JACK AND THE BEANSTALK | TOM WHALLEY PANTOMIMES

A ‘GIANT’ PANTOMIME BY TOM WHALLEY

CAST IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE

FLESHCREEP – The villainous henchman. Servant to Giant Blunderbore.

MOTHER NATURE – A magical spirit certain to save the day! PRINCESS JILL – The beautiful Princess. Sweet but feisty.

SIMPLE SIMON – The loveable comic. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree… DAME TROTT – The outrageous Dame. Long suffering mother to Jack and Simple Simon

JACK TROTT – The eponymous hero of the story. KING EDWARD – Ruler of all Vegtaville. Father to Princess Jill. Vertically challenged.

ADDITIONAL CAST

DAISY THE COW

THE GOBLIN GIANT BLUNDERBORE

JACK AND THE BEANSTALK | TOM WHALLEY PANTOMIMES

[EXCERPT FROM ACT ONE – SCENE TWO] SIMPLE SIMON ENTERS WEARING GOGGLES WITH CARROTS DANGLING OFF. SIMPLE SIMON: Hi Mum! DAME: Don’t you “Hi Mum” me you! What are those you’re wearing? SIMPLE SIMON: Night vision goggles! DAME: Silly boy! Have you finished all the deliveries? SIMPLE SIMON: I haven’t even started! DAME: Well, that does it…no Christmas presents for you. SIMPLE SIMON: Good! You’re rubbish at buying presents. You got Jack a fridge last year… DAME: He loved that fridge! When he opened it, his face lit up! SIMPLE SIMON: You’ve got another two hours of this! DAME: Now, where is that brother of yours? SIMPLE SIMON: I think he’s playing fetch with Daisy. DAME: That boy! [Shouting:] Come back, Jack! JACK ENTERS WITH DAISY THE COW: MUSIC CUE: JACK’S FIRST ENTRANCE DAME: Ah! There you are! JACK: Here I am! DAME: My pride and joy… JACK: Stop it! DAME: …the apple of my eye… JACK: I’ve gone all red! DAME: …Daisy! JACK: I can’t believe I’ve been upstaged by a cow! DAME: Boys and girls, say hello to Daisy! Now Daisy, you say hello to the girls and

boys… SFX CUE: MOO!

JACK AND THE BEANSTALK | TOM WHALLEY PANTOMIMES

DAME: Now boys, we can’t afford to stand around here chatting all day. JACK: We can’t afford anything! DAME: You’re right there. JACK: “What’s a Trott got?” ALL: “Not a lot!” DAME: If we can’t pay our taxes the King will seize all our chattels! SIMPLE SIMON: Sounds painful! DAME: …and if he can’t pay the giant’s rent then we’ll lose everything! He’ll take

my cottage! SIMPLE SIMON: He’ll take the dairy! JACK: But worst of all, he’ll take… ALL: Daisy! DAISY STARTS TREMBLING: SFX CUE: THUNDER DAME: Oh look, my Daisy’s gone all aquiver. SIMPLE SIMON: I think she’s making a milkshake! JACK: Daisy, don’t be such a cow-ard! DAME: You can talk! JACK: I’m not scared of anything! Except for curtains! DAME: Pull yourself together! You get yourself back to your shed for a snooze

Daisy. It’s ‘pasture’ bed time! DAISY EXITS. SIMPLE SIMON: Poor Daisy. She just needs to let it all go in one ear and out the udder! DAME: Come on then boys, we need to get cracking. We’ve got so much work to do!

Simple Simon, have you put the cat out? SIMPLE SIMON: I didn’t know it was on fire! DAME: Don’t you start again! There are 68 sheep in the field, can you round them

up? SIMPLE SIMON: Yeah, 70!

JACK AND THE BEANSTALK | TOM WHALLEY PANTOMIMES

DAME: Hopeless! JACK: Mum, I don’t have time for this. I’m off to meet a girl! I’m in love! DAME: In love? In love with who? JACK: Princess Jill… DAME AND SIMPLE SIMON LAUGH. JACK: What?! DAME: Oh, Jack! You’ve never had a girlfriend! SIMPLE SIMON: I have… JACK: Oh no you haven’t! SIMPLE SIMON: Oh yes I have! I used to go out with a girl called Simile. DAME: Simile? SIMPLE SIMON: Yeah! I don’t know what I metaphor! JACK: Well, I met a tennis player on Tinder. DAME: And how did that work out? JACK: Not good. Love meant nothing to her…but it’s different with Jill. I’ve

already got it all planned. DAME: What are you going to do? JACK: Me and her are going to go up a hill to fetch a pail of water. SIMPLE SIMON: I can’t see any way that could possibly end badly!

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