, which unfortunatelyDid melt! What could I do dashing to and fro,But order an early funeral service Placing the body in a metal casket with glass on top To permit a viewing during the ceremony in a Crowded church that turned into a hot and humid oven So our Bishop did explode, spewing up into the air Like a geyser shattering the glass and horror of all horrors, Filling that sacred space with such a putrid smell That I ran hither and thither in the face of this Unreasonable event, Holy Mother of God. I orderedEveryone out though most had already taken hastily To the street in shock and awe, disgust and fear, Rushing for the doors. Those with stomach for the job Cemented the casket shut, and soon thereafter I became Quite insane, died in fact, and began to haunt theDark streets always with a sense of something left Undone in life, begging the good Lord for explanation Of injustice done to rebel Bishop Jean Verot.

(All three sing)

Oh Suzanna

INTERMISSION

MUSIC CD

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Act 2(All three sing)

You Are My Sunshine

(Mother Superior introduces Abbie Brooks, and then the two other actresses leave the stage)

People came from many a corner of the world to live in St. Augustine.  Some had a past they wanted to leave behind.  One such, Abbie Brooks, 1830-1914 was a most respected lady in our town. She had a sad life, and a life-long secret kept to herself, until now!

Abbie M. Brooks 1830-1914

In 1870, at forty years of age I penned these words in my diary:“What service have I rendered to my God?Who has benefited by my presence?”In such angry despair, I forged a lonely path,Daring to be a different kind of female,Visiting every nook and cranny of Florida And Cuba, and in 1880, published scintillatingDescriptions of the exotic places I had been In Petals Plucked from Sunny ClimesUsing the pseudo name, Silvia Sunshine!Then I settled down in St. AugustineA lady in her late sixties known to all As Abbie Brooks, an unusual lady Some may have mused, but I joined The Memorial Presbyterian ChurchAnd sold my scholarly research on SpanishFlorida to the Library of Congress, publishing The Unwritten History of Old St. AugustineIn 1907, and then gave up teaching to Pursue a career in the canvassing trade, Targeting buyers for a book-selling firm. (Begins to look about)

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And now I can tell you all what no oneKnew in St. Augustine, for I was Forced by fate to be a mystery ladyKeeping my past a total secret in this small town,Though some asked, who is Abbie Brooks, Where did she come from, who were her parents?Silvia Sunshine indeed! Not a soul knew my real name, Lindley, Nor where I was born, Pennsylvania, Daughter to a strict Presbyterian, But I, Lord have mercy, conceived a baby girl Outside of wedlock at twenty-five, And had to give up my little Ortie for adoption, Never to see that child, my parents or sisters again, Not to speak of my secret lover! Hushhhh! No one, no one shall EVER know that name, And as I wrote in 1865, my mistake will notBe washed away even “with tears of blood”. It was hard to move on from those troubled times,But move on I did, only to suffer an unrequitedLove affair with a traveling salesman in 1870And then found a certain lonesome happinessIn writing, though as I said in my diary, I didLittle “by which my name may be perpetuated.”Yet, here I am, a Spirit in St. AugustineOften seen by visitors to 50 Water Street,Home of Isabella and Charles Hopkins,Founder of The Record Company Where I spent the last years of my life.Thanks be to God for mercy given.. (Abbie introduces Anna Marcotte and then leaves the stage)

The town of St. Augustine came upon bad times despite its glorious Spanish history. But all that was turned around with the arrival of Henry Morrison Flagler who changed the city forever. The lively goings on of the rich and famous from the United States and Europe at Flagler’s Hotel were reported in the Tatler magazine which Anna M. Hughes Marcotte helped found in 1892. Married to Captain Marcotte she had faced the Sioux at Fort Rice and Fort Lincoln, journeyed with

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her Captain from Fort Lincoln in 1873 to what is now Fargo with temperatures between 28 and 48 degrees below zero. We can only imagine that facing such dangers only sharpened her wit in preparation for writing the chit-chat page in the Tatler.

Anna Marcotte here with a gossipy tale from

The pages of Tatler magazine about a party

Of elegant ladies and gentlemen from Chicago,

Guests at the Cordova Hotel where they never ceased

To speak of alligators, expecting to see them on the

Streets, complaining that they only saw little ones

That kids could take home in cigar boxes, and

Never a sign of the dreaded 12-foot Florida gators.

Mr. John Conlon grew tired of all this whining that

“the large ones were not seen”, spoke with a well-known

Prankster, Mr. Moorehead, and then proposed that the

Chicagoans should not miss the alligator race around

The corridors of Ponce de Leon Hotel, offering

The tourist’s special reserved seats! A Mrs. Perry

Asked if there were no danger from the giant tails?

But Mr. Conlon assured her that the gators would

Be harnessed like a horse, the tail firmly secured

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To every giant galloping alligator’s back. Showing

No fear our Chicagoans paraded across the street

Giving up their tickets at the Hotel door, and ecstatic

They were seated in the Rotunda, where they paid

Little attention to the showy guests parading about

Henry Flagler’s masterpiece, but as time went by

The Chicagoans grew impatient, but were assured

The race would take place, though in the courtyard

Since the Hotel corridors were terribly overcrowded.

