Overcome Distruptive Workstyle Difference Key Terms · PDF fileintrovert and extrovert. Introverts being the folks that are self-contained and they tend to get their energy from themselves

Overcome Distruptive Workstyle Difference Key Terms

Term Definition Introduced in:

Auditory learnerThose who learn best and/or prefer to learn when audio cues are incorporated into the instruction method Module 3

Visual learnerThose who learn best and/or prefer to learn when visual and graphic cues are incorporated into the instruction method Module 3

Kinesthetic learner Those who learn best and/or prefer to learn from performing an action Module 3

Traditionalist Refers to a group of individuals born from 1920 ‐ 1945 Module 4

Baby Boomer Refers to a group of individuals born from 1946 ‐ 1964; also referred to as boomer(s) Module 4

Generation X Refers to a group of individuals born from 1965 ‐ 1980; also referred to as Gen X'er(s) Module 4

MillennialsRefers to a group of individuals born from 1980 ‐ 2000; also referred to as Generation Y or Gen Y'er(s) Module 4

Subconscious The part of the brain in charge of unconscious thought and autonomic functions (Limbic system) Module 1

Conscious The part of the brain in charge of active thought and learning Module 1

Glossary Page 1

Workstyle Differences Module 1 Page 1

WORKSTYLE DIFFERENCES MODULE ONE – UNDERSTANDING CONFLICT Module One – Understanding Conflict. Today, with more and more demands placed on

our time, disruptions in the work place can certainly slow us down. They can

create conflict amongst different teams and certainly can make us less

productive than we ever thought we could be. So, let’s take a look at what

causes conflict to get started. Conflict usually occurs because of differences.

These could be unmet needs or maybe even unrecognized differences. It could

be things that we are not even aware of and things that, until we become aware

of them, we just tend to ignore them or we try to resist or fight them. So, first

thing we need to take a look at in understanding conflict is a concept called the

horse and rider. A long time ago, Albert Ellis did a tremendous amount of work in

the area of understanding emotions. What he came to find out is that, when you

encounter someone that’s different than you, this triggers an instant reaction that

somehow, someway they’re often bad or wrong. I mean, think about it, when we

find things that are different, because they are different than us we often

categorize as not the same. We tend not to like things that aren’t like us. So,

what Albert Ellis found was that, when we categorize it as different or wrong, we

start to put barriers against it. When Tom Miller started a train from Albert Ellis’s

material, he created two characters to explain and interpret our emotions. The

first was the horse and the second was the rider. Now, your horse is your

subconscious. Doctor Albert Ellis said that it’s your subconscious that flags it as

different and flags it as bad or wrong. Tom Miller says that your horse calls it bad

or different. Let me explain the concept of the horse and the rider. These are


the two parts of your brain. The rider is your conscious mind. This is your neo

cortex this is the thinking part of your brain. This is the part of your brain that can

reason. This is the part of the brain that talks to yourself if you ever wondered

who it was. It’s the rider. This is the intellectual that attempts to control behavior.

This part of your brain chooses to learn, but this is also the part of your brain that

has to train the horse. Let’s take a look at the horse which is the second part of

your brain. The second part of your brain is called the subconscious or the limbic

system. This is the whole system that stores learned information. If we didn’t

have a horse, we wouldn’t be able to remember what happened or how to do

things. We’d forget, and we’d have to relearn them over and over and over

again. Well, it’s your horse that controls your unconscious behaviors and those

things that we’re not completely aware of. This is also the part that controls our

feelings. A horse is very tricky so we have to be careful, because when it sees

something as different, it just doesn’t say, “Oh, no. It’s different.” It goes on to

the extreme sometimes and says, “Oh, not. It’s wrong. It’s bad. It’s horrible. It

can’t be. It’s awful.” It puts emotion behind it. It uses everything it can to

influence us to protect in some way from something that’s different in its mind

potentially bad or wrong. Remember, the goal of the horse is to remain

unchanged. The only way you can change this is when the rider pays attention

and trains the horse. How does this come into conflict? Well, what happens is

we encounter somebody who is different than us, our horse rears up and says,

“Oh, no. It’s wrong. It’s bad.” We immediately start putting barriers up to that,

because they should be like us. They should do what we do. We’re right


because that’s the way we do it. Fortunately, that there creates the conflict. So,

in order to handle these differences, we first have to understand that our horse is

going to react. That’s how the horse is. It reacts. It’s not able to think. In order

for us to handle this, we have to keep our rider in control. As you hear me talking

about the different personalities today, it different learning styles, and the

differences that we have, listen to your horse and you’ll hear your horse go, “No,

that’s not right.” I want you to put your rider back in control and say, “It’s okay.

There’s differences, and they’re just differences.” That’s all. There is no right or

wrong. There is no best personality. There’s no best learning style. There’s no

best generation. They’re all equal. Today, as I go through that information, I

want to encourage to consider it’s all equal and it’s okay. Keep your horse,

remind your horse it’s okay, and the rider is going to have to do that. I am going

to ask you to stick with me and stay conscious through the entire event, because

you are going to have to first seek to understand before you’re going to be

understood. I know that might be frustrating, and I know when I first learned this

and when Doctor Stephen Covey first trained me this, I said, “Well, no they

should understand me. Why don’t they take time to understand me?” Doctor

Covey says, “Wouldn’t it be great if the world worked that way?” But it doesn’t.

We must first seek to understand somebody else before they will seek to

understand us. It has the ball in our court clearly. We have the power. We have

the control to be able to understand the differences and be able to make minor

adjustments to able to accommodate. What’s interesting is we start doing that


for other people; they start doing it for us. What happens is as our lens changes

and as we stop coding things as bad or wrong, it world start changing around us.

[End of recording.]


