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Just A Cold or A Killer Virus?
WEIGHTFOREVER
Dollyon her onetrue love
Shame!New CharityScams
Iraq WarBOMBSQUADHEROSavedFrom A RunawayCar
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108 Stroke of Genius ELLEN SHERMAN
After nearly dying on the operatingtable, an artist comes to life.
115 You Be the Judge ROBIN GERBER
A crazed dog sinks his teeth into a 10-year-old. It’s a slam-dunk lawsuit. Or is it?
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J A N U A R Y 2 0 0 6
F E A T U R E S
92
The New Way to Lose WeightForever CYNTHIA DERMODY
50 habits of “naturally thin” people.
78 Face to Face withDolly Parton MEG GRANT
The Queen of Country on her big plans for the young ’uns, cooking like a mountain woman,and her longtime love.
86 Lost at Sea ANITA BARTHOLOMEW
It was nightfall, and no one would see the men and boys adrift in the gulf. Worse, no one was even looking.
100 America’s MostVicious Gang SAM DEALEY
MS-13 is spreading senseless violence to cities and suburbsacross the country.
★ A M E R I C A I N Y O U R P O C K E T ★
B O N U S R E A D
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166 MARK BOAL
For this soldier in Iraq, the mission is simple: Get it right the first time or die.
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118 Just a Cold or a Killer Virus? DIANNE HALES
Worried about avian flu? The realthreats to your health are closer tohome. How to protect yourself.
126 Nick of Time GARY SLEDGE
These incredible dramas have to be seen to be believed.
130 Mr. President, WeNeed to Talk J. PETER SCOBLIC
Yes, I worry terrorists will blow upa train or chemical plant. But onlyone threat keeps me up at night.
COVER: (PARTON) RANDEE ST. NICHOLAS/CORBIS OUTLINE; (APPLE) CHRIS COLLINS/ZEFA/CORBIS
140
Mom v. SteroidsLYNN ROSELLINI
When Lori Lewis found needles in her son’s gym bag, she went on the offensive against Texas football.
136 A Robot in the Kitchen JOSEPH K. VETTER
In the years to come, machines willmake mundane chores extinct.
148 Saved From a Runaway Car ANITA BARTHOLOMEW
“Mom, call 911,” the 8-year-old girl cried into the cell phone. “Something’s wrong with Dad.”
155 Ever Wonder … EVAN MORRIS
… where the first sliced bread andother famous foods got their names?
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184 Health187 Health Extra193 Food199 You201 Money202 Pets204 Cars
J A N U A R Y 2 0 0 6
33 The lowest of the low
67 Tony Randall’s big risk—Jack Klugman
33 That’s Outrageous!Charity Scams MICHAEL CROWLEY
47 My Planet MARY ROACH
74 Ask Laskas JEANNE MARIE LASKAS
208 RD Challenge WILL SHORTZ
13 You Said It21 Only in America25 Everyday Heroes39 Word Power51 Medical Update55 Turning Point62 Humor in Uniform64 All in a Day’s Work67 Unforgettable77 Quotable Quotes146 Laughter, the Best Medicine181 Editors’ Choice205 Life in These United States
183 RDLIVINGWinter making you sick?
Our special report on colds and flu will
get you better faster with thelatest advice
from MDs.
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RDPresents
NEW!RD On-Screen
The magazine that fits in your pocket isnow on your computer screen too. Get thesame great Reader’s Digest content, but have
your latest issue delivered instantly—nowaitingat the mailbox!A hyperlinked table of contentstakes you right to stories, and digital features let yousearch articles, highlight fa-vorites and post notes you canshare with your friends. And asyou download each month,you build your own archive.Go to rd.com/digital to try a free issue.
VOTE FOR THE HEROOF THE YEAR
Our Everyday Heroes have incredible stories (page 25).
Now it’s your chance to pick the one who inspires you most.
Vote for your favorite atrd.com/heroes. We’ll
announce the winner in our April issue.
It’s bigger, it’s better—and it brings you information and advice from a variety of RD publications. You can find health news, homeimprovement projects and a host of recipes.For a little fun, try some of our new wordgames. Visit rd.com today, and start clicking.
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Editor-in-Chief Jacqueline LeoExecutive Editor Marcia RockwoodDesign Director Hannu LaaksoWashington Bureau Chief William BeamanWest Coast Editor Meg GrantHealth Director Julie BainDirector of Reporting and Research Deirdre M. CasperManaging Editor Lawrence McIntyre
Features Editors Donna G. Banks, Gary A. SledgeSenior Staff Editors Maureen Mackey, Jody L. Rohlena,Ed ShanahanSenior Editors Patricia Curtis (RD Living), Andy Simmons(Humor), Sacha Zimmerman (Washington Bureau)
Senior Writer Derek BurnettStaff Writer Cynthia Dermody
Copy Manager Felicity BuchananSenior Copy Editor Lucia Raatma
Reporters John Mitchell (National Affairs), Joseph K. Vetter Senior Research Editors Francis K. Lostys, Neena SamuelResearch Editors Nancy Coveney, Janice LearyResearch Associate Editor Lisa Miller Fields
Art Director Dean AbatemarcoDirector of Photography Bill BlackAssociate Art Director Victoria NightingaleAssistant Art Director Julie Litrov Photo Researcher Linda CarterElectronic Layout Specialist Lorraine LaMonica-Szostak
Magazine Rights Sandra McCormick Hill (Director),Christopher McKerrow, Tara Zades
Library Ann DiCesare (Head Librarian), Susan Doremus, Edward Goralski
Editorial Associate Kenrya RankinEditorial Assistants Carla Springer (Executive), Kelly Cook, Diane Grosse, Elizabeth Kelly, Michael Kubica, Alexis Mitchell, Regina Sampogna, Ellen Verdi
Contributing Editors Max Alexander, Anita Bartholomew,Maria Bartiromo, Carl M. Cannon, Doug Colligan,Michael Crowley, Shea Dean, Mary A. Fischer, MimiJones Hedwig, William M. Hendryx, Robert F. Howe,Alexis Jetter, Hal Karp, Jeanne Marie Laskas, MalcolmMcConnell, Marc Myers, Alanna Nash, Molly O’Neill, C. F. Payne, Richard Reeves, Mary Roach, LynnRosellini, Will Shortz, Dale Van Atta, Laura Vanderkam, Gail Cameron Wescott, Laura Yorke, Jacob Young
The Digest is published in 48 editions in 19 languages, in Braille, on cassette, and in large print
President, U.S. Magazines Bonnie K. Bachar Chief Financial Officer Stephen W. Simon
Development Editor Frank Lalli
RD.com Rosemary Maggiore (General Manager), Emily Sachar (Group Site Director), Christine Luff (Editor-in-Chief)
Production Stephen R. Best (Associate Operations Director), Carol Bernhard (Advertising Production Manager)
CIRCULATIONPresident, Consumer Marketing Dawn M. ZierNewsstand Sales David AlgireMarketing Lou Sassano, Laurie LevasseurPlanning Christopher GaydosCreative Kenneth M. Brown
ADVERTISINGPublishing Director Laura McEwenPublisher, Advertising Benjamin D. MaddenAssociate Publisher, Group Marketing Lauren JayDirector, Research Ken MeltsnerAdvertising Sales New York Ed Proshuto, Wendy Ward,John McKittrick, Leslie Bergen, Tricia Branch, LaurieEvans, Katie Phelan, Andy Spinelli Chicago Scott Ashmore, Brian Brigman, Heather Goeld, Lisa Morton, Lisa Schluchter Detroit Todd Rankin, Melissa KramerLos Angeles Brian Patella San Francisco Mike Ostfeld,Noreen Tomita Integrated Sales Mark Magnani, Kim Huey SteinerMarketing Jill Fischer (Director), Patty Bogie Business Office Christopher Baer, Gisele Myer, Dawn Vezirian
READER’S DIGEST INTERNATIONALEditorial Director Conrad KiechelManaging Editor Raimo MoysaSenior Staff Editor Janie CouchEditorial Assistant Carol Kelly
READER’S DIGEST ASSOCIATION, INC.Chairman, Chief Executive Officer Thomas O. Ryder
Editor-in-Chief, President North America Eric W. SchrierPresident, International Thomas D. GardnerPresident, QSP Gary S. RichChief Financial Officer Michael S. GeltzeilerPresident, Asia-Pacific/Latin America Michael BrennanTreasurer William H. MagillInvestor Relations Richard ClarkGeneral Counsel Michael A. BrizelCorporate Secretary Clifford H. R. DuPreeGlobal Operations Albert L. PerruzzaChief Information Officer Jeffrey S. Spar
Senior Counsellor Melvin R. Laird
FOUNDERS DEWITT WALLACE AND L I LA ACHESON WALLACE
Don’t stop at stiff knees.
When your knees feel like stopping, grab the heat that gets ‘em
going. Try a ThermaCare HeatWrap for knees. It’s like a heating
pad without the cord. That’s 8 hours of pain-relieving heat
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Everyone has a funny story. Just send us yours, and ifwe publish it in Reader’s Digest, you’ll be laughing all
the way to the bank.Here’s how it works:
WE PAY $300for true, never-before-pub-lished stories we print in Lifein These United States, All ina Day’s Work, or Humor inUniform.
WE PAY $100for the submission of a previ-ously published or originalitem we print in Laughter, theBest Medicine; in QuotableQuotes; or elsewhere, as ashort item.
THE RULESPlease note your name, addressand phone number with allsubmissions. Previously pub-lished material must includethe name, date, page number, Web address or other source identification.Original items should be less than 100 words, and if we select and pay foryour item, we will own all rights. All contributions may be edited and can-not be acknowledged or returned. We may run your item in any section ofour magazines, or elsewhere. If we receive more than one copy of the sameor a similar item, we pay only for the one we select.
HOW TO SUBMIT JOKES AND ANECDOTES■ Go to rd.com to submit original material (Click on “Submit a Joke”)■ To enclose funny items clipped from other sources, mail to: Humor, Reader’s Digest, Box 100, Pleasantville, New York 10572-0100
Rates are subject to change; for current information, please visit rd.com.
GO AHEAD: MAKE US LAUGH
ILLUSTRATED BY DAN REYNOLDS10
© 2004 The Clorox Company.
DEEP-CLEANSING FORMULA 409®
FOR A KITCHEN SO CLEAN IT SHINES.
YOU SAID ITLETTERS ON THE NOVEMBER ISSUE
Gray Matters
William beaman
discovers thatthere are plenty of
moderate voters who havefound common ground on even the toughest of issues. It’s the extreme left and right who con-tinue to duke it out (“A Frac-tured America?”).
This piece confirmed many of my longstanding suspicions about the political and moral climate in this country, and providedme with the heartening reassurance,differences notwithstanding, that a kind, loving rational heart still beats strongly within the breastof “centrist” America.
MARK H. HOLDEN, Ooltewah, Tennessee
Your article about “middle America” was more disturbing thanany fight between red and bluestates. This live-and-let-live approach to life is nothing more than moral relativism. Certain issues are either right or they’re not.All these shades of gray are just disguised apathy. A culture thatstands for nothing, defends nothingand believes in nothing is surely careening down the proverbial slippery slope of extinction.
VALERIE BLYTHE, Dallas, TexasST
EV
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13
Brain Pain
In “Just a Headache ... Or Worse?”Dr. Lisa Mannix says that if youhave a brain tumor, it is likely
you will have symptoms other thanheadache. Our 14-year-old son hadheadaches for three months. Hisdoctor treated him for sinus infec-tions, but the headaches kept gettingworse and he had no other symp-toms. Finally, I decided to take ac-tion. An ophthalmologist found thatmy son had a brain tumor the size ofa tennis ball in his left frontal lobe. Ifa headache doesn’t go away whentreated, keep looking for answers. Itcould save your life. L.0., via Internet
Highest Stakes
Shea dean sets out to learn “thehottest game around,” at firstusing “play” money (“Poker’s
Wild!”). When she begins to use herown money, it starts to get addictive.
Scary where pokershows up, isn’t it?
NAME WITHHELD BY REQUEST,via Internet
It Figures
Michael Crow-ley hit the nailon the head
when he said statisticsare often misleading—
or wrong (That’s Outrageous: “Sta-tistically False”). My doctor wantedme to undergo a treatment becausewithout it, he said, “statistics showthat 68% of the people who sufferedwhat you did faced another seriousproblem.” The odds didn’t impressme, so I refused the treatment. Myobjection got him and his partnersto thinking. They did some researchand found the stat completely mis-leading. Not only was the treatmentunnecessary, it would have actuallybeen harmful to me. C.J.H., via Internet
Here’s a quote from author An-drew Lang: “He uses statistics as a
14
My son actually became addictedto online gambling. After graduatingcollege as a computer engineer, heran up credit-card debts in excess of$50,000 in three months, then com-mitted suicide. He left a note sayingthat he wanted people to know thereare real dangers to online gambling.
NAME WITHHELD BY REQUEST,Waynesboro, Virginia
I go to a middle school in Oregon,and after lunch a group of us getstogether and we play Texas hold’emwith real chips and real betting.
ILLUSTRATED BY MARK ANDERSON
"Everyone back! Give him some air!"
HOW TOREACH US
Letters to the Editor■ [email protected]■ You Said It, Reader’s Digest,Box 200, Pleasantville, New York 10572-0200Include your full name,address, e-mail and daytimephone number. We may editletters, and use them in allprint and electronic media.
SubmissionsFor short humor items,please see page 10. We regretthat we cannot accept oracknowledge unsolicited artwork, photographs or article-length manuscripts.
Save Time Go OnlineSubscriptions, payments,changes of address, accountinformation, inquiries at 877-732-4438 orrd.com/help.
Subscriptions■ RD, Box 7823, Red Oak, Iowa 51591-0823
Moving?■ RD, Dept. CHADD, Box 7809, Red Oak, Iowa 51591-0809
Reprints■ rd.com/reprints(min. 500 copies)
RD I JANUARY 2006
YOU SAID IT
drunken man uses lamp posts—forsupport rather than illumination.”
P.K., via Internet
Hardship and Hope
We arrived 30 days after thehurricane struck (“Katrina:Chaos and Courage”). What
we found, as we walked through thewarped debris of flattened townsand picked our way through thou-sands of homeless families under theglare of convention-center lights andunloaded pallets of milk to supplyfamilies in lines that stretchedaround the block, was like no other experience I’ve had in this life.It was like nothing I’ve ever seen before or want to see again.
As always, though, resiliencespeaks louder than despair. Eventhose who lost everything believethey will be okay in the end. Theybelieve it because they are Ameri-can, and because they have seenhow so many of us want to help.
In the long run, these fellow citizens of ours need more than ourhelp. They need change—from theway we build levees and protect es-tuaries to how we invest in schoolsand economic opportunity. Like allchange, it will start within people.
BILL SHORE, Founder, Share Our Strength (strength.org)
The correct number to call to order ASalute to the Beatles, RD’s exclusive10-track CD, is 800-499-9656.
©2005 The GlaxoSmithKline Group of Companies All rights reserved. Printed in USA. KAV068R0 September 2005Avandia is a registered trademark of the GlaxoSmithKline group of companies.
“I’m a type 2 diabetic so I exercise and
watch my diet.”
“But her blood sugar is still too high.”
Managing type 2 diabetes can be hard.
Adding Avandia can help. Avandia, along with diet
and exercise, helps lower your blood sugar.
It works differently than other diabetes medicines
by helping your body use its own natural insulin
better. Avandia can also help maintain blood sugar
control.* Ask your doctor if Avandia is right for you.
Avandia may be prescribed alone, with metformin, a sulfonylurea, metformin
plus a sulfonylurea, or insulin. When taking Avandia with a sulfonylurea or
insulin, patients may be at increased risk for low blood sugar. Ask your doctor
whether you need to lower your sulfonylurea or insulin dose. Some people
may experience tiredness, weight gain or swelling with Avandia. Avandia
may cause fluid retention or swelling which could lead to or worsen heart
failure, so you should tell your doctor if you have a history of these conditions.
If you experience an unusually rapid increase in weight, swelling or shortness
of breath while taking Avandia, talk to your doctor immediately. In combination
with insulin Avandia may increase the risk of other heart problems. Ask your
doctor about important symptoms and if the combination continues to
work for you. Avandia is not for everyone. Avandia is not recommended for
patients with NYHA Class 3 and 4 cardiac status or active liver disease. Blood
tests should be used to check for liver problems before starting and while
taking Avandia. Tell your doctor if you have liver disease, or if you experience
unexplained tiredness, stomach problems, dark urine or yellowing of skin
while taking Avandia. If you are nursing, pregnant or thinking about becoming
pregnant, talk to your doctor before taking Avandia. Avandia may increase
your risk of pregnancy.
Please see Patient Information for Avandia on adjacent page.
*Individual results may vary.
Call1•800•234•0346, or visit www.avandia.com
PATIENT INFORMATION – Rx onlyAVANDIA® (ah-VAN-dee-a)Rosiglitazone Maleate TabletsRead the Patient Information that comes with AVANDIA before you start taking the medicine and each time you get a refill.There may be new information. This information does not take the place of talking with your doctor about your medical condition or your treatment. If you have any questions about AVANDIA, ask your doctor or pharmacist.
What is AVANDIA?
AVANDIA is a prescription medicine used with diet and exercise to treat type 2 (“adult-onset” or “non-insulin dependent”) diabetes mellitus (“high blood sugar”). AVANDIA may be used alone or with other anti-diabetic medicines. AVANDIA can help your body respond better to insulin made in your body. AVANDIA does not cause your body to make more insulin.
Before you take AVANDIA, you should first try to control your diabetes by diet, weight loss, and exercise. In order for AVANDIA to work best, it is very important to exercise, lose excess weight, and follow the diet recommended for your diabetes.
The safety and efficacy of AVANDIA have not been established in children under 18 years of age.
What is Type 2 Diabetes?
Type 2 diabetes happens when a person does not make enough insulin or does not respond normally to the insulin their bodymakes. When this happens, sugar (glucose) builds up in the blood. This can lead to serious medical problems including kidney damage, heart disease, loss of limbs, and blindness. The main goal of treating diabetes is to lower your blood sugar to a normal level. Lowering and controlling blood sugar may help prevent or delay complications of diabetes such as heart disease, kidney disease or blindness. High blood sugar can be lowered by diet and exercise, by certain medicines taken bymouth, and by insulin shots.
Who should not take AVANDIA?
Do not take AVANDIA if you are allergic to any of the ingredients in AVANDIA. The active ingredient is rosiglitazone maleate.See the end of this leaflet for a list of all the ingredients in AVANDIA.
Before taking AVANDIA, tell your doctor about all your medical conditions, including if you:
• have heart problems or heart failure. AVANDIA can cause your body to keep extra fluid (fluid retention), which leads to swelling and weight gain. Extra body fluid can make some heart problems worse or lead to heart failure.
• have type 1 (“juvenile”) diabetes or had diabetic ketoacidosis. These conditions should be treated with insulin.
• have liver problems. Your doctor should do blood tests to check your liver before you start taking AVANDIA and during treatment as needed.
• had liver problems while taking REZULIN® (troglitazone), another medicine for diabetes.
• are pregnant or trying to become pregnant. It is not known if AVANDIA can harm your unborn baby. You and your doctor should talk about the best way to control your high blood sugar during pregnancy.
• are a premenopausal woman (before the “change of life”) who does not have regular monthly periods. AVANDIA may increase your chances of becoming pregnant. Talk to your doctor about birth control choices while taking AVANDIA.
• are breastfeeding. It is not known if AVANDIA passes into breast milk.You should not use AVANDIA while breastfeeding.
• are taking prescription or non-prescription medicines, vitamins or herbal supplements. AVANDIA and certain other medicines can affect each other and lead to serious side effects including high blood sugar or low blood sugar. Keep a list of all the medicines you take. Show this list to your doctor and pharmacist before you start a new medicine. They will tell you if it is okay to take AVANDIA with other medicines.
How should I take AVANDIA?
• Take AVANDIA exactly as prescribed. Your doctor will tell you how many tablets to take and how often. The usual daily starting dose is 4 mg a day taken once a day or 2 mg taken twice a day. Your doctor may need to adjust your dose until your blood sugar is better controlled.
• AVANDIA may be prescribed alone or with other anti-diabetic medicines. This will depend on how well your blood sugar is controlled.
• Take AVANDIA with or without food.
• It can take 2 weeks for AVANDIA to start lowering blood sugar. It may take 2 to 3 months to see the full effect on your bloodsugar level.
• If you miss a dose of AVANDIA, take your pill as soon as you remember, unless it is time to take your next dose. Take your next dose at the usual time. Do not take a double dose to make up for a missed dose.
• If you take too much AVANDIA, call your doctor or poison control center right away.
• Test your blood sugar regularly as your doctor tells you.
• Diet and exercise can help your body use its blood sugar better. It is important to stay on your recommended diet, lose excess weight, and get regular exercise while taking AVANDIA.
• Your doctor should do blood tests to check your liver before you start AVANDIA and during treatment as needed. Your doctor should also do regular blood sugar tests (for example, “A1C”) to monitor your response to AVANDIA.
What are possible side effects of AVANDIA?
• heart failure. AVANDIA can cause your body to keep extra fluid (fluid retention), which leads to swelling and weight gain.Extra body fluid can make some heart problems worse or lead to heart failure.
• swelling (edema) from fluid retention. Call your doctor right away if you have symptoms such as:
– swelling or fluid retention, especially in the ankles or legs
– shortness of breath or trouble breathing, especially when you lie down
– an unusually fast increase in weight
– unusual tiredness
• low blood sugar (hypoglycemia). Lightheadedness, dizziness, shakiness or hunger may mean that your blood sugar is too low. This can happen if you skip meals, if you use another medicine that lowers blood sugar, or if you have certain medical problems. Call your doctor if low blood sugar levels are a problem for you.
• weight gain. AVANDIA can cause weight gain that may be due to fluid retention or extra body fat. Weight gain can be a serious problem for people with certain conditions including heart problems. Call your doctor if you have an unusually fastincrease in weight.
• low red blood cell count (anemia).
• ovulation (release of egg from an ovary in a woman) leading to pregnancy. Ovulation may happen in premenopausal women who do not have regular monthly periods. This can increase the chance of pregnancy.
• liver problems. It is important for your liver to be working normally when you take AVANDIA. Your doctor should do blood tests to check your liver before you start taking AVANDIA and during treatment as needed. Call your doctor right away if you have unexplained symptoms such as:
– nausea or vomiting
– stomach pain
– unusual or unexplained tiredness
– loss of appetite
– dark urine
– yellowing of your skin or the whites of your eyes.
The most common side effects of AVANDIA included cold-like symptoms, injury, and headache.
How should I store AVANDIA?
• Store AVANDIA at room temperature, 59° to 86°F (15° to 30°C). Keep AVANDIA in the container it comes in.
• Safely, throw away AVANDIA that is out of date or no longer needed.
• Keep AVANDIA and all medicines out of the reach of children.
General Information about AVANDIA
Medicines are sometimes prescribed for conditions that are not mentioned in patient information leaflets. Do not use AVANDIA for a condition for which it was not prescribed. Do not give AVANDIA to other people, even if they have the same symptoms you have. It may harm them.
This leaflet summarizes important information about AVANDIA. If you would like more information, talk with your doctor. You canask your doctor or pharmacist for information about AVANDIA that is written for healthcare professionals. You can also find outmore about AVANDIA by calling 1-888-825-5249 or visiting the website www.avandia.com.
What are the ingredients in AVANDIA?
Active Ingredient: rosiglitazone maleate
Inactive Ingredients: hypromellose 2910, lactose monohydrate, magnesium stearate, microcrystalline cellulose, polyethyleneglycol 3000, sodium starch glycolate, titanium dioxide, triacetin, and 1 or more of the following: synthetic red and yellow ironoxides and talc.
AVANDIA is a registered trademark of GlaxoSmithKline.
REZULIN is a registered trademark of Parke-Davis Pharmaceuticals Ltd.
PIL–AV:L14
© 2005 The GlaxoSmithKline Group of Companies
All rights reserved. Printed in USA. August 2005
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IDEAS, TRENDS, AND INTERESTING BITS FROM ALL OVER
In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s a DNA craze going on—and it’s get-ting out of hand. These days, with some cash and a bit of your bodily tis-sue, you can get everything from customized anti-wrinkle cream to your
own DNA-based diet plan (one home-test kit costs $250). Let’s not sell DNA short. By mapping the
20,000 or so genes that make up thebody’s blueprint, the Na-tional Human GenomeProject allowed forhuge medical ad-vances down theroad. But someof us just can’twait. We wantour newknowledgeof the helix-shapedstrand to im-prove ourlives now—in every possi-ble way. Andmarketers are set tocash in on our desire.
Meanwhile, many scientiststake a dim view of the rush to com-mercialize DNA. So do we—until someone isable to turn our genes into perfect-fit jeans.
Making Too Much of Ourselves?
ONLY INAmerica
Ohio residents check out 14.6 items from the libraryeach year. The national average is 6.9. SOURCE: American Library Association
21ILLUSTRATED BY JOHN UELAND
Guiding Swans to a New HomeThis winter, Kent Clegg, 45, of Grace,Idaho, can stay warm in bed when theNorthwest nights start to get cold.
That wasn’t true the past four years,when winter’s arrival meant it was timefor Clegg to navigate the icy surface ofnearby Henry’s Fork River on an ultra-light airboat. His job: Seize youngtrumpeter swans overcrowding Idaho’snortheastern region and move them200 miles south to the more spaciousBear River. Amid fog, snow and dark-ness, he’d surprise up to eight anight and haul them intoburlap sacks, all the whilefeeling “like a big old snowcone.” A state fish and game
team would then tag the cygnets andtake them south.
No one can explain the fourfold in-crease in Canadian trumpeter swanswintering at Henry’s Fork River in thepast 10 to 15 years. But the overcrowd-ing puts the birds at risk for diseaseand starvation. Prior efforts to relocateadult swans failed (they always cameback to where they’d migrated asyouth). But cygnets can alter their pat-terns; a number of the relocated swansnow return to Bear River each year.
With the project in the monitoringphase, Clegg, a farmer who does con-servation work for the state, won’tmake any river runs this year. “I’ll missit,” he says. “It’ssomething no oneelse does. Proba-bly becausethey’re sane.”
GRASS ROOTS
A Nice, Clean ReadLawyer. novelist. Philosophy prof CherylMendelson has done a lot. What she likesdoing best is the wash. Her new book isLaundry, a 400-page sequel to the 1999housekeeping opus Home Comforts. Um, 400pages on laundry? Given her thorough take on everything from sorting tostatic cling, it makes sense. And we know who we want doing our delicates.
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Honey, How Do I Look?Metrosexual. Ubersexual. Whatever he’s called, seems the style-savvy man is hereto stay (even Barbie’s pal Ken is getting a makeover). Male vanity, by the numbers:
FACING FACTSL’Oréal launches a“Men’s Expert”moisturizer line.Why not? Depart-ment-store sales ofmen’s skin-careproducts jumped
13% in 2004. CUTTING CLOSERForget twin-bladecomfort. Gillette
introduces a “Fu-sion” razor with
5 blades.
BRUSHING UPSales of men’s hair-care gels and otherstyling stuff are up
28% since 2001.
BUTTONINGDOWN Sales ofmen’s tailoredclothing are up
24% from2003 to 2004.
GOINGGLOSSY Trial
issue of Men’sVogue sells
150,000copies. Fashion
mag’s male spin-off goes
bimonthly thisyear.
LIVING LARGEBig & Tall chain gets a new name:
CasualMale XL.Metrosexuals, itseems, come inall sizes.
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Sis-Boom-Wah! Baby Genius CDs … Itsy Bitsy Yogabooks … Now Team Baby Entertainment wants to hook ourwee ones on college football. Its DVDs for 12 pigskin powers(like U of Michigan) mix game film and shots of tots playing withschool-branded toys. Great. Now all baby needs is a scholarship.
23
Tanks for Everything
When it comes to pets,something smells fishy. Thenumber of American
households that own gilled crittersis up 30 percent in the last ten years.And aquariums are changing to keeppace. New acrylics mean “colorsand finishes are improving so theyfit into the décor in a tasteful way,”says PETCO spokesman KevinWhalen. Some fish fans are spend-ing wildly on habitats. Living ColorEnterprises, in New York, recentlyinstalled a $300,000 three-story tankin one Long Island house. For therest of us, there are more modest accessories like the glowing BiOrb(left; $90)—and the comfort ofknowing this pet never needs to go out for a walk.
RD INDEX
YEA NAYA quick review of some of the good, bad and ugly to appear on our radar recently.
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Anheuser-Busch For hatching a pro-motion called “Bud Pong.” The com-pany tried to claim the drinking gamewas meant to be played with water.When that was too hard to swallow,
the promo was killed.
Benjamin Ladner Fornabbing a $3.7 million
golden parachute upon resigning asAmerican University’s president amidcontroversy over excessive personalspending. Just what kind of lessondoes that teach America’s students?
McDonald’s For saying it’ll add nutri-tional info to packaging for most menuitems. Might be better to add it to theactual menu, but this is agood step toward bitinginto our obesity woes.
Mariano Martinez For creating a bona fide cultural artifact (justacquired by the Smithsonian): themodified soft ice-cream maker thatfirst mass-produced frozen margaritas.Where would our chips and salsa bewithout this Dallas restaurateur?
The Surfer
From a surfer’s perspective, July20, 2004, was a gorgeous after-noon. Offshore storms had
churned up the Atlantic, generatinggiant waves. Jason Clauss, 26, got ina good two hours at Dolphin LaneBeach, near his home on the easterntip of Long Island, New York. Hewas peeling off his wet suit when aboy ran up, pointing to the water.“Two kids are in trouble,” he said.
Clauss could make out a pair ofswimmers splashing and wavingtheir arms. Hegrabbed hisboard and raninto the waves.
Two brothers, 10 and 13, had beensnared by a riptide. Paddling furi-ously, Clauss managed to reach theyounger of the two and prop him upon his surfboard. He dove into thechilly water seventimes, looking forthe other boy,but with no luck.Clauss, whonearly lost hisown brotherto a rip-tide 13years
EVERYDAY HEROES
Vote for Our
Hero of theYearEach month our editors face a difficult decision: Which extraordinary
American will be our Everyday Hero? Once a year we put the challenge toyou: Tell us which of the past year’s heroes you found most inspiring. Voteat rd.com/heroes. The winner is invited to ring the closing bell at the NewYork Stock Exchange. We’ll share highlights in our April issue.
25Jason Clauss
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before, is still haunted by the kid hecould not save. But police sergeantRichard Bookamer, who was on thebeach that day, says with utmostcertainty that if Jason Clauss hadn’treacted so quickly and de-cisively, there would havebeen two drownings in-stead of one. (March)
The Visitors
John springer andJane Margaret Dowwere visiting their el-
derly parents at a retire-ment home in Alexandria,Virginia, when suddenly, the Sundayafternoon quiet was interrupted by abloodcurdling cry. An employee wasattacking his boss with a knife.Springer rushed at the man, grab-bing his arm, and allowing the vic-tim, Jeanne Hobbs, to get away.Mustafa Mohamed turned the knifeon Springer, leaving facial woundsthat required 48 stitches. Then hemade his way down the hall, slash-
ing at patients. Heart racing, Dowstepped into Mohamed’s path,raised the can of pepper spray shealways carried in her purse andblasted him in the eyes. Says a grate-
ful Jeanne Hobbs, “Howmany people are going todo that?” (May)
The Neighbor
Awakened by screamsone freezing morn-ing in December,
2004, John Cammaratastumbled out of bed andover to the window. A
house across the street was on fire.He dialed 911, and then threw onsweats and ran outside. At 40, Cam-marata suffered from a cardiac con-dition and had recently undergonean angioplasty. He’d only been backto work as a New York City busdriver for three months. But theowners of the burning house, theGallos, had four foster children. Hewouldn’t be able to live on thisblock if he stood by while they died.Behind him, his wife, Denise, called,“Think about your heart!”
Holding his breath, he went intothe house three times until he’dpulled everybody to safety. Aspower lines exploded overhead, heran door to door, getting other fami-lies out of their homes. The nextday Cammarata awoke to find him-self labeled a hero on the front pageof the New York Daily News. Andwhen he showed up on his busroute, passengers applauded. (April)
John Cammarata
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inches away, jerked to a stop.For her bravery, Farmer wasawarded an AAA SchoolSafety Patrol LifesavingMedal. And Gabriel says helearned his lesson: “Stay onthe sidewalk.” (June)
The Whistle-Blower
Peter scannell knew theywere onto him. But he refused to back down,
and wound up exposing oneof the biggest scams in mutualfund history. For monthsScannell had protested to hisbosses at Putnam Investmentsin Boston that some labor-union investors were makingunethical, if not outright ille-
gal, trades. But the brass turned ablind eye. So Scannell went to theSEC. Two days later, a burly guy in agray Boilermakers Local 5 sweat-shirt grabbed him as he sat in hiscar and bashed him in the head witha brick. For weeks afterward, Scan-nell felt dizzy and had headaches.He was diagnosed with post-trau-
matic stress disorder andwas on disability, losing$100,000 in wages. Still,he has no regrets.
Ultimately, Putnamagreed to pay $110 mil-lion in restitution andpenalties. “I give all thecredit in the world toPeter,” says Matthew
27
The Safety Patroller
Fifth-grader Pytrce Farmerwore the fluorescent lime beltthat identified her as a member
of the Safety Patrol as she stoodvigilantly outside Eva Turner Ele-mentary School in Waldorf, Mary-land—something she did every day.That afternoon, for rea-sons he can’t explain, six-year-old Gabriel Dicksonstepped off the sidewalk,right into traffic. A vanwas heading straight forhim. Everyone froze—ex-cept Farmer. She grabbedthe boy and yanked himback. The van, only
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EVERYDAY HEROES
Nestor, Massachusetts di-rector of securities. “It’snot easy to be the one per-son who stands up andsays, ‘This is wrong.’ ” (February)
The Passerby
As he drove home ina blinding rainstorm, EdneiLima saw a man climb up onto
a bridge and jump. Lima went rightafter him, into the swirling waters ofthe Still River in Danbury, Connecti-cut. Far from grateful, 19-year-oldAndrew Higgenbottom punched andkicked his rescuer. “I got my reasons
to kill myself,” he said.But Lima wasn’t about tolet the young man die.Thanks to a black belt injujitsu, he managed towrestle Higgenbottom to the riverbank and hold him until EMTs ar-rived. “I had no time to
think whether it was dangerous,”said Lima. “I just wanted to get thekid out.” (November)
The Inventor
Determined to create theworld’s cheapest wheelchair,Don Schoendorfer, a mechani-
cal engineer from Orange County,California, tinkered in his garage forthree hours every day before work.The chair would have to traversemountains, swamps and deserts, andendure heat and frost. Around theworld many of the poorest peoplelive on less than $2 a day and couldnever dream of buying a Western-type wheelchair. Finally, one day hehit on just the right design: the ubiq-uitous white plastic lawn chair, withtwo sturdy bike tires.
Today the chairs can be shippedanywhere in the world for just$41.17. Schoendorfer’s nonprofitgroup, Free Wheelchair Mission, hasdelivered more than 75,000 to peo-ple in Angola, India, Peru, even Iraq.With more than 100 million disabledpoor in developing countries, hesays, “I have a small goal. Twentymillion chairs given away free by2010.” (July)
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The Rookie
On the day Jeff Bassettpulled a man from hisburning house, Jeff was
late for school. On a whim,he’d taken a different route,down Orchard Road in Briar-cliff Manor, New York. See-ing smoke, he made a quickU-turn and called 911. Six-teen-year-old Jeff comesfrom a family of firefighters.Coincidentally, his dad wasfirst to arrive on the scene.By then, Jeff had alreadyfound the homeowner, Peter Tier-ney, 71, in the smoke-filled garage.“You’ve got to get out of here,” heurged. “It’s going to get really bad.”Jeff guided him toward the door, butthe man moved slowly. Chunks ofburning roof fell around them. Theyhad to go faster. The burly hockeyplayer lifted Tierney in his arms andcarried him out, just before flamesswallowed the home’s top story. Ittook 60 firefighters to bring the fireunder control. (October)
The Mom
Ten-year-old Chiara Rufus ofSyracuse, New York, lovedbuying groceries for her
mother. As she was on her wayhome with milk and bread one daylast August, a man leaned from hiscar window and asked, “Want aride?” Chiara shook her head. Butthe man followed. He pulled upclose and opened the passengerdoor. “Get in!” he ordered.
Driving by, 34-year-old mother ofthree Monique Williams thought,Something’s not right.
“You know him?” she asked thegirl. When Chiara said no, Williamsgunned her van and stopped in frontof the car, blocking it in. Then shemade sure Chiara got out. Police ar-rested the man, charging him withendangering the welfare of a childand possessing child pornography.Williams could have stopped a child
Jeff Bassett
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molestation, says Syra-cuse Police Chief GaryMiguel. He and the mayorgave Williams a civiliancommendation. Theplaque hangs in her livingroom, along with anotherone that’s even more spe-cial. It reads: “To myguardian angel MoniqueWilliams. I love you. Chiara Rufus.”(December)
The Student
Ayoung man in a black trenchcoat, his hair spiked intothorns, walked into Red Lake
Senior High in northern Minne-sota carrying three guns. Jeff Weiseshot and killed eight people andwounded seven more in the dead-liest school shooting since Colum-bine. Sophomore Jeff May, armedonly with the pencil he’d used for al-gebra, tried to stop him. May ran atthe gunman and jabbed him hard inthe side. The two struggled; Maywas shot in the face. The policeshowed up, exchanging gunfire withWeise, who then killed himself.May’s teacher, Missy Dodds, is surehe saved his classmates’ lives—andhers. Of his selfless action, Doddssays, “I totally would expect that ofhim.” (September)
The Pilot
Normally Jeremy Johnson used his helicopter to visitbranches of his Internet com-
pany, spread all over Utah. Now the
sheriff had recruited himto scout for peoplestranded in their homesafter drenching rainsknocked out roads andbridges. Battling violentwind gusts, Johnsonmanaged to land in a wa-terlogged field near thehouse where Rolf and
Renae Ludwig and their five chil-dren were huddled. One by one,Johnson loaded them into the four-seater copter and ferried them tosafety. And the following weekend,when people asked for rides overthe area, the pilot asked for dona-tions. All $20,000 went to the Ludwig family. “Our angel wings,”says Renae. (August)
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JeremyJohnson
Jeff May
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She’ll experience the most challenging training, use the latest technology
and get the strongest support. Every drill and every mission will reinforce
in her that character always leads to success. Encourage her to consider
becoming a Soldier – AN ARMY OF ONE.®®
©2004. Paid for by the United States Army. All rights reserved.
THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS!M I C H A E L C R O W L E Y
®
33
It was just one of so manyHurricane Katrina horror sto-ries. But it was especiallyheartbreaking. East Texas relief
workers took in a New Orleans mannamed Ray Johnson, who said hiswife and three-year-old son drownedbefore his eyes when their houseflooded. On local TV he recountedthe tragedy in agonizing detail: howrushing water knocked him off bal-ance and caused him to drop hisboy. How he found his wife: “Shewas floating, so I knew she wasdead.” How he pulled their lifelessbodies to the attic: “For the firsttwo weeks I broke down everyday, three, four, five, ten times aday,” Johnson said.
He received an outpouring ofgenerosity. A Tyler, Texas, churchgave Johnson shelter and clothing. Afuneral home offered to pay for amemorial service. And he even sentoff for one of the $2,000 checksFEMA was providing victims.
The Lowest of the LowWhy your charity dollars may be going to crooksinstead of to the victims of Hurricane Katrina
But it was all a lie. Johnson wasactually Walter Ray Stall, a con-victed felon from Texas. His real-lifeestranged wife and children werevery much alive. For Stall, authori-ties say, the horror of Katrina wasjust a moneymaking opportunity.
Meet the lowest of the low: thepeople who take advan-
ILLUSTRATED BY VICTOR JUHASZ
Michael Crowley is a senior editor at The New Republic. PH
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tage of natural disasters to make abuck off charitable donations andgovernment relief efforts. Many, likeStall, get caught. In the weeks afterKatrina hit, dozens of people werearrested nationwide. Thousandsmore may be getting away with it.By the end of October, more than 50
people had been charged with fed-eral Katrina-related crimes, andhundreds more had been nabbed atthe local level, according to PaulBresson, a spokesman for the Justice Department’s Katrina-fraudtask force. Authorities also say that3 to 5 percent of funds meant for relief may be siphoned off bycrooks. When it comes to Katrina,that could mean a heist of $5 billionor more.
Disaster-relief fraudsters “are tak-ing away money from the real vic-tims,” says John Dowdy, an AssistantU.S. Attorney in Jackson, Missis-sippi, on the trail of Katrina scams.“It makes them into double victims.”
Unfortunately, we’ve seen this before. After September 11, 2001,Carlton McNish, of Tobyhanna,Pennsylvania, was arrested forfalsely claiming that his wife haddied at the World Trade Center. McNish, who wasn’t married at all,reportedly even brought someoneelse’s children to a bogus memorial
service for the fictional wife. Henetted more than $100,000 from re-lief agencies like the Red Cross, theSalvation Army and the Robin HoodFoundation before he was nabbed.
Among the criminals nailed afterKatrina were 30 people in Bakers-field, California, charged with steal-
ing from the American RedCross. Ten of them hadbeen workers at a RedCross call center thathelped Katrina victims col-lect charity funds. Prosecu-
tors say that the thieves used falseclaim information and had accom-plices pick up relief checks meantfor the true victims. In Houston,people were caught trying to collectone-time payments from Red Crossrelief centers on as many as threeseparate occasions, the police re-ported. And, in Atlanta, according tothe New York Daily News, a localstore reported that two of the FEMAdebit cards were used to buy $800Louis Vuitton handbags. Either ahurricane victim didn’t really needthat FEMA money or someone elsegot his hands on it.
Fraud charges related to Katrinahave been brought everywhere fromOregon to Georgia. In some cases,scammers have used another per-son’s address to steal funds, makingit impossible for people who actu-ally live at that address to collecttheir share, Dowdy says.
Maybe the only thing worse thanpeople who try to bilk disasterfunds are the scammers who steal
Katrina scammers mayget away with a heistof $5 billion or more.
©2005 K
FH
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Watch their little hearts meltwhen they see what you made with a bit of imagination,
some Philadelphia® cream cheese, and everybody’s favorite Ritz®cracker.
For lots of fun ideas visit us at www.kraftfoods.com/ritz.
Nothing feels like
straight from charity-giving Ameri-cans. Take Matthew Z. Schmeider,an unemployed painter from Penn-sylvania. Just days after the 2004Asian tsunami, Schmeider blastedout 800,000 e-mails falsely claimingto be from Mercy Corps. Completewith official Mercy Corps logos, thee-mails asked for contributions toaid tsunami victims. After his arrest,Schmeider told the FBI he neededcash to pay bills and fix his car.
There are tons of creeps outthere. E-mail con artists were atwork just days after Katrina’s land-fall, and within a month the FBI saidmore than 4,000 Katrina-relatedwebsites, many of them believed tobe criminal, had sprung up. “Fraud-ulent ones are popping up fasterthan we can pound them down,” theFBI’s top cyber-official warned onthe department’s website.
Those who don’t steal moneyoften try to steal identities. They dothis by hustling people for their So-cial Security or credit card informa-tion. You can bet even more horror stories will emerge from the soggyrubble of Katrina and Rita. AfterHurricane Frances struck Florida
in 2004, officials found widespreadfraud there, including big paymentsfor supposed storm damage—oftendamage that never happened or oc-curred before the hurricane struck.According to the Sun-Sentinel news-paper, at least 203 of the 319 funeralclaims FEMA paid in Florida in 2004were for people whose deaths wereunrelated to the storms—includingsix who committed suicide.
When disaster hits, crooks are almost as predictable as fallen treesand flooded houses. It’s impossibleto catch them all. But there’s sweetjustice every time we nab someonelike Walter Stall. These swindlers deserve every ounce of shame andpunishment we can muster.
Outraged? Write to Michael Crowley [email protected].
T H I S E P O C H B R O U G H T TO YO U BY . . .
From television shows to sports arenas, everything seems to have a sponsor. In an effort to make sure that no person or historical event iswithout a backer, The Washington Post asked its readers to come upwith logical patrons for some important historical events and life stories.
The Strom Thurmond Story, brought to you by Pop SecretThe Life of Captain Kidd, brought to you by IHOPThe Success of Jeb Bush, brought to you by Hasbro
36
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To guard against ID theft, it’s alwayssmart to go directly to a charity’swebsite rather than follow a link youwere sent. There are also websiteslike CharityNavigator.org, which can help you evaluate organizationsto which you’re thinking of making a donation.
IT’S DIFFERENT FOR PEOPLEWITH ACID REFLUX DISEASE.
Because beneath the heartburn,something more could be brewing.If you suffer from acid reflux disease—
if you have persistent heartburn 2 or more days a week even with treatment and diet change—all that churning acid could, over time, be doing real harm to your esophagus. And left untreated,
the damage could get worse.
Acid reflux disease candamage your esophagus.
Unlike your stomach, your esophagusoffers little protection against acid. Andwhen acid rises into the esophagus it
can eventually wear away the lining.This condition is called erosive esophagitis,and in fact, about 1 in 3 people with acidreflux disease has it.* Only a doctor candetermine if you have this condition. But if you do, it’s good to know NEXIUM®
(esomeprazole magnesium) can help.
FOR A FREE TRIAL OFFER, VISIT
PURPLEPILL.COM TODAY OR
CALL 1-888-29-NEXIUM.If you’re without prescription coverage
and can’t afford your medications, help may be available. Call or visit us online.
*Source: AstraZeneca Data on File: DA-NEX-58
NEXIUM and the color purple as applied to the capsule are
registered trademarks of the AstraZeneca group of companies.
© 2005 AstraZeneca LP. All rights reserved. 230615 8/05
NEXIUM heals the damage.NEXIUM is the healing purple pill. For many,just one prescription NEXIUM pill a day canmean complete, 24-hour heartburn relief. AndNEXIUM can heal even the most severe erosionsin the esophagus caused by acid reflux.
Talk with your doctor about NEXIUM.NEXIUM goes deeper than heartburn relief—it heals acid-related erosions, allowing thelining of your esophagus to regenerate. Mosterosions heal in 4 to 8 weeks. Your resultsmay vary. NEXIUM has a low occurrence ofside effects, which may include headache,diarrhea, and abdominal pain. Symptomrelief does not rule out other serious stomach conditions.
Next time, ask your doctor if NEXIUM is right for you. Because healing is such a great feeling.
Please read the important Product Information about NEXIUM on the adjacent page and discuss it with your doctor.
NEXIUM®
(esomeprazole magnesium)20-mg, 40-mg Delayed-Release CapsulesBRIEF SUMMARY Before prescribing NEXIUM, please see full Prescribing Information.INDICATIONS AND USAGE NEXIUM is indicated for the short-term treatment (4 to 8 weeks) in the healing and symptomatic resolution of diagnostically confirmed erosive esophagitis; themaintenance of symptom resolution and healing of erosive esophagitis (controlled studies do not extendbeyond 6 months); the treatment of heartburn and other symptoms associated with GERD; and for riskreduction of NSAID-associated gastric ulcer. CONTRAINDICATIONS NEXIUM is contraindi-cated in patients with known hypersensitivity to any component of the formulation or to substitutedbenzimidazoles. PRECAUTIONS Symptomatic response to therapy with NEXIUM does notpreclude the presence of gastric malignancy. Atrophic gastritis has been noted occasionally in gastriccorpus biopsies from patients treated long-term with omeprazole, of which NEXIUM is an enantiomer.Information for Patients NEXIUM Delayed-Release Capsules should be swallowed whole andtaken at least one hour before meals. For patients who have difficulty swallowing capsules, one table-spoon of applesauce can be added to an empty bowl and the NEXIUM Delayed-Release Capsule can beopened, and the pellets carefully emptied onto the applesauce. The pellets should be mixed with theapplesauce and then swallowed immediately. The applesauce used should not be hot and should be softenough to be swallowed without chewing. The pellets should not be chewed or crushed. Thepellet/applesauce mixture should not be stored for future use. Antacids may be used while takingNEXIUM. Drug Interactions Esomeprazole is extensively metabolized in the liver by CYP2C19 andCYP3A4. In vitro and in vivo studies have shown that esomeprazole is not likely to inhibit CYPs 1A2,2A6, 2C9, 2D6, 2E1 and 3A4. No clinically relevant interactions with drugs metabolized by these CYPenzymes would be expected. Drug interaction studies have shown that esomeprazole does not have anyclinically significant interactions with phenytoin, warfarin, quinidine, clarithromycin or amoxicillin. Post-marketing reports of changes in prothrombin measures have been received among patients onconcomitant warfarin and esomeprazole therapy. Increases in INR and prothrombin time may lead toabnormal bleeding and even death. Patients treated with proton pump inhibitors and warfarin concomi-tantly may need to be monitored for increases in INR and prothrombin time. Esomeprazole maypotentially interfere with CYP2C19, the major esomeprazole metabolizing enzyme. Coadministration ofesomeprazole 30 mg and diazepam, a CYP2C19 substrate, resulted in a 45% decrease in clearance ofdiazepam. Increased plasma levels of diazepam were observed 12 hours after dosing and onwards.However, at that time, the plasma levels of diazepam were below the therapeutic interval, and thus thisinteraction is unlikely to be of clinical relevance. Coadministration of oral contraceptives, diazepam,phenytoin, or quinidine did not seem to change the pharmacokinetic profile of esomeprazole. Studiesevaluating concomitant administration of esomeprazole and either naproxen (non-selective NSAID) orrofecoxib (COX-2 selective NSAID) did not identify any clinically relevant changes in the pharmaco-kinetic profiles of esomeprazole or these NSAIDs. Esomeprazole inhibits gastric acid secretion.Therefore, esomeprazole may interfere with the absorption of drugs where gastric pH is an importantdeterminant of bioavailability (eg, ketoconazole, iron salts and digoxin). Carcinogenesis,Mutagenesis, Impairment of Fertility The carcinogenic potential of esomeprazole wasassessed using omeprazole studies. In two 24-month oral carcinogenicity studies in rats, omeprazole atdaily doses of 1.7, 3.4, 13.8, 44.0 and 140.8 mg/kg/day (about 0.7 to 57 times the human dose of 20mg/day expressed on a body surface area basis) produced gastric ECL cell carcinoids in a dose-relatedmanner in both male and female rats; the incidence of this effect was markedly higher in female rats,which had higher blood levels of omeprazole. Gastric carcinoids seldom occur in the untreated rat. Inaddition, ECL cell hyperplasia was present in all treated groups of both sexes. In one of these studies,female rats were treated with 13.8 mg omeprazole/kg/day (about 5.6 times the human dose on a bodysurface area basis) for 1 year, then followed for an additional year without the drug. No carcinoids wereseen in these rats. An increased incidence of treatment-related ECL cell hyperplasia was observed at theend of 1 year (94% treated vs 10% controls). By the second year the difference between treated andcontrol rats was much smaller (46% vs 26%) but still showed more hyperplasia in the treated group.Gastric adenocarcinoma was seen in one rat (2%). No similar tumor was seen in male or female ratstreated for 2 years. For this strain of rat no similar tumor has been noted historically, but a findinginvolving only one tumor is difficult to interpret. A 78-week mouse carcinogenicity study of omeprazoledid not show increased tumor occurrence, but the study was not conclusive. Esomeprazole was negativein the Ames mutation test, in the in vivo rat bone marrow cell chromosome aberration test, and the in vivo mouse micronucleus test. Esomeprazole, however, was positive in the in vitro human lymphocytechromosome aberration test. Omeprazole was positive in the in vitro human lymphocyte chromosomeaberration test, the in vivo mouse bone marrow cell chromosome aberration test, and the in vivo mousemicronucleus test. The potential effects of esomeprazole on fertility and reproductive performance wereassessed using omeprazole studies. Omeprazole at oral doses up to 138 mg/kg/day in rats (about 56times the human dose on a body surface area basis) was found to have no effect on reproductiveperformance of parental animals. Pregnancy Teratogenic Effects. Pregnancy Category B Teratologystudies have been performed in rats at oral doses up to 280 mg/kg/day (about 57 times the human doseon a body surface area basis) and in rabbits at oral doses up to 86 mg/kg/day (about 35 times the humandose on a body surface area basis) and have revealed no evidence of impaired fertility or harm to thefetus due to esomeprazole. There are, however, no adequate and well-controlled studies in pregnantwomen. Because animal reproduction studies are not always predictive of human response, this drugshould be used during pregnancy only if clearly needed. Teratology studies conducted with omeprazolein rats at oral doses up to 138 mg/kg/day (about 56 times the human dose on a body surface area basis)and in rabbits at doses up to 69 mg/kg/day (about 56 times the human dose on a body surface areabasis) did not disclose any evidence for a teratogenic potential of omeprazole. In rabbits, omeprazole ina dose range of 6.9 to 69.1 mg/kg/day (about 5.5 to 56 times the human dose on a body surface areabasis) produced dose-related increases in embryo-lethality, fetal resorptions, and pregnancy disrup-tions. In rats, dose-related embryo/fetal toxicity and postnatal developmental toxicity were observed inoffspring resulting from parents treated with omeprazole at 13.8 to 138.0 mg/kg/day (about 5.6 to 56times the human doses on a body surface area basis). There are no adequate and well-controlled studies
in pregnant women. Sporadic reports have been received of congenital abnormalities occurring ininfants born to women who have received omeprazole during pregnancy. Nursing Mothers Theexcretion of esomeprazole in milk has not been studied. However, omeprazole concentrations have beenmeasured in breast milk of a woman following oral administration of 20 mg. Because esomeprazole islikely to be excreted in human milk, because of the potential for serious adverse reactions in nursinginfants from esomeprazole, and because of the potential for tumorigenicity shown for omeprazole in ratcarcinogenicity studies, a decision should be made whether to discontinue nursing or to discontinue thedrug, taking into account the importance of the drug to the mother. Pediatric Use Safety and effec-tiveness in pediatric patients have not been established. Geriatric Use Of the total number ofpatients who received NEXIUM in clinical trials, 1459 were 65 to 74 years of age and 354 patients were�75 years of age. No overall differences in safety and efficacy were observed between the elderly andyounger individuals, and other reported clinical experience has not identified differences in responsesbetween the elderly and younger patients, but greater sensitivity of some older individuals cannot beruled out. ADVERSE REACTIONS The safety of NEXIUM was evaluated in over 15,000 patients(aged 18-84 years) in clinical trials worldwide including over 8,500 patients in the United States and over6,500 patients in Europe and Canada. Over 2,900 patients were treated in long-term studies for up to 6-12 months. In general, NEXIUM was well tolerated in both short- and long-term clinical trials. Thesafety in the treatment of healing of erosive esophagitis was assessed in four randomized comparativeclinical trials, which included 1,240 patients on NEXIUM 20 mg, 2,434 patients on NEXIUM 40 mg, and3,008 patients on omeprazole 20 mg daily. The most frequently occurring adverse events (�1%) in allthree groups was headache (5.5, 5.0, and 3.8, respectively) and diarrhea (no difference among the threegroups). Nausea, flatulence, abdominal pain, constipation, and dry mouth occurred at similar ratesamong patients taking NEXIUM or omeprazole. Additional adverse events that were reported as possiblyor probably related to NEXIUM with an incidence < 1% are listed below by body system: Body as aWhole: abdomen enlarged, allergic reaction, asthenia, back pain, chest pain, chest pain substernal,facial edema, peripheral edema, hot flushes, fatigue, fever, flu-like disorder, generalized edema, legedema, malaise, pain, rigors; Cardiovascular: flushing, hypertension, tachycardia; Endocrine: goiter;Gastrointestinal: bowel irregularity, constipation aggravated, dyspepsia, dysphagia, dysplasia GI,epigastric pain, eructation, esophageal disorder, frequent stools, gastroenteritis, GI hemorrhage, GIsymptoms not otherwise specified, hiccup, melena, mouth disorder, pharynx disorder, rectal disorder,serum gastrin increased, tongue disorder, tongue edema, ulcerative stomatitis, vomiting; Hearing:earache, tinnitus; Hematologic: anemia, anemia hypochromic, cervical lymphoadenopathy, epistaxis,leukocytosis, leukopenia, thrombocytopenia; Hepatic: bilirubinemia, hepatic function abnormal, SGOTincreased, SGPT increased; Metabolic/ Nutritional: glycosuria, hyperuricemia, hyponatremia, increasedalkaline phosphatase, thirst, vitamin B12 deficiency, weight increase, weight decrease;Musculoskeletal: arthralgia, arthritis aggravated, arthropathy, cramps, fibromyalgia syndrome, hernia,polymyalgia rheumatica; Nervous System/ Psychiatric: anorexia, apathy, appetite increased, confusion,depression aggravated, dizziness, hypertonia, nervousness, hypoesthesia, impotence, insomnia,migraine, migraine aggravated, paresthesia, sleep disorder, somnolence, tremor, vertigo, visual fielddefect; Reproductive: dysmenorrhea, menstrual disorder, vaginitis; Respiratory: asthma aggravated,coughing, dyspnea, larynx edema, pharyngitis, rhinitis, sinusitis; Skin and Appendages: acne,angioedema, dermatitis, pruritus, pruritus ani, rash, rash erythematous, rash maculo-papular, skininflammation, sweating increased, urticaria; Special Senses: otitis media, parosmia, taste loss, tasteperversion; Urogenital: abnormal urine, albuminuria, cystitis, dysuria, fungal infection, hematuria,micturition frequency, moniliasis, genital moniliasis, polyuria; Visual: conjunctivitis, vision abnormal.Endoscopic findings that were reported as adverse events include: duodenitis, esophagitis, esophagealstricture, esophageal ulceration, esophageal varices, gastric ulcer, gastritis, hernia, benign polyps ornodules, Barrett’s esophagus, and mucosal discoloration. Two placebo-controlled studies wereconducted in 710 patients for the treatment of symptomatic gastroesophageal reflux disease. The mostcommon adverse events that were reported as possibly or probably related to NEXIUM were diarrhea(4.3%), headache (3.8%), and abdominal pain (3.8%). Postmarketing Reports – There have beenspontaneous reports of adverse events with postmarketing use of esomeprazole. These reports haveincluded rare cases of anaphylactic reaction and myalgia, severe dermatologic reactions, including toxicepidermal necrolysis (TEN, some fatal), Stevens-Johnson syndrome, and erythema multiforme, andpancreatitis. Rarely, hepatitis with or without jaundice has been reported. Other adverse events notobserved with NEXIUM, but occurring with omeprazole can be found in the omeprazole package insert,ADVERSE REACTIONS section. OVERDOSAGE A single oral dose of esomeprazole at 510 mg/kg(about 103 times the human dose on a body surface area basis), was lethal to rats. The major signs ofacute toxicity were reduced motor activity, changes in respiratory frequency, tremor, ataxia, and intermittent clonic convulsions. There have been some reports of overdosage with esomeprazole.Reports have been received of overdosage with omeprazole in humans. Doses ranged up to 2,400 mg(120 times the usual recommended clinical dose). Manifestations were variable, but included confusion,drowsiness, blurred vision, tachycardia, nausea, diaphoresis, flushing, headache, dry mouth, and otheradverse reactions similar to those seen in normal clinical experience (see omeprazole package insert-ADVERSE REACTIONS). No specific antidote for esomeprazole is known. Since esomeprazole isextensively protein bound, it is not expected to be removed by dialysis. In the event of overdosage,treatment should be symptomatic and supportive. As with the management of any overdose, the possi-bility of multiple drug ingestion should be considered. For current information on treatment of any drugoverdose, a certified Regional Poison Control Center should be contacted. Telephone numbers are listedin the Physicians’ Desk Reference (PDR) or local telephone book. DOSAGE AND ADMINIS-TRATION Please see full Prescribing Information for recommended adult dosages and dosageadjustments for Special Populations for NEXIUM.
NEXIUM and the color purple as applied to the capsule are registered trademarks of the AstraZenecagroup of companies. © AstraZeneca 2005. All rights reserved.
Distributed by: AstraZeneca LP, Wilmington, DE 19850Product of France31026-00 Rev. 06/05 231199
Please read this summary carefully, and then ask your doctor about NEXIUM. No advertisement can provide all the information needed to prescribe a drug. This advertisement doesnot take the place of careful discussions with your doctor. Only your doctor has the training to weigh the risks and benefits of a prescription drug for you.
12. scalawag n.—A: holiday decoration.B: platform. C: rascal. D: mixed-breed dog.
13. desultory adj.—A: unattractive. B: in-consistent. C: offensive.D: extremely hot.
14. placebo n.—A: fakemedicine. B: prominentsign. C: straw hat. D: pleated shirt.
15. erudite adj.—A: re-garding vegetables.
B: scholarly. C: im-polite. D: well designed.
16. sobriquet n.—A: unusual
flower. B: pavingstone. C: nickname. D: fragrance.
1. scion n.—A: elder. B: descendant or heir.C: astrological event. D: sharp knife.
3. talisman n.—A: curse. B: shawl. C: magical object. D: strong wind.
4. tarry v.—A: to addup. B: criticize. C: con-fuse. D: delay.
5. amicable adj.—A: expensive. B: forget-ful. C: lengthy or drawn out. D: friendly.
6. polemic n.—A: con-troversial argument. B: contagious disease.C: thick cornmeal. D: natural habitat.
ILLUSTRATED BY DAVID SHELDON 39
The 12 words below eachcontain the 3-letter abbrevia-tion for one month of theyear (clues in parentheses).Can you complete the calen-dar? Answers on next page.jan--- (upset); feb---- (fever-ish); -mar-- (sleazy); -apr---(whim); ---may (disillusion); --jun-- (associate); jul-----(cut); --aug-- (filled); --sep------ (joined); -oct----- (of the night); --nov----- (novelty); dec----- (destroy).
Monthly Planner
New Year, New Words As January unfolds, we all have resolutions to act on. How about adding to your vocabulary? Anu Garg, author ofAnother Word a Day, offers a new word eachweekday at wordsmith.org. Here’s a batch fromhis book to get you started. Answers on next page.
2. orotundadj.—A: con-forming to acceptedbeliefs. B: having astrong voice. C: overweight. D: excessive.
8. draggle v.—A: to fallbehind. B: negotiate. C: make dirty. D: lure.
9. sangfroid n.—A: calmness. B: color ofblood. C: drink madewith red wine. D: cheerful song.
10. redoubt n.—A: un-certainty. B: stronghold. C: heated disagree-ment. D: disadvantage.
11. indolent adj.—A: without a family. B: lazy. C: disrespectful.D: impoverished.
7. impresario n.—A: singer. B: manager.C: publisher’s logo. D: fortune-teller.
WORD POWER ®
1. scion—[B] Descendantor heir, especially of animportant family; also,twig cut for planting. Themansion was refurbished
by a Vander-bilt scion.
7. impresario—[B] Organ-izer or manager, especiallyof concerts or operas. He’sa respected impresario, in-fluencing the careers ofsome of the biggest namesin classical music.
RD I JANUARY 2006
40
ANSWERS
12. scalawag—[C] Rascalor scamp; a Southern sup-porter of Republican pol-icy during Reconstruction.My sister was in love, buther fiancé was a scalawag.
13. desultory—[B] Incon-sistent, unconnectedor lacking purpose.He was confused byhis boss’s desultorycomments.
14. placebo—[A] Asubstance withoutmedicinal value, usedin studies or to pla-cate patients. Not realizing she’d beengiven a placebo, Momclaimed the newdrug had cured her.
15. erudite—[B] Scholarlyor learned. My eruditeuncle took me to museumswhen I was very young.
16. sobriquet (SO briKAY)—[C] Nickname.Most people know George Herman Ruth as the Babe,his famous sobriquet.
Feeling bridled by the winter chill? Play Super Word Power today—60 minutes for free! Go to rd.com/word.
VOCABULARY RATINGS8-10 Good 11-13 Excellent 14-16 Exceptional
Monthly Planner Answers:jangle; febrile; smarmy;caprice; dismay; adjunct;julienne; fraught; inseparable;nocturnal; innovation;decimate.
2. orotund—[B]Having a strong voice; also, regarding pompous
speech or writing. Thepolitician was
remembered for his orotund deliveries.
8. draggle—[C] To makedirty, often by dragging.My son’s overcoat, after hedraggled it in the mud, wasimpossible to get clean.
9. sangfroid (sän FRWA)—[A] Calmness; composure.In spite of her classroom’schaos, the teacher man-aged an air of sangfroid.
10. redoubt—[B] Astronghold; temporary fortification. The infantry-men took shelter in theearthen redoubt.
11. indolent—[B] Lazy orslothful; avoiding exertion.My colleague claims she isoverworked, but most ofus think she’s just indolent.
3. talisman—[C] An ob-ject with supposedly magi-cal powers. The necklaceshe wore was a talisman,bringing her good luck.
4. tarry—[D] To delay;linger. “Don’t tarry,” thenanny called to the chil-dren. “We’ll be late.”
5. amicable—[D] Friendly;peaceable. Though com-petitors, the two quarter-backs had an amicablerelationship.
6. polemic—[A] A contro-versial argument. Theyoung lawyer was wary oftaking on the separation ofchurch and state polemicin his very first case.
You had early stage breast cancer.
You completed tamoxifen.
Now what?
Introducing Femara. Now there’s something more you can do to reduce your risk of cancer returning.Clinical trial results from an international study involving over 5,000 postmenopausal women show that Femara significantlyreduced the risk of cancer returning.
Femara is approved for the extended adjuvant treatment of earlystage breast cancer in postmenopausal women who are within three months of completion of five years of tamoxifen therapy.The benefits of Femara in the clinical trial are based on 24 months of treatment. Further follow-up will be needed to determine long-term results, including side effects.
In addition to lowering the risk of cancer coming back, Femara also significantly reduced the risk of breast cancer returning toanother part of the body. For the thousands of women who’verecently completed tamoxifen, Femara is more than hope, it’s help.
Important Safety Information Talk to your doctor if you’re allergic to Femara or any of itsingredients.You should not take Femara if you are pregnant as it may cause fetal harm.You must be postmenopausal to take Femara. Some women reported fatigue and dizziness with Femara. Until you know how it affects you, use caution before driving or operating machinery. Longer follow-up is needed to determine the risk of bone fracture associated with long-term use of Femara.The percentage of patients on Femara versus placebo reporting a fracture was 5.9% vs 5.5%.The percentage of patients reporting osteoporosis was 6.9% vs 5.5%. Bisphosphonates, drugs to increase bone strength, were given to 21.1% of Femara patients and 18.7% of placebo patients.
Commonly reported side effects are generally mild to moderate.Those seen more often with Femara versus placebo were hot flashes (50% vs 43%), joint pain (22% vs 18%) and muscle pain (7% vs 5%). Other side effects, which were comparable to placebo,include fatigue (34% vs 32%), swelling due to fluid retention (18% vs 16%), headache (20% vs 20%), increase in sweating (24% vs 22%) and increase in cholesterol (16% vs 16%).
Femara is a convenient, once-a-day prescription therapy.Ask your oncologist if Femara can reduce your risk of cancer returning.
For more information, call 1.866.346.1751 or visit www.femara.com
Lowered the risk of cancer coming back by 38%
with Femara
without Femara
193
122number oftimes cancerreturned
�
Please see important product information on the next page.Novartis Pharmaceuticals Corporation C-FEM-1059
Femara®
(letrozole tablets)
2.5 mg Tablets
Rx only
BRIEF SUMMARY: Please see package insert for full prescribing information.
INDICATIONS AND USAGE: Femara® (letrozole tablets) is indicated for the extended
adjuvant treatment of early breast cancer in postmenopausal women who have received 5 years of adjuvant tamoxifen therapy (see Clinical Studies in the full prescribing infor-mation). The effectiveness of Femara in extended adjuvant treatment of early breast cancer is based on an analysis of disease-free survival in patients treated for a median of 24 months (see CLINICAL PHARMACOLOGY, Clinical Studies in the full prescribinginformation). Further data will be required to determine long-term outcome.
Femara is indicated for first-line treatment of postmenopausal women with hormonereceptor positive or hormone receptor unknown locally advanced or metastatic breastcancer. Femara is also indicated for the treatment of advanced breast cancer in post-menopausal women with disease progression following antiestrogen therapy.
CONTRAINDICATIONS: Femara® is contraindicated in patients with known hypersensitivityto Femara or any of its excipients.
WARNINGS: Pregnancy: Letrozole may cause fetal harm when administered to pregnantwomen. Studies in rats at doses equal to or greater than 0.003 mg/kg (about 1/100 thedaily maximum recommended human dose on a mg/m2 basis) administered during theperiod of organogenesis, have shown that letrozole is embryotoxic and fetotoxic, as indi-cated by intrauterine mortality, increased resorption, increased postimplantation loss,decreased numbers of live fetuses and fetal anomalies including absence and shorteningof renal papilla, dilation of ureter, edema and incomplete ossification of frontal skull andmetatarsals. Letrozole was teratogenic in rats. A 0.03 mg/kg dose (about 1/10 the dailymaximum recommended human dose on a mg/m2 basis) caused fetal domed head andcervical/centrum vertebral fusion.
Letrozole is embryotoxic at doses equal to or greater than 0.002 mg/kg and fetotoxicwhen administered to rabbits at 0.02 mg/kg (about 1/100,000 and 1/10,000 the dailymaximum recommended human dose on a mg/m2 basis, respectively). Fetal anomaliesincluded incomplete ossification of the skull, sternebrae, and fore- and hindlegs.
There are no studies in pregnant women. Femara® is indicated for postmenopausalwomen. If there is exposure to letrozole during pregnancy, the patient should be apprisedof the potential hazard to the fetus and potential risk for loss of the pregnancy.
PRECAUTIONS: Since fatigue and dizziness have been observed with the use of Femara®
and somnolence was uncommonly reported, caution is advised when driving or usingmachinery.
Laboratory Tests: No dose-related effect of Femara on any hematologic or clinical chem-istry parameter was evident. Moderate decreases in lymphocyte counts, of uncertain clinical significance, were observed in some patients receiving Femara 2.5 mg. Thisdepression was transient in about half of those affected. Two patients on Femara devel-oped thrombocytopenia; relationship to the study drug was unclear. Patient withdrawaldue to laboratory abnormalities, whether related to study treatment or not, was infrequent.
Increases in SGOT, SGPT, and gamma GT ≥5 times the upper limit of normal (ULN) andof bilirubin ≥1.5 times the ULN were most often associated with metastatic disease in the liver. About 3% of study participants receiving Femara had abnormalities in liverchemistries not associated with documented metastases; these abnormalities may havebeen related to study drug therapy. In the megestrol acetate comparative study about 8%of patients treated with megestrol acetate had abnormalities in liver chemistries that werenot associated with documented liver metastases; in the aminoglutethimide study about10% of aminoglutethimide-treated patients had abnormalities in liver chemistries notassociated with hepatic metastases.
Bone Effects: Preliminary results (median duration of follow-up was 20 months) from the bone sub-study (Calcium 500 mg and Vitamin D 400 IU per day mandatory; bisphos-phonates not allowed) demonstrated that at 2 years the mean decrease compared to base-line in hip BMD in Femara patients was 3% vs. 0.4% for placebo (P=0.048). The meandecrease from baseline BMD results for the lumbar spine at 2 years was Femara 4.6%decrease and placebo 2.2% (P=0.069). Consideration should be given to monitoring BMD.
Drug Interactions: Clinical interaction studies with cimetidine and warfarin indicated thatthe coadministration of Femara with these drugs does not result in clinically-significantdrug interactions. (See CLINICAL PHARMACOLOGY in the full prescribing information.)Coadministration of Femara and tamoxifen 20 mg daily resulted in a reduction of letrozoleplasma levels by 38% on average. There is no clinical experience to date on the use ofFemara in combination with other anticancer agents.
Hepatic Insufficiency: Subjects with cirrhosis and severe hepatic dysfunction who weredosed with 2.5 mg of Femara experienced approximately twice the exposure to letrozoleas healthy volunteers with normal liver function. (See DOSAGE AND ADMINISTRATION.)
Drug/Laboratory Test-Interactions: None observed.
Carcinogenesis, Mutagenesis, Impairment of Fertility: A conventional carcinogenesisstudy in mice at doses of 0.6 to 60 mg/kg/day (about 1 to 100 times the daily maximumrecommended human dose on a mg/m2 basis) administered by oral gavage for up to 2years revealed a dose-related increase in the incidence of benign ovarian stromal tumors.The incidence of combined hepatocellular adenoma and carcinoma showed a significanttrend in females when the high dose group was excluded due to low survival. In a sepa-rate study, plasma AUC0-12hr levels in mice at 60 mg/kg/day were 55 times higher than theAUC0-24hr level in breast cancer patients at the recommended dose. The carcinogenicitystudy in rats at oral doses of 0.1 to 10 mg/kg/day (about 0.4 to 40 times the daily maxi-mum recommended human dose on a mg/m2 basis) for up to 2 years also produced anincrease in the incidence of benign ovarian stromal tumors at 10 mg/kg/day. Ovarianhyperplasia was observed in females at doses equal to or greater than 0.1 mg/kg/day.
At 10 mg/kg/day, plasma AUC0-24hr levels in rats were 80 times higher than the level inbreast cancer patients at the recommended dose.
Letrozole was not mutagenic in in vitro tests (Ames and E. coli bacterial tests) but wasobserved to be a potential clastogen in in vitro assays (CHO K1 and CCL 61 Chinese ham-ster ovary cells). Letrozole was not clastogenic in vivo (micronucleus test in rats).
Studies to investigate the effect of letrozole on fertility have not been conducted; however,repeated dosing caused sexual inactivity in females and atrophy of the reproductive tractin males and females at doses of 0.6, 0.1 and 0.03 mg/kg in mice, rats and dogs, respec-tively (about one, 0.4 and 0.4 the daily maximum recommended human dose on a mg/m2
basis, respectively).
Pregnancy: Pregnancy Category D (See WARNINGS.)
Nursing Mothers: It is not known if letrozole is excreted in human milk. Because manydrugs are excreted in human milk, caution should be exercised when letrozole is adminis-tered to a nursing woman (see WARNINGS and PRECAUTIONS).
Pediatric Use: The safety and effectiveness in pediatric patients have not beenestablished.
Geriatric Use: The median age of patients in all studies of first-line and second-line treat-ment of metastatic breast cancer was 64-65 years. About 1/3 of the patients were ≥70years old. In the first-line study, patients ≥70 years of age experienced longer time totumor progression and higher response rates than patients <70. For the extended adju-vant setting, more than 5100 postmenopausal women were enrolled in the clinical study.In total, 41% of patients were aged 65 years or older at enrollment, while 12% were 75 or older. No overall differences in safety or efficacy were observed between these olderpatients and younger patients, and other reported clinical experience has not identified differences in responses between the elderly and younger patients, but greater sensitivityof some older individuals cannot be ruled out.
ADVERSE REACTIONS: Femara® was generally well tolerated across all studies in first-line and second-line metastatic breast cancer as well as extended adjuvant treatment inwomen who have received prior standard adjuvant tamoxifen treatment. Generally, theobserved adverse reactions are mild or moderate in nature.
Extended Adjuvant Treatment of Early Breast Cancer in Postmenopausal Women WhoHave Received 5 Years of Adjuvant Tamoxifen Therapy: The median duration ofextended adjuvant treatment was 24 months and the median duration of follow-up forsafety was 28 months for patients receiving letrozole and placebo.
Table 1 describes the adverse events occurring at a frequency of at least 5% in any treat-ment group during treatment. Most adverse events reported were Grade 1 and Grade 2based on the Common Toxicity Criteria Version 2.0. In the extended adjuvant setting, thereported drug-related adverse events that were significantly different from placebo werehot flashes, arthralgia/arthritis, and myalgia.
