NOT GONE

Catherine Kapahi Ph.D.

Prelude to a New Beginning

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© 2012 Catherine Kapahi, Ph.D. ISBN 978 – 0 – 9683161 – 7 - 7 All rights including the rights to translate or to reproduce this book or parts thereof except for brief quotations are reserved. First Edition, 2012 – 500 Copies Published by: Kapahi Books 60 Walter Havill Drive, Unit 1208 Halifax, N.S., Canada B3N 0A9 Printed through: Northern Book Center 4221/1 Ansari Road, Daryaganj New Delhi - 110002, India Phones: 011 - 23264519, 23271626, 23280295 Fax: 011 – 23252651 Email: nbcnd@bol.net.in

NOT GONE

Catherine Kapahi Ph.D.

Prelude to a New Beginning

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DeDicateD at the Lotus Feet

oF

Bhagavan sri sathya sai BaBa

the eternaL Witness

the MerciFuL guru

anD

the Divine Mother

anD

Father oF aLL

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

My heartfelt thank You to Lord Sathya Sai Baba for making this book possible through Your conversations in the consciousness, great love, guidance and inspiration to this author.

Thank you to Dr. Joshua David Stone for permission to use passages from his book, The Complete Ascension Manual: How to Achieve Ascension in This Lifetime, (see Appendixes).

Thank you to Jacqueline S. Blackburn, word processor, for preparing this book for printing.

Thank you to Ashley Morash, graphic designer, for the cover design.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

DEDICATION ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION Who is Sai Baba? ....................................................................... xiv

CHAPTER I SEPTEMBER Preparing My Spirit for Ascension ............................................ 1 Baba Resides in the Spiritual Heart ........................................... 2 If I Appear in Your Condo .......................................................... 2 That is Why I Love You So Much .............................................. 3 You Have My Grace and Love for Liberation .......................... 3 They were not My Devotees ....................................................... 5 I was Very Hard on You ............................................................. 6 You have been with Me for Many Lives ................................... 7 I Want You to Befriend Your Husband .................................... 8 You May do a Book of My Messages ........................................ 9 You are Very Lucky ..................................................................... 9 Baba Prompts Husband to Buy Condo for Me ...................... 11 I Am Fierce and Strong ............................................................. 12 The Family is Important to Me ................................................. 12 Do not Worry About Friends ................................................... 15 God’s Love is Within the Spiritual Heart ............................... 16 Does God Love Fun? ................................................................. 17 Get Rid of the Cats ..................................................................... 18 Baba Overlighting My Soul is a Massive Grace ..................... 19 Baba Talks About His Mission ................................................. 20 Baba’s Compassion Throughout My Suffering ..................... 22 Baba Pierced my Heart with Shabd (Aum) ............................ 23 Baba’s Guidance for Relationship with Husband ................. 24 I am Flexible ................................................................................ 25 Doubt will Bring you Down ..................................................... 26

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Concentrate on Me Fully ........................................................... 26 Only Oneness with Me will Quench Your Thirst .................. 27 Do not Give Truth to Those Who have not Asked ................ 28 Our Discussion about My Cats ................................................ 29

CHAPTER II OCTOBER The World cannot take Your Awareness Away .................... 31 If there is Only One, Why am I lonely? ................................... 32 Love All as Embodiments of God ............................................ 32 Christ Equals Jivanmukta ......................................................... 34 I Love You Very Much, You are Very Dear to Me ................ 36 Sai Mother’s Concern ................................................................ 37 Your Husband Misses You ....................................................... 37 Offer Me that Fullness of Love that You Are ......................... 38 I Am Coming Back ..................................................................... 39 Be Careful What You Say to People ........................................ 41 I am in the 5th Initiation ............................................................. 42 I Am Always with You .............................................................. 42 Eat Sattwic Food ......................................................................... 43 I Like Your Book ......................................................................... 44 It is Already the Truth ............................................................... 45 I Have a Plan for You ................................................................ 45 No Talking about our Relationship ......................................... 46 Do You Like Me? ........................................................................ 47 Are You Disappointed with Me? ............................................. 49 Am I doing My Duty? ............................................................... 50 I Am Very Pleased with You .................................................... 51 I Want Your Husband to Visit My Ashram ............................ 52 Intimacy with my Husband ...................................................... 53 Divine Shakti (Energy) .............................................................. 54 I Will Arrange for You to Speak ............................................... 54 I Love Your Being, Your Divinity ............................................ 55 Stay in My Company ................................................................. 56 Guard Your Heart against Dark Forces .................................. 56

