MODULE 7 TELEVISION TRANSCRIPTS

1 THE STORY OF ENGLISH

A WORDS, WORDS, WORDS Tom Where's Clive? He isn't usually late.

Louise Yes, where is he? He said he'd be here. Marco He's never normally late. ' Maybe he's sick.

Jilly No, I saw him leave the office at four o'clock. Anyway, who wants a drink?

Louise Yes, please! Tom Clive?

Louise Where have you been? Clive I've had a terrible time.

Barman What can I get you, Jilly? Jilly Three pints of bitter ... a white wine ...

Louise So. what happened? Clive I was early for our meeting, so I was looking

around the shops, when I came to an antique shop on the corner. I saw something in the window. It was a plate. A very pretty plate. I wasn't in a hurry.

*** Clive Good afternoon. Cyril Good afternoon. Clive Urn, I'm interested in the plate. Cyril It's a dish. Clive Well, I'm interested in the dish. Cyril From the old English, 'disc'. Clive I'm sorry? Cyril The word 'dish': it comes from the Old English

word, 'disc'. Clive Does it? Does it really? I see. Well, could I have a

look at the ... dish? Cyril Before that it came from the Latin 'discus'. And the

Greek 'diskos'. Though 'disco', of course, is from the French 'discotheque', as in 'bibliotheque'.

Clive Really? I thought it might be ... Cyril You thought it was from the old Norse language. Clive No, the dish. I thought the dish was Wedgewood

china. Cyril Wedgewood? Certainly not! But I can see that you

are a man who is interested in language. Clive Not really. Cyril Do you know how many English words come from

Latin? Clive No. I've no idea. Cyril Lots of formal words come from Latin - usually the

longest ones. It would be interesting to know a bit more about that, wouldn't it?

Clive No, not really. Cyril Or how many English words come from the Greek

language? . . . 'Telephone' comes from Greek. Most of our scientific words come from Greek.

Clive Well, it's been very interesting. Thank you. Goodbye.

Cyril 'Goodbye’! 'Goodbye' is a new word. Well, it's new

for English. It probably. started in the sixteenth century. It means 'God be with you'. You know, many of our most common, everyday words come from Old English.

Clive How very interesting' Oh, look at the time. I must go.

Cyril I must go. I must leave. I must depart. Most of our words come from French, Latin, Scandinavian or from ancient Greek. Look at this. Leg. Do you know where the word 'leg' comes from?

Clive No. Cyril Go on! Guess.

C1live It's probably a ... Scandinavian word. Cyril Yes! I knew it. I knew you were an etymologist!

*** Cyril I love words, don't you? I always remember words,

but I always forget my wife's birthday. In fact, I forgot my wife once! We were driving along, then we stopped at a petrol station. She went to the toilet, and I drove off You see, I was thinking about the word 'petrol'. 'Petros' is a Greek word meaning 'stone', or 'petra', mcaning 'rock'. . .

Clive I have to meet my friends ... Cyril Ah! Now the word ‘friend' comes from Old

English. Clive Does it? Cyril Are you all right? You don't look well. Clive No. No. I'm fine, thanks. But I really have to go ... Cyril Oh, what a shame! We were having such an

interesting conversation. ***

Clive What a man! Louise I feel sorry for his poor wife. He left her in a petrol

station! Clive How about another drink? Tom It's strange you should say that. Clive Why? Tom 'Drink'. It's an Old English word, you know. It

probably comes from the Scandinavian word 'trink'.

B HOW DO YOU SAY THAT?

Street interviews Julia I like to be called by my first name - Julia.

Gareth I like to be called Gareth, that's my first name.

Keith I suppose I like my first name to be used most of the time, it's more friendly, urn, but there are some situations where it's a bit too personal and I prefer Mr Harvey.

Mrs Simpson For all my friends, I like to be addressed by my Christian name, my first name. Urn, people I don't know, 'Mrs' to begin with, but I very soon revert to my Christian name.

Dennis Well, certainly on a social occasion I think I

much prefer people to call me by my first name. If I'm dealing in business, then I think I like to keep it a bit more formal until I know somebody well.

John Yes, I think I'd go along with that, I prefer Christian names on social occasions but ... it comes occasionally as a bit of a surprise to be called by your Christian name straight off by someone you've never met.

*** Derek I like my friends to call me Derek, but some

of my best friends call me by my nickname or one of my nicknames, which is Dezzer.

Louisa I'm usually just called Louisa - Lou for short Sean I like people to call me by my first name,

Sean, or if they're good friends to call me Seanny.

Tamsen I like people to use my first name, which is Tamsen, because I like it. It comes from Cornwall, but when they use my surname, which is Harward, I prefer them to use 'Ms' rather than 'Miss', because, well, I think it's more sophisticated.

Christopher Well, all my friends call me Chris, but, uh, my family, they prefer to call me Christopher and family friends they do the same. At school, everyone calls me Anker because that's my surname.

How to he British Mike Vanessa's coming this afternoon. John Really. Mike It would be nice if the flat were a bit tidier. John Mmm. Mike I'm going to tidy up. John Good. Mike And then I'm going to put some smarter clothes on ...

It's nice to dress more smartly when you have a visitor, isn't it? ... Have you thought about changing?

John No. Mike I think it would be marvellous if you wore the jacket

without the holes. John Do you. Mike Don't you? John Don't I what? Mike Don't you think the jacket without the holes is nicer

than that one? John Nicer? What do you mean? Don't you like this jacket?Mike Well, I'm not sure that I do, actually. John Oh. Mike And wouldn't you like to put a clean shirt on? John No, I wouldn't. I'm reading the paper. Mike These trousers aren't the best ones you've got, are

they? John Look. What exactly are you trying to say? Why don't

you say what you mean? Mike All right. I don't like what you're wearing. In fact, I

think your clothes are disgusting. John There's no need to be rude

News from the past Trevor Good evening. Here is the news from That’s

English! First the headlines ... A new kind of moving carriage comes onto the streets ... And in sport, a lady plays golf. But today's main story is the new carriage designed and built by Mr Karl Bertz. It's a bit slower than a horse, but some people are saying that it might be an important " of =sport in the next century Over to our current affairs correspondent who has the full story. Frank, what is this fantastic new machine called?

Frank Well, Trevor, scientists have invented a new word. They've put together the Greek word 'auto', which means 'by oneself', and the Latin word 'mobilis' which means 'moving'.

Trevor So what is the new word, Frank? The automobilis? Frank That's right, Trevor.

Trevor A strange name. But Frank, it's a sort of carriage with no horses, that is, a horseless carriage, isn't it?

Frank Yes, it is, Trevor. But, in fact, some people have made the expression 'horseless carriage' simpler. They are calling it a 'car’.

Trevor A car. I see. Strange word! And now, sport. For the first time a woman has played golf. And she hit the ball quite well. A woman playing golf. What will they think of next? But that's all from me until tomorrow night. Till then... goodnight.

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) English, part of the Germanic family of

languages, was created in the south-east of England, with influences from all the peoples who invaded the island.

Sara (VO) When London was founded by the Romans with the name of Londinium, the area was inhabited by Celtic tribes that spoke a Celtic language similar to Modern Welsh.

Gary (VO) But the Celts and the Romans contributed very few words to English, although Britain comes from the Roman word, 'Britannia', land of the Britons.

Sara (VO) In the Fifth Century, Britannia was invaded by Germanic tribes, Angles, Jutes and Saxons, who brought with them the basis of the English language.

Gary (VO) By the year 1000, the country was known as Englaland (or land of the Angles) and their language as 'Englisc.'

Sara (VO) But Latin, the language of the Romans, hadn't been totally forgotten. At that time, it was the language of learning in Europe and it had been reintroduced into Britain by Christian missionaries.

Gary (VO) In 1066 French Normans invaded the island, and for the next three hundred years no king of England spoke English.

Sara (VO) In the Thirteenth and Fourteenth centuries, an educated person had to speak three languages: English, which was still the language of the people, French, which was the language of the Court, and Latin, which was the language of the church and of learning.

Gary (VO) But in 1387, Chaucer wrote his poem, The Canterbury Tales, in English. This book represented the definitive triumph of English

Sara (VO) Nowadays the greatest authority on the English language is probably Oxford University Press, which has been publishing the Oxford English Dictionary since the last century. It is the equivalent of the Dictionary of the Royal Academy for Spanish. That is, the Oxford English Dictionary is the dictionary you have to refer to whenever you have doubts about English words or expressions. New words are constantly being added to it. We interviewed Lesley Brown, editor of the New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary, and asked her if there's anything in Great Britain similar to the Spanish Royal Academy.

Lesley Brown No, there isn't. And at the same time as the Spanish Academy was founded there were discussions in Britain as whether to start a similar organization, but it never happened and then in the Nineteenth century, when the Oxford English Dictionary began to be produced, it came to be regarded very much as the equivalent of the national dictionary, though Oxford University Press finances it itself. There's no state support for the Oxford English Dictionary.

Interviewer What criteria do you follow in the rejection or incorporation of new words and expressions?

Lesley Brown We look for the number of times we have the word recorded in use, the period of time over which it is used in our records and the variety of sources or people who are using it. So it's a mixture of all those criteria. We have hundreds of millions of examples in our files to look at and see how often and by whom a word is being used.

Interviewer How many entries are there in the Oxford Dictionary?

Lesley Brown

About half a million. Five hundred thousand.

2 AMERICAN OR BRITISH ENGLISH?

A THE STORY OF AMERICA Louise Guess who I interviewed today?

Tom I don't know. Louise A famous American actor.

Tom Mickey Mouse?

Louise No. Mickey Mouse doesn't do interviews, stupid. Michael E. Curtis junior!

Clive You did not! Louise Yes! Yes. I thought, 'I'm going to be

famous. "The Louise Case interview” but it didn't happen like that ...

*** Louise Hello, I'm Louise Case. I'm from the

Echo. I've got an appointment to interview Michael E. Curtis junior.

Make-up girl I'm sorry there's been a change in filming schedule and we ...

Michael E. Curtis It’s OK: Make-up girl But I haven't done your make-up yet,

Mr Curtis. Michael E. Curtis Come in, Louise.

Louise (voice over) It was him! I felt I'd known him all my life. I wanted to ask him about his love life, but I had to be patient. This was my big chance!

Louise Well, er, can I ask you some questions about your childhood?

Michael E. Curtis Yeah, sure. Louise Did you want to be an actor when you

were at school? Michael E. Curtis No! Before leaving school I only

wanted to make money. So I left school in the fourth grade. Even though I was real good at math.

Louise So what did you do before becoming an actor?

Michael E. Curtis My uncle had a big department store in downtown Chicago. When I called him up, he gave me a job as a sales clerk. Thirty bucks a week! I couldn't even afford gas for my Chevy.

Louise For your what? Michael E. Curtis My Chevy. My car was a Chevrolet - a

Chevy. I had already worked there for a couple of months, when I got a job as a cab driver.

Louise But how did you first get into films? Michael E. Curtis In the first movie, I got a job as an

extra... since then I've been really lucky. Louise You said once that your family carne

from England. Michael E. Curtis That's right. Some of my mother's

family came to America over three hundred years ago. They had already fought against the British, when they fought against the Indians. My great-great-great-granddady was at Yorktown in 1781. That's when you British finally surrendered. But my father, of course, had Italian blood...

*** Jilly But the readers of the Echo don't want

to know about Michael E. Curtis's ancestors. Instead of hearing about all that, they want some exciting personal

details! Clive Yea, they want to know about his love

life. Tom That's right. They want to know about

his latest girlfriend. Marco Did you ask him about that? Louise I did, but in spite of all my questions, he

wanted to talk about his ancestors. ***

Michael E. Curtis ... in the Civil War, my relatives fought against each other.

Louise That's very interesting, Mr Curds. Can I ask you one or two more personal questions?

Michael E. Curtis My private life is very uninteresting. I'm sure you would prefer to hear about the film we are making here in England. It's about the Pilgrim Fathers.

Louise Are there any love scenes?

Michael E. Curtis No. Most of the Pilgrim Fathers were just poor farmers who lived here in England in the seventeenth century. They believed in the Bible, but they didn't agree with the Church of England. Oh, no sirree! They were Puritans.

Louise So, Mr Curtis, you are playing the role of a Puritan in this film.

Michael E. Curtis That's right. Louise That must be difficult for you. People

don't usually think of Michael E. Curtis as a Puritan.

Michael E. Curtis Well, no, I guess they don't. Louise Your relationship with Janie

McPherson wasn't exactly ... pure. Michael E. Curtis Never heard of her. Of course, the

Puritans were persecuted for their religious beliefs. In the film, I am playing the role of one of the leaders of the Puritan group.

Louise And do you have a girlfriend at present, Mr Curtis?

Michael E. Curtis No. The British persecuted the pilgrims, so they decided to settle in America.

Louise There are reports that you were kissing Denise Rampling at a party.

Michael E. Curtis Miss Cast, I have never touched a woman in my life. I'm on my way to Plymouth. A hundred of my brothers and sisters are ready to sail across the seas to the Americas.

Louise That's very good, Mr Curtis, but our readers want to know about the affair with Claudia ...

Man Call for Mr Curtis. Michael E. Curtis Good ship Mayflower is waiting for

me. Our journey from England to America will be a long one. I must go now. I wish you well, Miss Case, and

thank you for your interest in our venture. God be with you.

Louise Michael's a fantastic actor, isn't he? Make-up girl I could tell you a thing or two about

Michael E. Curtis ... Louise Really! Sit down ...

*** Clive So you didn't get a story from

Michael E. Curtis. The editor won't be happy.

Louise No. I didn't get a story from Michael, but I got an excellent one from his make-up girl. I heard all about his love life. I could tell you a thing or two about Michael E. Curtis.

Clive Go on then ...

B AS THEY SAY IN AMERICA . . .

Street interviews Nigel I sometimes say 'hi' instead of 'hello', but

that's about it, I think. Sean I say 'hi' a lot when I meet people instead of

'hello'. I sometimes say 'how are you doing' and when I go to the States to visit my parents, I pick up a lot of American English.

Julia I like to say words like 'hi'. Gareth I think I use American English quite a lot, I

say 'hi' not 'hello'. Christopher When I'm with my friends I’ll say, ‘hi, how

are you?' Or when I'm saying goodbye, I'll say, 'Have a nice day'. But I try not to use too many Americanisms.

*** Tamsen I use loads of American English all the time,

‘cool', 'man', 'brilliant', it's just part of me, I mix it up, I use English English and American English.

*** Mrs Simpson I try not to. I find myself saying 'hi" to

people who are younger than me. I wouldn't say it to somebody of my age, I don't think, but on the whole, I'm rather traditionally English, I'm afraid, and I speak that way as much as I can.

John No, I don't, I don't use any American English, no.

Dennis I don't think I do, I don't consciously use American English - perhaps the odd word may slip in.

Mrs Cornish We don't use any American English, we're not used to it and it's something we haven't picked up.

Mr Cornish Quite right.

News from the past Trevor Good evening. Here is the news from 7hat's

English! First, the headlines ... The Gold Rush in the Klondike ... Over thirty thousand prospectors arrive at Bonanza Creek ... And the world's tallest building. But our main story tonight is the Gold

Rush at Bonanza Creek. So over to David Simons, our correspondent in North America. David, what is the latest news from the Klondike?

David Well, Trevor, it's fantastic! I have never seen anything like it. In spite of being in the middle of nowhere, thousands of people are arriving every day. And already prospectors have discovered over seventy million dollars' worth of gold.

Trevor How much is that in British money, David? David In British money, that's around thirty million

pounds. Trevor And where do these prospectors come from? David Well, it's interesting, Trevor. These people not only

come from America, but from all over the world. There are Australians, Chinese, Italians, French, Germans, Spanish, as well as Irish and Scots.

Trevor Thank you, David. Good luck to them! And now for today's other main story. In Chicago, work has started on a nine-storey building. Instead of walking up stairs, the office workers will climb into a box which automatically takes them to the correct floor. And after taking them up, let's hope it brings them down as well! There are Americans, Irish, Italians, Germans and British all working on the building, and some people are calling it a 'skyscraper'. Silly name! But that's all from me until tomorrow night. Till then ... goodnight.

From the archive Voiceover Way out west in the heartland of

Derbyshire, the American Adventure theme park offers the complete American experience. They've striven to make everything authentic - the music, the cos-tumes, the shows, the rides. But there's one last detail they haven't yet quite mastered.

Girl Eh up, me duck, how are you going on? Are you having a right good time?

Woman I am, thank you very much. Voiceover Try as they will, they've not been able to

mimic a Deep South drawl. But since it is supposed to be the complete American experience, that Derbyshire accent had to go.

Randall Oliver Have a nice day! Whole class Have a nice day!

Voiceover Now each morning the staff gather for the most unusual training session of their careers, American elocution lessons.

Randall Oliver Say again. Boy Good morning.

Randall Oliver Anybody here detect a Derbyshire accent in that. One more time.

Boy Good morning. Randall Oliver Say 'Howdy all, good morning.'

Girl Howdy all, good morning. Randall Oliver OK. Who rides on the ... the Buffalo ride?

Voiceover Their teacher is a professional actor at the park who really does come from Texas where it seems You learn either to succeed as actor or teacher or die in the attempt.

Interviewer How difficult is it to ... er ... make Derbyshire folk speak with an American acccni?

Randall Oliver Well, it's, it's not as difficult as I thought it would be, but, er, it's, it's turned out to he pretty easy in fact, all we gotta get them to do is pronounce the vowels and roll the 'r’s.

Interviewer And - why are you doing it? Randall Oliver Why am I doing it, teaching them the

American accent? Well, er, they ... because of the expression of the theme park, you know, it is the American Adventure and they want everyone out here, when they greet the folks and say goodbye to the folks, they want them to sound as authentic as they can, especially, er, bringing back a little bit of the old west, you know so, have to keep everything authentic.

Girl Howdy, folks, how you doing? Are you having a good time here? ... That's great!

How to be British Mike Hello. I'm doing some research into my family history.

I'm a writer - I'm going to write a book about our family.

John Did you lock the car? Mike Don't interrupt, please. My family history is very inter-

esting. Some of us were on the Mayflower, you know. Oh, yes. After arriving in America, we rode west - west to Califomia!

John Have you got car insurance? Mike I'm looking for a book on the Mayflower. I know

there's one by James Perigrew. He was one of my ancestors on my mother's side.

John It's important. Mike It's very rude to interrupt. Wait until I’ve finished my

conversation with the librarian. I must apologise for my friend. What was I saying? ... Oh, yea, I come from a long line of pioneers.

John There's a man by your car. Mike Look, if it's really important, say 'Excuse me'. John Excuse me, there's a man by your car. Mike That's better. I'm sure my book is going to be a best-

seller. John He's opening the door. Mike Of course, writing comes quite naturally to me ... John He's getting into your car. Mike Some people struggle with it ... John He's driving off. Bye bye. Mike You really must learn some manners. What is it? What

do you want? John Someone has just stolen your car. Mike Well, why didn't you tell me? Idiot!

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) The United States of America has played a very

important role in the spread of English throughout the world. But it all began with a few determined English settlers.

Sara (VO) In the middle of the sixteenth century, England was experiencing a serious economic crisis.

And as Spain had already colonized Central and South America, the new explorers had to go to the north of the New World to find new lands.

Gary (VO) In 1582, Walter Raleigh asked Queen Elizabeth the First for permission to establish the first English colony in the New World. His cousin, Humphrey Gilbert, was the captain of the ship that set out from London, down the Thames. The ship arrived on the shores of Terranova, and later continued on to Virginia. But this first attempt to set up a colony didn't succeed.

Sara (VO) 1607 was an important date in the British colonization of the New World. Captain John Smith arrived at Hampton Rod, on the shores of Virginia, with a group of settlers. Here they founded the city of Jamestown, the first English colony in North America. Jamestown started to grow thanks to the cultivation and export of a new crop: tobacco.

Gary (VO) In the meantime, important social and religious changes were taking place in England. A group of Puritans refused to accept the newly established Anglican Church and were thrown out of the country. In 1620, a hundred and three of these Puritans set out from Plymouth, in England, on a ship called the Mayflower. They were the ' Pilgrim Fathers'.

Sara (VO) The Mayflower landed at Cape Cod, in present-day Massachusetts. The Pilgrim Fathers decided to set up a new colony, to which they gave the name Plymouth. A year later, when they gathered their first harvest, they gave thanks to God. This is the origin of Thanksgiving Day, one of the most important holidays in the United States.

Sara (VO) A few years later, other Puritans founded the city of Salem, and later, Boston, which would eventually become the commercial capital of New England.

Gary (VO) The Pilgrim Fathers were not the only ones to emigrate for religious reasons. Quakers settled in Pennsylvania. Their leader, William Penn, founded the city of Philadelphia. This city later played an important role in the American War of Independence .

Gary (VO) We spoke to Robert Burchell about the beginnings of the British colonization of the New World. Mr Burchell is an historian and the director of the Centre for North American Studies at the British Museum.

Sara (VO) In what way was North America colonized by the British?

Historian Mainly by individuals paying for themselves and in a minority of cases promising their labour for a period of years.

Sara (VO) Who were those people and why did they make the voyage?

Historian Most of them went out to improve their standard of living. A minority, like those who went on the Mayflower, were religious refugees.

Sara (VO) How has religion influenced American culture? Historian Very greatly. Partly because some Americans

have tended to see America as almost an Israel to which they have gone to build a new land.

Sara (VO) What did the colonization of the New World mean for Great Britain?

Historian In the first instance it meant wealth. And the provision of investments and returns to capital. It also of course was a place to which you could send convicts and other undesirables, and, of course, in general export overpopulation.

Gary (VO) The New World split into two big blocks: the south belonged to Spain and Portugal, and the north mainly to England. There were, however, important differences in the way each block was colonized. Mr Burchell told us about them.

Historian In the Spanish case the state and the church played central roles. But in the English case, in the British case, the state and the church did not play a role. It was the individuals themselves who made the decision to emigrate and who built the societies once they arrived.

Gary (VO) The first settlers showed the way. Many others followed and transformed the old British colony into a new nation: the United States of America.

3 MONEY, MONEY, MONEY

A COULD I HAVE A RECEIPT, PLEASE? Jilly By the way I forgot to congratulate you on the story

about Michael E. Curtis. Did you read it, Tom? Tom Yes.

Louise What did you think? Tom Well, it's not really news, is it? I'm more interested

in serious news stories. Jilly Well, I thought it was interesting, anyway.

Louise I've had hundreds of letters from readers about it. Jilly I think it's your turn to buy the drinks, Tom. Tom I'd buy them if I had any money. But I'm broke. I

haven't got a penny. Jilly But you got paid last week. Tom Yes, well, I've spent all the money. Oh, by the way,

did you hear about the man who won ten million pounds on the lottery?

Marco Yes. Tom Well, I went to interview his sister yesterday.

*** Tom Hello, I'm from the Echo.

Lil I don't talk to reporters. Tom Well, look, I'd like to ask you a few questions. I

understand your brother, Billy, has won the lottery and has disappeared without giving you a penny.

Lil That's right. And Billy owes me twenty-eight pounds and forty-seven pence.

Tom And he's just disappeared with millions of pounds! Lil Yes! Anyway, you can have the whole story if you

like. Tom Can I? Thanks!

Lil But you'll have to pay me.

Tom What! Lil I've got bills to pay. Fifty pounds for the story and a

photograph. Tom Fifty pounds? That's too much. Forty pounds?

Lil All right. In advance. And cash only. No credit cards.

Tom I haven't got forty pounds. Lil I see. Well, when you give me the cash, I'll give you

the story. Tom All right. Here you are. Er, could I have a receipt,

please? Lil I got nothing. And look at this. The milkman came

round with his bill. Billy owed him seventeen pounds fifty for three weeks' milk.

Tom Yes, well. Now look, where is Billy? Do you know where he is?

Lil Maybe I know where he is, and maybe I don't. Tom I see. Where is he, Mrs Baily?

Lil Another ten pounds? Tom Here you are. Any chance of a receipt?

Lil Sorry, dear. He's in Jamaica. I got a postcard from him.

Tom You did? Lil Yea. Here.

Tom I understand. It'll cost ten pounds. Don't worry about the receipt.

Lil That’ll do nicely. Thank you very much. Tom (reading) Very hot! Having a lovely time. I am glad

you are not here. Billy. P.S. Could you pay the milkman for me. Make sure he doesn't try to overcharge you.

Tom Don't worry, Mrs Bailey. We’ll find him for you. Lil No, you won't catch Billy. You know, I’d kill him if

he came back now. Tom If he's in Jamaica, the Echo will find him. May I use

your phone? All right. How much? I haven't got any change left. I've only got a five-pound note.

Lil That's all right. Thank you, dear. ***

Tom I rang the Echo and they rang a correspondent in the West Indies. I thought I had a wonderful story!

Louise I'm not surprised You can't afford a drink. Jilly What would you like, Tom? Tom A pint of bitter, please. Oh, and can you ask for a

receipt? Maybe I can claim for it. But that's not the end of the story. As I was leaving the house, I got the surprise of my life. I thought I had a big story.

*** Lil Billy!

Billy Lil, my darling! Lil You're back! And you look so well. What a lovely

suntan. Mind you, I wouldn't like all that heat. Billy A little present for you.

Lil Oh, what is it? Billy It was the biggest I could find.

Lil Oh, look at that diamond. Oh, isn't it lovely! Billy Who's he? Tom I'm from the Echo, Billy

Lil He wanted to know what you were like. So I told him . . A heart of gold, I said. Oh, it's nice to have you home.

Billy It's good to be back. Yes, and I'm going to see a football match tonight. England are playing at home.

Lil Yes. I thought you'd be back for that. Bye, dear. Tom Billy!

Lil Billy's shy. He doesn't like talking to reporters. Neither do I.

*** Tom So, that was that. And then, when I got back to the

office, the editor said I couldn't claim my sixty-five pounds because I hadn't got a receipt! Thank you, Lil. Er, Jilly, by the way, I wonder if you could lend me fifty pounds until next Thursday? I'd go to the bank, but, well, you see, I'm overdrawn at the moment. Great, thank you, Jilly.

Jilly Tom, could I have a receipt, please?

B IT'S ONLY MONEY

How to be British John Is this a good time to talk to you? Mike Yes of course. John I hope you don't think I'm being difficult. Mike Well, I don't know, do I? John You see, the point is ... Mike Yes? Come on. What do you want to tell me? John Well, I don't want to tell you anything. Mike Oh, well then. John No, I actually want to discuss something with you. Mike I'm all ears. John The thing is Mike What? John The washing-up liquid. Mike What about it? John I always buy the washing-up liquid. Mike Yea, I know. John It's not expensive. Mike No. John One pound thirty-two pence, to be precise. Mike Really. John Oh, yes. Washing-up liquid has gone up a lot since

you last bought it. Mike I see. John Where are you going? Mike I'm going to watch television. Look. There are thou-

sands of topics we could talk about - millions of topics. Art, politics, women, football. And you want to talk about washing-up liquid. I'm going to watch television.

John What I'm trying to say ... Mike Yes? John I'm trying to say ... Mike Yes? John Would it be possible for you to pay for the

washing-up liquid this time? I mean, part of it, anyway?

Mike Yea, of course! Why didn't you say so in the first place? Goodness me, we're friends, aren't we? Is fifty pence all right?

Street interviews Tamsen If I won the National Lottery, I’d buy lots of cars. I

can't drive, so I'd have to learn to drive first, but I would buy lots of sports cars, big red ones.

Sean If I won the lottery, the first thing I'd do is go and live somewhere else, somewhere where the sun shines all the time. I'd probably buy a nice house by the sea and spend my days lying by the pool drinking exotic cocktails.

Derek If I won the lottery, I'd probably spend two weeks on some distant islands enjoying myself, lapping up the waves and then I'd probably come back and realize that I've got very little money left and I'd have to go out and get a real job.

