Modern Business Etiquette-UPDATED-2016...According to Dictionary.com, another definition for etiquette is: “The code of ethical behavior regarding professional practice or action

MODERN BUSINESS ETIQUETTE: MORE THAN MANNERS

©2016 Chrissy Scivicque, CCS Ventures, LLC All rights reserved. Do not copy without express permission from author.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Welcome ......................................................................................................................... 3

Overview ......................................................................................................................... 4

What Exactly IS Business Etiquette? ............................................................................ 4

The Factors That Influence Etiquette ............................................................................ 5

Culture ....................................................................................................................... 5

Gender ...................................................................................................................... 6

Environment .............................................................................................................. 6

Age ............................................................................................................................ 6

Location ..................................................................................................................... 7

Technology ................................................................................................................ 8

Relationships ............................................................................................................ 8

Wardrobe .................................................................................................................. 8

The Impact of Etiquette ................................................................................................. 9

Professional Image and Reputation .......................................................................... 9

Negotiation .............................................................................................................. 10

Sales ....................................................................................................................... 10

Raises & Promotions ............................................................................................... 10

Teamwork & Relationships ..................................................................................... 11

Uncommon Sense ...................................................................................................... 12

Addressing Specific Etiquette Challenges ................................................................ 13

People ......................................................................................................................... 13

International Business ............................................................................................. 13

Names ..................................................................................................................... 15

Handshakes ............................................................................................................ 18

Introductions ............................................................................................................ 19

Embarrassing Situations ......................................................................................... 20

Co-Workers & Gossip ............................................................................................. 21



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Networking .............................................................................................................. 23

Communication ........................................................................................................... 26

Private Conversations ............................................................................................. 26

Personal Space ....................................................................................................... 28

Technology ................................................................................................................. 30

Phone ...................................................................................................................... 30

Speakerphone & Conference Calls ......................................................................... 31

Email ....................................................................................................................... 31

Instant Message (IM) .............................................................................................. 37

Social Media ............................................................................................................ 38

Text Messaging ....................................................................................................... 40

Meetings ..................................................................................................................... 41

Meal Meetings ......................................................................................................... 41

Cell Phones ............................................................................................................. 41

Arrival and Departure .............................................................................................. 42

General Office ............................................................................................................. 43

Cubicles & Open Workspaces ................................................................................ 43

Cleaning .................................................................................................................. 44

Smells ..................................................................................................................... 44

Holiday Parties ........................................................................................................ 45

Celebrations & Gift Giving ....................................................................................... 46

Donations ................................................................................................................ 47

General ................................................................................................................... 48

Conclusion .................................................................................................................... 50

About the Author .......................................................................................................... 51

About Eat Your Career ................................................................................................. 52



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Welcome Hello and welcome! I’m so happy you picked up this e-book.

The modern business landscape is a minefield. Navigating it can be confusing and even

dangerous! Most professionals interact with so many different people on a daily basis;

it’s hard to keep up with the proper social protocol. An etiquette misstep can cause

serious damage to your relationships and reputation, and it can even end up costing you

your career.

My goal in writing this e-book was to help make life in the workplace easier. By

understanding the basics of etiquette, you can quickly adapt to any situation and create

powerful, authentic relationships with anyone in the business world.

In today’s rapidly changing workplace, it’s essential to stay up-to-date on modern

etiquette. Following the “old school” ways of interaction may make you appear to be

behind the times. Many old-fashioned rules no longer apply and several new ones have

taken their place. Etiquette is not static, which is why it’s important to continuously refine

your understanding.

Some of the specifics discussed in this e-book may or may not apply to you or your

circumstances. You may or may not agree with the things I say—and that’s perfectly

okay. The important thing is that, after reading this book, you understand the “big

picture” about why business etiquette is important and how to determine what’s right for

YOU in any given situation.

Chrissy Scivicque

Career Coach and Corporate Trainer



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OVERVIEW What Exactly IS Business Etiquette?

The word “etiquette” simply refers to the “conventional requirements of social behavior.”

This just means that it has to do with your interactions with people and the general

“norms” we, as a collective society, deem appropriate.

According to Dictionary.com, another definition for etiquette is: “The code of ethical

behavior regarding professional practice or action among the members of a profession

in their dealings with each other.”

This refers more directly to the business side of etiquette, and it suggests that within

your professional group there are agreed upon standards for behavior. The standards

for administrative assistants, for example, might be very different from the standards for

auto mechanics. The standards for CEOs might be very different from the standards for

grocery store cashiers. Depending on your role and your organization, you may have

different ways of interacting and different etiquette expectations.

Even though there are some generally understood standards within each professional

group, there are no one-size-fits-all rules. It’s irresponsible to suggest that there is one

single uniform approach. However, there is one guiding principle: Etiquette is really all

about helping people feel respected and comfortable in your presence.

The Golden Rule dictates that we treat others as we would want to be treated. However, when it comes to etiquette, we must follow the Platinum Rule: Treat others as they want

to be treated.



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The Factors That Influence Etiquette

It’s important that you learn to adapt your etiquette based on the standards of the

person or the people with whom you are interacting. Those standards can be influenced

by a number of different factors, some of which are discussed in detail below.

Culture

Each country has its own specific social norms and nuances that impact etiquette. In

some Asian countries, for example, there are many traditions within the culture that

impact etiquette—some of which are so unique, those of us in North America would be

surprised.

For example, when exchanging business cards in Japan, it is a best practice to hand

out and accept cards with two hands, and you should bow slightly when you do so. It’s

simply a cultural sign of respect.

Several years ago, President Obama went to Japan and critics said he bowed too low

when he met the Emperor in Tokyo.



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In Japanese culture, it’s appropriate to bow deeply when meeting the emperor. But in

American culture, we see that as emasculating and a sign of weakness, which is why

the President’s critics objected.

In reality, the President was simply being respectful of the Japanese cultural etiquette.

Gender

Let’s face it; men and women have different etiquette expectations. A room full of

women interacts very differently than a room full of men or one of mixed company. The

topics of discussion, the tone of voice, the words used…all of these things will change—

whether you realize it or not—depending on who’s present. Sometimes it’s unconscious,

but try to be aware of it for the next few weeks and see what you notice.

Environment

I have worked in exceptionally conservative, formal environments within the financial

industry, and I’ve also worked in casual start-up environments where everyone wears

flip-flops and creates their own schedule. Clearly, the etiquette in one was quite different

from etiquette in the other.

Age

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that kids have different standards than adults. But even

small age differences can have big variations in what’s deemed appropriate etiquette.

These days, there may be as many as four different generations sharing the same

workplace, and each age group may a different understanding of etiquette.



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I recently presented this material for the administrative staff at a large law firm in Atlanta

and there were several interesting issues that came up around this topic. The staff was

almost evenly divided between young, entry-level admins, 25 to 30 years old, and older,

more seasoned admins, 45 to 55 years old.

During the session, it came out that the two groups had dramatically different ideas of

what was acceptable in the workplace. For example, a young woman there had gotten

in the habit of calling some of her colleagues “sweetie”. This really offended the older

women in the group, though the younger ones hadn’t even noticed it.

Different age groups can have very different etiquette—we have to maintain open

communication and ultimately, we need to find a comfortable, respectful common

ground when we’re all working together in the same work environment. At times, it may

be up to the older generation to help maintain the long-held traditions of the workplace.

At other times, it may fall on the younger generation to help encourage progressive

thinking and re-evaluate antiquated notions of the past. Business etiquette evolves over

time; each generation has contributed to it and will continue to do so.

