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Parenting. For the Greatness Show. Why parenting skills?. Parents wants their children to be independent and interdependent - PowerPoint PPT Presentation
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For the Greatness Show
Why parenting skills? Parents wants their children to be
independent and interdependent Parents want all positives for their children-
inner confidence, a sense of purpose and involvement, meaningful and constructive relationship with other, success at school and in work
On the other hand, Nation building starts from building families-without having productive families, it is impossible to have productive nation
Therefore, it is very important for us-the parents- to have the right skills in raising our kids
Quote “ Raising kids is part joy and part
guerrilla warfare” ED ASNER
On today’s show , we will see the parenting styles and one skill that we need to help our kids to develop –the self-esteem
Parenting stylesWhy we need to know about parenting
styles?
Because it dictates how we relate ourselves with our children
The basis of parenting styles are two convictions ፡-
1. Responsiveness
2. Control
Different parenting authorities divide parenting styles into different categories.
For instance, “ The Love and Logic” Authors, Foster Cline and Jim Fay categorized parenting styles in to four- Let’s see them
Parenting styles1. Helicopter parents 2. Drill Sergeant parents3. The Laissez-Faire parent4. The Consultant parents
---Parenting styles1.Helicopter parents As we know: Helicopters make a lot of wind, noise, and
vibration Their role is to hover, rescue, and protectBut what if the helicopter hovers overhead when
there is no emergency? It is a problemWhen parents` insist hovering to provide constant
protection, it is a pain. It can hinder normal life. Those who use this approach are called helicopter parents
They stay close by in order to rescue their children whenever a problem arises.
---Parenting styles---Helicopter parents They jump in to shield their children from
teachers, playmates, and other apparently hostile environment.
They involve in every committee the school may organize., some of them seem to be at school more than some of the teachers.
They seem so caring, and they are always “there” for their kids
Helicopter parents often do things for their kids because of the way they-the parents feel
---Parenting styles---Helicopter parents Out of “love” or guilt, they will refrain from
imposing or allowing consequences, because they feel uncomfortable with consequences
When their children hurt, they bail them out-because they hurt too.
Helicopter parents behave the way they do because they confuse love, protection, and caring.
These parents don’t allow their children to fail. If their kids fail, they mistakenly reason, it means they are un caring and unloving parents.
---Parenting styles---Helicopter parents
These parents are obsessed with the desire to create a perfect life for their kids-children never have to face struggles, inconveniences, discomforts, or disappointments. Parents do much of the work for these kids
Covertly they have a message “you are fragile and can’t make it without me”
---Parenting styles2. Drill Sergeant parents“ Do it or you are grounded” they barkRaising kids by barking orders at them is not effective. They believe that children must submit without protest
to their parents. Children are expected to fit in more than think themselves.
The parent may say “ I don’t care how you feel about it –you get it done now.”
Children of drill sergeant parents don’t know how to make decisions- they have been orderd around all their lives, listening to voices coming from outside of their heads.
---Parenting styles--- Drill Sergeant parentsMake “ do as I tell you” messageCovertly communicate, “ you can’t think for
yourself, so I will do it for you”
---Parenting styles3. The laissez-Faire parent They let their children raise themselvesThey don’t set boundaries to their
behaviors or actionsBelieve a theory that children are born
with the ability to govern themselves.“ whatever will be, will be” approach
---Parenting styles4. The consultant parent Consultant parents ask questions and offer
choicesInstead of telling their children what to do, they
put the burden of decision making on their kid’s shoulder
They provide options within safe limits.Parents can prepare their children for the real
life
---parenting stylesOn the other hand, Dr. Phil, in his book, “
Family First”, categorized parenting styles into three
1.Authoritarian (similar to Drill Sergeant)This parents tell a child what to do, the rules
are clear and usually inflexibleAn authoritarian parents control most of the
decision making process.
