Issue 11

[email protected] Editor: Chris Ashby

1

CHELLASTON CHELLASTON IN MEDIA ISSUE

ED: On Friday 26th of February the sixth-form radio-podcast held a question-time style debate in the performing arts studio, pitting MP Mark Todd, MEP Derek Clark, Councillor Matthew Holmes and Chellaston Head-Teacher Ray Ruszczynski against each other in a battle of wits. Organiser and presenter Lee Allen convinced these public figures to appear on the panel beforehand through email negotiations; questions were written and submitted by the show’s audience. That this was a unique and

impressive arrangement was clear before it took place. “We’re seeing a UKIP member face to face…it’s the

stuff dreams are made of”, was one audience member’s take. The Derby Telegraph

reported on the event, prior to its happening: “Sixth-formers to give politicians a grilling at debate” was their mouthwatering headline with cannibalistic overtones. Mark Todd, the debate’s

Labour representative, has enjoyed a positive relationship with Chellaston School for several years. Last year, he fielded questions from students in a sixth-form assembly (and referred to Gordon Brown as a "deep guy"); he was also interviewed for Juice in issue seven. All the other panellists, with the obvious exception of Mr Ruszczynski,

were visiting the school for the first time in a political context. Derek Clarke is a senior member of the right-of-centre UK Independence party, and Matthew Holmes is a Conservative for the Chellaston area. The performing arts studio

is a fairly small venue, and capacity was limited to around fifty, so there was an intimate vibe at 4pm. After an introduction by Dom Peppiatt, the state-sector representatives entered separately, to music – Rocky, if I’m not mistaken. There were three questions, on local (Chellaston School’s over-subscription issues), national (Labour’s limited re-election hopes) and international (dispute over


2

the Falklands and Gibraltar) concerns, and afterwards the panellists were subjected to random enquiries. While all four were entertaining, Chellaston’s own Mr Ruszczynski was the most amusing, interesting and informative, receiving the largest share of applause, and not afraid to speak uncomfortable truths to the MP and MEP either: on the subject of teaching children personal finance, “maybe the MPs could do with some lessons”. Derek Clarke had perhaps the most difficult time, being significantly “owned” by a Chellaston teacher during one exchange, but the discussion was mostly light and enjoyable. Mark Todd admitted implicitly that he regarded Gordon Brown’s Piers Morgan chat show appearance as distasteful; Mr Ruszczynski made Matthew Holmes look rather awkward on the subject of academies; and Lee Allen was refreshingly irreverent toward the senior debaters. In short, the experience was captivating. While it could be

reasonably presumed that students at a comprehensive would have little interest in political matters (which is definitely true of Sinfin), the small ensemble of guests on Friday were markedly enthusiastic and eager to contribute (though time was limited, and not every raised hand could be addressed; some like me, were blanked a few times, and so was Mr Ruszczynski: “I had a few points to make, but you’ve been ignoring me”). It was encouraging to note

that a Juice article was referenced by Lee Allen in his grilling of the Conservative councillor (the Heather Wheeler interview in which proposals for a new

school in Chellaston are mentioned).

Podcasts

The podcast started last year by sixth-formers during enrichment period is certainly the best version of Chellaston-based radio to have been created in the school's recent history. I discovered this after an intensive hour spent Googling for previous incarnations of the Chellaston podcast, during which I found "Rich, Chris and George's RCG Radio Chellaston". RCG, describing itself as "3 teenagers deprived of attention for weeks have been let loose into a recording studio - now with music", is also quite good. Two episodes (and one broken link) are available to the general public on "podbean.com", and "podcastdirectory.com", sites specialising in podcasts, which I downloaded and listened to. In "The Very First

