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Seeing how mapping the health of ourhistory can help us be realty healthy

&Ue %xtu*©2015

Health?Whatisyours,andwhatbelongstoyourfamilysystem

SeeinghowmappingthehealthofourhistorycanhelpusbereallyhealthyRafeNauen©2015

ContentsForeword

Introduction

Chapter1-Whatisaconstellation?

Chapter3–Thestudyofhealthusingconstellations

Chapter4-MSP–MultigenerationalSystemicPsychotraumatology

Chapter5–Themechanicsofaworkshop

Chapter6–Whathealthconditionscanweconstellate?

Chapter7–EatingDisorders

Chapter8–Howtosetupaconstellationabouthealth

Chapter9–RitualsandCeremoniestoclearancestraltimelineissues

Foreword

Ifyoudowhatyou’vealwaysdone,thenyou’llgetwhatyou’vealwaysgot!Changeexistswithstretchandthisbookisaboutmappingthechangepotentialwithinyourlifeandthatofyourfamilyandhencebreakingcyclesorrepeatedpatterns

Thisbookistoallayanyfearsthatmightsurroundlookingatafamilysysteminagroupsetting.

Withmanycoachingmodelstheboundaryoneoftenreaches(andsometimesratherquickly)isthatsolutionstotheissuesarenotsittingintheroom,betheystructures,history,perhapsfamily,ancestryorevenethics.

Withthemodeldescribedhereinthatboundaryevaporates,becausethesystemislookedatasawholewiththeindividualplayersinthatsystemfindingthebestplaceforthemselves.Surprisingly,orperhapsunsurprisingly,whenonepersonfindsexactlytherightplace,othersandsometimesalltheothersfindabetter,oreventherightplacewithinthesystem.No-onequitehastheanswertohow,orwhy–itjustseemstoworklikethat.

IntroductionIgotintoconstellationworkasaresultofneedingpersonalcounsellinginconnectionwiththeimminentdeathofmythenwifeMaia.ThepsychotherapistIsaacPizerintroducedmetoconstellationstherapyalmoststraightawayandIwasblownaway.ItshowedthatIcouldseewhatIwascarryinginmylife,whatbelongedtomeandwhatdidn’t.ThatstoryisdescribedmorefullyinmyfirstbookFamilyConstellations–Unravellingthemysteryofyourancestraltimeline.

IhavehadanumberofcareerchannelsinmylifethusfarandconstellationsworkseemedtofitexactlywithwhatIwantedtodonext.Studyingconstellationstheoryandpracticeovertwoyearsbroughtupthefactthatconstellations(socalledbecausetheapparentconnectionbetweenconstellationsintheskyisnotbyanyphysicalmeans–theyjustappeartobegroupedthus,inotherwords,becausetheyare!)Andsoitiswithbusinessesorfamilies,orindeedwithanygroupingthatcouldbecalledasystem.

Ifindthatmanysystemswouldwelcomeavirtualmapoftheinfluencesandpeopleinsideandoutsidethosesystemsespeciallyifitweresimpleandnotrequireanyprioradaptionsorchanges.Hereistheanswertothatparticularprayer.Thetermconstellationsalwaysneedsadescription,butintheGermaniccountrieswherethisworkmostlyhailsfrom,itiswidelyknown.

Someofthisbookrequiresacceptancethatfeelingsa)existandb)areimportantinallmatters.Ifyoudoubtthat,asksomeonetomake20coldcallsonaFridayafternoon.Iassureyouthatiftheydon’tfeellikeit–theywillfindawayforitnottohappen–somethingmoreimportantmightwellcomeupinthatscenario.

Whenfacedwithgroupwork–andalthoughthismethodworksextremelywellonaonetoonesituation,aworkshopiswherethisstuffflies–manypeoplefeelorexpecttofeelintimidatedandanxious–willtheybeabletoexpressthemselvescorrectly–whatlevelofparticipationcantheymanageetc.etc.Thisbookistoallayatleastsomeofthosefears.YoumaywishtoreadmyfirstbookFamilyConstellations–Unravellingthemysteryofyourancestraltimeline.

Oneadditionalaspecthasrevealeditselfduringmyworkinthisfield.HealingandCuringarenotoneandthesamething.Itisdefinitelypossibletoachieveeitheronewithouttheother.Attheendofthedaywewillalldieandwewillnodoubtdieofsomething.SuperHospitalsaredefinitelyacuringplace.Iftheygettoknowwhatiswrong,theyareexceptionallygoodatrectifyingtheproblem.Butweliveinanageoffear,whereanursefearscuddlinganupsetpatientincaseitshouldbemisinterpretedinsomesexualorabusiveway.Thusthehospitalhasmovedawayfromgivingahealingexperienceandhasconcentratedonthecuringprinciples.Manypeoplebelievethatfoodcookedwithcareandlovehassomehealingqualities–oldJewishtraditionsusingchickensoupareacaseinpoint.Thusahospitalthatdoesn’tevencookfood(microwavedcook-chillfoodscomingfromafactory),letalonecookingitwithcareandlovemaybemissingatrickinitsart-form.Ithasbeenshownthat

peoplegetbetterquicker(curefaster)inahealingenvironment.

Inviewofthefactthat100%ofallpeoplewhoeithergotohospitalorwhodon’t,will,induecourse,die,thenthemedicalprofession’squesttoalwaysfindacureandtoregarditasafailureintheeventofnotdoingso(successratesinhospital?)willalwaysfailinthelongrun.Soitistheshortrunthatisconcentratedonwiththeemphasisongettingpeoplefixeduptoreturntothefrayofthelifetheyledbefore.Theconceptofprovidinghealthcare–topreservelifeatanycost,becomesa)futileandb)destinedtorunoverbudget!