WORKSTYLE DIFFERENCES MODULE TWO – PERSONALITY STYLES Module Two – Personality Styles. What we find is that many behaviors, communication

and decision conflicts are all due to the behavior style that stems from a

personality. Each person has their own specific style. In fact, one group, the

Myers-Briggs, has categorized us into sixteen different styles. I’ve seen many

more and much less than that. So, we need to take the time to understand these

different styles, so as we see them, we go, “Oh, they’re just one of those.” We

know how to handle “one of those.” So, let’s start by breaking people up into two

categories. Either they’re open, or they are self-contained. Now, of course

everybody is a little bit of each. There’s times that I am very open and jovial and

out-going. And there’s other times that I really just want to be left alone. I bet

you have times like that. But, in general, most of us tend to be just a little bit

more open or a little bit more self-contained. As you’re thinking about yourself,

which are you? Do you tend to be a little bit more open? Or do you tend to be

just a little bit more self-contained? Now, sometimes, this is categorized into

introvert and extrovert. Introverts being the folks that are self-contained and they

tend to get their energy from themselves. Those are self-contained. Open tends

to be a little bit more extroverted, and they tend to get their energy from other

people. So, just consider yourself on that spectrum, which side are you a little bit

closer to? Are you a little bit more open and extroverted? Or are you a little bit

more self-contained and introverted? That’s the first category we are going to

take a look at. As you encounter somebody, ask yourself, “Are they reserved

and pulling back, or are they all out there and being the extrovert?” Now, the


next category we’re going to look at is indirect or direct. This is their manner of

communication. We’re all born with one or two styles of communication, either

more passive or more active, excuse me, aggressive. We are either more

passive and indirect or more aggressive and direct. Now, a passive person

tends to pull back a little bit. They tend not to be as forth coming. They tend not

to be as communicative where a direct or aggressive person tends to be tell you

pretty much how they feel or what they think. So, think about yourself. Are you

tending to be a little bit more passive? Do you tend to hold back and listen a little

more? Or do you tend to be a little bit more aggressive and you’re out there

telling people? Passive people tend to ask questions. Aggressive people tend to

tell instead of ask. Which side of the coin are you? As you come across folks,

know that people are either coded one way or the other. Here’s the interesting

thing: both can be effective. Both can be effective. There is no good and there is

no bad. There’s certainly adjustments, and there’s modifications, that can make

it effective for all of us. So, consider yourself. Now, take a look at the chart here,

and on this chart, I want you to consider which quadrant you fall into. Are you

open and indirect? Open and direct? Self-contained and indirect? Or self-

contained and direct? Go ahead and put a little mark where you are. Where do

you fall in this spectrum? Now, interestingly enough, you could be in multiple

categories. You could be a little bit of something at work, a little something

different at home, something when you’re out with your friends. It’s okay.

We all flex our personality styles, and that’s all we’re going to do as we

learn about these different personality styles. We are going to flex our style


to adjust to the different types of people that we meet. Here’s what we know:

people like people like themselves. So, when you become a little bit more

like the person that you’re having a small conflict with or that’s being

disruptive, it’s interesting how they suddenly become a little bit more like

us. It allows us to be able to communicate, to be able to build rapport, and

to be able to adjust. So, let’s take a look at those different personality styles.

There’s four main styles, and you know, there’s many different names and many

different programs for this from Briggs-Myers to DISC. Some trainers call them

colors. Some call them animals. I’m just going to use the model from Tony

Alessandra and the new edition relationship strategy. Tony calls them, very

simply, relators, socializers, thinkers, and directors. You got that? There are

relators, socializers, thinkers, and directors, so let’s go through each of them and

break them down. The relators, these are the people that are comfortable being

open and disclosing feelings and emotions. They’re very people oriented.

However, you’ll notice that they fall in the spectrum of being indirect, passive.

They tend to be a little slower paced. Now, you’ll also see the people-focused

are the S of the socializers. They love being with people, but instead of being

indirect, they tend to be more direct. They tend to be out there. They’re the life

of the party. They’re having fun. Two very different personalities, but both of

them very people focused. Now, the next group we are going to look at is the

group that is task focused. These are the thinkers and the directors. Now, your

thinkers tend to be more closed. They tend not to communicate as much. They

tend to be focused on detail and they’re very fact based. The directors, on the


other hand, tend to be your get-it-done folks. They are very task focused, but

they are going to tell you exactly what they think. Get it done. Move on.

Efficiency and effectiveness is their motto. So, two very different personalities

here, but both task focused. You can see how being indirect or direct makes a

big difference for both of these personalities. Now, let’s take a look at the open

and self-contained groups. So, if we look at the realtors and the thinkers, they

tend to both be more passive. They’re more reserved. Passive folks do not like

to get in conflict. They avoid conflict at all costs. They are the ones, the thinker

will say, “I need to think about it. I will get back to you.” The relator will say, “Oh,

that’s so wonderful, sure I’ll help.” Then, they get overwhelmed very quickly.

Both of them hate to say no and hate to involve conflict. So, be aware of that.

Notice the difference here. One is more open where the relator is more open.

They’ll share their emotions with you. They like being with people. They like

being with groups. They’re the ones with the candy dish and everyone comes to

see them, but the thinker is a very, very different personality. Both indirect, but

the thinkers are more self-contained. They like to work by themselves. They’re

okay working all by themselves and not having groups around them. In fact, they

kind of prefer it. So, next, let’s take a look at the aggressive group. That’s the

socializers and the directors. You’ll know that socializers are very open. They’re

very emotional, touchy-feely, charismatic, all loving life, larger than life, big

personality people where the directors tend to be more self-contained. They tend

to be more loners. They tend to do it by themselves. They want to get it done

and move on, so you’ll see here how even though they’re both aggressive,


whether they’re self-contained or open highly influences those personalities.

Well, let’s break them down a little bit further and take a look at each personality

and understand how to relate to them as well. So, let’s start with the relators.

You know the relators. The relator is that person that has all kinds of pictures in

their cube of them with other people or their children or friends. They’re the

people with the candy in the desk or the first aid kit. They’re the person that

remembers your birthday. They’re the person that will always remember that

your mother in the hospital and asks how she’s doing. Those are the relators.

These are true nurturers. They’re a shoulder to lean. If you need someone to

cry with, they’re there for you. They’re always inquiring on how you are. They’re

real people people. They’re very people focused but other focused. They’re very

comfortable with caring about your personal problems and things. Their thoughts

are like the glue. They hold teams together. They’re really about being

emotionally persuasive and connecting with feelings. They’re also good with

dealing with people’s issues, being loyal and being cheerleaders. They’re

amazing listeners. What you need to remember when working with a thinker is

they don’t like conflict in any way, shape, or form. This can definitely be a

weakness because they tend to avoid conflict. They let things bottle up and

shore up. They don’t confront an issue or a person. They come off as wishy-

washy because there’s so concerned about what everyone else wants that they

are afraid to say what they want. So, you’ll never hear a relator say, “This is

what I want.” They just do it. The way to approach a relator, now think about

this, is you got to slow down a little bit. They need more time to think things


through. They don’t want to be told that something is wrong and they don’t want

you to just come right out and talk about it. They want you to approach with

people issues. We will see that in one or the other personalities here in a little

bit. In asking them, “Well, what do you want?” just doesn’t work with them.

Always give them the personal touch: how are you doing? How do you feel

about that? I want you to be reassured that relators aren’t going on and on

because they are so you-focused. Just by taking the time to give the personal

touch will go a long way with these relators. Now, the thinkers, while they share

some of the qualities with relators, they’re also unique. Thinkers are also

analytical people. They’re detail oriented, organizers, analyzers, collectors of

information. They love a good chart. That really gets a thinker going. A good

chart, good organization systems, and a good plan. They’re planners. That’s

one of their strengths. That organization and analytical skills. They’re great at

finding the detail, and they’re great at finding problems, but also really good at

finding loopholes. They’re just as good at that analytical quality. Now, their

weakness would probably be that they don’t do well with making large leaps and

they don’t do well with change. They’re probably some of the most inflexible

people I’ve ever met. They can come off as stubborn. They can come off as

very negative. They’re good at finding flaws. Now, the best way to approach a

thinker is with time in mind. In fact, if you could send them an email with what

you want to talk about to set the appointment to tell them what you are going to

talk about so they can think about it before you get there. With thinkers, you

have to slow down. Use logic. Use step-by-step processes, and they will


absolutely love you. Leave the touchy-feely stuff at home for these guys. They

don’t need it, but show them a great chart, and you’ll be their friend forever.

Now, the socializers, this is a totally different animal all together. In fact, they are

the direct opposite of a thinker. A socializer is the person that is the party

person. They’re the person that has the great, the funny jokes all the time.

They’re the one with the great insight on what just happened. They’re often the

gossiper of the office. You wouldn’t believe what happened to me on the way to

work. I left my keys in the minivan and all these terrible things happened.

They’re amazing and they just draw people in. They motivate. Their strengths

are that they have vision and starting power, and they are just a delight to have

around because they make the party happen. But there are a few weaknesses,

and I know it’s hard to believe because socializers wouldn’t necessarily think

there’s any weaknesses there and that’s one of them. Socializers are feeling and

emotional people, and they’re people oriented, but they kind of tend to wear their

feelings and their emotions and everyone can see everything. Sometimes, they

can come off a little egotistical. Sometimes, we see that socializers have a hard

time being organized. They’re great starters, just not great finishers. We see

socializers what I call doing the “lily pad hopping.” They’re frogs. They jump

from one thing to another to another to another. The fingers, they just don’t

seem to ever finish sentences. They never finish a product, project, excuse me.

They fly through and things because confusing very quickly. So, how do you

approach one of these socializers? First of all, speed up. These guys are fast-

paced, high-talking. They want to get things done, have fun, chat about it and


everything’s at a fast pace for them. They think fast. They think out loud. So,

realize the first thing out of your mouth is probably not the ultimate decision or

where they are going, so give them that grace to keep talking and wait for it.

Approach them with being fun and creative. They love variety and they need to

be challenged. So, make sure you don’t put them in repetitive or boring things.

You’ll quickly lose a socializer. Now, the last group is the director. The director

shares some of the qualities of the socializer, but they are very different as well.

Directors tend to be direct and straight to the point. Socializers take the long way

around to give you the story. The director is straight A to B and nothing else. I’m

on the way to getting something else done. I don’t have time to waste. Directors

are those people that are great in a crisis. It’s one of their biggest strengths.

They’re able to see the problem. They’re able to quickly fix, and they’re

incredibly efficient, effective, and decisive people. These are your ladder

climbers, the achievers, the career jumpers. The problem is that they can often

alienate people around them and leave a little bit of bloody trail as they are

climbing that ladder. So, they’re very direct and right to the point. You know,

what do you want? This is the kind of, you know, little bit of tension there.

There’s no sugar coating when it comes to a director. So, how do we approach

them? Well, give them the main point first. Let them ask for the details. Be fast

about it. You don’t even need to complete or correct sentences of the director.

They just need to hear your give them the main point and then let them make a

decision. By the way, they would rather you do something and do it wrong than

to do nothing at all. That’s really important, because these are risk takers. They


want to see people taking risks and doing things rather than sitting on the fence

and thinking about it and being wishy-washy. So, as we can see, these four

personalities are extremely different. They’re all different in their approach, but

they all have some similarities as well. You’ll notice the relators and directors are

pretty much the direct opposite as are socializer and thinkers. What I want you

to think about here is which one are you? Which of those do you fall into? I

know earlier, I asked you, “Are you more open or self-contained? Are you more

indirect or direct?” But now, based on the description, are you more of a relator,

socializer, thinker, or director? Sometimes, you will find that you are a little bit of

all of them, and that’s okay. We all change personalities but think about yourself

at work. Think about, while you are working with the people, excuse me, while

you are working and with the different people that you work with, how are you

most of the time? So, looking at the chart again, where do you fall? Mark

yourself. It’s okay to be wrong here. Thinkers and socializers, I know, you

probably put a really big star and an exclamation point next to it. Directors, I

understand you want to me to move on already. You got the point. So, once

you’ve marked yourself down, I want you to think about where your boss would

fall. By the way, it’s easier to figure out where other people than it is for yourself.

Think about your boss. It’s okay if they’re sitting next to you, but where do you

think they are? Are they a relator, a thinker, a socializer, or director? You know

again, of course we all flex our personalities from time to time, but consider it.

Now, where would you put you other folks? The people that maybe annoy you

most. Think about them. Is it a coworker that tends to get under your skin? Is it


a vendor? Is it a specific customer? What style do you think they are? Take a

moment to consider their style as well. Now, what I want you to do is take a look,

because there’s some interesting trends that start to occur. Typically, we see the

biggest problems between the personality styles that are the in opposite

quadrants, so the thinkers and the socializers often clash, the relators and the

director often clash. Is that where your biggest conflicts are? If they are, what

we need to do to approach them is to take a look at the approaches we talked

about earlier. We are going to need to take a look at how can we flex our

personality just a little bit so that we can relate to them? Part of this becomes

just accepting them as different. Remember, they are just different. They’re not

like us. They’re not wrong or bad because they think differently. They’re just

simply different. That’s all we have to remember when it comes to personalities.

They’re different. When we can flex and adjust, it makes working with them a

whole lot easier.

[End of recording.]


WORKSTYLE DIFFERENCES MODULE THREE – LEARNING STYLES Module Three – Learning Styles. Learning styles is another difference that we see that

creates frustration in the work place. If we can recognize the main styles we

learn and understand them, we can begin to develop an understanding of why

somebody does the things they do. We are going to improve our communication

with them. Now, there’s actually about nine learning styles that have been

discovered. For time’s sake, we are only going to focus on the three main styles

which are visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. Now, I am going to start with the

visual learning style. If you’re following along in the handout or if you happen to

have a piece of paper, just draw a circle. In that circle, I want you to draw some

eye balls next to the word visual. I want you to remember, visual is all about

seeing. They have to see it to understand it. These people like to look at

instructions. They actually read printed books, especially printed instruction

books. They like to read emails. These people say things like, “Oh, I see” or “I’m

getting the picture now” or “yeah, I can see how that fits together.” They use a lot

of “sees” and they need to see things. These folks also often tend to leave

notes. They often tend to send emails versus leaving voicemails. These are

visual type learners. The second group is auditory. They’re very different from

the visuals. Now, if you’re drawing your circle for your auditory, in your artwork, I

want you to draw an ear. Draw two ears on the side of it. Remember, the

auditory people need to hear it. They’d rather hear a book than read it. Boy do

they love books on tapes. That’s become a big bonus to them. Auditory people

are people who will often say things like, “Oh, I hear what you’re saying.” These


clues tell us that they like to learn by hearing. Interestingly enough, these folks,

instead of leaving emails, tend to leave voicemails. They tend to do more

auditory things versus visual things. So, it’s important that you do understand if

you have an auditory learner, they’re going to pick things up very, very different

than your visual learner. They need to hear it versus read it. Now, the third type

is kinesthetic. If you’re drawing a circle, I want you to draw a hand in that circle.

See, kinesthetic learners are hands-on learners. Those of you who as children

liked to take things apart like telephones or radios or toasters and try to put them

together, you’re probably most likely a hands-on learner. These folks tend to say

things like, “Well, just let me do it. I’ll get a better feeling for it.” They tend to use

words like “feel.” “I have to try it. Let me do it.” Seeing is good. Hearing is

good, but doing it is better for them. Now, what’s interesting is that all of us learn

with all three styles. If all we do is focus on one style because that’s our

predominant and it’s not the other person’s main style, we are going to start to

see some conflict there. We will start to see some disruption because we’re not

relating to them. So, we need to take a look at using all three. We need to use

visual, auditory, as well as kinesthetic. In fact, there’s an old Chinese proverb

that says, “Tell me and I forget. Show me and I remember. Involve me and I

understand.” So, let’s take a quick look. As we are talking about these three,

audio, kinesthetic, and visual, which one are you? Do you like to see things? Do

you prefer to hear them? Or do you need to do them? I will tell you, your visuals

tend to be your quickest learners. Your auditory tend to take a little bit more time.

I apologize, kinesthetics; you tend to take the longest. For those of us like me


who is a kinesthetic, it’s okay if we take a little longer to learn. Just know that

that’s our style. I’m going to challenge you. If you’re working with an individual

that tends to take a little bit longer to learn things who needs to do them, it may

not be that they’re slow or that they don’t understand. It may be just that they’re

a kinesthetic learner, and maybe, they’ve been given material for reading and

hearing and they can’t learn that way. Do consider which type are you and write

it down. Then, I also want you to think about what type are the people that you

work with? Are they more kinesthetic? Do they have to do it? Are they more

visual? Or are they more auditory? Think about what clues have they given, and

how are they different than you? Consider, do they tend to leave more

voicemails for you or do they tend to give you more emails? Do they tend to

come over and talk to you in person? Your kinesthetic want more of a feel, so

they tend to like to talk to people in person versus voicemails or emails. So,

depending on the style will determine how they like to interact, but remember,

none of them are better than any of the others. They’re just different. It doesn’t

matter if they are auditory, kinesthetic, or visual. They’re all just different but

equal all the same.

[End of recording.]


WORKSTYLE DIFFERENCES MODULE FOUR – GENERATIONAL DIFFERENCES Module Four – Generational Differences. This is one of the biggest stretches and one of

the ones that creates the most conflict in the work place. It’s your generation.

Interestingly enough, we are in a time right now in history where we have four

generations in the work place. They are four very dissimilar generations. So, if

you’re taking notes, we are going to go over some specifics of these generations,

and you are going to want to jot these down to remember them. We are going to

take this and outline it step-by-step, but just keep in mind, I mean, think if you

were to go on vacation with your grandparents, the parents, the kids and throw in

some siblings as well. Wouldn’t it be a crazy vacation? Everyone has different

want, different things they want, and it’s going to be just a big crazy. So, let’s

take a look at each of these and break them down. There’s four generations we

are going to look at. We are going to look at the traditionalists, the baby boomers

which we are going to call “boomers,” the generation X which we are going to call

“gen X-ers,” and the millennials. Now sometimes, the millennials are also called

generation Y or gen nexters. We are just going to use millennials for today. I

want to give you an idea of each of these generations so you can understand

how this creates conflict and certainly disrupts the workplace if we don’t

understand the different needs of each of these generations. So, let’s start with

the traditionalists. With traditionalists, we typically see between the 1920s and

the 1940s. These people were going through the Great Depression, World War

II. They saw the first nuclear bomb. Hiroshima occurred. This was a time of

great responsibility, a time of great patriotism. The messages really shaped


those traditionalists were things like “make do or do without.” They were told to

stay in. It was all about sacrifice, being heroic and considering the common

good. These were the messages of the traditionalists: make do or do without,

stay in line, sacrifice, be heroic, consider the common good. If you were raised

during the time of the Great Depression or World War II and these kind of

messages of great responsibility, well they are going to shape you. So, let’s look

at some specifics about the traditionalists. They had very strong impacts on their

views and values. They translate it into the work place. So, looking at the

traditionalists, these events and messages created their outlook, their work ethic,

their view of authority and the way they view leadership, how to they lead and

how to leave leadership done. The kinds of relationships, what do you do in a

relationship and what are relationships about? Everything including their

perspective was formed, so let’s start with their outlook. Their outlook is about

being practical. It makes sense doesn’t it? We come through the depression,

come through World War II. You’ve got to be very practical. Their work ethic is

about dedication. These are a generation of very dedicated, very loyal people.

What is their view of authority? It’s respectful. They always are very respectful

of people in authority, people in power, and any generation above them. That is

the way they were raised. See, leadership is done through hierarchy. We’ve had

to earn our way to the top. You respect the people at the top and work your

down and up. Now, relationships for traditionalists, it’s about personal sacrifice.

Personal sacrifice is the key to a strong and healthy relationship. Finally, their

perspective, well, their perspective on the world is civic duty. Think about it. This


is the generation that went to war and gave it up and did the sacrifice for their

family. Their children went out in the streets very early to earn any kind of scrap

of food or money they could to bring back to the family. For traditionalists, these

outlooks, ethics, views of authority and leadership, they all continue to how they

respond in the work place. Now, think about what do they expect from customer

service? How do they expect to be sold? What do they expect when they go out

to dinner? This is a very unique generation. It’s a generation that’s still in the

workplace today. If we don’t understand them, it’s very easy to create conflict

with them. So, let’s take a look at the next generation: that’s the baby boomers.

They’re typically from the 1940s to the 1960s. They were in the time of the

Korean War. Obviously, this is a time when television hit our families, excuse

me, hit the homes. It became part of our lives. It wasn’t really, it wasn’t – the

McCarthy hearing were occurring during this time. Rock ‘n Roll began as part of

this mainstream. Think about it. The Cold War was very, very prevalent. People

during this time, they were dealing a lot of things happening. The nuclear bomb

shaped their lives. The message they were hearing is “you can do anything you

want. You can change the world.” They were told they worked really well with

others. They had to live up to expectations. These are all things that shaped

their belief and the way they looked at things. Now, obviously, this is very

different than the way the traditionalists grew up, a very different formation. So,

let’s look at little deeper about how the boomers were affected by the way they

grew up. Of course, their outlook is very optimistic. You can do anything. You

can be anything. Boomers were coming into the world during the greatest time of


optimism ever in the United States history. Their work ethic was driven. It was

all about hard work and you can get there. We can do it. That’s where America

was. It was building itself to the pinnacle of its height and glory in becoming the

great nation everyone believed it could. The American dream was what

everything was about for the people of this generation. The view of authority was

kind of a love-hate view. You got to think back to the beginning of Woodstock,

the flower children, the Vietnam protests were during this time, the McCarthy

hearing. There was a love-hate beginning of a view of authority. Now,

leadership, well, they believed that they should be done consensus, not just

because you are the person who has been there the longest. Relationships were

about personal gratification, having it all. This is a time to indulge. The

perspective, well, it was a team perspective. The team perspective goes back to

that leadership view of consensus. Here’s the boomers in the time of great

achievement. The nation making some of the greatest strides in history, and we

are going to the moon during this time. People believe they can shoot for the

moon. They can do anything. We really see them being driven. They want to

see their coming out. These are a time of being accepted and told about it.

Then, now, we are starting to see the difference between the traditionalists and

the boomers. So, let’s see even more differences as we look at the next

generation. The X generation or the generation X-ers, that’s the time of 1960-

1980s. It is a really important time for these people because they went through

Vietnam. They went through the civil rights movement, the assassination of

Kennedy and King. They saw the first moon landing, Woodstock, Nixon


resigning, the first computers, the women’s movements. This generation was

literally shaped by some of the fastest moving history we’ve ever seen. The

message that was given to them was, “don’t count on it. You’ve got to be real.

