Part1_reading and Grammar

7/31/2019 Part1_reading and Grammar

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Part IReading and grammar

Section 1Randy

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. Hewas hoping he could get a special rooster, one that would service all of his many hens, and when hetold this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is thehorniest rooster you will ever see!

So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though,he gave Randy a little pep talk. Randy, he said, I'm counting on you to do your stuff. And


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without a word Randy strutted into the henhouse.Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much

squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. ButRandy didn't stop there, he went into the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at thesame frantic pace. Then he went to the pighouse, where he did the same.

The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, Stop, Randy, you'll kill yourself.

But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His

legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard wasalready circling above Randy.

The farmer walked up to Randy saying, Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've goneand killed yourself. I warned you, my little buddy.

Shhhhh! Randy whispered. The buzzard's getting closer.

Study the words and expressions given below:to service ;. .-. , , rooster vendor

horny ;. , pep stuff. , strut , furious to mount squawk , feathersfrantic , , buzzard buddy he wanted to have his hens serviced , (have sth done

. , - -. )to set sb loose -., -. to give sb a little talk -.to count on sb -.there was much squawking to have one's way with -.to finish having -.in the same manner , to roll back ()

to get closer

Exercises to the text

1. Answer the questions to the text:1. Why did the farmer go to the market?2. What sort of a rooster did he want to have?3. What did the farmer tell Randy before setting him loose?4. Where did Randy go after he had finished his way with the hens?5. What was the farmer afraid of?6. What did the farmer think when he saw Randy lying on the lawn?

7. What do you think Randy would do after he had finished with the buzzard? Don't you thinkthe farmer is in danger?


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2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. A farmer wanted to have his hens _______.2. He was hoping he could get a _______ rooster.3. Before setting him _______, he gave him a little talk.4. He mounted all the horses at the same _______ pace.5. In the pighouse he did _______.

6. His legs were _______ in the air, his eyes rolled_______.7. A buzzard was already _______ above Randy.8. The buzzard's _______ closer.

3.Say if the statement is true or false:1. A farmer wanted to have his pigs serviced.2. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see.3. So the farmer took Randy to the farm.4. Before setting him loose, he had a long talk with Randy.5. Having finished his way with each hen, Randy stopped.6. The farmer, watching all of this, cried out, O.K., Randy, carry on!

7. A buzzard was circling above Randy.

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:1. .2. .3. , .4. , .5. .6. .

7. .8. , . .

Revise English Grammar


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, ,

, : () farmer wanted to have his ( ) hens serviced, so he went to the( ) market looking for a rooster

,

( 1).

6. Insert articles where necessary:1. _______ farmer wanted to have his _______ hens serviced, so he went to _______ market

looking for _______ rooster.2. He wanted to find _______ very good rooster to service all his _______ hens, and when he

told this to _______ market vendor, man answered. I've just _______ rooster for you.3. "Randy here iisgreatest roosteryou might have ever seen!"' 4. So farmer tookRandy back to

the farm.7. Render the joke.

Section 2The Burglar

A burglar had broken into a house late at night, in total darkness. He was working his waythrough the house making no noise when he heard a voice. He stopped and listened for a while andheard nothing. He continued his journey through the rooms looking for the one with all thegoodies when he heard a voice again. This time he could faintly understand it. The voice said, Isee you and Jesus sees you.

This made the burglar just freeze, and he waited to see what would happen. Nothing, theburglar heard nothing for some time and resumed his search. Just then he heard the voice again,much louder this time, it said, I see you and Jesus sees you. This was puzzling to the burglar andhe was about equally curious and scared, so he began working his way toward the voice. He enteredanother room and a voice in the room said, I see you and Jesus sees you.

This scared the hell out of the burglar, and he just stood there motionless for about fiveminutes and heard no further noises. He then felt around and found a light switch and turned it on.There was a large bird cage with a parrot sitting in it. The parrot looked at the burglar and said, Isee you and Jesus sees you. The burglar just grinned and went to work filling his bag and left thelight in the room on. He had his bag about half full when he turned to look at the parrot again, this

time he noticed that a Doberman Pincher was lying under the table that the bird cage was on. Theparrot stared at the burglar and then said, Sick him, Jesus.

Study the words and expressions given below:burglar total ; "goodies " faint to freeze , to resume , search

to puzzle equal curious


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to scare motionless switch parrot to grin , for a while

to break into to work one's way through (toward) ()to scare the hell out of sb to have sth about half full -. to feel around Sick him! ! / !


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. What did the burglar hear when he was working his way through the house?

2. What room was he looking for?3. What did the voice say?4. What did the burglar feel around for?5. Who was sitting in the cage?6. Who was lying under the table that the bird cage was on?7. What do you think happened to the burglar after the parrot had ordered the Pincher to do

his stuff?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. He waited to see what ______ happen.2. The burglar heard nothing and ______ his search.3. This was ______ to the burglar and he was about ______ curious and scared.4. He began ______ his way toward the voice.5. This scared ______ out of the burglar.6. He ______ around and found ______ and turned it on.7. The parrot looked at the burglar and said, I see you and ______ sees you.

3. Match the two parts of each sentence:



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5. Translate from Russian into English:1. , .2. .3. .4. .5. .6. .7. .


The burglar stood motionless for about five minutes and heard no furthernoises minutes noises . -s minute noise .

goodies , goody, , . ?

( . , 2, . 240).

6. Put the words from the text into Plural form and read them according to the rules:

burglarhell

journeybirdhouse


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minuteroomcagenightnoisetime

parrotwaylightsearch

bagvoiceswitch

puzzletable7. Render the joke.

Section 3Dead Dog

A woman goes to the vet. She says, Doctor, I think there's something wrong with my dog.He hasn't moved all day.

The vet examines the dog and says, I'm sorry. I'm afraid your dog is dead.Dead! How can he be dead? He was just fine yesterday. Are you sure he's dead? Isn't there

some other test you can run?The vet leaves and returns in a moment with a pet carrying case. He opens the case and a

large cat emerges. The cat plods over to the dog and sniffs around its head. It then circles the dog,sniffing and poking around. After a minute or two the cat returns to its cage.

Well, says the vet, that pretty much proves it. He's dead.I guess you're right, says the woman. She is coming to grips with what happened. At least

you did your best. How much do I owe you?$230.$230?! For what? All you did was tell me my dog was dead. What did you do that costs

$230?Well it's $30 for the office visit, says the vet, and $200 for the cat scan.

Study the words and expressions given below:vet. .veterinary

to emerge , to plod , to sniff , to poke ; ()


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grip ; , -.to guess to owe to scan , to run a test that pretty much proves it.

to come to grips with sth , to do one's best , office visit ;. ()cat scan at least


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. What does the woman think about her dog?2. What did the vet return with?

