Practical Grace Complete Book

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Chapter One:

An All-Too-Common, Incredibly-Bad Day

Kate rolled over and looked at her alarm clock. It was

seven fifteen. Once again, she had overslept. With her heart

pounding, Kate jumped out of bed and made a mad dash for the

shower. So much for getting up earl and spending time reading

the !ible," she thought to herself. I haven#t gotten it done in

weeks. I#m such a lous $hristian." !etween the running late and

the spiritual failure," Kate alread felt grump . %nd, as she turned

on the water and climbed into the shower, she couldn#t stop

thinking to herself, I#ve got to do better." &hen, suddenl , her

mind turned to a long list of past failures. Who am I kidding'"she said out loud, I#m never going be good enough."

Kate got out of the shower and started to get dressed. %s

she did, she couldn#t help but take a second (and third) look in the

mirror. I#m getting fat," she sighed. When she began to sa that

she needed to get back to the g m, the sentence died on her lips.She knew she wouldn#t, and a new e*plosion of self+hatred made

her cheeks flush. %lthough Kate didn#t reali e it, what happened

ne*t was a defense mechanism. -o longer able to handle the

feelings of failure, a shift took place in her mind and Kate#s anger

turned full force upon her husband. e never appreciates me,"Kate grumbled. If he#d help more around the house ma be I

could get to the g m once in awhile." %s she finished in the

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bathroom and ran downstairs, Kate itemi ed her husband#s

shortcomings.

Standing in the kitchen pouring herself a cup of coffee,

Kate was continuing to mull over her list when 0rank, her

unsuspecting husband, walked in. 1ood morning," he said

cheerfull . 1ood morning," Kate responded 2uietl , in her best

passive aggressive tone. 0rank didn#t catch on. %fter all, what

could he have done this earl in the morning' e continued tr ing

to make small talk. Want to go out for dinner tonight'" he asked.

Sure," Kate mumbled. Where should we go'" 3ou decide,"

Kate answered, ou didn#t care what I wanted last time, wh

should tonight be an different'" Surprised and hurt, 0rank

disappeared behind his newspaper. Immediatel Kate regretted her words, et a glance at the clock told her she had to go. 1athering a

hast breakfast, she hurried out the door. !ut once outside, Kate

paused. She wanted to go back in and apologi e, however her

pride thought better of it. What I said really is true," Kate justified

to herself. e reall is inconsiderate." % strange mi*ture ofanger, shame, and sadness welled up inside of her as she jumped

into the car.

%n hour later, Kate sat at her desk when an email popped

up from her boss. e wanted to speak with her as soon as she was

free. Kate took a deep breath and headed over to his office. 4im,her boss, could be kind, sometimes, but make the slightest mistake

and he#d let ou know it. 3ou wanted to see me," she said, poking

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her head in the doorwa . Shut the door and sit down," he replied.

Kate shut the door and sat down. 6et me just cut to the chase,"

he said, I need better performance from ou." &aken completel

off+guard, Kate stammered, 7h, what#s wrong'" 3our report,"

4im began patroni ingl , got several critical facts wrong." !ut,

sir," Kate responded, tr ing her best to hide the nervousness in her

voice, I don#t run the data. I just put in what the research

department gives me." Well, then ou should check it," he

responded.

!ut, sir, I...," Kate didn#t know what to sa . She had

nothing to do with the research and couldn#t possibl check it.

&his is just a s mptom of the bigger problem, Kate," he added.

3ou and I both know ou haven#t been focused on our worklatel ." Kate didn#t know this. In fact, she had been sta ing late

nearl ever night for a month. I, no," she began, I#ve been

tr ing m best." Well," 4im declared, I guess our best just isn#t

good enough. -ow get it together, Kate, or ma be we#ll need to

start making some tough choices." !ut," Kate started. -o #buts,#Kate. 3ou do our job or someone else will. 8o ou understand'"

3es, sir," she answered. 1ood," said her boss. I#m glad we got

a chance to address this head on. 4ust pick it up, Kate, and we can

forget all about this."

Kate walked back to her desk in a total da e. What in the world am I doing wrong' I don#t make the research. %nd I#ve

been working ten hour da s because &ed has missed all his

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deadlines." % variet of choice names for her boss began to pass

through her mind. Kate sat down and tried to get back to work,

but it seemed impossible. She felt stupid and embarrassed, and,

although she knew she hadn#t done an thing wrong, a little voice

inside her head said, 3ou know ou aren#t good enough, Kate. It

was just a matter of time until the figured it out too." :otivated

b fear, she regrouped, took a deep breath, and turned her

attention back to the computer monitor. 0or the rest of the

morning Kate worked feverishl . If I work harder," she thought,

ever thing will be alright."

When lunch time finall came, she headed toward the

dinning room. !ut just as she was about to enter, Kate heard her

friend !eth talking to someone inside. 4im finall spoke to Kate,"!eth said in a confidential tone. Kate stopped in her tracks. She

considered !eth her closest friend at work. It#s about time," came

the repl . It was &ed, the one whose irresponsibilit had caused her

so man headaches. Well," she thought to herself, some friend."

&hen Kate tried to think of something negative about !eth,an thing to tr to critici e her, but !eth was skinn and ever one

liked her, so nothing came to mind. aving lost her appetite, she

decided to skip lunch and go for a walk. Kate felt so lonel . She

wanted to call 0rank, but when she remembered how she had

treated him this morning, she thought better of it. %s she walked outside, Kate#s heart was so empt she

thought she could die. It seemed like ears since she had heard a

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Chapter Two:

Perfection or Else

&here is nothing but 1od#s grace. We walk upon it= we breathe it=

we live and die b it..." +>obert 6ouis Stevenson

1race and peace to ou from 1od our 0ather and the 6ord 4esus

$hrist." + / $orinthians /?9

8o ou ever feel like ou just can#t measure up' Well

ou#re right, ou can#t. !ut for some reason that doesn#t stop ou

from tr ing. %nd, sadl , it doesn#t stop ou from e*pecting thatothers will tr to measure up too. 8on#t worr , ou aren#t alone.

-earl ever one ou#ve ever met has this problem. I certainl do.

It#s a problem about perfection and judgment and anger and poor

self+image and critical thinking, among other things. 3et, then

again, it isn#treally about an of those things= the are justs mptoms. -o the real problem has to do with grace, or, more

accuratel , a lack of grace. We don#t have enough of it. We don#t

give enough of it. Worst of all, we don#t even reali e we#re missing

it. In fact, we live without the slightest consideration of our

desperate need for it.I#m not talking about the grace that saves ou from our

sins. If ou are a $hristian ou probabl understand that grace.

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What I#m talking about is the other half of grace, the practical,

da +to+da , power+to+live grace. 0ew of us understand that grace.

0ew of us have even heard of that grace. Instead, we live b the

opposite of grace, something called the law. If the law sounds

familiar to ou it should. In $hristian circles, the law means the

perfect standard of behavior. In and of itself the standard isn#t a

problem. 1od set the standard. It#s good. 3et, in the pages of the

-ew &estament, the law has another meaning. It refers to our

attempts to live up to the standard of perfection b our own

strength. So when people think the can earn their wa to heaven

b being good enough, the are living b the law. $hristians,

however, don#t believe the can earn their wa to heaven. &he

don#t tr to find salvation through the law. 3et, and here is thegreat traged , most $hristians do tr to live their dail lives b the

law.

In other words, most $hristians tr to do the ever da

stuff of life b their own strength. &he tr to achieve their goals

b their own strength. &he tr to change their behavior b theirown strength. &he tr to sustain their emotional health b their

own strength. &he tr to manage their relationships b their own

strength. %nd, just as the law doesn#t work for salvation, it also

doesn#t work for dail life. &he one word that summari es the law

is perform . $hristians who live b the law are $hristians who aretr ing to perform. 3ou can determine whether or not ou are one

of these $hristians b the amount of emotional energ ou spend

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on what ou shouldbe or shoulddo. I should be nice." I should

read m !ible more." I should do more for others." I should

pra longer." !ut these shoulds are not just about spiritual"

things. $hristians who live b the law appl shouldto ever area of

their life. I should have done a better job." I should not have

said that." I should forgive them."

%ll of these shoulds take their toll, for the ver simple

reason that ou will never be able to accomplish them. %nd this

brings us to the nast side of the law. &he law doesn#t politel

re2uest that ou do these things, it demands that ou do. %s a

result, when ou can#t measure up, ou aren#t good enough. It#s all

or nothing with the law. 1et it right and ou are acceptable, at least

for the moment. 1et it wrong and ou are unacceptable, until ouget it right. -ow please don#t be deceived into thinking this is a

book for helping t pe+% overachievers. It isn#t. It is a book for

ever da men and women who love 1od, but who can#t

understand wh the remain stuck. It is a book for $hristians who

critici e themselves and others, who incessantl pla back all oftheir failings, whose relationships aren#t working and the don#t

know wh , who are acting out in self+destructive wa s, who are

e*cessivel angr , and who struggle with selfishness. In other

words, this book is for people like ou and me. %nd, although we

ma not reali e it, the root of our problems is the law. Perform.Perform or else! It is strain that is killing us. We are pushing

ourselves to carr an impossible burden, and we are collapsing

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beneath the weight.