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Reflection, Reaction and Resound ........................................... 58 You are Doing a Marvelous Job ............................................... 59 I Will Give You Everything ...................................................... 59 Everything is Planned by Me ................................................... 60 I Will Heal Your Knee ............................................................... 61 You Have My Love Always ..................................................... 61 What do You Want? .................................................................... 62 CHAPTER III NOVEMBER Feeling Lonely ............................................................................ 64 Christ is a Creator of Truth, Beauty and Goodness .............. 65 Dream: I Look into Baba’s Consciousness ............................. 65 Feel You are Christ/Jivanmukta .............................................. 67 I Test You to Strengthen Faith and Trust ................................ 68 Surrender the Mind to God ...................................................... 69 Baba’s Discourse, Christmas 2003 ........................................... 70 Stay with Me in India ................................................................ 71 Letter to My Family ................................................................... 71 Remember, You Are the Atma (Spirit) .................................... 72 Am I not Enough? ...................................................................... 73 People will Sense a Purity ......................................................... 73 I am Pushing You On ................................................................ 74 No-one Knows I Am Coming ................................................... 75 I Will Look After Everything For You .................................... 76 Tests are Necessary .................................................................... 77 It is not Good to be Attached to any Experience ................... 78 I Am Very Proud of You ........................................................... 79 I Purchase Small Gifts for Baba’s Birthday ............................. 80 On Route to India ....................................................................... 80 Settling into Prashanti Nilayam Ashram ................................ 82 The Service Exam ....................................................................... 84 I Wish to be with You Always, Baba ....................................... 84 Husband Arrives Today ........................................................... 85 Baba’s Intention to Return ........................................................ 85

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This Trip to India will be Life Changing for Me .................... 87 Baba’s Intention to Allocate a Flat to Me ................................ 88 Baba and I .................................................................................... 89 Baba: I Want You to Write Talks ............................................. 90 Baba’s Birthday ........................................................................... 90 Divine Mother asks me to Dress-up for His Birthday .......... 91 My Devotees Should Remember Me at My Best ................... 94 We Will be Together for Eternity ............................................. 95 I am Disturbed, Baba did not Appear ..................................... 95 Devotees seemed Happy, Contented ...................................... 97 I Love You More and More ...................................................... 98 Stay, I am Coming Back ............................................................ 99 Make Satguru the only Focus ................................................. 100 A Pep Talk for my Mind ......................................................... 101

CHAPTER IV DECEMBER Spiritual Masters do not Wear Jewelry ................................. 102 I Consider You a Friend and Confidant ................................ 102 Your Karmas are Finishing ..................................................... 104 When I Return, My Burden Will Increase ............................ 105 I Love You. Do not Worry about Anything ........................ 106 I Am the Light in which Thoughts can be Seen .................. 107 In Baba’s Awareness, There is One Atma in the Cosmos ....................................................................................... 109 Do Not Question My Ways and My Grace .......................... 109 I am not Happy Staying in the Ashram without His Physical Presence ..................................................................... 110 I Am Coming Back ................................................................... 111 Take Me as Your Goal ............................................................. 112 I Am Coming Very Soon ......................................................... 113 Work on ‘I Am Atma’ .............................................................. 114 Baba, Coming Back .................................................................. 115 Nature of Atma ......................................................................... 116 Earth Changes in India ............................................................ 117

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Your Mind is the Problem ....................................................... 118 Your Husband is Sad ............................................................... 119 Baba is not Returning in December ....................................... 120 Get Your Book Read and I Will Bless it ................................ 121 Baba Reassures about My Health and Husband ................. 122 My Relationship with My Husband ...................................... 123 Keep One Form, One Teacher ................................................ 124 Meaning of Aum ...................................................................... 125 My Husband is Sad .................................................................. 126 Baba’s New Year Gifts to Me .................................................. 126

CHAPTER V JANUARY The Lectures on Baba’s Teachings ......................................... 128 Vibuthi Manifesting on Ashram Photo of Baba ................... 128 Reflection, Reaction, and Resound ........................................ 129 The Christ Self and Mighty I Am Presence .......................... 130 Get Rid of Worry; It is Ego ...................................................... 132 Keep One Form, One Teacher ................................................ 133 Atma is Non-doer of Actions ................................................. 134 Image of a Jeeva Stuck in my Consciousness ....................... 135 Sai Mother Shows Her Care ................................................... 137 Nature of Atma (Soul) ............................................................. 138 Preparing for Earth Changes .................................................. 139 I am Singing to All of You ...................................................... 140 I Will Fulfill All Your Desires ................................................. 141 You Know I Love You ............................................................. 141 Discipline from the Satguru ................................................... 142 You are Beautiful ...................................................................... 143 My Upcoming Lectures ........................................................... 144 I Wish for Parabhakti (Supreme Devotion) with You ........ 146 I Could Feel More Divine ........................................................ 146 Yes, it is Serious ........................................................................ 147 Dialogue with Spiritual Medium Contessa Crystal ............ 147 A Subtle Experience ................................................................. 148

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You have a New Member in Your Family ............................ 149 I Am Never Too Busy for My Devotees ................................ 150 I Believed the Thought and It Covered the Atma ............... 151 Radha has to Return to Delhi ................................................. 151 What Baba has Promised to Me in His Talks with Me ....... 152

CHAPTER VI FEBRUARY I May Not Come ....................................................................... 153 I am not Coming Back ............................................................. 153 Dialogue with Spiritual Medium Contessa Crystal ............ 154 You will be Severely Tested .................................................... 154 Will it Take Long for Me to Accept this Big Change ........... 155 I am Disappointed Too; I had Plans ...................................... 156 Will there be Another Book? .................................................. 157 Please Keep Me Safe ................................................................ 158 Many Promises will Fail but not the Truly Spiritual Ones ........................................................................................... 158 Returning to Canada is a Big Adjustment ............................ 159 You Doubt Me .......................................................................... 160 Trust ........................................................................................... 161 I Have not Surrendered Enough ............................................ 163 I was Happier in Prashanti Nilayam ..................................... 164 Find Me as Awareness Existence ........................................... 165 You are Pure Consciousness ................................................... 165 I am not Attracted to Depression and Worry ...................... 166 I am Blessing You that You Attain Me, God ........................ 168 I Hear Baba Speak About a New Book ................................. 169 I am Happier Now ................................................................... 170 Questions and Answers between Baba and I ....................... 171 Baba Intended to Return ......................................................... 171 Baba’s Health ............................................................................ 173 I Am Taking Care of Everything for You ............................. 175 It is a Great Honor to be Your Instrument ............................ 176

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CHAPTER VII MARCH & APRIL Prelude to a New Beginning .................................................. 177 I am Concentrating on You ..................................................... 178 Spiritual Growth is Difficult ................................................... 178 I Want Your Form due to Attachment and Illusion ............ 179 You are not One-pointed ........................................................ 182 You Will be Provided For ....................................................... 184 Form and Formless God & Three Types of Karma .............. 185 Divine is only Strength ............................................................ 186 My Karma is Working Itself Out ........................................... 187 I Love the Book ......................................................................... 188

CONCLUSION

APPENDIXES A Rev. Dr. Marilyn Rossner ............................................................ 192 B Contessa Crystal ........................................................................... 196 C The Phenomenon of Sugrive Singh ........................................... 197 D Kabir’s Poetry ............................................................................... 198 E The Path of Probation and the First Six Initiations .................. 202 F The Seven Rays ............................................................................. 212 G The Gunas ...................................................................................... 217 H The Mahavakyas ........................................................................... 218 I The Monad, the Soul, and the Personality ................................. 218 J Balance the Three-Fold Flames of the Heart ............................ 220 K The Mystic Inn of the 7th Ray ...................................................... 220 L Mikel Lizarralde ........................................................................... 221 M Spiritual Readings with Rev. Dr. Marilyn Rossner ................. 222

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INTRODUCTION

Who is Sathya Sai Baba?

Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba is a Poorna Avatar, a full incarnation of Divinity in human form. He is Truth, Sovereign, Divine Mother, embodiment of all Divine powers, and Divine Father. He is the embodiment of the Supreme Spirit, of Divine Love, and Supreme Bliss.

Bhagavan means one who has the six Divine Excellences in full: 1) Aisvaryam (Greatness, Might, Omniscience, Omnipotence); 2) Dharma (Virtue, Righteousness, Equity,

Impartiality, Propriety); 3) Yasas (Fame,

Reputation, Splendor); 4) Sri (Propriety, Plenty,

Majesty, Dignity, Grace, Luster); 5) Jnana (Wisdom, Intelligence); 6) Vairagya (Detachment, Tranquility, Balance).

Sathya Sai Baba has come embodied to the earth to illumine the human heart with Divine Light so that man may rid himself of delusion and attain God Realization. He has come to revive the Eternal knowledge for the good of all the peoples of the world, as well as to protect the virtuous and devotees of God.

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* * * * *

During 1994 to 2001, I had seven interviews and many interactions with Him during Darshan when He walks among the spiritual seekers. These are detailed in my book, The Sweet Love of Lord Sathya Sai Baba. By the year 2001, I felt very strongly that I did not wish to sit among crowds of devotees in the heat, waiting months to have a word or interview with Him. I decided I would make more spiritual progress, to gain spiritual liberation and enlightenment in this life meditating on the formless God in peace and quiet in my home country Canada.

Over the years, meditation deepened and expanded. Sometimes I would feel Sai Baba within my spiritual heart and hear Him speak to me. It was in 2009 during a low point in my life when I felt that worldly life had nothing to offer, that I had a profound inner experience with Sathya Sai Baba that strongly triggered in me the great love and adoration I had had for Him during the years 1986 to 2001. During this cathartic experience, Baba told me inwardly, that He would “make it up to me”, that is, make up for the 10 years I was not with Him in his ashrams in India. During 2010 to 2011, I

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would hear Baba speak in my consciousness during meditations asking me to come to visit Him in India for His 85th birthday. I wished to go but was unable due to pressure to complete a Doctorate thesis and having a painful knee problem. Sathya Sai Baba physically departed from this world on April 24th, 2011. I had believed, along with most devotees, His early declaration that He would reside in His body for 96 years.

One week earlier during an annual Psychic Fair in Halifax, Canada, on April 16th, 2011, I learned that Rev. Dr. Marilyn Rossner1, a world renowned Spiritual medium and psychic, had had two visitations from Sathya Sai Baba in her home in Montreal, Canada, a few days earlier which had awakened her during the night. She saw Baba standing against a wall, saying “Lalita,

(her Spiritual name) I cannot breathe, I am very

tired. I am leaving.” I was very disturbed upon hearing this news believing that Baba must have already left His body.

I decided to take a spiritual reading this day (April 16th, 2011) to try to obtain more information about Baba’s status and welfare.

1 See Appendix A

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I took the Reading from a very gifted medium and high spiritual adept named Contessa Crystal2. I asked her if Sai Baba was returning. (Contessa does not know Sai

Baba personally.) She saw, heard and spoke the following words to me: ‘I see a lot of people travelling by plane to see Him. He wants to get well and people need Him and want Him to get well. I see His brood; Yes, He will come back. He is trapped in His sick body. If enough people pray and want Him to come back, He will come back. Yes, He will. Pray this happens.’ Contessa began to talk with me about other issues in my personal life when she interrupted me saying …. ‘He is right here in an orange robe.’ They can travel. He is saying, “I will live for

love.” I say, Baba, I need You. I missed ten years with You. Contessa says, ‘There are a lot of people who wish Him to return.’ I say, Thank You, Baba, for being here. When I heard these words, I had great hope that Sai Baba would return soon in the same form.

On this same day I took another spiritual reading from another gifted medium, Rev. Carmen. During the reading I asked her if Sai Baba would come back? Rev. Carmen answered, ‘He still has not decided. A

2 See Appendix B

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lot of things must change in the world. If He comes back, people will go to Him to solve everything but they must do it themselves. He has been telling people for years to be true to themselves. There is much turmoil in the world. No continent will be spared; the world will be changed. There will be tests of people’s beliefs. He cannot solve people’s problems. He will be back in a new body. He will grow with the new world. As a child He will be recognized early in life, between 1 and 1 ½ years. He will give time for things to settle down before He comes back in India. He will be respected more than He was.’

So again I had hope that Baba would return in a new body soon as Sathya Sai Baba. For the next week, I grieved the loss of Baba’s form. He came to me inwardly in the consciousness many times speaking consoling words to me. He said I should not grieve for His very ill body; that if I could see His body now, so thin, gaunt, and ill, I would shudder. He told me He would come back to Prashanti Nilayam soon in the same form, looking several years younger. I felt intense love and grief at the same time in my feelings for my Beloved Sathya Sai Baba. I kept the hope that in His omnipotence, He would

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manifest a new body as He said He would, and return soon.

Five months later in September 2011, I had a reading from Rev. Dr. Marilyn Rossner as she was visiting my home city, Halifax. She told me: ‘Sai Baba is coming around some people now in a strong way and You are one of those people. Sai Baba’s grace will be with You more and more in the coming years. He protects and loves You. You have done very well with the passing of Baba’s body. Baba’s Presence is very strong with You and around You. You are learning to experience His subtle body wherever You are. The seeds of His Grace are there to experience Baba very strong and universal at all times. This is Your mission in this life, a special gift of Grace. I see an expansion of Light behind and around You. You are being lifted up and held. Baba is well pleased with You, Your effort and devotion. You will not only believe the teachings of the Masters, You will know them. You will realize liberation. Keep a journal, there will be another book.’

This book comprises the conversations that I had with Sai Baba between September 2011 and April 2012. Through these conversations, I received spiritual and personal guidance and episodes of great

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Divine love and bliss. He often gave me guidance related to my husband’s spiritual progress and the ways I could help to heal my relationship with my husband. Sai Baba revealed to me His strong intention to return immediately to Earth again and why this intention did not manifest. He told me that He did not intend to leave the earth plane ten years before His Mission was completed and also how and why His physical body deteriorated beyond His capacity to restore it.

Many times during the period I was writing our conversations, Baba would caution me not to share them with others; that they were His personal grace for this self. I was very surprised when in March 2012, He asked me to put them into a book which He entitled, NOT GONE Prelude to a New Beginning.