Jan/Feb 2020

Family Caregivers’ Grapevine NSCR Caregiver Support Program

renew strength, gain knowledge

Start Where You Are

When we start something new, it can feel daunting

and overwhelming ~ making it difficult to know

where to begin. The same can be said for the

beginning of a new year. No matter what we believe

or how we might celebrate, there seems to be a

collective energy focused around fresh beginnings.

Among many other aspirations I have for this coming

year, I have recently decided to take my spiritual

practice to a higher level. So, what does this mean?

Will I have to spend more time in meditation and

prayer? Is it about ritual or new practices? What is it I

am looking for?

I am interested in strengthening my sense of

connection to the Divine. I intend to feel a stronger

sense of being guided ~ a more fine-tuned ability to

receive the messages from my intuition. A clear

channel to creativity and inspiration is something I

wish to see established and nurtured in my life. To

cultivate stronger faith is on the top of my list.

So, is it about stopping everything else in my life so

that I can sit in stillness alone or can I find ways to

tap into divine energy within my life as I live it? Can

I learn to slow down inside while I continue to

actively engage in my experience? How can I do this

without making my spiritual practice separate from

the rest of my life?

This really appeals to me. I have been a master at

turning everything into a task. Adding one more item

to the to-do list. And I have been regimented. Boy!

Everything had its time and place.

Meditate at 6.

Walk at 6:30.

Journal at 8.

Nothing about that feels enlightened. I am tired of the

boot-camp approach to life. I am longing for balance.

I desire integration. I am looking for flexible

structure.

In order to explore what it will mean for me to bring

my spiritual practice to a higher level, I thought I

would follow my own guidance and consult some of

the Cardinal Truths associated with the Conscious

Service Approach.

You are a Spiritual Master ~ Learn to Be

Now at first glance, it might seem like I’m advocating

more time in silence and stillness ~ more time doing

nothing. And that activity is valid. Research has

shown us the benefits of meditative practice ~ being

quiet ~ the gifts of simply stopping.

I’m talking about learning to be ~ even when you are

in motion. Active engagement and connection to

stillness within do not have to be exclusive states. We

can learn to be in the moment without moving to

Jan/Feb 2020 Page 2

to change it.

Be present. Even in the midst of chaos, allow yourself

to be within the experience.

Be engaged. Even as you connect with one another,

stay present to yourself. Observe who you are within

the interaction. Watch your thoughts, your emotions,

your feelings, and your perceptions.

Be yourself. Show up. Bring who you are in any

given moment to your experience. To simply exist

with your internal landscape means that you are not

rushed to share it with anyone else. You simply

witness what is happening.

When you are confused or facing a big decision, settle

into the uncertainty. Be with your uneasiness. Show

up for yourself.

Spiritual Responsibility

Let me ask you something.

Are your beliefs life giving and supportive? Can you

identify any destructive beliefs?

Perhaps, these beliefs have served a purpose in the

past, however, may no longer be useful. For example,

the belief that one must work very hard to succeed

could be instrumental in developing discipline in life.

However, many years later, this same belief may also

be supporting work-addicted behavior. It is no longer

serving a healthy purpose. This demonstrates the

benefits of ongoing self-inquiry into your belief

system.

What beliefs are most powerful for you at this time?

What do you believe about yourself?

What beliefs can you identify that drive your purpose

in Service and Caregiving?

What values guide your life and your Caregiving/

Service? How have your values changed over the

course of your life? If you could choose one value

right now to bring more fully into your life, what

would that be? That’s a tough question.

Consider how your actions reflect your deepest

beliefs and values. How do you behave in accordance

with what you believe and what values you ascribe

to? Where does your behavior fall short? This inquiry

can illuminate the areas of your life that you are

motivated to bring into alignment.

If you are struggling with an inefficient ~ potentially

destructive ~ belief pattern, you can begin to

challenge it.

Let’s say you have always valued hard work. You

believe that in order to be successful, you must go

above and beyond in your level of productivity. This

has served you well over the years allowing you to

achieve many goals and create a sense of achievement

in your life. However, recently, you are noticing that

you no longer have the same drive to work at the

level you had before. Does this mean that you can

kiss success goodbye?

