Upload
others
View
0
Download
0
Embed Size (px)
Citation preview
FIFE COUNCIL
EDUCATION & CHILDREN’S SERVICES DIRECTORATE
TRAUMATIC INCIDENTS GUIDANCE
Version Date Revision Details
1.0 May 2020
1
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION.........................................................................................................41.0: Preparation and planning in case of a traumatic incident.............................5
1.1. Checklist for Effective Planning....................................................................................5
1.2 Roles of support services...............................................................................................6
1.2.1.Educational Psychology Service.....................................................................................6
1.2.2 Education Management...................................................................................................6
1.2.3 Communications and Customer Insight Team..............................................................7
2.0: What to do in the event of a traumatic incident..............................................82.1 Checklist for responding to a traumatic incident......................................................8
2.2 Gathering Information......................................................................................................9
2.3 Staff briefing.......................................................................................................................9
2.3.1. Prior to staff briefing.........................................................................................................9
2.3.2. During staff briefing..........................................................................................................9
2.4 Informing pupils..............................................................................................................10
2.5 Informing parents / carers............................................................................................11
3.0: Medium and longer term supports after a traumatic incident.....................123.1 Reactions to a traumatic incident...............................................................................12
3.2 Identifying those in need of support..........................................................................12
3.3. Key Supports...................................................................................................................13
3.3.1 Role of key adult..............................................................................................................13
3.3.2 Individual support for pupils...........................................................................................14
3.4. When to consider additional services.......................................................................15
3.5 Awareness of own wellbeing.......................................................................................15
2
Appendices..............................................................................................................16Appendix 1: Useful contacts....................................................................................................17
Appendix 2: Talking to bereaved family members.............................................................18
Appendix 3: Talking to children about a suicide................................................................19
Appendix 4: Sample scripts for breaking news to pupils.................................................21
Appendix 5: Sample communications to parents/carers..................................................22
Appendix 6a: Leaflet on Reactions to a Traumatic Event – Information for professionals, parents and carers..........................................................................................26
Appendix 6b: Leaflet on Reactions to a Traumatic Event - Information for Young People............................................................................................................................................30
Appendix 7a: Leaflet on Bereavement and Loss – Information for Parents and carers.........................................................................................................................................................34
Appendix 7b: Leaflet on Bereavement and Loss – Information for Young People... .38
Appendix 8a: Information for Business Support Staff......................................................41
Appendix 8b: Checklist for Business Support Staff.........................................................42
Appendix 9: Further information and resources.................................................................44
3
INTRODUCTION
A traumatic incident can be defined as:
“a sudden, unexpected event that is distressing to pupils and / or staff. it may involve violence against members of the school, a serious accident, or the sudden death of a child or teacher or it could be that the school is subjected to major vandalism such as an arson attack”
(Houghton1, 1996)
A perceived threat to the well-being of pupils and/or staff also has the potential to become a traumatic incident e.g. the serious infectious illness of a pupil and the resulting media coverage can have significant repercussions in a school community.
Despite best efforts at prevention, it is accepted that schools will continue to have to cope with the effects of distressing incidents and stressful situations which occur from time to time within both schools and communities.
