Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestriallprt.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Mermaid-script-2014_final.pdf · Little Mermaid: The Aqua -Terrestrial By Janinne Brooks Chadwick 2 Act 1:

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Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial

Script and Lyrics by: Janinne Chadwick c. 2014

For Little People’s Repertory Theatre

Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial By Janinne Brooks Chadwick

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Act 1: Scene 1 Story-time A Pier A mother (Mrs. Mermaidqueen) sits on the dock with her small children, and a baby in a blanket. Boy 1: Tell us a story Mommy. Boy 2. Yeah! Tell us about the Loch Ness Monster. [The curtain opens to a foggy lake. Nessie is on a floatie. Tourists and Paparazzi are photographing her.] Mother: Well, a long long time ago in a deep dark lake in Scotland, Nessie the monster lived. Nessie was special; she was the only one of her kind. She was often teased for not fitting in. [Little fishes enter, pointing at her and teasing her.] Poor Nessie, they say that she was lonely. When she was a young monster she just wanted friends, like any other child, fish or fowl. She tried to make friends with people, and she seemed to be attracted to their jewels and cameras. Soon she learned the sad truth that most people were only interested in catching her. [Tourists and Paparazzi are photographing Nessie. Someone with a net chases her. She dives in the hole.] Boy 1: What happened to her? Mother: Eventually she stopped making appearances. Boy 2. Poor Nessie. Mother: Some people say she swam out to sea to live with the merfolk. Boy 1: Tell us about the merfolk mommy! Mother: Not now sweetie. It’s time for Gertie’s nap. [They exit.]


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Act 1: Scene 2 Boardwalk Underwater Katfish is combing through seaweed with a pitchfork. She aims, about to stab something. Katfish: I’ve got you now! Gil: [Puts hands over Katfish’s eyes and whistles Close Encounters theme.] Guess who? Katfish: Gil! That’s the first sea cucumber I’ve seen in days! [Gil pulls some French fries out of his pack and gives one Katfish.] Gil: Here. [He hands Katfish a French fry.] Katfish: Is this real? Gil: Katfish, I know where we can get human food. Katfish: You’ve been to the beach? Gil: Let’s say I’ve got some friends in dry places. Katfish: It’s almost time for the reaping, Gil. Hadn’t we better get back home to District Mer? Gil: Come with me Katfish, it’s just a few miles up. Katfish: My father would pitch a trident if he found out. You know how he feels about people. Gil: He won’t find out. Katfish: Will I see surfers? I’ve always wanted to surf! And what about the Boardwalk? Is it a real place? Sometimes, when I come up to the surface, I think I can smell the delicious food all the way from there. Gil: It’s real Katfish.


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SONG: Boardwalk Gil: Oh when the sun beats down the place to be is Santa Cruz Humans come from afar to be excited and amused They come to the Boardwalk Down by the sea Katfish: The surface is no place for you or me Gil: Down at the Boardwalk Out in the sun Down at the Boardwalk that’s where people have fun Both: Down at the Boardwalk People walking around Down at the Boardwalk, With their feet on the ground Down at the Boardwalk Boardwalk Gil: I’ve got some friends I want you meet. They will hook us up. Let’s go! If we get separated, you know the signal. Katfish: [Whistles] [They swim off stage.] Act 1: Scene 3 Santa Cruz Main Beach Lifeguard Sandy sitting on lifeguard stand. Elliott is above on the pier. Elliott: [Feeding Marylyn (a pelican) and Molly (a seagull) the last of his French fries.] It’s all I got. Marylyn: Come on, what’s that in your pocket? Molly: Are you holding out on us? Elliott: Oh man, my Reese’s Pieces? [Elliott takes out Reese’s pieces and feeds some to the birds. We hear Katfish and Gil whistle.] Listen! What was that? Lifeguard Sandy: Hey up there! No feeding the sea birds, kid. You know better than that, you’re a local. Feed one bird and before you know it we got ourselves an Alfred Hitchcock movie!


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[Birds hop away. Gil and Katfish whistle again.] Elliott: Hey, Molly, Marylyn, is that you? Where’d you go? [Surfers approach, look up at Elliott.] Michael: Dude. Gidget: Hey Elliott, surf’s up! It’s a totally awesome day! Shelly: Come on Elliott, don’t you want to go surfing with us? Brody: Epic swell dude! Gertie: Michael, Mom said we have to be home by 5:00. Michael: We’ll be out in a few minutes. [To his brother Elliott] Come on Elliott. Elliott: [Whistles] I heard something; it’s out there. [He throws some Reese's pieces out and makes some clucking noises.] Kona: You’d rather hang around and sing to the birdies? Gertie: He’s not talking to birds, he’s looking for mermaids. [Everyone laughs. They approach Elliott on pier.] Elliott: I thought I heard something. It sounded like this. [He whistles.] Michael: Elliott you’re such a grom, you can’t still believe in that stuff! Alana: What stuff? Michael: Mermaids. Elliott: Merfolk, not just mermaids. Mermen, the mersons. [Everybody laughs.] All: The mersons? Gertie: When we were little our mom used to tell us stories about people who lived under the sea.


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Sunny: You mean like fairy tales and bedtime stories? Elliott: Mom used to sit with us up here on the wharf and we’d watch for merfolk. Sometimes we heard them singing. She used to tell us that the souls of the Merpeople live forever and ever in foam at the end of every wave. Summer: [Teasing] Awww, that’s so cute Elliott! [Surfers laugh uproariously.] Elliott: Whatever. Every good surfer should know about mermaids. Jason: Look out Elliott! It’s Bigfoot! [Surfers laugh. Lifeguard Sandy goes on pier.] Lifeguard Sandy: Hey, watch it! Now you kids better be careful out there. You with the fries, give me those! [Grabs them from Moondoggie.] You don’t wanna get a cramp do you? How many times do I have to tell you? Three hours before you can swim. [Eats French fries.] Loni: That’s just an urban legend. Moondoggie: Yeah, give me those! [Takes them back.] Gidget: Well, we don’t need to wait three hours till we dance. Shelly: Come on everyone, this is my jam! [During the song, MIB enter and use their instruments to poke around. Paparazzi enters shortly after MIB, taking pictures.] SONG: Surf song medley In Santa Cruz we have the ocean Best in the USA Everybody goes surfin’ It’s Californi-a You see us wearin’ our baggies Maybe a wetsuit too A bushy sun-bleached hairdo Surfin USA We’re starting out at Cowells Then on to Steamers Lane


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At 36th and East Cliff Then we’re back at Main Maybe we’ll surf at Mavericks We got our dues to pay Everybody’s gone surfing Santa Cruz USA (Catch a Wave) Don’t be afraid to try the greatest sport around Once you do you’ll wanna stick around You paddle out turn around and raise Turns out surfing’s not just a craze When you catch a wave you’ll be sitting on top of the world Moondoggie: Come on everyone, let’s shoot the curl! [Surfers exit down center aisle. MIB watch with binoculars, Paparazzi snaps photos. Then they all exit.] Act 1: Scene 4 Dream-mers Mer Palace Katfish enters the ruins of the mermaid palace. Other mermaids are on various levels around the perimeter. Swimrose is sleeping on a marble bench. Mrs. Mermaidqueen is rocking on a chair staring into space. Swimrose tosses and turns, Katfish sits near her and puts a hand on her. Swimrose wakes up with a start and screams. She grabs Katfish. Swimrose: I dreamed it was me! I’m the tribute from District Mer! Katfish: It’s not you. You’re too young. Here Swimrose, look what I brought you! [Takes out the half eaten box of French fries.] Mrs. Mermaidqueen: Is it sea cucumber again? Katfish: Shhhh! [She gives her mother some French fries.] Mrs. Mermaidqueen: [Her eyes light up after she takes a bite.] I don’t recognize this flavor. It’s delicious. What is it? Katfish: Keep quiet! It’s a synthetic kelp by-product. I got it on the black-market. Mrs. Mermaidqueen: Oh girls, I wish you could remember what it was like before the Undoing. The palace was so joyful and full of life! We feasted to our hearts content on


