PERSONAL EXCELLENCE TOOLKITtoolkit.epic-hub.com/uploads/files/resource library/self mastery resources/self_mastery...make-up, nature, psyche, temper, temperament, traits, and so on

SELF-MASTERYPERSONAL EXCELLENCE TOOLKIT

modular online programme

EPIC INDIVIDUALexcellence in everyday living

EPIC empowering people inspiring cultures

PRESENTED BY:www.epic-hub.comwww.steve-simpson.comCopyright © 2012 Steve Simpson and Stef du Plessis www.stefduplessis.com

© Copyright 2012 Steve Simpson and Stef du Plessis www.stefduplessis.com


You will receive regular email deliveries of these tools in modular form to be printed and completed at your own pace. The programme has been designed to ultimately become a comprehensive personal journal.

Chances are that you will find some of these modules to be more meaningful than others: in fact it is likely that you may find yourself unable to relate to some of the modules at all. Don’t let this deter you from making the most of the process and the potential benefits that it may hold.

I have been developing these tools since the early 90’s, for application on my courses and workshops. During the early years, my associates Prof Dawie Smith, Callie Roos, Wanda Bierman and Elsa Bester worked closely with me as we continuously endeavoured to improve the programme. They, together with my Australian-based business partner, Steve Simpson, now join me in wishing you success in your pursuit of higher levels of personal effectiveness.

You will find many more resources at www.stefduplessis.com, where you will also be able to subscribe to a number of other online tools.

Enjoy your journey!

Kind regards

P.S. I’ve used South African spelling conventions throughout this programme.

This process contains a number of instruments, assessments and activities(we’ll call them tools) aimed at helping you along your journey of self-discovery, towards demonstrating a pattern of excellence in your everyday living.

INTRODUCTION

00MOd

ULE

Editor Jessica du PlessisDesign and Layout Shelley-Ann Scheepers ([email protected])



PAST

PR

ESE

NT

CONTENTS

00MOD

ULE

THROW YOURSELF A LIFELINE 101

GETTING TO GRIPS with your past

how well do you know yourself?

1609

505 HOW YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

MAKING A DIAGNOSIS what shape are you in?

that you’re not doing right now?

for a new future

the past is past, this is now

3113

IDENTIFYING & RANKING 303 the key events of your life

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE 2411 how well do you know your “inner” self?

YOUR MINDSETS a mirror reflection of your past experiences 907

CREATING NEW MINDSETS 3615

SOME PERSPECTIVE 202 on the key events of your life

making sense of your past

SELF-AWARENESS 2010

WHAT DO YOU DO that you don’t like doing? 706

SELF-ACCEPTANCE 3414

404 UNDERSTANDING THE PHASES that have shaped you

to the life you lead

influence the rest of your life

2712 SELF-IMAGE where did yours come from?

RELATING YOUR LIFE LESSONS 1108

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE DOING 3816



FUTU

RE

00MOd

ULE

GETTING READY

SUCCESS DEFINED18

17

MOd

ULE

PERSONAL vALUE CLARIFICATION identifying your “Danger Zone”

your personal scoreboard

doing what’s right for you

a personal gameplan

for change

what do you want?FUTURE ASPIRATIONS

PERSONAL vALUE CLARIFICATION

PURPOSE DEFINED



SUCCESS REDEFINED

YOUR LIFE ROLES19

20

21

22

26

23

27

24

25

MOd

ULE

FINd YOUR PASSION

prioritising your top 20 values

why are you here?

the whole is greater than the sum of its parts

what gets you going?

are you living your values?

the big picture

identifying your core values

a snapshot of your endgame

a “photoshopped” snapshot of your endgame

and how they determine the life you liveYOUR ATTITUDES & BELIEFS

CLEAR GOALS

YOUR STRATEGY

COdE OF CONDUCT

28

29

30

31

32

MOd

ULE

ENVISION



ALBERT, Karl. 1980: New York: Prentice Hall Press

ALBOM, Mitch. 1997: Tuesdays With Morrie: USA: Double Day

APPS, P. 1992: Wild ways: Cape Town: Struik Publishers

BRADY, Joan. 1996: God on a Harley: Simon & Schuster Ltd

BRADY Joan: 1997: Heaven in High Gear: New York: Simon & Schuster Inc.

BUTLER-BOWDON, Tom. 2003: 50 Self Help Classics: Nicholas Beary Publishing

CARLSON, Richard. 1998: Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff Workbook: Hodder & Stoughton

CARLSON, Richard. 2002: What About The Big Stuff? Hodder & Stoughton

CARTER-SCOTT, C. 1998: If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules: London: Clays Limited

CARTER-SCOTT, C. 1998: If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules: Broadway Books

COETZEE, A. 2000: I Think I Feel I Am: Books Creative

FRANKL, V.E. 1984: Man’s search for meaning: Boston: Washington Square Press

FULGHUM, Robert. 1994: All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten: London: Harper Collins

GOLDDRATT, Eliyahu M. 1984: The Goal: Cape Town: Creda Communications

GOLEMAN, D. Emotional Intelligence

HOFF, B. 1989: The Tao of Pooh: London: The British printing company limited

HOFF, Benjamin. 1992: The Te of Piglet: London: Methuen

KNAUS, W.J. Change Your Life

LE ROUX, DE KLERK, R: 2001: Emotional Intelligence Workbook: Human Rousseaw

LEVINE, L. 2002: Hidden Power of Emotional Intuition: Element Books Ltd

MAXWELL, J.M. The Success Journey: The Process of Living Your Dreams & The Winning Attitude

MILLMAN, Dan. 1993: The Life You Were Born To Live: Canada: New World Library

MITCHELL, W. 1999: It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it: Arvada: Phoenix Press

NELSON-JONES, Richard. Effective Thinking Skills

REDFIELD, James. 1994: The Celestine Prophecy: Bantam

REDFIELD, James. 1996: The Tenth Insight: Bantam Press

ROBBINS, A. 1992: Awaken the giant within. New York: Simon & Schuster

SCHULLER, Robert H. Tough Times Never Last, But Tough People Do!

SCOTT Cynthia, JAFFE Dennis T. 1989: Managing Personal Change. Lanham: Crisp Publications

SMITH Hyrum W. 2000: What Matters Most. London: Simon & Schuster UK Ltd

THE DALAI LAMA & CUTLER, Howard C. 1998: The Art Of Happiness: New Zealand: Hodder Headlines Ltd

WAITLEY, Denis. 1996: The New Dynamics of Goal Setting: William Morrow & Co. Inc.

ZUKAV, Garry. 1991: The Seat of the Soul: UK: Rider & Co.

REFERENCES

00MOd

ULE

and recommended reading

© Copyright 2012 Steve Simpson and Stef du Plessis www.stefduplessis.com 1


LEARNING FROM YOURPAST EXPERIENCES

• Drawa lifeline.Thisissimplyalinearrepresentationofallofthesignificanteventsofyourlifesofar.

• Makesurethatyouaddtheapproximateagethatyouwerewhentheseeventsoccurred.

• Plotthepositiveornegativeimpactofeachevent.Usetheattachedexampleasaguide.

• Youmayfinditusefultospeaktofamilyandfriendsortodigoutsomeoldphotoalbumstojogyourmemory.

Draw your lifeline on a big sheet of paper. Leave enough space for future notes.

Here are some examples to guide you through the activity:

• Successesorfailuresinyouryouth(academically,insport,culture,leadership,family,friends,accidents,andsoon).

• Importantoreventraumaticincidents,likemeetingalifepartner,thebirthofachild,anachievementorgraduation,losingafamilymember,accidents,seriousinjuryorsicknessinthefamily,divorce,andsoon.

Whenworkingonyourlifeline,thinkofallofthedifferentdimensionsinyourlife:physical, spiritual, intellectual, psychological, social, and professional.

Bearinmindthatyouwillbereferringbacktothisworksheetoftenduringthisprogramme–sobesuretoleaveamplespaceforfuturenotesandheedcautionwhenusingabbreviationsorshorthandsoastomakesurethatyournoteswillmakesensetoyouatalaterstage.

ALL OF LIFE PREPARES US FOR WHAT LIES AHEAD...

Many of the answers to our future lie in our past.

