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The Examiner In BondsJune 2018

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CONTENTS

Page 3-5 “Shame” By: Sdn. Seraphim Page 6-9 “The Healthy Shame At The Hearts Core” Page 9-10 Page 9-10 “The Life of St. Seraphim Of Sarov” Page 11-15 Part 2 of The Passions Series “How much do you really know about yourself ?”

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WHAT IS SHAME, AND HOW DOES IT AFFECT US?

“Shame” By: Sdn. Seraphim

From Left to Right: Sdn. Seraphim, Bishop Nicholas, Fr. Michael Byars

As a self-conscious emotion, shame informs us of an internal state of inadequacy, unworthiness, dishonor, regret, or disconnection. Shame is a clear signal that our positive feelings have been interrupted. Another person or a circumstance can trigger shame in us, but so can a failure to meet our own ideas or standards.

Given that shame can lead us to feel as though our whole self is flawed, bad, or subject to exclusion, it motivates us to hide or to do something to save face. So it is no wonder that shame avoidance can lead to withdrawal or to addictions that attempt to mask its impact.

Shame is often confused with guilt, an emotion we experience as a result of a wrongdoing about which we might feel remorseful and wish to make amends. Where we will likely have an urge to admit guilt or talk with others about a situation that left us with guilty feelings, it is much less likely that we will broadcast our shame. In fact, we'll most likely conceal what we feel because shame does not make a distinction between an action and the self. Therefore, with shame, "bad" behavior is not separate from a "bad" self as it is with guilt regardless of the trigger, when shame is experienced the deterioration of an esteemed sense of self can be devastating. In addition to the typical emotions that can accompany shame, such as envy, anger, rage, and anxiety, we can also include sadness, depletion, loneliness, and emptiness as a result. And this is where shame can become a dangerous emotion. When shame results in self-attack, it is overwhelming, and it can negatively color how you view yourself and how you assess the prospect of recovering your self-esteem. Even so, people do recover from experiencing shame, and they learn a great deal about themselves if they can step back and take a look at what is going on within them.

As with all emotions, shame requires perspective since it is placed in the context of our environment and current concerns. However, our response to shame is shaped by all of our emotional memories of when it was previously experienced.

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The accumulation of emotional experiences that reside in our memory script our responses when a particular emotion is activated in the present. For the most part, these neat little packages of emotional memories influence our decisions and how we govern our lives. In any case, shame motivates us to save face and thus, one must always be aware of the inclination to hide when the emotion is triggered. Hiding often accompanies behaviors that are themselves a trigger for further shame, such as addictions, compulsive behaviors, harsh self-criticism, or self-denigration. Self-observation that is often prompted by shame, and felt as regret, provides an opportunity to learn, change, improve, or do something differently the next time around.

If we’re filled with guilt and shame for our past actions and even our present circumstances, then guilt and shame only lead to more guilt and shame. Before we know it, we’re immobilized with fear and despair, and we’ve forgotten the whole point of our self-reflection.

When we start to feel this way, we need to remember that the Christian life is not about sitting in despair over our brokenness. Christ gives us joy because in Him we no longer have to bear our sin. We see the distance we have yet to walk in our journey towards the Kingdom, but we rejoice knowing that we do not walk of our own strength. How can we develop this healthy vision of self-reflection and repentance and not get trapped in the cycle of shame and guilt? Here are three things that can help.

1. When we are holding on to a feeling of guilt, when we’re in a rut, we’re frozen in place. We’re stuck because we’re burdened by more than we can handle on our own. So before we can run to Jesus, we have to first listen to St. Peter who writes, “cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). St. Peter knew, from his own experience, what life was like when he tried to hold on to fears and guilt.  When he ran to Jesus, he did the impossible – St. Peter walked on water. And later, St. Peter also had to navigate his own guilt and despair after he denied Christ (Matthew 26:75). So we need to keep our focus on Christ, run to Him, and let Him bear the weight of our sin. We can’t afford to hold on to our guilt and shame; we need to run to Jesus. But once we get to Him, what do we say?