Table 1: Percentage of Patients with Adverse Events
Number (%) of Patients Number (%) of Patientswith Grade 1-4 Adverse Event with Grade 3-4 Adverse Event
Letrozole Placebo Letrozole Placebo
N=2563 N=2573 N=2563 N=2573
Any Adverse Event 2232 (87.1) 2174 (84.5) 419 (16.3) 389 (15.1)Vascular Disorders 1375 (53.6) 1230 (47.8) 59 (2.3) 74 (2.9)
Flushing 1273 (49.7) 1114 (43.3) 3 (0.1) 0 (0)General Disorders 1154 (45.0) 1090 (42.4) 30 (1.2) 28 (1.1)
Asthenia 862 (33.6) 826 (32.1) 16 (0.6) 7 (0.3)Edema NOS 471 (18.4) 416 (16.2) 4 (0.2) 3 (0.1)
MusculoskeletalDisorders 978 (38.2) 836 (32.5) 71 (2.8) 50 (1.9)Arthralgia 565 (22.0) 465 (18.1) 25 (1.0) 20 (0.8)Arthritis NOS 173 (6.7) 124 (4.8) 10 (0.4) 5 (0.2)Myalgia 171 (6.7) 122 (4.7) 8 (0.3) 6 (0.2)Back Pain 129 (5.0) 112 (4.4) 8 (0.3) 7 (0.3)
Nervous System Disorders 863 (33.7) 819 (31.8) 65 (2.5) 58 (2.3)Headache 516 (20.1) 508 (19.7) 18 (0.7) 17 (0.7)Dizziness 363 (14.2) 342 (13.3) 9 (0.4) 6 (0.2)
Skin Disorders 830 (32.4) 787 (30.6) 17 (0.7) 16 (0.6)Sweating Increased 619 (24.2) 577 (22.4) 1 (<0.1) 0 (0)
GastrointestinalDisorders 725 (28.3) 731 (28.4) 43 (1.7) 42 (1.6)Constipation 290 (11.3) 304 (11.8) 6 (0.2) 2 (<0.1)Nausea 221 (8.6) 212 (8.2) 3 (0.1) 10 (0.4)Diarrhea NOS 128 (5.0) 143 (5.6) 12 (0.5) 8 (0.3)
Metabolic Disorders 551 (21.5) 537 (20.9) 24 (0.9) 32 (1.2)Hypercholesterolemia 401 (15.6) 398 (15.5) 2 (<0.1) 5 (0.2)
Reproductive Disorders 303 (11.8) 357 (13.9) 9 (0.4) 8 (0.3)Vaginal Hemorrhage 123 (4.8) 171 (6.6) 2 (<0.1) 5 (0.2)Vulvovaginal Dryness 137 (5.3) 127 (4.9) 0 (0) 0 (0)
Psychiatric Disorders 320 (12.5) 276 (10.7) 21 (0.8) 16 (0.6)Insomnia 149 (5.8) 120 (4.7) 2 (<0.1) 2 (<0.1)
Respiratory Disorders 279 (10.9) 260 (10.1) 30 (1.2) 28 (1.1)Dyspnea 140 (5.5) 137 (5.3) 21 (0.8) 18 (0.7)
Investigations 184 (7.2) 147 (5.7) 13 (0.5) 13 (0.5)Infections and
Infestations 166 (6.5) 163 (6.3) 40 (1.6) 33 (1.3)Renal Disorders 130 (5.1) 100 (3.9) 12 (0.5) 6 (0.2)
The duration of follow-up for both the main clinical study and the bone study were insuffi-cient to assess fracture risk associated with long-term use of letrozole. Based on amedian follow-up of patients for 28 months, the incidence of clinical fractures from thecore randomized study in patients who received Femara was 5.9% (152) and placebo was 5.5% (142). The incidence of self-reported osteoporosis was higher in patients who
received Femara 6.9% (176) than in patients who received placebo 5.5% (141). Bisphos-phonates were administered to 21.1% of the patients who received Femara and 18.7% ofthe patients who received placebo.
Preliminary results (median duration of follow-up was 20 months) from the bone sub-study (Calcium 500 mg and Vitamin D 400 IU per day mandatory; bisphosphonates notallowed) demonstrated that at 2 years the mean decrease compared to baseline in hipBMD in Femara patients was 3% vs. 0.4% for placebo. The mean decrease from baselineBMD results for the lumbar spine at 2 years were Femara 4.6% decrease and placebo 2.2%.
The incidence of cardiovascular ischemic events from the core randomized study wascomparable between patients who received Femara 6.8% (175) and placebo 6.5% (167).
Preliminary results (median duration of follow-up was 30 months) from the lipid sub-study did not show significant differences between the Femara and placebo groups. TheHDL:LDL ratio decreased after the first 6 months of therapy but the decrease was similarin both groups and no statistically significant differences were detected.
A patient-reported measure that captures treatment impact on important symptoms asso-ciated with estrogen deficiency demonstrated a difference in favor of placebo for vaso-motor and sexual symptom domains.
First-Line Breast Cancer: A total of 455 patients was treated for a median time of expo-sure of 11 months. The incidence of adverse experiences was similar for Femara andtamoxifen. The most frequently reported adverse experiences were bone pain, hot flushes,back pain, nausea, arthralgia and dyspnea. Discontinuations for adverse experiences otherthan progression of tumor occurred in 10/455 (2%) of patients on Femara and in 15/455(3%) of patients on tamoxifen.
Adverse events, regardless of relationship to study drug, that were reported in at least 5%of the patients treated with Femara 2.5 mg or tamoxifen 20 mg in the first-line treatmentstudy are shown in Table 2.
Table 2: Percentage (%) of Patients with Adverse Events
Adverse Femara® tamoxifenExperience 2.5 mg 20 mg
(N=455) (N=455)
% %
General Disorders
Fatigue 13 13Chest Pain 8 9Edema Peripheral 5 6Pain NOS 5 7Weakness 6 4
Investigations
Weight Decreased 7 5Vascular Disorders
Hot Flushes 19 16Hypertension 8 4
Gastrointestinal Disorders
Nausea 17 17Constipation 10 11Diarrhea 8 4Vomiting 7 8
Infections/Infestations
Influenza 6 4Urinary Tract Infection NOS 6 3
Injury, Poisoning and Procedural Complications
Post-Mastectomy Lymphedema 7 7Metabolism and Nutrition Disorders
Anorexia 4 6Musculoskeletal and Connective Tissue Disorders
Bone Pain 22 21Back Pain 18 19Arthralgia 16 15Pain in Limb 10 8
Nervous System Disorders
Headache NOS 8 7Psychiatric Disorders
Insomnia 7 4Reproductive System and Breast Disorders
Breast Pain 7 7Respiratory, Thoracic and Mediastinal Disorders
Dyspnea 18 17Cough 13 13Chest Wall Pain 6 6
Other less frequent (≤2%) adverse experiences considered consequential for both treat-ment groups, included peripheral thrombo-embolic events, cardiovascular events, andcerebrovascular events. Peripheral thromboembolic events included venous thrombosis,thrombophlebitis, portal vein thrombosis and pulmonary embolism. Cardiovascular eventsincluded angina, myocardial infarction, myocardial ischemia, and coronary heart disease.Cerebrovascular events included transient ischemic attacks, thrombotic or hemorrhagicstrokes and development of hemiparesis.
Second-Line Breast Cancer: Femara was generally well tolerated in two controlled clinical trials.
Study discontinuations in the megestrol acetate comparison study for adverse eventsother than progression of tumor occurred in 5/188 (2.7%) of patients on Femara 0.5 mg,in 4/174 (2.3%) of the patients on Femara 2.5 mg, and in 15/190 (7.9%) of patients onmegestrol acetate. There were fewer thromboembolic events at both Femara doses thanon the megestrol acetate arm (2 of 362 patients or 0.6% vs. 9 of 190 patients or 4.7%).There was also less vaginal bleeding (1 of 362 patients or 0.3% vs. 6 of 190 patients or3.2%) on letrozole than on megestrol acetate. In the aminoglutethimide comparison study,discontinuations for reasons other than progression occurred in 6/193 (3.1%) of patients
on 0.5 mg Femara, 7/185 (3.8%) of patients on 2.5 mg Femara, and 7/178 (3.9%) ofpatients on aminoglutethimide.
Comparisons of the incidence of adverse events revealed no significant differencesbetween the high and low dose Femara groups in either study. Most of the adverse eventsobserved in all treatment groups were mild to moderate in severity and it was generallynot possible to distinguish adverse reactions due to treatment from the consequences ofthe patient’s metastatic breast cancer, the effects of estrogen deprivation, or intercurrentillness.
Adverse events, regardless of relationship to study drug, that were reported in at least 5%of the patients treated with Femara 0.5 mg, Femara 2.5 mg, megestrol acetate, or amino-glutethimide in the two controlled trials are shown in Table 3.
Table 3: Percentage (%) of Patients with Adverse Events
Adverse Experience Pooled Pooled megestrol aminoglutethimide
Femara® Femara® acetate
2.5 mg 0.5 mg 160 mg 500 mg
(N=359) (N=380) (N=189) (N=178) % % % %
Body as a WholeFatigue 8 6 11 3Chest Pain 6 3 7 3Peripheral Edema1 5 5 8 3Asthenia 4 5 4 5Weight Increase 2 2 9 3
CardiovascularHypertension 5 7 5 6
Digestive SystemNausea 13 15 9 14Vomiting 7 7 5 9Constipation 6 7 9 7Diarrhea 6 5 3 4Pain-Abdominal 6 5 9 8Anorexia 5 3 5 5Dyspepsia 3 4 6 5
Infections/InfestationsViral Infection 6 5 6 3
Lab AbnormalityHypercholesterolemia 3 3 0 6
Musculoskeletal SystemMusculoskeletal2 21 22 30 14Arthralgia 8 8 8 3
Nervous SystemHeadache 9 12 9 7Somnolence 3 2 2 9Dizziness 3 5 7 3
Respiratory SystemDyspnea 7 9 16 5Coughing 6 5 7 5
Skin and AppendagesHot Flushes 6 5 4 3Rash3 5 4 3 12Pruritus 1 2 5 3
1Includes peripheral edema, leg edema, dependent edema, edema2Includes musculoskeletal pain, skeletal pain, back pain, arm pain, leg pain3Includes rash, erythematous rash, maculopapular rash, psoriasiform rash, vesicular rash
Other less frequent (<5%) adverse experiences considered consequential and reported in at least 3 patients treated with Femara, included hypercalcemia, fracture, depression,anxiety, pleural effusion, alopecia, increased sweating and vertigo.
OVERDOSAGE: Isolated cases of Femara® overdose have been reported. In theseinstances, the highest single dose ingested was 62.5 mg or 25 tablets. While no seriousadverse events were reported in these cases, because of the limited data available, no firm recommendations for treatment can be made. In general, supportive care and fre-quent monitoring of vital signs are also appropriate. In single dose studies the highestdose used was 30 mg, which was well tolerated; in multiple dose trials, the largest doseof 10 mg was well tolerated.
DOSAGE AND ADMINISTRATION: Adult and Elderly Patients: The recommended dose ofFemara® is one 2.5 mg tablet administered once a day, without regard to meals.
No dose adjustment is required for elderly patients.
Renal Impairment: No dosage adjustment is required for patients with renal impairment if creatinine clearance is ≥10 mL/min.
Hepatic Impairment: The dose of letrozole in patients with cirrhosis and severe hepaticdysfunction should be reduced by 50%. The recommended dose of Femara® for suchpatients is 2.5 mg administered every other day.
Store at 25°C (77°F); excursions permitted to 15-30°C (59-86°F) [see USP Controlled
Room Temperature].
Rev: 1/2005 Printed in USA C-FEM-1048
Novartis Pharmaceuticals Corporation
East Hanover, New Jersey 07936
MY PLANETM A R Y R O A C H
She Said, She Said
47
With mary on tour pro-moting her hilariousnew bestseller Spook,we’ve gathered a collec-
tion of her warp-speed wit below.Not to worry, she’ll be back againnext month with her regular column.
Cheap ThrillsMy husband, ed, once called me
the cheapest person in the world. I believe this was around the timehe discovered that every night I remove my eyeliner with the end of a Q-tip and then set it aside touse the other end the fol-lowing night.
✶We recently
painted our den and I had tried toargue for a singlecoat. Why spendan extra two dayspainting when youcould just put alower wattage bulbin the overheadlight?
PH
OT
OG
RA
PH
ED
BY
JO
HN
MA
DE
RE
Wacky wisdom on life’s everyday absurditiesEd decreed we were to buy
only free-range organic chick-ens. Ed would put them in the shopping cart. I’d look at the priceand take them out. “Are we eatingthem, or putting them through college?”
Do I Look Fat in This?My waist, I realized one day
in a dressing room, has completely disappeared beneath my rib cage,which now rests directly on my hips. I’m exhibiting continental drift in reverse.
✶
God help me, I’ve entered the Age of Skirted
Swimwear. This isthe age right afterAccessorizingwith ReadingGlasses and a fewyears before Can’tName Anyone onthe Radio.
✶
My eye bags, I noticed the otherday while shop-
ILLUSTRATED BY BONNIE TIMMONS
RD I JANUARY 2006
48
ping with my friend, had ceased tobe an anatomical feature and wereapproaching the status of an actualpiece of luggage.
He Said, She SaidThere is a special form of hear-
ing loss that afflicts couples. I havecome to believe that in Ed’s casethis is limited to the specific tonalregister of my voice. His brain haslearned, over time, thatthis particular vocalrange is best ignoredbecause there is ahigh likelihood itwill be a) sayingsomething mind-numbingly dull or b)accusing him of notlistening.
✶
Ed is the most levelheaded person Iknow. You could take one of the car-penter’s levels from Aisle 5 andplace it on his head and the littlebubble will always be right there in the middle.
✶
Home-repair projects around our house generally fall into one oftwo categories: “I’ll get to that this weekend” and “I’ll get to thatthis summer.” Followed by an eventual shift to a third category:“I’ll get the Yellow Pages.”
✶
“You’re wearing that?” Ed will ask.“What?” I’ll say to him. This is a
stalling tactic, allowing me time to
pull together a defense of denim as appropriate dinner-party attire. I don’t know what happened—Iused to derive great joy from dressing up.
I consider accessorizing my outfit, but this is a skill that eludes me. I tie neck wear the way Brownies do—or Pony Express riders. The last time I wore a scarf,Ed put his hands in the air. “Don’t
shoot,” he said.
Genius at WorkI gave my old
tax forms to afriend’s fourth-grader to line thebottom of her ham-ster cage. If you see a rodent with myname on its cheeks,
let me know. ✶
My father was English, so gardening, I’ve long assumed, is inmy blood, along with gin and fryergrease and a fondness for long, te-dious war movies.
✶
A family is a collection of peoplewho share the same genes but can’tagree on a place to pull over forlunch.
✶
The french kiss each other twice,perhaps because no one else will. ■
Mary Roach’s latest book is Spook, pub-lished in October by W.W. Norton & Co.What’s tickling your funny bone? Write toMary at [email protected].
®Registered Trademark of Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc. ©2005 KCWW
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MEDICAL UPDATETHE LATEST ADVANCES IN RESEARCH, TREATMENT AND TECHNOLOGY
examined eye photos of 3,654people. Those with blood
vessel damage were about70% more likely to have
a stroke in the next seven years than
those without thedamage.
Study author Paul Mitchell, an
ophthalmologist, is currently developing a second study to determine whether medications that lower blood pressure can decrease the risk. Until we know, keep up your regular eye doctor visits, and ask about your risk ofretinopathy—and stroke.
Here’s a new reason to keepyour eye appointment:Subtle signs in your
eyes could tell your doctorif you’re at risk of havinga stroke.
When your doctordilates your pupils,he uses his ophthal-moscope or takes aphotograph to look for changes inthe retina that signal retinopathy—ballooning or bursting of the tinyvessels of the retina. These signscan also tell doctors whether youhave diabetes, high blood pressureand, in some cases, even cancer.
In an Australian study, researchers
ILLUSTRATED BY OTTO STEININGER
Tummyache? Start Moving!Before you reach for the antacids, you may want to hit the gym. Though exercisemay be the last thing on your mind, you’ll probably feel much better afterward, sayresearchers at the University of Washington and other institutions. In their study of983 obese or overweight men and women, they found that those who exercised the most had the fewest GI problems, such as abdominal pain or diarrhea.
What gives? It may be that by exercising you feel better overall, so you notice painful GI symptoms less. Or it might be that by exercising, you kick in something physiologically that reduces GI symptoms, says studyauthor Rona Levy, a psychologist. This study exam-ined only overweight people, but the researchers sus-pect that exercise could also help normal-weight orunderweight people with GI problems.
51
Your Eye Doc Could Save Your Life
Needle-Free Insulin
If you have diabetes, you knowthat insulin injections are no fun.But two new breakthroughs offer
painless alternatives.The FDA is currently considering
approval of Exubera, an inhaled insulin. Patients breathe in the pow-dered medicine, using a special in-haler, immediately before meals.The powder turns into a liquid inthe lungs, where it’s absorbed andfiltered into the bloodstream.
A mouth spray, Oral-lyn, is al-ready being used in Ecuador, butlikely won’t be available here forabout three years. Patients spray thedrug into the mouth, using a devicethat looks like an asthma inhaler.
Besides being easier to use, themajor benefit of these products isthe speed at which insulin starts
RD I JANUARY 2006
Men’s MainSqueeze forBetter Sex?Can simple pelvic exer-cises improve sex formen? British researcherssay they may; some otherdoctors aren’t so sure. Re-searchers divided 55 mensuffering from erectile dysfunction (ED) into two
The number of adults ages 20 to 44 on ADHD drugsmore than doubled between 2000 and 2004.
SOURCE: Medco Health Solutions
groups. Half were taughtto tighten their pelvicmuscles as if trying toprevent passing gas. Therest were told to exercise,cut back on alcohol, quitsmoking and make otherlifestyle changes. Afterthree months, men doingthe pelvic exercises noticed improvements inerectile functioning; theothers did not.
Some experts say it’sunclear how the exer-cises could help, sinceED is usually caused byvascular disease, notmuscular problems.
More research isneeded to confirm thefindings, but for now,doing pelvic exercisescan’t hurt, and they canhelp men contend withurinary incontinence.
working. This is key because a diabetic’s blood sugar shoots upafter eating, and insulin is needed tobring it down.
Neither will replace shots, whichmany people need to set a baselinelevel throughout the day, saysRobert Rizza of the American Dia-betes Association. But they maylower the number of shots required.
52
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TURNING POINT
LUCIE VITKOVA/ABACA PRESS 55
Istill remember thescreams. The hideousshrieks from peopledashing helter-skelter as
I looked out the window of the bun-galow I was sharing with my love,Simon Atlee, in Khao Lak, Thailand.Next came deafening thunderclapsof noise as bungalows, buildings,everything, crumbled before the on-slaught of rushing floodwaters.
Suddenly I was fighting for my lifein one of the worst tsunamis in theworld. That’s how fast it happened.
It was the day after Christmas,2004. Simon and I were on vacation.Though I’d been to Thailand fourtimes, it was Simon’s first trip. Wewanted to experience together thelush green of the land, the smells,the sunshine, the ocean, the culture
Petra’sStoryHow tragedy andchaos upended onewoman’s life B Y P E T R A N E M C O V A A N D J A N E S C O V E L LFROM “LOVE ALWAYS, PETRA”
and, most important, the people.The Thais are the kindest people Ihave ever met. Their goodnesscomes from inside; it’s natural.When they greet you, they put theirhands together and bow their heads,showing respect in a gentle way.
On Christmas Day, Simon and Ihad strolled along the white sandybeach. We called our family andfriends, sending them holiday greet-ings. Then, for dinner, we sat undera roof of palm trees and ate deli-
The author and boyfriend Simon Atleeduring happier times in Prague, 2004.
RD I JANUARY 2006
56
cious fresh fish. We were carefree.And we were in love. Gazing out atthe ocean, we talked about the fu-ture. Simon was a successful fashionphotographer—that’s how we met,on a photo shoot in England, whereI was working as a model. He wasfunny, kind and generous, and ourromance began.
That evening, I asked Simon whatelse he wanted to accomplish in hislife. After a moment he said, “Every-thing I dreamed of doing, I’ve done.”
Then, for the first time in our 18months as a couple, we talked abouthaving children. Simon knew Iadored kids and how important theywere to me. On that subject, wewere completely in sync. We de-cided that we’d have two childrenand adopt at least one.
The next day, December 26, wetook an early morning stroll on thebeach. The sunshine kept us com-pany as we walked. I did notice thatthe tide was quite low. Then weheaded back to the bungalow. Istarted to pack; we’d be leaving intwo hours. That’s when the rush ofwater came out of nowhere, separat-ing us. There was no time to react.
In the black whirling waters I sawSimon’s face. “Petra!” he screamed.“Petra! What’s happening?”
Then I lost sight of him. I had to hold on to something or
be swept away. Seeing a rooftop, Ireached out and grabbed the edges.My legs were sucked under, and allthe trash—the wood and metal ob-
jects—slammed against myhips and legs. Screamingwith pain, I hung on. Soonthe pressure of the waterbegan to ease, so I pulledmyself up onto the roof.Then, just as quickly as thefirst, another wave rose up
and poured over the rooftop. I lostmy grip and was drawn down.
I tried to surface. I fought to getsome air until I had no breath left.Then I stopped fighting and beganswallowing the black water. A greatfeeling of peacefulness came overme. I surrendered to the calmness. Iremember thinking, Whatever Godwill decide, it’s OK.
That’s when I was thrust back upto the surface, gasping for air.
Where was simon? Was he OK? Idesperately tried to find somethingpermanent to hold on to. When I sawpalm trees sticking out of the water,I told myself, Get your arms out! Igrabbed at a branch, curled my fin-gers around it, and held on.
From the intensity of the pain Iwas in, I knew that bones were bro-
Where was Simon? Washe OK? I was tryingto find something to hold on to.
“LOVE ALWAYS, PETRA: A STORY OF COURAGE AND THE DISCOVERY OF LIFE’S HIDDEN GIFTS,” BY PETRA NEMCOVA AND JANE SCOVELL, COPYRIGHT © 2005 BY PETRA NEMCOVA, IS PUBLISHED AT $23.95 BY WARNER BOOKS,
1271 AVENUE OF THE AMERICAS, NEW YORK, NEW YORK 10020
57
ken. For eight hours I clung to thattree, passing in and out of con-sciousness. The air was full of horri-ble sounds, crashing, violent sounds.People were screaming. In the dis-tance I heard a child crying; after ahalf-hour or so, the crying stopped.
I was thinking of all the people, ofSimon, and hoping, praying, for thebest. “Dear God,” I prayed, “pleasedon’t let another wave come.”
Finally, around 6 p.m., two Thaimen pushed their way throughchest-deep water to reach me. Theirselflessness was amazing. Theywere not thinking of their ownsafety but of helping others. I was sohappy to see them I burst into tears.
“Khob khun ka,” I said. “Thankyou. Thank you for coming.”
My legs were in such excruciatingpain I could barely move. Soonother men arrived, and the groupeased me onto a plastic raft. I wastaken to a hotel and from there tothe Khao Lak hospital. Doctors andnurses eventually told me that mypelvis was fractured in four places.
Lying there in agony, I thought ofall the people who were sufferingten times more than I was. Next tome was a Thai man who said he hadlost everything. He didn’t knowwhat had happened to his family. Itold him about Simon, that I wasworried but certain he was OK. Theman listened and then took a chainfrom around his neck. On it was asmall figure of the Buddha.
“Take this,” the man said, reach-
ing over and putting the necklace onmy bed. “He will protect you.”
I honestly believe this was the lastmaterial object left to him, and hegave it to me. I said I would treasurethe necklace. I still do. All during myordeal, I witnessed acts of generos-ity from complete strangers like thisman. Many had lost much but putaside their own sorrows to help oth-ers. For every deed of goodness Isaw, there were thousands more, andnot just in Asia. All over the world,people wanted to help.
By mid-January 2005 I was able totravel home to the Czech Republicto continue my recuperation near
Returning to Thailand, summer 2005,to help the children she adores.
CO
UR
TE
SY
PE
TR
A N
EM
CO
VA
RD I JANUARY 2006
58
my family. Every day I read the papers, searching for informationabout Simon, agonizing about him.The second week in March 2005, Iwas in Prague when the phone rang.
It was Jodi, Simon’s sister. “Hello,Jodi,” I said. “How is everybody?”
There was a terrible pause. “Petra,they found Simon’s body.”
I could barely breathe.On May 19, 2005, I flew back to
Thailand, carrying Simon’s ashes. Ikept thinking about the children wewould never have. I knew that ifSimon had lived, he would havebeen one of the first to help the fam-ilies destroyed by the tsunami. Mygoal became clear: I would honorhis memory by establishing a char-ity to fund the rebuilding of schoolsand to provide psychological help. Itwas for the little ones who had losttheir families and were all alone.
Yes, it was a big idea, and becausebig ideas take time to set up, I de-cided to do something on a smallerscale too. A smile, a gentle touch, asimple act of kindness often bringsas much immediate relief as a check
for a lot of money. After all, it wasn’tmoney that rescued me from thepalm tree and it wasn’t because ofmoney that I was treated so kindlyduring my recovery in Thailand.
I visited the hospital where I’dbeen a patient crying out in pain. Onthe children’s ward, I gave out can-dies and presents. The childrenwere adorable yet tortured. One girldidn’t move, didn’t talk, didn’t evenblink. I want to do everything in mypower to bring the light back intoher eyes, into the eyes of all the chil-dren like her.
Simon had always connected witheveryone around him, made everyday count. I found solace in remem-bering what his mother had said: Hedid more in his 33 years of life thanmost people do in 90. At the ocean’sedge in Khao Lak, I scattered hisashes. I could hear him say, “OK,Petra, get on with it.”I will get on with it. Whatever good Iaccomplish on thisearth, I want to doit for others.
D A R N , T H E D O G ’ S O U T O F B U L L E TS
Seems like many combatants aren’t so picky about the weapons they use.
“Man Jailed After Striking Boy With Dog” From The Tacoma (Washington) News Tribune, submitted by REED COOPER
“Sheriff ’s Deputy Fatally Shoots Man With Knife” From The Olympian South Sound (Olympia, Washington), submitted by HERB LARSON
“Snarling Animal Chased, Attacked Resident With Wife” The Journal News (Westchester County, New York), submitted by AURORA DOHERTY
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HUMOR IN UNIFORM®
ILLUSTRATED BY DAN REYNOLDS62
Fifteen years ofblissful civilian life
ended when I re-uppedwith the Air NationalGuard recently. It tooktime getting back into the swing of things, andafter a particularly roughday I missed chow,which meant dinnerwould be a dreaded
MRE: Meal Ready to Eat. As I sat on my bunk
staring at “dinner,” I saidto a far younger airman,“Well, I guess we justhave to get used toroughing it.”
“Dude, tell me aboutit,” he said. “We only get basic cable!”
KINGSLEY SLONE
Basic training has a way of making a soldier feelthat he or she is being worked like a dog. Now Ihave proof. While on KP duty at Fort Leonard Woodin Missouri, I was hauling containers of vegetables.On the side of one box was this: “FOR ANIMAL OR MILITARY USE ONLY.” LORI MONTGOMERY
You could earn$300 for your own funnystory. Click on “Submit aJoke” at rd.com or see page 10 for details.
Iwas waiting for aflight to Texas along
with four servicemen indesert camouflage uni-forms. Over the toppocket of their uniformshirts was the branch ofthe military in whichthey served, followed bytheir last names. Theywere U.S. Navy, Ramirez,U.S. Army, Larkin andU.S. Army, O’Brien.
The fourth man wasn’ta soldier. Above his shirtpocket it read, “D.O.D.Civilian, Coward.”
WILLIAM COGGER
Tiring of the same oldbuzz cut from the basebarber at Fort Dix, NewJersey, I went into townto get my haircut. Thehairdresser noticed myaccent and asked where Iwas from.
“Trinidad,” I said.“Is that in Arabia?”“The Caribbean.” She laughed, “I never
was good at geometry.”GERARD D’ORNELLAS
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ILLUSTRATED BY FEGGO64
While taking downthe vitals for a soon-to-be mom, I asked howmuch she weighed.
“I really don’t know,”
she said in response.“More or less,” I
prompted.“More, I guess.”
AGNES HALVERSON
Traveling throughSpain, my friend
Amy and I soaked in theculture, gorged ourselveson excellent food and,basically, indulged ourevery whim. One day, wewalked into a shop thathad the most gorgeouscoats. As we tried a fewon, we noticed the oddlooks we were gettingfrom the shopkeepers.We didn’t know why,until one kind English-speaking patron tookpity on us.
“Excuse me,” she said.“This is a dry cleaners.”
ROSIE SPIEGEL
Applicants forjobs at the companywhere my friend Dianaworks are asked to fillout a questionnaire.Among the things can-didates list is their highschool and when theyattended. One pro-spective employee du-tifully wrote the nameof his high school, fol-lowed by the dates at-tended: “Monday,Tuesday, Wednesday,Thursday and Friday.”
JENNIFER CARUANA
The secret to any successful business is a win-ning sales pitch. For example:
• No one puts as much of themselves into theirjobs as the stars of a local bait shop: “Our baitcatches fish or dies trying.”
• This ad for musicians claims to do it all: “Bag-pipes: For your wedding, wake or border dispute.”
• The portable toilet industry is booming. The rea-son, one company insists on a sign advertising itswares, is simple: “Every Party Needs a Pooper!”
Submitted by DOROTHY SHERMAN, VICTORIA HYDE AND BRENDA SHOEBOTTOM
ALL IN A DAY ’S WORK
65
Dolor colur sems uuekvhn
IPSUM ANIDFHU
After my fire crew put out a fire in abarn, the monks who owned it invited us in forsome tea and lighthearted conversation—or so wethought. But as we entered the monastery, one fire-man was reminded of a particularly rude joke. Andworse yet, repeated it.
A monk responded, “My son, you are fightingfires in this life, and you will surely be fighting themin the next.” MICHAEL TOWNSEND
While I was con-ducting a pre-op
interview with a patient,the anesthetist poppedhis head into the room.
“Now it’s my turn toput you to sleep,” he said,grinning. Then he left.
Noticing my puzzledlook, the dour-looking pa-tient explained, “I’m hisminister.” CAROL WAGNER
I was at my desk in thestation house writing upa report on a drunkdriver when our policechief yelled over, “Is
your squad car running?”Budget cuts made himwatch every penny andhe didn’t want us wast-ing gas.
“The engine’s off,” Iassured him.
“You on overtimedoing reports?” he per-sisted. “We’re not payingofficers to sit arounddoing reports.”
That’s when the drunkoffered his assistance.“Hey, chief,” he slurred,“if it would help the de-partment, I could drivemyself to jail.” JED SEIDL
In the human re-sources department inthe large corporationwhere I work, I receiveabsentee slips for all ofthe employees. Over theyears, I’ve heard everyexcuse, ranging from thereasonable (“I had no hotwater”) to the question-able (“My dog mighthave rabies.”). But theother day I found one inmy voice mail that I’dnever heard before.
“I won’t be in today,”said my absent co-worker. “I’ll call backlater with an excuse.”
KATHY PRICE
Everyone knows that life insurance
is a great benefit offeredby many businesses.What you may not haveknown, however, is thatit’s also a fascinatingportal into a co-worker’sfamily life.
I discovered that factone day while reviewingapplications for ourcompany. One co-workerlisted his wife as bene-ficiary. But if the timeshould ever come to paybenefits, he wrote afterher name, “Make sure tocall me first.”
CAROLYN RITTER
You could earn $300 for your own funny story.Click on “Submit a Joke” at rd.com or see page 10 for details.
You learn something every day. Recently, I called acraft shop with a simple request: “I need silk rhodo-dendron flowers as part of a presentation for a client.”
“Sorry, but we’re all out,” said the woman whoanswered the call.
“Silk rhododendronflowers are out of season.”
KRISTY SARTAIN
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67
After I was diagnosed withinvasive throat cancer in1989, my doctors performeda sensational operation. But
there was a problem. Once theywere inside, they had to cut muchdeeper than planned. My right vocalcord was reduced to a stump.
I was crushed. Sure, I’d beatencancer, but I could barely whisper.I’d made my living by my voice,both onstage and on television, andthe first friend to visit me in thehospital was my acting partner forthree decades, Tony Randall.
“You’ll be fine,” he reassured me. I gestured to show how angry I wasabout losing my voice. He smiled.“Hey, let’s face it, Jack. You neverdid sound like Richard Burton.”
I smiled, appreciating his humor.Then, getting very serious, he said,“Jack, if you ever feel like going backto work, I’ll find a venue. I mean it.”
Tony always meant what he said.
I had first seen him on the Mr.Peepers TV show in the 1950s andbecame an instant fan. Years earlier,he’d had a successful career onstageand on the radio. So when I finallyhad the chance to work with him, itwas a milestone for me. It was 1955on an episode of Appointment WithAdventure, a series on CBS. Tonyplayed a professor, and I played agangster. The show was broadcast
Center Stage My Odd Coupleco-star taught meall about friendship B Y J A C K K L U G M A N
W I T H B U R T O N R O C K S
FROM “TONY AND ME”
“Tony Randall took a big risk on me,”says Klugman, with his pal in 1991.
UNFORGETTABLE
RD I JANUARY 2006
live and that was exciting; unfortu-nately, our performances and thewriting were not. Years later, itwould become a joke between us.Tony would tell everyone how greatwe were on that show together.Then he’d hold his nose and laugh—that big, bawdy laugh of his.
I didn’t actually meet him againuntil the first rehearsal for the firstepisode of The Odd Couple televi-sion series in 1970. In the office ofproducer Garry Marshall, we did aread-through of the script. Therewas a moment when I chose to haveOscar Madison yell at Felix Unger.
When the reading was over, Tonysaid he thought Oscar shouldn’tshout at Felix. “Why not?” I asked.
“It’s wrong,” he insisted. “You’renot actually going to do it, are you?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I mightholler even louder. I’ll see.”
“No! No! You mustn’t shout. Youjust can’t!” Tony said forcefully.
I turned toward Garry. “Look, Ijust can’t work this way,” I said.
“What way?” Tony asked.“With you telling me how to act.” “Why not?” “Because I would never tell you
how to act,” I returned.
Tony shrugged. “Okay, fine,” hesaid. “I was just trying to help.”
The mutual respect we estab-lished from then on was in manyways the seed of our long and suc-cessful collaboration. Tony oftendared me to take risks. The OddCouple rang true not just because I
was kind of sloppy in reallife and Tony was a littlefussy, but because wewere both trained stageactors. Collaboratingwith a talent like Tonyforced me to work at thetop of my craft.
Three years after my operation, Iheard that the tabloids were goingto publish a story saying that I wasdying. It wasn’t true. I didn’t think Iwould ever work again, but I hadbeaten cancer. So I decided to do aTV interview. Gary Catona, a voicebuilder and singing teacher, saw the interview and contacted me.
“I think I can help you,” he said.For four months I did these strange,almost violent, exercises. Gary saidthat if we could make my left vocalcord strong enough, it might stretchover and touch what was left of theright cord. It seemed like sciencefiction to me, but over time I actu-ally started to hear a tiny sound.
Almost on cue, the phone rang.“Jack, Tony calling! Listen, if youand I could do a one-night perfor-mance of The Odd Couple on Broad-way, we could raise a million dollars
“TONY AND ME,” COPYRIGHT © 2005 BY JACK KLUGMAN, IS PUBLISHED AT $24.95 BY GOOD HILL PRESS, 19363 WILLAMETTE DR., PMB 232, WEST LINN, OREGON 97068
No one had moved. Theywere still standing andapplauding. It was allthanks to Tony.
UNFORGETTABLE
69
for the National Actors Theater.”The theater was his baby. Still barelyable to talk, I told Tony not to holdhis breath and hung up.
Later, I mentioned the conversa-tion to Gary Catona. He said to me,“Tell Tony you’ll be able to do it insix months.”
I’ve always taken pride in being apragmatist. And I didn’t like beingseen as weak and vulnerable. Butlife is funny, isn’t it? I wanted myacting career back badly, and I knewTony was rooting for me. For sixmonths I worked on my voice. Itook steam, and exercised my vocalcords. Slowly, the whisper became asound; the sound became a voice.
And then it was opening night.
As i waited backstage, my heart wasbeating hard. When it came time formy entrance, I said my first line andheard the audience shift in theirseats. I couldn’t hear myself, evenwith a microphone on. I started topanic. My God, I thought. What wasI thinking? How am I going to getthrough the next two hours?
I tried to keep my legs under me.When Murray the Cop asked mewhat I had to eat, I replied, “Brown
sandwiches and green sandwiches.”“What’s the green?” he asked.“It’s either very new cheese or
very old meat.” The audience actu-ally laughed. So they could hear me.
Then, from across the stage, I sawTony’s eyes lighting up. They weretelling me, “Go, baby! Go! I knewyou could do it.” For two hours I didthe play and got all the laughs I hadgotten when I did it originally. Andthere was Tony, my Rock of Gibral-tar. I will always love him for that.
At the end, we received a two-minute standing ovation. After thecurtain went down, the stage man-ager said, “Do you hear that?”
The audience, still standing andapplauding, wanted another curtaincall. We started crying. They startedcrying. And for seven minutes onBroadway, it was a genuine lovefest.
Tony took no credit. He just keptsaying, “You did it.”
At the post-theater party, he intro-duced me as “the gutsiestS.O.B. in the world.”That night has re-mained the mostglorious for meever. Tony gave memy life back.
H E N C E , T H E P R O B L E M
“Look at this,” I said to my wife. I showed her an articlein my newspaper describing how getting plenty of rest
can improve one’s memory. She glanced at it and remarked sadly, “I can’t
remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep.”R. CHEETHAM
FILLERS ILLUSTRATED BY JAMES MCMULLAN
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FAMILY
Read this information carefully before youstart taking VYTORIN. Review this informationeach time you refill your prescription forVYTORIN as there may be new information.This information does not take the place oftalking with your doctor about your medicalcondition or your treatment. If you have anyquestions about VYTORIN, ask your doctor.Only your doctor can determine if VYTORINis right for you.
