Positive Discipline with Young Children

An Overview of How to Encourage Positive Behavior

The Three Legged Stool

Elizabeth Crary, author of Without Spanking or Spoiling, describes these three “legs” of the positive discipline “stool” which parents need to incorporate in guiding their children:

1. Developmental Expectations: What to expect for the age and developmental stage of the child.

2. Temperament: How to approach the individual child depending on their nine temperament traits.

3. Family Values: What you think is most important for your child to learn as they enter into the world.

Positive Discipline Starts with Understanding Children’s Development

Children are developmentally different from adults and have progressive stages of growth and development.

Children have goals for all their behavior such as: belonging, acceptance, attention, and power.

Understanding a child’s development promotes patience and positive outcomes for the parent or guardian.

Developmental Stages of Young Children

Infants: Seeking trust and comfort from the adults; seeking attachment with the primary caregivers; rapid growth

Toddlers: Seeking independence from the adults physically and emotionally; ambivalent about being independent; very busy observing and testing how the world works; sees the world only from their point of view; onset of language

Preschoolers: Seeking more independence and social power; interacting with peers more; rise of imagination and other cognitive skills; self-help skills developed

Understanding Temperament

Children are born with temperament traits unique to them individually. These can be observed within hours of birth.

Temperament affects a child’s behavior and a parent’s behavior.

Discipline is more effective if it addresses a child’s temperament traits.

Typical Temperament Traits

Sensitivity: Physical Reaction to Senses Intensity: Strength of Emotional Reactions Energy/Activity Level: Necessity for Movement Adaptability: Ability to Adapt to Changes and Transitions First Reaction: Reaction to New Situations, Ideas, Activities, Places

or People Persistence: Determination to Achieve Goals Regularity: Predictability of Bodily Functions Mood: Overall Disposition Perceptiveness/Distractibility: Observation of Environment

Temperament Clusters

Easy Child: Predictable biological rhythms; positive mood; positive response to new situations; adapt easily; mild to moderate intensity; flexible

Slow to Warm Up Child: Negative first response; slow to adapt; may have mild to moderate intensity unless pushed to adapt to quickly

More Challenging Child: Irregular biological rhythms; negative first reaction; difficulty adapting; moody; intense emotional reactions; highly sensitive

Guiding Behavior with Temperament in Mind

Parenting the slow to warm up or more challenging child can take extra thought and understanding. By keeping temperament in mind, a parent can adapt guidance methods to support the child’s learning. An example: Allowing more time and more warning for transitions between activities for the slow to warm up or challenging child.

The next chart gives you some ideas of how to tailor your guidance to your child’s temperament.

Summary of Positive Discipline You have reviewed two of the three “legs”

of the positive discipline stool: 1) child developmental stage and 2) temperament. We will explore 3) family values in our next weekly session.

Next you will learn about your child’s behavior goals and your parenting style.

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