You’ve got to survive and stay alive and ask why. Don’t take anything for

granted.” Let’s think about that. The message that shaped the generation X was

“don’t count on it.” It was things are going to constantly change so they were

brought up in an ever changing world and this has drastically affected their view

so let’s take a look at those views. See, the boomers are optimistic. The X

generation, because they couldn’t count on anything, they became skeptical.

These are the latch key kids. They are people that for the first time in history saw

all rampant parts, excuse me, saw a rampant range of divorce in their homes.

They began to say, well, it’s not about the career. My work ethic is about being

balanced. They wanted to have work-life balance. They felt mislead by the

American dream. Their view of authority is unimpressed. They sought too many

people. Their view of authority: unimpressed. They looked at people like Bill

Clinton who they thought was a great god of authority, and they watched him fall

off the pedestal. Leadership, they believed, needed to be done by competence.

They can’t stand incompetence. It again goes back to seeing so many things

that they felt misled by. They watched Enron go down. They also saw in

relationships and reluctancy to commit. If you got key latch key kids going

through divorce during their formative years, they didn’t think they could count on

it. This is a reluctancy to commit because there’s nothing that is guaranteed.

What is their perspective? Well, it’s self. It’s all about the self. They can’t rely


on anybody but themselves. These people are survivors. These people are

staying alive and they didn’t take anything for granted. They always asked why.

The gen X-ers were in great contrast to the people that came before them. If we

look at the traditionalists and we look at the boomers, we begin to see these

generations went through different experiences, and it really transformed the way

they looked at the world. Next, let’s look at the next group which is our

millennials. They came along between 1980s and 2000. What really formed

them were these events. It was the Challenger exploded. They saw the fall of

the Berlin wall. They saw John Lennon being shot. They saw Desert Storm

occur, Oklahoma City bombings, the death of princess Diana, the Clinton

scandals, 9-11. For millennials, the message that really came out and shaped

them through all these events was be smart. You’re special. Leave no one

behind. You’ve got to be connected 24/7 and achieve now as well as serve your

community. Just hearing what each of these generations went through, the

formative events and the messages that came out, we begin to see that

obviously each generation’s going to have some pretty extreme differences.

Now, as we look deeper into the millennials, we saw that their outlook is hopeful.

During these formative years, the families were all about them. They saw their

families taking an interest in their children. This is a group that went through that

everyone goes to college, no child left behind. So, these are folks there are

brimming with hope and work ethic is very ambitious. Their view of authority is

relaxed and polite. They don’t have that contention that some of the other

generations have, because they have been raised in a world of diversity, the


“can’t we all just get along; we are the world” kind of feeling. Now, leadership for

them is done by achievers, people who work to get, and if you keep achieving,

then we can do it. Their relationships are very loyal because they had parents

who took time away from their work to invest in their children and their children’s

lives and to help them to achieve their dreams. Now, the perspective is civic.

These are people who saw things like the Challenger explosion. These are the

people who saw things like the fall of the Berlin wall and 9-11. They saw a much

boarder view of the world. Really, they all wanted just to work together. So,

based on your age and a little bit of description, where are you? Are you a

traditionalist, a boomer, a gen X-er, or a millennial? I want you to ask yourself: if

you’re near the edge, a couple of years on either side, are you really that

generation? Sometimes, those of who are on the edge, maybe you were born in

1965, you could be a gen X-er or you could be a boomer. It depends on which

one you relate to more and it depends on who raised you as well. So, there’s a

lot of things that influence the way you think and your belief system. So, as

you’re thinking about which generation are you, think about which generation is

your boss. They might be born during one of those edge years, so be cautious

that they could actually be born during the gen X-er but actually might have more

values more like a boomer. Do keep that in mind as well. In some cases where

individuals are raised by an older generation, say for example, I was actually

born as a gen X-er, but I was raised by my grandmother which was a

traditionalist, so I tend to have a little bit more baby boomer thoughts about me,

because that’s what was instilled in me from her. So, do keep that in mind as


well. There are some other factors that can influence which generation you think

more like and based on what was your view of things. Now, lastly, take a look

and which generation are the people that frustrate you. The ones that are

disruptive, what’s interesting is often times, they’re a different generation. That

there creates the rub. That there creates the difference that we have to manage.

It’s important that as we understand each generation, we understand that they

have different needs, that they have different desires. I have a friend who has a

habit of saying, “People are just people.” Well, of course we are. Most of us

have two arms, two legs, two eyes, two ears, a mouth, and a nose. We breathe

oxygen. We eat food. We sleep at night. For the most part, we are very much

alike. As we start to peel those layers of the onions, we start to find differences.

If we ignore those differences, we start to create more and more conflict because

we don’t understand why someone isn’t like us. It’s important that we keep

reminding our horse along the way that they’re just different. It’s okay that

people are different. As we adjust and understand and spot those differences, it

becomes much, much easier to work with and to relate to each of those

individuals.

[End of recording.]

