In our house, as the saying goes: “‘Normal’ is just a setting on the dryer.”

We have six wonderful children, four of whom are deaf and adopted, two of whomare hearing and ours through birth. Author and husband, Roger, is hearing andsigns fluently, and author and wife, Sherry, is deaf and uses both speech and signsalthough she is most comfortable signing. As parents of children—deaf andhearing—we are determined to encourage our children to do their best, and wealways set our expectations high. We have found that parenting deaf children isharder than parenting hearing children, primarily because hearing children havemore options and because our adopted deaf children came to us as older childrenafter those critical early language learning years.

In some ways, as parents of deaf children, we feel like Christopher Columbus sailing theuncharted waters of the Atlantic to an unknown destination. Finding resources through theInternet and contacting other parents through social media have made some aspects of thatjourney easier, but the goal of raising a child to be an independent, working, happy adult is nevereasy. It is a journey of at least 18 years; the waters can be rough and the headwinds strong.

It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day struggle of dealing with the school system toprovide the best educational program, but it is not enough to simply obtain the best teachers andinterpreters. The social and emotional aspects of a child’s development cannot be overlooked.

Self-esteem, essential to a child’s success and difficult to foster when a child may be the onlydeaf or hard of hearing individual in his or her class or even in the entire school, is essential. Self-esteem enables children to work hard and achieve because they feel worthwhile, and achievementis a fair exchange for their hard work. Success that comes with high self-esteem makes having highexpectations not only desirable but eminently fair.

We have used the following strategies with all six of our children. Some are appropriate aschildren enter their teen years; others may be implemented when children are very young. Hereare some ways parents can foster self-confidence in their deaf or hard of hearing child:

• Read to your child daily. This is especially important during your child’s earliest years.Reading—and talking about what you read—will help your child develop his or hervocabulary and enrich his or her language development.

Roger Williams,MSW, is the director ofServices for the Deaf andHard of Hearing withthe South CarolinaDepartment of MentalHealth. He received hisbachelor’s degree fromthe Rochester Instituteof Technology and hismaster’s degree in socialwork from theUniversity of Illinois atChampaign-Urbana.Williams holds acertificate oftransliteration from theRegistry of Interpretersfor the Deaf and Level 5,the top level, of theSouth CarolinaAssociation of theDeaf/NationalAssociation of the DeafInterpreter AssessmentProgram. As the parentof four deaf and twohearing children, alicensed foster parent,and the spouse of a deafadult, he is active inlocal, state, regional, andnational advocacy andsocial organizations,including serving as pastpresident of theAmerican Society forDeaf Children.

By Roger Williams and Sherry Williams

MaintainingHigh Expectations

66 ODYSSEY 2014

Photos courtesy of Roger and Sherry Williams

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Above and left: Do we need a caption for these

photos???

Sherry Williams,MBA, is an adjunctprofessor in theInterpreter TrainingProgram at SpartanburgCommunity College. Shereceived her bachelor’sdegree from theRochester Institute ofTechnology and hermaster’s degree inbusiness administrationfrom the University ofNorth Carolina atWilmington. Williamshas worked at two deafschools for a total of morethan 25 years as aresidence counselor, socialworker, and transitioncoordinator, and she hastaught both elementaryeducation and secondarysocial studies. She isactive in local, state,regional, and nationaladvocacy and socialorganizations, havingserved as president ofboth the South CarolinaAssociation of the Deafand the American Societyfor Deaf Children.

The authors welcomequestions and commentsabout this article atmhinterp@gmail.com andsherryw55@gmail.com.

• Have your child order for him- or herselfat restaurants. At fast food restaurants, he orshe can write his or her order; at sit-downrestaurants, he or she can point to the item onthe menu. In both places, your child can usehis or her voice, gestures, or whatevercommunication strategies are most effective.

• Give your child regular chores around thehouse. This allows your child to beproductive in the family and encourages himor her to develop a sense of pride in his or herwork.

• Have your child help an elderly neighboror volunteer on a regular basis at a soupkitchen or at an animal shelter. In this way,your child learns a sense of caring andresponsibility for others—and experiences asense of empowerment at the same time.