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VYTORIN is a medicine used to lower levelsof total cholesterol, LDL (bad) cholesterol,and fatty substances called triglycerides inthe blood. In addition,VYTORIN raises levelsof HDL (good) cholesterol. It is used forpatients who cannot control their cholesterollevels by diet alone.You should stay on acholesterol-lowering diet while taking thismedicine.
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• If you are allergic to ezetimibe or simvastatin,the active ingredients in VYTORIN, or to theinactive ingredients. For a list of inactiveingredients, see the “Inactive ingredients”section at the end of this information sheet.
• If you have active liver disease orrepeated blood tests indicating possibleliver problems.
• If you are pregnant, or think you maybe pregnant, or planning to becomepregnant or breast-feeding.
VYTORIN is not recommended for use inchildren under 10 years of age.
What should I tell my doctor before and
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Tell your doctor right away if you experienceunexplained muscle pain, tenderness, or
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The risk of muscle breakdown is greater athigher doses of VYTORIN.
The risk of muscle breakdown is greater inpatients with kidney problems.
Taking VYTORIN with certain substances canincrease the risk of muscle problems. It isparticularly important to tell your doctor ifyou are taking any of the following:
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pressure, chest pain associated with heartdisease, or other heart conditions)
• large doses (≥1 g/day) of niacin or nicotinicacid
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• drink substantial quantities of alcohol orever had liver problems.VYTORIN maynot be right for you.
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VYTORIN® (ezetimibe/simvastatin)Tablets
Patient Information about VYTORIN (VI-tor-in)Generic name: ezetimibe/simvastatin tablets
Do not useVYTORIN®
(ezetimibe/simvastatin)
if you are pregnant, trying to become
pregnant or suspect that you are pregnant.
If you become pregnant while taking
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• are breast-feeding. Do not use VYTORIN if
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How should I take VYTORIN?
• Take VYTORIN once a day, in the evening,
with or without food.
• Try to take VYTORIN as prescribed. If you
miss a dose, do not take an extra dose.
Just resume your usual schedule.
• Continue to follow a cholesterol-lowering
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• Keep taking VYTORIN unless your doctor
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What should I do in case of an overdose?
Contact your doctor immediately.
What are the possible side effects of
VYTORIN?
See your doctor regularly to check your
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Your doctor may do blood tests to check
your liver before you start taking VYTORIN
and during treatment.
In clinical studies patients reported the
following common side effects while taking
VYTORIN: headache and muscle pain (see
What should I tell my doctor before and
while taking VYTORIN?).
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General Information about VYTORIN
Medicines are sometimes prescribed for
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Inactive ingredients:
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Issued November 2004
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20551026(2)(002)-VYT
ASK LASKAS
74
YOU’VE GOT QUESTIONS, SHE’S GOT ANSWERS
PHOTO-ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN CORBITT; PHOTO: KAREN MEYERS
A Dear Needy, You must tell your sisters
you’re drowning and need a life preserver. If they can’t be there toshare the day-to-day “heavy lifting,”they need to help pay for relief—likevisiting nurses, meal delivery serv-ices, house cleaning. Call the socialservices department at your localhospital. You can’t be expected todo this entirely on your own.
Q Some people think “the morethe merrier,” but when my
husband and I invite a particularcouple out, they ask friends of theirsalong without consulting us. Thenall of a sudden, it’s their party andwe feel like fifth wheels. Isn’t it rudenot to check with the ones whomade the initial plans? And how canwe stop this? PARTY POOPERS
A Dear Poopers, Yes, their behavior is boorish,
but pointing out their rudeness may
not be the best way to win or keep afriendship. Try asking this couple to your house. I really doubt they’dextend that invitation to others. If they do, or if they suggest you add to the guest list, then you cansurmise that they prefer their entourage to your sole company. Atthat point, you can decide if youwant to join their fan club or findfriends who sometimes like to socialize just with you.
Q I was promoted and moved to a new group. There is
only one guy at my level there. One day I walked by his cube andsaw he was reading my report on his computer. When I asked what he was doing, he said he was check-ing my work. I told him he didn’thave the authority to do that andtold him I was going to talk to mysupervisor. I did, and my boss
Q I’ve been taking care of Mom since Daddied 13 years ago. I get little help from twosisters. Mom’s health has declined, and
recently she had a fall and broke her arm. I’mfinding it harder mentally and physically to cope.I work, take care of her, and have no life of myown. I’ve begun to retreat to my room until bed-time. Am I just being selfish? NEED PERSONAL TIME
Jeanne Marie Laskas’s new book GrowingGirls (Bantam) will be out this spring.
75
agreed with me. Buthe hasn’t stopped this jerk, who still secretly monitorsme. Now I’m beingleft out of meetingsand passed over forassignments. Whatcan I do? PARANOID
A Dear Paranoid, As someone
once said, “Just be-cause you’re para-noid doesn’t meanpeople aren’t out toget you.” This guy iseither a nut, or some-one has given himauthorization. Findout which. If Nosy issnooping on his own,he could be in trou-ble. Go back to yourboss and demand heput a stop to it. And keep doing yourjob on time and up to par.
Q My best friends are a couple Ihave known since junior high
school 25 years ago. Recently thewife told me she’s having an affairwith a co-worker, and I feel trappedin a dilemma. Should I betray herconfidence and tell her husband—orkeep my mouth shut and, in a way,betray him? CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE
A Dear Caught, Stay out of it. Refuse to discuss
this matter with either of them. Get
clear in your ownmind that the onlybetrayal occurring is within their marriage. You havenothing to do with it.She is being unfaith-ful to her husband,and she has com-pounded this duplic-ity by trying toensnare you as a co-conspirator. Tell heryou won’t listen. Andtell him nothing.
Q My boyfriendstarted lying
to me and verballyabusing me. Idumped him. Hebegged me to takehim back. I’m 20, and I don’t want tobe stupid. Should I
give him another chance? UNSETTLED
A Dear Unsettled, One chance. But only if he
agrees to counseling. Otherwise,you could be headed into the classicpattern: abuse, remorse, apologies,promises, abuse. If he won’t seekhelp, get out while the gettin’s good.
QUESTIONS ABOUT PARTNERS,PARENTS OR OFFICE POLITICS? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at [email protected]. Sending gives uspermission to edit and publish.
Question of theMonth
Q What’s a timely timefor someone to return
something borrowed? My neighbor frequentlyborrows stuff, and I usuallyhave to go ask for items aweek or two later. What can I say to him? IRKED
A Dear Irked, The lender sets the
terms. Next time yourneighbor asks to borrowthe ol’ buzz saw, tell himexactly when you need itback. If he fails to makethe deadline, put a funnyoverdue notice in his mailbox, like the ones libraries send. If even thisfails, go over and knock on his door and say, “Dude,I want my saw back!”
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Sometimes the best feeling is…
a feeling you barely notice
QUOTABLE QUOTES ®“
77
I’m so unfamiliarwith the gym I call it James.
CHI MCBRIDE on The Ellen DeGeneres Show
We pay $100 for the wit and wisdom offamous contemporary people. See page 10.$
c) Walter Cronkite
As it turns out, now is the momentyou’ve been waiting for. Quoted by LUCINDA WILLIAMS in USA Today
The firsts go away—first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones.
SARAH JESSICA PARKER in O, The Oprah Magazine
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
BILL VAUGHAN
There are no regrets in life, just lessons.
JENNIFER ANISTON
You only have to do a veryfew things right in yourlife—so long as you don’tdo too many thingswrong. WARREN BUFFETT
in The Daily Telegraph
I don’t let myhat dictate
the kind of musicI do or who I am.
TIM MCGRAW in Fashion Rocks
If we were born knowing everything,what would we do with all this timeon this earth? NELLY in Fashion Rocks
Celebrate what you’ve accom-plished, but raise the bar a littlehigher each time you succeed.
MIA HAMM in Go for the Goal (HarperCollins)
The only safe thing is to take a chance. MIKE NICHOLS AND ELAINE MAY
ZA
CH
TR
EN
HO
LM
?Whosaıd
itI’m still ready to go to the moon, if they’ll take me.
a) Tom Hanks
b) John Glenn
c) Walter CronkiteFOR ANSWER, SEE BELOW
78 PHOTOGRAPHED BY LORI STOLL
In the flesh, she’s quite a sight: There’s the hair,way past big, and the eye-popping hourglass figure.But those curves are delicate, too, making her seemalmost fragile. And when you take in the rest ofDolly Parton—the quick wit, the playful giggle, thecreamy skin that belies her 60 years—you knowyou’re in the presence of a 40-carat original.
This jewel box of a star grew up dirt poor in a one-room cabin she shared with her sprawling family inthe hills of east Tennessee. She was one of the first of her clan to get a high school education, but longbefore she collected her diploma, she knew that her
B Y M E G G R A N T
RD Face to Face
Lets Her Hair Down
R D I J A N U A R Y 2 0 0 6
80
voice, a sweetly trilling soprano, wouldbe her ticket out of poverty and intosomething better. She just wasn’t surehow much better.
Now she’s got more titles than theQueen of England: singer, songwriter,guitar player, actress, author and phi-lanthropist. As of next year, you canadd Broadway composer. Don’t forgetbusinesswoman: She has her own pro-duction company, and some 2.3 mil-lion people visit her Dollywood themepark each year. While on tour last fallto celebrate the release of her 75thalbum, a collection of covers from the’60s and ’70s called Those Were theDays, Parton sat down with Reader’sDigest. Flashing two-inch pink nailsand her trademark twinkly smile, shetalked about trash (her look),trailers (the
RVs and buses she’sso fond of) and her true love,
husband Carl Dean, with whom she’llsoon celebrate 40 years of marriage.
RD: You were one of 12 children. Wow!Parton: Yes. But that’s not uncommonin the mountains. My dad’s from afamily of 14 or 15, Momma from a fam-ily of 10. Most people had big fami-lies. They had no birth control, plusthey needed the help.
RD: Everyone worked?Parton: Yeah. I’m fourth down—there’seight children younger. My older sis-ter, Willadeene, and I were kind of like
second mommas to the rest of them.We learned to cook and to do all thestuff Momma did. I still cook like anold mountain woman. It’s just my hus-band and me, but I cook in big pots,and put it in the freezer or call thefamily and neighbors.
RD: Are your siblings close?Parton: Oh, we fight amongst our-selves, but nothing never fixable. Andwe’d kill anybody else that said a wordabout us.
RD: Who are you more like—yourmother or your father?Parton: I’m like my mother as far asmy personality. I got the music fromher. But I got my dad’s drive and workethic. And my dad’s people are blond
and fair. Of course I enhancemy hair now, but
I was a
blondbaby and a blue-eyed, fair-skinned kid.
RD: Your father was a tobacco farmer,right?Parton: That was our money crop, buthe also raised what we had to eat. He’dmake $2,500—if it was a good year,$3,000—and that’s what we lived on.The rest we raised ourselves. My daddidn’t have an education, so he madea living with his back and hands—most people in the mountains did.
RD: Was there ever a time your fam-ily didn’t struggle financially?
“I prayall the time about making
81
Parton: Yeah, when I got rich! No,there wasn’t a time it wasn’t hard, untilwe all got old enough to where wecould start helping.
RD: Did growing up that way teachyou certain things?Parton: I learned the value of a dollar,even to this day. I like to spend, but Inever spend that I don’t think about it.I just can’t imagine going to spendthree or four thousand dollars on onepiece of clothing. And I like a Cadillac,but just spending all those crazy dol-lars on crazy things, I just can’t do it.I always think of the people I couldfeed or my nieces or nephews orcousins who could use it. Even whenI indulge myself sometimes,I feel guilty.
RD: Yourmother’s father was a preacher.
You’ve said you consider yourself spir-itual, but not necessarily religious. Parton: I grew up in a Pentecostalchurch. You were free to shout andsing loud, play instruments, and I loveall that. Now I just believe in God. Itrust God, and I trust myself becauseof God, because I pray all the timeabout making the right decisions. ButI’m not a fanatic in any way.
RD: I’ve read that when you’re writ-ing songs, you often go away, isolate
your-self, and fast.Parton: Yeah, that’s a formof discipline that is a flashback to myfamily religion. I have an aunt whowas a preacher, and she fasted for daysbefore she’d start a big revival. Or if wewere praying for someone who wassick, we’d fast sometimes two or threedays. Now I do it as a cleansing thing—getting closer to God so I can com-municate more.
RD: Does it work?Parton: Oh, it makes you miserable.But I’ve had some major momentswith God and with my writing whenI get to that place where the headachesleave and my body is cleansed. Youthink so clear.
RD: When was the first time youpicked up a guitar?Parton: I started writing serious songswhen I was about seven, but I was fid-dling with it before that. We all used toget together—everybody would playsomething. I remember my grandmasitting around playing the dulcimerand the Autoharp, the harmonica, theJew’s harp. My mother was a greatsinger and played the guitar.
RD: At what point did you know thatyour life was going to be music?
right decisions.”
Parton’s childhood home in LocustRidge, Tennessee, was full of music.
MIC
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82
Parton:I graduated
[high school]on a Friday night, left
for Nashville on a Saturdaymorning, and never looked back. Ihoped that I’d make enough money tobe a star, but I would have still spentmy life singing. I’d have probably beena beautician musician—sung in a barat night and done hair in the day.
RD: You met your husband right afteryou arrived in Nashville. Parton: On the very first day. It wasGod’s will, I think. I’d left a boyfriendat home, had no intentions of gettingcaught up with a guy. But he was justthere. He was very quiet; it was notlike him to go over and talk to a girl.And he talked to me. I’ve been goodfor him, and he’s been good for me.
RD: After all this time.Parton: Yeah. They’re always writingin tabloids that we’re divorcing. We’venever even had a really serious argu-ment. We pick at each other like mostpeople, but we’ve never ever, evertalked about divorce.
RD: So what’s the secret?Parton: I’d say God. That does have
a lot to do with it. And we’re not stuckin each other’s face.
RD: He won’t tour with you, right? Doyou wish he would?Parton: No. I like it just like it is. Ifhe’d been in my face all the time, wewould have fought. I’ve had businesspartners and other relationships withguys who wanted to start telling mewhat to do. You can only go so far withthat and then my burrs go up. We getalong because we have different in-terests, but we have a lot of the samethings we enjoy doing. It’s one of thoseperfectly balanced things, and I’ll bewith him all the days of my life.
RD: Really?Parton: Oh, yeah. There’s no way I’dever leave him, no way he’d ever leaveme. And if one of us did die, I doubtthat either of us would ever marryagain. Maybe just be friends, go eatwith somebody. But I can’t imaginetrying to get that comfortable withsomebody else. I wouldn’t even knowhow to break in a new person.
RD: The two of you never had chil-dren. Do you have any regrets? Parton: No. I don’t miss it now. Wedidn’t do anything for years to not havekids, and so it wasn’t meant to be. I al-ways say that I think God didn’t let mehave kids so all kids could be mine.When Carl and I married, we took infive of my younger brothers and sisters
Parton’s husband, Carl Dean, ran hisfamily’s asphalt paving company.
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and pretty much raised them. Whenthey started having kids, they said,“What are the kids going to call you,because we feel you’re like grandpar-ents?” I said they could call me AuntGrannie, and Carl Uncle Peepaw. If I’dhad children of my own, we’d havebeen more selfish, I’m sure, puttingmoney away for them. This way wecan share it more.
RD: Tell us about your charity, theImagination Library.Parton: We started it several yearsback through the Dollywood Foun-dation. It’s a literacy program. We gaveeach child born in Sevier County,where I’m from, a book once a monthuntil they’re in kindergarten. They callme the book lady. Now the program’s
in 540 communi-
ties and 41 states. We’ve sent out overtwo million books this year.
RD: How did you come up with theidea?Parton: A lot of it is because of mydad and my family. Many of them didn’t get an education. My daddy diedfive years ago, and he was more proudof the kids calling me the book ladythan he was that I was a star.
RD: Could he read?Parton: No. Daddy couldn’t read orwrite.
RD: How old were you when you de-veloped your look?Parton: I make jokes about it, but it’sthe truth that I kind of patterned mylook after the town tramp. I didn’tknow what she was, just this woman
who was blond and piled herhair up, wore high heels andtight skirts, and, boy, she was theprettiest thing I’d ever seen.Momma used to say, “Aw, she’sjust trash,” and I thought, That’swhat I want to be when I grow up. Trash.
RD: When you’re not in public, doyou take off the makeup?Parton: Well, I like being dressed up.I wear my high heels all the time be-cause I’m short. Even my house shoeshave heels because I can’t reach mycabinets. I put on some makeup everyday, because you never know who’sgoing to come by, and I don’t wantanybody to see me totally down.
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Unless I’m really dead serious and ona writing binge, then I don’t care.
RD: Do you do your own hair andmakeup?Parton: I wear wigs all the time be-cause it’s just so handy, and to get myhair to stay bleached and teased andsprayed like I used to do, it’s so dam-aging. I have a hairdresser who doesthe wigs. I keep my own hair aboutthe same length as my wigs, and whenmy husband and I roam around in ourcamper, I just get up in the mornings,put a few hot rollers in, tease it a lit-tle bit and put it up in little scrunch-
ies. That’s when I’ll wear my
f lannels or my T-shirts.
RD: In yourcamper?Pa r to n :We havean RV.We love
to cruisearound, go
through fastfood restau-rants, picnic,
travel state tostate. If wewant to campout, we can,but we usu-ally get a lit-
tle dinky motel room at night. Wedon’t care as long as it’s a clean bedand bathroom. We’ve done that foryears. It’s one of the things we do to-gether that we love.
RD: What was behind the concept of an album of covers from the ’60s and ’70s?Parton: I love these songs. I’m at atime in my career and life to whereI’m pretty much just doing what Iwant. When I did bluegrass, I wasdoing what I wanted people to re-member when I was long gone. Samewith the ’60s and ’70s songs. I’d like
to do something fromthe ’50s
too—just toleave a few things behind.
RD: Do you have specific memoriesfor the songs on the album? Parton: Yeah, with every one of them.When I sing “Crimson and Clover,” Iplay this guitar that looks like it’s madeout of the fender of a car. I say thiswas made out of a car that I spent a lotof time in the backseat with a boy lis-tening to Tommy James.
RD: Were you trying to get any sortof message out with the songs you selected?Parton: They’re just great songs. Like“Turn, Turn, Turn.” There’s a time foreverything. There’s time for war,there’s time for peace, there’s time fordying. So everything has a season.
“I’m like hurry, hurry.
PHOTOGRAPHED BY LORI STOLL
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RD: Would you ever be interested inacting again? Parton: I’ve not had offers for any-thing great, and I don’t want to justdo anything. Something will comearound like it always does. I’m goingto take off [performing] this year be-cause I’m doing the musical Nine toFive on Broadway. I’m not in the show,but they asked me to write the musicand I’m involved in the business end.
RD: What else do you want to do? Parton: I want to do a great gospelmusic thing. And I have a children’sbook coming out next year called I Am a Rainbow. I’m going to writechildren’s albums. And I want a children’s TV show of my own, like a
“Dolly’sDollhouse.” Maybe when I’m older,like Mr. Rogers, I can just kind of workthe neighborhood.
RD: “Dolly’s Dollhouse”?Parton: Yeah. I’d love that because I’ma big old young ’un myself. I love beingaround kids. They just kill me.
RD: Is there anything else you haven’tdone that you want to do?Parton: Yes. I want to have a great lineof cosmetics and perfumes. I wake upwith new dreams every day.
RD: Do you think that you will oneday slow down?Parton: I’m a very energetic person, al-most hyper to the point of being spas-tic. So the more I can do to channelthat into things that I love to create ishealthier for me and probably foreverybody around me. And the olderI get, the earlier I get up. The secondmy feet hit the floor, I’m awake. I’mlike hurry, hurry. I just love life. AndI feel like we ain’t got but a certainamount of time anyway. I want tomake the most of all of it.
I just love life.”
WA N T E D : S P O U S E W H O A G R E E S W I T H M E
I found this in the classified ads of my local newspaper, The Monitor:“Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes; CollegeEdition Webster’s Dictionary, like new; thesaurus, not used. All in excellent condition. No longer needed … recently married. Wifeknows everything.” Submitted by TRACEY CARTER
Here was a tempting offer in The Ithaca Journal: “Ford 9N, $2,750.New tires and chains, trip bucket. Wife says tractor goes or she goes.Gave it a lot of thought. Good appearance, solid, great shape for theage. Works hard without complaining. Same can be said for tractor.”
Submitted by NANCY HENION
Listen to our interview with DollyParton at rd.com/dollyparton.
(Clockwise from top left) Frank Doolin, his son Michael, Ben Pollock, Jordan Stokes and Gabriel Pollock with theflotation devices, yellow plastic rope and ice chest they clung to in the chilly waters of the Gulf of Mexico.
PHOTOGRAPHED BY KELLY LADUKE 87
Ben pollock, his cousin frank doolin and their boys lazedon the deck of his 20-foot fishing boat. It had been one of
the finest fishing days in memory—a fresh spring day in May2004, during which they had caught a good 70 sea bass, groupers
and grunts, enough to pack everyone’s freezer.The two men and their oldest sons, Gabriel Pollock
and Michael Doolin, and another cousin, Jor-dan Stokes, had been out in the Gulf of Mexico
since early morning, and now were enjoying the lastwarm rays of sunshine before turning back to port in Hud-
son, Florida. About 40 miles and two hours from shore,and an hour before sunset, they were looking forward
to taking their catch home.
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Pollock had recently bought the1972-vintage craft and had taken it fora test run in the rougher waters of theAtlantic. Like most older boats, it hadnot been “foamed” (insulated with ma-terial to keep it buoyant if it capsized).Doolin had an uneasy feeling aboutthis and told Pollock he wouldn’t goout in an unfoamed vessel. But Pol-lock kidded with him until he relented.
Now as they turned off the reef, theboat seemed a bit sluggish. Pollockfigured the hull had taken on somewater. Easy to remedy. He pulled theplug from the hull to let gravity drainit as they motored back toward shore.
Several minutes later, the engine,out of gas, sputtered and died. Time tofill up from the spare tank.
Doolin had gotten little sleepthe night before—an hourat best. But during that brieftime, he’d had a nightmare.He dreamed about his sonMichael—and in the dream
Michael was drowning. It stayed withhim, pricked his consciousness, as heheaded to the back of the boat. Mean-while, Pollock replaced the plug in thehull, grabbed the fuel and a funnel,and prepared to refill the side tank.
But now things were happeningvery quickly. The stern dipped low inthe water. Waves began to wash overthe sides. It felt like a hand was push-ing the boat down. Doolin grabbed afive-gallon plastic bucket and beganto bail. “Get the fuel in,” he yelled.
Pollock bounded over. Theydumped in the gas. Pollock frantically
turned the key, trying to get the en-gine to crank. But it wouldn’t catch—it was already underwater.
“Grab the life vests. Grab anythingthat will float!” Doolin called out. Theboys jumped, and the men were flunginto the water as the boat rolled.
Doolin gathered Michael, 13, andJordan, 12, close to him as loose gearbegan popping up all around them.He took out his cell phone, which hekept in a plastic bag—and punched911. Nothing. They were too far out.
“Get the rope,” he yelled to Pollock.The anchor was pulling the boatdown. And they would need the yel-low plastic line. Pollock and Gabriel,the oldest boy at 14, sawed it off usingthe edge of the propeller. Then, bal-anced on the rocking, overturned boat,the younger two used it to tie them-selves together.
“You boys just sit here,” Doolin said,climbing aboard. “Don’t let this thingtip over, because we might have to beout here all night.” Outwardly theyoungsters remained calm, but Doolinknew they must be terrified.
Pollock and Gabriel dove below tolook for equipment and popped up inan air pocket—a pocket that reekedwith gas fumes. Gabriel kicked his wayback up and gathered life vests float-ing on the surface. While the othersput the vests on, Pollock continued todive, retrieving flares, a flashlight, aknife, an orange distress flag from in-side the boat. He put these items intoa small ice chest bobbing on thewaves, and went down again.
Then came the hissing sound of
89
escaping air. The boat was sinking.“Jump away, so it can’t suck youunder,” Doolin yelled.
A moment later, the stern tippeddownward; the bow pointed to the sky.Their largest ice chest, a king-sizedwhite Igloo, about five feet long bythree feet wide, was still tightlywedged between the steering columnand the hull. It was packed with foodand water, but was buoyant. They
could use it to keep afloat. Pollock de-cided to risk one more dive.
He swam downward and grabbedthe cooler’s handle. It wouldn’t budge.The sinking boat pulled him downwith it, faster and faster. He yankedagain, and it shot to the surface like atorpedo. Man and ice chest bouncedout of the water.
“Whoo-hoo!” Pollock called jubi-lantly, swimming with the huge Iglooto the others. After donning a lifejacket, he tied himself between his sonand Jordan. Supplies were floating upall around them, and without think-ing, Pollock opened another smallcooler. Dozens of bloody fish spilledout. “Good grief, we’re nothing butchum for the sharks,” he cried. “We’vegot to get out of here. Swim!”
When they looked back from a hun-dred yards away, the boat was gone.The five of them were clinging to abobbing ice chest in the open sea.
Pollock assured them help wouldcome. Emulating his dad, Gabriel ex-uded bravado. “Man, this is nothing,”he claimed. “The Marines do this allthe time.”
But Doolin knew the worst was stillahead. Within minutes, the gulf wouldswallow the big orange sun. No onecould see them now. Nobody wouldbe looking. Pollock had told their fam-ilies that they might stay out an extra
day—not to give it a thought if theydidn’t come home that night.
Temperatures fell. The gulf wind,soothing in the afternoon, suckedwarmth from their bodies. Water tem-peratures in the 70s could bring onhypothermia within three hours. Theyshivered; their teeth chattered. Andthe fathers hugged the boys close.
It was about 10:15 p.m. A shrimp boatwas speeding along a mile or so away.“Give me a flare!” Pollock shouted. Ona night as dark as this, a flare wouldsurely catch the eye of anyone ondeck. He set it off, expecting a widearc of flame. But the device barelyflashed up an inch before dying.
“That was a flare?” Doolin said, half-laughing. Pollock popped a second. It shot up a bit higher, then fizzled. A third sputtered and flickered out,giving no more light than a match-stick. The flares he had retrieved were
The sun set. No one could seethem now. No one was looking.
LOST AT SEA
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the oldest ones he’d had on board.The flashlight! Its beam might be
weaker, but would shine longer. Pol-lock rummaged through the smallcooler where he had stowed salvageditems. Where was it? It had to be here.But it was gone. They all watched theshrimp boat disappear.
Every bone in Doolin’s body was rat-tling. It would be so easy to give upnow, to close his eyes and allow thesea to take him. But he had to stay inthis for Michael.
A tall, thin boy, Michael had almostno body fat to insulate him from thecold. He was lethargic now, at timesbarely conscious. “Wake up, wake up,”Doolin urged. The boy mumbled, andDoolin held him close, trying to forgetthe dream of the night before, pray-ing that his son wouldn’t die.
The other boys had also becomeweak and disoriented. Gabriel had thedry heaves from salt water he’d swal-
lowed. His father cradled him, rubbedhis arms to keep him warm. Jordanseemed to be hallucinating. The mencouldn’t understand what he was say-ing, but they understood his fear.
As dawn broke, Gabriel and Jordanperked up some. Michael was tooweak to keep his head up. Doolin andPollock tied him to the handle of theice chest in order to keep his face outof the water. They had been adrift foralmost 12 hours with no relief fromthe cold. It would be hours still be-fore the sun warmed the air and sea.
They swam east toward the shore.Jellyfish stung their legs, but theypushed on. By 7 a.m., staring at thevast emptiness, Pollock felt despair.Where were all the boats? They hadbeen an hour from shore when theirown went down. They should be see-
James and Carol Fullerton with JoeMiley on board InTheCooler.
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ing fishing vessels out on the watersoon. But would the boats see them?
Doolin understood that nobody wasgoing to spot five heads bobbing justabove the water. He had fished theFlorida Keys and knew that fishermenlooked for diving frigate birds to pointthem to fish. What could they toss inthe air that would resemble a bird div-ing for prey? They had the small whitecooler—that would have to do.
Sometime past eight o’clock, twoboats appeared, far southwest of them.Doolin threw the little cooler into theair. Pollock tossed their distress flag.Gabriel and Jordan joined in, shout-ing, yelling, throwing whatever theycould. The boats sped past.
Doolin took a close look at Michael.He was as limp as a dishrag, barelyconscious, no longer even trembling.Haunted by his dream, Doolin blamedhimself for bringing his boy fishing,and for their predicament.
Joe miley, James Fullertonand his wife, Carol, wereheaded to a fishing hole 35miles out from Hudson.With Miley at the wheel,InTheCooler sped along at 24
knots. After more than an hour pound-ing over the waves, Miley stopped togive them all a break. Idling, the boatacted like it had picked up some seagrass. As Miley checked the prop, theboat drifted south.
When he finished, he glanced to thehorizon. Something was moving. Itwas just a speck. Birds diving, ormaybe sea turtles. That could mean a
reef. And reefs meant fish. “You mindif we go downrange a couple ofmiles?” he asked Fullerton.
Fullerton was reluctant. “Man,we’ve got a ways to go.”
But, if they found fish, Miley said,they wouldn’t have to go any farther.They decided to check it out.
Drawing closer, the movementlooked more like debris floating onthe water than birds or turtles. ButMiley pushed on. Maybe that whitething hopping up and down in the airwas a bird after all.
Closer still, and he thought for a second that it looked like people out there. But it couldn’t be. “Oh, myGod,” cried Carol Fullerton. “Thereare children in the water.” Now theycould hear shouting and yelling.
Tears welled up in Doolin’s eyes asthe boat pulled alongside them. Thepeople on deck helped get Michaeland the other two kids into the boat.Then he and Pollock climbed aboard.A woman wrapped his son in blanketsand towels, while the men poweredthe boat toward shore.
Over and over, Doolin, Pollock andthe boys thanked their rescuers.
What to make of Doolin’s dream?Was it a premonition? Coincidence?What we do know is that Michael andthe others survived, healthy and withno lasting effects. We know that theyall owe their lives to a big cooler thatkept them afloat, a little cooler thatflew like a bird, and three fishermenaboard InTheCooler who found themadrift in the open sea. ■
This is not a diet—or a rigor-ous exercise program. (No-body can stick to those forlong.) Instead, it’s a simpleway to make weight loss a
natural part of the life you already live.And guess what? It’s fun! You don’t
have to give up the foods you love orjoin a gym. It’s about balancing calo-ries in tiny ways that add up to bigbenefits. You just adopt some tricksnaturally lean people do. Pick the onesyou like, stick with them, and you’llslim down and tone up—for good!
Decide how much youwant to lose and see howmany calories a day it willtake to make it happen byyear’s end. Then, workinto your routines howevermany of these eatingtweaks and exercises (it’simportant to do both) youneed to achieve your goal:• Slash a total of 100 calories each day to lose
about 10 pounds in a year.• Slash 250 calories a dayto lose about 25 pounds. • Slash 500 calories a dayto lose about 50 pounds.
This is based on a 150-pound person; you mayneed to cut more or fewercalories, depending onyour weight, age and gen-der. It also assumes yournormal calorie intake es-
How to Get Startedsentially stays the same(you’re not overeatingtoday, running a marathontomorrow) and your weightis stable. For instance, a140-pound woman eatsabout 2,100 calories a dayto maintain her currentweight; a 210-pound manneeds 3,150 daily to keepthe scale steady. Now readon and start losing!
Lose Weight Forever
50Habitsof
B Y C Y N T H I A D E R M O D Y
‘‘NaturallyThin’’People
ILLUSTRATED BY INGO FAST 93
Morning Makeover
1Wake-up workout When your eyesopen, sit up slowly without using
your hands. With legs straight out, leanforward until you feel a gentle stretchin your back and hamstrings. Hold;then, using your abs, lower yourselfflat. Rest and repeat two more times.Strengthens core. Burns 10
2Go for the grains Not ready forTwigs & Rocks cereal? Sprinkle on
a few tablespoons of wheat germ oroat bran. Work up to 3⁄4 cup of low-sugar whole-grain cereal with at leastthree grams of fiber per serving, andyou’ll pass on that Danish. Saves 100
3Add some protein The more youeat earlier on, the less you eat as
the day wears on, research has shown.So after your cereal, add a hard-boiledegg or a part-skim mozzarella cheesestick to keep you feeling full—andaway from that pre-lunch brownie.Saves 200 (or more)
4Balance booster While you brushyour teeth, alternate standing on
one leg as you switch mouth quad-rants (every 30 seconds).Balancing developsyour core musclesand may even be good for yourbrain. Burns 10
5Be a ballerina As your coffeedrips, stand sideways, put onehand on the counter, andlift the outside leg straight
out in front of you, keeping it ex-tended. With upper body straight,hold for a few seconds and move it tothe side; hold and extend it behindyou. Do five to ten times on each leg.Tones outer thighs, hip flexors andquadriceps. Burns 10
6Coffee saver Instead of pouringthat 1⁄3 cup of half-and-half (awhopping 105 calories!) into
your mug, replace it with the sameamount of 2% milk. Saves 60
7Better your bagel You can walk10,000 steps to justify your 500-
calorie bagel with cream cheese, ortry this: low-fat spreadable cheese likeLaughing Cow Light on an Englishmuffin. Saves 300
RD I JANUARY 2006
Because you walk more, a study found.Now you just have to convince theboss. Burns 25
11You know squat! At your deskchair, pretend you’re going to sit
but don’t—stop and come back upwithout using your arms. Always startsquats by lowering your hips, notbending knees forward, and keepingyour weight on your heels. Repeat themotion throughout the day (even atthe potty!) for 15 to 20 total. Strength-ens quadriceps. Burns 15
12Switch your soda Yourbody doesn’t register
calories from liquids the sameway it does those from foods,so you won’t get those “stop
eating” signals to help youcompensate for the overload
later on. Change from two glassesof regular soda or fruit juice to
diet soda or a flavored seltzer.Saves 300
13Talk it UP Everytime you grab thephone, stand upand pace around.
Heavy people sit on average twoand a half hours more per daythan thin people, according to theMayo Clinic. Burns 50 or more
14At lunch, pick a pita Useone mini whole-wheat pita
instead of the usual two slices ofwhite or refined wheat bread foryour sandwich. Saves 70
Nine-to-Five Fixes
8Tone in traffic Use the time spentbumper-to-bumper to develop
your buns of steel: Squeeze your der-rière each time you tap the brake,holding for 10 seconds. Shoot for 10to 15 squeezes a trip. Burns 10
9Snack smarter Portion out theday’s snacks into pint-size zipbags, or buy single-serving por-
tions. For example, four regular Oreoshave 200 calories versus the 100-calo-rie snack bag version. Go for the lowerfat chips: a Lay’s Light bag has only 75calories, while the regular has 150.Saves 175 (over two snacks)
10Casual day payoff Youwill blast more calo-
ries during the day wear-ing comfy clothes like jeansor khakis, sport shirts andsoft-soled shoes than don-ning constricting suits,skirts and heels. Why?
15Get face time We use e-mail somuch we’ve forgotten what our
co-workers look like. Pick a colleagueor two who sits farthest from you anddeliver 10 of those daily messages inperson. And go out of your way: Hit abathroom or a copier on anotherfloor—and take the stairs, of course.Burns 100
16Firm as you file Pause fromyour papers with a few wall
push-ups. Place hands wide at shoul-der height against the wall. Take acouple of steps back so your body isat a slight angle and your weight ison your toes, and do three sets of 10push-ups. Strengthens chest and tri-ceps. (For more desk exercises, go tochangeone.com/workout.) Burns 10
17An apple (or more) a dayThey’re packed with fiberand water, so your stom-ach will want less. Plus,
studies out of Washington State andBrazil have shown that people whoeat at least three apples or pears a daylose weight. Try two small apples andtwo fewer large cookies. Saves 100
18Try a simple chair work-out • Dips: If your chair has
wheels, brace it against some-thing. Facing forward, place palms
on the front edge of the seat withknees bent at a right angle. Lower butttoward the floor; raise and repeat fortwo sets of 10. Tones triceps. Burns 10
• Lifts: Seated in a chair with yourback straight and your feet on the floor,squeeze knees together and gentlybring them toward your chest. Do twosets of ten. Strengthens abdominals.Burns 10
You might be tempted to jump onthe scale after the first few days tosee if you’ve lost. Don’t! With thislong-term approach, you may notsee the digits decrease right away.This is fine—you’re losing slowly, theway you should. Weigh in weekly ifyou want, but don’t obsess. If yourjeans get looser, you know you’redoing great. The best way to trackyour progress is to pay attention tohow you feel: Do you have less pain,more energy? Are you in a bettermood? That’s what counts.
