Listening Skills

COS 4860

Listening Skills Objectives

• Demonstrate listening to understand the speaker.

• Recognize & demonstrate good attending.

• Recognize & demonstrate reflection.

• Recognize how metacommunication can improve understanding by clarifying incongruent communication.

Listening to Understand

• Listening is more than just hearing what another person has said.

• Effective listening involves working to truly understand the other’s situation, concern, or point of view.

• There are three types of listening: persuasive, directive, & attentive; each with a different purpose.

Types of Listening

• Persuasive – listening only to find an opening to take control of the conversation (ie, TV reporter).

• Directive – listening to clarify the issues & decide how to lead the conversation in a desired direction (ie, sales person).

• Attentive – listening to learn about the other’s perspective & develop intimacy (ie, friend).

Attending

• Attentive listening involves letting go of your own agenda, & tuning in to the other person with your full attention.

• It also involves letting the other person see that you are attentive—that is, physically demonstrating your interest & attention through your posture, facial expression, body language, & response.

Physical Attending

• Face the person you are listening to.

• Maintain an “open” posture.

• Maintain a moderate amount of eye contact, neither staring or looking away.

• Let the speaker know you are listening through occasional nods or “mmm hmm” sounds.

Reflection

• Good listening is a very active process.• The primary means by which we verify our

understanding of what was said is reflection, or a brief paraphrasing of what we heard.

• This gives the speaker the opportunity to then correct any misperceptions, & to expand on their topic, secure in the knowledge that the listener understands what they are saying.

What if you don’t understand?

• Sometimes a speaker sends confusing, or incongruent messages. For instance, they may be expressing warm feelings, while their facial expression appears angry.

• The listener can help unscramble the message through something called metacommunication, or communicating about the communication.

Listening Actively

The active listener:1. Lets go of their own agenda, & listens to

understand.2. Attends physically, through their posture,

expressions, & response.3. Reflects back what they have heard periodically,

to check their understanding.4. Uses metacommunication to clarify incongruent

communications.