Intherealmofmentalhealthcare,thereisamultitudeofevidencethatpeoplearetreatedfortheshorttermandoftenmerelytoremovethemfromthehereandnowfortheotherpeople–thedoctororthefamily.Tosubdue.Manyanti-psychoticdrugshaveamultiplicityofsideeffectsymptoms,whichoftenincludetheissueforwhichtheywereprescribedinthefirstplace.Gettingsomeonefixedupandoutofhereistheprimaryobjective.Toopenthecanofwormstheliesbeneathhashugepenaltiesforthepractitionerforfearthatthelidwillbeimpossibletoreplace.However,seenintermsofmultigenerationaltrauma(seechapter4foranexplanation),perhapsthereismuchmorelongtermhealingworkneedingtobedone,especiallyinunderstandingtheconsequencesofonegenerationsattitudesandactionsonanotherandsubsequentgenerations.Itwouldbeunusualinthemedicalworldwefindourselvesin2015tostartlookingatwhathappenedtoapatient’sgrandfatherduringthelastwar,asanaidetorecoveryforthepatienttoday.However,mylimitedresearchwouldtendtosupportsuchamove.

Chapter1-Whatisaconstellation?

So,whatisaconstellation(apartfromagroupofstars)–wellfundamentally,it’salivingmapthatrevealsthehiddendynamicsofanysystem.Asystemisanygroupdefinedbytherelationshiptheyhavetoeachother–family,workgroup,boardofdirectorsandsoon.Inthisbook,Iamconcentratingonhealth,buttherulesapplytoanygroupingofpeopleorthingsthatmightberegardedasasystem–evendowntoachronicillness–thatwillbediscussedlater,butbywayofexamplesomeonehasapainfulbrokenleg.Clearlytheproblemisintheleg,orperhapstheyareevenmorepreciseandsaytheirkneeistheissue,buttheirlackofmobilitywillhaveaprofoundeffectonwhattheyareabletodo.Theymighthavesufferedsomeseveretraumagettingthedamagedknee,socouldhavenightmares,quiteapartfromthenormalsleepdeprivationfrompain.Thatmaymeanthattheygetannoyedorupsetmorethanwouldbenormalforthem.Thefamilythenwillhavetorallyround–transport,maybethebedroomisinaccessiblesothingswillchangeinthehouseandmaybethereisasuddendropinincomethatcoincideswithasuddenincreaseincosts,soworryinthefamilywillincrease.Theymaybeconcernedthataparentorgrandparenthadatumourintheirkneeandthisisarecurrence.Theymaystartbeingsecretiveinthehopeof“protecting”theirfamilyfromtheawfulpossibilitythattheyhaveasimilarfateloomingtoGrandpaAlbert.Theymayhaveemotionalsideeffectsfromthepainkillersandprescriptiondrugstheyhavebeenadvisedtotake.Andsoon.Soyoucanseethatlookingatbasicelementsontheirownisafarfromperfectwaytoarriveatsuccessfuloutcomesandsometimesitcanbefarmoreusefultolookatthesystem.

Thestartingpointisalwayssomeonewhowantstolookatanissue,perhapsthere’sarecurrentproblematwork,orsomesituationthattheycan’tquitecometogripswith.Itmaybeaforcedchangewithinthesystem–adeath,abirth,amarriageoradivorce,or“problems”withachild’sbehaviourmaybecomingnoticeablydifficulttodealwith,orinthisbook,youhavenoticedthatyourhealthrevealsapattern,orametaphorthatsuggeststhecausemaynotbeimmediatelywithinyourgraspandthusneitherwillbethesolution.Constellationsareapowerfulwayofworkingwithsuchissues.Ratherthanlookattheindividualortheplacewheretheproblemis,welookatthewholesystem,howeverwidelythatforcesustolook.That’sbecauseanindividualisalwayspartofamuchwiderinterconnectedsystemandtheproblemmayjustbeasymptomofsomethingthat’sactuallyhappeningelsewhere.ThatwasexactlytrueinmycaseandIshallbeusingmyownexperienceaswellasotherpeople’swhoseconstellationsIhavefacilitatedfurtheroninthisbook.

Whatwedoissetupavisualspatialrepresentationofthatsystem.Ideallyweusepeopletorepresentthedifferentpartsofthesystemsoitbecomesalivingmaporconstellation,but

piecesoffeltonafloor,postitnotesorevenPlayPeople™[1]canbeused.Wethenaskthoserepresentativestolistentotheirfeelings,theirsensationsandtheirintuitionsandwhathappensisthattheunderlyingdynamicsofthesystemcometothesurface.Itseemsthatsimplytheclientgivingpermissionforanelementoftheirexistencetoberepresentedisenoughforthedisplayofthedynamicstobegin.Manyhundredsofthousandsofworkshopshavebeennotedandwrittenupandtheyallshowthatsomehiddendynamicshavebeenrevealedthathavehithertolainhidden.

Constellationsrelyonsomeunderlyingprinciples-abitlikeahousereliesongravity.

1. Everyonehasanequalrighttobelong-everyonewhoentersasystem(anewbaby

forexample)hasarighttoasmuchloveasanyoneelseanditcanbeshownthathaving“favourites”causesissuesdowntheline

2. Thingsthatcomebeforehavetogivewaytothingsthatcomelater-anolder

siblinghastoallowhisorherworldtochangealittleforthesurvivalofthesystemandhisorherplacewithinit,irrespectiveofthetraumaitmaycausetotheoldersibling.

3. Systemsthatcomelatertakeprecedenceoveroldersystems.Ifsomeonehasachild

inthecontextofanaffair,itcanbeprettyharshfortheoriginalfamilysystem.Thepersonwhohaspartiallymovedawayandintoanewsystem,willhavemuchmoreenergyforthenewsystem,whatevertheysaytothemselves,orwhateverpromisestheymaymake.Ironicallythismaybeeventruerifthenewsystemisdenied.

4. Thebalanceofgivingandreceivingneedstobemaintained-commonsense(andagreatdealofresearch)hasshownthatbalancemustbemaintainedinallthings,especiallyfamilysystems.