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the ocean’s bounty without worrying about having it all snatched up. [Disgustedly] The black-market. Katfish: Not so loud Mother, little fishes have big ears. [Anchovies, sardines, stingrays and lantern-fish swim by.] Mrs. Mermaidqueen: Ahh those were the days. Before we lost so many merfolk in the terrible coral mining accident, before your father was recruited and had to move away to the Capital to govern. Swimrose: Oh, why did Nessie the sea serpent have to return to Oshen? Mrs. Mermaidqueen: She’s always been trouble. Even when she was a little serpent, she swam against the tide. Her schoolmates say she didn’t play fair. I’m told that when she lived in fresh water she had no friends either. Swimrose: Well that’s because she’s a bully! Katfish: Hush Swimrose. Try and eat your synthetic kelp. [Sings tune from Hunger Games as she feeds her sister.] “When the first-born girl becomes 15, she will be the mermaid queen.” Swimrose: Katfish, it’s almost your 15th birthday. Mrs. Mermaidqueen: In the old days, we would be preparing for your coronation ball. Girls, I have something to show you. [She takes a treasure chest from under a big clamshell.] I know it’s against the law to have this. When Nessie’s spies came looking for it, I told them it was buried deep beneath the coral. [She takes her tiara out of the box and puts it on her head.] Swimrose: Oh mother, it’s beautiful! Mrs. Mermaidqueen: On my 15th birthday, the palace was full of finely dressed merfolk. My father hired a live band; they were fabulous! Eddie Triton and the Axolotls. I was the luckiest mermaid in the sea that day. My mother placed this on my head [places crown on her head] and sang to me and your father joined me in my first dance as the new Mermaid Queen. [All mers enter. Reconstruction of the old Mer Palace.]


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SONG: Mermaid Queen Mrs. Mermaidqueen: You can swim You can dive Having the time of your life See that girl Watch that scene She is the Mermaid Queen Home in the waves and below All of the ocean is her home Where the merfolk play, splashing in the sun She’ll be the Mermaid Queen Not anybody could be that girl She is the youngest of Neptune’s pearls With a bit of our music Everything is fine And when it’s time at last All: She will get her chance... You’ll be the Mermaid Queen Young and sweet Only just fifteen Mermaid Queen, gliding over the blue and green (oh yea) You can swim You can dive Having the time of your life See that girl Hear her sing She is the Mermaid Queen Katfish and Swimrose: We’re the children of old Neptune Our history’s older than the moon Where the merfolk play, splashing in the sun Here comes the Mermaid Queen And when it’s time at last All: She’ll be the mermaid queen Young and sweet Only just fifteen Mermaid Queen, gliding over the blue and green You can swim You can dive


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Having the time of your life See that girl Watch that scene She is the Mermaid Queen [Dream-mers exit. The three are left on an empty stage bereft of finery.] Swimrose: That was beautiful! Oh Katfish, I wish it were the old days. Katfish: Yes. Now for my birthday. Instead of my coronation, maybe I’ll be chosen to be a tribute in the Human Games. [Swimrose and Katfish grab hands and look dramatically at one another.] Act 1: Scene 5 President Neptune’s Address Oshen Nessie’s Gang is lined up patrolling the crowd. All of the sea creatures from every district enter and sign at the table. Katfish and Swimrose enter. Swimrose is afraid and Katfish puts her arm around her, guiding her to the sign-in table. Katfish: Just go sit with the others and I’ll find you later. It’ll be ok. [Swimrose signs in, and she and Katfish go in different directions.] Cashmere: Don’t worry Katfish. Maysea: She’s too young. They won’t pick her. Bonita: I don’t know. Remember last year, that poor little red-headed mergirl? Marina: Ariel! She was so pretty! Narissa: She had such a sweet voice too. Posea: Maybe the tributes this year will have more luck. Pearl: Yeah, don’t worry about Swimrose. Coral: That’s right. There are lots of other mer in the sea. Tiger: My brother Finley lost his teeth in the Games.


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Fin: Now he’s just scales and bones. Jackson: It’s a cryin’ shame! Lois: My cousin was a tribute from our district in 2012. He was supposed to bring Nessie “surf and turf”. Linda: We never saw him again. Madge: Well, I hope I get picked! I’m not afraid! Midge: Yeah, I put my name in 10 times, that’s how brave I am! Chaff: The human world? I sure hope I don’t have to go. Clawdene: I hear school is hard! Clawdia: And humans have to take swimming lessons! [Everyone laughs.] Annie: Humans are scary. Ever heard of Seaworld? Finessa: You wouldn’t want to end up there. Gloss: The human world is no place for sea creatures! Engra: Yeah! I heard they put anchovies on pizza! Krilly: Disgusting! Rue: They’re actually not that bad. [To fishes] No offense. Clove: Sometimes I think the human world might be better than waiting around like bait, only to be bullied by Nessie and her gang of predators. Cresta: Yeah, if I hear her gang singing Twinkle-Twinkle to me one more time, I may volunteer to be a tribute!


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SONG: Tales of Brave Sea Creatures (Possible Soloists TBD) Sea Creatures: We thought the Loch Ness monster Would stay away forever But she ditched the lake in Scotland And the silence of her home Now the districts of the Oshen Fill the sea with trembling mermaids Who will touch the distant beaches With tales of brave sea creatures How our ocean friends were tortured By the monsters wicked gaming Now the human games are calling you to go to the surface Tiny purple fishes Run crying through the water And if we only trick her Into leaving us forever We know her name is Nessie And she rides a crimson shell And the Human Games may force us To touch the distant sands With the tales of brave sea creatures As they try to save their districts From the monster’s wicked gaming Tiny purple fishes run crying through the water And if we only trick her into leaving us forever… [Kelpie, Seanna and Oceanica enter. Kelpie takes her place on rock wall and looks down at the crowd.] Kelpie: [Grabs the microphone.] Welcome, welcome, welcome! Happy Human Games, and may the cods be ever in your favor! Oceanica: Look at this lovely crowd! They look ready to play, don’t they? Seanna: Indeed! What an exciting day it is. Kelpie: Now, before we begin choosing two young people from each district to compete in Oshen’s annual Human Games, we have a very special film, all the way from the Capital!


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President Neptune: [This is pre-recorded and projected.] Nessie, the sea serpent! It is she who caused the Undoing that rocked our land. When Nessie came from Loch Ness, Oshen was plunged into a time of chaos. We became prawns in her endless games. She took from us all we had. Many merfolk were sacrificed in the coral mines building her coliseum. Oysters gave up their pearls for her necklaces. Many of us went hungry so she could satisfy her excessive tastes. But citizens of Oshen, due to my hard work and commitment to you, Nessie and I struck a bargain. If we played by her rules, she promised we wouldn’t starve. The Human Games marked a new era in our land. And so it was decreed: two young tributes, from each district, will compete in a pageant of skill and courage. These brave young sea creatures will go to the human world on a dangerous scavenger hunt. Tributes will try to bring back treasures from the human world without fraternizing with humans. If the serpent is appeased, the survivors will be heroes in their districts! This is how we safeguard our past. This is how we remember our future. [Everyone cheers.] Kelpie: Let us begin with District Mer, my hometown and the hometown of our beloved President Neptune. [Indicates to the stingrays to bring a jar of names. Reaches in and chooses.] Swimrose Memaidqueen. Where are you? Katfish: [Running downstage and is stopped by two sharks.] No! Swimrose! I volunteer. I volunteer as tribute. Act 1: Scene 6 The Tribute Parade Nessie’s Coliseum President Neptune, Kelpie, Oceanica and Seanna are seated, elevated. President Neptune: We welcome you, citizens of Oshen! [Nessie, Electra, Stingrays and Lanternfish interrupt, make their way through the house.] Nessie: Silence my little fair weather fishies! So sorry to crash the party, I guess that’s what happens when one doesn’t get an invitation. President Neptune: Nessie, you need no invitation, your presence is always expected. Nessie: Sure, same old story, been hearing it all my life. On the lake as a little serpent, no one wanted to play with me, no one invited me to sleepovers or birthday parties. I never got any presents. Electra: I’m your friend Nessie.