2. It's more than saying “sorry” Prayer is our opportunity to let go of what we’re feeling, to share our hearts with Christ. But the natural response for many of us is to start by saying, “sorry.” Next thing we know, we’re swearing off sin and making promises we’re not sure we can keep.

But mending our relationship with God or with others is more than saying, “sorry.” I’ve learned I need to be specific: “forgive me for ____.” Right then though, shame kicks back in, and we’re stuck begging forgiveness from God as if He were a merciless king.

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This isn’t repentance; it’s fear. Once we’ve asked forgiveness, we need to move on to praise and gratitude for all that He has done for us.

This keeps us focused on Christ instead of focused on ourselves. Our personal repentance is lived out as we commit to specific action for today. God knows our hearts, He sees our failings, but He also desires the best for us. Once we have asked forgiveness, we need to trust that God has forgiven us. Emboldened by this trust in Jesus Christ, we will be able to see our past sins as opportunities for growth.

3. No condemnation in Christ. Too often, our world is focused on blame and punishment. And living in the world, we in the Church have the habit of applying the world’s way of thinking about our relationship with Christ. We approach our own repentance either as an escape from punishment on the one hand or an admission of our own unworthiness such that we’re beyond hope. We forget that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

When a sick person comes into a hospital, the doctor isn’t there to be the judge and prosecutor – he is there to heal. Similarly, when we approach Christ with an attitude of humility (acknowledging our need for healing), He is there to heal us. More often than not, we are our own worst judge. We somehow think that our sins are the worst and therefore unforgivable. Or, we see ourselves as lost causes, irredeemable because thus far the healing hasn’t quite stuck.

There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ because they recognize that in Christ, they have everything they need. For those of us who have chosen Christ, who have put on Christ in baptism, and who choose Him each day, “we know that it is no longer we who live but Christ who lives in us” (Galatians 2:20). It is no longer our strength that holds us up, but the strength of Jesus Christ that bears our sins and takes them away.

“Let no one mourn that he has fallen again and again; for forgiveness has risen from the grave” (From St John Chrysostom's Paschal Sermon). Shame and guilt keep us looking at ourselves, condemning ourselves, instead of letting Christ pick us back up in repentance.

[In this edition of The Examiner In Bonds, I have included what will be the first of several articles on shame by Fr. Stephen Freeman. It is my hope and prayer that these articles will give you a new perspective on an ancient problem. Enjoy and may God Bless you and grant you Peace, knowing that you can run to Him with any shame and He will heal you.]

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“The Healthy Shame At The Heart’s Core” By: Fr. Stephen Freeman

Imagine: A large crowd has assembled and you know that something special has been planned. Unknown to you, however, is the fact that the something special is for and about you. At a given moment, you are called forward. A short speech detailing

some extraordinary thing you have done is given. You had not thought anyone would notice, and you did not expect them to. However, you are being noticed. You are being thanked. Indeed, you are being rewarded. A large monetary gift is being given to you complete with the solution to many problems that had concerned you. It is as if they knew exactly what you needed. There are cheers. And, strangely, you’re embarrassed. You are looking down and cannot bring yourself to look at the faces that are all directed to you. You feel tremendously humbled, but feel that if you make eye-contact, you’ll burst into tears. You

are grateful far beyond your ability to express it. Oddly, this is a face of shame.

Shame can be toxic and debilitating. It can leave us completely paralyzed. It can even nurture the role of the demonic in our lives. But, it is a perfectly natural response, even a healthy response in certain situations. We are not created with a capacity for shame as a result of sin. Shame can be healthy. The example I’ve given is healthy shame. Many would not refer to it as shame. We would call it the feeling of embarrassment, deep gratitude, or something of the sort. But when it is analyzed, it has all the elements of shame and the same physical affect. But it has none of the toxicity.