Location

Location is yet another factor that influences etiquette. Where your interactions are

taking place has an impact on what’s appropriate. Bathroom etiquette is different from

elevator etiquette, which is different from cubicle etiquette, which is different from

conference etiquette. Each location comes with a different set of expectations and a

different concept of what’s acceptable in your behavior and interactions.



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Technology

Technology can even be a factor influencing etiquette. Email communication has it’s

own set of standards, just like text messaging, phone communication, instant message

and web conferencing. Depending on the technology being used, there are specific

“rules”. We’ll discuss all of these topics in depth a little later on in this e-book.

Technology etiquette is a HUGELY important topic in the workplace today and will only

become more important in the future.

Relationships

Etiquette is also influenced by relationships. How you interact and behave when you’re

with your co-workers is probably different from what’s expected when you’re with your

superiors, for example.

How well you know someone is also a factor. We all tend to be more formal and proper

when we first meet people and then we loosen up after we feel them out a bit.

Wardrobe

I used to work with a young man who wore a suit and tie to work every single day, even

while his co-workers wore kakis and polo shirts.

When I asked him why, he said, “I like the way I’m treated when I wear a suit. I like the

person I am in a suit. It gives me more confidence.”

He went on to explain that he felt people immediately expected a different level of

interaction with him in that suit.



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This is an unconscious thing for many of us. Think about how you interact with someone

who is in a uniform, for example, or a tracksuit or a sundress, versus someone in a

tailored business suit. It’s natural to have different expectations of people based on how

they’re dressed. Likewise, it’s natural to feel different—and thus, present yourself

differently—based on how you’re dressed.

The Impact of Etiquette

All of the items listed above are factors that impact the etiquette we use, but etiquette

itself also has an impact on us.

Professional Image and Reputation

Etiquette creates perceptions that can either help you or hurt you. Perceptions aren’t

necessarily reality, of course. Just because someone has poor etiquette doesn’t

necessarily mean they’re a bad worker or a bad person. But they can be perceived that

way. If you’re not using proper etiquette, you may unknowingly be harming your

relationships and creating a reputation that doesn’t serve you—and maybe creating an

image that isn’t an accurate reflection of who you are and what you offer in the

workplace.

Good etiquette can make you look more competent, capable, successful, smart, and

respectful. It doesn’t necessarily mean you ARE any of these things. But it establishes

that perception. Likewise, poor etiquette can make you look incompetent, incapable,

unsuccessful, dim-witted and disrespectful. Again, it doesn’t mean you ARE those

things, but that’s the perception it can create.

While perception isn’t necessarily reality, it does indeed impact your reality. Your

reputation and your relationships have a deep and lasting effect on your career. They



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influence the way people see you and thus how they treat you. They can (negatively or

positively) contribute to the opportunities you are afforded in the future. In the business

world, perception is often just as important as reality.

Negotiation

Etiquette can influence your ability to negotiate effectively. If someone perceives you as

being an inexperienced or rude professional, they probably won’t be easily persuaded to

make a deal with you. Conversely, demonstrating proper etiquette in the negotiation

process provides unspoken—even subconscious—leverage. It helps demonstrate that

you are a savvy, confident and shrewd businessperson. Others will deal with you

differently as a result. Sales

Etiquette can influence your ability to get the sale. When was the last time you bought

something from someone you didn’t like? It doesn’t happen. If someone has poor

etiquette and you feel disrespected, you probably aren’t going to trust him or her with

your purchase. Using proper etiquette helps establish a respectful, comfortable rapport,

which eases the sales process.

Raises & Promotions

Because etiquette has a powerful impact on how others see you, it can influence your

chances of getting a raise or a promotion. If you’re looking to advance your career,

using proper etiquette will help elevate your standing.



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Teamwork & Relationships

Etiquette can also impact your team’s ability to work effectively together. After all, think

about that law firm where the young admins and the older admins were butting heads

over conflicting standards of etiquette. They were clearly not performing at peak levels.

Even minor, seemingly inconsequential conflicts can create intense turmoil on a team.

Ultimately, etiquette is all about creating positive interactions with people—and that’s

what relationships are built upon. Lack of etiquette, or misunderstandings around this

topic, will impact your ability to create strong, authentic bonds with people. There’s no

quicker way to turn people off than by doing something that they perceive as

disrespectful or inappropriate.

There is no doubt that understanding proper etiquette gives you a distinct edge in the

business world. It helps others perceive you as a responsible, competent professional

who is trustworthy, experienced and respectful.

““Respect is like air. You don’t notice it until it’s missing. And then, it’s all you notice.” –Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

Remember that etiquette is, at its core, about demonstrating respect. Using proper

etiquette will help others focus on you and the content of your interactions—the

substance. Demonstrating poor etiquette will make them focus on the lack of respect

they feel.

Etiquette is a powerful tool when used appropriately.



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This rest of this book is broken into five sections:

1. People

2. Communication

3. Technology

4. Meetings

5. General Office

In each section, we’ll review the common, specific etiquette challenges and questions

that arise.

Uncommon Sense

Some of these things will sound like common sense to you, but the truth is: common

sense isn’t so common these days. You may think you know these things, but be honest

with yourself and think about how others may perceive you based on your etiquette.

I also want to stress that I am not the end-all, be-all authority. My experiences are

different from your experiences. We’ve already established that there are MANY factors

that influence etiquette and there are no one-size-fits-all rules. The points I’m going to

make are generally accepted standards in North America. They may not always be true

for your industry, your company, your environment, and your circumstances. That’s to

be expected. The important thing is that you’re aware, that you ask yourself, “What is

appropriate in THIS situation?” and that you consider all of the factors outlined

earlier.



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ADDRESSING SPECIFIC ETIQUETTE CHALLENGES PEOPLE

International Business

If you’re doing business in any country other than your home country or with people

from another country, it is critical that you familiarize yourself with their culture. Etiquette

can vary dramatically—from work schedules, to wardrobe, to table manners. Do your

research and learn what is generally accepted.

At the same time, it’s also important not to stereotype any culture or its people. Instead,

aim to understand some of the most important customs so you can avoid embarrassing

yourself and offending others.

eDiplomat (www.ediplomat.com) is a useful online resource for researching International

etiquette. From the homepage, all you have to do is click on a country and you’ll be

provided with a wealth of information regarding its culture and etiquette, including tips in

the following topic areas:

§ People

§ Meetings and greetings

§ Body language

§ Corporate culture

§ Dining and entertainment

§ Dress

§ Gifts

§ And much more!



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Additional resources for research include:

§ International Business Center (http://www.international-business-center.com/)

§ CyborLink (http://www.cyborlink.com/)

§ Executive Planet (http://www.executiveplanet.com/)

§ Commiseceo-Global (http://www.commisceo-global.com/country-guides)

In general, always try to be considerate and express a sincere interest in learning the

culture. When in doubt, err on the conservative, formal side. It’s almost never a problem

to be seen as TOO respectful.

Most importantly, be open minded and willing to adapt. Don’t hold so tight to your own

customs that you reject those of the people with whom you’re doing business. Be

adventurous. And, if mistakes happen, admit that you simply were ignorant and didn’t

realize your actions were not in line with the expected etiquette.

You may remember a particularly well-publicized etiquette gaff when President Obama

visited the Queen of England. While giving a toast, President Obama ended up

speaking over the national anthem, which is a huge faux pas in British society. It was

definitely a misstep—he knew it almost immediately—and the best he could do was

simply apologize.