!ut, again, this law problem is not e*clusive to $hristians.

It is a problem for an one who is tr ing to be good enough b

their own strength. %nd, with the e*ception of a few deviant souls,

that means ever one. %s such, wherever ou#ve been in this world

and wherever ou#ll go, ou will encounter men and women who

are tr ing to measure up, but who lack the power to accomplish it.

%nd all of this striving is causing a great deal of pain, et not just

for the strivers, but also for those around them. 0or this is the

saddest part, law+strivers hurt others. %lthough the ma not mean

to, people tr ing to perform often inflict serious wounds. &his

happens two wa s. 0irst, law+strivers put their standard onto

others, resulting in judgment. Second, when law+strivers go downunder the weight of their heav burden, the collapse takes others

down with them. %ll of the pain in our life isn#t self+inflicted. If

ou live in this world, I can guarantee that ou#ve been harmed b

another#s attempts to satisf the demands of perform or else .

&hankfull , however, there is an answer to all of thisperformance= an entirel different wa to live. ! the grace of

1od, there is grace. %nd it pla s b a totall different set of rules.

7nlike with the law, with grace there is no perform or else . &he

relenting standard, with its fear of condemnation, has been

replaced with unconditional love. Imagine what our life would belike if ou could fail and it was oka . Imagine what our life would

be like if ou didn#t have to continuousl repla all of our worst

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moments. Imagine what our life would be like if ou had an

unlimited resource of emotional fuel to handle the hurts inflicted

upon ou b others. %nd imagine what our life would be like if

ou could accept the people in our life as the are right now, warts

and all. &hat is what grace does, and that is what ou#ve been

missing. !ut ou don#t have to miss it an longer. 4ust as the grace

that saves us is a free gift, so is the grace b which we live. It is

available right now, no strings attached.

The Two !ystems

In /CB/ a low budget film called Chariots of Fire surprised

the motion picture industr and won the %cadem %ward for !est

Dicture. &he movie tells the compelling stor of 1reat !ritainEsune*pected success on the track at the /C5; Ol mpic 1ames. In

realit , however,Chariots of Fire is not about the Ol mpics, but

rather about two men, Fric 6iddell and arold %brahams, and

their relentless pursuit of e*cellence. !oth 6iddell and %brahams

are driven to great heights, but that is where the comparison ends,for the two men have ver different sources of motivation.

6iddell, a $hristian, runs, as he so famousl puts it in the film, to

feel 1od#s pleasure." %brahams, a 4ew, runs for justification,

attempting to prove himself and his 4ewish heritage, which has

been a source of ridicule throughout his entire life. %t one point in the film, %brahams has come to watch

6iddell race, tr ing to si e up his competition. It is a four hundred

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meter race, and around the first corner one of 6iddell#s fellow

racers cheats, deliberatel knocking 6iddell to the ground.

!leeding, battered, and far behind, 6iddell rises to his feet and

begins to run like a man possessed. >emarkabl , he catches the

pack. &hen, he catches the leader. %nd, just at the tape, 6iddell

thrusts himself across the line and collapses in a heap upon the

ground. Somehow he has won. :eanwhile, %brahams watches on

in a mi*ture of ama ement, anger, and fear. 6iddell has something

%brahams does not, and %brahams knows it.

6ater the two men s2uare off for the first time. &he run

neck and neck, onl for 6iddell to pull awa at the end. 0ollowing

the race, %brahams is crushed, overwhelmed b defeat. e sits

alone in the stands and repla s his loss over and over. 0inall , %brahams# girlfriend sits down ne*t to him and tries to console

him. When her efforts are in vain, she grows frustrated and

concludes, If ou can#t take a beating perhaps it#s for the best."

&o which %brahams fires back, I don#t run to take beatings, I run

to win. %nd if I can#t win I won#t run." &he scene concludes with %brahams, head down in despair, proclaiming, I just don#t know

what to do." is identit is tied to his performance.

Fventuall , both men make the Ol mpic s2uad, and the

join their fellow athletes aboard an ocean liner which will take them

across the %tlantic to the games. While onboard, 6iddell gets somehorrible news. is 2ualif ing heat for the /GG meters will be run

on Sunda . 6iddell has pledged never to run on the Sabbath.

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8espite intense pressure, 6iddell refuses to break his pledge to

1od. e wants to run. e wants to win, but he doesn#t have to.

(Fventuall , 6iddell gets a reprieve when a countr man relin2uishes

his spot in the ;GG meters, which does not race on Sunda .

%lthough he had not prepared for the distance, 6iddell wins.) %ll

of this opens the door for %brahams who goes on to upset the

favored %mericans and earn a gold medal. 3et something is still

missing. %brahams has achieved his goal. e has become the

fastest man in the world, and he is certainl glad, but, for some

ine*plicable reason, it hasn#t taken awa the ache inside.

&he stor of %brahams and 6iddell perfectl mirrors the

two s stems b which we can live our lives. %brahams runs b the

law. e must achieve. If he doesn#t he is a failure. 3et even if he wins it is still not enough. It doesn#t satisf , not full . Derforming

well can#t resolved the pain. Will he be able to win ne*t time' $an

he alwa s be the best' :otivated b fear, %brahams has succeeded,

but there are still lurking 2uestions. %nd beneath all of these

2uestions la s the one that is central, %m I now worth of beingloved'" 6iddell, however, runs b grace. e wants to achieve so

that his eavenl 0ather will be pleased, nothing more. When his

chance to win is gone, 6iddell is sad. !ut achievement does not

define him, 1od#s love defines him, and, win or lose, 6iddell knows

that he will still be loved. 1race gives 6iddell an inner+power thatnothing can take awa . It is what %brahams wants and needs,

although he doesn#t recogni e it.

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%brahams lives b the law s stem. 6iddell lives b the

grace s stem. &he law s stem never satisfies. &he grace s stem is

complete fulfillment. &he law s stem leaves ou angr . &he grace

s stem brings peace. &he law s stem strives to achieve in a 2uest

for personal worth. &he grace s stem finds achievement in

response to unending acceptance. &he law s stem longs to earn

love. &he grace s stem receives love as a gift. &he law s stem

loses even if it wins, because winning must alwa s be repeated.

&he grace s stem wins even if it loses, because it was never about

winning. %nd ever one lives their dail lives b one of these two

s stems. It is grace or law= there are no other choices. %nd, if ou

do not consciousl choose the grace s stem, ou are, b default,

choosing the law s stem.

Choosin" the #aw

So wh is the law s stem the default' ow did it get this

wa ' &here are lots of reasons. &he primar one is theological,

but we will e*amine that in depth in the ne*t chapter. 0or now, thebest e*planation is found in a simple stor . It is a stor about the

daughter of a woman I once knew who was having a difficult time

adjusting to a new $hristian school. %t the school the used

something called a grace card as a means of maintaining discipline.

!asicall , the grace card was part of a behavior modifications stem. If a student misbehaved the would get their card

punched. 1et enough punches and the student would get a

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conse2uence. -ow, there is nothing wrong with children learning

conse2uences, but, as the woman e*plained it, the s stem had

gotten out of control. If ou made the slightest mistake ou got

our card punched. Dut the header on our paper wrong, ou got a

punch. &alk too loudl in the hall, ou got a punch. %pparentl ,

the s stem had gone from one of conse2uences to one of

condemnation. %nd this oung girl, who had alwa s been a well+

behaved student, was becoming a nervous wreck.

I believe this is what has happened to each one of us. We

all have a grace card, and it represents acceptance. It is our ticket

to being loved, and 1od intended that it would remain

unblemished. In other words, e wanted us all to be loved without

condition. !ut in this broken world things have gone horribl wrong. Instead of being loved unconditionall , our card is

constantl getting punched. If we are the slightest bit imperfect, as

we all are, someone comes along and punches our grace card. It

hurts, and so, in order to tr and prevent it from happening again,

we attempt to do better. 3et, we can#t do it, and there is, oncemore, someone else with a hole punch. &his happens over and

over again, sometimes even when we haven#t done an thing wrong

at all. It makes us a nervous wreck, but we get the message.

Derform and ou will be loved. 0ail and ou will get hurt. %gain,

the problem here isn#t that there are conse2uences for ourbehavior. 1od is all for conse2uences= the lovingl teach us about

realit . -o, the problem here is condemnationHpunishment

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without love.