Louisa If I won the National Lottery, I wouldn't be one of these people who said it wouldn't change me, I'd invest a certain amount, but I'd certainly enjoy a lot. I'd spend most of it.

Vicki If I won the National Lottery, I’d give the money to my mum, nan, dad, spend some. I might give some to charity, um, like the cancer fund.

*** Dennis I wouldn't want to change my life at all. I'm very

happy as I am. If you change your life, you change all your friends or lose all your friends. I think I'd be very unhappy to win the National Lottery.

News from the past Trevor Good evening. Here is the news from That's

English! First the headlines ... Good news from the Stock Exchange as Great Britain's exports increase again ... Charles S. Rolls meets Henry Royce ... And, American Express introduce the traveller's cheque. But first our main story tonight is about the export figures for the past twelve months. Over to our economics correspondent, Peter O'Henry. Peter, are these export figures as good as people say?

Peter Yea, Trevor, they are. It's official. Britain is now the richest country in the world, and it looks as though it's going to stay that way for a very long time. Of course, much of this wealth comes from the British Empire.

Trevor Peter, there is talk in the City of London of a possible decline in the British Empire in the next century.

Peter Ha, ha, ha! There may be talk, Trevor, but that's all absolute nonsense! You know, all the experts say the British Empire will last for ever.

Trevor Are you sure? Peter If I had any money, I’d bet on it.

Trevor Thank you, Peter. Two talented men met today. Mr Henry Royce, who makes electrical equipment, and the wealthy sportsman, Mr Charles S. Rolls. They say they will open a factory to make the best cars in the world. So watch out for those Royce Rolls cars. And finally, a company called American Express have invented their own kind of money for travellers. They're calling the new type of money traveller's cheques. Thanks very much, but I think I’ll stick to pounds, shillings and pence for the time being.

From the archive Voiceover Christmas in Knightsbridge - amidst the festive

lights and trees, a glittering display of goods for those who can pay and even for some who can't.

Wendy If you haven't got cash readily available and you've got a bit of plastic in your hand. and you see something you want to buy for your family or your friends, it's easy to just go and use it, get what you want and worry about it afterwards.

Voiceover Wendy Workman ran up a debt of nearly seven thousand pounds on an income of just eleven thousand a year, some of it on a collection of store cards. Easily available in High Streets, they're convenient, especially for those who are finding seasonal expenses are getting on top of them, but when this Christmas's reckoning comes, it may well be particularly hard to swallow. Over two years ago, with interest base rates at fifteen per cent, these well-known stores were charging an annual percentage rate around and above thirty per cent. John Lewis was an honourable exception. Now with base rates more than halved, the big stores' rates have barely moved.

MP Frankly there is no justification for those rates of interest. What it means is that those stores are probably making as much money out of lending out money as they are actually trading as a store.

Voiceover One shopper, though, won't be tempted by those special offers this Christmas. Wendy Workman doesn't carry plastic anymore preferring to know exactly what she has in her purse.

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) For the British, horse racing is more

than just a sport or pastime. Going to the races is also a social event, even part of British cultural tradition. Over five million spectators every year visit one of the many race courses all over the country. They watch the races and... they also bet.

Gary (VO) There are different types of bets. For example, on the Tote, prizes depend on the number of people who have backed the winner. That is, all the money is divided among the winners.

Gary (VO) But you can also bet with any of the many bookmakers that you can find in the betting ring, next to the course. Each bookmaker, or 'bookie' as they are affectionately called, can offer any price he pleases. They have boards where they advertise the odds they are offering. The bets themselves are rewritten into their books.

Sara (VO) The betting ring is like a microworld with its own rules and it even has its own sign language

Sara (VO) An afternoon at the races can be an

exciting way of passing the time, even if you are not very lucky.

Gary (VO) But you can also bet outside the race courses. In all big towns you can find betting shops that are open nearly every day of the year. Here, you can follow horse races and other sports events on television screens. These events are transmitted by satellite from anywhere in the United Kingdom or even anywhere in the world.

Sara (VO) Trevor Spellman, a manager of Ladbrokes, told us about some of the things you can bet on here. You can bet on anything at Ladbrokes except the Royal Family or death. Mainly horse racing, greyhounds, rugby, football, motor racing, cricket, tennis...

Sara (VO) What's the biggest prize a person can win with a bet?

Trevor Spellman The biggest amount anyone can winin any one day is a million pounds.

Gary (VO) As you've just heard, you can bet on anything except the Royal Family. Most people bet onthe horses , although some prefer other kinds of bets. Trevor Spellman told us about some of the stranger bets that have been made at Ladbrokes.

Trevor Spellman Well, there's quite a few what you would call off-bets. For example,we have 'Alien beings landing on Earth before the year 2000. That's 200to 1. 'Package holidays to the moon', 50 to 1. A woman president of the USA before the end of the century, 500 to 1. 'The Loch Ness monsterto be found and authenticated', 50 to 1. 'Kylie Minogue to win an Oscar. That's 100 to 1. Cliff Richard to get a knighthood before the end of the century', 4 to 1.".

Sara (VO) But the game where you can win the most money is the new National Lottery. This is thefirst draw, in November 1994, transmitted to the whole country by the BBC.The secret of the enormous success of this game is in the prizes you can win. The record,up to now, is over eighteen million pounds.

Gary (VO) We couldn't speak to the winner of the eighteen million pounds.He's probably somewherein the Caribbean. But we spoke to a lady who won an important prize. Let's hear how much.

Lottery winner I won a hundred and thirty-four

thousand pounds. Gary (VO) What did you do with that

money? Lottery winner I bought a brand-new car. I bought

my mother a new cooker. And I'm going away onholiday. Lots of holidays.

Gary (VO) How much did you spend on the lottery ticket?

Lottery winner Just one pound. Gary (VO) A hundred and thirty-four thousand

pounds for just one pound. A good investment, don't youthink?Margaret, however, hopes to be luckier and win a bigger prize.

Lottery winner Why not? Maybe the million next time.

Gary (VO) What would you do with the money, if you won a million pounds?/What would you do if youwon a million pounds?

Lottery winner Buy a bigger car, not work, buy a big house, and perhaps live in Spain for a while.

4 LANGUAGE AND BEHAVIOUR

A D**N! Tom What a terrible night! It's freezing.

Louise It's not as cold as it was last night. Tom No, but it wasn't raining. Oh, damn!

Marco When I first came to England, my friend in Italy, he told me about the English. He said, 'In England they always talk about the weather. They never talk about food like we Italians. They talk about the weather.' He said if I want to do well, I should learn to talk about the weather, like the English.

Tom Nonsense! I never talk about the weather. Marco My first job in England was in a hotel. I was a

good waiter, but I didn't understand ... you know ... the English way.

Tom You mean the 'correct' way of behaving. ***

Mrs Smythe Would you mind if I sat by the window? Marco I don't mind, Missus. You can sit where you

want. Are you OK, Missus? What do you want?

Mrs Smythe Could you get me a menu, please? Marco Here, the menu.

(voiceover) She was not very friendly. So I talked to her about the weather. It's cold.

Mrs Smythe I'm warm enough, thank you. Marco No. In England, it's cold. It's always raining...

Mrs Smythe How interesting. Marco Right, what do you want, Missus?

Mrs Smythe I'll have the minestrone soup to start with, please.

Marco You shouldn't have the minestrone, Missus.

It's rubbish. I had the soup at lunch time. I took a spoonful. It's bloody horrible.

Mrs Smythe Well, really! Marco I only tell you because it's no good.

Mrs Smythe Then I'd like the avocado for the starter. And for the main course, I would like the steak. I like my steak well done. Did you hear what I said? I like it well done.

*** Marco Damn good avocado, eh? It's better than that

minestrone rubbish. ***

Mrs Smythe Waiter, I asked for my steak well done ... look at this.

Marco Damn! I'll change it pronto. Mrs Smythe What did you say!

Marco I said 'damn'! Mrs Smythe How dare you!

Marco I’ll get you a steak that is well done, Missus. ***

Marco At that time, I didn't know what was wrong with the woman.

Jilly I suppose an English waiter would say, 'I'm terribly sorry, madam. I'm so sorry. I really am sorry.’

Marco I think the English are quite polite. The manager of the hotel asked me to go to his office. In Italy the manager would say, ‘Marco, you're finished. You're no good'. But the English manager, he's a very nice man. Very friendly.

*** Manager Ah, Marco, how are you?

Marco Me? I'm fine. I like this job. Manager Sit down, please.

Marco I'm OK- I have to vacuum in the dining room ...

Manager Please ... sit down. Marco It's not raining now.

Manager No, it isn't. Marco Maybe the sun will come out, no?

Manager I don't think so, Marco. Mrs Smythe has made a complaint. She said that you swore at her.

Marco No, Marco is always polite to women. Manager She complained about her steak and you swore

at her. Marco Ah, yea! I said to her, 'Damn! I'll change it

pronto’. Manager You should never talk like that in the

restaurant. Marco OK, I'll never say 'damn' to a customer again.

Manager Unfortunately, Mrs Smythe is not a customer. She is the owner of the restaurant.

Marco Damn! No. I don't mean damn. I’ll talk to Mrs Smythe. I’ll tell her I’m sorry. I need the job. I am a good waiter. In Italy, everyone says Marco is a good waiter.

*** Marco It made no difference. I begged her to keep me

as a waiter, but the sacked me. Ob, what a horrible day!

Jilly So she sacked you for swearing and for being impolite.

Marco That is true. Jilly And now you're food critic at the Echo!

Marco That's right! Well, here's to Mrs Srnythe. Clive Hello, everyone! How are you all! My God,

it's cold out there!

B MANNERS

Street interviews Nigel I find it bad manners when people don’t do

what they said they were going to do. Lucy I think it's very bad manners to interrupt

somebody and it's bad manners to be impolite. I think people should always be friendly.

Julia You should never be rude to older people, I think that's bad manners.

Christopher Swearing in public I think is very bad manners.

Nigel I think the British have a reputation for being polite, but I'm not sure whether that's really true.

Gareth Bad manners are not being aware of the other person.

man Keith I think bad manners is all a question of

context. It depends where you are, it depends what country you're in and even how old you are. Do you know for example that in Japan, it's bad manners to blow your nose in public, but in Britain we do it all the time.

Mrs Simpson People just don't say 'thank you' enough. Tamsen I hate it when people don't say 'please' and

'thank you'. I say 'please' and 'thank you'. Why shouldn't they?

How to be British Mike Would you like a cup of tea? John Yes. Mike Yes, what? John Yea, I would like a cup of tea. Mike No. John No? But you asked me ... Mike No, this is important. When I say, 'Would you like a

cup of tea?', you mustn't say 'Yes.' John Oh ... But I want a cup of tea. Mike Yes, I know. But you shouldn't say, 'Yes.' John Why not? What should I say? Mike Look. You ask me. Go on. Ask me. Would you like ...

? John Would you like a cup of tea? Mike Yes, please. John Ah, yes please. Mike That's right. Please. Well, go on, then. John Go on what? Mike Go on, please. John Go on what, please? Mike Get me a cup of tea, please. You just asked me ... John I asked you? What did I ask you?

Mike Would you like a cup of tea? John Yea, please. I'd love one, please.

From the archive Woman Well, hello Bill, how are you?

Bill 0K, I guess. Voiceover Bill, aren't you going to learn? You're being very

rude to Martha's mother, she thinks you're very impolite. Look at you, sprawled out on that chair, you're supposed to rise when an adult speaks to you, everybody knows that. Now let's back up and try it again and see if you can be polite ... Oh, come on Bill, sit up, that's a chair not a bed ... that's better, watch it now, here she comes.

Woman Well, hello Bill, how are you? Bill Fine, thanks, I didn't expect to see you in

costume -that's pretty clever. Woman Well, thank you, you did pretty well yourself.

Bill Oh, thanks, do you like it? Woman I certainly do. Where's E1len? I want to see her.

Have fun. Voiceover Well, now, wasn't that better, look at the effect

of a little politeness. You've had a very pleasant talk with Martha's mother.

Bill Well, she seemed friendlier than usual. Voiceover That's because you were friendly and courteous.

News from the past Trevor Hello. Here is the news from That’s English! First

the headlines ... Women demand the same rights as men ... And should children be seen but not heard? A special report out today. But first the main story. More and more women are wanting equal rights with men. Some are even asking for the vote. Over to our special correspondent, Nick Diamond, who's outside the house of Mrs Pankhurst. Nick, what is it exactly that these women want?

Nick Well, Trevor, believe it or not, some of the women here, such as Mrs Pankhurst, say they should have the same rights and opportunities as men!

Trevor How extraordinary! Are there many of these women?

Nick Well, Trevor, there are only a few, but the numbers are-growing each day.

Trevor And do you think these women will succeed? Nick Well Trevor, I think that's very unlikely. As you

know, Trevor, most women still do exactly what their husbands tell them.

Trevor And what about their other demand - jobs for women?

Nick Well, Trevor, I don't think we will ever see a woman doing my job ... or your job.

Trevor Phew! Thanks, Nick. And finally a report out today says that some parents allow their children to talk at meal times. The report also says that fewer children are calling their father 'sir' or by the proper latin title 'pater'. Isn't discipline in the home getting worse? Yes, I'm afraid it is! That's all from me until tomorrow night. Till then . . . goodnight.

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) For centuries there was a rigid separation

between social classes in Great Britain. Sara (VO) This led to different social behaviour and

even differences in language between upper and lower classes.

Gary (VO) It was said that it was possible to identify a person's social class from their accent.

Sara (VO) To find out if this is still true nowadays, we asked Michael Argyle, a psychologist, if he thinks the class system in Great Britain is as rigid as it's always been.

Psychologist Yes, it is widely believed that there are big class differences in Britain, but I don't believe this is right, because if you look at the dispersion of incomes we are about the same in our income inequality as other European countries, and we are more equal than America. And if you look at social mobility, the number of people who go up or who go down, this is about the same as anywhere else. Where there is a difference, I think, is in our speech style. There are very big differences in accents and that makes people's class very obvious and easily identified."

Gary (VO) These beautiful façades belong to some clubs. They're near Piccadilly, an area of London, which has been known as 'Clubland' since the last century.

Sara (VO) The club is a typically British institution. We've chosen it as the perfect example of a system of strict class segregation.

Gary (VO) Clubs also show some taboos in British society.

Sara (VO) To talk about taboos and clubs we spoke to a specialist, the sociologist Susan Merchant.

Sara (VO) Could you give an example of a strong taboo in British society?

Susan I suppose if we are talking about taboos we could actually link it in with the class system in England. It's very difficult... if you look at someone coming from the lower classes, they've got an accent. To be accepted into the upper classes, with their lower-class accent, is quite difficult. Particularly if it's a male.

Sara (VO) One of the most well-known taboos about clubs is the fact that women are excluded. A respected club found itself in trouble when Margaret Thatcher was elected Prime Minister.

Gary (VO) It was a tradition in that club to grant membership to all British Prime Ministers, but ... women were not allowed to join.

Sara (VO) Nowadays women can go into certain areas of men's clubs, but they can't be members.

Gary (VO) We asked Susan if some clubs still require 'strange conditions' for the admission of a new member.

Susan ... about strange conditions? I think if you are talking about whites, you've got to be male. No females are allowed. Just simply males

and you're talking about middle to upper class.

Sara (VO) Clubs are certainly quiet places, ideal for reading, studying, meditating, or if one so wishes, for boredom.

Gary (VO) Many of these clubs are real museums. They house beautiful old furniture ... crockery ... beautiful prints and paintings ... portraits of distinguished members.

Sara (VO) In the past there were some strange clubs, such as the Club of Silence, whose members were not allowed to speak, or the Club of Fat Men. But only the more artistic, political or aristocratic have survived up to the present.

Gary (VO) Clubs now have economic problems and have been declining since the 1950s, but in former times they were meeting places for important people of the British cultural, scientific or political worlds.

Sara (VO) I think one can say that the most important decisions in the British history of the last two centuries have been made within their walls. But I think one can also say that time here has stood still.

5 LET'S MAKE A MOVIE!

A LIGHTS, ROLL CAMERA . . . ACTION! Marco What's on at the cinema?

Clive Um ... there's The Killer Baby, Small Town Massacre, Reservoir of Blood and, oh, Violent Death part 3.

Tom Gosh. What's The Killer Baby about? Clive It's about a baby. . . a baby who kills other babies. Tom Oh! Yes. That sounds good. Great. Where's it on? Clive At the Canon. It was directed by Robin Hoyle ...

There's a review here. It's a film about how we need to experience violence in order to understand ourselves.

Louise I just can't watch violent films. Jilly I've got a neighbour who's taken up film-making. Tom Really? Jilly It all started last Tuesday. Every Tuesday morning I

have to put the rubbish out. I hate putting the rubbish out...

*** Derek Good. Good. Don't stop.

Jilly Derek, what are you doing? Derek Don't look at the camera!

Jilly I don't want to be filmed in my dressing gown. Derek Why not? It's real life. I'm making a documentary

about Rosehill Crescent, a documentary which shows life as it really is. We film people call it 'cinema verité'. 'Verité' means real life, Jilly. Real people. Ordinary people. People like you.

Jilly Thank you, Derek. It sounds fascinating. Quentin Tarantino must be worried!

Derek Jilly, could you take the rubbish inside and then bring it out again?

Jilly Do you think I like taking the rubbish out?

Derek I want to get a picture of your face now. We film people call it a 'close-up'.

Jilly No one wants to watch me taking my rubbish out. Derek It won't take a minute.

Jilly I'm going to be late for work. Derek This is art, Jilly.

Jilly What an idiot! Derek Jilly, I’ll call 'Lights, roll camera and . . . action!!!'

Jilly What are you talking about? There aren't any lights. Derek No. I know.

Jilly It's just what you film people say, I suppose. Derek Please, Jilly. It won't take a second. OK? Lights, roll

camera . . . and action! Cut! Cut! Jilly, darling. Could you try to look happier? Yes? A bit of a smile? OK. Positions everyone. Resident putting out rubbish. Take two. Lights, roll camera ... and action! Cut!

Jilly What now? Derek Jilly, could you hold the rubbish a bit higher.

Jilly Derek, I thought you said this was called 'cinema verité’.

Derek It is, but I can't see the rubbish. That's it. Marvellous. Once more then please, Jilly. Lights, roll camera ... and action!

*** Jilly He made me to do the same take six times.

Clive It's a good role for you. Tom People will think that you're a rubbish actor.

*** Jilly He's bought a camcorder and he thinks he's Martin

Scorcese. Anyway, Derek became a verité nuisance. He even tried to stop the traffic in the High Street so that he could film my partner shopping. As he was struggling with the gate, the groceries went all over the path.

*** Errol Oh, damn! Aren't you going to help me?

Derek No. It's marvellous. It's so natural. Jilly We were sitting in the back garden when we realised

we were being watched. Derek That's wonderful!

Jilly No, it's not. What about our privacy? Errol Will you please stop filming.

Derek Ah, that's it. Real emotion! Get angry. Errol I've had enough.

Derek Let's see some action. ***

Jilly His camera was ruined. I hope that's the end of Derek's career as a film director.

Tom It could be the beginning of a new career for you. You do look a bit like Ingmar Bergman.

Jilly Thanks very much. Ingmar Bergman is a man. Clive He's the one who directed Fanny and Alexander. I

think he means Ingrid Bergman, the actress. Tom No, no. I meant Ingmar.

B MOVING PICTURES

News from the past Trevor Good evening. Here is the news from That’s

English! First the headlines ... The Lumière

Brothers create the first moving pictures ... Audiences watch films of anything that moves ... Pubs and churches empty because of movie madness. Tonight's main headline is the moving image. And we are going over to Nick Diamond, our media correspondent. Nick, first, who are the Lumière Brothers?

Nick Well, Trevor, they are Auguste and Louis Lumière, who come from Lyon in France.

Trevor Haven't moving images already been shown in America by Thomas Edison?

Nick Yes. that's absolutely right, Trevor. But Thomas Edison's pictures can only be seen if you look into a box.

Trevor And what about the Lumière Brothers' moving pictures?

Nick They are projected onto a wall, so, for example, a picture of a cat can look as big as a horse.

Trevor A cat as big as a horse! Thank you, Nick. And now to today's other stories. All over the country, audiences are watching moving pictures. Pubs and churches are losing customers, as lots of people go to see the machine they call a 'kinematograph'. People are saying that moving pictures are here to stay. But I doubt it very much. That's all from me until tomorrow night. Till then ... goodnight.

Street interviews Mr Cornish I like westerns and war films.

Mrs Cornish And I like detective, murder mysteries. Vicki Film that I like are comedies, thrillers,

suspense. ***

Nigel I like films that make me think, not a particular type, like horror or science fiction.

Tamsen I like comedies. I think when I go to the cinema, I want to laugh, so I go and see a comedy because they're funny.

Julia I like films which are exciting - action films and, um, films that make me laugh, sort of comedies and things.

Gareth I like comedy most of all and action and adventure films as well.

Christopher I like action films - Schwarzenegger and Jean Claude Van Damme, but I also like the romantic films as well.

*** Keith I think that American films are generally

more polished than British films. More money is invested in them, perhaps more time is taken when you're shooting an American film. English films sometimes are a bit more amateur.

Sean I like European films more than American films, I like French films, modern British films and I particularly like Almodóvar, the Spanish film maker.

John Um, yes, I've, I've enjoyed, I've enjoyed a number of American films, um, I don't go to the cinema that often but I follow it a lot, film reviews and um, um, reviews on television. I

think the last one I went to was Four Weddings and a Funeral, very good.

From the archive Presenter And the winner is... Hugh Grant. Voiceover It was the moment the charming, classically

repressed Englishman took on some of the biggest names in Hollywood and won. And for Hugh Grant, paid just sixty-two thousand pounds to play the diffident bachelor Charles in Four Weddings and a Funeral a moment to savour.

Hugh Uh, God, um, this is ... it, it, it's tragic how much I'm enjoying getting this ...

Voiceover Like the character Charles, Hugh Grant is still single, but his girlfriend of eight years Liz Hurley, was with him for the ceremony. It was special thanks for her ...

Hugh ... and my girlfriend Elizabeth Hurley who put up with easily the nastiest, um, most ill-tempered primadonna-ish actor in English cinema for six weeks, um, and then came back to mc which was really nice.

How to be British Mike Hello, how are you? John Fine. What are you doing? Mike I was trying to kiss you on the cheek. John You can't do that! Mike Why not? John It's not right Mike Yes, it is. John What are people going to think? Two men kissing. Mike Look. I was only greeting you as a friend. John Yes, well. A handshake will do. A firm handshake. Mike How are you? John There's no need for the other hand. One hand is

enough. Mike It's nice to see you. John It's nice to see you, too. Why don't you sit over there?

That's where you usually sit. Mike I like it here. John Sit over there. I can see you better there. Mike I've been watching Godfather 3. John Oh! Is that the film that Francis Ford Coppola

directed? Mike Yes. John He's not a bad director. Mike Yes. Um, I love the way the Italians greet each other.

They kiss and they hug John Yes, but they're Italian. I don't want to kiss you or

hug you. Mike Why not? Why should we be so cold with each other?John Because we're British.

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) These are the famous Pinewood studios,

about thirty kilometres west of London. They're the most famous film studios in Europe and some of the most prestigious in the world.

Gary (VO) Pinewood has several stages on which films

for the cinema or for television are continuously being shot. One of these is the "007 stage", the biggest film stage in the world, where most James Bond films have been shot. It's so big that they could even build the set for a railway station.

Sara (VO) In the last fifty years, hundreds of films have been shot at Pinewood. Some are very well-known, such as 'Aliens' or 'Superman'. This office building, for example, was Robert Redford's palace in 'The Great Gatsby'..

Gary (VO) There seem to be memories of the history of cinema in every corner here at Pinewood.

Sara (VO) During our visit we were able to watch the shooting of a science-fiction film. Gerry Anderson, the director, told us about the film.

Film director Well, what you see behind me here, is a major set, what we call a standing set, for a television series called 'Space Precint'. The stories are really about what one might say New York cops in space. That's why it's called 'Space Precint'. And the heroes are two American policemen from the New York police force sometime in the 21st century, who have moved out to a precint by a planet somewhere in outer space. And this is the police station where they work. And this police station is actually not on the planet, but it is on a satellite orbiting, revolving around the planet, which is called Altor.

Gary (VO) In "Space Precint" many of the characters are aliens. To shoot these scenes they make very sophisticated masks which they then fit onto the actors' faces

Sara (VO) We visited the workshop where these masks are made. They're called "prosthetics" (?).It's an interesting place. Here you can see the new masks for "Space Precint", together with those for monsters and characters from other films made at Pinewood.

Sara (VO) Some of these masks have complex mechanisms to achieve movements and face expressions which are almost human.

Gary (VO) However, it's not easy to shoot with masks and models. We asked Mr Anderson which part of the shooting he finds the hardest Well, 'Space Precint' is a ... being a science-fiction subject is built around complicated model shooting and live-action shooting. Live action is what I do. I'm a live-action film director. And the difficult thing is integrating, tying in together, the model shots and the live-action shots.

Sara (VO) A difficult job, but very interesting. We're sure Mr Anderson enjoys every moment in the making of a film. However, we wanted to know which part he enjoys the most. Well, that is a difficult question for a film director. I like shooting drama, but I also like editing the film together, because you do something on the floor of the stage, you plan it, and then

perhaps when you edit the film you find other solutions to the problems than the one you started out with. I think I prefer shooting but it is difficult to choose for me between making the film, shooting it, and then editing it.

Gary (VO) This was our visit to Pinewood studios. A walk around a part of the history and magic of the cinema.

6 LONE PARENTS

A COOCHI COOCHI All Clive!

Jilly How are you, Clive? Clive I'm fine, thanks. Jilly And how's Stephen?

Clive He's fine. Jilly We haven't seen you for a few weeks.

Clive I know, but it's so difficult to get a babysitter. Tom How old is Stephen now? Clive He's one. It's good to see you all. Yeah, we used to

have a lot of fun. Tom Yes, we really used to enjoy ourselves on Friday

nights. Oh, well ... How did you get on at the office today? It was your first day back, wasn't it?

Clive Well, it was strange to go back to the old office. I was in the world of adults again ...

*** Clive Tom! How are you? Tom Fine. Hello, coochi coochi. What are you doing

here, Clive? Clive Janie asked me to come in. She said that there might

be some freelance work. Tom Great! It's good to see you back. How about a drink

at lunch time? Oh. Ah, I've just remembered - I've got another appointment. Busy, busy, busy. Come to the pub on Friday.

*** Janie Come in, Clive. What's that? Clive It's a baby. Janie I can see that, Clive. What's it doing in my office? Clive I'm sorry, Janie, but I couldn't get a babysitter. Bless

you. Janie I asked you to come to my office. Clive Yes. Janie I expected you to come by yourself. I didn't ask you

to bring a baby Clive This isn't a baby. It's Stephen. Janie I don't care ... Did you see that? Clive What? Janie He smiled at me. He smiled at me ... Oh, isn't he

sweet? What a lovely smile! Oh, coochi, coochi, coochi. Isn't he gorgeous?

Clive You didn't use to like babies. Janie Well, I don't see many, but I love them at this age. I

sometimes think I'd like to have one myself. Right ... to business. We have a new project for Millicheap. I'm expecting to sign the contract this afternoon.

Clive Good. Janie And I need an experienced freelancer. Clive Well, I certainly need the money. Janie And you could bring Stephen into the office. Clive Really? Thanks! I didn't know you liked babies so

much! ***

Clive I've never seen Janie so friendly. She said the company ought to have a crèche to take care of children.

Louise I always thought Janie was a monster. Marco Well, they say the smile of a child can warm the

coldest heart. Clive She even offered me fifteen pounds an hour. But

then things started to go wrong. ***

Janie So if you can start on Monday, three hours a day ... oh, coochi, coochi, coochi ... What's that smell? ... Has he done something?