Mystyleasaconstellationfacilitatoristositinacircleofpotentialclientsorissueholdersandtoaskandseewhoiswillingorbestplacedtostartworkingonanissue.Thereisaclearmomentwhensomeonehasmadethedecisionthatthepainofmaintainingtheirtraumaorbondingdilemmaisoutweighedbythetantalisinghopeofagoodoutcomeandaresolutionsothatthenextphaseoflifebeginswithouttheiroldmisplacedassociations.Ifthefacilitatorisskilled,noticingthatmomentisofhugebenefit,astheenergytheclientthenbringstotheworkissignificantlyenhanced.Italsodrivesresponsibilitytoitsrightfulplace,astheclientisentirelyincontroloftheprocessandsimplyneedssomeaffirmationsorconfirmationsastothewaythemethodthenenablestheunfoldingoftheirownstoryanduncoveringofmisplaceddramasortraumas.Theclientmaydecidethatthepriceistoohighandthatinactualfacttheywouldprefertolivewithwhattheyknowratherthanperhapsexposesecretsto

theglareofthetruth.Itisa)theirchoice,butb)alsoofitselfveryempoweringastheystillremainincontroloftheprocess.Forthefacilitatorthatinterferes–forexampleheorshemayhavealreadydecidedwhowillworkandinwhatorder,canhimorherselfbecomearepresentativeofanoverbearingorinstructiveelementwithintheclient’sfamilysystem,unknowinglyandtherebycreateanentanglementthataddstotheclient’swoes,ratherthandiminishthem.Itmayalsocompletelyhidetherealissuefromthework.

Ioftenwillenquirehowtheclientthemselvesaredoingtocheckthata)nothingisunravellinginadifferentwaytothatshowingupandb)thattheclientisnotgettingtoomuchandwouldratherleaveitfornowandreturntothesubjectatalaterdate.Iwillprobablyencouragestickingwithitandoftenadistressedclientwillbeasked“yes,butcanyoumanage?”.Sometimeswithinaconstellationworkshop,arepresentativewillmentionasmellorfeelingthatrelatesdirectlytotheclientsownfeelingsorsmellassociations.Thatofitselfmayunlockadoorwayorportaltoanotherdimensionoftheworkandyieldawholelayerofdatathatuntilthatmomentremainedhidden.Forme,asafacilitator,thosemomentshavetotreatedwithgreatrespectandcare,asanexamplewillillustrate.Oneclienthadsetupaconstellationwithhermother,herfatherandherself.Griefhadappearedanditturnedoutthatthisrelatedtothedeathofasibling.Iaskedsomeonetoentertheconstellationasarepresentativeofthedeadchild.Themotherbrokedownintearsanditshowedsomedisquietinthefather,althoughitdidn’tlooklikegrief.However,thisseemedtobeenoughstoryandIjustneededtolettheconstellationrunitscourse,perhapssuggestsomeritualsfortheexcessivelylatebereavement(over40years)ofthesiblingonbehalfofthemother.Butthentherepresentativerevealedthatshecouldsmellrottingmeat.Observationoftheclient(atthattimesittingoutandwatching)showedadistinctchangeofpallor,countenanceandagitation.Ienquiredinmyusualstyle–“What’sgoingon?”shethenrevealedalonghistoryofsexualabuseandaneatingdisorderthatmeantthatmeatwasdistinctlyrepulsivetoher.Herfather–theabuser–hadinsistedonhereatingthemeat,soshehadtakenittoherroomandhiddenit.Theresultingsmellunlockedthewholesorrysaga.Thefather ’srepresentativewentthroughawholearrayoffeelingsfromanger,shame,rejectionandincludedwantingtoleave(sometimesthisrevealssuicidaltendencies)anditexplainedsomethingIhadnoticed,buthaddonenothingabout–whythefatherhadbeenunabletolookatthemotherandseemedbondedtothedaughter(theclientissueholder).Allowingthesmelltobeafacetoftheworkinthatcaseunlockedtherealreasonfortheclientattendingsuchaworkshop.Hershamehadheldherwithsecrets,butthesmellnoticedbytherepresentativeunlockedthedoorwayfortheclient,gaveherconfidencethattheconstellationwasgenuinelylookingatherstuffandwasn’tmadeup!Themomentofthepricebeingtoohighhadpassed!

Chapter3–Thestudyofhealthusingconstellations

WhenIworkwithclients,eitherinonetoonesessions,orinworkshops,Inoticethatnewthingscomeup,maybemetaphorssuchaspainsinthebackregisteringwithanunsupportedfeelingoraperpetualstomachpainassociatedwithinabilitytostomachissueswithinthefamilyetc.etc.Inoticesomaticsymptoms–wherethereisasymptominthebodythatclearlyderivesfromanemotionalpain.Havinggatherednewdatafromtheexperientialreportingfromtheclient,Ithenmakeconnectionswithresearchorotherwritersonthesubjectandnewinsightsemerge.ThenwhenIamnextworkingwithaclientIfindotherlevelsofawarenessstarttoarise.

ThebeautyoftheconstellationsmodelisthattheclientandIareworkingintandemandasitisnotatalkingtherapythedangerofimplantingthoughtsisverylimitedandgivesimmensefreedomtotheprocess.AtnotimedoIbecomesuperiorinanywaywithintheclient’ssystem.Incounselling,itisquitecommonforaclienttojustifyanactionorremarkbysaying,“Mytherapist….”Thatshouldn’teverhappeninaconstellationbecausewhatisrevealedisrevealedbya)thepermissionoftheclienttolookandb)thenoticingbytherepresentatives.Thefacilitatormayenablesomeexperiments–itmayshowupwhatlookslikethedeathofachildwithinaconstellation,soIwilladdarepresentativeforthatsecret,butifnothingchangesintheotherrepresentatives,thenIabandontheideaasanexperimentwhosevalidityisthesameinsuccessasinfailure.Theadditionofthechildintheexampleaboveaddedawholenewdimension.