Workstyle Differences – Module 5 Page 1

WORKSTYLE DIFFERENCES MODULE FIVE – MANAGING DIFFERENCES Module Five – Managing Differences. Wow, there certainly is a lot of differences that

we have to keep our eye on. There’s personality differences, whether there are

relators, socializers, thinkers, or directors; there’s learning styles. We’ve got

visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. Then, we’ve got four different types of

generations. We’ve got the traditionalists, the boomers, the gen X-ers, as well as

the millennials. There’s certainly a lot of differences that come into the

workplace, and you know what? There’s good and bad in everything. The key

is, we’re all unique and we’re all equally valuable. How do you bring out this

uniqueness instead of making them opposites? How do you make them

complement? How do you bring them out to unify them? The question is how do

we combine each of these individuals’ behavior styles and learning styles so that

we can start to see how to reduce the disruption? It starts with understanding a

process for coping with these differences. Because, you are going to come

across it, and you are going to start to see these differences. After today, you

are going to recognize them more and more. But the question is, you are not

going to be able to always adjust every single time. So, let me give you a

process to help you to start to see the differences and to become more aware of

when it is necessary to adjust. So, let’s start with step number one. It assesses

the situation. This is a about being able to respond and not react. Remember,

your horse is going to want to react. Different: oh, wrong, bad. We are going to

want to resist that tends to be the natural experience for the horse. Being able to

assess the situation, we are going to be able to come at it from a logical


perspective from the rider and be able to reason our experience and our ability.

Now, when we assess the situation, it allows us, instead of immediately reacting,

we are going to be able to step back, take a moment, understand it, and then

move on to step number two. Now, step number 2 is to view the behavior

objectively. We’ve all heard it. It’s the behavior not the person. However, in the

heat of the moment or at an encounter with a behavior, sometimes we can lose

sight of that. Sometimes, it becomes the person instead of just the behavior. By

understanding and learning about the pieces that create someone’s personality,

the learning styles and the differences due to their generation, we can begin to

see that there are reasons for the behavior beyond the obvious that we think is

just annoying us. Now, we need to be clear about what behavior is rather than

making these broad sweeping statements. You know, instead of saying, “You’re

driving me crazy.” That doesn’t help anybody to change their behavior. So,

when you’re looking to have an individual change their behavior, it’s important

that we are specific about the behavior we are asking to be changed. For

example, we could say something like, let’s say for example, our boss always

chooses to leave very short notes on our desk, and we don’t always understand

them. So, we could simply say, instead of, “When you leave those notes, it

drives me crazy.” It really doesn’t tell the boss how to change or what we want.

We want to focus on asking for what we want. So, it could be something like,

“When you leave the notes on my desk, it is very frustrating for me. In order for

me to give you the information you want, it would be better if you could drop me

an email or leave me a voicemail or talk to me about it, so I have a better


understanding.” In this way, we can communicate to our probably director boss

that we need a little bit more information, that we are not quite on the same wave

length as them because they may not have communicated everything that we

need at that moment. Again, it’s important that we focus on the behavior not the

fact that they’re just driving us crazy. Now, step number 3 is we to formulate and

implement a plan. This starts by understanding that we are different and that

reminder: we are just different. That’s okay. We need to accept that we are not

going to change them. We are probably going to need to mold, modify, bend our

personality a little bit to adjust to them. Once we can adjust to them and get back

in alignment and rapport with them, we’ll find that they do it a little bit more for us,

and before we know it, things are back on the up and up. So, step number 3 is to

formulate and implement a plan. Now, in step number 4, as you start to

implement that plan, you are going to want to monitor your progress. It’s not

going to happen in one day. I don’t want to create any false hope here, but it’s

not going to take monumental leaps. It’s going to be slow progress over time. I

want you to be monitor it. I want you to see how the relationship starts to bend

and adjust and how over time as you adjust to their style, they’re going to adjust

to your style. Lastly, modify your plan as needed. It’s not always going to work

the same with every person and every situation. That’ means you might need

more tools for some people and less tools for others. As long as you have your

tools, I would highly recommend, if you’ve been taking notes today, to go ahead

and review those on a regular basis. Even though I train this information and I

know it inside and out, sometimes, there’s just that one person that somehow


gets under my skin and I forget that it’s just differences. I forget they’re a thinker

and I tend to be a socializer, and that’s what creates the clash. Maybe I’m in my

thinker mode and they’re in there socializer mode, and that what creates the

clash. We want to remember that, because it is easy to forget especially when

we get caught up in the moment. Let’s review those five steps one more time.

First is to assess the situation. Make sure that you know exactly what’s

happening and take a look at it. Now, number 2, view the behavior objectively.

Of course they are annoying you and they’re driving you crazy, but take a look at

what specific behavior do you want have changed? Be able to ask for it.

Number 3, formulate and implement your plan. Decide okay, the next time they

do this, I’m going to do this, this, and this. If you’re of the thinker mode and you

like to plan, you might even want to script it out. I find personally that that’s that

best way for me to handle it to keep me less emotional and a little bit more

logical. I got to plan to out what I’d like to say, so the next time my boss does

this, I’m going to say this, this, and this. Did you ever notice when you’re upset,

it’s sometimes really hard to think? Sometimes when you clear your mind, it’s

easier to say: okay, when this happens, I’m going to do this, this and this. That’s

why formulating and implementing your plan is so important. Now step number

4, we mentioned you are going to monitor your progress. Lastly, number 5, you

are going to modify your plan. If you’re seeing that that is not working, then you

are going to want to adjust. Step number, and that’s our last step. So, our five

step process for coping with disruptions in the workplace. Let’s take a look at

some examples now. Let’s go ahead and take a look at some examples. I’m


going to read a scenario. I want you to listen to the clues. I want you to hear

what’s going on, and I want you to think about a plan. We are going to analyze

each situation and a take a look at the solutions. Let’s start with scenario

number 1: different personality styles. In the workplace, we have John and Neil.