This document aims to ensure that school leadership teams and wider school communities are practically prepared to manage incidents effectively when they do occur. The guidance is split into three sections:
1. Preparation and planning in case of a traumatic incident 2. What to do in the event of a traumatic incident 3. Medium and longer term supports after a traumatic incident
This guidance should be considered alongside other relevant documents:
Fife Council’s guidance on School Resilience Planning Fife Council Educational Psychology Service’s Bereavement and Loss Guidance
1 Houghton, K. L. (1996): Critical incidents involving school children research update: The response from school psychological services. British Psychological Society, Division of Educational and Child Psychology Annual Course Proceedings, Working Across the Boundaries, 13, 3, 59 – 75
4
1.0: Preparation and planning in case of a traumatic incident 1.1. Checklist for Effective Planning This should be completed by a member of the
school leadership team on receipt of this guidance
Date completed / updated
Nominate a coordinator and a back-up coordinator Collate a list of all staff members including up to date phone numbers and email addresses, emergency contacts, next of kin, name of and contact number of GP practice
Copies of the list should be kept readily accessible at school and at co-ordinators’ homes in a safe/ locked cupboard/ accessible online
Within secondary schools consider having this information available at departmental level
Complete list of useful contacts (including out-of-hours telephone numbers, including for Education Management - See Appendix 1)
This should be linked to the School Resilience Plan
Schools should have duplicates of important information held by a neighbouring school
Coordinators should familiarise themselves with the roles of support personnel and services
Develop communication and response action plans
Schools should consider the development of a communication tree amongst all teaching and non-teaching staff to ensure efficient and effective transfer of information and in order to avoid one person being overburdened with this task
Larger schools should identify a group of designated teachers with the relevant skills to share responsibilities in dealing with the effects of traumatic incidents
In the case of small schools, it is advisable that a minimum of two adults should be present throughout the school day. Headteachers should seek to ensure such presence at least over the greater part of the day; this may have implications for planning excursions Small schools may wish to make arrangements for peer support from a larger ‘buddy’ school
School leadership teams should identify any staff training needs
5
1.2 Roles of support services1.2.1.Educational Psychology Service The Educational Psychology Service helps schools to prepare for traumatic incidents alongside providing support during the crisis. This has included incidents such as the sudden death or suicide of a pupil, the sudden death of a member of staff or a parent, the severe or terminal illness of a pupil, a significant school fire and a school bus crash.
Educational Psychologists can help schools who wish to develop preparatory training for staff responding to traumatic incidents e.g. training on Bereavement and Loss or Trauma Informed approaches.
In the event of a traumatic incident, the Educational Psychology Service offers flexible support to schools. Psychologists can be immediately available to provide consultation, advice, support and information. The primary aim will be to offer short-term support to the School Leadership Team in order to facilitate the appropriate management of the event.
The approach taken is based on research into best practice and is founded on supporting settings to manage the immediate aftermath of an event. This support might include:
advice on short-term psychological effects of a traumatic incident or stressful situation
advice on the development of support systems for pupils, staff and families help with communication, including the preparation of information leaflets or letters,
customised for an individual school and tailored to a particular incident in the medium to long term, advice on supporting and monitoring recovery of pupils
and staff, and identifying whether further individual or group support is needed
Whilst no two incidents are the same, responses to traumatic incidents follow a recognised pattern. With time, most children and adults will come to terms with what has happened and recover without the need for professional counselling. Research tells us that help and support is best given by trusted, familiar adults as and when it is needed. The Educational Psychology Service will support settings to facilitate this and be confident in this role.
1.2.2 Education Management
Education Management can be available immediately to support education provisions in the event of a traumatic incident and will provide support on an ongoing basis as required. They will carry out the tasks below following information from a school of a traumatic incident.
He/she will organise the appropriate Education Management response according to the type of incident and the needs identified by the school. If the school’s Education Manager is not immediately available, the administrative staff at Rothesay House will take the details and inform another member of the management team who will make any necessary arrangements.
The Education Manager or Business Support staff will inform the Educational Psychology Service and Communications and Customer Insight Team of the incident and also inform key personnel from other services within Fife Council as appropriate (see Appendix 8b).
The Education Manager will negotiate appropriate practical support with the school. The Education Manager will inform the Head of Service of the incident.
6
1.2.3 Communications and Customer Insight Team
The role of the Communications and Customer Insight Team is to:
Co-ordinate public relations and manage the council's relationship with the media. Manage and support crisis communications across the council and with partners. Be responsible for internal communications and supporting major change. Run and manage the council's public information, promotional and advertising
campaigns. Manage digital communications, for example, web information on fife.gov.uk and
content on social media including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn. Manage the Council’s brand and graphics design services. Provide a video, photography and animation service.
In the event of a traumatic incident, support is available to education provisions in the following ways:
The team can provide advice, guidance and direct help to manage communications. The team can work on location if the scale of the situation requires it. The news desk runs 24/7 managing enquiries from the media, developing new
statements and content, and ensuring information and communication is connected across all channels including the web and social media.
The team will work with education provisions to ensure good quality, timely and effective information and communication for staff, parents, elected members, the public and wider stakeholder group and help to manage any issues that may impact on the school and council's reputation.