Episode", uploaded in April of 2008, the presenters discuss the situation in Iraq ("everything was all right until old George Bush came along, didn't he...he turns up and they all start bombing each other!"), Big Brother ("Jade Goody...you can mock an accent - it's not racist!"), Sylvester Stallone ("looks as if he's had like ten steroids per minute for the past ten years") and bed-times ("you know when your mum tells you to go to bed early – well

you can never get to sleep"). The sound-quality is quite bad; on several occasions I turned my speakers up all the way to accommodate a quiet monologue only to be assaulted by an unbroken voice at fortissimo, but, to be fair, for a podcast created by thirteen and fourteen year-olds this is quite entertaining, even witty in places. Apparently the presenters only expected their producer, "Joe", "and his bitches" to be listening, but theoretically anyone with an Internet connection can download the show. It's fairly innocent in its humour - "George...he's pulling his tie down a little bit: about as explicit as it gets" – but absolutely hilarious. Though I'm not sure whether the hilarity is always intentional. On the confused.com

elephant: “It’s a bloody elephant, why’s it wearing a suit? It’s not doing any work.” By episode two, the show

had an impressive fourteen online subscribers, including Chris, one of the presenters, and its creators decided to change their formula. "Don't try something different, it'll only go wrong," one of these advises at the beginning, and sadly he's right – episode two's disappointing. The extended discussion format is shortened and replaced with other people's music (Editors, Plain White T's, Bloc Party), someone messing around with a keyboard, and clips of Westwood. It's still full of great quotes, however: car crash radio is radio "where you laugh so much that you can't control your car"; "who even is 'Hey Jude'"; and "well done [Editors' singer] for impregnating Edith Bowman". This episode sounds more amateurish than the first though, due to contributor George losing all


3

the jingles on his Apple laptop and the cast subsequently improvising some more. This second MP3 proved to be the last ever instalment of the RCG podcast. "We haven’t recorded a podcast in couple of months now, really we’ve been busy with school work and other boring commitments" is the final message on their site, marked April 16th 2008. Critical responses to the

show were generally positive: "hahaha! u guys make me laff...maybe u guys could become comedians"; "how cute hehe ya so friggin random"; "wow that made me laff so much!!! your all so random but i love it!!! ill listen 2 that when im feelin sad"; and "amazing but freaky maaaabbbeeee lesss talkin and less laffing and it wud be better but i guess that gave it humour". Although no one who liked the show could spell "laugh", it was a cult hit at Chellaston, and when it was cancelled after only two episodes, people were disappointed. Many would prefer to

forget this radio venture completely. I contacted George Allen, a member of the original RCG group, about the podcast, and offered to send him the show's files. "Do not send me those MP3s - they're embarrassing enough as memories", he returned. RCG Comedy Podcast's

site warns us to "expect laughs, strops and random questions. Hey, we're the MTV generation." The modern Chellaston podcast, however, is vastly more businesslike, with a mention on the school's Wikipedia page and link on its official website; some might argue that calling itself a "Sixth form based media syndicate" is a step to far in the humourless direction, and

that assigning students a "marketing and PA" role was slightly ridiculous, but nevertheless, with around five episodes it's the most consistently listenable and listened-to Chellaston podcast since the Internet began. The team managed to

organise an interview with Mr Ruszczynski for their first episode. Mr Clarke also competed in the podcast's sixty-second joke challenge (source: "Possible winner of the joke competition".) They've had their share of celebrity guests as well, having enticed BBC weatherman Des Coleman to appear on one episode, in which he "was interviewed by Mr Newton, judged the finale of the joke competition and chipped in throughout the broadcast", according to a podcast-related news email. He wore a Chellaston tie to work a few days later in recognition, filming the weather forecast in it. Well-known storyteller Andy Wright was a guest on their Christmas episode. According to Wikipedia,

“The podcast aims to entertain pupils both in school and at home as well as attracting outside attention to the school.” The contemporary podcast

has had certain setbacks: people turning its episodes off during sixth-form hall broadcasts in favour of E4 Music or Alexandra Burke, for example. Having endeavoured to incorporate more sophisticated musical content than the typical club anthem or Katy Perry song, the radio isn't always to everyone's taste. Lamb of God, Cascada, and others were all nominated for the show's coin-toss component alongside inoffensive Westlife and Leona Lewis. "We're trying to help them, but..." is how one producer

describes attempting to expose Chellaston to 'good' music. In addition, the show's status as an "enrichment" activity in school has caused problems – an anonymous source informs me that more people joined the enrichment group than the podcast could realistically employ, and, to put it nicely, some had less to offer than others. As a result, somewhat phoney job titles such as "content research", "your opinion counts crew" and the aforementioned "marketing and PA" were created – "we like them to think they're being useful". The majority of the

podcast's script is written by Lee Allen and Dom Peppiatt – the episodes have an apparent spontaneity, but they're all composed beforehand, in "banterous" sessions. Their style's ironic, similar to Peter Kay's Chorley FM ("coming in your ears"), and filled with innuendo. As the radio-podcast team

moved into year thirteen, the enterprise factionalised into two separate projects and a new podcast came into existence, run by year twelves Jason Siddall and Will Stoll. It's a little-known fact that

Juice itself has created a podcast, which was never released. It's five minutes of Microsoft Sam, the automated American voice, reading out a script. It's not amazing. Chellaston School has

produced a nationally recognised radio presenter in former pupil Andrew Jackson. Andrew won Male Presenter of the Year at the Student Radio Awards in 2006 for his work on the Andrew Jackson Show for Manchester University’s


4

Fuse FM (“sometimes I have to take a step back and think of how big an achievement the award was. It’s very easy in radio to not be aware of what’s outside of the studio”). He presented a three hour breakfast show for Radio 1, and has undertaken work experience with BBC’s Colin Murray. He was, coincidentally, editor of Chellaston’s sixth-form newsletter seven years ago, then called “Sixth Form Announcements”, or “SFA” (a pun on the initialism for “sweet f**k all”).

Newsletters

Five issues of SFA are available online at andresworld.co.uk: those printed between March and May 2003. Others are missing, as Andrew puts it, “lost for ever”. It’s comforting to note that almost exactly the same concerns are addressed in these issues as in the modern Juice – the “inefficient learning centre”; lack of contributions to the newsletter; and lack of readership (“please don’t give us the paper aeroplane treatment this week”). One or two articles complain about standards of floppy disk drives; there’s one piece on concerns “that there are too many onions in school

meals”; there are mentions of sixth-form socials, the leavers’ ball, and ski trips. They also had a political columnist similar to our Eleanor Dumbill, and reading with hindsight his observations on the Iraq war – “let’s just hope none of the British Army dies fighting for another man’s cause” – is pretty depressing. SFA has celebrity gossip and advice columns, which Juice hasn’t managed (or in the case of the former, doesn’t want) to incorporate. Apparently they had a section entitled “Clarkey’s Corner” as well, but I can’t find any evidence to verify that. Something tells me I

should include a reference to The Causeway, seeing as this is a report on Chellaston school media and it’s the longest-running school media outlet by a mile. (Its incisive coverage of both “sickness/diarrhoea” and “peanut allergies” are just two instances of the hard-hitting journalism we’ve come to expect from The Causeway.) According to Issue 33, from 2006, “parents have appreciated the content and breadth of information it covers” and the Causeway is “a link between school and home”. It’s not the most attractively designed newsletter in the world, although it has improved markedly – I tracked down an issue from 2002 using the Internet Archive, and back then it looked pretty dire (RS Mrs Smith has an amusing column in it though, with this timeless line on consultancy: “Ms Golder…is departing the coalface that is classroom teaching to power dress and give out bits of paper to teachers who will then sling them summarily into the bottom of a pile of paperwork never to be looked at again.”) Also a link

between school and home is the Chellaston Art Blog (chellastonart.blogspot.com), a comprehensive online record of art department happenings in text and photographs, and Chellaston ICT Blog (www.chellastonict.blogspot.com) which seems to be extinct; so is the school website – not all schools have one, especially godawful schools like Sinfin, and Chellaston’s is particularly good. Students here have in addition, for the last few years, been beneficiaries of the school’s embracement of social media. Myspace is full of deserted wreckages of Chellaston groups and profiles, and Facebook has a lively contingent of them; but as readers of the last Juice will have noted, members of staff have now been banished thereof. It’s a shame, since most of the research I do for Juice is through social networking websites, especially for issues like the student election special. And there’s Juice, which is

pretty great. Juice has had its share of criticisms: “frankly it looks awful…I’d be ashamed [to show it to universities]…I’m deeply hurt”; ““I'd also like to take this opportunity to remind you that this is the Chellaston 6th form Newsletter, and not your personal blog. Im [sic] not the first person I've heard complain about your 'angry dictator' style editing”; “are you still working on that two-bit newsletter?” It has also acted in reprehensible ways to remain in existence, promising £20 to the winner of an article competition before reneging on its half of the deal due to logistical issues and sixth-form fund shortages. But hopefully people read it. �


5

News and Opinion Mr Clarke: Friday was a rather bittersweet day. After the success of the Year 13 photo, and then the Question Time event organised by the Sixth Form, I was dragged into the ILC by the cleaners. Attached is a photo that highlights some of the carnage that was on display. The state of the place was

disgusting. If it was a room designated for packed lunches, I would be appalled, but this is a room where food and drink is supposed to be forbidden. Yet every day, three bins are filled with food and drink. On Friday, they were overflowing with stuff strewn around the room. Over Easter, that room is

going to have £20,000 of equipment installed. It is the main thing that was complained about in your questionnaires. I'd imagine that the Head would be reluctant to part with that money, if he were to see the way that that room was left on Friday. I'm getting tired of groups

using the space as a meeting place and a place to socialise. At dinnertime, there is enough space for everyone to eat downstairs. I've never seen it full. It is also ruined during the day, again, by

people misusing the space. I'm also sick of students not being able to get on a computer, when other students are playing games, shopping, or doing stupid quizzes. Please sort it out. Students

who bring food in will be banned from it. Most Sixth Forms do not have a designated space allocated for them; if they do, they do not allow it to trust them enough to be unsupervised. Please respect the rights that you have been given, and take on the responsibility. � ED: According to an email sent to sixth-formers before half-term, the new playground equipment that's just been installed next to the nursery is for young children only, and not adolescent students. "The equipment in the park is designed for under-fives. NO Chellaston school student should, therefore, be using it. I have had complaints from parents that the new and expensive equipment has been damaged already and is covered in mud. I understand the initial excitement may have drawn you to it, but now it is time to leave the park to be enjoyed [by] the young children." The "initial

excitement" was almost too much for me, for instance, and I was giggling uncontrollably by the time the plastic, health and safety regulation conforming playground was finished, since there's nothing I like better after a hard day's study than to squeeze myself down a metre-long slide and crouch on a see-saw that's clearly not capable of supporting my weight while teary-eyed infants watch jealously from the path, holding the hand of their intimidated mother. "Up yours, kiddies. Find some broken glass to play with instead." By the way, the DET claims this park cost £250,000. Go figure. People should wash their hands before they use mice and keyboards. I hate getting a handful of grease every time I check my email. Also, am I the only person who finds public displays of affection nauseating? Get a room. In other news, a student has been arrested following allegations of breaching Chellaston’s uniform policy. The student was charged on Monday with conspiracy to commit Topman. �


6

Life & Style Section J

Submit your articles for consideration to the above address.

Review: Don't Worry About Me

TV debut on the Sunday 7th March, 23:45 (just hit record, you won’t regret it) – BBC 2. George Allen: David wakes on the pavement, beneath a plastic rubbish bag and a scattered pile of coppers. Of course, he looks like death, because last night he drowned the previous day’s failures in a scroungy Liverpool pub. To be exact, the failure was

following his one-night-stand all the way from his London hometown to her workplace in Liverpool to return the presentation she left under his bed. Finding that not only is she actually taken, but that her boyfriend is the jealous psychopathic type, he chases David from the office block. So, crestfallen, he finds his way to the pub, gets p*ssed, and wakes up the next morning with no wallet, and therefore penniless. This is where it really

begins. BAFTA nominated David Morrissey’s (who does not play David in the film) directorial debut romanticises the city of Liverpool, giving me, sat in the audience seat, time to patiently absorb its beauty.

Musical artists often celebrate their hometowns, but cinema offers a much more precise perspective on the city of choice. There is no space for interpretation in the imagination; we are given exactly what the director intended – epically atmospheric and encompassing scenes of the Crosby beach and its one hundred barnacle-covered statues, or some stolen views of the city through the battlements of Liverpool Cathedral. An interviewer described Liverpool as “the third character” in “Don’t Worry About Me”, with which I totally agree. 8:30 p.m, on the 26th of

February, was the show time of this film at The Quad in Derby, which was attended by David Morrissey and the lead female, Helen Elizabeth, who also co-wrote the film. Helen Elizabeth plays Tina, the bookmaker’s assistant who cautiously offers to help David out of his financial difficulty by quietly offering him a tip-off. It pays – and in return, he treats her for a coffee and a bus ride. The picture follows their day in Liverpool and we learn about their hidden loyalties to home life and the responsibilities they have been lumped with, including Tina’s disabled brother and David’s depressed mother. There are charming

moments in the film that bring about the winsome combination of escape and futility that might be otherwise captured musically by songs such as “Just Like Heaven”, in the sheltered spot of a pier bench. In its most gripping emotional scenes, humour always breaks the mood –

just when the sullen air has taken full effect, it is lifted by a crude joke at Tina’s expense. �

Chellaston In Art Auction for Uganda

ED: The two paintings

featured in last fortnight’s issue of Juice arrived at my house this week, from Texas and Seattle respectively. I’ve had two declarations of interest so far, but no bids. At the moment they could go for any price. �

Why Carrots are Beneficial

by Fruit Junki

Carrots are naturally low in calories An 80g serving of cooked carrots contains just 24 calories, making them a great choice if you’re watching your weight. Carrots are naturally low in fat and saturates Health experts recommend we eat less fat and fewer


7

saturates to keep our hearts healthy. This makes carrots a great choice. An 80g serving of cooked carrots contains just 0.3g fat and 0.1g saturates. Carrots count towards your five-a-day Like all veg, an 80g serving of carrots – that’s equivalent to about ½ a medium-sized carrot or three heaped tablespoons – counts as one of your five portions of fruit and veg. Better still, all carrots including fresh, frozen and canned count, whether they’re served as a side dish, cooked in a soup or stew, raw in a salad or made into a juice. Carrots are naturally low in salt To stay healthy and reduce your risk of getting high blood pressure, nutrition experts recommend having no more than 6g of salt a day. Good news then that carrots are naturally low in salt. An 80g serving of cooked carrots contains just 0.1g salt, providing you haven’t added salt to the cooking water. Carrots are high in fibre Carrots are packed with fibre, which helps keep the digestive system healthy and helps balance blood sugar levels. Fibre also helps you to feel fuller for longer so you find it easier to maintain your weight. An 80g serving of cooked carrots contains 2g fibre – more than a tenth of the recommended daily amount for adults. Carrots help boost our intake of vitamin A Carrots are packed with a nutrient called beta-carotene, which is converted into vitamin A in the body. Of all

fruit and vegetables, carrots are actually the best source of beta-carotene. An 80g serving of cooked carrots contains more than twice the recommended daily amount (RDA) of vitamin A equivalent needed by adults. This is good news as many children and adults have poor intakes of this nutrient. This is worrying as vitamin A aids the growth of healthy bones and teeth. Carrots really can help you see in the dark Beta-carotene found in large amounts in carrots is converted into vitamin A in the body and this vitamin is vital for healthy vision. Vitamin A works its eye health magic by being transformed into a purple pigment called rhodopsin in the retina, and this pigment is essential for vision in dim light. Carrots are great for healthy, younger-looking skin Beta-carotene is also an important antioxidant nutrient. This is great news for our skin as its antioxidant action may help to act against age-accelerating free radicals, so that skin remains healthy and elastic. Carrots may help to protect your skin from sun damage When taken on a regular basis, beta-carotene can help to protect skin from excessive ultra-violet (UV) radiation and sunburn. That’s not to say you should ditch your sunscreen if you eat a lot of carrots! You should still follow sun safety advice and cover up during the hottest part of the day, wear a hat and regularly

apply sun screen with a high SPF. Carrots help to keep your immune system strong Vitamin A is essential for the proper functioning of the immune system. This nutrient keeps the skin and cells that line the airways, digestive tract and urinary tract healthy, so they act as barriers and form the body’s first line of defence against infection. Adding a little fat enhances the goodness of carrots in salad After years of being told to skip the mayo on salads, it might come as a surprise to learn that a drizzle of French dressing is the perfect accompaniment to salad, benefiting both taste and health. Research from Ohio State University in America found that more carotenoids such as beta-carotene were absorbed when a fresh salad consisting of carrots, romaine lettuce, spinach and cherry tomatoes was eaten with full-fat salad dressing compared with fat-free salad dressing. Don’t worry about cooking carrots When taken on a regular If your kids will only eat mashed carrot, don’t worry – it’s a nutritional bonus! Research shows more beta-carotene is absorbed from cooked, puréed carrots than from raw ones. �

Write for Juice


8

The Back Page Sonic at Chello: One day Sonic went to Chellaston School. He took two buses in an hour-long journey and arrived late for form. Sonic sat in a classroom trying not to fall asleep while his tutor handed out citizenship worksheets. It was hard. Then the bell went, and Sonic went to the humanities block because he had a lesson to attend, but he hadn’t done the homework so he walked slowly. Sonic walked in and sat down. Sonic’s teacher didn’t arrive, and he eventually noticed that there was work for his class written on the whiteboard because the teacher was absent, which made him happy, even though someone was probably ill. Sonic decided not to do the work, as it looked boring. Sonic went to Tesco’s and bought some sandwiches and a smoothie.

“I hope this smoothie doesn’t make me look effeminate,” he thought. Then he ate the sandwich, which was cheese and ham. Then he drank the smoothie, which was banana and strawberry. Sonic didn’t want to go to the ILC immediately, so he walked around Chellaston for ten minutes. Then he went to the ILC. But there were no computers. So he went to the refectory and bought a latte, even though he’d just drunk a smoothie. It was something to do. Then he went back to the ILC, and a computer was free, so he read Juice. “Juice is awesome,” he thought, “you should probably read it more often.” It was Friday, so Sonic wondered whether he could justify having a burger and a pint at the Rose and Crown for lunch, even though there were more lessons in the afternoon and

it would make him pretty late for them. Sonic thought that he could. Suddenly, Sonic noticed that it was period two. “Sh*t,” he thought. Sonic went to period two and listened to some PowerPoint presentations and pretended to take notes. It was excruciating. Then it was break. Then Sonic had a free. He added a paragraph to his coursework before thinking “screw this,” and spending an hour on BBC iPlayer. “I can’t believe this still isn’t filtered,” he thought. Then he checked his emails. Sonic had three Facebook notifications, some magazine advertisements, some replies from friends he’d wrote to and a confirmation from Amazon. Sonic’s afternoon was free, so he went to town on the bus, had a coffee at Gloria Jean’s, and went home. �

News from 2003’s Newsletter & Library Update

“It is becoming increasingly obvious that the ILC is in a poor state. From disk drives being inoperable to persistent error messages on many computers. Members of the sixth-form council have not overlooked this problem, and there are moves underway to try and restore the ILC to a fully working state. Having spoken with one of the people given the task to make repairs, there are a number of factors being addressed. Money is going to be invested in new disk drives and mice if possible. The council will be lobbying for further investment if possible. This should be of great benefit to the whole sixth-form. Of course the success of this investment relies on people using the

ILC sensibly, and not abusing it as it has been in the past. Since the opening of the new refectory the ILC has taken on a much better working atmosphere and hopefully this will be carried on into the next few months of the year.” – Jack Penworthy. “I would once again like to

appeal to all writers in the 6th form to come forward with your articles for SFA, otherwise we face the problem of being boring and and [sic] repetitive.” “There have been concerns

expressed by certain members of the sixth form that there are too many onions in school meals, especially the school pizza. However there is no need to alarm [sic], the issue is being addressed in a similar way to

the recent cheese crisis and representatives will soon meet the kitchen staff to sort out a menu for both onion and non-onion eaters.”

NEWS!!

Library in Chellaston A new library is to be opened in close proximity to Chellaston School by June 2010. The opening had initially been promised to occur in January this year by Derby City Council; the construction was delayed, however, by planners’ discovery of a sewer underneath the building’s proposed location. Potentially, this library will be somewhere next year's sixth-formers can go when they're bored. �

Documents

Issue 11