Chapter4-MSP–MultigenerationalSystemicPsychotraumatology

Iusuallytrytoavoidjargon,especiallyinabooksuchasthis,aimedatclientswhohavenotevencomeacrossthewordconstellationsinthiscontextletalone“MultigenerationalSystemicPsychotraumatology”.Well,sometimesavoidingjargonrequiresrepeatedlongsentencesofexplanation.Andhere,MSPdescribesveryeloquentlyaneveryday,butoftenmissedissue.“Traumaexperiencedinamotherwillbeexpressedandexperiencedbythechildren”.Thisasageneralprinciple,holdsupwell.Itislikelythemotherembeddedintheprinciplewilloverprotect,toavoidthereoccurrence,underprotectandpassoninloyaltytotheoldersystem,ordosomeworkonherselftoalleviatethesymptomsofhertrauma.Atnostagehowever,willitsimplyhavegoneaway.Itwillbearound,althoughperhapsinachangedformat.Sometimesweexchangesensationsintheemotionalworldwithfeelingsinthephysicalrealm,orinthemental.Buttheprinciplestandsandappliesnotjusttomothers.MSP(MultigenerationalSystemicPsychotraumatology)isthestudyofthewaywehandletraumawithindifferentgenerationsinfamilysystemsandisthefundamentalbasisforlookingathealthinfamiliesusingtheconstellationmodel.

Itistraumainonegenerationthatcreatesexperiencesthatmakeuswishtofreezeorfleeinappropriatelyandsetupchainsofeventsthatifweareunabletoreconcile,manageoractuallydealwith,wewillautomaticallypassontothenextgeneration.

Sometimesthetraumais(onthememorylevelatleast)unknown.Inthosecircumstances,theconstellationmodelisprettyadeptatrevealingit.

How?

IreferyoubacktoChapter1whichexplainswhathappens.No-oneisquitesurehoworevenwhy,butfromtheextensiveresearchandreportingthereisnodoubtthatwecarryinformationthatwasnotcreatedduringourlifetime.Itwasbornwithus.

Chapter5–Themechanicsofaworkshop

Whathappensinaconstellationworkshop?Iamgoingtousearealexamplefromaworkshopheldsomeyearsago

Whoisinaconstellation?

Thefacilitator;someonewhoguidestheprocess,butwhoremainsasfaraspossible,outsidetheprocess

Aseeker;someonewhofeelstheurgetolookattheirstuff,rightnow–theywillprobablybeabitfiredup,enthusiastic–theirmomenthasarrived.

Representatives;peoplewhowillgetaskedtorepresentotherpeopleduringtheprocess–placeholderscertainly,butsometimesquiteabitmore

Participants;therestofthepeopleintheworkshop–theysitaroundtheedgeoftheworkingareaandholdtheenergy–theyjustobservemostly–theywillgetachancetobeaseeker,oraparticipantlater

Onlythefacilitatorwillnecessarilyhavehadpriorexperienceofconstellationwork,butsome,maybealloftheotherswillhaveattendedworkshopsbefore–evenparticipantsgetabiglearningfromthework.

Everyonesitsaroundinacircleofchairs–preferablyabout18-20feetacrossthecircle.Thefacilitatorwillhavepickedaplacetositandhaveavacantchairnexttohimorher.Heorshewillprobablydoashortmeditation,sothateveryoneiscalm,relaxedandbodyconscious–bythatImeanthatpeoplebecomeawareofwhatisgoingonintheirownbody,sothattheycanexpresschangesthatoccur–thesemaybecomequiteimportantastheworkprogresses.Thecircleinsidethechairsiscalledthefield–likeafieldofenergyandisidentifiedtoestablishboundariestothework.

Firstly,aseekerischosen.Thefacilitatormaychoose,oraskwhoisready,ormaybeanothermethodisused.Theseekercomesandsitsbythefacilitator.Forthisexample,let’ssaytheseekerisfemaleandforty-sixyearsoldandthefacilitatorisme!Thismovementsymbolisesmovingintoaplacewhereotherthingsbecomeenabled.Theseekerthentellsthefacilitatorthefacts.Thefacilitatorisnotinterestedinblame,oropinion,justfacts–suchasmymotherandfatherarestillalive;theyseparatedwhenIwastwoandIhaven’tseenmyfathersincethatday;mymotherhadtwomiscarriagesbeforeIwasborn,butIhaveanolderbrotherthatsurvived.MymotherremarriedwhenIwastwoandahalf.

Whatthefacilitatorisdoinghereistoidentifytheimportantelementsinwhatwasaroundduringtheseekersearlylife–moreimportanceisplacedonthingsthathappenedinthefamilybeforetheseekerwasborn,becausethosethingswillhavemouldedtheseeker.Thefacilitatorwillnodoubtmakeajudgementcallonwhethertosetupthemother ’snewhusbandattheoutset,ortoseeifhefigureslater.Again,ajudgementcallwillberequiredtoreckonwhetherthemiscarriagesaresignificant–sometimestheyareandsometimestheyaren’t.Inthiswork,wefindthatabortionsalwayshaveaplace,stillbirthsalwayshaveaplaceandmiscarriagesdoonlysometimes.

