Mindful CommunicationMindful Communication* Listen & Communicate Mindfully * Have Greater Impact* Listen & Communicate Mindfully * Have Greater Impact

Initially created as part of the Initially created as part of the Social Emotional Learning Summer Project 2009Social Emotional Learning Summer Project 2009

Adapted October 2011Adapted October 2011

I've learned that people will forget what you said,

people will forget what you did, but people will never forget

how you made them feel.

Maya AngelouMaya Angelou

As we become more As we become more

mindful communicatorsmindful communicators

we increase productive learning time for our we increase productive learning time for our students and quality engagement with our students and quality engagement with our colleagues. colleagues.

we grow in awareness and knowledge that we are we grow in awareness and knowledge that we are powerful models for our students and each other.powerful models for our students and each other.

Mindful Communication

Becoming knowledgeable, intentional and skillful in our communication with students and staff as we support, teach, empower and encourage others.

As we grow our capacity in As we grow our capacity in Mindful CommunicationMindful Communication we . . . we . . .

increase our understanding of how our daily communication increase our understanding of how our daily communication impacts othersimpacts others

become more intentional and mindful in our use of language as become more intentional and mindful in our use of language as

an effective and powerful instructional tool in the various an effective and powerful instructional tool in the various contexts of the school day.contexts of the school day.

realize that our communication in the classroom, hallways, realize that our communication in the classroom, hallways,

cafeteria, gym, van, and student work sites is an ongoing cafeteria, gym, van, and student work sites is an ongoing opportunity to have significant impact.opportunity to have significant impact.

embrace the charge that we are models for our students and embrace the charge that we are models for our students and

each other for how to respectfully and productively use verbal each other for how to respectfully and productively use verbal and nonverbal behaviors to navigate a variety of life situations.and nonverbal behaviors to navigate a variety of life situations.

What is Mindfulness?What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is paying attention here and now Mindfulness is paying attention here and now with kindness and curiosity. with kindness and curiosity.

Mindfulness reconnects us to our five senses, Mindfulness reconnects us to our five senses, bringing us into a moment to moment bringing us into a moment to moment awareness of ourselves and surroundings.awareness of ourselves and surroundings.

Research shows that mindfulness increases Research shows that mindfulness increases attention skills, reduces anxiety, and improves attention skills, reduces anxiety, and improves emotional regulation. emotional regulation.

In essence, mindfulness is about wakefulness. In essence, mindfulness is about wakefulness. Our minds are such that we are often more Our minds are such that we are often more asleep than awake to the unique beauty and asleep than awake to the unique beauty and possibilities of each present moment as it possibilities of each present moment as it unfolds . . .When you cultivate mindfulness in unfolds . . .When you cultivate mindfulness in your life, your ability to be fully present can your life, your ability to be fully present can come through even under the most trying of come through even under the most trying of circumstances.circumstances.

Jon Kabat-ZinnJon Kabat-Zinn

Mindfulness or MindlessnessMindfulness or Mindlessness

In any given moment we can be mindfulIn any given moment we can be mindful

When we are practicing mindfulness, we tend to When we are practicing mindfulness, we tend to

take more responsibility for how we interact with take more responsibility for how we interact with the world inwardly and outwardlythe world inwardly and outwardly

Mindfulness is a way of being – it is an intentional Mindfulness is a way of being – it is an intentional practice - not a techniquepractice - not a technique

Research over the past few decades has Research over the past few decades has found that mindfulness practice develops:found that mindfulness practice develops:

- attention and concentration, - attention and concentration, - social-emotional awareness, - social-emotional awareness,

- body awareness and coordination, - body awareness and coordination, - interpersonal skills.- interpersonal skills.

As such, mindfulness is a foundation for education; As such, mindfulness is a foundation for education;

mindfulness provides the optimal conditions for mindfulness provides the optimal conditions for learning and teaching and also supports all learning and teaching and also supports all

pedagogical approaches.pedagogical approaches.