But most often the answers are not apparent - you have to figure them out yourself.

Thisactivitywillhelpyoutodojustthat;perhapsnotatfirst,butwhenyoureflectbackonyourlifelineinlaterstagesoftheprogrammeyouwillfindthatinsightsandpatternsstarttoemerge.Fornow,justtrustthesystem-theresultswillbeworththeeffort.

throw yoursElf a LIFELINE

01MoD

ulE

making sense of your past

Best friend died

Graduated

First job

Wedding day

Parents divorced

Birth of our son Birth of our daughter

Big promotion

Cancer wins, dad died

Other half made directorship

Moved out of home to college

© Copyright 2012 Steve Simpson and Stef du Plessis

AG

E:

HIG

HLI

GH

TSLO

WLI

GH

TS

BirthBirth of brother

I loved school

Cool kids liked me

First love

Made the first team

Moved town/new school

7 11 1240 15 16 17 19 23 25 27 29 30 31 35 3723

LIFELINE EXAMPLE

1A


EPIC INDIVIDUALexcellence in everyday living02

SOME PERSPECTIVE

MOD

ULE

on the key events of your life

Use a blank sheet of paper to extend the scoring table if you need more space.

You need not complete the table – simply go back to your lifeline and score each event on that worksheet (perhaps use a different colour ink so that your scores stand out).

TIMESAVERRefer back to your lifeline 1 (this symbol appears whenever you need to refer back to earlier Modules). Use the scoring table to determine the impact/importance that each of the life-events have had on your personal development - think about your character, disposition, identity, individuality, make-up, nature, psyche, temper, temperament, traits, and so on.

Use any scoring scale you want – but a 1-10 scale (1 is low impact and 10 is significant) should be adequate. For now, ignore the “Ranking” column.

Low Point Score Ranking High Point Score Ranking

NEgATIVE ExPERIENcES POSITIVE ExPERIENcES



Low Point Score Ranking High Point Score Ranking

Refer back to the previous step where you scored the impact of your life events. 2

Extract those life events which have impacted most significantly on your life (i.e. those events which scored the highest), and transcribe them into the table below.

Now rank each of these events, where ‘1’ will indicate the single most impactful / most important event/s of your life; 2 will indicate the second most impactful / important event/s of your life, and so on, up to whatever number is applicable.

You may allocate the same rank order to more than one event. In fact, you may consider quite a few different events to be of the same ‘importance’ in terms of the impact that it has had on your life.

03

IdEntIfyIng & RANKING

MOd

ULE

the key events of your life

Negative exPeRieNceS POSitive exPeRieNceS

as before, you need not use this table – you may choose to rather rank your life events on your original lifeline (again, use a different colour ink). Alternatively, continue working on the table you created in Module 02.

tiMeSaveR

from MOD 02 from MOD 02

Use a blank sheet of paper to extend the scoring table if you need more space.



Your life to date has not merely been a series of single, isolated events. Your life evolves in phases, some of which repeat themselves, and sometimes the same phase might actually repeat itself a number of times over. Especially when you are not paying attention.

Insight only comes from true understanding… which in turn is the result of honest introspection.

Reflect on your lifeline (and the subsequent analysis that you have done in the previous steps 1 - 3 ). Identify the different phases of your life. Name each phase – use descriptive names (even sentences) to describe each one. You may find that there are phases that run in tandem with other phases. It may also be that a phase starts and stops… and starts again. Look for instances where a phase seemed to have ended at one time, and then continued at a later stage. Some phases may repeat themselves more than once.

At the same time, ask yourself what the underlying ‘core value’ was that motivated you through a particular experience. Look at this simple example:

• Life event: Came first in your class in Grade 4.

• Negative / positive impact on your life: Very positive impact.

• Core values that motivated you at that time: Achievement and self-confidence or perhaps the need for recognition from an important person in your life.

WHAT HAS LIFE BEEN TRYING TO TEACH YOU?

Refer to the phases of your lifeline, and the descriptive names you allocated to each phase. What lessons might life be trying to teach you? List the obvious ones.

Lessons learnt so far:

04

UNDERSTANDING THE PHASES

MOD

ULE

that have shaped you



As you reflect back on your life, it will become apparent that your “happiness index” (i.e. how happy or unhappy you are at any given time) is influenced by your relationships.

Some of your happiest moments may be related to loving and satisfying relationships in your life at that time (even if the relationship itself was not the primary cause for your happiness).

Recall the happiest periods in your life. When was it? What happened?

What relationships were you in at the times described above? What were these relationships like? Did you give as much as you received? Were the relationships fulfilling for all involved? Perhaps more so for some than for others?

05

HOW YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

MOD

ULE

influence the rest of your life


EPIC INDIVIDUALexcellence in everyday living05M

ODUL

E

Conversely, some of the unhappiest times of your life may have been linked to unstable or destructive relationships, either with others or with yourself.

When was that time? What happened?

With whom was this destructive relationship? What was it like?

Has it stopped? How did it stop?

Insight: You’ve just explored some of the relationships in your life, and their effect on you. Become more conscious of how you invest in those that add value to your life and explore ways to better manage those that detract from the quality of your life.



WHAT DO YOU DO

MOD

ULE

that you don’t like doing?

What do I do: Why do I do it?

Because it will get the job done?

Because someone is manipulating me?

Because of other reasons?

What do I expect in return? How does this make me feel?



What do I do: Why do I do it?

Because I don’t want to be left out?

Because I can’t say “No”?

What do I expect in return? How does this make me feel?

Insight: Everything comes at a price - even when that price is at our own expense. It’s also possible that you (and the other people in your life) may be better off if you stopped doing those things that you do resentfully. Become more aware of these trade-offs and consider taking greater ownership of your actions.

06MOD

ULE



guilt dependence

conformity security

family feuds non-conformity

self-indulgence revenge

physical appearance suspicion

submissive behaviour anger

under-earning independence

over-spending perfectionism

addictions control

jealousy fear

resentment manipulation

materialism power

seeking approval self-doubt

lethargy procrastination

07

YOUR MINDSETS

MOD

ULE

a mirror reflection of your past experiences

Programmed Mindsets

We are, to a large degree, the product of our programming. Through spaced repetition we create new realities, which form our belief systems, that ultimately becomes a part of the foundation for our mindsets and our values. These values direct the decisions we make and drive our actions.

Only when we embark on a conscious process to identify our past programming, and when we rid ourselves of damaging beliefs and negativity, will we finally cease to be the victims of our past. Then, and only then, will we become the creators of our own destiny.

Step 1: Whilst conscious of the insights gained from all of the earlier Modules, do the following: (i) From the list alongside, cross out those mindsets which are not relevant to your life. (ii) From the remaining mindsets, select those which are dominant in your life, and (iii) underline them. Feel free to add to the list!

a PerSonal note from Stef: My desire to better understand the concept of “Self-Actualisation” does not have its roots in any one philosophy, theory or book, and is not based on the views of any one thinker. On the other hand, in spite of learning as much as I can of this vast topic, the truth is that I’ve hardly started to skim the surface! In this section, the work of James Redfield, author of the “Celestine” trilogy, has played a major role in developing my own understanding of this subject, and much of what you are about to experience in this and the upcoming Modules has its roots in his work. I urge you to read his books.



Step 2:

Mark the mindsets that add value to your life with a “+” sign. Now mark those mindsets that hamper your life, and which hold you back, with a “-” sign.

Step 3:

Finally, capture your thoughts and insights about the effects that your dominant mindsets have had on your life. How have these paradigms added to the quality of your life? How have they detracted from it?

From this moment on, become aware of the effect that your mindsets have on your life, and notice the way in which they are related to the things that you perceive as problems.

We’ll pick up on the work you’ve done here when we get to Module 15. In between, we’ll cover a lot of ground that will help you create context on how you can change your mindsets.

07MOD

ULE



This Module has been designed to help you explore how the various domains of your life have been impacted by your past experiences. Look back at the insights that you have gained from earlier Modules, and the lessons that you have learnt so far... chances are that each insight/lesson relates to one (or more) of your life domains. First, look back at the notes you made, titled “Lessons learnt so far...” on page 4 in Module 4 . Now consider the following prompts:

Tip: We will cover the core life domains that are common to all of us, but you may identify as many additional life domains as you wish.