Clive I'll change his nappy. Janie Not in my office you won't. What's he doing' Those

are important documents No! No!! Clive He thinks you're angry with him. Janie I am angry with him! Hello! Ah, hello Mr

Millicheap. This is Janie Roberts ... No. I'm at the office ... It's nothing. It's just a baby. Shoo! Shoo! Will you go away! I've had enough! No, I was talking to the baby ... not to you, Mr Millicheap. Mr Millicheap, we would like to sign the contract this afternoon ... Mr Millicheap? ... . Mr Millichcap? ... He's gone! Get him out of here! Why can't he behave himself?

Clive He's only one! Janit He has no consideration for other people. Where's

his mother? Clive Stephen, come here. Janie Come here, you! Look, just come here! Clive Oh, Stephen! Are you all right? Janie Is he all right!

*** Clive Anyway, the next day, I got a call from Janie telling

me not to bring Stephen into work again. Louise It must be hard being a single parent - bringing up a

child by yourself. Clive Yes, it is difficult being a single parent because of

other people - people like Janie Roberts...

B FAMILY LIFE Gareth I think family life has changed a lot. Families

used to be more together and now they're broken up more, often families only have one parent, for example.

Dennis Well, certainly it's very different from when I was a boy...

Mrs Simpson Oh, yes, it's very different. The young people leave home as soon as they can after school, uh, they are so much more independent...

Keith I think family life is different in Britain nowadays ... um, one of the things that's different is that children are more

independent and parents give their children a lot more freedom much earlier in life. When I was a child we were often kept at home, we weren't allowed to go out and play late, but I know that my sister has a little girl and she gives her a lot of freedom.

*** Nigel I think family life has become less important

and people rely more on friends than their parents and family.

Lucy Oh, no, I don't think it's different at all, I think the family is still very, very important in England. Well, my family's very important to me anyway.

Julia For some families, life might be different nowadays, but for our family we still get together on Sundays and have big family days together.

How to he British Mike Do you remember being a baby? John No. Mike I do. I used to lie there going 'goo, goo, goo, goo, ga,

ga, ga...’ John Shhh! Don't be disgusting. Mike It isn't disgusting. It's life! It's marvellous! John Don't talk so loud. Mike We all used to be babies, didn't we? John Yea, but there's no need to talk about it in public.

Please! Mike It's life, I tell you! John I'm terribly sorry. He's not himself. He's been unwell. Mike I used to stick my tongue out at people, like this ... John Behave yourself

News from the past Trevor Hello. Here is the news from That’s English! The

headlines ... Today a woman went to work in the City of London ... And, how Queen Victoria brought up her children without a husband. But first, today's main story. Over now to Nick Diamond, our correspondent in the City of London. Nick. what exactly is happening there?

Nick Well, Trevor, it seems that a Mrs Margaret Fuller has come to work here in the City. Of course, until now, women have always stayed at home and looked after the children. So this is a big shock.

Trevor And what sort of job is Mrs Fuller doing? Nick Well. I talked to her boss today, and he said she will

be a typing clerk. Trevor Nick, isn't typing man's work?

Nick Well, Trevor, ever since the typewriter was invented, it has been man's work. But it looks as though, within a short time, there may be many more women typists in offices all over the country. Some women are even saying that they want to choose between staying at home and working! They are saying they want to 'support themselves', and they shouldn't have to stay at home and look after the children!

Trevor Well, I'm blessed! And finally ... the most famous single parent of them all, Queen Victoria, told

reporters how she managed to bring up nine children without Prince Albert. The secret of her success? She says parents should stay out of the nursery. 'Leave all that to the servants,' says Her Majesty! Good advice, Ma'am! But that's all from the That’s English! news team ... goodnight.

Street interviews Sean I have many friends who are not married, who

are single mothers, and I think it's quite common these days.

Christopher Over the last twenty years, I think people have stopped loving each other as much as they used to. It's a bit of a shame, 'cos there are more and more single-parent families around now, so yes, family life I think has changed quite a lot.

Tamsen My cousin's a single mum and she gets on really well with her daughter, and her daughter really likes just having her mum all to herself.

From the archive Voiceover Gillian Constable is typical of the women

uncovered by this new survey. She's been a single parent since her relationship with Grace's father broke down and most of her small income comes from the state. Like millions of other single parents, Gillian can only take low-paid, part-time work.

Gillian Once you start working, you're expected to pay full rent, full poll tax, and obviously there's childcare, and having two children makes it very expensive for child-care, etc., and I've found I actually worked for a year and found that I was actually worse off.

Voiceover Eighteen per cent of the women surveyed were divorced by the time they were thirty-three. No less than twenty-four per cent of the women were single parents at some time and eighty-five per cent of the single parents were alone because of marital breakdown. Organizations concerned with the problems of women like Gillian are worried that the Government are planning to cut universal benefits.

Man It certainly would be a tragedy, I think, if the Government thought of reducing benefits for these people at all, but many of them are utterly dependent on state benefits of one sort or another and to remove that would actually be to remove their opportunity for being able to better themselves and being able to move out of the trap that they're in.

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) This is Edinburgh. And this is Jeremy Ryder-

Jones. He's a lone father. He was born in South Africa forty-four years ago, but he's lived in Scotland since he was a boy. He looks after his two children on his own, and is in charge of all domestic duties. Jeremy works independently as a cabinet-maker. This allows him to adapt his working timetable to the children's school

timetable. Jeremy is a cultured, sensitive man, who welcomed us into his home. These are his two sons. We asked Jeremy how they had become a one-parent family.

Jeremy Well, my ex-partner decided that she wanted to have an independent life, so she decided to leave and hire a flat and set up an alternative...

Sara (VO) Jeremy's children come home at lunchtime. Whenever his work allows it, Jeremy is at home to prepare their lunch. Lewis is eight and Nathan twelve. They seem to manage pretty well with the household chores. However, we asked Jeremy if he thinks his home is run the same, better, or worse than if there was a woman in charge.

Jeremy Well, before she left we really shared most of the responsibilities in the home, and I like to think that in practical terms there hasn't been really any significant change. But I'm sure the children miss having their mother in an emotional sense.

Gary (VO) When the children return to school, Jeremy goes back to his work in the workshop he has at home. Fiona MacPherson lives in another part of Edinburgh . She's also a lone parent, and, like Jeremy she welcomed us into her home . Fiona was born in Edinburgh thirty- eight years ago. She's bringing up her two daughters, Cara and Aim‚e, by herself. She doesn't get any help from her former partner. This is Aim‚e, the youngest. She's two and a half years old and was born after Fiona separated from her husband. Fiona has financial problems. She's unemployed and lives exclusively on state benefit. We asked Fiona is she finds any advantages in being a one- parent family.

Fiona None really. Apart from being able to have sole control over the children's upbringing, there's nothing .

Sara (VO) Fiona is studying French and Italian at Stevenson College. This will give her the opportunity to study these languages at the University of Edinburgh. In this way, she hopes to be able to get a qualified job when she finishes University, and escape from the the poverty trap that she's in . But for a lone parent, the problems are not only financial. So we asked her if her daughters missed having a father.

Fiona No, not at all. Cara, my oldest daughter, she...I already had Cara before I met my husband, and he was very cruel, both physically and mentally towards her, so she doesn't miss him at all. She was very frightened of him. And Aim‚e was born after the separation. We separated and then she was born.

Gary (VO) This is Cara's school. Cara is ten and a half. Every day, when she finishes school, Fiona and Aim‚e are waiting to meet her. Then, they all go for a walk or to enjoy themselves playing in the park.

7 IT'LL MAKE A MAN OF YOU

A THE RIGHT SCHOOL Clive I think all children should have the same

opportunities in education. Tom Yes, but that's not always possible. Jilly Well, we had a lot of trouble with Paul's

education. He never did any work at school, and the teachers were too busy to do anything about it. Things were just getting worse and worse. . .

*** Jilly Paid, have you done your homework? Paul Yeah. Jilly Can I see it, please? Paul I haven't done it yet, Mum. I just want to finish

this game. Jilly You've been playing on that computer all

evening. I told you to do your homework first. Do it now!

Paul In a minute ... Jilly Right.

*** Jilly There aren't many children who get an

opportunity like this. Paul I don't want to leave home, Mum. Jilly I don't want you to leave home either. But I do

want you to do well at school. Things have got to change. To start with, you watch TV and play on that computer all day long. That's no good. Then, you never do your homework. Then every day, we have a fight about your homework So, I've had enough! You need some proper discipline. At Stanford, there are thirty-five children in a class. One teacher can't keep an eve on thirty-five children properly. At Selby College, there are fifteen in a class.

Paul Yeah, but they're all boys, Mum. I don't want to leave Stanford Comprehensive. It's where all my friends are.

Jilly You mean it's where Susan Smith is. Paul Yeah. Jjilly You shouldn't be thinking about girls all the

time. ***

Paul But Selby College is a hundred miles away from home.

Jilly Don't worry, we'll soon be there. Paul I want to stay in day school. I don't want to go

to boarding school. I won't know anyone there.Jilly You'll soon make friends. Paul It's like going to prison. Jilly Paul, public school is a privilege. It's not a

prison. Paul They're really strict there. Jilly Yes. Good. At Selby College, discipline is

important. Paul Why do you want to get rid of me? Jilly I don't want to get rid of you, Paul. I just want

the best for you. When it comes to getting a

job, you'll need good qualifications. You'll thank me when you're older.

Paul But my results at school aren't that bad. Jilly They're not that good either. At Selby College

you'll learn much more than just History, English and Maths. You'll learn about discipline - and manners.

*** Jilly Look at it. It's magnificent. Selby College is

based on old traditions. Paul Yeah, like cold showers and bullying. And

caning. Jillyy It's against the law to cane these days. Now, I

want you to be very polite to the headmaster. ***

Jilly Paul was very quiet as the headmaster showed us around the school.

Jilly I'm surprised at you. How could you send your own son away!

Tom I went to boarding school. It was good for me. Jilly Hmm. Tom It was great fun in the dormitory. We had

pillow fights most nights. Louise Yes, but it was a very strict school, wasn't it?

You told me that the teachers used to beat you if you did anything wrong.

Tom Yes, but ... Louise I suppose it made a man of you.

Tom Yes, I suppose it did really. Jilly It wasn't easy for me. But I had to do

something with Paul. Anyway the headmaster showed us around ...

*** Headmaster ... and these are our playing fields where many

a victory has been won. Jilly Will Paul get enough exercise?

Headmaster Ah. Mrs Partridge. We, at Selby College, pride ourselves on our exercise regime. Every morning, at half past six, the boys go for a good run. Arw you good at rugby, er, Paul?

Paul No. Headmaster Oh. What about cricket?

Paul No. It's boring. Headmaster Oh, dear. Sport is very important here at Selby

College. Any good at rowing? No? Don't worry, Mrs Partridge, we'll make a man of him. What do you want to do when you leave school, Paul?

Paul I want to earn money. Headmaster We like our boys to go to a good university.

Have you done any Latin? Audi, vidi, tace. Paul What?

Headmaster Audi - listen, vidi - look, tace - be quiet. Have you studied the Latin language at all?

Paul I don't think so. Headmaster Hmm. Don't worry, Mrs Partridge. It's just a

matter of discipline. We'll take care of him. ***

Paul Mum, I promise. I promise ... If you ask me to do my homework, I'll do it. If you tell me not to watch TV, I’ll turn it off. I'll go to bed at

nine o'clock. I promise. Jilly Really? Paul Yes. I'll do anything. Jilly Anything, Paul? Will you make your bed in

the morning? Paul Yes, I promise. Jilly Will you keep your room tidy? Paul I'll do anything, but please don't send me to

Selby College. Jilly Do you promise? Paul Yes, Mum. Yes. Jilly Then I shall ring up the headmaster and tell

him I've changed my mind. ***

Jilly It worked very well. Paul's school report this term was excellent.

Clive But how could you possibly have afforded to send Paul to Selby College?

Jilly I could never afford to send him there. But, luckily, Paul never thought of that!

B PROBLEMS AT SCHOOL

Street interviews Nigel I went to a grammar school and then came

here to study at Cambridge University. Vicki My education started off in a primary school

and then I went to infants, junior, secondary and I'm planning on going to college.

John I was at a private preparatory school then a public school, which of course are not public, and then, when I came out of the army at the end of the war, I was at Cambridge.

Louisa I went to a comprehensive school. I'm now at university and I'm studying management studies and economics.

Mrs Cornish I had a convent education, um, leaving I suppose [as a] fourteen-, fifteen-year-old.

Sean When I was very young, I went to a kindergarten in Africa. In Britain, I went to primary school, then I went to grammar school and then I came to London to go to university, to University College, which was the first university to accept women and people of any religion.

*** Keith ... but I think that my best memories come

from when I was at school. I met a lot of good friends there and I learnt a lot as well.

Tamsen I went to the same school from age eight to eighteen, which is quite unusual, I think, and then I went to university. I went to Oxford, actually, I really enjoyed it - I had a great time, I made lots of friends and I played lots of sport, which I really like.

Mrs Simpson I went to boarding school, which, uh, which is a private education and which means that I lived at the school, um, during the term time and it was a long way from home, but I loved it, it was great fun.

From the archive Voiceover At the moment Shakespeare is just about the only

work of literature schools must teach by law, but the proposals drawn up by the National Curriculum Council mean schools will have a whole range of books, plays and poems defined for them. In secondary schools, younger children must choose from a range of plays such as Pygmalion, fiction pre-dating the nineteen hundreds like Treasure Island and more modern works such as Golding's Lord of the Flies. Older children will get their teeth into plays like Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman or fiction such as Pride and Prejudice.

Teacher One of the key objectives of the revised proposals is to ensure that our children do read widely, that they read a wide range of literature, of poetry, of drama, that they're introduced progressively to more demanding texts, that they are introduced to texts of central importance to our literary heritage.

Voiceover But it's the emphasis on standard English, such as speaking correctly, which is causing most controversy.

Teacher Now standard English is the correct use of vocabulary and grammar. We're talking about things that, for example, 'He ain't right, 'We was robbed', are not correct English.

News from the past Trevor Hello. Here is the news from That's English! The

headlines ... The school-leaving age is raised to twelve ... And, school teacher goes cycling on Sunday. But first, today's main story is that, because of the new Education Act, children must now stay at school until they are twelve. Our education correspondent has the storv. Nick, is this new Education Act going to make big difference?

Nick Well. Trevor, some working-class parents here are very angry indeed about this new Act. They have children aged eleven who are working in factories, earning money that the parents desperately need.

Trevor Nick. this means bigger class sizes, doesn't it? What effect is that going to have on children's education?

Nick Well, Trevor, experts are now saying that the ideal size for a school class is between sixty and seventy pupils per teacher, so there's no problem in the immediate future.

Trevor Thank you Nick. And finally, the story of the school teacher who went cycling on a Sunday. The local vicar saw Mary Talbot on her bicycle last Sunday. He said he could see one of her ankles quite dearly! The vicar told 7hat's English! news that he does not want this type of woman to educate children. As a result, he has told Miss Talbot not to return to her job as assistant mistress at St Jude's Infant School. Quite right, too! That's all from the 7hat's English! news team . . . goodnight.

How to he British Mike You're late.

Piano teacher Only ten minutes.

Mike Only ten minutes! Piano teacher That's nothing.

Mike What do you mean? Piano teacher I was two hours late for my last pupil.

Mike Well, aren't you going to apologise? Piano teacher Apologise?

Mike Yea, apologise. I think you should say you're sorry.

Piano teacher All right. Sorry. Mike Sorry! What kind of apology is that?

Piano teacher All right, then. I'm really sorry for being late. Does that satisfy you?

Mike All right. Piano teacher Now, last week I asked you to practise the E

major scale, and I told you to keep your wrists straight and your fingers ...

Mike Yes, I'm sorry, but I've been very busy this week ...

Piano teacher So? Mike I haven't had much time to practise ...

Piano teacher Well, go on. Let's hear it. Mike Oh, dear. I'm frightfully sorry. It really does

sound awful, doesn't it? Piano teacher It's OK.

Mike Oh, dear. I really am most dreadfully sorry. I'm wasting your time.

Piano teacher Stop apologising ... and play.

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) This is Heriot-Watt University, on the outskirts

of Edinburgh. It gets its name from two famous Scots: James Watt, inventor of the steam engine, and George Heriot, a great 17th-century merchant.

Gary (VO) Heriot-Watt is a modern university which specializes in technical studies, with a number of specialities that can only be studied here.

Sara (VO) From Submarine Engineering to Virtual Reality, Programming or Laser Studies, the most advanced technology is at the service of teaching and industry. Heriot-Watt University claims to be different. We asked David Boak, responsible for the Department of External what makes Heriot-Watt different.

David Boak Heriot-Watt is different because the courses and the research we undertake here are relevant to industry and commerce. The courses in Engineering, Science, Physics, mean that the students become professionals in those areas and the research we do for the oil industry, or the finance industry, are all relevant to the professions.

Sara (VO) How many different degrees does Heriot-Watt University offer?

David Boak In all you can study 40 different degrees now at this campus. In Engineering, in Science, in subjects related to Business Studies, Accountancy and Economics.

Gary (VO) One of the most peculiar degrees is Brewing and Distilling. In our visit to Heriot-Watt University we visited the International Centre

for Brewing and Distilling, possibly the only one in the world offering this degree to undergraduates.

Sara (VO) The students learn the best way of brewing beer or distilling whisky in order to be able to apply this knowledge later in the beer and whisky industry. Ian Campbell, explained to us why this degree was created.

Professor Campbell

Well, that's for historical reasons. In Edinburgh at one time we had over thirty breweries. Heriot- Watt College, as it then was, trained students for industry, and since brewing was a very important local industry it became an important subject in Heriot-Watt College, now Heriot-Watt University.

Sara (VO) Classes are very practical and attempt to prepare professionals who will be able to work indifferent jobs in industry, both in Great Britain and abroad. We asked Mr Campbell about the professional careers open to students who take this course.

Professor Campbell

Oh, they can ... They find jobs in many different industries. Some find jobs in the malting industry, producing malt for breweries or distilleries. Others work in small breweries where they carry out everything in that brewery. Others in the brewing industry are working in a particular department of the brewery, and then others go into the distilling industry. And a few have found work elsewhere, as in the wine or cider production..

Gary (VO) Heriot-Watt University has eight thousand eight hundred students. About one thousand four hundred live on campus. During our visit we saw students from different countries. That's why we asked Mr Boak if Spanish students can also study at Heriot-Watt.

David Boak Spanish students can indeed study at Heriot-Watt. They are very welcome, whether as full-time students spending three or four years, or as exchange students, coming here perhaps just for one year as students of language, or Science, or of Engineering.

Sara (VO) A wonderful opportunity to study in one of the most modern European universities: Heriot-Watt.

MODULE 8 TELEVISION TRANSCRIPTS

1 CONSUMERISM

A MAKING YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE Clive How’s your new car? Tom It’s fantastic. Jilly A toy for a boy! Tom Louise, you ought to come for a ride in my car.

Louise I would be embarrassed if I had a car that was so bad for the environment.

Tom It’s very fast. Louise I don’t care.

Tom And it’s big. Do you know I’ve always dreamed of having a car like that.

*** Salesman This car is a dream.

Tom Yes. How did you know? Salesman It’s every man’s dream. They see a car like this

and they dream of driving it with a beautiful woman in the passenger seat. You know, most men only dream. They are frightened to drive a car like this. You see, it’s safer to dream.

Tom Yes. Salesman You know, few men are brave enough to make

their dreams come true. Tom It’s a beautiful car, but it’s ...

Salesman Turn on the stereo ... It sounds great, doesn’t it? Tom Wow! ... It’s a beautiful car but it’s just a bit too

expensive. Of course, if I had the money, I’d buy it.

Salesman Let’s go for a drive ... just for a few minutes. Tom But I haven’t got the money.

Salesman Just for fun. ***

Greg Tom, the bank is happy to lend you the money for this new car.

Tom Great ... It’s beautiful, isn’t it? It’s going to change my life.

Greg Really? Tom It’s going to give life meaning. Greg Tom ... Tom Look at it. It’s got class. Greg Can I talk to you as a friend rather than as your

bank manager? Tom Sure. Greg What the hell are you doing? This is a very

expensive car. Do you know what the insurance on that thing will be?

Tom Do you know how fast it goes? One hundred and thirty-five miles an hour!

Greg And what about petrol? Tom You’re just jealous. You have your Sondeus, but

secretly you dream of this car. Greg, you have to be brave to make your dreams come true.

***

Clive Then what happened? Tom I went to the garage to complain. I thought the

car was under guarantee. Clive Didn’t you read the small print on the contract? Tom I didn’t read it carefully enough.

*** Tom Oi! I’ve had a lot of trouble with this car.

Salesman She’s like a race horse. Tom It doesn’t work.

Salesman An animal like this needs a lot of attention. Tom Well. I haven’t the time or the money.

Salesman She’s a lovely lady! Tom How much will you give me for it?

Salesman I can give you three thousand pounds. Tom But I paid seven thousand for it.

Salesman Well, yes, but it’s not easy to sell a car like this nowadays. People want more practical cars.

Tom But you ... Salesman It’s the cost of the insurance and the petrol

consumption. Tom You said every man dreamed of this car.

Salesman Well, yes, every man dreams about it. But only a foolish man would buy it.

*** Tom She’s a beautiful car.

Marco I’ve always dreamed of a car like that. If I had a car like that, I’d ...

Tom If you bought this car, Marco, you wouldn’t have to dream. But have to be a brave man to make your dreams come true.

Marco Yes. Tom Let’s go for a drive.

Marco I’d buy it if a could afford it. But I can’t. I can’t afford it.

Tom Come on. Just for fun.

B MAKING COMPLAINTS

Street interviews Tamsen The last time I complained about something I

was travelling by train, and my train was late, and I complained and the man was horrible. He said, ‘Why are you bothering to complain? The trains are always late.’ But I still complained.

Nigel I think the last time I complained was when I didn’t get enough beer in my glass, I asked for some more, and they happily gave me some.

Lucy I remember when I bought a dress from a shop and it was of inferior quality, so I took the dress back and I complained, and they gave me the money back straightaway.

Gareth I don’t think the English complain enough – they always accept what’s given to them. But I, for example, complained about my car when the mechanic didn’t fix it, and I had to take it back.

*** Louisa About six months ago, I went for a meal, and

there was a hair in it, so I complained and I got my money back.

*** Keith I recently had loads of problems with my

video recorder, which kept breaking down, and it even destroyed one of the cassettes I put in it.

*** Christopher Two months ago, I bought a pair of boots in

Cambridge. I took them home, put them on, but two weeks later, they’d fallen apart, so I took them back to the shop.

How to be British Mike Very nice! John No, it’s not bad, is it? Mike It looks expensive! John Well, we bought it because it’s Georgian, 18th

century. Mike Georgian houses are always expensive, aren’t they? John We’ve always loved Georgian architecture. It’s so

stylish. Mike but it’s not cheap, is it? And it’s in a very expensive

part of the town. John Well, my wife wanted to be close to our son and his

wife. Mike Very nice ... if you can afford it. John Yes. Mike i don’t know how you do it. John The gardens need a little work, but we have a

gardener once a week. Mike gardens? A gardener! Well, you know, I’ve got a

good job, I’ve worked hard all my life, and I can only afford a small house at the other end of town.

John That’s too bad! Mike I mean this house must have cost ... three hundred and

twenty thousand pounds? Or more? John Oh! No! Nothing like that! Good heavens, no! Mike Well, a lot, then. John Well, I wouldn’t really like to say. Mike Go on – tell me, how much does a house like this

cost? Roughly. More or less. These days? John Well. I suppose a house like this, as far as I know,

would be about, roughly, in the region of, something like three hundred thousand pounds. More or less.

Mike Phew! You’re only interested in money, aren’t you?

News from the past Trevor News, news. Oyez! First the headlines ...

Tobacco is smoked in the court of Queen Elizabeth! ... Sir Walter Raleigh plants potatoes in Ireland! ... But our main story is about the tobacco brought back by Sir John Hawkins from the New World. Now over to our health correspondent, Sit Sydney Walsingham. Sir Sydney, how did this tobacco smoking start?

Sir Sydney Well, Trevor, it seems that the Indians in America started it. then Sir John Hawkins brought some tobacco back from the New

World and started smoking it in the court of Queen Elizabeth.

Trevor So, why are so many people starting to smoke tobacco?

Sir Sydney Well, Trevor, I think it’s mainly fashion. The fashionable gentlemen started smoking, and now everyone wants to copy them! And, of course, some doctors think smoking is good for you.

Trevor how would I feel if I smoked some tobacco? Sir Sydney Well, Trevor, you’d feel sick. But they say that

you would get used to it. Voice Fire!

Sir Sidney This is a problem with smoking. Ordinary people often think you’re on fire. Back to you in the studio, Trevor.

Trevor And now for the rest of the news. Sir Walter Raleigh has always been seen as one of the cleverest people of the Elizabethan age, but today he did something that most people in the court are saying is very stupid. Sir Walter has taken this strange potato plant from the New World and has planted it in Ireland. People say the potato will be a very popular food in Britain! What will he think of next? That’s all the news from me. Goodbye.

From the archive Those who sell, and all who manufacture what is sold, know that American women often have the deciding voice in whatever we come to buy. They offer her the romance, the adventure, of choosing from foods gathered from the four corners of America, and indeed from all the world. All well lighted for selection, placed where she can reach them. Arranged for time saving as sell as money-saving selection, even though she may shop only once a week. Behind all she sees and buys, are suppliers, and suppliers of suppliers. Men and women who know how much the many pennies they save in handling what she buys, before she buys, may mean to her in individual purchases. These are pennies saved that enable her to give the family more for the penny. Looking for low price, she may be wiser than those who think the most is always the cheapest.

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) London at Christmas. At this time of the year,

the commercial streets in the city become a paradise for consumers.

Sara (VO) According to tradition, it is bad luck to put up Christmas decorations before Christmas Eve. But the streets and the shops in London light up many days before then with millions of coloured lights that remain on until January 6th.

Gary (VO) Big department stores known all over the world, such as Liberty’s, Hanleys, the toy shop, Harrods or Selfridges, spend huge amounts of money in order to have the most beautifully decorated shop windows.

Sara (VO) Much more money, however, is spent on presents. Giving presents is a tradition which

became common in Victorian days. Until then the custom was to give presents to children and servants on New Year’s Day or on the night of January the fifth. Nowadays presents are exchanged on Christmas Day.

Gary (VO) But just as important as Christmas shopping are the January sales. In some big department stores, such as Harrods, the first day of the sales has become a true ceremony. On this occasion, the countdown was initiated by James Bond himself, the actor Pierce Brosnan.

Sara (VO) Thousands of people go to the sales on the first day, hoping to find a bargain. The January sales can be a good opportunity to save some money, but also to spend too much on things we don’t really need or that are not very good quality. We asked Mr Cobden, a spokesman for Selfridges, one of the most important department stores in London, if he thinks it is a good idea to buy at the sales.

Mr Cobden The sale period is a very good time in which to buy products. All the products that we would keep on the shop floor during the sale period would be of first quality. We won’t be buying any second-quality products, and they would represent significant savings to any customer who comes into Selfridges.

Sara (VO) Do you think shops well different-quality products when they have a sale?

Mr Cobden There are some companies who are buying different products during the sale period. But in my two areas, as throughout the store, we keep exactly the same products on the shop floor during the sale period. Otherwise you’re giving two different kinds of stores out to your customers, which can be confusing.

Gary (VO) For five weeks, until the end of January, all shops cover their shop windows with posters advertising their sales.

Sara (VO) During the sales, the laws protecting consumers are still valid, although not all the shops respect them. That’s why we asked Mr Cobden if consumers’ rights are protected.

Mr Cobden Yes, there are laws have been passed by our Parliament, which protect consumers’ rights during sale periods and outside of sale periods. Within Selfridges we also have a Customer Care policy, where we will always be looking after customers’ rights, whether written into law or not.