Mindfulness practices help staff and students Mindfulness practices help staff and students focus and pay attention. A few minutes of focus and pay attention. A few minutes of mindfulness practice can improve the learning mindfulness practice can improve the learning environment. Many teachers report that on the environment. Many teachers report that on the days when they practice mindfulness, days when they practice mindfulness, everyone is calmer and the class accomplishes everyone is calmer and the class accomplishes more than on days when mindfulness is not more than on days when mindfulness is not practiced.[ practiced.[

ResearchResearch

Documented Benefits of MindfulnessDocumented Benefits of Mindfulness Increased emotional regulation Increased emotional regulation social skills social skills

ability to orient attention ability to orient attention

working memory and planning and organization working memory and planning and organization

self esteem self esteem

sense of calmness, relaxation, and self acceptance. sense of calmness, relaxation, and self acceptance.

quality of sleep quality of sleep

Decreased anxiety Decreased anxiety hyperactivity and impulsivity hyperactivity and impulsivity

negative affect/ emotions negative affect/ emotions

anxiety anxiety

depression depression

anger management problems anger management problems

Mindful CommunicationMindful Communication Enhances speaking and listening to others in a way that Enhances speaking and listening to others in a way that

improves clarity and mutual understanding. improves clarity and mutual understanding. Increases ability to understand feelings, needs and requests Increases ability to understand feelings, needs and requests

that are not always clearly expressed in communications. that are not always clearly expressed in communications. More fully developed ability to translate criticism, judgment, More fully developed ability to translate criticism, judgment,

blame and other hard-to-hear messages into feelings and blame and other hard-to-hear messages into feelings and needs. needs.

Deepens empathic attitude and mutual respect. Deepens empathic attitude and mutual respect. Improves ability to transform anger - one’s own and others Improves ability to transform anger - one’s own and others

safely and respectfully. safely and respectfully. Reduces resistance and defensiveness with more overall Reduces resistance and defensiveness with more overall

cooperation. cooperation.

Who Who are are our our

Staff ?Staff ?

Last time we checked with HR . . .Last time we checked with HR . . .

Ages 20 something to 70 somethingAges 20 something to 70 something Wide array of educational degreesWide array of educational degrees Diverse culturesDiverse cultures Diverse life experiencesDiverse life experiences Wide continuum of roles and responsibilitiesWide continuum of roles and responsibilities Majority of 287 staff are paraprofessionalsMajority of 287 staff are paraprofessionals

We are Models 24 / 7We are Models 24 / 7

We are models for respectful and effective communication We are models for respectful and effective communication in each and every interaction throughout each dayin each and every interaction throughout each day

We are models in all our interactions - Staff-to-Student We are models in all our interactions - Staff-to-Student

ANDAND Staff-to-Staff Staff-to-Staff

Assume our students and co-workers are always watching Assume our students and co-workers are always watching and listening to what we say and doand listening to what we say and do

What we model on a consistent basis, students What we model on a consistent basis, students LEARNLEARN is is

okay to do at school, at work and in the communityokay to do at school, at work and in the community

Who Who

are are

our our

students?students?

Last time we checked with student services Last time we checked with student services

Ages served: birth to 21 years oldAges served: birth to 21 years old Diverse culturesDiverse cultures Range of educational history / experiencesRange of educational history / experiences Alternative learnersAlternative learners Wide range of disabilities and abilities – many Wide range of disabilities and abilities – many

with multiple disorders and co-occurring mental with multiple disorders and co-occurring mental health issueshealth issues

Difficulty learning in regular K-12 settingsDifficulty learning in regular K-12 settings

CommunicationCommunication

Reviewing The BasicsReviewing The Basics

Speaking (the language I use) isSpeaking (the language I use) isjust one way of communicatingjust one way of communicating

WORDS I say (10% )

HOW I say thewords - tone ofvoice, loudness,pauses (30% )

