© 2010 - 2010 Anointed Fire Magazine- AnointedFire.com

All Things Are Working TogetherBy Ebony Chandler

Many people ask if it is lawful or sinful to have friends of the opposite sex when you are married and should your mate have an issue with this. The truth is that there is no blanket answer for this question because it truly has to be cookie cut for each marriage and even each friendship within that marriage. One common thread however will always be that before deciding to call someone of the opposite sex a friend, you must first check (discern) their heart towards you and your marriage. One thing about friendship is that true friends will not allow you to mess up if they can help it and they certainly will not attempt to persuade you to mess up and if that man or woman is attempting to sway you to participate in extramarital activities with them or they wouldn’t hold you accountable if you were unfaithful with someone else they are not worthy of friendship. It is critical to exchange dialogue with your mate in regards to how they would feel about you keeping or cultivating relationships with other men or women because at the end of it all , your loyalty is to be to God first and then to your mate and everyone else falls in line in the hierarchy thereafter. If you and your mate have legitimate issues that would cause them to feel uneasy with you keeping such friendships then using Godly wisdom you would find that that is not the best choice for the livelihood of your union. If each time you have had a friendship with the opposite sex, you have found yourself in questionable situations whether intentionally or unintentionally then that also is an indication that you may need to shy away from those types of interactions. Bonds outside of your home can be an asset when they are healthy and when there are defined boundaries set up. Friendships can provide a wonder support system and even an extra layer of accountability for each spouse if they are governed using wisdom and transparency with your mate. As wonderful as the intentions maybe, if either mate struggles with lust or the need to search for attention outside of the marriage ( even non-sexual) then that mate should first concern themselves with surrendering that intimate broken place to the Father so that he may be able to cleanse and restore it and seal it tight before they can allow anyone outside of their home in their personal space. When people do not have someone beyond their mate to talk to, at times they may complain of feeling “trapped” or “boxed in” and that too can cause issues between husband and wife. If both parties agree that outside support is needed, another healthy alternative is linking up with other married couples where they can also find an avenue for not only support and strength but also an outlet for them to have good clean fun with other trustworthy like-minded people where they can feel safe also. Finding another marital team who are standing for strong marriages and who are striving to obtain and maintain a healthy home life and who also share some common values can truly build a marriage up on all sides. One thing in matrimony that can be frightening for a spouse is to feel like they have no one to lean on or even to laugh with beyond their mate. For some couples that is not a concern, but if you are someone who desires added support than another married couple who is healthy can be a gift. No matter which direction you are looking, before seeking relationships aside from your marriage make sure that they will compliment the marriage and not compete with the marriage. All relationships outside of home must come subject to the relationship in the home even if you had that friend before the marriage. Its key to remember that aside for God, your spouse is always the most important person in your life. We are not to worship our mate but its critical that we continuously honor them with our choices.

© 2010 - 2010 Anointed Fire Magazine- AnointedFire.com