Meet the Duggars

People wonder how we manage the dynamics of such a large family.

Curious parents often ask, “How do you do it with 17?”

S

Perspectives on Christian Parenting

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traight from america’S heartland, parents Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar of Springdale, Arkansas, head up a family of their 17 biological children, with ages ranging from 20 years old to 9 months old.* Thrust into the national spotlight with the birth of their 14th child, this quiet Chris-tian family suddenly was given the opportunity to share their faith in Christ on a global scale. Featured on such media outlets as The Today Show and the Discovery Channel®, the Duggar family continues to spark interest and curiosity among parents every-where. How do they do it? Why do they do it? Jim Bob and Michelle share from their hearts on our pages, as ParentLife invites you to meet the Duggars!

By Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar With Rebecca Ingram Powell

MAY 2008 PARENTLIFE 19

else. I believe that is where our walk with Christ is per-sonal. Who can argue with someone’s personal relation-ship with God? I am not expecting anyone else to walk this walk. This is a calling that I know God has placed on my heart. It is about Him, my walk with Him, and my testi-mony of who He is in my life.

I feel a kinship with the great missionary to the orphans, George Mueller. I love his testimony because people thought he was crazy, too. They said, “You can’t take care of that many kids! What are you thinking?” I look at his life, and I feel the same way. You do not have to tell me that I am totally inadequate. I know I am! But by God’s grace, I am able. In my weakness, God makes me strong.

Spiritual WarfareIn the beginning, I believed I could do it all! I believed I was capable. But then I journeyed through a season in my life when I had to realize that it was not about me. I am not SuperMom, and I never will be. I had to give my expec-tations to God and recognize that it was Him working through me.

I was carrying Joseph, our seventh, and I went through a time of great spiritual warfare. When you are in the middle of it, you do not realize what is going on. I remember how I struggled with reading my Bible. I cried and I asked Jim Bob to pray for me. It seemed as though there was a dark

Answering the CriticsBy Michelle Duggar

Jim Bob and I were married when I was 17 and he was 19. It was four years before we had our first baby, Joshua. I became pregnant again, but I miscarried that baby.

We recognized that children are a gift. There we were, holding our precious baby Joshua in our arms, and yet, we realized we had just lost one. We began to look up all the passages in Scripture that talked about children. We discovered that God said they are a gift, they are blessings, and they are a reward. Brokenhearted, we prayed, asking God to give us a love for children that matched His. We simply gave this area of our lives to the Lord. We told Him we gladly would receive any gifts He wanted to give us. Right after that, God blessed us with twins.

a perSonal WalkI realize that people have a lot of questions about our family. I understand that many people, even other Chris-tians, do not understand our convictions. Frankly, I do not answer my critics unless I sense that behind their ques-tions is a sincere desire to ask of the hope that is in me. I am not going to push my personal convictions on anybody

heaviness hanging over my personal devotions and my time alone with the Lord.

The Lord reminded me of something I once heard a pas-tor say. His message was that our quiet times are vital. He said at times, it will be like eating peaches and cream. At other times, it will be like taking your vitamins. You know you need to do it, and so you do. I realized that it was a time in my life that everything seemed overwhelming and I was struggling. I prayed, Lord, I’ve got to fill my mind with Your Word because You’re the one with all the answers. You’ve got all the truth and all knowledge, and I need help! I just can’t do it for myself. I can’t even seem to bring the spoon to my mouth. It’s like I’m paralyzed.

hunger for godThe thought occurred to me that I must feed myself intra-venously with the Word of God. So I began to listen to the Bible on tape. I listened throughout the day and night. I popped in a tape while I worked in the kitchen. While I was preparing meals and feeding the children, I listened to God’s Word.

I had never struggled with insomnia or fears at any other time in my life until this time of spiritual warfare. I put a Bible tape on continuous play so that when I could not sleep, I could listen to God’s Word. It ministered to my heart in an amazing way. It was so empowering! It was as though God was letting me know that I could never saturate myself too much with His Word.

It is not in my strength that I am parenting these children. It is not my organizational skills or my adminis-trative abilities. It is not my lovingkindness! I had to come to the place of admitting that I am not capable. I made the decision to glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me (as Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10). That is what I want my children to see when they look in my face: not “Momma” but Jesus, coming through me to them. I want them to know Him. I want each of them to

have a personal relationship with Him, and I want them to walk with Him. Each one of them is going to have a differ-ent calling. It is not going to be the same as mine. So it is OK if my critics do not understand. God can deal with each one of us in His timing and in His way.