NON-VERBALCommunication -body language,facial expression,background (60% )

WORDS I say (10% )

HOW I say thewords - tone ofvoice, loudness,pauses (30% )

NON-VERBALCommunication -body language,facial expression,background (60% )

Nonverbal CommunicationNonverbal Communication

Misreading Nonverbal CommunicationMisreading Nonverbal Communication

Many of our students are poor at using and Many of our students are poor at using and “reading” nonverbal communication“reading” nonverbal communication

- Minimal or less frequent use of gestures / flatter affect- Minimal or less frequent use of gestures / flatter affect

- Lack awareness of their own body language- Lack awareness of their own body language

- - Often misread others nonverbals –Often misread others nonverbals –

i.e they “read” concern or distress as mal-intenti.e they “read” concern or distress as mal-intent

- Err on the side of reading others as being threatening - Err on the side of reading others as being threatening

- Older faces can look like angry faces- Older faces can look like angry faces

The Basic Ingredients of InteractionThe Basic Ingredients of Interaction INITIATE AN INTERACTIONINITIATE AN INTERACTION Greet, Ask question, Introduce/Talk about a topicGreet, Ask question, Introduce/Talk about a topic

MAINTAIN AN INTERACTIONMAINTAIN AN INTERACTION Use verbal and non-verbal communication to take turns Use verbal and non-verbal communication to take turns

sending or receiving information – Use pause time between sending or receiving information – Use pause time between turnsturns

CLOSE AN INTERACTIONCLOSE AN INTERACTION End of topic or time togetherEnd of topic or time together

Switch the topicSwitch the topicChange partnersChange partnersInterrupted – unexpected end of interactionInterrupted – unexpected end of interaction

Talking Points:Talking Points:(these could be used one at a time overtime with teams or at program level (these could be used one at a time overtime with teams or at program level

working with their educational team members)working with their educational team members)

How MINDFUL am I?How MINDFUL am I? TOPICS & TURNS:TOPICS & TURNS: Whose topic is it? Staff or student? How does the interactor respond to a student-Whose topic is it? Staff or student? How does the interactor respond to a student-

initiated topic? Are the number of turns I take in the conversation (verbal and initiated topic? Are the number of turns I take in the conversation (verbal and nonverbal) in balance with the student’s conversational turns? Do I tend to nonverbal) in balance with the student’s conversational turns? Do I tend to dominate (take a lot of turns with no chance for response)dominate (take a lot of turns with no chance for response)

PROXIMITYPROXIMITY: : Am I aware of how I position and use my physical body when communicating with Am I aware of how I position and use my physical body when communicating with

others? Do I try to match student’s physical posture and allow them the space they others? Do I try to match student’s physical posture and allow them the space they need or are comfortable with? need or are comfortable with?

SINCERITY-BELIEVABILITY-ENTHUSIASM:SINCERITY-BELIEVABILITY-ENTHUSIASM:

Am I truly present to my student partner? Am I genuine and respectful in my Am I truly present to my student partner? Am I genuine and respectful in my interactions? What is my body language and tone of voice communicating?interactions? What is my body language and tone of voice communicating?

Talking Points (cont.)Talking Points (cont.) PAUSE TIME between turns. PAUSE TIME between turns.

Do I model using pause time? When we attend to our pace in our communication Do I model using pause time? When we attend to our pace in our communication with others, it allows for increased time for processing and formulation for both with others, it allows for increased time for processing and formulation for both partners. Do I use pause time too much? Too little? partners. Do I use pause time too much? Too little?

LANGUAGE LEVELLANGUAGE LEVEL: :

Do I know my student’s language level – what they understand? Am I using Do I know my student’s language level – what they understand? Am I using language / vocabulary that matches or is a little above the student’s language language / vocabulary that matches or is a little above the student’s language level ? How do I honor their language level to increase their understanding? level ? How do I honor their language level to increase their understanding?