What I’ve learnt so far regarding my family life and relating to my loved ones:

Lessons learnt relating to my friends:

08

RELATING YOUR LIFE LESSONS

MOD

ULE

to the life you lead



ODUL

E

Social lessons I’ve learnt:

Lessons learnt relating to my intellectual development:

Emotional lessons I’ve learnt:



ODUL

E

Lessons learnt relating to my spiritual development:

Lessons learnt relating to my physical life and health:

Lessons learnt relating to my career:



Business lessons I’ve learnt:

Lessons I’ve learnt relating to my finances:

Tip: Remember to identify and then explore other life roles that are important to you.

In Module 4 you started thinking about the life lessons that you’ve learnt so far. Since then, you’ve explored many other aspects of your life.

Reconsider your response in Module 4 , particularly so in light of your notes above. How would you now summarise the following? Try to limit yourself to the space provided.

The most important lessons I have learnt in my life thus far:

08MOD

ULE



ODUL

E

I now realise that...



In this Module you’ll start to create a picture of where your life is at right now (you’ll complete a final snapshot by the time you complete Module 13). For now, complete the unfinished sentences below. Start by reviewing your notes from earlier Modules, and especially the final page of Module 8 on page 15).

I wish I’d...

I wish I’d never...

I wish I could start...

09

GETTING TO GRIPS

MOD

ULE

with your past



I wish I could stop...

I wish I could be...

I’d like to be more...

I’d like less / I’d like to be less...

09MOD

ULE



I’d like to change...

The most important things in my life right now are:

If I could fulfilll the one desire that would make the biggest difference in my life, it would be …

09MOD

ULE



Now step back and consider your responses on the previous pages. Think about the impact that all of this is having on the quality of your life at this time.

Is there anything you’d like to add to your notes on page 15 of Module 8 ? You can make additional notes on page 15, or use the space below.

I now also realise that...

09MOD

ULE



SELF-AWARENESS

MOD

ULE

Self-awareness relates to how well you understand your feelings about yourself and others. Increased self-awareness is achieved through honest self-reflection, feedback from others and an intense need and ability to steer your life in the direction of your choice.

Throughout the earlier sections of this programme, you have introspected and self-assessed rather extensively. How you now translate these insights into transformation is up to you – and this exercise will help you to make sense of what you’ve covered so far. What gives you the greatest joy?

What activity provides you with immense fulfilment?

how well do you know yourself?



ODUL

E

When do you really feel guilty?

What makes you feel doubtful or unsure of yourself?

What comes to mind when you sense a feeling of deep regret in your life?

What about your life makes you feel irritated?



ODUL

E

About what in your life do you feel very passionate?

Think about pure bliss. What comes to mind?

What makes you feel a sense of gratitude?



ODUL

E

Name one incident in the recent past that has made you feel a sense of sadness:

Now look back at your notes on the previous pages of this Module. See if you can give a descriptive name to each of the feelings which you’ve described. (I know that all this talk of “feelings” is a stretch already... and now I’m pushing my luck by getting you to name them on top of it all! But work with me here... it will be worth your while in the long run.)

Simply jot down the name descriptors within the body of your earlier notes (perhaps use a different colour ink).

Here’s why you’re naming your emotions:

• By naming them, you’re forcing yourself to determine what you’re feeling. This leads to understanding.

• When you understand your feelings - any feelings - you are able to express them. This generates tremendous amounts of productive energy.



EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

MOD

ULE

Listed below are a number of negative emotions. Reflect on your life in recent times… the last few days… weeks… months… the last year (you may also benefit from reviewing the work you did in Module 10 ). Think of the times when you last experienced these emotions. Think of the other people that were involved at the time. Try to jot down a date or person’s name or situation next to each emotion. You may discover how much you invest in negative emotions. The next step is to become aware of these emotions as they appear in your life, and then to constructively manage them.

Self-doubt:

Bitterness:

Guilt:

Worry:

Regret:

Fear:

Envy:

Shame:

Unforgiveness:

Anger:

When you invest energy into negative emotions such as resentment, cynicism and the other examples mentioned above, your body has to divert energy from other cells and parts of the body to feed the emotion. YOU are the only one who suffers in the end. You are the one who feels the fatigue and poor health, the mental exhaustion and a general disinterest in matters around you. Investing energy into negative emotions causes a wide range of illnesses ranging from ulcers and headaches, to life threatening conditions. All of which can be avoided!

how well do you know your “inner” self?



ODUL

E

The challenge is not only to be self-aware (that is, aware of your thoughts and your feelings), but to use and manage your self-awareness constructively.

That’s why it’s so important that our relationships are an integral part of our lives. This includes the ability to build and maintain healthy relationships that benefit all concerned. It implies that there are times when you must move beyond your own personal needs, or agenda, and focus on the needs of others. It requires insight into your own motivations, true understanding of other people’s motivations and the ability to manage your own emotions around it. Managing your emotions means an honest acknowledgement of them, a healthy respect and appreciation for them and an ability to communicate them effectively. Managing emotions does not mean avoiding, minimising, exaggerating, acting out etc.

How would you describe your emotional life?

How would the person closest to you describe your emotional life?



ODUL

E

How would your best friend describe your emotional life?

How would your colleagues at work describe your emotional life?

How would random people with whom you have had once-off encounters (like waitrons and front line service staff) describe you after interacting with you? Especially in situations when things don’t go quite your way.



SElf-Image

MOD

UlE

where did yours come from?

Only when you truly understand your self-image and how it was formed, can you start rescripting how you feel about yourself. Remember that what you think of yourself and what others think of you are inter-related: the one feeds off the other.

What input did/do I receive from others, about myself?

What effect has this input had on how I see myself?



ODUl

E

Self-image and your lifeline

Your formative years (2-9 yrs) were only one of the many phases of your life.

although this phase could have had a profound impact on the development of your self-image, each of the other phases have also further moulded who you see when you look in the mirror.

looking at each phase of your lifeline 2 , how has each impacted on your self-image?

Are there single events that stand out to you, in terms of having impacted on your self-image?

Who was involved, and what role did they play?



ODUl

E

The power of self-image Your self-image is the absolute catalyst of your success, or failure. It will also determine the level of this success, or failure. It is impossible to perform consistently in a manner inconsistent with the way we see ourselves. In other words, we usually act in direct response to our self-image. Nothing is more difficult to accomplish than changing outward actions without changing inward feelings. (This demands that we also change our attitudes, mindsets and beliefs - but more about this in later Modules).

The little fellow excitedly pulled a cornstalk out by its roots. When his father congratulated him, he beamed. “And just think,” he said, “the whole world had hold of the other end of it!”

The principle works in reverse, too. How we see ourselves reflects how others see us. If we like ourselves it increases the odds that others will like us. Self-image is the parameter to the construct of our life. We act in response to how we see ourselves. We will never go beyond the boundaries that stake our true feelings about ourselves.

In our attempt to understand the power of self-image, it is as important to know what your current self-concept is.

Describe how you currently see yourself:



ODUl

E

Now describe how you would like to see yourself:



MAKING A DIAGNOSIS

MOD

ULE

what shape are you in?Remember that the Modules of this programme are not intended to stand in isolation from one another. As you progress, constantly think back to what you have already learned about yourself, your relationships and your life thus far and continue to weave these insights into everything that you do as a part of this programme.

Describe your life so far (try to limit yourself to the space provided). This really is a short summary of just about everything you’ve done throughout this programme so far.

Summarise the key events, major experiences and the turning points in your life until now:



ODUL

E

Name the key role players in your life so far... Module 8

Role Player Role

I see that my life until now has been affected by (event, experience or role player)...

I now understand that my past experiences have really been lessons in growth, to prepare me for…

The positive outcomes of the negative events of my life seem to have been...



ODUL

E

What stands out for me is...

The purpose of my life so far seems to have been...

Tell yourself to take the hint! You need to stop stumbling over the same hurdles!

Refer back to your responses at the bottom of page 14 in Module 8 before completing the following.

See if you can add to your earlier insights about what life has been trying to teach you.

