Overthinking

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We all do our best to stay positive, but occasionally we can slip into negative thinking patterns that can wreakhavoc on our lives. We might worry about our past mistakes or current stresses, and how these could lead tonegative outcomes in the future. We might obsess about or over-analyze regular experiences and interactions,reading into them things that aren’t actually there. We might find that as soon as one bad thing happens, weassociate it with all the other bad things that have happened in our lives and begin to feel miserable. We mightfeel anxious in the present, having a hard time getting out of our own heads as we worry and obsess about thethings that could go wrong.

If you find yourself in this place frequently, you are what psychologists call a ruminator, or, an over-thinker, andthis way of thinking can be harmful to your health. Psychologists have found that over-thinking can bedetrimental to human performance, and can lead to anxiety and depression, especially in women, who are muchmore likely than men to ruminate on stress and disappointments than men.

As a psychologist and recovering over-thinker myself, I have a lot of compassion for people who end up in thesespiraling negative thought patterns. Many over-thinkers are lovely, intelligent, nurturing people who value

8 Ways to Stop Over-Thinking and Find Peace inthe Present Moment

Sep 9, 2014Consciousness Health Spirituality

8 Ways to Stop Over-Thinking and Find Peace in the P... http://themindunleashed.org/2014/09/8-ways-stop-thi...

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relationships and care deeply for the people in their lives. Unfortunately, they often push away the very peoplethat they are worrying about or seeking support and reassurance from, because they can become obsessive,anxious, depressed, negative and difficult to be around. This is not a switch in the brain that can be easily flippedoff, but rather, a pattern from which it requires dedication and work to recover. Based on research in psychologyand my personal experiences, here is my advice for how to stop over-thinking and find peace in the presentmoment:

1) Accept that You Have a Problem withOver-Thinking.The first step to healing is acknowledging that you have a problem. If you feel like you can’t get out of your ownhead and over-thinking is stopping you from living a happy life, making decisions, getting things done, orforming meaningful relationships, then you have a problem. If you find yourself spiraling into negativity anddepression when a bad thing happens, you have a problem. If your anxiety about the future is stopping you fromenjoying the present, you have a problem. Burying your head in the sand or denying this reality will only makethe situation worse. If you are not sure if you have a problem, ask your friends and loved ones to be honest withyou, because they are usually the ones who will see it even if you cannot.

2) Forgive Yourself: Our Brains are Hardwired ThisWayOnce you can admit that you are an over-thinker, forgive yourself, because the brain is actually wired to makeover-thinking a natural tendency. According to Psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, the leading expert in thisfield, “the organization of our brains sets us up for over-thinking” because our thoughts and memories areintrinsically woven together, not compartmentalized. So when stressors are triggered or you get into a bad mood,it can unlock a ‘cascade’ of racing negative thoughts that have nothing to do with the original trigger for the badmood. Nolen-Hoeksema gives the example of “when poor job performance causes you to think about your aunt whodied last year.”

Furthermore, when something bad happens or someone is feeling negative, they are more likely to thinknegative things and also see connections (that may not actually exist) between all the bad events that havehappened in their lives. The more frequently this happens, the more likely the individual is to engage in thisover-thinking pattern in the future.

While the brain might be wired to make these associations, once you become aware you can begin to solve theproblem.

3) Breathe More


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If our brains are wired in this ‘interconnected spider web’ where one bad event can trigger a tidal wave ofnegative thought associations, how can we break this pattern?

The first and easiest thing you can do is BREATHE. Breathing will relax you, calm you, connect you to the presentmoment, and ground you to Mother Earth. It sounds so simple but often when our mind starts to race to badplaces, we become manic and frantic when what we need to do is relax the body and mind.

The breathing technique that works for me involves lying down and taking a two-second long deep inhalation inthrough the nose, followed by a four-second long exhalation out through the mouth. This breathing patternincreases the CO2 in the bloodstream, which can relax the body and calm the adrenal system’s response to theobsessive thoughts. Do this for 10 minutes or until the excessive thinking slows down.

4) Talk LessSo many over-thinkers, especially those of us of the female persuasion, can’t help but want to ‘talk it out’ whenwe are feeling stressed and worried. While talking about the worries can sometimes help, it usually will makethings worse, especially if the person you are talking to is also an over-thinker, and you spend the entire timeover-analyzing and dissecting every detail of every negative problem in your lives. You might end up workingyourself up into a frenzy of negativity and feeling even more upset after the conversation.

This type of co-rumination, where two ruminators get together to over-think about their lives together, can leadboth people deeper into negativity and stress. For example, research has uncovered an association betweenco-rumination amongst female friends and increases in the stress hormone cortisol.

If you really feel the need to express your issues, you can always write them down, to clear them out of yourmind and realize that your concerns might sound silly when you read them back to yourself. This type offree-association journaling has been incredibly beneficial for me.

5) Get Physical and Get BusyWhat should you do instead of talking? Well, you already know to breathe to calm the body and mind, butsometimes you just want to let the energy out! In this case it can be incredibly beneficial to do somethingphysical, whether it is going for a brisk walk, playing with a pet or children, doing yoga, playing sports,swimming, or running. Activities that are both mentally and physically engrossing are the best, because theyrequire enough absorption to pull you out of obsessive thinking patterns and into a state of flow.

In addition to physical exercises, engrossing activities that stimulate the brain can also be effective forredirecting obsessive thought patterns. Playing cards, learning a language, or playing all different types of gamescan be great diversions or interrupters of these thoughts. Or you could always learn a new hobby, make art, draw,paint or take up crafting, such as making jewelry, clothes, dream catchers, hair extensions, really anything, Youmight actually discover a hidden talent you never knew you had, or be able to start a new career or meet new


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people as a result.