QUESTION ASKING:QUESTION ASKING:

How much do I use question –asking in my conversations with students? Do I use How much do I use question –asking in my conversations with students? Do I use open ended or closed ended? What does each type require of the student? Do I open ended or closed ended? What does each type require of the student? Do I model an array of conversational strategies? What is most supportive of the model an array of conversational strategies? What is most supportive of the student? student?

Talking Points (cont.)Talking Points (cont.) CONVERSATION:CONVERSATION: When I communicate with my students do I model a natural conversational style?When I communicate with my students do I model a natural conversational style?

INTENTION / IMPACT: INTENTION / IMPACT: Do my words and body language match my intent? How clear are my Do my words and body language match my intent? How clear are my

communications with others? Do I say what I mean and mean what I say? communications with others? Do I say what I mean and mean what I say? What impact do I have as a teacher and partner in learning and communicating? What impact do I have as a teacher and partner in learning and communicating? Have I tracked the impact I have on others? Have I tracked the impact I have on others?

MODELING: MODELING: How and what do I model? In my nonverbal communication, my speech, my useHow and what do I model? In my nonverbal communication, my speech, my use

of language, my social skills? Do I empower student to jointly problem solve, do I of language, my social skills? Do I empower student to jointly problem solve, do I use encouragement? Whenever possible do I promote negotiation / conpromise? use encouragement? Whenever possible do I promote negotiation / conpromise?

MATERIALS: MATERIALS: Do I use classroom activities and materials to support MINDFUL communication?Do I use classroom activities and materials to support MINDFUL communication?

What am I modeling as I engage in conversing with students and staff? What am I modeling as I engage in conversing with students and staff?

KEY INGREDIENTS THAT CONTRIBUTE KEY INGREDIENTS THAT CONTRIBUTE TO QUALITY INTERACTIONSTO QUALITY INTERACTIONS

I attend to how my body is positioned in relationship to my partnerI attend to how my body is positioned in relationship to my partner I check my level of sincerity as I enter into the interactionI check my level of sincerity as I enter into the interaction I wait until my partner is finished before I take my turn I wait until my partner is finished before I take my turn I allow my partner time to respond I allow my partner time to respond The topic / interaction is meaningful to both of us The topic / interaction is meaningful to both of us I acknowledge or comment on what my partner has said I acknowledge or comment on what my partner has said The topic changes when my partner and I are finished or ask permission to The topic changes when my partner and I are finished or ask permission to

change the topic change the topic I am honest - saying what I believe to be true I am honest - saying what I believe to be true I don’t say more than I need to say I don’t say more than I need to say I clarify and revise my message if misunderstood I clarify and revise my message if misunderstood I ask for clarification if I don’t understand my partner’s communicationI ask for clarification if I don’t understand my partner’s communication I am aware of my nonverbal communication and use it to augment my verbal I am aware of my nonverbal communication and use it to augment my verbal

communicationcommunication I acknowledge and respond to non-verbal as well as verbal messages of my I acknowledge and respond to non-verbal as well as verbal messages of my

partnerpartner

When we are MINDFUL of these basic When we are MINDFUL of these basic ingredients in our interactions, the possible ingredients in our interactions, the possible outcomes are that you and your partner walk outcomes are that you and your partner walk away from your conversationaway from your conversation

feeling affirmed feeling affirmed having new insight or perspective having new insight or perspective gaining new / more informationgaining new / more information wanting time to think about what was talked aboutwanting time to think about what was talked about having a strong feeling for / about having a strong feeling for / about questioning your thinking / actions questioning your thinking / actions feeling energized / inspiredfeeling energized / inspired ______________________ ______________________ ___________ ___________

The How of Communication in 287The How of Communication in 287

Within the educational setting, Within the educational setting,

communication can best be “taught and caught” communication can best be “taught and caught”

through an infused or integrated approachthrough an infused or integrated approach