SoIasktheseekerwhatisherburningdesire(orsomesuchformofwords)–thisenablesanintentiontobesetandisusefulbutnotessentialtothework.Shesays“Allmyrelationshipsdietoosoon”.Shesaysshehasamother(stillalive)afather(stillalive)andanelderbrother.Shethinkshermotherhadamiscarriagebetweenherbrotherandher.Iaskhertochoosefourpeopletorepresentherself,hermother,herfatherandherbrother.Ichoosenottocomplicatemattersjustyetbyrequestingarepresentativeofthemiscarriedbaby.Itissimplerformetoworkiftherepresentativesarewomenforwomenandmenformen,butintruthitisnotimportant.Ihaverunseveralconstellationswheretherewerealotofonesexandinsufficientoftheotherforthatruletoapply.Abasicfundamentaloftheworkis“Workingwithwhatis”–inotherwordsweallhavetosurviveandsucceedwithwhateverdealofcardsweget–wecanmakethebestofit,justaseasilyastheworstofit.Iknowawomanwhosefatherwasarealbully.Heterrorisedherbutshelearnedtostickoutherjawandsay“Yeah,thatallyougot?”manyyearslatershewasonthefrontlineatGreenhamCommonwhenanAmericansoldierpointedamachinegunather.ShewaspartofthousandsofwomencampaigningtonothaveAmericanmissileslaunchedfromEnglishsoilwithoutourinvolvementinawar.Shestuckoutherjawandsuggested“Goonthen,pullthetriggerifyou’vegottheballs”Ofcoursehebackeddown.Shehadlearnedtoresourceherselffromherterribleexperiencesasachild.

Sowhathappensnext?Iaskhertosettherepresentativesup–bywhichImeansheasksthemiftheyarewillingtoactasarepresentative.Iftheysayyes,theystandupandshestandsbehindthemwithhandslightlyontheirshouldersandshemovesthemtoaplaceinthefield(thespacewithinthecircleofchairs)that“feelsright”.Extraordinarily,whilstitsoundsodd,thereissuchaplaceandsofarno-oneinaworkshophaseverstruggledtofindsuchaplace!

Sonowwehavefourpeoplestandingup,inthecircleandtheseekernowsitsdowntowatch,tolistenandtofeel.Shecannotinterrupt,oreveninterject–butImayaskconfirmationofthingsthatIsee,orformoreinformationwhensomethingoddcropsup.

Theseeker ’srepisstandingaloneinthemiddle,thefatherisstandingneartheedgelookingout,themotherisneartheedgelookingin,towardsthefatherandthebrotherisnearthemiddle,againlookingtowardsthefather.SowhatcanIworkon?Let’smakesomeassumptions.Oneofthebeautiesofthisworkisthatwecantesthypothesesreadilyandeasilywithoutanyecologicaldamage(i.e.wecanexperimentwithoutanyproblemsoccurringfurtherdowntheline).Isuggestthatdadwouldratherbesomewhereelse(inconstellationspeak,hewishestoleave)Dadrelaxesimmediatelyandevenmovestodojustthat,leave.Iaskhimwherehisinterestlies–hesayscomrades.Iasktheseekerifshehasanyideawhatthismeans,becauseitmeansnothingtome,nortotheparticipantsandrepresentativespresentatthisworkshop,noteventherepresentativethatutteredtheword!

Shesays“mydadworkedonaminesweeperinthewarandhewascalledawayforsomeimportantworkonanothershipandwhilsthewasgonehisshipwentdownwithallhandsondeck.Hewasdevastatedandfeltheshouldhavediedwithhiscomrades”

Iaskthreepeopletostandjustoutsidethecirclenearthedad,torepresentthecomradeswhodied.Theyseemhappyandnottroubled,whichsurprisesallofus,especiallydad!Iaskhimtotalktothemandforthemtorespond.Adialogueensueswhereitbecomesclearthatdadsurvivingfeltgoodtotheothers–hegotalife,abeautifuldaughterandforhimtohavediedwouldhavestoppedthatandthatwouldhavebeeninno-one’sinterest.

Sowhat’sgoingonhere?Peoplewhohavenevermet,arehavingaconversationthattheycouldneverhavehadandwouldneverhappeninreality.Itdisplaysageneralattitudetodeathandhasadistinctrelationshipwithunderstandingandrelievingsurvivorguilt.Andthatelementofthesituationwasn’tevenknownattheoutset,sohowdiddad’srepresentativecomeupwith“Comrades”?

Itseemsthatwecarrywithusametaphysicalenergythatcontainstruthsandaspectsthatprotectusandkeepussafeinourjourney.Sometimesthetraumasurroundingsuchthingsbecomesoutmodedandcansafelybedropped.Whenwe“setpeopleup”inaconstellationwearehandingoverpermissionforasmallpartofthatenergytobereplicatedwithinavirtualmapandgivesustheabilitytoobserveandtochangethoseenergies.

Humansareunusualinthatnearlyeverythingtheytakeintolaterlifeisborneoutofaloyaltytoparenting–maybenotactualfatherandmother,buttheprocessofparentingwhichmeansthatchildrenlearntobecomeadultsandeventuallybecomeadultswithwhatevertheyhave

pickedupalongtheway.

Ihavenoticedthatdad’srepresentativeiswantingtoturntowardsthefield–IsuggesthefollowsthatmovementandIcanseethatheislookingwarmer.Isuggestsomewordshemightsay.Thisisafacilitatortechniqueforuncoveringsomehistoricaltruths.Wecansuggestwordsandthenwhentheyhavesaid,askthepersonwhosaidthemtosayiftheyfelttrue.Surprisingly,theywillprobablyhaveastrongfeelingeitherway–veryseldoman“I’mnotsure”InthiscaseIaskhimtosaytohisdaughter“Ididn’tknowyouwerethere”theseekersrepburstsintotears.Heoffersahugandtheyholdanembraceforawhile.Theotherrepshaveturnedtolookandthebrother ’srepiscryingalittletoo.Mumlookradiant.

Inthisshortexercise,ithasbecomeclearthatthemostimportantperceivedrelationshipforthefatherwastohisdeadcomradesandthusitbecomesclearthatthedaughter–ourseekerhere,hasspentherlifesofarlookingforrelationshipsthatbecomedeadoutofloveforherdadandthattohavebeenassociatedwithlifeandvibrancywouldhavebeendisloyal.Clearlythisiserrantnonsense.However,whathashappenedhereisthateverythinghaschangedinashortspaceoftime.Therepresentativesarethankedandtheysitdown.Isuggestthatchatterisminimalandthatdiscussionaboutwhodidwhattowhoandwhyshouldbeletgoof.Theworkhasbegun,buthasnotyetended.Theseekernowhastoallowthechangetopermeateherbodyandmind,suchthateverycellhasaveryslightlydifferentoutlook.Thatcantaketimeandisbestdonewithspaceandnotclamour.Ialsosuggestthatforconfidentialityreasonsthatanydiscussionoftheworksshoulddefinitelyincludethispieceofwork,butwithenoughdetailremovedorchangedtoprotectidentitiescompletely–justasIhaveinthisbook.

Sofeedbackfromthisparticularpieceofwork–theseekercanhavearelationshipwithsomeonewhowishesverymuchtobealiveandfortherelationshipitselftobealive.Themotherhasseenwhatsheintrinsicallyknewwastherealreadyandthesonhasbeenseenandcannowmodelhimselfonafatherthatwishestobepresent.Andthefathercanbreatheagain!Insteadoffeelingeverydaythatheshouldhavediedwithhiscomrades–themessagetohisdaughtergetstofeellikeitwouldhavebeenmorecorrectifshehadnotbeenborn–hardlyahealthyparadigmtoliveunder!

Thereisanunderlyingtruthwiththeloyaltything.Ifyouareaman,youshouldideallybeabitlikeyourdadandmarrysomeoneabitlikeyourmum.Equally,ifyouareawomanyoushouldbeabitlikeyourmumandmarrysomeoneabitlikeyourdad.InmanycasesthatisobservablefactandIhaveevenobservedagaymanwhosepartnerwasquiteabitlikehismuminattitudesandpersonalityeven.Ifyoulookaround,itiscommonenoughforthistobe

true!

Chapter6–Whathealthconditionscanweconstellate?

Thesimpleanswerisanythingthathasconnectiontoasystemcanbeconstellated.GenerallychronicconditionsarethemostlikelytohavesomeMSPaspectsthatcanbeshiftedoralleviatedusingtheconstellationsmethod.Mentalconditionscanbeveryeffectivelyexamined,butinthesecases,(asinallcasesandindeedinallpsychotherapeuticwork)itisalwaysworthcheckingwhatwouldhappentotheclientiftheconditionwaseradicatedpermanently.Oftentheconditionperformsseveralfunctionswithinasystemandanecologicalcheck-upisalwaysessential.

Tobedefinitiveforamoment:

1. Weightdisorders–obesity/anorexia/bulimia2. Crone’sdisease3. Backpain4. Skinconditions5. IBS6. Cancer7. Addictions

1. Alcohol2. Smoking3. Gambling

8. Sleepapnoea9. Panicattacks10. Depression11. Bipolardisorder(ManicDepression)12. BorderlinePersonalityDisorder(BPD)

Thisisnotadefinitivelist,butaguidelinetothesortofconditionsthatmightbeworthyofalook.Ifmedicationisinvolved,thentheclientmustalwaystakeresponsibilityforengagingwiththedoctortoestablishifreductionorcessationofmedicaltreatmentwouldbeadvantageous.AConstellationfacilitatorshouldneverrecommendacourse,orthecessationofacourseofmedicinesprescribedbyamedicalprofessional.

Inoneconstellationawomanhadhadaskinconditionforyears,buthadrecentlyrealisedthatherfatherhadaskinconditionandhisattitudetoherhadbeenappallingandthatmetaphoricallyhemadeherskincrawl(herwords).Theconstellationshowstherelationshiptobemorethancoincidence.Soshesetsuptheworktoshowwhataskinconditionmightdoforherandwhoitreallybelongedto.Itshowedthatthestorywentbackandbackandthattheresolutioninvolvedritualsendingbackofthingsthatnolongerorneverdidbelong.Constellationsprovideaneasyplatformforcertaintypesofritual.Inthiscasegettingthefathersrepresentativetostatethat“Thishasnothingtodowithyou,youarejustachild”andhisfather ’srepresentativetosaythesameandhisfather ’srepresentativetosaythesamealongalineofpeopleintheworkshop,justseemstobeenough.Inthiscasetheworkhadbecomepossibleafterthewoman’sfather ’sdeath.Priortothat,thepriceofhavingthat

dialoguewouldhavebeentoohigh–wemightsayshewasn’tready,buttoengagewiththefatheronlyasanancestorenabledtoworktoflowandmeantthatdealingwithhisabuseandviolenceduringherchildhoodwasleft–thatworkhadalreadybeendone.

Chapter7–EatingDisorders

Eatingdisordersareveryoftenengagedtohidesomething.Therehasbeenconsiderableresearchintoanorexiaandinvariablythesuffererfeelsthemselvesmuchlargerthanthetapemeasureshowsthemtobe.Thisconfusionoftenarisesfromsexualabusefromwithinafamilysystem–mixedmessagesbytheperpetratorandbytheothersinthesystem–maybecomplicitmaybealsoabusedandmaybeabsentfortheirownreasons.Thebondingofthemothertothefathermaysignificantlychangeonthebirthofthechildandthefathermayfeelrejectedandabandoned–reminiscentofhisownchildhoodperhaps.Thesearchforintimacythendriveshimtofailtohonourproperboundariesandthesystembecomesabused.Thedaughterbecomesanorexicaspartofapatternofconfusionoftrustandoffailingtounderstandherplaceinanysense.

InoneofmyclientsIfoundthatseveralstepdaughtershadbeensexuallyabusedfromaveryearlyage.Theonethatsufferedfromeatingdisordershadactuallynotbeensexuallyabusedatall.Shewascompletelyawareoftheothersister ’sabuseandfeltshewasn’tprettyenoughtoattracttheabuser.Insomewaysherabusewasthemoredifficulttoreconcile.

Talkingtosuchanexampleofhistoricanorexiaintermsofnutritionandhealthyeatingcanbeseenaswellbeyondpointless.Thefactofherappearanceandthenotionofherappearanceareforeverindifferentplacesanduntilthosetwoaspectshavebeenassociatedandreconcilednothingwillchange.

