Lundy Bancroft

KEY CONCEPTS There are multiple sources of psychological injury to children from exposure to men who batter.

Professional responses need to address all of these sources.

Blaming the children’s mother will not help the children.

KEY CONCEPTS Pressuring the mother to leave is likely to harm the children more than help them.

Post-separation risks to children from the batterer are serious and complex.

HIS BEHAVIOR TOWARDS MOM

Physical and sexual violence Threats and the instilling of fear Physical harm to children during

these assaults Verbal abuse, degradation, and

humiliation

HIS BEHAVIOR TOWARD CHILDREN Very high likelihood of:

Chronic emotional manipulationEmotional/verbal abuse and cruelty

Exposing children to these behaviors toward siblings

HIS BEHAVIOR TOWARD CHILDREN Dramatically increased risk of:

Physical abuse Sexual abuse / incest perpetrationExposing children to these behaviors toward siblings

HIS IMPACT ON MOTHER’S PARENTING Undermining of her authority Interference with her right to take

care of her children Trauma, depression, and other

emotional effects of the battering on her

Physical injury to her from the battering

HIS IMPACT ON FAMILY DYNAMICS

All of the above points, plus:

Sowing of divisions Use of the children as weapons

against Mom

HIS INDOCTRINATING STATEMENTS Teaches them to blame their

mothers Teaches them to blame siblingsTeaches them to blame themselves Teaches them that he is not

responsible for his actions (and they adopt his excuses)

HIS INDOCTRINATING STATEMENTS Teaches them that males are superior

to females, teaches contempt Teaches them how to perpetrate, and

get away with, domestic violence Teaches them, should they ever

become targets of abuse by others, to blame themselves and try to please the abuser.

SOURCES OF CHILDREN’S INJURY

His physical and sexual violence toward Mom

His damage to mother-child relationships

His direct targeting of the children

SOURCES OF CHILDREN’S INJURY

His teaching of destructive, violent, and oppressive values and attitudes

His damage to sibling relationships

“Solutions” That Don’t WorkConjoint counseling involving the batterer with either the abused woman or the children

Anger management for the batterer

MediationInterviewing mother or children with the batterer present

“Solutions” that Don’t Work

Parent education courses for the mother or for the batterer

Harsh, adversarial relationship with the mother, or with the batterer

“Solutions” That Don’t Work Allowing staff to become charmed by the batterer.

Dismissing the mother’s concerns.

Telling the mother that the abuser has changed.

Solutions That Do Work Forming a collaborative relationship with the mother

Educating the mother about domestic violence, even if she denies its presence.

Encourage (and perhaps require) mother to participate in abused women’s services.

Solutions That Do Work Offering mother services for attendant problems she may have (e.g. substance abuse, employability, mental health)

Engaging her in safety planning and strategizing (see Safety Planning with Battered Women)

Understanding the importance of time

SOLUTIONS THAT DO WORK

Strength-based approach to mother

Her history of help-seeking Her ability to draw on resources Her level of concern for her children Her history of efforts to protect them

Solutions That Do Work Perform proper assessment of the level of risk to the children (physical, sexual, and emotional risks)

Danger assessment of the batterer Mother’s protective abilities and resources

Children’s functioning Children’s direct exposure to the abuse

Solutions That Do Work Design an intervention that matches the level of risk.

Do not punish mother for failure to cooperate – removal of children should happen only in very high risk cases. (Nicholson case)

Solutions That Do Work Offer specialized domestic violence services to children where available

Collaborate with local systems and providers to create/fund such services

Offer other healing/empowering activities to children

Solutions That Do Work Specialized individual therapy for children if group work is not possible

Look for / create ways to support mother-child relationships, including conjoint activities

SOLUTIONS THAT DO WORK

Create/support consequences for the batterer through the legal system if possible

Use batterer intervention counseling if high-quality program available (see LundyBancroft.com article)

PARENTING WORK WITH BATTERERSWork with batterers on their

parenting, but only with respect to:Effects on children of exposure to

batteringChild abuse preventionProper co-parenting

Respecting the children’s motherRespecting her maternal authoritySharing decision-making

SOLUTIONS THAT DO WORK

Assess the batterer’s dangerousness

Assess his level of concern for the children

Assess his willingness to participate in services and collaborate with workers

SOLUTIONS THAT DO WORK Avoid being fooled/manipulated by the batterer

Form as collaborative a relationship as possible with batterer, but keep very careful boundaries

Press him to own his problem and change

COMMUNITY COLLABORATION Improving communication between child protection and courts

Collaboration and cross-training between child protection and women’s programs

Domestic violence advocates placed in child protection offices

COMMUNITY COLLABORATION

Case reviews / multi-disciplinary teams

Community task forces on domestic violence / children’s exposure

Police – mental health collaboration CPS – Batterer Intervention collaboration

COMMUNITY COLLABORATION

Collaborations involving schools Mental health – women’s programs collaboration

Collaborations involving juvenile judges and probation officers

COMMUNITY COLLABORATION

Initiatives that focus on involving men

Community awareness and education initiatives

You can help protect children from domestic violence!