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Nessie: I suppose. Electra: That’s what you pay me for. Nessie: Who needs friends anyway when you are royalty? SONG: Royal Nessie: So now you’ve seen a monster in the flesh I have sharp teeth and people say I’m spooky And I just want the very best From this torn up town Everyone’s my enemy Cuz all my life it’s like All: Oh no Not her Nessie is a monster She won’t Play fair And nobody wants her Nessie: I don’t care I’ll pay you back for being mean Now everybody’s like All: Nessie’s selfish And she doesn’t play fair She steals, she’s mean Does she have to stay here Nessie: I don’t care I never liked to share It’s my turn to be royal I don’t have to be good Your mermaid love it ain’t for us We crave a different kind of buzz Because I am your ruler You can call me queen Nessie And fishies I’ll rule In my deep sea dynasty


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Nessie: Friends or no friends, I can play games and get presents without being popular! That’s right, everyone, how do you like me now? [Evil laugh!] You know the rules: each team must bring me a present from the list. If the tributes fail, I win! Remember: if tributes are caught fraternizing with humans, all bets are off! President Neptune, let the Games begin! [Nessie and Electra exit with an evil laugh.] Oceanica: Tributes, we welcome your courage and your sacrifice. And now we present to you the 2014 tributes! Seanna: So many sea creatures craning to get a glimpse of this year’s tributes! Kelpie: Oh isn’t this festive! Bring on the tributes! [A parade of tributes from each district enters through the house as everyone on stage cheers.] Oceanica: Oh look, everyone, the crustaceans! It looks like Clawdene and Clawdia, a pair of hermit crabs, are the chosen tributes from District Crustacean. They look ready to do some traveling. Seanna: Look at that, those hermit crabs are styling! Are those bags Piranha or Crab Louie Vuitton? SONG: Crustacean Song Crabs: Found a shell that we’re livin’ in today Any shell that we can find will be okay We are crabs without conviction Livin’ in a borrowed home But when our house requires fixin’ We up and go We up and go I’m-a I’m-a I’m-a I’m-a crustacean Go with the flow Go with the flow Skeletons are on the outside of our bodies Know what we mean Know what we mean Oceanica: Oh, here are Lois and Linda, last year’s tributes. Seanna: Weren’t they almost disqualified?


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Oceanica: They were almost eaten. SONG: Rock Lobster Lobsters: We were at the beach Scavenger hunt for matching towels Then went to the Boardwalk And there we saw a cook Tried to put us in a pot So he could cook Lobster! All Crustaceans: A Walk Lobster Tributes from the oshen Claws revoked Lots of trouble Lots of bubble They were in a jam Hiding from the man… Kelpie: Oh look everyone, it’s the seahorses! Exempt from the Games because Pa is in the family way. Oceanica: Yes! Fun fact everyone, father seahorses wear the maternity clothes in their district. Seanna: How adorable! SONG: Havin Our Babies Pa: Havin our babies Cuz I’m a father seahorse And that’s the way we do things Ma: He’s havin' our babies Got the only pregnant dads in any species Pa: Can’t wait until they hatch And we can watch them growing I am proud to be a father and it’s showing Ma: Oh you're havin' our babies You're a father seahorse And I think it’s really sweet Both: Havin' our babies Got the only pregnant dads in any species Havin' our babies


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Seanna: That was truly moving. Oceanica: All the districts are represented in this next number, a nostalgic reminder of the way things used to be. SONG: Underwater Palace (Octopus’s Garden) We used to be Under the sea In an underwater palace nice and safe We’d play and swim Till she moved in In our underwater palace ‘neath the waves All of our friends live happily An underwater palace you see We used to be Under the sea In our underwater palace, ‘neath the waves (Sea Mammals) Our blood is warm Our young are born On beaches, and rocks and in the waves We socialize And we are wise In our underwater palace ‘neath the waves We used to splash and swim around Till the sea monster came around We used to be Under the sea In our underwater palace ‘neath the waves (Gymnastics from sea stars) (Lanternfish) They shine so bright Like stars at night Their bioluminescence will amaze (Phosphorescence will amaze) (Sardines and Anchovies) Don’t sashimi me, cuz anyone can see We like it where it’s happy and we’re safe (No catch of the day) We would swim so happy and so free No nets or hooks Marine World or the zoo


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We like to be Under the sea In an underwater palace it’s true In an underwater palace it’s true [During the song Oceanica and Seanna have left stage to join the mers in the next number. Kelpie has taken the mic.] Kelpie: We conclude the pageant with our District Mer anthem. Happy Human Games! [She joins the mers.] SONG: We Are Not Men (Jocko Homo) (Mers Including Oceanica, Seanna, Kelpie and President Neptune) They tell us that We kept our tails Devolving down From giant whales I say it's all Just wind in sails We are not men? We are merfolk We are not fish? We are MER folk We're mermaids now The best of both We're mermen all Look at us go We are not men? We are merfolk We are not fish? We are MER folk MER folk… Act 1: Scene 7 Pumped Oshen Generic Lights comes up on sea creatures’ jetty. Sea mammals are doing push-ups, crabs and sea stars are doing gymnastics. Madge: Come on tributes! No pain, no gain! Midge: You gotta feel the burn! Tributes, work it!


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SONG: Let’s Get Fishical Tributes: Doin’ what it takes, make a splash tonight Prepare for any situation Workin’ our tails off day and night Know what we mean? It’s not that we are fishing for compliments Omega 3s are pretty groovy Any fins possible, if you believe And we do dolphinatley So let’s get fishical, fishical We gotta get fishacal Let’s get into fishacal Everybody fishes rock, fishes rock Don’t you know that fishies rock Act 1: Scene 8 Shark Attack! Pier The birds are on the pier watching Elliott surf. Marylyn: Hang ten! Molly: Tubular! [Tribute Sharks enter.] Holmes: Land ho! Now to find Nessie a corn dog? Ripper: [Looks at list] What’s a corn dog? Tiger: It’s like a hot dog on a stick. Boggs: I don’t know how we’re supposed to get Nessie a corn dog? Leggs: What do you mean “we”? You’re the tribute! Fin: We said we would escort you, but this is as far as we go. Blue: Yeah, we’re out of here. Good luck. Holmes: Come on Boggs. It’s you and me. Let’s go.


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Skelly: Hey, look. Your troubles might be over, problem solved. Boggs: Now that’s what I call a hot dog on a stick! Jackson: Oh, a hot dog on a stick, I get it. [They start to circle Elliott as the other sharks move in to attack Elliott, who is on his board.] SONG: Hungry Shark Kids at home waitin’ for a snack Everywhere that we go people send us back Shark week’s on again it keeps on showing And the music from Jaws, everyone still knowing Everybody hates a hungry shark Everybody hates a hungry shark You know it’s true, we could tear you apart Everybody hates a hungry shark Everybody got a small request Want to eat our lunch and get back home No we’re not askin’ for the very best A few anchovies and some extra bones Everybody hates a hungry shark Everybody hates a hungry shark You know it’s true, we could tear you apart Everybody hates a hungry shark [Gil and Katfish interrupt the shark attack.] Katfish: Gil, look over there! [She and Gil notice the sharks.] Hey, you sharks, leave that surfer alone! You’re in violation. We’re going to report you. Holmes: Mers! Come on, let’s get out of here! [Sharks swim off. Elliott is passed out on his board.] Gil: Katfish, we’d better get out of here too. Katfish: He’s hurt, Gil! I can’t leave the surfer to drown. Gil: Katfish, they’ll cancel the Games! [She begins to pull Elliott onto the shore.] Let me help. [They pull Elliott to shore.]