Outsmart the Scale
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RD I JANUARY 2006
Around Town
19Carry some weight Whenyou’re grocery shopping or run-
ning errands, wear a backpack with a5- or 10-pound bag of sugar inside toincrease resistance and burn morecalories. Add purchases to your loadas it becomes easier. Burns 20 (for anhour of errands)
20Tweak your treat Insteadof a large caffè latte and a chocolate cream-cheese
muffin, get a small nonfat latte and asmall low-fat raisin or carrot muffin.Saves 340
21Pump at the pump Instead offuming over gas prices, think
about firming your calves: With onehand on your
car, stand onthe balls ofyour feetand slowly
rise up anddown for as
long as it
takes your tank to fill—for an SUV thatmight be 50 raises! Burns 10
22Do the pizza pat Blot your slicewith a napkin to cut anywhere
from a teaspoon to a tablespoon ofgrease—and calories. Saves 50-100
23Shop till the pounds drop Atthe mall, try on at least ten out-
fits, both pants and shirts. No need tobuy! Burns 60
24Eat like a kid You don’t haveto give up that quick lunch if
you order smaller portions: Insteadof a Quarter Pounder with Cheese andlarge fries, opt for the cheeseburgerHappy Meal. You can even play withthe toy. Saves 390
25Recharge yourself Any-time you’re waiting inline, stand evenly onboth feet, clasp hands
behind your back and squeeze shoul-der blades together to open yourchest, an energizing yoga-based movethat stimulates the nervous system.Hold for 10 to 20 seconds while slowlybreathing in and out, taking longer onthe inhale. Burns 5
On the Home Front
26Jog for junk mail Turn clutterinto a challenge: For every
piece of junk mail you pull from themailbox each day, do one lap aroundyour house or building, or up anddown a flight of stairs. Burns 35-140
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27Use better butter No, youdon’t have to give up thereal deal—instead of a ta-
blespoon of stick butter, use a table-spoon of whipped and cut half thecalories. Saves 30
28Step on it Before you lugthose backpacks up-
stairs, stop and stand on thebottom step for these calftoners. Hold the banis-ter with one hand. Bendyour right leg and place the toes ofyour left foot on the edge of the step.Let your heel drop down, press intothe ball of your left foot and riseto your toes. Pause; repeat witheach foot for 8 to 12 reps. Burns 10
29Start with soup Order a clearsoup instead of a salad soaked
with two tablespoons full-fat ranchand you can save twice the calories.Plus you’ll feel fuller, so you’ll eat lesswhen the entrée comes. Saves 100
30Play footsie After dinner, whileyou’re still sitting at the table,
extend your right leg out and slowlybend it up and down, squeezing andholding in the up position for at leastfive seconds. Repeat on each leg fivetimes. Sculpts quadriceps. Burns 10
31Make perfect pasta Substitutewhole-grain pasta for semolina
and you’ll be satisfied with a smallerportion (1.5 ounces instead of 2). Saves50 Or use the same amount of oat-bran pasta. Saves 90
32Climb up! Taking thestairs for a total of justtwo minutes, five daysa week, gives you the
same calorie-burning results as a 20-minute walk. Burns 100-140
33Fill up with fruit Like pie?Here’s how you can cave to the
craving: Sprinkle fresh fruit—somecut-up apple, pear or a handful of cher-ries—with some Splenda or Equal,cover and nuke for a minute or so.Tastes just like pie filling. Saves 275
34Have your cake Pick up anangel food cake for dessert. It’s
packed with air and has fewer thanhalf the calories of, say, pound cake.Saves 70
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35Ease into evening Sitting withfeet uncrossed, grab your wrist
and raise your hands above your headto lengthen the spine. Take a deepbreath in as you reach and hold theposition, breathing slowly in and outfor 20 seconds, taking longer on theexhale. Instant relaxation. Burns 5
36Get your chocolate fix In-stead of a candy bar, try asugar-free, reduced-calorie
Jell-O chocolate pudding snack with asquirt of nonfat whipped cream top-ping. Eat it with a baby spoon to savorit longer. Saves 185
37Crunch for your clicker The av-erage half-hour TV show has
eight minutes of commercials. Makereaching for the remote control worthit: Place it out of reach on the coffeetable or, if you’re lying down, on theopposite arm of the couch. Every time
Debby Hanry, 53, of Dallas, weighed223 pounds when she started thisapproach a year and a half ago.She’s lost 70 pounds so far with the help of simple lifestyle tweakslike ordering low-fat frozen yogurt instead of a chocolate shake at McDonald’s, snacking on bite-sizeSnickers rather than the regularbars, making extra trips to the copierat work and parking as far away aspossible everywhere she goes. “I feeland look great. I don’t feel like I’mmissing out on anything,” she says.
It’sWorking for Me!an ad comes on and you reach for theremote, crunch until the show comesback on; you should reach 100-150 orso. Tones abs. Burns 24
38Lift those hips Before you tuckyourself in, lie on your back on
the floor with your legs up on the edgeof the bed or a chair. Slowly bend yourknees, lifting your hips off the floor.Hold for five seconds, relax and re-peat 10 to 12 times. Firms up ham-strings and core. Burns 10
The Weekend
39Sing a song Spend Sun-day morning belting itout in the church choir.Burns 70 per service
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40Make it bacon At thediner, order three
slices of crisp bacon insteadof two sausage links, and patoff the extra grease. Saves 90
41Move it, Soccer Parents!After every quarter
of the game, get up fromthe bleachers and take alap around the gym orfield. Four or five times arounda typical one is about a mile.Burns 75
42Movie time Mostpeople eat 45%
more popcorn fromlarge-size containers,so make sure you get only a small andskip the butter, which adds more calo-ries than the popcorn itself. Bring yourown seasoned salt or Parmesan cheesefor more flavor. Saves 350
43Orient yourself At Chineserestaurants, be sure toavoid anything named Gen-
eral Tso or Crispy, which means fried.Eat only the filling of the egg roll andnot the shell. Saves 400-500
44Catch this! Spend a half-hourtossing a ball or Frisbee with
your kid. Burns 90
45Cut the cheese Order yourpizza with half the cheese or
even cheese-less, and then sprinklewith a few tablespoons of Parmesan.Saves 100
SOURCES: Jay Ashmore, PhD; Fabio Comana; Mara
Carrico; John de Castro, PhD; Madelyn Fernstrom, PhD;
Donald Hensrud, MD; James Hill, PhD; Bruce Nadler, MD;
Michael Ozner, MD; Mare Petras; Barry Popkin, PhD;
Barbara Rolls, PhD; Brian Wansink, PhD
46Have a hot dog!Pile on the pickles,onions and sauer-kraut—these fiber-
packed condiments will fill you upand prevent you from eating a
second dog. Skip the cheese andchili. Saves 250
47Think about yourdrink Consider beer
or wine instead of a frozendrink: A glass of regular beer
has 140 calories anda serving of
wine has 126calories, while a
strawberry daiquirihas about 300 and a
margarita 340. Saves 150-200
48Fix your fries Rather than ask-ing for medium fries, get an
order of onion rings (8 to 9 rings).Saves 60
49Scream for sorbet Indulge inchocolate sorbet instead of
chocolate ice cream. Saves 125
50Make whoopee Instead of abowl of ice cream as a bedtime
snack, have a robust tussle with yourspouse. Burns 300
For more weight-loss tips—and toshare your own—go to rd.com/weightlosstips.
ROBERT YAGER 101
For the Ivano family, the school day began like anyother. It was a Tuesday morning in December, justdays before the Christmas break, and Abraham wasfighting his way through the Los Angeles traffic to hischildren’s schools. He made good time, and after drop-ping off his daughter, Shamrim, Abraham and his son,Walentin, had a moment to spare. Over coffee at Star-bucks, they talked basketball for a while, and then
neck and lodged inhis spinal cord. Wal-entin lived for an-other 18 months as aquadriplegic before fi-nally succumbing tohis wounds.
Walentin ivano’s
murder was no iso-lated act of brutality.It was the handiworkof one of the most vir-ulent street gangs inAmerica’s history. LaMara Salvatrucha, orMS-13, has rapidly ex-panded from L.A., itsU.S. birthplace, intomore than 30 statesacross the country.With at least 10,000members today, thegang’s reach goes wellbeyond its inner-cityroots into middle-class suburban neighborhoods andschools. And that has law enforce-ment, community leaders and parentsstruggling to find ways to cope with anorganization that the FBI considers its“top priority among criminal gangs.”
The beginnings of MS-13date from the 1980s, when more thana million Salvadoran refugees fledtheir war-wracked homeland for safehaven in the United States. Many set-tled in the barrios of Los Angeles,where they were preyed upon by thecity’s turf-conscious Mexican and
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discussed a computer engineeringcourse at a local college that Walentinhoped to take. Abraham and his wifehad done the math and thought thefamily could afford it; he promised totake Walentin that Friday to learnmore about the program. Then Abra-ham dropped his son off at the mag-net high school he attended.
Walentin never made it homethat night. As he and a friend lunchedat a local Chinese restaurant, a toughgroup of Latino boys and girls ap-proached. They accused the friendsof belonging to a rival gang and, whenWalentin denied it, set upon the two.As Walentin pleaded with them tostop, the gang members beat him vi-ciously and crashed a chair onto hishead. Then, as quickly as it began, itwas over. The gang members fled, anda confused Walentin stooped to gatherup his spilled food, needlessly apolo-gizing to the other patrons for thecommotion.
That’s when one of his attackers re-turned. “He pulled the gun out of hispocket and held it toward my son’sforehead,” recounts Suzi Ivano, Wal-entin’s mother. Her dark eyes fight tohold back the tears, and her handsthumb listlessly at the mementos ofher son’s childhood spread on a tablebefore her—commendations for per-fect attendance and superb grades,family pictures of a birthday, Wal-entin’s favorite stuffed Spider-Mantoy. “He said ‘Mara Salvatrucha,’ andjust shot Walentin,” she finally says.The bullet tore through her child’s
man, who was in her car with heryoung child, and raped her in the back-seat. That same year, gang membersraped two deaf teenage girls in aBoston-area park. One girl was liftedfrom her wheelchair and slammedonto a park bench for the assault.
In the summer of 2002, the Los An-geles Police Department alerted itsbrethren in Fairfax County, Virginia—a suburb of Washington, D.C.—thatsome 20 MS-13 members from Califor-nia had been dispatched to kill aNorthern Virginia police officer at ran-dom. California members “are upset
black gangs. The young immigrantsbanded together for protection. Armedwith machetes and guns, their violentmethods quickly established them asthe city’s dominant gang. Since then,MS-13 has opened its ranks to Hispan-ics of all origins, and branched outinto organized rackets such as carchopping, immigrant smuggling(mainly bringing Mexicans into theUnited States) and drug dealing.
It’s the gang’s mindless brutality,though, that keeps making headlines.In 2002, two MS-13 members overpow-ered a Charlotte, North Carolina, wo-
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Flanked by her husbandand daughter, Suzi Ivano
holds family photos ofher son, Walentin, killed
by MS-13 thugs.
PHOTOGRAPHED BY DARCY PADILLA
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with the local MS-13 gang because aFairfax County police officer has notbeen killed,” noted a police bulletin.The hit was foiled, but the threat wasreal: MS-13 is responsible for the exe-cution of three federal agents and “nu-merous shootings of law enforcementofficers across the country,” accord-ing to the Orange County district at-torney’s office.
The Washington, D.C., areahas plenty of reasons to be on alert.MS-13 has turned Northern Virginiainto the gang’s East Coast stronghold,with an estimated 2,000 membersthere. Schools in quiet suburban en-claves have become feeding groundsfor MS-13. “Five years ago, I couldname ten high schools where therereally wasn’t gang membership,” saysthe gang-prevention coordinator fora Northern Virginia school district.“Now, every school is being touched.The seventh and eighth grades—thoseare prime recruitment ages.”
“There’s peer pressure to joingangs,” says Maria, a young teenagerat a Boys & Girls Club run out of achurch basement in Fairfax County.“Almost all your friends are in gangs,and you get pushed to join, to dodrugs. We have a [police] officer atschool, but gang members just hangout at the bus stops.” The Club’s di-rector, Wonhee Kang, says the ganghas steadily encroached on the neigh-borhood, and she means it literally:Not long ago, a murdered body wasdumped on the church’s property,which abuts a known MS-13 redoubt.
“Young kids see the gang membersas role models,” says Wonhee Kang.“The normal thing for a kid to say is, ‘Iwanna be a fireman when I grow up; I wanna be President.’ But thesekids? ‘I wanna be a gang member.’ ”
It’s the same story in cities and sub-urbs across the country, from Chicagoto Raleigh to Des Moines. One of theworst hit is Dallas, where gang-relatedschool incidents soared from 92 in2001 to 245 in 2004. At playgroundsand schoolyards, you can see MS-13members flashing their blue-and-white colors, looking for new recruits.New members, some as young as 10,are “jumped in,” gang lingo for an ini-tiation that involves beating a kid re-lentlessly for 13 seconds. New femalemembers may be “sexed in”—gang-raped by as many as half a dozen men.
Once accepted into MS-13,it can be deadly to try to break freeagain. And so it was for Brenda Paz.
Born in Honduras, she grew up inLos Angeles where, at age 12, shedropped out of school and became agang gypsy. For the next five years,Paz moved with MS-13 members fromstate to state until 2002, when she wasarrested in Northern Virginia for steal-ing a car. In exchange for leniency, Pazgave prosecutors firsthand informa-tion about armed robberies, stabbingsand shootings stretching from Cali-fornia to Texas to North Carolina.
That information made Paz theclutch witness in a federal trial back inNorthern Virginia. In September 2001,some members of MS-13 had mistaken
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a young man named Joaquim Diaz fora rival gang member, lured him backto their apartment to smoke pot, andthen stabbed him to death in a nearbypark with a steak knife.
Paz knew the details and was will-ing to talk. In return, the feds placedher in a halfway house, and then relo-cated her to Kansas City under theFederal Witness Protection Program.But the strictures and the isolation be-came too much for Paz. She made con-tact with her former gang, and itsmembers convinced her to come back,assuring her that everything was okay.
On a July day in 2003, a fishermanwas casting the North Fork of theShenandoah River when he foundPaz’s body. Her murder had been
grisly—a rope to strangle her from be-hind, 16 stab wounds to the chest andarms, and three deep slices across theneck. Paz, just 17, was in her fifthmonth of pregnancy.
Brenda Paz’s fate underscoresthe difficulty police have in findingyouths willing to become informants.With such ruthless enforcement ofloyalty, few have the courage to turnon MS-13.
Federal prosecutors also face otherdifficulties. The default policy hasbeen to deport suspected gang mem-bers, many of whom are illegal aliens.If caught in the United States again,they’re convicted for illegal re-entry—a felony that carries a maximum ten-
Assured anonymity, “Isabella” talks about her life inside MS-13 on a rooftop in Central Los Angeles.
PHOTOGRAPHED BY DARCY PADILLA
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year sentence followed by deportation. But once the gang members are
repatriated, weak governments intheir home states—particularly in ElSalvador and Honduras—are unableto bring them under control. The re-sult has been to consolidate the gang’sbase in these countries and furtherentrench its smuggling networks.Complicating matters, many MS-13members are now American-born.
State and federal authorities none-theless have had some successes intheir battle against MS-13. The Depart-ment of Homeland Security’s Immi-gration and Customs Enforcementagency has stepped up raids on sus-pected gang hangouts, and last yearnetted some 700 members of MS-13.
State legislatures, including Vir-ginia’s, have passed laws that enhancepunishments for gang-related crimesand establish “gang-free zones” aroundpublic high schools.
Perhaps the most effective meas-ures are to be found in Los Angeles. In2004, an L.A. court issued an injunc-tion that prohibits any two gang mem-bers from fraternizing in public. It’s aDraconian measure, but along withcurfews, the injunction has quietedthe streets considerably. “Virginia iswhat our problem was ten years ago,”says LAPD Officer Janine Manji. “Youused to drive around and see [gangmembers] hanging out on the corners.”
Alex Sanchez agrees. A formerhigh-ranking MS-13 member who nowruns Homies Unidos, a Los Angelesgang-outreach program, Sanchez says,“You hardly see gang members kickin’
it in the streets anymore. The streetshaven’t been this mellow in a longtime.”
Still, MS-13 makes it clear it hasn’tgone away. Los Angeles has teams ofworkers who regularly paint over graf-fiti-scarred walls and bridges. Afteronly a few nights, dawn reveals newgang spray-paintings.
As I toured MS-13’s Hollywood andWilshire turfs with Sanchez, he pointsout markers of his own gang past. “Seethat fire hydrant?” he asks. “That’swhere I first got arrested. This blockhere? That’s where I slept underneathone of the buildings.” Fights, evictionsand arrests are too numerous forSanchez to remember them all. “I’vehad my nose broken, my eye slicedopen. I’ve gotten shot at, beaten up.Yeah, man …” He pauses. “It’s tough.”
It’s still tough for Isabella.Reassured by Sanchez that her realname wouldn’t appear in print, Is-abella agreed to talk over dinner aboutlife in MS-13. Now in her mid-20s, shewas five years old when she came withher parents from Guatemala. Her fa-ther went to jail four years later, andIsabella and her mother have nevergotten along. At 14, she was “jumpedin” by four older MS-13 members, whopounded her mercilessly for 13 sec-onds. When it was over, she felt likeshe finally belonged. “They’re likeyour brothers,” she says of her posse.“They take good care of you.”
Isabella went by a new nickname,did some drugs, and made her boneson the street. Gothic tattoos run along
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her back, and deep knife scars traceher shoulder. She was drawn to theadrenaline, as well as the camaraderie.“You just there, and all of a suddenyou get shot up,” she says, laughingtoughly. “All of a sudden, you got adrive-by. All of a sudden, you got acop busting in. Anything can happen,you know? You could die that night.”
In subsequent meetings, Isabellalets her guard fall. She desperatelywants to get out, she says. She has anew car, a good, steady job in SantaMonica, and her eight-year-old daugh-ter, Rosemary, is growing up. “I’m sotired of getting in trouble,” she says.“I’m so tired of dealing with the b.s.all my life—being locked up, seeingmy homies die, going to funerals. AndI don’t want to end up like that.” Is-abella says she’ll marry her boyfriend,a tough gang leader with a long rap
sheet, and they hope they’ll move toLas Vegas, farther from MS-13’s draw.
Outside a restaurant a few dayslater, however, Isabella relates a storythat suggests her life is again off-track.A month ago, she says, a member ofher group was parking his car outsidehis apartment when a rival gang mem-ber shot him in the leg and stomach.He lived, but now her gang wants itsrevenge. “We gotta go back and dosomething about it,” she says omi-nously. “What I mean is, we’re gonnaget him. Anybody—anybody—will payfor what that fool did.”
As she bundles Rosemary into thecar, Isabella’s cell phone rings. It’s hersister. She stands on the sidewalk chatting, and a police car cruises by. It turns into a driveway up the blockand comes back, prowling slowly,watching her.
D I S S E R V I C E W I T H A S M I L E
As she left the Department of Motor Vehicles after renewing herdriver’s license, my grandmother noticed a mistake—“male” waschecked instead of “female.” Shy and easily embarrassed, she got backon line and waited patiently to show the clerk the mistake.
“I’m so sorry,” he said. “We’ll fix this right away.”With that he lifted the microphone for the P.A. system, which car-
ried the following words clear across the hall: “Frank! Thislady needs a sex change!” ANGELA LONG
A nearby restaurant has notoriously slow service. But one night, before a late movie, it was our only
choice. Hopes of a quick dinner were againdashed—even before we put in our order. After
seating my parents and me, our host left uswith these words: “I hope you enjoy
your stay.” AMANDA YESILBAS
109
StrokeAfter nearly dying in the OR, an
artist comes to life B Y E L L E N S H E R M A N
Genıusof
The skies were crystal clear over theCape Ann Golf Course that day in Oc-tober 1988 when Jon Sarkin, a buttoned-down chiropractor from Gloucester,
Massachusetts, bent over to retrieve atee. Sarkin, 35 at the time, suddenly feltan intense physical sensation—a deepshiver—go through him. Everything looked
and sounded different. “I remember think-ing, I’m going to die,” he says today.
He drove himself home to his wife, Kim,who knew with just one look that something
was wrong. In the weeks that followed, the weirdsensory shift became something much worse. Jonwas intensely sensitive to light and sound, andthe initial shiver became a distressing reverbera-tion in his head. Ultimately it turned into a hell-ish roar that wouldn’t quit.
For the next several months, he and Kimsearched agonizingly for a cure to the ringing inJon’s ears, a condition known as tinnitus. For a
PHOTOGRAPHED BY NUBAR ALEXANIAN
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can-do professional like Jon, Kim ex-plained, not having a definitive an-swer to a medical issue was his worstnightmare—a nightmare he almostdidn’t wake from.
The son of a dentist andhomemaker, Jon Sarkingrew up in Hillside, NewJersey, with a secret pas-sion for art. But the duti-ful student set his sights
instead on a career in architecture,then chiropractic, to satisfy his prac-tical parents who thought he shouldbecome a doctor. He married KimRichardson, a teacher, in 1986, and thecouple mixed in well with the laid-back but status-conscious lifestyle ofthe seaside community where theysettled. They soon had a baby boythey named Curtis, but even then Jonrarely slowed down. The only excep-tion was during breaks between pa-tients at his thriving practice, whenhe quietly doodled or drew imagina-tive invitations to family parties. Hethought that one day, when he retired,he’d turn more fully to creating art;he envisioned himself, an older man,painting at the beach.
Then the ringing began to sound inhis head. After months of seeing spe-cialists, Jon was diagnosed with aswollen blood vessel pressing on hisacoustic nerve. On August 8, 1989, sur-geons in Pittsburgh operated to inserta small Teflon wafer between the of-fending vessel and the nerve. The doc-tors pronounced the surgery a success,and as Jon came to in the recovery
room, Kim asked the question oneveryone’s mind: “Is the ringinggone?” Jon mouthed the word yes. Andhis family cheered.
A day passed as he recuperated.Then, during a visit with Kim, Jon,who was propped up in his bed, pat-ted the covers and called out, “Comehere, Ida.” Ida was the family dog backin Gloucester, hundreds of miles away.In an urgent voice, Kim called for anurse. One of Jon’s doctors came tothe room, gently unwrapped his ban-dage and found that the wound wasfull of blood. “Please step out now!” heshouted at Kim, and Jon was rushedto the OR.
Once again, Jon went under theknife—only this time the medical teamwas racing to save his life. He had suf-fered massive bleeding and a post-operative stroke. “I was told that I diedon the table and they brought meback,” he explains. The doctors wouldultimately save him, but not withouthaving to remove the entire left sideof his cerebellum, an area of the brainthat controls balance, coordinationand movement.
This time, when Jon came out ofsurgery, there was little cause for re-joicing. “There were tubes every-where,” says his sister Jane. “He had amachine breathing for him. It wasawful.”
Jon languished in a semi-comatosestate, losing weight and sufferingpneumonia and bleeding ulcers. Buttwo months later, he began to regainconsciousness. The recovery was bit-tersweet. What soon became clear was
111
that he would have to relearn themost basic functions of speech andmovement. He was deaf in one earand suffered from double vision. Kimrecalls that Jon, under a mass of tan-gled tubes, would squeeze her hand inan effort to communicate. “He’d rollhis eyes, seeming to say, Can you be-lieve this?”
Three and a half months after hissurgery, Jon was finally able to returnto his Gloucester home. He arrived viaa medical van, emerging in a wheel-chair. “We were coached beforehandnot to be frightened by how horriblehe looked,” says his long-time friendJohn Keegan. “Jon had been a super-strong, athletic guy. Now his once-muscular arms were like an inch indiameter, and his skin was yellow. He’dlost almost everything.”
But Jon made great physical stridesthrough rehab. Within five months,he was walking and had regained
most of his strength. Inside him,though, profound emotional changeshad been wrought. While his intelli-gence and sharp wit remained intact,Jon was now unfocused and unableto attend to the minutiae of everydaylife. Bills were left unpaid, appoint-ments forgotten. He also, for a time,developed all-encompassing obses-sions. One was with recycling. SinceGloucester didn’t recycle at the time,he got the idea to send all his family’splastic bottles 500 miles away to hisbrother in the recycle-friendly city ofBuffalo.
The Sarkins had known that the re-moval of the left cerebellum wouldhave physical consequences, but doc-tors didn’t have a concrete explana-tion for the psychological changes.Jon, it seemed, was now devoid of the
Sarkin’s prolific output litters hisstudio—a study in creative chaos.
112
intangible censors that control whatwe think, what we say and how weact. He would blurt out anything thatcame to mind, no matter how inap-propriate. “I was like that characterin the Jim Carrey movie Liar Liar,” herecalls. “I had to say everything I wasthinking. It really was scary.”
Social conventions were a thing ofthe past. If he thought someone wasnot interesting, he would walk awaymid-conversation. He’d laugh at thewrong moment. He found himselfhaving trouble empathizing with oth-ers. “I would say, ‘I know how youfeel,’ ” Sarkin says, “but inside I wasthinking, What?”
Meanwhile, Kim felt like she’d lostthe anchor of a steady, reliable partner.“He was very much like a teenagerwho has a lack of control over his
emotions,” she says, “whose perspec-tive is warped and who is terribly self-absorbed. I hung in there because Jonis my family. I love him and I believefirmly in looking out for family.” Shealso felt her husband’s core had notchanged. “Jon’s inner personality andvalues remained the same.”
“My wife is great,” Jon says in sim-ple understatement. “She was like oneof those dolls that you hit and it al-ways pops back up.”
In 1990, a year before his secondchild, daughter Robin, was born, Jonfelt that he had relearned enough ofthe social skills required for a healthcare provider and decided to go backto work as a chiropractor. “I wanted tosupport him,” says Kim, “but I wasvery uncomfortable with it, becausehe got so fatigued trying to keep hiscomposure.”
The first few months went all right,but it soon became clear that Jon’s
Jon Sarkin with wife Kim and children(from left) Robin, Caroline and Curtis.
STROKE OF GEN IUS
113
heart was no longer in his work. See-ing patients exhausted him, both phys-ically and emotionally. What now firedhim up was the compulsive sketchinghe did in between appointments. Hedrew anything from pointy-hairedpeople to the Chrysler Building, thenscrawled quotations around the im-ages, scrambling the words, creatingwhole new meanings. Lines fromThoreau were interspersed with cut-outs of Elvis or car tail fins. He ex-plains, “Where once my art was verylinear and organized, it became drivenand chaotic.”
Jon’s sister Jane, impressed with thework, asked her brother if he mindedif she submitted some of it to the ven-erable New Yorker magazine. “I re-member thinking it would be kindacool getting a rejection letter from TheNew Yorker,” Jon says.
Then one day, as he sat at his deskfuriously creating one of his “doodles,”the phone rang. The voice on theother end said, “This is The NewYorker.” “First thing I thought,” Jonsays, “was, Well, it’s nice of them tocall with the rejection.” To his sur-prise, the magazine was accepting notone, but eight, of his drawings.
In the spring of 1994, Jon sold hispractice. It was not an easy decision.“He was heartbroken,” says Kim, “butboth of us knew the stress was toomuch for him.” He began to turn toart full-time, not so much as part of aconscious career change but as an out-let that suited him like never before.In art, he had found a place where he could express himself without
worrying how anyone judged him. The transition wasn’t easy for Kim,
who had just given birth to their thirdchild, Caroline. Though the family wasreceiving disability payments andKim, in a pinch, could have returnedto teaching, she had reservations. “Mybiggest concern was having to leavethe children to go back to work. Jonwas not someone I could leave themwith. It took me a while to give up theidea of a normal life,” she says.
Meanwhile, Jon’s work had caughtthe attention of art dealer Jane Deer-ing. Over the last few years, she hashad successful Jon Sarkin showings ather gallery in Gloucester. “His workis like a shock in its abundance,” shesays. “Pictorially, it’s a puzzle. Theremay be a beautiful pattern. Anotherlevel is the language.”
In 2003, the Diane von Fursten-berg Studio in Manhattan displayed Sarkin’s art to an au-dience that included MerylStreep and Diane Sawyer(these days, his pieces can sell
for as much as $10,000). In his inim-itable fashion, Sarkin started speak-ing loudly at the gathering, saying,“That’s Meryl Streep. I can’t believeI’m sitting at the table with her.” Sayshis friend Keegan: “Jon doesn’t alwaysknow when to shut up, but that’s justwho he is now, and you accept him.”
Sarkin, who has sold movie rightsto his story to actor Tom Cruise, says,“Sometimes I may get too excited andpeople will stare. But if you make alist of the top ten reasons why you
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don’t care what people think, you’dhave to include a near-death experi-ence right up there at the top.”
There are days, though, when hemourns what he has lost. At the beach,he watches teenagers surfing. “I’d loveto take my son windsurfing, and Ican’t,” says Sarkin, who 16 years afterthe stroke still suffers from poor bal-ance and sometimes uses a cane. Hehas to constantly remember to speakslowly or his speech becomes slurred.“I was in a semi-comatose state,” hesays. “You really don’t ever come outof it completely. I know there are partsof me that aren’t here,” he admits.
But his family and friends also knowthat he has emerged on the other sidehaving gained, not just lost. “Daily lifewith Jon can at times be frustratingand exhausting,” Kim says, “but hispositive attributes make us proud.”Communication is the couple’s life-line. “Jon and I talk to each other allthe time.”
Jon and Kim’s youngest child is 11now. Jon Sarkin, the artist, is the onlydad the kids have ever known. Fromtime to time, Sarkin brings them to hisworkplace, where together they createtheir own art projects and help their
father with his. “They’ll go throughmagazines and say, ‘Use this pic-ture,’ ” Sarkin says. “Or when I’m draw-ing, they’ll look over my shoulder andsay, ‘Why don’t you make this guy havethree eyes—or five.’ I love it.”
He chuckles. “If I was still a chiro-practor, what would they have done?Come to my office and look at the x-ray machine?”
Sarkin points to one of his studiowalls, splattered with quotations, im-ages of Bob Marley, Oscar Wilde, Mar-tin Luther King, Jr. “This is the way Isee the world now,” he says.
“I really think he has a gift that wasunleashed by the stroke,” his sisterJane says. “It comes right from hisbrain onto the page.”
It’s been an incredible journey,Sarkin concedes. “People ask what myfuture will be like. Remember the oldBob Dylan documentary, Don’t LookBack? For me it’s ‘Don’t Look Forward.’It’s tremendously weird how I livenow. I don’t fit. That’s very isolating.”He pauses, and a slight smile crosseshis face. “But it’s very liberating at thesame time.”
For a look at Jon Sarkin’s remarkableartwork, go to rd.com/jonsarkin.
T H E P E N A LT Y B OX
Still not grasping just how important hockey was to my new husband,I plunked myself down next to him on the couch while he watched agame and began to chat. After being shushed a few times, I gave him a look.
Immediately contrite, he picked up the remote. “I’m sorry, honey,”he apologized. “I’m being rude. You go ahead and talk—I’ll just turnup the volume.” C. EPP
wasn’t safely inside when, on a springday in 2001, he and a couple of
other friends in Long Beach,
California, went toJeff ’s home afterschool. The boysheaded into theBlackburns’ back-
yard and waited asJeff, whose parents
weren’t home, went in-side to use the bathroom.
When Jeff came out through theback door, Brian was horrified to seeKemo running outside, barking wildly.Jeff yelled for Brian to freeze, but theboy was already racing toward thefront gate. He didn’t make it.
ILLUSTRATED BY CHRISTOPH NIEMANN 115
A friend’s vicious dog sinks his teeth into 10-year-old Brian. It’s
a slam-dunk lawsuit. Or is it?
Robin Gerber, a former Washington, D.C.,lawyer, is the author of Katharine Graham: TheLeadership Journey of an American Icon.
If anyone ever needed to findten-year-old Brian Yuzon,a good bet was tocheck down thestreet at Jeff
Blackburn’s house.Brian often hungout with his palJeff, even thoughhe was afraid ofJeff ’s two familydogs. He was partic-ularly frightened ofKemo, a Rottweiler-pitbull mix. In fact, wheneverBrian went to visit Jeff, theBlackburns locked Kemo in a room.
Brian had no reason to think Kemo
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With bared teeth, Kemo lunged andcaught Brian’s arm in his powerfuljaws. Kemo clamped down again andagain as Brian screamed hysterically.The other children tried to pull off theattacking dog, while a neighbor calledfor help. By the time paramedics ar-rived, the skin on Brian’s upper armand elbow was shredded and hanging.His physical injuriestook nearly three hoursof surgery to repair,leaving Brian with mul-tiple scars and a deepfear of dogs.
Deeply upset, andfacing medical billsthat quickly climbedinto the thousands, theYuzon family broughta lawsuit against theBlackburns—only todiscover that they had no moneyin the bank. So, afterlearning that
the Blackburnswere renting their house
from a man named Gerald Collins,the Yuzons reasoned that he, too, wasresponsible for Brian’s injuries. TheYuzons assumed Collins had to haveknown that he was allowing a viciousanimal on his property, because Kemohad escaped several times and fright-ened the neighbors.
And Tracy Blackburn, Kemo’sowner, testified that whenever Collinsvisited the property, she would greether landlord on the front porch. Whilethey talked, Kemo would bark andlunge at the door. She also claimed
that Collins once asked her to “pin thedogs up” before an insurance agentwas to inspect the backyard. Whywould Collins do that, the Yuzonswondered, if he didn’t know there wasmore than one dog or that one dogwas fierce? Didn’t the owner have aduty to protect outsiders from anyknown dangers at his rental house?
Gerald Collins hada very different story.He acknowledged thatthe Blackburns’ leaseallowed them to keepa dog, but at the timehe had agreed to thislease, the Blackburns’only dog was a blindspringer spaniel. Col-lins also testified thathe was not only un-
aware of any other dog on the prop-erty, but that he had never seen orheard a dog at all when he showed upat the door of the rental house. Con-trary to the Yuzons’ contention, Col-lins asserted that he had never heardfrom the neighbors about Kemo’s es-capes or seen the dog running wild,and the Blackburns never told him ofany problems with Kemo. He didn’tknow about the danger, Collins said,so how could he be liable for the dam-age the dog caused?
Is Collins responsible for Brian’sinjuries? You Be the Judge! Thenread on to see if the court actuallyruled the way you did.
Kemo clampeddown againand again as
Brianscreamed
hysterically.
ous. Finally, landlords aren’t obligatedto inspect their property for a danger-ous animal. The verdict: Withoutproof Collins knew about this partic-ular dog, he cannot be held liable.
Landlord and tenant responsibilityfor dog attacks varies by state. To be
safe, tenants should obtain writ-ten permission to keep a
dog, confine and muzzle potentially dangerous
dogs, and get rentersinsurance to cover liability. Landlordsshould have insur-ance as well. Collins’s
insurance spared himcostly legal bills. Land-
lords can require that ten-ants have insurance too.
Ultimately, Kemo was put to sleep,and the Blackburns moved. Four yearsafter the attack, Brian still needs sur-gery to repair scars, and his fear ofdogs has not diminished. He even toldhis mom that when he grows up, hewould get a dog only if its teeth wereremoved so it can’t hurt anyone.
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This case went before a statecourt of appeals in Los An-geles, which held that, to beliable, Collins had to haveprior “actual knowledge”
that Kemo was both being kept at hisrental and that he was a vicious dog.Tracy Blackburn’s testimony con-vinced the court that Collinswas aware of a dog on theproperty, but it didn’tprove he knew aboutKemo or any viciousdog. “Pushing, bark-ing, and
jumping at thescreen door,” the courtfound, “would not havegiven Collins actual noticeof Kemo’s vicious propensities.”
There was also no proof that Collinsknew Kemo had scared any neighbors.No one, it turns out, had ever men-tioned Kemo to Collins. It also didn’tmatter to the court whether or notCollins had asked that dogs be con-fined when the insurance inspectorcame. Even if he had, that wouldn’tprove Collins thought the dog wouldattack, since the landlord had noknowledge of any other attacks byKemo. The kinds of behaviors de-scribed in the testimony were “nor-mal dog behaviors,” the court said,and not alarming enough to prove thatCollins knew that Kemo was danger-
KNOW OF ANY UNUSUALOR FUN CASES? [email protected]. Your
story could be the next You Be theJudge! Sending gives us permissionto edit and publish. Do you agreewith the decision in this case? Shareyour opinion at rd.com/community.
Verdict The Case of the Crazed Canine
Sara Bryant learnedthe hard way thatflu-like symptomscan sometimes meansomething far worse.
PHOTOGRAPHED BY TIM TADDER 119
Last january, Sara Bryant, 21, an interior designstudent in San Diego, thought she’d picked up abug over the holidays. A petite powerhouse whooften worked out hours a day, she thought she’dshake it off quickly. Instead, she kept feelingworse. “I had no energy,” she recalls. “I was com-pletely drained. Every joint ached. Even my skinhurt.” Soon she became too weak to stay alonewhen her husband, Bradley, went to work.
“I had that ‘mom sense’ that something was really wrong,” says Nancy Sunday, Sara’s mother,
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who brought her ailing daughter toher home. On January 10, she tookSara to a doctor, who diagnosed a badflu that had settled into her joints. Heprescribed ibuprofen, but it didn’thelp. She was getting sicker and sicker.
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You can’t open a newspaper nowwithout seeing scary stories about thepossibility of a global pandemic of birdflu. And, yes, if the virus does mutate,allowing it to pass easily from personto person, that will be a frighteningscenario. But that possi-bility is remote com-pared with the very realthreats to your healthfound much closer tohome. Influenza andpneumonia, for example,lead to 65,681 deaths and1.5 million hospitaliza-tions a year in the UnitedStates. They are amongthe many dangerous in-fectious diseases that can be con-tracted in the most innocuous-seemingways: from petting an animal to spend-ing time outdoors where mosquitoesand ticks hide; even a simple hand-shake could lead to something deadly.
Not Just the FluSara’s fever persisted, and soon it
became clear that her illness was se-rious. She had shaking chills. Her skinturned yellow. Every movement wasexcruciating. On January 14 Nancy,who’d never seen her daughter so sick,took her to another doctor, who im-mediately sent Sara to the emergency
room at Scripps Mercy Hospital. “I knew something dramatic was
going on, because she was in so muchpain,” says Alex Harrison, the medi-cal resident who coordinated Sara’scare. Her kidneys were failing. Herliver and gallbladder weren’t work-ing. Her extremities were swollen. ACT scan revealed lung damage. Thediagnosis: a form of “walking” bacte-rial pneumonia. “But that didn’t makesense, because her symptoms were sosevere,” says Dr. Harrison. Further
tests revealed that as Sara’s body was strug-gling to fight off this condition, a staph infec-tion also invaded her bloodstream, which then triggered toxic shocksyndrome.
Things were gettingworse. The next after-noon, Sara crashed. Her blood pressure plum-
meted, and she couldn’t breathe. Organafter organ began to fail. “There was ahigh likelihood she would die,” saysDr. Harrison. “We moved her to theICU and put her on life support.” Amachine took over her breathing. IVpoles, with feeding and drainage tubesdangling, circled her bed. She was onfour different blood pressure medi-cines and three different antibiotics.