1.1. Communication skills are specifically targeted, highlighted, Communication skills are specifically targeted, highlighted, practiced, taught and modeled throughout the daypracticed, taught and modeled throughout the day

2.2. Intentional integration / infusion of MINDFUL Communication into Intentional integration / infusion of MINDFUL Communication into classroom practices, activites and curricula – all staff responsibleclassroom practices, activites and curricula – all staff responsible

3.3. Creating an environment of safety, respect, encouragement, Creating an environment of safety, respect, encouragement, empowerment and caring – all staff responsibleempowerment and caring – all staff responsible

Looking Together (Activity):Looking Together (Activity): It’s “Both – And”It’s “Both – And”

MINDFUL Communication MINDFUL Communication andand SEL ! SEL !

Problem Solving / Critical Thinking Skills is an example of Problem Solving / Critical Thinking Skills is an example of integrating MINDFUL Communication and Social Emotional integrating MINDFUL Communication and Social Emotional LearningLearning

Problem Solving Skills is a standard practice across all our programs Problem Solving Skills is a standard practice across all our programs

– this is a skill set that all programs in 287 want for their students. So – this is a skill set that all programs in 287 want for their students. So . . . we use this as an example for all programs who are using . . . we use this as an example for all programs who are using different problem solving models for different types of students while different problem solving models for different types of students while modeling MINDFUL Communication strategies modeling MINDFUL Communication strategies

This shows the vital hand-in-hand partnership with SEL – it is not This shows the vital hand-in-hand partnership with SEL – it is not attending to either SEL or MINDFUL Communication – it is attending to either SEL or MINDFUL Communication – it is

BOTH -ANDBOTH -AND

ALL Behavior IS CommunicationALL Behavior IS Communication

We communicate for a variety of reasons – we need to model and pay attention to what our students are trying to communicate. They are trying to get their needs met in the most efficient way they can.

When behavior interferes with a student’s ability to succeed in school and society – that is a communication issue.

Behavior is CommunicationBehavior is Communication

Some Examples . . . Some Examples . . .

To get attentionTo get attention To attain a desired object / activityTo attain a desired object / activity To get more of somethingTo get more of something To stop something from happening To stop something from happening To continue or maintain something desirable or of interestTo continue or maintain something desirable or of interest To get out of something that is undesirableTo get out of something that is undesirable To seek or share informationTo seek or share information To initiate an interaction with someoneTo initiate an interaction with someone To avoid perceived failure To avoid perceived failure

Using our various SEL Curriculum / Resources Using our various SEL Curriculum / Resources to give examples of mindful, supportive to give examples of mindful, supportive

communication practicescommunication practices

Responsive ClassroomResponsive Classroom Love & LogicLove & Logic Ross GreeneRoss Greene Nurtured Heart ApproachNurtured Heart Approach MIndUpMIndUp PathsPaths School ConnectSchool Connect Character EducationCharacter Education Top TeensTop Teens OtherOther

Some Ideas for Integrating Some Ideas for Integrating MINDFUL Communication MINDFUL Communication

while helping to createwhile helping to createa Safe, Respectful, Caring and Calm Environmenta Safe, Respectful, Caring and Calm Environment

Lower your voice volume as students raise theirsLower your voice volume as students raise theirs Reduce your verbal communicationReduce your verbal communication Be mindful of your physical posture, the space between you Be mindful of your physical posture, the space between you

and your partner, your orientation and your nonverbalsand your partner, your orientation and your nonverbals Create space between your ears and shoulders – check your overall Create space between your ears and shoulders – check your overall

body languagebody language Calm relaxed facial featuresCalm relaxed facial features Slow steady breathingSlow steady breathing Slow your paceSlow your pace

Stress and LanguageStress and Language

BE MINDFULIncrease in stress leads to decreased access to and understanding of language. A person’s ability to process verbal communication or formulate a verbal response significantly decreases when they

are stressed, anxious, nervous, agitated etc.