6et me sa this again for the sake of clarit . Over the

course of our life people have e2uated our performance with

our personal worth. If ou do well the love ou. If ou do

poorl the condemn ou and withdrawal. Since no one can live

without love, ou adapt, learning how to perform. It never full

satisfies, but at least when ou do well there is a conditional love,

and conditional love, it seems, is better than no love at all. &he

s stem is alread 2uite d sfunctional, but it gets far worse. 6aw+

strivers, projecting their own warped sense of the perfect standard,

come along and punch our card for the most trivial of reasons,

and sometimes for no reason at all. &hen, like the little girl at the

$hristian school, ou begin to live in constant fear of having ourcard punched. Fventuall , and it doesn#t take long, our fear takes

its toll and this unhealth s stem begins to replicate itself, making

ou into a law+striver too. 6ittle b little, one punch at a time, the

e*ternal message of perform or else becomes an internal message, and

soon the process is complete. 7nknowingl , ou have chosen tolive our life b the law s stem. %nd, the saddest part of all, ou

are doing it in hopes of being loved and accepted.

oles in our grace card, that#s what does it, and there are

three main places where this hole punching occurs. It happens in

our performance+based families. It happens when we interact withperformance+based people. %nd it happens b living in a

performance+based culture. We#ll look first at the punch of the

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performance+based famil .

The P$nch of the Performance-based %amily

% short time ago, I heard &err Walling, founder of 6eader

!reakthru, e*plain wh he has alwa s struggled for acceptance. e

traced the problem back to his father. is dad was a stereot pical

engineer, incredibl strong on the intellectual side but notabl weak

on the emotional. One da at little+league, with his 8ad watching

from the stands, &err pitched the game of his life, a two+hitter.

0ollowing the game an e*uberant &err was met b his anal tical

father. &o &err #s surprise, his dad immediatel took a notepad out

of his pocket, flipped to some notes, and e*plained that if &err

had thrown a curve+ball to the first batter who got a hit and a low+fastball to the second, he would have had a no+hitter. &err

protested, sa ing that he did the best that he could and that his

dad#s response hurt his feelings. 7nable to handle &err #s

response, his father withdrew and didn#t speak to him for a week.

On that baseball diamond, &err got his grace card punched. &his is not about critici ing our families, for I#m an

imperfect father m self and I know that I#m in no position to

judge. !ut we do need to understand realit Hthe truth behind

who we are and how we got here. With this in mind, it is t picall

from our families that we receive the first punches to our gracecards. 6ife is hard, and ever one in our families struggle with the

difficulties of this fallen world. :oms, dads, grandmas, grandpas,

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uncles, aunts, brothers, and sisters all face heav responsibilities,

relationship pressures, hurts and disappointments, and financial

concerns= and these hardships, among others, can bring them into

the famil unit with damage to their grace cards. In other words,

our families are often filled with people who have, themselves,

alread been made into law+strivers. %s such, the most important

people in our lives can, unwittingl , do what all law+strivers do,

punch our cards.

In some families the punches are obvious, like with &err #s

dad after the baseball game. &he take awa message for the child is

3ou must be perfect." In other families, however, the punches are

passive, like when a parent constantl disapproves of their child#s

choices. ere, the child absorbs the message 3ou never doan thing right," et doesn#t even reali e where the message came

from. In still other families the punches are so catastrophic, as in

cases of abuse, that the pain of the take awa message, 3ou are

unlovable," forces the whole episode deep into the subconscious.

%nd, sadl , in some families there are indirect punches, caused bsuch things as divorce, illness, or death. In these cases, the child

unfairl creates their own take awa message, 3ou should have

done more."

Of all the punches to our grace cards, those received from

our families are often the most influential in turning us into law+strivers. &his is because 1od#s original purpose for families works

against itself. Originall , 1od created the famil to serve as an

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incubator, a safe place for children to grow and develop. &he

famil was intended to be 1od#s first grace place , where we flourish

in an environment of unconditional love. !ut, in our sinful world,

families have become broken. &he are still incubators, but,

unfortunatel , not ever thing that grows there is good. %nd,

without unconditional love, we can find ourselves nurtured right

into the law s stem.

The P$nch of Performance-based People

I had found the perfect job to help me work m wa

through graduate school. I would teach math part+time at a

parochial school. &he pa was decent. &he hours were ideal. %nd

the students were both bright and motivated. !efore I took thejob, however, there was one warning signHI had heard whisperings

about the previous ear. %pparentl , a long+time staff member had

a major feud with the principal, and, as a result, was no longer with

the school. It was nothing more than gossip, I thought, and I

dismissed the turmoil, a choice I would soon regret. %t first, other than the t pical challenges of teaching,

things went great. I enjo ed the job and the students seemed to

enjo me. &he onl possible cause for concern involved m

interactions with the principalHthe were alwa s rather cold. 3et I

chalked the coldness up to her personalit t pe and thought littlemore about it, until it came time for staff evaluations. One da the

principal came into m classroom to observe. We were doing a

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review for a test, and I thought that I did a nice job preparing the

students, but otherwise it was rather uneventful. 6ater, it was time

for m review. I entered the principal#s office e*pecting a few kind

words and perhaps a pointer or two, but I got something far

different. !asicall , the conversation began like this? When I hired

ou I though ou would be able to teach. 7nfortunatel , that

doesn#t seem to be the case." She went on to sa that I had done a

poor job in the review, had missed several teachable moments, and

had numerous other serious defects. &aken completel off+guard,

m stammered responses amounted to, I#m not sure I agree with

this, but I#m sorr . I am imperfect, and I#d be more than happ to

tr to work on some of these things." %s far as she was

concerned, however, it was alread settled, I didn#t know how toteach. She didn#t fire me, but she made it clear that I#d need to

make different plans for the following school ear.

%fterward, I discovered that I wasn#t the onl one who had

walked into a trap. Several da s later as I talked with the g m

teacher, she began fighting back tears as she described her ownreview. &oda , in retrospect, I can see all of the tell+tale signs. &he

principal was a law+striver. 0or her, ever thing was absolute, black

or white. 3ou either did things e*actl like she would do them or

ou were bad, be ond repair. %s we#ll discuss in more detail later in

the book, law+strivers project their unobtainable standard ofperfection onto others, and judgment is the result. !ut, at the time,

I didn#t understand what was happening. It was all just so unfair,

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and I was powerless. On that da , m grace card took a serious hit,

and the world became much less safe. Perform or else!

If ou have never had our grace card punched b a

performance+based person I think ou are probabl from another

planet. We have all been there. 3our coworker blames the failure

of the project on ou. &he person behind ou in the check+out

line grumbles audibl when ou can#t find our credit+card. 3our

neighbor makes a not+so+subtle comment about the appearance of

our lawn. &he technical support worker patroni es ou. 3our

mother+in+law takes a shot at our cooking. % friend unleashes an

une*pected fur of personal criticisms. &he teacher singles out

our faults. 3our spouse critici es our weight. In big wa s and

small, nearl ever da , someone comes along, takes our gracecard, and gives it a punch.

4ust as in our families, the people around us are struggling

with the difficulties of life and their own inabilit to measure up,

and often these struggles get taken out on us. It wasn#t meant to

be this wa . 1od intended mankind to love each other, but theoriginal plan has been broken. Deople are bent and hurting and

living b the law. %s such, ever one reading this book has, at one

point or another, received several definingpunches, inflicted b

performance+based people, that have left deep scars. In some cases

the puncher ma have been a stranger, but for most it was someonemore significant, like an authorit figure or a friend. 3ou see, the

more trust we#ve invested or the more respect we#ve given or the

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more approval we#ve sought, the more devastating can be the

resulting punch to our grace card.

The P$nch of a Performance-based C$lt$re

Social istorian 4oan 4acobs !rumberg has done notable

research on the self+image of oung girls. In her book The Body

Project , !loomberg compares oung women#s diaries from one

hundred ears ago to those of their modern counterparts. er

findings are painfull revealing.

In the twentieth centur , the bod has become the central

personal project of %merican girls. &his priorit makes

girls toda vastl different from their ictorian

counterparts. %lthough girls in the past and presentdispla man common developmental characteristicsH

such as self+consciousness, sensitivit to peers, and an

interest in establishing an independent identit Hbefore

the twentieth centur , girls simpl did not organi e their

thinking about themselves around their bodies. &oda ,man oung girls worr about the contours of their bodies

Hespeciall shape, si e, and muscle toneHbecause the

believe that the bod is the ultimate e*pression of self./

Wh do ou think girls have begun to e2uate their personal identit

with their appearance' I#m not sure an e*planation is reallnecessar , but I will answer the 2uestion nonetheless. Fver where

a girl turns, her value is e2uated with her appearance. 0rom the

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television screen to the dolls in her bedroom, girls learn that their

looks matter. If ou have an hourglass figure ou are desirable. If

ou don#t ou aren#t. %nd, in this culture, desirable means lovable.