The need to avert the eyes is a physically-wired reflex, one of the nine “affects” of the body, and a primary part of the emotion of shame. Shame carries with it a sense of exposure, and some sense of discomfort with “who” we are. So many times in our lives the thought of exposure carries with it deep pain. However, it also accompanies the sense of “awe” and “wonder.” In the face of that which is overwhelming, including that which is overwhelmingly good, we feel inadequate, or undeserving, even unworthy.

After the moment of ordination, the Bishop begins to vest the newly-ordained priest. With each article of clothing the Bishop intones, “Axios!” (“He is worthy!”). The congregation responds loudly, “Axios! Axios! Axios!” It is the ancient cry of public election. It is also (in my experience) embarrassing beyond description.

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For if anything is true at that moment, it is that you are not in the least “worthy” of the dignity being placed upon you. And it only gets worse that same day, and ever after, as people come up to ask your blessing and kiss your hand. But this positive, healthy sense of shame is essential to the well-being of our lives. It plays a key role in the discernment of boundaries. It is a right and proper reaction to that which is “not me.” No doubt, we call this reaction by other names, particularly in a culture in which shame is both a taboo topic as well as a deeply toxic fixture.

John Bradshaw, a well known author and psycologist, makes this observation about such healthy shame: “Healthy shame keeps us grounded. It is a yellow light, warning us of our essential limitations. Healthy shame is the basic metaphysical boundary for human beings. It is the emotional energy that signals us that we are not God— that we will make mistakes, that we need help. Healthy shame gives us permission to be human.”

Healthy shame not only plays a role in the formation of boundaries, and thus all aspects of the personality, it is also essential for the experience of giving thanks. To give thanks is to recognize that what has been given is a gift, that it is not deserved. This entails some sense of unworthiness. I have encountered individuals suffering from deep, toxic shame who indeed find the giving of thanks to be difficult, even impossible in the true sense of connected emotion. In many cases, it seems that the entire mechanism of shame (including healthy shame) has been poisoned by toxic wounds, and that even instances that should bring joy (such as the proper sense of gratitude) can be a trigger for troubled thoughts. In such cases, gratitude simply becomes an intellectual acknowledgement that one should be grateful, but the actual emotional content remains inaccessible.

Fr. Alexander Schmemann famously said, “Anyone capable of thanksgiving is capable of salvation.” This pierces to the very heart of healthy shame, and the importance of healing from the wounds of toxic abuse and similar injuries. Love itself can be crippled by such wounds. The true experience of love is a bonding and communion between two persons. The simple recognition of “otherness” required in such a communion is itself fraught with problems when there are wounds of a toxic nature. The abiding sense of emotional danger that is inherent in toxic shame makes the sort of trust required for true communion very difficult if not impossible. This is simply to say that when we carry such wounds, our relationships are often marked by a history of trouble.

In the spiritual tradition of the Church, there is a practice called “watchfulness” (nepsis). It could also be called “awareness.” Frequently, its practice is misunderstood.

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Books and articles on the Jesus Prayer suggest that while we pray the prayer, we “keep watch” and rebuff any extraneous thoughts that intrude. What quickly becomes the pattern, however, is that we have very little prayer but a large awareness of extraneous thoughts. And so, people describe themselves as “distracted” during their prayers, or during the Church service. This is very problematic. It is as though the suggestion of watchfulness when we pray includes ignoring the sound of the wind, or the droning of crickets or the songs of birds. For most of the “distractions” in our minds are little more than the “noise” of our brains.

What we fail to understand is that watchfulness is not about not watching (ignoring), but about positively watching something else. The something else we watch is the Gift. I call it that, though it could also be called the true self.

This “true self ” is not that which is of our own choosing or creation (the ego), but is the gift of God. It is that which is “truly unworthy” for it cannot point to its own making. All that it has and rightly sees is a gift. And the gift is wonderful and without compare.