Sometimestheeatingdisorderisasurvivalstrategytoalleviatethehiddenknowledgeoftheuntimelydeathofanancestralrelative.Inpastgenerations–saybeforethe1700sitwascommontolosechildreninchildbirthandmourningwasroutineandritualisedcommonly.Manymothersdiedinchildbirthandmanycommunitieshadstandardmethodsforhandlingsuchaffairs.Sometimesasibling’sfamilysemi-automaticallytookonthedeadmother ’schildren.ThenintheGeorgianandVictorianerasshameandguiltbecameatoolformanagingcommunitiesandmuchofthatritualdisappeared.Anunwrittencodeofsilencewasimplantedandwhenastillbirthhappened,no-onespokeofit.Indeed,sometimesthenextsurvivingchildwasevengiventhenameofthedeceasedchild.Ifyouagreethatnamingofchildrenisusuallytomimicourheroesbyassociation(thereareveryfewAdolfschristenedsinceWWII)thennamingachildafterachildthatdiedinbirthisariskythingtodo(NBinmybookonFamilyConstellationIrecountthestoryofmybrother ’sexperiencetothatend).Fastforwardagenerationortwoandthepressuretosurviveagainstalloddsmightreadilyyielditselftothefield.Inthatscenarioapersonmightfeeltheyneedtoeatanythingthatbecomesavailable,toensuregoodhealth,includingsurvivalofthespecies.Inyear10,000BClivingofffruitandsquirrelswhilstlivinginawood,theeatingdisordersuggestedbythatscenariomightnotshowitselfveryclearly,butin2015,withincredibleavailabilityoffoodobesitycomesveryeasily.Wedon’thavetoexerciseandwecaneatanything.WhilstIamnotsuggestingthatallobesitycomesfromagrandmotherthathadastillbornchild,Iamsuggestingthatitisoneoftheprecursors,inthesamewaythatanorexiahasbeenshownto

oftenoccurinfamilieswheresexualabuseofthechildhasoccurred.Inyoungchildren,sexualabuse,especiallybyaparent,usuallythefatherorstepfatherisexceptionallyconfusing.Theyfeelwrongyetlovedorspecial(theymaywellhavebeengroomedintothatsituation)theyfeeladultyetstillachild,nurturedandabusedallatthesametime,soforthemtocomeoutwithaconfusionaboutwhattheyfeel,asopposedtowhattheyseeinthemirrorishardlysurprising.Notethereferenceabovetothegirlwhobecameanorexicbecausesheherselffeltthatshehadn’tbeenprettyenoughtogettheattentionoftheabuser.

Chapter8–Howtosetupaconstellationabouthealth

Experienceandjudgementandgutinstinctgiveusthestartpoint,whichseldommatters,astheconstellationmethodisveryadeptatsowingusthewayforward.Whentherearegaps,theyshowup,whenthereareunusualconnectionsandassociations,theyshowupandwhenwegetitwrongandneedtoworkadifferentwayitshowsup–maybeintheformthatthereisjustnoenergyintheroomtoworkwith,oritfeelsasifthereisnopermission.

Peopleoraspects?Wecansetupconstellationswitheitherorboth.Iftheclienthasapropensitytohypochondriawhenwemightstartbyassumingthattheillnessesperceivedperformsomesupportiveroleinthesystem.Thatassumptionmightbeshowntobecorrectorincorrectintheinitialwork.Weworkwithwhatisandsetuptheparticipantsthathave“shownup”intheconversation,soourinitialsetupmightincludetheclient,theillness,themotherandtheintentforexample.Thefacilitatorwillalwaysneedtochoosewhethertheclientrepresentsthemselves,orwhetherheorsheisrepresentedbyaparticipant.

Sometimesthefreemovementofparticipantswillshowthedirectionofflowtowardsabetteroridealoutcome,sometimes,abitofguidanceisrequired,withsomedialoguebetweenthefacilitatorandtherepresentativesinquestion.Ifyoucanimagineascenariowhereanillnessalmosthasapersonality,theconstellationmethodgivesthatpersonalityavoice.Thenadialoguecanbegin,followedbymovementtoa“better”placeandhencearesolutionthatenablestheconditiontoleave.Thatmightrequireanancestorbeingbroughtintotakeresponsibilityorforsomethingthatwashiddenbeingrevealed,acknowledgedandhonouredorevenacombinationofboth.

Allowmetaphorsin.Theyareveryhelpfultostarttheballrollingespeciallywithagroupofclientsthatare1)experiencingconstellationsforthefirsttimeand2)arereluctanttoexpressthemselvesinconnectionwithothersforfearofdisturbingfamilyloyalties.Itisalwaysworthpointingoutthatwhilstitisexcellenttobeloyaltothestrengthswithinourrolemodels,itissimplystupidtobeloyaltobadstuff,orstuffthatharmsus.Mostpeoplegetthat.

Alwayspayattentiontothematernalsideasmoreimportant.MitochondrialDNAispassedthroughthegenerations.MymitochondrialDNAwasformedinmygrandmother ’swombhalfwaythroughthepregnancythatproducedmymotherin1915–overahundredyearsagonow!

Sowhatarewelookingforinaconstellationonhealth,mentalorphysicaloremotional?Whatdoestheillnessperformasawayofsupportingthesystemalbeiterroneously?Whatdoestheillnesshidefromclearviewaboutthesystem?Dowehavepermissiontolook?

Thatwillgiveustheguidelinesforwhatrepresentativesweneedtostarttheballrolling.Havingestablishedthestartpointitisoftenhelpfultojustwatchwheretherepresentativesmoveto.It’slikewatermovingdownhill–itisinevitablethattheconstellationwillfinditsequilibrium.Personally,whenIfacilitatesuchpiecesofworkIamquiteboldinsuggesting

possiblerepresentatives,becauseassaidbeforeiftheyaresuperfluoustheycansitdownagain,whereastheymightjustshowakeytoanewdoorwaythathadn’tbeenseenbefore,aswiththerottingmeatsmelltriggeringawholeotherstory.