If the situation is likely to cause significant public concern, schools should call the newsdesk immediately. The duty officer is available 24/7 and can be reached on 07985 718254. The team are also available for advice and support by email: [email protected] or via the phone VoIP 440872 or 01592 583312. The team will help to put in place the next steps with schools, including how media interest will be managed.
7
2.0: What to do in the event of a traumatic incident 2.1 Checklist for responding to a traumatic incident
The checklist below provides information for headteachers / designated member of school leadership team of the steps to follow after a traumatic incident.
8
Checklist for responding to a traumatic incident
Headteacher or delegated member of staff gathers factual information. See section 2.2. on gathering information
After gathering information, it might be that the emergency services are the first point of contact, in other circumstances it will be Education Management. A member of EM will contact the school’s link educational psychologist. If the school EM cannot be reached then any EM should be contacted or the HoS
Consider direct contact with Communications and Customer Insight Team in order to co-ordinate a response to media interest and to support communications to parents
Organise a planning meeting between school leadership team to agree on actions and priorities – develop a script which offers as much factual information as possible to staff and pupils (in negotiation with the affected families/pupils)
Ensure staff are briefed as soon as possible with the available facts (often this is via a morning briefing session or meeting at lunchtime/end of school day). See section 2.3 on staff briefing
Be alert to staff who are struggling and need support. Where required, give staff time to manage their own feelings before breaking news to pupils
Inform parents as necessary, reassure them that pupils will be supported, and advise them on how to listen to and support their children – see Appendices 6 & 7 for examples
Encourage staff to follow a normal timetable as much as possible (with flexibility for a specific class or cohort of pupils if needed)
Inform staff who are absent, by phone if possible (so they don’t hear via social media, etc.)
Provide a script for office staff when responding to parents or media enquiries
Keep a record of all incoming and outgoing calls/advice, and names of contact people and what was asked
Gather staff involved for a short de-briefing at the end of the day. Be mindful of any staff who are returning to an empty house. Offer them a contact/buddy if they need to talkIf relevant, consider family wishes when thinking through funeral arrangements e.g. which staff will go to represent school, authorising absence for close friends to attend with parents (school should not take responsibility for supervising)
2.2 Gathering Information
Consider how you will gather information to find out:
What has happened Where the incident occurred When (date / time) The names of people directly involved. Any injuries (emergency service involved) Actions already taken
This information should be passed on to Education Management as soon as possible. Inform other services such as Educational Psychology and Communications and Customer Insight Team as appropriate. Some tips on what to say when making an initial telephone call to bereaved family members can be found in Appendix 2.
2.3 Staff briefing 2.3.1. Prior to staff briefing
Be aware of staff who may be affected most by the news (e.g. staff who have recently experienced a bereavement).
At the beginning of the briefing explain that the following information will be distressing and if staff members need to leave, you will fill them in on what they have missed individually.
2.3.2. During staff briefing
Explain to staff what has happened with the available facts and be clear about what and what can’t be shared with pupils.
Discuss the plan of how the news will be broken to pupils and parents. Agree with staff how to inform pupils, starting with the class/group of pupils most
affected. Where possible, children should be told of any incident simply by a familiar adult, in small groups, and with an opportunity to ask questions.
Advise staff on how to manage children’s feelings (and name their own feelings if appropriate). Highlight the questions that the children might ask and offer suggestions as to how these might be answered. (For more information in the event of a death see Bereavement and Loss Guidance ) Remind staff that it is okay not to have the answer to all the pupils’ questions.
Remind staff not to talk to the press or to put anything on social media Plan flexibly and sensitively how to support the pupil(s) directly affected or most
vulnerable pupils. Staff should consider those who are socially excluded, already struggling with their emotional wellbeing and those who have suffered previous trauma or bereavements of any nature. Supports may include an identified adult for them to speak with such as Guidance Teacher, Class Teacher or Pupil Support Assistant, the option to take a break from class work, or access to an area / base that will be staffed and where pupils can attend if they are particularly upset, with permission from staff. See Section 3 for more information about planning for different groups in the medium and long term.
Encourage staff to continue a normal timetable as much as possible (with flexibility for specific year group if needed). If the incident involves suicide, see Appendix 3.
9
2.4 Informing pupils
The information below offers a framework for breaking news to pupils. Example scripts can be found in Appendix 4.