The tourist party strolled amidst exotic plants and trees,

Until informed by Mr. Moorehead that the race, alas

Could not be held because the largest alligator had

Escaped and was running freely about the grounds!

The ladies screamed, raised their skirts, and ran to

Their ‘natural protectors’, and clutching their men,

They begged to be taken away, while the feisty

Mr. Condon took his orange-wood stick going

In pursuit of that dangerous creature, poking

Under bushes and among the flowers for the

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Twelve-foot alligator that was (pause) nowhere to be found!

Finally the ladies dropped their skirts and tiptoed off

But not before Mrs. Perry was overheard to ask a passing

Guest in awe “if the dreadful alligators often got away”

Unfortunately for the pranksters this gentleman was not

In on the game and he revealed to the poor indignant

Ladies that never was such a race about the corridors

Of the grand hotel since the ferocious alligators lived far

From such luxurious surroundings, thank god, in murky

Jungle waters and could not be harnessed like a horse!

The blushing Chicagoans hurried off and we can presume

They will do their best to return the prankish favor some

Other day and thus gave us yet another Tatler tale to

Please the readers of our charming Chit Chat pages.

(Anna Marcotte introduces Gracie Belle and then leaves the stage)

Miss Gracie Belle ran the most elegant house for Ladies of Eden on Spanish Street. The Madame entertained guests from Flagler’s Hotel which in turn supplied the elegant cuisine. Gracie’s ladies were chosen for their unique character traits, special qualities that sent clientele galloping to the front door at opening time every evening.

Good evening. Welcome to Le Grande Chalet,

A house for Ladies of Eden, here to please the

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Gentlemen of St. Augustine in good standing.

This evening, Henry Flagler’s chef has sent us

Pâté en Croûte, oysters on the half shell

To perk up our older guests, Duck Breasts with Pears,

Carré D’Agneau, Salmon Au Champagne,

Crepes with Red Current Jelly, Lady Finger pudding,

Sorbét aux Fruits de la Passion, and those

Scrumptious little cream puffs I love!

No wonder lusty males, fleeing their angelic wives,

Come in droves to Gracie Belle’s, despite the

More convenient secret cubicles on the

Third floor of Flagler’s Riviera Hotel

In pursuit of my charming hostesses dressed in

Haute couture, without old-fashioned constricting

Corsets, well draped to display loose hips and derriere.

Oh what games these gentlemen like to play!

There’s Lily, the housemaid who looks so pale!

Claire Marie the schoolteacher with horned-

Rimmed glasses and a disciplinary ruler!

Shannon the childlike virgin nurse dressed in white!

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There’s dear Mimi, whose youth reflects the splendor

Of this house, and ‘tis no wonder all adore her.

But she must stay away from that hansom,

Fancy talking, good for nothing who arrives

Early, stays late, spends nothing, and upsets

Paying elderly customers with his caustic wit.

As for my French-speaking Mademoiselle,

Mais oui, Yvette, c’est très élégante, c’est perfecte,

She’s attracted to that creepy Frenchman in jodhpurs.

Sacre bleu! Since the bore’s a big spender,

Yvette must know that yawns do not become

A southern belle even if she does speak French!

Then there’s our latest addition, Rosalie Marie

She’s always late! But never mind, the girl is

Standing in for that silly Blanche who despite

Her airs and graces was far-gone to be in a

House for women without religious vows! (pause)

This is what I tell my girls. No spitting!

No leaning over the banisters displaying

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Awesome female wares to guests below

When bringing a gentleman downstairs.

None of those “gestures” please. No profanity.

No raucous laughter for this is Spanish Street

St. Augustine, and we don’t want to remind

The Yankees of where yaw’l came from.

No talk of the South, ‘tis Yankees have the money.

Flirtatious, yet chaste demeanor is allowed

And you may exchange “significant” looks.

Be quiet, respectable, lady-like, the sweet

Essence of southern social refinement!

Light their cigars. Keep their glass full.

Smoke a fine cigar when offered by a guest,

Or drink my most expensive champagne.

That’s the style for this elegant house,

The best south of the Mason Dixie line,

Leather sofas, imported crystal, sterling silver,

Italian marble. Why I’ll tell yaw’l, ‘tis true,

The rich Mr. James Barton took his young lady

Straight from here to church, and whisked her

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Off to New York for their honeymoon

Where she became the toast of the town! (pause)

Attention. Listen. Here come the world’s

Leaders like gallopers in a cavalry charge

At the Bull Run! So put on a smile.

Open the front door. Remember girls,

In this house, whatever a gentleman wants,

He gets!

(Gracie Belle introduces Sarah Mather and leaves the stage.)