Watch the incident on YouTube here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVS_It6EIGo

These things can happen to anyone, even those who are heavily briefed beforehand by

experts in international etiquette. There’s no need to dwell. Apologize, learn from the

mistake, and move on.



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Names

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by another name would smell as sweet.” –Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare

Contrary to Shakespeare’s popular quote, names are not mere arbitrary labels.

The truth is, names are incredibly important. Dale Carnegie, author of “How to Win

Friends and Influence People,” suggests that a person’s name is the sweetest and most

important sound in any language.

Names are a critical piece of a person’s identity. Take it from me; I have a really

complicated last name. Most people look at it and have no idea how to actually

pronounce it (though it’s much easier than it looks). Forgive me for the following rant; I

promise it serves a purpose!

I have no problem with someone who politely asks how to pronounce my last name or

inquires about its origins. I don’t even mind when someone attempts to pronounce it and

completely mangles it in the process—as long as they acknowledge it’s a guess and

correct themselves after they know better. I’ve heard everything and most of the time, I

laugh and we move on.

The thing I can’t handle is when someone doesn’t know how to pronounce it correctly

and instead of simply asking they just decide to call me “Ms. Sciveechie” or something

equally horrifying.

I also hate it when telemarketers call and, before even introducing themselves, say,

“Hello, Miss….How do you pronounce that?”



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“Why should I tell you?” I wonder. “I don’t even know who you are!”

But I hate it most when people harp on and on about my name, shouting that it’s the

craziest thing they’ve ever seen. This happens surprisingly often. It’s embarrassing and

annoying. I’ve lived with the name for almost 40 years. I’ve had this same conversation

hundreds of times. When someone does this, they’re just entertaining themselves and

wasting my time in the process.

My point in sharing this rant with you is to simply help make you aware that names are

personal. Be polite and inquisitive but keep it within reason. If someone has an unusual

name, they’ve heard it all before. They probably don’t appreciate excessive jokes or

comments.

If someone has a particularly difficult name because its origins are foreign, excessive

commentary can also appear discriminatory or motivated by bigotry. It’s acceptable to

be politely inquisitive, but be cautious about overdoing it.

Remembering someone’s name is also a sign of respect. It shows that you care enough

to commit them to memory. So, if you’re not good with names, you must choose to GET

good. Practice your skills. Learn how to use simple tricks to help you remember, such

as:

§ Repeat the name multiple at least twice upon meeting someone new. For

example, when first introduced, say, “Hi, Alice. It’s nice to meet you. So have you

been to this networking event before, Alice?”

§ If the name is unusual, ask the person to spell it for you. This can help

trigger a visual memory of the name. Alternatively, if they’ve handed you a

business card, simply glance down at it and create the visual association.



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§ Create a mental association of some kind. If the person is named Al, think of

the famous actor, Al Pacino. If the person is named Rose, think of a beautiful red

rose. This helps engage the brain and focuses attention.

Of course, you’re not expected to be perfect. We all forget names now and again. That’s

fine. But don’t ignore it. Address a forgotten name early on in the relationship—don’t let

it go on too long before you ask for it again.

My next-door neighbors, whom I lived next to for three years, forgot my name after our

first meeting, but never bothered to address it. After several months of casual

interaction, I noticed. I was a little offended, but more importantly, I was uncomfortable. I

started trying to find ways to refer myself in third-person so they’d hear my name again.

It was like an awkward episode of Seinfeld!

They should have just asked me the second time they saw me and couldn’t remember.

That would have resolved the issue. But the more time that went by, the harder it

became for them to ask.

So don’t wait. As soon as you realize you’ve forgotten, just ask in a straightforward,

polite way:

“I know we’ve met before and I’m so sorry but will you remind me of your name?”

After asking for it a second time, be absolutely certain you commit it to memory.

Repeatedly forgetting someone’s name is rude in any culture, in almost any

circumstance.

Let me just say one last thing about names:



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There is an annoying technique that’s often used in customer service these days where

people actually overuse your name. Have you noticed this? Whenever I call my credit

card company, the agent uses my name in almost every sentence. Personally, I find this

overly familiar, though I suppose the purpose is to sound friendly. It just shows that

preferences can vary so pay attention to the person you’re interacting with—their facial

expressions, their tone of voice and their body language. People will usually give you

signs if you’re doing something that bothers them.

Handshakes

This is yet another topic that creates frequent frustration for me. In my opinion, there’s

nothing worse than a wet noodle handshake—except perhaps a vice grip, bone-

breaking handshake. Both make equally poor first impressions.

Have you ever had one of those fingertip only handshakes? A friend of mine told me

that’s how he imagines royalty greets the “little people”. That’s how I feel when I get a

weak handshake…like the person doesn’t really want to touch me, like I might be

contagious, or like I’m not worth the energy it takes to produce a nice, solid grip.

When I get one of those overly tough handshakes, I feel like it’s a challenge, as if the

person is trying to prove something to me. Then there’s the handshake that’s so short

it’s more like a wipe across your hand. And the ones that are so long, it starts to feel

creepy. It’s hard to believe how many ways people have found to mess up something as

simple as a handshake!

There is a happy medium here. A handshake should be a welcoming gesture—firm but

not overbearing, long enough to make eye contact and smile, but not so long that it feels

overly intimate. Practice with your friends if you’re not sure about it, and ask for their

honest feedback.



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In North America, handshakes are gender neutral. There are no more rules in the

modern workplace regarding who can or should extend his or her hand first. In the past,

proper etiquette was for women to wait for men to extend their hands and for lower-

ranking professionals to wait for higher-ranking ones. However, these are antiquated

and unnecessary in today’s business world.

Therefore, don’t hesitate to reach out! It’s perfectly acceptable and it’s a great way of

inviting someone to interact with you.

Introductions

There ARE, however, still rules around the order in which people should be introduced

and HOW they should be introduced.

Always, always, always use both the first name and last name of the people you’re

introducing. In most cases, it’s also appropriate to share the title of the person.

The order is a bit more complicated. Here’s how it works: The person of highest

authority should be NAMED first. Unless there is a client involved, then they are first.

So, you’re technically introducing the less “important” person TO the more “important”

person first.

Age and gender are NOT the deciding factors, which may feel a little unusual for some

of us. But, in business, it’s really based on the roles of the people involved.

So, for example, if you were introducing the new intern, Mary, and the CEO, Jack, it

would go like this:

Jack, this is Mary Smith, our new intern.

Mary, this is Jack Duncan, our CEO.



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See how Jack, the higher ranked individual, was named first? Mary was technically

introduced first, but think of it this way: The more important individual gets informed of

whom he or she is meeting before the less important person is informed.

If you were introducing a client, Ted, to the CEO, Jack, it would go like this:

Ted, this is Jack Duncan, our CEO.

Jack, this is Ted Johnson, our new client.

Again, clients are always named first if they’re involved.

Introductions tend to pose some tricky etiquette issues in the workplace; so don’t get

caught off guard.

Embarrassing Situations

Think of the person who unknowingly walks around the office with spinach in her teeth,

or with his fly down, or with a tag hanging out the back of her skirt. These embarrassing

situations can cause all kinds of etiquette questions.

Many of these situations are pretty easy to handle. It’s always a matter of putting the

person at ease and minimizing embarrassment. So pull the person aside and, in private,

let him or her know what’s going on.

While presenting this topic a while ago, I had an interesting question from an audience

member who wanted to know how to deal with a co-worker who had extremely bad

breath. A group of colleagues had been discussing it and they were planning on putting

breath mints on this person’s desk anonymously.



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Not okay. That’s not following the rule of putting the person at ease and minimizing

embarrassment. That’s passive aggressive.