So, in other words, the cultural message is simple, look good or else.

8oes that sound at all familiar' It should, for it#s nothing

more than a variation of the law. %nd our culture offers this

message about things other than just appearance. ow much

mone do ou make' If ou make a lot ou are valuable. If ou

don#t make a lot ou aren#t. What degrees do ou hold' If ou

have several ou are valuable. If ou don#t have an ou aren#t. 8o

ou have an important job' If it comes with a lot of power or

influence ou are valuable. If it doesn#t ou aren#t. ow about

our house, our car, and our to s' If the are nice (another wordfor e*pensive) ou are valuable. If the aren#t, ou aren#t.

6et me sum up our performance+based culture with an

illustration. In 5GGC, Susan !o le, an unassuming choir singer from

Scotland, stepped upon a stage to compete in a !ritish television

show looking for undiscovered talent. 0rom the beginning sheseemed out+of+place. er ph sical appearance wasn#t glamorous

and her answers to the judges# 2uestions were awkward, nothing

like what ou are use to seeing on prime+time television.

:eanwhile, the judges, the hosts, and the audience were overtl

laughing at her. &he were laughing at her, until she began to sing.Suddenl , ever mouth in the auditorium dropped open. Susan

!o le had perfect pitch and the range of an opera singer. On the

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internet, the video went viral. %nd, overnight, Susan went from

laughing stock to world+renown celebrit .

Wh did Susan !o le suddenl go from value+less to

invaluable' &he answer is simpleHshe performed well. Susan had

a talent that made her special. !ut what if the audition had gone

differentl ' What if, when she had begun to sing, her voice

sounded awful' Juite simpl , she would have been laughed off the

stage. We live in a performance+based culture. &hose who can#t

measure up to the loft standards of appearance, talent, and

success are dismissed. %nd those who can perform' &he are

applauded, at least as long as the can continue to perform.

Obviousl , 1od has something vastl different in mind. I

praise ou because I am fearfull and wonderfull made," wrote8avid. &o 1od, we have value simpl because e made us. 1od

fashioned us in is image, and that, in and of itself, is enough. We

don#t need to be thin and muscular. We don#t need to have a

prestigious job or an overflowing bank account. We don#t need to

own a giant house or drive a fanc car. %nd we don#t need to sing,speak, or dance well. Dut simpl , 1od never had an intention of

t ing our value to our performance. 3et our culture isn#t operating

b the grace s stem= our culture is operating b the law s stem.

%nd so, if ou can#t measure up to the standard, there will alwa s

be people there to snicker and to sneer. In other words, if oucan#t measure up, this world will be 2uick to punch our grace card.

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The Depth of the Pain

So we#ve seen three of the major places where we get our

grace card punched? performance+based families, performance+

based people, and this performance+based culture. -ow consider

for a moment the combined power of these three forces. In a law+

based famil , ou ma hear the message of perform or else hundreds

of thousands of times. In fact, ou ma hear it so man times that

ou carr that voice with ou for our entire life. &hen, ever

single da , we interact repeatedl with law+strivers at work, at home,

and in our communities. &hese people have their own standard of

perfection, and the too make it clear that we must perform or else .

0inall , even when we look to take a break from the stresses of life

and turn our minds to entertainment, the voice of our culture is,once again, nothing more than the voice of the law. So, for hours

on end, we stare at the world#s most beautiful, talented, and

successful people, and hear perform or elserepeated over and over

and over again. When ou think of it like this, is it an wonder that

most of us are living b the law s stem' It would, I think, be amiracle if we were not.

In his book Counterfeit Idols , &imoth Keller tells a poignant

stor that shows us where all of this performance leadsHto a

break down.

% friend of mine has reached the top of his profession,but an addiction to prescription drugs forced him to resign

his position and enter a period of rehabilitation for

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substance abuse. e had become addicted in part because

of the e*pectation that he should alwa s be productive,

d namic, upbeat, and brilliant. !ut he refused to blame

other people#s demands for his collapse. : life was built

on two premises," he said. &he first was that I could

control our opinion and approval of me through m

performance. &he second wasHthat was all that mattered

in life."5

&he voice that Keller#s friend had internali ed told him that

acceptance re2uired performance. It was the voice of the law

s stem, and it resulted in an addiction that nearl destro ed him.

While for us the details ma be different, a life lived b the law

s stem is alwa s headed toward the same endHself+destruction.6ater in the book we#ll e*amine in more detail the practical

effects of living b the law. 0or now it is enough to simpl

recogni e that the law is killing ou. &he problem is that a law+

striver is like a dancing bear. When the show starts the bear twists

and twirls about to the applause of the crowd. !ut how did thebear learn to dance' e learned to dance out of fear and pain. If

he wouldn#t dance someone would withhold his basic needs. %nd,

if he still wouldn#t dance, someone would strike him until he did.

So the bear learned to dance. We are that bear. Fver da , when

the lights come on, we get up and twirl about. 3et, underneath thesurface, we are angr and resentful and tired, so ver tired. !ut we

need to perform just to survive, just to avoid being hurt, and so we

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dance, and we dance, and we dance again. 7ntil, at last, when we

can dance no longer, we drop.

Dlease don#t underestimate the impact the law ma have on

our life. 0or most of us it has been ingrained into the ver core

of our beings, teaching us that we must strive to be loved. !ut, as

we#ll see, 1od has made another wa . 4ust as e has separated our

performance from our salvation, e has also separated our

performance from our identit . We are saved b grace and we are

loved b grace. &he grace s stem stops all of this striving for

acceptance. &he grace s stem stops all of this performing. %nd

the grace s stem will also teach us to dance= not because we have

to, but, rather, because we want to.

I can#t wait to talk about grace. 3et, before I do, there isstill a bit more we need to understand about the law. In order for

us to have the complete picture of just how we got this wa , we

need to have a brief theolog lesson. 8on#t worr , it won#t be

nearl as boring as it sounds. >eal theolog is practical and life+

giving. !esides, we can#t full appreciate what 1od is giving us inthe grace s stem until we full understand what e is saving us

from. %nd, as we#ll see, 1od is saving us from The Same ld Story .

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Chapter &:

The !ame Old !tory

Sin is, essentiall , a departure from 1od." +:artin 6uther

&ell me, ou who want to be under the law, are ou not aware of

what the law sa s'" +1alatians ;?5/

% short time back, I was speaking on the two s stems?

grace and law. %fterward, a oung man came up to me with a

2uestion. %re ou sa ing that the law is bad'" I assured him that

I was not. :ore recentl , m wife taught a !ible stud that I had

written, which included a section on living b the law. She said thegroup was confused. I wasn#t surprised. 0or us, centuries removed

from first centur 4udaism, the concept of the law can cause a

great deal of confusion. &he problem begins with semantics, for in

the -ew &estament the term the law actuall refers to more than

one idea. When we hear the law the first thing we think of is 1od#sstandard of moralit , like the &en $ommandments. %nd, we are

right, the law does mean 1od#s standard of moralit , but that#s not

all it means. &he %postle Daul, our chief instructor on the topic,

referred to the law in two wa s. One wa was 1od#s moral

standard, which he obviousl thought was good. &he other wa was a s stem of striving to fulfill that standard b one#s own

strength, which, as he made abundantl clear, he did not think was

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good.

So, when it comes to the idea of the law, there are two

common problems. 0irst, we don#t recogni e the different

meanings. Second, even if we did, striving to fulfill the standard is

so embedded in us that we have a hard time seeing it as a bad thing.

-ow, don#t worr , this is not a theolog book. !ut, if we are going

to diagnose what is wrong with our lives then we need to better

understand this term the law , for it is the law#s second meaning that

is causing us so much trouble. &herefore, the goals of this chapter

are to help us better understand the law, differentiate between its

two meanings, and offer the ultimate theological reason for wh we

choose to strive. We#ll begin b looking at the law as the moral

standard.

The #aw as the 'oral !tandard

Dicture ourself sitting on a park bench in front of a giant

cit courthouse. &his courthouse is surrounded b a lush green

lawn. 0or a moment or two, ou stare admiringl at the grass, butthen, as ou are naturall prone to do, ou turn our thoughts

elsewhere. :eanwhile, as ou sit, a worker comes out of the

courthouse and stops just in front of ou. e#s carr ing a hammer

and a sign. %s ou look on curiousl , he places the sign in the

grass, pounds it into place, and then scurries back into thecourthouse. 3ou read the sign. It sa s, on"t Step n The #rass . %t

first ou think little of it, but then a thought strikes ou, 8id the

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courthouse.