6) Practice MindfulnessOne of the big things that over-thinkers struggle with is the ability to live in the present moment. So consumedby the failures of the past and the worries over the future, the present moment does not get the attention andlove it deserves. Lao Tzu said that “if you are depressed you are living in the past, if you are anxious you are living inthe future, and if you are at peace you are living in the present.” So how can we live in peace in the presentmoment?

Well, we have already discussed some of the strategies that can help you quiet the mind and ground yourself topresent moment, including breathing, talking less, getting physical and doing other activities that help redirectattention and bring the mind into flow. But one of the best things you can possibly do is practice mindfulness, aform of meditation where you focus on the present moment without judgment. As the obsessive, worryingthoughts come in, you acknowledge them, and then let them go, energetically releasing them and clearing yourspace. I strongly recommend learning mindful meditation techniques such as Transcendental Meditation, or ifyou are having trouble doing it yourself, seeking counseling from someone who practices Mindfulness-BasedCognitive Therapy.

7) Surrender to the UniverseWhen we worry, we are essentially hoping to control the flow of life because we are attached to the outcome of asituation. We want things to happen a certain way, and we are terrified that things could go wrong or that badthings could happen. In reality, we have little to no control over the unfolding of events in life, at least not fromthe conscious standpoint that our worrying will directly impact the outcome in the way we want. So, we canworry and obsess, or we can accept all that IS and let go of our attachment to the outcomes. The universe is wayolder and wiser than us, and instead of obsessively worrying, we can let go of control and with love and trust,surrender to the universe.

Surrender does not mean giving up; It just means you are willing to go with the flow of the current, instead oftrying to swim against it and getting repeatedly bashed into the rocks. Surrender is a form of release and a formof peace, because it means you are willing to trust that everything will work out as it is supposed to: Trust thateverything happens in its proper time and place and you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Even the conceptof worrying about ‘good’ or ‘bad’ outcomes is flawed from this perspective and nothing more than a symptom ofduality, which is only an illusion. As you zoom out to the grand scheme of the universe, there is no such thing as‘good’ or ‘bad’ – it is all ONE, two sides of the same coin.

8) Remember, Your Thoughts Create Your RealityEven though I just said that ‘we have no control over the unfolding of events in life,’ and this is true at least from


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the part of the conscious mind and its ability to dictate events, our thoughts do energetically shape and createour reality over time. Like attracts like, and so the more you worry about something, the more you will begin toattract exactly the energy you are worried about! If you still haven’t seen the wonderful online series SpiritScience, I strongly recommend you view Episode 1, which does an excellent job explaining how our thoughtscreate our reality.

We must be mindful of our thoughts because our thoughts have power, more than we realize. If you obsessivelyfear losing your job, you are actually INCREASING the likelihood of getting fired, not decreasing it. Same if youare worrying about contracting a life-threatening disease or medical condition: The more energy you send in thatdirection, the more likely you are to unknowingly give permission to your body to manifest this condition.

Your thoughts and feelings will energetically create your life, which is why my life partner, sound healer JimmyOhm always says, “Worrying is a misuse of creative energy.” Do you want to create a happy life, living at peace inthe momentt? If so, you have all of the tools to make this a reality by being mindful and present in yourthoughts. You also have all of the tools to create a life of worry and negativity, if you continue to over-think andobsess about negative events. The choice is yours and I lovingly hope that you choose wisely. Blessings andLove!

Authors Note: Do you agree? Are you an over-thinker or recovering over-thinker? Have these tips worked for you?What other suggestions can you make to break this cycle? I would love to hear from you on Facebook!

ABOUT THE AUTHORDr. Kelly Neff is a renowned psychologist, author, founder of The Lucid Planet and the host of the hit new show,Lucid Planet Radio. She has reached millions of people with her articles on psychology, transformation, andwellness, which have been featured on websites like The Mind Unleashed, Mind Body Green, My Tiny Secrets,and now, The Lucid Planet. Before she became a full-time author, Dr. Neff spent seven years as a psychologyprofessor where she helped thousands of students learn about health, relationships, love and sexuality, andco-authored the groundbreaking manual in her field, Teaching Psychology Online. She has a B.A. in Psychologyfrom Georgetown University and an M.A. and Ph.D. in Social Psychology from Claremont Graduate University. Dr.Neff is an avid participant in the visionary art, music and culture scene in her home state of Colorado andbeyond. You might find her traveling the globe to give workshops, speeches and do research at transformationalfestivals. You can find her on Facebook and Twitter. Light and Love!

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Dr. Kelly NeffDr. Kelly Neff is a renowned psychologist, author, founder of The Lucid Planet and the hostof the nationally syndicated new talk radio show, Lucid Planet Radio, airing Wednesdayafternoons at 5pm ET. She has reached millions of people with her articles on psychology,


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transformation, and wellness, which have been featured on websites like The MindUnleashed, Mind Body Green, My Tiny Secrets, and now, The Lucid Planet. Before shebecame a full-time author, Dr. Neff spent seven years as a psychology professor where shehelped thousands of students learn about health, relationships, love and sexuality, andco-authored the groundbreaking manual in her field, Teaching Psychology Online. She has aB.A. in Psychology from Georgetown University and an M.A. and Ph.D. in Social Psychologyfrom Claremont Graduate University. Dr. Neff is an avid participant in the visionary art, musicand culture scene in her home state of Colorado and beyond. You might find her travelingthe globe to give workshops, speeches and do research at transformational festivals. You canfind her on Facebook and Twitter. Light and Love!

© The Mind Unleashed, Inc. 2015 - except

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Overthinking