Poetry Behind the Walls - Vol 5 Issue 1 (December 2012)

PBw

Volume 5 Issue 1

2012

Poetry Behind the Walls

Poetry Behind the Walls is a project of Save the Kids.

Save the Kids is a national grass-roots movement to keep kids out of incarceration and away from violence by working to end of the school-to-prison pipeline.

Kim SochaNormandale Community College9700 France Ave S.Bloomington, MN 55431

www.savethekidsgroup.org315.657.2911

ISSN: 2168-8583 (print)ISSN: 2168--8591 (online)

Published by Arissa Media Group, a project of the Institute for Critical Animal Studies. www.criticalanimalstudies.org

ICAS International Address: PO Box 965 Binghamton, NY 13902Printed in United States

© 2012 Poetry Behind the Walls

Poetry Behind

the Walls

Volume 5Issue 1

2012

Editorial Board

Thank you.

| Editor |

Tessa MortensonHamline [email protected]

| Associate Editor |

Dr. Kim SochaInstructor of English, Normandale Community College

| Managing Editor |

Dr. Anthony J. Nocella IIVisiting Professor of Education, Hamline University

| Review Board |

Deanna AdamsInstructor, National-Lewis University

Dr. Daniel White HodgeAssistant Professor of Youth Culture, North Park University

Dr. Mecke NagelProfessor of Philosophy, SUNY Cortland

Dr. Priya ParmarAssociate Professor of Education, CUNY Brooklyn

About PBW

PBW Mission The mission of Poetry Behind the Walls (PBW) is to provide a space and place for youth voices who are incarcerated to critically express their experiences related to the criminal justice system, school system, and their community. PBW is dedicated to promoting social justice and critical thinking about education, poverty, sexism, racism, ageism, ableism, sexism, homophobia, and all other forms of oppression. PBW supports youth to express themselves non-violently as well as encourages youth when they see their work published. This journal is grounded in Hip Hop culture. Therefore, when you read this journal, writing may often not reflect colonial engli$h.

PBW, a grassroots project of Save the Kids, is a fully volunteer organization. PBW does not profit from any sales of the journal. All proceeds go back to buying materials to work with kids who are incarcerated. PBW is always open to collaborate with other organizations and community members to further the voice of youth who are incarcerated.

[email protected]

Poetry Behind the Walls (PBW) is one of the only on-going journals in the world that is dedicated to writings from youth who are incarcerated.

SubmissionsPoetry Behind the Walls is open to all incarcerated youth throughout the world. We would like all writing to promote inclusion, equity, and social justice -directly or indirectly. We will not publish hate speech or offensive language. It does not matter what kind of writing ability the youth exhibit. Correct spelling does not matter.

Please send submissions via e-mail to: [email protected]. Include full contact information, name, address, age, and jail or detention facility.

The “Poetry Behind the Walls” author contract is on the following page. This must be signed by every author. Please sign the contract and send it to:

Kim SochaNormandale Community College9700 France Ave S.Bloomington, MN 55431 Contracts can be scanned and sent to [email protected]

Behind the Walls Productions Contract

I: _____________________________________ allow the editors/producers of Behind the Walls Productions and Save the Kids to produce my original art work in the form of (e.g., poem, spoken-word, short-story, drawing or other art):_________________________________________________titled: ___________________________________________that I have written in (note the given jail, facility, or detention:)_________________________________________________located at (address):___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________in the “Poetry Behind the Walls” journal.

I allow only using my first name and not my last for confidentiality as a youth, and my given facility, state, and country in which I produced my work. I allow my writing or art to be used in all versions and media of the production/publication and in the advertising and promoting thereof and for the “Poetry Behind the Walls” journal. In exchange for my contribution, I will receive one free copy of the material. ___________________________Author Print

___________________________Author Signature

___________________________Witness Print

___________________________Witness Signature

_______________Date

_______________Date

_______________Date

_______________Date

“DURING YOUR LIFE NEVER STOP DREAMING.NO ONE CAN TAKE AWAY

YOUR DREAMS.”

Tupac

CONTENTSPOETRY

INTERVIEW WITH MALO

PHOTO FEATUREBY: RICHARD ROSS

ARTWORK

SHORT STORIES

12 - 97

98-99

100-103

104-133

15253946-495558-596793100

Poetry Behind the Walls 10 Vol. 5, Issue 1, 2012

I survive everyday and strive to live. I talk as though I’m educated.And walk with my head held high.I try to liveI try to writeI try to be attentiveI try to be betterI strive to succeedbut you shut me downyou locked me up in a cageand expected me to change.You expected me to do betteryou put me in a place of despair, loneliness, longing, hurt.I wish yall would understand.

Let me livethen after I’m doneleave me alone…

The Thing Is...D e ’ S c o A K A C o m m o n l y U n s p o k e n

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11Vol. 5, Issue 1, 2012 Poetry Behind the Walls

Nights are cold, Rooms are dark, And then you look outsideYou see people outside your window,

and they look so happy down below.

J a i lB r e e z y B

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I’m locked up from the choicesI made but now I sit in mycell from the decision I madeI know I got to changequick before they take mylife.

I just wanna house and a nice wife.

M y C h o i c e sJ a Q u a n

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When I get out I got to put downthe gunWhen I get out I got to do the right thing When I get out I got to make my family happy When I get out I got to stay Out of trouble by hitting the books.

When I Get OutJ a Q u a n

Whe

n I w

alk

dow

n th

e st

reet

s,

I see

a lo

t of

cop

s ev

eryw

here

I go

A

nd I

get

stop

ped

for

noth

ing.

The

cops

love

to

stop

peo

ple

for

noth

ing.

All

I do

is c

hill

and

the

cops

got

to

stop

me

for

noth

ing.

I ask

the

m w

hy is

ya’

ll st

oppi

ng m

e?Th

ey d

on’t

got

noth

ing

to s

ay.

This

sto

ry is

abo

ut c

ops.

My

nam

e is

Shy

. I’m

in H

illbr

ook

and

I’m 14

yea

rs o

ld.

I hav

e a

lot

to s

ay a

bout

thi

s co

p.