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Act 1: Scene 9 Surfer Boy Seal’s Landing (below pier) Katfish: Surfer! Surfer wake up! Are you okay? [Katfish puts her head to his chest.] SONG: Surfer Boy [Gil, Birds and surfers (TBD) background] Katfish: Little surfer having fun Riding waves out in the sun Won’t you wake up little surfer boy Surfer boy, please, little surfer boy You were surfing near the shore Hungry sharks thought they would score They won’t hurt you, wake up surfer boy Gil: Here come some humans, hide! [Enter Lifeguard Sandy with floatation device; Gidget, Shelly and Michael (with surfboards) approach. Katfish and Gil hide behind the landing.] Shelly: Here he is! Elliott, wake up! Lifeguard Sandy: Stand back, miss, this is no job for amateurs. I may have to administer CPR, cardio pulmonary resuscitation! [He moves in as Gidget and Michael grab Elliott’s head. Lifeguard Sandy pushes the surfers away.] Now, miss, it is very dangerous to move the body as the victim might be in a state of shock! [Just then Elliott lifts his head up, and Lifeguard Sandy pushes his head back down.] Now son, it is very dangerous to move your body as you might be suffering from shock. [Elliott grabs Michael’s shoulders, ignoring Lifeguard Sandy.] Elliott: Michael, there were sharks circling me and they pulled me down into the water. The next thing I remember is, a girl and a boy. They rescued me, and they sang to me, it was beautiful. I think they were merfolk. Michael: Take it easy Elliott. Gidget: [Indicating Lifeguard Sandy] He’s right, you must be in shock. Elliott: No! Where are they, where did they go? Shelly: There are no mermaids here Elliott.


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Michael: Or paddle boards, or surfboards. Your surfboard, however, is M.I.A.; you’re lucky to be alive, Bra. Elliott: My board? Lifeguard Sandy: It’ll show up. Come on now, let’s get you to shore. [Gidget and Shelly help him up.] Lifeguard Sandy: Now wait a minute, miss, that’s not safe. Sir? Miss? [They ignore the lifeguard and Elliott limps away arm in arm with Michael, Shelly and Gidget.] [MIB sneak onstage collecting samples like archeologists. Paparazzi sneaks on, talking on cell phone.] Paparazzi: Heard there was a shark sighting at Cowell’s. If I get a shot of this, it’s gonna be my ticket out of this one-horse town. [Sees Molly and Marylyn.] Hey, have you seen anything weird out here? Marylyn: Have we seen anything weird? Molly: Are you kidding? This is Santa Cruz. Act 1: Scene 10 Bird watching A cliff overlooking the ocean Bigfoot is sitting on the Cliff. He’s bird watching. Agents enter from various locations, communicating with electronic devices that make Geiger sound effects. Bigfoot: [Growling disappointed] Awww, they scared it away! A yellow crowned night heron! [Paparazzi runs on. Bigfoot freezes when he sees Paparazzi.] Paparazzi: Hey Bigfoot, over here. Smile! [Bigfoot gives two thumbs up. Flash.] Got him! This is gonna be worth some money! [Runs off.] Bigfoot: Ahhh, not again. Can’t they just leave me alone? [Bigfoot runs off.] Agent 99: Quick! Max get your shoe phone and call the chief! Max: [Struggles to get his shoe off.] What do you think it is 99?


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Agent 99: Sasquatch? Max: Gesundheit 99. [Offers her a handkerchief.] Here. Agent 99: No Max, Bigfoot! Max: That’s not very nice 99. [He puts his phone to his ear.] I know my shoe phone is on the large side but you don’t have to call me names. Agent 99: No Max, the sighting. I think it’s Bigfoot! Max: You mean it was Bigfoot! There he goes. Agent 99: Oh Max! Max: [Looking at its footprint] That’s the second biggest footprint I’ve ever seen. [Agents follow Bigfoot.] Act 1: Scene 11 Reptilians in The Sewers In front of Elliott’s house Bay and Jay are hiding in front of Elliott’s house, they are talking until the kids come out of the house. Jay: This place is a hotbed of alien activity. Bay: Merfolk, Sasquatch… Jay: What’s next, Alf? [Michael and Gertie follow Elliott, who is taking out the trash.] Michael: [Teasing] Maybe it was an iguana. Elliott: It was no iguana! Michael: Maybe it was a reptilian from outer space hiding in the sewers. Gertie: Reptilians in the sewers. Elliott: Look, I know what I saw, they were merfolk! [Bay and Jay make noise and knock something over as they try to get closer and hear.]


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Elliott: [Jumps] What was that! Michael: Chill out, Elliott. Gertie: Yeah, chill out Elliott. [Michael chases Gertie into the house.] Elliott: I’ll be in in a minute. [He throws some Reese's Pieces around and whistles before he exits.] [Agents enter from others side of stage. MIB pick up the Reese’s Pieces.] Bay: He knows something! Jay: Don’t let him out of our sight. [MIB exit.] [Agents approach the Reese’s Pieces.] Agent 99: Oh Max, did you see that! This is worse than I thought! We’ve gotta get a hold of the Chief. Max: [Eating a Reese's Piece] You’re right, 99, these taste terrible. Agent: 99: Max, haven’t you heard of the 3-second rule? Put that down, it’s probably crawling with alien micro-organisms. Max: Did you say alien? We’ve gotta get ahold of the chief! [They both take off their shoe phones.] SONG: Mer Oddity [Mer Oddity ballet with MIB, Max, Bigfoot and Paparazzi] Agent 99: Ground Control calling the Chief Ground Control come in now Chief We have a sighting and so do the Men In Black Ground control come in now Chief Assignment-finding aliens Mermaid sighting Men in Black and Bigfoot too This is Ground Control Calling the Chief We have to save the earth


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And the papers want to know what shoes he wears And if mermaids really have seaweed for hair This is 99 calling the Chief We know there many more Maybe planning an invasion Any day Reptilian body snatchers Might take us away For here Are we sitting in a beach town Santa Cruz is weird If Aliens get through There’ll be nothing we can do Chief what’s taking you so long Your circuit's dead, There's something wrong We’re afraid that something’s wrong We’re afraid that something’s wrong We’re afraid that something’s wrong Act 1: Scene 12 Treasure chest, ship parts… Nessie’s Beach Electra: Hey best friend, wait till I tell you what I heard from the referees who were patrolling near the shore. Nessie: What is it Electra? It better be good. You’re interrupting my favorite song. Electra: “Puff the Magic Dragon” again? Nessie: [Sings] “Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff.” No one ever brought me strings or sealing wax, but they have brought me some pretty fancy stuff. [Takes out some treasure and runs it through her fingers.] Electra: Sharks were reported near the surface, they were moving in on a surfer. Then the tributes from District Mer fraternized with the surfer! Sandray: Everybody knows that’s against the rules! Coleman: They pulled him to shore! Franklyn: Yeah, we saw the whole thing.


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Rayleen: Will they be disqualified? Nessie: Fraternizing with a humans? Illegal! You know what happens now girls. All: Game over! [As scene ends, right before Nessie exits, Paparazzi swims through the house in snorkel gear and swim fins. Trying to get a shot of Nessie, she crawls up the beach and tries to take her picture. Molly and Marylyn swoop in and grab the camera.] Marylyn: Mind your own business! Molly: Nosy parker! [They fly off.] Paparazzi: Wait! Talking birds? [Fumbling for her camera] Where’s my camera? Drat! Act 1: Scene 13 Game Over Nessie’s Coliseum Nessie’s gang are dragging Katfish in to see Nessie. Oceanica: What a disappointment the tributes from District Mer have turned out to be. I must say, I would have expected something like this from the sharks but not from the Mer tributes. Seanna: You really have to wonder what President Neptune is feeling right now, his own daughter disqualified. Kelpie: Katfish Mermaidqueen, disqualified! She had so much promise. Oceanica: We’re waiting for the penalty to be handed down. Will she go easy on Katfish Mermaidqueen? After all, she is the President’s daughter. Will this year’s Games be canceled? Politically this could have dire consequences for Oshen. [Nessie enters.] Kelpie: It looks like Nessie is making her way to the podium. Nessie: Gil Merborn and Katfish Mermaidqueen, the tributes from District Mer, are hereby disqualified for fraternizing with humans.