It is interesting that the term “unworthy” is seen and felt by most as a term that says, “I am a bad person.” It’s not at all true. Our feelings about this reveal just how toxic our relation with shame has become. When Christ was addressed once as “Good Master,” He responded, “Why do you call me ‘good’? There is none good but God.” This is the utter and complete self-emptying of the Son towards the Father. It is said by the Fathers of the Church that the Father is the “Source” of God: the Son is begotten of Him and the Spirit proceeds from Him. And so, it is right to say, “God (the Father) alone is good,” in that He alone is the Source. And, though Christ refuses the word “good” with regard to Himself, it is not a toxic experience, nor a confession that He is somehow “bad.”

St. Paul tells us to “rejoice with those who rejoice” and to “weep with those who weep.” When we are truly honest about such things, we find this to be quite difficult. I am glad, on some level, for your good fortune. And yet, the success of others touches the wounds of my own shame, and I can easily feel judged or envious and jealous. The same happens with those who weep. We feel sorry for them, secretly happy that it is not us, guilty that we even think such a thing, or reminded of our own pain when something similar happened to us years before.

All of this says that there is little healing that is not healing at the very core of our lives. The busyness we engage in around the periphery, the moral motions we go through, the words we speak by habit or the scripts of politeness, are all at a great remove from the core of our souls, and the wounds that remain unattended. This distance is also experienced as an alienation and leaves us feeling hollow, hypocritical, andempty and sad.

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Part 1,“The Life of Saint Seraphim of Sarov”

By: Julia de Beausobre Our venerable and God-bearing father Seraphim of Sarov was a Russian ascetic who lived at the Sarov Monastery in the 18th century, and is considered a wonder-worker. The Church commemorates St. Seraphim on January 2, and the opening of his relics on July 19. St. Seraphim was born Prokhor Moshnin on July 19, 1754. His parents, Isidore and Agathia Moshnin, lived in Kursk, Russia; Isidore was a merchant At the age of 10, Prokhor became seriously ill. During the course of his illness, he saw the Mother of God in his sleep, who promised to heal him.

Famous Icon of Motovilov & St. Seraphim

The good God who saves us has entered into the very depths of created being and the depths of every alienation. This He “tramples down” in His Pascha, and sheds light where there had only been darkness. It is a fearful place for us, this inner Hades. But it is not a forbidden place, nor is it a place where we cannot find God. Indeed, it is only in finding God there that we can truly find Him anywhere.

Fr. Stephen Freeman is an archpriest in the Orthodox Church in America and serves as pastor of St. Anne Orthodox Church in Oak Ridge, TN.

At the age of 18, Prokhor firmly decided to become a monk. His mother blessed him with a large copper crucifix, which he wore over his clothing all his life. After this, he entered the Sarov monastery as a novice. From day one in the monastery, exceptional abstinence from food and slumber were the distinguishing features of his life. He ate once a day, and On Wednesdays and Fridays, he ate nothing. After asking the blessing of his starets (a spiritual elder), he began to withdraw often into the forest for prayer and religious contemplation.

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He became severely ill again soon after and was forced to spend most of the course of the next three years lying down. Prokhor was once again healed by the Most Holy Virgin Mary, who appeared to him accompanied by several saints. Pointing to the young novice, the Holy Virgin said to the Apostle John the Theologian: "He is of our lineage." Then, by touching his side with her staff, she healed him.

His taking of the monastic vows occurred in 1786 when he was 27 years old. He was given the name Seraphim, which in Hebrew means "fiery," or "burning." He was soon made a hierodeacon. He justified his name by his extraordinarily burning prayer. He spent all of his time, save for the very shortest of rests, in church. Through such prayer and the labors of religious services, Seraphim became worthy to see angels, both serving and singing in church. During the Liturgy on Holy Thursday, he saw the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, in the form of the Son of man, proceeding into the Church with the Heavenly host and blessing those praying. The saint could not speak for a long time after being struck by this vision.