Be MINDFUL about creating an Be MINDFUL about creating an Understanding and Supportive EnvironmentUnderstanding and Supportive Environment

LET STUDENTS KNOW YOUR CONCERNLET STUDENTS KNOW YOUR CONCERN “ “I hear your concern” / “I understand you are upset”I hear your concern” / “I understand you are upset”

“ “Let’s talk when things are calm”Let’s talk when things are calm” WRITE IT DOWNWRITE IT DOWN - as you listen to student, take notes – let them - as you listen to student, take notes – let them

know what you are doing and whyknow what you are doing and why DRAW IT OUTDRAW IT OUT – for some students a picture communicates best – – for some students a picture communicates best –

use simple stick figures and talking and thinking bubbles. A thinking use simple stick figures and talking and thinking bubbles. A thinking map might help to organize their thoughts map might help to organize their thoughts

CHECK IT OUTCHECK IT OUT - Repeat what you heard and ask if you got it right - Repeat what you heard and ask if you got it right

Communication Breakdowns:Communication Breakdowns:Opportunities for MINDFUL modelingOpportunities for MINDFUL modeling

We all make mistakes or forget what we were going to sayWe all make mistakes or forget what we were going to say We all have experienced moments where we did not understand or We all have experienced moments where we did not understand or

were misunderstoodwere misunderstood We may not hear clearlyWe may not hear clearly We may use the wrong word or expressionWe may use the wrong word or expression We may become distracted and forget what we wanted to sayWe may become distracted and forget what we wanted to say Communication Breakdowns are great opportunities for modeling Communication Breakdowns are great opportunities for modeling

how to engage in repairing the breakdownhow to engage in repairing the breakdown Stopping and StatingStopping and Stating Clarification RequestsClarification Requests Clarification StrategieClarification Strategie Paraphrasing Paraphrasing

Modeling How to Repair a Modeling How to Repair a Communication Breakdown Communication Breakdown that we are responsible forthat we are responsible for

Gee, I used a stern voice. I’m sorry. I would be more Gee, I used a stern voice. I’m sorry. I would be more clear if I said it this way….”clear if I said it this way….”

““I’m sorry. I was inappropriate. What I said was not I’m sorry. I was inappropriate. What I said was not funny or kind. I need to be more mindful. I don’t want funny or kind. I need to be more mindful. I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings.”to hurt people’s feelings.”

““I noticed my eyebrows are together and my mouth is I noticed my eyebrows are together and my mouth is frowning. That makes me look angry to other people. I frowning. That makes me look angry to other people. I need to relax my face muscles.”need to relax my face muscles.”

Teaching COMPROMISE SkillsTeaching COMPROMISE Skills

USE VISUALSUSE VISUALS

Compromise Chart or Write it DownCompromise Chart or Write it Down

Visuals aides to supportVisuals aides to support Language processing / comprehensionLanguage processing / comprehension MemoryMemory AttendingAttending Future compromise opportunitiesFuture compromise opportunities

Let’s CompromiseLet’s CompromisePerson 1 wants/needs:

Person 2 wants/needs:

Possible Compromises: Agreement:

Signature and date

Signature and date

Classroom SupportsClassroom Supports

Large laminated COMPROMISE CHARTLarge laminated COMPROMISE CHART Can order from Attain LabCan order from Attain Lab Use Dry Erase MarkersUse Dry Erase Markers Practice using Compromise Chart when students Practice using Compromise Chart when students

are in a calm stateare in a calm state Teach the skill using nonthreatening materialTeach the skill using nonthreatening material Practice using characters from stories you and /or Practice using characters from stories you and /or

student are readingstudent are reading

Classroom Supports IdeasClassroom Supports Ideas CONCERN BOX in roomCONCERN BOX in room

““Looks like you have a concern. Thank you for Looks like you have a concern. Thank you for writing it down and we will discuss it when we can writing it down and we will discuss it when we can listen to one another.” listen to one another.”

