Mustang Mindsets Interpersonal Effectiveness

Week #1

Arleta High School

2015-2016

Goals of Interpersonal Effectiveness Getting the “thing” I want:

• Determining if it is your legitimate right.

• Getting another to do something for you.

• Refusing an unwanted or unreasonable request.

• Resolving an interpersonal conflict.

• Getting your opinion or point of view taken seriously.

Source: http://www.bipolarsjuk.se/pdf/Handbook%20in%20DBT%20Group.pdf

RELATIONSHIP EFFECTIVENESS

Getting and Keeping a Good Relationship

• Acting in such a way that the other person will like and respect you.

• Balancing immediate goals with the good of the long–term relationship.

• Remembering why the relationship is important to you now and in the future.

Image #1

• What is the guy’s body language saying?

• How would it make you feel if your friend was texting while you were speaking to them?

In order to build and maintain relationships, you must show interest even though you may not care about the topic/subject. Eye contact is critical in making someone feel visible, and it is important to acknowledge what they are saying.

SELF-RESPECT EFFECTIVENESS

Keeping or Improving Self-Respect and Liking for Yourself

1. Would consider: Maintaining and Improving Self-Respect. Like Yourself.

2. Respect your own values and beliefs by acting in a way that makes you feel moral.

3. Behave in a way that makes you feel capable and effective.

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Video

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SYtO64Wyjls

Describe & Express

• Describe the current SITUATION (if necessary).

- Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to. Stick to the facts.

• Express your FEELINGS and OPINIONS about the situation.

- Assume that your feelings and opinions are not self-evident. Give a brief rationale. Use phrases such as: “I want”, “I don’t want”, instead of “I need”, “you should”, or “I can’t”.

Assert

• Assert yourself by ASKING for what you want or SAYING NO clearly. Assume that others will not figure it out or do what you want unless you ask. Assume that others cannot read your mind. Don’t expect others to know how hard it is for you to ask directly for what you want.

Reinforce

• Reinforce or reward the person ahead of time by explaining the CONSEQUENCES.

- Tell the person the positive effects of

getting what you want or need.

- Tell him or her (if necessary) the

negative effects of your not getting it.

- Help the person feel good ahead of time

for doing or accepting what you want.

Getting What You Want

1. Stay mindful. Maintain your position. Don’t be distracted.

2. If another person verbally attacks or attempts to change the subject -- stay focused. Keep your voice calm. Do not become defensive or aggressive, just continue to do your best to make your point.

Getting What You Want

• Appear Confident - Use a confident voice tone and physical manner; make good eye contact. No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, retreating, saying “I’m not sure,” etc.

• Negotiate - Be willing to GIVE to GET. Offer and ask for alternative solutions to the problem. Reduce your request. Focus on what will work.

Getting What You Want

• Turn the problem over to the other person. Ask for alternative solutions:

- “What do you think we should do?”

- “I’m not able to say yes, and you seem to really want me to.”

- “What can we do here?”

- “How can we solve this problem?”

Role Play

• Scenario:

– Jacqueline was on her way to school when she ran into her friend Susan. Susan told Jacqueline that they should ditch school and go hang out at her house.

– Jacqueline doesn’t want to ditch school, but she is conflicted over how to say “no” to her best friend.

Think-Pair-Share

• Questions:

– Based on the role play, how do you think Jacqueline could have responded differently and/or what did she do well?

– Did Jacqueline appear confident?

– Why do you think she continually apologized for saying “no”? Was that effective and why or why not?

– What would you say to your friend in this situation?

• In this situation, Jacqueline was most likely concerned over what she had to do to keep the relationship with her best friend.

• One question to ask yourself is “How would ditching school impact you negatively.” If Susan stops being friends with Jacqueline because she does not want to ditch school, is she a true friend?

• It is always important to think about the type of people you choose to surround yourself with. Remember you have control over which friends you allow to be in your life.

Important to Reiterate

• Being able to communicate effectively and avoid interpersonal conflict, while maintaining the relationship and one’s self-respect, is an important lesson to be learned in this process.

Worksheet #1

• Take a look at the “Wise Mind Statements for Interpersonal Effectiveness”.

• Read each statement with a partner.

• Which statements stand out to you the most, and why.

• Write two statements of your own.

Activity

• Next, you will be practicing responding effectively to given statements. You will pair up with a peer. One of you will read, while the other responds in a polite manner.

Statements

• “Why did your parents separate?”

• “I thought you said you were coming to the party.”

• “Those are such ugly shoes. Why would you even buy them?”

• “Stop crying. That doesn’t hurt, sissy!”

• “I can’t believe you didn’t get an ‘A’ on the test!”

• “You can’t join the basketball team because I need you to help make dinner.”

Share Out

• Each pair will share one response their partner said that would be an effective way of getting what they need in a relationship.

Worksheet #2

• Turn your handout over to the “Declaration of Personal Rights”.

• Take a moment to read these rights silently to yourself.

• Why is it important for your to believe in yourself and know which rights you are entitled to?

• Write 6 other rights you have at the bottom of the page.

*This worksheet will go over the “Mustang Mindset” tab in your Graduation Portfolio.

Interpersonal Effectiveness Week #2

Arleta High School

2015-2016

What is Self-Advocacy?

1. Self-advocacy is understanding your strengths and needs, identifying your personal goals, knowing your legal rights and responsibilities, and communicating these to others.

2. Self-advocacy is speaking up for

oneself.

3. Self-advocacy is the ability to identify and explain your needs.

Source: http://texasprojectfirst.org/SelfAdvocacy.html

Self-Advocacy

• In elementary and middle school, your advocates (people who spoke up for you) were your parents and teachers.

• In high school, your parents and teachers are still your advocates, but it is a time for you to learn, in a safe environment, to advocate for yourself.

• In college and the workplace, you must become your OWN advocate – the time to practice safely is NOW!

7 Steps to Self-Advocacy

Step 1

• Recognize that academic success or failure is YOUR responsibility.

Step 2

• Understand your abilities and areas of need and learn ways to compensate. Learn how to explain your needs to others.

Step 3

• Develop good communication skills to request assistance and services.

Step 4

• Know when you need help and ask for it.

• Understand that it is OK to ask for help! Everyone needs help now and then!

Step 5

• Know and understand your strengths and areas where you need to improve.

• Be honest with yourself!

Step 6

• Develop and use mature social and personal skills.

Step 7

• Be organized! It relieves stress and demonstrates good planning ability.

Who am I? Self-Advocacy Worksheet

• You will now work independently to complete a worksheet about yourself – your strengths, areas for improvement, interests, etc.

• Be honest with yourself … this information is to help you help yourself in order to get what you need from others.

Sharing your work

• Share what you wrote on your self-advocacy worksheet with a partner.

• Does your partner have any suggestions for additions?

• Do you have any suggestions for your partner?

• Revise/review your worksheet based on your conversation with your partner.

But, I’m Afraid to Speak Up!

• Why do I find it difficult to advocate for myself?

–Advocating for ourselves can be risky. We fear failure, rejection, or feelings of embarrassment.

–We want to avoid conflict!

Self-Advocacy Worksheet

• Before you can advocate for yourself, you need to identify your:

- Strengths (the skills you already have) - Areas to improve (the skills you need to

improve that will help you achieve success)

- Interests (the areas that you may want to explore)

Interpersonal Effectiveness

• This Mustang Mindset is important and the strategies we learned will help you in any interaction you have.

• As a teenager it can be difficult to assert yourself, but these are skills that you will develop over time.

• We will be creating goals and referring to them over the Mester to see if we have met that goal.

Sources

• http://www.bipolarsjuk.se/pdf/Handbook%20in%20DBT%20Group.pdf

• Source: http://texasprojectfirst.org/SelfAdvocacy.html

• http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/interpersonal_effectiveness1.h

tml