In 1793, St. Seraphim was ordained a hieromonk, after which he served every day and received Eucharist for a year. St. Seraphim then began to withdraw into his "farther hermitage"—the forest wilderness about five km from Sarov Monastery. He achieved great perfection at this time. Wild animals—bears, rabbits, wolves, foxes and others—came to the hut of the ascetic. The staritsa, i.e., eldress, of the Matrona Plescheeva, witnessed how St. Seraphim fed a bear that had come to him out of his hand: "The face of the great starets was particularly miraculous. It was joyous and bright, like that of an angel," she described

St. Seraphim once suffered much at the hands of robbers. Although he was physically dominant and was holding an ax at the time, St. Seraphim did not resist them. In answer to their threats and their demands for money, he lay his ax down on the ground, crossed his arms over his chest and obediently gave himself up to them. They began to beat him on the head with the handle of his own ax. Blood began to pour out of his mouth and ears, and he fell unconscious. After that, they started to hit him with a log, trampled him under foot, and dragged him along the ground. They stopped beating him only when they had decided that he had died. The only treasure which the robbers found in his cell was the icon of the Mother of God of Deep Emotion (Ymileniye), before which he always prayed. When, after some time, the robbers were caught and brought to justice, the holy monk interceded on their behalf before the judge. After the beating, St. Seraphim remained hunched over for the rest of his life. Soon after this began the "pillar" period of the life of St. Seraphim when he spent his days on a rock near his little hermitage, and nights in the thick of the forest. He prayed with his arms raised to heaven, almost without respite. This feat of his continued for a thousand days.

PART 2 WILL APPEAR IN THE NEXT NEWSLETTER

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“How much do you really know about yourself ?”

By: Sdn. Seraphim Part 2 of “The Passions Series”

If someone were to ask you, you could probably give some impressions about what you feel that you are like. Maybe you’d tell them that you are intelligent, good-looking, athletic, responsible, reasonably popular, and pretty much all right. Possibly you’d say you think you lack initiative, are easily shoved around, often bored, afraid to let people know when something’s bothering you, fearful of disappointing your family. Or you might say you feel you are gifted in some ways but act selfish and immature in other ways, that you don’t like or need other people around you most of the time, that you can run reasonably well on your own steam. Where do your impressions about yourself come from? Primarily from your parents and from individuals who are in parental or authoritative positions. Foster parents, relatives, intimate family friends, teachers, coaches, employers, or any other persons who have been responsible for you during comparatively long periods in your life. The way they treat us when we are children makes us form strong opinions about what we are like and what we can expect from ourselves. These opinions are most influential in our subconscious mind, down inside where you can’t see them too clearly most of the time. If our parents or other individuals in positions of authority treated us as though we were OK, then we believe we are OK.

If we were treated as though we couldn’t have lived without them, later we became entirely convinced of our inadequacies. If they treated us as though we didn’t need much control (or as if they couldn’t impose it on us), we take it for granted that we are uncontrollable, by anyone, even ourselves.

The only people who go overboard with uncontrollable habits like alcoholism and most kinds of drug addiction are ones who subconsciously think they are uncontrollable and have to reinforce that idea, because whatever you feel about yourself, whether it’s something good or something terrible, you automatically do everything you can to prove it is so. Those old authority figures in our lives may have treated us as if we were competent or incompetent to do things, as if we were remarkably bright or a little dense; as if we were pleasant and cooperative or stubborn and revolutionary; as if we were equal with others, or as if we were God’s special gift to society; as if we needed God, or as if having them or other capable people around was enough. Some of the impressions you’ve gotten about yourself from the way those authority figures have treated you will ring true all of your life. To some extent, they have given you real knowledge about yourself, although there can be cases where this is hardly true. Other impressions, you will find, are dead wrong. They are not the real you at all.