Dealing With AngerBy Jim Bob Duggar

I never really had an anger problem — until I had children! When I saw them disobeying in different situations, it would make me upset and frustrated. Sometimes I would raise my voice in my efforts to correct them.

anger SeparateSMichelle and I quickly realized that a parent’s anger is detrimental to a child’s spirit. It creates separation between the parent and child, and its damaging effects can spread quickly to sibling relationships, as well.

It was through another man’s testimony that God revealed my anger problem to me. I heard a man shar-ing about how his anger had affected his home, and I saw quickly that I was headed down the same path. If a parent yells at a child or uses any kind of rejecting words toward him, it creates a wall between them. After listening to this man share what he had learned, I began to implement key biblical principles in my parenting.

The first was confession. After repenting before God, I also apologized to my children and asked them to forgive me. I realized that what I was doing — reacting with anger — was worse than what they were doing, whatever their misbehavior might be.

Second, I asked my whole family to hold me accountable. I told my children that if they saw me getting angry and

20 PARENTLIFE MAY 2008

raising my voice, they had permission to put a hand on my arm and say, “Daddy, I think you’re getting angry. Could you whisper to me?” When that happens, it is like get-ting a bucket of cold water poured over your head! I have learned that if the children are in tune to my words, they are also in tune to each other’s words. My willingness to be accountable for my speech has created a whole new spirit in our family, along with Michelle’s sweet spirit, for each of the children to talk kindly to each other.

love connectS People often wonder how we manage the dynamics of such a large family. Curious parents often will ask, “We have two children, and they fight like cats and dogs. How do you

do it with 17?” In their minds, they are picturing 17 chil-dren in one house fighting and bickering with one another. They are picturing total chaos, and it would be! However, that preconceived image is actually the opposite of what happens in our home.

God’s principles, put into practice, will work in every family.

* Be open to God’s revelation of truth through personal study of His Word and solid biblical teaching.

* Confess where you fall short, repent, and turn away from your sin.

* Make things right with those you have hurt, resolving the conflict, and putting away anger.

* Ask for accountability from other Christians.In our home, if an offense has been committed, we

teach our children to go back and make things right. That

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GettinG to Know the FamilyName Age Character Scripture Quality

Jim Bob 42 Persuasiveness Romans 8:28Michelle Annette 41 Contentment 2 Corinthians 12:9Joshua James 20 Diligence Joshua 1:9Jana Marie 18 Hospitality Proverbs 3:5-7John-David 18 Loyalty Philippians 4:13Jill Michelle 17 Gentleness 1 Thessalonians 2:7Jessa Lauren 15 Orderliness 1 Corinthians 14:40Jinger Nicole 14 Availability Philippians 2:20-21Joseph Garrett 13 Flexibility Colossians 3:2Josiah Matthew 11 Enthusiasm 1 Thessalonians 5:16,19Joy-Anna 10 Joyfulness Proverbs 15:13Jedidiah Robert 9 Generosity 2 Corinthians 9:6Jeremiah Robert 9 Creativity Romans 12:2Jason Michael 8 Compassion 1 John 3:17James Andrew 6 Determination 2 Timothy 4:7-8Justin Samuel 5 Gratefulness 1 Corinthians 4:7Jackson Levi 4 Self-Control Galatians 5:24-25Johannah Faith 2 Obedience 2 Corinthians 10:5Jennifer Danielle 9 months Faith Hebrews 11:1

always begins with an apology. That means more than just saying the word “sorry.” We have them say, “I was wrong for taking that toy away from you” or “I was wrong for hitting you. Will you please forgive me?” After a hug, they know the conflict is resolved. The Bible tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger. Take care of conflict as quickly as pos-sible. This is vital to bringing peace and unity in the home. Our goal is for our children to be each other’s best friends, and they really are. m

*Age of children at time of publication

RebeccaIngramPowellis a pastor’s wife, homeschooling mother of three, and the author of Baby Boot Camp and three Bible studies for teenagers: Wise Up!, Get Real!, and Dig Deep. Visit her Web site at www.rebeccapowell.com.

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moReINFoRmAtIoNTo find out more about the Duggars, including what their daily schedule looks like, visit their Web site — www.duggarfamily.com.

BookS• How to be the Parents of

Happy and Obedient Chil-dren by Roy Lessin (Omega Publications, 1978)

• The Duties of Parents by J. C. Ryle (Grace & Truth Books, 1993)

• Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by Sarah Mally, Stephen Mally, and Grace Mally (Tomorrow’s Forefathers, Inc., 2002)