1. Describe what happened Tell pupils as soon as possible. Use language appropriate for the child's age and stage (see Bereavement and
Loss Guidance for more information). If the incident has involved a death, use unambiguous language e.g. words such
as ‘death’ and ‘dead’. Give information that has been agreed with the affected family/pupil(s) and senior
leadership team. Avoid distressing detail. Address the most affected pupils separately. Break the news in small ‘natural’ groups, e.g. class groups, avoiding whole school
assemblies. Remind pupils not to put anything on social media as this may distress the family
or others involved.
2. Encourage questions/discussion Ask the children if they have any questions about what they have heard. Try to
predict difficult questions and consider developing a script for responding to these questions (see below for frequently asked questions).
Don’t panic if you don’t know the answer, or don’t know how to answer a question. Use phrases such as ‘We don’t know the answer to that yet, but will tell you as soon as we know.’
Don’t be pressured into making decisions regarding belongings, seating arrangements, memorials, or tributes. Allow yourself thinking space to consider children’s suggestions or ideas; they will need to be discussed with other people (school or family personnel) and can be revisited later.
Explain how the children might feel, e.g. 'You might feel cross, sad, confused, or nothing at all.'
Discuss helpful coping mechanisms, e.g. talking to a trusted person, talking to friends, memorial activities.
3. Offer reassurance and containment Reassure pupils that they are safe. Name and acknowledge your own emotions, and encourage pupils to talk about
their emotions when they feel they need to (including anger). Let children know it is okay to show their emotions. Encourage non-verbal outlets for expressing emotions, e.g. drawing, playing
sport. Explain that maintaining routines (e.g. coming to school) may help them to feel
better. Provide information about where pupils can go if they need to chat/need space.
4. Reduce speculation Try to address rumours as quickly as possible. Keep in mind the script negotiated with the affected family/pupil(s) and senior
leadership team. Be sure of what you can and can't share. Consider discussing social media e.g. what is/isn't acceptable to discuss.
10
2.5 Informing parents / carers
The affected family or families’ wishes for confidentiality should be kept in mind and, before any detail about any injured or deceased or what happened is released to other parents, permission needs to be given. There are also legal obligations regarding what can be communicated and when, for example when a cause of death has not been confirmed by the coroner.
Depending on the timing of the incident, it may be possible to inform parents before pupils come into school. In which case, individual phone calls to families, pupils or staff most affected may be appropriate, with a Groupcall message to break the news to the wider school community. In other situations, a letter might be most appropriate, if more lengthy information about reactions and supports is required.
Some incidents may just require an explanation of what has happened and an acknowledgment to the family / families that have been affected. However, communication about events where many have been affected needs to include:
Factual information about the event How children might react and how parents can support their children (see Section 3
and Appendices 6 & 7 for common reactions to trauma and bereavement) The immediate school response for supporting pupils (e.g. class discussions, key
staff which pupils can access for support, opportunities to express feelings) The school response to monitoring pupil wellbeing in the longer term (identifying
pupils who may require further individual support where the response to the traumatic incident is impacting on their day to day functioning)
Where the incident impacts on access to usual school routines (e.g. after a significant school fire), the steps the school will take to support practical arrangements and the mechanism for ongoing communication with parents
Where the incident involves a death, information on funeral arrangements, a memorial service or another way of marking the death, as appropriate to parents’ wishes (this may include e.g. a memory book, special assembly)
An invitation for parents to share concerns about their child with the named person
Sample communication for parents to let them know what has happened and how the school is managing it is included in this guidance (see Appendix 5).
11
3.0: Medium and longer term supports after a traumatic incident
The majority of people who experience a traumatic event will be able to come to terms with what has happened through day to day supports without the need for external services such as counselling. However, it is important to be aware of the social and emotional impact on individuals and to assess whether some additional planning is necessary.
3.1 Reactions to a traumatic incident
Changes in a child or adult’s behaviour may indicate that they are finding things challenging. The behaviours, feelings and thoughts in the table below are all normal following a traumatic experience and they should reduce over time. However, it is important for parents, pupils and staff to be aware of these so they can understand why people may be acting differently in the short and medium term and to help them to access support if required. Further information on reactions to trauma and bereavement are contained in Appendices 6 & 7.
Behaviours Feelings Thoughts
Unable to sleep
Tired
Eating a lot or very little
Anger
Withdrawn
Unable to focus
Changes in social interactions
Tired
Feeling sick
Sad
Irritable
Angry
Confused
Unable to shut off
Unmotivated
I can’t breathe
There’s a knot in my belly
Thoughts keep racing around my head and I can’t stop them
It’s my fault / there was more I could do
I want everything to go back to the way it was
3.2 Identifying those in need of support
It is important to identify those individuals and groups that may need support and to ascertain how much support is necessary. It may be anticipated that some pupils and staff will be particularly affected due to the circumstances of the incident; however, others may be unexpectedly affected. A structured approach, such as the example below, may be a helpful way to identify these groups or individuals and to have an overview of the support required.
It is necessary to view this grid as a working document that will require regular review.
12
Suggested supports:
Who Key person Example of support Frequency
Those pupils directly impacted by the traumatic incident.
Names:
J. Blogs
Class teacher
Guidance Teacher
Named Person
Universal - Class Teachers aware, looking out for changes in behaviour, etc.
Additional - Check in with key adult, time out area / cards.
Ongoing
Twice daily
Families of those involved
Named Person Universal – Making families aware they can raise any concerns. Identifying natural support networks and review of any support required.
Additional – Consideration of other support services.
As required
Persons that may not have been directly involved but the incident may trigger emotive or behavioural response
Class Teacher
Guidance Teacher
Named Person
Universal - All staff aware, looking out for changes in behaviour, etc.
Ongoing
All pupils Class Teacher
Guidance Teacher
Named Person
Universal - Staff awareness of potential behaviours, and how to support. Checking in regularly with pupils
Ensuring pupils know where to go for further support
Opportunity to speak to adults about the incident.
Ongoing
Staff support Line manager
Universal - Key person to listen to the needs of the staff members
Opportunity for peer supervision
Ongoing
3.3. Key Supports
3.3.1 Role of key adult
When supporting someone it is not always about making a plan or providing advice, the majority of the time it is about listening and making a connection with that person. In psychology we call this containment. Although this may sound like a simple task, it is very easy to quickly jump ahead to planning. Here are some top tips to help you contain the emotions of others.
13
Pay attention; listen carefully and don’t worry about thinking too much about what you are going to say
Use positive body language, open, look at the speaker, nodding your head. Encourage the speaker with small verbal cues, e.g. “yes” or “uh huh”. Clarify or repeat back what they are saying to you. Recognise how they might be feeling and communicate it back, e.g. “That must have
been tricky/ challenging/ scary for you.” Allow them to speak without interruptions. Stay away from any judgement. Stay away from trying to ‘silver line’ the problem i.e. minimising it or focusing too
much on positives. Stay away from coming up with a plan too soon. Allow them to take this step when
they are ready.
3.3.2 Individual support for pupils
To support a pupil who has had a strong reaction to a traumatic event, the following advice can be implemented at a universal level or for more targeted support.
1. Increase the child’s sense of safety
Reassurance - reassure the individual that they are safe now and explain some of the planning in place to continue to keep them safe.
Provide someone to listen to their concerns regularly - it is beneficial if this is someone the individual already knows and trusts.
Involve them in planning - this will give the individual a sense of control and help to ease their anxiety about what is going to happen.
2. Enable calming
Support the individual to develop their own strategies to calm themselves down. Encourage the individual to engage in activities e.g. sport or socialising. Enhance social support - consider whether the individual or family need help to
connect to social support or other services.
3. Avoid making the child feel powerless
Rushing to help a child may make them feel powerless. Instead of specialists “rushing to fix them”, children are more likely to need someone
they already know and trust to encourage and support them, listen to them, and plan what they are going to do.
4. Encourage optimism
Talk to the child about their plans for the future. Encourage a focus on these rather than the traumatic event.
Much of the advice above is based on skills and techniques that education staff already have: summarising and clarifying the facts of what has happened, enabling everyone to
14
speak and express their feelings, taking control, being organised, reassuring pupils and colleagues that their reactions are understandable and normal.
