My Epic

Regression in Time and Space

On a fresh pageLet me set the stageA fretful fear, hereThe fear of sexA cursed hexFear of societyAnd the mightyHate of powerAnd clock and hourFear and angerThirst and hungerThe past and painA stubborn stainWho to blameWho to nameLiving abroadFaith in GodAtheist CountryLone Misery

Great ExpectationMassive FrustrationIncensed Inferiority Rejected Minority

Alone in the coldTrying to be boldDesire, FireOn funeral pyre

She: Beauty, StupidityHe: Magnanimity

In wine drenchedCompletely frenched

Language and colorAre some other

Attitude, Ego

Fear's placebo

Inferiority's cureKill the pure

Sex gratificationImpurification

Fear of ManHate of WomanHate of AuthorityLove of Anarchy

To sleepSo deepIn a tranceIn Belle FranceA wonderTorn asunderIn jailNo bailBroken Heart Good StartHate of SuicideInsults prideLife's a lieSo don't cryPlease, pleaseAppease

On the HillThe Old ManWho canChange All thisWhich is his

A yearningA burningFor loveFemale loveA home ShalomA warm bedAnd headBeing frankNot a crank

Life is longMr FongBraverConfronting dangerThan withoutNever shoutNever grow oldBe boldGrow not oldDie youngUnsungAs only a ManAlone can

Woman is sexFear of sexFear of Man's ireNow on the pyreThe End: burning

Hate of immaturityLove of purityCriticism hardens mePlease let me beFiche moi la paixSo that I mayLive in peaceIn Ancient GreeceLove of DivineAnd not wineSeeking wisdomGod's KingdomCourage and FaithSans mateAnd old fear Live here

Later...

A new understandingLunar landingA pinch of saltA pint of maltA little smileHundred miles

So easySqueeze meTake a jokeDon't croakLaugh a bitSpit the gritLove lifeBury knifeGladnessNo madnessA smileOn the NileO so shortAnd so hotSo singIt bringsBeautyIngenuityTo the mind

Another day

Sitting hereOld fearHope StirringVision blurringStrange worryMind slurryFaith, sans hateOf my fateMeditationImaginationFreedomWisdomBut how ?And now ?Go slowerIt will comeLike aged rumLet it matureSlow, yet surePatience, manJust as you ranNow wait

The baitLet it biteThen fightAnd not beforeJungle LoreBurns in me

At nightIn frightThe soundsThe houndsThe packWhen it attacksThe soundsIn my mind pound

Many eons later...

French so rudeBach preludeTime flyingHeart dyingEyes cryingMan lying

Cards fallingPapa brawlingBaby bawlingSon ashamedMan untamedFamily defamedAll derangedWho's blamed

Workedfor workFruits staleBitter aleLife wasSatan's jawsLove, Hope:Divine DopeFlying CourageBoiled Cabbage

Skies darkenSpirits harkenBlood simmersEyes glimmerShadows danceSurreal trance

Surrealistic realitySchizophrenic dualityMadness callsPoet fallsPhlegm and BileStupid Smile

Made ManMad Man

Culture CringeColonial Tinge

Story so finePickled in brineCast before swineDulled by wine Left long behindMatter over mind

Problem magnifiedFate defiedLaws trampledIdols trampledMan mummifiedAlive Snake Eyes

It goes on...

Time diesEarth criesGod liesWind flies

Heart bleedsMan's greedSin's need

Soul's weedSatan's need

Eyes weepOceans deepMountains steepA Giant LeapA Massive FallIn the GaulA bloody brawlIn the barNow so so farSo far awayNow, a new dayHeaven sendsTime bendsSkies rumbleTemples crumbleEyes burnLips spurnHearts hardenMinds sharpen

Innocence goneVenom born

Red bloodAngry floodBlack eyeDevil's dyeBurning skinFilthy binFear, dreadSpinning headCherry topWent pop

Sirens singingBells ringingClocks tickingNeedles prickingCherry topWent popWent deadHot leadBlaze of fire

Going HigherSpirits callingCards fallingYour drewI blewYou wroteI quote

And now...after all that is passing

And on it goesIn Misery's throesIt was so hotMy best shotNot enoughRebuffedStill at itBlood and spitBad to worseAnd then hearseFuel for the fireOf funeral pyreSad bardSlapped hardHeart bleedingYet not weeping

Great ExpectationsMassive FrustrationRejected Minority Incensed Inferiority

Gone by, The HourRum's gone sourStill workingStill burningFor a TomorrowSans sorrowA dream, a hopeHang on a ropeBurn to improveMove ! move !!MeditationPrecipitationOf Divine Grace

To win this raceAnd to thinkOf the Past's Link

The End ?

Dog bites ManShit hits fanMan bites DogPrince turns Frog

Blood curdlesWeathers hurdles

Love, HopeDivine Dope

Loss:GainPleasure:PainCause: EffectMan: God's defect ?