Sara (VO) Do you think it’s necessary to protect consumers’ rights?

Mr Cobden I think it’s very important to protect our customers, and all customers, because not every company that’s on the High Street is as honest and as open as the big department stores that we have in London. So I think it’s critical.

Gary (VO) With a few exceptions, shopping in London is a real pleasure at any time of the year. Even at the sales, most shops follow one of the golden

rules of commerce, the rule that says that the customer is always right.

2 EARTH MATTERS

A ECOLOGY AND THE ENVIRONMENT All Cheers!

Tom The traffic was terrible tonight. Clive It’ll be better when they’ve built the new road. Tom Aren’t they planning to build the new road

through Highfield Woods? Clive I hope they’re not. Those woods are beautiful. Jilly If Councillor Appleby wants the road to go

through the woods, then it will. Louise I’ve found out some interesting information

about Councillor Appleby – I went to see him yesterday.

*** Louise Our readers are worried about this new road.

They want to know why it is going through an area of Special Scientific Interest.

Councillor The road has to go somewhere. Lousie Many of our readers say there would be no new

road. Councillor You are very naïve, Miss Case. i had hoped that

the editor of The Echo would send a more experienced reporter. Someone who understands the importance of local industry.

Louise You know, Mr Appleby, your brother interests me greatly.

Councillor My brother? Louise Yes. I understand, Mr Appleby, that your

brother has recently bought some land near Wentworth Road.

Councillor Yes? Louise That land is on route B.

Councillor I don’t know anything about that. Louise So, if route B goes ahead, your brother will

make a lot of money. Councillor Miss Case, please sit down.

Louise If the new road goes through Highfield Woods, my readers will be very interested in your brother’s land.

Councillor Miss Case ... Louise Thank you for your time, Councillor Appleby.

Councillor Miss Case ... ***

Jilly That’s fantastic! Well done, Louise. Clive Louise, you’ve saved Highfield Woods. Jilly You’ve probably saved a lot of wildlife as well.

Louise I was really happy when I came out of Councillor Appleby’s office. But then the most awful thing happened ...

*** Louise Yes! Yes! Yes! ... Oh, my God! ... I’m sorry.

Mother You’re not supposed to park on the pavement. Louise I know.

Mother I can’t push the baby through here. I have to go on the road. Your car shouldn’t be parked here.

Louise I’m sorry.

Mother You don’t care, do you? Louise Yes, I do.

Mother No, you don’t. Louise I’m sorry. I was in a hurry.

Mother That’s the problem. Everyone is in a hurry. Louise I had a very important meeting.

Mother Oh, I’m sure it was very important. I had to push my baby in the road. We were nearly killed. Parking on the pavement shouldn’t be allowed.

Louise I’m really sorry. Mother And my baby has asthma. I think he has asthma

because of car exhaust fumes. Louise I’m really, really, really sorry. I am. I am so

sorry. Mother Something has to be done about the traffic in

this town. I’m going to write a letter to The Echo.

Louise Really? Mother That woman ... Louise Case ... she understands.

Case against the Car. She knows what she’s talking about. She’s the best writer on that paper.

Louise Louise Case? Mother You should read what she says. She’s an

excellent journalist. If you read what she’d said about global warming, you wouldn’t drive a car.

*** Louise It was the most embarrassing moment of my

life. I felt awful. Clive You had to park somewhere.

Louise I’m sure she knew who I was. Tom Come on, Louise, you’re not that famous.

B RECYCLING

Street interviews Mrs Simpson Well, I recycle everything that I can, such as

newspapers and bottles, batteries too. Christopher At home, we recycle all our newspapers, and

all glass that we have, bottles, etc., we take to the bottle bank nearby.

Mrs Cornish We collect newspapers, tins and bottles for recycling.

Gareth I live with three people, and we save newspapers and take them back to be recycled and we also save tin cans and plastic bottles to recycle as well.

Louisa I drink a lot of canned drinks. I tend to put them in bins for recycling.

Tamsen I ... I don’t drive, so I suppose that’s good for

the environment. I always take the bus or go by train or bicycle. I think that’s my main contribution to helping the environment.

Lucy Well, I never throw litter and I collect glass bottles when I use them, um and deposit them in bottle banks, but apart from that there’s not really very much I do.

Sean To protect the environment, I use unleaded petrol in my car and I sometimes recycle old newspapers, but I probably don’t do enough.

Nigel When I’m at home i Yorkshire, I help by restoring a local steam railway and planting trees alongside the track..

News from the past Trevor News, news! First the headlines ... In one year,

over 30, 000 people die in London from the plague ... And the first coaches are seen on the streets of London! ... But the main story of the century is the terrible plague. Over to our health correspondent, Sir Sydney Walsingham. Sir Sydney, does anyone have any idea what causes this plague?

Sir Sydney Well, Trevor, doctors don’t agree. Some doctors are saying we’re being punished by God, others are saying it’s all in the stars. And one or two doctors say that the plague might be carried by the common flea.

Trevor The flea? But the flea is so small. Sir Sydney That’s right, Trevor. You see, fleas live on rats.

And the rats eat the dead bodies of the asnimals and humans that are left in the streets. They say that is where the plague comes from. So, it’s back to you in the studio, Trevor.

Trevor And now for the rest of the news. The first coaches from Holland have arrived in London. Everybody wants one. Although they’re very uncomfortable, they keep the rain out. The new coaches, which are pulled by one, two or four horses, are already causing traffic problems in the city. Sir Walter said it took him over two hours to get to the Tower, and Queen Elizabeth herself has said that something needs to be done about the traffic problem soon. That’s all from That’s English! news. Goodbye.

How to be British Mike Isn’t it terrible? John What is? Mike The eight-lane motorway at the bottom of your

garden! John Yes, I’m afraid that it is quite a busy road, isn’t it? Mike It certainly is. You have to shout because of the noise. John I’m sorry? Mike I said you have to shout. John Yes. Mike There used to be such a wonderful view from your

house. John Yes, it is a bit of a shame that a few trees were cut

down. Mike A few trees! You used to have the most beautiful

forest at the end of your garden! John Yes, it was rather nice, wasn’t it? Mike It was full of wildlife. John Well, there were one or two wild animals in the trees. Mike And you had those birds, you know, the ones with the

green and red feathers ... John Ah, yes. Woodpeckers. Mike Yes. Are you still President of the Conservation

Society? John Yes. Wildlife interests me quite a lot, you know.

Mike And you’re a Director of the National Wildlife Association?

John Yes. Ah, well. Never mind, eh? It can’t be helped. The motorway had to go somewhere.

From the archive Presenter Its methods are often controversial, but

what is undeniable is that, as a pressure group, Greenpeace is often highly successful. In terms both of its campaigning and its publicity machine. On other issues, Greenpeace has stopped nuclear waste dumps, delayed missile firings and highlighted the issue of whaling. Supporters and sceptics do agree on one thing, in a quarter of a century of campaigning, Greenpeace has been a major player in forcing the environment firmly onto the international agenda ... Jonathan Monroe, ITN, in the Bay of Biscay.

Voiceover In Red Square, some of the biggest names in rock spoke up for Greenpeace.

Annie Lennox It’s an absolute vital message and if people don’t get the message, I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next ten, twenty years or so. I mean Russia in particular has tremendous, tremendous problems, ecologically like every other, every other country.

Man The Chernobyl disaster was responsible for a big change in attitude in Russia, and I think ... I know it’s a terrible thing, but I think that’s in a way why Greenpeace is being allowed in.

Chrissie Hynde They’re in a hell of a state here, they’ve got, got a lot of problems like, like the rest of the world.

Man People do talk very much about industrial problems um, air pollution, water pollution, agricultural uh, overuse of pesticides and fertilizers, but we really have an awful lot to learn here.

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) In the last decades, mankind seems to

have started a race towards it own destruction. In the name of progress, trees are have been cut down, air-polluting factories have been built, thousands of tons of waste of all kinds have been produced, and sea-life has been destroyed. But fortunately, in the last few years many organizations have been set up, willing to work for a world in harmony with nature. One of them is Greenpeace.

Sara (VO) These are the Greenpeace offices in London. The Department of International Communications is also based here. They make sure that information on all the

campaigns organized by Greenpeace reaches newspapers and television stations in the whole world.

Gary (VO) We asked Ms Blair Paleace, one of the people in charge of this department, to explain to us what exactly Greenpeace is.

Ms Blair Paleace Greenpeace is an international environmental organization. We are based in thirty countries and we were founded in 1971. We use direct action or protest tactics to raise the level of awareness about environmental issues and to bring about positive environmental change.

Gary (VO) What are your main objectives? Ms Blair Paleace Greenpeace works on a number of

different campaign areas, as we call them. That includes toxics, toxic waste, the trade in toxic materials. Nuclear issues, both power and weapons. Biodiversity, which involves everything from forests to fisheries and the marine environment. And finally, energy and atmosphere issues. That includes climate change and ozone depletion.

Sara (VO) Greenpeace was set up in 1971, to campaign against the nuclear tests that the USA were carrying out in the north of Alaska. A small group of people decided to go to the testing area on a ship which they named ‘Greenpeace’. The name summed up the group’s philosophy: “We want peace, and we want it to be green”. That was their first action, which has been followed by many others.

Gary (VO) At present, Greenpeace has branches in over thirty countries in five continents, with more than five million members. Through peaceful but often very dramatic campaigns, they have managed to change the attitude of many people towards the environment. And what’s more important, in all these years many national governments and private companies have come to accept their proposals.

Ms Blair Paleace Well, I think governments around the world have begun to recognise that environmental problems are a concern for everyone and that they must be addressed on the same level as many of the other problems facing the world. That’s a positive step forward, but making the changes necessary is often very difficult and very political. So not only must there be recognition, but there must also be the ability and the will to make the changes necessary.

Gary (VO) What has been Greenpeace’s contribution to this change in people’s attitudes?

Ms Blair Paleace Well, I’d say we’d like to think we’ve raised awareness globally about environmental issues, in particular in areas where environmental issues like whaling, nuclear waste dumping at sea, French nuclear testing in the South-Pacific islands. These issues that people might not otherwise see if Greenpeace had not turned its attention to those issues and raised awareness about them by protesting the environmental problems we see going on in those places.

Sara (VO) All the work of these last years hasn’t been in vain. In the United Kingdom, as in most industrialized countries, the green movement has become more influential.

Gary (VO) But we need something more than big campaigns to preserve the world we live in. Everybody’s help is needed. That’s why we asked what we can do to help solve the problems affecting the environment.

Ms Blair Paleace Well, I think the most important thing that people can do to help the environment is to be aware of environmental impacts in their day-to-day life, to contribute where they can to bringing about change, whether that be using less energy, or consuming less, whether it be goods or using less toxic materials, for instance. And then really recognising the role that we all play in the bigger environmental world.

Sara (VO) Today more than ever, the preservation of the environment is everybody’s responsibility. We mustn’t forget that, if we destroy nature, we are destroying ourselves.

3 MANY PEOPLE, MANY BACKGROUNDS

A A MULTIRACIAL SOCIETY Tom Lasagna and French fries! What has happened to the

traditional English pub meal? Clive We’re Europeans now, Tom. Tom I don’t care if we are Europeans! I’m going to fight

to save the traditional English pub! Jilly That’s interesting. I had a girl in the office who

wanted to do some articles on ethnic food ... Jilly Recently I’ve been interviewing for trainee

journalists .... ***

Alex Hello. Are you Jilly Partridge? Jilly Yes? Alex I’m Alex. I’ve come about the job as trainee

journalist. Jilly You’re Alex Peterson? I was expecting a man. Alex And you weren’t expecting a black person. Jilly Well, to be honest, we’ve never had a black person

working at The Echo.

Alex What about Joe? Jilly Who’s Joe? Alex He’s worked in the print room for fifteen years. Jilly Oh, yes. I don’t go in the print room much. Alex You should meet him. He’s a lovely man. Jilly Really? Alex Yeah, he’s my dad. Jilly Oh! ... Let’s talk in my office ... So, Alex, tell me.

Why do you want the job? Alex There are tens of thousands of people living in this

area who are black or Asian. And most of them don’t buy The Echo because it is racist. I want to change that.

Jilly Racist! What do you mean? Alex It discriminates against black people. Jilly No, it doesn’t. Alex I have talked to a lot of people in the black

community, and they say that your newspaper isn’t interested in black events or stories.

Jilly Black people are in the headlines sometimes. Alex Yes, you’re right. Today’s main story is about a

black man. The one who robbed the bank – bad news!

Jilly Most stories in the newspaper are bad news. Alex I think The Echo would sell more newspapers if it

were interested in multicultural events. Don’t you? ***

Tom The problem is eighty or ninety per cent of our readership is Anglo Saxon.

Louise Well, I think we should change that – make The Echo more multiracial.

Tom Some of our advertisers aren’t going to like it. Louise Really? Well, perhaps we should lose some of those

advertisers. We’ll get some new ones. Jilly Anyway, the girl had some good ideas.

*** Alex ... and of course, a lot of young white readers will be

interested in ethnic music and dance. It’s not just black people that like reggae. Young people appreciate a multicultural society much more than older people. We were brought up in a multicultural society.

Jilly The Echo is a traditional newspaper. Alex I have never seen a West Indian or an Asian recipe

in the paper. I think some of your readers would like to try some of these recipes – you know, curries, fish creole ...

Jilly It’s a good idea. We’re doing a new cookery series next month.

Alex But I’m not just interested in writing stories about black people. I’ve got lots of other ideas. Here are some articles I wrote for a students’ magazine ... This was just a funny story about the worst pub food in the world.

*** Jilly She’s starting work on Monday,. She’s going to

work as my assistant. Louise Oh, great. I’m really pleased. I’m sure the paper will

benefit. Tom I don’t think it matters if she’s black, white, green or

blue. But I want to know something that is

important! Jilly What? Tom Will she buy the drinks on Friday night?

B LIVING TOGETHER

Street interviews Keith Racism is a problem in Great Britain today,

but I hope that in the future things are going to get better. I think that children are growing up together much more in mixed schools today, and that’s going to help a lot.

Christopher Yes, I do think there is a large problem with racism in Britain, and it’s certainly something that needs dealing with in the near future.

Derek I don’t think racism is as much of a problem as it used to be, say in the 1960s, when my parents first came, emigrated to England. I think now the problem’s lessened.

Mrs Simpson I think racism is more of a problem now than it was. It is um, it is not so bad as in many, many other countries, but it is, it is there, yes.

Nigel I think racism exists in this country, but I’m not sure how to deal with it.

*** Dennis Racism I think, this is terribly difficult. It’s

got to be education, for a start. If you are ignorant you’re going to be prejudiced and it must be, it must start early in schools.

Vicki To fight racism, I think we should have a black prime minister.

Lucy I think racism is a problem all over the world and I think what we have to do is be conscious of it, and make sure that we as individuals are not racist.

Sean I think the first thing you have to ask yourself is, Are you racist? And if you are, then find ways to fight the racism in yourself.

Louisa Be open minded.

How to be British Mike Do you think there are too many foreign people in

Britain? John I don’t know how many foreign people there are in

Britain. And I don’t care. Mike There are a lot. And there are going to be more. I

mean, would you shut the door? John Well, it’s politics. It doesn’t really matter to me. Mike Oh, I’m glad. John Another drink? Mike No, thanks. I’m fine. Well, what are the Conservative

Party’s views on immigration? John Are you sure you won’t have a drink? Mike No, I’m fine. Well, what about the Labour Party? John The Labour Party ... Mike Yes. Are you going to vote for them? John Er ... Am I going to vote for the Labour Party? That’s

rather a difficult question.

Mike You don’t like talking about politics, do you? John Who, me? Mike Yes, you. John Um, I don’t mind ... goodness me. Is that the time? I

must be going.

News from the past Trevor News, news. News! First, the headlines ... An

Indian woman from the New World meets Queen Elizabeth! .... Tourists from all over Europe come to visit London! ... But first, the main story. Pocahontas, the young daughter of a Red Indian chief, met our gracious Queen Elizabeth today. Over to our court correspondent, Sir Sydney Walsingham. Sir Sydney, why has Pocahontas come to England!

Sir Sydney Well, Trevor, three years ago the English explorer, John Rolfe, met Pocahontas. He told her, ‘We’re going to get married and visit England.’

Trevor Were people shocked at this mixed marriage? Sir Sydney Well, Trevor, Pocahonta’s father did not want

her to marry. Pocahontas said, ‘I don’t care if John’s skin is white, we love each other very much.’

Trevor And what did Queen Elizabeth think of her? Sir Sydney Her Majesty was amused, so everyone at court

is talking about the new Red Indian look. Trevor Do you think we’re going to see many more

interracial marriages in this country? Sir Sydney Well, Trevor, I don’t think so. This is an

exception. Trevor Thank you, Sir Sydney. Now for today’s other

story. The Welsh, the Cornish, the Scots and the Irish don’t like the English. They say they don’t want to be part of a multiracial Britain, but Queen Elizabeth says that the Irish problem will soon be solved. And finally, more tourists than in any other century are visiting London. And one of the main attractions is London Bridge. And the Tower of London is especially popular with tourists. That’s all from That’s English! news. Goodnight.

From the archive Voiceover Idio Dunton was offered a job as an accountant

by a London based firm, but just before he was due to start, he got a call which he recorded, telling him the offer had been withdrawn after intervention from the company’s Managing Director.

Message To cut a long story short, he effectively said that if it was you, um yeah, he was going to make life very difficult, um, and I thought you were the ideal bloke for the job, you know, I was really looking forward to working with you. The company denies discrimination but paid him £11,000 in compensation.

Mr Dunton I don’t believe that the colour of your skin should debar you for making any sort of

progress. At the end of the day, it’s what you have up here, not what people can see on the outside.

Voiceover The Commission for Racial Equality says such discrimination is still rife, with many companies failing to ensure equality.

Presenter Today’s report shows that despite numerous statements of good intent, many of Britain’s leading employers are continuing to discriminate on racial grounds, leaving members of ethnic minorities twice as likely to be unemployed as their white counterparts ... Jennifer Nadel, ITN, at the Commission for Racial Equality.

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) A walk around London is enough to realise

that Britain today is a multiracial society. Sara (VO) Four per cent of the population of the United

Kingdom are not of Anglo-Saxon origin, although nearly half of them were born in Britain.

Gary (VO) But many of those new British citizens may have had problems to integrate into British society. Let’s find out.

Gary (VO) This is an area where many people of Caribbean origin live. And this is Mr Lashley’s home.

Sara (VO) Errol Lashley arrived in Britain, from Barbados, in 1956. In Britain he got married and raised a family. From what we could see, his is also a multiracial family.

Gary (VO) We wanted to know what kind of problems an immigrants’ family has integrating into British culture.

Sara (VO) So we asked Mr Lashley if he felt different from an ordinary British person of the same social or economic status.

Errol Lashley I do not feel any different. I came here at a young age and I’ve adjusted myself to the culture of the British people. And so far I don’t feel any way different.

Gary (VO) Do you feel discriminated in any way? Errol Lashley No, not now. In the early days, I would say I

feel a little bit discriminated. But after going through the process of life here I think I’ve overcome that and I do not allow it to get to me, create any problems

Gary (VO) To find out more about discrimination, we chose a representative of the Indian community. She’s lived in Great Britain since 1972 and works as a translator. Have you ever felt any kind of discrimination?

Answer When I first came to this country, I did feel it. I went for a job interview and I was asked there whether in our country we had English typewriters or in Hindi typewriters. But they did not know how well cultured our country was. Another thing, if you are travelling on the tubes they don’t want to sit next to you.

That’s where I experienced it in the beginning. But now they have accepted us and I think it’s beginning to change.

Gary (VO) Do you think you have the same opportunities as an Anglo-Saxon person?

Answer No, I don’t think that at all. If I was to apply for a job and an English person was to apply for the job I’m sure I would be definitely discriminated against.

Gary (VO) It looks like China, but we’re still in the centre of London. We came to Chinatown to find our what problems the Chinese community has.

David Tan My name is David Tan, my surname is T-A-N, Tan, and I’m the Chinese Community Liaison Officer for Westminster City Council. I work for the people in the city, and I help them in every respect of their lives. It can be to do with schools, it can be to do with their businesses, with the planning matters, and all that you can see in Chinatown itself proper. I assist families in interpreting and translation in schools.

Gary (VO) In your opinion, why is the Chinese community so closed?

David Tan As far as the older generation is concerned, the nature of their work makes them feel that they have to be part of their community, because ... the way they work .... by the time they finish, most of other businesses are shut. So, consequently, they go to their own clubs and they have their own meetings. And that is why they have to keep close together. Also for help and guidance and especially the older generation has difficulties with the language problem.

Gary (VO) But in spite of all the problems mentioned, it is clear that these new British citizens, with their varied cultural backgrounds, are enriching the social and cultural life of the United Kingdom.

4 WE CAME TO AMERICA

A THE AMERICAN MELTING POT All Cheers!

Tom To the weekend! All To the weekend!

Marco It has to be better than last weekend. Jilly Why, what happened last weekend?

Marco My American cousin and her boyfriend had invited themselves to stay. From the moment they arrived, it was a disaster.

*** Marco Are you American, Eric? Maria Well, he’s a mix of different ethnic American

groups ... Isn’t he cute? Eric Maria ...

Maria You know, Eric is English, Dutch, German, African and Irish. Isn’t that right, Eric?

Eric That’s about it. Oh, there’s French as well Maria But his racial groups are white, black and Cherokee.

That’s why he’s so beautiful. Eric Honey, do you have to talk like that?

Maria And his religious groups are Catholic and at least five types of Protestant ...

Eric .... and some of my cousins are Jewish. Maria Oh, yes, and he has some Jewish cousins.

Eric I just said that, honey. Maria And one of his cousins has married a Puerto Rican.

But we weren’t invited to the wedding, were we, honey?

Eric No. Marco Would you like an olive or lemon in your Martini? Maria We’d love an olive, wouldn’t we, honey?

Eric Yeah, an olive will be fine. Maria Isn’t he cute? Can you see the Cherokee bone

structure? Marco Yeah. Maria You look at his face carefully. Cherokee blood.

There’s ancient wisdom there ... somewhere. Isn’t that right, honey?

Eric Sure. Maria You know, Eric’s first ancestor to go to the New

World was Dutch ... ***

Marco It was a big mistake to ask him if he was American. She didn’t stop talking. And he hardly said a world.

Louise I didn’t think that Americans were shy. Marco Well, he was shy, so she thought she had to talk

even more. An hour later, she was still telling me about the Jewish cousins.

*** Marco So, Eric, how is your trip going?

Eric England’s nice. Maria Well, it’s a really nice place to visit, but it seems

slow. After New York, anywhere seems slow, doesn’t it, honey?

Eric Yeah. Maria Marco, you must come and visit us in New York.

You would love it. It’s just like being in Italy. Marco Yes. I’ll have to visit you one day. Maria You don’t have to sleep at night. there is always

something happening in New York. Isn’t there, honey?

Eric Yeah. Maria Yeah, and Eric always says the food in New York is

the best. There are so many different foods. You just have to come and see for yourself.

Eric Yeah. Maria It’s the most multicultural city in the world. In New

York, you have got the Chinese in Chinatown, the Italians in Little Italy ... then you’ve got the Latin American in the Barrio ...

Marco But do all those different cultures complement each other?

Maria What do you mean? Marco With a good soup, all the ingredients have to blend

together. You mustn’t have olive oil on the bottom, then the onions, then the tomatoes and then garlic on top. It’s not good that way. The soup tastes terrible!

Maria It sure does! Marco They call America ‘the melting pot’, but as long as

people live in ghettos, there will always be problems.

Maria Hey, Marco. What do you think of Eric? Isn’t he wonderful? Don’t you just love him!

Marco Yeah, he’s a great guy. Maria What do you think? Should Eric and I get married? Marco Well ... Maria No, come on tell me the truth. Marco The truth. Some people prefer an olive in a Martini

cocktail, but I prefer lemon. Lemon complements the Martini perfectly. I love lemon. Lemon with chicken can be wonderful. Lemon is beautiful, but you mustn’t put lemon juice in this soup – it will taste terrible.

Maria What are you saying? Marco I’m saying some people are suited to each other and

... Maria Eric and I? Marco Maria, do you love him? Maria He’s a really nice man. Marco Yes, but do you love him? Maria I know he doesn’t talk much, but he’s very

intelligent. Marco Yes, but do you love him? Maria You have to admit he’s handsome. Marco Sure, he’s handsome, but Maria, tell me. Do you

love him? Maria When we first met, I thought I was in love with him,

but ... I’m not sure any more. ***

Jilly Sounds like a difficult weekend. Marco Yes, Eric and Maria both knew in their hearts that

their relationship had finished. Jilly That’s sad.

Marco No, it was OK: On Sunday night, we had a few Martinis, and they agreed to be friends.

Jilly So, are you doing any marriage guidance counselling this weekend?

B AMERICA THROUGH BRITISH EYES

How to be British John Hi. Mike Hello. John How are you doing? Mike I’m fine, thank you. John My name’s Jack. Mike I’m Mr Jones. John Hey, that’s a really great shirt you’re wearing. Mike Thank you. John Did your wife choose it for you? Mike No. John Maybe you’re not married, eh? Mike No, I’m not. John My wife chooses all my clothes. What do you think

of them? Mike Well ... John Bad taste, uh? Mike Um ... Excuse me, I have to go.

John But I love her anyway. She’s great. Mike I must be going. John You know, she left me last year. I miss her so much. Mike Oh, no, you mustn’t cry. Not in the street. John I love her so much. Mike For God’s sake, man. You have to pull yourself

together! John Do you know why she left me? She said I never

expressed my emotions.

Street interviews Sean I’d love to live in America, I’d like to live in

New York particularly, I think it’s a very exciting city.

Gareth I would like to live in America, I like it because it’s so different from England. I’ve been to stay wit some friends in New York and I liked it very much.

Nigel I think I’d like to live in America for a while, but not permanently.

Christopher I think I would like to live in America, there are so many interesting people and so many interesting things to see.

Louisa I would like to live in America for their ice-cream, and their food is incredible. I also wouldn’t like to live there because I’d miss the English pub culture.

*** Tamsen No, I wouldn’t like to live in America, it’s

too noisy over there. But Canada, I could live in Canada – it seems very nice on the television.

Mrs Simpson No, I wouldn’t like to live in America. I would love to visit it, um, but I think the pace of life, the, the difference, the different way they, they go about doing things. No, I wouldn’t like to actually live there.

Mrs Cornish No, we, we don’t like their way of living actually.

Mr Cornish Too fast, I think. Vicki I would not like to live in America because

of the violence I’ve heard about. Julia No, I wouldn’t like to live in America. I’d

like to visit it, but I’d like to stay living in England where there’s more history and my family are here.

News from the past Trevor News, news. News! First, the headlines ...

Fierce fighting continues in America ... Spanish, English, Dutch and French try to settle in America! ... And are the Red Indians really Indians? But first, the main story. There were reports of more fighting on the east coast of America between the Red Indians and the British colonists. Over to our foreign correspondent, Sir Sydney Walsingham. Sir Sydney, what exactly is the problem in America?

Sir Sydney Well, Trevor, when Sir Walter Raleigh arrived here, everyone thought that the native Indians

were very gentle, loving and kind. And the Indians thought that the strangers were gods.

Trevor Sir Sydney, you mustn’t wave that flag. Sir Sydney In the last few years, several boats full of

English people have arrived her. The settlers wanted to buy up As much land as possible. Unfortunately, the native Americans are saying the land is not for sale. They say the land shouldn’t belong to anyone. And it certainly shouldn’t belong to the English.

Trevor So what is going to happen? Sir Sydney Well, Trevor, the gentle Indian has become very

angry. So back to you, Trevor, in the studio. Trevor I hope you don’t have to stay there too long.