A short summary of the most important lessons which I’ve learnt on the journey so far is:



SELF-ACCEPTANCE

MOD

ULE

The most important step anyone can take in life is to accept themselves and those around them unconditionally. This does not suggest that we should not endeavour to change (in which case all of the work which you’ve done throughout the programme would just have been a waste of time!). There are certain aspects, though, which you will not be able to change. You will have to accept them, rather than continually struggling to change them. The purpose of this Module is to help you to let go of what you cannot (or do not wish to) change, so that you can then use the energy for something that you are able to and do intend to change.

People who accept themselves feel good about themselves and are more effective and productive. They usually don’t compare themselves with the achievements of others (meaning that they are free from the “cancer of the soul”, which is envy). People who accept themselves are able to take risks, accept their mistakes and assert themselves fully. They leave the past behind and strive to create new realities.

REFLECTION

Take some time to reflect on everything you’ve discovered so far…

Twice before I’ve asked you to complete the: “I now realise that...” prompt. I really don’t mean to sound like a stuck record here... but I’m trying to help you to dig deeper. Look back at your notes at the conclusion of Modules 8 and 9 respectively, and then see if you can expand on your earlier insights, based on the work you’ve done since then. No worries if you decide to rest your case with what you wrote before.

I realise now that...

the past is past, this is now



This Module really is about more than self-acceptance - it’s about taking responsibility for your life. One of the key turning points in my own life was when first I was confronted with the concept of taking responsibility for my own choices. This insight came from watching W Mitchell’s video “It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it.” The details of his book, under the same title, are listed in the References and Recommended Reading Module at the beginning of this programme.

The video is available from his website www.wmitchell.com, and you can find the book on Amazon. If you read no other book on my reference list, read this one.

Here’s what I took from Mitchell’s message:

• My life is where it is because of the choices I’ve made, or failed to make.

• If I don’t like where my life is, it simply means that I have to make better choices.

• I’m responsible for dealing with what happens to me. Blame just wastes away my life.

Consider looking back at your lifeline 1 - 4 one more time and see if there are perhaps life events that you should “own” rather than “blame” someone or something for. Perhaps you are even blaming life itself. You decide.

I am going to change...

14MOD

ULE



CREATING NEW MINDSETS

MOD

ULE

Step 1:

Revisit the work you did in Module 7 . Consider the mindsets that you had marked as “+” (remember that these were the mindsets that add value to your life). Moving forward, start focusing on how you can build on these life-affirming, positive mindsets to add even greater levels of personal fulfilment, happiness and positivity to your day-to-day existence.

Step 2:

The column on the left contains all of the mindsets that were listed in the previous exercise. Select those which you previously identified as having a hampering effect on your life (those marked with a “–” in Module 7 ). On the right you will find possible positive alternatives for each of the mindsets. Use these to help you identify appropriate replacement paradigms for whatever “negative” mindsets you may have.

Guilt Self-forgiveness

Dependence Interdependence

Conformity Creativity

Security Love

Family feuds True commitment

Non-conformity Shared leadership

Self-indulgence Purpose

Revenge Forgiveness

Physical appearance Intrinsic (ingrained) worth

Suspicion Belief in basic goodness

Submissive behaviour Self-respect

Anger Empowerment

Under earning Earning your worth

for a new future



ODUL

E

Independence Shared vision

Over spending Control

Perfectionism Self-acceptance

Addictions Self-worth

Control Trust

Jealousy Abundance mentality

Fear Zest for life

Resentment Acceptance

Manipulation Empathy

Materialism Deeper meaning

Power Sharing

Seeking approval Self-worth

Self-doubt Self-belief

Lethargy Focus

Procrastination Action oriented

Step 3:

Reflecting back to your work in previous Modules, identify the 3 preoccupations in the left hand column above that were the most instrumental in holding you back in the past. Number these in order of priority from 1 - 3. Now consider how you can you shift these to the positive alternatives listed in the right hand column above. If the suggested alternative does not appeal to you, pick your own alternative - but become conscious of making a shift. You may not be able to make the desired change right now, but jot down any ideas that you may have at this time.

Old Mindset: New Paradigm: Awareness:

1.

2.

3.



This is an extension of the work you did way back in Module 6 . We will also touch on what you did in Module 14 .

What I’d like to do: The effect of not doing it:

How does this make me feel? What is stopping me from doing it?

16

What Would YOU like dOing

Mod

ulE

that you’re not doing right now?



What I’d like to do: The effect of not doing it:

How does this make me feel? What is stopping me from doing it?

16Mod

ulE



GETTING READY

17MOD

ULE

The following five-step process is designed to set the scene for what lies ahead in the rest of the programme.

Step 1: WHO DO I WANt tO Be?

Start by looking back to page 30 in Module 12 , where you described how you would like to see yourself in the future. Let’s now capitalise on what you started exploring back then. (You may also want to look back at your notes from Modules 9 and 16 ). Picture yourself 8 years from now and write a description of a typical day: What will you be doing? Where will you be living? Who will be there - colleagues, life partner, children, parents? How will it feel?

for change



Step 2: WHO AM I NOW?

In this step of the discovery process, we’ll explore your interpersonal style as others see it. You should relentlessly seek the truth about yourself, conscious of the fact that it is sure to be somewhat diluted by the time you get to hear it. One way to get to the truth is to increase your capacity for self-reflection. Another is to keep an extremely open attitude toward critiques. Yet another is to actively seek negative feedback from friends, family, bosses, subordinates and peers (think about the work you did in Module 11 , and what feedback you would get from other people if they were to be brutally honest). It is crucial to identify your areas of weakness. But focusing only on your weaknesses can be dispiriting. That’s why it is just as important to understand your strengths.

We’ll take this one step further in Module 27. For now, consider this: What was the interpersonal/behavioural feedback that you got from friends, family or colleagues during the last month? Again, look back at Module 11 .

The feedback I got was...

17MOD

ULE



ODUL

E

Step 3: HOW DO I Get FROM “HeRe” tO “tHeRe”?

Once you know who you want to be - as you described yourself 8 years from now - and you have compared this picture with how people see you now, you will need to devise an action plan that will transform you into the “other you”. Jot down any ideas you may have on what you can do to make the transformation, based on what we’ve covered so far.

What I can do to set me on my way to becoming the “ultimate me”:



ODUL

E

Step 4: HOW DO I MAKe CHANGe StICK?

In short, making change permanent requires great commitment, a lot of effort and regular practice. The reason lies in the brain. It takes doing and redoing, over and over, to break old neural paths. New behaviour must be rehearsed until it becomes automatic - that is, until it’s mastered at the level of implicit learning. Even so, lasting change doesn’t happen through visualisation and brainpower alone. It demands action (you also need to rescript your beliefs, mindsets and attitudes, but more about this later). Plus, we need a little help from our friends and loved ones around us for continuous positive feedback and support.

Jot down any thoughts you might have on what you can do to improve the way you engage with others, as well as how you can change some of your habits:



ODUL

E

Step 5: WHO CAN HeLp Me AND HOW?

We cannot improve ourselves without help from others. We not only practice with other people but also rely on them to create an environment in which to experiment. We need to get feedback about how our actions affect others and to assess our progress. Our relationships offer us the very context in which we understand our progress and comprehend the usefulness of what changes we’re making.



SUCCeSS defined

SUCCeSS Redefined

PeRSOnALPLAn

PURPOSedefined

STRATeGY

ROLeS

COde Of COndUCT

GOALS

ViSiOn

PASSiOn

ASPiRATiOnS

VALUeS

18

SuCCESS defined

MOD

uLE

How would you define overall success in life? Be specific and think of all of your life-roles. Try to limit yourself to the space provided.

a snapshot of your endgame



sUCCess DeFINeD

sUCCess ReDeFINeD

PeRsoNAlPlAN

PURPoseDeFINeD

sTRATeGY

Roles

CoDe oF CoNDUCT

GoAls

VIsIoN

PAssIoN

AsPIRATIoNs

VAlUes

The diagram below represents YOU as the centre circle, surrounded by the various roles you play in the outer circles.

The outer “satellite” circles represent some of your major roles in life - numbered from 1 through 8. First, identify the most important roles you find yourself in e.g. parent, child, spouse, friend, sibling, employer, employee, teacher or team member. Jot these roles down in the “roles” column on the next page.

Next, rate your performance in each of these roles from 1 to 10 (1 being poor and 10 being excellent). How would you rate yourself?

Example: On a scale from 1 - 10 ask yourself what kind of parent/ friend/ boss you are? Rate yourself in each of your life roles:

19

your lIfE Roles

MoD

ulE

YOU

1

5

2

37

4

8

6

the whole is greater than the sum of its parts



oDul

E

Roles Rating

1. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

2. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

5. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

8. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

A rating of 5 or below suggests that you may want to invest more time and/or energy into that role.

Now rate how you see yourself (as a whole person) on the scale hereunder, where 1 is poor and 10 is excellent.

You may find it interesting that most people do not give themselves an overall 10. Generally people rate themselves (as a whole) lower than the rating they awarded to some of their specific life roles in the above self-assessment.

Rating

Self-assessment 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

If you did not place a ten in the centre circle, you do not have the capacity to be a ten in any of the outer circles - in spite of the rating you gave yourself for each of your roles.

Yet, the potential exists for you to become a ‘10’. You may not yet have reached this ideal - but it’s possible. However, we’re held back by our limiting self-belief: if I believe that I’m only a “seven” human being, I’ll never become a “nine” employee. It is physically, emotionally, and mentally impossible to exceed the rating that you give yourself for “all of you”, in a role that is played by only “part of you”.

Remember: Your beliefs about yourself has a powerful effect on your self-esteem, both positively and negatively.



fInd your PASSION

Mod

uLE

Passion leads to purpose. Learn more about yours by thinking about the following prompts:

What drives you?

What are you “gifted” at?

What are your unique abilities and core competencies?

SUCCESS DEFINED

SUCCESS REDEFINED

PERSONALPLAN

PURPOSEDEFINED

STRATEGY

ROLES

CODE OF CONDUCT

GOALS

VISION

PASSION

ASPIRATIONS

VALUES

what gets you going?



What is the one thing in life you most dislike having to do? Refer back to Module 6 .

What do you believe in?

Where would you most like to focus your energy? Refer back to Module 13 and 16 .

Who are the most important people in your life? Refer back to Module 13 .

20Mod

uLE



Who would you like to spend more time with than anyone else?

Your most important priorities are:

If you could do anything in your life, what would it be? Refer back to Modules 9 and 16 .

20Mod

uLE



Look back at the work you did in Module 10 , and then complete the sentence: I am happy when...

What legacy would you like to leave?

What do you most enjoy?

20Mod

uLE



SUMMARY: When I consider all of the above, I seem to be passionate about…

20Mod

uLE



ODUL

E

WHAT I WANT

To be 17

= beINg

To do 16

= mIssIoN

To HAve 18

= goAl/vIsIoN

FUTURE ASPIRATIONSIt’s a human condition to aspire to being more than you already are.

There’s a caution though: You should guard against your aspirations turning into envy - because envy is the cancer of the soul. Aspirations turn into envy when they end up in a dead-end alley, which happens when you aspire to things without being willing to realise them.

You can prevent this from happening by being realistic about your aspirations and only aspiring to what you are willing to invest yourself in achieving.

Start by jotting down some of your aspirations in the three boxes below:

SUCCESS DEFINED

SUCCESS REDEFINED

PERSONALPLAN

PURPOSEDEFINED

STRATEGY

ROLES

CODE OF CONDUCT

GOALS

VISION

PASSION

ASPIRATIONS

VALUES

what do you want?



PErsonal valuE clarification

22MoD

ulE

STEP 1: Identifying your core values

Each of us has a set of personal values that are deeply embedded in our subconscious (we are not always aware of them). In order to be able to rely on these values as a consistently stable foundation on which to base daily decision-making, you need to consciously identify and define your own particular personal values.

PRINCIPLES

Let’s start by taking a look at principles. Principles are universal rules and act as our governing philosophies. They are permanent. Principles govern our lives. Gravity could be referred to as a principle - you let go of an object and it will fall. Treat people badly and they will not perform at their peak ability. Break down the trust in a relationship and there will be an element of suspicion. These are principles. Therefore, our principles, both as individuals and as an organisation, are those “givens” by which we live our lives.

VaLuES

If we want to accomplish a Vision Statement, we need to live our lives according to the pathway defined by our values. Values, unlike principles, are not fixed. We determine our own values, based on our principles. These values will determine how we behave and take action in any given circumstance. Our values will lead to a code of conduct, which will guide how we act. If your values are out of balance with what you view as success and if that, in turn, is out of sync with your code of conduct, then you will become confused and unable to focus.

DEfININg YouR owN VaLuES

Although values are at the very core of your existence, it may require a considerable amount of introspective reflection before you are able to clearly define what yours are. You may also find that you are not quite comfortable with your values once you have clarified and identified them. This should not worry you because this is all part of the process of self-discovery!

Be critically honest with yourself - regardless of how uncomfortable this may make you feel. It is not necessary to discuss the outcome of your self-examination with anyone, not even your spouse.

But remember that this is a journey - and that this is only the beginning. Along this journey of self-discovery use these worksheets as your point of reference, and expand on them if necessary. Always remember to note the date of the entry when you do your value clarification.

SUccESS DEfinED

SUccESS rEDEfinED

PErSonalPlan

PUrPoSEDEfinED

StratEGY

rolES

coDE of conDUct

GoalS

ViSion

PaSSion

aSPirationS

ValUES



You should define your values for all the areas of your life:

Individual values Values relating to work, loved ones, friends and environment

• Social Interaction • Family

• Physical State of Health and Fitness • Friends

• Mental Development • Career and finances

• Spiritual Development • Community

• Nature

Instructions:

This is a multi-step value clarification process, spanning four Modules. In the first step, we’ll call it “Action1”, you need to identify 20 values that are important to you. Note however that at this early stage you are merely aiming to list 20 of your most important values rather than actually creating a final-version, rank-ordered list of values. Such a prioritised list of your core values will emerge in your future.

By identifying values that are important to you in this step, you will make it easier to narrow down your core values as you proceed along your journey of self-discovery.

The list on the following pages is intended merely as a rough guideline to get you thinking about your own values - but your most valuable insights will come from looking back at your earlier work throughout this programme.

So, before you try to list 20 of your important values, you may want to cash in on some of the hard work which you’ve already done. On a number of occasions you’ve explored domains that will now help you to see more clearly see what you value most. Refer to Modules 9 10 16 17 18 19 20 and 21 .

So you’re not starting with a clean slate! Here is my suggested course of action:

Start by glancing at the list of value descriptors on the following pages just to help you get your thinking going (the list is not intended to be an exhaustive list of personal values, just an aid to kickstart your thinking). Highlight those that really stand out to you as being important. Next, revisit your notes in the Modules which I mentioned above. Whilst doing so, it would be a good idea to jot down values that come to mind.

Use the table provided after the list of value descriptors to write down your 20 most important values. Don’t bog yourself down and don’t stress about the fact that your list may not be one hundred percent accurate. It won’t be. And that’s OK. Because this is just the start of your journey...

22MoD

ulE



Some Personal Values Descriptors

Accountability Co-operation Competence

Accuracy Country and Patriotism Competition

Achievement Courage Confidence

Advancement & promotion Creativity Conformity

Adventure Decisiveness Contribution

Affection Democracy Growth

Ambition Do it right the first time Happiness

Arts Ecological awareness Having a family

Assertiveness Economic security Helping others

Authority Effectiveness Health

Autonomy Efficiency Honesty

Candour Ethical practice Honour

Care Enthusiasm Independence

Challenge Environment Influencing others

Challenging problems Excellence Inner harmony

Change Excitement Innovation

Clarity Expertise Integrity

Close relationships Fairness Intellect

Commitment Fame Intellectual status

Common good Fast living Involvement

Communication Fast paced work Job satisfaction

Community Financial gain Job tranquility

22MoD

ulE



Flexibility Knowledge Status

Freedom Leadership Supervising others

Friendship Learning Team growth & fulfillment

Fun Love Time freedom

Good relationships Loyalty Togetherness

Openness Making a difference Transparency

Order Meaningful work Tranquility

Originality Merit Truth

Patience Mission driven Trust

Peace Nature Understanding

Personal development Natural living Unity

Physical challenge Obedience Using my potential

Physical health Relationships Variety

Perspective Respect Vision

Persistence Responsibility Wealth

Pleasure Prosperity Winning

Privacy Safety Wisdom

Power Security Wonder

Pride Self-Control Working under pressure

Public service Self/Team confidence Working with others

Purpose driven Service Working alone

Purity Stability Worthiness (being worthy)

Recognition Sincerity Worthwhile work

22MoD

ulE



Step 1: 20 of my Most Important Values

a

B

C

D

E

f

g

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

o

P

Q

R

S

T

22MoD

ulE




23MoD

ulE

STEP 2: Prioritising your top 20 values

The following is a fun, and informative Value Alignment exercise aimed at assisting you to identify and assess your core individual values. Once your core values have been identified, you will be able to determine which of these values are aligned and which are out of sync. You can then create an action list on how to bring these values into alignment.

Instructions:

• Gotothediagramonthenextpagelabelled“Action1”.Listthe20valuesfrom“Step1”inModule 22acrossthetopline,intheblocksmarkedA–T.Youcantranscribethevaluesinrandomorder–noneedtosortthematthisstage.The characters A-T are merely being used for numbering – at this time, your values are not yet prioritised.

• Repeatthesevaluesinexactlythesameorder,fromtoptobottomalongtheleftofthetablesothatAontheleftisthesameasAatthetop,andsoon,throughtoT.

• Onceallthevalueshavebeenwrittenacrossthetopandrepeateddowntheleftside,itistimetostartprioritisingyourvaluesbycomparingeachtotheothers.StartwithvalueAontheleftofthediagram,andcompareittovalueBalongthetop-anddecidewhichoneofthesetwovaluesarethemostimportanttoyou.Youhavetochooseone-therecanbeno“ties”.

• Writetheletterofthemostimportantofthetwovalues(eitherAorB)intheblankboxwhereA&Bmeet.(Use“A”and“B”–notthefirstletteroftheactualvalue).

• Workyourwaydowntheleftcolumn,comparingvalueAontheleftwithvaluesC,D,E,throughtoTacrossthetop,sothatyouwouldthenhavecomparedvalueAwitheachoftheothervalues.ThenrepeattheexercisewithvaluesB-Tdowntheleftofthetable,untilyouhavecomparedeachoneofyourvalueswitheachofyourothervalues.

• Movingonto“Action2”,startbytranscribingyour20valuesfrom“Action1”intothefirstcolumn.Again,sticktothesameorder.

• Nowtallyupthenumberoftimesthateachletterappearsin“Action1”,andtransferthetotals

tothe“Total”columninthetablemarked“Action2”.

• Next,rank-orderyour20valuesfrom1to20inthe“`Ranking”columnwhere1isthevaluewiththehighesttotal,and20isthevaluewiththelowesttotal.Intheeventthatyouhavemorethanonevaluewiththesametotal,youwillneedtorank-ordertheseasyougo.(Don’tworryaboutthe“Self-Score”columnatthistime–you’lluseitinthenextstep.)

SUccESS DEfinED

SUccESS rEDEfinED

PErSonalPlan

PUrPoSEDEfinED

StratEGY

rolES

coDE of conDUct

GoalS

ViSion

PaSSion

aSPirationS

ValUES



Action 1:Rankingindividual values in orderofimportance

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

23MoD

ulE



Action 2: Plotting your values

Total from Action 1

Ranking Self-Score from Action 3

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

23MoD

ulE

You need not write your values in the first column of this table–solongasyouarethenhappytoreferbackto“Action1”onpage60.

TIMESAVER




24MoD

ulE

STEP 3: Are you living your values?

• Transferyourlistof20valuesfromtheleft-handcolumnin“Action1”,Module 23acrosstothefirstcolumnonthenextpage,(it’smarked“Action3”).Writetheminthesameorderasbefore–donotyetapplytherank-orderfromthepreviousModule.

• Allocateascorefrom1-10foreachvalue,basedonhowwellyoudemonstratethatvaluethroughyourday-to-dayactions.Thequestionisnot:“Howimportantisthevaluetome?’”anditisalsonot:“HowwelldoIwishthatIwaslivinguptothisvalue?”.Rather,thequestionis:“TowhatextentamIcurrentlydemonstratingthisvalueinmyday-to-daylife–asseenthroughtheeyesofthosepeoplewhomattermosttome?”

• Finally,transferthescoreforeachvaluetothelastcolumnonthescoringtableinModule 23(page61).

SUccESS DEfinED

SUccESS rEDEfinED

PErSonalPlan

PUrPoSEDEfinED

StratEGY

rolES

coDE of conDUct

GoalS

ViSion

PaSSion

aSPirationS

ValUES



Action 3: Scoringthedegreetowhicheachvalueispractised.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

Nev

erpractised

Rarelypractised

Alway

spractised

Prac

tised

oc

casion

ally

Prac

tised

freq

uently

24MoD

ulE

As before, you need not write your values in the first column of this table–solongasyouarethenhappytoreferbackto“Action1”onpage60.

TIMESAVER




25MoD

ulE

STEP 4: Identifying your “Danger Zone”

• UsingthedatafrompreviousModules,youarenowgoingtoplotyour20valuesonadiagnosticmatrix(marked“Action4”)onthenextpage.

• Referbacktothe“Ranking”and“Self-Score”columnsin“Action2”ofModule 23 onpage61.

• Onthematrixonthenextpage,findtheboxwherethescoreaxisandtherankingaxismeetforeachvalue,andwritethenameofthevalueinthebox.

• Finally,returntothispageandjotdownyourthoughtsinthe“Interpretation”’sectionbelow.

INTERPRETATION

SUccESS DEfinED

SUccESS rEDEfinED

PErSonalPlan

PUrPoSEDEfinED

StratEGY

rolES

coDE of conDUct

GoalS

ViSion

PaSSion

aSPirationS

ValUES



oDul

E

SCO

RE

12

34

56

78

910

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

RANKING

DA

NG

ER

ZO

NE

SOM

E A

TTE

NTI

ON

R

EQ

UIR

ED

IN A

LIG

NM

EN

T

NO

ATT

EN

TIO

N

RE

QU

IRE

D

Act

ion

4:



SUCCESS REDEFINED

26MOD

ULE

Just as we each have our own personal values, we also have our own unique aspirations. Only you can define “success”, and only you can decide to what extent you want to live a balanced life. You cannot, however, begin to pursue “success” until you know exactly what it is that you are looking for! Your definition of success should be the sum total of your dreams and aspirations, balanced by your values.

First refer back to your earlier definition of success in Module 18 , then reflect on all that you’ve discovered since penning that definition of success…

Now it’s time for you to redefine what success really means to you.

My real definition of success:

SUCCESS DEFINED

SUCCESS REDEFINED

PERSONALPLAN

PURPOSEDEFINED

STRATEGY

ROLES

CODE OF CONDUCT

GOALS

VISION

PASSION

ASPIRATIONS

VALUES

a “photoshopped” snapshot of your endgame



SUCCeSS defined

SUCCeSS Redefined

PeRSOnALPLAn

PURPOSedefined

STRATeGY

ROLeS

COde Of COndUCT

GOALS

ViSiOn

PASSiOn

ASPiRATiOnS

VALUeS

PurPosE defined

27MoD

uLE

Purpose releases energy. The higher the purpose the greater the energy. Purpose also frees us. Purpose opens up possibilities. Having purpose is like having a map through the jungle.

Discovering your purpose Answer the following questions. Doing so might assist you in clarifying your purpose.

WHo AnD WHAt Do you WAnt to be?

In Module 17 you peeked 8 years ahead. Now imagine that you are nearing your retirement. A number of people are asked to make a speech about you at your send-off. Write down what these people are likely to be saying about you if they were given a dose of truth serum mo-ments before the speech. Now fast forward and imagine that your retirement party is actually today, and that you are listening to them talk about how you’ve lived. Assuming that the truth serum is working, what would they be saying about you?

note: If you’re already older than the time frame described here, then simply create another scenario - like the speeches at your next milestone birthday. Or look at the scenario at the top of page 69.

Spouse/partner:

why are you here?



Your child/ren:

A friend:

A colleague:

Your boss:

Someone who worked for you:

27MoD

uLE



If you’ve been honest with yourself, what you have above is a character sketch of who you really are. Now review their “speeches” and make notes of what you wish to hear them saying... assuming of course that you had lived your ideal life. (A more dramatic version of this exercise is to imagine that these people are actually doing the eulogy at your funeral, rather than just a send-off speech at your retirement.) What do you really want these people to think and say of/about you.

Spouse/partner:

Your children:

A friend:

27MoD

uLE



A colleague:

Your boss:

Someone who worked for you:

What you have above is a good description of the type of person you want to become. It trumps the aspirational self-descriptions which you penned throughout earlier Modules.

Corny as it many sound, the only thing standing between who you are now, and who you want to become, is yourself. Get out of the way.

27MoD

uLE



if you were now standing at the end of your life looking back, what would you like to have or possess most? This is not limited to material possessions. It could include loved ones, friends, awards, achievements and so on.

What would want to have done? Refer back to your notes in Module 16 and 21 .

What would you like to have accomplished? What contribution do you want to have made to others through your life? What kind of difference would you want to have made?

27MoD

uLE



What legacy would you like to leave?

exploring the meaning and purpose of your life.

Back in Module 13 you drew an important conclusion when you completed the sentence: “The purpose of my life so far seems to have been...”. Since then you have peeled back many more layers, and you have envisioned your future.

Now it’s time for you to reconsider your purpose. Perhaps you should consider the thoughts of Victor Frankl, concentration camp survivor and the father of existential psychology, on the subject of Purpose. He suggested that our primary motivational drive is to seek, and find meaning for our lives. And ultimately to find and serve our life purpose.

He believed that one could accomplish this by either committing oneself to a cause greater than yourself, or by surrendering oneself to a person other than yourself.

Between now and when you start Module 28, think about the meaning and purpose of your life. Of course you won’t be able to narrow it down precisely - and that’s OK! Consider yours to be a life in progress! In Module 28, we’ll be taking this one step further.

27MoD

uLE



ENVISION

MOD

ULE

Vision is future based. It inspires because it paints a visual picture of where one is going. Your personal vision statement is your projection into the future. It is a forecast of something special to come. Vision feeds imagination, inspires the heart and attracts others. Our vision reflects our dreams and our hopes. It sustains us during those inevitable trying times that come with choosing to live our purpose.

Define your vision for your future (it could be a sentence, a word, a symbol, a picture etc.)

SUCCESS DEFINED

SUCCESS REDEFINED

PERSONALPLAN

PURPOSEDEFINED

STRATEGY

ROLES

CODE OF CONDUCT

GOALS

VISION

PASSION

ASPIRATIONS

VALUES

the big picture



CLEAR GOALS

29MOD

ULE

Goals: WHaT YoU GET WHEN YoU PUT a DEaDlINE To YoUR asPIRaTIoNs oR FUTURE vIsIoN

Your aspirations and visions will remain on the drawing board of your imagination unless you begin transforming them into goals by defining the dream and setting a deadline for its transformation from the drawing board to reality. Turn your aspirations into goals. A goal needs to be specific, clear and accurate. Determine goals for each area of your life, and don’t forget to continuously add new goals in keeping with your list of aspirations.

Just as the young boy who confidently crossed a large expanse of snow by fixing his eyes upon the oak tree on the other side, so too we need to set goals, by focusing our attention, and never losing sight of the “oak tree” that is rooted on our respective horizons. The primary principle of success is to “SET A GOAL”. You cannot reach a goal that you do not have!

Once you have turned your aspirations into goals, you can begin the process of accomplishing them by formulating an action plan.

Refer back to your aspiration list in Module 21 , and transcribe your aspirations into goals. Also consider your purpose and vision from Modules 27 and 28 and then decide what needs to be done to achieve your ideal future.

a goal needs to be:

• Specific • Clear

• Accurate • Measurable

• Realistic and attainable • Time related

a quick caution: My thinking differs from the popular notion that the attainment of goals brings fulfilment. They don’t. Goals really are just yardsticks with which to measure your progress. But, if you can’t be happy while pursuing them, then realising them won’t change a thing. Your primary drive should be the pursuit of your life purpose.

SUCCESS DEFINED

SUCCESS REDEFINED

PERSONALPLAN

PURPOSEDEFINED

STRATEGY

ROLES

CODE OF CONDUCT

GOALS

VISION

PASSION

ASPIRATIONS

VALUES

your personal scoreboard



My goals action plan & outcome Target dates

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

MY IMMEDIaTE Goals aND acTIoN PlaNs

29MOD

ULE



CODE OF CONDUCT

30MOD

ULE

“Parking off in your comfort zone isn’t for free. It is costing you your dreams.”

Elsa Bester

Without a code of conduct, you cannot possibly win at the game of life. Decide on the price you are willing to pay in exchange for success and happiness. First, clearly define what you are not willing to do, lose or sacrifice in this pursuit. Make all your decisions based on these criteria. It’s OK to change your code of conduct, but never in the face of temptation!

My Personal Code of ConduCt:

What am I not willing to do, lose or sacrifice in the pursuit of my dreams/vision?

What am I willing to do, lose or sacrifice to make my dreams/vision come true?

SUCCESS DEFINED

SUCCESS REDEFINED

PERSONALPLAN

PURPOSEDEFINED

STRATEGY

ROLES

CODE OF CONDUCT

GOALS

VISION

PASSION

ASPIRATIONS

VALUES

doing what’s right for you



YOUR STRATEGY

31MOD

ULE

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, magic and power in it. Begin it now.”

Goethe

In 1986, a group of researchers published a comparative study of Japanese and American mothers. The mothers were asked to rank the most important thing their children needed to succeed academically. The answer speaks volumes about the differences in these two cultures. The mothers in America chose “Ability”. Those in Japan said “Effort”. The mothers in Japan were right!

Be willing to pay the price for what you want.

“Ideas by themselves cannot produce change of being; your effort must go in the right direction, and one must correspond to the other.”

PD Ouspensky & GI Gurdjieff

There are four segments in which we live our lives:

SELF-MASTERY

SUBMISSION

WASTED EFFORT

RELEASING

CAN CONTROL

DO

AC

TD

ON

’T A

CT

CANNOT CONTROL

SUCCESS DEFINED

SUCCESS REDEFINED

PERSONALPLAN

PURPOSEDEFINED

STRATEGY

ROLES

CODE OF CONDUCT

GOALS

VISION

PASSION

ASPIRATIONS

VALUES

a personal gameplan



Let’s take a look at each of the four segments:

SELF-MASTERY

The area where we can control our environment and where we do decide to act is the domain of self-mastery. Here we learn through our lessons. We learn to be better people and we develop wisdom. Remember though, wisdom comes from living and not from learning. It makes sense then that we want to spend more time and energy in the self-mastery-zone.

Which areas of your life can you control and act on?

WASTED EFFORT

This is the area in which we are unable to control what happens, but yet we continue to take action. This is wasted effort. It’s like running on a treadmill. We expend a lot of energy, but we don’t get ahead. We keep on doing the same things whilst expecting different results! That’s sheer lunacy! The wasted effort zone is the domain of the A-type personality; the heart attack and stroke victim.

If you live in this zone you ought to focus urgently on developing an understanding of the forces that impact on you, but which are out of your control. This is essential so that you can stop wasting your effort on those things which you cannot change.

In which areas of your life are you applying wasted effort?

31MOD

ULE



SUBMISSION

This is the domain in which we are able to take control, although we don’t take action. This is giving up. This is the “loser” quadrant where we just don’t fight back. This is where we have the ability to take charge, but for some reason we decide not to. The submission-zone is the “roll over and play dead” zone. This is suicide! We need to stay out of this zone at all costs!

In which areas of your life are you giving up?

RELEASING

This is the zone that we cannot control, and also do not take action. This is the area of letting go of those things over which you do not have any control. Letting go is the highest level of self-mastery. Here we realise what is outside of our reach and we learn to let it go and rather focus on the things that we can control.

What do you need to let go of?

31MOD

ULE



Areas that I CAN control: Do act on Do not act on

The two zones you want to live in are:

• Self-mastery• Releasing

Yet, almost paradoxically we first have to become more aware of the wasted effort-zone and the submission-zone, so that we can then shift our attention to the important zones.

In the first column, list the areas of your life that you can control. Then tick wether you do or do not presently take action in these domains.

