http://www.hardrock.com

1

Dear Families,We began publishing this guide 12 years ago, and wow, how the world has changed in that time.My girls have become young women, the awe and wonder in their eyes giving way to a firmdetermination to forge their own ways in this new world. Yes, costs have risen, we have to drivemore cautiously and take our shoes off in airports. Music, clothing, technology, the political andeconomic landscape all have changed, but some things have not. Those people and things nearand dear to us, our way of life and, as Tevye the milkman says, “Tradition”, tend to anchor us in asolid foundation of home, family and community. For these reasons, our milestone celebrationsare especially sweet, reminding us that although the world turns faster and faster, some thingsremain quite the same. It’s not just a catchphrase that family and friends are what is most important in life. Wanda Hope Carter wrote: "Family and Friends are hidden treasures, seek themand enjoy their riches." We all want to enjoy, savor, and remember milestone events like births, mitzvahs and weddings.Special events give us a chance to see distant relatives and friends in a happy setting and to celebrate with them. And those people are also able to meet and/or visit with one another. Thisexperience also creates an example for and an impression on our children. Family and friends areimportant to us and we honor those relationships by including them in our celebrations. Andeven as clothing, music and the technology of celebrations change, the essence of the milestoneevents and the reason we celebrate, does not change.So, as you are planning your upcoming celebration, keep in mind the importance of the memoriesyou are creating and the heritage you are helping to continue. Mazel Tov to you and your family!

What is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2The Significance of the Day! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2Reception Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3Selecting a Catering Company: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4Honors and Alliyot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4Sample Budget Form . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7It’s a Matter of Dollars and Sense . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7Hair Care Tips to Remember for Your Special Day .8FESTIVALS, HOLIDAYS, and OBSERVANCES . . . . . . .9Jewish Food, a History and Tradition . . . . . . . . . .10Wedding Planning Timetable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13Customizing Your Wedding! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14The Chuppah . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16Interfaith Marriages . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19The Wedding Program . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19The Candle Lighting Ceremony . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20Finding the Right Bat Mitzvah Dress . . . . . . . . . . .21Stay Involved: After the Bar/Bat Mitzvah . . . . . . .22Calendar of Jewish Holidays . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25The Great Theme Debate . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26Great Gift Suggestions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .27Place Card Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .28Sample Invitation Wording . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .28

Hebrew 101 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32Mitzvah Project Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .33Frequently Asked Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .33Sample Reception Agendas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .34Finding the Right Videographer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36Bar/Bat Mitzvah Timetable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .37Mitzvah Project Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .37Out-Of-Towners Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .40Honeymoon Planning Basics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .40w

hat’s

insi

de

welcome

pub

lishe

r’sno

te

Mazel Tov to you and your family! Bar/BatMitzvahs and weddings are the happiestof Jewish life-cycle events. But planningthese events often causes feelings of anx-iety that take away from that happiness.Maybe this is the first time you or yourfamily has ever organized an event orshopped for unfamiliar goods and servic-es. Perhaps you don’t fully understand allthe elements necessary to host the event.You may just need a few pointers or achecklist so you don’t forget something.

We are here to help!

B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ isthe area’s most complete planning andresource guide. Use this guide to spendless time planning your event and moretime enjoying the experience. We helpyou understand and enjoy the religiousexperience and traditions of Bar/BatMitzvah and Jewish Weddings and toplan a memorable celebration!

Mona Freedman

WEDDING & BAR MITZVAH FRONT COVER PHOTOS BY:LAKESHORE PHOTOGRAPHY

B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM

Milwaukee Online EditionFor advertising or information about our Milwaukee edition please contact:

Carla Gohde,Milwaukee Area Associate Publisher847-821-8648email: carla@bnaimitzvahguide.comOur StaffMona Freedman, Publisher/EditorJay Freedman, General ManagerBeth Anne Bloom, Production ManagerJoshua Sponar, Layout CoordinatorChelsea Burke, Production AssistantDebbie Barger, Account ExecutiveDonna Forman, Account ExecutiveRobbin Davlin, Distribution Coordinator

Published Annually by Milestone Media Group, Inc.5360-E Enterprise St., Eldersburg, MD 217841-877-856-5490 | Fax 410-549-6467e-mail: info@bnaimitzvahguide.comwebsite: www.bnaimitzvahguide.comCopyright © 2012, Milestone Media Group, Inc. All rights reserved. Milestone MediaGroup, Inc. does not endorse any product or service listed or advertised in thispublication. We reserve the right to reject any advertisement or listing that we feel isnot in keeping with the publication’s standards. The publisher has made everyattempt at accuracy. We do not assume any and hereby disclaim any liability to anyparty for any loss or damage caused by errors or omissions in this publication.Reproduction of any part of B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM is permitted onlywith written permission of the publisher.

The Freedman Family

What’s Inside

Publisher/Editor

Milwaukee Edition

features

1

222

Celebration has historically been anintegral part of the important rite ofpassage of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.In the past, and again recently, the extent of somecelebrations has raised questions about the appro-priateness and dignity of the simcha. This is espe-cially marked when there appears to be no connec-tion between the spiritual side of the event and theparty. Debate, of course, has always been an integral part of the American experience, includingAmerican Judaism. We understand that celebrationshould be at the same time meaningful to the family, respectful of Jewish law and tradition, andreflective of synagogue and community values. This is sometimes a difficult task to accomplish,especially after the events of September 11th andthe current violence in Iraq, Israel, Afghanistan andelsewhere. We do not propose the answers here,except to emphasize that personal choice is also animportant American and Jewish dimension.How important a party celebration is to one familywe cannot say. But the Bar/Bat Mitzvah only passesonce on the way to becoming a teenager, and therite of passage is undeniably sacred and important.After all, the celebration is not only for the act ofreading the Torah, leading the congregation inprayer and giving a speech. There has been deter-mined studying, learning and practicing. There hasbeen intellectual and spiritual growth. There havebeen mitzvot (good deeds), tzedakah (charity) andgemilut chasadim (non-financial giving) that helpbuild self-esteem and mold character. The Bar/BatMitzvah has earned the right to be part of a min-yan, be called for alliyot, or wear the tefillin. Thatthis should be celebrated in some way is undeni-able, but the intensity and extent of that celebra-tion, while ever debatable, is probably a matter ofindividual taste and preference. Whatever yourchoice may be, Mazel Tov to you and your family!

A Word About theBar/Bat MitzvahCelebration

The Significance of the Day!

B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM

believes that all families should recog-nize the religious importance of theBar/Bat Mitzvah, the rite of passage, andthe whole Jewishness of the child. This

life-cycle event will have long lasting meaning to thefamily, relatives, friends and especially the honored child.Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah symbolizes the child’s reli-gious coming of age and the beginning of life as a fullyparticipating Jewish adult. He/she will now accept reli-gious responsibilities and can perform the importantduties of Jewish life.The celebration of the event is an important componentbecause it honors the child’s accomplishments and givesloved ones and others the opportunity to show greatpride and joy for the child. This publication focuses onplanning the reception or celebration, but we recom-mend that you, as parents, participate fully in the wholeMitzvah and understanding the significance and mean-ing of the day. Remember, the party would be meaning-less without the ceremony. On our website is a partiallist of resources that helps the reader learn more aboutthe Torah, Judaism, and the spiritual meaning of theBar/Bat Mitzvah. Your Synagogue, local library, book-stores, stores in this guide that carry religious items andour online bookstore at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com mayhave these as well as other resources.

Here are some other ways tobring meaning to the day:• Attend synagogue with your children regularly, even if

they sit with their friends. Discuss the service and theRabbi’s sermon afterwards.

• Encourage your child to give to tzedakah (charity), asit is a responsibility for Jewish adults. Giving from thechild’s own funds is even more meaningful, even if itis a dollar or two.

• Encourage the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to practice his/herparasha (Torah portion) and perhaps haftarah portionfrequently. Even if it is awkward, listen to their practic-ing, as your child becomes a young adult.

• Meet with the Rabbi as a family, if this is the customat your synagogue, and allow your child to speakfreely.

• Discuss the Torah portion being read, both the Hebrewand the English translation. Relate the message inthat portion to events today in the world, in your owncommunity, or in your family.

• Participate in the service, if your synagogue allowsthis, by reading prayers, lighting candles, recitingblessings, or helping with the ark and the Torah.

• Perform a mitzvah with your child and/or encouragea Mitzvah Project. There are many worthwhile ideas.

What is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah?

Translated as “Son/daughter of the commandments”, one becomes a Bar orBat Mitzvah at age 13 (12 for girls in mostOrthodox congregations) independent of aceremony marking the occasion.

By tradition, because a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony is acustom not a commandment, age 13 is when a childbecomes obligated to the ritual responsibilities of Jewishlife. This is referred to as the “commandment age”, the“age of majority”, or a “religious coming of age”. At thispoint in the young adult’s life, he or she is presumed tobe responsible for those religious obligationsindependent of the parents.Those obligations might include mitzvot, being part of aminyan (religious prayer quorum), fasting on Yom Kippur,

leading the congregation in prayer or wearing tefillin.Therefore, becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is certainly animportant life-cycle event. In secular terms, this point ina teen’s life, often marks enormous growth and maturityreflected by several years of study and practice before thespecial day. Combined with the responsibility of Jewishadulthood, this event often brings an overwhelmingwave of emotion to parents and close relatives.This event is marked by participation in services, readingthe Torah and leading the congregation in prayer. Afterthe service, it is customary to celebrate with a specialmeal to commemorate the mitzvah. Over time, theparty, or simcha, has evolved. This is a way for familiesto celebrate a rite of passage, as well as bring extendedfamilies together to reunite for a joyous celebration.Ph

oto

by:

Jod

yG

arla

ndD

esig

n&

Pho

togr

aphy

Photo

By: Jod

yG

arlandD

esign&

Photo

graphy

Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.com

Banquet Facilities & HotelsMilwaukee Edition 3CU

RREN

TTR

END

S

ALL IN ONE Hotel Venues ...Booking your event at hotels create a "one stop shop". It offersan elegance and sophistication to your plans. A place for yourrehearsal dinner, ceremony, reception, food, drinks, pre/postevent gatherings, and hotel rooms for your out of town guests.Hotels with views, tourist attractions and other amenities haveso much to offer. This option may also save money and time and make the weekend event more enjoyable for all.

Photo By: Romy Modlin Photography

You may want to ask the followingquestions when inquiring about facilities:1. How much do you charge for children’s meals and what is the age range?2. What is the price of limited bar versus open bar and the price for

non-alcoholic beverages?3. Do you serve buffet style or plated meals, and the prices for each?4. Do you have any upcoming renovations planned?5. Is your facility handicap accessible? What about accessibility of outdoor facilities,

such as a gazebo, garden, or patio?6. What colors are available for table linens and chair covers?

Are additional colors/styles available?7. Are additional rooms available for teens /children / entertainment, or for a bridal

room for the wedding party? Is there a private room for family or bridal portraits?8. Are packages available that include flowers, photos, decorations, invitations, etc.?9. What restrictions are there for decorations, entertainment, and outside catering

options? Are cakes/desserts allowed from outside? Is there limited electricor lighting available?

10. Is there a coat room with an attendant? Is there valet parking or convenient,onsite parking spaces?

Reception IdeasYour choice of reception style, location, and time will depend upon personal preference, family needs,local customs, budget and availability. Do not worry too much about pleasing others - you and yourfamily must be comfortable with the arrangements. Here are just a few variants and ideas to discuss:

Kiddush Luncheonat the Synagogue: This is probably the least expensive way to offer a cele-bratory meal away from home. It can be catered, or bringin platters prepared by you or some helpers (Note: Thiswill not be allowed in facilities where kashrut isobserved) . This can also be offered in addition to a moreformal evening affair or a kids-only party.

Reception at the Synagogue: Check to see if your Synagogue has adequate facilitiesand staff to accommodate your needs. Some Synagoguesalso have rules regarding kashrut, caterers, entertain-ment, photography, flowers and more. Consult with theSynagogue staff.

Non-Traditional Reception Sites:- Community Center or Conference Center- Social hall or Historic mansion- Country club (even if you don’t belong)- Boats and yachts- Museum or Zoo- Elegant restaurants- Theme restaurants

Kiddush Luncheon at a Restaurant:Can be very reasonably priced, particularly if it iscustomary to invite all congregants to a Kiddushluncheon at the synagogue.

Reception at a Hotel: This is often desirable, afternoon or evening, when manyguests from out-of-town are expected. Ask about roomrates and room blocks to reserve. Remember, too, thein-town guests who have to find the hotel and park,so make the location accessible.

Home Reception: Yes, it’s less expensive. But remember the extra work, theclean-up, the wear and tear - and you can’t walk awayfrom it after the party! Still, lovely home receptions havebeen done. Consider services such as a caterer, partyplanner, entertainers, coat check and clean-up help soyou can be a guest at your own party.

Kids-Only Party: Usually held in conjunction with a Kiddush luncheon,this can be held anywhere your Bar/Bat Mitzvah and youagree upon. Arcades, zoos, pools, amusement parks,kids’ museums, theme restaurants, bowling alleys, sportscenters, and skating rinks all are appropriate locations.Some have food, some you’ll need to bring. A D.J.,entertainer, or inflatable attraction can add to the funand please everyone.

Reception at a Catering Hall: These are often beautifully decorated and well-run,because that is their only business. Ask about packagesthat include other services (flowers, decorations,videography, etc.) that you may want or need.

(North Shore Center for the Performing Arts, Skokie, IL)

banq

uetfacilities

&ho

tels

When choosing a catering company for your Mitzvah or Wedding, it’s important toremember that the catering staff becomes your home team on the day of your event. It’s a given that your caterer will provide the food and beverage service at your event, butoften times your caterer is involved with many additional aspects of your event, both inthe planning stages and behind the scenes on the “day of” your event. It’s the cateringstaff setting up the rental equipment and linens, and working diligently with the enter-tainers, designers and planners in making your vision a reality. The catering company isusually the first one on site and the last to leave.Be sure to choose a licensed and insured catering company, and one that you feel comfortable with. The caterer should always be willing and able to provide references, andshould also have an informative and substantive website which lends credibility to theircompany. Once you have done your due diligence in checking references or narrowingyour selection, you might want to consider choosing the caterer who will confidently offera customized menu that meets your criteria, but also allows for the freshness and season-ality of ingredients. Ask your caterer to offer options within their proposals to allow for anybudget concerns. Often menus for weddings and mitzvahs are determined many monthsor more in advance, in order to facilitate a contract. However, your caterer should be willing to revisit your menu within 60 days of your event and offer either new or seasonalitems based upon new food trends and interesting items that may have been recentlyadded to their menu. Many times these accommodations are not more expensive, justmore fun and interesting.Remember that there are many great caterers all over the country. Look for resourcesonline, ask your friends or the venue where you are hosting your event who they recommend, find out who catered an event at which you were a guest and loved thefood, it doesn’t matter how you create your initial list. What does matter is selecting thecatering company that will bring creativity, talent and professionalism to the table andpeace of mind for you.

Selecting a Catering Company:It’s about much more than the menuBy Jody Birnbaum, Caterconsult, Inc. Business Consultant to the Hospitality Industry - www.caterconsulting.com

Read the entire article online at: bnaimitzvahguide.com.

Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.com4

With chocolate fountains and themedplatters as a staple at many B’nai Mitzvah parties, many parents find differentiationwith food selections to be difficult. Whileteenagers will forever love chicken tenders, pizza, pigs in a blanket, and hamburgers, the bigger food hits are those with brand names and a personalconnection. Local favorites such as a well-known ice cream store, bakery, or evenburrito joint are possibilities for usingsources beyond the caterer. Despite numerous options, remember to

understand your limitations. For larger parties, keep it simple and let the catererdo their job. Do not go overboard with thetasks you assign to yourself. In all cases, let the teenager have a say in the foodselection. While there may be a differencebetween food for adults and friends, ensurethat the food selection is personal to theB’nai Mitzvah. Selecting a special food itemwill give more meaning to the party.

Read the entire article online at: bnaimitzvahguide.com.

CURREN

TTR

END

S

Unique Entertaining Venues ...Bowling, Bocce Ball, Concert Venues, Nightclub, Theatre, Sports Facilities, Playland, Water Park or swimming anyone?These are just some of the entertaining venues to choose from.Great ideas for Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, Weddings, Engagements andfor welcoming out of town guests. Keeps your guests andsports enthusiasts engaged and entertained.

Food for the Teens: PersonalizingTheir Experience By Matt Tucker

• Alliyot is the plural of alliyah. One person is assigned one alliyah. The family of theBar/Bat Mitzvah (or the groom, at an Ufruf) may get to assign several alliyot. It meansto come to the Torah and recite the blessings before and after a section of the Torah isread (b’rachot). An honor is a non-speaking part. The chosen person performs thehonor, for example, they may open or close the Ark or dress the Torah.

• Ask the Rabbi or Cantor how many alliyot you will be allowed. Consult with yourrabbi or cantor regarding participation of non-Jewish friends and relatives.

• Ask about any restrictions or limitations before you approach anyone to perform anhonor or alliyah.

• Attend other Bar/Bat Mitzvah services at your synagogue to see how others do it.• Always ask relatives and friends if they would like to participate, but let them know it’s

okay to say no. Those who say yes will be truly honored, and the others will avoid whatthey may feel is uncomfortable.

• Check with the Rabbi for written instructions, Hebrew and English transliteration, andeven English prayers.

Honors and Alliyot

Photo by: Romy Modlin Photography

CURREN

TTR

END

S Cost Saving Venues...Consider Banquet Facilities, Country Club Rentals and otherreception venue ideas that are cost saving and can help youwith all the planning aspects of your event. Also allowing youto save on rental costs, since they already have chairs, linensand other expensive rentals! Also, consider Park DistrictRentals, your local JCC or YMCA and other buildings that mayoffer banquet space in your community.

Photo

By: Rom

yM

od

linPho

tograp

hy

http://www.lettuceparties.com

6 Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.com

7Milwaukee Edition

It’s a Matter ofDollars and SenseNeed to stay within budget? Here are sometips to help stretch your dollars:

Sample Budget FormNote: Include tax and tips in all expenses

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Cost Cutting Tips1. Use more traditional style invitations, which tend to be more economical.

Ask your invitation professional to suggest more cost-cutting tips that areappropriate for your situation.

2. Explore the possibility of using package plans for the entertainment,photography, and other services.

3. You can decorate and personalize the welcome board and guest bookby using glitter pens and markers.

4. Generally, Saturday is the most expensive day to hold the Simcha. Consider yourchild becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah on another day when the Torah is read.

5. Favors can be bought at gift or toy stores. Personalize them with labels createdon your computer or they can be personalized/monogrammed where purchased.