Whenever John had something to approach Neil about, he would just drop by

Neil’s desk and interrupt whatever Neil is doing. Now, John would always start

off by telling some funny story, and Neil would find himself cringing as John

would enter dramatic gestures and start jumping around. Neil finds himself, you

know, frustrated, and John just keeps going through his pockets looking for the

post it notes that he knows he had somewhere. Neil continues to work on the

chart he is looking at, taking his time and trying to take notes, and John is just

trying to figure out what to say. So, let’s go ahead and analyze this and see what

clues we’re hearing here. See, John approached Neil. We see that John comes

in and immediately interrupts him. This gives us a clue about how John views

himself and about how John views what Neil does. We also see that John has

the funny story sense. He’s jumping around. We see that he’s a dramatic

person. We see he’s not very organized. Probably by now, you know that this is

cluing you in that John’s probably a socializer. He’s funny. He’s outgoing. He’s

not organized. Those are typical keys to being a socializer. Now, what about

Neil? Well, Neil doesn’t like that he’s being interrupted. He finds himself cringing

as John goes through these stories. Neil finds himself confused. He likes to

work on details. He’s got a chart he’s working on, and this probably is going to

indicate that us he’s most likely a thinker. So, if we were to look at these two, we


can see that they’re diabolical opposites. They’re on exact opposite sides of the

chart. No wonder there’s a disruption going on here. So, let’s take a look at

what he can do to solve that. We have two opposites trying to interact both in

their native areas. They are not going to get along really well, so both are going

to have to flex. Let’s just say John is the one that’s got the challenge. So, John

is going to do a little bit of flexing. John realizes he needs to connect and to get

the information from Neil a little bit better. He’s really frustrated that he can’t

communicate with Neil. So, what John does is, here’s a couple of things John

can do. First, he can schedule a time to talk with Neil. Remember, Neil needs

time to think. He’s not a spontaneous, on his feet type of person. He needs

process, so he can schedule a time to talk with Neil. This will allow Neil time to

prepare, and it will also slow things down from Neil. Remember, Neil doesn’t like

to go fast. Neil is a process orientated person. It’s step-by-step, very articulate,

very detailed. Now, I’m going to also recommend that John, when he speaks to

Neil, he needs to slow down a little bit. He needs to take out the funny jokes, and

he needs to just get to the point a little big quicker and communicate what he

needs to say. Now, we are not asking John to completely throw his personality

out the window. We are just asking him to calm down just a little bit so that’s a

little easier for Neil to relate to him. When he follows these simple steps, we will

start to see that John, the socializer, and Neil, the thinker, can come together and

accomplish a whole lot more. Next, let’s take a look at different learning styles.

Sherry had a boss that would inevitably leave memos on her desk when he knew

she was at the other end of the building. Most of the time, she was doing


trainings. He knew she checked her voicemail, because she always left him a

voicemail when she was doing the trainings. Now, one day, the boss dropped off

a memo at her desk, and Sherry was out doing training as normally was. She

didn’t get back for many hours later. When she finally left the boss a voicemail

and he called her back, he goes, “Well, I needed that five hours ago.” Sherry is

thinking to herself, but if you had just left me a voicemail, I could’ve gotten to it

much quicker. But no, he insisted on emails and notes. Sherry felt like she was

being ineffective and inefficient. Really, that it was going to be her and she was

going to be blamed for not being efficient. So, she realized what was happening.

Her boss was a visual learner. He likes visual clues. She kept trying to leave

him auditory messages because of convenience. What she realized is she

needed to modify how she communicated with him. When she began to shoot

him back emails, all of a sudden, the memos turned into emails, and it was a lot

more responsive for both sides. Interestingly enough, when this happened, the

relationship improved immeasurably. The boss began to feel like they

connected, they understood each other and before you know it, Sherry was

getting a raise and a promotion. So, let’s analyze this one. They are both task-

orientated. We can see that. They both want to get stuff done. As you can see,

the boss liked the visual details, and Sherry liked to leave voicemails. The most

important thing here is that Sherry is trying to be efficient and effective in getting

the job done. That resorted to her using the voicemail system, so the boss could

have helped her out by responding via voicemail, but he was the boss. So,

sherry adopted and flexed so that she could be more effective and a better


employee. If we look here, Sherry is task oriented. She likes to be efficient. She

was leaving voicemails. Most likely, she’s auditory director. She is auditory

because she is leaving auditory clues, and she’s a director because she likes to

get things done and be efficient. The boss on the other hand, he’s task oriented.

He’s leaving notes, and he’s visual. He’s most likely a visual thinker. So, we see

the differences here in these two personalities. We see how if by sharing flexing

just a little bit, she’s able to align better with her boss and be able to create a

stronger relationship. Now, there’s also generational differences we have to take

a look at. Let’s take a look at Patricia and Derek. Patricia was really invested in

her career. She felt like she was making a difference by the work she was doing.

That’s why she couldn’t understand why Derek had turned down an opportunity

to advance. He kept training to explain that he wanted balance and he didn’t

need some big title to feel successful. She could always count on him to manage

a variety of projects at the same time and be focused. By Derek, he couldn’t

always understand why she had this deduction to corporate and corporate speak.

So, if we take a look at what we have going on here, we have Patricia who

doesn’t understand why Derek doesn’t want to advance and wants to make a

difference. She is also extremely loyal to the corporation. Now, if we look at

Derek, he wants life-work balance. He doesn’t need a big title to be successful.

So, what’s probably going on is Patricia is a boomer. She’s probably most likely

a realtor because she wants to make a difference. Now, Derek on the other side,

he’s probably a gen X-ers because he really doesn’t need that title and because

he likes getting things done. He’s probably more of a director. If we take a look


at these two, we can see how the conflict is brewing here. I want you to keep in

mind, there is no right one way. There’s tons of different approaches, and what

works for one person won’t work for another. So, how you handle this becomes

critical. We need to be able to flex just a little bit to be able to help the other

person see our point of view by us seeing a little bit more of their point of view.

Now remember, differences are differences. We need to first seek to understand

and then be understood.

[End of recording.]

Documents

Overcome Distruptive Workstyle Difference Key Terms · PDF fileintrovert and extrovert. Introverts being the folks that are self-contained and they tend to get their energy from themselves