It is important to provide the opportunity for those affected to speak about the event within their normal settings. However, this should be the individual's choice. For example, if there is going to be a class discussion on a topic which may provoke memories of the traumatic event, provide sufficient warning and the option to take part in an alternative activity.
3.4. When to consider additional services
Some pupils and staff may find that their thoughts, feelings and behavioural reactions following a traumatic event continue to affect their ability to manage with day to day life for some weeks and months afterwards. Support services can be available on a consultative basis e.g. Educational Psychology Service, Primary Mental Health Workers, CAMHS. You may wish to discuss a referral for direct support with the pupil and family. The GIRFEC website https://girfec.fife.scot has a directory of services which can be useful in deciding which type of support the individual would find most beneficial.
For staff who have been affected by an event, employee counselling is available through discussion with and referral from your line manager or by self-referral. Further information is available on FISH.
3.5 Awareness of own wellbeing
Trauma may not only impact those directly involved but also those persons working to support. National child trauma stress network (USA), advises that staff are also provided with support and consultation routinely in order to prevent ‘compassion fatigue’. This means that supporting those that have experienced a traumatic event can be extremely stressful and distressing. Notice any changes in your own feelings or behaviours, such as fatigue or irritability (as listed in section 3.1). If you have noticed these changes, seek support from trusted colleagues, friends or your line manager.
15
Appendices
Appendix 1: Useful contacts 17
Appendix 2: Talking to bereaved family members 18
Appendix 3: Talking to children about a suicide 19
Appendix 4: Sample scripts for breaking news to pupils 21
Appendix 5: Sample communications to parents/carers 22
Appendix 6a: Leaflet on Reactions to Traumatic Events – Information for professionals, parents and carers
26
Appendix 6b: Leaflet on Reactions to Traumatic Events - Information for young people
30
Appendix 7a: Leaflet on Bereavement and Loss – Information for Parents and carers
34
Appendix 7b: Leaflet on Bereavement and Loss – Information for Young People
38
Appendix 8a: Information for Business Support Staff 41
Appendix 8b: Checklist for Business Support Staff 42
Appendix 9: Further information and resources 44
16
Appendix 1: Useful contacts
As part of the school preparation, a list of contacts should be obtained as a matter of course. The list can be attached to the staff notice board or the school handbook, as well as being routinely available to office staff.
Contact Name and email address Work tel. no. Out of hours tel. no.
School Co-ordinator
School Depute Co-ordinator
Head of Service
Education Manager
Communications and Customer Insight Team
Emergency Out of Hours Service
Educational Psychologist
Chair of School Board
Police
Fire and Rescue Service
School Doctor
School Nurse
Emergency Department at the local hospital
Social Work Service Area Team Leader (Children and Families)
School Chaplain/Priest
Employee Counsellor
Voluntary Agencies
Press and Media Contacts
Child Protection Unit
17
Appendix 2: Talking to bereaved family members
The prospect of talking to a bereaved family can be daunting. The points below aim to give some tips on what to say when making an initial telephone call to family members, but could be adapted according to the situation:
1. Explain the purpose of the call. Tell the person that you are calling to express your condolences and ask if now is a good time to talk.
2. Empathise and allow the person to direct the conversation. Share your feelings (e.g. ‘I was so sad/shocked to hear…’).
3. Establish the facts. Write down key pieces of information.4. Talk to the person about how they would like you to share the information with staff
and pupils. Establish what they would/would not want you to share. Talk about funeral arrangements and who they would/would not want to attend (including how many people and whether they want to invite friends of the deceased). Talk about the family’s religious, cultural, and spiritual beliefs.
5. Let the person know when you will next be in touch. Tell them if/when they can visit the school/setting, and let them know you will be thinking of them.
18
Appendix 3: Talking to children about a suicide
The sudden death of a member of staff, parent or pupil by suicide can be particularly upsetting to a school community and it can be difficult to know what to say. The information below offers suggestions about how to talk about suicide and how to keep other pupils safe.
Talking about suicide
In cases of suspected suicide, the death will be reported to a coroner, who will carry out a post-mortem. After the post-mortem, a fatal accident inquiry will be held to confirm cause of death. Until the cause of death has been confirmed (which could take several months), the word ‘suicide’ should not be used. Agree with family members what information will be shared with pupils and staff, including the script that will be used. Relay the facts and don’t be afraid to say that you don’t know the answer to pupils’ questions. Explain that investigations are ongoing, and the nature and cause of death are currently unknown.