So, what would an alternative be? Quietly approach the person one-on-one. Let him

know that this is a concern and that you wanted him to know so he could do something

about it. Be sincere in your desire to help but also be careful. There are actually some

medical conditions that cause problems like this. Sometimes, these things are simply

out of the person’s control and you can end up making them feel even more

uncomfortable.

Gauge how worthwhile it is to address the situation. It may not be an appropriate

conversation to have. Or it might just not be right for YOU to address it. Some of these

things can go to your HR department to handle. Don’t take on everything yourself and

use caution.

Co-Workers & Gossip

I could write a whole book on gossip, why it’s a complete waste of time and energy, and

how it’s harmful to both your career and your organization. But you likely already know

that. So instead, let me simply say that how you interact with co-workers speaks

VOLUMES about you and it always comes back to you. Whether or not you realize it,

this kind of behavior is visible throughout the company. Don’t be lulled into gossiping

just because others are doing it around you.

Silence = Agreement

This is perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned about gossip. If others are talking

about someone or spreading rumors, and you just sit there and say nothing, you might

as well be nodding your head and joining in the fun. Silence is just another way of

saying, “Yep. I’m totally on board with what you’re saying.”



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This doesn’t mean you have to be the gossip police. It’s acceptable to simply remove

yourself from the conversation. But I encourage you to use your influence.

Gossip is often made up of unreliable information, speculation, half-truths, conjecture

and rumor. It’s dangerous to believe and even worse to spread. A gossipy work

environment can become incredibly uncomfortable. It breeds an atmosphere of distrust.

You know that anyone who talks behind someone else’s back is probably talking behind

your back too. The whole team can be dragged down by it.

So, when it’s happening around you, change the conversation. Be a leader. Tell people,

“Let’s talk about something more interesting…” and change the subject.

Alternatively, you can counter the gossip with facts. If someone is speculating about an

interoffice relationship, for example, clearly say, “That’s not true,” or “You don’t know

that.”

If someone is spreading word that a colleague is difficult to work with, you can share a

positive experience you’ve personally had with that person.

This isn’t meant to be confrontational. You’re just sharing a different set of facts.

You’ll be surprised how easy it is to stop gossip when you’re active about it.

If your workplace is saturated with gossip, I highly recommend confidentially discussing

it with your Human Resources Department. It has the potential to spread like wild fire

and is just as destructive.

When others are gossiping about you, it’s often best to simply ignore it. If that’s not

possible, or if the gossip is having a direct impact on your career, consider addressing it



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head on with the people involved. If needed, discuss the problem with your manager or

HR representatives and ask for guidance or mediation.

Networking

Just the word “networking” causes some people to run and hide. It’s an incredibly

difficult task for many people—including me. I’m naturally an introvert, though you

probably wouldn’t guess if you met me in person. I’ve spent a long time training myself

to be an effective networker because I know how important it is for business.

So, what etiquette issues come up when networking? A big one has to do with business

cards. I’ve been to many events where people are just blanketing the room in cards.

They hardly look you in the eye, they spend about two seconds talking to you, hand you

a card, grab yours and then take off. What a waste!

If these people actually happen to connect with you later on, they usually have no idea

what you do, are totally unconcerned with helping you, and just want to sell you

something or ask for a favor. It’s the most inauthentic and ineffective way of starting a

relationship!

When someone hands me a card like this, I think of it as junk mail. It’s totally unwanted.

I’d rather not give my card to someone like this because any communication I get from

them in the future will be the same—unwanted junk.

Please don’t be this person!

Networking is about making authentic connections with people. Get to know the person

you’re talking to and how you might help one another—it’s not all about how they can

help you. The purpose of networking is to create mutually beneficial relationships; it’s a

two-way road.



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If you bother to ask for someone’s business card, follow up. Connect on LinkedIn, send

an email or make a phone call. Do something with it. Make the connection matter. If you

bother to give out your card, be willing to maintain that connection when the person

contacts you in the future.

Now, in reality, it’s poor etiquette to decline giving your card to someone. So, if one of

those business card blanketers we discussed earlier happens to ask, just hand it over.

However, it’s perfectly fine NOT to ask for one in return.

A great mind frame to take when you walk into a room to network is to pretend you’re

the host or hostess. That means you’re trying to make everyone feel welcome, you’re

helping to make sure that no one is standing alone or feeling left out, and you’re just

generally keeping the tone of the event upbeat. When you take on the host/hostess

mentality, you’ll feel more comfortable and more empowered to just walk up to people

and introduce yourself. It’s a great trick that really does work.

Lastly, remember that going to a networking event is about branching out. So, it’s very

poor etiquette to just take a seat at a table with the four friends you came with. That

defeats the purpose and it makes other people feel intimidated to approach you and say

hello. If you’re talking in a small group and someone is standing alone, hovering right

next to you, smile and try to get them involved. Ask a question. We all know networking

is hard. Don’t make it harder than it already is for someone else.



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I hope you see that etiquette always boils down to showing respect and consideration

for everyone with whom you come into contact. There’s a wonderful rule that I try to live

by and that is:

Treat everyone as if they will be your boss someday.

As you well know, it’s a small world out there. Competitors can become co-workers

overnight. Your subordinates today may one day hire you…but not if they weren’t

treated respectfully. You just never know how or where people will show up in the future

so you can’t go wrong by treating everyone like a future boss.



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ADDRESSING SPECIFIC ETIQUETTE CHALLENGES COMMUNICATION

Private Conversations

The workplace is not your private space, even if you happen to be one of the lucky ones

who has a door on his or her office. Work is not the place for private conversations.

Assume everything can be overheard. If it’s truly private, leave the office.

Do NOT participate in hushed cubicle conversations thinking that no one else can hear

you. They can.

I’ll never forget one of my co-workers a few years ago. She was a nice gal, in the

cubicle next to mine, and she was planning a wedding. Every single day, I heard an

hour-long whispered conversation between her and her maid of honor as they planned

this wedding.

“Do you really think groomsmen should stand shortest to tallest? Because I think they

should stand tallest to shortest. And what about the flowers? My mom wants roses but

isn’t that cliché? I’m thinking tulips or lilies or something fabulous and fun and

different…”

Oh my goodness, it was painful. This is what I heard every day for almost a year.

If you have to have a personal conversation at work, please do everyone a favor and

take it outside. Don’t disturb your co-workers. They don’t want to hear it.



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And if you do happen to overhear a REALLY private conversation, don’t comment on it.

Clearly, it wasn’t intended to be heard. But, you may want to politely let the person

know. That way, she can be more careful in the future.

I had a client who had a horrible situation at her office. She had gone into a conference

room with a co-worker to hash out some frustrations and they ended up getting into a

really heated argument. Well, they didn’t realize it but there was a training session going

on in the conference room next door. The group in there could hear every word of their

conversation. Afterward, the leader of the training session told my client what had

happened and she was mortified. If she had known that people could hear her, she

would have forced herself to calm down and maintain her professionalism. But she had

let it all go and now everyone knew what was going on.

So, no matter where you are in the office, if you’re at work, keep your professionalism in

check. Assume that your behavior is on display whether you realize it or not. There are

no secrets in an office.

Now, let’s address perhaps one of the biggest etiquette questions of our day: The cell

phone in the bathroom. Have you ever been in the stall, doing your business, when

suddenly you hear someone talking on the phone? It’s a little disconcerting! Have you

ever been the one on the phone?

Let me ask you: Is the bathroom your private space? Is it the appropriate place for a

private conversation?