I don

’t kn

ow h

is n

ame,

But

he is

whi

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WH

EN

I W

AL

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N T

HE

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ET

SS

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em

H i l l b r o o k J u v e n i l e D e t e n t i o n C e n t e r , N Y


Sh

aq

uil

le

H e n n e p i n J u v e n i l e D e t e n t i o n C e n t e r


Hate these wack uniforms.I ain’t bluffin I straight hate the cops.I could be getting them bills.Instead I’m caged in, eatin’ nasty meals.

HillbrookD y l a n

Hil

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Once it is trueyou can’t take it.Once you love someoneyou can’t say your love is lost causeyou did it. But maybe it was never there. Don’t sayyou love me when you love yourselfand don’t care how I will feel.

Kayshona

Love Never LostH

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Im in Jail n it feel like hell. ma don’t pick up the phone sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I call on people but still I’m alone. Sometimes I feel right. Sometimes I feel wrong.

SometimesD o m i n i q u e

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You get caught at the sceneSomething like your worst dreamsAnd you’re hoping that it’s not what it seemsBut that is what reality bringsIt brings things that aren’t worthwhileYou ain’t do nothing now you on trialYou wanna call God but ain’t got the heart to dialNow you in jail and you tryin’ to change your styleReal talk it’s too lateYou made it this far then you made a mistake Trust me it aint’ worth itFor a second it was workin’Now it’s worthlessYou’re wishing you could do something about itYou had to prove that you was about itNow you in jail and you can’t get up out itBetter yet doing time that ain’t even countingDid so many crimes that your file is a mountain Yea, it’s late but it’s gonna be another dayIf you’re weak your gonna break downBut just keep your head up and don’t let your face down.

Early Never LateD a r t a n i o n

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I wish everything could be resolved into peaceBut it’s the things that we learn in the streetsI’d rather turn my life around than to turn into a beastIn this world you can cry yourself to sleep then die in the sheetsWake up in heaven or burn in hellI learned how to speak and I learned it wellLife is hard and it might get stale And sometimes I can’t wait so forget your scale I took an hour trying to take a minuteAnd my family wishes they could visitNow my life and my light’s missin’So I guess I need night vision

And the money I get’s itFind me in the cut right by the stitchesI stay in school you can check my attendanceAnd I’m always in the sky like a flight attendant

Instead of having a glock on my hipI waste time like it’s a clock on my hipOn the belt if you talking non-fictionI’m aimin’ for my goal and I will not miss itTie your shoes and stop trippin’Please tell me what’s not different.

The HighestD a r t a n i o n

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I speak my mind - my brain is never silentand that always keeps pain from turning into violence.I don’t mind it, people quick to- but I timed it,everytime I rewind, it reminds me,Therefore I keep up, hands on the ground, wit my feet up,So my hand stands, It’s a lotta things in this world that I can’t stand,but I stand up to it, and I man up to it,God is my umbrella and the devil is the rain.And Imma ride for my guys till the pedal hit the chain.Slowly I’m changing,If you ain’t head it yet then my story contains it,All I’m tryin’ to do is make it thru this life makin’with a white shirt hopin’ that I don’t stain it.They say words hurt but to me they’re painlessI’m shootin’ for the stars and somehow I’m not aimin’I went in the house first, seconds later money came in.Then a couple years later my world had caved in.And I ain’t have nothing to work wit like a caveman,

My MindD a r t a n i o n

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So God made it a way like he paved it,like pavement, pay-me-n-t was a statementcan’t nothing replace it, I’m still makin’ payments.Still in debt with society,

And it some things that a x-ray can’t see like my pain and my hurt.

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I wanna be free, so courage is all I seek. So I’m on the grindfaithfully chasin’ after my dreams.

All we got is hope on the block.

The TruthD e v i n

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N a m e U n k n o w n

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It’s been 9 real months I spent with youLaughing, caring, and loving too At times I think we were meant to be. The problem wasn’t you, I noticed it was me. And time brought me to this conclusionThat having you wasn’t just an illusionI never seen me being with youBut the feelings I gained are oh so true,You taught me and I taught you,And now I’m in jail so what we gon’ do? Only time can tell thatI felt I should love you because you always had my backThanks cause a lot of girls would back out,And time may seem long, but it’s really notWe had a long time running, but as time gets nearThere’s been a long time coming and for you I’m here.

A Long Time ComingA n g e l

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NY


I know it’s been times when you missed my touch.I just wanna let you know I miss you much.When time is here I wanna love you up.Just because I love you much. Our relationship startedoff just as lust.But now look…I love you much.

As memories get deeper and thoughts get clearer,you still seem to shine your beauty reflects off a mirror.I look at you as more than a friend.Even if we wanted to, this relationship could never end.I realized the things I do can drive you crazy,But if I could have been in your shoes I would have had the baby.Just so I can know how your heart beats,Or how you express your feelings towards me.You never know what you have until it flies away;I love you much is what I’m tryin to say.I love you Ashley!

Love you much!!A n g e l

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My lies, the years, the pain, your tearsMy lies, the years, the pain, your tearsThe lies, the years, pain –n– tearsI was always there when no one was thereSo you could never say that I never careImma love you forever baby I swear.

Yea Baby I know we done been through it allbut I’ll be behind you so don’t fall -n- when you’re in need just give me a call. Stronger than any other so we stand tall like the highest mountain we’ll never fall. Baby I’m sorry for the lies, pain –n– tearsthat I put you through in the last couple years I want you to understand that I really care.Sorry for the times I wasn’t really thereand I appreciate that you put up with the lies, the pain –n– tears.

The lies, the pain –n– tears.

Lies, Years, Pain -N- Tears

A n g e l

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Crazy

Crazy if they try to make meBabyI don’t think they understand you ma onlyLadyDays go by without you –n- I’m startin to go crazyCan’t wait to come home to show love to mybaby

Sittin in this jail –n- I’m startin to go crazyStressed out, sick and I’m feelin real lazyI think its cause I miss my number one ladyI’m locked up and I don’t know what to doWish I can come home and be next to youand Annalise tooI’m so sick I think I got the fluDon’t know when I’m getting out I have no clueBaby girl I wish that I knewI been goin crazy because I miss youCan’t wait to come home to hug –n- kiss you

A n g e l

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Below the

SurfaceJalen


Below the surface lies many thingslike Hopes and dreams and evenwedding rings. In my life I’m just a plainhuman being. But I can’t explain your life or what you seeing.