Acknowledge rumours and reinforce the need for pupils to be extremely sensitive and careful about what they post on social media. Evidence strongly suggests that the setting up and use of R.I.P. sites should be discouraged as they can create a heroic impression to a completed suicide. Carry out the same procedures as you would for any other pupil death to avoid portraying suicide as ‘unique’. If suicide has been confirmed it is important not to disclose methods used or speculate about motives. Words such as died by/attempted suicide should be used rather than victim of/committed suicide or a failed suicide attempt.
Addressing rumours and keeping other pupils safe
When a person from the school community has died and there are rumours or concerns within the community that the cause of death was suicide, it is important to:
Talk to pupils about what support is available for bereavement and mental health
Talk to pupils about what to do if they are worried about someone else’s mental health
Place leaflets / posters around schools signposting pupils to further support
Take any talk about suicide seriously, including both direct talk of suicide and indirect references to wanting to join the person who died.
Contact your school’s link educational psychologist in the first instance or contact CAMHS for further advice (contact details available via www.nhsfife.org/camhs). If you feel a child is at immediate and significant risk to themselves or others (e.g. a suicide attempt has been made/is ongoing within school), call 999.
Further information is provided by the Our Minds Matter document ‘Understanding and Responding to Children and Young People at Risk of Self-Harm and Suicide – A guide for adults who work with young people in Fife’ and is available on the GIRFEC website or via the following link Suicide and Self Harm Guidance
Further information about responding to a suicide is provided by Samaritans via https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/schools/step-step/step-step-resources/responding-suspected-suicide-schools-and-colleges/. The Samaritans also provide free
19
telephone support in the aftermath of an attempted or suspected suicide in a school or college community: 0808 168 2528.
Support information for friends and family members closest to the deceased is provided by SAMH via https://www.samh.org.uk/documents/After_A_Suicide.pdf.
20
Appendix 4: Sample scripts for breaking news to pupils
Death of a teacher
“I’ve got some really sad news to tell you today that might upset you. Some of you will have been taught by Mr A, one of our maths teachers. After having been ill with cancer for a long time, Mr A died yesterday in hospital”.
Death of a pupil
“I have some really sad news to tell you that might upset you. Sometimes people have accidents at work, at home, at school or on the road. People may be hurt or injured in the accident and they may have to go to hospital for treatment. Other people are so badly injured in an accident they die. Yesterday Child A, who was in Primary 6, died after an accident”.
Multiple injuries/deaths
“I have some sad news that you might find upsetting. Some pupils from our school have been involved in a road traffic incident. Some young people have died and some are injured. Pupils A,B and C have died and pupils X,Y and Z are being treated in hospital. X is very seriously injured, and others are okay, but are being checked out by medical staff. We are keeping in touch with their families and will let you know if there is anything important we should tell you. Please stick to the facts rather than spread rumours about injuries or deaths. This could be very distressing for others, especially if not accurate. I understand that this information might be very upsetting so if you would like to talk to someone you can….”
21
Appendix 5: Sample communications to parents/carers
1. Sample Groupcall – death of a child/staff member (informing parents before school)
Dear Parent/Carer,
It is with great sadness that I have to inform you about the (sad/sudden/unexpected) death of Xxx, one of our pupils/teachers in Primary/Secondary X. Xxx’s family have given permission to tell you that they died as a result of (an accident/illness/unexplained event) the full details are not known at this stage.
As headteacher I wanted to inform you as soon as possible so that you could have the opportunity to break the news to your child before school. Your child may or may not want to talk about it, but it is likely that s/he may need reassurance at this upsetting time. We will be giving the opportunity for pupils to ask questions and seek support when in school.
Our thoughts are with Xxx’s family at this difficult time, and the whole school community sends them our sympathy and support. We will be considering a memorial in consultation with their relatives in due course but, in the meantime, we will try to keep school routines as normal as possible over the coming days whilst allowing the children/young people opportunities to talk about Xxx if they want.
If you have any questions or comments, please do not hesitate to contact me. If you feel that your child needs extra support, please let us know.
