2020 Face Everything and Recover Retreat

Developing Self-Esteem

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CoDA

The Gift I Give to Myself

—Nancy B. Norfolk, VA

• I didn’t want others to know…

• People will look down on me…

• I can’t ask for help.

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Buster: Living in Denial

• I am not my problems.

• Someone else’s behavior, dress, etc. Is not a reflection on me.

• Asking for help means that I am using all the resources at my disposal.

3

Booster: Facing Everything and Recovering

Source: The Personal Bill of Rights

• You are so…

• That was so…

• Why did you…

4

Buster: Self-Criticism

• “Kick” the person out of your head

• Should be believable

• Repeat, repeat, repeat

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Booster: Positive Affirmations

Sources: CoDA Newcomer Handbook, CoDA Affirmations Booklet, Tools for Recovery

• You are so…

• That was so…

• Why did you…

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Buster: Praise, Criticism From Others

• Healthy emotional boundary

• Others do not control my serenity (salt shaker)

• My self esteem is not at the whim of another person

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Booster: Internal Positive Regard

Sources: CoDA Establishing Boundaries in Recovery booklet, CoDA Big Book Ch. 5

• Taking the poison and expecting the other person to die

• Adrenaline rush

• Damaged relationships

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Buster: Nursing My Resentments

• Antidote to the poison

• Replaces my anger with peace

• Pray for the person for two weeks or do Buddhist love and compassion meditation

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Booster: Forgiving Others and Myself

e.g. Pema Chodron or Thich Nhat Hahn compassion meditations

• Gave me temporary relief from my problems

• Made me feel better than others

• Things only got worse until I found the next “fix”

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Buster: Enabling Others

• Setting boundaries

• Doing the steps

• Focus on myself - alone vs lonely

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Booster: Taking Care of Myself

Sources: Establishing Boundaries in Recovery booklet; Sponsorship booklet, CoDA Big Book Ch 1-5

• Disappointment

• Anger

• I blamed others

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Buster: Expecting Others to Make Me Happy

• Empowered

• Focused on myself

• Acceptance and hope

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Booster: Taking Responsibility for Myself

• Acted on impulse

• Disagreements escalated

• Lost friends, relationships

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Buster: Reacting

Sources: CoDA Big Book: Stories

• I learned to label and express my feelings

• I learned to listen

• I learned its not always about me

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Booster: Responding

Sources: CoDA Patterns of Recovery

• Stops me from taking risks

• I judge myself and others harshly

• I don’t get things done

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Buster: Perfectionism

• I am more creative

• Learn from failure

• I have self compassion

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Booster: My Personal Best

• I always lose.

• I compare my insides to your outsides.

• I am better than or worse than…

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Buster: Comparing Myself to Others

• I always feel better

• I become closer to my higher power

• No social ladder in recovery

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Booster: Gratitude

• I was ashamed of myself

• Messages from parents

• Messages from society

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Buster: Believing That I am Flawed (shame)

• I have gifts that I can use for good

• Each of us has gifts that we discover in recovery

• I have the right to my place in the sun

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Booster: I am Just as I am Meant to Be

• Believing in Myself by Earnie Larson

• Self esteem journal

• Gratitude list

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Tools for the Journey

Note: You can get a copy of the Self-Esteem Journal and the Gratitude List on the CodaWinterRetreat.org website.

2020 Face Everything and Recover Retreat

Get These Recovery Resources from CoDABooks:

•Codependents Anonymous, The basic text or “Big Book” of Codependence Anonymous•CoDA Twelve Step and Twelve Tradition Workbook•NEWCOMERS HANDBOOK, •TOOLS OF RECOVERY, •Sponsorship: What’s in it for Me?, •Peeling the Onion, •Communication in Recovery,•Making Choices, •Twelve Steps Handbook, •BUILDING CODA COMMUNITY: HEALTHY MEETINGS MATTER, •Common Threads of Codependency, •EXPERIENCES WITH CROSSTALK, •Establishing Boundaries in Recovery, •CARRYING THE MESSAGE: LIVING THE TWELFTH STEP.

Audio CDs: •Personal Sharing on the Twelve Steps, •Codependency and Shame, •Newcomers and Sponsorship

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Find Them At WWW.CODA.ORG

CoDA Convention CDs:VWTapes.com

Retreat CDs/MP3s: WhiteSoundStudios.com