I’ve made bad decisionsand I’ve come to new conclusions.

Everyday is a new mission Life is confusing and fun just keepyour priorities in check and your relationships uncomplicated. And you won’t be left cryingin the rain completely devastated.

I was born into a life of no meaning.So everyday I set out to give my life meaning.

But once I findthis true meaning I’ll truly knowthat I’m NOT DREAMING.

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Pain I FeelAdriana

I was sent to a place I don’t like. I was placed in a middle of no whereI was in no hope of going where I want to go.I remember, I went to the woods. I saw the moon and the stars.For the first time in my lifeI saw a shooting star.Then I walked through a field, fullof glass. In bushes I tried to get through it but I was more stuck than getting around it. All I could feelis pain going all over my bodyI could only think of my pain that’s going on.That’s how all my problems feel, everypoke hurts.


I wish the world was a better placeWhere there’s no drugs and violenceNo jails or detentions or negativity But I only see this in my dreams not in real life. I use this place to escapemy problems and feel calm. I wish my world was like this forever.

A Wish Not GrantedAdriana

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Mirror Mirror on the wall I am sorry I avoid mirrors

Mirror Mirror on the wall I don’t take mirror’s advice

Mirror Mirror on the brick wall I don’t like being locked up

Mirror Mirror in JDCI like mirrors in my house but not here.

Mirror, MirrorI Miss My Freedom!Adriana

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SchoolAdriana

Always skipping schoolbecause I thought it was cool.Now it’s coming back at me.It affects my daily lifebecause I do not learn anything.Now I regret skipping schoolI really just want to learn.

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Everybody has a voice in their headThat tells them what’s good and what’s bad Mines tell me I should go to school sometimes it tells me to not listen to my teacherseverybody else’s tell them not to go to school or sometimes it tells them to go to sleep in class. Some people don’t notice it but I named mine,and sometimes I can’t sleep because my voice in my head won’t be quiet.I don’t know if people notice it but I enjoy mine!

The Voices in My HeadAdriana

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Being locked up sucks because…It’s hot in here, you get fat after food and it gets me in a bad mood. When I getin a bad mood, I get put in my roomThen I get DRT time I assume.When I get DRT time I read my books to move time faster.

IncarcerationAdriana

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I think about my consequencesand what they handed me.

See me now and look where it landed me.

I think about what I do to my momsand how she is feeling.

I wanna succeed and see mymom happy.

I think about where imma be when I’m 23.

I wanna succeed and see my mom smiling.

That’s my thoughts when I’m in J.D.C.

My ThoughtsDeAngelo

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Gus

H e n n e p i n J u v e n i l e D e t e n t i o n C e n t e r , M N


I came from Puerto Rico & Rico law got me.Now I’m in jail wishing to be set freecuz I wanna see the next day future of me.

I miss home and I miss my peopleespecially my uncle named Luisito.He got shot with a couple amigos.

I know I want to get out of this mess,but every time I’m trying to get outthey drag me back with drugs and money.

My homies always smoking. I try to stop but they always joking.

On the streets they say doing me is selfishbut I say I am the only one in here and I want to change my life.

But it is hard to do it on my ownit is like I need help.But I look around and I see no one climbing up the hilljust me and myself.

All I want is freedom and not just for me but for all my amigos locked up by the Rico in Puerto Rico.

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Abdiel

Next Day Air Poem


Keep me out da system, cuz im tryna be better. Hard headed, thought these streets was my only way to the chedda. Gimme some faith, God please gimme some hope. Get outta here on business, man I can only hope. Get an education, I can’t make no mistake. And stay away from all these drug doin, street livin, goin nowhere fakes.

On my way to be something so just stop all da hate. Cuz I know money and music is my official fate.

Keep Me Out Da SystemTa l l i s h a

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The Concrete

Ma

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Diego

I’m walking the concrete,Holy graphic images,Allusion and confusion.

My name is Diego,And I am just a confused one.You think you is the cool one.That is your confusion You already locked upAnd now you need to overcome,The things that you have done.


Baby I’m sorryI don’t mean to waste your timeI just want to know what’s on your mindBaby you is mine

Baby I’m sorryI don’t mean to waste your time I just want to know what’s on your mindBaby you’re fine

Baby I’m SorryDiego

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I can’t believe it.Everybody say they ain’t see it.They can’t do nothin’.

I’m not with it.

Diego

Grandpa...Grandma

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Grandpa...Grandma

See what I mean?Every time I wake upI feel myself dying.See what I mean?I don’t want to be in hereall my life.See what I mean? I just want to get out of here.Help, me Lord!See what I mean? I think of myself by having a family,but they’re not here. See what I mean? Every time I think of you I see death.See what I mean? But sometimes I get scared at nightif I’m not with you.See what I mean? I just need a favor.You got me Lord? Please help me. See what I mean?

Montisze

See What I Mean

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get diploma,great job,provide for me and my child,and be successful in life.”

5/25/12

“

Just don’t like it [jail]because i bemissing my peoplesmost of all my girl.”

“


She looked rightShe looked niceShe was like the thief who come and stole me out the night

If she was my remote, I’d take controlIf she parked in my lot, I would pay her toll...

Then from the distance I hear my ma sayin“Son slow ya roll!”

Girls, Girls, Girls

M o n t r e l l

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Girls, Girls, Girls

Things I carry is jail which is scary and little money for commissary.I used to dream of being on a team name known everywhere making a lot of greenbut all that changed with one bad decision now I’m sitting in Jail on my way to Prisonwith a bunch of yelling “I forbid!”with no one on my side as I do my bid.

Things I CarryD e s h a w n

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When it’s all said and done we watch our glory days.We watch our glory days. We watch our glory days.

When it’s all said and done I want the world to know my name.That one man tried to make change. See, my people kill each other.Man that sadness brings me pain.Want my brothers to learn new ways and cope with different things. To watch children grow up and stop joining gangs.