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But mostly you will discover that, even with good authority figures who have given you all the self-knowledge they possibly could have; it just isn’t enough to get through life with, not half enough! When Jesus was twelve years old, He knew it was time to emphasize other relationships besides those with His own earthly family. His parents had taken Him to a big feast in Jerusalem. When it was over, they packed up and started home. They’d traveled a whole day before they realized that Jesus wasn’t with them. Desperately worried, they went back to Jerusalem to look for Him. It took them three more days to find Him. He had gone off and left them for four days! But only to go to a very safe place, God’s Temple, and that’s where they finally found Him. “And his mother said to Him, Son, why have you treated us this way? Your father and I have been looking everywhere for you. And He said to them, why have you been looking for me? Didn’t you know that now I have to work with my Father?” (Luke 2:48, 49)

Do you see what He did? He said he couldn’t be with one father because He had to be with another one. He couldn’t be with Joseph (who was not His father by blood but was in the position of being a father to Him while he was a child), because He had to be with his heavenly Father. Do you see that Jesus was moving out of the activities in his earthly, childhood family into the action of His immense heavenly family? Even though He continued to live longer with his parents, His attention was on God’s whole family and not just on His mother and Joseph. Later on, He plainly said that;“whoever does the will of God is my brother, my sister, and my mother” (Mark 3:35) The kind of experience Jesus had comes to all of us after we are about 12 years old. We begin to feel that our parents and our earthly families somehow aren’t enough. God puts this feeling into us to show us that it’s time to start relating more to our heavenly family. Earthly parents are sufficient for our childhood, but then God wants to fully adopt us, lead us into; “the spirit of adoption, whereby we shall call him Abba, Father” (Rom. 8:15)

We can accept God’s adoption of us or reject it, just as a human body can accept or reject something transplanted into it from another person. If we accept, it means we start doing our part as full-fledged members of God’s family. And receiving God’s adoption of us means that. As we physically resemble members of our physical families, we shall now spiritually resemble God and all of the members of his spiritual family, his and ours.

And as we sometimes inherit physical items from our earthly families, we can now inherit spiritual riches and beautiful virtues and the same gift that Jesus inherited, resurrection from death. “Beloved, now we are the children of God, and it is not clear in this life what we shall be someday, but we know that when God appears, we shall be like him. (Jn. 3:2) The Spirit of God makes it evident that we are his children, and we can see it ourselves.

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Being his children, we are his heirs, and we are joint heirs with Christ. (Rom. 8:16,17) God lets our physical parents give birth to us and bring us into this world. Then he has holy people, like the apostles and other saints, gives birth to us spiritually. We call our spiritual parents “father” because as St. Paul says, they have begotten us in Christ. That is, they don’t only teach us things about God; they also bring us into an entirely new state of being, into the whole family of God. They do this mainly, of course, by baptizing us and by showing us how to accept the adoption. So through them, we are reborn; “not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God” (Jn. 1:12,13)

Now I have to make one thing plain. All of our knowledge of ourselves comes primarily from parents or parent figures, first from our physical ones and then from our spiritual ones. The world gives you a lot of other knowledge, but not self-knowledge. Even if you include all of the accumulated knowledge from all of the psychiatrists in the world, unless they are members of God’s family and full of God’s wisdom about humankind, you will still learn nothing about the real you. So if you do not accept membership in God’s family and learn about yourself from God, you will never have much more self-knowledge than you’ve got right now. You can learn to do brilliant and wise-looking things, but you will not have become mature or wise. You can never be the real or mature man or woman that God intended. Being physically mature is by no means the same as being mature. You become mature getting to know yourself well, and they only way you can do that is by going to God. That’s why he said, in his beautiful thunderous voice “Ask me of things concerning my sons, and concerning the work of my hands, ask me. I have made the earth and created man upon it. I have raised him up in righteousness, and I will direct all his ways.” (Is 45:11,13)

Another thing you need to realize is that, down in your subconscious mind, you now have some wrong convictions about yourself and what you are like. These subconscious convictions about yourself are extremely powerful, and they will force you to act on them whether you consciously want to or not. Most of them are much more powerful than your mind is, and you cannot think or reason your way out of them. Without help from God, we can’t always determine what these subconscious convictions are. For instance, a person with a subconscious belief that he is not lovable can spend years trying to cultivate friendships, get people to like him, and make even one person love him.