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Gil: Please! Katfish is innocent. It’s my fault. She tried to talk me out of helping but I insisted. Katfish: No Gil! President Neptune: Katfish! Enough. Nessie: [Addressing crowd] Because of the violation of the tributes from District Mer, the 2014 Human Games are canceled. Our truce is hereby null and void! And as for you merboy, I will take your voice. Because you love humans so much, see how much you like the human world when you have to live among them. Like I once was, you too will be like a giant fish out of water. Not wanted and misunderstood. You can find fresh water to live out your days, but once you reach land, you may never return to the sea. [Crowd is horrified!] Act 1: Scene 14 People Are Strange Mer Palace District Mers and sea creatures are scattered around. Katfish: I have to help Gil, it was all my fault! Swimrose: It’s all my fault! Mrs. Mermaidqueen: [Crying] Oh girls, please! [Fish swim in frantically.] Caesaria: It’s the President! Clawdene: And the important Mers from the Capital! Clawdia: Katfish! Your dad looks mad! Ma: Now, now, I’m sure he just wants what’s best for his family. Pa: Like any good father. [Enter Capital merfolk.] President Neptune: Katfish Mermaidqueen, I am very disappointed in you, young lady!


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Katfish: But father, the sharks were going to eat him! I couldn’t let that happen. President Neptune: I understand you wanting to help, but it’s a rule. Tributes are not allowed to fraternize with people. Surely you know of our history with humans. Posea: Humans think that if they catch a mermaid or any other magical creature, they’re entitled to a wish. Pearl: They usually think mermaids have buried treasure! Marina: They’re always trying to catch us and put us on the Discovery Channel. Maysea: Discovery, like they discovered us? Narissa: We should be on the History Channel. Coral: Yes, the Merpeople have been around longer than they have. Bonita: And we’ll be around long after they’re gone. President Neptune: It’s not the Discovery Channel you need to be worried about. It’s Nessie! Katfish: I know, I know, I broke Nessie’s rules and I’m prepared to face the consequences. It’s not fair that Gil has to pay for both of us. President Neptune: You must promise you’ll stay out of it. You're lucky the consequences weren’t worse. Nessie and I don’t agree on much, but we do agree on our dislike of the human race. Katfish: I don’t understand it. People invented surfing, and roller coasters; after all, we have human blood. People can’t be all bad. SONG: People are Strange President Neptune: People are strange When you're a merson Faces look fleshy When you're too close Walking on two legs Can seem almost frightening Breathing through noses now that’s just weird All Capital Mers and Mrs: Mermaidqueen:


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They are strange They have to come in from the rain They are strange They all look exactly the same They are strange They are strange They are strange President Neptune: People are strange When you’re a merson Faces look fleshy When you’re too close Taking a shower Wearing pajamas Slippers and swimsuits Speedos and thongs Capital Mers: They are strange They have to come in from the rain They are strange They all look exactly the same They are strange They are strange They are strange President Neptune: Now who knows what will become of our society? Humans in charge above and Nessie in charge under the sea. We are facing dark times. Mrs. Mermaidqueen: What will become of us? Act 1: Scene 15 Here’s The Deal Nessie’s coliseum Nessie, Electra and Nessie’s Gang are hanging out. Katfish enters. Stingrays: Intruder! Franklyn: Who goes there? Coleman: Show us your face. Electra: Well, well, well, if it isn’t Katfish ‘would be’ Mermaidqueen?


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Nessie: Well let’s see now, what could possibly bring President Neptune’s daughter to my palace? Katfish: Please, I beg of you, don’t penalize Gil. It was my fault. He was protecting me. Please let him stay, his family needs him. Nessie: What’s with you? First you offer to be a tribute for your sister, now you risk your life coming to my palace to save your friend. Who does that? Katfish: I would do anything for my family and friends. Nessie: Oh how sweet you are. I’ll show you that I can be a good friend too. Let’s play a little game. Find the merboy. Gil Merborn will be in the human world, speechless and in need of a freshwater home. If you want to save him you have to find him. I’ll even give you a leg up. [Laughs at her joke.] No really, a leg up! You can have legs. Katfish: Legs? [Thinks about it.] It’s a deal! Nessie: Great! If you can find your merboy by midnight, just give me a call on my shell, here’s my number. As soon as I hear from you, Gil gets his voice back and he can swim on home. Well, you better get going. Oh, did I mention, if you don’t find the merboy by midnight, you lose tail forever. Electra: Good one Nessie! Nessie: If I can’t have friends, why should the two of you! When you’re ready to play, meet me on my jetty. Girls, get ready for a little vacation! [Electra gives Nessie sunglasses. Katfish swims away.] [Franklyn and Coleman cheer.] Coleman: It’s about time we had a break! Franklyn: You can say that again! Act 1: Scene 16 What Does The Mer Say Undersea Gil is in Undersea. A few mermaids and sea creatures are hanging around. Posea: Oh Gil, soon the Sea Monster will work her sorcery and you won’t be able to speak, or sing.


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Pearl: What will you do when you can’t talk? Gil: I’ll still have muscles. Swimrose: Oh Gil, your beautiful voice. Chum: You’re so brave! Engra: Gil, you’re my hero. Caesaria: I want to be just like you when I grow up. Krilly: Here come the mers! [Enter Capital Mers.] Kelpie: Attention everyone! It’s time for Gil Merborne to face his penalty as charged by Nessie the Sea Serpent. Your escort is ready. [Sharks appear in military-storm trooper line. Katfish enters frantically.] Swimrose: Gil! Gil: [to Swimrose] I’ll be alright… [Tries to continue but mid sentence he loses his voice.] Katfish: Gil! Your voice! Gil! SONG: What Does the Mer Say? Oceanica and Seanna and Kelpie: Whale goes woo Fish goes glub Waves go crash and dolphin eek Otters splash Seagulls screech And the crabs go snap snap snap Tiger shark Don’t really roar And the seal goes arf arf arf But there's one sound That we can’t hear What does that mer say? Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!


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Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! WHAT THE mer Says? Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! WHAT does THE mer SAY? Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho! Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho! Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho! WHAT THE mer SAYs? Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff! Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff! Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff! WHAT THE mer SAY? Big brown eyes Pointy nose Swimming fast And mining coral Broke the rules Bad bad choice Suddenly he has no voice Your tail is green So powerful Like a ninja in disguise But if you meet A human being Will you communicate by spla-a-a-a-ash spla-a-a-ash How will you speak to that sur-ur-ur-ur fer WHAT DOES THE mer SAY?! Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow! Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow! Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow! Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow! Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow! Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow! End Act 1 Intermission


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Act 2: Scene 1 Life In The Woods Loch Lomond A sign reads “Welcome to Loch Lomond-> Santa Cruz 10 miles”. Redwood trees, maybe water, a boat is tethered to a dock. Bigfoot is inside the boat reading “Walden Pond.” Bigfoot: Ahhh [growling-relaxed, whistles “Puff The Magic Dragon”] Finally some peace and quiet. Just a few miles out of town and look at all this beauty. Oh I think I just saw a squirrel in that redwood tree! Isn’t he a cute little thing? [Takes out a phone and snaps a picture.] What a great picture. Wish I had someone to share it with. As much as I enjoy my privacy, it gets awful lonely being me. Well, I can’t let it get me down. [Stretches out. His giant feet hang over the edge of the boat.] This is more like it, a break from alien hunters, government agents, and the press. [Yawns.] SONG: Floatin’ in Loch Lomond, Hooray! Bigfoot: Floatin’ in the morning sun Nice and peaceful here at Loch Lomond Enjoyin’ the mountain breeze And the California redwood trees Floatin’ in Loch Lomond, hooray Watching the birds and the squirrels play This is where I’m hopin’ to stay Wasting time What I need is a power nap. They say 10 minutes will really recharge your batteries. [Puts the book over his face and begins to snore. As he snores, the boat, that has been tied to a tree, becomes unmoored and Bigfoot drifts away.] Act 2: Scene 2 Paying Tribute Beach Some of the sea creatures are discussing the plight of Gil and Katfish. Annie: Has anyone seen Katfish? Finessa: There’s a rumor floating around that she is coming to save Gil. Cashmere: This is a day that we will always remember. Gloss: We will miss you Gil.