We need our people to know and never forget where we came from, dog. They used to treat us in a way we most regret. Now we disrespect our women.If you really think about it, dog, that’s from where we came. Our people paid for our way so we can live dis life. If you think about it, bro, we not even living right.When all is said and done we all go and fadebut at the end of dis life we watch our glory days.

Chaz

Glory Days

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When all is said and done we watch our glory days. We watch our glory days. We watch our glory days.

Listen to what I’m saying. You know it’s real.Why we sit upon this world to do the act and kill? I speak for everybody when we see someone die. Do you know how it feels to see your mom cry? Looking at her face with tears in her eyes, she’s asking God “Why? Why couldn’t they survive?” “Why didn’t kids listen so they could stay alive?”But the people don’t care what’s in this little rhyme, but I am here to tell the people, it’s about time! Time to see change and turn it around,‘cause we’re tired of seeing too many young kids go in the ground.Six feet under is not the place to be.But when it’s all said and done, you’re all going to see.

When it’s all said and done, we watch our glory days.We watch our glory days. We watch our glory days.

Man, we all can be happy and see the greater day‘cause when you think about life, it’s not just to play.

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I have been looking for lovein all the wrong places.Searching for somebody togive my heart to so they canfill these empty spaces.Asking God to send somebody to relieve me of this pain and the hatred.And if I shall find lovehow can I as a man face it? Never felt love beforeso how would I knowif she can really love meor is she fakin’?

But still looking for love,asking myself could it find me?

My life is like a puzzleand love is that missing piece.Waking up in the morningand asking myself would I everfind somebody who really cares about me? Locking my feelings up and throwing away the key. Until I find love I will never be complete.

But still looking for love, asking myself: could it find me?

Looking For LoveChaz

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Josh

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The torture in my brain is causin’ the fortune to my fame to collapse to the ground like a pilot who left his plane. But I gotta keep movin’ to the destination where I left my game. Gotta put it on A lock cuz I know that it will be detained. Talk bout me A-N-G-E-L she the only Lady MC that’s been detained in Juvie, JD I know yall hate me. Thank me fa later I kno ya’ll haters. How’s it feel? Not good, shed a tear? Probably should so it will all dwindle away and you can let go of your fears.

OvercomeAngel

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Nobody listens. That’s not mine! I didn’t do it! They just need to satisfy the victim The prosecutor scars your life While your insides die; while getting sentenced Parents cryin’ all that time Prosecutor and police grinnin’If it was vice versathey’d pray to their Godbut it won’t be like that.No remorse; no 2nd chance.Prosecutors and police grinnin’.

I’m sittin in a cell ain’t no rehab to be getting. In here they give us nasty food, old clothes and da CO’s grinnin’.When you stop to think about it…The people supposed to protect and serve only think about numbers and quotas Yes! I did it But while we’re here they’re at home grinnin’.

Grinnin’Osiah

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Gab

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a


In a cell all alone.No one knows my feelings cuz I don’t let them be shown.Keep a smile on my face.Only time will tell as I count the days.

Gabriela

Alone

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My family I loveMy family I hateMy family can loveMy family can hateMy family can love me My family can hate meMy family could know meMy family could show meMy family will miss meMy family will kiss meMy family is awesome My family is mineMy family is one of a kindMy family will love me My family will hate me

Love & HateL u c a s

Hil

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I am locked up I got in trouble It is fun at times There is nothing else to do Now I’m here in these bluesFrom head to toeWe can’t do what we want I don’t like the fencesI can’t go home I can’t talk to peopleI can’t see people I can’t have fun

Can’t LeaveL u c a s

Hillb

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r, NY


Tick, tick, tickMy clock goes aroundMy clock doesn’t stopMy clock is plainMy clock shows no painMy clock has no feelingMy clock has no moralsMy clock is on the wallMy wall stands tallMy wall is plainMy wall shows no painMy wall has no feelingsMy wall has no moralsMy wall has a clock that won’t stopUntil the day that it drops

My Clock Keeps TickingL u c a s

Hil

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Sweet, sour, awesomeI love the raspberriesThe flavor is sweetThe flavor is sourThe flavor is awesome

RaspberryL u c a s


RavensL u c a s

Sleek black and fierceThe ravens are wonderfulThe ravens are scaryThe ravens are feared The people are dumb The people are ignorant The people don’t knowThe ravens are greatBut the ravens are fearedAnd the ravens are spit onAnd the ravens are hatedBut the ravens knowAnd the people don’t.

Hil

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See what I see…People trying to fit in to be coolLamesPeople trying to get over on the next personGrown men doing dumb stuff to get locked upTrouble makersNasty food...A lot of candy barsCardsPeople telling me what to do all dayLocked doorsWindow...Walls Haters

Feel what I feel…Like jumping off a cliffBetrayedForgottenLostConfusedDefeatScaredUnsure

Hear what I hear…A lot of snitchesLoud mouthsOrdersT.V.

Lekevic

UntitledH

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pin

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il, MN


Black is Beautiful

Black is beautiful. Black is me. Black is the color, can’t you see. White is cool and Tan is neat but Black is beautiful and Black is me.

Raygne

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Black is Beautiful

He

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My world is not round, it has been broke down, by the people called family now,they taught me to be tuff, mean and full of anger. They even told me not to talk to strangers.

My world is not round, it has been torn apart ever since I was born from the very start, growing up without a dad, everyone knows that’s bad.

Soldon

My World is Not Round


My world is not round, it is a black hole, to grow up in my life, you would not want to pay that toll.

My world is not round, it is a Dead End. Family drinkin’ every weekend. I’m thinking to myselfwhen this gon’ end?

I can make a decision to end myself, but what would they do? Drink away their wealth.

Sometime I feel like I’m all alone, where are my family and friends?Are they dead? Are they gone?So I start to feel, all I have is myself, So I start to think of ways to buildmy mind, body, and soul.

I tell myself I can’t give up,someone loves me and if not, I love myself.

So I start to wonder beyond my range,I tell myself my world can change.

I can go to college and gain some knowledge,to be the best man I can be to have a better world for me.