Starting now, take action in those domains where previously you have not been taking action.

SELF-MASTERY STRATEGY PLAN

31MOD

ULE



YOUR ATTITUDE & BELIEFS

MOD

ULE

Live beyond your past

Your governing attitude has been moulded and shaped throughout all of your life.

as with the shaping of your self-image, each phase of your lifeline has left you with a specific mindset - all of which, together, determine your governing attitude.

Now go back to the work that you did in Modules 7 and 15 , and remind yourself of your past mindsets, as well as your aspirational mindsets. Consider how your past mindsets have governed your attitude, and the impact that your aspirational mindsets will have on your life into the future. Also, try to develop new insights about your current governing mindsets and attitude.

Attitude really is everything. Well, almost. After months of work, it is time for one of the big moments of this programme… maybe a big moment in your life overall… perhaps even a defining one…

If you have not yet done so before today, it is time for you to acknowledge that the quality of your life is largely determined by your attitude. Sure, most people know this. But most know it only at an intellectual level. Few understand it at an emotional level. And it’s time you do. That’s what this Module is about. (I acknowledge though that - as has been the case with much of the content of this programme - a lot of people knew this long before hearing it from me.)

it’s a popuLar MotivationaL Mantra that you choose your own attitude.

I agree. And, from your own past experience, so too should you. But you will also agree then that the result is short-lived.

Because you don’t just get to “choose an attitude” at a whim. You do so over time. A long time. Since when you first developed consciousness. And, when you decide to change it, again, it takes time. And effort. Loads of it.

Why? Because governing attitude, driven by your mind-set, does not exist in isolation. It is founded, and firmly so, on your beliefs. These beliefs sit at the very core of your being.

SUCCESS DEFINED

SUCCESS REDEFINED

PERSONALPLAN

PURPOSEDEFINED

STRATEGY

ROLES

CODE OF CONDUCT

GOALS

VISION

PASSION

ASPIRATIONS

VALUES

and how they determine the life you live



Your mindset (or mindsets), and, as a result your attitude, are mere mirror reflections of these beliefs. If you want to change your attitude, you need to change your mindsets (we explored this in Modules 7 and 15 ) and your beliefs. If you do, it will, quite literally, change your life. And that’s not motivational hype. But it’s a process, not an event. And you’ve got to really want to. Because challenging your core beliefs may just turn out to be one of the most challenging things you’ll ever do. After all, you are your beliefs. So, questioning this goes to your innermost being. Now for the good news: we’re already some way down this path. Because we’ve surreptitiously been exploring your beliefs since the early stages of this programme.

Now it’s time for you to put a spotlight on them, and to name them. Let’s begin… First, review your lifeline. But now with the benefit of illumination from all of the other work that you’ve done (specifically in Modules 7 and 15 ). Can you identify any of your beliefs? Can you name them? Now think back to the work you’ve done in more recent Modules. You envisioned who you want to become, what you want to do, and have, and you thought about the legacy you want to leave. But here’s the thing: your beliefs not only define who you are. They are also the boundaries for who you can become. If you want to be more than you already are, you will first need to change at least some of your beliefs. Don’t want to change your beliefs? No worries. But then also accept that you can’t be more than you are right now. No more happy. No more successful. No more content. It follows then that if you want to attain all of your aspirations, you will need to change all of your beliefs. (Personally, I think that changing all of your beliefs will demand super-human power.)

Let’s agree that in order to achieve, and sustain any personal change or transformation you need to challenge (and probably change) at least some of your beliefs. Once you decide which ones you are willing to change, you can then review your aspirations to “fit” with what changes you are willing to make.

Do you remember that I earlier mentioned that “dead-end” aspirations (those that you aspire to, but do not have the potential to fulfil) may turn to envy? And that envy is the cancer of the soul? Well, if you have aspirations that are beyond the reach of any limiting beliefs that you hold, and if you can’t or do not want to change those beliefs, best then that you let go of the aspiration. Or you will just be miserable. Make sense?

32MOD

ULE



This also means that you may have to review some of your values, your vision, and possibly even rethink your purpose. And you may need to review your 5-Goal summary at the end of Module 29 . You may, rightly, be thinking: “Stef! Dude! Why didn’t you come up with this belief thing in Module 1 already? Because, Stef, if you had, then everything I’ve done so far would have been aligned from the get-go!” Simple. Because, beliefs are just that. Beliefs. And they are so strongly embedded in our being that it’s not easy for us to think outside of our belief framework. In the absence of ample, compelling evidence, most of us just do not have the capacity to confront our beliefs head-on. And so I elected to help you gather your own evidence, gradually, as you made your way through earlier Modules. Hopefully, enough of it by now to make a compelling case for you to challenge, head-on, some of your core beliefs. Also consider this: Your “truth” is not “the truth”. It’s only your truth. If it is not serving you well, challenge it. And if necessary, change it.

It’s time for you to try to crystallise your core beliefs. Your beliefs about yourself. About other people, relationships, roles and entitlement. About what other people “owe” you, what you “owe” them in return. Beliefs about why your life is where it is (which, by the way is because of choices you made or choices you failed to make - no more, no less).

I know it’s not easy. In fact, this might be one of the toughest things you’ve done in a while. But you want to change, don’t you? And you won’t if you don’t.

Jot down some of your core beliefs here. If possible, name them. Try to limit it to 10.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

32MOD

ULE



We (hopefully) already agree that some of these beliefs will not allow you to be more, have more and do more than you already are, have and do. Now frame them so that they will allow you to achieve and then sustain the future you want. Phrase them in the present tense and say them as if they are already true.

what i choose to beLieve GoinG Forward

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

This takes us as far as I know how. I don’t have a formula for helping you to change your beliefs. I’m struggling to reframe my own. Speaking for myself, I believe that the quality of my life depends almost entirely on my beliefs. I also believe that the extent of my emotional freedom is determined by my ability to challenge, and where necessary, to reframe those beliefs that are holding me back. It’s hard. But worth it. Because if I don’t, then nothing changes.

I choose not to believe in the use of “affirmations” as a vehicle for creating new realities (here I’m referring specifically to the ritual of repeating self-affirming phrases out loud). Rather, I do my best to be conscious of my self-limiting beliefs and their negative impact on my life. I remind myself as often as I can of the fact that I can change my reality if I change my beliefs. And gradually over time, change does happen.

Personally, I choose to believe that doing nothing is not an option. But you need to decide for yourself whether or not any of your own beliefs are holding you back; whether you want to do something about it; and if so, then what.

32MOD

ULE



a partinG word

So, in the very end I let you down by not leaving you with a step-by-step solution for reframing your beliefs. Perhaps this is the best of all outcomes: for you to know what needs to be done, but leaving it up to you to figure out this last, critical step of the journey for yourself.

I have something else to leave you with though. Maybe even way more valuable than had I connected the last of the dots for you.

It’s a philosophy for you to live by. One that I learnt from the Ovambo tribe in Namibia...

In their tradition, when someone wants something - be it a better life, better relationships, whatever - they typically go to the elders for counsel.

First, they share what they want to accomplish. Then the elders offer whatever advice and suggestions they have. Finally, and without fail, the elders will add:

“Tjiyetau Ombaze.”

Loosely translated, it means: “Go to it”.

Here’s what I know for sure: there is a better way of living. A better way of being. We can do more, be more, have more. Give more, and leave more behind.

but you have to live by the code: Live in the moment, without fear of the future or regret of the past. Realise that you can’t do it alone. Know that your beliefs create your reality, and do something about those that are holding you back. Stop blaming. Take responsibility for your actions. Choose your own path. Stop living by accident. Live on purpose. And stop waiting for “it” to come to you. It won’t. You have to go to it.

The elders are saying that if you want to lead a life of significance, one that you can be proud of, then start by doing all the things that you already know to do.

Then commit fully. Set out with resolute determination, and “Go to it”. Go now!

Thanks for allowing me to share the start of this journey with you.

P.S. “Tjiyetau Ombaze” is from my book African Wisdom for Everyday Living. It’s available direct from my offices.

32MOD

ULE

Documents

PERSONAL EXCELLENCE TOOLKITtoolkit.epic-hub.com/uploads/files/resource library/self mastery resources/self_mastery...make-up, nature, psyche, temper, temperament, traits, and so on