And now for the other main stories. It’s not just the English who are trying to exploit America. The Spanish are finding gold in central America, and the French and the Dutch are exploring North America. And finally, a report out today says that America may not be the same place as India. That would mean, of course, that the Indians in America aren’t Indians at all. It’s very confusing. That’s all from That’s English! news. Goodbye.

From the archive On the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty are carved the words: ‘Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me’. A sweeping invitation that, inspired by immigrants and addressed to immigrants, and speaking today more directly than ever to the refugee. For hundreds of years, US immigration officers have painlessly shown the way to those who knocked at freedom’s door. But to a newcomer of Laing’s experience, all officialdom is fearsome. Can some oversight, some flaw, halt him now? What is the officer thinking? Am I suspected? These are slow, marching moments, leaden with old fear, anxiety is chronic with him. He must brace himself, so that the signing hand doesn’t shake. And then, through the burrs and blur of longing of hope and fear, he hears the officer saying that everything is in order, all is as it should be. Yes, he’s welcome here. Welcome, Johan Laing. Welcome to America.

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) New York is said to be the capital of the

world. It’s a place where practically all races and religions are present. a third of the population of New York City have been born somewhere else.

Gary (VO) We decided to carry out a street survey. We asked a few people in the street where they came from. These were their answers.

Question Where do you come from? Answers From Israel.

I was born in Korea. Where do I come from? From South America, Ecuador. I come from India. I was born in Warsaw, Poland. I come from Indonesia. Colombia. South America. I was born in South Korea.

I’m from Bangladesh. I was born right here, Manhattan.

Gary (VO) As you could see and hear, the diversity of accents and cultures is the rule in New York. Walking around the streets of this city is like going on a quick tour around the world.

Sara (VO) The ‘Big Apple’ is, in fact, a collection of smaller neighbourhoods where their inhabitants keep a great part of the culture and lifestyle of their countries of origin.

Gary (VO) One of the most typical ethnic neighbourhoods in Manhattan is ‘Little Italy’. Nowadays, it is just a few streets, but they have kept the characteristic atmosphere of the Italian way of life.

Sara (VO) Many streets in the old Italian quarter have been absorbed by Chinatown. This little oriental city, where even the telephone booths look like pagodas, lies right in the centre of Manhattan. In the local shops you can buy the same produce as in Beijing, and its inhabitants keep a great part of their customs and their culture.

Gary (VO) Not far from Chinatown you can find some of the most orthodox Jews in the world. The Jewish community in New York has always been very influential, and has kept their language and their religious traditions fervently.

Sara (VO) Hispanics occupy an important place in the Big Apple too. Everywhere in New York you can hear that strange mixture of English and Spanish called ‘Spanglish’. Hispanics are the fastest-growing ethnic minority in New York City. Puerto Ricans are the largest group, but there are also a great number of Dominicans, Cubans and Colombians.

Gary (VO) Harlem was planned as a district for the rich. The project, however, failed and it was the black immigrants arriving in New York who finally settled here. Today Harlem is the most important black neighbourhood in New York. Most of the people living in it are black.

Sara (VO) New York seems to keep a difficult balance of races and cultures. That’s why we asked Frank Vardy if there are racial conflicts in this city.

Frank Vardy If there’s a key to New York and racism, it’s basically that New York is a tolerant city. Toleration is where New York is at. It’s always been that wa. In fact, although there are racial animosities and religious animosities across the world, when the immigrants from those countries come to New York, those animosities are non-existent for the great part. In fact, if every they break out it’s front-page news, because they just don’t occur in New York.

Gary (VO) Mr Vardy is a demographer in New York

City Hall. He knows the problems created by the mixture of cultures very well, and he knows how that affects the city’s way of life.

Frank Vardy The difference between New York and other towns is that New York has always had this influx from the rest of the world. It’s the amalgam of all of these particular flavours that make the New York experience. Because they never quite melt. There’s always enough of them showing through, whether it’s food or it’s fashion, whether it’s language or it’s art, it’s culture, it’s theatre. They always have the flavour from other parts of the world, and New Yorkers accept this willingly and are always ready to take advantage of something good that’s come from some place else.

Sara (VO) This is New York. The city of the thousand cultures, where no one feels a foreigner.

5 THE GREAT DIVIDE

A RICH AND POOR Tom Yeah, this is Tom Sykes. Could I speak to Ms

Niesson, please ... Yes it’s Sykes ... S-Y-K-E-S. It’s regarding the shares in ...

All Cheers! Louise What’s Tom doing?

Clive He’s got some financial information about a company. He thinks he’s going to make lots of money.

Jilly Do you know, I saw this homeless girl this morning. She asked me for money.

Marco Well, that’s not unusual these days. Jilly No, but when I first saw her, I thought I knew

her ... ***

Juliet Have you got any change? Just a few pennies? ... Have you got any change?

Jilly No. Juliet I’m hungry.

Jilly I’m sorry. Shop owner Good morning, madam.

Jilly I am interested in the green coat in the window.

Shop owner Would you like to try it on, madam? Jilly Thank you.

Shop owner Isn’t it awful? Jilly Sorry?

Shop owner All those homeless people in the street. they should do something about it.

Jilly Yes, there are more and more of them. Shop owner I didn’t mind it when there were just one or

two, but ... ah, I think this should fit you perfectly.

Jilly Something ought to be done about the homeless.

Shop owner Yes, as far as I’m concerned, the police should move them.

Jilly Where to?

Shop owner I don’t care. They ought to be moved to somewhere where we don’t have to look at them.

Jilly I’m sure they don’t want to be homeless. No one wants to sleep on the streets.

Shop owner No? if she’d wanted to, she could have got a job. But she prefers to sit around all day ... It’s a very good fit on the shoulders, madam. Have a look in the mirror.

Jilly Yes. How much is it? Shop owner Two hundred and thirty pounds.

*** Jilly Do you know, I would have bought the coat if

that homeless girl hadn’t been there. I was really worried about her.

Clive Yes. I always think one day it could be my children on the street.

Jilly I thought I knew the girl. And then I remembered ...

*** Shop owner It really suits you, madam.

Jilly It’s too expensive. Shop owner That’s why I hate the homeless. They look at

my customers with such sad, pathetic faces. They make my customers feel too guilty to buy a nice coat.

Jilly Maybe you’re right. Thank you for showing me the coat. Goodbye ... Do you remember I wrote a story for The Echo about you?

Juliet No. Jilly Three years ago, you were the youngest

woman working in the stock market. Juliet Yeah ... So?

Jilly Look, if you tell me what happened, I’ll give you some money.

Juliet Yeah? All right then. Well, I mean, to start with, everything I did was right. Whatever I touched turned to gold ...

Jilly I remember. Juliet My bosses gave me more and more

responsibility. I could speculate with millions of pounds each day. Things started to go wrong when you wrote your article in The Echo.

Jilly Me? Why? Juliet You called the story “The Golden Girl”! It was

a joke, but I started to believe it. And then my luck changed. I started losing millions of pounds. And then I lost my job.

Jilly But I’m sure a bright girl like you could find another job.

Juliet No other company in the City wanted me. I owed a lot of money. When my boyfriend left me, I lost hope.

*** Jilly She lost her confidence and started to feel

sorry for herself. Clive It’s tragic. Jilly You know, if I hadn’t interviewed her, she

wouldn’t have lost her job. Clive Nonsense! It’s not your fault ... Who were you

talking to? Tom My stockbroker. Clive And? Tom She said my shares are going to go up and up.

That phone call should make me a few thousand pounds.

All Great! Tom You parasites!

B HOMELESSNESS

Street interviews Tamsen I come from Brighton where homelessness is

a big problem, so because I’ve worked with the homeless, I always try to give them money whenever I can.

Mrs Simpson There is homelessness in, in St Albans, but not a lot of it, and there are two or three wonderful organisations who help these people and provide lodgings for them, um, and it’s not so bad as in London.

Mrs Cornish It seems to be a problem, we haven’t seen it, but, um it’s recorded as such so it must be.

Keith There’s a big problem in London at the moment with homeless people, there are lots of people sleeping on the streets and I think it’s the Government’s fault. The Government don’t care. But there is a newspaper in Britain called The Big Issue which homeless people sell to earn themselves some money. I think it’s a very good idea.

*** Julia I think The Big Issue’s a really good idea. It

gives the homeless a chance to get some money, and I’ve bought it several times when it’s been offered to me.

Christopher The Big issue is a very good idea. It helps the homeless get off the streets and back into society. By doing something for themselves, they get an awful lot of pleasure from it I’m sure.

Nigel I think The Big Issue is a good idea, but people possibly think that by buying it, it’ll solve homelessness and that’s not necessarily true.

*** Louisa In terms of who’s to blame, I think partially

the Government, um maybe their background, I don’t understand, a lot of homeless people tend to, um, run away from home for one reason or another.

Gareth Homelessness is a big problem in England. I work in a centre where homeless people can come for tea and coffee and food. I think it’s a problem because so many mental hospitals have been closed as a result of Government cuts in funding, so, until the Government changes its policy, I think it’ll be a problem.

Lucy With regards to who is to blame for the homeless, that’s such a huge question, I mean, partly, partly, the government, partly

the individuals themselves, but I mean it’s not a problem that’s going to go away very quickly.

From the archive Presenter Early evening in South London. Young homeless

wait to be let into a night shelter in a converted pub. It’s this or sleeping on the streets, shivering in West End doorways. If you are sleeping rough or staying in temporary hostels, you can’t register with a doctor, and a new survey released to Channel 4 News, shows that homeless people have far great health problems than the rest of the population. At first glance, this looks like an ordinary doctor’s surgery, but the big difference is that all the patients here are homeless. In fact, the doctor, a Roman Catholic nun, set it up specifically to catch a group of people who’d fallen through society’s most basic safety net.

Nun Oh, I think I’m jack of all trades here. I think in the work I do here, we have to go beyond the ordinary boundaries of medicine, um, to be mother, nurse, there’s all sorts of things like that, and my staff as well. Sometimes we just listen. My patients are people who are homeless from the streets, people who live in bed and breakfast hotels, people in hostels, living in squats, staying with friends, just sleeping on the floor. I think in the majority of cases it is not the person’s fault they are in this position of being homeless, and I think a lot of the services are inadequate. The biggest increase has been in the roofless homeless, those who are literally without any home at all, that’s 20% and three years ago it was only 6%.

News from the past Trevor News, news. First, the headlines ... Ordinary

metal may be turned into gold! ... Homelessness on the streets of London! ... It is now legal to charge interest. But first, tonight’s main story. Alchemists in the City of London have been trying to turn ordinary metal into gold. Over to our economics correspondent, Sir Sydney Walsingham. What’s the story, Sir Sydney?

Sir Sydney Well, Trevor, some very clever young men here in the City of London are going to turn ordinary metal into gold.

Trevor When? Sir Sydney Any minute now.

Trevor Are you sure? The alchemists have been promising to turn metal into gold for he last hundred years.

Sir Sydney I hear that they will make gold very soon. In fact, I’ve just given Dr Goodfellow some money to help him finish his experiments!

Trevor There have been reports that alchemy is just a way of getting money from rich, old men who are greedy.

Sir Sydney Have there? Where from? Trevor Well, Sir Cecil Buckingham said that he had

given the alchemist Dr Goodfellow thousands of pounds.

Sir Sydney Dr Goodfellow ... Oh, dear ... He seemed such a nice man ... I say ... Dr Goodfellow! Dr Goodfellow!

Trevor Thank you, Sir Sydney. And now for the rest of the news. A report out today says that there are more homeless people in England than in any previous century. Unemployment is the main problem. Experts say this is because the population has almost doubled, to four million, in the last hundred years. And finally, until recently it has been illegal to lend money and then charge interest. But from today, anyone can charge interest. If I’d known that yesterday, I wouldn’t have borrowed the money to give to that alchemist. That’s all the news from That’s English! Goodnight.

How to be British Mike That was a wonderful meal, wasn’t it? John Yes, but I wish you hadn’t complained about the

meat. Mike Why? It can be dangerous to eat meat that isn’t

properly cooked! John I would rather have died than complain to the waiter. Mike Why? John Everyone was listening. Mike Twenty-six pounds. John Let’s pay half each. Mike No, no. I’ve brought my calculator. John Please, not on the table! Mike Did you have two bread rolls with your soup? John Yes. Mike And how many glasses of wine? John Two. Mike Waitress! I’d like a menu please. I want to check the

prices. John Oh, God. I wouldn’t have come if I’d known you

were going to do this. Let’s just pay half each. Mike Do you think that’s fair? John I don’t know. It’s not important. People are looking. Mike I like things to be fair. You should pay for what you

eat. John If I’d known this would happen, I would never have

come here. Look, I’ll pay for the meal. Mike That’s very kind of you! Thank you!

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) Until quite recently, David was one of the

many homeless people living on the streets of large British cities. Penniless, without a job and with no family, he was forced to depend on people’s charity and to sleep rough.

Gary (VO) But now David has got a job. He sells The Big Issue. But what exactly is The Big Issue? Lucy Russell explains it to us.

Lucy Russell It’s a magazine which is sold by homeless people, who, every time the magazine is sold, they earn forty pence of the cover price. They buy the magazine for thirty pence. So it’s a

way for homeless people to earn an income of their own and to begin to help themselves to move away from their homelessness and back into society.

Gary (VO) Lucy Russell has been in the staff of the Big Issue since the magazine was founded. So we asked her to tell us when and how The Big Issue started in Great Britain.

Lucy Russell The Big Issue started in September 1991, and it was started because the chairman of The Body Shop International went to New York and saw someone selling a similar publication, and he came back to this country and he asked John Bird, who is The Big Issue’s editor, to start a similar initiative in this country. And the Body Shop gave the money to start The Big Issue here.

Sara (VO) Today, that initiative allows thousands of homeless people to obtain enough money to make n honest living.

Gary (VO) But The Big Issue is more than that. Through the magazine, homeless people can express their opinions. All the big problems of modern society are discussed openly in the magazine. The articles are written by both professional journalists and homeless people.

Sara (VO) The Big Issue finances itself through donations, publicity and the sale of the magazine. All profits are used to help the homeless.

Gary (VO) Besides publishing the magazine, the organization runs residences for the homeless, gives them counselling and vocational training to help them get off the streets.

Sara (VO) The salespeople follow a training course which gives them useful techniques to sell the magazine in the street.

Gary (VO) For many, it’s only a temporary job that will help them get through a bad period. For others like David, it has become a very interesting job.

David It’s an interesting job, to say the least. You meet all sorts of people. And you’ve got the interaction back that you don’t have when you’re on the streets and you are actually a beggar. People just walk past and you’re the scum. But that doesn’t happen any more because you get people known you as for what you are and what you, more or less, what you can contribute, you know, rather than “Oh, here he comes, he’s the scum of the earth!”. So I love that. For the fact that it’s brought by the social interaction, which I had lost before, as a beggar

Sara (VO) The magazine is distributed throughout the United Kingdom, although Wales, Scotland and Manchester have their own special edition. The ideas has been so successful that similar magazines have been created in other European countries to help the local

homeless. Gary (VO) The Big Issue started as a project full of hope.

Today it has become a reality, surpassing the most optimistic predictions. We asked Lucy Russell to tell us about hat they’ve achieved with all these years of work.

Lucy Russell The result for homeless people is that they have a means of earning an income and they also have social support which we offer them because homeless people need social support, whether it’s housing or counselling. Also we have a magazine which is a good read and which people want to buy, so we have two things that have come from The Big Issue that are very successful.

6 WHAT DO THE BRITISH READ?

A A GOOD BOOK All Cheers!

Clive Have you got tomorrow off? Louise Er, no. I’m working. Clive, look. Do you see

that man over there with the sunglasses? Clive Oh, yes! That’s Ron Carter, isn’t it? Big Ron.

Louise Yes. Big Ron. Billy the Hat’s friend. Clive Billy the Hat! He’s coming out of prison

tomorrow. Jilly Didn’t five years go by quickly!

Marco I don’t think Billy the Hat would agree with you.

Loise I hear he’s been reading a lot of books in prison.Clive I can imagine his old friend Ron down at the

bookshop. ***

Bookseller Can I help you, sir? Ron Yes

Bookseller Er, and how can I help you? Ron I want a book.

Bookseller Yes, well, we have lots of books. What kind of book would you like?

Ron I don’t know, do I? That’s why I want your help.

Bookseller Is the book for you? Ron Are you trying to be funny?

Bookseller No. Well, then, who is the book for? Ron It’s for The Boss. He’s out tomorrow.

Bookseller Out? Ron Yeah, he’s been in for five years.

Bookseller In? Ron Yah. In

Bookseller In p-prison? Ron Yes. But they say he’s a different man.

Bookseller Oh, really? Ron They say Billy’s been reading books and

studying while he’s been in. You know, he had never read a book before he went to prison.

Bookseller Hadn’t he? Ron So I thought I’d buy him a little welcome home

present. Bookseller That’s nice. Well, then, let’s see. How about

this set of Shakespeare? Ron Shakespeare? I’ve heard of him. Is he any

good? Bookseller He’s dead now. He was a playwright who lived

four hundred years ago. Ron What the hell are you trying to do? Just because

I didn’t go to school, you think you can sell me a book written four hundred years ago? I want something modern.

Bookseller I see. Fiction or non-fiction? Ron What do you mean, ‘fiction’?

Bookseller Fiction is made-up stories. Stories that aren’t true.

Ron Listen, if you give me any of your made-up stories, I’ll make you eat these books.

Bookseller OK, non-fiction. What about biography? The Life and Times of Al Capone?

Ron Al Capone? Do you know what happened to Al Capone? He came to a bad end.

Bookseller What about this? Ron What is it?

Bookseller Oh, I’m sorry. It’s Famous Murderers of the 20th Century. With pictures.

Ron Now, that sounds good … No. It’s a shame, but the boss doesn’t like violence.

Bookseller Well, what abut the occult? Ron Is that popular?

Bookseller Oh, yes! There’s this marvellous new book … I’m sure it was there just a minute ago. Strange … Oh, never mind. I think your boss will like this.

Ron What is it? Bookseller Agatha Christie. She’s very popular.

*** Clive I don’t think all that reading would have

changed Billy The Hat? Tom Neither do I.

Louise I disagree. I think good literature improves a person.

Marco Poetry’s good for the soul. Tom Oh, yes! I’m sure that Billy the Hat’s been

reading a lot of poetry! ***

Bookseller Oh, hello. Ron You like books, don’t you?

Bookseller Yes. Ron Good!

Bookseller Why? Ron Because I’m going to make you eat some of

these books. Bookseller What’s wrong?

Ron The last page of the Agatha Christie is missing. Billy doesn’t know who’s done the murder. He’s very angry.

*** Jilly Billy the Hat is a changed man.

Louise Oh, that’s excellent! Jilly In fact, I heard from the police that Billy is no

longer called Billy the Hat. All Really?

Jilly They’re calling him Billy the Book.

B DO YOU READ A LOT?

Street interviews Nigel I don’t read books that often, uh, and most of

the books that I do read, uh, are for my study. Books to do with economics and management, I’m afraid.

Julia I like reading fiction, but while I’m studying I don’t have much time to read.

Tamsen I used to borrow all my books from the library, but then I worked in a bookshop and since then, I always buy new books because they’re nicer.

Sean I never read books. Christopher I like big, fat novels that I can take my time

reading. ***

Keith I like crime novels and detective novels because I like a good suspense story.

Mrs Cornish I like to read murder mystery, crime books. Derek I like to read mainly science fiction books. Louise I like romantic novels.

Vicki Children’s stories, like Noddy, um, I also like Stephen King’s thrillers.

John Short stories, um, novels and, um, local history, but not, not too serious.

Mrs Simpson

I like historical novels. I like books about nature.

Mr Cornish I like war and historical books. Gareth I like fiction most of all, but I do read non-

fiction, for example, I’m reading books about theology and philosophy at the moment.

HOW TO BE BRITISH Mike Excellent! That’s … that’s very funny! He’s a

marvellous writer! … What’s your book like? Is it any good?

John Mmm. Mike So’s mine. Wonderful book! I can see that you love

reading, don’t you? … So do I. I read all the time. You know, I sometimes get through two or three books in a year! … Have you read any good books lately? … You’re racing through that one, I see … How many pages have you read? Two hundred!

John Look. Do you mind? I would like to finish this book. Mike Of course you would! Fine! I like a good book. But

this isn’t a good book. It’s rubbish! … Have you seen any good films lately?

News from the past Trevor News, news! First, the headlines … The book

world under attack! … And writer William Shakespeare writes a new play! Bur first the main story. Books are in trouble! For a special report, over to our media correspondent, Sir Sydney Walsingham, a member of the Star Chamber.

Sir Sydney Trevor, I’m in St Paul’s Courtyard, where all the booksellers meet. Many people here are unhappy about the censorship of books by the Star Chamber.

Trevor Why is that, Sir Sydney? Sir Sydney Well, Trevor, most authors want to have the

freedom to write anything that they want. But we at the Star Chamber look at every book very carefully in case it contains anything against the Church or the State.

Trevor What happens if you find something that you don’t like?

Sir Sydney We burn the book. Trevor What if the writer complains?

Sir Sydney We burn the writer and the book. Trevor That seems rather cruel.

Sir Sydney Perhaps, Trevor, you would like to put your thoughts into writing. I’m sure we, at the Star Chamber, would find your opinion very interesting.

Trevor No, thank you, Sir Sydney. And the other news tonight is that a new play called Romeo and Juliet is being performed at the Globe Theatre. Some people believe that a new, young playwright and poet, William Shakespeare, will soon become a very famous writer. Somehow, we doubt that. And finally, here’s something new on the market. It’s a ‘pencil’, and it could make life a lot easier for writers everywhere. That’s all from That’s English! news. Goodnight.

From the archive Terry Jones A lot of these books are all little self-contained

worlds, I mean you’ve got Chaucer’s world and the world of the fourteenth century and one of the things that fascinates me is that, there it is, it’s happened, it can’t change. it’s just there and you can read as much as you can and try and get to know it. It’s not our world, it’s another world and we, the similarities fascinate me, but it’s always the other worlds that fascinate me, so it’s fantasy and myth that fascinate me, it’s science fiction … This stuff down here, it’s all getting into, um, a more tools of the trade, really, it’s sort of dictionaries, and, uh, and all that kind of thing. Course, the great thing about dictionaries is you, you don’t have to read them all. I just think that when you want the, you can look them up. Actually the thing about my book shelves, looking at them now I realise that really, I’ve hardly read any of the books. I think, um, it’s all a bit of a substitute for reading, really. You know they’re mostly reference books and all sorts of interesting books over here. Sex in History, Sex not in History. Really there’s one other book which I haven’t mentioned and that’s this book here, it’s the, the Powerbook. Ah, really all these books around me, they’re all sort of going around, I suppose going into here, and then going onto this book, and then I type away and um, another book comes out, um. Funny to think that this will kind of end up on one of

these shelves, and I’ll probably never read it.

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) If you are fond of books and find yourself in

London, we suggest you go to a walk around the Charing Cross area.

Sara (VO) There are dozens of bookshops … women’s bookshops … second-hand bookshops …

Gary (VO) Or, even, ethnic bookshops, where you can find books in languages other than English.

Sara (VO) Of course, there are also bookshops specializing in music, art, architecture, or design.

Gary (VO) This is a true paradise for book lovers. Sara (VO) In this area there are also huge bookshops

taking up several floors, where you will no doubt find the book of your dreams …

Gary (VO) According to the latest statistics, eighty thousand books are published every year in the United Kingdom.

Sara (VO) The British are the second most avid readers in Europe.

Gary (VO) Fifty-three per cent of the population say that “the library is the most popular cultural resource outside home”. Much more popular even than the cinema.

Sara (VO) The fact that most people in Britain prefer reading to going to the cinema shows they are avid readers. But which are the most popular kinds of books?

Gary (VO) To find out we interviewed someone who, because of her job, has very recent information on the topic: Judith Bell, Assistant Manager of Dillons, one of the main bookshops in London.

Judith Bell They tend to read lots of different things. But at the moment, the most popular things are thrillers, people like John Grisham. But also well-known authors who have a proven track record, people tend to wait for the book next from that author. Biographies are also very big at the minute. Famous people. Everybody wants to know what their lives were like, their childhood, so people tend to read that sort of things.

Sara (VO) Are they all British writers? Judith Bell No, they’re not. There are some British writers

that are big names, like Julian Barnes, etc. But they’re mostly American at the moment. People tend to look to American authors. Sometimes French and occasionally South-American authors like Márquez. But mostly American and British.

Sara (VO) We couldn’t avoid asking which Spanish or Latin American writers British people prefer.

Judith Bell Márquez is probably the biggest name here and people read anything by him. And also Allende. A few other lesser-known names, but those two are the ones that people always look to buy.

Gary (VO) There was a new kind of books that caught our attention: audio books.

Sara (VO) How do you account for the success of audio books?

Judith Bell Audio books have only just taken off within the last couple of years. Although they are shortened versions of the books, people still like to listen to them. They’re easy to take on holiday. If you are not feeling very well, they will sit and listen. Often people with poor eyesight … they’re very handy for that as well.

7 POLITICAL CORRECTNESS

A SAYING THE RIGHT THING All Cheers.

Tom To the fair sex! Jilly That’s not very PC, Tom. Tom PC? Politically correct! What nonsense!

Louise It’s not nonsense. Journalists ought to be politically correct.

Tom I don’t care about being politically correct. Jilly It’s important. Tom Why do people want to change the words that we

use? Louise Because some of the words that we use are

offensive. Tom OK. Yes, I can accept that, but some people take

political correctness too far. I had a girlfriend once. Her name was Tanya …

Louise Girlfriend! Tom Oh, all right, a woman friend. I really liked her. I

told her that I loved her. I thought about her all the time. She was beautiful.

Louise Tom! Tom Well, she was. Unfortunately she was also

politically correct. The most politically correct girl, I mean woman … I mean person, in the world.

Tom When I first met her she said that I wasn’t allowed to open the door for her.

*** Tanya What are you doing?

Tom I’m opening the door for you. Tanya I’m strong enough and clever enough to open the

door for myself, thank you very much. Tom I was being polite.

Tanya don’t be polite, it’s patronising. Tom I’ll go first then.

Tanya No, you won’t … What are you dong? Tom I’m sorry. I was trying to be polite, again. I’m sorry.

*** Clive How long did you go out with Tanya? Tom Not very long.

Marco I’m not surprised. Tom She came to my house a week later. I had made a

big mistake … ***

Tom … I didn’t remember that I had a poster of Demi Moore on my wall.

Tanya Oh, no! I don’t believe it. What is this? Tom It’s a picture of Demi Moore, you know, the film

star.

Tanya I can see that – but what’s it doing on your wall? Tom Well, I like her. I think she’s beautiful – don’t you?

I like to look at her … face. Tanya That’s typical! You shouldn’t look at her like that!

Tom Like what? Tanya You know perfectly well what I mean. You think

women are there just to be looked at by men, don’t you! It’s so sexist. How can you possibly have a picture like that in your house?

Tom Look, are you telling me that men shouldn’t look at beautiful women?

Tanya Yes, Tom, that’s exactly what I’m telling you. You should take that picture down right now.

*** Clive So, what did you do? Tom In the end I decided that the picture of Demi Moore

was less trouble than the real Tanya. So I left the picture up, and Tanya walked out of the door. I still don’t know if I did the right thing.

Marco I think you did! Tom Later, I discovered that her mother was chairman of

Echo Group of Newspapers. Louise Chairman! Chairperson, please. Or if you like, you

can just say ‘chair’. But she’s a woman: how can she be a ‘chairman’?!

Tom I’m sorry, chairperson. Er, chair. Anyway, if it hadn’t been for Demi Moore, I could have been editor of The Echo by now.

Clive I doubt it! And if you were, you’d have to be a lot more careful about the language you used.

Tom Would it be all right if I offered to buy you a drink? Louise Yes, Tom, of course it would. Why do you ask?

