Island grandparent 2016

GrandparentGrandparentI S L A N DGrandparentGrandparentGrandparent2 0 1 6 / 2 0 1 7

Here & There 10 Things to Do with Your Grandkids

Phone Call from aFour-Year-Old

Something About Twins

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2 Island Grandparent 2016/2017

CONTENTSFrom the Editor ...................... 3

This & That ............................. 4

Who’s Afraid? Not Grandma! . 6

Phone Call from a Four-Year-Old ..................... 8

Something About Twins ....... 10

A Grandparent’s Influence ... 12

Get Grandkid Equipped ........ 14

Trade All of My Tomorrows .. 16

Grand Geocaching ................ 18

Bond Over Books ................. 20

Quality Screen Time ............. 23

Here & There ........................ 24

Becoming a Grandmother ... 26

Out of Sight but Not Out of Mind .................... 28

Out & About in the Capital Regional District ...... 30

Grandparents & ‘The Givens’ .......................... 32

Island Grandparent Magazine, published by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is an annual publication that honours and supports grandparents by providing information on resources and businesses for families, and a forum for the exchange of ideas and opinions. Views expressed are not necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be reproduced without the permission of the Editor. Island Grandparent Magazine is distributed free in selected areas.

Island Grandparent Magazine830–A Pembroke St, Victoria, BC V8T 1H9Tel: 250-388-6905 Website: islandparent.ca

Publisher/Owner: Mark WarnerEditor: Sue FastSales & Marketing: RaeLeigh BuchananPublisher’s Assistant & Sales: Linda FrearDistribution: Ray Cutts, Ted Dawes (Mid-Island)Production: Eacrett Graphic DesignPrinted at Black PressCover Printed at Hillside PrintingISSN 0838-5505Cover Photo: Katrina Massey, Katrina Massey Photography, katrinamassey.comnanaimomuseum.ca • 250.753.1821 • [email protected]

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No detail has been overlooked. Purple car-nations are in a vase on the desk beside the bed. The carpet is vacuumed. The sheets

on the queen bed are clean, fresh towels are at the foot. What few toys are left from the last time my stepdaughter, Jessica, and two-year-old granddaughter, Abi, came over to visit from the Mainland are downstairs with the high chair, set up and “ready for action,” as Papa, my husband Barry, would say. The last detail is the car seat, now tethered into the backseat of the car with a complicated system of straps, clips and hooks—space-aged in comparison to the car seats we used when our kids were young.

Just over a month has passed since we last saw Abi and yet this time—as is often the case with long-distance grandparenting—the

changes we see are astounding. Abi can now re-cite the vocabulary of every barn yard animal, say the name of each aunt and uncle she’ll see during her quick three-day visit with us, and not only can she walk confidently and climb stairs, but she can also make it from the top floor of the house to the basement in less time than it takes Barry or I to unfold her stroller.

Rest and motion. For the next three days, Jess—three months pregnant—will try to rest, while Nana and Papa will stay in constant, happy motion, savouring every moment of the visit.

Grandparenting could be defined by a Hallmark card filled with cliches—“All the fun of parenting without (hardly any of ) the work,”...“Wind ’em up and send ’em home,”... “If we’d known how much fun grandkids we’re

going to be, we would’ve had them first”—but it’s so much more, a relationship like no other. And every moment we have together matters. To this day, I still remember how happy I felt when I was a child, sitting with my grandfather on a garden swing in his back yard, partners in crime after raiding the raspberry bush—my grandmother none the wiser.

Over a week has passed since Jess and Abi’s visit and the car seat is still tethered in the backseat of the car. If anyone asks me why I haven’t taken it out and put it away, I’ll blame the complicated system of straps, clips and hooks. But my bet is that most grandparents will see right through that excuse.

Whether you’re a long-distance grandpar-ent, a grandparent living just around the corner from your grandkids, or a grandparent raising your grandchildren, we hope this issue of Is-land Grandparent Magazine helps you in your role. You’ll find articles on everything from raising twins, overcoming fears and modelling bravery, and phone conversations with four-year-olds, to geocaching with your grandkids, the best parks for play, and 10 things to do on the Island with your grandkids. Just like the time you spend with your grandchildren, we hope you enjoy every minute—and every page—of Island Grandparent.

Grandparenting Near & Far

From the Editor


How Grandparents Impact their Grandkids

…A study out of the department of demography at the University of California, Berkeley, has estimated that by 2030, more than 70 percent of 8-year-olds will likely have a living great-grandparent. It is a phenomenon that Kevin Kinsella, the head of the Aging Studies branch of the United States Census Bureau, has referred to as a great-grandparent boom. – From the New York Times article “Here Come the Great Grand-parents” by Stephanie Rosenbloom.

Even though most grandparents live in separate households from their adult children and grandchildren, sometimes the grandparent and grandchild generations live together. Here, from Statistics Canada, is information on the number of grandparents who are in this particular situation, along with their living arrangements and their ethnocultural and sociodemographic characteristics.

In 2011, there were about 7 million grandparents aged 45 and over in private households, representing 57 per cent of the population in this age group. Grandparents had 4.2 grandchildren on average.

In 2011, close to 600,000 grandparents aged 45 and over lived with their grandchildren, accounting for 8 per cent of all grandparents and for 4 per cent of the overall population in this age group.

Most grandparents who lived with their grandchildren also lived with at least one middle-generation person (88 per cent). The rest (12 per cent) were in “skip-generation” households, that is, with no middle generation present.

Persons aged 45 and over who reported an Aboriginal identity and reported a Traditional Aboriginal Spirituality had larger proportions of grandparents living with their grandchildren. As well, higher propor-tions were seen among Sikh (Punjabi-speaking in most cases) and Hindu populations.

Of all grandparents living with their grandchildren in 2011, 62 per cent were married or in a common-law union. Of those not in couples, 25 per cent of co-residing grandparents were widowed and an addi-tional 14 per cent were divorced, separated or had never been married.

Saving & Sharing Stories…Th e aft ernoon I spent in the attic turned up lots of wonderful surprises: hats, photographs, and riding boots. But I also found, nestled deep in an old crate, what appeared to be an empty notebook. When I fl ipped it open to check—there, in two succinct pages, in my grandmother Viola’s gorgeous handwriting—was her life story. Of all the things I possess, these two pages are my treasure, and an ongoing source of connection between me, my grandmother, and her beauti-ful past. I hope you take the time to give the gift that can’t be sold at a yard sale or bickered over at the wake. Your life story, written in full, in your hand, is the most priceless gift of all.From Why Grandparents Matter, by Adriana Trigiani, at grandparents.com

Just the (Grandparenting) Facts…

A 2010 Oxford University study showed a strong correlation between a grandparent’s involvement and a child’s well-being: A grandparent taking an interest in the youngster’s hobbies was associated with the grandchild having fewer peer problems; getting involved with their schooling was associated with fewer behaviour problems; and grandchildren who talked about future career plans with grandma or grandpa had lower incidences of emotional issues.

From McLeans Magazine’s Why Being a Grandparent is More Complicated than Ever, by Aaron Hutchins, macleans.ca.

This&&That

Are you are a grandparent raising your grandchildren? You are not alone. To talk with someone about resources and programs that you may not be aware of, please call the province-wide GRG Information Line toll free at 1-855-474-9777. You can also find out about programs on the Island that provide opportunities to meet with other grandparents who are raising their grandchildren, along with information, support and activities. Find out more by visiting parentsupportbc.ca.

Grandparents RaisingGrandchildren Support Group

The Best ThingsAbout Growing Old

1. A happier outlook. Studies show thatseniors are among the happiest groups of people.

2. Grandchildren. Grandparents often get toexperience the joys of little children but without

the sleepless nights and diaper changes.3. More time for loved ones. Getting older isn’tinherently relaxing or joyful—it’s how that time

is used that makes it special.4. Opportunity to pursue your dreams. Victoriannovelist George Elliot wrote, “It’s never too late

to be what you might have become.”5. Wisdom

6. More empathy and better social skills.7. Senior discounts!

From 10 Best Th ings About GrowingOld, by Jeff Anderson, at

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“ If a child is to keep alive his inborn

sense of wonder, he needs thecompanionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mysteryof the world we live in.” Rachel Carson

5IslandParent.ca

The Benefits of Being a Grandparent:• Grandparents say they feel a “joyful

freedom” in their new role. They don’t feel the pressure they felt as a parent. There’s a saying that a mother truly becomes a grandmother the day she stops noticing all the terrible things her children do because she’s so enchanted with all the wonderful things her grandchildren do.

• Many people see grandparenthood as a “second chance.” Maybe you weren’t able to spend as much time with your own children as you would have liked, or made some mistakes you’ve now learned from. Grandchildren are a fresh start.

• Active, involved grandparents consis-tently report much less depression and higher degrees of life satisfaction. They tend to be happier with their present life and more hopeful for the future.

• Grandparents and grandchildren fulfill the role of student and teacher for each other, and it’s not always the older person who does the teaching. Children like to feel needed, and they can teach their grandparents lots of things—like how to find some pretty cool stuff on the Internet.

• Grandchildren also help you see the world anew again, through a child’s eyes.

• Grandparents have an opportunity to leave a powerful legacy, to make a differ-ence, to send a message into the future through their grandchildren.

From Why Grandparents are VIPs at legacyproject.org.

The Grandparent Connection

Ways to Say ‘Very Good’…without saying “good girl” or “good boy.”1. Good job.2. I knew you could do it.3. Now you have it.4. You make it look easy.5. Th at’s the way.6. You’re really going to town.7. You’ve got it made.8. You’re on the right track now.9. Now you’ll fi gure it out.10. Keep it up.11. Clever!12. Way to go.13. Th at’s it.14. You did it.15. Couldn’t have done it better myself.From 98 Ways to Say Very Good, by Michael Ballard,for CanGrands at cangrands.com.