Sarah Mather and Rebecca Perit 1819-1894

In 1857 Sarah Mather of Massachusetts founded a school in St. Augustine which became renowned for its scholarship. But there was more to her story, especially when it came to her partner, Rebecca Perit, and that made for much gossip in our city.

Straightlaced school teachers?Hardly that! Some whisperedThat we were a “pair” becauseThe Tatler reported that Rebecca PeritWas a “Life-long friend” of mine,Sarah Mather of Massachusetts.But who cares for we laboredTogether at the private schoolI founded in St. Augustine 1857Dedicating our lives to the educationOf the untutored, especially childrenOf color and the poverty stricken NativeAmericans imprisoned at the Castillo.No, it was not all drudgery and work

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For education can be lots of funAs for example when I explainedHow to pronounce “th” as in teeth,I yanked out my false teeth provokingMuch laughter but also awe and fearAmong the Indians, one of whom,Covering his eyes with a hand,Cried out, “Miss Mather no good.”Later I turned this fear to good effectFor when the boys were too boisterousI would whip out my teeth to restoreA respectful silence in the classroomWhile basking in the approving gazeOf my partner, friend, Rebecca Perit

(Sarah Mather introduces Diamond Lil and then leaves the stage)

The Fountain of Youth is one of the icons of St. Augustine. Undoubtedly the Spaniards did search for a well of spring water that offered hope of eternal youth and discovered St. Augustine, Florida. However it was the sassy Luella Day McConnell, Diamond Lil 1870-1927 who had the imagination and courage to create one of our city’s most distinctive historical attractions. Diamond Lil as she liked to call herself was a living phantasmagoria known by many a name for she created and re-created herself continuously throughout her exotic life.

Song: I'm Only a Bird if Maggie is up to singing. If not, we will have a verse with all three actresses of Yes Sir, That's my Baby Now and dancing. The other two actresses remain on stage for Diamond Lil.

They see me here they see me thereA phantasmagoria Known by many names in shifting succession,A bunch of legends so to speak.Someone said, who I cannot say, That I was a Murat, member of the Bonaparte family treeWell, why not? Diamond Lil is my favorite moniker.

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See the rock in my right front toothThere since I was in my twenties seeking gold In the Klondike rush for fame and fortune.No place for a lady you might sayWith long nights for gossip and play.A wild one to be sure!Yukon lore believes I was that Lady known as LouAt the shooting of Dangerous Dan McGrewAnd maybe ‘tis trueBut I’ve been branded with many a name,Mad! Insane! Hysterical! Full of ‘lady complications’That boring Benson Banker saidWhen all I did was speak the truthOf thieves, extortionists, murderers, officialdom high and lowFingered out by my cutting tongueFor I conjured up a thousand scenes to prick their egos largeAnd play those men for fools!Oh. That was fun!And then I met a tall handsome red-head man,Edward McConnell whom I did wedTo become Luella Day McConnellRich he was (what other man would do!) with a steamboat, ferry and a mine.Slave to no man, I availed of this new bully pulpit To scold those crooked government officialsWho hid behind the veil of ‘public good’But threats against my life forced usTo leave the snow and take our fortune To sunny Saint Augustine in 1900Where I dazzled all with my diamond tooth, ringed fingersAnd a fitting ermine wrapped around my shoulders Taken from a short tailed weasel that strikes its preyWith an accurate bite to the back of the neck.An appropriate partner for myself so to speak! Maybe so, but never mind, “A lady of rare beauty and gracefulness” the Tatler hailedWhen we bought some land with an old house and charming wellSurrounded by a square coquina-shell rock wall.Soon Edward and I took off againAnd why you ask? That you may not know, For it’s a secret.

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I returned two years later, alone, Divested of my jewelry, ermine coatAnd one tall husband who despite rumors that he died, Had the strange habit of reappearing and disappearingBut all was not lost For in my travels I acquired a new treasure,Spanish documents to prove the landing of Ponce de Leon,None other, mind you well, on the very property we had purchased, And there discovered the Fountain of Youth, Where he laid stones in the form of a cross, fifteen by thirteenTo indicate that blessed year 1513 When he discovered my backyard!Building an archway entrance, I charged ten cents a glassFor water that gave hope of Eternal Youth to all!Then along comes stuffy spiteful Emily Wilson, Of failing health, no less,And much in need of that sacred water, Displaying her many documents to prove it was all a scam. No one listened!And why should they, for in 1909The St. Augustine Record proclaimed The cross of coquina stones a “genuine relic Of the earliest date in St. Augustine history”!So! Luella Day McConnell, Diamond Lil herself Prevailed o’er all detractors. And why not? Though I died living dangerously in a motor accidentYou find me here today, young, fair, witty,A go-gettin female, crazy as an ermine. As ever!

(Diamond Lil remains on stage in static pose while the other two actress parade on stage to form the Chorus)

Yes Sir, That's My Baby Now

(Moving forward through the center aisle, and move backward to stage, on the last line,

the cast bows once, and then once more etc.)

END