---Parenting styles2. Equalitarian (similar to consultative
parents) This category of parents give their children
a role in making choices; children are involved in decision making process
There is a room for flexibility. The parents are responsive, attentive and
sensitive to children’s need
---Parenting styles3. Permissive:- ( similar to The laissez-
Faire parent) Keep children within broad boundaries-
Armstrong, Albert Einstein, and Thomas Edison had permissive parents
---parenting skillsSteven Covey is known for his book “ The 7 habits of
highly effective people” but he also have a book entitled, “ the 7 habits of highly effective Families”-in which he focused on certain principles to be followed in parenting our kids and building our families:
Habit 1-Be proactive- becoming an agent of change in your family
Habit 2- Begin with the end in mind-Developing a family mission statement
Habit 3- Put first things first- making family a priority in a turbulent world
---parenting skillsHabit 4-Think “ win-win”- moving from “me” to
“we”Habit 5- Seek first to understand-then to be
understood-solving family problems through empathetic communications
Habit 6-Synergize-Building family unity through celebrating differences
Habit 7-Sharpen the saw-Renewing the family spirit through traditions
---parenting stylesIn conclusion , regarding parenting styles,
We may choose different styles in different situations and circumstances
But in my opinion, it is good to dominantly use styles that encourage children to involve in the process making decisions
Some parenting skillsThere are different skills parents need to have
to help their children. These include:Building :self esteemDecision making skillsProblem solving skillsCreativity skills Motivation skills
---Some skillsSelf esteem
What is it?It is how the child feels about himself/herself-it is his/her overall judgment of self –how much he/she likes his/her particular person
There are high and low self esteemsHigh self-esteem mean- a sense of self
respect, a feeling of self-worth, knowing that he/she has value
low self-esteem- disrespect of self, feeling of unworthiness
---self esteemWhy self esteem?
Some scholars found out that:-Your child’s judgment of himself/herself
influences the kind of friends he/she chooses, how he/she gets along with others, the kind of person he/she marries, how productive he/she will beIt affects his/her creativity, integrity, and
even whether he/she will be a leader or a follower
---self-esteemWhat is the source of self-esteem?Studies show that this characteristics-self
esteem- is not related to family wealth, education, geographical living area, social class, parents’ occupation, or always having mother at home.
It comes instead from the quality of the relationships that exist between the child and those who play a significant role in his/her life
“ Helping children build high self-esteem is the key to successful parenthood”
---self-esteemHow can we develop self-esteem in our
children?Give attention to your kids, give them your
smiles, give them time to play with you-specially at early age
Take care of the words that use in dealing with your children- it is clear that words have power-some parents curse their kids, they talk to them as if they are worthless, and useless- like in Amharic, “Yematereba, Dekama” ---be aware that words can destroy or build self-respect
---self-esteemInvolve children in different activities that will help
them get awareness of their competencies like in sports, music, arts, etc-it will give them further information about themselves-
Praise kids but discriminate behaviors which are worth praising- be specific at all cost
provide a playful way to talk about positive qualities: ask questions like:
Name things you like to do List some things you do well Share good qualities about yourself like caring, honest,
helpful etc Name some nice things you have said to your friends or
done for them
---self-esteemTelling a child that he or she is unique or special by itself is not enough---experience really counts-- action speaks louder than words
Let me tell you my experience in building high self-esteem in my children
1.Kids involvement in charity-They support a child2.Kids involvement in setting their annual goals -3.A regular separate session with them 4.Recent poem on “ Make mistakes” --Use every
opportunity to teach your kids certain values
---Self-esteemA poem for the parents’ day:
Make mistakes“Many of us afraid of making mistakesWe want to be perfect- making no errors
But--- in the real life, there is no perfectionTherefore, Make mistakes- and get the opportunity to
learnNo one is perfect-No one knows allMake mistakes, and learn---this is my callDon’t give up from trying---start rolling the
ball! ” Lulim Wondwossen
Conclusion
“ Parenting is said to be the toughest job for which we receive the least training”