He

nn

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Jail, M

N


If you look in my eyes you can see painIf you go in my head you will see I’m going insaneIf you look in my past you might shed some tearsMommy had nowhere to go so we were here and there I’m in and out of JDC but that’s not the real meIt’s just what the system portrays me to be But I’m smart. I just had a rocky startSo stop and be something in life Don’t always be rebellious and put up fights Show them all wrong by doing something right.

Girls you can have a child But coming from experience it hurts your mind and your pride. People that don’t know you will judge you, talk down on youand they don’t care to know what you go through. So I ask you to STOP and be something lifeDon’t always be rebellious and put up fights. Show them all wrong bydoing something right.

Be Something in Life Kamarei

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Don’t judge me because I had a child at 15If only you knew how much joy he bringsI try to keep my head held high by swallowing my pride But my tears are something I can’t seem to hide. When he cries and wakes up in the middle of the nightI try to tend to his need but he always puts up a fight. I don’t regret having my sonnot one bit. So mind your own business and stop being a hypocrite.

He

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Don’t JudgeKamarei


Money is power, money is the root of all evil, money is the reason people kill, money is the reason some live,money is the reason why people hate when people should motivate, money is the reason people die, money is the reason people try,money is the reason people lie, money is the reason why people go to war, money is the reason why a little kid steals out the store,money is the reason people lust,money is the reason people trust,so I make money and I don’t let money make me.

MoneyA n t w o n

He

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I feel trapped I feel locked upDisappointed in myselfI feel my dad expects more of meMy little brothers look up to meMy fake friends keep duckin’ meMy real friends don’t mess with methey say I’m too hot,I tell ’em I’m not, but they not really hearin’ me.They only see the craziness.

I wish they’d see the fear in me.And even though there’s no tears in meI jus wish that they’d be here with me.

Locked UpGeno

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These past couple of years have been roughBut I know some people who can say that they’ve gone through much more stuff.The world is not perfect including my mom, but living in her house has made me strong.No daddy around, mother been there from the start.Only seeing things from a woman’s heartHas left me bitter causing me to react on the smallest things.But I’m strong to the finishNo weakness aroundI gotta look up or I’ll keep looking down.

UntitledBreauna

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No MatterWhere I

Am, I Am

Always Going To Be P.R. !


They can take my clothesThey can take my shoesThey can take my musicThey can take my familyThey can take my car They can take my girlThey can take my jewelryThey can take my phoneThey can take my life

But they can’t take my raceI am Puerto Rican hear me loud I am proud! I am Puerto Rican!

Jesus

Hillb

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r, NY


Life is hard I wonder whyWhy did I have to lose my dad to suicide? I lost my dad, he’s dead and gone. Lost my grandma and cousin two months later.

What did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong? I know I ain’t perfect, I’m far from that. Someday I just wanna give up and quit. After I lost three people I loved most, I gave up, started breaking the law. Last hope.

The court system is on my ass Usually I’m two steps ahead of ‘em. Just got caught up. I’m now two steps back

I’m on and off, run, runnin’ from the law tryin’ my hardest but every time, I fall.

Caught up now. Damn caught up again. Just did 8 months. Now counting down 12 months, the system always wins…Doin’ a year. I can’t believe this mess.

Might be pregnant, don’t want my baby to be taken away. I’m real stressed.

Justice

Free Me H

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I’ve lost everything I have…I know they kill to see me in jail. It’s crazy to think I am only seventeen and goin to the big girl jail. I ain’t gonna get out till I’m nearly nineteen.

I’ve been through a lot these past couple of months.I wish ya’ll could be in my shoes and understand.

I lost 3 people I loved and I lost my family, my freedom, and a good man.

I’m still young I can make a change.It seems like the system keeps lockin’ me up and not helping me. I’m no longer the one to blame. They say I need help then help me then.So I can stop getting locked up and repeatin’ the same patterns.

I don’t like being locked up, I get stressed. This place is not me.

Imma make a big change. No more mistakes. I learned my lesson. Please set me free. All the wrong I’ve done I wanna apologize. You live and you learn.I made bad decisions. Your trust, can I re-earn?

Drug dealer, stealin’, livin’ the fast life on the streets

He

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racks on racks money seems to run everything seems to run me.

gonna leave it all behind just give me one more chance.I’ll leave the street behind me. Make a difference. Take a new stance.No more street life, no more runnin’ from my problems. I realize I need to change now, I just hit rock bottom. Imma promise you now I give you my word and my promise. If you set me free I’ll make a change, make a difference. I’ll always be honest.

I’ll go to school, get my diploma and graduate.Prove my P.O. wrong and the haters that always hate.I’ll get a legal job and go to work everyday.No more illegal activities to get money I’ll wait till payday.

No more runnin’ from my problems I’ll face em’ all.I’ll take what ever comes my way, I’ll stand tall.No more breakin’ the law and addin’ charges up.No more of the I.D.G.A.F. attitude cuz thats not whats up.

Imma change. “Free Sneeky”, set me free!A whole 12 months is not for me…

He

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I meant everything I wrote in here, every single word.I’ve been through a lot I know ya’ll will never understandbut please give me another chance I’ll do good, I know I can.At least give me a shorter sentencing. I don’t know what’s gonna happen only time can tellfor now Im sitting in a hell cell.

Free me soon I wanna go home.I’m tired of being locked up.

He

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Growing up with this Terrible lifeI don’t think that I’m gone make it.I don’t wanna be the reason whyyou think you going crazy. This world that we living in now got us struggling on the Daily.I sacrificed all. I had to change the way you raised me. I wanna be what I wanna be, ain’t nobody going to change me.So listen up when I’m talking please This real talk it ain’t no game play.

Justice

Untitled

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For you I fell, your touch your smellFor you I fell in love and in desireFrom your head to your toes, for youI fellFrom your lips to your fingertipsI fell hard for you

Mistake? It wasn’t.

Regret? I don’t.

Love? Always.

For you I fell.

Justice

For You I Fell

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You once said that I would never make it But I’m still trying to prove you wrong. I will never forget all the things you put me through Down on my knees, begging youplease never to hurt me again. As I stand tall I would like to say,I am stronger (stronger) those things are in the past now I’m freeNo more begging, crying, no more bloody tears.