“ “WAY TO GO” WALLWAY TO GO” WALL Write desirable things each student does around a Write desirable things each student does around a

classroom or school-wide focus during the day and classroom or school-wide focus during the day and celebrate mid-day or at end of day (or 1st thing celebrate mid-day or at end of day (or 1st thing next morning)next morning)

Classroom SupportsClassroom Supports

SCHEDULESSCHEDULES visuallyvisually posted posted

CHANGES to scheduleCHANGES to schedule visuallyvisually posted and discussed ahead of time posted and discussed ahead of time

Classroom SupportsClassroom Supports

Visual Directions for TasksVisual Directions for Tasks Samples of step by step tasksSamples of step by step tasks Bulleted brief instructionsBulleted brief instructions Check list of stepsCheck list of steps

If Student Cannot Complete TaskIf Student Cannot Complete Task Break it down into smaller stepsBreak it down into smaller steps Figure out what part of task is presenting the Figure out what part of task is presenting the

problem and fix itproblem and fix it Model how to do the taskModel how to do the task

Classroom SupportsClassroom Supports

I Need a BreakI Need a Break Visually post or have available “I need a break” or Visually post or have available “I need a break” or

“Take a break” cards“Take a break” cards Role Play and Practice how to use the cards and Role Play and Practice how to use the cards and

how to Take a Break when students are calmhow to Take a Break when students are calm Model using the break cards and Model taking Model using the break cards and Model taking

breaks when you (staff) need itbreaks when you (staff) need it Talk through your “break” process so they can hear Talk through your “break” process so they can hear

your thoughts as you use this strategyyour thoughts as you use this strategy

Communicative IntentCommunicative Intent

The true meaning or message The true meaning or message May be the real message “behind the words”May be the real message “behind the words” Nonverbals may convey the real messageNonverbals may convey the real message Tone of voice may be convey the real messageTone of voice may be convey the real message

WE NEED TO MINDFULLY WE NEED TO MINDFULLY

LISTEN and WATCHLISTEN and WATCH

Responding toResponding to Communicative Intent Communicative Intent

Respond to their communicative intent (underlying reason)Respond to their communicative intent (underlying reason) Listen past the wordsListen past the words What need or idea is the student communicating?What need or idea is the student communicating? Let them know you hear themLet them know you hear them Ask for clarification if you are unsure / confused Ask for clarification if you are unsure / confused Acknowledge themAcknowledge them Try to meet the need / explore their ideaTry to meet the need / explore their idea Later, talk about the interaction Later, talk about the interaction Help them come to productive (respectful, effective and Help them come to productive (respectful, effective and

efficient) ways they can increase their success in efficient) ways they can increase their success in communicatingcommunicating

“ “What Can I Do?”What Can I Do?”

Talk about what TO doTalk about what TO do Deliver plenty of positives to students who are engaged and Deliver plenty of positives to students who are engaged and

on-track on-track Practice the Art of Recognition and Encouragement – give Practice the Art of Recognition and Encouragement – give

student specific feedback about what they are doing or what student specific feedback about what they are doing or what worked – make your feedback natural – clearly and calmly worked – make your feedback natural – clearly and calmly embed your comment and move on with the interaction / the embed your comment and move on with the interaction / the lesson / the activitylesson / the activity

Agree with students on a word or phrase that you will use to let Agree with students on a word or phrase that you will use to let them know when they are off-track, inappropriate, etc. them know when they are off-track, inappropriate, etc.

