Parenting from a

DistanceDr. Carl Ruby

Vice President for Student Life

Parenting from a Distance

• Upcoming events and times to visit• Changes to Anticipate• Talking about Academics• Staying connected• Advice from a dad who cries during Hallmark

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Events and Visits• Give them a few weeks to get settled.

• Don’t worry about THE PHONE CALL.• Check the college calendar for events that

interest you.• Fall Break – October 13-16, 2011• Parents’ Weekend – November 4 & 5, 2011• Lil’Sibs – February 10 & 11, 2012

Lets talk about change….• Healthy families change.

– College is a developmental crisis for both students and parents.– Help them find safe ways to prove that they are not you.

• Expect change...anticipate the first visit home.– They will sleep for 20 hours straight….and then go see their friends!– Discuss/negotiate your expectations.

• Maintain their bedroom as long as you can.• Enjoy the opportunity for you to change too.

• Intellectual and Interpersonal Competence• Ability to Manage Emotions• Autonomy/Less Dependent on Parents• Clearer Sense of Who They Are• Stronger and Deeper Relationships• Clearer Vocational Direction• Deeper Moral Commitments

Seven Areas Where

College Students Change

“So, how are your classes going?Talking about Academics

• Eighty percent of freshmen are unsure of their major.

• Over 50% will change their major.• Some will change their major several times.• “Ultimately, your major is your decision, but if

you are going to change your major we would like to talk to you.”

• Suggest things for them to consider.• Suggest that they talk to Career

Services.

“So, how are your classes going?Talking about Academics

• FERPA – Family Education Rights and Privacy Act– Families have a right to access to grade

reports, transcripts, and disciplinary records.

– Rights transfer to the student when he or she enrolls in a post secondary institution.

• Freshman Forgiveness (Repeating Courses)

• Parent Access

“So, how are your classes going?”Parent Access

• Dorm Sign In/Sign Out• Housing Assignment• Vaccination Status• Chapel Attendance• Chuck’s Information • Class Schedule• Current invoice

• Past Invoices• Financial Aid History• Incident History• Registration Information• Restrictions/Holds• Transcript

“So, how are your classes going?Talking about Academics

• In advance, gently, let your student know that you expect to see and discuss grades at the end of the semester.

• Don’t expect the same grades that your student got in high school…especially the first semester. (3.64 HS/3.1 First Sem.)

• Set a “formative,” not a “summative” tone. (non-judgemental)• Don’t take good grades for granted.• Be more concerned about patterns than incidents.• Encourage them to talk to their professors early and often.

•Make sure they take advantage of services available on campus.

“So, how are your classes going?Talking about Academics

• The Cove – Academic Enrichment Office– Tutoring

• The Writing Center• Reading Rate & Retention Course– $100, Office of Continuing Education

• CU # 1 – Supportive Campus Environment

“Noel Levitz Student Satisfaction Inventory

• National Ranking – 130,000 students 288 Universities– Commitment to academic excellence # 1– Career services resources # 1– Computer labs # 1– Counseling resources # 3– Campus staff are caring and helpful # 4– Academic support services # 4– Faculty are fair and unbiased # 4

- Faculty available outside of class # 5- Residence life staff care about me # 5

General Advice from a Dad• “When problems arise move like your feet are stuck in

molasses.” • Don’t ask them if they are homesick.• Don’t tell them that these are the best years of their lives.• “Don’t blame the university for your student’s behavior and

we at the university will try to blame you for your student’s behavior.”

• Think about your parting words…maybe even put them in writing.

General Advice from a Dad

Your student hasn’t quit needing you…but from now on your son or

daughter will begin to need you in a different way.