• Make sure your child participates in his orher Individualized Education Program(IEP) meetings. Parents should resist the urgeto take over at IEP meetings and support theiroffspring, giving their child the opportunityto speak up and advocate for him- or herself.

• Encourage your child to think about his orher future. Does your child want to go tocollege, technical school, or graduate school,or does he or she want to get a job aftergraduation?

• Don’t always believe the experts, includingthe teachers. You know your child best, andthe experts are not always right.

• Be prepared for setbacks. We all have baddays, bad weeks, or even bad years. Don’tlower high long-term expectations on thebasis of short-term reversals. Continue to bepositive and patient with your child.

• Find deaf and hard of hearing adults inyour community who can be role models.This is easier for those who live in a city witha day school for deaf students. In Atlanta,Denver, Phoenix, and Minneapolis, forexample, children can commute to day schoolsfor the deaf and interact with a large group ofsuccessful deaf and hard of hearing adults on adaily basis. In a rural area, it is morechallenging. Look for deaf social events or adeaf church. Your child needs to know notonly deaf celebrities but the ordinary

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successful deaf and hard of hearing adults in his or hercommunity who are gainfully employed and living in anapartment or house, paying their bills, and enjoying life toits fullest.

• Contact your state deaf association. This is easy in theInternet age: Google. Look for “(your state) deaforganizations.” Find out about the issues and activities fordeaf and hard of hearing individuals that are happening inyour area.

• Ask open-ended questions. Begin with simple queries:Do you think dogs should be on a leash? Why or why not?As your child gets older, ask him or her age-appropriatebut increasingly complex questions.

• Text. Get used to checking in via smartphones,videophones, and/or computers. This is especiallyimportant for children in residential programs. A simple“Hi, how was your math test?” can boost self-esteem andencourage your offspring to do his or her best.

• Maintain contact with your child’steachers and dorm staff. Keep up withyour child’s academic progress and nippotential behavioral problems in the bud.

• Be familiar with benchmarks for eachage group. Know your child is fully capableof meeting those benchmarks with orwithout help.

At our house, we have open discussions,sometimes heated debates, at the family table.We deliver Christmas gifts to needy families. Weare active in local and state deaf events andattend deaf festivals in other states. Each of usserved a term as president of the AmericanSociety for Deaf Children, and our deaf childrenhave access to an array of deaf role models bothat school and in our community. Roger has donepresentations in other states on a variety oftopics, including deafness, advocacy, mentalhealth, and mental health interpreting. Sherryhas taught deaf children and is an adjunctprofessor at the local community college.

We believe it is important to give back to theDeaf community and hope our children will dothe same when they get older. Indeed, ouryoungest deaf daughter, Kate, just recentlyattended the Junior National Association of theDeaf Leadership Training Camp last summer andis heavily involved with her school organizations.Kate has known from an early age that she wantsto be a chef in the restaurant business. She willgraduate from the Model Secondary School for

the Deaf in June of 2014, and she plans to enter a culinary artsprogram. Sarah, our oldest deaf daughter, came to this countryat age 13 from China, graduated from our local mainstreamprogram last spring, and is attending the English LanguageInstitute at Gallaudet University this fall. Her brother, Andrew,who graduated from the Model Secondary School for the Deaflast spring, has decided not to pursue college studies at thistime; he lives independently with his dog and works in foodservice at a local college. Our youngest child, Scott, just enteredhigh school and is still thinking about his future. Our oldestchildren, Heather and Brian, both hearing, live and work inWashington, D.C., and Seattle, Washington, respectively. Bothof them have taken on leadership roles at their jobs, yet theytake the time to contribute to their communities, too.

Our children know that we have high expectations. Weexpect each of them to work hard, respect the rules, maintaingood grades in school, and contribute to their communities.What’s more, we know that these expectations are alreadypaying off—because they are being fulfilled.

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Above and below: The younger Williams children on a rafting trip with their parents;

Andrew, Kate, Sarah, and Scott at their older brother’s wedding in 2011.