Justice

Stronger

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Back when I was a little girlMy mother would tuck me in and go out the door. I think about the years I spent wishing it could bethe same.

Oh! She makes me wanna go insanepeople saying it okayI just want them out my faceSo I can go my own wayStop Playing them childish gamesI wanna be free and do my thang.

I still think about what you said to me about living up to my dreams.

Justice

Song

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Hillbrook thinking day to day, time to time of what?What’s going to happen to me? Good or bad? What?I think and think and try not to be stressedBut when you look for help it’s right there ready for youThey push and push until they can’t push you no moreBut by the time your ready to leave they’re like a new familySo it’s hard to leave, but when its time, it’s timeYou thank and say goodbye. I miss the memories and the people But I’ll see you soon is what I say and I’ll keep my promise to you.

Alec

Hillbrook

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This ain’t what life supposed to be like,everything I do I can’t never seemto do right,my momma don’t even want me inher life – she wants my shortie,but for him I’ll fight.My son is my pride and joy.OH! How I felt when that doc told me I was having a lil boy.

I gotta play with the hand I wasdealtI can’t believe my mom would disownme – her heart should be filled withguilt.But you know what? I ain’t gonekeep beggin’ for her to take meback, she was never a mother to me and that’s a well known fact.

I live for my son and myself and when my mom needs meregardless imma still be there to help.

DeAnna

Let That Be the Reason

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-Cause I can’t bring myself to do her wrong,just cause she ain’t, don’t mean I can’t be strong.

This journey has been stressful and longbut no matter what, I’ve always kept my head up and stayed strong!

And that’s ME! What you get is what you see.

He

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Shaquille

Real Recognize Real

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Real recognize realFor heaven sakeIf you try to prove your real- you’re fakeAnything you giveI takeI hate to argueeven debateI believe in GODSo I got faith.Tryin’ to get richAnd that dream I chase.

I dislike people who live off race.Call me a niggerMight as well spit in my faceAnd if you do that I am gone. Catch another case.


You Don't Have to Run

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You don’t have to run You can just have funYou don’t need to fight or have guns You don’t have to be scared, just hold yo face If they tryna give you a runStay in one place

You don’t have to run.

Shaquille


I been in JDC for 2 months I been away for too long I am spending my whole birthday and summer man that’s so wrong. I miss all my freedom and friends.

Jaquan

I Been

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DeVante

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Everyday life in here you can’t do whatever you want You gotta ask the staff here to do things but at home you can do whatever you want

In here I see gang related things It’s not different from the streets it seems In here the colors is gray and green In here I hear people talking smackSometimes it makes me mad and sometimes it makes me wanna jap.I hear foul languageI hear kids bein’ angryand that makes me stay the same me.

I don’t like to think about the time hereRather be home putting in time there.

Dion

Time in Here

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I’m lonely because I’m in the JDCI’m lonely because I did wrong choices when I was outI’m lonely because I just came back from placementI’m lonely because I have no family round hereI’m lonely because I can’t have my girl

Melkin

Lonely

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Devante Collins AKA D.C.

Gotta think smarter

Gotta think smarter things tryna change niggas steppin up the game so I gotta grind harder until you see me driving in the lane with a chargerim just tryna escape from the pain and the horrorima keep it real fam I aint ready to dieand I love all my niggas I trust all my niggasso for the team ill pull the plug on you niggasI be stacking away cash in the safetrying hard not to walk in the path of a snakecause alot of yall fake to meso Im in back patientlycounting more bread than a bakerystressing but I try not to let you faze me

a young nigga getting money yea that’s something that they hate to seeBut regardless my team goes the hardest and I dont got time to be in the street starvingfighting in the jungle there’s lions in herereal talk, niggas dieing in here

Bro

ok

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NY


we squeeze iron in herehardbody youngins grinding in here, choose a side aint no crying in here, you gotta man up

cause feds will throw you in the slammer for that raw fireI done been behind the bricks and the barbwirethese niggas say they been thru it, but they’re all liarshead shot, leave your skull rolling like a car tire

Bro

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I was 13 years old with my boyfriend. We were both extremely high. We were burglarizing a house in the high desert. The owners came in... and the crime escalated. I’ve been in this cell since I was 14, sharing it with another woman ever since. I think it’s seven by ten. I’ve been eligible for parole, but on four different occasions the families of the victims were present to speak against my release. If it was my family, I would do the same, but I am a different person at 20 than the drugged child I was at 13. Now I’m the head of a women’s firefighting unit that works with locals and assists in brush clearing, mud slides, and forest fires. I’m due for release in four years and three months. I age out of the system. They have to let me go when I turn 25.

—C.H., age 20

Vent

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Cal

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© Richard Ross, www.juvenile-in-justice.com

PHOTO FEATURE:



I N T E R V I E Wwith Malo Interviewer: Tessa Mortenson

August 2nd, 2012

Hennepin County JailMinneapolis, MN


I N T E R V I E WT: How old are you are and where did you grow up? M: 19. North Minneapolis.

T: What was home like? M: Rough. Just cuz… I mean I had a good mom and all but just my family was into gang activity. Bein around that influenced me.

T: Where did you go to school? M: Augsburg Fairview Academy

T: What was your favorite thing to do after school? M: Hang out with friends and smoke loud.

T: Describe someone close to you.M: DaShonte, my lil brother, not my real brother though. He’s 18, finna be 19 on the 6th. He got dreads, light skinned, kinda looks like me. He’s laid back, smooth.

T: What do you miss most about him? M: Making me laugh.

T: What do you miss the most about home? M: Eating real homemade food.

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T: What was your favorite dish? M: Greens, fried chicken, baked macaroni and cheese.

T: What do you eat in here [inside the Jail]? M: Mainly processed food. All of it’s processed.

T: What is the worst thing about being in here [the Jail]? M: Bein’ locked down. Not being able to move around when you wanna move around.

T: What do you think about the most while you are in here [the Jail]? M: I think about girls. Imma ladies man. Dressing nice, I like to dress nice. I’m into fashion. I think about my family too. Most of the time I try to keep it off my mind. If you keep it off your mind, you won’t stress as much.