After three tense touch-and-go daysin the ICU, Sara’s blood pressure grad-ually began to rise. Her kidney andliver functions returned to normal.After ten days on a ventilator, she wasfinally able to breathe on her own.
Sara startedto crash. She couldn’tbreathe,and organafter organbegan to fail.
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Heavily sedated, Sara had nomemory of the fierce battle forher life.
Her body was so swollen fromall the medications and fluidsthat she was almost unrecogniz-able. As the swelling subsided,doctors found abscesses, reser-voirs of bacteria, deep within herlegs, thighs and buttocks. “Weneeded to operate to remove theinfection,” explains Dr. Harrison.Nine times Sara, still too weakto walk, was anesthetized as sur-geons drained the abscesses.
With daily physical ther-apy, Sara steadily regainedstrength. On February 26, after43 days in the hospital, she wenthome to continue her recovery.After missing a semester of col-lege, Sara is now back at Gross-mont College, playing softball,volunteering with the mentally andphysically disabled and working twopart-time jobs. “She is a miracle,” Dr.Harrison says. “Anyone who wasn’t soyoung and fit and in perfect healthwould have died.”
Perilous PetsTo many people, pets are like fam-
ily—but the increasing popularity ofunusual species comes with danger.You might assume that “exotic” pets,such as rare birds, reptiles and furryprairie dogs, are safe if you get themfrom a certified breeder or pet store.But as one family discovered, someanimals may carry a deadly virus.
Like other three-year-olds, Schyan
Kautzer of Dorchester, Wisconsin, oc-casionally had an unexplained fever.At first this one seemed like nothingserious, but on May 16, 2003, her tem-perature spiked to 103 degrees andstayed there. The usually buoyant girlseemed listless and weak. And whenpus-filled blisters erupted on Schyan’sskin, her mother, Tammy, 28, whokeeps a menagerie of cats, dogs, goatsand other animals on the family’s 15-acre farm, thought about the cutelittle prairie dog she’d bought at a swapmeet a few days before. One of its eyeshad sealed shut, and it seemed sick.She’d warned Schyan not to play with it, but as the girl was putting thenew pet into its cage, it nipped
“Sara was so courageous” during the horrorsof her illness, says her husband, Bradley.
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her right index finger and left hand.A doctor at a local clinic said
Schyan’s bite wound was infected andprescribed antibiotics. By May 20, theblistering rash spread to Schyan’s armsand scalp, then to other body parts.Her right eye, inflamed from rubbing,was swollen and runny. Two days later,the Kautzers drove 30 miles to Marsh-field Clinic, which tested Schyan forevery disease prairie dogs are knownto carry. All came backnegative. Meanwhile, theprairie dog that bitSchyan died. Fearing ra-bies, the vet sent its headto a state lab for testing;the results were nega-tive. He also sent one ofthe animal’s swollenlymph glands to Marsh-field’s pathology lab.
At the hospital, Tammyand her husband, Steve, kept a round-the-clock vigil in Schyan’s room. “Wecried,” says Tammy. “And although I’mnot a religious person, I prayed. Theworst moment came when Schyanasked, ‘Mommy, am I going to die?’ Ofcourse, I said no, but I was so afraid.All I could do was cry and sleep.”
As dermatologist John Melski gen-tly examined the virulent blisters onthe girl’s skin, he says, “All I knew forcertain was that I didn’t know whatshe had, so I had to keep looking.”That meant a skin biopsy, and yet an-other painful needle poke. A pathol-ogy team, summoned on a Sundayafternoon, rushed to process thebiopsy. By 9 p.m. they had eliminated
a long list of possible suspects, includ-ing plague. “We strongly suspected avirus, but we didn’t know which one,”says Dr. Melski, who prescribed theantiviral drug acyclovir in the hopethat it might help. The little girl alsoreceived fluids, breathing assistance,IV feeding and various medicationsto lower her temperature.
By May 26, Schyan was well enoughto sit up in bed and eat. But the next
day her mom came downwith a fever, sweats andsore throat. She had thesame telltale blistersclustered around a catscratch that had allowedthe virus to enter her.“She was delighted be-cause we could do skinbiopsies on her ratherthan on Schyan,” says Dr.Melski. “I got more tis-
sue to analyze with an electron micro-scope. That was the pivotal thing.”
On June 4 the high-tech imagesidentified the pathogen as an orthopoxvirus, although they didn’t know whichone. Within days, pathologists atMarshfield and the federal Centers forDisease Control and Prevention pin-pointed the culprit: monkeypox, adeadly but less contagious cousin ofsmallpox that had never been seen out-side Africa.
“We live in a smaller, more danger-ous world,” says Dr. Martin Blaser,president of the Infectious DiseasesSociety of America. “A disease likemonkeypox or West Nile virus canjump from an obscure village in Africa
The worstmoment waswhen Schyanasked,“Mommy, am I goingto die?”
halfway around the world in a matterof days or weeks.” Medical detectivestraced the outbreak to infected giantGambian rats imported from Ghana,which had been kept in a cage adja-cent to a group of prairie dogs.
“We were lucky,” says Dr. Melski.“The only people who got sick (72 sus-pected cases in six Midwestern states)had direct contact with a prairie dog orsomeone who had skin lesions.” Ex-cept for a damaged tear duct (fromrubbing her eye while infected),Schyan recovered completely andwent home on May 29. Both her par-ents, who developed milder symp-toms, improved quickly. The familyand their pets remained under quaran-
tine for several weeks. Acting jointly,the CDC and the Food and Drug Ad-ministration banned the import of allrodents from Africa as well as the saleand distribution of prairie dogs.
“In hindsight, we learned valuablelessons,” says Dr. Melski. “Given theworld we’ve created, you can’t dis-miss the threat of an infectious dis-ease no one has ever seen before. Itcould happen anywhere any day. Andyes, next time it could be worse.”
The Mystery ManWhen flu-like symptoms appear out
of nowhere, it may take detective workto identify possible suspects. In oneman’s case, no one knew the culprit
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST THE FLU
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How to Know If It’s SeriousWhy is it that so many serious diseases, from meningitis to malaria, start outwith “flu-like” symptoms? How is a patient to know whether it’s something thatwill resolve itself or something that could turn deadly?
“People call a lot of things ‘the flu,’ and nine times out of ten, they’re wrong,”says Brian Currie, an infectious disease specialist at Montefiore Medical Centerin New York. “Influenza has a very sudden and dramatic impact.” Symptoms hit hard and fast, but they do not include vomiting or diarrhea. “Stomach flu,”Dr. Currie explains, is a misnomer. And don’t assume there is no need to worryif it’s “just the flu”: If you’re not significantly better in three days, call your doc-tor. Because of the dangers of flu complications and other infectious diseasesthat produce flu-like symptoms, seek medical help if any of the following occur:
• severe symptoms that continue formore than four or five days• difficulty breathing• a persistent cough that producesphlegm or blood-tinged mucus• an extremely high fever• uncontrollable shaking or chills• extreme muscle achiness that makesit hard or painful to move
• a severe headache or stiff neck• swelling of joints or extremities• cognitive changes, such as problemsremembering things that just hap-pened or confusion about familiarpeople or places• a rash; bumps, blisters or sores mayfirst appear in the area of an animalscratch or bite.
until his wife recalled that he had re-cently spent a day on one of his fa-vorite outdoor activities: fly-fishing.
John Gray, a retired computer spe-cialist at the Air Force Academy inColorado Springs, wasn’t feeling greatin July 2003, but he wasn’t going to leta cold or flu keep him from his sprawl-ing family’s annual reunion in Ten-nessee. Tall and fit, he’d hardly beensick a day in his life. “My husband’sfull of charm,” says his wife, Dorothy,“but he’s also bullheaded.”
Despite John’s fever and chills, onJuly 24 they started the 1,500-mile cartrip east. But John felt worse withevery passing mile. When they finallyfound an emergency room, doctorsdiagnosed an ear infection and pre-
scribed an antibiotic. It all seemedpretty routine, and after a day’s rest,the Grays pressed on to John’s sister’shome in Blountville, Tennessee.
But as more than 100 relatives gath-ered nearby, John stayed in bed witha high fever, nausea, vomiting and di-arrhea. A red rash began spreadingover his legs, upper chest and shoul-ders. He became increasingly disori-ented and confused. Alarmed, hisolder sister, Jean Williams, drove theGrays to Wellmont Holston ValleyMedical Center. “He was acting kindof goofy,” says Robin Peavler, theemergency room physician who ex-amined John. “His mental train keptgoing off the tracks.” He looked forthe usual suspects behind mental con-
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Ways to Protect Yourself“Being alert to the dangers, as well as practicing commonsense measures forprevention, can go a long way toward saving lives,” says Brian Currie, an infec-tious disease specialist at Montefiore Medical Center in New York.
Make self-defense part of your routine. Clean your hands several timesthroughout the day. Use alcohol-based hand rubs and gels. Check the label tomake sure they contain 60%-95% isopropanol or ethanol. Ordinary soap andwater will work, but you don’t have to use very hot water or antibacterial soaps.Use moisturizing lotion, as dry, cracked skin can let in viruses more easily.
Take extra precautions during flu season. Get a flu shot if you haven’t already.Spend as little time as possible in crowds, especially in closed spaces, such as elevators and airplanes. Keep your distance from sneezers and coughers. Don’ttouch your eyes, mouth or nose after being with someone with flu-like symp-toms. If you become sick, stay home from work, school and errands. Cover yourmouth and nose with a tissue when coughing or sneezing. Use antiviral tissues.Don’t drink alcohol, which depresses white blood cells and increases the risk ofdeveloping bacterial pneumonia in flu sufferers.
Avoid potential sources of infection. Use insect repellent when outdoors. Keepyour distance from exotic animals at petting zoos or pet stores. In choosing apet, stay away from imported or captured animals. Take extra precautions if youtravel to a country that’s had cases of bird flu or other deadly infections.
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST THE FLU
fusion, until a spinal tap signaled aninfection in the brain or central nerv-ous system. John was admitted to thehospital immediately. “I rememberhim looking at me and saying, ‘I loveyou,’ as if it was going to be the lasttime,” Dorothy says.
Eventually he was diagnosed withencephalitis, an inflammation of thebrain. Its cause was a mystery. Becausethe Grays came from Colorado, theTennessee team speculated John mighthave contracted Rocky Mountain spot-ted fever, a deadly infectious diseasecarried by ticks. “His wife tugged atmy sleeve, saying, ‘It wasn’t a tick; itwas a mosquito,’ ” says Rhonda Mor-gan, a clinical nurse specialist. Whilefly-fishing a few days before their trip,John had been bitten behind the earby a mosquito, which he’d killed witha quick slap. “A light bulb went off inmy head,” recalls Morgan, who sug-gested a special blood test for WestNile virus, which mosquitoes transferfrom infected birds to humans. Thedisease, once limited to Africa, firstappeared in the United States in 1999.
As they waited for results, John’scondition deteriorated. As his lungsfilled with fluid, he struggled tobreathe. A chest x-ray confirmed thathe had an often fatal complicationcalled adult respiratory distress syn-drome. Unable to breathe on his own,he was put on a ventilator for 11 days.“I couldn’t leave him,” his wife recalls.Several days later the test results con-firmed the first-ever case of West Nilevirus in Tennessee. “At that point Johnwas still in dire straits, but at least hewasn’t getting worse,” says Morgan.
After two weeks in the ICU, he wastransferred, first to a less restrictiveintensive-care room, next a generalmedical floor and then a rehabilita-tion facility. When he finally left thehospital, John had one goal: to returnto Colorado. “A lot of people in Colo-rado got West Nile that summer, andmost of the deaths were people overage 65,” John observes. “I say I’m ananswer to prayers. The congregationsof all my brothers’ and sisters’churches were praying for me. They’reone of the reasons I’m here today.”
S O M E T I M E S YO U J U ST C A N ’ T H E L P YO U R S E L F
My four-year-old daughter is wonderful in all respects,except one: She fibs. So I decided to tell her the story ofthe boy who cried wolf.
“He kept warning the villagers a wolf was about toattack, but there was no wolf at all,” I explained. “Andwhen a real wolf did come, he cried out. But no one be-lieved him. And the wolf ate him. Silly, huh?”
Sophie seemed deep in thought for a moment, thenlooked up and reminded me, “I was eaten by a wolf once,you know.” VAL KEOGH
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UP, UP, BUT NOT AWAYNearly 700 feet in the air, a hot-air balloontangled around a radio tower: The gondolawith three people aboard swung loose in thewind. Troy Wells, 14, from Rio Rancho, NewMexico, and 10-year-old Aaron Whitacre ofTucson, Arizona, got the ride of their lives atthe Albuquerque International Balloon Fiestain October 2004. Pilot Bill Chapel took theboys up for a short trip in “Smokey Bear”when a sudden gust blew the balloon into thetower. Chapel grabbed a support and held onwhile the boys climbed out. All three madetheir way down a ladder inside the structureuntil met by the rescuers who assisted themto the ground.
SQUOOSHSure, Lance Armstrongis fast, but can he han-dle big league traffic?New York City messen-gers do it every day.And knowing when to stop is important. On April 21, 2005,Doucoure Adama, 21,was racing up MadisonAvenue, shooting thegap between a truckand a city bus. Then thetruck suddenly stoppedand the gap closed—butAdama found the sweetspot less than a footwide. No yellow jerseyfor Adama—but he’salive. N
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HANG TWO The Florida Keys Overseas Highway has 42 bridges leapfrog-ging between islands. At 6:20 a.m. on July 26, 2004, on a span near Islamorada,a truck slammed into a disabled vehicle with four people inside. On impact thecab of the truck separated from the rig and the driver fought to keep it on theroadway. The trailer of the 18-wheeler hit the guardrail and went over. Snaggedby its left rear axle, it dangled 80 feet above the sea. Miraculously, the truckdriver was unhurt and the car passengers had only minor injuries.
NICE CATCH! On September 16,2005, pilot Jason Messenger was teaching astudent landing procedures at New SmyrnaBeach, Florida, Municipal Airport. Thenpractice became a problem—his Cessna’slanding gear failed to lock in place. Messen-ger radioed for help. Danny Perna, owner ofEpic Aviation, and two workers grabbed aJeep and raced down the runway at 65 mphunder the plane, a split second behind thepropeller. Jeremy Webster stood in the backand attempted to pull the wheel into placewith a fireman’s pole. Three times he triedwithout luck. Then on the fourth pass, Mes-senger “heard the click” as the gear locked.And the Jeep riders celebrated in triumph.
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KeepingAmerica
SafeMr. President,We NeedToTalkYes, I worry about terrorists blowing up a train or a chemical plant. But onlyone threat keeps me up at night.
ILLUSTRATED BY GUY BILLOUT 131
Ilive less than two miles from the White House.From my seventh-floor apartment I can looksouth from my living room window and seemuch of metropolitan Washington. To the east I can just make out the dome of the Capitol;
directly ahead is the Washington Monument. It’s a vistathat has inspired me many times during my seven yearshere. But some nights, when I turn out the lights before
B Y J . P E T E R S C O B L I C
seriously injure hundreds, even thou-sands. We need to guard against them.But the blunt truth is, compared to anuclear explosion, conventional ter-rorism is a far lesser evil.
When bombs exploded on a bus andthree subway trains in London lastJuly, killing 56 people, it was a terror-
ist attack that madeheadlines worldwide.Yet almost immedi-ately afterward, it wasbusiness as usual forthe British. “London,like New York, getsback to normal fairlyquickly,” ProfessorMichael Clarke ofKing’s College toldAmerican journalists.Within a month, pub-lic transportation wasrunning smoothlyagain. The cost of thedamage will likelyreach several billion
dollars—not a small amount, but notone that would shatter the Britisheconomy.
In America, the attacks of Septem-ber 11 took 3,000 lives—a tragic blow.The damage cost us billions as well,and probably lengthened a recessionthat was already underway. But withinweeks, we were behaving much as wehad been on September 10—shoppingin stores, going to ball games, moviesand restaurants. By spring of 2002,our economy was growing again at a brisk pace. It’s been popular tosay that “everything changed” for
bed, I’m struck with a far darkerthought: the realization that it could alldisappear in little more time than ittook me to flip the switch. I don’t sleepparticularly well on those nights.
Instead, I think about the one thingthat could change America forever: anuclear weapon. Only a nuclear blastcould, in an instant, vaporize downtownWashington and oblit-erate Congress, theWhite House andmost of our federalgovernment. Only anuclear blast could, ina heartbeat, erase NewYork’s financial dis-trict, shutting downmarkets and thou-sands of businesses inthe world’s economiccenter. Only a nuclearblast could, in ananosecond, wipe outthe port of LongBeach, California, halting nationalcommerce and international trade.
But you know what horrifies meeven more? Four years into the waron terror, we’re treating the possibil-ity of nuclear devastation as if it werejust one more attack to guard against.Excuse me, Mr. President, but that’sway beyond dangerous. It’s crazy.
The list of things we’re worriedabout is long: from suicide bombersin malls, to hijacked planes turned intomissiles, to packages exploding onbuses or trains. These sorts of attacks,using regular explosives, could kill or
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This single act of terrorism
would changeAmericaforever.
’’’’
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America after September 11. But that’sjust not so.
For my part, amid the shock I felton September 11 came a wave of relief.At the time, I was the editor of a mag-azine devoted to the threat from chem-ical, biological and nuclear weapons.Osama bin Laden and his cronies, Ithought, had tippedtheir hand. Had theywaited until they hada nuclear capability,they could have dealtus a near-fatal blow.Instead, we were nowon our guard, and theproblem of prolifer-ation would finally riseto the top of theagenda.
It did. But not in theway I hoped. In therun-up to the Iraq war,chemical, biologicaland nuclear weaponsbecame lumped to-gether under the phrase “weapons ofmass destruction.” Our very languagesuggested they were all equal threats.
Because they are relatively easy andcheap to build, chemical weapons aresometimes called the poor man’satomic bomb. Please. When ourHomeland Security Council recentlylooked at 13 terrorist scenarios, it es-timated that an airplane that sprayeda packed football stadium with a blister agent—a liquid that can causeserious burns and respiratory prob-lems—would kill 150 people. The eco-nomic impact would be relatively
modest—about $500 million—and re-covery would take only a matter ofweeks. And that’s a pretty sophisticatedattack. The fact is, it’s hard to get “massdestruction” from a chemical weapon.
A biological attack could be scarier,mainly because diseases can continue
to spread well afterthe initial “strike.”Smallpox has longspooked biowatchers.But models by re-searchers at MIT andYale predict that wecould contain a small-pox outbreak throughmass vaccinations.Plus, we now have 300million doses of small-pox vaccine, which isenough for every man,woman and child inAmerica.
Anthrax, anotherbogeyman of bioter-
rorism experts, worries me even less.It’s not contagious and can be treatedwith antibiotics. A scenario describedby the Homeland Security Council, inwhich terrorists attack five metropol-itan areas using trucks that spray an-thrax spores, would likely killthousands. That’s horrible, but no-where close to the casualties from anuclear explosion. In 2001, when amore primitive attack spread pow-dered anthrax through the mail, onlyfive people died.
Don’t get me wrong: I want us to doall we can to protect the country from
’’’’
Amid theshock I felt
on 9/11came a wave
of relief.
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chemical and biological attacks. Butneither would destroy the fabric ofAmerica. So, in the end, these arethreats I can live with.
But a nuclear attack—that’s the ter-ror strike that would change every-thing. If a terrorist detonated a nuclearweapon in an American city that hadthe potency of thebomb we dropped onHiroshima (and acrude terrorist devicecould have that muchexplosive power), theresult would be cata-strophic. Everythingwithin one-third of amile would be imme-diately destroyed. Be-yond that, up to a mileout, there would befatal doses of radia-tion and raging fires.Those who livedwould face a plume ofradioactive fallout thatwould contaminate3,000 square miles.The number of dead would probablyrange into the hundreds of thousands.As many or more survivors wouldhave to leave their homes permanently.The overall blow to our national econ-omy would total into the trillions.
That’s frightening enough. But thenthere would be the psychological andpolitical fallout. After the attacks ofSeptember 11, the country essentiallyadopted a war footing, accepting dra-matically increased spending on se-
curity, putting aside domestic priori-ties, and even giving up certain civilliberties in order to feel safer. I canimagine the response to an attack thatwas immeasurably worse.
My guess is that random vehiclestops, “sneak and peek” searches, and police and FBI interrogations willseem like a small price to pay to pre-
vent another nuclearattack. Our ability toaddress pressing prob-lems, such as healthcare and public educa-tion, would shrink dra-matically as cleanupand reconstruction oc-cupied our energies.We’d also have to redi-rect resources fromthe military to thehomeland, leaving usfar less able to dealwith crises abroad. Innearly every respect,the United Stateswould be a totally dif-ferent place. And thatI can’t live with.
Mr. president, we know there’s verylittle we can do to respond to a nu-clear attack—the worst damage isdone instantly. This means our em-phasis has to be prevention.
And that’s where there’s hope. Aterrorist group cannot produce theplutonium or highly enriched uraniumneeded to make a bomb. It takes large,advanced facilities. So terrorists wouldneed to steal a nuclear weapon whole
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or swipe the material to make one. If we can safeguard the world’s ex-
isting nuclear weapons and material,then we will have taken a huge steptoward averting nuclear terrorism.
I need to know that your Adminis-tration is doing everything possibleto secure loose nukes. We know thereare 300 tons of poorly protected nu-clear material in the former SovietUnion; we know that Al Qaeda wantsa nuclear weapon; and Russian offi-cials acknowledge that terrorists havesurveilled their nuclear sites. Yet whilewe spent $40 billion on homeland se-curity last year, we spent only $1 bil-lion securing nuclear material. That’sless than we spend in Iraq each week,and around one-third the funding rec-ommended by a nonpartisan paneleight months before September 11.
True, we’ve made headway over thepast decade. We’ve secured about halfof the nuclear material that’s beenmost vulnerable to theft. But muchmore work lies ahead.
The longer it takes to finish the job,the greater the chances terrorists will
add a nuke to their arsenals. What willprotect us? Not a whole lot, I’m afraid.
We’ve got initiatives underway thatare designed to stop a nuclear devicefrom ever leaving a foreign port byship. Once ships get here, we’ve gotradiation detectors to screen thecargo. But we’re still able to checkonly about three percent of contain-ers that enter the United States. Andonce a nuke is in an American port, itcould be detonated before it isscreened—not to mention that highlyenriched uranium is among the mostdifficult materials to detect. For thatmatter, what’s to prevent a terroristfrom evading our port defenses bylanding a smaller ship elsewhere, orsimply driving or walking across ourborders with Canada and Mexico?
Mr. president, a year ago you callednuclear weapons in the hands of ter-rorists the single greatest threat weface. You were right. So please put realmuscle and urgency behind thegravest challenge we face. I could usea good night’s sleep.
S H H H ! I ’ M TA L K I N G !
While watching a movie recently, I couldn’t hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in frontof me. Unable to bear it anylonger, I tapped one of them onthe shoulder.
“Excuse me,” I said. “I can’t hear.”“I should hope not,” she replied sharply. “This is a private
conversation.” DAVID CARVER
PHOTO-ILLUSTRATION BY JIM PORTO WITH TECH DESIGN BY SCOTT SIKEN136
Matt mason has seen the future—and boy,is it fun. As director of the Robotics Institute at Carnegie Mellon University,Mason likes thinking about how ma-chines can make our lives easier by tak-
ing over the tasks we hate, like mopping, scrubbing andcleaning. When it comes to the kitchen, he’s confident thatwithin just a few decades, robots will rule—doing most of theburdensome work and freeing us to sit back and relax. “Rightnow we think of the kitchen as a place for chores,” says Mason.“But maybe we’re in the process of discovering it as a placewe can enjoy.”
ARobotin the ❯❯❯
KitchenB Y J O S E P H K . V E T T E R
In the years to come, machineswill make mundane chores extinct
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So unless you re-ally, really love toclean, you won’t haveto. The revolution hasalready begun. Recently,iRobot, the company thatgave us the Roomba vac-uum, unveiled Scooba—arobot that vacuums,wet-scrubs and driesfloors all at once. Therobotic floor cleanersof the future couldtake many differentforms, explains DanKara, president of Ro-botics Trends, whichtracks developments inautomation. He envi-sions a floor-cleaningsystem that’s built intothe wall and blows de-bris to a part of theroom where it’s sucked up by a vac-uum. Then the system sprays the floorwith a soapy solution, and it’s moppedup by an arm with a sponge attached.
“This is sheer speculation, ofcourse,” Kara admits, “but you couldprogram it to come on at 3 a.m., andit would just wet-mop the floor for you.”
❯❯ THE ECOKITCHENMore than just fun, future kitchenswill be environmentally friendly.Bruce Beihoff, director of CorporateInnovation and Technology at Whirl-pool, foresees appliance systems thatrecycle the energy lost from your ovento heat the kitchen, your water, even
the entire home.“We have things like
this running in our labstoday,” he says. Evenyour sink water couldbe reused, sanitizedand recycled through a filter. And a greenkitchen means moregreen in your pocket.
❯❯ JOY OFCOOKINGNew culinary technolo-gies will help you gofrom Chef Boring toChef Brilliant. The bestcooks know that anevenly heated skillet iscrucial to the perfectsauté. Enter the “pow-dered bed,” an experi-mental stovetop that’s
been designed by Whirlpool. Usingmicrowave-heated ceramic chips in-stead of standard gas flame or elec-tric coil, the system heats pans withnear-perfect balance and lets you con-trol the heat level with incredible pre-cision. “It gives you extremely evenheating,” says Whirlpool’s Beihoff,“maybe 10 or 20 times better than thebest pan you can buy today.” Re-searchers at Whirlpool are also exper-imenting with an oven that will letyou roast a skinless chicken to crispyperfection. “You’d still get the beau-tiful aesthetics in taste and appear-ance,” says Beihoff, “but you’d be ableto cut way back on fats.”
Paul Leuthe, corporate marketing
This Circular Kitchen fromCC-Concepts LTD revolves180° and provides a lot ofkitchen in a tiny space.
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manager for Wolf Appliance Com-pany, says induction burners will bede rigueur. They use a magnetic fieldto heat up pans, bring water to a boilin half the time it takes now, and allowfor slow cooking.
❯❯ e-FRIGERATOR“The refrigerator will be the hub ofthe home,” says Daniel Lee, market-ing director for LG Electronics. Astechnology evolves, the fridge will bean interactive touch-screen TV, whereyou’ll watch favorite shows, surf theWeb, check e-mail, keep a shoppinglist and order groceries for delivery.
“Your refrigerator is the first placeyou go in the morning and the lastplace at night,” says Lee.“So if you’re trying touse time efficiently, it’swhere you want to go toget information.”
❯❯ COUNTER REVOLUTIONEver wonder why a six-foot-three manhas to chop vegetables on the samethree-foot-high countertop as a five-foot-three woman? “That 36-inchstandard was established more than50 years ago, based on the height ofthe average woman in the household,”explains Jane Langmuir, an architec-tural designer who has collaboratedwith Maytag. But times have changed,and everyone has different ideal workheights for separate tasks. Langmuirhas designed an adjustable island,equipped with sink and cooktop,where “you press a button and it
moves to whatever height you want.” Meanwhile, Ted Selker and his col-
leagues at MIT’s Counter Intelligence(CI) lab have designed a Dishmakerthat lets you mold plates and bowlsout of plastic discs. After each meal,the dishes are transformed back intodiscs—a real space saver in smallapartments. Another CI special: theSoftsink. Made of silicone, it preventsdishes from breaking. “I can throw agoblet into it and it just bouncesaround,” claims Selker.
The goal of all these ideas is to letyou revel in the warmth of yourkitchen, but without the drudgery.Whoever—or whatever—will becleaning the kitchens of the future, it’sa pretty safe bet it won’t be you. ■
zinc
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Sensors on MIT’s Intelligent Spoon areconnected to a computer and measure
temperature, acidity and other foodproperties. This smart utensil can even
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Lori Lewis was relieved her son Bryan Dyer was offsteroids. But what about theother football players?
YOU DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS FOOTBALL.BUT WHEN LORI LEWIS FOUND NEEDLESIN HER SON'S ROOM, SHE WENT ON THEOFFENSIVE. I B Y LY N N R O S E L L I N I
PHOTOGRAPHED BY WYATT MCSPADDEN 141
Lori lewis never set out to be a crusader. All she wantedthat day in September 2004, rummaging through her sonBryan’s closet, was to locate a pair of jeans to return to themall. Instead, she spotted an unfamiliar travel bag. Curi-ous, Lewis opened it and found a vial of liquid and sy-ringes. It felt like someone punched her in the stomach.She thought her son was doing heroin.
Calling a local Walgreens, Lewis was relieved to learnthat the drug was an anabolic steroid. Then she got mad.
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Why would Bryan be taking steroids?“Dude, your mom’s looking for you.”
Bryan Dyer, emerging from afternoonclasses at Colleyville Heritage HighSchool in the affluent Dallas, Texas,suburbs, looked over to where a friendwas pointing. There at the curb, be-hind the wheel of her white Navigator,sat his mother. She looked furious.
“Get home now,” she said.Bryan, almost 17, a lanky six-footer
who had played quarterback on the
junior varsity football team the yearbefore, was an outgoing kid who madeA’s and B’s. Like most boys in Col-leyville, he favored jeans, sneakers, T-shirt and a ball cap pulled down overhis face. His parents divorced whenhe was an infant, and he lived with hismother, stepfather, older brother andyounger sister. Still, his dad, a formerhigh school football star in nearby Ar-lington, had remained a presence inBryan’s life as he went through T-ball,Little League, peewee football, and oninto high school sports. As for hismother, she and Bryan had been closesince the divorce. But at that moment,he would have chosen to face a wall oflinemen rather than her rage.
When he walked into the familyroom of their spacious home, his momwas waiting, vial and syringes in hand.
“Why are you taking steroids?” shedemanded.
Bryan stared, unable to speak.“Mom,” he said finally, “the majority ofthe team is on them.” Bryan explainedthat he had hoped to make varsity. Hiscoaches and his father urged him tobulk up. Creatine and protein shakesdidn’t help. So using money he hadearned working at Applebee’s, he pur-chased a $200 vial of “Deca”—nan-drolone decanoate—from a senior on
the team. For five weeks he injectedhimself in the hip.
Lewis broke in. “What were youthinking?”
“Mom,” he said, “coaches tell us toget bigger, stronger, faster. They don’ttell us how. They just tell us to do it.”
Like many parents of teenagers,Lewis was well-versed in the dangersof alcohol, inhalants, pot—even Ec-stasy. All she knew about anabolic ster-oids was that they were illegal. Later,she went online, quickly learning thatregular use can lead to liver damage,cancer, heart disease and other physi-cal problems, plus emotional effectslike depression and “roid rage.”
Bryan stopped the injections whenhis back broke out in acne, anothercommon side effect. By the time hismother found the vial, he had been
“COACHES TELL US TO GET BIGGER,STRONGER, FASTER. THEY DON’T TELLUS HOW. THEY JUST TELL US TO DO IT.”
steroid-free for months. But, Lewiswondered, how many other kids outthere were taking the stuff?
“I’m calling the school!” she said.“You can’t!” Bryan insisted. “I’ll be
screwed!”“Don’t worry,” his mother assured
him. “Nobody will know it’s you.”
To understand what hap-pened next, it’s importantto appreciate the huge roleplayed by high school foot-ball in Texas. The state’s
football teams are regularly amongthe country’s best. It’s not unusual for20,000 people to jam stadiums on Fri-day nights, while TV cameras roll.These arenas, rivaling some colleges’,can cost $20 million, heavily fundedby boosters who want to see theirteams win. Successful coaches can earnsix-figure salaries, and competition forthese coveted positions is fierce.
From hardscrabble towns likeOdessa, the setting for Friday NightLights, the memorable exposé of highschool sports, to the affluent Dallassuburbs, teen football heroes haverock star status. The pressure is high-est at schools like Colleyville, whichplays in one of the state’s toughest dis-tricts. Two years ago, rival SouthlakeCarroll finished first not only inTexas—but in the nation. Many of theteam’s players got scholarships to playat powerhouse colleges.
Not surprisingly, some athletes seekanything for an edge. Across Amer-ica, between 1991 and 2003, steroid usein high schools more than doubled. In
the 2004 Texas School Survey of Sub-stance Abuse, over 41,000 Texas 7th-through 12th-graders said they hadused the drugs. Many teens find themreadily available through local deal-ers or online.
And since few schools test for ster-oids, kids don’t have to worry aboutbeing discovered. “Other than pe-dophilia, it’s the most secretive be-havior I’ve encountered,” says CharlesYesalis, a Penn State University pro-fessor who has studied steroid use for28 years. Even school officials are indenial, he says. “If I had $100 for everytime a coach or principal told me, ‘It’sa problem, but not in our school,’ I’dhave a Ferrari sitting in my driveway.”
The day after her discovery, Lewistelephoned Colleyville’s assistant prin-cipal, Ted Beal. She related Bryan’sstory, and Beal said he would checkinto it. A few hours later, he calledback. There was no problem, footballcoach Chris Cunningham assured him.
“That’s it?” said Lewis. Without further evidence, Beal told
her, there was nothing he could do.Lewis was livid. They want me to
go away, she thought. This 40-year-old mother was no radical. Her polit-ical activism went no further than astint on the board of the elementaryPTA, and some campaign work for Col-leyville’s mayor and George W. Bush.
God knows, she thought, I’m all forhigh school sports. But I’m not for kidsputting themselves in danger. Howcould it possibly be worth it? The nextday, she called the Colleyville Courier.
Over the following week, reporter
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Scott Price and editor Charles D.Young gathered information from stu-dents, coaches and school officials.On October 1, the paper carried thestory on the front page. Without iden-tifying Lewis, Price wrote: “It did nottake long to validate this mother’s con-cerns. The Courier found knowledgeof steroid use at all area high schools.”
Within days, the Dallas MorningNews was calling. By now Bryanwished he’d never heard of steroids.“It’s no one else’s business!” heshouted. “Why do you have to go pub-lic?” But once Lori Lewis set her mindon something, she rarely backeddown. “This is gonna save the life ofsomebody, somewhere,” she told him.
In early february, the DallasMorning News headlined apage-one series, “The SecretEdge: Steroids in High Schools.”Reporters confirmed substan-
tial steroid use in North Texas highschools and devoted a lengthy articleto a football player named “Patrick”—a pseudonym for Bryan.
Frantic, Bryan reached his motheron her cell phone. “Mom, they’re call-ing me ‘Patrick,’ ” he said. His coverwas blown. A local dealer was afterhim, he heard, and varsity footballplayers were planning to rough himup. Someone left a threatening mes-sage: “I’m going to beat your ass!”
The school district’s executive di-rector of administration, Steve Tra-chier, had sent an e-mail to seniorschool officials in September termingLewis’s allegations “unfounded.”
Coach Cunningham called her a “liar.”“You’ve got a crazy mom looking forsomeone to blame for her problem,”he told the Morning News. (He laterapologized publicly for his remarks.)
At night, Lewis lay in bed wonder-ing, What have I done?
Lori’s husband, Jack, was her biggestsupporter, but he stayed in the back-ground, shielding their eight-year-olddaughter, McKenna, from publicity.Now even Jack was frustrated, callingColleyville “Colleywood” for its back-biting ways. “People are judging youabout things you did that were right,”he told her. “You can’t stop now!”
Nine athletes, most of them footballplayers, eventually confessed to ster-oid use, proving their coach wrong.(There is no evidence that Cunning-ham or other coaches were aware ofthe drug use.) Still, Lewis had few sup-porters. Neighbors stopped speakingto her. Mothers of Bryan’s school-mates, whom she had known sincetheir kids were four years old, cut herdead at the supermarket.
The final blow? She and Bryanweren’t getting along. “Great, Mom,you’ve ruined my life!” he said. Whenthe threats continued, they agreed heshould transfer to a private school.
Thirty miles away in Plano, Texas,two people silently applauded Lewis.Don and Gwen Hooton took a specialinterest in the Morning News stories.The Hootons’ 17-year-old son, Taylor,had committed suicide in 2003. Acheerful and gregarious boy, Taylorhad taken steroids in an effort to im-
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prove his baseball game. He lapsedinto depression after quitting, and hisparents blamed steroids for his death.(See “Dying to Play Ball,” RD, July ’04.)
Since then, Don Hooton has becomea national spokesman in the anti-ster-oid effort, crisscrossing the countryto warn parents, coaches and kids.“You’ve done the right thing,” he toldLewis. Stick to your guns, he said, butdon’t expect to make friends. InHooton’s own community, near thehome of Dallas Cowboys legend TroyAikman, critics attacked him in let-ters to the editor and spread false ru-mors that his son had been doingother drugs like meth and Ecstasy.
No more worrying what peoplethought. I’m not in a popularity con-test, Lewis realized. I’m here to fightthis epidemic. In late April, she fileda lawsuit charging Coach Cunning-ham with slander. A few days later,she testified before a legislative sub-committee in favor of a bill requiring
drug testing of high school athletes. In May, Lewis appeared before the
Colleyville school board. And then,an extraordinary thing happened: Theboard unanimously approved randomdrug testing of students who partici-pate in extracurricular activities. “Itwill not only serve as a deterrent,” saida school spokesperson, “but will alsoreinforce that we will not tolerate druguse of any kind.”
So far, no other districts in the areahave followed suit. But Lewis does notintend to let the matter drop.
As for Bryan, he turned out for foot-ball at his new school—and quicklybecame the team’s star wide receiver.He also plays cornerback on defense,and recently caught the eye of a re-cruiter from a college in Ohio. And hedid it all without steroids.
“I’m better off now,” he says. “Andhappier too.”
Should high school athletes be testedfor drugs? Sound off at rd.com/community.
O H , T H E W E AT H E R O U TS I D E I S F R I G H T F U L …
Joe Herndon of the Temptations came to a stunning realization whileperforming in North Dakota in the dead of winter. “This place iscold!” he said. “This is where cold is made and sent to other places.”
From The Fargo Forum, submitted by VANESSA LINDBERG
Friends of ours, Sam and Ruth, from Maine hadjust bought a car when winter hit with all itsfury. “I wonder if the car has seat warmers,”Ruth wondered.