Tom Oh, well, you can’t be too careful these days, can you, Ms Case?

Louise I hate being called Ms Case. Tom Miss Case, then.

Louise No, Tom. As you are buying me a drink, you can call me Louise.

B THE DUCKING STOOL

Street interviews Tamsen No, I’m not politically correct. I try to be, but it’s

really hard. I mean, people get offended if you open doors for them, things like that, sometimes it just gets silly.

Nigel I’m not conscious of being politically correct. Sean I think I’m politically correct. I would always talk

about black people not just blacks. Vicki I’d have to say no, I’m not politically correct. John I don’t think I’m very politically correct, no, I

think I tend to use things, words like ‘crippled’ and ‘cripple’.

Gareth I never use politically correct language. I always say chairman not chairperson, and I always say Mrs or Miss not Ms, so I’m not politically correct.

*** Louisa I think the concept of calling everybody ‘Ms’ is

ridiculous, I’m not married, I am a ‘Miss’, I, I’d like to called a ‘Miss’.

Julia I don’t like being called ‘Ms Allen’, I prefer to be

called ‘Miss Allen’. Lucy I definitely prefer to be called Ms, um, and I do

think I’m politically correct. I think you have to be as a young person.

*** Keith I think that politically correct language is actually

a very good thing most of the time. I think that using chairperson and not chairman, is a question of respect for women and I think that people that don’t like politically correct language have the problem.

Dennis Well it’s silly, I think, this business of, uh, the substitution of person when you say, instead of saying a chairman or even a chairwoman, it’s got to be a chairperson or even a chair, uh, it seems to me that it’s, um, it really is a bit of nonsense.

John Words like ‘mentally challenged’ come in, you really have to think twice before you know what it means.

From the archive Nick Ross Well, I have to say I’m very confused about it

all, but there is now a dictionary available that tells us how you can tell someone in the most correct terms that they are what, horizontally challenged …

Presenter … fat … Nick Ross … or financial disadvantaged … Presenter … broke. I love it, I really do. Here’s the man

who’s written that book, he’s Nigel Rees. Hello.Nigel Rees Good morning. Presenter Why did you write it?

Nigel Rees Ah, because I’m interested in language, and the thing about politically correct language is that it’s watering the language down, it’s replacing good old straightforward, descriptive words and terms with rather vague ones.

Nick Ross So why does it happen then? Nigel Rees Um, the reason behind the politically correct

movement is that, uh, we live in a plural society made up of many races, we are, we are all minorities of one sort or another, and the basic aim of political correctness, I think is a good one, it is that we should think about how we talk to people and how we describe people. The trouble is that introducing these new terms not only waters down the language, um …

Nick Ross Some of them are plainly absurd, aren’t they? Nigel Rees That’s it. It’s gone too far, uh, some of these

suggestions are barmy and the thing is that you can never actually tell people to change the way they speak.

How to be British Mike Have you got your eye on anyone? John What do you mean? Mike I mean, do you fancy any of the girls? John The girls! They’re women. Mike All right. Do you fancy any of the women? John Look, can you talk more quietly? Mike Why?

John I don’t want my wife to hear you. Mike Why not? John She says that you’re politically incorrect. Mike That’s ridiculous! Look at Sally! She’s got fantastic

legs. John You’re not allowed to talk like that in this house! Mike You have to train hard to get legs like that. John I won’t let you talk like that. She’s not an object, you

know. Mike She’s got a good body, though. John Stop it! Just stop it! Mike But it’s not just her body, she’s intelligent as well …

Look how she’s running. She’s sure to win a gold medal.

John Yes, you’re right. She’s a marvellous runner.

News from the past Trevor News, news! First the headlines … Woman

drowns in river … Our gracious Queen may have the heart of a king. But first, tonight’s main story. A man accused his wife of talking too much. In court today, she was sentenced to the ducking stool. Over to Sir Sydney Walsingham, who has the full story. Sir Sydney, what exactly happened today?

Sir Sydney Well, Trevor, the husband told the court that his wife talked all the time. His wife said that she didn’t talk all the time. The husband then called his wife an old witch, and the judge sent her to the ducking stool.

Trevor What exactly is the ducking stool? Sir Sydney Well, Trevor, as you see in this picture here, it’s

a kind of chair which can be lowered into the water. If the woman sinks, then she’s innocent; if she floats, then she is guilty of being a witch.

Trevor And did the man’s wife float? Sir Sydney No, I’m afraid not, Trevor, she drowned. But

everyone had a very good time here. People in the villages really seem to enjoy the ducking stool It’s like a public holiday. Back to you in the studio, Trevor.

Trevor A report out yesterday said that men are far superior to women, with the exception, of course, of our Queen Elizabeth. The Queen said today, ‘I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King’. That’s all from That’s English! news. Goodnight.

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) Sara insisted on giving me examples of

politically correct language on the way to the studio.

Sara (VO) Listen, Gary. How would you describe the physical aspect of that man who’s coming towards us, the man in grey clothes with glasses?

Gary (VO) A short man. Sara (VO) No. The politically correct term is ‘a

vertically-challenged person.’ Gary (VO) And what’s the politically correct term

for that funny-looking fat jogger? Sara (VO) He’s ‘a horizontally-challenged man’. Gary (VO) Sara, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to use

politically correct language. Sara (VO) Don’t give up, Gary. Let’s see. How

would you describe the colour of the woman with the shopping bags?

Gary (VO) She’s a white woman. Sara (VO) No, according to the dictionary of

political correctness, you must say ‘a non-coloured person’.

Gary (VO) And the woman who’s helping her? I suppose you mustn’t call her ‘black’.

Sara (VO) No. What is politically correct is to call her ‘a sun woman’.

Gary (VO) Sara, I think I am now an expert in politically correct language. Can you see that happy man with a beet can in his hand?

Sara (VO) The drunkard, you mean? Gary (VO) No, he’s not a drunkard. He’s just ‘a beer

gourmand’. Sara (VO) Very funny, Gary, but wrong. The

correct term is ‘chemically inconvenienced’. I don’t think you are taking the subject seriously, Gary. Although political correctness might sometimes overdo things a little bit, it has very positive aspects.

Gary (VO) Sara was convinced I hadn’t understood it very well and took me to the offices of The Guardian, where we interviewed Mr Page, who is responsible for making sure that the articles are written in politically correct language.

Gary (VO) Could you please describe what politically correct language is?

Mr Page Well, I suppose it’s showing sensitivity to certain groups who feel that they are disadvantaged or haven’t been given a fair showing in the press, or in the magazines or in the media generally.

Gary (VO) When and how did the idea of a politically correct language start?

Mr Page I mean … I suppose it’s emerged over something like the last fifteen to twenty years, and much more strongly in the last ten years, as groups, I mean, women, gays, disabled people, handicapped people, have made their case much more vigorously and asked for the media to take their interests into account.

Sara (VO) Mr Page’s explanations convinced Gary. Gary (VO) That’s why I took Sara to interview Mrs

Anne Mayne, a feminist. Women are one of the groups that historically have suffered the abuse of discriminatory language.

Sara (VO) We asked her why it’s important to use politically correct language when

referring to women. Mrs Anne Mayne It’s very important to use what you call

politically correct language because it is important to treat women with respect and to give them the full rights as human beings and not to speak about them in a degrading way.

Sara (VO) Could you give us some examples of politically incorrect language in relation to women?

Mrs Anne Mayne Well, women … the names that women are often called are names of animals. They’re called ‘chicks’, they’re called, er … cows, they’re called ‘bitches’, and even though I have no problem with the animals. It’s a form of degradation, it makes the women appear to be inferior and it is an insult to call women these names. And often it is used as a joke and it is actually not a joke, it is an insult.

MODULE 9 TELEVISION TRANSCRIPTS

1 A BRITISH SENSE OF HUMOUR

A HOW FUNNY! Jilly Tom? Look, I’m sorry, I know it’s my round, but I

haven’t got any money to buy drinks. I left my purse at home.

Tom Again! That’s all right. I’ll buy some drinks for you. Jilly An orange juice, please, Tom.

Clive A pint of bitter. Louise A dry Martini.

Gino Bitter, please, Tom. Tom Righto. Clive Hey, Gino, did you read my article yesterday? Gino No, I’m sorry, Clive. I didn’t. Was it any good? Clive Any good? Was it any good? How dare you! No, it

was rubbish. Gino Oh, I’m sorry. Clive No, Gino, when I said ‘it was rubbish’, I was only

joking. Gino Oh, I see. I apologise. Clive Don’t mention it. Gino Look, sorry everybody, but I have a confession to

make. Sometimes I find your British humour very difficult. I don’t understand why you are laughing. You’re always saying one thing when you mean something else, aren’t you? Clive says his article was ‘rubbish’, but he means ‘it was great’! I don’t understand.

Louise It’s irony, Gino. Gino Yes, the British love irony, don’t they?

Louise Mmm. Tom But the Italians don’t understand irony, do they? Gino Of course we do, but I think you British use irony

far too much. And it isn’t always funny – well, not to me. I’m sorry that I haven’t laughed at your jokes. I’m sure they’re very funny … if you are British.

Tom You’ll laugh at this joke, Gino. A man goes into a pub with his dog- it’s a racing dog – a whippet. In the corner of this pub is an old man and on this table is a tortoise.

Gino A tortoise? Tom Yes, it’s a very slow animal with a shell. But the

shell on this tortoise is all broken. It looks terrible. It’s hardly moving. Anyway, this old man shouts at the man with the dog. ‘’Ere! I bet my tortoise can beat your dog in a race’. he man with the dog laughs, but the man with the tortoise shouts again, ‘’Ere, I’ll bet you a hundred pounds my tortoise can beat your dog in a race’. Well, the man with the dog thinks, ‘That’s easy money – OK, old man!’ And they go out into the car park. The old man puts the tortoise down on the ground, he stands up and he says, ‘You see that street light over there? My

tortoise will race your dog to that street light’. The man with the dog says, ‘OK’. The dog’s all excited – ready to go. The poor tortoise is hardly moving, but the old man says, ‘Ready, steady, go’.

Clive That’s a great joke. Gino But I thought you didn’t like it … never mind. I

thought it was a bit cruel. Tom It was black humour, Gino.

*** tom Gino, tell us a joke now. All Yeah. Go on.

Gino OK, now I will tell you a joke. An Italian joke. Italian humour is very different. I’ll show Italian humour to you.

Jilly OK, Gino. Let’s have the job. Gino OK. There was this Italian boy called Paolo, and he

was at a language school, learning English. But he was the worst in the class. He was a nice boy, but useless! One day, the teacher said to the class, ‘I want you to use the words ”green”, “yellow” and “pink” to make sentences’. The best student said, ‘The grass is green, the sun is yellow and my dress is pink.’ ‘Excellent,’ said the teacher, and she asked another pupil to use the same three words to make sentences. He said, ‘My shirt is green, my tie is yellow, and my face is pink.’ ‘Very good!’ said the teacher. ‘Well done!’ Then she asked Paolo to do the same. Of course, he couldn’t. So he stood up and pretended that the telephone was ringing. He said, ‘Green, green’. Then he pretended to pick up the phone, and said, ‘Yellow? Yellow?’ Then he put down the phone and said, ‘Pink!’ … Green, green … Yellow? Yellow? … Pink.

Clive You know what? Gino Tell me. Clive That really was a very, very good joke! Gino Thank you, Clive! That’s very nice. Jilly Gino, I think that may have been …

Gino Don’t tell me. Irony. Jilly Yes, Gino, irony.

B DO YOU KNOW ANY JOKES?

Street interviews Keith OK, so here’s a funny joke – one day a man goes into

a pet shop and he walks up to the assistant and he says, ‘Excuse me, can I have a mosquito, please?’ And the assistant says, ‘Sorry sir, we don’t sell mosquitoes’. And the man says, ‘Oh! Well, I saw one in the window.’

*** Nigel Did you hear about the supermodel who was caught

staring at a carton of orange juice? It said on it ‘concentrate’!

*** Lucy Why are there no aspirins in the jungle? Because the

parrots ate ‘em all (paracetamol)! ***

Keith I think there is such a thing as a British sense of humour. I think it’s quite dry and quite ironic, or when British people tell jokes, for example, they tend to remain quite serious and they don’t laugh out loud like lots of, I don’t know, continental people do.

John I think, I think understatement is, is probably characteristic of English humour, the one, I, yes definitely, understatement.

Lucy British humour is very based upon sarcasm, it’s very dry and there’s a lot of playing with words, it’s not a particularly visual type of humour.

From the archive Basil Good morning, madam, can I help you?

Woman Are you the manager? Basil I am the owner, madam.

Woman What? Basil I am the owner.

Woman I want to speak to the manager. Basil I am the manager too.

Woman What? Basil I am the manager as well.

Manuel Manager, he manager. Woman Uh, you’re what?

Basil I’m the manager. Woman What?

Basil I’m the manager. Woman Yes, I know, you’ve just told me. What’s the

matter with you? Now listen to me. I booked a room with a bath. When I book a room with a bath, I expect to get a bath.

Basil You’ve got a bath. Woman I’m not paying seven pounds twenty pence per

night plus VAT for a room without a bath. Basil There is your bath.

Woman You call that a bath? It’s not big enough to drown a mouse. It’s disgraceful.

Basil I wish you were a mouse! Woman And another thing. I asked for a room with a view.

Basil Deaf, mad and blind. This is the view as far as I can remember, madam. Yes, yes, this is it.

Woman When I pay for a view, I expect something more interesting than that.

Basil That is Torquay, madam. Woman Well, it’s not good enough.

Basil Well, may I ask what you were expecting to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? The hanging gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically …

Woman Don’t be silly. I expect to be able to see the sea. Basil You can see the sea, it’s over there between the

land and the sky.

News from the past Trevor Good evening. This is the news from the British

Broadcasting Corporation in London, and here are

the headlines for 1954. The future King of Great Britain, Prince Charles, has given his royal approval to a group of very silly British comedians. And Lucille Ball stars in the I Love Lucy Show on television. But the main story tonight is the concern over the young Prince Charles. We are now going over live to our Royal correspondent, Anna Pilkington, who is standing outside Buckingham Palace. Anna, what is the latest news from Buckingham Palace?

Anna Well, Trevor, I’ve been standing outside the gates of Buckingham Palace all day, and it’s very exciting.

Trevor Why? Anna Well, it’s awfully exciting to be outside the home

of Her Majesty the Queen, isn’t it? Trevor What about this story of Prince Charles and The

Goons? Anna Well, Trevor, a spokesman for Her Majesty has just

given me this statement. People at Buckingham Palace are concerned because the young Prince has apparently been listening to a new radio show called The Goons.

Trevor Who are the Goons? Anna Well, Trevor, it seems they’re a group of

comedians who have a show on the radio every week. One of their leaders, a man by the name of Peter Sellers, told me they have fun and talk in silly voices.

Trevor Anna, what exactly do you mean by silly voices? Anna They say things like … like Yingtong yingtong

tiddle aye po. Trevor Really? But Anna, why are Palace officials worried

about the young Prince Charles? Anna Well, it seems that the Prince enjoys using silly

voices from The Goon Show, which some people say is worrying for the future of the country

Trevor Thank you, and we will bring you an update on that story in a minute. And finally a young actress called Lucille Ball and her husband have produced a new show for television. It’s called the I Love Lucy Show. Some people are predicting that this programme is going to be very popular nd that it will probably still be shown on television stations around the world in fifty year’s time. And now back to the >Palace. Anna, are there any further developments?

Anna Yington yington tiddle aye po. Trevor Thank you. And that’s all the news from the BBC

in London. Good night.

Making yourself understood Juan Hello … I’d like to book a room, please … I’d like to

book a room … Excuse me, I would like to book a room, please … Una habitación? … I am speaking good English. Why don’t you understand what I’m saying? I want to book a room, please … I said ‘please’. Please. Please! Please, I am tired. I have had a long journey. I want a nice, comfortable bed. I want

to go to sleep. Please. Mike Good evening, sir. How can I help you? Juan Why are you laughing at me? My English isn’t bad, is

it? Mike No. Not bad at all! Juan Have I said something wrong? Mike No. I’m sorry. It’s … it’s my favourite comedy

programme. Do you like comedy? Juan Yes, but I’d like to book a room, please. Mike Certainly, sir. What sort of room would you like? Oh,

no! Please … please forgive me. Now, the room. Juan Right. I would like a single room, please. Mike Right. With bath or shower? Juan With a shower, please. Mike Ah. I’m afraid we don’t have a single room with

shower free. Oh, but I do have a twin room and a double. Both with showers. Would either of those be suitable?

Juan Well, how much are they? Mike The twin room is sixty-five pounds per night, and the

double is seventy pounds. Oh, but as you really only want a single room, I can give you a single-room rate for the twin.

Juan Fine. How much is that? Mike It’s fifty pounds including full English breakfast. Are

you staying more than one night? Juan Three nights actually. Mike Ah, well if you’re staying three nights, I can give you

a special price. Juan Oh, really? Mike For one night £50. For three nights … only one

hundred and fifty pounds! That’s my special price for three nights.

DOCUMENTARY Sara(VO) This is a machine for crushing peas one by one

... An example of British humour. It’s said that one of the most distinctive characteristics of the British is their sense of humour. An ironic, self-critical and subtle sense of humour.

Gary (VO) Or at least this is the kind of humour that has come down to us through literature and cartoon.

Sara (VO) But there’s another kind of humour. Stand-up comedians have a big audience in Great Britain.

Gary (VO) Shows like this one go on tour all over the country, playing to audiences in various different clubs. What are the characteristics of the British sense of humour?

Comedian Well, it’s changed over the last twenty years, really. In the past, British humour was more about making jokes … about … sexist sort of jokes, racist jokes … But these days it’s changed a bit and … it’s more observational humour. It’s about talking … making fun of yourself really, rather than making fun of other people.

Sara (VO) Cartoons are another important branch of British humour. We visited the National Museum of Cartoon Art and asked its director if it is true that the British have a good sense of humour.

Director Yes, I think it is true. The British do have a very good sense of humour. I think the British are in fact world famous for having … for being a very funny nation.

Sara (VO) What kind of exhibits are displayed here? Director We are displaying exhibitions of cartoon …

original drawings. We are also exhibiting caricature of famous people. And also comic strips, from newspapers or from comic books.

Sara (VO) An important event in the history of British humour was the publication of ‘Punch’, a humorous magazine which appeared at the beginning of the Victorian era, in 1841.

Gary (VO) Its jokes were understood by both intellectuals and workers. Its criticism didn’t respect politicians, the church or even the queen herself.

Sara (VO) Very soon ‘Punch’ became a symbol of humour and freedom of expression.

Gary (VO) We were quite fortunate to have one of the most important British cartoonists draw a cartoon for That’s English!

John Byrne Hello, my name is John Byrne. I’m a cartoonist and I will now draw a cartoon for That’s English! I will start off by drawing the teacher … start off with the face, some hair …

Sara (VO) John Byrne has done artwork and written scripts for Superman, the Incredible Hulk, the Four Superheroes and Alpha Flight, among other comic characters.

John Byrne I hope your That’s English! Course is also successful.

2 WHAT THE PAPERS SAY

A A SCOOP Tom What’s going on?

Louise Jilly has been given an award. Tom What for?

Louise Best reporter of the year. Tom What? Best reporter! I write better stories than she

does. They should have given it to me. Louise The award’s been given to Jilly because her

stories are true. She researches her stories. Clive Yes, she does. But she nearly made a big mistake

yesterday. ***

Jilly Dear Ms Partridge, I read your article on the role of mothers in modern society. I was most disappointed because I believe a woman’s place is in the home … yes, yes, yes. Dear Ms Partridge, I have never read such a bad piece of journalism as your editorial on mothers. It’s feminist rubbish. I

think the situation is unfair to men … hmm … My God!

Clive What is it? Jilly It’s nothing.

Clive Come on. Let’s have a look. Who is that? It’s him!

Gino Who? Clive It’s that politician. The one who wants better

moral standards in society. Jilly Sir Peter Hayes.

Gino Who’s he kissing? Clive This is a front-page story! Jilly She looks about twenty – and he must be at least

sixty. Clive It’s disgusting! Who’s it from? Jilly It doesn’t say.

Clive What a story! Jilly If it’s true.

Gino What do you mean? Clive Maybe it’s his daughter. Jilly ‘Sir Peter Hayes, MP. Married Sheila Parsons

1958. Two children. Timothy and Anthony.’ I don’t think that’s his daughter.

Clive This is going to be big. It’s front page. This story is just what we need to help sell more newspapers. We’ll double our circulation figures.

*** Tom You said the story should be published. Clive Well, it was a fantastic story.

*** Jilly Hello. I’m Jilly Partridge, from The Echo.

Sir Peter I don’t like being disturbed at home. This is my time with my family.

Jilly This is important. Could we go to your study? I don’t want to disturb your family … It was sent to me yesterday.

Wife Lunch is ready, dear! Sir Peter I’ll be with you in five minutes.

Jilly You’re very calm. Sir Peter This is a good story for you, Jilly. A scoop. Can’t

you see what has been done? Two pictures have been scanned into a computer and then treated so that it looks like an old married politician is having an affair with a very attractive girl.

Jilly I don’t think so. Sir Peter Don’t you? I keep all my publicity. This is a

picture of me having just won my seat in the House of Commons. I am kissing a woman. My wife. It was published in a glossy magazine. Now, look very carefully at these photographs. We see what I’m wearing. The same shirt and tie as in this photograph.

Jilly Maybe … Sir Peter Look at my neck. Here and there. It’s in exactly

the same position. Jilly You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.

Sir Peter You must be very disappointed. Jilly No.

Sir Peter It would have been the hottest newspaper story of

the year. Jilly Yes. Well, I’m embarrassed, but I’m pleased it’s

not true. I’m pleased for your family. Sir Peter I wonder if you really are pleased … after all.

*** Clive It was such a shame. It would’ve doubled

circulation. Jilly, darling! Congratulations on your award!

Jilly Thank you, Clive. Gino What’s the matter, Jilly? You don’t look very

happy. Jilly Oh, it’s nothing, really. But I was thinking. You

know, I think I would have been glad if that story about Sir Peter had been true.

Clive Well, of course you would! It would have been a marvellous story!

Jilly Yes, it would. But it would also have been the end of Sir Peter, and it would have ruined his family’s life.

Tom Well, it would have been his own fault! Jilly I know, but I still think that’s wrong. Don’t you?

CliveLouise

GinoYes.

Tom No, I don’t! I’d really like to get a photograph like that in the post. Then perhaps I’d get an award. Drinks, anyone?

Jilly No, thanks, Tom. Not just now.

B NATIONAL NEWSPAPERS

Street interviews Keith I read The Guardian newspaper because

politically, it’s left of centre so I suppose it corresponds with my politics.

Julia I read The Daily Telegraph, because that’s the paper that my parents buy.

Sean I read The Guardian or The Independent, which are liberal, left-wing newspapers. I never read the Daily Telegraph, it’s too right wing for my taste, it’s too conservative.

Mr Cornish We read The Sun newspaper, we find the crossword is easy to do.

Gareth I read, uh, The Daily Telegraph and the Daily Mail, which are very right-wing newspapers, because I like to have something to disagree with.

Lucy I read The Times because the articles are very, very clear and the English is very good.

*** Gareth I don’t think you can judge people by the

paper they read, they read, because I read a right-wing newspaper, but I don’t have right-wing views.

Keith I think you can judge people by the newspapers they read, but you have to be careful because a lot of people buy a newspaper just out of habit and they don’t really think about the politics of the

newspaper. Lucy I think you can judge people to a certain

extent b the newspaper they read, for example, the Telegraph is really quite a right-wing newspaper, but I think, generally, people choose the newspaper that they find easiest to read.

From the archive Voiceover According to The Sun, this photograph

remained locked in an American bank vault for seven years. The full picture, with the strategically placed crown, is splashed across its centre pages. The Duke made no comment today about the photo, taken when he was twenty-four, on a camping trip in Canada. The Sun fell foul of the Royals in 1989 after printing one of the Queen’s private family photographs. It eventually agreed to pay £100,000 to charity as a means of apology. Today the MP Peter Bottomley tabled a Commons motion to protest.

MP Many ordinary, decent people are very upset and they’re saying, will parliament do something to restrain this?

Voiceover But The Sun is adamant it hasn’t breached royal privacy.

Spokesperson Here you have a very prominent, very well-known figure in a rather extraordinary situation and from our point of view, and I would think from the point of view of any editor, of any tabloid paper, it is a picture that had to be published.

Voiceover The Sun scoop may have renews calls for laws against press intrusion of privacy, but it’s unlikely to face any action unless the Press Complaints Commission is asked to investigate.

News from the past Trevor Good evening. Here is the news from the BBC in

London, and these are the headlines. The Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II. And the British flag is on top of the world. But perhaps the biggest story of the decade is the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II. Over now to our media affairs correspondent, Anna Pilkington. Anna, how have the media dealt with the Coronation?

Anna Well, Trevor, the Coronation has certainly made the headlines. Look at these. I’ve never seen such big headlines. The British people have never before been offered such comprehensive coverage of a royal event. All the newspaper editorials think that the young Queen Elizabeth is just wonderful.

Trevor So it’s been a good year for Britain’s newspapers? Anna Well, Trevor, many people have followed the big

¡events on cinema newsreels, and over a million people watched the Coronation on television. Some people are saying that television is becoming so

successful that newspapers will soon be obsolete. Trevor No newspapers by 1960 – that’s our prediction here

at the BBC. And now our other main story. A man from the British Commonwealth hit the headlines in every newspaper when he climbed Everest, the highest mountain in the world. Edmund Hillary from New Zealand placed the British Union Jack at the top of Everest after climbing the mountain. And finally, I’ve just bee handed a story from the back pages of the Evening Echo. It’s about a young lorry driver from Memphis, Tennessee, who is upsetting parents all over America. Parents have been warned not to let their daughters listen to the music of Ef … El … Elvis Presley, as it is such a bad influence. How dreadful! That’s all the news from the BBC in London. Good night.

Making yourself understood Juan Hello. Yesterday I ordered El País, and your assistant

promised me it would be delivered this morning. But it wasn’t. Why? … Do you understand? I would like El País, I insist.

Mike I’m sorry? Juan Where is my Spanish newspaper? Mike I just don’t understand. Juan El País. El País. I would like my Spanish newspaper.

Do you understand? Mike It just doesn’t make sense. Juan Yes, it does. I would like my Spanish paper. I want to

read about Spain. Look, if you haven’t got El País, I’d be happy with any Spanish newspaper. Have you got La Vanguardia? Or El Mundo? How about El ABC? Any of them would do!

Mike What? No. How could she do it? Juan I’m sorry. How could she do what? Mike How would she leave me? I loved her. Juan Please, could I talk to the manager? I have never had

such bad service. Mike I am the manager.

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) We live in a world where information

needs to be more immediate every day. People want to receive news as soon as it happens, and thanks to technological progress, this is becoming easier and easier.

Sara (VO) The mass media, and especially the written press, are undergoing important changes to adapt to the new demands. To be well informed we don’t need to read the news on the pages of a newspaper, but we can read it on computer screens where news is sent as soon as it’s been written. These are the so-called electronic newspapers on on-line papers.

Gary (VO) To find out about on-line papers, we visited the offices of ‘USA TODAY Information network’. USA TODAY was

the first American newspaper to use satellite transmission to publish simultaneously nation-wide. Larry Sanders, the person in charge of communications in USA TODAY, explains to us in general terms what an on-line paper is.

Larry Sanders An on-line paper is more than just a paper. It’s the newspaper updated constantly. It’s the newspaper that can be published on-line. Literally any time news happens.

Sara (VO) USA TODAY ONLINE is available on the World Wide Web, a part of Internet that thanks to its user-friendly environment is becoming increasingly popular.

Gary (VO) The main characteristic of an on-line paper is that readers can access the information they want whenever they want it, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, with information being updated by the minute. With a swift movement of their mouse, users can obtain the latest news or the latest sports results, information about the weather anywhere in the world, or the latest economic news from Wall Street.