Use more Positive/Encouragement than Negative/CorrectionUse more Positive/Encouragement than Negative/Correction

AvoidAvoid

Focusing on the negative or undesirable behaviors

Telling students what not to do and why – and at length (Avoid sermons as that is giving the situation energy Avoid sermons as that is giving the situation energy and the student attention) and the student attention)

Focus on “What TO Do”Focus on “What TO Do”

Ongoing Monitoring and Positive AttentionOngoing Monitoring and Positive Attention

Give students attention when they are engaging in Give students attention when they are engaging in desirable behaviors – let them know what behavior(s) desirable behaviors – let them know what behavior(s) are “thumbs up” / appreciated / desiredare “thumbs up” / appreciated / desired

Monitor our behavior to ensure that we are spending Monitor our behavior to ensure that we are spending more time usingmore time using positive descriptive languagepositive descriptive language and and less time correcting undesirable behavior or using less time correcting undesirable behavior or using nonspecific praise or M&M’snonspecific praise or M&M’s

The Top 10 Guidelines The Top 10 Guidelines for Authentic Communicationsfor Authentic Communications

These guidelines will increase trust and rapport and foster quality These guidelines will increase trust and rapport and foster quality relationships. By practicing them, you will be a safe place for others while relationships. By practicing them, you will be a safe place for others while increasing your ability to define, know and enjoy yourself. increasing your ability to define, know and enjoy yourself.

1.1. Use I / my statements: 'own' or be responsible for Use I / my statements: 'own' or be responsible for what you are saying.what you are saying.

Authentic Communications is ME telling YOU about ME.Authentic Communications is ME telling YOU about ME. 2.2. To communicate effectively, speak personally and To communicate effectively, speak personally and

specifically rather than generally and abstractlyspecifically rather than generally and abstractly

3.3. No mind reading. No mind reading. A 'You' statement is a way of analyzing or second guessing, and this also can A 'You' statement is a way of analyzing or second guessing, and this also can

causecause misunderstandings or defensiveness. Allow others to be responsible for misunderstandings or defensiveness. Allow others to be responsible for themselves by encouraging self reflection and a collaboartive approachthemselves by encouraging self reflection and a collaboartive approach

4.4. Listen to your inner voice. Become aware of Listen to your inner voice. Become aware of when you are moved to speak and when you are when you are moved to speak and when you are not moved to speak.not moved to speak.

5.5. Listen carefully and with respect to what Listen carefully and with respect to what another person is telling you.another person is telling you.

Do not formulate your response while someone is speaking, but wait until Do not formulate your response while someone is speaking, but wait until the other has finished.the other has finished.

6.6. Be comfortable with silence in communication. Be comfortable with silence in communication. Reflect on what was just said and check your motivations for what you are Reflect on what was just said and check your motivations for what you are

about to say. It may take a few moments. This is a kind of honoring of both about to say. It may take a few moments. This is a kind of honoring of both the speaker and yourself. the speaker and yourself.

7.7. Respect differences. Respect differences. People can have other ideas, thoughts and feelings. Don't try to convert them People can have other ideas, thoughts and feelings. Don't try to convert them

to your way. Celebrate the diversity. to your way. Celebrate the diversity.

8.8. Be aware of your own barriers. Be aware of your own barriers. Prejudices, expectations, ideologies, judgments or a need to control are Prejudices, expectations, ideologies, judgments or a need to control are

obstacles to authentic communications.obstacles to authentic communications. 9.9. Look and listen for the heart of a person behind Look and listen for the heart of a person behind

his/her words. Concentrate on finding the strengths his/her words. Concentrate on finding the strengths and gifts.and gifts.

10.10. Be able to laugh at yourself and with others. Be able to laugh at yourself and with others.

Jean HandleyJean Handley Mindful CommunicationMindful Communication Turning Point PartnersTurning Point Partners

MINDFUL CommunicationMINDFUL Communication

Individually reflect on what three things you Individually reflect on what three things you want to remember and use them to “track” want to remember and use them to “track” your mindful communication this yearyour mindful communication this year

Staff come together as a team or program to Staff come together as a team or program to share ideas and together draft your own share ideas and together draft your own MINDFUL Communication guidelinesMINDFUL Communication guidelines

I've learned that people will forget what you said,

people will forget what you did, but people will never forget

how you made them feel. Maya AngelouMaya Angelou