Itisperfectlyinordertomixupconstellationswithpeopleandconceptsoraspects,soyoumighthaverepresentativesfortheclient,thegrandma,cancerandthesecret.Graduallyitbecomesclearthatcancerhidesthesecretandhencethesecretbecomesassociatedwiththecancer,releasingtheclientfromherassociationwiththecancer.Atthatpointgrandmachangeshercountenanceanditbecomesclearthatthesecretbelongstoheranditceasestoberelevantthatthereevenisasecret.Thecancerthenbecomeslessimportantintheconstellationandrecedes–hopefullyfollowedinreallifebythatsameenergy–thecancerlosesitsgripontheclientandrecedes.

Itsoundsfanciful,butithasbeendocumentedmanytimesandalthoughmyownresearchisinevitablyquitelimitedinnumbers,theoutcomesofconstellationworkhasveryoftenledtopeopleidentifyingachangeinamajoraspectoftheirlivesincludingserioushealthconditionsbeingattributedtothedaytheydidaconstellation.Theaspectsnotedhavebeeninthephysical,mental,emotionalandspiritualrealms.

Chapter9–RitualsandCeremoniestoclearancestraltimelineissues

Intheconstellationabouttheskinconditionwhatshowedupisthelikelydirectionforthesourceoftheoriginaltraumathatcausedtheskinconditiontomanifest.Chemicalsandmedicineshadn’ttouchedtheissueasitwasasomaticresponsetoanemotionalissue.Treatingthenextbitoftheconstellationasaritualobservingofthenextgenerationassuperiorandthereforeresponsible,itbecomespossibletohandtheissuebackalongthelineofancestorsandithardlymatterstotheclienthowfarbackitgoes,orwhethertheoriginalfaultisre-placed,itissimplythecasethattheissuehasbeenhandedbacktowardsitsoriginandtheclientisthenfreetocureandtoheal.

Inanotherceremonyanelderlymanfeltthathisstuffhadcomefromoutsidehisownexperienceandwaspuzzled.Onsettinguptheconstellationitbecameclearthatthegrandfatherhadneverbeenmourned.Indeed,thereappearedtoneverhavebeenafuneral.Atthatpointtheclientrevealedthathisgrandfatherhaddiedapauperintheworkhouse.Alargestonewaschosentorepresentthegrandfatherandaburialceremonywascarriedout.Thegriefshownbytheparticipantsattendingamockupeventsomehundredyearsafterthefacthadtobeseentobebelieved.Itwasexactlyasthoughtheyhadattendedagenuinefuneraloftheclient’sgrandfather.

Inanotherpieceofwork,itbecameclearthatasystemofparentingtheparentshadbeenestablishedsothatresponsibilitiesalwayslayinthewrongdirection–ithastobeseenthatwithoutyouparentsyouwouldn’texist–nottheotherwayround.Theritualestablishforsupportingtheworkthathadbeendoneinconstellationwassimplytoprintoutsomephotoswithgrandparentsplacedattheback,withparentsinfrontofthemfacingoutandthenchildrenandthenattheveryfront,grandchildren.Thiswastobeacknowledgedbythestatement“Itakemyplace”saiddailybytheclienttowardsthephotosthusreinforcingthatshehadnoresponsibilityforhermotherandthathermotherhadnoresponsibilityforhermotherandsoon.Itenabledtheclienttoresolvealongtermanxietyandfearthatassoonashermotherwasnotbeingattendedto,somethingdreadfulwouldbefallher.Ihaveusedthephotosequenceonanumberofoccasionstoreinforceworkthathasbeendoneinconstellationswhereadependentlinehasbeenfacingbackwards.Inthosescenarioschildrengetignoredandabused,soitisprettyimportanttoestablishcorrectlinesofresponsibility.

Chapter10–Conclusion

Constellationsenableustoseehowtheenergiesofthefamilysystemgetpasseddownthegenerations.Sometimeswefindthattherearethingsinourlivesthatjustwon’tfit,ordon’tbelong.Constellationsshowushowandwheretheyfit.Theyarenotaquickfixforallissuesofhealthandwellbeingandtheydonotneedtobeexaggeratedintheireffects.TheyareverygoodatstartingtheprocessofunravellingMSPeventsinourhistory.

Healthconstellationsarerunlikeanyotherconstellation.Itstartswithaconversationwiththeclientexactlywhenheorsheisreadytowork.Theconversationyieldsthebuildingblocksoftheconstellation–whoaretheparticipantsandwhat,ifany,otheraspectsarerequiredtoassisttheprocess.Ifthereappearstobeadynamicassoonasthesystemissetup,personally,Iwouldletitrunitself.Ifnot,thenIwouldinquireoftherepresentativeswhattheyareexperiencingstandingintheplaceofwhoeverorwhatevertheyaretheretorepresent.

Astheconstellationunfolds,variousaspectschangeandevolvesothatbytheendofthepieceofworkanumberofenergiesthatprovedtobedifficultfortheclienttomanagewithinhisorherlifehavefoundanewplaceandtheenergiesarenowmucheasiertohandle.Thehealinghasbegun.Ifthehealthissueisphysicalormental,thenanymedicationmustunderallcircumstancesbemaintainedaccordingtothemedicaladviser ’sguidelines.However,overtimeitmaybecomeclearthatthesymptomsofthesomaticexperienceareevolvingordissipating(somaticiswhenemotionalpainisexpressedinthephysicalrealmasrealpainorillness).Atthatpointcuringandhealingwillhavebeguntocoexistwithintheclient.

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[1]Playpeoplearesoldastoys,butalsoinsetsforconstellationpractitioners.Theyareusedasrepresentatives–especiallyofthejuxtapositionbetweenpeopleinfamilies,andareexceptionallygoodatenablingchildrentoarticulatedeeppsychologicalissueswithfamilies,abuseorwithhealth.