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Krilly: Be careful. Lois: Best of luck brother. Linda: We’ve got your back. [Creatures whistle to say goodbye to Gil. All raise their hands (fins and claws) doing the signal from Hunger Games.] Act 2: Scene 3 Hungry Days Mer Palace Kelpie is seated between Seanna and Oceanica on jetty. Kelpie: [Announcing] Welcome District Mer and District Shark. Since today is Wednesday, it’s your lucky day to try and gather some vegetation to eat. Happy Hungry Day! Seanna: Well it looks like every day is Hungry Day in District Mer, if you know what I mean. Oceanica: They do look a little thin. And what about those sharks, hope they can keep their spirits up. It can’t be fun being cooped up in a cement ship all the time. Boggs: At least we’re out of Nessie’s dungeon. Blue: Yeah those shark tanks were miserable. Marina: I’m so hungry. Narissa: I never thought I would miss sea cucumber. Maysea: It’s not fair that Nessie has made gathering sea cucumber illegal. Bonita: And gathering seaweed. Posea: Her gang has claimed all the kelp, seaweed, and sea cucumbers. Ma: Poor Pa, it’s just wrong to be hungry when you're expecting. Pa: That’s right, I am eating for 2,000.


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Pearl: We’ll all starve before too long! Coral: We’re starving now. Ripper: Nessie is so shelfish! Madge: Hey, I resemble that remark! Midge: I think she meant selfish. [Mrs. Mermaidqueen enters.] Mrs. Mermaidqueen: Swimrose, please come in soon. If you’re out past curfew we will have to pay a penalty. [She exits.] Swimrose: [To her mother] Yes mother. I’m coming. [To Mers] I wish Katfish were here. She’d know what to do. Skelly: This is still no way to live. Jackson:Yeah it’s rough! Tiger: Yeah, my stomach has been rumbling for weeks! Holmes: I got hungry mouths to feed at home. Leggs: A hotdog on a stick. What were you thinking? Boggs: Sorry, I feel responsible. When I heard hotdog I just thought… Ripper: Stop talking about hot dogs! Fin: I’d be happy for some seaweed. SONG: Where Has All The Seaweed Gone Posea: Where has all the seaweed gone Long time passing Where has all the seaweed gone Long time ago All: Where has all the seaweed gone Gone to Nessie the sea monster


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When will she ever learn When will she ever learn Act 2: Scene 4 Interrogation Pier/beach Elliott is on the beach calling out to the water. He whistles the Close Encounters tune; he is surprised to get a response from under the pier. He comes down, reaches in his pack/pocket for Reese's Pieces and tosses some around. Elliott: Hey who’s there? Is that you? [Whistles.] SONG: Little Surfer (reprise) [including Lifeguard Sandy, surfers (TBD) and birds] Elliott: Little mermaid What’s your name Want a cultural exchange Can I meet you real live mermaid kids? Real live Mers in Santa Cruz Won’t put you on evening news Do you hear me real live mermaid kids? (Mermaid kids, oh re-al mermaid kids) Mermaid sightings strange but true I’ve always believed in you Do you hear me real live mermaid kids? Can you hear me real live mermaid kids? [Suddenly the MIB grab him from behind.] Bay: Who are you singing to Elliott? Elliott: How do you know my name? Jay: It’s our business to know everything about you Elliott. And we have reason to believe that you have vital information regarding alien life forms. Bay: ‘Mermaids’ ring any bells? Elliott: Alien life forms? Mermaids? I don’t know what you’re talking about! Leave me alone! [He wriggles free and takes off.]


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Jay: There’s no use running from us Elliott! It’s only a matter of time before we catch you! [MIB run after him in pursuit, shining their flashlights under the pier and all around. After they exit, Gil creeps to shore and is greeted by seals Rue and Chaff.] Rue: Keep low, follow us. Chaff: Stay down! Act 2: Scene 5 Just another day in Santa Cruz Beach /next day Elliott is on the beach looking for Mers. Elliott: I know you’re here somewhere. I won’t hurt you, I promise. [He throws Reese’s Pieces under pier.] I brought you some of these, I know you like them. [Gil throws them back.] Elliott: [Terrified] Marylyn, Molly, is that you? [Gil appears.] I knew it! You’re a-a-a merboy! You’re the merboy who helped to save me from the sharks, aren’t you? Gil: [Shakes his head and indicates that he can’t talk.] Elliott: You can’t talk? But you talked the other day, you sang with the mergirl? Wait! I know about mermaid lore, I’ve seen “The Little Mermaid.” It was a sea witch, wasn’t it! Gil: [Shakes head excitedly “yes”.] Elliott: She took your voice in exchange for legs. [Looks at Gil’s tail.] Oh, wait. Gil: [Shrugs.] Elliott: Wow, you’re in bad shape! No legs and no voice. I guess the sea witch really didn’t like you. Where’s your friend the mergirl? Is she in trouble too? Gil: [Shakes his head “yes”.] [Just then Max and Agent 99 are sighted sneakily entering the beach dressed as beach-goers, while MIB pop up from behind trashcan on pier.]


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Elliott: [Looking at MIB] Oh no, you have to hide from those guys! Stay there while I try to figure something out. [Elliott runs off.] [Gil hides under the pier with seals.] Max: Did you hear that 99? [Shines flashlight.] Rue and Chaff: [Bark] Agent 99: [Shines flashlight.] Those are seals Max. Max: Are you sure 99? It could be an alien language; I have a translator app in my shoe-phone. [Seals bark some more.] Max: It says, “Sardines, feed me sardines”. Agent 99: This way Max, I have an idea. [They exit.] Act 2: Scene 6 Agent’s Plan Beach Some surfers are waxing their boards, laying out. Lifeguard Sandy is in his tower. Agent 99: [Putting an umbrella up or applying sunscreen] Max, do you think you can really act like a surfer? I’m not sure the kids are gonna buy it. Max: Infiltrating the surfers is the only way we can find out what they know. I’ll send a text to your chapstick phone when I get some information. Don’t worry about me 99, I did a little surfing when I was in college. Besides, the translator app in my shoe phone has the latest surfer lingo. Wish me luck 99! [Max runs toward the water.] Surfs up! Agent 99: Max, your phone, it’s not waterproof! Max! Act 2: Scene 7 The Wild Side Beach in front of jetty Katfish swims sneakily to the shore, in front of jetty. Looks around and hides behind a rock. Sea stars are clinging to rocks; when they see the stingrays they cartwheel out. Cresta: Uh oh. Look, it’s Nessie’s gang!