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Who’s Afraid?Not Grandma!

My grandson is a brave little soul. At 18 months, Kieran greets most new experi-ences with a fi ngers-spread, wide-eyed

curiosity. But last week we discovered an environment that he didn’t like. We’d been exploring Grandma’s backyard together, when we reached the trampoline. I helped him up through the gap in the safety net, thinking he would enjoy the novelty of crawling over a bouncy surface. He did not. Instead his little body went rigid, and he turned to cling to me. Not until we were back on fi rm ground did he relax his grip.

Th ere is something deeply satisfying in hav-ing the power to soothe and reassure and set the world right again, in being a child’s place of refuge, even if only for a few seconds. But what Kieran doesn’t know—what I hope he never knows—is how much time his grandmother wasted being afraid herself.

Kieran’s mom and two oldest aunts grew up with a mother who collected phobias. I was afraid of heights, of tight spaces, and windy stretches of the highway. I avoided new social situations, fl ights of stairs that ascended past the fi rst fl oor, and making phone calls to strangers. Speaking in public was out of the question, as was interacting with certain older women who projected the confi dence I lacked.

I did my best to hide my anxiety—primarily by staying clear of anything that aroused it. But fear is a greedy thief: the more territory you concede, the more it takes. Many of my phobias grew to the point that they couldn’t be hidden. It is a very humbling thing to tell your teenager that you can’t participate in the volleyball carpool because you’re too afraid to drive.

Th e tide fi nally started to turn a decade ago, when I joined Toastmasters. I was about to become a children’s author, and knew that I would need to address my fear of public speaking in order to promote my books. At-tending meetings in those early months was an ordeal in itself. I had to listen to relaxation tapes and walk off my excess adrenaline just to get myself in the hall. But the work paid

Rachel Dunstan Muller

7IslandParent.ca

off. As my self-confidence grew, new doors opened. Today public speaking is a regular and even enjoyable part of my life. I didn’t see that coming!

The highway phobia was more difficult to face. For years I told myself that my neural pathways were set, that I was permanently conditioned for a panic response. But just when I was at the point of surrender, I discov-ered a life-changing book by Howard Liebgold called Freedom From Fear: Overcoming Anxi-ety, Phobias and Panic. I cannot recommend this book enough. With Liebgold’s testimony

as inspiration, and his doable, step-by-step strategies as ammunition, I was able to get back on the road.

Overcoming fear is not an overnight pro-cess. It’s taken me years to get where I am. But with momentum now on my side, and with my new identity as a grandmother for motivation, this January I resolved to take the battle up a notch. Each year I adopt a new word to live by, and this year that word is “fierce.” In prac-tice, it means I’m living by two resolutions: I won’t allow myself to make anxiety-based decisions, and I’ll deliberately put myself in challenging situations. Reasonable fear is acceptable—no skydiving for this Grandma! But I am pushing myself. Last weekend I went off-shore fishing in a small boat, and climbed half a dozen steep ladders on the West Coast Trail. The week before that, I participated in a dance improv workshop that included a public performance—though I had no previous dance or improv training. The coming months will find me caving at Horne Lake, and address-ing a large audience at a national conference.

All of this boundary pushing is working; my world gets bigger with each new challenge. I can’t help but anticipate the exciting adven-tures my grandson and I will share, now that I’ve discovered courage.

As grandparents, we tend to think that our limits are set, that who we’ve been is who we’ll always be. Don’t believe it. It’s never too late to stretch and grow. Rachel Dunstan Muller is the mother of five, and a children’s author. Her previous articles can be found at islandparent.ca.

All of this boundary pushing is working; my world gets bigger with each new challenge. I can’t help but anticipate the exciting adventures my grandson and I will share, now that I’ve discovered courage.

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Phone Call from a Four-Year-OldIt’s Friday, and that means pizza night in my

daughter’s household. My four-year-old granddaughter Maysa has decided to phone me while waiting for the pizza. Daddy has taken her older siblings swimming, and Mommy is making pizza.

I enjoy these spontaneous chats, although I do not get to do much of the chatting. It is a Maysa monologue; any attempts on my part to enter the conversation are swept away in the torrent of words.

This conversation is no exception: she rambles on about her day, her week, last week, next week, last Christmas, and tomor-row, while I struggle to understand what she

is saying. Every so often she pauses to take a breath, at which point I say encouraging things like “Hmm,” and “I see”.

Chronology is ignored as she wanders through various events in her short life. “One time I went to Gwam and Gwamps’ house for Chwismas. Dat was when I was young, though. Do you remember dat, Gwamma?”

I assure her that I do remember. “But the other day Wevi had cupcakes for

his birfday.” (Older brother Levi’s birthday took place 11 months ago.) “And evwy-body ate the cupcakes. Even me. I ate dem too. Wemember, Gwamma?”

“Um…of course.”She asks me if I know how old Levi is. He is

seven, “but I am four.” She asks me if I know how old Zoe is. Zoe is nine, “but I am four, you know, Gwamma.” We spend quite a long time establishing the fact that she is four, and Levi

is seven, and Zoe is nine. She explains Levi is her big brother, and Zoe is her big sister. And Levi is her brother. And she is four.

She asks me if I know how old her mommy is, and I tell her: 36. She is stunned by this information, and says, “Oh my gosh! She’s firty-SIX? Dat’s incwedible!”

I ask her if she knows how old Grandpa is. She does not. I inform her that he is 72 years old. She says, “Oh my gosh! He’s dat old? Dat’s incwedible!”

I tell her that Grandpa is older than I am. This, apparently, is also incredible. She asks me how old I am. I tell her I am 63. “Oh my gosh!” she says. “Dat’s amazing.”

Now I am on a roll. I inform her that I am older than Mommy. “You’re older dan my Mommy, Gamma? I didn’t know dat.”

I add that it’s a good thing I am older than Mommy, because I happen to be Mommy’s mommy. This comes as a revelation to her. Furthermore, I continue, I am Uncle Jamie’s mommy, and I am Uncle Bobo’s mommy, and I am Uncle David’s mommy, and I am Uncle Ian’s mommy, and I am even Auntie Ellen’s mommy. “Wow!” she says. “You’re all of their mudder?!”

I ask her what mommies do. “Mommy makes pizza and wooks after us.”

I ask her what Daddy does. “I don’t know,” she says. She ponders for a moment. “I know! Daddy goes swimming wif Wevi.”

She now launches into an extremely long and totally incomprehensible account of her day, her week, last week, next week, last Christ-

mas, and tomorrow. Interruption is futile. I puzzle out bits of this stream-of-consciousness soliloquy: there is a new neighbour boy whom she met and played with at the park. She watched a video with her family, and then they got their pyjamas on and went to bed. Daddy is going—or has gone—or is planning to go, at some undefined point in the future—swim-ming with Levi. And Mommy is making pizza. Because it’s Friday, and Friday is pizza night.

I ask her how she enjoyed her recent visit with Grandpa. “Gwampa’s not here, Gwam-

ma,” she says. “No, sweetie, but he was at your house yesterday.”

“Gwampa’s…not…HERE,” she repeats, slowly and clearly so as to make sure I under-stand. “I know,” I say, “He’s not there now, but he stayed with you for three days, don’t you remember?”

She considers this for a moment. “I don’t want to talk about Gwampa.”

She coughs. “Hear dat, Gwamma? I just coughed.”

“Yes. I heard that.”“Dat’s because I’m a wittow bit sick,” she

announces. She coughs a couple more times to drive the point home.

She asks me if Grandpa is at home now. I inform her that he is not. I tell her he is driving home from visiting her, and he will be home on Monday. “Dat’s wonderful,” she says.

But not today, she says. Today is Friday, and Friday is pizza night. Because they always have pizza on Fridays.

She abruptly ends the conversation the way she always does. “I’m going to hang up on you now, Gwamma.”

“Okay sweetie, give my love to every…”Click.

Jacqui Graham raised six children and lived to tell the tale. When not fielding calls from her seven-and-counting grandkids, Jacqui is a writer of songs and stories, and a children’s music educator.

Jacqui Graham

She now launches into an extremely long and totally incomprehensible account of her day, her week, last week, next week, last Christmas, and tomorrow. Interruption is futile.

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Something About TwinsNo doubt about it, there’s something about

twins…something that brings a smile to people’s faces, something that invites re-

actions, comments, unsolicited advice and the sharing of stories. As a newbie grandparent of two-month-old twin girls, I’m by no means an expert, but so far I’m loving my introduction to the world of multiples.

For the most part, wherever you go people are immediately charmed when they see the double stroller with two little sleeping faces

poking out of their blankets. Whenever the girls are out in public, people oooh and aaah as they approach. My son Matt and his partner Rebecca are great at taking the time to chat with people and answer their questions. It’s amazing how many people have some experi-ence with twins, whether they are one them-selves, have their own who are now grown, or have siblings or friends who are twins. Many people are in awe and are quick to wish good luck to the sleep-deprived new parents. So

far, so good. We’ll see how charmed people are when these little gals are toddlers having a double tantrum in the grocery line-up. Nah, that’ll never happen!

So, what can you do to help out when you’re the grandparent of twins? Based on my limited experience, the answer is “anything.” There’s no doubt that your efforts are appreci-ated, and you don’t have to tiptoe around the new parents wondering if your help is really wanted or not. It is. When you visit you can

bring food, toys, clothes, diapers or formula. Chances are that the babies will end up nurs-ing from bottles either part- or full-time, so you can sit and gaze at their little faces while feeding them, help with burping and rocking and changing diapers. You can clean or cook, run errands or let the parents get out of the house for a welcome break.

The first couple of times I visited overnight, I offered to take on the 2 a.m. feeding so Rebecca could get a stretch of uninterrupted sleep.