In this stor , the sign on"t Step n The #rass represents the

law. I hope ou would agree that the problem in this stor is not

the sign. %ll it does is define the rules, nothing more. -o, the

problem in this stor is our pride= we resent being given a limit. We

don#t want an one telling us what we can and can#t do. %gain, the

sign doesn#t cause the trouble, it just provides an opportunit for

our heart problem to come to the surface. 6ikewise, there is

nothing wrong with 1od#s law. %ll it does is define the rules,

setting the standard. !ecause of the law, we know right from

wrong. It is clear= there is a sign that sa s, $o . !ut we are proud,

and we don#t like 1od#s limits. We don#t want an one telling us

what we can and can#t do, not even 1od. &his pride has atheological term. It is called sin. %ll of us have a sinful heart.

We#d have a sinful heart if the sign was on the grass or if the sign

wasn#t on the grass. We#d have a sinful heart if the law was defined

or if the law wasn#t defined. !ut, 1od defined the standard for

one purpose, so there could be no e*cuses.Daul wrote, -ow we know that whatever the law sa s it

speaks to those who are under the law, so that ever mouth ma be

stopped, and the whole world ma be held accountable to 1od.

0or b works of the law no human being will be justified in his

sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin." (>omans9?/C+5G) Some da we are all going to stand before 1od to be

judged. Our problem on that da isn#t going to be the law. Our

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problem on that da is going to be that our proud hearts refused to

obe 1od. !ut, without the law, on that da , we might tr to den

the problem. &his isn#t fair," we might cr . I disagree with ou.

: heart isn#t bad at all." So 1od, foreseeing the complaint, made

sure to define the standard. e gave us the law so there wouldn#t

be an games. In other words, the law has removed the subjectivit

and made it objective. 0ine," 1od sa s. 3ou don#t think our

heart is proud and sinful= well, here is the standard I set for ou.

&here are no e*cuses. &he law told ou what is good and what is

bad. 6ook, ou ha%e broken the rules." It is our hearts that are

corrupt= the law was just set in place to prove it to us.

The #aw as a !ystem of (innin" )od*s Appro+alSo the first meaning of the law is that it is 1od#s moral

standard, and it isn#t bad. In fact, this standard is ver good, if for

no other reason than that it clarifies 1od#s e*pectations. !ut,

remember, this is onl the first meaning, there is still a second

meaning that we also need to consider. In addition to the moralstandard, the term the law also refers to a s stem b which people

tr to make themselves right in 1od#s sight. In the pages of the

-ew &estament, it was a group called the Dharisees who had

turned this approach into an art form. %s ou ma know, the

Dharisees were one of the main religious parties of the 4ews, andthe passionatel believed in the importance of 1od#s law. So

much so that the made it their all consuming goal to never break

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even the slightest rule.

&heir motivation was to win 1od#s approval. &he figured

that if the could keep all the rules then 1od would be happ with

them. %nd, the carried this all the wa to its logical end. If the

could keep all the rules, 1od would be happ with them, and then

the would get into heaven. In other words, the rule+following was

a merit s stem whereb the could earn a ticket to eternal life. &he

logic behind this idea makes some sense. It works like this. If, on

the da of judgment, ou haven#t broken an rules then 1od

doesn#t have an thing to hold against ou. 7nfortunatel , this

philosoph was missing the point. 1od put the law in place to

reveal our heart problem, not to create an effort+based s stem of

salvation. 3et, although the Dharisees had misrepresented 1od#s

intention with the law, the oversight didn#t reall matter, for even

under their approach the end result was still the same. Fver one,

no matter how hard the tr , breaks the rules, and breaking one

rule is the same as breaking all of them. &his is what 4ames meant when he said, 0or whoever keeps the whole law and et stumbles

at just one point is guilt of breaking all of it."(4ames 5?/G)

Keeping ninet +nine percent of the law ma seem better than

keeping onl fift percent, but, in the end, law+breaking is still law+

breaking, and a sinful heart is still a sinful heart. With this in mind,Daul asked the Dharisees, 3ou who brag about the law, do ou

dishonor 1od b breaking the law'" (>omans 5?59) e asked the

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2uestion because he knew the answer. -o one, not even the

Dharisees, had the power to keep the entire law. %ttempting to

obe all of the rules could never earn an one a ticket to heaven=

1od didn#t miss a loophole. &he law was put in place to reveal our

sinful hearts, and, tr as we might, that is what it does.

>ight now ou might be thinking, %ll of this theolog

stuff is about earning our wa to heaven, and I knew I couldn#t

earn m salvation even before I picked up this book. What does

an of this have to do with the wa I live m dail life'" %ctuall ,

more than ou reali e. !ut, in order to full understand the

connection, our theolog lesson must now become a histor

lesson.

A ery. Brief /istory of the !in-Cycle

3ou probabl alread know this stor . 1od created %dam

and put him in the 1arden of Fden to tend to it. &hen 1od gave

mankind its first rule. e told %dam, 3ou are free to eat from an

tree in the garden= but ou must not eat from the tree of theknowledge of good and evil, for when ou eat of it ou will surel

die." (1enesis 5?/@+/A) &ake care of the garden. Fat from an tree

e*cept one. Simple enough, or so one would think. &he stor

continues. 1od doesn#t want %dam to be alone, so e makes for

him a best friend named Fve. -ow the #ve got each other, thegarden, and 1od= life couldn#t be more perfect, literall . &hings are

so good, in fact, that their world is completel without shame. 0or

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despite being naked, %dam and Fve aren#t the slightest bit

concerned. 3et, sadl , the stor doesn#t end there.

% wil serpent enters the picture. ($hristians know this

serpent to be the devil.) %nd he slithers up to Fve and asks a

couple of seemingl innocent 2uestions, 8id I hear 1od right'

8id e reall sa , 3ou can#t eat the fruit from an of these treesE'L

7naware of duplicit , Fve doesn#t see that the serpent is

deliberatel twisting 1od#s command, and she walks right into the

trap. -o," she replies, e didn#t sa that . We can eat the fruit

from all the trees, e*cept for that important one there in the middle

of the garden. We aren#t even supposed to touch the fruit on that

tree or we#ll die." >eall '" the serpent responds, probabl with a

sl grin and a wink of the e e, that isn#t true. 3ou won#t die if oueat that fruit." (I imagine him 2uietl mumbling, at least not

toda ," under his breath.) -o," the serpent continues, that fruit

will make ou like 1od, knowing good and evil." &hus, in just a

few brief words, the serpent manages to impl that 1od is a liar,

Fve should take the fruit, and, worst of all, she has ever right tobe like 1od.

So, the wa I picture it, Fve takes a good hard look at the

fruit, mulling over the serpentEs words. %s she does, it begins

looking better and better. In fact, the fruit on the tree of the

knowledge of good and evil appears to look tastier than all of theother fruit in the whole garden. 0inall , her desire for the delicious

treat (and her desire to be like 1od') gets the best of her. She

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plucks off a piece and takes a big bite. %dam, the strong silent

t pe, has been standing beside Fve watching all of this. &hen,

since Fve had alread broken the rule, he justifies going ahead and

taking a bite too, and the deed is done. 1od had set the standard.

&he rule was ver simple and ver clear, but %dam and Fve didn#t

listen. Dride got the best of them. They decided that the rule

wasn#t a good one. Theydecided that the had a right to be like

1od. %nd from that point on things didn#t go so well.

%dam and Fven did receive the knowledge of good and

evil, but the also paid a price. Immediatel after eating the fruit,

shame and fear entered their lives. %ware of their nakedness, the

made clothes. %nd, when 1od came back, the were scared and

hid. !ut, as ou can imagine, hiding from 1od is not vereffective. So, after e found them, 1od asks them what happened.

8espite a pathetic attempt at pointing fingers, %dam and Fve

admitted that the had eaten the forbidden fruit. In response, 1od

gave them another conse2uence, the worst one of allH e sent

them out of the garden. &his meant that the were now destinedto die, just as 1od said the would. %ll of this because %dam and

Fve wouldn#t obe . &he chose to sin, and as a result, evil entered

the world and their hearts.

I have recounted all of this for one reasonHtheir behavior

established a precedent that would repla itself throughout histor .0irst, 1od sets the standard. %dam and Fve could eat from an

tree, just not from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

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Second, the obe , for a while. %dam and Fve listened and sta ed

awa from the tree. &hird, pride tempts. %dam and Fve consider

the serpentEs words and begin to wonder about tasting the

forbidden fruit. 0ourth, the sin b breaking 1od#s rule. %dam

and Fve take the fruit and eat it. 0inall , 1od gives conse2uences.

%dam and Fve now know shame, fear, and death. &his is the

precedent.