T: What’s the best advice someone ever gave you? M: While I was up in here, someone told me to stay strong, keep my head up, better my mind and make my mind stronger.

T: Would you die for a cause? M: I’d die for my homies and my family.

T: What are your friends like? M: Cool guys. I had a lot of female friends too. They liked to be fresh, liked to have fun. Some of em graduated went to college…some of em didn’t.

He

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Ja

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MN


T: What were you looking forward to before you got locked up?M: Goin’ to college. I had a scholarship. I was going to study journalism and civil engineering.

T: Why Journalism? M: I like to write. Non-fiction. Fiction. I had good English teachers in North and Wayzata.

T: What are your friends like in here [the jail]? M: Ain’t got no friends in here. I just associate with people.

T: When do you transfer to another facility? M: I leave in a couple weeks to St. Cloud. It’s better than here. You can get a T.V., better food and a lil’ more freedom like bein’ out more.

T: If you could say one thing to anyone in the world, who would it be and what would you say? M: I wish I could tell my little cousin I loved him before he died at 13. He got shot riding his bike in North Minneapolis. His name was Rayjon.

T: Do you have anything else you’d like to say? M: I want to thank my mom for birthing me, for giving me life. For being there for me whenever I needed her. She is a good mom for supporting me in my ups and downs.

He

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Jail, M

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M Y StoryM a l o

My name is Malo. but people just simply call me Malo. I’m gonna tell you a lil’ about myself. First off while comin’ out of my mother’s womb,

doctors tore my nerves in my left arm, so now today I have no use of it. But really it doesn’t have any affect on me in any way. Also I lost my father at the toddler age of 3, due to gang violence. He was only 21 years old, back in March of 1995. It had a big effect on me growing up because I grew up not knowing him and I also had no father figure. As I grew older, at about 12 yrs old, I loved playing basketball. It didn’t last long because during my freshman year in high school the streets started to suck me in. I thought, at first it was fun and games but now I realized it was a bad mistake altogether.

He

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Ja

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MN


Some of us look at life as unfair. Some of us never had to struggle, feel the pain, or been there. But if you are given everything your whole life and got to

that point - how would you be prepared? For some of us the struggle gives the person the will to overcome, to deal with whatever comes our way - good or sour. I think that’s what gives us the power to escape the dark. To change one’s self to see the light.

Chaz

Escaping Darkness

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Tha day u chose to leave me it rained constantly outside. I swore the rain to be the tears in Rommie’s eyes. I ran outside to feel tha rain and I stay’d

outside awhile. When the train was gone, along came the sun and I took this to be Rommie’s smile.

Santajia

Rommie Eyes

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While I was in the County Jail the things I saw was people get so angry over their cases and start fights and I also seen people cry

over the time that they got.

The County Jail also made me feel lonely, depressed, sometimes angry, and stressed. I feel lonely because I don’t really have any body on my side or don’t talk to nobody on the outs. I be feeling depressed because I have to worry about my case and wonder what’s goin’ to happen to me. I also hear about other cases that’s similar to mines and different things are happening to different people so it makes me think.

I also feel angry because it makes me feel like nobody cares on the outs like family wise and friends and it makes me think bout how much I done for the people who not here for me now and it’s nothing you can do about it cause your locked up and they’re in the world havin’ fun.

Untitled

M o o k i e

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MN


Untitled The things I hear is a lot of people lyin’, fakin’ it to make it. I also hear people talk about war stories and also a lot of bad things they do on the outs. Things like shooting at people and robbing people but me bein’ me I don’t like to hear things like that cause I have a case to worry about and trying to stay positive.

But the thing I go through in here is some weeks I don’t have money for commissary so I don’t get to get a decent kind of tooth paste, deodorant, and a decent soap. I also have to go through a lot with my pd (public defender). He never answer my calls or come visit me until it’s my court date and it makes me feel like he’s not on my side. I also have to go through the co’s tellin u when to be quiet, when to make your bed and a lot of other things. U don’t get to eat what u like and a lot of other stuff.

Jail is basically another world so u have no other choice but to adapt to the jail life and get use to it. Jail will make you eat things u never thought you would eat and it will teach a lot how to survive.

He

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Whats the best advice you’ve ever received? The best advice I ever got was to keep my head up & dont think about the outs as much

because you would get to missing it & it’s gone get you to stressing & depressed.

Mookie

The Best Advice

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Ma

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NY In this life I did things worth the fight. Being

who I am it seemed alright, but it took this one girl to show me the light, and that’s you. You opened my eyes to something so true,

something worth living for. So no more sins, no more friends just us three till the end.

I just love how that sounds. It puts weight on my heart like pounds. Now I have something worth more than gold and that’s family because it will never get old, it will never break nor is it fake, but I hate myself because I made you hate.

Now I know how true to this you are, sometimes I look out my window and wish we were looking at the same star. I can finally say that I’m lucky. To have a girl like you that never judged me and thank you for that, you keep me alive like an inhaler for my asthma attack.

I want to settle down with you till daddy gets old. Because I finally found something worth more than gold.

I love you Ashley and I’m sorry! Just give me one more chance??

Angel

Something Worth More than Gold


For the last past week I’ve been very stressed out about a lot of things. Every time I’m quiet and don’t want to talk to anyone it seems like there’s always that

one person who wants to push me to another level, in a negative way.

I’m the type of person who does not speak when worried or stressing about something and someone is always trying to make me talk about my problems. I want everyone to understand my problems have nothing to do with them and that I can deal with them on my own. I have been dealing with my own problems my whole life and I managed to get over them. Alls I need is some alone time.

I’m not used to talking to people about my problems, that’s something I don’t want to get used to either. People need to respect the fact that I don’t want to talk about my issues, respect that I want to deal with them on my own because that’s what I’m used to doing.

Angel

Stress on the Inside

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SEE: I see lots of African American males who come in and out of the County Jail. In my first month here going to court I have seen about 4 to 5 fights. There’s arguments everyday about the pettiest things such as card games, who sit where for lunch and dinner, gangs, you name it. I also see guys I knew from the outs. The food is so nasty that I live off commissary.