“It does,” said Sam, lookingthrough the owner’s manual.“Here it is: rear defrosters.”
DALE DUTTON
Let It SnowFunnyHow do snow-men travel?By icicle.
FunnierWhat did Frosty’sgirlfriend dowhen she wasmad at him?She gave him thecold shoulder.
FunniestWhy are thereonly snowmenand no snow-women? Because onlymen are crazyenough to standout in the snowall winter.
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“Excellent,” Susie’steacher says. “Your daddid a good job. Now,what’s after ten?”
“Jack.”
Doctors are planningfor the first-ever facetransplant. I hate tobreak it to the doctors,but I was at the Emmys.It’s been done.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show (NBC)
ILLUSTRATED BY BOB ZAHN
After a hard day at work, a circular saw and a belt sander go to their favorite bar.
As they’re relaxing, some other power tools join them. The saw turns to the sander and says, “You know the drill, don’t you?”
Submitted by KARL GREEN
“Susie, do youknow your
numbers?” the teacherasks.
“Yup,” she says. “Mydad taught me.”
“What comes afterthree?”
“Four,” Susie answers.“Great. And tell me
what number comesafter six?”
“Seven.”
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Jim arrives home tofind his wife lying
on the floor in a pool ofsweat. He rushes overand rouses her. It’s thenthat he notices that she’swearing a parka and amink.
“Are you okay? Whatare you doing?” he asks.
“You’ve been promis-ing to paint the livingroom for months now,”she explains groggily. “Iwanted to prove that Icould do just as good a jobas you, and faster too.”
“Well, it does look likeyou did a good job,” Jimsays, looking around.“But why are you all bun-dled up?”
“I know how to read,”she snaps. “The can said‘For best results put ontwo coats.’ ”
Submitted by CORA M. BOGGS
Twenty percent of thisyear’s high school sen-iors in California flunkedthe state’s graduationexam. Educators are stilltrying to calculate howmany passed. BEN WALSH
Man, times have officially changed since I was akid. I was at the mall with my daughter when we saw a man with a patch over his eye. My daughter said to me, “What is he trying to quit?” BUZZ NUTLEY
Al’s assets are going down the drain as themarket takes a nosedive. Depressed, he goes
to church.“Grab your Bible and drive to the ocean,” the
minister advises. “Sit at the water’s edge and open the Bible. The wind will riffle the pages, buteventually it’ll stay open. Read the first words your eyes fall on and they will tell you what to do.”
Al does as he is told. When the pages stop moving, his eyes fall on the words that are meant for him.
A year later, Al returns to see the minister wearing a $1,000 suit and driving a new Jag. Hehands the minister a thick envelope. “Please acceptthis donation for the church,” he says. “Thanks foryour advice.”
“What words did you see that brought you suchfortune?” the minister asks.
“Chapter 11.”
Can You Top This?Q: How do you make friends with a computer?A: Bit by bit.
Yeah, we know it’s bad—show us how it’s done. E-mail your funniest original punch line to us at [email protected], subject: January, and if it’s the best(and the first of its kind), you’ll win fame and riches.Well, not really, but you’ll get a cool $100.
So what has six eyes but can’t see? The winningpunch line for November came from Darren Baker ofSt. Louis, Missouri. A: Three men in a house with dirtydishes in the sink, laundry that needs to be folded andkids that need a bath.
Your favorite newjoke or one-liner might beworth $$$. Click on “Submita Joke” at rd.com or seepage 10 for details.
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Jose and maria le grand, and theirtwo children, Blake, 14, and Alexis, 6,had just spent a long Memorial Dayweekend at Jose’s parents’ home inNew Jersey. For this close-knit NewYork City family, it had been a pleas-ant respite from the noise and hustle.But now it was time to head home.Jose, 44, dressed casually in a Yankeesjersey, knew the highways would beclogged with weekend partyers laterthat Monday, so he packed up the fam-
ily early. They said their goodbyes andwere well on their way by 7:30 a.m. inthe Le Grands’ white Ford Expedition.
Just as they approached the entranceto the Pulaski Skyway, a silver Mer-cedes-Benz directly in front of theirSUV slowed to almost a complete stop.After a moment, Jose Le Grand beepedhis horn. The Mercedes lurched for-ward. Then it drifted from right to leftacross the lanes—and kept on going.
Jose gave Maria a worried look. “It’skind of early to be driving drunk,” hesaid as he watched the car weave up
“Mom, call 911. Something’s wrong with Dad.”B Y A N I T A B A R T H O L O M E W
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the on-ramp. The Mercedes in frontof them lurched again. Once on theskyway, there was no shoulder forthree and a half miles, as the elevatedroadway spanned two rivers. “Stayback,” said a concerned Maria, “in casewe have to make a quick stop.”
Jose slowed until he was about tencar lengths behind what he was nowconvinced was a very drunk driver.The big foreign sedan swayed acrossthe two northbound lanes. Then, bam!It slammed into the wall separatingtraffic, bounced off, and drifted to theright.
Maria implored her husband to getaway from the weaving car. If the Mer-cedes wiped out at 55 mph, as seemedlikely, the Le Grand family, travelingbehind it, would be in danger too.
“I’m going to try to get in front of it,”Jose assured her, as the Mercedes hitthe median again, and careened backinto the lane. Back and forth it went ina drunken dance.
Maria turned to the children in thebackseat. As calmly as she could, she explained what they planned to do. “Make sure you have your seat belts on.”
At about ten minutes toeight that same morning,Grace Sato’s cell phonerang. Her daughter, Reiko,age 8, had spent the week-
end with her father, Joseph Balagot,Grace’s ex-husband. She was duehome later that morning. Taking thecall, Grace was surprised to hear herlittle girl crying hysterically.
“Mom, call 911. Something is wrongwith Dad,” said Reiko between sobs.“He’s not moving. He’s not talking.”
“Is he sleeping?” Grace asked, notunderstanding why her daughtersounded so upset.
“I don’t know,” Reiko screamed intothe phone.
Grace couldn’t figure out what tomake of her child’s distress. “Whereare you?” she asked.
“We’re on the Pulaski now.” It took a moment to sink in. They
were in the car? On the Pulaski Sky-way? Joseph must have fallen asleepwhile driving. No, that was inconceiv-able. He’d never do anything to puthis daughter in danger.
Reiko told Grace that her dad hadbeen holding his chest, and Grace immediately understood. Her ex-husband had a heart condition. Howmany times had she scolded him fornot taking his medicine?
She listened with increasing alarmas her little girl described how the carhad hit the median. She said that herfather’s head had banged against thedriver’s-side window. His hands haddropped from his chest. He had be-come very still. Saliva was at the cor-ners of his mouth.
Reiko had climbed into the frontpassenger seat and tried to steer thecar, but she didn’t know how. And itjust kept on going.
Trying to quell her own risingpanic, Grace told her daughter to stayon the line. With her free hand, shereached for the other phone and dialed 911.
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Jose le grand waited until the silverMercedes in front of him had momen-tarily settled into the left lane. Thenhe gunned his Expedition’s engine.When they were about a car lengthbehind, he looked down into the othervehicle.
For a split second, he didn’t knowwhat to make of the surreal scene: Alittle girl in the front seat franticallyscreamed into a cell phone. But theview that stunned him as he passedthe car was of the driver—a manslumped to the right over the wheel,apparently unconscious.
“Oh, my God, Maria,” he said. “Ithink he had a heart attack.”
Jose kept accelerating to pass theMercedes, which seemed to be mov-ing with a will of its own. It wentfaster as if to outrun him, hittingspeeds of 55 to 60 mph.
The driver’s foot must still be
weighing on the gas pedal, Jose real-ized. If somebody didn’t do somethingquickly, the little girl in the Mercedeswould be killed.
Glancing behind him at his own six-year-old daughter in the backseat, Josefelt a rush of guilt. What if it were hischild in the runaway car?
He explained to his wife that he’dnever forgive himself if he didn’t dosomething. “I’ve got to stop that car,”Jose said.
“Hang on,” he told his family. He pulled back into the left lane, di-
rectly in front of the big silver sedan.There was only one way to stop thisthing. He’d have to let it ram the SUV.
As his wife called 911 and, close tohysteria, tried to explain what theyhad seen, Jose calculated how to stopthe Mercedes without causing an ac-cident or harming his family.
He lifted his foot off the accelera-
The Le Grands putthemselves at risk tostop a runaway car.
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tor. The big sedan kept coming, keptaccelerating, kept swaying. Jose stayedin front of it, gauging its speed as hisown car slowed. The Mercedes closedin on the SUV. Closer … closer … untilit plowed into the Expedition. Theshock of the impact threw Jose for-ward against the steering wheel.
His kids screamed, and his wifecried out. The driverless Mercedeswas now pushing them down the Pu-laski. Jose felt a twinge of fear, but hekept his cool.
He threw the big Ford into neutral;the Mercedes and the SUV continuedbarreling down the skyway in tandem.He had to slow it down.
He shifted into low gear. The twovehicles began to decelerate. Josepumped the brakes—more and moreuntil, finally, he was able to bring bothcars to a complete stop at a bend inthe skyway.
Other cars whizzed by them as Josejumped from the driver’s seat. He ranback to the Mercedes. He reached into check the driver’s vital signs. Nopulse. No signs of breathing.
Looking around for an instant, Joserealized they had ended up in a dan-gerous spot. Vehicles wouldn’t seethem clearly until they came aroundthe bend. This was an accident wait-ing to happen. He’d have to movequickly.
Several miles away in her Jersey Cityhome, with her frantic daughter onone line and the 911 emergency oper-ator on the other, Grace Sato felt ut-terly helpless.
Then, between sobs, Reiko was ableto tell her mother about the Expedi-tion in front of her father’s car. Thedriver had let their car collide withhis, then slowed it to a stop. Now the
Reiko’s call to her mother,Grace Sato, brought anEMS team to the scene.
PHOTOGRAPHED BY SHANNON TAGGART
HEART ATTACK AT 55 MPH
153
people in the big Ford were comingto help.
Grace heard someone talking toReiko. The man from the SUV was try-ing to get Reiko to help open the doorof the Mercedes, so he could pull herout to safety. Grace listened to thegood Samaritan’s voice in the back-ground. She did not know if her ex-husband was alive or dead, but at least,it seemed, someone was trying to helpReiko.
And then Grace heard a womanscream. The words were loud andfrightening enough to cut through herdaughter’s sobs: “A bus, a bus! Run!”
“Jose, run!” cried Maria.“There’s a bus coming,there’s a bus coming.”
A huge tour companybus, like the ones that
shuttle people back and forth to At-lantic City casinos, was comingaround the bend in the road—a blindspot on the Pulaski Skyway.
Just 100 yards behind them, it wastraveling very fast in the left lane, thesame lane where they were stopped.Would the driver see them in time? Ifnot, the massive motor coach proba-bly had enough force behind it tocrush both stopped vehicles.
Jose had planned to pull the littlegirl out, but traffic had prevented himfrom getting her door open in time.His own two children were now at im-mediate risk in the backseat of hisSUV. Jose raced back to the Expedi-tion, got in, and floored it.
The bus kept coming. It looked
like it was going to crash into the Mercedes.
Just 15 or 20 feet behind the carwith the little girl inside, the mam-moth motor coach finally swervedinto the right lane. It blasted past withsuch speed and force that it shook the Le Grands’ SUV. Maria and Alexisscreamed.
Jose, now another 50 or more feetdown the skyway, put his Expeditionback into park, ready to return to theMercedes and to try to save the childinside.
As he jumped out of his car a sec-ond time, he saw that the Mercedes-Benz was on the move once again,coming back at them. In the rush andconfusion, he hadn’t turned the en-gine off.
He dashed back behind the wheelof the SUV, but before he could put itinto gear, the Mercedes crashed intothem again. Ignoring the jolt, Jose hitthe brakes hard. The two cars slowedand, once again, came to a halt.
Wasting no time, Jose raced back tothe Mercedes, slammed the car intopark and then grabbed the little girl.She was crying hysterically, and hecould not get her seat belt to unbuckle.
At last, he simply yanked the smallchild through the belt, then ran backto his SUV with her in his arms. Heslid her into the backseat with Alexisand Blake. While Maria gave the 911operators an update, little Alexis triedto comfort Reiko, who was still weep-ing. She took one of her stuffed bearsand placed it in the child’s arms, andher sobs diminished.
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Police and ems workers arrived inminutes. Jose Le Grand helped admin-ister CPR to the unconscious driver,but he was past hope. Joseph Balagotwas pronounced dead at 8:44 a.m.
Grace Sato got to the scene mo-ments later. Frantic, but holding backtears, she jumped over the medianinto the confusion of whirling policelights and stopped cars. “Where’s mydaughter?” she cried. A man in a Yan-kees jersey pointed the way.
Reiko was crying and had a gash onher forehead, but otherwise the child
seemed unhurt. She reached for hermother. Grace embraced her little girland carried her to the car. Each ofthem was too overcome with emotionto speak.
At the hospital, Grace heard the sadnews about her ex-husband. But herdaughter was alive. It was a miracle, ofthe man-made kind. And, to Jose LeGrand, whose heart was as big as hismind was quick, Grace Sato will beforever grateful.
Hear the actual calls to 911 operatorsat rd.com/runawaycar.
L E T YO U R F I N G E R S D O T H E WA L K I N G
The Yellow Pages are unique in that they’re laid out with hyphenatedheadings atop each page, i.e., Brass–Brick. The good folks at The Washington Post think there’s more than meets the eye here and askedtheir readers to concoct definitions for these headings.
Attorneys–Audiologists: Lawyers who guarantee they’ll get you ahearing.
Banquet–Beauty: A euphemism for a plus-size woman.
Billing–Blood: A loan shark’s late-payment fee.
Carpet–Catastrophic: The text message you don’t want to receivefrom home when your friend is house-sitting your very old dog.
Cellular–Chalkboards: Wireless phones with particularly annoyingring tones.
Financial–Fire: For when cooking the books didn’t work wellenough.
Foam–Foods: The nation’s top supplier of airline meals.
Rubber–Safe: Where the bank puts the bounced checks.
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It wasn’t the best thingsince sliced bread. Itwas the first slicedbread sold nationally, pe-riod. Consumers had long
been slicing bread themselves (thealternative being to simply gnaw onthe loaf), and any store-bought breadbefore the late 1920s was unsliced.
But even Wonder Bread wasn’tsliced at first. Created in 1921 by theTaggart Baking Company of Indi-anapolis, Indiana, the new bread wasalmost ready for market when thequestion of a name arose. Vice presi-
ILLUSTRATED BY RICH LILLASH
dent Elmer Cline happened to attenda balloon race one day. The sight ofdozens of brightly colored hot-air balloons in the sky filled him with, ashe later said, “wonder.” Wonder Breadwas born without further ado. Cline,in fact, was so impressed with thesight of those balloons that he cov-ered his new product’s wrapper with
EverWonder...where the first slicedbread and otherfamous foods got their names?B Y E V A N M O R R I SFROM “FROM ALTOIDS TO ZIMA”
RD I JANUARY 2006
ing rats to a Columbia University sci-entist. Eventually he made a discov-ery: Fish and game frozen quickly inwinter tasted better than those frozenmore slowly in milder weather.
In 1923, he froze rabbit and fish fil-lets in candy boxes, using dry ice. Soonhe established the General SeafoodsCompany to further market his foods.A few years later, he sold the companyto General Foods, which changed thebrand name “Birdseye” to “Birds Eye.”Clarence favored the change, notingthat “Birds Eye” was the original formof his family name: An ancestor hadsaved the life of an English queen byshooting an attacking hawk in the eye.
Altoids These peppermintlozenges in the little tins were intro-duced in 19th-century London not asbreath fresheners but as a remedy forindigestion. One ad run by Smith &Company, the manufacturer, evenmade it clear that having dinner with-out Altoids on hand was courting gas-
tric disaster: “One or two takenafter meals will stop any poisonousfermentation.”
Altoids were originally soldthrough pharmacies. Smith &Company tacked the scientific-
sounding oid suffix (from the Greek,meaning “in the form of”) onto
their product, and the alt is saidby the manufacturer to derive
from the Latin word for “change.”A more logical source would be theLatin altus or “high,” making Altoid
equivalent to “the highest or best
“FROM ALTOIDS TO ZIMA: THE SURPRISING STORIES BEHIND 125 FAMOUS BRAND NAMES,” COPYRIGHT © 2004 BY EVAN MORRIS, IS PUBLISHED IN PAPERBACK AT $10.95 BY FIRESIDE, AN IMPRINT OF SIMON & SCHUSTER,
1230 AVENUE OF THE AMERICAS, NEW YORK, NEW YORK 10020
red, yellow and blue balloons (still theWonder package design today).
You might think that a product com-bining balloons, bread and a sense ofwonder couldn’t get any better. But in1933 Wonder introduced the very firstpre-sliced loaf of bread to America’sconsumers, the popularity of which isreflected in that phrase “the best thingsince sliced bread.”
Birds Eye The logo of a lead-ing maker of frozen foods features astylized bird with a prominent eye. Butthe brand name has little to do withbirds. Muskrats, maybe.
Born in Brooklyn in 1886, ClarenceBirdseye—one word—spent his sum-mers on a Long Island farm. At ageten, he combined his love of the out-doors with a little free enterprise: Hetrapped and sold muskrats, then usedthe proceeds to buy a shotgun. A fewyears later, strapped for cash while atAmherst College, Clarence began sell-
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RD I JANUARY 2006
162
oid.” Still made in Britain, Altoidswere introduced here in the 1980s.Their popularity is due in part toa quirky ad campaign in 1995:“Nice Altoids!”
Pringles When it cameto naming their new potato snackproduct in the late 1960s, the mar-keting folks at Procter & Gamblethought, Why not look at namesthat already exist? Pulling out thephone book for their hometownof Cincinnati, Ohio, they beganskimming. In time, they hit the jack-pot. In the suburb of Finneytown, theyfound a street named Pringle Drive.
Pringle … Potato. That was it! Perfectly round Pringles Potato
Crisps hit America in 1968, stacked ina distinctive cylindrical can. Todaythey come in a range of flavors, andthere are even Pringles-inspired tor-tilla chips, Torengos, which are per-fectly triangular and come in—whatelse?—a long triangular can.
Sara Lee It was a catchy slo-gan set to a catchy tune (penned byMitch Leigh, of Man of La Manchafame) when it was introduced in 1968:“Everybody doesn’t like something,but nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee.” It’sstill considered one of the most suc-cessful ad jingles ever. But it never toldwho Sara Lee was.
As it happens, Sara Lee was thedaughter of Charles Lubin, owner ofa chain of bakeries in Chicago in the1930s. Lubin tested his recipes on her,and eventually renamed his business
The Kitchens of Sara Lee. In the 1950s,the company pioneered the sales offrozen baked desserts. Today, in addi-tion to its bakery line, it also owns aslew of other brands, including Hanes,Bali, Wonderbra and Playtex, Kiwishoe-care products, and Brylcreem.
Aside from appearing in a few tele-vision commercials, Sara Lee hasn’tplayed a role in the company. She’snow a grandmother and a philan-thropist living on the East Coast.
Milk Duds At least they didn’t call them Milk Screw-Ups.When Chicago candy maker F. Hoff-man & Company set out to marketchocolate-covered caramels in theearly 1900s, it decided to aim high andmake them perfectly spherical littleballs. Hoffman’s chefs soon discov-ered that their perfect little chocolatecaramel balls always came out as lit-tle chocolate caramel lumps. Hoffmandecided to market this lumpy candy
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RD I JANUARY 2006
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ect even purports to investigate theeffect on Twinkies of, among othertortures, being doused with flamingalcohol and tossed from a sixth-floorwindow. The “researchers” claim thatthe name of their project stands forTests With Inorganic Noxious KakesIn Extreme Situations.
Noxious? Twinkies are made withstandard ingredients—milk, eggs,etc.—and are baked. Aficionados pointout that the little golden tube cakeswere developed during the Depres-sion by Jimmy Dewar, manager of theHostess bakery in Schiller Park, Illi-nois, at a time when inexpensive treatswere hard to come by.
But Dewar still needed a name.That’s when divine intervention (tohear Twinkies fans tell it) appeared.While on his way to show his bosseshis new creation, Dewarspotted a billboard for“Twinkle Toe Shoes.”
And just like that,the name Twinkieswas born.
anyway. The company picked thename Milk Duds, referring to the highmilk content and less-than-perfectshape. Turns out the public wasn’tlooking for geometric perfection. MilkDuds, now made by Hershey Foods,were an immediate hit.
Fig Newtons Only thecookies made by Nabisco are, legallyspeaking, Fig Newtons. All the restare just “fig bars.”
One popular theory says that FigNewtons were named after IsaacNewton. Alas, no such luck. The firstFig Newtons were baked in 1892 bythe Kennedy Biscuit Works of Mas-sachusetts. Back then, baked goodswere often named for the local bak-ery that made them. So the folks atKennedy Biscuit, which later mergedinto what would become Nabisco,looked to the locale for ideas. FigNewtons thus immortalize the Bostonsuburb of Newton, Massachusetts.
Twinkies For an innocentsnack food, Twinkies get no respect.A website called The TWINKIES Proj-
Test yourself! Take our famous foodbrands quiz at rd.com/foodnames.
A L L T H E N E W S T H AT ’ S F I T TO P R I N T . . . A N D T H E N S O M E
Fun with headlines—true stories courtesy of fark.com.
• “China opens its first club for bald men. Glare can be seen from space.”• “USDA to experiment with blueberry burgers, sunflower seed peanut butter and asparagus salsa in school lunches. In other news, McDonald’s near schools report record sales.”• “New golf courses built and maintained with prison labor—it has itspros and cons.”
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© 2005 Reader's Digest Association, Inc.
Brought to you by The magazine edited by a thousand country cooks!
PHOTOS: MARK BOAL166
B O N U S R E A D
FOR THIS SOLDIER,
THE MISSION IS SIMPLE:
GET IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME OR DIE
B Y M A R K B O A LF R O M P L A Y B O Y
It’s early December 2004 when a caravan ofHumvees rumbles out of Camp Victory carrying Staff Sgt. Jeffrey S. Sarver’sbomb squad from the U.S. Army’s 788th Ordnance Company. Bouncingdown rutted roads outside Baghdad, the convoy passes a helipad whereChinooks, Black Hawks and Apaches—some armed with laser-guided mis-siles and 30-mm cannons—thump in and out. Bradley and Abrams tankssit in neat rows, like cars at a dealership, their depleted uranium bumpersprecisely aligned. Impressive as it looks, all the lethal hardware is more orless useless against the Iraqi insurgency’s main weapon in the war’s currentphase: the improvised explosive devices (IEDs) made from artillery shells,nine-volt batteries and electrical wire that now account for most Americanhostile deaths.
Turning onto a main road, the trucks enter Baghdad—massive, filthy, foul-smelling, and teeming with life despite two decades of war. Jumping curbson side streets, the Humvees push through traffic like VIPs. The lead driverleans on his horn. In the .50-caliber machine gun turret up above, a gunnerkeeps his finger ready on the trigger. At last, the convoy arrives at an inter-section. A Ranger team is manning a roadblock, and traffic is backing up.
Sarver darts out of his seat and up to a cluster of Ranger officers. He’s justfive-foot-eight in combat boots, and his helmet bobs near their shouldersas he steps up and slaps one of them on the back. “What’s goin’ on, boys?”he asks. “What have we got here? Where’s the ah-ee-dee?”
The Rangers point to a white plastic bag fluttering in the breeze, 300 meters downrange.
Behind wraparound shades, Sarver, a baby-faced 33, considers the possi-bilities: Is it a real bomb or a decoy designed to lure him into the kill zoneof a second IED? A hoax aimed at pulling him into a sniper’s range? Is itwired to a mine? Daisy-chained to a series of other IEDs? Is it remote-con-trolled? On a mechanical timer or wired in a collapsible circuit that willtrigger an explosion when he cuts it?
Sarver runs back to his truck, a few inches of belly fat moving under his uniform. He moves quickly, limiting his time on the ground. He tellsSpecialist Jonathan Williams and Sgt. Chris Millward to deploy the team’s$150,000 Talon robot, with its tank-like treads and articulating plier grips. Using a laptop perched on the Humvee’s hood, Millward starts upthe bot. The Talon zips to the fluttering bag and pulls it apart.
© 2005 BY MARK BOAL. PLAYBOY (SEPTEMBER ’05), 680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DR., CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611
169
But the job isn’t done. The Army can’t declare the areasafe until a human explosive ordnance disposal (EOD) techconfirms with his own eyes that the bomb has been defused.It’s time for Sarver to get into his bomb suit.
Natural-Born HunterWhen Jeff Sarver was six years old, his dad, a carpenter, took
him hunting for the first time. They left their home nearHuntington, West Virginia, and went into the forest. His dad
showed him how to be alone, how to be self-sufficient. He learned that if youwere willing to bear the isolation of waiting for hours in a thicket, you couldcatch an animal in its natural grace, a flash of fur, muscle and hoof.
As he grew up, Sarver kept on hunting. He started with squirrels, rabbitsand deer. One time, he shot a buck that ran 40 yards before dying. Later, heworked his way up to trapping coyotes and hunting turkeys. He fell for allof it. His mother never understood him. She always wanted to take himshopping, to visit relatives, or to socialize. He preferred to spend his freetime hunting. When he wasn’t hunting, he pored over hunting catalogs.
After high school, Sarver worked briefly as a carpenter before joiningthe Army at age 19. (He was following a family tradition: Both his fatherand grandfather had served in the military.) Once in, he proved himself an
Bomb squadsoldiers (l. to r.):Sgt. ChrisMillward, StaffSgt. JeffreySarver, Spec.JonathanWilliams.
170
excellent soldier, a natural. After four years, he volunteeredfor EOD, where brains mattered more than biceps. He rel-ished the challenge, and again, proved to be a natural.
Now, at the baghdad intersection, Sarver’s team kneel inthe dirt, and, like squires attending a knight, adjust his armor. Soon he isstrapped into a 68-pound bomb protection envelope, a suit that, dependingon the circumstances, could save his life from an IED blast.
“Come on, man, let’s go,” Sarver says as the men secure the suit. “Let’s go.” Williams seals him in by inserting a clear visor over the helmet. He taps
his boss on the shoulder, and Sarver is off, each step bringing him closer tothe device. At 10 feet out, the point of no return, he gets the adrenaline surgehe calls The Morbid Thrill. His heart thumps and his breath rasps over the
Staff Sgt. JeffreySarver at work:Baghdad,December 2004.
ONE-MAN BOMB SQUAD
171
amplified speakers in his helmet. “It’s a numbing, sobering time,” is how hedescribes it later. “It’s the loneliest spot on earth.”
Then he sees it up close, the IED, an ancient artillery round wired to a blast-ing cap, half-hidden in the plastic bag. Sarver grabs the cap and heads backtoward the safety zone. He almost doesn’t notice the second white bag sit-ting in a nearby gully. For a moment, he doesn’t breathe. Should he runfrom this secondary bomb—placed specifically to kill him as he worked onthe first one—or should he dive on it and take his chances? Deciding to act,he pitches himself into the dirt, reaching for the blasting cap with shaky
hands. He pulls it apart, pink wire by pink wire (all the bombs here seemto be wired with the same discolored Soviet detonation cord).
Sarver exhales, removes his helmet and stands up. He is sweating, pale,and shaking from the rush. The area is reopened to traffic, and Sarver’sTeam One turns toward the base, speeding down Route Irish while mosquesbroadcast the call to evening prayer. Soon it will be dark, curfew time. Thebomb makers will be at home. Sarver often wonders about these men. Wouldthey shout Allah akbar (“God is great”) if he were splattered on their streets?
As the Humvee rattles down the road, Sarver, lost in thought, stares outthe window at the blazing Iraqi sunset. I like what I do, he thinks to himself.
“Did You Cut the Wires?”Sarver arrived in Iraq from Fort McCoy in Wisconsin in July 2004. He was
excited to be there. During his first nine years as an EOD tech, he’d been toEgypt, Bosnia and Korea, but those were peacetime jobs. This was a full-oncombat operation. And with IEDs being the enemy’s primary weapon, Iraqwas the ultimate proving ground to a bomb tech like Sarver.
Not long after he arrived, he received orders to assemble a team and headto An Najaf, 100 miles south of Baghdad. When he and his team got there,the team joined up with the 11th Marine Expeditionary Unit. The Marineswere fighting some 2,000 insurgents under the command of Shiite clericMuqtada al-Sadr in the Wadi al Salam cemetery. (Among Shiite Islam’s holi-
THEY WORKED AMID THE TOMBS, DISARMING BOMBS AS MORTARSCRASHED DOWN AROUND THEM.
RD BONUS READ I JANUARY 2006
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est places, the cemetery adjoins the shrine of Imam Ali, son-in-law of theProphet Muhammad.) The insurgents fired on the advancing U.S. forcesfrom behind gravestones and tombs. Little by little, American air powerdrove them back. But as they retreated, the insurgents booby-trapped thecemetery with mines, rockets and IEDs.
With the main U.S. fighting force backing them up, Sarver and Williamswent in with a Marine EOD tech team. They worked together amid thetombs for the better part of two weeks, sweating like pigs in the 120-degreeheat. Gaining 10 to 15 feet of ground at a time, they disarmed bombs as mor-tars crashed down around them. Sarver worked freestyle. He had to. There
were no protocols to explain how to disarm a ground-to-air missile lashedto the top of a palm tree while dodging bullets.
When he wasn’t being shot at, Sarver worried about the frag from themortars exploding around him, scraps of metal traveling at 2,700 feet persecond. More than that, he feared over-pressure, the wave of supercom-pressed gases that expands from the center of a blast. This compressed aircomes at an unlucky bomb tech with a force equal to 700 tons per squareinch and a speed of 13,000 miles an hour, a destructive storm that can ripthrough the suit, crush the lungs and liquefy the brain.
Once, toward the end of the month in An Najaf, Sarver and Williams weredismantling IEDs under heavy fire, and Williams began to shake, disori-ented from the heat. Sarver sent him back to the Humvee for water. WhenSarver himself returned to the truck, he found Williams prone in the back.
“Williams, where’s the firing device?” Sarver asked. “I left it back at the IEDs,” Williams replied. “Did you cut the wires?” Williams stammered. “Did you cut them? Did you cut them, Williams?” “Yeah.”“Did you segregate them?”
SARVER STARTS DIGGING AROUND THEWIRE WITH HIS KNIFE. HE’S CAREFUL
NOT TO UPSET THE CAP, WHICH COULDBLOW FROM EVEN A HARD JOLT.
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“Yeah. But the mortars are getting really close.” “Did you put a charge on them?” “No.”“Why didn’t you put a charge on them?” Sarver yelled. Williams’s health
hardly mattered anymore. “Now we have to go back and blow them up.” As hair-raising as the incident was, Sarver never held it against Williams.
Indeed, as they drove back to Baghdad, Sarver told the younger man therewas no one he’d rather have at his back.
All army eod techs get training in a school at Eglin Air Force Base inFlorida. The Army looks for volunteers who are confident, forthright, com-fortable under extreme pressure and emotionally stable. To get into thetraining program, a tech first needs a high score on the mechanical-aptitudeportion of the armed-forces exam. One in four soldiers fail to graduate.
“We have not yet cracked the code on what makes a great EOD tech,” saysSgt. Major Matthew Hughs, a senior officer at Eglin’s bomb school. “The onlyway to find out if a man has the right qualities is to put him in the field, inthe situation, and see how he does.”
Right away, Sarver showed an intuitive grasp of engineering, even intraining sessions. With a glance he could suss out any bomb’s architecture.Later, when building practice bombs, he kept pace with his fellow techs,moving from shoe boxes with basic triggers to mock IEDs that incorporatedmotion detectors and multiple triggers linked by collapsible circuits.
To Sarver, EOD offered an infinite number of challenges—man-versus-materials moments when he would go down on a bomb and everything elsefell away. He came to appreciate the fascinating and dangerous allure ofeach bomb, the beauty of a well-constructed killing machine. At times, hefelt bomb work was better—far better—than hunting. In fact, there wasonly one problem with the job: There weren’t that many bombs to disarm.
A City of Explosives By September, Sarver’s team was in Baghdad—6 million people spread over
81 square miles. It’s a major urban center by any standard, with office tow-ers and mosques, highways and traffic circles, middle-class neighborhoodslike Mansur, and slums whose markets draw pedestrians by the thousandsat midday. For the insurgents, the city is rife with platforms for killing
Americans. Snipers wait for passing patrols atop tall build-ings. Car bombers need merely pull up to a Humvee andwave hello before setting off a charge. In the slums, peoplebury IEDs in dirt roads amid garbage, in highway medians,even in the bodies of road kill.
The bombs come from a vast trove of explosives left behind by a dicta-torship that spent wildly on weaponry. After one war with Iran, two withthe United States and multiple Kurdish uprisings, Iraq’s soil has becomehome to every imaginable weapons system, including an estimated 10 mil-lion land mines. Meanwhile, there are only about 150 trained Army EOD
techs in Iraq. The Army plans to add up to 1,400 more in the next four years.One enticement: an extra $150 a month in “demolition pay.”
In Baghdad, Sarver and Williams worked 48-hour shifts. The days blurred.Either it was morning or night; either you were driving out from the baseor coming home; either the bomb was in a pile of garbage or in the carcassof a dead dog or on the side of the road; and either you disarmed it or youdidn’t and there were bodies or brains on the backseat of a truck.
It was hard to know how many bomb makers were in Baghdad. One ex-
175
A classic BaghdadIED, the weaponof choice amongIraqi insurgents.
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pert said, “The skill set was spreading.” Sarver read the intelligence reportshe received closely, and tried to help by passing along bomb circuitry he col-lected on his missions. After coming back to base from a day in the field,he’d sort the bits of wiring he’d picked up on the Baghdad streets and placethem in neatly labeled plastic bags. Later, they’d go to the FBI for analysis.
Like all EOD techs in Iraq, Sarver could trace the insurgency’s history indevices he’s disarmed. When he first landed, the bombs were rudimentary:a blasting cap, shell and command wire. Now they were more lethal, withwireless designs that incorporated modified car alarms, pagers and cellphones for remote detonation. Soon, he predicts, the insurgents will beginto use more advanced technology—which will push the death toll higher.
After every shift, Sarver returned to the base and painted a little bombstencil on the door of his Humvee. One day, Staff Sgt. Kelsey Hendrickson,a tall, bald, strapping 26-year-old tech, watched as Sarver added another.
“How many you got now?” Hendrickson asked. Sarver told him 120 IEDs and four vehicle-borne IEDs—car bombs. Hendrickson lit a cigarette. “Who cares, anyway?” he said. “It’s not like
you get a special prize for disarming X number of IEDs.”“But I’ll know,” Sarver said.
Time Ticks DownBy October 2004 Sarver and Williams have disarmed 160 IEDs. One day
they are called out twice, but one IED goes off before they reach it, killingan Iraqi family driving by in a pickup truck.
Later, Sarver goes back to the trailer he shares with Williams. He’s di-vided it with a wall of lockers. The only thing hanging on his wall: a mapof Baghdad marked up to show places where bombs have been found, as wellas areas where there’s a good chance he’ll encounter hostility if he’s out ona call. He keeps pictures of his son, Jared, on his computer.
In December, with only a month left in their tour, the stress mounts for
AT THE BOMB SITE, THE ONLY LIGHT ISFROM A BURNING PALM TREE. THE AIR,THICK WITH DEBRIS, SMELLS OF SULFUR,
BURNED FUEL AND HUMAN BLOOD.
ONE-MAN BOMB SQUAD
the bomb techs. Even under thebest of conditions, EOD is a deadlyjob. Sarver knows it firsthand: Aclose friend, Staff Sgt. MichaelSutter, was killed by an IED the dayafter Christmas 2003, making himone of ten Army bomb techs to diein the field as of November 2005.And the chances of dying seem tosurge in the last month of a tour,when fatigue, distraction andhomesickness can dull a soldier’sinstincts. “You zig when thebomber zags,” is how Sarver de-scribes the kind of mental mistakethat can prove fatal.
In the second week of December,in a rare instance when a colonelis in the field, Sarver’s team trav-els to downtown Baghdad. They tryto disarm the IED with a robot, butcan’t. Sarver must take the longwalk by himself. Sgt. Chris Mill-ward seals him into the bomb suit.Only Sarver’s face, slightly distortedby his clear visor, is visible. If youlook closely you can see him smileas he walks away. Beyond the smile,the rest of his face—the wide nose,small soft chin, and large blue-greeneyes—is tight with terror.
As he approaches the bomb hismind goes blank: “Everything shutsdown except for you and the de-vice. I can hear myself breathing.”
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His heart beats so loudly that it’s audible in his helmet. Because the suit’sradio receiver is turned off (to avoid sending stray radio waves that couldset off the IED), Sarver walks toward the bomb totally cut off from his team.
“When you’re 10 feet away from it,” he says, “you get comfortable becauseyou’re at the point of no return.” This particular bomb—a rusty metal cone—pokes out from beneath a pile of rotting garbage. Sarver puts his hands onthe device, an artillery shell holding 18 pounds of explosives with a blastingcap cemented in the nose. A pink wire in the cap leads to a battery connectedto a cell phone. A call to the phone opens a circuit that will send an electriccharge to the blasting cap, which will detonate the entire contraption.
Sarver must separate the blasting cap from the main charge, but it won’tcome out of the cement. He grabs his knife and starts digging around thewire. He’s careful not to upset the cap. It could blow from even a hard jolt.From 300 meters away, he seems to be moving at hyperspeed, but inside thebomb helmet the moments stretch out. It’s like he’s moving in super-slowmotion. Finally, the wire gives. The bomb separates, and Sarver stands up.
After he finishes, the colonel, whose convoy the IED nearly destroyed,approaches. “Are you the wild man in the bomb suit?” the colonel asks.
“Yes, sir,” Sarver says. “That was me.”“Look at that hero. America’s finest,” the colonel says, shaking Sarver’s
hand. “I want a picture with this man.”