6. Consider an afternoon Kiddush luncheon which may be less expensivethan an evening reception.

7. Chicken dishes are usually less costly than beef dishes. 8. Balloons are usually less costly than flowers.

Wedding Cost Cutting Tips1. Use more traditional style invitations, which tend to be more economical.

Ask your invitation professional to suggest more cost-cutting tips that areappropriate for your situation.

2. Avoid serving liquor at the reception, or only serve for limited times. Alternatively, fea-ture beer, wine, and a champagne fountain. These all cost less than a full open bar.

3. Shop around for the best deal on flowers. Some florists mark up arrangementsthat are designated for weddings, a so-called “wedding mark-up”.Avoid exotic flowers, opting instead for seasonal and regional (local) flowers.

4. Looking for bridal gown bargains? Borrow from a friend or relative, buy one at aconsignment shop, purchase a sample gown, or look at shops further from themetropolitan area.

5. Avoid wedding dates near holidays when florists, hotels, limousines,and other services charge a premium.

6. Avoid oversized invitations and lots of inserts that require extra postage,and make the response card a post card, which costs less to send.

7. DJ’s are often less expensive than live music. If you are planning several typesof live music, look for a Klezmer band that also plays pop. oldies, swing, etc.You get two bands for the price of one!

8. Consider a Sunday afternoon luncheon that may be less expensive than an eveningreception.

9. Chicken dishes are usually less costly than beef dishes. Do not assume thata buffet is cheaper than a served meal–ask for prices on both.

10. Order a small tier cake for photographs and sheet cakes, which cost less, to feed guests dessert.

All-Around Best Advice1. Shop well in advance for most service to get the best price. Book as early as you

can, since most professionals are forced to raise prices from time to time, you willlock in a lower price, and some professionals will even offer discounts to book wellin advance.

2. Especially when money is tight, stay with professionals who KNOW and WANTyour Jewish event business, such as the advertisers in this guide. These are folkswho know all about these events and won’t let you down, and who will cover allthe bases. Pros who otherwise handle only a few Jewish events, or who are doingyou a “favor” may very well forget to include an important, or expensive, extra thata Jewish event specialist may be throwing in for free, or be able to arrange at anominal cost. And then there is the stress factor resulting from coordinating services that are unfamiliar with your type of event. Don’t be “penny wise andpound foolish”.

SERVICEOR VENDOR

ESTIMATEDCOST

ACTUALCOST

DEPOSITDUE

BALANCEDUE

Banquet Hall

Caterer & Bar

DJ/Band

Photography

Videography

Decorations

Invitations /Postage

Entertainment

Florist

Event Planner

Favors & Gifts

Judaica

Clothing

Cake

Fri. NightOneg Shabbat

Sat. KiddushLuncheon

PersonalExpenses

Rental Items

Transportation

Morning AfterBrunch

Synagogue Fees/Officiant Fees

TOTAL

Visit us online at www.milestonemagazine.comBeauty8b

eaut

y

Hair Care Tips to Rememberfor Your Special Day• All hair care products don’t always

work well on all hair types (dry, oily,permed, colored, normal). Chancesare what works for your best friendmay not work for you. Products real-ly do help style hair, hold a setlonger, give lift and protect your hair.It is important to read labels!

• Try several brands to determine theproduct that makes your hair shineand feel great!

• Did you know that bangs are in styleagain? To ensure picture-perfectbangs, try these suggestions:

• For large features, have bangs cutwider. For delicate features, narrowor wide bangs will work. To style,mist bangs with a volumizing hair-spray and blow smooth with a pad-dle brush.

• A few weeks before the big day, youshould try styling your hair severaldifferent ways to determine whatmakes you look the most beautiful.This will also give you practice insetting your hair to the desired styleso you will be less stressed for thebig event!

Background

Photo

&Brid

alPhoto

sb

y:ClassicIm

agePho

tograp

hy

Beauty & Makeup Tips... from B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM

Beauty Mitzvah TipYoung women need to be able to maintain their youthful look as well as appear modern.This can be done with updated hair styles that are natural and free of too much stylingproducts. Makeup should be natural and show off a young woman's beauty by enhanc-ing her natural features. Young women do not need a lot of overpowering makeup andfoundation. A little goes a long way.For your Bat Mitzvah, go with a more natural look:• Conceal blemishes or imperfections with cover up. Make sure you blend it in well.• For a fresh look, try a little tinted moisturizer, shimmery moisturizer, or a very sheer

coverage makeup if your complexion needs it.• If you prefer a more matte finish, apply a very light dusting of loose face powder to

clean skin with a large fluffy brush.• For eyes, avoid too much mascara! Try instead applying only to the upper lashes, or try

a lighter color than black, such as brown or brown black.• Neutral colors are always best for photos and avoid lip gloss or shadows that are spark-

ly or frosty.• Pick earrings that will go with your look, but not distract from it. Stay away from big,

clunky earrings.• Pick colors that are best suited to you.Wedding Makeup TipMake your eyes more noticeable, curl your eyelashes with a lash curler (hold the curleragainst dry lashes for five seconds), then apply 2-3 layers of mascara. For a natural look,use brown mascara. Apply a light color all over the eyelid. Use a darker shade for yourupper, outer lid. For deep-set eyes, use another shade that’s the darkest of the three andapply only to the crease of your eyelid. Blend well.

Photo by: Jody Garland Design & Photography

CURREN

TTR

END

S Makeup...Makeup should not cover up the face, rather, it should be used to highlight all of the fantastic features that we have; makeup is here to make skin glow. When working with a bride, youshould take into account many other details from the bride'swedding day, (i.e. - flowers, dress, theme of wedding, etc). The makeup should "make sense" and not look out of place with the rest of wedding. – Andrea Rappaport, Makeup Artist

FESTIVALS, HOLIDAYS, and OBSERVANCESBy Avi Mor, Garden Fresh Market

The Jewish calendar has many festivals, holidays, andobservances which are shared by the entire community.Bar or Bat Mitzvahs, weddings and celebrations attend-ing the birth of a baby are also celebrated. These are allpersonal milestones in the lives of Jewish individuals.Every festival has a special significance, which is accom-panied by its own stories, songs, music, activities,prayers, and let us not forget, foods.The Jewish year follows the 354-5 day lunar calendar, asopposed to the 365-6 day solar year, so while eachJewish festival falls on exactly the same date in each yearof the Jewish calendar, the dates will differ on aGregorian calendar. For synchronicity, and also to keepthe months in their appropriate season, a thirteenthmonth is added to the Jewish calendar every two orthree years. Therefore, in the northern hemisphere, RoshHashanah will always be celebrated between summerand autumn, while Chanukkah always welcomes winterand Pesach brings in the spring, no matter how differentthe actual dates will be on Christian calendars.The Jewish holidays always begin at sundown on the daybefore. The year of celebrations starts around the monthof September, with the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah,and continues on through Yom Kippur, which is markednine days later. Sukkot, the harvest festival of thanksgiv-ing, follows, ending with Simchat Torah. This is the great

festival of the Torah. Then, around December comesChanukkah, the festival of lights. This is the time of theyear when traditionally gifts are exchanged. Tu b'Shevat,or the holiday of the trees, comes next, around themonth of February, and then is followed by Purim. This isthe very flamboyant festival where people dress in color-ful costumes. This is often compared to the Mardi GrasFestivals or Carnivales.Pesach marks Israel's deliverance from Egypt. During thisfestival, which lasts for eight days, Jewish people eat cer-tain foods and drinks, excluding those called "hametz".Shavuot celebrates the Giving of the Torah, while Tish b'Av isa day of fasting.Many Jewish communities also observe Yom Hatsmaut,or Israeli Independence Day. This day is celebrated onMay 14th with different festivities, including outdooractivities where falafel is eaten. Yom Ha Shoa, or theHolocaust Remembrance Day, is usually observed not toolong after Pesach. The most important festival of them allhowever, is the Sabbath or Shabbat. This festival is cele-brated every week, and forms the model of all the otherholidays. This day is for not doing work, setting yourselffree from all the hectic and hurriedness of the workweek. This is a time when one concentrates on the spiri-tual, recognizes nature, and enjoys their families.

Photo by: Jody Garland Design & Photography

Cakes & Pastriescakes

&p

astriesMilwaukee Edition 9

Bakers usually offer a wide selection of stylesfor weddings and Bar/Bat Mitzvahs.You will also choose cake's flavor (white, chocolate, carrot, spice, etc.), type of frosting(butter cream, whipped cream, fondant, royal), filling (mousse, cream, fruit), number oftiers (for weddings), and cake topper. The cake could be plain or fancy, but always makeit fun, a real reflection of your event theme and personality. Room decor, ceiling height,temperature, lighting, linens, and wedding colors all will influence your choice of cake.Also, don’t forget to order what you like. Always ask to sample cake (or pastries) beforeordering–you want appearance and taste! Cake is usually priced by the slice. Always order more slices than you expect to serve–youdon’t want to run out of cake. Ask the baker if they will deliver the cake or if you will haveto arrange to pick it up. They may charge a fee, but it is well worth it. Your hotel, hall orcaterer may provide cakes as well. Also, some stores offer mini pastries and desserts forthe Kiddush, Oneg Shabbat, or the next day’s brunch.

CURREN

TTR

END

S

Cupcakes...Let them have their "CUP-CAKE and eat it too"- said MarlaLevitt of Marla’s Sweet Bites in Highland Park. It makes a beautiful presentation and is single serving at it's finest. Less mess on the sweet table and less food handling. It is pure genius! These cupcakes may be decorated right along with your theme and can be turned up a notch in eleganceenough for your black and white for your black tie-wedding or special event..

CURREN

TTR

END

S Cookies...Cookies for your sweet tooth . Consider "designer cookies" for

your sweet table. Ask Joanne Sherman what cookies can do foryour sweet table. Her cookies were included in OSCAR®Nominee 2011 Gift Bags! Rehearsal dinners, showers, pre-postevents. A comfort food, tempting treat and easy to serve. Can bein baskets or platters decorated in your color/theme. – Joanne Sherman, Cookies by Joey

Visit us online at www.milestonemagazine.com

cate

ring

Catering10

There has always been a history and a tradition when it comes to Jewish food. Food on theJewish table has long been associated with the strong history of it's people. Since thebeginning of the first exile, Jews have taken the flavors of the land in which they lived andhave made it a part of their lives. Whenever the Jewish people were forced out of a coun-try and forced to start over in a new land, they always integrated foods that they foundthere and along with Jewish laws and traditions, added them to their long history.Holidays are true symbols of these traditions and rituals: from the matzos of Pesach, to themany fried dishes of Chanukkah, and the sweet and delectable foods associated with RoshHashanah. The laws of Kashrut have also applied to these new foods. Kashrut is the set of ritual dietarylaws that are set out in Jewish religious laws. Food that conforms to these standards isdescribed as kosher. Kosher, meaning "fit" or "proper" describes the foods that the OldTestament declares appropriate to consume. Although Kosher laws may seem difficult tounderstand at first, they actually follow an understandable logic. Kosher foods are dividedinto three classifications: meat, dairy, and pareve. Meat must never be eaten with dairy, butpareve foods can be eaten with either meat or dairy. As said, "Thou shall not seethe a kid inhis mother's milk." The ways that foods are classified and prepared are very often indicatedon the packaging that they come in. For instance, the labeling on a package can immedi-ately show not only the kosher contents of the package, but also the methods and equip-ment on how that item was produced. Though the basic principles of Kashrut are outlined in the Bible, they have been ruled uponand commented upon by rabbis in many books, such as the Shulhan Aruch, the code ofJewish law. There is no reason given for the laws of Kashrut, though many have suggestedthat hygiene, food safety and health might be contributory factors. The rabbis state, how-ever, that no reason or rationale is needed; obeying the laws of Kashrut is a commandmentfrom God. To start out, one must keep a truly Kosher kitchen. This requires that a personmust have at least three sets of dishes, pots, and utensils. Milk and meat products cannever be prepared in the same pot or served in the same plate. (Kosher cooks even use dif-ferent soap for washing each set.) Kosher households must also have an additional set ofdishes and utensils that are used only for Passover (Pesach) (for meat and dairy).

Some more basic understanding of the classifications include:Meat kitchen : Only certain meats are allowed, based on the text Leviticus ,whichstates: "Whatsoever parted the hoof, and is clovenfooted, and cheweth the cud...that shallye eat.” No birds or animals of prey are allowed, nor are scavengers, creeping insects orreptiles. For a Kosher animal to become Kosher meat, it must be slaughtered ritually andhumanely by Shechita. Animals that die from natural causes or are killed by another ani-mal is forbidden. Certain types of injury also render the animal unkosher. Kashering themeat, a term used to describe the removal of blood from an animal immediately afterslaughter, is used, because blood is forbidden to be consumed by the laws of Kashrut. Allmeat must be soaked in salt water, grilled, or broiled, so that no blood remains. This isusually done by the butcher. Even a spot of blood in an egg renders it unkosher.Dairy: Foods in this group are milk and milk by-products such as cheese, cream, yogurt,

and ice cream. Yogurt is one example of a kosher dairy product that should be eaten onlywith the symbol of Kashrut because to produce, sometimes gelatin is used and gelatin ismade from the bones of animals (and the concern is that bones may be used from a non-kosher animal). Kosher yogurt is made from gelatin that is vegetable based seaweed, orcarrageen, as it is commonly known. Even after eating a meat meal, a certain amount oftime must elapse before dairy food can be consumed. Some communities wait six hours,while others wait only two. While eating dairy, meat is appropriately consumed within fif-teen minutes to a two hours after. Pareve: A term meaning neutral foods that are neither meat nor dairy .They do not havethe same restrictions imposed upon them and can be eaten with either meat or dairyfoods. All fresh fruits and vegetables and grains, nuts, as well as eggs are pareve. Thesecan be served with either dairy or meat. Fish falls under the pareve category too, however,only fish with fins and detachable scales are Kosher. Shellfish, as well as eel, monkfish,catfish, and frogfish, are not considered Kosher. Despite the fact that fish have blood, nospecial kashering process is needed. Just keep in mind that even though fish are pareve, itcannot be cooked with meat. Some communities do not cook in milk as well. One shouldtake a fifteen minute break after eating fish before consuming meat.

Jewish Food, a History and Tradition By Avi Mor, Garden Fresh Market (See ad, page 27)

When Choosing a Caterer...If you would like to hold your reception at the Synagogue or a hall, you will likely hire aprofessional catering company. Catering at your site offers maximum flexibility(casual, elegant, plated, stations, etc.) and includes silverware, set-up and clean-up. Ask about specialty diets such as Kosher, vegetarian, diabetic, etc. Is there a separatechildren's’menu? What about leftovers? How does the staff dress? Is gratuity included?When is the final count and final payment due? Look for both great food andpresentation–visually appealing dishes are an elegant part of the decor. Get a writtencontract that lists all the details, including menu, services provided, equipment to be used, financial information, dates, times and personnel to be included. It should have a guarantee and cancellation policy.Check our web site for more tips on Catering and Kosher Food:www.milestonesmagazine.com.

Kosher Supervisors of Wisconsin3100 North 52nd St.

Milwaukee, WI 53216(414) 442-5730

Rabbi Benzion Twerski

12 Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.com

13Milwaukee Edition

At Least 1 Year• Arrange for all parents to meet• Work out budget & review with your

parents, if they'll be paying for anypart of the event

• Interview & hire a wedding consultantif you are using one

• Decide on style of wedding • Decide who will officiate. Favorite

Rabbis may book up as quickly ascaterers and banquet halls. You willneed to consult this person regardingmany issues throughout your plan-ning. When necessary, book the syna-gogue sanctuary or chapel

• Make preliminary guest list & estimatefinal party size

• Choose your wedding party& call them

• Set wedding date & time• Pick a caterer, a ceremony & reception

location (if there will be one, for theengagement party, rehearsal dinner,after-wedding breakfast). Send adeposit when necessary

• Book a block of rooms forout-of-town guests

• Interview & choose photographers,videographers, florists, musicians,calligraphers

• Make transportation reservations • Make plans & shop for your

honeymoon• Shop for wedding gown.• Send a "Save-the-Date" card to

your "A" list guests10 Months• Choose a color theme • Order wedding gown & accessories

(have plenty of time if somethingshould go wrong)

• Make up your final guest list• Go House or Apartment-hunting with

your fiancee. Narrow choices to a few 9 Months• Decide what gifts you would like &

register for gifts (china, flatware, etc.)• Shop for & order invitations,

announcements, programs& any other printed materials

• Have your engagement party.Start a "thank you list" & mailnotes as soon as possible

• Have an engagement picture taken& submit to newspaper

• Create schematics for the processional,recessional, under the chuppah,reserved seating. Distribute them toparticipants

• If you are not having a weddingconsultant, arrange for someone to bein charge of keeping everyone onschedule & coaching the processional

• Select guests for honors (e.g., toast,speech, blessing on bread & wine, oneof the seven blessings, alliyah at theUfruf.)

8 Months• Discuss wedding attire with mothers

of the bride & groom• Order your accessory items &

bridesmaid dresses• Look at tuxedos7 Months• Decide on which ketubah text you

want & order a ketubah. Handdecorated ketubot take the longesttime to prepare.

• If you are buying a home, get seriousabout a contract. If you will berenting, place a deposit

6 Months• Select guests wedding favors• Order imprinted yarmulkes.• Order wedding invitations, programs,

& other stationery5 Months• Arrange for tuxedo rentals• Book your honeymoon• Included directions, as needed, in

Save-the-date &/or invitations. Take atrial drive to double check distances &landmarks

4 Months• Purchase wedding gifts

(for attendants & fiance)• Finalize floral arrangements.• Set hair, make-up, nail, & wax

appointments• Select a bakery for your wedding cake,

as well as cakes for pre-weddingreceptions & pastries forafter-wedding brunch

• Begin to address invitations or takefinal guest list to your calligrapher

• Select wedding bands. Place an order• Get change of address cards from post

office & get them ready to mail • Decide who will ride with whom &

where people need to be when • Prepare programs &/or a wedding

booklet for the wedding & assign oneto distribute them

• Have the groom select & ordertuxedos for himself, his groomsmen &the dads. If people are in differentlocations, mail the measurements

• Order table cameras. Make or buy areceptacle for them. Assign someonethe task of collecting the cameras

3 Months• Final dress fittings for you & your

bridesmaids• Finalize cake arrangements• Write your own vows• Buy cake knife, toasting glasses, guest

book & garter • Pick out associated events clothing.

Remember shoes (ballet slippers, san-dals) for the reception

• Find a hairdresser & make a test runwith your veil

• Send invitations (double checkpostage)(8-10 Weeks)

2 Months• Get name-change forms for social

security, driver's license, credit cards &bank. Review documents & makeneeded changes (e.g. insurance, lease,Health Care Proxy, Living Will, etc.)