Page !14 But the subconscious conviction will win out, by forcing him to do more things to turn people off than his brain can think of doing to turn them on. And he will have no idea, consciously, why he can’t succeed in getting someone to love him, he couldn’t believe it because of his conviction that he is not lovable. God’s Holy Spirit is the only thing there is that can barrel in and smash up the errors in your subconscious mind, and the confusion that comes from them. That’s partly what our rebirth into God’s family is all about. When we are reborn into God’s family, we are healed of sin. Now you may wonder what on earth sin could have to do with your wrong convictions about yourself. Well, do you know what the early Christians say that sin is? It’s anything unreasonable, anything irrational. That’s because everything unreasonable tends to destroy us, and self-destruction is a terrible sin. “Whatever is done through an error of reason is a transgression, and is rightly called sin.” (Clement) “We are virtuous or sinful according to whether we use things sensibly or stupidly. Evil is an erroneous judgment about things accompanied by their wrong use”. (Maximus The Confessor)

Isn’t it irrational to think certain things about yourself that aren’t true? And isn’t it unreasonable to use yourself, as a result of these wrongful convictions, in some way that doesn’t connect with what you are? That’s sin. It’s what people do when they are separated from God. And that’s what the Bible is talking about when it says that in Baptism we die to sin, we die to everything unreasonable and start living a life that makes sense, the life in God if we accept God’s adoption of us. That way we can die to our wrong convictions about ourselves, finally leaving the memory and confusion of them behind us. God rears us as his children when we accept his adoption, and the convictions he gives us about ourselves are all true and right.

You may be an adult in your life and earthly family, but you are a child in your heavenly family. With God, you are a child. You can expect God to be quite indulgent with you because you are a child. If some people treat you now as if you were a child, it doesn’t mean you are one. All you have to do is realize that it’s not easy for them to see you differently now after having known you the way you were. Aim at the utterly adult thing, give them all the help they request, and all the courtesy and consideration you can, but at the same time give plenty of attention to your growth in God. “It is our duty to esteem holy teachers above our parents, because they are the means of our well being, but parents are only the means of our being” (Quoted from The Constitutions of the Holy Apostles) In this business of starting to live in God’s family and getting a lot of self-knowledge from God, you should know that it doesn’t even slightly matter whether you have any faith to start with. Once there was a paralyzed man lying by a pool of water, you may have heard about it or read the account in the Bible, the man said no, he had no idea who Jesus was. Did Jesus figure he had no faith, and walk off ? No! Not at all. He healed that poor invalid on the spot, and it wasn’t until later on that the man found he’d been healed by the Son of God.. Jesus walked up to him and said, “Do you know who I am?” (He meant, do you know that I am the Christ and I can heal you?)

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Why did Jesus not require faith of this man? As he did in the case of others, saying, “Do you believe that I can do this?” “It was because the man did not yet clearly know who he was.” (John Chrysostom) But at least, when Jesus came up, the man didn’t drive him away. When Jesus asked him whether he wanted to be healed, he didn’t bitterly reply, “Quit putting me on, get lost.” He was open. That’s all anyone needs to be. So if you aren’t a pillar of faith, don’t worry about it. And don’t ever pretend to have any faith you really don't have. It just makes you feel sneaky and uncomfortable, and it doesn’t make any difference to God at all. The early saints, teachers of thousands of new Christians, often used to say, “In the nature of things, knowledge comes before faith” Isn’t that perfectly true? Don’t you have to get to know someone before you have faith in Him? How do you get to know someone? By hearing about him, by being with him, listening to him, talking with him. We get to know about various foods the same way, by tasting them. We have to try them out before we can see if they agree with us or not. That’s what Scripture invites us to do with God, it says, “Taste and see how gracious the Lord is!” No Faith required for that. As you receive and read the newsletters ahead, you can figure that’s what you are doing, tasting God’s Word.

Pictured below is an icon of the Father’s of the Ancient Christian Church many of

whom were quoted throughout this article

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The Lord Jesus Christ, our High Priest