Human AnimalFather CannibalNever got paidNever got laid

Love unfulfilledHooch swilled

Madness, DeathCrystal Meth

Kafka, DostoevskyPauline Medvezky

Death spurns Life burns

Skin flayedDog spayedSo you seeDog was me

Man-Dog cries

Man-God liesAll is vainAs is pain

The God who failedWho was jailedWho inhaled

Bag of bileIn political exile

Drug addledAss saddledArse paddledJoy grappled

Madness callsPoet fallsDark halls

Phlegm and BileStupid, Stupid Smile

NeurosisPsychosisHalitosis

Laughter, DeathCrystal Meth  Piss dripsMind trips Ears trick meFears frisk me Blood bled whiteBrain dead Knight Man hurtingWords blurtingSperm squirting Madness callsPoet fallsCurtain fallsEnd of Act

Demon's PactSuicide PlanEnter HangmanSo you see Hangman was MeThug was Me

Fight, flight, nightYon lonely sprite

Terror and FrightBrave foolish Knight

Blood Bled WhiteBrain Dead Knight

Spirit percolatedMan emasculated

Fleeting IllusionLingering Delusion

Slumbers deepEyes weepTroubled dreamsBleaching creamsPsycho kinesisPneuma genesis

Mind stilledSpirit distilled

Drank the HemlockCocked the Flintlock

Mineral ManWater and SandDivine Hand

Wide Awake in a Surreal Dream

Good bye Norma JeanYou have been The one for meNow set me freeFrom my miseryFrom Man's apathy

I endureWhat I can't cure

A wonderA blunderTorn asunderScattered ShatteredTo the four windsIn distant HindI have sinnedIn the dust binMy heart drums a din:"You are the better man, Gunga Din !"ExistenceSubstanceMayaSaayaFood for the fireOf Funeral PyreSomeone diedNo one criedIt was meHear my pleaAnd set me free

The Shifting Sands of the Hourglass of Time

Strange turnsLove spurnedIdiot MoronJust sail onStairway of ExistenceWithering PersistenceMad Sad CadUnsung BalladPoor BardSlapped hardHigh strungPile of dungStrung highEyes don't cryLips don't lieBody does not dieSoul does dieMany many times

Sour stale limeBitter bileIn the smileRan a mileIn denialPass me the vialI can end itFor I can't mend itPoor bardBroken shardsOf withered heartYet looks so smart

Love spurned meDeath spurned meI write in vainOf the painThat I endureAnd cannot cureRealms apartShattered glass heartBig huge fart

Walking on broken glassMy feet bleedMy eyes weepThe rooted weedsIn my soul seepOceans deepMy eyes weepWhen I sleepWhen I slumber deep

Cut the cordI am boredVoice unheardVision blurredSpeech slurred

Future untold Past grown oldAlone in the coldTrying to be boldHeaven sendsMind bendsAs I scream

In a dreamWithin a dream

Bonhomie turned AnomieFascination turned AlienationPassion turned DepressionRepression turned SuppressionMythos turned Logos

Many lives became oneOne death became many

Patience is a virtueI don't want to hurt youLive for another dayAnd I'll show you the wayThere's always anotherSo be brave, my brotherSo myself I may saveWho to you I gaveUnderstand meAnd don't damn me

A lone flightA lone frightIn the cold dark nightWalk alone, run aloneIn search of a  boneThat does not existIn the icy mistsOf my persistent existent selfPlease. Someone help

A lone voice from afarCalls my nameYet deaf, I can't hear

Heaven SentMan bentForce spentSpirit rentNo comment

Fretful painLife inaneSpirit insane

Man vainIncurred painGoing insaneAll over againAnd in pain

Who can tellIn what pit of hellI sank and fell

Depths of DespairBroken beyond repairDown too farSo below the bar

Brave the next dayAnd find another wayWhat can I say?What else can I say?Life blisters my feetDeceit and conceitNow what remainsBut self-disdainAnd this painBled in vainDriven insaneAnd one day goneJust goneThe dust has flownThe wind has blownAnd then remains noneNot even God, the SonGone, just gone

Absurdity, InsanityCold hard realityAnd what remainsIs just the painThe fretful dividendThe lonely endOf a luck-seeded gambleBegun as a lottery in a bramble

Soul burningEyes yearningIce freezing

Chest wheezingA wonderA blunder- What mattersAll torn asunderEyes weepOceans deepA hundred milesAll so futileBells tollExistential voidPsychic schizoid

In wine drenchedCompletely FrenchedA bloody brawlIn distant GaulSo far, far awayNow a new dayAnd on the morrowHope, and sorrow

Stone coldGrown oldGrown boldFallen out of the foldA tale untoldGlowing as gold

Lo ! and behold Ben Adhem's nameLed all the restWhom love of GodHath blest

Afterword

"Ah, Mr Donkey Bong KongI will have to inform Mr FongAbout this outrageous songFor it has been too longAs the clock says ding dongAnd my marbles go bing bongBut nothing's gone wrongAnd out comes the fungun: BANG BONG !"

"So long Mr Fong,Cuz I ain't done no wrong."