Respect 4 AcornsWorking with Children and Young people within the school context

Deahne LakataniBachelor of CounselingDiploma Social Work

Respect for Acorns

Definition: As an adult and a social practitioner its easy to go into practice with children and young people from that place exactly…..what we know that they don’t! Acorns are acorns in their own right……to have any hope of developing a relationship with an acorn that holds importance above and beyond what we have to teach as wise old oak trees accept that they are the expert in their own context right at this minute.

My experience working with children and young people in urban schools has taught me more than any book or class {not that these are not valuable} but the two that have developed my practice….and me are these

•I don’t know what I don’t know……..just because I'm now in this position of privilege I must respect that my knowing about their experience can only come from them and not my predetermined wisdom•Urban kids especially will laugh you and your theories/caring/motivations and knowing right out of their world if they believe you are a big old faker.

The school context is a tough one when working from this perspective- generally and independently. The organization of school generally and the independent school culture.

Teachers Withhold Judgment, Gain Respect

“Isn’t it true that those teachers we learned to respect and grew to love never saw us as interchangeable faces or inviolate numbers spawned by

testing agencies and nurtured in guidance departments? They never presumed to predetermine our station in life, never tagged us as

‘promiscuous gum-snapping hairdresser’ or ‘hung-over auto mechanic.’ The best teachers, if they judged us at all, did not look to others for that judgment. They saw not what we appeared to be but what, in truth, we

were, and more importantly, what kinds of humane beings we might become.”

Charles F. Greiner. “Humanizing Education: The Possible Dream.” EJ 66.8 (1977): 28–31

School Context

Lets for a minute pull to pieces the context of school {totally aside from therapy} and the possible

implications on a child and young persons experience within it?

What?Where?How?Who?Why?

Note - Loads of these points are similar in many parts of their day to day lives – home, church, whanau but your place in those is limited – often non existent!

School vs TherapyI use vs because the 2 are not exactly conducive

The idea of therapy inside a context that is so far removed from even the most basic narrative practices makes for some challenging thinking but if

there is any place where you can develop your place in practice{and for me my character}

this is it!! When to fight, who to trust, who to support, when to speak, the value of your “yes” and “no”, who you work for, why you have been called on

and just where do you fit.

So so often the motivation and expectations for this young person ending up at your door are practical ones {after all school has a very specific purpose} –

attendance, behavior, self care etc. our job is seen as being to fix those exactly and not the things within the school context that may be

contributing. I have found that most young people accept this kind of bureaucracy without much thought and that has taught me an invaluable professional lesson……..there is a huge amount of pride that comes from

succeeding when the expectation is you wont and pride has a therapeutic value nothing and no-one can mess with

Foundations of My Practice• I know the community I work within

• For me transparency is key – I expect that if I am not transparent my kids will see straight though me.

• Think outside the box {cliché but ill explain}• Client experience over truth

• With the exception of immediate safety and well being my book knowledge and experience is relevant but not directional

• Judgment on another's place of belonging is natural, not acknowledging it and being mindful of its impact on my practice

is not ok• I ALWAYS …. look at my own assumptions and the agendas of all

parties – ALWAYS easier said than done but so so so important• I believe that roses can grow in concrete {thank you Tupac} –

good acorns come from bad oak trees and that even when the odds are stacked one positive, trusting, respectful, full of endless

belief relationship can be enough. Note - I once in a group workshop was asked along with everyone else to place myself on a

continuum…. It is the 2nd most valuable experience I have had in developing my own practice…. lets try it??

CommunityI am about as far away from an “inside the room” counselor as you can

get, I believe with every little fibre of my being that what you do outside the room especially in urban communities is as important as your

therapeutic talents.

Get to know and develop strong working relationships with as many of the agencies within your community. Take time to visit them especially –

pastors, community constables, canteen ladies etc.

If you don’t live in the community where you work - occasionally shop at the local supermarket, go to the community concerts, know the youth

events happening, find the initiatives that connect you and your school to the community in which you exist. Its invaluable to you, your practice

and your knowledge. Our kids have a name for the old people who want to help but only if its between 9 on Monday and 3 on Friday…… A “drive

in an drive outter”

Community, Urban Schools and the Box

Jeffery M.R.Anderson writes in {in my opinion} the most factual and concise as well as inspirational article “Growing Roses in Concrete” about the false

hopes that exist in society that support system failures….the flipside of this being critical hope– This my most valuable practice development experience

1.It is an amazing read despite it knocking heads with a lot if the restraints we place on our practice

But2. It holds in it the most valuable words I have ever absorbed {and it makes me feel good} “Most importantly an effective teacher is herself a material resource : an indispensable person who can connect schooling to the real,

material conditions of urban life”

Replace teacher with you

The Box – one of them anyway

We all have a box that is full{usually overflowing} of the “stuff” we know. I start every new relationship by sitting on

mine and not by expecting that if I have it wide open everything can be “solved” What is in front of me is more important than anything I knew already. Lets not pretend

that knowledge is not of value but in our case it is not power. I try to make sure that it informs my practice but does not navigate the journey. The unpublished children and young peoples I have been privileged in knowing have taught me more than anything I have red and have so enlightened the

“book knowledge” I have. Take time to be sure that one is the foundation and the other the structure

“My Power is in me not what I think I know and their power is in them not what they don’t know yet” D.Lakatani

The Value of TruthIf you choose – and I think it is a choice that has to be

made sometime in your ever developing practice – that a clients experience of relationship with you is of value the

initial truth or not in their words are irrelevant. Young people have more reasons not to believe in you than they do too ………. They figure out pretty damn quick

weather their truth out loud is of any benefit to them or importance to you and the journey there has huge

therapeutic value. Note - Perception and experience are separate – I try hard to hold this in the forefront of my

thinking. What I think they must feel like, what I believe the affects of the story must be on them are not always contained in the result of their experience of sharing it with you….sometimes it’s

their experience of sharing and not the story itself

The Danger of Agendas & AssumptionIts easy when working with children and young people {especially} to start working tactically. The outcome desired by ?,? and ? And how we think they need to be to 1.Thrive2.Survive3.Or simply existThe danger in this thinking is that – it happens without us always being conscious of it-it serves nothing but our own egosTrust is not something that can be planned for – its not a “desired outcome” it comes at its own pace and only from transparent authenticity.

The Danger of assumption is not assumption itself it is not acknowledging its existence in ourselves or its power to direct us. One of the beauties of Narrative Practice is its respect for the story of ones journey – its so easy with acorns to loose sight of the value of that story and the experience they have sharing it and its importance in the therapeutic journey. The contextual environment of urban schools has already established with great security the great divide between “us and them" which is only widened when cultural contexts, care and welfare experiences are added.

Note –The chapters Politics of language making and relational language making {Thank you Jonella} are much easier to digest after working with young people and while they are really valuable perspectives they can be challenging because of context, assumption and the great divide

Context Evaluations

Context exploration is less effected by

Unitec Workshop Hands on Activities

Deahne LakataniBachelor of CounselingDiploma Social Work

Developing character my own practice thinking…

Don’t underestimate the power of things that don’t fit into the therapeutic “box” Although it is more difficult and in my opinion not always necessary to conceptualize

joy, pride, satisfaction etc be sure not to underestimate the power within them. These feelings especially when witnessed by oak tress acorns trust and admire have huge…HUGE therapeutic value. I'm lucky, I have had the pleasure of witnessing just how valuable these are even for young people who live in far less than the “ideal”

context.

Wherever I can I search out opportunities within our community where they can be a part of something….its not rocket science…there's no great theory or super smart

person behind it just a determination not to change my beliefs that positioned on that continuum we did earlier

“one positive experience of self can sustain and build the determination of self for acorns to be more than just the product of an oak tree”

Believe it!!

Note – Everything in my Keepsake Book our kids gave the ok to it being there

Some Talking Tools• House

• Thinking forward

• Letter Box

• 1 of each

• Just because

Unitec Workshop Evaluation

Deahne LakataniBachelor of CounselingDiploma Social Work

Thank you

Deahne LakataniBachelor of CounselingDiploma Social Work