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Major Project #1 Essay: Composing Identities

“Putting the Pieces of My Identity Together”

The memory of sitting in my mother’s pottery shop, admiring her craft, is crystalline. She

would begin swiftly by kneading the pile of mud, and placing it on her wheel. Then, spinning the

clay gracefully, she would sculpt the mire into the object she desired. The process of her work

was flawless. The product from her kiln was no longer mud, but a ceramic piece. The art my

mother formed sparked the desire in myself to create. The words once said by Jeanne de

Vietinghoff reminds me of my mother, “Woman was born to create, in creating she becomes

herself, accomplishing her destiny—to create is not merely to produce a work, it is to give out

ones own identity,” (Hanna, 2011). I believe these words are true. Knitting has enabled me to put

together a large piece in my life. My identity has evolved as I claimed the role as a knitter and

began creating with yarn.

I have always lived in an environment immersed in the arts. I use my mother’s ceramics

pieces everyday and they inspire me to be productive and

imaginative. The mug displayed in the photo throughout this

essay is one she threw on her wheel. Not only was I immersed by

my mother’s creativity but also by my family’s crafty friends.

One of the most influential friends was my brother’s colleague,

Erin. I began noticing her work during our winter break. She

would sit, watching the traditional holiday movies, and knit. The idea of knitting has always

interested me because it is creative and produces a piece one can use, similar to pottery. The

needles Erin held would interlock loops of yarn together to form a patterned scarf. The sticks

moved back and forth and my eyes followed, watching the craft. The coordination she displayed

Photo  by:  Allyce  Capps  

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made the process seem effortless, but the concept seemed difficult. I couldn’t understand how

she was knitting. I desperately wanted to understand, and she agreed to teach me.

Holding the two, thick sticks in my hand seemed clumsy and controlling the flimsy yarn

seemed impossible. I concentrated on mimicking her motions: back and around, under, around

and through. I repeated the order until my hands felt an arthritic ache. I kept the needles going

until my hands naturally mimicked her sequence. Intertwining the string, putting the pieces

together and keeping to the template of my beginner scarf not only created frustration but also

produced a sense of peace. The process of learning how to knit has taught me stay calm, even in

frustrating environments. It has also taught me to keep a clear head in difficult situations. When I

get discouraged with a school assignment, knitting allows me to take a break from the course

content and clear my head. Overtime, my first scarf was finished, then a second, then a third.

After Erin first taught me to knit, I started to desperately desire a more difficult weaving project.

While I was visiting Fayetteville, Arkansas, a hippie-like knitting store, Handheld, was

introduced to me by one of my mother’s artistic friends. I went inside; in awe, I realized I wasn’t

the only one who wanted a challenge. Several women sat around a small, oak circle table in the

center of the room, knitting very difficult-patterned sweaters. Both walls surrounding the tables

were filled with delicate, beautiful yarn on white, urban designed shelves. The identity these

women formed through knitting seemed serene, artistic, and intelligent. One could see the

women knew an awful lot about yarns and needles. The atmosphere in Handheld was both

tranquil and naturally knowledgeable. In school, my depiction of knowledge was being forced,

and in that room I realized art didn’t transpire the same way. The knowledge seemed desirable. I

wanted to know as much about knitting as the women in the store.

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There are often times in my life that I don’t reveal to others that I am a knitter. It’s a

hobby that I am neither ashamed of nor proud of. However, sometimes others would ridicule me

about it. The two statements I often hear from my peers are that it’s a grandma hobby and boring.

These negative comments used to bother me. But, when I walked into Handheld, I realized that if

these women were grandmas and boring, I wanted to be just that.