Sara (VO) Larry Sanders gives us a summary of the main advantages of an on-line paper as compared to a traditional paper.

Larry Sanders An electronic paper is vibrant, it’s alive. When something happens it will reflect it. A regular paper is put to bed at midnight, or at one o’clock, or sometime at night, and by the time most people read it, the news is at least eight hours old. An electronic paper can be published every five minutes if necessary.

Sara (VO) And could you tell us about the disadvantages of electronic newspapers, if there are any?

Larry Sanders Perhaps the biggest disadvantage is that it’s all new. We don’0t know … we don’t know too much about who our readers are. We don’t know too much about how to make money online, besides advertising. And I think as time goes by those questions will be answered. But those questions have already been answered for the print paper.

Gary (VO) The number of users of electronic information networks is increasing. In a few years, surfing the Internet will be as common as making a phone call is nowadays.

Sara (VO) Eventually, a subscription to an on-line paper will be cheaper than printed newspapers. That’s why we asked Larry Sanders if he thinks the on-line format will do away with conventional newspapers.

Larry Sanders An one point people said that televisions would do away with move theatres and that the radio would do away with

newspapers. I don’t think … I think on-line newspapers will always complement the paper. I don’t think it will ever do away with it.

Gary (VO) There’s no doubt that newspapers and magazines will have to live with the news reality of on-line newspapers, at least in the near future.

Sara (VO) The question is: will printed newspapers become museum pieces? No one knows the answer yet.

3 LIFE IN THE FUTURE

A IT’S A HI-TECH WORLD Louise I wonder what the weather will be like this

weekend? Gino I bet it will rain again. It always rains on a

Saturday! Louise Yes, and then on Monday it will be sunny again.

Oh, well! Tom Hello? Hello? Anybody there? Hello? Stupid thing.

So much for modern technology. Clive Oh, not you too, Tom! Tom What do you mean? Clive Well, I’ve had a lot of trouble with ‘modern

technology’ this week. Jilly What, has your computer been crashing again?

Clive Yes. It all started on Monday, when Bob Hurst came back to work …

*** Bob Clive? Clive Buxton!

Clive Er, yes. I’m sorry, I know I know you, but I can’t remember your name …

Bob Well, it’s been a long time! Bob. Bob Hurst. Do you remember? I used to work here fifteen years ago, when you were just starting out as a junior reporter. I worked in the print room.

Clive Of course! Hello, Bob! And now you’re back! Bob Yes! I’m the new security man. I’ll be taking care

of you all. Clive That’s great! I imagine things have changed a lot

since you were here before. Bob You’re absolutely right there! In fact, I find it all a

bit frightening! I mean, what does all this equipment do?

Clive It isn’t a bit frightening, Bob. Look, I’ve got an editorial meeting in a quarter of an hour, but if you’re free until then, I can show you.

Bob Oh, great! Yes, thanks. Clive Well, I use the word-processor program to write

and format my articles. I can use this scanner to add pictures to my articles, and I can store them all on the hard disk in here or on a floppy disc. It’s wonderful. Oh, and I can use this modem to send my stories anywhere in the world.

Bob Really? Anywhere? Clive Yes, look. I’ve got to send this piece off to the news

service in Paris. Watch if you like. Bob Paris in France? How long is that gonna take?

Clive As long as the phone call. In two minutes’ time, they’ll be reading this in Paris. And by three o’clock, they’ll have translated it into French, and it will be appearing in their evening newspapers.

Bob Blimey! Clive Well, here goes … Oh, my God!

*** Bob What’s wrong?

Clive I don’t know. I just don’t know. The computer has crashed. I’ve just lost three hours’ work! Oh, no! I haven’t got time to write the article again.

Bob We never had this problem with typewriters! I don’t think they’ll be reading that article in Paris this evening!

Clive Yes, thanks, Bob. Oh, what am I going to do? The editorial meeting will be starting in a minute. They’ll probably have finished by the time I sort this out.

Bob Look, Clive, you’d better go. Leave it with me. I’ll think of something!

Clive You! Oh, Bob, please, whatever you do, don’t touch anything. Please. Promise?

Bob Clive, I promise. I won’t touch a thing. ***

Sharon There. That will have fixed it. Just check this … Yup, al’s fine. Now, just fix the modem settings … Hey presto! No problem.

Bob Are you sure it’s mended? Sharon Yeah. It wasn’t a problem.

Bob Good. I’m impressed. Sharon Well, Dad, it’s thanks to you really. I t was you

who bought me my first computer. You always said they were the future.

Bob Yes, I did, didn’t I? Well done, Sharon. Um, just show me that again, will you …?

*** Tom Sharon, Sharon the new tea girl, fixed your

computer? Clivd Yes, she did. She’s a genius.

Jilly And se sorted my fax machine out, too. Tom Sharon?

Louse Yes, Tom, Sharon. Sharon may be the tea girl today, but she’s fascinated by new technology. She knows all about it. Far more than we do. You wait and see – in five years’ time she’ll probably be running the Echo!

Tom Sharon?

B VIRTUAL REALITY

Street interviews Keith I think technology will continue to influence our

lives a lot. People, I think, will have a lot more leisure time, they will be able to communicate even more easily than they can do today.

Sean In the future, I think technology will move into the home and people will move out of the cities. I think

people will live and work more at home and in villages. I think cities will become a thing of the past.

Nigel I think that technology will help people in communicating more easily with links around the world, things like the Internet.

Lucy I think everyday life will become more efficient and I think that we will find that we’ll have more and more machines doing jobs that people could do, but I don’t think that’s such a bad thing, people are quite often scared of technology – we don’t need to be.

*** Dennis Like most things, they’re mixed blessings, uh,

technology certainly can, uh, help us in medicine, uh, very much. But misused, it can also be a curse.

*** John I must say telephones that you can move about with

are a great boon. I think, um, what else can I think of, what’s … what are those ovens called, I can’t remember the name now …

Dennis Microwaves. John Microwave ovens, pretty handy, anyway they’re

two things that … a great improvement in life.

Making yourself understood Juan Hello. Mike Is everything all right? Juan I have a problem. The thing for my television doesn’t

work. Mike I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Juan You know, the thing … The thing for the television.

It’s broken. I want to buy a new one. Mike What thing? Juan It’s a black box with buttons on it. I don’t know the

word for it in English. Mike I can’t sell you another one if I don’t know what it is. Juan It changes the picture on the television. Mike Do you have a dictionary? Juan Mando a distancia, mando a distancia … Ah! Remote

control. Mike Ah, you mean a zapper! Juan A zapper? No, it’s not here. What’s a ‘zapper’? Mike It’s a – you know – a zapper. A black box with

buttons on it … it changes the picture. A remote control.

Juan Ah, I see. Well, please could you sell me a new remote control. A zapper.

Mike Well, it depends. What sort of television is it? Juan It’s an Episonic 2005 … with Teletext. Mike Right, let’s see. Yes, here it is. An Episonic 2005

zapper. Here you are. Juan Thank you. How much is that? Mike Thirty’seven pounds ninety-nine. Juan Thirty-s …? Could I have a receipt, please? … Thank

you. Mike It’s a pleasure. Juan I’m sorry? Mike You’re welcome.

Juan Welcome? Mike Think nothing of it. Juan Think … nothing … of it. Mike Muchas gracias.

News from the past Trevor Good evening. This is the news from the BBC in

London, and these are the headlines. The Russians and the Americans race t be first into space … New appliances make housework easier … and a new type of super computer has been built. But first we have a report from Anna Pilkington, the BBC’s science correspondent, on the race into space. Anna, what’s been happening?

Anna Well, Trevor, the Americans are very worried because the Russians are just about to put a dog into space.

Trevor A dog? Anna Yes, Trevor. Her name is Laika. And the Russian

scientists say she is looking forward to her trip. Her nose is wet and she’s wagging her tail.

Trevor What about the Americans? Are they going to put any pets into space?

Anna Well, Trevor, American scientists tell me that their research indicates that dogs are not intelligent enough to be good astronauts. So they’ll be sending a man into space instead. They say they’ll even have a man on the moon by the end of the century! Trevor, it seems as though the space race has really started.

Trevor Thank you, Anna. A man on the moon. And now for the rest of the news. A report out today says that new technology is going to change the role of the housewife. Fridges, toasters, washing machines and vacuum cleaners are now being used in homes across the country and housework is becoming easier. So, as t4echnology advances, what will happen to the housewife? What will she be doing in ten years’ time? Will she be redundant? And finally scientists in America have come up with the super computer. It is no bigger than a double-decker bus and it can do sums quicker than a human. What will they think of next? That’s all the news from the BBC in London. Good night.

From the archive Voiceover Talking to computers is becoming easier, that

means more and more people can unlock the gateway to the superhighway. It’s even becoming fun. Wave your hands in the air and make music … or navigate your way through your personal virtual reality on the screen. For example, selecting a tree for the garden, watching it grow, and seeing how it would look from various angles in your own backyard. The computer can even store an image of your face, allowing you to choose a pair of spectacles and try them on.

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) Some years ago, a man dreamed of a city of

the future. That dream came true in Orlando, Florida. The man was Walt Disney, and the city, EPCOT. Walt Disney himself, returning from the past, tells us what EPCOT stands for.

Walt Disney We call it EPCOT, spelled E-P-C-O-T. Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow. Here it is, in large scale. EPCOT will take its cue from the new ideas and new technologies that are now emerging from the creative centres of American industry. It will be a community of tomorrow that will never be complete, but will always be introducing, and testing, and demonstrating new materials and new systems.

Gary (VO) EPCOT is more than an amusement park. It’s a place in continuous evolution, where every attraction is a new experience, with surprises in store for its visitors. An open window to the future, that allows us to imagine what life will be like in the twenty-first century. We asked Ms Brandon, a public relations officer at EPCOT, to tell us about the philosophy of this city of tomorrow.

Ms Brandon When Walt created the park, it was to showcase technology and world cultures and bring it to the people of the United States.

Gary (VO) So what will visitors find here? Ms Brandon Visitors will find lots of entertainment, lots

of discovery, and it’s all done in a fun and entertaining way.

Gary (VO) What aspects of the human knowledge and experience does EPCOT cover?

Ms Brandon We like to think it covers every aspect in some fashion. There’s culture, there’s food, there’s music and there are technologies from the near future.

Sara (VO) In the different shows, visitors can see different aspects of how human knowledge has developed. “Innoventions”, for example, is devoted to showing the most advanced technology.

Gary (VO) Domestic robots, computers, virtual reality and other high technology wonders that very few people have a chance to experience in their daily lives.

Sara (VO) Other rides help visitors get an idea of what the daily life of an ordinary family will be like in the future, here on land, under the sea or in the space. But, as Walt Disney engineers have found out, it’s not easy to show a future that is constantly becoming the present.

Gary (VO) As Walt Disney himself explained, EPCOT is a community in permanent evolution that will never be totally complete. Their creative engineers continue designing new

attractions, adapted to the latest advances in science and technology. That’s why we asked Ms Brandon in what ways EPCOT has changed over the years.

Ms Brandon It’s changed tremendously and it continues to change. The park has got to have an ever-changing presence in order to live up to its name.

Gary (VO) How are the attractions designed? Ms Brandon All our attractions are created by a group in

California called “Imagineering”. The Walt Disney imaginers are the engineers who create the rides.

Gary (VO) How often do you introduce innovations? Ms Brandon In this park we introduce it on a daily basis.

We have an attraction called “Innoventions” that showcases near-future technology. So everyday you’ll see something that’s new.

Gary (VO) What criteria do you follow to introduce those innovations?

Ms Brandon They need to be exciting. They need to be something that our guests will relate to and understand.

Sara (VO) But not everything is fun and entertainment at EPCOT. There’s also a place for study and research. In the attraction devoted to tomorrow’s agriculture research is being done on new forms of food production and on the possibility of setting up farms on the moon or on other planets.

Gary (VO) A look at the future from the present. A fantastic journey where the things that we find astonishing today will be common things tomorrow.

EPCOT’s staff member

Dictate. Greetings from Walt Disney World EPCOT Centre to all … capital letter … That’s English friends. Exclamation mark. Stop dictating.

4 DOES POLITICS MATTER?

A KISSING BABIES Louise Do you remember my friend, Claire Dawson?

Clive The civil servant? Yeah. Louise Well, she’s told me that she’s resigned.

Jilly Why? Louise She said politics was a difficult business.

Tom Well, everyone knows that. ***

Douglas Claire, we have important work to do this morning.

Claire Yes, Minister. You mean the new policy for people who are disabled?

Douglas No. We have to decide which are the best photos of me to give to the press.

Claire Sir, I have studied the last five government white papers on the disabled …

Douglas Very good.

Claire But nothing seems to have been done. Douglas Really.

Claire Sir, I’ve made a few suggestions … Douglas Oh?

Claire In the long term, they will mean savings for the tax payer.

Douglas In the long term. Claire Sir?

Douglas What do you mean, ‘the long term’? Claire I mean in ten years’ time, the policy will have

paid for itself. It will bring jobs. Workers will be more skilled. It will bring new life back to communities.

Douglas In ten years! Claire What’s the matter, Minister?

Douglas You don’t understand politics, do you, Claire? Claire What do you mean?

Douglas You should know by now that no politician is going to thank you for long-term policies. We do nothing, absolutely nothing, unless it benefits us at the next election.

Claire But Minister … Douglas Which is only six months away.

Claire But … Douglas Claire, have you seen the latest opinion polls?

Claire Yes, Minister. Douglas The opposition have over fifty per cent.

Claire Yes. Douglas When voters were asked if they though that this

government was capable of running the country, only thirty per cent said ‘Yes’.

Claire Sir, the spokesperson for the disabled wanted to know what we were going to do for them.

Douglas Claire, you know I’m interesting in hearing your suggestions on departmental policy …

Claire Yes, Minister. Douglas But let’s get back to work. Now, what I really

want is a picture of me kissing a baby. I kissed hundred … there must be a baby in there somewhere …

Claire There we are, Minister. Douglas This isn’t my good side. It must be my good side

… ***

Louise And he said it had to be his good side. He refused to listen to anything that she said.

Clive Politicians never listen to anybody. Louise She worked night and day for him, and he never

even thanked her for it. Then she told me about the day she had had enough!

*** Douglas What’s this?

Claire It’s my letter of resignation, Minister. Douglas I can see that. Why? Because I didn’t take up

your suggestions for government policy? Claire No.

Douglas Then why? Claire Minister, before I came to this Department, I read

all the speeches you made about democracy when

you were a young man. Douglas How interesting.

Claire You said the job of the politician is to serve the people, and not to serve himself.

Douglas yes, well, a politician also has to look after his own interests.

Claire You said politicians had to have ideals. Douglas Ideals! I’m a pragmatist.

Claire You promised to serve the ordinary person in the street …

Douglas Well … Claire I saw a film of your first election speeches. I

believed every word that you said. Douglas Strangely enough, so did I at the time.

Claire I thought you were wonderful. Douglas I was rather good looking in my youth.

Claire When I watched the film I didn’t just love your speeches …

Douglas You mean …? Claire I mean I admired your ideals and your honesty.

You really seemed to believe in what you were saying – you really wanted to help people.

Douglas Yeah, you’re right. I did. Claire You did, I know. But now you’ve changed. Why?

Douglas I don’t know, Claire. I don’t know. Perhaps I’ve been in politics too long. Perhaps I’m tired. Perhaps it’s time for me to give it all up.

Claire No, Minister. It isn’t time to give up. But perhaps you should think more about what you believed in when you were young, when you started out.

Douglas Claire, I’ll look again at your suggestions for changes to departmental policy.

Claire I’m glad, but I’m still resigning, I’m afraid. I want to change my career.

Douglas I understand. Could you stay for a little longer? Help me work on this policy document.

*** Louise Anyway, Claire stayed for a while longer, but she

did resign. She wants to be a journalist. In fact, she’s applied for a job on The Echo. That’s good news, isn’t it?

Clive That’s wonderful. Tom Well, I hope she doesn’t expect us to be idealists! Gino Perhaps some of us are, Tom.

B USE YOUR VOTE!

News from the past Trevor Good evening. This is the news from the BBC in

London, and these are the headlines. The European Economic Community is born. And, in the United States, Senator Joseph McCarthy accuses actors, writers, politicians, scientists and intellectuals of being communist sympathisers. But first this evening’s main story – the European Economic Community, or the EEC as it is known. We have a report from our political editor, Anna Pilkington. What is the story, Anna?

Anna Well, Trevor, there have been wars and fighting

between European countries for the last thousand years, but now a group of countries have decided to start working together. President de Gaulle of France announce this morning that France, Germany, Belgium, Italy, Luxembourg and Holland have joined the European Economic Community.

Trevor Anna, what about Great Britain? Will we be joining this European Economic Community?

Anna Well, Trevor, this is the question everyone is asking. In fact, a few minutes ago I talked to a government official and asked him if the United Kingdom would join the EEC.

Trevor And what did he say? Anna He said … he didn’t know.

Trevor Oh! Well, never mind. And now for the rest of the news. In the United States, Senator Joseph McCarthy of Wisconsin has accused many people of secretly admiring communism. People who are suspected have been prevented from working. Many artists – including famous film star Charlie Chaplin – have left the United States. Chaplin says he will never return. And news just in. An opinion poll out today says that ninety-eight per cent of Britons believe there will never be a woman Prime Minister. I’m sure they’re right. That’s all the news from the BBC.

From the archive Voiceover Wilberforce, just an individual who believed

that slavery should be abolished, and he got what he wanted. Florence Nightingale, who was determined to better the conditions in military hospitals, and she got what she wanted done. Elizabeth Fry wanted prison reform and she got prison reform. Lord Shaftesbury wanted factory reform, and he get factory reform … Legislation, which is simply the result of public opinion being bought to bear on parliament. If a citizen isn’t getting what he wants done, he writes to his MP, and if he still doesn’t get what he wants, he votes for someone else next time he gets the chance. there’s so much that needs to be done, so many things you want. Freedom from poverty, freedom from disease, freedom from squalor and ignorance, freedom from war. If you want these things, you can spread your opinion to other people, other people who are influenced as you are by what they read in the papers, but what they read in books, by what they hear in conversation, by what they hear in speeches, on the radio, by what they see on the screen. When you’ve spread your opinion you can form groups and unions and political parties, and demand what you want and damn well see to it that you make your opinions heard.

Street interviews Tamsen I think voting’s really important because if

you don’t vote, you can’t complain. That’s why I always vote – so I can complain if things go wrong.

Sean I think voting is important if you want to have a say. If you want to influence the decisions of government, I think you should vote.

Mrs Simpson Yes, I do. I, I think it is very important. If you don’t vote, you can’t complain, you can’t vote the right person in to deal with the things that you think are important.

Vicki No, I don’t think voting is important. Steve I don’t think voting is very important to us

at the moment, but when we get a bit older it probably will be, it’ll mean quite a bit to us.

Gareth I think voting is very important. I think everybody should participate in politics.

Nigel I haven’t voted in any election yet, but I think that people should be able to vote.

Julia Yes, I think voting’s important and I vote in every election.

*** Louisa I don’t think voting should be made

compulsory, but I do feel it’s important, it decides the future of the country.

Lucy I think voting is extremely important, particularly as there are countries where people don’t have the right to vote and I do think it should be compulsory, because people get lazy about voting.

Mrs Cornish I think everybody should vote. Mr Cornish Yes, it should be compulsory.

Derek I don’t think it should be compulsory, but it does upset me sometimes when people don’t exercise their right to vote, just out of, they just can’t be bothered.

Making yourself understood Juan Excuse me. I’m late. I’m meeting a Member of

Parliament at the House of Commons today. It’s very important, and I’m late. The woman in the ticket office told me that there was a fast train to London.

Mike Did she? Who is the MP that you’re meeting? Juan She said that she didn’t know what platform

the fast train went from. Perhaps you could tell me?

Mike Listen to the announcement. Announcer The next train to London …

Juan What did he say? I couldn’t hear the platform number.

Mike Do you understand English? Juan Well, yes, I do, but do you understand that?

Announcer The next train … Mike The next tron … Juan I can’t understand what the announcer is

saying. The sound is very bad. Mike It’s not my fault. Juan I must catch my train. Please, please, please –

tell me where to get the fast train to London. Mike The next London train is on platform 6. It

leaves in two minutes’ time. Juan Thank you. Mike Or is it platform 9?

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) This beautiful building, on the bank of

the river Thames, is the British Parliament. It’s called the Houses of Parliament.

Sara (VO) Inside the building, we can find the House of Commons, whose members are democratically elected by the people, … and the House of Lords. The members of this house are people with titles, some of which are hereditary.

Gary (VO) The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland is a parliamentary monarchy. The Queen is the Head of State and the Prime Minister is the head of government.

Sara (VO) The British political system has some peculiarities. One of the most important is that there isn’t a written constitution, and Parliament can pass or abolish any law.

Gary (VO) This results, on certain occasions, if not today, in very strong parliamentary debates …

Sara (VO) As there isn’t a written constitution, traditions are of great importance … as is the case with the old ceremony of the State Opening of Parliament.

Gary (VO) The Queen is not allowed into the House of Commons, so she calls the members of this house to go to the House of Lords.

Sara (VO) The Commons close their doors to the Queen’s messenger to show their independence. And when the members of the House of Commons are in the house of Lords, the Queen read the opening speech … This is the Lord Chancellor, the Speaker of the House of Lords. We were curious about this typically British institution. So we asked the Lord Chancellor if the House of Lords has any legislative power.

Lord Chancellor It has, but ultimately, the ultimate legislative power is with the House of Commons, because if the Lords refuse to pass a law ultimately, the House of Commons can force the bill through after a time.

Gary (VO) Could a person without a title become a

member of the House of Lords? Lord Chancellor No, he becomes … he or she becomes a

member of the House of Lords on obtaining the title. Title and membership are coincident.

Sara (VO) The Lord Chancellor is a very kind man who showed us his office and some cherished personal objects. He also explained to us how the House of Lords contributes to the government of the country.

Lord Chancellor Well, I think it offers a range of expertise which is important in deciding on the terms of legislation and it offers people who have no dependence on the government of the day for their position, because once in the Lords you are in the Lords – apart from the bishops – you’re in the Lords for life. And so far as the bishops are concerned, once they’re appointed, they’re there for the duration of their appointment. So nobody can remove them or influence them, and this gives a very independent House of Lords, although the ultimate control is with the democratically elected Commons chamber.

UNIT 5 YOU’RE AS OLD AS YOU FEEL

A OAP Tom Cheers! Jilly Tom, I wanted to ask you. Why have you

suddenly become so interested in pensioners’ rights?

Tom Well, they’re important. Jilly I never thought you were a social reformer. Tom No, well … Jilly You normally want to write about scandal and

gossip. Tom Yes, but a couple of weeks ago I went home – for

my Mum’s birthday. ***

Tom Happy birthday, Mum! I hope you like it. Mum Oh, what is it? ‘Great songs from the World

Wars’. Oh, that’s lovely, darling. Very nice indeed. Now, go and say hello to your father. He needs cheering up. He just hasn’t been the same since he retired.

Tom How are you, Dad? Dad Oh, hello, Tom. Tom You look well. Do you remember the first time

you took me to see them play? Dad Yes. Tom I’ll never forget that first game. Dad It’s not the same now. Tom It never is, Dad. Things change. Dad Things never change for the better.

Tom I read in the papers they bought a new Dutch player.

Dad Why did they do that? Tom Because he’s brilliant. they bought him so that

they can win the championship this year. Dad There are no good players any more. In the old

days they knew how to kick the ball. Tom In order to get into the team, they have to be first-

class players, Dad. They know how to kick the ball.

Dad Yeah, yeah. Tom What have you been doing then? Dad Nothing much. I watch TV. To pass the time. Tom You’ve got a good picture there, Dad. Dad There are no good programmes on. It’s rubbish.

And it’s getting worse. I forget the last time I saw a decent programme on television.

Tom What’s that funny smell? Dad Oh, I do hope your mother’s not cooking Indian

food again. ***

Mum I’m doing a course in Indian cookery at evening classes.

Tom I do hope that Dad’s going to eat with us. Mum I hope so too. Tom Dad! Dad I can’t stand this stuff.

Mum I hope you like it. Tom Mmm! It’s delicious. But you always used to

cook cottage pie and carrots on a Thursday. Mum I cooked cottage pie and carrots every Thursday

for thirty years – to please your father. I thought I’d have a change.

*** Tom While Dad was getting older by the minute, Mum

seemed to be getting younger. It was frightening. Jilly I feel sorry for your Dad. Tom Dad feels sorry for Dad too. I found it very

difficult to know what to say to him. I mean, so as not to upset him.

*** Tom Why don’t you take up a hobby, like Mum? Dad Do you think I’m going to take up Indian

cooking? Tom You could do something else – in order to

‘broaden the mind’. Dad I don’t want to broaden my mind. Tom Dad, I hope you’re not going to start feeling sorry

for yourself. Dad Tom, will you stop talking to me as though I was

senile. I’m not. And I’m not geriatric, either. To tell you the truth, I’m bored. For forty years I got up every morning to go to work. And I went to work in order to feed you and the family. Now people treat me as though I were a senior citizen or an old-age pensioner.

Tom No, they don’t. Don’t be silly. ***

Tom Oh, hello, Mum. Where’s Dad?

Mum Oh, he’s playing football. Tom Oh. What?!

Mum Yes! He’s helping to coach the junior team at the local school. Oh, he’s really enjoying it.

Tom I hope he doesn’t overdo it. Mum Oh, he’ll be all right. By the way, Tom, I’ve got a

good story for your newspaper. Tom What’s it about?

Mum I’ve joined a group of pensioners, fighting for senior citizens’ rights. Elderly people are not treated with much respect in our society.

Tom Mum, you don’t want to take on too much. Mum We’re going to see our Member of Parliament, to

tell him what we think, and we’re having a protest march next month, so that people will know what we feel. Tom, I’ve written this article for your newspaper.

Tom Mum, don’t think so. Mum Why? Tom We are trying to sell our newspaper to younger

people. The editor’s not interested in stories about the elderly.

*** Tom Anyway, she made me show the article to the

editor, and he thought it was a good story. Louise And is he going to publish it?

Tom Well, yes. I hope so. But do you know what he said? He said he thought it was better written than most of my stories!

B WHEN I GET OLDER …

Street interviews Tamsen I hope to spend my old age in France,

drinking good wine and eating good food in the sunshine.

Sean When I’m old, I hope to be living in the sun, enjoying a lot of free time and spending all the money I’ve earned.

Gareth I would like to retire to a Caribbean country with a beach and sun.

Christopher I think I’d like to spend my old age perhaps in the south of France or around the Mediterranean, relaxing and enjoying the countryside.

Vicki I want to spend my old age in the Bahamas. ***

Keith I’d like to spend my old age in a big, old house in Scotland with a few old friends, a couple of dogs and some chickens in the garden.

Mrs Simpson Well, I want to be healthy and fit and looked after and, um, go on doing everything I want, I have done all my life, for as long as I can.

Nigel I’d still like to be active in my old age, do things like walking in the countryside.

Lucy I want to spend my old age quietly at home relaxing with my family.

Julia I hope to spend my old age with my family

and hopefully my grandchildren. Derek I don’t want to spend my old age alone.

*** Dennis We’re very old, you know.

John It’s what my American brother-in-law calls his, his waning years. I quite enjoy it actually.

Mr Cornish When we need to travel, we go when we like, where we like.

Dennis Yes, I, uh, I find that I am far busier, u, in my, I suppose I’m old, I don’t know, I’m seventy-one, I find I’m far busier now than I’ve ever been before and I thoroughly enjoy every minute of it, I’m doing the things that I want to do.

From the archive Voiceover The one thing all pensioners have in

common is more leisure time than the rest of us. With the population getting older, experts say the political parties should be trying to make retirement more enjoyable. So apart from better pensions, what do old people want?