-ow we fast+forward in time. % small, seemingl +

insignificant people group called the Israelites have just

e*perienced the miraculous. 1od has delivered them out of

slaver in Fg pt, and the have been traveling across the deserts of

the :iddle Fast. &hree months after this deliverance, the Israelites

are camped below :ount Sinai, and 1od calls :oses, their leader,up to the mountaintop. :oses," 1od begins, I#ve got a plan for

the Israelites. If the will stick with me, I#ll alwa s stick with them.

!ut the will have to be different. &he will have to be hol ."

&hen 1od made is e*pectations ver clear. e gave them &en

$ommandments to serve as the definition of holy , and e gavethem e*tensive and detailed rules to govern their communit .

owever, soon after this encounter, :oses had been awa

too long, and the people grew ants . What if :oe never comes

back'" the said. We might as well go ahead and fashion our own

1od, just in case. !esides, our god might work out better an wa .:oe#s 1od is a little hard to manage." So the took all of their

gold, fashioned it into a calf, and began to worship their new idol.

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Obviousl , 1od saw this. e sent :oses back to e*plain that there

were going to be severe conse2uences. %shamed, the Israelites

apologi ed and decided to tr harder. 3et their new determination

didn#t last long, and soon the broke the rules again. %nd this

wasn#t the last time. 0or the ne*t two thousand ears this will

repeat itself over and over and over again. Obe . 8isobe .

$onse2uences. Shame. &r harder. 6ike a record on a broken

turntable, the song just continues to repeat itself.

!ut did ou notice an thing familiar about the Israelites#

behavior' It bears a remarkable resemblance to %dam and Fve#s

behavior in the garden. %ctuall , it isn#t just a resemblance, itis

%dam and Fve#s behavior in the garden. &he Israelites have simpl

taken the precedent and turned it into a pattern. 6ook at it again.0irst, 1od sets the standard, now called the law. Second, the

Israelites obe , for a time. &hird, when :oses is awa , their pride

tempts them. 0ourth, the give in to their pride, breaking the rules

and fashioning the golden calf. 0ifth, the reap the conse2uences.

&he onl difference between the Israelites and %dam and Fve isthat the Israelites# stor adds a si*th step, tr harder. %nd step si*

is reall onl a return to step one, thus creating a circle.

&his circle has a name. It is calledthe sin cycle , and the

Israelites haven#t been the onl ones trapped in it. 3ou see,

ever one throughout histor has been going around and around inthat same circle, unable to escape. 0irst, there is 1od#s standard.

Second, we tr to obe the standard. &hird, our pride tempts us to

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break it. 0ourth, we give in. 0ifth, we e*perience the

conse2uences of our failure. Si*th, we tr harder and return to

step one, destined to fail again. !ut wh is ever one going around

and around' &wo reasons. &he first is that, like the Israelites, we

are all powerless to obe the law. &r as we might, we simpl can#t

do it. &he second is that we can#t just give up, because the ultimate

conse2uence for sin is death. %nd so we keep tr ing harder and

harder to obe the standard, hoping to escape that ultimate

conse2uence.

&his is wh 4esus came. 1od knew that we couldn#t escape

the sin c cle on our own, and e loved us too much to let death

win. %s so, 1od sent is Son to pa the penalt for all of the sin

that was ever committed. 4esus died so that we wouldn#t have to. &he cross led to the resurrection and the resurrection led to grace

and grace led to freedom from the sin c cle. 3et, once again, ou

protest. %ll of this sounds like salvation, not like our dail lives.

!ut wait, we aren#t done with our histor lesson et. -e*t, we need

to move forward to 4esus# da , and revisit the Dharisees.

A ery. Brief /istory of the #aw Cycle

%lthough the get the lion share of the attention in the

pages of the -ew &estament, the Dharisees were actuall onl one

of several 4ewish religious groups that had developed b the timeof 4esus. &he reason the Dharisees get so much of the focus is

because the held the most influence with the common people.

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!ecause the Dharisees were devout, strongl valued scripture, and

believed in the e*istence of the afterlife, the average 4ew resonated

with their beliefs and looked to them for religious guidance. So,

the Dharisees were a group of 4ews who believed in 1od and who

were committed to obe ing is law. %nd when I sa the were

committed to obe ing 1od#s law I mean totallycommitted.

0or fun, the leading Dharisees would spend their time

anal ing, dissecting, and debating ever nuance of the law. %n

e*ample of this can be seen when the Dharisees asked 4esus about

the greatest commandment. earing that 4esus had silenced the

Sadducees, the Dharisees got together. One of them, an e*pert in

the law, tested him with this 2uestion? #&eacher, which is the

greatest commandment in the 6aw'#" (:atthew 55?9;+9@) %lthough in this case it was a trap, this was e*actl the same kind

of 2uestion the themselves were constantl debating. %nd, since

the law was so important to them, the Dharisees put forth great

effort to make sure that it was being followed, not onl b

themselves but b ever one. One Sabbath 4esus was goingthrough the grainfields, and as his disciples walked along, the

began to pick some heads of grain. &he Dharisees said to him,

#6ook, wh are the doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath'#" &he

Dharisees considered it their dut to serve as the rules police. &he

were going to obe the law, and the were going to make sure thatou did as well.

In fact, the Dharisees# eal for the law was so complete the

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actuall began to take the law and to e*pand upon it, as a wa of

tr ing to protect it. 4ust to make sure that all of their bases were

covered and then some, the began treating man+made traditions

and their own interpretations of the law as if the were actuall

part of the law itself. &he Dharisees and all the 4ews do not eat

unless the give their hands a ceremonial washing, holding to the

tradition of the elders. When the come from the marketplace

the do not eat unless the wash. %nd the observe man other

traditions, such as the washing of cups, pitchers and kettles." (:ark

A?9+;) 1od had given the 4ews the law, and, b goll , the Dharisees

were going to do ever thing in their power to keep it.

!ut, as is probabl obvious to ou, their eal had gone

overboard, and, as such, the Dharisees had managed to miss thelaw#s true purposeHto reveal the sinfulness of their hearts. %nd

this was something 4esus tried ver hard to make clear to them.

LWoe to ou, teachers of the law and Dharisees, ou

h pocritesM 3ou give a tenth of our spicesHmint, dill and

cummin. !ut ou have neglected the more importantmatters of the lawHjustice, merc and faithfulness. 3ou

should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the

former. 3ou blind guidesM 3ou strain out a gnat but

swallow a camel. Woe to ou, teachers of the law and

Dharisees, ou h pocritesM 3ou clean the outside of thecup and dish, but inside the are full of greed and self+

indulgence. !lind DhariseeM 0irst clean the inside of the

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cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. Woe

to ou, teachers of the law and Dharisees, ou h pocritesM

3ou are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on

the outside but on the inside are full of dead menEs bones

and ever thing unclean. In the same wa , on the outside

ou appear to people as righteous but on the inside ou are

full of h pocris and wickedness." (:atthew 59?59+5B)

Ouch. 4esus, the Son of 1od, decried the Dharisees# attempts at

religion and rebuked, it is about the inside, not the outside." !ut

the Dharisees were unwilling to give up their rule+following, and

the pushed back, 2uickl becoming 4esus# chief adversaries.

&he whole thing is actuall 2uite sad. &he Dharisees set

their entire life up around 1od, and et missed 1od entirel . !uthow did it happen' Where e*actl did the Dharisees go wrong' &o

put it simpl , the root of the problem was pride. &heir desire to

follow 1od wasn#t reall about 1od at all= it was reall all about

them. 3ou can see this most clearl in 4esus# parable about the

Dharisee and the &a* $ollector. &o some who were confident of their own righteousness

and looked down on ever bod else, 4esus told this

parable? L&wo men went up to the temple to pra , one a

Dharisee and the other a ta* collector. &he Dharisee stood

up and pra ed about himself? 1od, I thank ou that I amnot like other menHrobbers, evildoers, adulterersHor

even like this ta* collector. I fast twice a week and give a

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tenth of all I get.E !ut the ta* collector stood at a distance.

e would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast

and said, 1od, have merc on me, a sinner.E I tell ou that

this man, rather than the other, went home justified before

1od. 0or ever one who e*alts himself will be humbled,

and he who humbles himself will be e*alted.L (6uke /B?C+

/;)

&he ke line is, &he Dharisee stood up and pra ed about himself."

3ou might even add, &he Dharisee stood up and pra ed about

himself, to himself," because all of this self+righteousness had

nothing to do with 1od.

%nd so the Dharisees have shown us their best attempt to

break through the sin c cle, but, of course, it failed. ere is e*actl what happened. 0irst, the studied 1od#s standard. Second, the

tried ver hard to obe that standard. &hird, their rule+following

made them proud. 0ourth, although the did not reali e it, their

pride was actuall breaking 1od#s law. 0ifth, the were moving

further and further awa from 1od. Si*th, the continued to workharder at following the rules. 8o ou notice an thing familiar about

this' Of course, it is nothing more than a slight variation of the

sin c cle. Ironicall , the Dharisees, with all of their religion and

rules, were on the same endless circle that the Israelites had alwa s

been on. &he onl difference was effort= the were just tr ing a whole lot harder.

What the Dharisees were doing has its own name. It is

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called the law s stem. %nd the law s stem is mankind#s best

solution to the sin c cle, and et it is reall no solution at all. Dut

another wa , the law s stem is religion, humanit #s attempt to earn

1od#s approval, but our best religious effort onl takes us back to

where we started. 0or although the rules and the striving look

impressive, the law s stem doesn#t work. In fact, the law s stem

should be called the law c cle, for it is nothing more than the sin

c cle re+imagined. 4esus was making this point in the often miss+

named Darable of the Drodigal Son.

If ou are familiar with the stor found in 6uke chapter

fifteen ou might think it is about a oung man who blows off

responsibilit and goes off to indulge in some wild living. !ut that

is onl half of the stor . 6isten to how 4esus begins, &here was aman who had two sons." (6uke /


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same coin.

When it comes to following 1od#s standard, the person

putting forth little effort and the person putting forth great effort

are both stuck in the e*act same c cle. One person#s pride ma

lead him to wild living. %nother person#s pride ma lead him to

religious sacrifice. Without grace, the are both lost. -o amount

of effort can win 1od#s approval. It is impossible. Our best

attempts end right where the Dharisees# did, separated from 1od

because of sinful hearts. Sadl , however, rule+followers, with their

pride, refuse to give up. &he can#t accept that salvation can be a

free gift= the believe it must be something the can earn. We even

see this attitude in the earl church, tr ing to worm its wa into the

gospel message, and this continues our histor of the law c cle.It is right there in Daul#s letters. 6aw+strivers are tr ing to

pervert the good news of grace, and Daul has to rebuke them. e

wrote to the Dhilippians, Watch out for those dogs, those men

who do evil, those mutilators of the flesh." (Dhilippians 9?5) It

was a reference to a group called the 4udai ers who believed that$hristians still had to be circumcised like the 4ews. Daul saw the

real message, &here are still things you must do to be saved," and

he denounced them forcefull . e addressed the 4udai er

philosoph again in 1alatians, :ark m wordsM I, Daul, tell ou

that if ou let ourselves be circumcised, $hrist will be of no valueto ou at all." (1alatians


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3ou who are tr ing to be justified b the law have been alienated

from $hrist= ou have fallen awa from grace." (1alatians


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so that no+one can boast." (Fphesians 5?C) Salvation is b grace.

-o matter how hard we might want to earn it we never can and we

never will.

!ut, again, ou probabl alread know that. 3ou aren#t

reading this book to hear about people who are tr ing to earn

salvation. 3ou are reading this book to hear about wh ou are

living our dail life b the law s stem. &he Dharisee thing" makes

sense, but ever ounce of our being accepts that the onl wa to

heaven is b 1od#s grace. So where do we go from here' We go to

the last page of our histor lesson, and we discover a new stor , the

one we#ve been interested in all along. owever, as we#ll soon

discover, this new stor is actuall nothing more than the same old

stor .

A 0ew Twist on the !ame Old !tory

%s I neared the end of seminar , I began looking for a job.

One of the advertisements I found called for a teaching pastor. It

listed all of the necessar 2ualifications and then added that the were looking for sermons that hit the ball out of the park ever

week." Oka , no pressure. !esides, who gets to decide whether or

not a sermon was a home run' 0or the sake of m sanit , I

thought it best not to appl . !ut, although I didn#t recogni e it

then, that advertisement was a s mptom of the greatest life+stealingtheolog ever to infiltrate the church. It is a new conceptionH

keeping both the grace s stem and the law s stem. %nd, unlike past

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attempts to measure up to the standard, this one manages to avoid

heres , barel .

&he idea is $hristian law+striving, and it is simple, subtle,

and brilliant, in a ver diabolical kind of wa . ere#s how it works.

If we split salvation awa from our dail lives, we can depend upon

grace for getting into heaven but continue with our law+striving for

ever thing else. &hink how clever this is. We know that we can#t

earn our salvation, so we can#t get rid of grace. !ut, we also like

control and the self+satisfaction of performing, so we don#t want to

get rid of the law. 3et splitting salvation and dail living solves the

problem, allowing us the best of both worlds. We totall ,

completel , and wholeheartedl agree that we are saved b grace=

and we totall , completel , and wholeheartedl live each daattempting to measure up to the law. It#s perfect. %nd the best

part is how easil this is done. %fter all, I don#t get saved ever da

or go to heaven ever da , so separating salvation from the rest of

m life comes 2uite naturall .

Dracticall speaking, here#s what this theolog looks like. Ican love 4esusand I can continue running m self frantic. I can love

4esusand I can continue managing m relationships b m own

strength. I can love 4esus and I can continue tr ing to win other

people#s approval. I can love 4esusand I can continue attempting to

fi* m own character flaws. I can love 4esusand I can continuehandling m mental health problems. It is $hristian law+striving=

grace for salvation, law for life. !ut wait. Wh would an one want

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this' &he law is powerless. It does nothing but take ou around in

a circle. 3es, that is true, but we don#t care, for this isn#t about

truth. &his is about the same old stor Hpride.

0rom the 1arden of Fden until now, the problem has

alwa s been our pride. %dam and Fve think the are read to be

like 1od. &he Israelites think that the shouldn#t have to listen to

1od. &he Dharisees think the are good enough to earn 1od#s

approval. Dride. Dride. Dride. It#s reall all about mankind#s desire

for self+sufficienc . We want to be autonomous, depending upon

1od is too constricting, too humbling. Whether it is the wild+living

sinner or the rule+following Dharisee, we want to be the ones in

charge of our own lives. %nd, in the case of this theological split,

we#ll humble ourselves to accept salvation, but that is as far as we#re willing to go. 4esus can be the 6ord of our lives, just so long as it

doesn#t mean our dail lives.

%nd so there we have it, the ultimate reason wh we

choose the law s stem, because, deep down, we want to. 0rom the

beginning, mankind has been tr ing to be in control, whether it bein control of our sin or of our salvation. Dride is the old stor .

-ow, even as followers of 4esus, it is still the same. We will

acknowledge our need for salvation, but refuse to give up our

striving, for striving keeps us in command. It#s twisted and futile,

but we don#t care. 1race for salvation= law for life. It is, to us, areasonable compromise. !ut wait, ou protest. &his still doesn#t

make sense. 3ou can understand how punches to our grace card

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could have, unknowingl , shaped us into law+strivers, but ou can#t

believe all of this about our pride. We aren#t Dharisees. We

genuinel love 1od. Our faith is sincere and we really want to

grow. So wh would we consciousl allow our pride to keep us

from e*periencing 1od#s best' Well, I#m glad ou asked, for the

answer to that 2uestion is that we aren"t consciousl doing it all.

Our pride is working subconsciousl , in order to protect something

called our personali ed law, and that is the subject of our ne*t

chapter.

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Chapter %o$r:

1o$r Personali2ed-#aw

Dett laws breed great crimes." +Ouida

3ou have let go of the commands of 1od and are holding on to

the traditions of men." +:ark A?B

When m wife and I were first married, I found out that I

didn#t fold towels properl . Well, as a recentl emancipated

bachelor, I wasn#t surprised. &hen she proceeded to show me a

four step process that bore a remarkable resemblance to origami. I

couldn#t do it. She showed me again. I still couldn#t do it. Shetried once more, but, when she got to the step that re2uired folding

the towel into thirds, I started to cr . (I freel admit that I am

embellishing this stor for dramatic effectM)

Of course there is no rulebook for folding towels, but,

over the ears, we all learn a wa of doing things, and, as a result,that is the wa we do it. 0or instance, do ou carefull s2uee e the

toothpaste from the bottom (the 1od honored wa ), or do ou

brutall s2uee e it in a horrif ingl random fashion' 6ikewise, do

ou graciousl allow the toilet paper to flow over the top of the roll

and down the front, or do ou inappropriatel let it dangle downfrom the back' I#m kidding of course, there is no right wa for an

of these things. !ut, because we#ve learned them that wa , we can


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often come to believe that our wa is the right wa . So, although

there is no real rulebook, we make one.

&his rulebook is called our personali ed+law. It is our own

standard of how to live, and, although we ma not reali e it, our

personali ed+law can be 2uite e*tensive. We have rules about little

things, like s2uee ing toothpaste or hanging toilet paper. %nd we

have rules about big things, like being responsible or loving others.