3. In what way did the cat perform his test?4. How much did the doctor think the woman owed him?5. How much was the cat scan?2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. How can he _______ dead?2. Isn't there some other test you can _______?3. The vet _______ and returns with a case, and a largecat.4. The cat _______ around the dog's head.5. After a minute or _______ the cat returns.6. I _______ you're right.7. At _______ I did my best.8. How much do I _______ you?9. All you did was perform a cat _______.3.Say if the statements are false or true:1. The dog hasn't moved all week.2. The vet says, I'm sorry. I'm afraid your dog is ill.3. He was just fine yesterday.4. The vet leaves and never returns.5. He opens the case and a large cat emerges.6. After a minute or two the vet returns to its cage.

7. How much do I owe you? $530.4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:


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5. Translate from Russian into English:1. , , - .2. .3. .4. , ?5. , ?6. , .7. .8. , 230 ?24

6. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword. The hidden words arepositioned both horizontally and vertically, as well as on diagonals:


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1. (r) , 2. (f) , 3. () , 4. (m) , 5. (s), 6. (f) , 7. (s) , 8. (f) , 9. (r) ,10. ( ) .


A woman goes to the vet; Doctor, I think there's something wrong with mydog ;

hasn't moved all day ; She is coming to grips with what happened

.

, ( ; 3).

7.Fill in the blanks with appropriate Present forms of the verbs given in brackets:1. The woman (to visit)the vet every other day .2. The dog (not to move)since yesterday .3. The vet (to examine)the dog at the moment.4. (to be)my dog dead?5. What test you (to run)now ?6. "I (to leave)at the moment, and will returnin a minute," said the vet.

7. "What you (to carry)in this case ?" askedthe woman.8. I (to open)this case every morning.9. You (ever to see)such a cat before ?10. No, I (never to see)such a cat in all my life .11. What he (to sniff)around at present?12. Why he (to circle)my dog?13. How much I (to owe)you ?


, , , :

.


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, ; 3.

8.Make general questions to the sentences given below:1. A woman goes to the vet.2. There's something wrong with my dog.

3. He hasn't moved all day.4. I'm afraid your dog is dead.5. The vet leaves and returns in a moment.6. He opens the case.7. A large cat is emerging.8. The cat is plodding over to the dog.

9.Make as many special questions as you can to the sentences given below: 1. The dog hasn't moved all day.2. The vet leaves and returns in a moment.3. After a minute or two the cat returns to its cage.

10.Render the joke.

Section 4The Parrot And The Magician

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be differenteach week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began tounderstand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middleof the show.

Look, it's not the same hat.Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table.Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in

the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and

another and another.After a week the parrot said. OK, I give up. Where's the boat?

Study the words and expressions given below:magician cruise to stare to allow oneself over and over again to start shouting the Ace of Spades. to utter a word to give up


1. Answer the questions to the text:


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1. What sort of a ship the magician was working on?2. What did the magician allow himself to do each week?3. What did the captain's parrot begin to understand?4. What did he shout in the middle of the show?5. Why couldn't the magician do anything?6. Where did the magician find himself after the ship had sunk?

7. Why did the parrot give up?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. The ______ would be different each week.2. The magician allowed himself to do ______ tricks.3. Once the parrot understood he started ______.4. Look, he is ______ the flowers.5. The magician was ______ but couldn't do anything.6. One day the ship had an ______ and sank.7. They ______ at each other with hate.



5. Translate from Russian into English:1. .2. , .


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3. , .4. , .5. , .6. , .7. , .


A magician was working on a cruise ship The magician allowed himselfto do the same tricks over and over again .

Where did the magician find himself after the ship had sunk? .

( ; 4).

6. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs:1. When the magician worked on a cruise ship he (to allow) _______ himself to do one and

the same trick over and over again.2. The magician (to hide) _______ the flowers under the table while he was doing his tricks.3. There (to be) _______ only one problem yesterday.4. There (to be) _______ three problems yesterday.5. As soon as the captain (to see) _______ the show he started shouting at the magician.6. He (to shout) _______ all day long.7. After the ship (to sink) _______ the magician found himself on a log of wood.8. When a week (to pass) _______ , the parrot (to say) _______ that he was giving up.

7. Make as many special questions to the sentences given as possible: 1. A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.2. The captain's parrot began to understand how the magician did every trick.3. He started shouting in the middle of the show.4. He is hiding the flowers under the table.5. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot.

8. Render the joke.

Section 5

Parrots


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One lady approaches a priest and tells him, Father, I have a problem. I have these two

talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.What do they say? the priest asked."They only know how to say 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' "That's terrible! the priest exclaimed. But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your

parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I have taughtto pray and read the Bible. Then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible

phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship.Oh, thank you, Father! said the lady.So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male

parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrotsin with the male talking parrots, and the female parrots say, Hi, we are prostitutes! Do you want tohave some fun? One male parrot looks over to the other and says, Put the Bible away! Our

prayers have been answered!

Study the words and expressions given below:

to approach female male Hi! !prostitute to exclaim solution to pray ()to worship the Bible rosary beads to have some fun to stop saying our prayers have been answered


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. How many things do the lady's parrots know how to say?2. What do they call themselves?3. Who offered help to the lady?

4. What has the priest taught his parrots to do?5. What does the priest think his parrots will teach the lady's ones to do?6. What do the male parrots hold?7. What have the male parrots been actually begging the Lord for?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. That's _______ !2. I have a _______ to your problem.3. _______ your parrots over to my house.4. I have _______ my parrots to pray and read the Bible.5. The lady _______ her female parrots to the priest's house.

6. The male parrots are _______ rosary beads.7. Do you want _______ some fun?8. One male parrot looks _______ to the other and says, Put the Bible away.


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3. Say if the statement is true or false:1. I have twenty-three talking female parrots.2. "They only know how to say 'Hi, we are insurance agents. Do you want to have some fun?'

"3. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase.

4. Your female parrots will learn to play.5. The lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house.6. The priest's two male parrots are holding a party in their cage.7. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots.4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:1. : , .

2. , !3. ! .4. .5. .6. .


I will put them with my two male talking parrots, and my parrots will teachyour parrots to stop saying that phrase .

( ; 5).

6. Fill in the blanks with appropriate Future forms of the verbs given in brackets, where

necessary:1. The lady (to visit) _______ the priest next Tuesday.2. These parrots never (to say) _______ such things again.3. The priest's two male talking parrots (to pray and read the Bible) _______ from six till

seven tomorrow.4. My parrots (to teach) _______ your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase.5. They (to teach) _______ them to pray and worship by next Sunday.

6. I will solve your problem, the priest said, if you (to bring) _______ your parrots over tomy house.

7. Tell me, when you (to bring) _______ your parrots.


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7.Make as many special questions to the sentences given as possible:1. I will buy these two talking female parrots.2. But I will have a solution to your problem.3. I will put them with my two male talking parrots.4. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase.

5. Your female parrots will learn to pray and worship.

8.Insert articles where necessary:1. One lady approaches _______ priest.2. Father, I have _______ problem.3. I have these two _______ talking female parrots.4. "What do they say? _______ priest asked.5. Do you want to have some _______ fun?6. I have _______ solution to your problem.7. Thank you, _______ Father!8. The priest's two male _______ parrots are holding rosary beads.

9. Render the joke.

Section 6Two bulls

There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time

of year to satisfy the local female population, and young George was pretty excited.Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there? asked George.George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined up at the feed trough so we

can have our way with the ladies in a nice orderly fashion, said Sam.Okay, I can do that, George answered.Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Sam said, and George was

all excited to go down there, but Sam had a few more instructions.Now, George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end, and you can start at the

other. We'll meet in the middle, said Sam.OK, OK, let's go! said George.Hang on, George! One more important thing to remember. These gals will let us have our

way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK? said Sam.Sure, says George.Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at one end and Sam at the


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other. George is pretty excited, but he remembers Sam's instructions about being polite, so as he isgoing along he makes sure to say, Thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thankyou ma'am, thank you ma'am, sorry Sam, thank you ma'am


bull

to satisfy local population heifer to relax to line up ()feed trough gal girl ma'am.madam pretty excited. here is how it works

in a nice orderly fashion ; feeding time Hang on!. !a few more is gonna., is going tothis is gonna work to show respect () Sure! ! / !to make sure ,


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. How many bulls were there?2. What were their names?3. Why was George pretty excited?4. Where did he want to go and why?5. Why did Sam suggest that they wait until the heifers were lined up at the feed trough?6. Where did Sam and George plan to meet?7. Did they meet?8. Wasn't Sam a real gentleman?

9. Wasn't George a gentleman, either?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. There were two bulls, a young _______ named George and an old _______ named Sam.2. It was that time of year _______ the local female population.3. Young George was _______ excited.4. George, _______.5. We'll wait _______ they're lined up at the feed trough.6. Feeding time came and all the heifers were _______ up.7. Now, George, here is how this is _______ work.8. One more important thing _______.

9. He remembers Sam's instructions about _______ polite.



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5. Translate from Russian into English:1. .2. .3. .4. .5. .6. , . .7. .


There were two bulls It was that time of year , there it, to be.

, ( . ; 6).

6. Fill in the blanks:1. How many bulls (was, were) _______ there on the farm?

2. (It, There) _______ was that time of year when bulls were pretty excited.3. (It, There) _______ was the heifers that were lined up at the feed trough.4. There (was, were) _______ a bull and some heifers there.


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5. (There, It) _______ is one more important thing to remember.6. (There, It) _______ was spring and the bulls were pretty excited.7. (There, It) _______ was George who well remembered Sam's instructions about being

polite.

7. Put the verbs in brackets into appropriate forms:

1. Two bulls (to want) _______ to satisfy all the local female population last year.2. Sam (to go) _______ down to those heifers over there yesterday.3. We (to wait) _______ until they're lined up at the feed trough.4. We (to have) _______ our way with the ladies in a nice orderly fashion in five minutes.5. Feeding time (just to come) _______. Line up!6. Sam (to start) _______ at one end, and George started at the other.7. We (to meet) _______ very soon. You'll have to wait a little.8. Are you (to show) _______ respect to these ladies?

8. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:

1. (p ) , 2. (t ) , 3. (s ) , 4. (r ) , 5.(f ) , 6. (r.. ) , 7. (f) , 8. () , 9. (), 10. () .

9. Render the joke.

Section 7Pig farm

A farmer got a good deal on a dozen pigs at an auction. When he got them home he realizedthey were all females so he talked to his neighbor to see if he could bring his girl pigs over to meetwith his boy pigs so this man could get some babies. The neighbor agreed and so the farmer loadedthe girl pigs in his truck to visit the neighbor's pigs.

That night he went back to pick them up and he asked his neighbor, How will I know if theyare going to have little pigs? The neighbor said that they would start acting real different and thathe could just tell. So next morning he went and checked his pigs and they were just acting normalso he took them back to the neighbor's again. Next morning same thing no change so he took them

back.Next morning he was sitting at the table and he said to his wife, Honey, look out the window

and see if the pigs are acting different. She looked out the window and said, Well, I don't know


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how different you mean but eleven of them are in the back of the truck and one is behind the wheelhonking the horn!!!

Study the words and expressions given below:auction to realize

to load truck to check honey ;. wheel ;. , to honk , horn ;. to get a good deal on sth. -.to get sth home. , -. to start acting real different. next morning.the next morning

to be just acting normal. same thing no change. neighbor's (, )to look out the window. to look out of the windowback of the truck.


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. How many pigs did the farmer get at the auction?2. What did he realize when he got home?3. What did he speak with his neighbor about?4. How did he get the pigs to the neighbor's farm?5. How could the farmer get to know if his girl pigs were going to have babies?6. How were the pigs acting after the farmer had brought them from his neighbor's for the first

time?7. How were they acting when the farmer's wife saw them out of the window?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. A farmer got a good _______ on a dozen pigs.2. When he got them home he _______ they were all females.

3. He wanted to bring his girl pigs _______ to the neighbor's boy pigs _______ they could getsome baby pigs.4. The farmer _______ the girl pigs in his truck.5. That night he went back _______ them up.6. They would start acting real_______ .7. Next morning he went and _______ his pigs.

3. Say if the statements are true or false:1. A farmer got a good deal on a hundred dozen pigs at an auction.2. When he got them home he realized they were all females.3. The neighbor agreed and so the farmer loaded the boy pigs in his truck.

4. The neighbor said that they wouldn't act real different.5. Next morning he was sitting at the table and he asked his wife if the pigs were acting

different.


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6. One of them is in the back of the truck and eleven are behind the wheel honking the horn.


5. Translate from Russian into English:1. , ,

.2. , .3. , .4. , ?5. , , .6. , .


The neighbor said that they would start acting real different So nextmorning they were just acting normal .

:

The neighbor said that they would really start acting differentlySo next morning they were just acting normally,

, . .,

/ ( . ; 7).

6.Fill in the blanks choosing the appropriate variant of the words in brackets:1. What you say about your boy pigs sounds really (good, well) _______.2. The neighbor (happy, happily) _______ agreed andso the farmer (quick, quickly) _______ loaded his pigs in the truck.3. Honey, look out the window and see if the pigs are acting (different, differently) _______.

4. Eleven of them are in the back of the truck and one is behind the wheel honking the hornrather (loud, loudly) _______.

5. The farmer could (hard, hardly) _______ get his girl pigs home so (happy, happily)


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1. Answer the questions to the text:1. Where was the husband sitting?2. What did he worry about?3. Guess how he had managed to keep his socks as well as his feet away from his would-be

wife while they were dating?4. Where was the wife sitting?5. How long would it take the man to learn everything about his wife's breath, she thought?6. Why did the man think that his wife had eaten his socks?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. A young couple _______ on their honeymoon.2. How can I tell my wife that my socks _______ stink?3. I've _______ to keep it from her while we were dating.4. I've been very _______ to keep it from him.5. He's _______ to find out.

6. How do I tell him _______?7. Darling, I've a _______ to make.8. So have I, _______.




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5. Translate from Russian into English:1. .2. .3. , .4. ?5. .6. , .

7. , .


A young couple were on their honeymoon , , , .

. (8).

6. Choose the appropriate form of the verb:1. The husband, as well as his wife, (was, were) _______ in the hotel.2. It (was, were) _______ the young couple who rented the apartment.3. Both the husband and the wife (was, were) _______ bound to find it out.4. Everyone in the house (know, knows) _______ that they have left.5. Both (was, were) _______ afraid to confess their secrets to each other.6. A pair of his socks (was, were) _______ lying on the table.7. Neither my wife nor her relatives (know, knows) _______ that my feet stink.8. The number of married couples in our hotel (is, are) _______ growing.9. Honeymoon Jokes (is, are) _______ the most funny section of the book.


And she says, So have I, love


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. .

, ( 9).

7. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms. Follow the directions given:Model:

1. We were on our honeymoon. (They so): So were they.2. The husband wasn't sitting in the bathroom. (I neither): Neither was I.

1. I've got really smelly feet. (they too)2. My socks absolutely stink. (mine also)3. I didn't manage to keep it from her. (we either)4. We weren't dating. (they neither)5. I've been very lucky to keep it from him. (she so)6. The husband has finally plucked up enough courage. (I so)7. He hadn't walked into the bedroom. (she either)8. He won't walk over to the bed. (I neither)

9. He didn't put his arm around her neck. (I either)10. He moves his face very close to hers. (I too)11. I've a confession to make. (she so)

8. Insert articles where necessary:1. The husband was sitting in _______ bathroom on edge of the bathtub.2. I've got really smell _______ feet and my socks absolutely stink.3. I've managed to keep it from _______ her while we were dating.4. The wife was sitting in _______ bed.5. How do I tell my _______ husband that I've got really badbreath?6. The husband plucks up enoug _______ hcourage.7. He walks into _______ bedroom.8. He puts his arm around her _______ neck.

9.Render the joke.

Section 9Wedding night practical jokes

A couple was planning on getting married. Seeing how they didn't have much money to go ona honeymoon, they decided to just go back to their new apartment after the wedding.

The groom had three close friends, that were prone to committing practical jokes. One being acarpenter, the other an ordinary guy, and the third a dentist.They all decided to pull practical jokes on their newly married friends. The carpenter decided

he would cut the slats in the bed so that when they climbed into bed, the bed would collapse. Theordinary guy decided to short-sheet the bed, so that when they got into it their feet wouldn't reachthe bottom. The dentist chuckled and wouldn't tell anyone what he planned to do.

A week later the three friends all received letters in the mail.Dear friends, we didn't mind the fact that when we got into bed, the bed collapsed, or the guy

that short-sheeted it, but I'm gonna kill the bastard that put the novacaine in the vaseline!


groom to commit , carpenter


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ordinary guy dentist slat to collapse , bottom

to chuckle to mind , - bastard novacaine vaseline to plan on doing sth -.to be prone to doing sth -.close friend practical joke to pull a joke on sb -.newly married

to short-sheet


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. Why did the couple decide to just go back to their new apartment after the wedding?2. What were the groom's close friends prone to committing?3. What were they?4. How did the carpenter decide to make fun of the newly married couple?5. What did the ordinary guy decide to do?6. Why didn't the dentist say what he was going to do?7. How long did it take the newly married couple to write letters to their friends?8. What was the young husband going to do with the dentist?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. A couple was planning on _______ married.2. They decided to _______ go back to their new apartment.3. The groom had three _______ friends.4. They were prone to _______ practical jokes.5. They decided to _______ a practical joke on their friends.6. The carpenter decided he _______ cut the slats.

7. The bed would _______.8. Their feet didn't _______ the bottom.

3. Say if the sentences are true of false:1. They decided to just go to Italy after the wedding.2. The groom had three close friends.3. The carpenter decided he would put the novacaine in the vaseline.4. The ordinary guy decided to short-sheet the bed.5. The dentist chuckled and told he would pull the bride's teeth out.6. A week later the three friends all received telegrams.



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5. Translate from Russian into English:1. .2. .3. .4. , .5. , .6. !

Revise English grammar

The carpenter decided he would cut the slats -- . would.

The dentist chuckledand wouldn't tell anyone what he planned to do

, , ( 10, 11).

6. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs:1. As the young couple didn't have much money to go on a honeymoon, they decided that

they (to go back) _______ to their new apartment after the wedding.

2. The groom's close friends thought that they (to act) _______ wisely if they (to commit)_______ some practical jokes on their newly married friends.

3. The carpenter decided he (to cut) _______ the slats.4. They thought that when the couple (to climb) _______ into bed, the bed (to collapse)

_______.5. The ordinary guy decided to short-sheet the bed, so that their feet (not to reach) _______

the bottom.6. The dentist chuckled and (not to tell) _______ anyone what he planned to do.



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concerned, Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, Ohhh God! He told me

he'd been saving up for 75 years and I thought he meant his money!!

Study the words and expressions given below:bride

feeble , healthy vivacious , bannister concern , whatever , to wrestle , alligator to groan save up to mean

to be all abuzz.to buzz , lo and behold. ! !step by step , to hang onto (on to) sth , -.for dear life ()


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. Why was the hotel all abuzz?2. How old were the groom and the bride?3. What did the groom look like?4. In what manner did the bride come down the next morning?5. What did the clerk at the counter ask the bride?6. How long had the groom been saving up?7. What had he been saving up?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. The hotel was all abuzz _______ the wedding.2. The groom looked _______ feeble.3. The _______ was that the wedding night might kill him.

4. _______ next morning, the bride came down the main staircase.5. She _______ managed to get to the counter.6. The clerk looked _______ concerned.7. You _______ like you've been wrestling an alligator.

3. Match the two parts of the sentences:


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5. Translate from Russian into English:1. .2. .3. , ! ,

.4. .5. , .


You look like you've been wrestling an alligator He told me he'd been


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saving up for 75 years , .

, , ( 12).

6.Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs:

1. A small tourist hotel (to wait) _______ for the newly married since early in the morning.2. They (to come) _______ to the conclusion about their age only after a long discussion.3. The bride (to prepare) _______ for the wedding night for about two hours, and when she

was ready, the groom (already to fall) _______ asleep.4. She (to wrestle) _______ with this alligator since midnight.5. I've (to save up) _______ money in the bank for twenty five years, and I (already to save

up) _______ about ten bucks.

7.Render the joke.

Section 11

After the wedding night

A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlywedsdo, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom butfinds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the

bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the firsttime to his bride where she sees all of him well.

Her eyes went up and down and at about midway they stopped and stared, and she askedshyly, What's THAT?, pointing to a small part of his anatomy. He, also being shy, thought for aminute and then said, Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night.

And she, in amazement, asked, Is that all we have left?

Study the words and expressions given below:to celebrate newlyweds to expose , midway shy anatomy ;. amazement all night long

to ask sb to please do sth. -. -.


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. How did the young couple celebrate their first night together?2. What couldn't the groom find when he emerged from the shower?3. What did he ask his bride for?4. Who and what did she see when she opened the door of the bathroom?5. Do you think she could control the movement ofher eyes?6. Judging by the way the bride reacted to her husband's appearance in the bath, could you

guess where she had been brought up?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:


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1. They _______ their first night together.2. What do _______ all night long?3. The groom goes into the bathroom but finds _______ there.4. He asks the bride to _______ a towel.5. He is _______ his body for the first time.6. Her eyes went up and down and _______ midway they stopped.

7. She asked _______, What's THAT?

3. Say if the statements are true or false:1. A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together.2. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no bath there.3. He asks the bride to please bring a towel from the bedroom.4. He opened the door, exposing his body for the first time.5. Her eyes went down, and down, and down.6. Well, that's what we had so little fun with last night.


5. Translate from Russian into English:1. , .2. , .3. .4. , .

5. .6. , ?


said, Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night And sheasked, Is that all we have left? , .

, ( 13).

6. Transform the Direct Speech into Indirect:1. I asked her, When were you married?2. He said, We celebrated our first night together.


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3. They are doing what newlyweds always do, he whispered.4. I will go into the bathroom, said the groom.5. Please, bring a towel from the bedroom, he asked her.6. Where are you? she asked.7. Why are you staring at me in such a way? he asked.8. Well, that is what we had so much fun with last night, he answered.

9. And she asked in despair, Is that all we have left?

7.Put the verbs into proper forms:1. When the young couple were getting married, they (to decide) _______ they (to celebrate)

_______ their first night together.2. He said that he (to go) _______ to the bathroom in the morning.3. Morning came and the groom (to go) _______ into the bathroom but (to find) _______ no

towel there.4. When she got to the bathroom door, he (already to open) _______ it from inside.5. She said that was all that they (to leave) _______.

8.Render the joke.

Section 12The groom's childhood diseases

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the firsttime.

He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. What happenedto your feet? his wife asked.

I had a childhood disease called tolio.Don't you mean polio?No, tolio, it only affects the toes.He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees. What happened to

your knees? she asked.Well, I also had kneesles.Don't you mean measles?No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said, Don't tell me, you also had

smallcox!


toe to twist to discolor disease polio. to affect to remove. to reveal awful knee measles

shorts , to gasp , smallpox


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smallcox , smallpox cock ,

to get undressed awful looking. awfully looking


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. What were the newlyweds doing for the first time?2. What did the groom's toes look like?3. How did he explain the condition of his feet?4. What was wrong with his knees and how did he account for this fact?5. When he removed his shorts, what disease did his wife suspect he might have had?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. Two newlyweds _______ their honeymoon.

2. His toes were _______ twisted and discolored.3. What _______ to your feet?4. I had a _______ disease called tolio.5. It only _______ the toes.6. He _______ his pants and _______ a pair of knees.



5. Translate from Russian into English:1. .


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2. ?3. .4. .5. .6. : ,

.


His toes were all twisted and discolored .

, ( 14).

6. Put the verbs in brackets into Passive:1. Two newlyweds (to invite) _______ to their friend's house to spend the honeymoon there

last year.

2. Just you wait! The shoes (to take off) _______ in a moment.3. The socks (to dry) _______ at present.4. My toes (to twist) _______ because of the disease I had in childhood.5. At last the pants (to remove) _______.6. His knees definitely (to affect) _______ by polio.

7.Transform the Direct Speech into Indirect:1. His wife asked, What happened to your feet?2. He said to her, I had a childhood disease called tolio.3. She said, Do you mean polio?4. She asked, What happened to your knees?5. He said, I also had kneesles.6. She said, Are you having anything now?7. He said, It only affects the knees.8. She asked, Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!


1. (t) , 2. (d) , 3. (r) , , 4. (r ) , 5.


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( ) , 6. (h ) , 7. (w ) , 8. (g ) , 9. (b ) , 10.() .

9. Render the joke.

Section 13

A couple at the zoo

It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are visiting the local zoo. She'swearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless, with straps.

As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorillabegins to go ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and two feet), grunts, andpounds his chest with his free hand. The gorilla is obviously excited at seeing the pretty lady in the

pink dress.The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow by

puckering her lips, wiggling her bottom play along.She does, and Mr Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall.She does, and Mr Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down! The husband then suggests that

she try lifting her dress up her thighs. This drives the poor gorilla absolutely crazy.Then quickly the husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the cage, flings her in with the

gorilla and says, Now tell HIM you have a headache.


to wear ()cute , loose to fit ( )loose-fitting pink sleeveless strap , exhibit , exhibit

gorilla bars to grunt ,


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to pound chest ; obviously to notice excitement to suggest

to tease poor fellow to pucker (), () to lift thigh to drive , crazy , to grab , to rip ; to fling ,

to wiggle one's bottom to go ape to play along to wake the dead to tear the bars down to drive sb crazy -.


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. What sort of a dress was the wife wearing?2. How did the gorilla start to behave when the couple was passing its cage?3. What was the ape excited by?4. What did the husband suggest that his wife do when he noticed the gorilla's excitement?5. What did the husband suggest she do with the straps of her dress?6. What drove the poor gorilla absolutely crazy?7. Do you think the wife had really had many headaches?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. A man and his wife are visiting the _______ zoo.2. She's wearing a cute, _______ dress.

3. They walk through the _______ exhibit.4. The gorilla is _______ excited at seeing the lady.5. The man suggests that his wife _______ the poor fellow.6. Then the husband suggests that she _______ one of her straps fall.7. This drives the gorilla absolutely _______.

3. Say if the statements are true or false:1. As they pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla falls asleep.2. The gorilla is obviously excited at seeing the pretty lady in the pink dress.3. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.4. Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would kill the alive.

5. This drives the poor gorilla away.6. The husband grabs the gorilla, rips open the door to the cage, and flings her in with the

wife.


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5. Translate from Russian into English:1. , , .2. .3. .4. .5. , .6. .7. .


that (The husband suggests that his wife tease the poorfellow, Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall The husband thensuggests that she try lifting her dress up her thighs) , .

, .

( 15).

6. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs:1. The man insisted that his wife (to wear) _______ a cute, loose-fitting dress.2. It is imperative that we (to walk) _______ through the ape exhibit.3. The husband proposed that his wife (to tease) _______ the poor fellow.4. Then the husband urged her wife (to let) _______ one of her straps fall.5. It is necessary (to tear) _______ the bars down.6. It is important that you (to lift) _______ your dress up your thighs.7. It was a recommendation that you (to grab) _______ your wife and (to fling) _______ her

into the cage.



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Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall She let the straps fall.

, , ( 16).

7. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs:

1. I want you (to visit) _______ the local zoo.2. I expect you (to wear) _______ this cute dress.3. Don't make him (to go) _______ ape.4. I saw him (to jump) _______ up on the bars.5. They heard the gorilla (to grunt) _______ and pound his chest with his free hand.6. I watched her (to wiggle) _______ her bottom.7. The husband noticed the ape (to be excited) _______, and wanted his wife (to tease)

_______ the poor fellow even more.

8.Transform the sentences into Passive:1. A man and his wife are visiting the local zoo.

2. He pounds his chest with his free hand.3. The pretty lady in the pink dress obviously excited the gorilla.4. The noises would wake the dead.5. Gorilla is tearing the bars down.6. She has lifted her dress up her thighs.7. This drives the poor gorilla absolutely crazy.8. The husband grabs his wife and flings her in with the gorilla.

9.Render the joke.

Section 14Before you get married

Honey, said a husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper. What? Are youcrazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel likecooking a fancy meal! I know all that.

Then why did you invite a friend for supper? Because the poor fool is thinking aboutgetting married.

Study the words and expressions given below:a mess ,

fancy , meal , a fancy meal fool I don't feel like cooking


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. Who did the husbund invite for supper?2. What does the wife think about their house?

3. What meal is she supposed to cook for her husband's friend?4. What will happen when the friend comes to their home?


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2. .3. (On, to come) (to go, shop).4. (to be fond of, to wash dishes) .5. (to finish, to work) .6. (to stop, to eat) .7. .

8. (to be fond of, shop).9. , , .

7. Render the joke.

Section 15Coming home late at night

A guy is real drunk and gets home real late. Trying to avoid the little woman, he parks a blockaway from his home. He takes off his shoes as he walks up the stairs, careful not to make a noise.He quietly opens the door and tiptoes into the room, when BAM!!! he gets hit by a frying

panTelling the story to a friend the next day at the local watering hole, his best friend sadly

shakes his head and says, Boy, you are inert! Now here's how I do it. When I get drunk I goborrow my bud's Harley and go screamin' up and down my block a couple of times a hootin' and ahollerin'. I take the Harley rat up on the porch and then start screamin' and a cuss-in'. I slam openthe door and scream, 'Tim the man of the house and I want some sex rat now! And you knowwhat's amazin'??? My wife is always asleep!!!"

Study the words and expressions given below:to avoid to park ()block to tiptoe tip () toe ( ) to fry pan frying pan hole sad inert ,. to borrow bud

Harley -screamin'.screaming , a hootin'. hooting a hollerin'. howling ratpa. right porch a cussin'. cursing to slam (); ()amazin'pa. amazing ; a block away ( )to get hit

local watering hole (. , )

to shake one's head


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to get drunk a couple of times slam open the door


1.Answer the questions to the text:1. When did the guy get home?2. Why did he park a block away from home?3. What did he do not to make a noise on the stairs?4. What did he get hit by?5. Who did he tell this story the next day?6. What were they doing in the watering hole?7. Who does his friend borrow a Harley from?8. In what way does he drive the Harley?9. Where does he take the bike?10. What does he scream when he enteres the door?

11. Why is his wife always asleep?

2.Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. Trying to _______ the little woman, he parks a block away.2. He takes off his shoes, _______ not to make a noise.3. He quietly opens the door and _______ into the room.4. He gets hit by a _______ pan.5. He tells the story to a friend at the local _______ hole.6. His best friend _______ shakes his head.7. I go _______ my bud's Harley.8. I take the Harley rat up on the _______.

3. Say if the statements are true or false:1. A guy is real drunk and gets home real late.2. Trying to avoid the little woman, he parks quite near his home.3. He quietly opens the door and tiptoes into the room.4. When I get drunk I go borrow my bud's F-16 and go screamin' up and down my block a

couple of times.5. I take the Harley rat up on the porch.6. I slam open the door and scream, I'm the man of the house.7. My wife is always away.



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5. Translate from Russian into English:1. , .

2. .3. .4. .5. .6. .7. .8. .


, ,

, . , . .

, , . , .

1. Trying to avoid the little woman, he parks a block away from his home2. Telling the story to a friend the next day at the local watering hole, his best friend sadly

shakes his head, (

; 18).

6. Transform the sentenses according to the rules when necessary:1. Having got drunk, the guy came home real late.2. Trying to avoid the little woman, his car is left a block away from his home.3. Walking up the stairs, he tries his best not to make a noise.4. Opening quietly the door and tiptoeing into the room, his wife hits him by a frying pan.5. Telling the story to a friend the next day at the local watering hole, his best friend sadly

shakes his head.6. Taking the Harley rat up on the porch, I start screamin' and a cussin'.7. Slamming open the door and screamin', his wife is always asleep.



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1. () , 2. (t) , 3. (b) , 4. (1 ) , 5.(m ) , 6. ( ) , 7. ( ) , 8. (f ) , 9. ( ), 10. (s ) .

8. Render the joke.

Section 16Control of your wife

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them were talking about the amount ofcontrol they had over their wives, while the third remained quiet.

After a while one of the first two turned to the third and said, Well, what about you? Whatsort of control do you have over your wife?

The third fellow says, I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands andknees.

The first two guys were amazed. Wow! What happened then? they asked.The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from

under the bed and fight like a man!' "


control , pub , amount ,


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to remain swallow (, , )healthy swallow beer to sigh to utter

to fight , Get out! ! !after a while what sort of? ? ?the other night


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. How many guys were there in the pub?2. What did they drink there?

3. What were two of them talking about?4. What question was the third guy asked?5. In what way had the third guy's wife come to him one of the nights?6. What did she say to her husband?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. Two of the guys are talking about the _______ of control they had over their wives.2. The third guy _______ quiet.3. After a _______ one of the first two guys turned to the third one.4. What _______ of control do you have over your wife?5. Just the _______ night my wife came to me.6. The first two guys were _______ .7. The third man took a healthy _______ of his beer.




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2. ?3. .4. .5. , ?

6. .7. ?


Get out from under the bed! , . get , . . ( 19).

6.Read the text one more time and substitute the word to get for any verb that seems to

have about the same meaning.

7.Render the joke.

Section 17Prospective church members

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wantedto join a church.

The pastor said, We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from

having sex for two weeks.The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly

couple and asked, Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?The old man replied, No problem at all, Pastor.Congratulations! Welcome to the church! said the pastor.The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, Well, were you able to abstain from

sex for the two weeks?The man replied, The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the

couch for a couple of nights but yes we made it.Congratulations! Welcome to the church! said the pastor.The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, Well, were you able to abstain from

sex for the two weeks?No, Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks, the young man replied

sadly.


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What happened? inquired the pastor.My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over

to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church, stated the

pastor.We know, said the young man, we're not welcome at the local supermarket anymore

either.

Study the words and expressions given below:elderly , to join (-.), pastor , requirements ( to require)parishioner ( parish)to abstain to reply couch

to reach (for) ( -.)can corn top ; to bend (over) ( -.)lust advantage to state to join a church to be able , No problem at all! !to go without sex Congratulations! !Welcome! !to be welcome , (-.)to pick sth up -.to be overcome with sth (-.)to take advantage of her right there


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. How many couples wanted to join the church and how old were they?2. What special requirements did the couples have to meet if they wanted to join the church?3. Who did the pastor go to first when the couples returned after the two weeks' trial period?4. Why was it easy for an elderly couple to be admitted to church?5. How did the middle-aged husband cope with the problem?6. What was wrong with the can of corn?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. Two couples wanted _______ a church.

2. We have special _______ for new parishioners.3. You must _______ from having sex.4. No problem _______, Pastor.


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5. _______ to the church!6. I had to sleep on the couch for _______ of nights.7. We were not _______ to go without sex.8. My wife was _______ for a can of corn.

3. Say if the sentences are true or false:

1. Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couplewanted to join the army.

2. We have special requirements for new parishioners.3. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.4. The couples didn't agree and never came back.5. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights.6. I was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it.7. We're not welcome at the local zoo anymore either.


5. Translate from Russian into English:1. .2. .3. .4. , !5. ! !6. .7. .8.

.9. .


You must abstain from having sex for two weeks; Were you able to abstainfrom sexfor the two weeks? I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but (must, to be able, to have to).

; ( 20).

6.Translate from Russian into English using modal verbs and their substitutes:1. .2. , .


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to respond it was time to do sth () -.living arrangements and so on broach the subject


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. When did the elderly couple decide it was time for them to marry?2. What sort of conversation did they embark on before the wedding?3. What did they discuss?4. What subject did the old man decide to raise in the end?5. How often would his partner like to make love?6. Taking into account the old guy's age, would he prefer in- to stand for a prefix or for a

preposition?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. An elderly couple had been _______ for some time.2. Before the wedding they _______ on a long conversation.3. They discussed _______, living arrangements and so on.4. Finally the old man decided _______ the subject of sex.5. Oh, I like to have it _______ .6. Was that _______ word or two?

3. Say if the statements are true or false:1. An elderly couple had been living together for some time, and decided it was finally time to

divorce.2. Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding how their marriage

might work.3. They discussed government policy and finances.4. Finally the old lady decided it was time to broach the subject of their connubial

relationship.5. Oh, I like to have it in frequently.6. The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, Was that one word or two?



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5. Translate from Russian into English:1. , .2. , .3. .4. , .

5. ?


.

( . ; 21).

6. Insert prepositions where necessary:1. An elderly couple had been dating _______ some time.

2. They had been meeting _______ May _______ December.3. Before the wedding they met _______ the restaurant, and _______ dinner they embarked

_______ a long conversation.4. They spoke _______ their living arrangements and the way they would spend their

honeymoon.5. She wanted to go _______ Naples, while he insisted staying _______ the USA.6. He took the bottle _______ champagne which stood him _______ the dinner table and

poured some wine _______ her glass.7. The old man decided to discuss the subject _______ their connubial relations.8. She flung the wine _______ his face saying, What do you take me?

7. Translate from Russian into English using modal verbs:1. .2. .3. , .4. ?5. ?6. , .7. ?8. , .

8. Insert articles where necessary:1. They had been dating for some _______ time and decided it was finally time to marry.2. Before _______ wedding they embarked on _______ long conversation.3. They discussed how their _______ marriage might work.4. They discussed _______ finances.5. Finally _______ old man decided to broach _______ subject of their connubial

relationship.6. How do you feel about _______ sex?



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1. (f) , 2. () , 3. (r) , 4. ( ) , 5. ( ), 6. (w ) , 7. ( ) , 8. ( ) , 9. (b ), 10. (f ) .

10. Render the joke.

Section 19Two additions to the periodic table of elements

* Element Name: WOMANIUM* Symbol: WO* Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)

* Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze anytime. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

* Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold,silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts ofexotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

* Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probablythe most powerful income reducing agent known.

* Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!* Element Name: MANIUM* Symbol: XY* Atomic Weight: (180 +/ 50)

* Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairlydense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable toconduct electricity as easily as young samples.

* Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO (WOMANIUM) any chance it can get.Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element:CHILDIUM) for prolonged period of time.

* Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.* Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce

large quantities on command.* Caution: In the absence of WO (WOMANIUM), this element rapidly decomposes and

begins to smell.

Study the words and expressions given below:element


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2.Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. Generall _______ yand round.2. Melts when _______ properly.3. Violent when _______ alone.4. Able to absorb great _______ of exotic food.5. Turns slightly green when _______ next to a better specimen.

6. Probably the most powerful incomeagent _______ agent known.7. Highly explosive in _______ hands!



5. Translate from Russian into English:


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Study the words and expressions given below:to chat act ; unselfish , generosity

bill bum next-door to start out five whole dollars.


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. Who was the woman chatting with?2. Why did she feel so good that day?

3. What sort of act did she commit?4. How much did she give to a bum?5. What did the neighbor think about this act of generosity?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. A woman was chatting with her _______ neighbor.2. I started _______ this morning with an act of generosity.3. I gave a bum five _______ dollars.4. That's _______ of money to give away.5. He thought it was the _______ thing to do.

3. Say if the statement is true or false:1. A woman was chatting with her husband.2. I started out this morning with an act of murder.3. That's a lot of money to just give away.4. What did your neighbor say about it?5. Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do.


5. Translate from Russian into English:1. .

2. .3. , .4. , .


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5. : .


unselfish .

: de-, dis-, im-, in-, un-.

6. .

, :

moralizemobilefamefrequentchargecompose

comfortmortalmatureablearrange

balancedpatientgeneratecodecertainadvantage

probableappropriateclosecourageaudiblecapablecompressfamiliarcolordecision

consciousdomoraldependentexpected

believeloadableformeffective

7. Render the joke.

Section 21


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75Th wedding anniversary

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, Dear, there is something that I must askyou. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.

Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have

ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all away. But I must know, did he have adifferent father?

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she pauses for moment andthen confesses.

Yes. Yes, he did.The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he

had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks, Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage

to tell the truth to her husband.Then, finally, she says, You.