Steven

See, Hear, Feel, Advice

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HEAR: I hear multiple arguments, insults, laughter, singing, but not more than what I hear at night. I can actually hear and see my little brother’s face. He just died in front of me due to a gunshot to the head which was just a little over a month ago and being in here makes the feeling even worse not being able to be with my family during our time of hurt.

FEEL: I feel like I let a lot of people down especially my brother. Both of them. Not being there for them. My mom and family tells me not to blame myself but I feel different. I feel that there was just so much I could have done to prevent it. And now I’m in Jail maybe going to be longer and not going to be able to be wit my other little brother and sisters and mom when they need me most. It really hurts me. I feel alone without him and my family with me. I feel as if these guys don’t care about nothing but how tough they are or what they have to prove to the next inmate.

ADVICE: Cherish life because no one knows when it’s their time. My little brother’s life was taken at the age of 16 by a bullet that was not meant for him. And my biggest piece of advice: stay out of Jail. It’s not meant for teens like us. There’s a better way if you ask me.

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The best advice I’ve ever received was live life to the fullest because you never know when your time is up, or your life is taken. You have no say so. My brother

died at the age of 16. that’s very young. He did nothing to deserve to die so to me live your life, do something with it, be positive, don’t waste it cus it can be over in a blink of an eye.

Steven

(Live Life!)

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Xavier

Lil' Jay is Back

I’m a young man that been on probation since I was 16 for robbery and now I’m 20 and I’m going away for a year and three on parole and 41 months over my head.

I’m an adult now and I’m still in the grimes of the inJustice System. And I want to change this for my people of younger age so they don’t go through what I went through and I’m willing to help. I’ve been through it.

Help is here. I’m willing to Stand for your Justice.

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They have cameras just around one neighborhood like that’s the only place where things happen but it isn’t.

There are more blacks being convicted than whites and more whites are picked up but they only really convicted the blacks.

We need to end racism.

Lorenzo

Cameras

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Man I wanna talk about racism. I wanna talk about racism because racism was way back with our ancestors and it is still happenin’ today in 2012.

I don’t get how people use so much energy to call somebody a nigger or for a black person to call a white person a honky. I Just hate seein’ it and I’m tired of living in racism. It’s like these people don’t care - they pick Police, Judge, Lawyer, Prosecutor jobs just to lock black people up and it ain’t fair.

Shaquille

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This aid and abetting thing I don’t think is fair. Why? For example: Tom shot Jerry on block A. Tom calls one of his friends to come give him a ride. Tom’s friend

says yes. Tom now gets away from the scene. Tom then gets caught with his friend that just gave him a ride. Now the law charges Tom for maybe murder or shooting and also charge his friend when his friend had only just given him a ride. They charge Tom’s friend with aid and abetting. They go say something like “he helped Tom get away as the driver and he didn’t call the police.”

The prosecutor…this what they do: they go in front of the judge and they will say anything even lie on you for the judge not to release you. They don’t got to prove the prosecutor or give facts.

The judges need to start asking for proof from the prosecutor for whatever they say in court.

Rajil

Bogus

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My life is crazy. I thought smoking weed was amazing. I thought it was cool not to go to school. Running away from home to get high but all

it got me was getting caught by the cops. I thought it was cool to hang with older dudes but all it got me was to steal some shoes.

Jose

Life

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Well what I’m going through is called a rough life. I don’t like it and I don’t want to live it but hey you gotta go through things in your life. I’m

just stuck on wondering why am I the chosen one to be put through this kind of situation. I’ll say “hahahaha”, “lol” or, “lmao” in a serious situation but really when that situation is all sad I’ll remove myself from the group and go think about that serious situation and cry my eyes out.

I just wish I had a shoulder to lean on but I don’t and at that I wish I had my mom and dad to lean on but once again I don’t.

I don’t have it, I don’t have it, and I don’t have it. Ummmm where can I find it?

Man I am so sick of being locked up or in the system when I’m in JDC or RJC or any locked up facility. I cry my ass off, just wishing to be on the outs. I just want someone that can listen

I Don’t Have It. Umm Where Can I Find It…Queen Michelle

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and also help but all I find is people that listen but never help with my situation. So I think “Why tell you anything? You’re not going to help”. I’m just wasting my breath. I wish I had custody over myself but once again I don’t.

I don’t have it, I don’t have it, and I don’t have it. Ummmm where can I find it?

No where now. I need help because I don’t have it…

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I Was a Boy Growing Up


I was a boy growing up over in the northside, Minneapolis where I seen a lot of people get hurt and lose their life. It was bad for people to be doing these things and seeing this

made me want to do it. Seeing my brothers go out at night and come back with money and clothes made me want to get what they had. So I followed their footsteps and was getting away with a lot of things like hurting people and taking things I didn’t have to take. So all of that got me locked up and 48 months over my head so if I get back in trouble, they will send me to prison. So now I am taking the time to get back on track and get my life back together.

Tomas

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Blacks, Whites, it’s time to unite. Make everything right! So the world can be a better place. We’ll make the streets safe! And make the world spread with

love. We share what we have in common. Let’s make this right tonight!

Riley

Untitled

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I’m in this world it’s so cold. I’m in these streets. I’m alone. I need a place to call home. It’s like my spirits are gone. Trapped in this box with no key and I’m in need to be

free. I see this darkness in me. I need some light to shine, please. One day I might just be free, one day when I feel released, I might just call myself free.

Ebony

I 'm Free

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-Ebony Hennepin Juvenile Detention Center, MN

I’m in this world it’s so cold. I’m in these streets. I’m alone.

I need a place to call home.It’s like my spirits are gone. Trapped in this box with no key and I’m in need to be free.

I see this darkness in me. I need some light to shine, please.

One day I might just be free,

one day when I feel released,

I might just call myself free.

The mission of Poetry Behind the Walls (PBW) is to provide a space and place for youth voices who are incarcerated to critically express their experiences related to the criminal justice system, school system, and their community.

Poetry Behind the Walls (PBW) is one of the only ongoing journals in the world that is dedicated to writings from youth that are incarcerated.

Documents

Poetry Behind the Walls - Vol 5 Issue 1 (December 2012)