%ll rules are about protection, and that is wh we#ve made our

personali ed+law. We want to protect ourselves from doing

something the wrong wa , for the wrong wa brings an unpleasant

conse2uence, either small or large. S2uee ing the toothpaste

wrong" brings the unpleasant conse2uence of re2uiring more

effort in preparing to brush our teeth. 6oving others wrong"brings the unpleasant conse2uence of distance in our relationships.

So, to avoid these conse2uences we make rules, and when we put

all of these rules together, we get our personali ed+law.

In this chapter, I want to e*plain three things about the

personali ed law. 0irst, how this personali ed+law gets formed.Second, where this personali ed+law often goes wrong. %nd, third,

wh we become unwilling to give it up. 6et me begin with how this

personali ed+law gets formed.

The !hapin" of 1o$r #aw

&here is an old counseling stor that has gone around, in

various forms, for ears. It tells about a newl married woman who


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is preparing her first &hanksgiving meal. %s she prepares the

turke , her husband comes in. Wh are ou cutting the turke in

half," he asks her. !ecause ou are supposed to," she replies.

-o ou aren#t," he shoots back. 3et she insists, and the couple

have a long and heated argument. 0inall , e*asperated, the woman

calls her mother to help prove the point. :om," she asks, isn#t it

true that when ou cook the turke ou have to cut it in half '"

&he sound of uncontrolled laughter comes through the receiver.

-o, hone ," her mom finall responds, ou don#t ha%e tocut the

turke in half. I just do it that wa because our oven is too small."

&he stor of this oung woman shows the first place

where our rules come from. We learn them growing up in our

families. &his is the wa :om baked the turke , so this must be the wa to bake a turke . &his is the wa :om and 8ad handled

conflict in their marriage, so this must be the wa to handle conflict

in m marriage. &his is the wa 8ad viewed finances, so this must

be the wa to view mone . %s I mentioned earlier, our families are

an incubator designed to teach us how to live. &herefore, it is inour families that we form the largest part of our personali ed+law.

0or the ne*t place our rules come from, I now turn to Dhilip

3ance .

%fter graduating from high school, 3ance went off to

!ible college, and found himself in a place that loved rules. &hisschool believed in rules, man rules, si*t +si* pages worth in fact,

which we students had to stud and agree to abide b ...%s a college


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senior, engaged, I could spend onl the dinner hour,


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4ackson. It is the stor of a strange event occurring in a small

town, which, in the end, is discovered to be a human sacrifice.

Fach ear, as augaard taught the stor , she could alwa s count on

its conclusion receiving a strong moral denouncement. 3et, b the

/CCG#s something had changed. One night, after reading the stor ,

her class was indifferent. #&he end was neatM# one woman said. #It

was all right. It wasn#t that great,# another repeated. #&he just do

it,# et another argued, #It#s there ritual.#" augaard was ama ed,

not one person would denounce human sacrifice. &he view of one

woman captured the attitude of the class. Well, I teach a course

for our hospital personnel in multicultural understanding, and if it#s

a part of a person#s culture, we are taught not to judge, and if it has

worked for them...."omans /G?C) &his is grace. It

means unmerited favor. 3ou did not earn it. 3ou could not earn it.

4esus did all the work for ou. e paid the conse2uences. %s aresult, ou go free. !ut wait, that is not the end of the stor .

1race does more than just free ou from the

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conse2uences. 1race also gives ou the power to sta off the

grass. ! our own strength we could not keep ourselves from

sinning. !ut 4esus came to change that too. In :atthew, 4esus said,

8o not think that I have come to abolish the 6aw or the

Drophets= I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them."

(:atthew


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The Easy 1o5e

One of the most misunderstood passages of the !ible is

found in the 1ospel of :atthew. It is the passage where 4esus

sa s, $ome to me, all ou who are wear and burdened, and I will

give ou rest. &ake m oke upon ou and learn from me, for I am

gentle and humble in heart, and ou will find rest for our souls.

0or m oke is eas and m burden is light." (:atthew //?5B+9G)

& picall , this passage is used to offer us comfort. %nd while 4esus

is a comforter, that isn#t really what the passage is about. It is reall

about the neglected side of grace.

&he ke to understanding the passage is the word yoke . In

!iblical times, the word oke was a s mbol of a great burden or

heav responsibilit . It took on this s mbolism from the use of aoke on a farm, i.e. an animal would be oked to a heav plow. !ut

in -ew &estament times, oke added another meaning. Taking the

yokefrom a 4ewish rabbi meant that ou were going to follow him,

living out his teachings. %nd, in :atthew eleven, 4esus is cleverl

referring to both uses. &hose who are wear and burdened arethose who have been wearing the oke of the Dharisees, which, at

the time, would be the vast majorit of the common people. %s

ou recall, the Dharisees were the main religious teachers of the da

and the were law+strivers, tr ing to obe the law b their own

power. In contrast to their heav oke, however, 4esus# oke waslight. e was gentle and humble in heart," in other words,

gracious, and 4esus# wa was free from performance.

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In this passage, 4esus# invitation is not primaril about

bringing us comfort. 4esus# invitation is about switching s stems,

going from the law to grace. %nd this invitation to grace is not just

about salvation+grace. If 4esus is referring to salvation at all e

certainl isn#t referring to it e*clusivel , for the burden of the

Dharisees was an ever da , real+life burden. -o, 4esus is inviting us

to e*perience end+of+striving, power+to+live grace. In other words,

e is offering us the side of grace that ou and I are missing.

1race brings two things, salvation and life. It alwa s has, and

alwa s will. &he onl 2uestion is whether or not we will receive

both halves or onl one.

Interestingl , the ver meaning of the word grace shows

that it is more than just salvation, et for some reason we haveoverlooked this too. So ne*t, let#s e*amine the definition of grace,

that we might understand it in all of its fullness. %nd, if we are

going to e*plore a theological term, who better to turn to then the

!ible#s number one theologian, the %postle Daul.

The Definition of )race

Whenever we have a 2uestion about theolog Daul is often

the first place we turn, especiall when it comes to his e*pertiseH

the meaning of grace. In fact, his teachings on grace form the

foundation of the $hristian doctrine of salvation. 0or it is bgrace ou have been saved, through faithHand this not from

ourselves, it is the gift of 1odH not b works, so that no+one can

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boast." (Fphesians 5?B+C) I do not set aside the grace of 1od, for

if righteousness could be gained through the law, $hrist died for

nothingM" (1alatians 5?5/) %nd if b grace, then it is no longer b

works= if it were, grace would no longer be grace." (>omans //?@)

&ime and time again, Daul defines, e*plains, and defends grace as

the only wa to heaven. !ut, what we often don#t reali e is that

grace means a lot more to Daul than just salvation.

ere are e*amples where Daul uses the word grace in

reference to situations completel unrelated to salvation. e uses

the word grace in his salutations? 1race and peace to ou from

1od our 0ather and the 6ord 4esus $hrist." (Dhilippians /?5) &o

the hol and faithful brothers in $hrist at $olosse? 1race and peace

to ou from 1od our 0ather." ($olossians /?5) e uses the wordgrace in his farewells? &he grace of our 6ord 4esus $hrist be with

our spirit, brothers. %men." (1alatians @?/B) I, Daul, write this

greeting in m own hand. >emember m chains. 1race be with

ou." ($olossians ;?/B) e uses the word grace to talk about the

work 1od has given him to do? ! the grace 1od has given me, Ilaid a foundation as an e*pert builder, and someone else is building

on it. !ut each one should be careful how he builds." (/

$orinthians 9?/G) 4ames, Deter and 4ohn, those reputed to be

pillars, gave me and !arnabas the right hand of fellowship when

the recogni ed the grace given to me. &he agreed that we shouldgo to the 1entiles, and the to the 4ews." (1alatians 5?C) %nd he

uses the word grace to indicate a source of strength. 3ou then, m

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son, be strong in the grace that is in $hrist 4esus." (5 &imoth 5?/)

&he grace of the 6ord 4esus $hrist be with our spirit."

(Dhilemon /?5


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who loved us and b his grace gave us eternal encouragement and

good hope," (5 &hessalonians 5?/@) %nd, to Daul, our hope is the

result of 1od#s love and kindness. Daul saw grace ever where, in

salvation and in life, because grace is 1od#s loving+kindness, and

1od is so ver loving and kind.

&his is wh living b the grace s stem is so light compared

to living b the law s stem, because 1od is loving and kind. %nd,

because e is loving and kind, we no longer need to strive after

love. 0or we must remember, the striving of the law s stem isn#t

reall about obe ing all the rules= the striving of the law s stem is

reall about tr ing to earn 1od#s love. !ut with the grace s stem

we don#t hav

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Practical Grace Complete Book