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I read a great article the other day and the author put it very bluntly. She said:

“Look, there are really only two possibilities here: You aren’t going to be taking

very long anyways, so there is absolutely no need to be talking on the phone.

Or, you are going to be taking a long time, and if that’s the case whatever you’re

doing is gross enough that you probably shouldn’t be talking on the phone to

somebody while you are doing it.”

Think of the poor listener. Have you ever been having a conversation with someone and

then suddenly you hear a flush? Awkward!

Again, simply take the call outside. The bathroom is not your private space.

If others are doing this in your office and you’re not sure how to address it, email me

([email protected]). I’d be happy to present a training session on etiquette

for YOUR group. It’s often much easier to have an outsider come in and discuss these

things.

I DO NOT, however, recommend placing a passive aggressive note on the bathroom

wall. I’ve seen this at several offices and they usually just get people wound up.

Personal Space

As Americans, we generally like about three feet of personal space, but this is very

cultural. I had someone in one of my sessions who was from India and she told me that

where she was from, when you go through a revolving door, people will just get in your

little compartment with you. In America, that would be incredibly uncomfortable. We’re

used to having our own little space in the door. So just be aware that some cultures will

have different ideas of what’s appropriate regarding space.



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When interacting with people, be respectful of personal space. Remember to leave a

bubble around them. Don’t be a close-talker, like the character on Seinfeld. Don’t hover

over a person’s shoulder or reach out and touch them. A lot of people are really

uncomfortable with being touched by those they don’t know well. It can even be

misinterpreted as being something sexual even if you didn’t mean it that way, which can

really cause a problem for your career.

Do you remember when President George W. Bush gave the German Chancellor a

neck rub during the G8 summit several years ago? It was so odd and she looked so

uncomfortable.

Knowing what we know about our former President, he was probably just trying to be

nice and friendly and helpful. Still, it was inappropriate and you can see the discomfort

on her face.

So play it safe when it comes to touching people in a business environment. Stick to a

handshake and nothing more.



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ADDRESSING SPECIFIC ETIQUETTE CHALLENGES TECHNOLOGY

Phone The telephone is a ubiquitous mode of communication in modern life, both personally

and professionally. However, it still causes trouble for those who are not accustomed to

the standards of business etiquette for its use.

For example, when calling someone, it is always polite to introduce yourself first and

then ask if the person has a few minutes to talk. In our modern age, many professionals

prefer for lengthy phone calls to be scheduled. Simply picking up the phone and

expecting the person to drop what they’re doing to engage in your conversation is

considered rude. However, there are certainly times when matters are urgent and a

spontaneous phone call is required.

When others spontaneously call you, it’s perfectly acceptable to request a call back at

another time if you are otherwise engaged in more important priorities. This, of course,

depends on the situation and who is calling. You probably wouldn’t do this to your boss

or a valued client.

When leaving a voicemail, be sure to speak clearly and slowly so the listener doesn’t

have to scramble or strain to take note of your information. It’s a best practice to start

the message with your name and phone number and also end the message with the

same information. Include a general idea of what your call is in reference to as well, but

don’t be overly detailed. Remember that the listener is busy; you want to provide

enough information so that he or she will be prepared when they return the call, but not

so much as to overwhelm them.



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Speakerphone & Conference Calls

Don’t use speakerphone if you’re sharing an open space andeveryone around you will

be disturbed by it. I see this happen all the time and it’s incredibly rude. Go into an office

and close the door. Even then, people outside can often hear the speaker, but at least

you’ve made the effort.

When attending conference calls, always announce yourself and make sure everyone

who is joining the call does the same. Don’t allow people to secretly listen in; this isn’t

high school. In the workplace, where highly sensitive and confidential information is

frequently discussed, this behavior is especially inappropriate. In some cases, it can

even put your job in jeopardy.

If you’re chewing, typing or holding side conversations, put the speaker on mute so all of

your background noise isn’t picked up. Even if you’re not planning to multitask, this is

always a considerate thing to do.

As a humorous aside, you may enjoy this light-hearted video showing the common

conference call etiquette missteps: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYu_bGbZiiQ

Email According to a recent study created by The Radicati Group, a technology market

research firm, email is the “go to form of communication in the business world.” Over

100 billion business emails are sent and received per day, and that number is growing

exponentially.

Of course, the number of email messages sent and received by any one person will

vary greatly depending on individual circumstances, including his or her role,

organization, industry, and personal preference. However, it’s generally agreed that



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email communication is a standard component of conducting business in our modern

age.

Email is a unique form of business communication because of two specific factors: (1)

the volume and (2) the speed.

With such an incredible volume and because we’re moving quickly, mistakes are more

likely to happen. We tend to be a little more careless with email communication because

it’s often deemed more informal. All of these things create a dangerous landscape ripe

for etiquette missteps.

Though there is much to say about this topic, I’m only going to address the most

important points and the most common etiquette mistakes.

CONFIDENTIALITY

Before moving forward, I want to clearly state that email is not confidential. No matter

what kind of protection you think you have in place, you must assume that anything put

in an email can and will become public information. It is NOT a mode of communication

to use for sending strictly confidential information or documentation.

GREETINGS & CLOSINGS

Due to the volume and speed, it’s easy to forget that email is still a business

communication. As such, email should still include the basic professional courtesies you

would pay someone in person.

Do not launch into your message without first providing a greeting. It doesn’t have to be

formal, like a business letter, though it certainly can be. In most workplaces, it’s

appropriate to offer a friendly “hello” or “hi” followed by the person’s name to begin the

conversation.



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Likewise, do not end your message without providing a closing, such as “thank you.”

Most business email communications have an automatic signature that appears with

your name. However, this is not a replacement for a more traditional closing.

Email is not an excuse to be lazy. Requests can sound like commands when little effort

is made to be polite. A simple inquiry can sound like an interrogation when little context

is given. Treat email as you would any other business communication.

Messages that lack proper business etiquette can appear cold, unfriendly and rude.

Consider the difference in the two messages below:

MESSAGE 1:

Send me a copy of the Miller case report ASAP.

MESSAGE 2: Hi Sally,

Can you please send me a copy of the Miller case report ASAP? I have a meeting with

them tomorrow.

Thank you!

Simply by including a greeting and a closing, along with a polite request and a little

context, the second message creates a much more professional impression on the

reader. Consequently, it is likely to receive a much faster (and friendly!) response.

FORWARDING MESSAGES When you forward something, you’re passing along a message to someone whom the

original sender did not include. Ask yourself: Is this information that the original

sender would want me to share? If you’re not sure, don’t send it. I’ve seen serious

trouble resulting from messages that were forwarded on inappropriately.



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Remember that when you forward things, all the email addresses of the original

recipients automatically appear so you could also be inadvertently sharing private

contact information. Be safe and always remove those email addresses before sending

on.

Other common etiquette errors I see involve the misuse of the CC, BCC and Reply All

features.

CC: CARBON COPY (OR COURTESY COPY) Only include an individual in the “cc” area when there is no action required on his or her

part. Using this feature means the person is included in the email exchange as a

courtesy to keep them informed.

All too often, nervous and/or ambitious professionals overuse this feature. They copy

their managers and other leaders on every exchange, regardless of need. It’s often

done as a way to demonstrate competence or prove they are doing what has been

asked of them. Unfortunately, this strategy can backfire. People start to assume your

messages are mostly irrelevant and thus they ignore them.

On occasion, people use the “cc” feature as a passive aggressive way of escalating

issues to management. They copy someone’s superior(s) on an exchange as a way of

saying, “I don’t trust you to handle this on your own.” This can create tension and is

often unnecessarily adversarial.