Is it possible that people can achieve immense

success without working themselves into the ground?

Are you willing to shake up that belief system? Is it

possible that your values have shifted and you now

see a space in your life for more fun and relaxation?

Maybe, your very definition of success has changed

and means something else to you entirely.

Our values and beliefs reside in the spiritual realm of

responsibility which means that we can respond to

any outdated systems by choosing to change the

game. You can tell worn out beliefs and values that

they no longer apply in your life anymore. You can

put them on notice that things are about to change.

You have decided to govern your life ~ your actions ~

your contributions through Service and Caregiving ~

through a brand new set of principles.

How can your life become an expression of your

spirituality?

By Elizabeth Bishop

The Family Caregivers’ Grapevine Page 3

Network Group

Jan 7 & Feb 4, 7-9PM

Jan 15th & Feb 12th, 10:30AM-12:30PM

Rm 203 Community Room at Capilano Mall,

N. Van

Join other caregivers to share experiences, discover new resources, and learn tools to help you on your caregiving journey.

Persian Network Group

Jan 20th & Feb 24th, 4-6pm

Rm 203 Community Room in Capilano Mall

Workshops

January 14, 2020

1—2:30 pm

Care Planning Workshop with Stephanie

Chan

February 10, 2020

1—3

Dementia and the Montessori Approach

With Anne Kelly

Both workshops are held at the Community

Room in Capilano Mall

Please RSVP for all events to Elizabeth Bishop at elizabeth.bishop@nscr.ca or

604.982.3320

January 2020 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat

1 2 3 4

5 6 7 Network

Group 7—9

pm

8 9 10 11

12 13 14 Care Plan-

ning Work-

shop 1—2:30

15 Network

Group 10:30—

12:30

16 17 18

19 20 21 22 23 24 25

26 27 28 29 30 31

Jan/Feb 2020 Page 4

For registration and information on all sessions, contact Elizabeth by email at

elizabeth.bishop@nscr.bc.ca or by phone at 604-982-3320.

“I am so fried, I’m almost sizzling!”

I can recall feeling this way on more than one

occasion. Sometimes, it was directly related to my

professional role as a Service Provider in various

capacities. And sometimes, it was a result of personal

turmoil in my life. More often than not, it was a little

bit of both.

One day in the shower, I found myself chanting over

and over again, “Just let me get through the day,” I

realized that this had been my mantra for some time.

The daily routine was to stay in bed as long as possible,

even though I had already been awake since 5am

mulling over every dreaded detail that lay before me.

At the last possible second, I would drag myself out of

my uncomfortable cocoon and in nothing less than a

frenzy, get myself together, get the kids out the door

and begin the white knuckled drive into work.

My face hurt from clenching my teeth. My shoulders

thought they were attached to my ears. My stomach

was in knots most of the time. And I was ready to spit

nails if anyone ruffled my feathers or looked at me

sideways.

The really sad part was that I was sad. My life had

become a series of tasks that needed doing. Checking

off the to-do list ~ a little reward that I had created for

myself ~ just wasn’t cutting it anymore. In fact, on

better days, I would actually add more to the list to

have more to check off just so I could get my high.

Wellness Corner:

From Burnout to Breakthrough

The Family Caregivers’ Grapevine Page 5

“Just get me through the day.”

The Turning Point

For some reason, on this particular day those words

hit like a gong and echoed through my being for

hours. It was a turning point. It dawned on me that if I

kept going this way, I would get to the end of my life

having just made it through a series of days. Merely

surviving.

These symptoms are common for anyone who has

walked the perimeters of or taken the nose-dive off

the deep end of burnout.

And if you happen to find yourself in Service to

others, you likely know this all too well. For as long

as I can remember, if you were in the helping

professions, you were warned about the high potential

for burnout and trained to identify signs and

symptoms within yourself and your colleagues. This

is equally true for family caregivers.

Any role, whether professional or personal, paid or

voluntary that requires emotional labor and spiritual

presence in service to others has a high potential for

burnout. But that doesn’t mean it is inevitable.

Preventing burnout and learning how to bounce back

from it are valuable skills to acquire. Sometimes, we

don’t know what’s happening to us until it’s too late

and we are already knee-deep in burnout stew.

There is an alternative. My journey began that day in

the shower.

The Heart of the Matter

And I knew that it wasn’t just as simple as starting a

new exercise program, a fresh meditation routine or

eating more greens. I would certainly benefit from

more sleep. All those activities had their place in my

overall sense of well-being, and yet, it wasn’t quite

hitting the mark.

I picked apart my relationships ~ both personal and

professional. Was there something in these

connections that needed alteration. Probably. Still no

definitive direction was clear. Sure, I’d like it if so-

and-so stopped this or started that, but it didn’t have

the power to put that spunk back in my step.

Am I having any fun? Like, not just weekend fun ~

real daily fun within my life?

Do I feel that what I’m doing matters? Does it make

any difference ~ not to anyone else ~ to me?

When was the last time I celebrated my blessings ~

not just the people and circumstances in my life ~ the

gifts of my own soul?

I was getting warmer.

It is exactly this kind of exploration ~ down and dirty

soul searching ~ that has the power to re-ignite our

energy, our sense of purpose, and our excitement for

life and all that it entails.

The Epiphany

Through this process, I began to feel my heart and

soul align and my focus became crystal clear. I

followed my curiosities and embraced the excitement

and enthusiasm that welled up when I allowed myself

to love what I love. And when I included myself as

someone important to love, everything changed.

No matter how many candle lit bubble baths I

lounged in ~ wine on the side ~ could have ever come

close to this epiphany.

I had been missing the point. I was not just a

machine to be maintained. I was not something to

be tended to only when things were falling apart.

Caring for myself did not have the end purpose of

making sure I could do more for others.

I am here to live my life to the fullest expression

possible. And that means that what brings me

profound joy and deep fulfillment had to be

acknowledged. And then it had to be honored and

integrated.

For me this showed up as spiritual exploration. And

it continues to this day. I have learned how to

embrace the mystery of life ~ sometimes, kicking

Jan/Feb 2020 Page 6

and screaming, but open to it nonetheless.

As I found ways to integrate what I was learning

spiritually into my practice as a Service Provider,

everything became an opportunity for learning, for

growth, and for deeper connection within myself

and with others.

And I found my sense of joy and fulfillment that has

since become the foundation for my life and my

service. It acts as the barometer by which I can

measure how my experiences align with my soul.

This foundation is there for me to return to when I

am tired or worn out ~ missing the zest ~ acting as a

compass for the return to my own heart first.

Connection to others is right around the corner from

that point.

What matters to you ~ what brings you joy and

fulfillment ~ is the key to remaining vibrant in your

life. It is the key to engagement and presence.

Vibrant, engaged and present people don’t burn out.

They may flicker. And they know they hold the

match that with one strike, sets the fires ablaze.

How do you prevent burnout?

By Elizabeth Bishop

‘Alice and CAB in Parisland’ by CAB

According to the study ‘Nostalgia, Triggers, Function’

in the Journal of Personality and Social

Psychology’ (November 2006); nostalgia produces

positive feelings, reinforces memories and a sense of

being loved and boosts self-esteem’ (p.281 ‘The Little

Book of Hygge’ by Meik Wiking (Penguin, 2016.)

Alice Kingham-LaChèvre, born November 11, 1888

and grew up in rural England became an animal

painter. She was awarded the ‘Palmes Academiques’

in 1957 (the highest civilian award in France) and

married a French man active in the Rèsistance

movement during the Second World War (Alice

actually sheltered Résistance soldiers in her studio,

while Nazis were being entertained on the ground

floor!) She was also awarded France’s most

distinguished honour for animal painters, the ‘Prix

Rosa Bonheur.’

Her self-published memoir, ‘Roxanne the Blue

Dane’ (published 1988) has been in my possession for

years, and was indeed what led to my being hired to

be her home helper while living in Paris in 1987,

because of this family adoration for Great Danes, a

breed of large dogs. With that in common we hit it off

from the start!

She writes, of Roxanne, the Blue Dane (Great Dane

fur colours are Black, Merle, Boston, Blue, Fawn,

Brindle and Harlequin):

‘…Our ancestors had been famous the world over,

always brave and true and faithful, never shirking any

duty. And we must be the same, even unto death if

need be, and uphold the honour of our family.’ (p.2)

Indeed, it has been years since I heard the word

‘honour’ mentioned. Seems somehow ‘dated’ or ‘Old

School’ and yet…

Kingham-LaChèvre writes Roxanne’s story using the

dog as narrative ‘voice’. In the final chapter, Roxanne

movingly narrates:

‘it was my great love for Mistress that gave me

strength to keep living, for I was so old and tired. It

was agony to move about, and at night I was too tired

to sleep. I felt that every day must be my last, but

when I saw that terrible look of anguish on Mistress’s

face, I pulled myself together to do what I could to

comfort her. If only this dreadful thing hadn’t

happened how gladly I would have laid down to die

knowing that Grannie [Grannie had died several days

before] would console each other for my loss.’ (p.

141)

That Kingham-LaChèvre could so sensitively and

poignantly put words to the emotionally sensitive life

of a Great Dane (that always had a reputation for

being the most ‘human’ like of dog breeds),

suggests that she enjoyed a very deep closeness to

The Family Caregivers’ Grapevine Page 7

Gratitude Corner:

“Thank you for everything. I have no complaints

whatsoever.” Source Unknown

The aftermath of the holidays, the gray days of

winter, and the bustle of a new year can bring on a

gloomy perspective. When we feel “blah” it can

colour the way we see things. Let’s face it, it can

be easy to find things to complain about. This

mantra reminds us to find gratitude even when we

might not like what’s happening. The energy of

gratitude opens us to receive more to be grateful

for.

By Elizabeth Bishop

February 2020 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat

1

2 3 4 Network

Group 7-9PM

5 6 7 8

9 10 Dementia

and Montessori

Workshop 1-3

11 12 Network

Group 10:30-

12:30PM

13 14 15

16 17 18 19 20 21 22

23 24 25 26 27 28 29

Jan/Feb 2020 Page 8

NSCR Caregiver Support Program 201-935 Marine Drive, North Vancouver, BC V7P 1S3

We publish this bi-monthly newsletter on topics related to self-care and the caregiving role.

If you are interested in accessing a Caregiver Coach or becoming a Care-

giver Coach, please contact Elizabeth at elizabeth.bishop@nscr.ca or at

604.982.3320.

Roxanne, one that evokes the strong bonds between humans and dogs

that have existed for millennia.

I once wrote a short story (published online in 2000), called; ’The

Smile That Warmed Me Like the Sun’, based on life with our family’s

late Labrador Retriever Z. For I, too, have known that closeness, and I,

too, have mourned the tragic passing of such a noble, kind, and loving

animal. May we all be so lucky as to enjoy the light such beings bring

into our lives, for they provide such warmth and comfort from the

‘slings and arrows’ of life.

In particular, I will always remember passing a pleasant afternoon

reading to Alice (then 100 years old and completely blind), one of her

favourite works ‘Lancelot and Guinevere’ by Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

As I read, the old clock in her kitchen went tic-toc, tic-toc, and so the

hours melted away as we both drunk in the words of this great poet

and the feeling of love that he expressed. Such a ‘human’ experience.

Leave it to the poets to remind us of our humanity, and how very

important that is, now more than ever.

In subsequent posts I will explore this fascinating issue of the human-

animal bond, further, particularly that of the bonds of the elderly and

companion animals. I will also explore the difference between

growing old in Europe and that of growing old in North America. For

now, may you be warmed by this Parisian interlude, a once-in-a-

lifetime experience for me that deeply enriched the tapestry of my life.

CAB

PS Interestingly, those who have lived a full century of life (called

‘centennaires’ in France), are also entitled to free passage on the Paris

metro (at least they were when I lived there.) Life expectancy rates are

very high in France (not surprisingly) with some 270,000 people aged

over 100-years old by 2070 (www.thelocal.fr)