After Matt and I finished the 11 p.m. feeding, I settled on the air mattress in the living room with the babies nearby in their bassinets. What followed was a bit of a juggling act that went something like this:

It’s close to 2 a.m. and I hear the first snuf-fling noises of a baby waking up. It’s for real this time, not like the first few times I’ve leapt up at the sound of a small cry only to find both babies lying perfectly still in their bassinets with their eyes solidly shut. I prepare a bottle,

settle on the couch with Emma and give her a 10-minute starter feed. Sophia is now rustling around and waking up, but I know she’ll wait patiently for a few minutes. I get a burp out of Emma, lay her sleepy little body on the couch, then prepare the second bottle and pick up Sophia who is just starting to protest. She’s quickly calmed by the bottle, and I quietly stroke Emma’s downy little head and pat her back while Sophie gets her first 10-minute stint. Then it’s time for Sophie’s burp and lie down, Emma’s diaper change and the rest of her bottle. A little cuddle and back into the bassinet with her. Now change Sophie’s diaper, give her the rest of her bottle, and get her tucked into her bassinet. Now wheel them both into the master bedroom, and my shift is done. Yes! Mission accomplished smoothly in about an hour, and I settle back down to sleep feeling quite pleased with myself.

I’ve also looked after the babies while Re-becca takes a much needed nap, and I know that her mom, Laurie, babysat while Matt and Rebecca went out to a movie one night and out to dinner another night. Wow—a couple of date nights before your twin babies are past the two-month stage. Good for them. I don’t think I went on a date night for years after starting my family!

I suppose I should advise that you not com-pare twins, but I don’t really see how that’s possible when you have two babies. How can you not peer back and forth from one to the other, taking note of Emma’s more extreme facial expressions and tightly held body as compared to Sophia’s relaxed features and easygoing manner? We all joke about how

Mada Moilliet

So, what can you do to help out when you’re the grandparent of twins? Based on my limited experience, the answer is “anything.”

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Emma is more definite in voicing her needs while Sophia tends to be more patient and cries more quietly. But we’re not judging them or labeling them for life. We can already see that things change daily as they develop and grow, and we’ll love them for whoever they are.

I do think about how Matt and Rebecca will cope as the babies grow. So far they’re tired but are totally enamored with their two little daughters. They’ve made their way through those difficult first weeks where you’re trying

to figure out what your baby (times 2!) needs, how to feed, burp, diaper, bathe and soothe them. They’re doing a great job of looking after each other as well, so that’s a good start.

I know there will be worries about finances, just as there are in many young families, but thank goodness for things like maternity leave (which we didn’t have when I was a new mother), and generous monthly child tax benefit payments. And something I can do as a grandparent is help start an RESP fund for each of the babies. It may not be much but at least it will get them started and get the parents thinking about what contributions they can manage as well.

The opinions vary from other parents of twins about which stages are easiest and which are most difficult. Matt and Rebecca are quickly learning to take other people’s stories with a grain of salt and enjoy the stage they’re at right now. And me? Well it’s easy for me—I get to coo and cuddle these little sweeties to my heart’s content, and then I wave goodbye at the door and leave the daily responsibility of raising them to their parents! Mada Moilliet is thrilled to be Granny to Sophia and Emma, Oskar and Thea in Sooke, and Ellie in Fort St. John.


The wisdom of grandparents is vast, influen-tial and powerful. They bring life experienc-

es and perspective gained only through living. They have so much to offer their grandchildren in regards to life skills. Think back to your own grandparents; what are your memories? When I asked a few grandparents to share stories about their connection with their grandchildren, they described the great love they have for them, and how they are grounded by their innocence, vulnerability and joy for life. One grandparent shared that her grandchildren are her “great teachers.” The intergenerational sharing and learning from each other is profound.

As a grandparent, what skills and abilities have you gained over your lifetime? Are you a great cook, carpenter, fisherman, gardener, seamstress, painter, hiker, kayaker, artist, crafter? These are your legacies, the things your grandchildren can learn from you.

Many grandparents shared the joy and peace they experience in being a grandparent as they are able to connect with the children without many of the stresses they experienced when they were parenting—stresses such as sleep deprivation, discipline, rushing around to and from activities, meal prep and bedtimes. This different connection to grandchildren can cre-ate a more casual and celebratory connection, which is wonderful in many ways. However, many parents are concerned that this can lead to grandparents “spoiling” their grandchildren with special foods, meals and outings.

Children often ask for treats, meals out and candy. As dietitians and promoters of healthy relationships with food, those of us at VIHA like to remind folks that it is the adult’s role to decide which foods children should be offered, to best nourish their minds, bodies and spirits. Children only grow up once, they only have the first few years of their lives to lay their nutritional foundation and make healthy connections to food. It is the child’s role to decide whether to eat and how much to eat, from the foods offered at that meal or snack time.

How we show love is a key part of our nature and how we engage with others in this world.

Also, we show love through the ways we have been shown love. Sometimes grandparents give sweet treats to children because this is how love was shown to them. But this can cause children to eat too much unhealthy food, and can set up a pattern of “I’m good, so I deserve a sweet treat” type of thinking.

When we think about the powerful place grandparents have as role models to their grandchildren, the quote from Michael Pollen comes to mind…“Don’t eat anything your great grandmother would not recognize as food.” The foods that are advertised to children are often not foods that our great grandparents would recognize. We know so many are full of sugar, fat and salt. Instead, we can encourage making connections around foods that are nourishing.

A Grandparent’s Influence

Fiona Devereaux

Child, Youth & Family

Public HealthSouth Island Health Units

Esquimalt 250-519-5311

GulfIslands 250-539-3099(toll-free number for office in Saanichton)

Peninsula 250-544-2400

Saanich 250-519-5100

SaltspringIsland 250-538-4880

Sooke 250-642-5464

Victoria 250-388-2200

WestShore 250-519-3490

Central Island Health UnitsDuncan 250-709-3050

Ladysmith 250-755-3342

LakeCowichan 250-749-6878

Nanaimo 250-755-3342

NanaimoPrincessRoyal 250-755-3342

Parksville/Qualicum 250-947-8242

PortAlberni 250-731-1315

Tofino 250-725-4020

North Island Health UnitsCampbellRiver 250-850-2110

Courtenay 250-331-8520

KyuquotHealthCtr 250-332-5289

‘NamgisHealthCtr 250-974-5522

PortHardy 250-902-6071

www.viha.ca/prevention_services/

Healthy Families, Happy Families

13IslandParent.ca

Are you a grandparent raising a grand-child—full time? Do you know someone who has become the primary caregiver for their grandchild or other relative?Parent Support Services Society of BC supports grandfamilies with:· GRG Support Circles: A free, safe environment to connect

with others who are raising their grandkids or other kin, talk about successes, stress and worries, receive support.

· GRG Support Circles on the Island: Victoria, Duncan, Nanaimo, Parksville, Courtenay.

· Resources, workshops· A Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Support Line

(only one in Canada) which provides support, advocacy and resource information to grandparents and other relatives raising a family member’s child. [email protected] 1-855-474-9777

For Support Circle meeting times, locations, info call

250-468-9658 or 1-877-345-9777

Email [email protected] or visit parentsupportbc.ca(We also offer support circles

for parents)Watch for our

Grandparents Day events (Sept 11): Celebrate all

grandparents, raise awareness and funds for our work with

grandfamilies. To find out about events near you go to

grgstroll.caProtecting the safety and wellbeing

of children since 1974

Like many other aspects of our society, we have moved from food prep at our home to eating out more often. This can impact the memories we create with our grandchildren. What are the memories you want to create with your grandchild? Do you think that the foundations you set for memories will impact them for the rest of their lives? You are one of the most profound role models they will have in their lives.

Here are some ways to connect with your grandchildren that will nourish their minds, bodies and spirits:

• Read together • Cook or bake delicious and healthy foods

together• Fish, hunt or harvest seafood together• Visit a park or playground, take a picnic

lunch• Play bocce or horseshoes outside in a park

or at the beach• Buy matching water bottles—one for each

of you—and fill them with healthy drinks • Go camping or hiking• Canoe or kayak• Go biking with a stop for a warm beverage,

for example warm skim milk with chocolate sprinkles

• Eat healthy nourishing foods together• Pack healthy snacks for outings, for ex-

ample: trail mix, fruits, and veggies • Share your skills around art, crafts and

gardening• Take sports equipment to the park and

on outings• Eat and drink sensibly • Be active together• Replace screen time with green time—be

out in nature, plant a garden, go for a hikeAlthough it may be tempting, try not to give

food as a reward or to show love. This will help children learn that food is nourishment, and that there are other ways to receive and show love and to meet their emotional needs.

For many people food and family are inti-mately connected. Today’s families often have a difficult task when it comes to preserving this connection. Documenting family recipes keeps part of the legacy of our relatives and loved ones alive. Remembering, collecting, recording and passing down family recipes and their stories are wonderful ways to save and honour our heritage so future generations can continue to pass down and preserve the flavour of our home-cooked culinary heritage. Fiona Devereaux is a Registered Dietitian with Island Health in Aboriginal Health. She is so grateful and honoured to be able to work on Coast Salish Territory.

Island Grandparent 2016/2017

Get Grandkid EquippedProviding care for your grandchildren or getting ready for a family visit is exciting, but getting up-to-date on the latest in kids’ gear can be a daunting task. Lyra McLean, co-owner of Momease Baby Boutique, has compiled some suggestions of baby and children’s gear items to help you get prepared and make the most of your family time with the least amount of fuss!

Sleep Time• Portable bed, playard or cot for nap time or

sleepovers. Having a portable bed at the ready can be a huge lifesaver for weary travellers and also saves the expense and hassle of transport. The well-designed playards of today (formerly called playpens), feature easy one-step set up and take down, and often come equipped with great extras like bassinets for infants or change pads for diapering on the move. The Baby Bjorn Play Yard Light is simple to set up, ultra lightweight, and folds compactly into an included travel bag for easy portability.

• Night light and white noise machine. Help create that comfortable home-away-from-home environment with a nightlight and white noise machine. The Skip Hop Moonlight and Melodies Owl Nightlight Soother works as both, turning any room into a serene sleep space with its optional night light or star projections on the ceiling, plus eight peaceful lullaby or white noise options to help soothe little ones into a dreamy sleep.

Bath Time When it comes to bath time, there are a

number of handy products to make this a fun and enjoyable experience all around.

Baby bathtub. If you’re in need of a bathtub for a baby or younger toddler, the collapsible

Feeding Time• Having a portable or slim-folding high

chair is a great way to incorporate your grandchild into family mealtime. Look for a chair that is easy to setup, simple to clean and has a compact storage capability. Check out the Perch portable high chair from Canadian company Guzzie+GUSS, which also works wonders in restaurants or attached to a picnic table for that trip to Gyro beach.

• Child-friendly feeding utensils. The award-winning Num Num Dips GOOtensils are a great way to introduce those first solid foods and there’s no wrong way to hold them.

• Table (and floor!) ware. For an older toddler, check out the Sugar Booger Suction Plates to help keep dining room messes to a minimum. Laying the Sugar Booger Splat Mat under your grandchild’s high chair is also a great way to enjoy a mess-free family mealtime and it wipes down easily with a damp cloth for a fuss-free clean up.

• Bibs. Keep clothes clean with a smock-style bib to catch those stray peas or messy bananas. Canadian-company Goo Goo Baby makes a unique laminated bib with sleeves that pulls double-duty as an awesome craft smock once your little one discovers the paint brush.

• Sippy cups. For a spill-free beverage ex-perience, the WOW Cups offer an innovative 360˚ drinking surface with a leak-proof design that will have you raving.

• Ice pop molds. If family is visit-ing in the summer heat, consider picking up the Silicone Ice Pop Molds from Kinderville. This set of child-friendly popsicle molds turns any homemade fruit puree or juice into a cool treat on a hot day.

Reusable cloth wipes. Natural options include bamboo and organic cotton and both wash up well for long-term use.

15IslandParent.ca

Abra-Kid-AbraEverything for Kids

2005 Oak Bay Ave, Victoria, BC778-265-5430

At Abra-Kid-Abra you’ll find “Every-thing for Kids” along with caring and helpful service from our knowl-edgeable staff.

We sell a variety of new products including children’s apparel, dress-up, dance, swim and sunwear, hats, shoes, toys, baby layette and much, much more!

Have you checked our consignment section? We have a fabulous selection of gently-used secondhand clothing, baby equipment and toys.

Do you have visitors coming? Use our rental services for baby furniture, strollers, car seats, etc. Book early to avoid disappointment.

Sprouts Hooded Towels are sure to put a smile on everyone’s faces.

Travel Time Car seat. If you’ll be transporting a baby

on a regular basis, you may want to invest in an infant car seat or even just an extra base that stays in your vehicle and can be used as needed with your grandchild’s main infant seat. For an older child, the made-in-Canada

Clek Olli backless booster seat makes installing a cinch by easily locking into place using your vehicle’s UAS anchorage system. Removal is also a breeze with the Quick Release System located on the front of the booster seat, just tug the strap to release.

Lightweight stroller. A compact and light-weight stroller can make travel time with grandchildren a whole lot easier to handle. There are a number of fabulous lightweight options out there, including the UPPAbaby G-LUXE stroller. This ultra lightweight umbrella-style stroller boasts a quick and easy fold, an extended sun canopy, and a removable and washable seat liner that makes stroller clean-up a breeze. Momease Baby Boutique owners Lyra and Adam McLean are parents to three busy boys. Stop by and say hi at their Matticks Farm store, or visit their new second location at 1581 Hillside Avenue across from Hillside Centre.

Boon Naked is the perfect option. With set-tings for newborns and toddlers, the Boon Naked also folds flat and comes with a hook for easy storage between baths.

Natural skin and haircare. For a simple all-in-one cleansing solution, check out the safe and natural Hair and Body Wash from the Honest Company. Free of parabens, sulfates and other harmful additives, the entire Honest Company product line up offers a natural solution for bath time, home care and diapering that the whole family can feel good about.

Bath toys. Keep the little ones excited for their baths with playful bath toys from Boon. Take a whimsical fishing trip with the Boon Cast bath toy, or navigate the bubbly waters with the Skip Hop Zoo Light Up Surfers bath set.

Towels. Cap off the whole bathtime ex-perience with a hooded terry towel from Canadian company 3 Sprouts. Available in popular animal characters like Blue Walrus, Purple Hippo and Yellow Monkey, the 3


Memories are funny things.My own childhood memories are a

case in point. I have recollections from a very young age, but they aren’t really the sort of flashbacks that one sees in film. For one thing, there’s no playback of actual events, complete with dialogue, no consecutive action strip of any kind. It’s fuzzier than that.

In one flashback, I recall walking to visit my friend who lived a few houses down the street. I think I was about four years old, but I can’t tell you what happened when I got there, or what occurred just prior to me embarking on the walk. I just remember the walk, trying not to step on sidewalk cracks and worrying about the German shepherd down the block. And I remember that someone had mowed their lawn and how I loved the smell.

But is what I remember an actual event, or is it just an amalgam of the hundreds of times I made that walk, or the thousand times I’ve smelled freshly mown grass?

Now you might be thinking how it’s natural to have holes in one’s memories, particularly those formed at a very young age. But in truth my later memories, memories of raising my children for example, aren’t that different. I recall their birth in a sort of hazy blur of fear, an-ticipation, exhilaration and fatigue. I remem-ber the feeling of crushing responsibility the first time I held my daughter and realized how real it all was and how, now, another human being was depending on me to be a grown-up.

And I remember how I loved my kids and shared their triumphs and felt their pains as I watched them grow.

But ask me to recount an exact event from their childhood and the memories aren’t coherent memories but more in the nature of flashback scenes. I recall racing with them down the beach, slowing myself to ensure that they beat me by a step to the finish line we’d scratched in the sand. I can still see and hear how they laughed. I recall the warm kiss of the sunshine and my own feeling of joy as I watched triumph play across their faces.

All of my memories are like that: they are a hazy mixture of sight, sound, odors and, most importantly, emotion. I recall my children’s tears without recalling why they cried and their laughter without knowing the joke.

This brings me round to my grandchildren. My granddaughter is seven years old now,

and I have been a part of her world on a nearly

daily basis for most of her life. She is the most incredible little person, and I love her in a way that I never thought possible. And yet, I have trouble recalling a lot of the specifics of the times we’ve spent together.

Thanks to the invention of smart phones, these days I do have a small library of film clips to augment my rather blurry memories, and I watch those videos often. There are action clips of my granddaughter as she conquered walking on the rocks at the playground and videos of her on swings. I can see her pride as she participated in Christmas concerts and there’s a video of her looking for Easter candy. In another, her tongue is sticking out just beyond her lips as she struggles to master her crayon. I even made a video of her first bike ride, documenting her uncertain progress

Trade All of My Tomorrows

Tim Collins

17IslandParent.ca

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The difference you make could be life itself

after I finally let go of the bike and sent her wobbling on her way. That video also shows her falling and looking to me to pick her up and tell her that falling was okay so long as you get up and try again.

But video clips aside, my real memories of my granddaughter have more to do with feel-ings than the recollection of events.

When I think of her I remember watch-ing her sleep—I couldn’t tell you when or where—and marveling at her innocence and boundless potential. I remember the sound of her breathing and how I made a silent wish that life treat her gently. I also remember the flutter of her eyelids as she woke for a moment, saw me, and smiled before going back to sleep.

All that said, it has occurred to me that I’m not going to be around forever, and that my granddaughter will likely grow up with the same sort of disjointed memories that I have of most of my own life. She is unlikely to recall many of the things I’ve said to her, but I believe she’ll likely recall the tone of voice I used and the feelings that tone reflected. I hope it’s been mostly positive, hopeful and loving.

My granddaughter may not remember the games we played or how I taught her to swim, but I believe that she’ll probably remember that we laughed and how she never had to worry about failing so long as Grandpa was around.

So maybe that’s the lesson that memories have to teach us as we interact with the little slices of immortality our grandchildren rep-resent. The fact is, they probably won’t recall many actual events of their childhoods, but I believe they will remember the sensations, the emotions and whether Grandpa smiled—and made them smile—a lot.

And while I’m no wiser now than I was when I was much younger, I do know that memories like these aren’t built from little slices of “quality time.” The building blocks of those memories are placed as you read to your grandchildren, or play with them, or have a funny face contest or just talk. Unfortunately the opposite is also true; memories are built if you ignore your grandchildren or miss a chance to spend time together. The choice is really up to you.

So do yourself a favour. Make sure the memories you’re helping to build are full of laughter, hope and unconditional love. Do that and in years to come when your grandchildren think back to Grandpa and Grandma, they may just smile. Tim Collins is a writer and freelance journalist living and working in Victoria.


Pique Your Natural Curiosity

There is a whole world of natural and cultural history to explore at our nature centres at Witty’s Lagoon, Francis/King and Elk/Beaver Lake Regional Parks.

We offer outings and activities for nature lovers of all ages in every season, such as guided nature

walks & hikes, drop-in events & canoeing.

Most are free. All are fun!

Capital Regional District | Regional [email protected]

See the full calendar at www.crd.bc.ca/parks.

The ultimate Hair Salon, Shoppe & Party Place!• Haircuts for Girls & Boys• Fun Spa Services• Ear Piercing• Make Your Own Spa Products• Bead Your Own Bracelet Bar• Unique Gifts & Products• Parties, Camps & Special Events

Shelbourne Plaza, 3655 Shelbourne St 250 590 5568 lizzyleeandme.com

By now, most people have at least heard of—maybe even tried—geocaching. But

for those of you who are saying “Geocaching? What’s that?” let me explain.

Geocaching is a “treasure” hunting game that is being played by three million people of all ages, all over the world. Now you may be thinking, “Oh no, not another computer game.” Au contraire, my friends. This game will get you and your family out into the parks and on the trails that so richly endow Vancouver Island.

Basically, we geocachers hide small, weath-er-proof containers in some of our favourite places, use a GPS to get co-ordinates for the hiding place, and post those co-ordinates along with a description of the hide on Geocaching.com. Then, armed with their own GPS, or just using an app on a smart phone, other geocach-ers sally forth to find the cache. When they do, they sign the log book included with the cache and then go to Geocaching.com to log their find and share their adventure.

The vast majority of geocaches are this kind of straightforward hide-and-seek cache, but there are others.

With “Earth Caches” there is no hidden container; instead the co-ordinates will take you to an interesting geological site, perhaps to find glacial striations. To log an Earth Cache as a find (and gain another smiley face on your Geocaching map) you need to answer some questions posed by the cache owner to prove that you have visited the site and understand what you saw there.

Other caches, called “Mystery Caches,” ask you to solve a puzzle to find the correct co-ordinates. Sometimes these are easy, sometimes not so easy, but they are always fun if you enjoy puzzles.

Another type of cache that has no container to find is called an Event Cache. With Event Caches, anywhere from 10 to 5,000 cachers gather to swap stories, share caching chat, get help solving puzzles and generally enjoy each others’ company. Often these are Cache In Trash Out (CITO) events. The object of a CITO event is to get a park or a roadside

Grand Geocaching

Anne Lowan

19IslandParent.ca

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cleaned up, and may involve gathering garbage or removing invasive species such as ivy and blackberries. After all, these are the parks we love to play in—it makes sense for us to help look after them.

Caches may be tiny, and only have a roll of paper for signing, or they may be large and contain toys or other small, inexpensive items for the children to trade. The rule there is “If you take something out, you must leave something of equal or greater value for the next visitors to enjoy,” so it’s always a good idea if you’re caching with children to carry a stock of small items with you.

Some Caching Facts:• Caches are rated from 1 to 5 for difficulty

and terrain. A “1 terrain cache” is wheelchair accessible, while a “5 terrain” may require, for example, a boat or climbing equipment.

• There are now more than 1.4 million ac-tive caches world-wide. (We tend to holiday in areas that show up on the Geocaching map as they tend to have plenty of great hik-ing trails and plenty of interesting caches). Vancouver Island has a large and enthusiastic caching community, and thousands of caches throughout the Island attract tourists from all over the world.

• BC Parks supports geocaching and has placed caches in every one of B.C.’s parks.

• There is a cache beside the Saanich police station that was hidden there by the Saanich Police Force. So if you were worried about the legality of placing caches on public property you can stop worrying!

• Geocaching is free. You do need at least a smart phone, but there’s a free geocaching app, and basic membership is free. A premium membership costs $35 a year, and gives you access to more of the caches, and really cool bells and whistles, but isn’t necessary for a beginner.

• We and many of our grandparenting friends love taking grandchildren out on cach-ing adventures. Come rain or shine, there’s always something fun to do with them, and we found with ours that they especially enjoy introducing their friends to the game.

Interested in checking it out? Go to Geo-caching.com and explore the site. Hope to see you and your young people on the trails soon. Anne Lowan is a proud mother of two and grandmother of four, all of whom live in the Victoria area. She and her husband, John, have a small chicken farm, love hanging out with the children (aged 11 to 20), and are enthusiastic hikers and geocachers.


Bond Over BooksThe 21st century library has kept up with the times. Gone are the days of shushing and card

catalogues, today’s library is a tech-savvy space, an incubator of ideas—it’s your place to connect, discover and imagine.

Here—from Greater Victoria Public Library— are some recommendations for you to ex-plore with your grandchildren. Through library resources such as books, movies, music and more, you can curl up with your grandson, cozy up with your granddaughter, and bond over the magic of learning together.

Age 0 to 3Frog and Toad (series) by Arnold Lobel.

Each book in this humorous and touching series sees Frog and Toad share in five stories revealing that despite their differences, these friends can depend on each other.

Skill Builder Adaptive Toy Kits. Borrow these kits filled with fun toys and help your grandchild develop fine motor and gross motor skills, communication and hand-eye coordina-tion. Kits come in three sizes; toys have been specially selected for kids with developmental and physical challenges.

Babybug. An award-winning magazine with joyful illustrations, Baby Bug presents short stories and poems perfect for reading aloud. Borrow a physical copy from the library, or swipe through the pages of the digital issue on the Zinio for Libraries app on your tablet.

The Bus is for Us! by Michael Rosen. Tod-dlers move quickly, so it’s no wonder they like things that go! Capture your grandchild’s delight at riding anything with wheels, and indulge in flights of fancy by hitching a ride on a cloud.

Age 4 to 7The Dot by Peter Reynolds. Vashti believes

that she cannot draw until her art teacher’s encouragement changes her mind—it all be-gins with one little dot. Available in English and Mandarin.

Puppets-to-Go Kits. Each summer, GVPL’s free puppet shows are the most well-attended programs of the year. The Puppets-to-Go kits keep the magic alive year-round. Kits contain puppets and storybooks. Puppets are chosen to match the stories. Choose from bunnies, chickens, dragons, dogs and more.

I Can Make That! by Mary Wallace. Read a book and make a craft together. This craft book will spark your creativity with crafts manageable for young artists.

Ladybug. Inspire the imagination of kids who love stories and adventure. Colourful illustrations engage children; ear-pleasing poems are fun to read aloud. Borrow a physi-cal copy from the library, or swipe through the pages of the digital issue on the Zinio for Libraries app on your tablet.

Age 7 to 10Canadian Flyer series by Frieda Wishin-

sky. Travel on the Titanic, dig for gold, save a whale. Adventure awaits in this Canadian series. Borrow one of the books from the library, or read-along using TumbleBooks, a digital resource, that animates books with sound and music. Read together, or choose the narrated option.

Readers-to-Go Kits. Help your grandchild read with Readers to Go kits, featuring a selection of about 10 books chosen to assist with early literacy. Kits available in English and French.

Amulet series by Kazu KibuishiThis graphic novel series follows Emily

Hayes’s discovery of a magical amulet. Along with her younger brother and mother, the trio enter the fictional world of Alledia and are recruited to defeat the Elf King.

Chickadee. Chickadee magazine, a Canadian publication, sparks a thirst for knowledge and discovery, helping kids understand the world around them—and perhaps reminding grandparents of facts they’ve long forgotten. Together, explore articles, stories, puzzles and science experiments. Borrow a physical copy from the library, or swipe through the pages of the digital issue on the Zinio for Libraries app on your tablet.

Age 10 to 12Fortunately, the Milk by Neil Gaman.

Experience the action and adventure of Dad’s journey to buy milk for the kids while Mom’s away on business. Meet a time-travelling dinosaur, the queen of pirates, and a host of other creatures that interfere with Dad’s quick trip to the store.

Owl. Owl gives ’tweens access to science, tech, and cultural information in a way they’ll love: quizzes, comics, interviews and hands-on activities. Borrow a physical copy from the library, or swipe through the pages of the digital issue on the Zinio for Libraries app on your tablet.

Mark of the Thief by Jennifer A. Nielsen. Nic, a slave in ancient Rome, enters a sealed cavern containing Julius Caesar’s treasure and a magical—and deadly powerful—amulet. As Rome nears civil war, Nic must harness the amulet’s magic to stop the rebellion, save Rome and, with a bit of luck, secure his own freedom. The second book in this series, Rise of the Wolf, was released in 2016.

Three Ways to BorrowGVPL offers Frog and Toad as a book, CD and ebook for downloading right from home using eResources Overdrive and 3M Cloud Library.

Bring Books to LifeInspire your grandchild with a visit to the Art Gallery of Greater Victoria or the Bateman Centre. You can borrow passes to these museums with your GVPL library card.

En FrancaisBiblio enfants is a digital resource like TumbleBooks, with animated stories in French. For a bit of fun about eating your greens, try La malédiction petits pois by Lili Chartrand.

Two Ways to BorrowGVPL offers Fortunately, the Milk as a book and ebook for downloading right from home using eResources Overdrive and 3M Cloud Library.

Four Ways to BorrowGVPL offers Mark of the Thief as a book, ebook for downloading right from home using eResources Overdrive and 3M Cloud Library, e-audiobook on eResource Hoopla and audiobook on CD.

21IslandParent.ca

#102 – 2517 Bowen RoadNanaimo 888.390.1775

Toys, Games& Puzzlesfor All Ages

Kool Toys &Teaching Tools koolandchild.com

I Am Malala Young Reader’s Edition by Malala Yousafzai. I Am Malala is the memoir of a remarkable teenage girl who risked her life for the right to go to school in Pakistan. Th is e-audiobook version has been adapted for young readers. Download using eResource Overdrive or 3M Cloud Overdrive and listen on road trips or sunny aft ernoons in the garden.

Age 13 PlusTh e Ward by Jordana Frankel. Th e world

has been ravaged by global warming. In Man-hattan, 16-year-old Renata is trying to save her sister from a deadly disease and accepts a secret mission to fi nd freshwater, hoping it will lead to a cure. She uncovers a web of lies and a mystery hidden beneath the surface.

Climate Action To Go Kits. If Th e Wardinspires an interest in climate change, GVPL’s Climate Action To Go kits contain books for further reading and tools to test your home’s energy effi ciency.

Stand-Off by Andrew Winger. Ryan Dean West is chosen as captain of the rugby team in his last year of high school—if only he could stay out of trouble. Th is book is a sequel but can be read as a stand-alone. It’s funny and showcases good rugby action.

Ghost World by Daniel Clowes. High school seniors Enid and Rebecca take a wry look at the world as they decide what they really want. When Enid befriends an off -beat, middle-aged man, and Rebecca focuses her attention on a romantic fi xation, the girls’ friendship is changed.

Outlaws, Spies and Gangsters: Chasing Notorious Criminals by Laura Scandiffi o. A mad trapper, a cyber thief and a terrorist are three of the eight real-life villains to explore in this book with original illustrations. Learn what it takes to be on a dangerous manhunt to capture the world’s most wanted criminals.•

Exercise for Mind & BodyWith a GVPL library card, you can bor-row passes to recreation centres around Greater Victoria. Borrow Stand-Off as an e-audiobook through 3M Cloud Library and listen to it while working out.

Two Ways to ExperienceRead the Ghost World comic strip by Dan-iel Clowes, borrow the movie on DVD, or stream it through eResource Hoopla, available from home.


23IslandParent.ca

The Greater Victoria Public Library offers free technical support programs to help

you move from technophobe to technophile with the click of a few buttons.

One-on-One SessionsGVPL offers 30-minute, one-on-one tech

sessions catered to your needs. If you’d like help with computers—email, signing up for social media, bookmarking your favourite sites, or using GVPL’s digital collections—library staff will help you on one of the library’s computers.

If you’d like help with another piece of tech-nology like a tablet, fitness tracker or digital camera, you’ll need to bring your own device to ensure you’re getting better acquainted with the piece of technology in question.

Computer ClassesUsing a mouse, opening a web browser,

learning the parts of the computer—these topics and more are covered in GVPL’s group com-puter classes. Beginners of all ages will learn the workings of the computer and how to use Mi-crosoft Word and navigate the Internet. Some specialty classes are also offered: learning how to sell items on UsedVictoria.com; using social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter, and searching an online genealogical database.

For many of these classes, participants will be at their own computers, clicking, typing and mousing along with the instructor. This hands-on class will help you feel more at ease with a keyboard under your fingertips and will build your confidence as you explore tech.

Tech BuddiesLearn tech skills from teenage tech wizards

with GVPL’s Tech Buddies. You will be matched with a teen volunteer who has attended a GVPL volunteer training session. Tech Buddies takes place over a series of three one-on-one sessions.

Bring your gadget, and cover topics like the Internet, email, smartphones, social media and digital cameras—you choose the topics, and let your teen buddy guide you through the one-hour sessions.

Tech Buddies is a great opportunity for the teens, too; you will be helping them earn volunteer hours.

For more information or to register for the above programs, please visit gvpl.ca or call 250-940-4875.

Quality Screen Time

Aspengrove SchoolGrandparents Welcome

Learn more 250 390-2201AspengroveSchool.ca

NANAIMO’S JK-12 INTERNATIONAL BACCALAUREATE WORLD SCHOOL


Butchart Gardens…offers 55 acres of sunken gardens, rose gardens, Japanese gardens,

Italian gardens along with a Children’s Pavillion & Rose Carousel.

There’s a Living Fossils Walk, a Family Walk, a boat tour, Night

Illuminations and, in the summer on Saturday nights, a

spectacular fireworks display. You’ll also find 55 acres

worth of garden paths, perfect for exploring and

expending some of your grandkids’ endless energy.

Stop by the coffee shop after to re-fuel.

Shaw Centre for the Salish Sea…is a state-of-the-art aquarium and marine education centre in Sidney that focuses on the amazing ecosystem of the Salish Sea. Visit the touch pools to shake hands with a sea urchin, see the huge aquaria teeming with marine life, learn about essential life forms such as algae, plankton and amazing jellies. Th ere are a variety of workshops and classes to choose from, guided tours, scavenger hunts, Tot Tuesdays, and Sea Shirt Sundays, along with other kids’ activities. oceandiscovery.ca

Saanich Fair…is a must for the whole family on Labour Day weekend, Saturday Sept 3, 4 and 5. Drop by the Saanich Fairgrounds, where fun, food and fantastic meet. Th ere’s a variety of things for people of all ages to see and do including 5,000 exhibits, dog and horse shows, concessions with an ethnic fl air, carnival and games, pumpkin and duct tape contests, and live entertainment. As always, the Fair features numerous free attractions (with entrance). Admission is $13 for adults, $8 for seniors and youth, kids 6 and under are free. saanichfair.ca

Royal BC Museum & IMAX…are living large! It’s the summer of Mammoths:

Giants of the Ice Age at the Royal BC Museum.

See Lyuba, a 40,000 year-old baby woolly mam-

moth and walk through the ancient landscapes

where mammoths and mastodons lived. While

you’re at the museum, see a movie at the IMAX

Th eatre, an incredible immersive cinematic

experience with a projected area of more than

six stories high and 85' wide. Th is summer, catch

Mammoths: Titans of the Ice Age, A Beautiful

Planet, and Jungle Book, among other movies.

royalbcmuseum.bc.ca, imaxvictoria.com

Here…

Things to Do With Your GrandkidsFor more ideas and a fun map of the Island, pick up a copy of the Kids Guide toVancouver Island at Tourist Info Centres or at your local recreation centre.10

Pacific Rim Whale Fest…runs from March 12–27 in Tofino andUcluelet and around the Pacific Rim NationalPark Reserve. It’s an all-out celebration oflife on the coast! It’s about grey whales andmarine life education, inspirational talks andinterpretive walks, children’s fun, culinaryevents, First Nations cultural workshopsand more—come and experience a coastal tradition! pacificrimwhalefestival.com

Shaw Centre for the Salish Sea

5. Drop by the Saanich Fairgrounds, where fun, food and fantastic meet. Th ere’s a variety of things for people of all ages to see and do including 5,000 exhibits, dog and horse shows, concessions with an ethnic fl air,

Things to Do With Your Grandkids

25IslandParent.caIslandParent.ca

&

Coombs Market…offers so much to see under, beside and ON the roof. Watch the goats grazing on the environmen-tally-friendly “green roof ” and then step inside the market to peruse a compendium of curious and an assortment of international edibles. Close by you’ll find old country stores including Chinese antiques, Wabisabi Boardwear, Cuckoo’s Trattoria and Pizzaria and a garden store. Down the roadis Little Qualicum Falls and Butterfly World.oldcountrymarket.com

Chemainus Theatre…presents its 2016 Kidzplay, Pet the Fish and

Other Impossible Tales, for the young and young-

at-heart. Josephine dreams. She remembers a

time long ago when her mother told fantastic

stories about life under the sea and shared her

dreams. Th ose happy, hopeful days have been

lost—so Josephine goes to fi nd them. Help them

make it back home in time to dream again! July

16–August 13. chemainustheatrefestival.ca

Parksville Sandcastle Competition

…draws world class master sand sculptors who create incredible works

of art. This year’s competition and exhibition takes place July 9-August

16. Once the masterpieces have been completed (from just sand and water,

and a lot of ingenuity!) and judged, the site is open to the public. Wander

through starting on July 10 at 2pm (then open 9am-9pm daily, starting

July 11). parksvillebeachfest.ca

Victoria Butterfly Gardens…invites you enjoy the beauty of hundreds of exotic butter-fl ies fl ying free in their own tropical rainforest environment. Wander through the orchid exhibit or carnivorous plant section. You’ll also see colourful fi sh and tropical birds. Th e on-site naturalists are full of fascinating facts and will answer your questions. 1461 Benvenuto Avenue in Brentwood Bay. Open daily 10am-5pm. butterfl ygardens.com

Sidney Spit

…is a beautiful spot for a summer day trip if you want to see

sandy beaches, tidal flats, salt marshes, rolling meadows,

forest paths and various wildlife. Pack a picnic, your sun-

screen, bathing suits and towels, and take the foot-passenger

ferry from Sidney (at the bottom of Beacon Ave) to Sidney

Island. For a ferry schedule (starting in May) and rates,

visit alpinegroup.ca.

&&There

Sidney Spit

…is a beautiful spot for a summer day trip if you want to see Victoria Butterfly Gardens

There


Before I became a grandparent, I never re-ally thought about what it would be like

to have grandchildren. Even when my two sons were young men, I still thought of them as “my boys.” In some ways, it seemed like I had just finished raising them. And so I was thoroughly unprepared for the news I received at our family Christmas dinner in 2013. Look-ing back, I should have known something was up. The clues were all there—they just went completely over my head. Only a few years out of university, they were both busy build-ing careers, hanging out with their friends, and traveling.

That Christmas, we had all agreed to meet at a restaurant downtown, my two sons and their fiancées. Notoriously early for everything, I ar-rived in plenty of time only to find my older son already waiting inside. Strange, I thought. He is never on time, let alone early, but I shrugged off my shock as I was just happy to see him. I also noticed he seemed quieter than usual, but I simply assumed he’d had a busy week. I don’t know how I missed the next clue: while the rest of us enjoyed a Christmas drink, his fiancée ordered a glass of…pop.

As soon as we were settled, my older son, then 27, handed me a beautifully-wrapped box and asked that I open it. We never open presents until Christmas morning so how I missed the significance of his request is beyond me. My mindset I’m afraid was elsewhere. You see, I was convinced the present was a charm bracelet I had been shamelessly hinting about for months. You can imagine my shock when I lifted the lid and my eyes fell on the box’s contents: a little pair of newborn baby socks.

For the first time in my life, I was actually rendered speechless. I’m sure my jaw dropped. Stupidly, I blinked a couple of times, convinced that a bracelet was in there somewhere. I still remember exactly what I said: “You’re kidding, right?” The look my son gave me answered my question; it was a mixture of worry, excite-ment, pride, and downright fear even though he’d had three months to digest the news. My next comment made us all laugh: “But how can this happen?”

Becoming aGrandmother

Susan GnucciBE MORE THAN A VOLUNTEER,

BE A LEADER FOR YOUR COMMUNITY

Fun isn't just for the youth! Volunteering with Scouts Canada is fun and rewarding because our volunteers go on the adventures too. If you would like to help facilitate programs, plan events, fundraise, or be a

registrar, contact Melissa at [email protected] or (250) 668-0983.

Fun isn’t just for the youth! Volunteering with Scouts Canada is fun and rewarding because our volunteers go on the adventures too.

If you would like to help facilitate programs, plan events, fundraise, or be a registrar, contact Melissa at [email protected] or 250-668-0983

Mobile Computer Technician ServiceProudly serving Greater Victoria,

Saanich, and now Duncan!

• Virus and Malware Removal

• System Cleaning for PC and Mac

• Tutoring and Instruction

• Setup of Printer, Wifi, Webcams and Much More!

250-652-7989 | [email protected]

Elementary School - CHEMAINUS

St. Joseph’sSt. JoSeph’SElEmEntary School

TradiTional Valuesaffordable

250-246-3191 www.stjosephselem.ca

27IslandParent.ca

4075 Metchosin Rd, Victoria t: 250.474.2626 e: [email protected] w: west-mont.caWest-Mont Montessori School

Pre-School to Grade 8 ProgramsWest-Mont Montessori

“No one can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start right now and create a new ending”

Supporting and helping our community to grow by offering:• Computer Literacy • Clinical Counselling

• Kids Summer Camps • Back to School support

• Pro Bono Lawyers • Community Events

• Customer Service Training

• Christmas support through our Kettle campaign

The Salvation Army Stan Hagen Centre for Families2695 Quadra St, Victoria BC V8T 4E3(P) 250-386 -8521 (F) 250-386-8279Executive Director: Pat Humble, [email protected] complete list of services: www.sashcf.comCheck us out on facebook! www.facebook.com/sashcf

They’ll be at university sooner than you think. Grandparents can help, too!Make sure that they know about the Canada Learning Bond

If your grandchild was born in 2004 or later and their family receives the National Child Benefit Supplement, they are eligible for up to $2,000 of free money for the child’s education after high school.

For more information visit viu.ca/clb

That was a year and a half ago and my pre-cious grandson has just celebrated his first birthday. He is a curious, timid, thoughtful little guy who never fails to amaze me.

I must admit I had no preconceptions about what being a grandparent would mean or how it would change my life. I’d heard it said that grandchildren stir a completely separate set of feelings than your own children do. Maybe. But one thing I know for sure is that I love that grandbaby with the same fierce intensity that I love his father. I marvel just as enthusiastically as he reaches each new milestone, I am end-lessly amused at his toothy grin and giggles, and my heart melts when he toddles over to me and wraps his arms around my legs or lays his head in the crook of my neck when we cuddle.

Having a grandchild is quite different than parenting your own children. For one thing, you’re a lot more relaxed. You’ve been through everything before so the worry isn’t there as much. After all, this isn’t your first rodeo. You’re likely better rested now than you were as a new parent. Even when you have the oc-casional sleepover with your grandchild, it’s a privilege to lie awake into the night and just watch over him as he sleeps. Grandparents are also allowed to spoil their grandchildren—that’s just a known fact—and spoil them we do!

Being a grandparent has definite perks. People are always friendly to you when you’re packing around an adorable bundle. They give you their place in line, they carry your parcels, they strike up a conversation. Isn’t it wonder-ful how babies just seem to bring out the best in people? And your own children view you differently once you become a grandparent. Whereas they may have avoided asking your advice before, they now seek you out, often tex-ting at all hours with questions and concerns.

I remember telling my older son he would never truly appreciate me until he became a parent. And now that he is, I think I’ve heard “thanks mom” more times in this last year than in all his previous years combined.

I did get my charm bracelet that Christmas back in 2013 and although I wear it often with love because it’s from my children, the best Christmas gift I ever received was the news of my precious grandson. His squeal of excite-ment whenever he sees me mirrors my own feelings for him. I see the world through his eyes now and I am full of wonder and joy to be part of his journey through life. Susan Gnucci is a local author and a proud “nonna” to an adorable two-year-old grandson. She enjoys sharing her experiences as a first-time grandparent.


Whether you are downsizing, purchasing a vacation property or moving into assisted living, I am here to help.

RE/MAX Duncanwww.cowichanvalleyrealtor.ca

Melissa Collins

250-510-2729

Out of Sight but Not Out of MindWhen it comes to grandparents, my kids

are pretty lucky; they have eight of them! The unfortunate part is that one of their grand-parents passed away when the kids were really young and the others all live quite far away in Montreal, Toronto, Black Creek and Australia.

I think we disappointed all the grandparents when we announced we were having a baby some 15 years ago and, no, we would not be moving back “home” to be closer to any of them. I can’t really imagine how very difficult that must have been for our parents to hear; the mix of joy and disappointment must have been intense. I didn’t really understand at the time—perhaps before you have your own kids, you can’t really understand the bond or the pull that reaches down through generations.

In any case, we were determined to live on the West Coast of Canada and that meant no local grandparents. But it certainly didn’t mean there wasn’t going to be strong attachment and connection and loads of love flooding our way, quite literally from around the world.

So if you find yourself in a similar position and living with the reality of geographically distant grandkids, please don’t let it deter you from building an awesome relationship with them. Technology can obviously make staying connected much easier these days, but it can also feel intimidating and unnatural if you’re not used to it. The main thing to remember is, no matter what, be yourself, connect in a way that is most natural for you and adapt your “style” to fill the distance. With Skype and Facetime, catching up regularly has never been easier. While my family members don’t really use this method to keep in contact, I know people who Skype with their overseas family every Sunday. Remember the days when phone calls home on Sunday were a “thing?” They still can be.

For us, every birthday that rolls around finds my kids, both now teenagers, brimming with excitement about the inevitable package from Australia. It’s never large and sometimes the gift doesn’t quite hit the mark, but no matter

what, my kids always know that Grandma will be sending Australian candy. It’s the same candy every time: Minities for one and FanTales for the other. The packages arrive like clockwork twice a year. And I am always surprised at how much of a tickle this small thing gives my kids. But it’s consistent and pre-dictable and, in their eyes, it’s awesome. Their Nana likewise sends a card and a small amount of money for every conceivable Hallmark oc-casion. It’s really not about the money, or the card, it’s about that fact that Nana is thinking of them and with regular and consistent and predictable style she keeps showing up.

I remember an advertisement for a bank when my kids were little: “If you want to be close to your kids, spend, spend, spend…time.” If you thought your own kids grew up fast, apparently grandkids grow up even faster in comparison. But a word of advice: be generous and not jealous of your time with your precious grandkids. And remember to take into account that others probably also want to spend time with them when they come to visit or when you’re visiting them—there is always room for more love in the world so try to plan respect-fully and keep other grandparents in mind.

They may not be able to be in our lives every day, but when we are together the grandparents make every effort to be present and engaged with the kids. They tell stories of the good old days when they were young, or when I was a growing up (that almost always gets my kids laughing and me cringing). As grandparents, you have a whole new audience for the stories you love to tell—you know, the ones your own kids have stopped listening to. My mom bakes with the kids, Nana shops, which is “the best things ever” according to my daughter. Grandpa usually wants to do something on the computer with them or has something interesting to show them. When they go up Island to visit grandparents, they always sit around the fire outside and my son is allowed to poke away at it with people who understand the fascination. Most recently,

Gemma Fraser

When you invest in The Cridge Centre for the Family, you give a gift of hope, security, and love.

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my son and his grandma have been reading the same book and comparing notes on how far they’ve each progressed. It may not seem like much, but it’s yet another way she shows she’s there, she’s interested in what he does and that she cares.

Th e last few times we visited Australia, Grandpa has organized some amazing and fun, Griswold-type adventures for us all. But everyday events with their grandparents have been just as much fun for the kids, really. What they love are the memories of being together. Photos are great to capture those memories.

So if you like taking photos, consider creat-ing a photo book of each time you and your grandkids get together. Give a copy to your grandkids, they’ll love it. And even if they are too cool for it now, they will eventually come to cherish every photo. Doing this shows you care and gives your grandchildren a keepsake. Photo albums are rare these days as we have moved into digital photography, yet we all like thumbing our way through the pages of a photo album no matter our age.

It’s not easy being away from the ones we love most. Remember though that in any of our relationships, the ones that provide constancy and continuity are the ones we rely on and trust. Th ey will always be the ones we turn to when life is challenging and we need a good cry, or when life is great and we need someone to celebrate with. Th is will always be true for the special bond between grandparents and their grandkids: with unconditional love, distance doesn’t matter.

Gemma Fraser is a counsellor who loves living in Victoria with her two wonderful teenagers who seriously love their grandparents even though they don’t see them very often. She may be contacted at [email protected]

So, if you find yourself in a similar position and living with the reality of geographically distant grandkids, please don’t let it deter you from building an awesome relationship with them.

1.800.565.7738chemainustheatre.ca

By Mark DuMezJul 16 - Aug 13

Great Family Getaways

2016/2017

Parks &Playgrounds

Museums

Pools &Recreation

Historical Sites • Entertainment

& Much More

ATTRACTIONS, ACTIVITIES & FAMILY FUN!

Pick up a copy of the

at Tourist Info Centresor your local

recreation centre!


Travel back to 1966. What comes to mind? Bellbottoms? The Beatles? If you lived on Vancouver Island, this might ring a

bell: The B.C. provincial government had created a “mini-metro government” named the Regional District of the Capital of British Columbia. It was designed to provide ser-vices through region-wide or shared delivery models. It had responsibility for sewage, parks—and fireworks! 50 years have passed. It’s now known simply as the Capital Regional

District, and it provides over 200 services to residents in the region. It encompasses the Southern Gulf Islands, Salt Spring Island, 13 municipalities and the Juan de Fuca Electoral Area on Vancouver Island. Celebrations for the 50th anniversary are taking place throughout 2016. Here are a few activities well suited for grandparents and their families.

If Trees Could Talk, What Would They Say?

Have you ever geocached? If not, you might enjoy trying your hand at this popular activ-ity with your grandkids. Geocaching is an interactive treasure hunt played using a smart phone. If you already geocache, you know it’s

Out & About in theCapital Regional District

a clever way to spend quality time in nature with kids who are loathe to be separated from their mobile devices. It’s an ideal combination of green time and screen time. CRD staff have created a series of geocache events under the theme “If Trees Could Talk, What Would They Say?” Find the details on crd.bc.ca. If you are new to geocaching, you can quickly pick up the basics through a short video or how-to guide at geocaching.com. (Read more on geocaching on pages 18-19)

Grandparent Bragging Board Have you captured a web-worthy picture

of your family at one of our parks or other favorite places in the CRD? If so, CRD wants your stories and photos—past and present—to feature on the CRD’s website gallery. It also doubles as an online grandparent bragging board. Submit photos and stories online at crd.bc.ca.

Are You CRD Savvy?Show off what you know about the regional

district. Follow us on Twitter @crd_bc and on Facebook at CapitalRegionalDistrict for Q & As and other fun facts about the region. Tweet

Laurie SthamannAd DirectoryAbra-Kid-Abra ....................................... 15Affordable Hot Tubs ............................... 31Aspengrove School ................................ 23Ballet Victoria ...................................... IBCBC Women’s Hospital &

Health Centre Foundation .................. 17Beach Acres ............................................. 6Blue Vista ................................................. 5Chemainus Theatre ............................... 29CRD ................................................ IBC, 18Cridge Centre ........................................ 28Dr. Joslin .................................................. 7Dwight School .......................................... 2F. Kenneth Walton ................................IFCHome Instead Senior Care .................... 22Hotel Zed.................................................. 3Kaleidoscope ........................................... 5Katrina Massey Photography ................ 13Kool & Child ....................................IFC, 21Lizzy, Lee & Me ..................................... 18Mad Science........................................... 15Momease ..............................................IFCMothering Touch ...................................... 7Nanaimo Museum ................................... 2North Island Wildlife

Recovery Centre ................................. 17Pacific Christian ................................... BCParent Support Services ....................... 13Pumpkin Pie Kids .................................. 29Re/Max Duncan ..................................... 28Rosemarie Colterman Personal

Real Estate Corp ...............................IFCSaanich Recreation ................................. 1Salvation Army ....................................... 27Scouts .................................................... 26Seniors Computers ............................... 26Shaw Centre for the Salish Sea ............ 23Soul to Sole Footcare ............................ 11St. Joseph’s, Chemainus ....................... 26St. Margaret’s School .............................. 9Swan Lake................................................ 6Sylvan Learning ..................................... 11The Children’s Treehouse ..................... 31The High School at Vancouver

Island University ............................... IBCThe Make House .................................... 19UNRetired Life ....................................... 22UVic Farquhar ........................................ 19Vancouver Island University .................. 27Victoria Bug Zoo .................................... 13Victoria Symphony ................................. 16VIHA ........................................................ 12West-Mont School ................................. 27WestShore Parks & Recreation ............ 31

31IslandParent.ca

Nanaimo's destination for Children’s Books and Toys

Find us at our new location in the Country Club Mall250-714-0026 [email protected]

Specializing in books for babies, toddlers, easy to read

and kids to 12 years!

Playmobil, Brio & Thomas Trains,

Folkmanis Puppets, Puzzles, Craft & Science Kits.

Toys from Baby to Tween!Check out our online shop:

www.childrenstreehouse.ca

Canada’s Truly Portable Hot Tub!

• Plugs into a regular outlet• Durable and lightweight• Made in Canada

250.881.2680 www.affordablehottubs.ca

6:00 – 8:30 PMJuly 6 – August 24 Get outside and experience a nature walk along your favourite West Shore trail while stopping to enjoy an illustrated children’s book.A new park and story each week! FREE FUN FOR ALL AGES

Visit westshorerecreation.ca for details!Watch for a Story Walk on Sat. July 9 at Colwood’s Eats & Beats Event

The StoryWalk™ Project was created by Anne Ferguson of Montpelier, VT and developed in collaboration with the Vermont Bicycle & Pedestrian Coalition (VBPC) and the Kellogg Hubbard Library

or post a response using the hashtag #crd50 to show that you are CRD savvy. Answers are posted on CRD’s social media channels every Friday afternoon. There will also be opportunities to play and win prizes at CRD booths located at a variety of community events throughout the year.

Trivia Questions Test your trivia knowledge with this sam-

pling (see answers at the end of this article).1. Where did the name of the Galloping

Goose Regional Trail come from?a. From the name of a passenger trainb. From the farm geese that are always on

the trailc. From the name of a popular children’s toy2. If you live in Greater Victoria, where does

your municipal tap water come from?a. Sooke Lake Reservoirb. Strait of Juan de Fucac. Elk/Beaver Lake3. Which of the following is not accepted in

a kitchen scraps collection program:a. Chicken bonesb. Dairy productsc. Compostable cutlery and packagingd. Soiled paper napkins

Trivia Answers 1. A. The name of the Galloping Goose

Regional Trail came from the gas-powered Galloping Goose train passenger car, which was gawky and noisy. It ran for nine years, starting in 1922, carrying mail and passengers twice a day from Victoria to Sooke. In 1987, the railway line was converted into the Galloping Goose Regional Trail.

2. A. The primary source of water for resi-dents of Greater Victoria is the Sooke Lake Reservoir. Beaver/Elk Lake was once the source of Victoria’s drinking water; however, it was deemed unable to meet Victoria’s needs in the early 1900s. In 2002, the CRD raised the Sooke Dam so that the Sooke Reservoir can now hold 20.4 billion imperial gallons of water—enough to fill 31 million Olympic-sized pools!

3. C. The CRD does not accept compostable cutlery and packaging in the kitchen scraps program, a program that began with a pilot project in 2007 and helps conserve space in our landfill. In 2015 alone, the program di-verted over 10,000 tonnes of kitchen scraps from the landfill. Laurie Sthamann is the Regional Parks Commu-nications Coordinator at the Capital Regional District.


What happened to rolling with life’s givens?

“The Givens” could be described as things that can’t be changed and are out of our control, but also as opportunities that come our way to provide meaning and growth. Why are our children so shocked or indignant about some of the most basic experiences that are a part of life? What happened? Have we used so much reflective listening to feelings that somehow we have left out the part that invites a healthy shoulder shrug? Have we bought into a limited perspective of how life should be?

While I don’t suggest we go back to denying our children’s feelings and expecting obedi-ence, I do think we have a little room to hold up life’s realities. There are certain things in life that simply happen and when we can say a wholehearted “yes” to this fact, we actually develop an ease to our everyday experiences. The shoulder shrug was a physical expression of “stuff happens.”

When I was young, if I complained, it was usually met with a dismissive, “Life isn’t always fair, get over it,” or “things don’t always go your way.” This didn’t feel good to hear when I was in the middle of expressing my pain, and I used to feel kind of ashamed for having all these feelings. A little more support and understanding would’ve gone a long way in helping me accept myself and know that my needs were important. Instead I was told that I was too sensitive or too moody, which left me feeling kind of pathetic and somewhat lonely. Was there something wrong with me?

What about that famous line, “If you cry, I’ll really give you something to cry about?” I guess that meant some form of physical pain and then and only then was it okay to cry.

When my own children were born, I made darn sure that they didn’t have their feelings dismissed like I did. I found myself nose to nose with the little darlings, affirming them and validating their pain on a regular basis. But wait a minute! Did I leave something out? What about the shoulder shrug? Where did that fit in? How about a little stoicism?

My mother certainly could be described as stoic. This would be the ability to go through something without falling apart emotionally. She had a certain thinking style, something that was formed during her life experience which included World War II and the Great Depression. I would hear her say—picture a shoulder shrug here—“I’m lucky to have a

house to clean.” That would be on a Saturday morning doing housework after working a full week while I sat and ate potato chips watch-ing cartoons. I liked hearing her say that as it eased any guilt I might have felt. She also seemed to take people and their not-so-great behaviour with a grain of salt. She would laugh while saying, “That’s people for you!” This was the thinking style of resilience. I admired it, especially seeing as I was such a wimp.

She later learned about the value of paying more attention to her feelings and she em-braced their usefulness. They helped her say “no” when she needed to. They also helped her ask more often for things that would bring her joy. Fortunately, she didn’t learn this during my childhood so I was able to enjoy Scooby-Doo and the Flintstones with a clear conscience. Her ability to toss hardship around for a soft

landing stopped her from wallowing in chronic complaining or acting like a victim.

When I look back, I see this way of handling the typical and often unavoidable experiences of life as a way to live more peacefully. Saying “ I can handle this stuff ” actually brings some serenity. Think about it? What is the opposite? What happens when we constantly say “no” to the everyday stuff?

To Quote David Richo, The Givens of Life are:

1. Everything changes and ends.2. Things do not always go according to plan.3. Life is not always fair.4. Pain is part of life.5. People are not loving and loyal all the time.When eight-year-old Emma complains

because her friends were being mean, listening to her is a loving act—agreeing with her isn’t. It buys into the narrow perspective of a child.

Eight-year-olds aren’t supposed to be loving and kind because they are egocentric kids. So what is Emma going to do if she can’t accept some of this stuff? She is likely to become fearful or controlling. But there is more. Not only do we find peace when the givens of life are accepted, they help us develop character, compassion and depth. There can be great meaning to all the givens that can’t be changed.

As a grandparent, the odd shoulder shrug could role model the mark of a hero.

“A hero is someone who has lived through pain, been transformed by it, and uses it to help others.” – Richo Dr. Allison Rees is a parent educator/counselor and a partner in LIFE (Living in Families Ef-fectively) Seminars in Victoria. For more infor-mation, visit lifeseminars.com.

Grandparents & ‘The Givens’

Allison Rees

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