Study the words and expressions given below:elegant , anniversary to lean ( -.)forward soft ; to bother tenth to assure wonderful experience , to drop , to pause to shake , reality to admit to hit , hard , to expect tear to muster )

I could have ever hoped for ( ) - the rest of , to drop one's head to muster the courage


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. How many years have the couple been living together?2. What had always bothered the old man?3. What did he think about their marriage in general?

4. What did he want to know for sure?5. Why did the woman drop her head unable to look into her husband's eye?6. How many children of the family had a different father?


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2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. A very elderly _______ is having.2. The old man leans _______ to his wife.3. It has always _______ me.4. Our tenth child never looked like _______ of our children.

5. I want to _______ you this has been the most wonderful experience.6. The wife _______ her head, unable to look up.7. The old man is very _______.8. With a _______ in his eye he asks, Who?



5. Translate from Russian into English:1. 75- .2. , -, .3. , -

.4. ( ).


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1. ( ) , 2. (b ) , 3. (s ) , , 4. (p ) ,, 5. (p ) , 6. (w ) , , 7. (d ) , 8. (s ), 9. (d) , , 10. (i) .

9. Render the joke.

Section 22The mistress

A married couple was enjoying a dinner out when a statuesque brunette walked over to theirtable, exchanged warm greetings with the husband, and walked off.

Who was that? the wife demanded.If you must know, the husband replied, that was my mistress.Your mistress? That's it! I want a divorce! the wife fumed.The husband looked her straight in the eye and said, Are you sure you want to give up our

big house in the suburbs, your Mercedes, your furs, your jewelry, and our vacation home inMexico?

For a long time they continued dining in silence. Finally, the woman nudged her husband andsaid, Isn't that Howard over there? Who's he with?

That's HIS mistress, her husband replied.Oh, she said, taking a bite of dessert. Ours is much cuter.

Study the words and expressions given below:to enjoy , statuesque , brunette to exchange warm greetings to demand ; mistress divorce to fume. , straight to give up , Mercedes


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within shoulder to kiss passionately afterwards , speechless ,

disbelief to scratch , to be at sb's throat. -. to jump in. to open the floor for discussion on the other hand (on the one hand )to talk 90 miles an hour 90 last straw at least


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. What was the couple's marriage filled with?2. What did they think to be the only way to save their relationships?3. What did the counselor do when they arrived at the office?4. Why did the husband hold his face down?5. How fast did the wife speak?6. How did the wife act after the counselor had kissed her?7. How often did the wife have to visit the counselor's office?


1. These years were filled with _______ arguments.2. They decided that _______ way to save their marriage was to _______ counseling.3. They had been at each other's _______ for some time.4. They felt that this was their _______ straw.5. When they arrived at the office, the counselor _______ right in and opened the floor for

discussion.6. What _______ to be the problem?7. The husband held his long face down _______ anything to say.



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1. What were the guys talking about?2. Why did they think the upcoming wedding ridiculous?3. What name for a wedding of this sort do they have in the family?4. Was the boss a good football player?


1. Two guys are talking about their boss's _______.2. It's _______, he's 93 years old.3. What _______ of a wedding is that?4. What do you _______ it?5. The girl's waiting for him to _______!



5. Translate from Russian into English:1. 26 !2. .3. .


The other other another, the other,others. ( 28).

6.Fill in the blanks with missing words; follow the directions given in brackets:1. He has divorced recently, and he just wants to get himself () _______ wife.2. All () _______ wives that he has had were also much younger than he was.3. ( ) _______ wedding, and he will really kick off.

4. Two guys turned up at the wedding; one was the bestman, () _______ was hisfriend.

5. About half a hundred people invited to the wedding managed to get into the church;


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7. Render the joke.

Section 27How much to marry us?

Tom wished his wife were more attractive, but she wasn't. To tell the truth, he was no oil-painting, either.

After the ceremony, Tom asked the minister how much the cost was.Just give me what you think it is worth to have this lady for your wife, replied the minister.Tom looked at his wife, and handed the minister $50. The minister looked at Tom's wife and

gave him $42 change.

Study the words and expressions given below: wishattractive oil ; to paint ;

painting oil-painting ;. ceremony minister cost , to hand , change , what it is worth to have (sth) (-.)to tell the truth


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. How did Tom's wife look?2. Was he much different?3. What did he ask the minister about after the ceremony was over?4. How did the minister estimate the cost of the wedding?5. Why were Tom's numbers different?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. Tom's wife wasn't very _______.

2. He was no, either _______.3. How much is the _______ of the ceremony?4. Give me what it is _______ to have this lady for your wife.5. Tom _______ the minister $50.6. The minister gave him $42.



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5. Translate from Russian into English:1. , .2. , , , .3. ?4. 50 .5. 42 .


Tom wished his wife were more attractive , .

, ( 30,).

6. Translate from Russian into English:1. , .2. .3. , .4. , .5. 42 .6. , .7. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:


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5. The laundry is being folded by Mary herself.

8.Render the joke.

Section 29We fight so much

Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds.

Why don't you just leave him then? asked her friend.Oh! I'd rather not, the first replied. Not yet. I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds

first.

Study the words and expressions given below:yuppette yuppie (a young urban professional) -

(ette )upset ,

pound seems like all we do anymore is fight , , ,

I'd rather not


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. What is a yuppie?2. What were the yuppies doing?3. Who's Alfred?4. What are Alfred and his girl doing all the time?5. What's the advantage of this way of life?

2.Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. Two Yuppettes were _______.2. They started to discuss their _______ lives.3. Seems _______ all we do anymore is fight.4. I've _______ 20 pounds.5. Why don't you _______ leave him?6. I'd _______ not.




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the table and his wife pouring coffee.How did you get down so fast? he asked. We were just making love!Oh my God, his wife gasped. That's my mother up there! She came over early and had

complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for a while.Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom.Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say anything?

The mother-in-law huffed, I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasn't aboutto start now!

Study the words and expressions given below:shift. sheet to pull to pull over ( -.)asleep to deny , to crawl ,

to proceed to hurry to startle , , to complain of sth ( -.)headache downstairs ; ; to rush upstairs ; ; mother-in-law , to huff

jerk night shift fast asleep not to be denied for a while to be about to do sth -.


1. Answer the questions to the text:1. Where did the man return from?

2. Why did he proceed to make love to the lady without saying a single word?3. What was he startled at when he got downstairs?4. Why did the wife gasp?5. What was wrong with her mother?6. Why didn't the mother-in-law say a single word while being made love to?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:1. The man went _______ to the bedroom.2. He found his wife _______ asleep.3. The horny husband _______ under the sheet.4. He hurried _______ for something to eat.

5. How did you get down so _______?6. She came over early and had _______ of having a headache.7. I can't _______ this happened.


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Documents

Part1_reading and Grammar