Use the “cc” feature thoughtfully. In many cases, the person doesn’t need to be included

in the email exchange.

BCC: BLIND CARBON COPY (OR BLIND COURTESY COPY)

Including individuals as “bcc” recipients means they receive a copy of the email but

others cannot see that they were included. It’s easy for the “bcc” recipient to miss this



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fact as well. He or she may respond to the message (even indirectly) and take others off

guard, as they didn’t know this person was included in the first place. This can be

especially upsetting when the email contains information the direct recipient(s) would

not have knowingly shared with the “bcc” recipient.

When you receive a message as a “bcc”, it means that the sender wanted you to see

the message but didn’t want the other recipient(s) to know you had seen it. Always

check to see how you received a message before you respond. Was it sent to you

directly? Did others receive it as well? Were you copied or blind copied?

As a rule, the “bcc” feature should only be used in a very few, specific circumstances.

For example, it’s an appropriate option for sending an announcement or invitation to a

large group of individuals whose contact information you’d like to remain private. By

including all the addresses in the “bcc” line, people won’t see the long list of names and

addresses as they would in the “to” or “cc” lines. They also won’t accidentally send a

message to the whole group by selecting “reply all.”

Using the bcc feature can potentially invite some very unwelcome frustrations. If you

feel a person cannot be added as a “cc” to the message, consider whether or not they

should be included at all. It often makes more sense to simply forward a copy of the

email directly to the person, along with a quick note explaining why you want them to

see it and if you’d like their knowledge of it to remain private. That way, there’s no

confusion for any of the recipients and the chance of danger is dramatically minimized.

REPLY ALL This feature allows you to respond to all the original message recipients at once.

Unfortunately, this has been so frequently abused; it’s become a running joke in the

business world. Imagine that ten people were “cc’d” on an email and every single

person hits “reply all” to say, “Thanks!” That means 100 totally useless email messages



36

were sent. I’ve seen many painful, embarrassing situations where people throughout an

organization get inundated with hundreds of messages from people using “reply all.”

Always think twice about using the “reply all” feature. Does everyone need to be

included in your response? Is this response worthy of taking up valuable space in the

already overstuffed email inboxes of every original recipient? If your true intention is

simply to respond to the sender, select “reply” instead.

CUSTOM EMAIL SIGNATURES I have seen a trend recently where people are including quotes underneath their

signature information. In some cases, I think it’s acceptable. But please, please do not

include a quote that is religious or political in nature. If it refers to God, I wouldn’t

recommend using it. It seems that a lot of companies are actually more lenient than I

would be, because I see this quite often right now.

Remember that your work email is a work tool. You don’t need to be advertising your

spirituality here and it can create a branding issue for your organization. Save the

spiritual and political quotes for your personal email signature.

I would prefer that we NOT do the quote thing in the workplace at all because I think it

just adds unnecessary clutter. But if you really want to do it, please choose one this is

positive and motivational but very neutral. You don’t know the spiritual beliefs of your

clients, your coworkers or anyone else you’re interacting with for business. You don’t

know what could offend people or just make them uncomfortable.

Remember that etiquette is all about easing interaction with people and helping them

feel respected. Keep that in mind.

Finally, before you adapt your work email signature area, find out if your company has

specific requirements and be sure you’re staying in compliance.



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Instant Message (IM)

IM is a type of online chat that allows individuals to send messages to one another in

real time. The messages pop up on the screen and instantly pass back and forth

between sender and receiver. In the business world, IM is ideal for quick, one-off

interactions that are of an immediate nature.

However, sending an IM is essentially always an interruption. It’s like calling someone

unexpectedly or dropping in unannounced. IM is so easy that many people forget this

and simply launch into a conversation without asking if it’s a good time. Always start an

IM conversation by inquiring if the person has a minute to chat.

It’s also important to respect the status information shown in the IM system. If

someone’s status is set to “busy” or “in a meeting,” do not interrupt.

If someone interrupts you at an inconvenient time, do not simply ignore the message.

Instead, ask them politely to send you an email or try you again at a specified time.

Setting your status to “do not disturb” will prevent people from sending you IMs, so

utilize this feature when necessary. It’s generally not acceptable to leave your status on

“do not disturb” for prolonged periods of time though as it blocks your availability.

An IM conversation should always be just a few minutes. It’s for the kinds of the

conversations that don’t require much time or extensive discussion. For example, if you

have an urgent question that your colleague can quickly answer off the top of her head,

IM might be a good way to inquire. However, if your question can wait, if it requires time

and research on your colleague’s part, or if the question or answer is fairly complex, it’s

better to send an email. That way, the colleague has a record of the request and can

prioritize it appropriately.



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If you have several questions or several points of discussion, again, email or a phone

call is more appropriate.

Do not use IM for any discussion that is sensitive in nature, particularly one that involves

bad news or confidential information. You never know who might be looking over

someone’s shoulder when the message pops up.

Finally, it’s important to note that, because IM is designed for fast interaction, it’s

dangerously easy to lapse into overly casual conversation. Many professionals

frequently use abbreviations in IM, such as “np” for “no problem” or “ty” for “thank you”.

In general, commonly used shortcuts are appropriate, though this may vary by

workplace. If you’re ever concerned that the other person might be unsure of what you

mean, use the actual words to avoid miscommunication.

Social Media

Today’s social networking platforms like LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter all have their

own special standards of etiquette. With the exception of LinkedIn, social media is

primarily a social tool, not a business one. However, your online presence still reflects

on you as a professional. Whether you’re posting on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, a

personal blog, or anywhere else online, your words and photos will follow you—

potentially forever.

Regardless of privacy settings, you must assume that anything you post can and will be

found by current or future employers, clients, colleagues, and bosses. Your online

interactions should always be considered public. As we all know, security breaches can

happen anytime so don’t be fooled into thinking your online actions are hidden.

So use that as a gauge to figure out if something is appropriate to post online. Ask

yourself, “How would I feel if my current or future boss saw this?”



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It goes without saying that any and all non-public company information should never be

shared online.

While you have the freedom to share your personal experiences and express your

opinions in any way you choose, you also have a responsibility as a professional, and

there may be professional consequences for your personal activities. Sharing your

views online may be legal, but that doesn’t mean it can’t negatively impact your career.

To protect your professional reputation, NEVER share any of the following online:

• Negative comments about your current or prospective employer, including the

people, policies or products.

• Comments of an extremely controversial nature, including racist, sexist,

discriminatory, or derogatory remarks—even in jest.

• Photos of yourself in compromising positions, such as engaging in illegal or

unethical activities.

These things are a reflection of your judgment and character. People can and will judge

you, both personally and professionally. Employers have the right to deny employment

or terminate employment because of statements made online, whether or not they are

directly related to the business.

As an employee, you are a representative of your company, even when you’re not at

work. Your online conduct should be aligned with your in-person conduct. Remain

respectful and polite in all interactions online. Don’t think the computer gives you some

kind of anonymity. I’ve seen people post some really horrible, mean, wretched things

online because they feel protected hiding behind their computer. Don’t let yourself

believe that it’s not real. It’s definitely real.



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Most companies have specific policies regarding use of social media in the workplace. It

is your responsibility to read, understand and follow these policies. Regardless of what

is “allowed,” however, use it with caution. Even if you’re looking at legitimate business-

related items, others may see you browsing Facebook or LinkedIn on company time and

make negative assumptions that can impact your reputation.

Text Messaging

Though I often get a lot of pushback from people on this, I don’t think we should use text

messaging for any business purpose, other than for a quick note to let your boss know

you’re running a few minutes late or something similarly inconsequential.

I always recommend calling or emailing instead of texting if the message is important.

You can’t verify that a text message was received, it’s limited in space, and goodness

knows that sometimes the autocorrect feature can create totally weird words for you out

of nowhere. At this point, I believe that texting just isn’t an appropriate medium for any

significant business communication.

It is, however, a great tool for communicating quickly with family and friends during the

day. It’s an easy and convenient way to keep in touch with the kids while you’re at work

and it doesn’t interrupt your day. I think it’s perfect for that kind of thing. However, I’ve

seen it abused in the workplace as well, where people are texting all day long and

hiding it under their desk, pretending to work while really just chatting with friends.

Clearly, that’s not okay. Use it on a limited basis just for quick check-ins.



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ADDRESSING SPECIFIC ETIQUETTE CHALLENGES MEETINGS

Meal Meetings

For meetings taking place over a meal, the biggest concern usually has to do with who

is supposed to pay. Generally speaking, the person who invited will pay. So, if you invite

a client to a lunch meeting, you pay.

If the meal is being shared only by company employees, the person with the highest

authority will usually pay. However, let company policy dictate.

I don’t have to tell you to use your best table manners, do I? Clearly, how you present

yourself at the table will reflect on both you and your company.

ALCOHOL I’ve been in situations before where I was out with clients and they were ordering

alcoholic drinks and I felt pressured to do the same. It’s easy to rationalize it in the

moment. But please don’t do it. Even if it’s technically “okay” with your boss or with

your company, it’s absolutely the wrong state of mind for business. It doesn’t look

professional and it causes you to make decisions that you might not make with a clear

head. My recommendation: Politely decline and leave it at that.

Cell Phones

This is another one I tend to get pushback on:Cell phones should be turned OFF before

you head into a meeting. OFF, not set to vibrate. Vibrating still makes noise; it still

catches your attention and distracts those around you. There is nothing more rude or



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counterproductive than someone who just stares at his cell phone throughout a meeting.

It wastes time and, all too often, the other meeting attendees have to repeat themselves

to fill the person in when they inevitably miss important discussion points.

Don’t read or send text messages or emails during meetings. It’s disrespectful to the

presenter and to your fellow attendees.

Arrival and Departure

We all know that business is hectic. You can’t be perfectly on time to every meeting

and, at times, you will have to scurry out of one to head for another. That’s perfectly

fine…if you handle it appropriately.

If you know you’re going to be leaving a meeting early, take a seat at the back of the

room by the door. That way, when you get up to leave, you’ll be less likely to disturb the

whole group. Hopefully, you can slip quietly out without calling attention to yourself.

If you arrive late, do the same thing. Set up at the back of the room. Don’t bug the

people next to you to fill you in on what happened. Simply listen and try to catch up on

your own. You don’t need to offer excuses about where you were or why you’re late. A

brief apology to the leader during a break or after the meeting is plenty. At that point,

you can gather materials and get a quick synopsis of what you missed.

Do your best to arrive to meetings on time and schedule your day so you can attend the

full meeting. But when things come up that prevent this, it’s all about minimizing the

disruption to others.



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ADDRESSING SPECIFIC ETIQUETTE CHALLENGES GENERAL OFFICE

Cubicles & Open Workspaces

In today’s modern workspace, completely open areas are becoming more prevalent.

Cubicles provide a small semblance of privacy. Offices with closing doors and four walls

are becoming rare relics of the past.

With cubicles, people often think it’s just fine to walk right in and make themselves at

home. There’s no door to knock on so you’re always open for business. This can be

interruptive and difficult to manage. The best rule for entering other people’s cubicles is

to simply pretend there’s a door there. Stand outside and knock, or get their attention

and ask if it’s a good time to chat about something.

Do this for your neighbors and ask them to do the same for you. I’ve even seen offices

where people have signs posted saying, “Please knock.” I’ve seen other signs that say,

“Please do not disturb between 2 and 4 pm.” Remember that you are responsible for

your time so you have to make sure that people aren’t taking advantage simply because

of your work area.

Of course, while a cubicle may FEEL private at times, it’s not. You’re still a part of one

bigger room being shared by many. You don’t have solid barriers so remember that

others can still hear you and see you—and yes, smell you—so act accordingly.

When working in a cubicles and open workspaces, you’re fully on display. Keep your

area tidy and well organized so people passing by don’t have to look at a pigsty.



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Monitor the volume of your voice so you’re respectful of others, and don’t be shy about

respectfully letting others know if their volume is inappropriate for the space. It can be

hard to judge for yourself sometimes and the only way to create a cohesive environment

is to help train one another.

Of course, you also have to understand that there WILL be noise. You’ll never create a

perfectly quiet atmosphere when working in cubicles or open workspaces. If it distracts

you, try using a pair of noise cancelling headphones or move to a conference room for a

few hours if you really need to concentrate and focus.

Cleaning

Keeping the office clean is usually a shared responsibility by all who use it. Your

cleanliness—or lack thereof—is a reflection of your character and integrity. Pick up after

yourself. Don’t leave old, stinky food in the refrigerator. Do your own dishes, and don’t

do it for others if you’re just going to complain about it. No one is paying you to be a

maid. If you choose to do it, you can’t then turn around and be angry about it.

As I mentioned earlier, I’m not a fan of passive aggressive behavior. I’ve seen too many

offices where one person hates doing all the cleaning and leaves a note that says, “I’m

not your mother. Clean up after yourself,” and the whole office gets snippy with one

another. Don’t give into this temptation. Instead, do your part and let others deal with

their own part.

Smells

This is one that people often don’t think about and yet it can cause serious problems for

those around you. Be cautious with the amount of perfume you spray, for example. If

you leave the elevator and the next person to come in knows you were there, it’s too

much.



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Do you really need to eat that leftover salmon for breakfast in your cubicle? Some

people are more sensitive than others and some can even suffer with allergic reactions

when they smell intense odors.

Once again, etiquette always boils down to respect and thinking outside of your own

little world.

Holiday Parties

The dreaded office holiday party presents many an etiquette challenge. Interacting with

business associates in a social setting can be awkward and difficult to gauge

“appropriate” behavior. Always err on the safe side and remain professional. These

people aren’t your friends—they’re your business associations—no matter what it feels

like in the moment.

While alcohol is often abundantly available, I strongly caution you to drink moderately if

at all. Your inhibitions are a GOOD thing; don’t drink them away! Give yourself a one or

two drink maximum and stick to it. If you have trouble keeping limits, abstain altogether.

Yes, you want to be friendly and social. But alcohol can quickly cloud your judgment and

cause all sorts of unintentional etiquette missteps.

It’s also important to know that the person you bring to your office holiday party is a

reflection of you. Make sure he or she doesn’t overindulge either. Give your date a quick

tutorial on who’s who and ask them to be polite, professional and respectful just as they

would in their own office.



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Celebrations & Gift Giving

Everyone loves a gift! But in the workplace, it’s hard to know what’s appropriate for gift-

giving occasions. If you’re not currently aware of it, review your company’s policy. Most

will establish a small acceptable budget for gifts. If your company doesn’t have a policy,

use your good judgment and don’t go overboard.

Generally, gift giving should flow down, not up. This means that bosses can give their

staff members gifts, but employees should not give gifts to their bosses. If you are

providing gifts to your team, be sure it’s equitable and no one feels unfairly favored or

left out.

If you want to exchange gifts with a co-worker who is also a friend during the holidays,

for example, do so discretely or after hours so others don’t see and get their feelings

hurt.

Always stick with thoughtful but fairly generic gifts like calendars, picture frames, pen

sets, paperweights, books and gift cards. NEVER try to pull off a gag gift and avoid

anything that could be deemed too personal.

If you celebrate one person, celebrate everyone. Don’t get a cake and throw a party for

Sarah’s birthday and then ignore Tom’s when it comes around. For larger offices, a

great solution is to simply throw one party for all birthdays happening in the month and

make sure everyone is invited.

My general recommendation is to limit office celebrations to birthdays, company

anniversaries and the big holidays. Otherwise, you could end up throwing a party

everyday!



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During a recent presentation, an attendee asked me about baby showers. She wanted

to throw a party for an expectant mom in the office but wasn’t sure if she should invite

the men as well. She also wanted everyone to chip in a few dollars for a group gift.

However, other women in the office had not received a party or a gift in the past and she

was concerned that it might cause some animosity. Also, she started wondering, “If

expectant moms get parties, shouldn’t new fathers as well?” A whole slew of etiquette

issues came up.

I recommended taking the event outside of the office. As always, I think it depends on

the specific workplace, but equity and fairness are the biggest concerns here. In this

situation, there was just too much chance that others would feel slighted no matter how

it was handled.

Donations

If you’re a charitable person, you might assume everyone around you wants to support

the same causes you do and in the same way you do. However, this just isn’t the case.

You simply can’t know someone else’s financial situation and you don’t want to put a

burden on them.

If you’re collecting funds for a charitable event of any kind, whether your selling candy

bars to support your child’s school play or raising funds for cancer research, remember

that it’s 100 percent voluntary. Do not pester co-workers to contribute. Don’t shame

them if they choose not to participate. Ask politely once and then move on. It’s also

considerate to ask via email instead of face-to-face. This helps reduce the feeling of

pressure.

If you are a manager, do not ask your subordinates (people who work under you) for

donations, as this can be perceived as a “demand” rather than a “request”. You don’t



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want to abuse your power. Also, never ask for donations from clients. This is simply

inappropriate.

Whether or not people in your office choose to donate, do not take advantage of them.

Limit your requests to no more than once per year. If and when someone does donate,

offer your heart-felt, sincere gratitude and send a thank you card—regardless of the

amount they gave.

Remember that, if someone asks for a donation from you, you’re not “required” to give.

A simple “No, thank you” is all it takes. Don’t bother with lengthy explanations. If you feel

the request is inappropriate or that you’ve been made to feel uncomfortable about your

decision, take the matter to HR.

Above all, ensure you follow the policies of your company. Many will limit solicitations to

prevent these kinds of etiquette issues.

General

Around the office, the key point to remember is RESPECT. The workplace is a

community. In order to be successful, there must be civility.

If you take the last one, restock it. If you see someone who could use a hand, offer it.

Give a little; take a little. That’s the nature of a positive working relationship.

When others do a favor for you, reciprocate. Ask how you can help them in the future.

It’s an unspoken expectation that this will happen. When it doesn’t, people notice and it

impacts the productivity of the whole team.



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Remember your manners. Don’t smack your gum. Don’t leave your dirty dishes in the

sink. Don’t play your music so loud that it disturbs others. Just be considerate of those

around you.

Lastly, give others a little leeway. No one is perfect. When you spend so much time with

the same group of people, you’re bound to find slight annoyances. Pick your battles

wisely. It’s simply not worth it to address every little thing. If you choose NOT to address

something, let it go. Don’t suppress your frustration and let it seep out in the form of

passive aggressive behavior. If something IS worth addressing, do so in a

straightforward, professional and polite way. Don’t gang up on people. Don’t write nasty

notes. Confront the situation like an adult.



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CONCLUSION

Etiquette isn’t really complex, but it can be tricky. After reading this e-book, I hope you

feel a little more confident.

Perhaps you’ve had a realization while reading that you’ve been unintentionally doing

something inappropriate. Don’t beat yourself up! As Oprah says, “Once you know better,

do better.”

Perhaps I’ve addressed one of your big etiquette pet peeves in these pages. Did I offer

the same advice you would have? Or do you disagree with some of my strategies? No

two workplaces are exactly alike. What works well in one may not always work in

another. However, I know that the overriding theme of RESPECT will serve everyone

well, regardless of who they are or where they are.

Maybe you have a co-worker who would benefit from reading this e-book as well.

Please pass along the link to purchase it if so. If you don’t feel comfortable doing this,

consider inviting me to do an etiquette presentation at your office. I can do this in-person

or via virtually, so your location doesn’t matter. Just send me an email to discuss your

needs ([email protected]).

Thank you for taking the time to read this e-book. By implementing what you’ve learned,

you’ll be doing your part to help create a polite, professional working environment.

Always remember to adjust your strategies for the person and the situation, and you’ll

soon be known for your savvy business etiquette skills.



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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Chrissy Scivicque has devoted her career to helping others achieve success in theirs.

Chrissy Scivicque (pronounced “Civic”) is an award-winning writer, certified career coach and experienced corporate trainer. She holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Marketing from Sonoma State University, Certification in Copy Editing from UC San Diego, and Certification in Clinical Nutrition from Bauman College in Penngrove, CA. Chrissy is also a Certified Professional Career Manager (PCM) and she has completed 120+ hours of CTI core curriculum for life coaches.

Prior to launching her own business, Chrissy worked for several years in the field of banking and finance in Northern California. A born entrepreneur, Chrissy launched The Executive Assistant’s Toolbox in 2007. This gave her a platform to promote her writing online while also sharing her passion for personal and professional development. In 2008, a start-up company called OfficeArrow purchased the website and hired her as Managing Editor, where she stayed for three years. In this role, she also acted as company spokesperson and community advisor. Chrissy’s writing on career-related topics is regularly featured on dozens of websites including Forbes, Monster, CareerBuilder, CBS News (formerly BNET), and Careerealism among others. She is currently a contributing writer for U.S. News & World Report (career section). Chrissy has trained teams and coached individuals in companies large and small, including Northrop Grumman, Capital One, TIAA-CREF, Turner Broadcasting, and W.W. Grainger. Chrissy has presented at numerous conferences including the ASAP’s Administrative Professionals Conference (APC), IAAP Annual Forum, Office Dynamics Conference for Administrative Excellence, and many more. Chrissy was also featured from 2012-2013 as Fox 31 Denver’s career expert on the Good Day Colorado morning show, where she answered career-related questions from viewers. To learn more about Chrissy, or to hire her for speaking, coaching and/or training engagements, please visit www.EatYourCareer.com.



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ABOUT EAT YOUR CAREER Eat Your Career is your resource for professional development and career advancement

advice. We believe work can be a delicious, nourishing life experience and we love helping professionals figure out what that means for them and how to achieve it. The idea for Eat Your Career came about when our founder, Chrissy Scivicque, a certified nutritionist and certified career coach, suddenly realized that career advice and nutrition advice aren’t all that different. Depending on your habits and choices, you can create a nourishing, satisfying experience or you can find yourself hungry and unfulfilled. Founded in 2009, Eat Your Career is a division of CCS Ventures, LLC. We offer a variety of services for private individuals and corporate clients, as well as a selection of on-demand professional development training products and signature career advancement programs. Learn more by visiting www.EatYourCareer.com and while you’re there, grab a free copy of the e-workbook called “How Nourishing Is Your Career?”

Documents

Modern Business Etiquette-UPDATED-2016...According to Dictionary.com, another definition for etiquette is: “The code of ethical behavior regarding professional practice or action