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Clove: We’d better skedaddle! Clawdia: Oh drat, I was just settling in! Clawdene: That’s the life of a hermit crab. Sandray: The coast is clear, make way! Rayleen: Nessie coming into port. [Rayleen sets up a beach chair and an umbrella. Sandray, Rayleen, Coleman, Franklyn and the sharks hang near the edge of the stage. Nessie comes to shore and pulls a bottle out of her bag.] Nessie: Are you ready to play, mermaid? This potion will turn you into a human. Drink every last drop and say hello to your new legs. Just think, pedicures, toe rings. [Nessie hands Katfish the bottle. Katfish drinks the potion. The rest of the sea creatures, birds and Mers enter behind a scrim or fog to sing the doo-doos.] SONG: Walk On The Human Side Nessie: Katfish came up from under the Monterey Bay In Santa Cruz California USA Game is on, time to play Trading for legs and then just wait and see I say, hey babe, take a walk on the human side Said, hey honey, take a walk on the human side Now you're washed up on this great big island With your new legs you are gonna be stylin’ Cept’ now you are a girl instead President Daddy gonna lose his head I say, hey babe, take a walk on the human side Said, hey babe, take a walk on the human side And all the people go Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo


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(doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo) [Katfish transforms and gets legs during chorus.] Act 2: Scene 8 Steppin’ Out Jetty Katfish and birds on jetty beach. Molly: Mermaid, are you okay? [Until this point Katfish has been laying down. She stands up using the beach chair for support. She awkwardly takes a few steps, stumbles, stands up and admires her legs.] Katfish: It feels so strange to be walking on land. Marylyn: [Offers her a wing/hand to steady her] Steady, you haven’t got your land legs yet. Try these. [Gives her flip flops.] Katfish: [Looking at the Boardwalk] Look at the Boardwalk! It’s beautiful. [She walks to the rocks. She notices Elliott’s surfboard washed up against the jetty.] A surfboard! I’ve always wanted to surf. I may not be great at walking, yet. But I know I can swim! [She takes off for the ocean.] Molly: Surf’s Up! Act 2: Scene 9 Surf’s up Center stage/surfing Projected waves, three levels in front of screen. Surfers are on boards, including Katfish, some standing, some crouching. Sunny: Who’s she? Shelly: I’ve never seen her before. Alana: She’s hecka good! Moondoggie: She shreds! Kona: Totally! [Max paddles out and joins the surfers.]


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Max: Kowabunga! Aloha gang. Mind if I drop in? Brody: Dude! Your snaking my wave. Max: [Looks at his translator] Bra, this is a gnarly swell! Jason: Watch out, a kook like you could get hurt out here. Loni: Wipe out! Gidget: Look Out! Bomboras! [Max wipes out, Katfish saves him.] Act 2: Scene 10 The Thing Main Beach On shore the rest of the surfers are on the beach. Lifeguard Sandy greets Max at the shore. Lifeguard Sandy: Stand back, everyone, I have a potential drowning victim here. I am going to have to assess the situation and need a lot of room. Step aside, stand back now everybody. Shelly: If it weren’t for her [indicates Katfish] this shubbie would have been pummeled! Summer: She’s obviously not from around here. Loni: Where are you from? Alana: What’s your name? Katfish: Oh, um, I’m Katfish… You can call me K.T. I’m from Australia. Michael: Australia? Cool! Gertie: We just studied about Australia in school. Did you know that a koala isn’t actually a bear? Lifeguard Sandy: [To Max] Sir, how many fingers am I holding up? Agent 99: [Approaches, interrupts the lifeguard] He’s with me. He’ll be fine. He just needs his inhaler. [She gives him a spritz of something mysterious.]


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Max: [Snaps out of it] Good thinking 99, the old “He just needs his inhaler trick.” [Winking at her.] Agent 99: [Her chapstick phone lights up, she answers it (not-so-slyly).] [To Max] It’s the chief. [To the phone] We’ll be there on the double. [Puts chapstick away.] Max, that was the Chief, we’ve got to go. We’re running late for that thing. Max: What thing 99? Agent 99: Oh you know, the thing were running late for? Max: Oh, the thing, the thing. [Agent 99 pulls Max aside and whispers in his ear.] Max: [Out loud] The Loch Ness Monster? Agent 99: [Addressing the surfers] It’s playing at the NicK. We’re late. Let’s go Max. [They run off.] Katfish: It’s so bright, I’m not used to the sun. Sunny: I thought it was sunny in Australia? Katfish: Oh, I live in Northern Australia. Shelly: You want these? [Hands her sunglasses.] SONG: Walking in Sunshine Katfish and Surfers: Mm, yeah I used to think people were scary, now I’m not so sure And I just can’t wait till for the chance to make friends with some more Now look at me steppin’ in flip flops, and I’m not fallin’ down And I just can't wait to try skating, and running around Now I'm walking in sunshine, whoa I'm walking in sunshine, whoa I'm walking in sunshine, whoa And don't it feel good Hey, all right now And don't it feel good Hey, yeah Oh, yeah, now I'm walking in sunshine, whoa


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I'm walking in sunshine, whoa I'm walking in sunshine, whoa And don't it feel good Michael: Hey K.T., have you been to the Boardwalk yet? Katfish: No, but I’ve always wanted to go on rides! Gidget: I’ve got extra tickets for Neptune’s Kingdom! Katfish: What did you say? [Band sound effect/drum roll] Act 2: Scene 11 Rollercoaster of Fun Boardwalk Katfish, surfers (excluding Elliott) and Paparazzi have just exited Giant Dipper. SONG: Rollercoaster of Fun Gidget and Shelly: Rollercoaster of fun, rollercoaster Rollercoaster of fun, rollercoaster Rollercoaster of fun, rollercoaster Rollercoaster of fun, rollercoaster We took a ride on the rollercoaster baby, baby We took a ride on the rollercoaster we took a ride Giant dipper Rollercoaster of fun, rollercoaster Rollercoaster of fun, rollercoaster Rollercoaster of fun, rollercoaster Rollercoaster of fun, rollercoaster We took a ride on the rollercoaster baby, baby We took a ride on the rollercoaster we took a ride Giant dipper Rollercoaster of fun, rollercoaster Rollercoaster of fun, rollercoaster Rollercoaster of fun, rollercoaster Rollercoaster of fun, rollercoaster We took a ride on the rollercoaster baby, baby We took a ride on the rollercoaster we took a ride Giant dipper


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Summer: [To Katfish] What did you think of the Giant Dipper? Katfish: That was amazing! Gidget: We told you it was fun! What next? Sunny: I’m starving! Brody: Funnel cakes? [Enter Elliott riding a bike, Gil is on the handlebars. Elliott has disguised Gil by wrapping a beach towel around his waist.] Elliott: Hold on Merboy, it’s only a few blocks to my house. We can take a shortcut through the Boardwalk. You can hide in my bathtub till I figure out how to find your friend the mermaid. [Gertie sees Elliott and runs to him, ahead of the surfers. Elliott doesn’t see Katfish yet.] Gertie: Hey Elliott, we met this cool girl from Australia. She’s an awesome surfer! Her name is K.T. [Gertie points to Katfish.] [Elliott turns around with Gil as the kids approach. It’s obvious from Gil’s trashing that Gil recognizes Katfish.] Katfish: Gil! I found you! Elliott: Your name’s Gil! You didn’t tell me you were from Australia! Wait, it’s you, the mergirl! Gil: [Trying to talk…] Katfish: Gil, it was my fault that Nessie the sea serpent banished you from Oshen. Nessie said if I found you, she would let you go home. I could just phone her and she would reverse her curse. Michael: Elliott, you were right! K.T. and Gil are mermaids! [Gil is getting more and more animated.] Alana: What’s he trying to say? [Gil mimes phoning home, points to the phone.]