• Get blood tests & marriage license • Make hair & nails appointments very

close to the wedding day• Finalize menu with caterer• Review your needs with your photog-

rapher & videographer. List your wed-ding party, a schedule of events, anytoasts or speeches planned, & anyspecial photos, memories or candidsyou want. It is best not to surprisethese professionals

• Meet with your entertainment (music,etc.). A schedule of events, favoritetunes, style of music requested, plus alist of toasts, speeches, etc. will ensurethat the MC & you coordinate

• Arrange the rehearsal dinner, as wellas other wedding-day-connected par-ties

1 Month• Make guest baskets & assign

someone to distribute them • Make sure all your groomsmen,

ushers, ringbearer, & fathers haveordered tuxedos

• Send change-of-address formsto post office

• Reconfirm all reservations& accommodations

• Confirm honeymoon plans • Start the seating plan for the

reception3 Weeks Before• Call guests who have not responded• Finalize reception seating

arrangements• Get your marriage license• Prepare wedding announcement

for the newspaper• Pick up your wedding bands• Fill out the table cards or give names

to your calligrapher.• Put fees & tips in envelopes (officiant,

soloist, maitre d' etc.) & give it tosomeone you assign in making thepayments

• Arrange with someone to bring itemsto the wedding venue, such as cakeknife, toasting glasses, programs,yarmulkes, emergency kit for thebride, wedding license, ketubah, etc. &to take them home

• Arrange for someone to return rentals(tuxedos, chairs, etc.)

• Arrange for someone to take yourbouquet & gown "home" put them inpreservation

• Pay all synagogue fees2 Weeks Before• Call caterer with final total of guests• Confirm directions, pickup & drop-off

points with transportation service.Confirm all other professionals

1 Week• Create a detailed schedule of your

wedding day activities• Get a manicure &/or pedicure &/or

other beauty services.• Pack for your honeymoon• Confirm post-wedding brunch

arrangements1 Day• Get a manicure• Attend wedding rehearsal• Pack wedding day emergency kit.

(extra pantihose, safety pins, thread &needle, steamer, brush & make-up)

• Get a good night's sleepYour Wedding Day• Eat a good breakfast• Have your make-up done• Have your hair done• Give yourself lots of ready-time• Relax & have fun!After YourWedding Day• Send thank-you’s &/or send gifts to

the special people who made yourwedding "happen."

• Send wedding photo &announcement to newspaper(s)

Wedding Planning Timetable

Background Photo by: Photography by Frederic P. Eckhouse

The UfrufOn the Sabbath before the wedding, theGroom (Chatan) is traditionally given analliyah – the blessing before and afterthe Torah portion is read – and his familyusually sponsors a kiddush receptionafter services. Ufruf is Yiddish for "callingup". In congregations where women mayperform an alliyah, both bride and groommay be called up. Check with the Rabbito arrange this or to read a parasha(Torah portion). Is this reminiscent ofyour bar mitzvah? Like your bar/bat

mitzvah, you may be able to call othersin your family for an alliyah as well.Now for the fun part: The congregation, perhaps led by thewiseguys in your family, will shower you(pelt you is more accurate) with raisins,almonds and sweets to wish you a sweetlife and fruitful marriage to come! (Noteto wiseguys: please check withSynagogue staff before you hand outsweets, as some synagogues have poli-cies regarding this custom).

What makesa Jewishwedding Jewish?

There are very few require-ments for a Jewish wed-ding, which include a mar-riage contract (ketubah), thereligious ceremonies (kid-

dushin and nisuin), a plain gold bandaccepted by the bride, and the pronounce-ment that you are husband and wife.Therefore, most of what we recognize asmaking a wedding Jewish are a wide vari-ety of customs and traditions that aresteeped in history. But customs change overtime and location, even those in "traditional" weddings.Some traditions are adopted from placeswhere people live, where their ancestorscame from, or from other places or families.Some customs are modernized to reflectthe secular realities of life in the modernworld, including modern feminism, thecongregational practices and philosophies,and as an accommodation to Jews-by-choice and non-Jews. Ancient customs cansometimes survive only in terms of theirrelevance in a changing world.“We would like to have a wedding thatincorporates at least some of the wonderfultraditions of our forebears, a link to the past,but at the same time is meaningful to us.”Anita Diamant points out in The NewJewish Wedding that modern Jews cannotmarry the same way their parents did. "The world has changed too much. Our

expectations of marriage are not the same,"she states. "We are different kinds of Jews."This requires the bride and groom to makedecisions about the exact traditions theyintend to continue. Many of the followingrituals are practiced in traditional weddings.An interesting pattern has lately emergedthat the more exotic and ancient the cus-tom, the more it will be adopted as a trueexpression of authentic Judaism. This hasespecially become true among youngercouples who have been raised with expo-sure to the more modern customs. If youchoose not to strictly follow all these tradi-tions you may choose those elements ofthe ceremony that appeal to you, that oth-ers in your community or congregation fol-low, or those you adapt from secular events.Be sure not to adopt customs from otherreligions. In this way you customize (yes,the root word is custom) your Jewish wed-ding to meet the needs and desires of yourfamily and you.Will this be an easy process? Perhaps not,but it is part of the fun of planning a wed-ding, and not a part you can delegate toothers. Making choices about which ele-ments in a Jewish wedding will remaintraditional involves merging two or morefamilies, often with different backgrounds,values, and practices. Leave room for com-promise so that everyone feels that thewedding honors what is most importantto them.

The MikvahTraditionally observant brides and allconverts go to the mikvah, the ritualbath, before the wedding. This tradition isancient and is a law, not a custom. Theyare maintained by most Orthodox andsome Conservative and Reform syna-gogues, as well. The mikvah is a pool ofwater fed by a running source, asopposed to stagnant. A lake, pond, orriver is an ideal mikvah, but ratheruncomfortable most of the year. Indoormikvahs have an attendant and usuallyfull bath facilities.Because the mikvah is associated in theTalmud with the "impurity" of menstru-ating women, it has fallen into disfavorby some as a relic of archaic times, not

relevant to today. But mikvah is reallyabout spiritual purification, and a visit tothe mikvah before the wedding is a wayto ceremonially start again "rebirth". Theceremony is quite simple. The bride-to-be is immersed completely in the poolseveral times, floating freely, and a sim-ple prayer is said when she comes up.This is a joyous occasion often followed,especially in the Sephardic tradition, by aparty with food and drink, sometimes bybridesmaids waiting right outside.Outdoor ceremonies can be done at someunusual locations with poetry, picnicsand whatnot. Some men have evenjoined the tradition with their own mik-vah visits (call well ahead for reserva-tions) and men-only parties that follow.

The Wedding DayThe customs of the wedding day createmomentum that culminate with thewedding ceremony itself, the kiddushin.Friends and family can be part of theevents just prior to the wedding.

Fasting on theWedding DayThe day of the wedding the chatan(groom) and kallah (bride) fast andrepent their sins, and they are guaran-teed that if they do so, all their sins areforgiven. Thus, they start out their newlife together with a clean slate. As onYom Kippur, this ritual fasting is notabout self-punishment, but about start-ing over (in this case, in union witheach other).

SeparationIt is customary for the bride and groomnot to see each other for three days to aweek before the wedding. The groom will not see the bride untiljust before the ceremony, at the veiling ofthe bride. Since this is usually an anxiousand nerve-rattling period, this customhas practical advantages that can saveyou tears and fears. Spend some timewith friends and family, and let theanticipation of the upcoming event grow.

Kabbalat Panim -Greeting the Brideand GroomSeparate receptions, called KabbalatPanim, are held just prior to the weddingceremony, when the honored ones hold

court in separate rooms. Check with yourrabbi since some do allow pre-weddingreceptions. Jewish tradition and law treatthe couple like a queen and king. Thekallah will be seated on a "throne" toreceive her guests. Some brides, jitteryfrom nerves, may limit guests to thebridal party. Others will have a more tra-ditional reception with songs, flowers,blessings, cake and wine. Perhaps themusicians will make a first appearance.Here the bride waits for the groom’sreception to end.The groom will be surrounded by his cir-cle of friends and relatives at a table, thetish, who sing and toast him. The groommay attempt to present a lecture on theweek's Torah portion, while his malefriends and family heckle and interrupthim. Despite the groom’s Talmudic

knowledge, or lack thereof, this is sup-posed to fun, not a serious undertaking.Other formats may involve a ‘roast’ of thegroom by friends. At the tish, the groom,witnesses and the rabbi might sign theketubah or, if both parties are signingtogether, they may do this in anotherroom, such as the rabbi’s study.In a more modern version of the tish,both bride and groom are entertainedand received together with blessings,songs, flowers, or music. The ketubahmay then be signed and the partyproceeds directly to the chuppah.There are many variations of the tish,so ask your rabbi, cantor, or eventplanner for more ideas. The popularityof the tish is increasing as a delightfulpre-wedding ritual.

Wedding Planning Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.com14

Customizing Your Wedding!

Signing The KetubahWhether or not pre-wedding receptionsare held, a ketubah, or marriage contract,is signed and witnessed. In traditionalceremonies the Groom signs the ketubahin a separate room, in the presence ofwitnesses and the Rabbi, before thewedding can begin. The bride need notsign it, because it belongs to her alone,according to Jewish law, as proof of herrights and the groom’s responsibilities(financial and otherwise). It was a radicaldocument in ancient times, giving thewife important legal protection. It was alegal document, neither beautiful norromantic, and the traditional language of

the document remained basicallyunchanged for centuries.The traditional ketubah does not neces-sarily reflect the realities of modern mar-riages or contemporary views on rela-tionships. Many couples have found newketubot, or have written language them-selves, that is more egalitarian. Manyketubot now include parallel declarationsof commitment made by both bride andgroom with a joint declaration of faith inG_d and a connection to the Jewishpeople. It can be a way to remind thecouple of their moral responsibilities toone other. With many hand calligraphedketubot available, as well as many retailand internet sources of publishedketubah texts, couples have a large num-ber of choices to customize the text toreflect their particular values. You mustconfer with your rabbi before you decideon which text to sign, and certainlybefore any artwork is ordered. Since theyare legal documents, not all rabbis willaccept all texts. Moreover, only Orthodoxand Conservative texts are recognized inthe State of Israel.

There are just as many choices with theart that often accompanies the text. Theketubah is often written among beautifulartwork, to be framed and displayed inthe home. Having a ketubah profession-ally calligraphed and made even morespecial with customized decorations hasalso become popular. The artwork on onesuch ketubah at a recent wedding, incor-porated elements from the childhood ofeach half of the couple, merging intoshared experiences at the top.The ketubah is sometimes read to theentire assembly, and it can even besigned and witnessed after the reading,while under the chuppah.

The VeilingMany brides still choose to wear a veil,an ancient custom that has its roots inthe Bible. Others have rejected it as anantiquated symbol of patriarchal domi-nance. It may be seen as representing themodesty and dignity which characterizesthe virtue of Jewish womanhood. Theveil also conveys the message to theworld, symbolically, that physical

appearance is not as important as innerbeauty. It has biblical roots in the story ofthe patriarch Jacob, who was first trickedby his father-in-law into marrying thewrong sister, Leah, her face well hiddenbehind a veil, instead of the girl he loved,Rachel. By placing the veil over theBride’s face himself, the Groom ensuresthe same type of switch isn’t made. A funtradition enhanced by a bit of history. If a veil is to be worn, the groom is invit-ed to the bedeken, lowering the veil ontothe bride. Accompanied by both fathersplus friends and relatives, the groom,who has not seen his Bride for a week,enters the bride’s chamber and lowersthe veil over the bride’s face. This can beseen to symbolize either his commitmentto clothe and protect his wife, setting herapart from all others, or an indicationthat he is only interested in her innerbeauty. In any case, this can be a charm-ing and emotional part of the wedding.An egalitarian twist has the bride placinga kippah on the groom’s head at thesame time.

The Wedding Day Continued...

Wedding Planning

The ProcessionKeeping with the practice of treating thebride and groom like royalty, a processionleading to the chuppah is quite tradition-al. Because a Jewish wedding is, aboveall, a family affair, the simplest processioninvolves the bride and groom, eachescorted by both parents, moving downthe aisle and under the chuppah. Thisdemonstrates the marriage is a union offamilies, not of individuals. But Jewishlaw does not govern the makeup of theprocession, and so couples are free todecide the exact arrangement of theirprocession. There are many variationsaccording to family situations anddynamics. Sometimes grandparents fol-low the rabbi or cantor, followed by theushers and bridesmaids (separate inOrthodox weddings), the best man, the

groom and his parents, more ushers andbridesmaids, the maid of honor, andfinally the bride and her parents.Variations allow grandparents to enterwith their side of the family. Secondmarriages, divorced parents, missing ordeceased relatives, the need for a verysmall or intimate service, etc., all requireadaptations to the order, which is perfectly acceptable.The number of attendants is of no conse-quence, since they are not required. Onlytwo "Kosher" witnesses are requiredunder Jewish law. While we do not spec-ify what this may mean, clearly non-Jews do not qualify as witnesses (andthey must not be relatives). Ushers andbridesmaids certainly add a festive andregal air to the ceremony, and theyshould at least include any brothers andsisters. Sometimes a flower girl is used,

although in most Jewish weddings, thering is held by the best man. The bestman at a Jewish wedding, called ashoshbin, is historically a best friend whowould offer a large gift to the groomupon marriage, perhaps to defray thecost of an expensive wedding affair, andwas therefore entitled to celebrate withthe groom during the wedding week.The understanding was that this treat-ment would be reciprocated upon themarriage of the shoshbin, wherein theroles would be reversed.The arrangement under the chuppah ofthe people involved is also not proscribedby Jewish law. Many chuppahs arearranged so that the wedding party facing the rabbi is facing Jerusalem.Hundreds of years of Ashkenazic traditioncalls for the bride to be at the groom’sright. Proponents of Jewish mysticism,

Kabbalah, claim that the question reflectsthe tension between the divine attributesof justice and mercy. The merciful, mas-culine aspect of G_d is identified withthe right side, and the just, female sidewith the left. Therefore the bride shouldstand on the left and the groom onthe right.Candles may be carried by escorts andattendants, making a lovely old-worldeffect, especially at dusk outdoors or in apartly darkened room. The candles sym-bolize the oneness that will come aboutas the couple is united under the chup-pah. Check with the synagogue or recep-tion hall staff, because fire codes mayprohibit it. Use dripless tapers, braidedhavdalah candles or jar candles to avoida real mess.Live music during the procession is an

The ChuppahEasily the most recognized feature of a Jewish wedding, the ceremony takes place under a wedding canopy, or chuppah.The origin of the chuppah in the Talmud is certain, even if its exact form is not. In any case, the symbolism in the chuppahhas many meanings. Chuppah means literally "that which covers or floats" in Hebrew. Traditionally, weddings occurredoutdoors under the stars, and the canopy created an intimate, sanctified space in which to take the vows. It also repre-sents the new home for the married couple. The chuppah is a reminder of the desert tents of our nomadic ancestors. Forthese reasons, some traditional reception facilities have skylights positioned over the place where the chuppah will stand.A traditional chuppah is a fabric covering held up by four poles, open on all four sides. Since there are no legal requirements as to the chuppah's shape or dimensions, couples have creat-ed new chuppah traditions that express their unique personalities. Some customs have involved using a tallit, perhaps a family heirloom or your Bar/Bat Mitzvah tallit. Others have usedcraft-type projects such as quilts, embroidered or silk-screened fabric, or custom lettered projects. In fact, the chuppah can be a group or community project of special sentimental value.See the ad on page 31 for Arkay Chuppahs.

The Wedding Service Photo

by:Lake

Shore

Photo

graphy

Pho

tob

y:La

keSh

ore

Pho

togr

aphy

Milwaukee Edition 15

Wedding Planning

The Wedding Service Continued...

One of the oldest and most importanttraditions of a Jewish wedding ceremo-ny is the chuppah, or wedding canopy.The word chuppah literally means “cov-ering” and has been interpreted to sym-bolize everything from the tents of theHebrews wandering through the desertto the new home that the couple willmake together. It is said that the chup-pah invites not only the presence of G-d, but also the spirits of beloved ances-tors to witness the marriage ceremonyof their descendants. There are many beliefs about the historyand evolution of the chuppah. Inancient times it was the custom to placethe chuppah outdoors as a reference toGod’s promise to Abraham to make hisseed as numerous as the stars. It is saidthat in Biblical days, trees were plantedwhen babies were born. When theymarried, branches from the trees wereused as the poles of the chuppot; today,poles are often adorned with treebranches to represent this tradition.

These days, chuppot can be found onbimahs, in gardens, on rooftops, andfrom beaches to mountaintops.Regardless of where a chuppah stands,the space beneath it is always sacred –the place where the bride and groomstand before G-d and their family todeclare their love and commitment toeach other and take their weddingvows. The requirements regarding the struc-ture of the chuppah are very simple: itmust have a canopy top made of cloth,be held up by four poles, and have allfour sides open. A chuppah can beeither freestanding or hand-held. If it ishand-held, it is an honor to be a chup-pah pole bearer. A chuppah can be assimple as a family tallit or as elaborateas creativity and the imagination willallow.

The Chuppah by Renee Kahn, Arkay Chuppah Creations, 224-392-4476

www.arkaychuppah.com

old tradition, one that sets the moodand the pace of the occasion. A soloist or small group is usually best, but leaveenough lead-time to find and rehearsethe appropriate music. Cantors usuallycan assist in choosing the bestprocessional music.The logistics of the procession and stand-ing under the chuppah can cause frictionand anxiety, and for this reason aloneyou may wish to have a weddingrehearsal. Some rabbis dismiss this as awaste of time, while others will gladlyaccommodate your request, so be sureto ask.

CirclingWhen the couple first enters thechuppah, the bride circles the groomseven times, perhaps accompanied bymusic or a soloist, and sometimesescorted by both mothers. This is a veryold custom, the meaning and origin ofwhich has no consensus. It is neverthe-less a nice touch, beautifully moving ifnot a bit exotic. One explanation is that itrepresents the seven wedding blessingsand seven days of creation, and demon-strating that the groom is the center ofher world. Another comes from the Bible,which says that a woman encompassesand protects a man. While this phrase

probably refers to a courtship rather thanactually walking around, advocates of thecustom found it to be a convenientexpression.The circling was known in ancient timesto be a magical means of protection,building an invisible wall around thegroom, protecting him from evil spirits. Itcan be seen also as an act that defines anew family circle, binding the bride tothe groom and away from the parents.Mystically speaking, the bride may beseen as entering the seven spheres of thegroom’s soul. Joshua circled the wall ofJericho seven times, and then the wallsfell down. So, too, after the bride walksaround the groom seven times, the wallsbetween them will fall and their soulswill be united. These are obscure ideasfor a modern wedding, so you may wantto explain this and other customs in awedding booklet available to yourguests. Of course, circling has been rejected bysome Jews in the recent past as evidenceof the patriarchal and demeaning natureof the bride circling around her ‘master’,marking her territory from other women.But it can also be seen as a strong act ofdefinition: Here is the space we will sharetogether. Some couples have also mod-

ernized the ritual by circling one another,first the bride around the groom clock-wise, then the groom around the bridethe other way. This mutual circling is astatement of balance and reciprocalrespect in declaring a space together andthe breaking down of barriers.

KiddushinThe Jewish wedding ceremony has twoparts, kiddushin and nisuin, which areperformed together under the chuppah,but which have distinct differences.Kiddushin, which translates as "sanctifi-cation" or "dedication", is actually abetrothal ceremony, a bonding of twosouls into one with each other and withG_d. The bride and groom establish anexclusive relationship. The Rabbi greets everyone and makestwo blessings over a cup of wine. Aswith all Jewish simchas, wine is a sym-bol of abundance and joy. The bride andgroom take a sip of wine. Next comes thering, the essential part of the ceremony.The groom places a plain gold ring, with-out any stones or embellishments, on theindex finger of the bride’s right hand, thefinger thought to be directly connectedto the heart. The groom repeats theblessing: "Behold, you are consecrated tome with this ring according to the laws

of Moses and Israel." This thousand-year-old practice, the act of kiddushin, com-pletes the betrothal. The kiddushin hasaccomplished kinyan, the symbolic act ofthe bride acquiring something of valuefrom the groom, and Jewish law nowconsiders them married.In a double ring ceremony the bride thenrepeats the process with a similar, butgender-corrected, version of the sameblessing. This is often not allowed bymore traditional rabbis because it is saidto invalidate kinyan, the formal act of thebride acquiring something of value fromthe groom (since an exchange is beingmade). In that case the bride may pres-ent the groom’s ring, and the bride’s ringplaced on her left ring finger, after theceremony (and forever after).If wedding vows, or "I do’s" are desired,and the rabbi agrees to speak them, theywill be exchanged at this point. Somereally beautiful vows, mutual promises orpoetry, often written by the bride andgroom affirming their devotion for oneanother, can be added as a powerful per-sonal statement to the ceremony.

NisuinThe second part of the wedding ceremo-

Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.com16

17Milwaukee Edition

18 Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.com

A Wedding Program servesa similar function as the Bar/Bat Mitzvah booklet for the service. The program is compiled and prduced by the family for distribution to congregants and guests by the ushers, or inserted into prayer books. It can have a variety of unique features aimed at relatives and friends, guests, congregants, non-Jewishguests, and so on. Thesealso make great keepsakesof the wedding.

Program Examples: • A step-by-step description of the

ceremony,• A brief explanation of the

meaning of a Jewish Weddingceremony,

• Comments by the bride and groom onthe personal meaning of the day,

• Poems or wedding vows, etc.• A description of the history and

tradition behind the ketubah, thechuppah, or rituals such as circling, theSeven Blessings, and breakingthe glass,

• An explanation of the music usedin the processional or during theceremony,

• The text of your ketubah,• Copy of the wedding invitation,• Comments from close relatives,• Photographs of the bride and groom.

Creative, additions like ribbon or laceare nice. Check with your Rabbi firstbefore making copies to distribute.

The Wedding Program

Background Photo by: Golden Memories By Hazel

ny, nisuin, the nuptials, completes themarriage. Because the two parts of theceremony, kiddushin and nisuin were historically separated, the ketubah is readaloud before the nuptials as a way ofclearly separating the two halves. Thetext is usually read aloud in Aramaic,often repeated in English. The ketubah isthen stored away for safe keeping, or itmay be displayed on an easel for gueststo inspect. The rabbi may then say a fewwords about the couple, particularly ifhe/she has known the couple, or one ofthem, for a while, or he may launch intoa longer sermon.The nisuin begins with the seven bless-ings, sheva b'rachot, and ends withyichud, or seclusion, after the ceremony.The seven blessings begin with anotherfull cup of wine. They may be recited bythe Rabbi or by various guests the couplewish to honor. Although it’s usually not aproblem, they must be recited in thepresence of a minyan, a formal quorumof ten adults. In addition to a blessingover the wine, there is praise for G_d ascreator of the world and of men andwomen; a prayer for the newly marriedcouple and of the ten degrees of rejoic-ing. The blessings also include a prayerthat Jerusalem will be fully rebuilt andrestored with the Temple in its midst andthe Jewish people within her gates,showing wishes not only for the individ-uals but the community in which theylive. The couple then drinks from the sec-

ond cup of wine. The Rabbi pronouncesthe couple officially husband and wife.

The GlassThe traditional ending of a Jewish wed-ding is probably the most recognizedfeature: breaking the glass. It is an oldcustom that is not formally part of theceremony, yet pages have been writtenabout its meaning, which has beenwidely interpreted. A glass is placed onthe floor, often wrapped in cloth or anapkin to prevent injury, and the groombreaks it with his foot. Some coupleseven choose to break it together, which isfine. The crowd shouts "Mazel Tov!" andjoyous music begins (Siman Tov andMazel Tov is a favorite!). But what doesbreaking the glass represent? Here aresome opinions:• Even during times of great joy, we

should remember the tragic destruc-tion of the Temple in Jerusalem, symbolizing all suffering by Jewseverywhere;

• a representation of the fragility ofhuman relationships;

• a reminder that marriage transformsthe lives of individuals forever;

• it represents a break with childhoodand the parents’ home;

• in contrast to the solemn moments ofthe ceremony, the loud crash signalslevity and celebration to begin;

• a symbol of the irrevocability ofmarriage;

• this is the last time the groom getsto "put his foot down."

Yichud-SeclusionAfter the couple leave the chuppah, tradition calls for them to retire to a pri-vate room where they might spend tenor fifteen minutes together alone inyichud–seclusion. This is historically a ritual reserved only for married couples,and they are escorted to the room bywitnesses and the door is closed. This is awonderful time to reflect on the union oftwo souls without interference, to hugand kiss, to take a breather before you areonce again the center of attention. It iscustomary to eat together as a marriedcouple for the first time, breaking fast(except for those sips of wine during theceremony) if you have fasted. Chickenbroth has been served in Ashkenazic tradition as a symbol of prosperity tocome. Sephardic tradition calls for a mealof doves symbolizing marital peace.Another idea is a glass of champagneand a plate of cocktail hour hors d’oeu-vres that you might otherwise nevertaste (talk to the caterer or ask a friend tobring this). Eat something here because,given the excitement and schedule ofevents, many couples do not eat much attheir own wedding. This is also a goodtime to place the rings on the correct fingers, remove the veil, tallit and otherceremonial garb. When you emerge fromthe yichud, you are the newest marriedcouple in the room.

As a practical matter, this time gives thecaterer and guests a few minutes to transition into the dining hall or cocktailarea, to visit the rest rooms, congratulatethe parents, and so on. It also avoids thereception line, at least immediately afterthe ceremony, which leaves guestswandering around while waiting forthe line to end.

The Reception LineThis has become a standard at manyAmerican weddings, even Jewish ones,so you may still wish to have one, espe-cially if you are not observing yichud. Ifso, it may be held immediately after theceremony, after yichud, or after a cocktailhour. The format is often the same,including both sets of parents, bride andgroom, maid/matron of honor andbridesmaids. The best man and ushers donot participate, particularly since ushersare not required at Jewish weddings. Thisis the place for guests to express congrat-ulations and for parents to kvell-swellwith pride. Keep smiling, be gracious, butdon’t chat too long. It’s OK to ask namesif you don’t know; most folks are glad tointroduce themselves. Now, it’s off to the reception!

Interfaith MarriagesBy Carla Gohde, Chicago Area Associate Publisher for B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsFor an interfaith couple, the planning oftheir ceremony often presents a challenge.The blending of two different religiousbackgrounds in a ceremony is stressful forthe couple and their families.Many couples choose not to have any

religious aspect to their service. A judge issimply there to marry the couple. Forsome couples, this seems like the easiestway to satisfy both sides. Other coupleschoose to have a Rabbi, Priest/ Minister, orboth co-officiate their ceremony.Whatever you decide as a couple, keep inmind that you may incorporate certaintraditions or words that are important toyou. Perhaps, if the judge is marrying you,you may want to be beneath theChuppah or “break the glass”. You may talkto the officiant(s) about some ideas youmay have or ask them for their input. Theyhave performed many interfaith weddingsand may have very helpful suggestions foryour service.You should never think of your service asbreaking tradition, only as starting a new

tradition. It will serve to inspire andenlighten all of your guests and allowthem a glimpse of a couple who arebeginning their lives together with differ-ent religious beliefs, but a shared interestin each other. As a couple, it will be thebeginning of this shared responsibility tolearn, respect, compromise, and incorpo-rate these traditions in their daily lives.Interfaith marriages can be celebrated

when the couple is able to embrace theirdifferences and teach their families andfriends acceptance.

Wedding PlanningMilwaukee Edition 19

The CandleLightingCeremony

• Keep candle lighting poems/sayings short.Rhymes arenot necessary, but they can be entertaining anda nice touch.

• If you are having trouble developing your ownpoems,you may wish to hire a professional. There areservicesthat will assist you with finding just the rightwords.

• Group several lightings together in order to usethe same song for groups of friends or cousins,like “We are Family” or the theme fromBeaches. This will help the DJ/band transitionbetween the candle lighters. Your Master ofCeremonies may need these song selectionsseveral days before the event.

• Some families offer a small token gift or some-thing personalized to each honoree.

• You could plant a tree in Israel for each of thehonorees and hand them the certificate whenthey are called to light a candle.

• Some families light a candle in memory of arecently deceasedrelative or a close relative/guest who could notbe there that day.

Check out theseadditionalCandle LightingTips:

Sample Candle Lighting SongsCourtesy of Ultimate Entertainment, The OfficialEntertainment Company of the Millennium©,

Family/Friends:That’s What Friends Are ForThank You For Being A FriendYou’ve Got A FriendWhat About Your FriendsAnytime You Need A FriendYou’re My Best FriendEverybody Have Fun TonightFun, Fun, FunCelebrationCount On MeConsider YourselfAll You Need Is LoveAll My Lovin’I’m So ExcitedCousinsGrandparents/Parents:TraditionThrough The YearsTimes Of Your LifeWind Beneath My WingsTeach Your ChildrenGreatest Love Of AllYou Are The Sunshine Of My LifeI Just Call To Say I Love YouSunrise SunsetYou Light Up My LifeYou Mean The World To MeCircle Of Life

You’re The InspirationForever YoungMy Father’s Eyes Endless LoveMoreEverlasting LoveThat’s AmoréSiblings:Wild ThingBorn To Be WildBad BoysBad To The BoneHeroGirls Just Want To Have FunSistersThe Sisters SongThank Heaven For Little GirlsIf My Sisters In TroubleI Won’t Grow Up

(song from the movie “Peter Pan”)I’d Do AnythingHere She Comes Miss AmericaOut-of-TownersFrom A DistanceSo Far AwaySweet Home AlabamaTheme from the TV show “Cheers”Take Me Home Country Roads

There is no historical or religious prece-dent, commandment, or even specialreligious meaning to the candle lightingceremony at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebra-tion. Nevertheless, it has quicklybecome a custom at Bar/Bat Mitzvahsimchas here in America, and for goodreason. It allows the Bar or Bat Mitzvahto personally honor and connect withloved ones or special friends, or pay trib-ute to an absent or departed relativewho is missed. It is sometimes hard foreyes to stay dry during these momentsand is often the most cherished part of amagical event.Thirteen candles are often used; some-times an extra one is added for good luck(or to squeeze another honor in). Apoem, speech or short statement is readcalling the honoree to the table wherethey light the next candle with the previ-ous one or assist the Bar/Bat Mitzvahwith this. These are often specialmoments and flashes click and videorolls. Music is sometimes played whilethe honorees make their way to the

table, and this is usually carefully coordi-nated with the DJ or bandleader wellahead of time.Candles are usually tall (nine inch)tapers, sometimes shorter. They can beset into or (more likely) behind a cake.Some families construct candle lightingboards. This can be a painted or decorat-ed foam board with candle holders, theBar/Bat Mitzvah’s name, or it could bean elaborate set piece. Make sure it is notso tall that it blocks people behind it orthat it has any decorations close enoughto the candles to catch fire. Also, checkwith Synagogue rules on candle lighting,if the simcha will be held there. Somesynagogues prohibit candle lighting onShabbat or for safety reasons. You mightthen substitute toasts, presentation offlowers or hand-made crafts, trees plant-ed in Israel, or some other unique way ofrecognizing loved ones.

Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.com20Pho

toBy:Ro

my

Mo

dlin

Photo

graphy

ClothingMilwaukee Edition 21

Finding the Right Bat Mitzvah Dress

Young ladies often require three outfits- onefor Friday night services, one for their actualBat Mitzvah, and a third for their party. This is

their day to shine. Outfits for the Bat Mitzvah Girlshould be special to them - something that they adoreand feel beautiful in; however, this doesn't mean thatyou have to "pay a fortune." Many unique outfits areavailable "off the rack" at local boutiques. Don't be shyabout telling a store if you have a budget. Stores thatspecialize in Bat Mitzvah fashions can help guide yourselections in all of the above areas. Avoid large depart-ment stores if possible- other girls may be wearing thesame "special dress" as your child! Also, beware ofonline sites that you are not familiar with. Their "toogood to be true" pricing often hides that outfits maybe "knock-offs" or damaged goods. In addition, out-fits usually look very different on your child then theydo online, and are usually final sale. Check a store'sreputation and return policy before making a purchase.Try not to purchase or alter her outfits more than 3months prior to the event, since sizes can change rap-idly for girls this age. If you do buy sooner, make certainto buy a full size larger than needed and wait until clos-er to your event date to have outfits altered.Comfort and Synagogue policies are essential in yourchoice of clothing. Most Synagogues require that shoul-ders be covered and that skirts/dresses are an "appro-

priate length"- this length varies based on theSynagogue, so do check. Avoid scarves and pashmi-na-style wraps to cover her shoulders if she will bewearing a Tallit - bolero style jackets or lightsweaters are much more comfortable. Also, this isnot the time for your daughter to wear "high heels."Make sure that her shoes truly fit well, and that shecan comfortably walk in them. "Ballerina flats" orlow heels with ankle supports can be fashionableand very comfortable.For the reception, parents often buy inexpensivesocks for every girl attending their party, especially ifthere will be a lot of dancing and games. It hasbecome a custom for girls to "kick off their shoes"and put on the socks almost as soon as they arrive atthe reception! You can also help your guests byusing traditional or very descriptive terms todescribe how you would like them to dress.Contemporary and novel descriptions like "countryclub casual," "business casual," or "party clothes"can be frustrating and confusing.Finally and most importantly, this is a very specialand meaningful day for your daughter and for yourentire family. Treasure the day! "Don't sweat thesmall details." MAZEL TOV!

By Karen Mazer, Synchronicity Boutique, Pikesville, MD

Photo by: Jody Garland Design & Photography

Mens’ & Boys’For mens’ and boys’ suits, start shopping twelve weeks from theevent, leaving several weeks for alterations, which are usuallynecessary. Choose your clothing with comfort in mind. Select astyle and fabric that may be worn on different occasions. Colorchanges are made with shirt and tie combos. Tuxedo rentalshould also be made 3 months in advance, especially if an entireparty needs the same style/color. Differences in shirts/ties/ cum-merbunds can distinguish party members.

Women’s & Girls’Start shopping at least six months before the event in case youneed to order something or alter your selection. Also,choose your clothing with comfort in mind. Let yourBat Mitzvah girl choose her own outfit, keepingappropriateness in mind and Synagogue pol-icy. You may need to set a price limit,but she should feel comfortable, beau-tiful and special that day. Don’t forgetto bring an extra pair of hosiery for youand your children that day.

clothing

Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.comcl

oth

ing

Clothing22

Stay Involved: After the Bar/Bat MitzvahB’nai B’rith Youth OrganizationThis organization is a youth-led, worldwide organizationwhich provides opportunities for Jewish youth to developtheir leadership potential, a positive Jewish identity andcommitment to their personal development. Under theguidance of adult advisors andprofessional staff, youths par-ticipate in democratic-func-tioning small groups.Great MidwestRegion BBYO1700 Weiland RoadBuffalo Grove, IL847-947-4358E- gmr@bbyo.orgActivities include monthly TeenConnection Events, such as dayin the City of Chicago, a trip up tothe Wisconsin Dells, and muchmore!

Teen Programs atthe JCCChi Town ConnectionJCC's extraordinary year-round program for teens. There’snothing like it. It’s not your typical youth group.What you’ll love about Chi Town Connection is that youcan be as involved as you’d like. Be part of the advisoryboard and help plan CTC events. Or just show up whenyou want. You pick the activities that interest you. CTC is

always up to something good and into something funlike monthly outings into the city, sporting events,socials, camping, travel, education, leadership, volunteer-ing or just hanging out.

Connect with CTC and we’ll connectyou with cool people, great experi-ences and your Jewish community.Everyone is invited. All you need to dois show up. Call for more informationat 847-412-5570.Mitzvah Corps (Gr. 6-12)Mitzvah Corps is a community serviceprogram developed by the JewishCommunity Centers of Chicago. Thepurpose of the program is to give mid-dle school and high school studentsan opportunity to contribute to thelocal community, gain new experi-ences, and meet new friends.All Mitzvah Corps programs aredesigned to get kids involved inhands-on activities that contribute to

the overall welfare of the community. The activity couldbe serving food at a homeless shelter, cleaning up a park,reading books to children or visiting with the elderly.Activities vary depending on the project, but we guaran-tee everyone will have a great time and feel good abouttheir contributions.

Camp Chi Teen AdventuresHike a canyon. Bike a mountain. See America andbeyond. Camp Chi summer adventures put your body andmind in total discovery mode.You'll experience some of the most majestic, historic andentertaining spots in America, Canada and Israel.Whether a rugged adventure or a sightseeing tour, CampChi teen trips offer incredible opportunities to buildfriendships, discover leadership skills and learn to workand live as part of a community of peers.Camp Chi Teen Adventures are led by a staff of specialistswho are experts in wilderness adventure. For the summer of a lifetime, call 847.272.2301.Interviews are required for all trips. Visitwww.campchi.com for more information!JCC Maccabi GamesEach year, JCC Maccabi Chicago fields a delegation ofteens ages 13-16 to compete in the annual JCC MaccabiGames. This Olympic-style competition brings togethermore than 6,000 Jewish teens from around the world tocompete in various individual and team sports includingbaseball, softball, basketball, bowling, golf, in-line hock-ey, table tennis, soccer, swimming, track and field, tennisand volleyball. An offspring of the World MaccabiahGames held in Israel every four years, JCC MaccabiChicago is a fantastic opportunity for teen athletes to taketheir game to the next level, meet new friends, and enjoya once-in-a-lifetime experience. For more informationabout the JCC Maccabi Games, please visit our website atwww.jccmaccabi.org.

Phot

oBy:

Rom

yMod

linPh

otog

raphy

Your Son’s Bar Mitzvah Suit Can Help HimShowcase his Personal StyleBy Bonnie Brickman, Guys & Co. Deerfield, IL • 847-940-GUYS (4897) • www.guysandco.comAccording to Jewish law, a Bar Mitzvah marks the occasion when a Jewish boy comes ofage. It’s a wonderful celebration, of course – and for virtually every young man nowa-days, it’s also the first time he’s taken to a clothing store to buy a suit.Unlike girls, most boys seem not to care about the clothes they wear, especially for suchspecial, once-in-a-lifetime dress-up events. By shopping together, you can help makeyour son’s Bar Mitzvah and all the special activities leading up to it a wonderful memoryhe will cherish forever. It’s important for your son to be a part of the process. As his parent, you have an idea ofstyle and fabrics that are most appropriate, but engage your son in the process of select-ing his tie and tallit. This is where he can showcase his personal style. Start shopping for his suit six to eight weeks before his Bar Mitzvah. This gives you ampleto time to make a selection, to get the suit altered so it fits properly – and to allow for agrowth spurt. Boys sometimes seem to grow an inch or two almost overnight! For thatreason, you don’t want to alter his new suit until at least two weeks before his BarMitzvah.You want the suit to be a little oversized, but not sloppy. The fit of the coat is most impor-tant; the bottom of the jacket should extend about an inch or so below his palm when hisarms are at his side and his fingers extended toward the floor. The coat should buttoncomfortably, with little overlap from side to side. But it should not be snug that a “V”forms across his mid-section when the coat is buttoned. It’s possible to alter the coat, ofcourse, but do as little as possible – it’s more complicated, takes more time and usuallycannot be altered again when he grows. When you son tries on the suit coat, have himwear a dress shirt. Trying on a jacket with a t-shirt will change the fit. And when it’s timeto make alternations in the suit you’ve selected, he should wear a dress shirt again. The suit pants, in contrast, can be altered relatively easily. Boys usually wear casual pantslower than their dress pants, which should be worn at the waist. You will want him to

wear the shoes he will wear at his Bar Mitzvah so the tailor can make the pants “break”just over the shoe tops. And if you’re getting new shoes, make sure your son breaks themin so he is comfortable on the day of his Bar Mitzvah. Alter the length of the pants, making sure the tailor leaves asmuch material as possible. This extends the life of thesuit, because your son will get taller as he grows. Youcan alter the waist, too – but not more than aninch or two. Don’t let the back pockets get pulledtogether when the waist is taken in; this will“pull” the front pockets toward the back of thepants and change the alignment of thecrease. When you return to the store to pick up hisaltered suit, it’s best to try on the suit whilehe’s there – and while he’s wearing his dressshirt and dress shoes. It’s best to give the tai-lor the opportunity to make minor alterationsor corrections when your son is there. Your son’s sense of personal style can beexpressed in many ways…so let him choose histie or you select three or four you like. Give himthe final choice. You and your son never will forget his Bar Mitzvah, andhelping him make sure he’s comfortable and looks his bestwill enhance the day -- and your memories.

Photo by: Jody Garland Design & Photography

23Milwaukee Edition

Mazel Tov! A Celebration of Jewish Weddings

May 13 - July 31, 2012

at the

Jewish Museum Milwaukee1360 N. Prospect Ave., Milwaukee, WI 53202

414-390-5730 • www.jewishmuseummilwaukee.org

Experience . . .

A Mother’s Day opening event will take place on May 13 from Noon – 4pm,

with light refreshments, family activities and curator-led tours of the exhibit.

An exhibit that explores the mores, symbolic artifacts and celebratory activities unique to the Jewish wedding experience.

Standing under the chuppah. Breaking the glass. Circle Dancing. These familiar, beloved traditions enliven the Jewish wedding. Many of the vibrant and joyful customs date back centuries.

While some of these traditions are still upheld today, younger generations have incorporated new customs reflective of their contemporary lives.

24 Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.com

Decorations & Theme DesignMilwaukee Edition 25

2011-20125772

2012-20135773

2013-20145774

Rosh Hashanah - The Jewish New Year;start of the Ten Days of Penitence

Thurs.-Fri.Sept. 29-30

Mon. - Tues.Sept. 17-18

Thurs.-Fri.Sept. 5-6

Yom Kippur - Day of Atonement; a very solemn day of the year,devoted to fasting, prayer and repentance.

Sat.Oct.8

Wed.Sept. 26

Sat.Sept. 8

Sukkot - First two days of Tabernacles; commemoratingthe dwelling of the Israelites in booths in the wilderness.

Thurs.-Fri.Oct. 13-14

Mon. - Tues.Oct. 1-2

Thurs.-Fri.Sept. 19-20

Shemini Atzeret - Eighth Day of Assemblyand Simchat Torah -Rejoicing of the Law.

Thurs.-Fri.Oct. 20-21

Mon. - Tues.Oct. 8-9

Thurs.-Fri.Sept. 26-27

Hanukkah - Festival of Lights; victory of the Maccabeesand rededication of the Temple.

Wed. - Wed.Dec. 21-28

Sun. - Sun.Dec. 8 -15

Thu. - Thu.Nov. 28 - Dec. 5

Purim - Celebrates defeat of plot to destroy the Jews of Persia.Thurs.Mar. 8

Sun.Feb. 24

Sun.Mar. 16

Pesach - Passover; deliverance of the Jewish people from Egypt.The Seder service on the first two evenings recounts the story.

Sat. -Sun.Apr. 7-8

Tues.- Wed.Mar. 26-27

Tues.- Wed.Apr. 15-16

The last two days of Pesach are also observed as full holy days.Fri. - Sat.

Apr. 13-14Mon. - Tues.

Apr. 1-2Mon. - Tues.Apr. 21-22

Shavuot - Feast of Weeks; marks the giving ofthe Law (Torah) at Mt. Sinai.

Sun-Mon.May 27-28

Wed. -Thu.May 15-16

Wed. -Thu.Jun. 4-5

All holidays begin at sundown of the day preceding the date shown and end at sundown of the (last) day shown. The Jewish calendar begins with RoshHashanah, the Jewish year always straddles two years from the civil calendar.

Calendar of Jewish HolidaysAdapted with permission from B’nai B’rith (www.bnaibrith.org)

deco

rations

&them

ed

esign

This section includes party stores, centerpiecedesigning services, balloon artists, florists, aswell as businesses offering sign-in boards,decorated guest books, and other personal-ized services. These will be the biggest con-tributors to a themed celebration. Ask them ifdelivery is included and if they could design asample to help you decide. Make sure tochoose a centerpiece that will not overwhelmthe table or block guests’ view of each other.Consider some of following, in addition to themed centerpieces, for a unique touch:

• Special effect lighting, lasers, fog, snow• Fireworks or pyrotechnics• Candle lighting name display• Sign-in-boards and theme props, like cardboard cut-outs• Ice SculpturesCU

RREN

TTR

END

S Ice Cream...We all scream for Ice Cream... give your guests a fun, yummyand delicious catered ice cream dessert station. Sundae Bars andtoppings your guests will love to create themselves. Did youknow your local Dairy Queen can cater to your event with their"Make your Own Sundae Bar" with nine great toppings tochoose from, or you can also add their Famous Blizzards too. A cool treat and lovely addition to any sweet table!

Ice Cream Goes Great with any Summer or Beach Theme.

CURREN

TTR

END

S

Hot Dogs...Give your guests what they crave. For casual Bar/Bat Mitzvahcatering options or kids meals, for those picky kids who won’teat what's on the menu. Also makes a great late night weddingsnack, delivered from a hot dog cart, Rehearsal Dinners,Bachelor/ Bachelorette parties and all pre-post gatherings inbetween! Nothing says Chicago like our beloved Hot Dog.

Hot Dogs Go Great with any Sports or Carnival Theme.

26 Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.com

DecorationsFormal or fanciful, simple or bold, decorations set themood and tone of a party. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah hasworked hard to get there, make the celebration festive,regardless of your budget! Table centerpieces usuallycoordinate with the theme (see feature at right).Linens and napkins could coordinate with colorthemes, and they make a dramatic color statement.Some banquet facilities have a selection of colors, butrental centers will have a larger assortment. Considerchair covers, they add elegance to the setting. Checkout the decor in your banquet hall or facility. Ask aboutupcoming renovations. Choose colors and decorationsthat will not clash with the surroundings. Don’t forgetabout decorations for the buffet tables, gift table, andband/DJ area. Clusters and arches of balloons are aninexpensive and dramatic way to add large splashes ofcolor. Decorate tables with inexpensive glitter for a fes-tive appearance. Remember to include a table with asign-in or message book, keeping with your theme. Aneasel with a decorated photo collage or for sign-ins(don’t forget some colorful pens!) can add excitementto a room entrance and point the way for guests.A decorated welcome sign on an easel can be a beaconto guests and also set the tone of the celebration. Useballoons, cardboard cutouts, flowers, enough to identifythis as a special time for the child and the guests.Decorate baskets filled with favors, socks for youngerdancers (the girls always seem to take off their shoes),candy, or to place gifts. Make all your decorationarrangements well in advance. Many vendors will gladlydeliver and set up for you, if you coordinate with thefacility. Check with your synagogue or facility managerfor any restrictions on decorations, set-up times, extracleanup charges, etc. that may apply.

What You Should DecideThe Size and Style of the Reception • Main Menu

Adult Guest List • How Many Kids • Location & Times •Professionals to Hire • Hora Music • Decorations

What The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Could DecideTheme • Kids Guest List • Kids’ Seating Arrangement

Dance Music • Clothing • Alternate Entertainment • Candle Lighting Tributes

Decide As A TeamAlliyot and Honor Participants

Candle Lighting Honorees • Invitations

The Great Theme DebateWhether or not to add a theme toa Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration is notso much a matter of debate but ofpersonal preference. If a themewill detract from your celebration, forget it! You don’t need oneto have a meaningful spiritual and family experience.

If a theme will add some fun to your celebration without detracting from the experience, then go for it! Always consult the Bar/Bat Mitzvah for suggested themes, but remember, a theme often involves extra work and expense, so be prepared. Here are a few of the many possible themes you might use.

Sports Theme• Use football, baseball, soccer ball-shaped balloons.• Favors could be personalized balls, rackets, puck’s etc.• Centerpieces could include miniature “sports” ball

or foam board cut-outs.• A blow-up of your child’s favorite sports pose.

Television/Movie Themes(Wizard of Oz, Star Wars, Gone With the Wind, etc.)• Use life-size cardboard stand-ups for

decoration (often found at party stores).• Name the tables different characters

(placecards could read: Mr./Mrs. Guest are seated at the Rhett Butler table).

• Movie or TV props could be incorporated into the centerpieces.

Hollywood Stars Theme• Your sign-in or welcome board could read:

“Now Appearing” or “The Star of the Show is (child’s name)” along with a blow-up picture of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child.

• Each table could be named for a popular star i.e., Tom Cruise, John Travolta.

• Centerpieces and namecards could includea Hollywood theme.

Israeli Theme• Each table could be named for a different city in Israel.• Decorations and balloons could be blue and white.• Israeli flags could be used in

the centerpiece.

Torah Portion• Lessons from the weekly torah portion come to life! • Tables named for figures, tribes, or

places prominent in the weekly reading. • Crafts to make include take-home

Israeli-style favors. • Create an Israel marketplace with cafe´

tables or pillow areas inside tents like ancient days.• “Torah” scroll sign-in book• Klezmer music and Israel dance instructor.

Candy Theme• Use Hershey® Kiss balloons in

the centerpiece.• You can give a solid chocolate 6-8 ounce Hershey®

Kiss to your candle lighting honorees.• Your female guests could receive a chocolate rose.• Use personalized king-size candy bars as favors

Oscar Party• Use Oscar-shaped invitations.• Tables: Medium sized silver bowls filled with

peaches and plums to be used ascenterpieces for each table. (They look verynice and serve a practical purpose.)

• To entertain your guests before or after the eventplay a home made video of the child and his/herfriends as if they are on T.V. by acting like theirfavorite actors and directors talking about howthey felt about winning an Oscar.

• Every kid receives miniature Oscar key chains(found at party store).

Grand Prix or NASCAR• Black and white checkered paper on tables

Decorate with checkered flags and red,white and black balloons.

• Remote control raceway as an activity Raceposters as souvenirs.

Stroll Down Broadway• Theatre marque, spotlights and flashing neon

to create atmosphere.• Each table could be named for a different play.• Sign–in board with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah on the

cover of a Playbill.

Photo

by:

Rom

yM

od

linPho

tograp

hy

Sim

cha

Tip

! Make sure to choose a centerpiece that will not overwhelmthe table or block guests’ view of each other. Considersome of following, in addition to themed centerpieces, fora unique touch:• Special effect lighting, lasers, fog, snow• Fireworks or pyrotechnics• Candle lighting name display• Sign-in-boards and theme props, like cardboard cut-outs

Background Photo by: Jody Garland Design & Photography

Giftware & Judaicagiftw

are&

judaica

Milwaukee Edition 27

These listings include Yarmulkes, Tzitzis,Tallisim, books, etc.as well as jewelry,portraits, and other mementos to honorthe child’s accomplishments. Many sellitems such as memory books, pictureframes, and music for Bar/Bat Mitzvahpresents. Many Synagogues have a Judaicashop for you to purchase these items.

Decorated Bar/Bat MitzvahMemory BookThis has places for invitations, seatingcards, photos taken by guests, copies ofspeeches, even the Torah portion.Personalized Picture FramesThese could have a name, a nickname ora theme. Better yet, insert a photo of theBar/Bat Mitzvah child.Theme BookendsSpecialty shops have ones for any sportor hobby. We saw ones with famoussynagogues on them!Music/Jewelry BoxPick a theme or song that has meaning toyou or to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Or lookinto engraved styles!U.S. Savings BondAlways a safe investment!Israeli Savings Bond

Call 212-644-BONDFine WatchesTry engraving a special wish!Monogrammed or PersonalizedPocketbook or WalletPerfect for young adults.iTunes or Amazon MP3 Gift CardsYou can purchase a gift certificate onlineor at a nearby Walmart, Target or grocerystores now usually sell these as well.MP3 Player, iPod, or iPod Docking StationCheck to see if they already have one.Again, a gift certificate at the local electronics store is a safe bet.Custom Mah Jongg SetThis is the latest rage with teens!Remember:Leave enough time for special order gifts.

• Tallit Set • Framed Blessing • Deluxe Yarmulke• Mazuzah • Menorah • Religious Jewelry• Yaad • Miriam’s Cup (Girls) • Deluxe Prayer Book• Kiddush Cup (Boys) • Shabbat Candlesticks

Great Gift Suggestions

Religious Gift Suggestions

Alternate EntertainmentAlternate entertainment is great for entertaining youngsters while adults are eating and socializing.Set up a separate area or room for alternative entertainers, such as those listed under the Novelties/Favors section.Plan your entertainment around the ages of the children attending. Lots of younger cousins or siblings may enjoy an activity in which they can participate.Alternate entertainers may be perfect for synagogues that do allow outside music on Shabbatt.Si

mch

aTi

p!

CURREN

TTR

END

S Mitzvah Registries...Look for Bar/Bat Mitzvah Registries to pop up for 2012. Like wedding registries they will operate the same and children will have the opportunity to "list" their gift wishes with many different vendors/retailers.

Check out these sites for Mitzvah Registries:www.moderntribe.com • www.bmregistry.commitzvahs.myevent.com • www.amazon.com/wishlist

Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.comInvitations & Calligraphy28

While very original invitation wordingcan follow almost any pattern, mostinvitation messages follow a three-partconstruction: 1. The expression of sentiment followed

by the invitation to attend;2. Day, time, and place;3. Invitation to share a luncheon, dinner

or some other simcha with the fami-ly, bride and groom, or B’nai Mitzvah.This is sometimes expressed on aseparate card, allowing the option toexclude it in the envelope.

The following are some examples ofthe wording of the first portion:

B’nai Mitzvah• With pride and joy we invite you to

join us (or worship with us) as ourdaughter, Michelle Kim, is called tothe Torah as a Bat Mitzvah...

• With special feelings of loveand pride...

• With pride and pleasure...• With pride and delight and mostly

with love...• We cordially invite you to share the

Bar Mitzvah celebration of ourbeloved son Adam Eric on...

• We invite you to share a proud andspecial moment as we celebrate withjoy the Bat Mitzvah of our daughterRachel on...

• In the tradition of his ancestors ourdear son Phillip Mark will be calledto the Torah (or becomes a BarMitzvah)...

• With the richness of tradition and thepromise of tomorrow we invite youto share this special moment as ourson Harris Simon is called to theTorah as a Bar Mitzvah on...

• Share a special day with us whenour son...

• We would be delighted if you wouldjoin us at the Bat Mitzvah of ourdaughter Allison ...

• We invite you to share in our joy...• We invite you to share a special day

in our lives...• Dorothy and Alan Klein invite you to

share a special moment in their liveswhen their son Zachary David iscalled to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah...

• My family and I would like you toshare our happiness on the specialoccasion of my Bar Mitzvah on...

• Please join us to celebrate the BatMitzvah of our dear daughter Amy...

Wedding• Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Gish request the

honor of your presence at the mar-riage of Miss Louise Abrams to theirson Alan Gish on...

• ...request the honor of your presenceat the marriage of their daughterEileen J. Gish to Mr. PaulGoldstein on...

• Miss Louise Abrams and Dr. AlanGish request the honor of yourpresence at their wedding on...

• We invite you to join us incelebrating the marriage of ourchildren, Eileen and Paul on....Joyceand Randy Bloom, Howard Fish.

• Our joy will be more complete if youcan share in the marriage of ourdaughter...

• ...will be joined under the chuppah...• We invite you you join us as we

begin our new life on...• ...invite you to join in the ceremony

uniting their children...

Sample InvitationWording

Order your invitations at least six monthsbefore the event. Check the wording carefully,you don’t want to inadvertently leave some-thing out. Ask your friends to show you anyinvitations they may have saved to use as areference, or examine wording arrangementsin the invitation books. Also, don’t rush thedecision, you may need to look at severalsample books over a period of weeks beforeyou make up your mind, especially if youare letting your child help you decide.Remember to order extra envelopes foraddress changes or if a mistake is made.Hire calligraphy service as soon as theinvitations arrive, to allow plenty of timefor the project to be completed.

CURREN

TTR

END

S

Invitations...Photo invitation cards, postcards, place cards; Use your favoritepicture to design your card; Retro, vintage or other themed invitation designs. Start on your database of invitees early. Listeveryone, select your final list later. This should figure into yourplanning. Consult you caterer, calligrapher, or party planner foradvice on how many more guests to invite, based on your cir-cumstances, over the number of attendees you are planning.Not everyone you invite will be able to attend.

Place cards (or seating cards) are a crucialelement at very special events. Place cardsallow party planners to be very creative,while serving the simple function ofassigning guests to particular tables fortheir meal without confusion or additionalassistance. The card typically has the nameof each guest and the assigned table num-ber (married couples are often assignedtogether on one card, eg. Mr. & Mrs. PaulLevy). They are often displayed on a tableoutside the reception hall, such as anassembly or pre-function hallway.Matching table numbers are placed sepa-rately or as part of a decorative centerpiece.You can ask your invitation dealer to supplythese, or order from another source, such aswww.mazeltovfavors.com.The price ranges for these cards varygreatly and so do the options. Place cardscan coincide with the theme of the wed-ding or mitzvah. Or, they can just be sim-ple, elegant, elaborate or crafty. Theoptions to express your creativity are end-less. Here are some imaginative seatingcards to make your event even more fun:• Simple- Elegant yet simple cards canimitate the invitations that guests receive.White or beige along with black or navywork best. • Frames- Name cards can be placed in a

picture frame (glass, wood, etc.), or a fundisplay, such as an acrylic coaster or snowglobe frame (see www.partyfavorbiz.comand www.cadettmarketing.com).• Sweet- Purchase or make gingerbreadmen/woman, cookies, tiny tarts, or cup-cakes. Guest’s names can be written onthe sweet treats with royal icing.• Toast- Champagne flutes can be etchedwith guest’s names (expensive) or namescan be written on a tag and then tiedaround the glass. As guests arrive at thetable and find their seats, servers can filltheir glasses with a bubbly beverage.• Clip it- Simple place card clips or fancycard holders, such as the metal chair fig-ures (Elegance – 85156) found atwww.cadettmarketing.com, are availableto add a dash of pizzazz and keep yourguests commenting.The options above are just a few exam-ples of some original seating cards thatwill catch the attention of guests. It isimportant, however, to avoid making theplace cards too elaborate. Cards that arelarge in size and are too busy and maybecome distracting. Party planners wantthe guests to remember the exceptionalday. Place cards that can be taken homeserve as a wonderful memento of theevent and add style and fun to any event.

Place Card Ideas

invi

tati

ons

&ca

llig

rap

hy

29Milwaukee Edition

30 Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.com

This section features DJs, Live Bands,Karaoke, Vocalists, Magicians, and

Caricaturists.You may want to ask the following questions when

hiring your DJ or band:• Are you familiar with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah routine and have

you done them before?• Will you play songs/games usually seen at these events: i.e.

hoola hoop, dance contests, chicken dance, hokey pokey?• What type of music do you play?• Do you have a song list?• How long do you play and how many breaks do you take?• What is the price, deposit amount, and when is the

balance due?• Do you have references?

Music & EntertainmentMilwaukee Edition

Think about it. There's a “cookie-cutter same-ness” to most Bar and Bat Mitzvahs andJewish weddings. (An hour of hors d'oeuvres,standard introductions, toasts, the cutting ofthe cake, a video montage, etc.) These are all

important parts of any celebration, but finally, here's achance to add something so wonderful, so unique, yourguests will not only appreciate and enjoy it, they'll be heardsaying “Wow, was that special…what a great time we had!”

At the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Too much “Bar” and not enough “Mitzvah” isn’t good for your“Simcha”. DJ's today can include MTV type dancers at yourparty. Bar and Bat Mitzvah themes range from Star Wars to"Elvis." These are certainly fun and exciting, but with theexception of "Uncle Sidney" doing the motzi (the blessing onthe bread), no one would have a clue what they're reallythere to celebrate. As a result, more and more people are choosing a very “new”theme lately. It's called “Bar Mitzvah!”What a concept!Actually, you don't even have to abandon any of your cre-ative and fun ideas, but to paraphrase the title of Jeffrey K.Salkin's popular book on Bar Mitzvah's …Don't Forget toPut G-d on the Guest List!Whether it's having as a centerpiece a basket of cannedgoods to be donated to Sova, or a Klezmer band playing dur-

ing the cocktail reception, there are ways to add someJewishness and have fun! There's also a variety of Jewishthemes such as; The Tree of Life, Jewish Hero's, Israel (com-plete with a back drop of The Western Wall), or as a designfor each table or food station, famous Synagogues through-out the world. A "Grand Entrance" is also an opportunity to add some tradi-tion. Instead of the "typical" entrance, where DJ's announcethe Bar or Bat Mitzvah honoree, programs like The AmazingBottle Dancers, (yes…they really dance with bottles of wineon their hats!) feature authentic Klezmer music, and bringwith them a sense of the old country, as they carry in the BarMitzvah boy high atop their shoulders, or the Bat Mitzvahgirl in on a throne fit for Queen Esther!

At the WeddingOld-fashioned Jewish weddings are making a come back.Why not? They're not only filled with beautiful symbolism,but they can be even more romantic than anything you'veever imagined. The good news is, it doesn't have to be eitheror. You can have a very contemporary wedding, with thehottest band or DJ, with just a few touches of tradition as well. Let's start with the ceremony. In the old days after theSabbath ended, villagers would traditionally walk to thetown square where weddings were held. They accompaniedthe bride and groom and their families carrying candles,

which magically lit a beautiful path. It is possible to recreatethis beautiful tradition. Each guest is given a candle uponleaving the cocktail reception area for the short walk towhere the ceremony is held. It is a beautiful sight to behold,and works to connect everyone as well. Another nod to tradition is to use Klezmer musicians (live orCD), who always led the procession to the town square inthe Old Country. This brings the unmistakable sound of theclarinet, violin, accordion, and bass fiddle to fill the air. Thejoyous music has the bridal party walking down the isle withbig smiles on their faces, and all of the guests clapping intime. What a difference from the formal, graduation-likemarch down the isle.While the reception can include a very contemporary band,save something special as a prelude to the Horah. A surpriseappearance of The Amazing Bottle Dancers recreates an age-old tradition celebrated at Weddings. The dancers, with theirblack beards, hats and robes performed a spectacular dancethat today could only be described as a cross between CirqueDu Soleil and Zorba, the Greek.The important thing to remember as you plan your event isto avoid sameness by adding some unique touches. Makesure your wedding is everything you want it to be and more.Fill it with beauty, romance, love and at least a few surprises…and by the way, a little tradition.

At Your Celebration, Don’t Forget…A Little Tradition Never Hurts!by Michael Pasternak, creator of The Amazing Bottle Dancers, www.bottledancers.com

31m

usic&

entertainment

Background Photo By: Jody Garland Design & Photography

Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.comno

velt

ies

&fa

vors

Novelties & Favors32

• Alliyah - (plural, Alliyot) – Literallymeans “going up” to the Bimah to saythe blessings over the Torah Scroll.

• Bimah - The raised platform or pulpitin most Synagogues where the serviceis conducted.

• Chuppah - Wedding canopy that sig-nifies a home or shelter; literally means"that which covers or floats" inHebrew.

• D’var Torah - An explanation of theweekly Torah portion, or parasha.

• Haftarah - Readings from the biblicalbooks of the Prophets.

• Horah - Traditional circle dance. Thebride and groom, the Bar/Bat Mitzvahand their families are lifted up on achair during the dancing.

• Kashrut - The Jewish dietary laws. Ifprepared accordingly, food is certifiedKosher.

• Kiddushin - The betrothal ceremony -the first part of the wedding ceremony.

• Klezmer - Traditional Yiddish celebra-tory music.

• Mazel Tov! - Congratulations!

• Mikvah - Ritual bath for brides, andgrooms too.

• Mitzvah - An obligation of Jewish life.• Motzi - Blessing over the bread recited

before meals.• Nisuin - Nuptial ceremony - the sec-

ond part of the wedding ceremony.• parasha - The Torah portion of the

week. Also sometimes referred to asthe sedra.

• Simcha - A joyous event. Often usedto refer to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony,or other celebrations.

• Tallit - A prayer shawl.• Shabbat - Jewish Sabbath, beginning

Friday at sundown and endingSaturday at dusk.

• Sofer - A Hebrew scribe.• Torah - The word Torah means “teach-

ings.” Torah is also referred to as thefirst five books of the Bible or the fivebooks of Moses. Sometimes Torahmeans the whole Bible and everythingJews believe in.

• Tzedakah - Charity. The mitzvah ofsacred giving.

Hebrew 101Here are some commonly used terms that mayhelp you to better understand the event.

Some families give customized items orfavors to the children attending the receptionportion of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This sectionincludes ideas for give-aways, contest prizes,and supplies. Wedding guests are usuallytreated to a favor or memento, as well asspecial gifts for the bridal party.Alternate EntertainmentAlternate entertainment is great for entertaining youngsters whileadults are eating and socializing. Set up a separate area or room for alternative entertainers, such as those listed under the Novelties/Favorssection. Plan your entertainment around the ages of the children attending. Lots of younger cousins or siblings may enjoy an activity inwhich they can participate. Alternate entertainers may be perfect for synagogues that do allow outside music on Shabbat.

• Personalized Sport Bottles• Imprinted Boxer Shorts• Personalized Balls or

Sports Equipment• Monogrammed

or Imprinted Towels• Keychains• Personalized Fortune Cookies• Customized Wrapped Candy Bars• Photo Favors

• Custom Playing Cards• Caricatures• Imprinted T-Shirts• Bracelets for Jewish PrideHint: Photo Favors Vendor andCaricature Artists at your party aregreat entertainment, as well as asource of favors.

Great Favor Ideas

Many congregations allow, evenencourage, creation of a Bar/BatMitzvah booklet or program for theservice. This is compiled and produced by the family for distributionto congregants and guests by the ush-ers, or inserted into prayer books. Itcan have a variety of unique featuresaimed at relatives and friends, guests,congregants, non-Jewish guests, andso on. Here are some examples: • A short description of the worship

service as conducted at your synagogue,• A brief explanation of the meaning of a

Bar/Bat Mitzvah, event or an essay by theBar/Bat Mitzvah on the meaning of theday to him/her,

• Poems or special readings,• A discussion of the current parasha,

or Torah portions,• A list or description of the mitzvot

performed by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah,• Comments from close relatives,• Photographs of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Be creative, but check with your Rabbi firstbefore making copies to distribute.

• Deborah Burman Carasso, of UniqueInvitations, (1-877-837-9122) explains

how a program was used for a Havdalah/Hanukkah Bar Mitzvah: “[The program]explained to guests the order of the service, the Haftarah portion, what itmeans, honors given, page numbers tofollow, explanations of the Mitzvah Project,what Hanukkah and Havdalah service isalong with what the spice bags are for,thanks to people who have made this dayhappen...On the back had the directionsfor the dreidel game. It made non-Jewishguests feel much more comfortable nowthat they knew what was going on.”And itserves as a wonderful keepsake of the special day!

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet

Photo

by:Ro

my

Mo

dlin

Photo

graphy

CURREN

TTR

END

S Photo Booths & Photo Favors...Photo Favors, Booths and Interactive Photo Entertainment is great for people who love to "Capture The Moment" and choosedifferent backgrounds and give-aways. Posts to facebook andshows what a great time your event was. A lasting memory... for all. Cameras at each table- a great way to engage your guests and have pictures to share. New companies for 2012 also offering memory cards, to have guests use in their own camera and then have a service provider to photo share and view on-line album.

33Milwaukee Edition

Before the ServiceIn the invitation, ask people to bring clothes, cannedfood, sports equipment, all the loose change they have,baby items, etc. to the reception or service, which wouldbe taken to an organization afterwards. Include an envelope addressed to a charity. With this,your guests could send money to that charity, instead ofor to supplement giving a gift to you.Send food to a less fortunate family for a holiday such asPassover, Purim, Rosh Hashanah, etc. through an agencywhich will locate a family and give it your food. The Points of Light webpage (www.pointsoflight.org)shows where volunteer centers all over the US are, whereyou could volunteer for various community serviceprojects.At the ServiceDonate the bimah flowers used during your service toshelters, hospitals, or other local groups where flowers

would make them much happier. You can invite Jewishelderly people from local retirement homes to come andenjoy your service. During the ReceptionInstead of flower centerpieces, you can do several things.Contribute the saved money to Tzedakah. Make a center-piece out of books, and donate them to organizationssuch as Headstart. Use baskets with cans of food, whichare to be later donated to an agency or shelter to begiven to the hungry. Find a way to arrange gloves, hats,and mittens into centerpieces which look like flowers,and then donate them. Hold a Tzedakah fair, where each table represents a differ-ent charity, with information on the charities and ways tocontribute. For information on Tzedakah fairs, contactbigabba@aol.com.Instead of a party for your friends, or after your party, youand your friends could go and provide services to your

community. You could help repaint an older synagogue.You could entertain people in retirement homes, disabledchildren, or sick people in hospitals. Make it a fun groupevent. After the Bar/Bat MitzvahTour the local Tzedakah agencies, shelters, and othercharities. After the reception, you could give some of yourgift money to these organizations as you see fit. Find out about specialized charities by going to the ZivTzedakah Fund (www.ziv.org) or the Charitable Choicesweb site (charitychoices.com). You could organize a program for your synagogue whichallows the synagogue to give a Tzedakah box to eachBar/Bat Mitzvah reminding them to continue givingTzedakah even though they are not in Hebrew schoolanymore.

Oy! Even More Mitzvah Project IdeasAdapted from Alex Rosenthal

We just received our child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvahdate, what is the first thing we should do?After speaking with your B’nai Mitzvah committee chair or coordinator aboutSynagogue rules, or consulting written policies and guidelines, discuss with yourfamily the type of party everyone wants and what the budget will allow. Then startlooking at photographers and the hall. These two services seem to need more time tosecure. Check the Planning Time Table on page 58.How much will we, as parents, be asked to participate on the Bimahduring the service?This question will have to be answered by your Rabbi or Synagogue staff. Dependingon the Synagogue, some parents will make a speech, bless their child, or participatein the service. This is truly an honor and a pleasure–don’t let stage fright ruin thisprecious moment. Should we choose an evening affair or an afternoon kiddish luncheon?Certainly, this will be a topic of discussion for the entire family. Often the choice hasto do with how many out-of-town relatives you expect, the amount of money youwant to spend, the size of the affair, and many other variables. Generally, it is moreexpensive to have an evening simcha, but an evening affair lends itself to a more for-mal atmosphere. You may want to offer a kiddish luncheon after the service for yourguests or the entire congregation. In some synagogues, sponsoring a Kiddush lunch-eon and/or an Oneg Shabbat on Friday evening is expected. So, afternoon andevening events are not mutually exclusive, you could have both. Your family shoulddiscuss what type of public event you want to sponsor and what role food will playin that event. How can we make our non-Jewish friends feel more comfortable at myBar/Bat Mitzvah service?You may want to explain the service to them ahead of time. Rules regarding properetiquette vary by synagogue, so ask staff or your Rabbi for Synagogue rules or poli-cies. In some places kippot are required to be worn by all male visitors, for instance.You could explain that this does not make your guests Jewish, it is a sign of respect.Check with your Rabbi to be sure. See the feature on Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet onpage 46. Also consult Jeffrey Salkin’s Putting G-d on the Guest List, which has anentire section on this subject, or How To Be A Perfect Stranger: The Essential ReligiousHandbook, by Arthur Magida, both for sale on www.bnaimitzvahguide.com.What type of gift is appropriate for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child?If your child is attending their friend’s affair, generally a check in the amount of $36

(double Chai) is a nice gift (or a multiple of Chai - $18.), depending on how close thefriendship. Some families offer checks, tributes, donations, or purchase presents, againdepending on whether it is a relative or friend, closeness of the two families, or howmany people are attending from your family. Religious items, such as menorahs arealso nice gifts. What is the appropriate attire to wear to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah?At the Synagogue, wear whatever you would wear to a typical service. Some familiesbuy new clothing for the occasion. Remember to dress with appropriate respect forthe house of worship you attend.If you have a simcha at night or the next day, dress according to the theme, place andtenor of the affair. Remember to instruct guests in the invitations if you have specialdress requirements.To what extent can members of other religious groups participate in theBar/Bat Mitzvah?Typically, non-Jews can participate by simply attending, observing, and following theservice. If relatives or close friends are not Jewish, they are sometimes affordednon-ritual honors. If you are concerned about involving a relative or close friend whois not Jewish, consult with your rabbi to find out what might be possible.If we can have a Bar Mitzvah on a Saturday, why can't we get married onSaturday?Well, you can, but after sunset, when Shabbat is officially over. The issue isn'tSaturday, it is Shabbat (Friday sunset to Saturday sunset).B'nai Mitzvot are celebrations conducted as part of regular services when the Torah isread aloud (Saturday morning). Jewish tradition recognizes that the Thirteen-year-old becomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah independent of any celebration. The congregation ispart of the ceremony: a young person takes full responsibility for their own religiousobligations, starting with an alliyah for the reading of Torah, reciting the Sh'ma, lead-ing the congregation in prayer, and presentation of D'var Torah. This coming of age isshared by the Jewish community and is therefore a public event. One that typicallyoccurs on Saturday, but can also occur on other days when the Torah is read.Weddings are private affairs that do not typically involve an entire congregation. Andin contrast to the happy, celebratory nature of a wedding, Shabbat is a time for quietreflection and for rest. A wedding is work, and it involves a legal contract, themes notsuited for Shabbat. It is therefore rare to find a Rabbi who will marry a couple onShabbat. Saturday after dark is OK, but Sunday is by far the most popular day forJewish weddings, especially during the Summer when dusk on Saturday is so late.

Frequently Asked Questions

Mitzvah Project Resources

Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.com

par

ty&

even

tp

lann

ing

Party & Event Planning34

Continued on Page 34

More and more families rely on party andevent planners to assist them in making theright decisions, ordering goods and supplies,hiring disc jockeys, bands, and other services.Some party planners may offer to design andmake all of the decorations. They may chargea flat fee for planning the affair and thencharge an hourly rate to coordinate theevent. Some offer an hourly rate for alltheir services.

WeddingEvening Hours (5 hours shown here)6:30 - 7:30 PMHors d’oeuvres, cocktails, backgroundmusic, greeting arriving guests. Weddingpictures are taken, if they weren't beforethe ceremony. Guest book is signed,and table cards picked up, if any.7:30 - 8:00 PMThe Master of Ceremonies formallywelcomes guests, introduction of theWedding Party, blessing over the wineand challah.8:00 - 9:00 PMDinner, light music. Toasts and speechesfrom the Best Man, Maid of Honor,Parents. Dinner ends with blessings or areprise of the sheva b'rachot.9:00 - 9:45 PMBride and groom have the first dance,cake cutting ceremony, more toasts. Horadance, traditional Jewish music.9:45 - 11:30 PMThe night continues with dancing. Bridethrows bouquet. Groom throws garter.Bride and groom change into goingaway clothes and dance the final dance.Mezinke Tanz–a dance that honors

parents who have married off the last oftheir children. Parents thank guests andsay goodnight.

Bar/Bat MitzvahEvening Hours (4 hours shown here)7:30 - 8:15 PMHors d’oeuvres, cocktails, backgroundmusic, greeting arriving guests. Youngerguests entertained in another room withgames (Coke-Pepsi, scavenger hunt,etc.), caricatures, dance music, etc. 8:15 - 8:30 PMThe Master of Ceremonies formally welcomes guests, introduction of theBar/Bat Mitzvah family, blessing over thewine and challah.8:30 - 9:30 PMDinner, light music.9:30 - 9:45 PMCandle-lighting ceremony, Hora dance,traditional Jewish music.9:45 - 11:30 PMThe night continues with dancing.Videographer records family and friendsin a quiet location saying Mazel Tov tothe Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Sample ReceptionAgendas

Sim

cha

Tip

!More Milwaukee Info. . .Web Siteswww.bnaimitzvahguide.com www.jnf.org (Jewish National Fund)www.bbyo.org (B’nai B’rith Youth)www.torah.netwww.mishpacha.comwww.hadassah.orgwww.torah.orgwww.ziv.org/BarBat.htm (Mitzvah project ideas)www.jewishbride.comwww.jewishgen.org (Jewish Genealogy)www.virtualjerusalem.comwww.jewish.com (Jewish Community Online)www.bbinet.org (B’nai B’rith)www.israelbonds.com (Chai Bonds)www.milwaukeejewish.org

(Milwaukee Jewish Federation)www.jewishchronicle.org (The Wisconsin Jewish Chronicle)www.jccmilwaukee.org

(Jewish Community Centers of Milwaukee)www.torahinmilwaukee.com (Jewish Heritage Center)www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org (Virtual Jewish Milwaukee)www.jewishmuseummilwaukee.org

(Jewish Museum Milwaukee)

Looking Good in front of the CameraMake the most of your lips with lip liner that frames your lips andholds color in. Choose a natural color - nothing too dark. Brush yourlipstick on. Add a small amount of gloss, applied to the center of yourbottom lip, for a special glow. Avoid pale colors to give contrast withyour dress. Keep a balance between your lips and your eyes.Tanning booth visits? Be careful–too much tanning looks artificialand harsh in photos. Have your wedding makeup professionallyapplied. The difference in front of the camera is startling.

Simcha

Tip!

Stay Connected!Keep the office, pager, and especially cellular phone numbers handy on the day of the event for caterers, party planners, entertainers, photographers, etc.If something goes wrong, or you have a lastminute change or request, you can easilycontact your vendors.

35Milwaukee Edition

Speaking Anxiety? Tips to RelaxBy Matt TuckerYou’ve got your Torah por-

tion down pat. A littleHebrew never hurt anyone.Of course, your family stillheckles you every dayabout practicing which onlymakes you more nervous.You hate speaking (andsweating) in public andyou’re not too happy abouthaving to do a speech.

The comforting news, according to theUniversity of Mary Washington (UMW)Speaking Center (http://www.umw.edu/spkc/resources), is that, “You’ll appearmore confident than you feel.”Tips for making your speechsound awesome and you morecomfortable:1) Make a list of your concerns: You’ll putyour fears into prospective and find waysto fight them. 2) Practice your speech: You’ve heard thisa million times, but hear this. You canover practice. If you lose interest in the

speech and speak too fastwhen practicing, stop. Makesure you go through thespeech slowly. Speakingquickly may help yourspeech end quicker but itwill not eliminate yournervousness and mistakes.3) Perform the speechonce at the temple: Samegoes with your Torah portion.It’s really different speaking inthe synagogue or place of serv-ice. Acclimating yourself to thesurroundings will help you feelmore at ease on the big day. 4) Know the introduction: Youranxiety is highest at the begin-ning of the presentation, soknowing the introductionwell can help you getthrough the rest of thespeech. 5) Use your nervousness:When you step up to the stage and youfeel nervous, you have extra energyfloating around that your body has no

idea how to use. Use this energyproductively by stressing impor-

tant words and making gestures. 6) Pick three spots: Instead oflooking into the faces of familyand friends, try looking just tothe left, right, or even better,

above. It will appear as if you’relooking into their faces. Find a

blemish on the wall, a book inplain sight, or anything that you can

focus on while you reiterate whatyou’ve practiced so well. Using three ofthese spots/objects allows you to moveyour head around the room as if you’re amaster of eye contact.7) Don’t think too much: While you’respeaking, make sure you know what lineyou’re on and what the sentence meansso that you can intonate properly. Other

than that, don’t think.Further thought couldmake you nervous.

8) Eat sleep and look good: Ifyou eat properly, sleep enough and

give yourself time to get ready in themorning, your body will be ready forpublic speaking.

Tyler Mondres, a recent Bar Mitzvah, suggests using notes for intonation andpauses. Simple notes-to-self such as“look up” and “go slow” on paper helphim when he speaks. Another helpfultool, according to Tyler, is the relevance ofhis speech. He related his Torah portionto all aspects of his life. While it may behard for Tyler to speak extensively on sto-ries in the Torah, he has no qualms aboutspeaking on football, school grades,family, and even addressing the crowd.If you are still nervous, videotape yourselfand go over possible problem areas withyour parents, keeping in mind you willlook 100 times smaller to people on thebig day. Remember, family and friendscannot see everything you see on video.Besides, we all know your family will benuts about you no matter how you thinkyou perform. No matter what happens,you cannot avoid the “you’re so adorable”and “my, you sound so grown-up” com-ments. In the end, after everyone kissesand congratulates you, you’ll be tooexcited to remember why you worried.

CURREN

TTR

END

S Add Meaning To Your Mitzvah...Consider for your Mitzvah Project a donation jar at your event.Place next to your sign-in board, with a sign stating- ”drop allyour spare change here” and also mentioning what the jar is forand where you will donate. At the end of the evening let allknow to donate to your cause, set a goal! Another possibility isto consider a Mitzvah or Wedding centerpiece donation bucket,for each table. Don’t forget to decorate your jar or bucket withyour event theme and mention your donation effort in your invi-tation and tell guests to save all their spare change!Check out Mitzvah’s With Meaning- on this page.

• Israeli Bonds make great giftsand support Israel too!Call 800-969-3987 for details.

• Plant a tree in Israel.The Jewish National Fund,1-800-700-1312 Ext. 136 for acertificate .

• $$$ donation to Food for Mazon.This could be done through yourSynagogue. Go to: www.mazon.org.

• Your child could donate a portion ofhis/her Mitzvah gift money to his/herfavorite charity.(see suggestions below).

• B’nai B’rith tribute cards 202-857-6533

• Make a donation to your Synagoguein honor of your Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

• "Twin" with a Bar/Bat Mitzvah childin Israel Contact AMIT at 847-677-3800 (amitchicag@aol.com).

Donation Ideasfor Tzedakah

Consider making donations fromyour Bar/Bat Mitzvah gelt to thefollowing charities:• The Conservation Foundation

630 428-4500• American Jewish World Service

212-683-1161• American Foundation for the Blind

212-502-7600• AMIT– 410-484-2223• PAWS Chicago • 773 890-5188• B’nai Brith • 202-857-6533• Caring Communities, Inc.

866-227-4644• Jewish United Fund of Metro Chicago

312 357-4805• Kids Around the World • 815 229-8731• American Friends of Mercaz HaTorah

312 782-9035• Chicago Anti-Hunger Federation

773 252-3663• New Israel Fund • 202-223-3333• The ARK Chicago • arkchicago.org

773-973-0011 or 773-973-1000

The Heart of the Matter

Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.comp

hoto

grap

hy&

vid

eogr

aphy

Photography & Videography36

Photography and more recently videography is used to capture the joy, the charm, and the magic of the event. Whether a portrait artist, photojournalist, mood recorder or storyteller, your professional photographer and videographer should understand you and what you want to capture and remember of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Do you have references? Ask for names of previous clients and to see a portfolio and/or sample albums or tapes.Be sure to call these references for their comments.

Some questions to ask when choosing aphotographer and/or videographer...

What is your background and experience? Make sure they have recorded B’naiMitzvahs before. Experience often makes a difference in the end product, but it can costmore as well.Do you have an assistant?What is his/her experience? Many experienced professionals use assistants for lightingand backup equipment.What is the cost for your services?It is best to research prices by receiving several price quotes from other photographersand videographers. But the least expensive is not always the best. Ask photographershow many photos will be taken, will candids and tables be taken (if these are importantto you), number of hours taking pictures, are proofs and/or negatives offered for you tokeep, are packages available? Some synagogues only allow bimah/Torah photos hours ordays before the event–can this be accommodated? Likewise, videography is often sold in packages and may include simple music and edit-ing, or may include visual effects, photo montages, guest interviews, professional titlesand headings, and more! Price is often a function of experience, technology, and the fea-tures and complexity you need and want.What lighting will be required?Different cameras, ambient room lighting, moods, and portraiture all require differentlighting. If lighting equipment is necessary, know this up front to assure that it does notbecome obtrusive to congregants, guests, and staff.A Digital Memory:The latest technology is digital photography and videography. Because it is relatively new,both traditional and digital equipment is currently in use, sometimes side-by-side.Satisfactory results are available in standard and digital photography–ask the photogra-pher to explain – but the end result should be clear, crisp images in the sizes you want.Digital video can easily be delivered on a DVD, and if this suits you, it can be a welcomeaddition to your collection. But if you play video on a VCR, you can have great results fromeither video format.And don’t forget...It is very important that you communicate well with the photographer/videographer and that his/her attitude and personality is in sync with yours.

Video can recreate the life of an event in a way that cap-tures the action and emotion of the day. It is often one ofthe most important elements in planning an event.Early event videos were crude by today's standards, buttoday’s videos are quite advanced and professional, thanksin part to the Wedding and Event VideographersAssociation, WEVAVideography is a serious profession, not just a hobby.Professionals now have the latest video and computer-based editing systems and often produce network-levelresults. Digital Video Disk (DVD) is growing as a specialevent video distribution medium.

Here are some issues to considerwhen choosing videographers.1. Ask for sample videos. The number of cameras, lighting,microphone placement, artistic ability, technical qualifica-tions don’t mean that much if you don’t like the videpgra-pher’s work. Look for smooth camera work, natural edit-ing, sharp sound (remember to consider the location).2. Request at least 3 references. Are past clients happywith the results? Were they happy during the event? Washe/she easy to work with? The professional should betechnically competent, likeable and easy to work with.3. Ask for membership with professional associations,such as WEVA. 4. How many weddings or Bar/Bat Mitzvahs do theyvideo each year?

5. Ask for an explanation of what "Unobtrusive" means tothem. Wireless microphones? Low-level lighting? Multiplecameras? How will being unobtrusive affect the final pro-duction? For instance, there may be a trade off betweenexternal lighting and accurate color reproduction.6. Ask for proof of insurance.7. Determine what end product (ie tape, DVD, basic, mon-tage, music, full Hollywood production, etc.) you want.Different budgets and expectations require you to considerquality, type of end product, level of editing, budget, andthe extent of coverage. When you have this defined foryourself, searching for the right videographer is easier. Is a"love story" intro for a wedding video important to you?Or do you have to have a pre-event birth-to-now col-lage, set to music? Price and capabilities are affectedby these needs. For instance, while a 30-40minute composite video may seem "less"than a full event video, it involves the sameamount of shooting plus more extensiveediting.8. How are services billed? By the hour,flat fee, packages with options?9. How do they coordinate with thewedding photographer? The two needto work closely together without inter-fering with each other. 10. Tell your brother to leave his video-cam at home. Consumer cameras today

often deliver grainy footage and muffled sound. Amateursalso lack the experience to plan and coordinate to blendwith the flow of the event, and they can be plagued byinsufficient battery capacity, insufficient or excess equip-ment, poor lighting and sound. There is no substitute for aprofessional who comes prepared with the right knowl-edge and equipment, understands the religious tradition,and is focused on creating your video rather than being aguest. Most problems with intrusive video occur with non-professional video makers.

Finding the Right Videographer

Photo on Video Camera by: Jody Garland Design & Photography

37Milwaukee Edition

Many Synagogues encourage or require students to participate in or initiate a mitzvah project in order to contribute to the community and to help the less fortunate, as part of becoming a Jewish adult. The following are some ideas for possible projects; check withyour school administrator or rabbi before you begin.• Visit and assist at a local homeless shelter.• Serve meals at a senior center.• Collect coats and hats for the needy and donate to

a shelter.• Collect food for a local food pantry, or conduct a

drive for your Synagogue’s food pantry collection.You could coordinate this with Passover, as familiesclean the non-Kosher food out of their pantries.

• Assist at a local animal shelter, or conduct a driveto place homeless pets.

• Help organize a rides program for elderly and dis-abled members of yourSynagogue to ensure that they can participatein services.

• Become trained as a respite care provider tobabysit children with disabilities. Donate some ofyour time to give relief to parents of these children, who rarely get a break.

• Organize a clean-up of a local park or volunteerto help with a stream reclamation project. Call

your County Department of Natural Resources orParks and Recreation Department.

• Offer to help build and decorate Sukkot for peoplewho are unable, or offer to help with the Sukkot atthe JCC or a Jewish nursing home.

• Collect books and magazines for hospitals andnursing homes, or for people in need.

Mitzvah Project Ideas

2 Years Before the Event• Obtain date from Temple/Synagogue.• Set your budget.• Decide on the type of event you want

(day, evening, formal etc.).• Estimate number of guests

and book reception hall or caterer.• Book the photographer/videographer.

1 1/2 Years Before the Event• Book the DJ/band.• Decide on your party theme and color scheme.

6-12 Months Before the Event• Your child will start formal lessons/training• Talk to florists about prices and floral designs.• Decide on centerpieces/balloon designs.• Start looking at invitation designs and prices.

6-8 Months Before the Event• Book a hotel block for out-of-town guests.• Start clothes shopping.• Send out “Save the Date” reminders

3-6 Months Before the Event• Order or design your sign-in board and guest book.• Order favors.• Order yarmulkes.• Order your invitations.

3 Months Before the Event• Finalize guest list.• Make a hotel packet for out-of-towners.• Try to make your final selections on

clothing and accessories.• Buy stamps.• Have completely assembled invitations

weighed to ensure correct postage.• Find a calligrapher.

6-8 Weeks Before the Event• Mail the invitations.• Make up a song list for the DJ/band.• Make appointments with florists/balloonist

and place your order.

1 Month before the Event• Make hair stylist and manicure appointments.• Have final fittings done for clothing.• Arrange catering for brunch.

2-3 Weeks before the Event• Choose people for Alliyot and honors.• Choose the people to be honored for the

candle lighting ceremony and write poems.• Meet with the DJ/band and make sure they know

the candle lighting songs.• Do guest seating arrangements and

send to the reception hall.• Order the food for Kiddush or Oneg Shabbat.• Make sure the arrangements are complete with

centerpieces, balloons, sign-in board, etc.• Write prayers or speeches.• Send final instructions to photographer/videographer.• Pay all Synagogue fees.

1 Week before the Event• Take formal pictures and pictures on Bimah.• Meet with the caterer to finalize guest count.• Make arrangements to get your guests

from the airport to the hotel.• Confirm your brunch arrangements.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah TimetableStart Planning Early!

Regardless of the size ofyour celebration, you mustget properly organized.Build yourself a Bar/Bat Mitzvah or Weddingorganizer using a large(two inch or larger) three-ringbinder and use it as follows:• Place this magazine in the front pocket

for easy reference.• Insert section dividers for major areas such as

Reception, Invitations, Hotels, Transportation,Guest List, Decorations, Photography andVideography, Entertainment, etc. Keep all yourworksheets, brochures, call records, quotations,bills and receipts together for easy reference.

• Use a master budget form (copy the one on page 24) to track over all expenses.

• Use punched envelopes to hold receipts.• Ask the facility for a floor or table layout,

keep handy for reference• On the front of each section, list everything you

want or need. Check them off when they havebeen finalized.

• Make a section for the synagogue that has yourlist of honors and alliyot, communication fromthe synagogue, copies of prayers to recite, gifts ordonations to the synagogue, etc.

• Leave a section for candle lighting poems orthoughts, notes for speeches, favorite music,sketches or examples of decorations, ideas for asign-in-book, and other personal notes.

• Collect invitations you receive to help with wording.

• Anything else that makes your life easier.

Believe it or not, these pagesmake a great memento orscrapbook of the occasion.

Let’s GetOrganized!

After a Bar or Bat Mitzvahmany of us are perplexedby what to do with thegelt that our childreceives from friends and

relatives. It is important that you discussdifferent options with your child before thecelebration. You should set aside a certainamount for spending in advance. Charitabledonations should certainly be considered toshow your child the importance oftzedakah. However, often times there is aconsiderable sum of money involved.Keeping this in mind, it’s a good idea tostart early and be consistent in your searchfor a financial planner to help you with yourinvestment options.In your search for a financial planner, takethe time to review their credentials andexperience. Often times, financial advisorsare only qualified in certain investments.Your best option is to speak with at least 2or 3 CFP’s (Certified Financial Planners).CFP’s are required to obtain extensive edu-cation in the most important issues facedby clients including investment planning,estate planning, insurance planning, etc. Ifyou are not yet comfortable with those

2 or 3, seek out more.Allan Richmond, CFP, suggests that aCertified Financial Planner is most qualifiedto determine what investment options aresuitable for your situation and goals. Thefollowing tips should get you started withthe questions you should ask your prospec-tive CFP. Depending on where you live,there are several very good state sponsoredcollege savings plans, if you decide that is apriority. Be wary however, of interest-gain-ing accounts such as savings accounts orCD’s. The most important issue with thesetypes of investments is that they typicallycannot keep up with inflation, so that yourpurchasing power will decline over time.Talk with your CFP to determine what thebest investments would be.A great resource to help in findingCertified Financial Planners iswww.cfp-board.org. And remember,don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Using Your Gelt Wisely:Find a Certified Financial Planner

Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.comtr

ansp

ort

atio

nTransportation38

Limousines are traditionally used to transport thewedding couple in style to and from synagogueand reception hall. Vans, limousines, shuttle buses,and other transportation services may be used totransport out-of-town guests to and from the airport and reception hall. Families also use theseservices to transport the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child andfriends to and from the reception hall. Limousinesand Bus Services also help reduce carbon emissions and stay eco-friendly by reducing thenumber of guest who drive separately.

AllAboard!Limousine & Bus OptionsThink of the last time your youngster was invitedto a Bar or Bat Mitzvah without his/ her parents.Fun for the kids, a shlep for the parents. ToSynagogue in the morning. Pick them up at 1:00PM, take them to a hall or restaurant. Pick themup at 6:00 PM or even later. You can save otherparents the miles and keep the Bar/Bat Mitzvahtogether with friends by hiring a bus, mini-bus, orlimo to ferry the gang from the synagogue toreception and back to the synagogue for pick-up.Everyone’s safe, and there are no late arrivals!Another great idea is to hire a chaperone toaccompany the kids, and perhaps stay for the restof the party to help out (see pages 60). It can be agreat help and a tremendous stress saver!

Simcha

Tip!

Our newest money saving feature is

ABSOLUTELY FREE!

IItt’’ss aass eeaassyy aass 11--22--33

Scan this QR Codefor Free Coupons

Save money on your Special Event with

Super Saver Coupons onBnaiMitzvahGuide.com

Rental Supplies & Linensrental sup

plies &

linens39Milwaukee Edition

Rent equipment, furniture, and linens to make your life easier during yourevent and at home. Consider the following:• Tables and chairs for a simcha or morning-after brunch.

Don’t crowd your existing rooms, expand into adjacent areas with extra seating.• Portable beds for overnight guests (real folding beds that are off the floor!)• Coordinate linen colors with your decor or theme. Table linens and chair covers add a

striking and elegant appearance to any event. Many dramatic fabrics are available thattransform ordinary surroundings into extraordinary and memorable occasions.

• Table and outdoor lighting, including area lighting and softer light strings.• Coat racks, easels, lecterns • Serving pieces, punch and coffee service. These are indispensible and well worth the

cost. Avoid cheap, disposable trays and opt for professional equipment that performsbetter, doesn’t ruin food, and looks classier.

• Tents, including heat, and chuppahs. • Dishes, flatware, and glassware. White paper plates are fine for a backyard barbeque,

but use the good stuff for a real simcha.• Cooking equipment• Popcorn, cotton candy and snowcone machines. Entertain the kids and adults

for a memorable fun event. Some vendors rent sand art, pucker powder,and frozen drink machines.

• Inflatable activities such as moon bounces, gladiator joust and sports cages, or virtualreality and arcade games all add fun for everyone, whether during a Bar Mitzvah,a Sunday afternoon-after party or a backyard bachelor party.

• Taste the food first before signing a contract with the caterer.

• Take the time to prepare lists for theDJ/band, photographer/videographer,and caterer (i.e. Alliyot honorees,which guests to photograph, candlelighting sayings, agenda etc.)

• Include in your contract the DJ/bandsand photographer’s arrival time for the reception. You could have a bigproblem if these key people are late.

• Design a travel packet for your out-of-town guests with directions, rental carinformation, sights to see, etc.

• Consider not serving liquor. Children may try to sneak it, guests will be driving home, and it can be expensive.

• Be prepared for “no shows,” it always happens.

• The dance floor size is very important.People need lots of room to dance the“Horah” and other popular favorites.

• Have a family discussion about thetype of party you will have. Choosethe kind of affair that suits yourbudget and taste and not others’.

• Don’t forget to book a block of roomsfor out-of-town guests. The worstthing would be unavailability ofrooms on your weekend due to a holi-day or big conference/weddingplanned for the same time.

• You could arrange to have welcomebaskets delivered to the hotel roomsof your out-of-town guests.

• Slouch socks are nice to offer to thegirls, they like to kick off their shoesand dance comfortably.

• Be sure to check accessibility of hotelor reception choice for your disabledor elderly guests.

• Start checking the post office forstamps that could match envelopesfor color or theme.

• Order extra invitations for welcomeboard, memory books, and framing.

• Order Thank You notes at the sametime you order invitations.

• Place toiletries in restroom of thereception hall for your guests to use(Please check with the facilityowner/manager before you do this).

Words of Wisdom From ParentsWho Have “Been There”

Pho

to b

y: R

om

y M

od

lin P

hoto

grap

hy

Bar/Bat MitzvahDavis, Judith, Ed.D., WhoseBar/Bat Mitzvah is thisAnyway?, A Guide for Parents Through theFamily Rite of Passage, St.Martins Griffin, New York,1998.Goldin, Barbara Diamond, BatMitzvah: A Jewish Girl’sComing of Age,New York: Viking, 1995. Greenberg, Gail, MitzvahChic,New York: MitzvahChic, LLC,2003.Kimmel, Eric, Bar Mitzvah: AJewish Boy’s Coming ofAge.. New York: Viking, 1995.Kushner, Harold, To Life! ACelebration of JewishThinking and Being,New York: Little Brown, 1993.Leneman, Helen, editor.Bar/Bat Mitzvah Basics: APractical Family Guide toComing of Age Together,Woodstock, VT: Jewish LightsPublishing, 1996.Olitzky, Rabbi Kerry M. andIsaacs, Rabbi Ronald H.Rediscovering Judaism: Barand Bat Mitzvah for Adults.KTAV, 1997.Salkin, Jeffrey, Putting G-d onthe Guest List: How toReclaim the SpiritualMeaning of Your Child’s Baror Bat Mitzvah, 2nd Ed,

Woodstock, VT: Jewish LightsPublishing, 1996.

Jewish WeddingsBrownstein, Rita Milos, JewishWeddings: A BeautifulGuide to Creatingthe Wedding of YourDreams, New York: Simon &Schuster, 2002.Diamant, Anita, The NewJewish Wedding,New York: Simon & Schuster,2001.Heftner, Wendy Chernak, TheComplete Jewish WeddingPlanner, Psp Printing, 1993.Latner, Helen, The EverythingJewish Wedding Book,Holbrook, MA: Adams MediaCorp., 1998.Rapp, Lea Bayers, Mazel Tov!The Complete Book ofJewish Weddings,New York: KensingtonPublishing Corp., 2002. Sabar, Shalom, Ketubah, TheArt of the Jewish MarriageContract,New York: RizzoliInternational Publications,2001. Shire, Michael, Mazal Tov!:The Ritual and Customs of aJewish Wedding,Stewart, Tabori & Chang, 2002.

SuggestedReadingYou can find these and othertitles of interest online at milestonesmagazine.com

Visit us online at www.milestonesmagazine.comho

neym

oo

n &

tra

vel

Honeymoon & Travel40

1. Start out by doing your homework.Decide on a location, or a region,review tapes and travel books fromthe library or your travel agent. Askfriends or relative who have traveled;a personal recommendation is worthmore than a brochure.

2. Work with a trusted and knowledge-able travel agent. Look for an agencythat is a member in good standingwith The American Society of TravelAgents (ASTA). Again, agents whohave visited a particular location areproviding a valuable service. Ask lotsof questions and shop around. Decidea budget and know what is afford-able. Don’t forget anything, such asmedical issues or kosher meals.

3. The Caribbean is very popular, as wellas the western ski areas, Hawaii,Mexico, and Europe.

4. All-inclusives are just that: every-thing (that we list here) is included:one fee covers room, meals, drinks(exact rules vary by resort), tips,activities, entertainment, sports, etc.Many packages include airfare andtransfers to and from the resort(ask!). Realistically, you still needsome money for tours, gambling,souvenirs, some water sports...All-inclusive resorts cover the globe.

5. Couples-only all-inclusives offer anall-adult atmosphere with moreadult activities, including nightlife.

look for names such as Couples(Jamaica), Sandals and SuperClubs.

6. Cruises are similarly all-inclusive, buttypically do not include drinks andtips. Entertainment is often first rate,including Las Vegas-type shows, youget to visit several countries in oneweek, and the ocean breeze is irresistible. Again, bring money (orstart an onboard credit account, tiedto your credit card) for excursions,massages, casino, portrait photos and shopping.

7. Destination weddings: Plan the wed-ding like a vacation. Decide whatlocation you want, research it, askabout wedding packages. One coupleeloped to marry in Saint Lucia, thenhad a reception when they returnedto Maryland. A Washington, DC couple, now in San Diego, had 26 relatives and friends meet them inPunta Cana, Dominican Republic, fora beach-front ceremony. Everyonehad a 3-night vacation, and thenewlyweds flew to Hawaii for ahoneymoon.

8 . Get Insurance and pay by Credit Card.Stuff happens, such as illness, weather, world events, and dishonestcompanies. Protect yourself.

9. Plan to get a passport. This is currently required for much interna-tional travel, and new regulationswill require one for all US citizens

traveling to the Caribbean beginningDecember 31, 2006. A passport is alegal document that proves US citizenship; it gets stamped everywhere you go, so its like a minitravel log. It costs least to apply atyour local Post Office, but you mightwait five and up to eight weeks bymail. Look on the U.S. StateDepartment's Bureau of ConsularAffairs home page under passportinformation.

Honeymoon Planning Basics

If you expect guests fromout-of-town to share the Bar/Bat Mitzvah’sor wedding couple’s special moments,consider the following:HotelsReserve early! Even if no holiday is appar-ent on your date, hotels fill up because ofconventions, retreats, etc.Hotel rooms are usually reserved in blocks.Some charge fees to reserve. This can beespecially helpful if you have a number ofguests arriving during a period whenhotels are busy.Consider reserving rooms at two or morehotels for convenience and different pricelevels.A small “welcome package” from the hostfamily is a nice touch to make out-of-townguests feel at home. Hotels can arrangethese for a fee, or you can package theminexpensively and the hotel will usuallydistribute them for free. Contents caninclude snacks, kosher foods, home baked

goods, toys and cards for children, soda,fruits, mementos, etc. Flowers for theroom are also a nice touch.A shuttle service is a convenient way totransport guests unfamiliar with localroads to the synagogue or simcha site,especially for an evening event. Check withhotels for airport shuttles. You couldarrange ride–sharing for guests rentingcars and staying at the same hotel and/orarriving at the same time. Also check intotransportation companies who offer pack-ages or hourly rates. See limousine tips onour web site.InvitationsSend a “save the date” postcard to out-of-towners 6-10 months in advance to assurethat other plans won’t conflict with yourspecial day. See a sample of a “Save TheDate Poem” on our web site.Include a map and directions for all activi-ties during the day or weekend. Directionsshould cover from the hotel(s) to the syna-

gogue, and, if applicable, to the functionhall. Try photocopying a local map tolocate the synagogue with location circled.Mapquest.com and Travelocity.com arehelpful web sites.Family ActivitiesAdditional activities add another dimen-sion to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah or weddingexperience and allow opportunities toenjoy relatives and friends that you maynot see frequently. Consider the following: If your child isbecoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah onSaturday Morning, invite guests to the syn-agogue on Friday night to enjoy the serviceand Oneg Shabbat. This also applies to theUfruf before the wedding.Family portraits can be arranged at home,at the reception site, or synagogue.A “morning after” brunch is a delightfulway to wrap up the simcha and allowfamilies and friends to be together onemore time.

MiscellaneousYou may wish to schedule appointmentsfor manicures, hair, and make-up appoint-ments for your guests who will not befamiliar with the area.Consider a web site for the Bar/BatMitzvah or the wedding couple thatincludes weekend and hotel information,online RSVP, printable driving instructions,explanations for non-Jewish guests, andmuch more. Photos can be posted hereafter the event, as well as thanks, thoughtsand reflections, and personal messages.An agenda of weekend activities sent withthe invitations will help guests scheduleflights or travel plans, help them planwhat to pack, and add to the excitement oftraveling. If guests may have some extra time to getout and explore, include brochures or con-tact information for popular sightseeingdestinations in the invitation or a subse-quent mailing.

Out-Of-Towners Guide

Marriage License RequirementsResidency Requirement: At least one of the marrying couple must reside in the

county where the application is made for at least 30 days. If both reside out-of-state,the application is made in the county where the ceremony will take place.

If Previously Married: You must show proof of a divorce, death or annulment fromyour most recent marriage. A copy of the judgment of divorce (signed by a judge),legal annulment (signed by a judge) or death certificate is required. In Wisconsin, youneed to wait six months after a divorce before remarrying no matter what state thedivorce took place in.

Application Requirement: Both the bride and groom must appear in person atthe time of applying.

Fees: Contact the County Clerk in the county where the marriage license will be issued.(In Wisconsin, the Counties set their own fees for marriage licenses.)

Valid: License is valid for 30 days. The license can only be used within the State ofWisconsin.

Please Note: State and county marriage license requirements often change. Theabove information is for guidance only and should not be regarded as legal advice.

Milwaukee Edition 41

Before the ServiceIn the invitation, ask people to bringclothes, canned food, sports equipment,all the loose change they have, babyitems, etc. to the reception or service,which would be taken to an organizationafterwards. Include an envelope addressed to a charity. With this, your guests could sendmoney to that charity, instead of or tosupplement giving a gift to you.Send food to a less fortunate family for aholiday such as Passover, Purim, RoshHashanah, etc. through an agency whichwill locate a family and give it your food. The Points of Light webpage(www.pointsoflight.org) shows wherevolunteer centers all over the US are,where you could volunteer for variouscommunity service projects.At the ServiceDonate the bimah flowers used duringyour service to shelters, hospitals, or otherlocal groups where flowers would makethem much happier. You can invite Jewishelderly people from local retirementhomes to come and enjoy your service. During the ReceptionInstead of flower centerpieces, you can doseveral things. Contribute the savedmoney to Tzedakah. Make a centerpieceout of books, and donate them to organi-zations such as Headstart. Use basketswith cans of food, which are to be later

donated to an agency or shelter to begiven to the hungry. Find a way to arrangegloves, hats, and mittens into centerpieceswhich look like flowers, and then donatethem. Hold a Tzedakah fair, where each tablerepresents a different charity, with infor-mation on the charities and ways to con-tribute. For information on Tzedakah fairs,contact bigabba@aol.com.Instead of a party for your friends, or afteryour party, you and your friends could goand provide services to your community.You could help repaint an older syna-gogue. You could entertain people inretirement homes, disabled children, orsick people in hospitals. Make it a fungroup event. After the Bar/Bat MitzvahTour the local Tzedakah agencies, shelters,and other charities. After the reception,you could give some of your gift money tothese organizations as you see fit. Find out about specialized charities bygoing to the Ziv Tzedakah Fund(www.ziv.org) or the Charitable Choicesweb site (charitychoices.com). You could organize a program for your syn-agogue which allows the synagogue to givea Tzedakah box to each Bar/Bat Mitzvahreminding them to continue givingTzedakah even though they are not inHebrew school anymore.

Oy! Even More Mitzvah Project IdeasAdapted from Alex Rosenthal athttp://members.aol.com/mitzvah99/mypage

B’nai B’rith (212-490-3290,www.bbint.org) sponsors a number ofworthwhile programs locally in whichyoung people can participate:Food For the PoorSince providing for the poor is a majoringredient to the observance of Purim, youcan get connected to a food program inyour community and determine the bestmeans of how you can help bring food tothe needy. Several projects that focus onfood collections are available through theCenter for Community Action.Project H.O.P.E.Project H.O.P.E. - Helping Our PeopleEverywhere - is what this communityaction project is all about. The major goalof Project H.O.P.E. is the collection and dis-tribution of packages of food to poor, iso-lated, elderly Jews during Passover."East-West Connection"The program is nationwide,asking localcommunities to conduct a food drive,

during the month of October as a coordi-nated nationwide effort. Goods collectedwill be distributed in each local communi-ty where the drives are held.Seders for AllThis project can provide you with theopportunity to share Passover with otherJewish agencies as well as cross the reli-gious lines and create a learning experi-ence for a group of people and exposethem to the meaning of Passover. Thisprogram helps to establish ties withinyour community by breaking down cultural barriers.B'nai B'rith, through its Center for JewishIdentity, sponsors and coordinates, in theUnited States, the international Holocaustmemorial project, "UNTO EVERY PERSONTHERE IS A NAME". This project is spon-sored by the Speaker of the Israeli Knesset,Dan Tichon, and the Yad Vashem HolocaustMemorial Center in Jerusalem.

Mitzvah Project Ideas from BBYO

Mitzvah Project Resources

That’s right - no misprint. The aboveusage of the words “Bar/Bat Mitzvah” isincorrect. The title applies to the child, notthe ceremony. A Bar/Bat Mitzvah is achild who has reached the age of maturityin Jewish law. He/she is now permittedto take place more fully in the life of theJewish community - and there’sthe rub! You see, Bar/Bat Mitzvah is all about community. And for the last two thousandyears, community has begun and continues to begin in the synagogue. Sowhy should you seek out a synagogue celebration of your child becomingBar/Bat Mitzvah? For… Community - celebrate with the peopleand the institutions in which your child isnow ready to take a place; the institutionsto which he/she will bring unique giftsover the years and from which he/she willdraw support and companionship in timesof passage as well as in the daily flow oflife. Context - the meaning of becomingBar/Bat Mitzvah is part of that flow. In afragmented world, celebrating so signifi-cant an event as part of a holistic journeyof life is what renders it meaningful. Thesynagogue and the relationships uponwhich it is built are the framework ofthat journey.

Content - Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah isabout more than just a set of skills. It isabout a body of knowledge which rendersone literate and capable of participating inthe community’s life. The synagogue isthe place where that body can be acquiredand developed. Connection - Celebrating becoming aBar/Bat Mitzvah in the synagogue creates anopportunity for forging relationshipsbetween the individual, the family, and thepeople who can be there for you throughoutthe life journey described above. Lifelongrelationships with Rabbis and Cantors canbless all of us at the time of the celebrationand later life events at which those relationships can make all the difference. Core values - The entire approach of thesynagogue and the tradition it teaches isvalues-driven. The message of a communalcelebration provides a key balance in values.In a culture which is increasingly “Me”- oriented, the child learns that the greatestvalue of his/her being lies in becoming acontributing member of a greatercommunity. We celebrate your child bycelebrating his/her place among us. Talk to the local synagogue representa-tives today. Choose a path of meaningupon which to celebrate the sacred mean-ing of your child’s life and special day.

The Rabbi’s Corner:View from the BimahWhy You Want a Synagogue Bar/Bat Mitzvah forYour Child (with apologies for misusing the title!)By Rabbi Rex Perlmeter, on behalf of the Reform JewishCommunity of Baltimore

Photo by: Jody Garland Design & Photography

42