When the trip ended and I came back to my hometown, I started looking for a store

similar to Handheld. I found a small store off of our down town area that had just opened called

Red Bug. In my opinion, there are two types of knitters. There are knitters who sit at home and

knit by themselves and those who enjoy going to stores, like Handheld, and knitting as a

community. The idea that I can grow and learn from the woman around me is a social aspect that

appealed to me. I was anxious to visit and to see if the woman who owned it would teach me

further. Red Bug became my community. Red Bug’s owner was poised and serene as she invited

me into her store. Although it was filled with antiques instead of the circular oak table, it had the

same atmosphere as Handheld. Delicate yarn filled the vintage shelves. Instead of being very

hippie like Fayetteville’s, it felt like a charming southern cottage. I became very familiar with

Red Bug over the next year as Trudy, the owner, started to teach me more challenging designs

and patterns. Her calm, patient qualities helped make the transition from basic to intermediate

clothing a smooth one.

When I encounter other knitters like Trudy, I feel I can understand their personalities and

lives better. The idea that they enjoy keeping their hands busy, even when relaxing, is a quality I

can relate to. The concept that they enjoy creating lets me know about their personality and that

it is similar mine. Most knitters I have met have calm personalities, similar to Trudy’s or my

mother’s friends. Their attitudes towards knitting has motivated me to support others aspiring to

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be knitters. When I do reveal that I knit to someone who wants to learn, I have the ability to

teach him or her. I have taught several others, including my mother, how to knit. The ability to

teach loved ones about a subject I care about fulfills me. The prospect of them picking up the

hobby and the character they will gain through knitting makes me thrilled for them. I visualize a

knitter sitting at home, snuggling up on the couch and constantly moving their needles.

From the very first session, I formed an identity and changed the way I understood

myself through knitting. The identity of a knitter didn’t stem from the fact that I picked up

needles and yarn, but from the mindset it put me in. If I believed that a knitter’s identity came

from the quality or the number of scarves or sweaters they created, I would never believe myself

to be a knitter. I always feel like there is improvement that can be made, whether you are an

amateur or expert. The feeling it provides when I keep my hands busy and my mind clear only

materializes when I knit. The practice permits me to be idle while still having the satisfaction of

being productive. Although I often get confused with the template’s oddly worded instructions or

mess up the pattern that I am trying to create, I still enjoy the challenge of the conflict. In the

photograph below, one can see the template I was using for the pastel orange sweater. Every time

I finish a session, I feel a sense of accomplishment

because I know that I produced a piece of clothing.

Through the past couple years, several far

more accomplished knitters than myself have given

me encouragement to become more advanced.

The same woman that introduced me to Handheld

runs the Underground in Fayetteville’s court square. Underground takes place in the basement of

the courthouse and displays works of artists. Underground also puts on runway shows of local

Photo  by:  Allyce  Capps  

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knitter’s work. The clothing is not only intricate in design but also vast in size. The detail and

time each knitter put into the model’s clothing inspires me to be able to perform in that quantity

and quality. The owner of Handheld uploads photos every week to her Facebook, motivating me

to get to her advanced level of creativity. The thought of producing the quality of work she

creates, inspires me to choose the more complex projects my instructor throws at me. My teacher

at Red Bug, Trudy, always pushes me to take on projects that I don’t believe I can handle. Every

time I finish a complex project, I am grateful that she pushed me forward. In the photo above,

she gave me the choice between the sweater I am knitting and a headband. Needless to say, I

chose the more complex project because I knew she’d help me with her gentle guidance. These

artists inspire me to become more like them, in their craft and also in their character.

The craft of knitting has impacted my character immensely. It has also allowed me to

understand that no piece of work is perfect. Handmade items have imperfections, which gives

them more beauty. Before learning how to knit, I looked at imperfections as flaws because of my

perfectionist personality. Knitting has given me a role that granted me peace and relaxation,

determination and inspiration. In the photograph below, one can see the whole picture. Each

piece has made up my role as a knitter. Intertwining the string and putting to weave together has

enabled me to piece together the formation of my identity.

   

Photo  by:  Allyce  Capps  

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References

Hana. (2011, July 20). Inspire: They said it best. [Web log comment]. Retrieved from