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Elliott: K.T. phone home! Katfish: K.T. phone home? Oh right! My shell phone! Hang on. [She mimes making a phone call. Curtain closes.] Act 2: Scene 12 B.F.F.s Jetty Light comes up on jetty beach and in aisle. On jetty beach Nessie is wistfully singing while running treasure through her hands. Bigfoot is sailing up the house aisle. She doesn’t notice him. Nessie: (Sings) Without his life-long friend, Puff could not be brave So Puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave [Bigfoot climbs out of his boat and sings along.] Bigfoot: Puff the magic dragon Lived by the sea And frolicked in the autumn mist Both: In a land called Hanali. Bigfoot: Ahh, that’s my very favorite song. Nessie: Mine too! I always wished I had a friend like Jackie Paper. Bigfoot: Me too, except I wanted a friend who would live forever, like me. [He shakes Nessie’s hand.] My name is Bigfoot Fonzarelli. You can call me B.F.F. Nessie: Like “best friend forever”? Bigfoot: [Growls happy] Ahhhey. [Nessie’s shell phone rings.] Nessie: Oh, Mergirl, sure, you and the merboy can do whatever you want. The game’s over. Bigfoot: Who was that?


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Nessie: Oh, it was an old friend. Act 2: Scene 13 Just the way you were Boardwalk Katfish has a tail again. Gil: It’s working! My voice! Katfish you did it! Gertie: [Points at Katfish, screams like in E.T.] Gidget: Look everyone! K.T., she’s a mermaid! SONG: Just The Way You Were Gil: Ohhhhh ohhhhhh ohhhhhh ohhhhhhh Oh, her fins, her fins Gave them up for me and I feel like crying She’s here, she’s here Because of me, and I'm not lying cuz the sea monster She sent us both away I know, I know When I go back home she’s coming with me And it, was so, Sad to think that she can’t swim in the sea But now it’s time to change things, I got to find a way I say, [Chorus:] When I see your fins (fins, fins...) There's not one thing that I would change 'Cause you're amazing (amazing) and you are a mer And when you swim (swim swim) The whole world stops and stares for a while 'Cause, girl, you're amazing (amazing) And you are a mer [The MIB are on the pier with binoculars, they are approaching.] Elliot: Oh no - look! They’re closing in on us! They are looking for alien life forms!


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Gertie: Don’t let them take K.T.! Michael: [To Gil and Katfish] Quick, to the Sky Glider! Then we’ll meet you at the hideout! While we figure out how to get them back to the ocean. [Bucket rides take off with Elliott and Katfish and Gill, tails hanging over the edge. MIB make dramatic entrance and board the second car. Max and 99 make a dramatic entrance, and are jumping up & down.] Agent 99: After them Max! [They miss the bucket.] Oh Max! Max: Missed them by this much! Act 2: Scene 14 The Undoing Loch Lomond Nessie and Bigfoot are at Loch Lomond. Bigfoot: Ahh, the beautiful Loch Lomond in Zayante California. As Thoreau said, “We can never have enough of nature.” Nessie: It is beautiful; it reminds me of Loch Ness, but so much warmer. [She jumps in.] Marco! Bigfoot: Polo! [He dives in. They swim off.] [Surfers enter with Katfish and Gil on bike. They have a hideout at Loch Lomond. They are trying to hide the mers.] Michael: [Indicates hideout] Our hideout is over here! Kona: We’d better get them in the water. They aren’t looking so good. Gil: [Like in E.T.] Elliott, home. Elliott: Hurry, they are dehydrated! [Max and Agent 99 show up in HAZMAT suits, putting up caution tape. Paparazzi enters frantically trying to get a mask or helmet on, fumbling with camera] Max: Elliott, unhand the aqua-terrestrials, you are risking contamination. We have to get you to the Decontamination chamber right away! [Max grabs Elliott.] Elliott: No! I’m not contaminated! [MIB jump off dock and point at Max with his eraser laser.]


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Jay: Come on out Fonzarelli, Nessie. Bay: Come out and no one gets hurt. [Bigfoot and Nessie enter.] Paparazzi: Oh for Pete’s sake will you just say cheese! Gertie: It’s Bigfoot! Jay: No it isn’t. [He aims his eraser at Gertie and zaps her memory.] You won’t remember a thing, little girl. [To Bay] Come on! Get ‘em! [Bay zaps Max and Agent 99 and Paparazzi. Jay zaps the rest of the kids. Once zapped, everyone falls to the floor. Once they are all down, Nessie and Bigfoot come forward.] Jay: Aqua-terrestrials, and you Fonzarelli, lay low. When we zap them awake they won’t remember a thing. [To Bay] Tell the chief it’s time. [They all make the Pyramid hand sign. MIB zap everyone awake and all the aliens and MIB disappear unnoticed.] Brody: Hey everybody, let’s find the rope swing! Surfers & Paparazzi: YAY! [They exit, except Gertie and Elliott.] Gertie: Come on Elliott. Elliott: I’ll catch up a little later. I thought I heard something. Gertie: “The Loch Ness Monster playing Marco Polo.” [She skips off.] [We hear a phone ringing.] Agent 99: Max, is that your shoe phone? Max: [Answers phone] Oh, Hello Chief. Agent 99: What’s he say Max? Max: Right away Chief! [Hangs up.] New assignment 99, alien crop circles. Agent 99: Roswell again? Max: No, 99, Salinas. [They exit.]


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Bay: Let’s get those mers back home before it’s too late. [To mers] We’re gonna help you but you have to stay away from the surface. This was too close for comfort. Jay: You put all of us in jeopardy. Katfish: We promise, we’ll go home. Bay: [To Bigfoot and Nessie] Where’s home for you two? Bigfoot: We’re staying right here in Santa Cruz. SONG: Home Nessie: Santa Cruz or Ben Lomond Long as I have a best friend I’d go anyplace at all with you Bigfoot: Holey Moley, Me-oh-My, You’re the creature of my eye I’m so glad I have a friend like you All: (inc. Gil and Katfish and Elliott) Giant feet or tails and fins Merpeople or aliens You’ve got everything I need We’re not illuminati spies Pod people or enem-eyes (enemy’s) Can’t they all find better things to do [Chorus (2x):] Ahh, Home Let’s find a Home Home is wherever I’m with you Act 2: Scene 15 All you need is love Oshen Mrs. Mermaidqueen: [She’s directing Seanna and Oceanica to move thrones back in the palace.] Right over there, please. Ah girls, the final restoration of the palace is almost complete. [Directing lanternfish and Electra to move set up candelabras/lanterns] You two, over there. [The sardines and anchovies are chilling on beach chairs.] Franklyn and Coleman: Yes your majesty. Electra: Your majesty, can I get you a kelp cocktail or a seaweed smoothie?


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Mrs. Mermaidqueen: Not for me thank you, but my guests might be hungry. [Points to fishies]. Chum: How about one of those smoothies over here! Caesaria: I’ll take some seaweed chips! Swimrose: It’s beautiful mother. Mrs: Mermaidqueen: Your father is about to make his address. President Neptune: [From his throne, Neptune addresses sea creatures who fill the aisles.] Citizens of Oshen, as your king I am happy to announce an official end to Nessie’s reign of terror. As you know the serpent Nessie has moved on. She has returned all that she stole from us. She has asked me to read this letter to you. It reads, “Dear fellow beings. I hope you will accept my apology for the way I treated you. I was lonely and selfish, but now I understand what it’s like to have a friend, and I realize that love conquers all.” SONG: All You Need Is Love Mrs. Mermaidqueen, Swimrose, Katfish: It’s better to be pleasant and have fun There’s still time to right the wrongs you’ve done President Neptune & Gil: You can still come through and learn how to be good in time It’s easy All: All you need is love All you need is love All you need is love, love Love is all you need. [repeat] [The Santa Cruz cast enters.] SONG: Happy (The Ending’s Happy) (Various soloists TBD) It might seem crazy that we end this way The end is almost here you can take a break I’m a glad we could share our story with you by the way With a tale of love and friendship hope we made your day [Chorus:] The ending’s happy Clap along if you like our little mermaid E.T. spoof (the ending’s happy) Clap along if you like the time that we spent with you (the ending’s happy) Clap along if you know that we think your really cool


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(the ending’s happy) Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do [repeat] The End.

Documents

Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestriallprt.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Mermaid-script-2014_final.pdf · Little Mermaid: The Aqua -Terrestrial By Janinne Brooks Chadwick 2 Act 1: