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Introduction

The Malay traditional wedding institution holds a very sacred position in Malay society.

The Malay marriage is a regal affair where the bride and the groom will be treated as the King

and Queen of the day. The nuptial night is spent at the bride's house. The following day, similar 

festivities, normally on a smaller scale, are held at the groom's house. Then, for the next one

month or so, the couple will be invited for meals at one house after another in order to usher 

them into the married community.

The Malay Wedding

The activities that take place during Malay wedding come from the diverse cultural

traditions. The numerous activities constitute a Malay wedding may be conveniently be divided

into three groups representing three stages.

For the Malays, there are certain preliminaries or events which must happen before the

wedding or rather, before you can hear the beat of the kompang and before the wedded couple

can sit regally on the pelamin.

Activities which precede the actual wedding ceremony consist of:

- Betrothal ("Engagement")

- Akad Nikah ("Marriage Contract")

- Bersandingan ("Wedding Ceremony")

The Betrothal

Betrothal is the pre-wedding meeting between the bride's and the groom's parents will

determine the dowry that is to be given to the bride as well as the date of the solemnization. This

may be as early as a year before the wedding itself so that arrangements could be made in

advance.

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Once agreement for the marriage has been reached between the families of the potential

  bride and the potential bridegroom, preparations for engagement (Betrothal) take place.

Representatives from the young man’s side once again visit the house of the young woman,

following the confirmation of a date and time for such a visit. On the side of the potential bride, a

consensus is obtained regarding the following:

a) The date and time for the Betrothal ceremony.

 b) The amount of money to be paid by the young man for expenses (Wang belanja).

c) Details regarding the gift (Hantaran) items.

d) The date and time for the actual wedding ceremony and feast.

Agreement is also reached on certain details regarding the engagement ceremony,

including:

(a) The number of persons who will constitute the bride-groom’s party.

(b) The number of trays (Dulang) of gifts that will be brought in addition to the

traditional betel-leaf containers (Tepak sirih).

For the betrothal ceremony the young man and the young woman will be represented not

 by their parents but by other carefully selected persons.

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On this day the date for the wedding ceremony (akad nikah) and the various other 

conditions and requirements will be also confirmed by both parties. Once all such matters have

 been resolved, the bridegroom’s representatives will hand over all the gifts (hantaran) items with

the exception of the engagement ring.

The ring will be placed on the finger of the potential bride by an elder sister or aunt of the

 potential bridegroom. The potential bride will all this while be in her chamber.

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Potential bridegroom’s side will prepare the various items to be presented to the potential

 bride. Similarly on the side of the young lady, gift items to the presented to the young man are

 prepared. Customarily, the potential bride groom will send the following items to the potential

 bride on the day of their engagement:

(a) A gold or diamond ring.

(b) Sirih meminang : A betel-leaf container (tepak sirih) complete with betel leaves (sirih) and

other ingredients.

(c) A complete set of clothes.

(d) A scarf or shawl (kain tudung).

(e) Fruits or other gifts.

(f) A handbag.(g) A pair of shoes.

Similarly on the side of the lady, gift items to the young man are prepared. The total

number of gift-trays and the number of items returned as gifts by the bride must be in odd

numbers, usually 7 or more. The gift items may include a velvet cap (songkok), a prayer mat

(sejadah) a pair of clothes and so on. The gifts must also be placed in an add number of trays, the

number of trays being higher than those received from the potential bridegroom’s party.

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Akad Nikah 

A Malay wedding begins with the akad nikah ceremony, normally place in the morning,

and is held either at the local mosque or at the bride’s home. As Muslims, the couple is legally

deemed husband and wife only after the akad nikah (or wedding contract) has been signed by the

groom. An authorized religious officer (normally the imam of the local mosque) or the girl’s wali

(male person closely related to the bride, such as her father, or where it is delegated to the

religious official) will preside over the akad nikah ceremony in the presence of several witnesses

from both parties.

The ceremony is carried out on the floor of the mosque or at the hall or living room of the

 bride’s home. The groom is seated on a specially made cushion with the wali or imam seated in

front of him. Before the ceremony of the akad nikah, the imam will read out and advise the

groom on the duties of a husband, and the consequences if he leaves his wife. Normally the

advice given are meant to ensure that he becomes a good husband and treat his responsibility as

husband and head of a family properly.

It is imperative that the words of acceptance by the groom must be uttered immediately;

clearly and in one breath otherwise it has to be repeated. The decision or final say of whether the

acceptance had been made clearly by the groom is determined by the witnesses sitting around the

groom.

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If the witnesses agree that the words of acceptance had been made clearly and are

acceptable to them, then the imam will read the doa or prayer of thanks and the groom then signs

all the necessary statutory documents.

Then it's the "membatal air sembahyang" session whereby the groom will be allowed to

touch the bride's hands to insert the wedding ring. It is now rightful and legal for the man to

touch the woman who is now his wife. This is a brief affair, and after putting the ring on her 

fingers, the bride will kiss the hands of the man who is now her husband.

The Wang Belanja is usually an amount of several thousand Ringgit. It is different from

the dowry (Mas Kahwin) which is also paid by the man to his future wife. The amount of the

Mas Kahwin is usually fixed by the Islamic Religious Council in each state, but a potential

 bridegroom may give any amount above the official figure.

Adat Berinai

The berinai (henna application) ceremony is held prior to the wedding. The bride's palms

and feet are 'decorated' with the dye from the henna leaves. The ceremony of Berinai involves

the staining of the couple’s hands with henna. Lesser or greater berinai ceremonies are held three

times as follows:

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a. Berinai Curi takes place three nights before the actual wedding ceremony (akad nikah)

with the participation of close relatives and friends only.

  b. Berinai Kecil. Takes place two nights before the wedding ceremony with the

 participation of family members, neighbors and close friends.

c. Berinai Besar is usually held after the completion of the religious ceremony (Akad

 Nikah).

Of the above three ceremonies, the berinai besar is the major one. The lesser ones may

take place in private, usually with the participation of women only. For the berinai besar the

newly married couples sit on the specially decorated dais (pelamin). Family members from both

sides take turns to apply henna to the hands of the seated couple. Rice and a mixture of flour mayalso be applied to the palms and foreheads of the couple, as a sign of blessing. Henna is regarded

as a blessed item, that is, it is used as a means of cleansing and protection from evil or malicious

influences.

The Persandingan 

Often the wedding is held on one convenient weekend so as to accommodate relatives

who live far away and to reduce costs. The hari langsung, literally “the day of completion”,

which also involves the bersanding or ceremonial seating on the dais, is considered the high

 point of a Malay wedding.

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In the morning before the bersanding ceremony the bride will change into new clothes,

and various fashions may be tried out in selecting the dress to be worn for the bersanding.

Popular bersanding fashions include those of from the Minangkabau tradition, Kelantanese styles

as well as styles derived from the West.

The bridegroom is not allowed to enter the bride’s house before the bride sends him a

 prepared betel leaf known as sirih latlat or sirih genggam. This is a sign that the bride now awaits

the arrival of the bridegroom. The bridegroom walks slowly towards the house of the bride, his

 party is led by womenfolk. This is the ceremony of berarak, or walking in procession. Behind

them comes the group of musicians beating various types of drums, especially the hand-held

kompang, as well as bearers of decorative flowers (bunga manggar).

The arriving party takes their seats in a special area of the house for the martial arts

(pencak silat) performance which is held as a sign of welcome and paying respects to the

 bridegroom as the king for the day. Then both the bride and the bridegroom are invited for the

 bersanding ceremony. This is the sitting in state ceremony and theoretically the first time that a

 bride and her groom meet. Seated on their chairs on the platform (pelamin) the couples are

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 blessed with scented water, henna, sandalwood paste and rice flour paste. The bersanding

 publicly ratifies the union.

Following the bersanding the newly-married couple will come down to the halaman

rumah for lunch or dinner (kenduri), to which guests will be invited. Further activities including

light entertainment or joget dance sessions may take place in the evening to conclude the Malay

wedding.

Sometimes this is followed by the tukar pakaian (costume changes) and the bride and,

less often, the groom will don different clothes for photography. The pelamin (raised dais) will

 be beautifully decorated for the purpose.

 

Hadrah troupe Blessing Kenduri

Bunga telur

Some women would make the bouquets of flowers for interior decorations, and especially

the bunga telur, ("bunga" is "flower" and "telur is "egg" –i.e. fully boiled chicken egg wrapped

decoratively). This is the traditional Malay gift to guests. Bunga telur is a symbol of fertility and

it is hoped that by giving out the bunga telur the married couple would be blessed with many

children.

  Nowadays, variations of the bunga telur, such as gift-wrapped chocolates and sweet

candies, are given out to guests. This is because with guests into the thousands, it would be a

very tedious chore having to boil a few thousand chicken eggs (eggs with broken shells cannot

 be used for the bunga telur). However, in keeping with tradition, the bunga telur is still given out,

 but restricted only to very close relatives, friends and special guests.

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Sambut menyambut

The adat of sambut menyambut or ceremony of "Welcoming the Daughter-in Law" is

usually done at the bridegrooms’s house to welcome the bride. This may take place a day or two

following the bersanding. Sometimes a second bersanding ceremony is held in the bridegroom’s

house to give the opportunity to the women of that household who did not have the opportunity

to be present at the first bersanding ceremony to bless the newly married couple.

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Reference:

1. http://www.etawau.com/HTML/Culture/MalayWedding/MalayWedding.htm

2. http://www.hilalplaza.com/malaysia-wedding-customs.html

3. http://www.bicycletouringmalaysia.com/Malaysian%20Cultures/Malay_Wedding.htm

4. http://www.etawau.com/HTML/Culture/ChristianWedding/PhilippineWedding.htm

5. http://www.everyculture.com/Ja-Ma/Malaysia.html

6. http://www.malaysianculture.com.my/aboutmsia.html

7. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohammad_Nor_Khalid

8. http://www.pulau-pangkor.com/malay-wedding.html

9. http://www.hilalplaza.com/malaysia-wedding-customs.html

10. http://www.bicycletouringmalaysia.com/Malaysian%20Cultures/Indian_wedding.htm

11. http://www.bicycletouringmalaysia.com/Malaysian%20Cultures/Chinese

%20Wedding.htm