Spokesperson Better transport, better adult education, better leisure centres which are less like palaces to the young, and are more user friendly for older people – that’s just three things.

Voiceover The stereotype suggests if you’re old, you’re more likely to be poor and in ill-health. While many don’t fit the bill, health care and pensions do worry the elderly.

Woman Well, I’m on income support and I think a little bit more extra money would help.

Man Taking care of the National Health service, including hospitals, and also the elderly, that must be the first priority.

Woman And I think social services, because I had a husband for a long while, who was ill physically and mentally, and I had literally no help.

News from the past Trevor Good evening. Here is the news from the BBC in

London. The Welfare State offers hope to old people. The great composer Sibelius dies at the age of ninety-two. And what old people think about ‘the Beatniks’. But tonight’s main story is that the Welfare State is offering hope to millions of old people. We are going over to our social affairs correspondent, Anna Pilkington. Anna, what exactly is the Welfare State?

Anna Well, Trevor, it’s basically a national insurance scheme. Every working person in the country pays money to the Government so as to make sure that the less well-off are looked after.

Trevor So, what does this mean for old people? Anna Well, Trevor, it means that everyone in the country

gets free medical care and that all retired people

will receive a state pension. Trevor How old do you have to be in order to receive this

state pension? Anna Sixty for women and sixty-five for men. So you

haven’t got long to wait. Trevor Thank you, Anna. And now for the rest of the news.

The great composer Sibelius died today at the age of ninety-two. He was still writing music in his old age. And finally, old people are worried about a group of young people who call themselves Beatniks. Apparently the Beatniks wear black clothes, drink lots of coffee and listen to jazz music all day. People say that the Beatniks should go and do a proper day’s work. Quite right too. That’s all the news from the BBC in London. Good night.

Making yourself understood Juan Excuse me. Could you help me, please? I want to

go to the Clarendon Rest Home. Mike The Clarendon Rest Home? Is it near here? Juan I hope so. It’s a home for the elderly. It’s in Exeter

Road in Wimbledon. I have a friend whose mother is in there. I have to visit her to give her a present. Please could you give me directions?

Mike It’s very difficult. Juan Why? Mike In order to get to Wimbledon, you’ll have to take an

underground train. The station isn’t far from here, though.

Juan I hope not. Could you tell me the way to the underground station, please?

Mike First left out the building. Second on the right. Right at the roundabout. Across two sets of traffic lights. It’s the third or fourth building on the left.

Juan I’m sorry. I didn’t quite catch all of that. Could you say it again, please?

Mike First left out the building. Second on the right. Right at the roundabout. Across two sets of traffic lights …

Juan No, I’m awfully sorry, but could you say it a bit more slowly, please, so that I can write it down?

Mike I hope that this won’t take too long. Juan No, no. One more time. Slowly? Mike OK. First left out the building. Second on the right.

Right at the roundabout. Across two sets of traffic lights. It’s the third or fourth building on the left … Left!

Documentary Gary (VO) This beautiful Mediterranean village

is Mijas. It looks quite different from a British village.

Sara (VO) But in some parts, English is the most spoken language. And it’s not only tourists who speak it.

Gary (VO) Half the permanent residents of Mijas are foreigners, most of them British. Many of the villas in this estate are inhabited by Britons, and more

specifically by British pensioners. Sara (VO) These villas were bought as second

homes. But eventually they became the place where lots of British pensioners wish to spend the last years of their lives, in a warm climate, near the sea.

Gary (VO) This is the case of Margaret and Tim Burtford, who live in this beautiful villa.

Sara (VO) We were curious about their life style. We first asked them how long they had been in Spain.

Margaret Burtford We came to Spain ten years ago, when Tim retired from the Royal Air Force.

Gary (VO) Why did you come here? Tim Burtford We came to enjoy the relaxed lifestyle

and we enjoy getting away from the pressure of living in England.

Gary (VO) Are you happy in Spain? Tim & Margaret

BurtfordWe are very happy in Spain. Yes. We always have been since we’ve been here. Yes, very happy. And we don’t want to go back to England.

Gary (VO) Can you speak Spanish? Margaret Burtford A little. I can read Spanish. It is

difficult to understand the Spaniards when they are talking to us because they talk too quickly for us.

Tim Burtford Specially down here on the Costa del Sol.

Gary (VO) Can you tell us about a day in your life?

Tim Burtford Yes, we get up around at about eight o’clock in the morning and we have breakfast, on this terrace normally, overlooking the blue sea. And after breakfast we either play tennis or we go shopping to Fuengirola.

Sara (VO) The Burtfords proved to be fit enough to play tennis with their friends.

Margaret Burtford On Wednesdays we go to the church. We are very involved in it, in the Anglican Church here on the Costa del Sol. I’m the treasurer of the church, so I’m involved in collecting the money and taking it to the bank.

Gary (VO) Can you tell us if there is any difference between your lifestyle here in Spain and your lifestyle in England?

Tim Burtford Yes, in Spain one can lead a very relaxed life, partly because you can live out of doors more of the time and we can enjoy the sports that we play so much.

Gary (VO) Have any of your habits changed since you came to live in Spain?

Margaret Burtford We lead a very active sporting life

here, and I think our eating habits have changed. I buy food in the local Spanish market and cook the Spanish food.

Gary (VO) Having spent some time with them we realized that, if one is in good health, being an OAP can be the best time of your life.

6 RADIO AND TV: FRIEND OR FOE?

A THE TV PRESENTER Jilly That television programme’s rubbish.

Gino Shh! You have to be careful what you say in this pub.

Jilly Why? Gino Television producers drink here. Jilly What?

Gino It’s true. I had a phone call last month. ***

Receptionist Good morning. The Echo. How can I help you?

Phillida Could I speak to Gino Barbetti? Receptionist Hold on a second, please. I’ll put you

through. ***

Gino Hello, Gino Barbetti speaking. Phillida Good morning. M name’s Phillida Todd. I’m

a producer at Greenwich TV. Gino Yes?

Phillida We are making a pilot for a new food programme and I’ve heard that you’d be able to present a programme on Italian food very well.

Gino Who said that? Phillida You did, Mr Barbetti.

Gino Really? Phillida I heard you talking in the pub a few months

ago. Gino What?

Phillida You said that the food presenters on the Food for Fun programme didn’t know what they were talking about. You said that even you could do better.

Gino Did I? Phillida I’m a great fan of your writing, Mr Barbetti.

Gino Thank you. But I was talking rubbish. I don’t know anything about TV.

Phillida Well, perhaps we could make an arrangement for you to come down to the studios.

*** Phillida Have you ever been in a TV studio before?

Gino No. Phillida That’s Studio One in there. That’s where we

film most of the soap operas and sitcoms. That’s Studio Two, which is where they film the news and weather. And this is Studio

Three which is where you’ll be. I want you to meet Scott. He’s the director.

Scott Hello, nice to meet you. Gino Hi.

Phillida He’0ll explain everything to you. Gino Thank you. Scott There are three cameras in the studio. I will

be here by the mixing desk so that I can see the pictures that come from each camera …

Gino Hello, how are you? Sandy Fine.

Scott … the vision mixer sits next to me and cuts between the cameras as I direct. the vision engineers sit over there and the … Mr Barbetti …

Gino I’m sorry? Scott This is Sandy who is my floor manager.

Sandy Hello. Scott So if I want you to do something in a

different way, I’ll tell Sandy and Sandy will talk to you.

Gino That’s fine. Scott Mr Barbetti, you have a nice smile. On

television you have to smile all the time. Gino So you are going to be telling me what to do!Scott No, I’m going to be telling you want to do. Gino Ah …

*** Scott This is the set. Gino This is the set! Scott Yes, it’s good, isn’t it? Gino For a food programme? Scott What’s wrong with it? Gino It looks horrible.

*** Gino I didn’t like the director and he didn’t like

me. He said that on television I had to smile all the time.

Jilly Everyone smiles on television. Gino Later I asked him why I had to smile. He got

angry with me and I got angry with him. ***

Gino Lasagne is a typical dish from northern Italy, but the way the Bolognese make lasagne is very different from the dreadful stuff you buy in supermarkets in this country …

Scott What!? Sandy Gino, sorry. Hold on, please … Yup, yup.

OK. Yup. Gino, Scott isn’t happy about what you just said. He’s told me to ask you to do it again, but without the bit about the ‘dreadful stuff in British supermarkets.’ He says it isn’t funny.

Gino It may not be funny, but it’s true! Sandy Scott, did you get that? No? Gino says he

wants to keep that bit in. He says it’s true. OK. Sorry, Gino. Scott doesn’t like it. He says he doesn’t want you to laugh at British food. Is that OK?

Gino Sandy, it’s not OK. But if that’s what he told me to do, that’s what I’ll do … And then, when you’ve boiled the pasta for seven minutes …

Scott No! Sandy Hold on a minute, Gino, please. Yup. OK,

yah. Right. Gino, Scott told you to look at camera three. That one. He says it’s very important. He says he can’t get you on camera two. Is that OK?

Gino Yes. Sandy Great! Thanks … and before we go again, he

says you’re not following the script. Gino I don’t like this script.

Sandy Well, he says you’re changing it too much. Can you see the autocue? Over there?

Gino No, not very well. Sandy Great. OK, we’ll go again, but please talk to

camera three. Gino And this is the perfect wine to go with the

dish. Ugh! No, not this one. This is disgusting!

Scott No, no, no, no!! Gino Ah, this is it. This is beautiful.

Sandy Cut, cut, cut! Yeah, yeah, OK, Scott, yup. I’ll tell him. Yup, right.

Phillida Scott, can I have a word? Gino is good. But he doesn’t like the script. Let him do what he’s doing.

Scott But he … Phillida Scott! Let him have another drink and let

him do it his way. Scott Fine. Right. Let’s get ready for the next take.

*** Gino They told me the programme is being

broadcast in two months’ time. Jilly That’s fantastic. I think you’ll make a

wonderful presenter. So many of them are boring. Do you know, last night I watched this new gardening programme. the presenter was terrible. Even I could’ve done better.

Gino Shh!

B OVER TO OUR CORRESPONDENT

Street interviews Christopher I listen to the radio for about an hour every

day, when I’m in the car, driving, but then when I get home, I watch a bit of telly, maybe about an hour.

Derek I tend to spend about two to three hours a day listening to the radio or watching the TV, although I spend, I tend to spend most of the time listening to my own music.

Louisa I tend to spend more time listening to the radio than the TV because I don’t have a TV, um, probably an hour a day.

Keith I don’t spend many hours listening to the radio or watching television a week.

Tamsen I watch television a lot, far too much – everyone says so – but I like listening to the radio too, because, well, it’s good to listen to music on the radio.

Gareth I never watch television, but I sometimes listen to the radio.

Nigel Whilst I’m here at college, I watch virtually no TV.

Julia When I’m at college, I listen to the radio for half an hour when I get up in the morning and I don’t watch any television.

*** Mrs

CornishWe watch the news in the morning and at lunchtime and then whatever is interesting in the evening.

Mr Cornish We very seldom listen to the radio. Vicki I watch TV a little bit, it’s probably the soap

operas I watch the most. Dennis Yes, I, I’m not a very disciplined listener to

radio, I tend to, uh, just switch it on and listen to music when I’m doing a job. I also listen to the talks and current affairs programmes, but not in any very disciplined way.

*** Christopher I prefer the radio because then you can make

your own pictures. Lucy I don’t spend very long, um, watching the

television, but I definitely prefer it to the radio. It’s more fun.

Sean I think I prefer the radio. Keith I suppose I prefer radio to television because

you use your imagination more when you listen to radio.

John I think I’d rather give up television than radio if I had to make a choice.

News from the past Trevor Good evening. This is the news from the BBC in

London, and these are the headlines. Millions of British people turn from radio to television. Over ten million people watch television in the United States. And a new film, Ben Hur, is said to be the most spectacular in cinema history. But for tonight’s main story we go over to our media affairs reporter, Anna Pilkington. Anna, is television the future of broadcasting?

Anna Well, Trevor, up until now, historians have said that radio and cinema would be the most important media of the century, but now over a million people have television sets. So, yes, it looks as if television will soon be the medium of the future.

Trevor So, is this the end of radio? Anna Well, Trevor, at the moment the BBC transmits

only a few hours of television each day, but they now plan to broadcast six hours of programmes daily.

Trevor Six hours!? Goodness me! How will they manage to fill all that time?

Anna Well, the experts are promising to develop all sorts

of different programme types. For example, they say it may even be possible to learn a new language by television.

Trevor Well, well. And what about the cinema? Anna Well, who will want to go to the cinema when you

can see moving pictures at home? Trevor Thank you, Anna. And now for the rest of the news.

In America, over ten million people are watching television, so in an attempt to persuade audiences to return to the cinema, the film studios are producing bigger and more extravagant films. Ben Hur is perhaps the most spectacular film ever made. It stars Charlton Heston and even has a chariot race. But is it good enough to keep people going to cinema? Only time will tell. Good night.

Making yourself understood Juan Hello. Mike Hello? Juan Ah, hello. This is Mr González in Room 205 here. I

wonder if you … Mike Sorry? Who? Juan Mr González. G-O-N-Z-A-L-E-Z. Room 205. Mike Oh! Right. Yes. Hello, Mr González. What can I do

for you? Juan I’d like to watch the football match, but I can’t find it

in my paper. Do you know when it’s on? Mike It’s on television. Juan Yes, but what time is it on television? Mike I’m sorry? Juan What time is the match on TV? Look, you’ll have to

speak up. This is a terrible line. Mike What match? Juan The big match. Mike Which big match? Juan The football!!! What time is the football on

television? I want to watch the match on TV. Mike It’s on TV at 7 o’clock. Juan Thanks. What channel is it on, please? Mike Er … Sky Sport. Juan Sky Sport. At 7 o’clock. Thank you very much. Mike Ah, Mr González. Sky Sport is on satellite television. Juan Yes? Mike We don’t have satellite TV in this hotel. But the

match is on the radio as well! … Has anyone got a radio?

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) If there’s a place in the world where

television is making progress at a breathtaking pace, it’s the United States of America. Americans spend a long time in front of the television set.

Gary (VO) Thanks to the technological progress of satellite transmissions and optical fibre cable, the number of channels reaching American homes is extremely high. In New York City alone, viewers can access about eighty different channels, most of them

through cable. Sara (VO) Cable television is the ideal technology to

reach very specific groups of viewers through thematic channels. So, one can find television channels devoted to just one topic such as sports, music or news. But there are also many others, devoted to even more specific topics. There are, for example, channels about health, religion, the handicapped, education, foreign languages, the cinema, quizzes, country music or any other topic you can imagine.

Gary (VO) One of the thematic channels that has been more successful recently is Court TV. It’s a channel devoted entirely to trials and programmes on legal matters. The spokesman for Court TV, tells us what exactly it is.

Spokesman for Court TV

Court TV is a cable network that is dedicated to teaching the American public about its legal system, about our legal system, by showing real trials from inside court rooms, which has never been done before.

Gary (VO) Who is its main audience? Spokesman

for Court TVIts main audience is adults, ages twenty-five to fifty-four. they tend to be economically upscale and well educated.

Sara (VO) Cable television companies are legally bound to offer a series of public services. One of them is financing a channel entirely devoted to politics. Its name is C-Span Channel, and it has its offices in Washington. The spokesman tells us about this channels philosophy.

Spokesman for C-Span

The philosophy is that our audience should see the government working as if they were in Washington DC or whatever that event is taking place. There’s no middleman between the audience and the actions that they are seeing.

Sara (VO) And who is the channel’s main audience? Spokesman for C-Span

We deliver the network to everybody, but the people who watch are the people who are interested in government for whatever reason, whether they are involved in government themselves or because they’re affected by one of the issues that we’re covering.

Gary (VO) There’s no doubt that American television, like that of the rest of the world, is undergoing important changes. The new technological advances will bring about new demands on the part of the viewers. So we’d like to do a little survey and ask our two experts about the future of television in the United States.

Spokesman for Court TV

I think the future of television in this country is probably a blend with the future of computers in this country. I think we’ll see

more interactivity, and sooner or later you’ll have one monitor which hooks up to the Internet and to television. And there will always be a desire for entertainment where you just sit back and relax, but to some extent there will be more activity where you work together with the monitor and with the computer and with what’s showing up on your screen.

Spokesman for C-Span

Again, not only do I not know, I don’t think anybody knows. The future of television isn’t just the future of television. It’s the future of the combination of the television, the telephone, the computer, the fax machine. I think there’s going to be more of everything but exactly how it turns out we’ll all have to just wait and see.

Gary (VO) No one knows for certain what the television of the twenty-first century will be like. But something seems certain: Tomorrow’s television is starting to be a reality today.

7 ENGLISH BEYOND THAT’S ENGLISH!

A CONGRATULATIONS! Clive Here’s to Louise. Gino Good luck in the new job! Tom Cheers!

Louise Thanks everyone. Yes, I’m looking forward to the new job, but I’m also sad to be leaving. I’ve worked at The Echo for three years, but today I wrote my last story.

Jilly I hope it was good. Louise Well, I interviewed this Spanish man who’d won a

multimedia design award. He was so good looking! ***

Alberto Yes? Louise Hi. Alberto? Louise Case. I’m from The Echo.

Alberto Ah, yes, come in. Louise It’s a nice place.

Alberto It belongs to a friend. Please sit down. Louise Congratulations on your award!

Alberto It was a surprise. Louise I heard that you designed your computer software

in your bedroom. Alberto Yes. Louise Tell me about it.

Alberto Well, it was five years ago. I had no work. I didn’t do very well at school, and it was hard to find a job. So I did a course in English. At the same time, a friend of mine showed me how to use his computer.

Louise It’s incredible – although you had no proper training, you came up with an award-winning design for a CD.ROM.

Alberto Yes. Louise And how long did it take you to design the

programme? Alberto A few months. It was fun.

Louise You make it sound very easy. Alberto Well … Louise And it’s going to make you very rich!

Alberto Yes, although I was lucky – I found a good publisher.

Louise I think the publisher was lucky to find you. How does it feel to be famous?

Alberto Well, I’m not really famous, although it is very nice to be interviewed by the English newspapers! Do you like interviewing people, Louise?

Louise It depends who I’m interviewing. Alberto Do you interview any interesting people? Louise Not very often, no. Though you’re interesting.

Alberto No, no, no. I mean famous people. Louise Sometimes.

Alberto Like who? Louise Alberto, while I’m very flattered by your interest in

me, I’m supposed to be asking the questions! Alberto I’m sorry. It’s just, you’re so nice I want to find out

all about you. Louise Well, what can I say! Can I go on?

Alberto Yes, of course. Though I’m a bit hungry. Perhaps we could talk while I make some lunch for us. Would that be OK?

Louise Yes. That would be very nice. Alberto You know, I love speaking English. Louise Really.

*** Louise I felt I really knew him. It was like I’d known him

for years. Even if he’d been ugly, I would have felt the same way.

Jilly But he wasn’t ugly, was he? Louise No.

Jilly Louise, you’re in love! ***

Louise Well, I thought this was it. I wanted to stay in that room for ever. I wanted time to stand still, even though I had to get back to work.

*** Louise That was a most delicious meal.

Alberto I love cooking. You must let me cook for you again.

Louise That would be lovely. Alberto It’s wonderful to eat a delicious meal in the

company of a beautiful lady. I like you, Louise. Louise And I like you too, Alberto.

Alberto It’s so nice to be able to talk to you in your own language. And I never thought I would speak English. I thought English was so difficult that I would never learn it. I had such a bad teacher when I was at school that I really didn’t like it. So, when I was 15, I just stopped trying, although I knew I needed to speak English in order to get on in my job. But now, I like English so much I want to speak it all the time.

Louise Good for you! I think that you speak English so well that people wouldn’t know you were Spanish.

Alberto Thank you. Until five years ago, all I could say was, um, ‘My tailor is rich’.

Louise My tailor is rich!? Alberto Yes! then I started working very hard at my

English. I used every opportunity I could find to speak to English people. I went to classes. I did a course on TV, called That’s English! Have you heard of That’s English!?

Louise No Alberto I did the course for three years, but I still have

plenty to learn. Louise I like listening to you.

Alberto That’s good. Louise I’m going to a party tonight. Perhaps you’d like to

come. Alberto I’d love to, but …

Ana Alberto … Alberto Ana. This is Louise.

Ana Hello. Louise I was interviewing Alberto.

Ana I no speak English. Alberto Estaba practicando.

Ana Pero si hablas muy bien. Alberto Bueno. Louise I must be going. I’m late.

Alberto Ana is very keen to learn English, but she didn’t do the That’s English! course. As a result, she finds it a little difficult here in England.

*** Louise Even when this woman had walked into the room, I

still had the feeling that this was true love – I’d never had that feeling before.

Jilly Oh, Louise. Louise Yes. But then, as I was leaving, Alberto said that

Ana was his sister. How stupid! I’d never thought of that.

Jilly So it’s a happy ending. Louise Yes, we’re going out tomorrow night to celebrate.

Jilly Good for you! I like happy endings.

B PAELLA AND CHIPS

Making yourself understood Juan Hello! Oh, I’ve had such a busy day that I

haven’t had a chance to sit down … I said, I’ve had such a busy day that I haven’t had a chance to sit down.

Mike I’m sorry? Juan I’m exhausted! It’s been a very tiring day! …

But it’s been worth it. I have just signed a major contract with a company here.

Mike Oh, congratulations, sir … Well done. Juan I hope you’re open. Mike Well, yes, we are open … Juan Good. Mike But I’m afraid I can’t serve you a drink. Juan Sorry? I didn’t quite catch that. Mike I cannot serve you, because you are not a

resident. Juan Ah, but … Mike Because of the licensing laws in this country,

this hotel is only allowed to sell drinks to residents. I’m afraid I can’t serve you.º

Juan But I am a resident. Room 205. Mike Oh. I am terribly sorry, sir. What would you

like? Juan I’d like a beer. Do you have San Miguel? Mike San what? Is that English beer? Juan No, no. Do you have bitter? I’d like a bitter. Mike I’m afraid the bitter’s off, sir. We haven’t had

bitter here for two days. I told the manager, but he didn’t do anything about it. He never listens to me. Just the other day …

Juan Well. I’ll just have a pinto of lager then … Mike Anything to eat? Juan Well, yes, good idea. What have you got? Mike Well, let’s see. Right, we’ve got scampi and

chips, cottage pie and chips, Cornish pasty and chips, Welsh rarebit … and chips. Oh, and there’s some paella.

Juan Some what? Mike Some paella – you know, it’s a rice dish with

chicken and seafood. Paella. Juan You mean paella. Mike What? Juan In Spain, we pronounce it paella … Never

mind. I’m not really hungry. But I would like my pint of lager, please.

Voiceover The bar is now closed. Mike I’m terribly sorry, sir, I’m afraid the bar’s

closed. Juan Oh, please. Mike Because of the licensing laws in this country,

I’m afraid I can’t serve you. Juan Thanks. Mike At your service.

News from the past Trevor Good evening. Here is the news from the BBC in

London. The headlines. The new Boeing 707 heralds a new age of travel, and the man who stopped speaking Esperanto. But the main news story is that Boeing have launched a new jet airliner. I asked our science reporter, Anna Pilkington, what was so special about the new plane.

Anna Well, Trevor, quite simply the new Boeing 707 can carry more passengers and can travel faster than any other passenger plane.

Trevor And what does this mean for the future? Anna Well, Trevor, it’s going to bring down the price of

international travel. As a result, I think flying is going to be so cheap that even ordinary people like you will be able to go abroad for holidays.

Trevor So air travel won’t be just for the rich? Will ordinary people go to places like, um, Spain?

Anna That’s right, Trevor. Trevor Well, well. Olé! And finally, an eighty-five year old

man from Spain who has only spoken –Esperanto for the last thirty years has just completed a course

to learn English. It’s called That’s English! He said that his life had been rather lonely, since it was difficult to find people to talk to in Esperanto, so he is absolutely delighted with That’s English! and looks forward to a bright and prosperous future. He said today that English is the international language of the future. He added that more and more people from the world of politics, business, science and medicine are using the English language to communicate with each other. That’s all the news from the BBC in London. Good night, or, as they say in Spain, Adiós!

Street interviews Mrs Simpson Oh, yes I do, I think it is very important. You

miss so much if you can’t understand the other person’s language.

Mr Cornish Yes. Mrs Cornish Yes, I think we ought to teach our children at

a much earlier age to learn a foreign language.

Christopher I think with the expansion of the European Union, it’ll be very important for people to have at least one other foreign language, particularly one from Europe.

Tamsen I think it’s very important to learn to speak foreign languages. I speak French and German and I’m learning to speak Spanish too. I’d really like to learn to speak Italian as well. That way you can communicate all over the world. I think it’s very important.

From the archive Julio Do you know how is English important in music

today. It’s everything all over the world. So I don’t think that I’ve got to do all the show in Spanish because I would feel uncomfortable, because I have something else to tell them in music. I have, I have to tell them that I’ve learned something a little more in my music, and there is music in English that you cannot sing in Spanish in the way that, even if the music is universal, to match the music, you need the phrases in English, because the beat is there and it’s made for the English lyrics. So I will sing of course a lot in Spanish, or when I will be in France, in French, but I will have a part of the show will be in English.

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) That’s English! was created here.

And this is the team of teachers from the Spanish Ministry of Education who design and control the course. They worked hard … and argued quite often. That’s one of the good things about working in a team …

Sara (VO) A bit of silence, please. Who’s the boss? Carmen

Echevarría I’m the boss ... Oh, no, not really. I’m not the boss. You never pay attention to what I say.

All You’re the boss!! Come on! …!!

Sara (VO) Excuse me. What’s your name? Carmen

EchevarríaMy name is Carmen Echevarría.

Sara (VO) What exactly do you do? Carmen

EchevarríaWell, we argue with the BBC about the programmes and the book. We argue with the Spanish television about the programmes. We argue with the Ministry of Education about quite a few things … and … well, really, what we do is we coordinate the work of BBC and Spanish television. We coordinate all the materials.

Javier Cerame

I have become the Tarantino of educational TV.

Rafael Fernández

I’m now a real computer addict. I love this machine.

Nuria Cambronero

After working here, I’ve become an expert in … I don’t know … Martial Arts?

Ángel Nieto I have worked so hard with the books that now I could become an editor.

Sara (VO) An efficient, pleasant, charming team. A great team! Congratulations! And this is us, the team from Televisión Española. We were responsible for the third programme in each unit.

Gary (VO) Our documentaries took us all over the United Kingdom, Ireland and the USA …

Sara (VO) Even though, on some occasions, we ended up filming in a park.

Gary (VO) Joking apart, there’s our favourite man, our director, directing one of the documentaries …

Sara (VO) Assisted by a teacher from the Spanish Ministry of Education who controlled the level of English.

Gary (VO) And this is the team that made the revision programmes in Madrid.

Sara (VO) Elvira, scriptwriter, ‘the endless smile’. Gary (VO) Carlos, scriptwriter, ‘the quiet man’. Sara (VO) Ramón, linguistic adviser, ‘Pygmalion’. Gary (VO) Elisa, assistant coordinator. Sara (VO) Manolo, video editor, ‘the perfect student’. Gary (VO) Miguel Ángel, producer. Sara (VO) Quique, assistant director. Gary (VO) Mila, programme coordinator. Sara (VO) Fernando, director. ‘The man who would be

king’. Sara (VO) Excuse me, Mr Mateos. What was the most

difficult thing in the programme? Fernando

MateosTo make everybody involved in That’s English! agree.

Gary (VO) What were the funniest moments? Fernando

MateosThe funniest moment? The discussions when we didn’t agree.

Gary (VO) Come on, mate! Is there anything you can’t say?

Fernando Mateos

I have to tell you a secret. Unfortunately I haven’t had much time to study and I had to ask a friend to write this for me.