The Final Tally On Christmas Eve, with six days left in his field duties and 190 bombs
painted on his truck, Sarver goes out to assess the damage caused by anoil-tanker-truck bomb that’s gone off near the Moroccan embassy. When hearrives, the only light is from a fire smoldering in the top of a palm tree. Theair, thick with debris, smells of sulfur, burned fuel and human blood.
Examining the site, Sarver shines his flashlight into the crater—9 feetlong by 6 feet wide by 3 feet deep—left by the blast. He steps through thecrunching glass and bits of metal to the truck’s engine block and looks fortraces of explosives. Army forensics experts and another EOD tech teamare also on the scene. Among the questions to be answered: Was the bombdetonated remotely or the work of a suicide bomber?
Walking away from the center of the blast, Sarver follows the path of thedestruction. At 40 paces, he walks through a completely blackened expanse,
ONE-MAN BOMB SQUAD
179
which gives way in another 5 paces to a few visible shapes—a bit of concrete,part of a wall. Then come recognizable things, charred but not consumed,and finally just singed—the blistered paint on a gate. Beyond that, weird-looking chickens peck at the dirt, their feathers burned off. Sarver aims hislight up into the branches of a tree and finds an orange, perfect and ripe.
“This is where it ended,” he says, then walks back to the center. He no-tices two well-dressed men standing in the doorway of their home.
“I’m sorry this had to happen to you,” he says.
“I’m sorry too,” says one of the men, a Kuwaiti. “Was anybody hurt?” “My brother, next door. The glass fell on him. But he’s okay.”“I’m sorry. If you see anything hazardous, give us a call and we will come
and take it away for you.” Back at base, the bomb techs tear into packages of Froot Loops, adding
the bitter reconstituted Iraqi milk. They talk about cartoons and moviecharacters with funny-sounding names. Millward does impressions of ElmerFudd and Daffy Duck. Williams laughs so hard that milk dribbles down hischeek. Sarver, ashen, leans against a wall. “The chickens are what got me,”he says finally. “It was horrible the way they had their feathers burnt.”
Before leaving Iraq, Sarver does a final tally of the bombs he’s defused:208. How many lives has he spared? Dozens, maybe, or hundreds. In hisAfter Action Report, the commander of the 788th Ordnance Company, Capt.Christopher Wilson, notes that Sarver’s team “rendered safe the largestnumber of IEDs that were disarmed by any one team since operations beganin Iraq.” As he sits on the military plane that will take him home, the BronzeStar he’s been awarded is stowed away with the rest of his gear. JeffreySarver is officially a hero.
At home in wisconsin, Sarver returns to his modest rental. It’s just as heleft it. None of his 100 rifles, shotguns and handguns have been moved from
AS HE SITS ON THE MILITARY PLANE, HIS BRONZE STAR IS STOWED AWAYWITH THE REST OF HIS GEAR. JEFFREY
SARVER IS OFFICIALLY A HERO.
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their cabinets. The living room also looks fine, still crowded with animalmounts—a turkey, a fox, a beaver, a raccoon, a coyote and a deer. They’reall positioned on the walls in such a way that he can admire their lush furand feathers while sitting on his couch.
After a brief hunting trip, he’s back to active duty. Except this is what hislife is like now: filling out forms, answering to civilians, killing time. There’slittle need to put on the bomb suit—only once a month, maybe, to respondto a suspicious package. Then there’s the occasional call from a family that’sfound a World War II pineapple grenade in their dead grandfather’s trunk.
When a day off arrives, Sarver decides to visit his family. He drives toOhio to spend several days with his father. Next, he travels to Michigan tovisit his son, Jared, who lives with his mother, Sarver’s ex-girlfriend. Whenthe three of them meet at the hotel where Sarver is staying, there are hugsall around. The talk turns to Jared’s upcoming birthday (he’ll be eight), andSarver agrees to take the boy shopping for an early birthday present: a go-cart. In the calm Michigan evening, there are no IEDs to defuse, no bombsto harm his son. Staff Sergeant Jeffrey S. Sarver is at home in the nation hehas sworn to protect—and a long way from the loneliest spot on earth.
L E A R N I N G F R O MO U R M I STA K E S
As part of her pre-confirmation training, mydaughter, Cathy, had to select a virtue shepromised to work on. She chose perseverance.
Then she learned she had to embroider that word on a sash for the confirmation ceremony.“I’m switching virtues, Dad,” Cathy informed me.
“To what?”“Joy.” JAMES MAGUIRE
“Dad!!!!!” It was Zachary, my four-year-old son, callingfrom the bathroom. “My toothbrush fell into the toilet!”
“Let’s get you another one,” I said, throwing it into the trash. “That’sfull of bad germs now.”
The next thing I knew he was handing me my toothbrush.“Then we better throw this one out too. I dropped it in the toilet
last week.” JOHN BOOTHMAN
EDITORS’ CHOICE
Nothing says the New Year likesome great new books. Wecurled up with these:
■ DRAMA Kate Blaise tells the poignantstory of life in the Army in The Heartof a Soldier (written with DanaWhite). In 2003 Blaise and her hus-band, Mike, a pilot, shipped out toIraq. They endured tough separa-tions as a married couple but kept the flame of their romance burning. Then Mikewas called to one more urgentmission—never to return. Asteadfast soldier’s tale.
■ CAREER So you’vesnagged a good job (ormoved up the ladder). Nowwhat? Remember your company’s goalsand make sure to help achieve them. From Day Oneby William J. White shares this and other keen tips. In
The Martha Rules, Martha Stewart advises how tospot strong new employees, products and businessideas. And the lively Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi with Tahl Raz discusses the power of making (and keeping) good connections.
■ BIOGRAPHY For a revealing look at the life of the“global musician,” there’s The B. B. King Treasuresby B. B. King with Dick Waterman. The book sharesartifacts as well as intimate commentary from the
80-year-old performer. “People seem to be enjoying themselves, thatcomes back to me twofold,” King says. In Team of Rivals: The PoliticalGenius of Abraham Lincoln, Doris Kearns Goodwin brings our 16thPresident to tenacious life with diligent reporting and smooth writing.
181PHOTOGRAPHED BY CHRISTINE BRONICO
NOTEWORTHYGail Sheehy’s new-est is Sex and theSeasoned Woman,an upbeat take on romance, relation-ships and followingyour dreams.
HEALTH ■ FOOD ■ YOU ■ MONEY ■ PETS ■ CARS
Got Mints? 202Your dog’s bad breath may be masking amore serious health problem.
Special ReportFamily Colds &Flu Guide 187
Pump Up theFlavor! 193
Stay Warm and Cozy 199
Save While You Spend 201
Sell Your Car—Fast 204
183
184
Federal guidelinesno longer recom-mend routine
annual physicals forhealthy people. Butdoctors still say they’reimportant: In a survey,74% of physicians feltthat a yearly visit improved detection ofearly illness, despite little scientific supportfor the practice. Mostagreed, too, that it im-proved the doctor-patient relationship.
So can you skip yourphysical? Ask your doctor, but in general,it’s still a good idea for
ILLUSTRATED BY JOSEF GAST
Running on a treadmill going nowhere or pushing weights through mind-less repetitions can get so boring.Try functional fitness. You canbuild strength, agility and stabilizing skills ina way that carriesover into everyday life.You lift weights so you can tote aheavy bag, or sprint so you can catcha bus. Try these tips from trainerJuan Carlos Santana, an experton this craze:Lift weights standing up Thisforces your core (abdominal andback) muscles to work. A strong
core helps you lift heavy loads withouthurting your back.Do real-life cardio Set up a course withcones. Run to the first cone as fast as
you can. Side-shuffle to the second.Walk backward to the third. Dash
to the fourth. The payoff:You’ll be better ableto dash after a zig-zagging toddler. Rotate Stand withfeet shoulder-width
apart, knees slightly bent.Hold a weight out in
front of you and twistside to side, for betterreaching and bending.
LAURA VANDERKAM
Real-Life Exercise
healthy peopleto have acheckupevery year ortwo, says theAmericanMedicalAssocia-tion. Peo-ple withhigh cholesterol, hypertension, obesityor other ongoing healthproblems should see adoctor more often.(Kids should see a pediatrician annually.)
Some health planshave changed theircoverage based on cur-
RDHEALTH
DoYou Need a Physical?
rent guidelines, so review yours to makesure you’re covered. Ifyou can’t get a yearlyphysical, take advan-tage of free blood pres-sure and cholesterolscreenings at drug-stores and at the office.
NEENA SAMUEL
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Are You Prepared?
In an emergency, the American Red Cross rec-ommends having a first-aid kit, portable radio,flashlight and batteries, and a three-day sup-
ply of food and water, among other things. Keep akit ready in case you need to evacuate or arewithout power, or try one of these:
• HHome Guard’s Ready Kit Plus has everythingabove, plus a whistle to call for help, thermalblanket for warmth, mask, and plastic with ducttape to seal a room from contaminants, all in abackpack (homeguardinc.com; $59).
• LifeSecure’s Personal 3-DayEmergency Kitcontains foodand water forone, first-aid kit,blanket,poncho,lightsticks,whistle,dust mask—ina lunch-box-sized carryingcase (lifesecure.com; $20).
• Black & Decker’s StormStation has a flashlight, radio, bright light, port tocharge cell phones, and inverter to power smallappliances. It’s handy when you’re home withoutpower (blackanddecker.com, Sears, Lowe’s, HomeDepot; $100).
• Stranded in the car? QuakeProof’s WinterSurvival Kit has food, water, light sticks and afirst-aid kit, plus a Mylar blanket to trap bodyheat. Three 20-hour warm packs provide a much-needed heat source (quakeproofinc.com; $40).
LISA MILLER FIELDS
Staying healthy justgot easier, thanks tosome new books.
SuperFoods Health-Style by Steven Pratt,MD, and KathyMatthews tells what toeat and why—givingus a kick in the pants
to include thingslike black beans,
walnuts, kiwis andfish in our diet.
What if wegoof off, over-indulge, don’tget enoughsleep? TheHealthy Guideto UnhealthyLiving byDavid J. Clay-
ton, MD, with RDContributing EditorLaura Vanderkam,offers practical,
real-world adviceabout smoking, drinking and sex.
The upbeat YoungerNext Year for Womenby Chris Crowley andHenry S. Lodge, MD,focuses on age-reduc-ing exercise, includingstrength training.
MAUREEN MACKEY
BOOKS FORBETTERHEALTH
PHOTOGRAPHED BY CHRISTINE BRONICO
Good-for-YouGoods
Give yourself thebest gift of all—good health!
Stick With ItMagnets tohelp kids eatright. Startwith the mag-nets (fruits,veggies, etc.)on one side; as you eat,move to the “finished”column (stickwithit.biz;$10-$30).
Day-Timer Forwomen, to trackhearthealth (daytimer.com/heart; $30-70).
ResolutionTracking Sys-tem MonitorNew Year’s res-olutions, lapsesand rewards(knockknock.biz; $15).
H2O Beverageon the Go Sip allday to get yourrecommendedwater intake(containerstore.com;$3.99).CYNTHIA DERMODY
You and a friend strap onyour pedometers and gofor a walk. Afterward, yourdevices show different totals. That’s becausesome of these gad-gets work betterthan others. WhenUniversity of Ten-
nessee experts tested 13 pedometers, 8 either over-or underestimated thenumber of steps—one by45%! Fabio Comana of theAmerican Council on Exercise offers tips forpicking a pedometer:
Don’t be cheap Freeor inexpensive modelslikely won’t give valid
readings. A pedome-ter should countsteps only whenyou walk.
Program it Trya model that asks
you to measure andprogram your stride. Keep it simple Skipstyles that measure
calories burned(they’re often off the mark, sincemetabolic rates differfor each of us).
Test it Walk 100steps and manuallycount them. The pedometer should
record 85 to 105steps. If not, try moving
it to a different spot onyour waist. LUCIA RAATMA
186
Is YourPedometera Dud?
January 7 isthe 11th annual
Winter Trails Day. Grab the kids and take a stab atsnowshoeing or cross-country skiing for free in oneof several locations in more than 20 snowy states.Both sports are a blast, and you can burn 300 to 700calories an hour. Visit wintertrails.org for details.
GO PLAY IN THE SNOW
PHOTOGRAPHED BY CHRISTINE BRONICO
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RDHEALTH e x t r a
It usually starts with a sore throat, and moves on to include a runny or stuffy nose. That’s a cold. A flu, on theother hand, hits you all at once, with a headache, sore
throat, fever, muscle pain and respiratory problems, but you’reless likely to have nasal problems. The good news: You caneasily prevent and treat these wicked wintertime illnesses.Our colds and flu guide will help you win the battle of thebug, so that if you do fall prey, you can return to your busy lifefaster and healthier than ever.
Yes. The vaccine works. It can—anddoes—prevent illness. Maybe youheard about recent studies that foundthe vaccine isn’t effective, or that thevirus is becoming resistant, but thesame research found that, in somecases, the vaccine loweredrates of pneumonia and hos-pitalization due to the flu,says Neil Schachter,MD, author of TheGood Doctor’sGuide toColds & Flu.It’s most im-portant forhealth careworkers andthose at high risk(pregnant women, theelderly, children under age 2,anyone with health problems)to get vaccinated. And with
the 2003 introduction of FluMist, evenneedlephobes have no reason to backout: The nasal spray offers the same protection for healthy people ages 5 to49 who aren’t pregnant.
Will the vaccine protect against avianflu? No one knows for sure, say experts,
but it may enhanceyour defenses.
And you won’tget sick after get-ting the vaccine.Regardless ofwhat you’veheard, there is ab-
solutely no risk ofgetting the flu from
the standard flu vac-cine, says Aaron E. Glatt,
MD, spokesperson for the Infectious Diseases Society of
America. So if you haven’t gotten yourshot, do it now. It’s not too late.
Fight Colds and Flu!B Y P A T R I C I A C U R T I S
Should You Get the Flu Vaccine?
RDHEALTH e x t r a
You never got around to getting your flu vac-cine, and now you’re worried you’ll becomesick, since several of your co-workers have
succumbed. Luckily, your doctor can prescribe apill that could prevent the flu from developing.Tamiflu, an antiviral drug, is FDA-approved toprevent and treat the flu. And GlaxoSmithKline,maker of the antiviral Relenza, is seeking FDA approval for preventive use of that drug.
Already got the flu? No problem. When takenwithin the first 48 hours, these drugs can shortenthe length of illness and reduce symptoms andcomplications. They may also help protectagainst avian flu, but more research is needed.For most of us, the drugs are not meant to replacea vaccine, says Neil Schachter, MD, author of TheGood Doctor’s Guide to Colds & Flu, since they’recostly and have possible side effects, such as nausea, vomiting and diarrhea.
The popular herbal remedy echi-nacea is touted for its abilityto strengthen immunity,protect against coldsand shorten the dura-tion of illness. But researchers at the Univer-sity of Virginia think we shouldsave our money, because echi-nacea doesn’t seem to work. Theydivided 399 people into groups. Sometook echinacea before and after being in-fected with a virus; some took it only afterinfection; the rest got a placebo. At the end ofthe study, researchers concluded that echi-nacea did not help prevent or treat a cold.
A Pill to Prevent the Flu
188
Start with a bowlof Mom’s chicken
soup. Research has yetto show how it works(and how the heck Maknew), but we do knowthat a nutrient-richdiet builds your im-mune system andfights inflammation.This season, stock upon these healing foods: • OJ: Vitamin C mayshorten the duration ofyour cold, helping youget back on your feet. • Oatmeal, bananas,fish, chicken, turkey:They help maintain thehealth of organs thatmake infection-fightingwhite blood cells.• Apples, cranberries,tomato sauce: Thesecontain flavonoids,anti-inflammatory substances that can strengthen your immune system.
MEHMET OZ, MD, andMICHAEL ROIZEN, MD,
authors of the bestseller You: The Owner’s Manual
I’ve got a cold.What can I eat
to feel better fast?Q
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Echinacea: Does It Work?
J. M
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People take ginseng for itssupposed effects on the immune system, and new
research suggests it can help fightcolds, but don’t stock up just yet:
Doctors at the University ofAlberta gave 130 people NorthAmerican ginseng extracttwice a day; another 149 took a
placebo. After four months, those who used thisroot extract had fewer cold symptoms.
Sounds promising, but more research is neededto confirm the results. In any case, the producttested was an extract that isn’t available in theUnited States. And don’t expect the same resultswith all ginseng products, says Neil Schachter,MD. “I would not rush to advise my patients touse this treatment just yet.”
Want tokeep yourhome
cold-free this sea-son? “Send your kids toGrandma’s,” jokes Uni-versity of Arizona microbiologistCharles Gerba.“The best friend agerm ever had is a kid,because he brings hisfingers to his nose andmouth up to 30 times a minute.” Luckily,
Gerba’s researchshows you’ll find themost viruses on thephone. The remotecontrol, kitchenfaucet and refrigera-tor door handlearen’t far behind.
Sick or not, usealcohol-based handgels, and wipe down
germy itemsevery few days
(do it twice a daywhen someone’s ill).And don’t forget theantiviral tissues, whichkill germs you sneezeinto the tissue.
91% Using a public rest room
83% Using thebathroom at home
77% Handling or eating food
73% Changing a diaper
42% Petting acat or dog
32% Coughingor sneezing
21% Handlingmoney
Percentage of peoplewho SAY they alwayswash their hands after:
SO
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Germ-ProofYour House
you can cut your risk.The two steps? Wash
hands and disinfect keysurfaces. Both cut coldsand flu by up to 50%.
?An Herbal Essential?
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RDFOOD
1. Combine milk and dry milk; whisk. Freezefor up to 30 minutes. 2. Mix berries, salt and 1⁄2 cup sugar in
saucepan over low. Bring to a simmer;cook until sugar dissolves and berriesbreak up (10 minutes). Cool. Add 2⁄3 cup sour cream.3. Sprinkle gelatin over 1⁄4 cup coldwater in heatproof cup. Let sit 5 min-utes. Set cup in saucepan of simmering
water; heat until gelatin melts. Cool.4. Beat chilled milk until thick,soft peaks form. Add remain-
ing sugar until stiff peaks form. Beat ingelatin mixture. Fold milk mixture into blue-berry mixture. Spoon into 6 bowls. Chill. Toserve, top with remaining sour cream.PER SERVING: 202 CALORIES; 1 G FAT; 0.5 G SATURATED FAT; 3 G FIBER; 7 G PROTEIN
Blueberry BavarianOrganic on Ice
You don’t have to stopeating organic now thatthe harvest is long
picked. Many supermarketscarry at least one line of or-ganic frozen produce, but youmay have to pay more for it.
Can’t afford organic?Don’t sweat it.“The risks of notgetting enough pro-duce are greaterthan the risks ofusing non-organic,”saysCynthia Sass,of the American Dietetic Association. As far as canned organic produce, it can beharder to find—and is oftenloaded with sodium. Ready togo organic? Start with thedessert here. LAURA VANDERKAM
Create four-star taste in minutes with spicy new technology developed by celebrity chefs:
Get glazed Re-create Todd English’s signature tastes, such as Toscana GarlicRosemary and Pesto Genovese. Add Flavor Perfections glazes to pasta, meator veggies (available soon at hsn.com).
Wrap it Slip David Burke’s Flavor-Magic plastic sheets over any meat, let sit, and remove before cooking (realchef.com; $6.50 for 8 sheets).
Spray it Try Burke’s zero-calorie Flavor Sprays on meat, veggies or pop-corn, in flavors such as Parmesan (flavorspraydiet.com; $6). PATRICIA CURTIS
1 cup 1% milk1⁄4 cup fat-free
dry milk24 oz. frozen blue-
berries, thawed1⁄4 tsp. salt
1⁄2 cup plus 1 tbs. granulated sugar
1 cup fat-free sourcream
1 packet unflavored gelatin
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The
Rea
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Ass
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Inc
. New Ways to Bring On the Flavor
Just the Right Size
Have cut-up fruit and veg-
etables set to go when kids
arrive home from school
hungry. Serve veggies with
a side of Hidden Valley®
Ranch dressing: More than
half of kids recently surveyed
said they think veggies taste
best with ranch dressing.
Try Try Again
Remember, it takes up to 10
exposures to a new food
before a child will consider
trying it. So don’t give up if
your child doesn’t like green
beans on the first try! For kid-
friendly vegetable recipes,
visit www.5aday.org.
Favor Flavors
Cook vegetables in broth,
fruit juice, with olive oil, or
with a dash of fat-free butter
spray or reduced-fat cheese
sauce to enhance their flavor.
Instead of resolving to read more
classics or lose those last 10
pounds, why not make a commit-
ment to family health this January?
With more than a third of American
kids and teens overweight, and
more than half of adults, there’s
never been a better time to make a
pledge to improve your family’s
well-being.
“Education is the key to success of
any new routine,” says Jodie
Shield, M.Ed., registered dietitian
and co-author of The American
Dietetic Association Guide to
Healthy Eating for Kids. “Visit
www.mypyramid.gov to calculate
each family member’s personal
food plan––it might be an eye-
opening experience.”
According to Produce for Better
Health Foundation, most Americans
need to more than double the
amount of fruits and vegetables
they eat to meet the new food pyra-
mid recommendations. Eating more
fruits and vegetables can help you
feel fit and may lower the risk of
heart disease, certain cancers and
high blood pressure.
To help increase your child’s veg-
etable intake, try serving veggies
with varied dips, like ranch dressing
or low-fat cheese sauce. At
www.mypyramid.gov, an interac-
tive game introducing MyPyramid
for Kids encourages children to bal-
ance physical activity with food
intake, and includes a variety of
healthy foods players can select for
meals and snacks. They can even
pair vegetables like carrot sticks
with ranch dressing.
Once you determine your family’s
nutrition needs, try to incorporate
just one healthful change at a time.
Switch from white bread to whole
wheat or from 2% milk to 1% or fat-
free. Committing to a daily family
meal can also help encourage
healthy habits. Continue making
small steps and by next January,
your family will be eating better,
and those pesky 10 pounds might
just take care of themselves.
healthy new year!
eat your veggiesMoms, here are some tried and true tips to help get your kids on the right track:
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
THE WAY RANCH IS SUPPOSED TO TASTE™
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RDFOOD
Get-a-GripGadgetsDesigners have cooked upsome handy new kitchenhelpers that also feel great in your hands. Here are ourfavorites.
NANCY KALISH
2
1
1. Black &Decker LidsOff Open-It-Allputs an end tostruggling withstubborn lids.It opens mostjars, cans orbottles, thencollapses forstorage (lidsoff.com;$49.99).
2. Easi-GripSpatula andKnife havehandles thatkeep hand andwrist in a nat-ural position,so even thosewith arthritiscan work easily(www.easi-grip.com/usashop;$11.95 each).
3. Form Fitgadgets makeit a pleasure to peel, sliceand zest, withergonomic handles de-signed to fitany size handand eliminatewrist strain(kitchenart.com;$3.50-$11).
4. arc42 cook-ware featuresangled, stay-cool siliconehandles thatmake it easierto lift, while abuilt-in strainerlets you pourhot liquidssafely (chefsplanet.com;$65-$125).
5. Zyliss PizzaWheel fitssnugly intoyour palm, providing more control.Then it justsnaps apart for easycleaning (target.com; $9.99).
3
4
(ITEMS 2, 3, 5) PHOTOGRAPHED BY CHRISTINE BRONICO
5
F i b e r l u t i o n a r y
Now almost anything can be a great source of fiber. Presenting
all-natural Benefiber.® Unlike Metamucil,® Benefiber is clear, tasteless and
dissolves completely in water. Not to mention coffee, tea, juice, milk,
even yogurt and ice cream. So why force down a glass of that thick
gritty stuff? Add Benefiber to your favorite drink or food instead.
Makes taking fiber easier.
©2005 N
ova
rtis
Co
nsu
me
r H
ea
lth
, In
c.
Use as directed. Metamucil is a registered trademark of P&G.
Reach a new level of taste and nutrition.
Try a Quaker® Q-Smart snack bar. It’s made with delicious stuff like
peanut butter and real chocolate chips. And it’s a good source of fi ber*
and calcium. Plus with 10g of protein and 1g of sugar, it’s a wholesome
snack your body and mind will love.
©2
00
5 Q
OC
*contains 6g of total fat per bar
THERE’S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO GET YOUR A DAY.
You can plan ahead Use a service such as Netflixor Blockbuster.com. Choose DVDs online and getthem by mail. Keep as long as you want; send backfree ($9.99-$17.99 per month).You crave hard-to-find films Try www.facets.org,the nation’s largest mail source for classic, for-eign, independent and documen-tary films ($24 per month).You’re on a budget Many pub-lic libraries have large film col-lections on DVD and VHS. Bestof all, they’re free! For a flickyou know you’ll watch overand over, buy it! And eBay hasthousands of movies at super-discount prices. NANCY KALISH
drawing it to the cloth-ing’s surface, where itevaporates, keepingyou warm and dry.
• Layers two andthree Next, a moisture-wicking sweatshirt, andtop it off with a jacketthat’s waterproof,
windproof and breath-able (such as Gore-Tex)and can push moistureto the surface.
• Wear mittensover your glovesMittens allow heat toescape around fingersand provide a warmpocket of air.
• Don’t forget a hatMore than 50% of heatloss is from the head.Look for wool hats that are lined withpolypropylene.
Find stay-warmclothes at duofold.com,coolmaxclothing.comor wickers.com.
KATHLEEN M. HEINS
Keeping warm hasgone high-tech.How to layer:
• Layer one Wear athin, moisture-wickingshirt. Fabrics such aspolypropylene, Ther-max and Capilene pullsweat from the body,
High-Tech Winter Wear
hygiene 96% 92%
healthy 90% 67%skin
feel good 85% 67%about self
look 63% 52%attractive
express 64% 39%individuality
look 38% 20%younger
it’s 28% 35%expected
Why we use health andbeauty aids:
SOURCE: Roper
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Rent MoviesYour Way
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Saving
moneycan be tough,
so new credit cardsare helping us do it whilewe spend.
With Bank of Amer-ica’s Keep the Change program,every time you use your debit card,the price is rounded up to the near-est dollar and your change is put ina savings account. Example: Youcharge a $2.25 cup of coffee, yourcard gets charged $3, and 75 centsgoes to your savings. Repeat daily,and you’ll save nearly $300 by year’send. Bonus: For the first threemonths, the bank will match your
MARIA’S TOP TIPVictims of Hurricane Ka-trina could get a break fromthe IRS. They may be ableto borrow from retirementsavings penalty-free.Those who providefree housing to vic-tims could get anextra tax exemptionof $500 per dis-placed individual.
Passwords That Protect You
Nearly 2.5 million Americans had an online bank account raided last year.Protect your cash with a clever pass-
word. Use at least 15 characters and a combi-nation of numbers, letters and symbols, saysMark Burnett, author of Password Roulette.Foolproof ideas:
Fake your e-mail Try your name, age andname of your pet: [email protected].
Mangle it Pick a song lyric, then change itslightly, such as how Elmer Fudd would say it:SingingintheWain.
Use spaces If your system allows it, add aspace to your password; hacker’s tools don’tregularly check for them.
savings;after that, it’s
5% a year.Use the
American Ex-press One
card, and 1%of your eligible purchases will bedeposited into a savings accountwith a competitive interest rate.
So is this a good idea? If you use the card smartly. “These programs enable you to save when you other-wise might not,” says Greg McBrideof Bankrate.com. “If you’re just mak-ing purchases that you’d make any-way, this will build some savings inthe process.” PATRICIA CURTIS
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RDMONEY
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Your pet’s badbreath maybe more than
just an annoyance,warns AlexanderReiter, DVM, of theAmerican VeterinaryDental College. “Ninety-five percent of the time,a dog’s or cat’s badbreath is due to peri-odontal disease.” Thecondition can lead totooth loss and has beenlinked to many dis-eases. Worried aboutyour pet’s breath?
Don’t be fooledTreats and rinses in pet
anesthesia, to re-move tartar andplaque, and repairteeth.
Get out thebrush Yes, you really need tobrush your dog’s
or cat’s teeth. Your vetcan show you how.Don’t use human tooth-paste with baking sodaor fluoride (swallowingthese ingredients maybe harmful).
Look for the sealThe Veterinary OralHealth Council ap-proves some pet prod-ucts. Use those with aVOHC seal. LUCIA RAATMA
Are you prepared to bring your new pethome? Tips from the experts at BestFriends Animal Society in Utah:• Get your puppy a crate for sleep, travel
and housebreaking.• Choose a vet immediately. Ask
friends for recommendations.• Bring a dog to obedience
class right away.• Introduce a puppy to
lots of people and
animals early on, and get him used tosounds (vacuum cleaners) and experi-ences (car rides).• Adopt two cats—if you can. They dowell with a friend.• If a kitty circles like she’s looking forsomething, or races to a corner of theroom, show her the litter box. She’lllearn where it is fast.• Keep an eye on kids and other pets until kittyadjusts. NANCY COVENEY
BRINGING UP BABY
RDPETS
Brush Up!
202
stores that claim tohelp bad breath seldomdo. They just mask thesymptoms. If yourgroomer offers dentalservices, make sure heuses a brush, not asharp tool, to cleanteeth. Only a vet shoulddo dental surgery.
See your vet Shemay recommend acleaning, under general
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Ebay and other online forums have taken the has-sle out of selling your car—now all you need is a winning ad. Create it in three easy steps:
1. Hook ’em Use an eye-stopping headline, saysCharlie Diederich of the Newspaper Association ofAmerica. Don’t be clever; just express a buyer bene-fit, like “$1,500 Under Blue Book.”
2. ’Fess up The more info the better, even highmiles or dents. But turn them into positives: “Car’snot pretty, but that’s why I’m asking only $3,000.”
3. Show it Use at least 10 to 12 photos, says RobChesney, senior director of eBay Motors. Sellers tend to shoot cars at a distance, but don’t forget sev-eral closeups, especially of the paint job.
204
RDCARS
Sell Your Ride 1-2-3
YOUR CARMAY BESPYING ON YOU ...You’ve heard ofblack boxes inplanes, but up to90% of all 2005-06cars now have them(your carmaker cantell you). The box,which is really silver, turns on in acrash and recordsinfo such as speedat impact and seatbelt use. Cops andinsurers may wantthe data, but pri-vacy advocates say you shouldhave to give thempermission first.
Can I use regular gas even though myowner’s manual recommends premium? Q J
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SYes. Regular is actually fine for most cars on the road today, since only asmall number (like Cadillac Escalades and Dodge Vipers) have high-
compression engines that require premium. Still, as many as 30% of Ameri-cans spend an extra 15 to 20 cents a gallon ($100 or more a year) for highoctane. Sure, in cars where premium’s “recommended,” you may get slightlybetter performance, but the increase is usually too small to justify thehigher cost at the pump. If your manual doesn’t specify any type of gas,the car was made to run best on regular fuel, and premium won’t boostperformance one iota. KARL BRAUER, editor-in-chief at Edmunds.com
A
LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES ®
ILLUSTRATED BY JOHN GRIMES 205
Most of my fellowpassengers were
patient about the flightdelay—except one ob-noxious couple. The manwas practically shoutingat the gate agent.
Finally came the an-nouncement: “We areready to pre-board pas-sengers needing specialassistance, passengerswith children, and pas-sengers with husbandswho act like children.”
CHRISTIE LANSANG,Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
First to arrive at the restaurant, I got a great tableby the front window. Minutes later I saw my friend, anattractive woman, hurrying by. I rapped on the glass.She gave me a gorgeous smile and rushed inside.
A man at the next table leaned over. “Teach mehow to do that.” DONALD KOBES, Fort Myers Beach, Florida
What shouldhave been a
simple transaction wastaking forever. A womanin front of me at the gro-cery store was renting acarpet cleaner. She keptgrilling the clerk abouthow safe the chemicalswere to use around herchild and her dog.
Finally reassured therewere no pollution hazards,
she asked, “And can I geta pack of cigarettes hereas well?” JOSEPH MANLEY,
Indianapolis, Indiana
Say what? I was phon-ing a specialist to makean appointment. Awoman picked up andannounced, “Urology.Can you please hold?”
FREDERICK KOENIG,Aberdeen, Maryland
“It’s a deal—two more years, then we let ourselves go.”
During the January playoffs,my husband lapsesinto a football-fancoma. Once, I left him to watch our 13-month-old daughter.“Honey, put Izabelledown for her nap,” Isaid. “But not for morethan an hour.”
When I got back, hewas watching a gameand the baby was nap-ping. “When did shego to sleep?” I asked.
Still staring at thescreen, he mumbled,“Halfway through thethird quarter.”
NORA BRYSON, Austin, Texas
RD I JANUARY 2006
Achurch sale gavemy sister, Carole,
and her husband an excuseto clean out their house.Carole realized they hadtwo bathroom scales andplanned to donate one.
“Keep the black one,”Larry said. “I weigh twopounds less on it.”
JOAN HELMS, Anaheim, California
Our old house neededconstant TLC. Fortu-nately my dad is handyand can do most of thework himself. One day hecrawled under the foun-dation to prop up somesagging floorboards. Sud-denly we heard a muffledyell, and Dad crawledout on his hands and
knees at a speed I hadn’tthought possible.
“What’s wrong?” mymother asked.
“I reached to pick upthe crowbar,” Dad gasped,“and it slithered out of myhand.” ROBERT SHELLEY,
Weatherford, Texas
There, in the reptilessection of our zoo,
a male turtle was on topof a female behaving very,um, affectionately. Mydaughter was transfixed.She asked, “Mommy?”
Uh-oh, I thought. Herecomes The Question.“Yes?” I said.
“Why doesn’t he goaround?”DAWN HOISINGTON, Creston, Ohio
Consumer Information Reader’s Digest may share information about you with reputable companies in order for them to offer you products and services of interest toyou. If you would rather we not share information, please write to Reader’s Digest Customer Service, P.O. Box 7823, Red Oak, Iowa 51591-0823.
Published monthly by The Reader’s Digest Association, Inc., 1 Reader’s Digest Rd., Pleasantville, N.Y. 10570. Rates: $2.99 a copy; $27.98 per year in the U.S. and territories;$38.95 (includes shipping by air where available) for the U.S. edition delivered outside the U.S. and territories. A special Reader’s Digest Large Print for Easier Reading withselected articles from The Digest is published by Reader’s Digest Large Edition, Inc. For details write: Reader’s Digest Large Print for Easier Reading, P.O. Box 8177, Red Oak,Iowa 51591-1177.
Reader’s Digest, (ISSN 0034-0375) (USPS 865-820), Vol. 168, No. 1005, January 2006. © 2005 The Reader’s Digest Association, Inc. All rights reserved. Unauthorizedreproduction, in any manner, is prohibited. Reader’s Digest, The Digest, and the Pegasus logo are registered trademarks of The Reader’s Digest Association, Inc. Marca Registrada.Printed in U.S.A. Periodicals postage paid at Pleasantville, N.Y., and at additional mailing offices. You may cancel your subscription at any time and receive a refund for copiesnot previously addressed. Your subscription will expire with the issue identified above your name on the address label.
POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Reader’s Digest, Box 7809, Red Oak, Iowa 51591-0809. SUBSCRIBERS: If the Post Office alerts us that your magazine is undeliverable, we have no further obligation unless we receive a corrected address within one year.
206
You could earn$300 for your own funnystory. Click on “Submit aJoke” at rd.com or see page 10 for details.
Getting braces as an adult was more compli-cated than my husband anticipated. For three yearshe had to make repeated visits to his orthodontistfor minuscule readjustments.
“She is such a perfectionist,” he complained oneday. Then he smiled. “I guess you could say she’soral retentive.” MINDY CARR, Dublin, Ohio
I was a smart-mouthcollege freshman homefor a visit and my fatherwas a patient man—upto a point. He said some-thing critical to me, and Ilectured, “I learned inmy communication classif you have somethingnegative to say, youshould use somethingcalled the ‘feedbacksandwich.’ ”
“What is that?”“Say something posi-
tive, then somethingnegative, and end with apositive. Understand?”
“I think so,” he said.“How about this:
‘I love you.Put a cork init. I loveyou.’ ” GINA NAPOLI,
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
He relies on his mind, not his size.Eukanuba helps him think big.
Available exclusively at veterinary offices and pet specialty stores. Learn more at 1-888-Eukanuba or eukanuba.com
What healthy dogs are made of.TM
A new line of food smart enough for small breed dogs.
Introducing Eukanuba Small Breed formulas with high levels of brain-nourishing nutrients such as DHA, vitamin A and antioxidants that work to help renew his brain, whatever his age. Unlock your small breed’s potential. Now that’s a big idea.
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RDCHALLENGE B Y W I L L S H O R T Z
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If you solved it within:15 minutes, you’re a true expert30 minutes, you’re noslouch either60 minutes or more,maybe numbers aren’t your thing
392186475724869531657213948
517234
698156723849982465371
684759312893145267431978526
Catch the “Sudoku” craze!A hit in Japan for a long time, this numbers game is becoming all the ragehere in America. To win, you have to put a number from 1 to 9 in each square so that:•Every horizontal row and vertical column contains all nine numerals(1-9) without repeating any of them; •Each of the 3x3 boxes has allnine numerals, none repeated; •Both of the orange diagonalsthat form the X have all nine numerals,none repeated. If you want even more of a challenge, try timing yourself too.
21
29
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4
6 81
2
3 7
19
74 3 19
ILLUSTRATED BY YUKO SHIMIZU
65
OUR AMERICA
“MORNING WALK” BY C . F. PAYNE EXCLUSIVELY FOR READER’S DIGESTFor more great C .F. Payne images, go to rd .com/CFPayne
InterviewGeena Davis, TV’s first female President of the United States, sits down with RD.
UnforgettableJeff Bridges opens up about the love of his life.
DramaAirline passengers describe their harrowing rideafter landing gear malfunctions.
PsychologyYour dreams may have a lot to tell you.
Book BonusA cardiologist helps her patients by healing herself.
Money TalksMaria Bartiromo gives advice for couples who fight over money.
That’aa s Outr’ ageous!Mike Crowley sounds off about bogus “Astroturf” politics.
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