Yours sincerely,
22
2. Sample letter template: Death of a child
Dear Parent/Carer,
Your child’s teacher had the sad task of informing the children of the death of <Name>, a pupil in <Year>. <Name> was a <insert description e.g. caring, funny, and intelligent person> who loved <insert hobbies/interests) and was <e.g. cherished by the whole school community>. We are deeply saddened by <Name’s> death. <(S)He> will be greatly missed and our thoughts are with the <family name>.
They were told that <Name> died from an illness called cancer, and that sometimes people who have cancer can get better, but other times people die from it. <Name> had been ill with cancer for a long time and died at home yesterday.
When someone dies, their family and friends have lots of feelings of sadness, anger, and confusion - these are all normal. The children have been told that their teachers are willing to try and answer their questions at school, but I have included some information alongside this letter which may help you to answer your child’s questions as they arise (include ‘Supporting your child through bereavement and loss’, Fife Council Educational Psychology Service leaflet alongside your letter). During this difficult time, school staff will aim to keep school routines as normal as possible, in order to provide a secure and stable educational setting. However, we also understand that children may be more emotional and become distressed periodically, so a safe space has been set up in <location> for children to use when they are feeling distressed.
A special <assembly/service> will be held for children and staff on <insert day> to celebrate <Name’s> life and contribution to the school community.
Yours sincerely,
<Name>, Headteacher
23
3. Sample letter template: Death of a member of staff
Dear Parent/Carer,
Your child’s class teacher had the sad task of informing the children of the tragic death of <Name>, who has been a teacher at this school for <number> years.
Our thoughts are with <Name’s> family at this time and in an effort to try and respond to <his/her> death in a positive way, all children have been informed.
The children were told that <Name> died from an asthma attack on <date>. A number of pupils have been identified as being asthmatic and <Name>, the School Nurse has today reassured them that it is unusual for a person to die from asthma.
When someone dies, their family and friends have lots of feelings - sadness, anger, and confusion - which are all normal. The children have been told that their teachers are willing to try and answer their questions at school, but I have made available some information which may help you to answer your child’s questions as they arise. You can obtain this from the school office.
An assembly will be held for pupils and staff on <insert day> to celebrate <Name’s> life and contribution to the school community.
Yours sincerely,
<Name>, Headteacher
24
4. Sample letter template – Sudden death
Dear Parent/Carer,
The school has experienced (the sudden death, accidental injury, etc.) of <Name> in <year>. <Name> was a <insert description e.g. caring, funny, and intelligent person> who loved <insert hobbies/interests) and was <e.g. cherished by the whole school community>. We are deeply saddened by <Name’s> death, <(s)he> will be greatly missed and our thoughts are with the <family name>.
We have support structures in place to help your child cope during this difficult time <elaborate>.
It is possible that your child may have some feelings and questions s/he may like to discuss with you. It is important to give factual information that is matched to your child’s age and emotional maturity.
All children are different and will express their feelings in different ways. It is not uncommon for children to have difficulty concentrating or be fearful, anxious, or irritable. They may become withdrawn, cry, complain of physical aches and pains, have difficulty sleeping or have nightmares. Some may not want to eat. These are generally short-term reactions. You can help your child by taking time to listen and by encouraging him/her to express feelings. Over the course of the coming days, please keep an eye on your child and allow him/her to express their feelings without criticism. The leaflet for children included alongside this letter provides further information about what they might be feeling and why. (Include ‘Reactions to Death’, Fife Council Educational Psychology Service leaflet alongside your letter)
Although classes will continue as usual, I anticipate that the next few days will be difficult for everyone.
The leaflet for parents included alongside this letter provides further information about how to talk to your child about death. (Include ‘Supporting your child through bereavement and loss’, Fife Council Educational Psychology Service leaflet alongside your letter)
Young people frequently turn to social media to see what others are saying, or to find out more information. At these times it is important that you monitor their use and engage with them about what they read. We urge you to emphasise and reinforce the need to be extremely sensitive and careful about what they post.
If you would like advice you may contact the following people at the school <details>.
Yours sincerely,
25
<Name>, Headteacher
Appendix 6a: Leaflet on Reactions to a Traumatic Event – Information for professionals, parents and carers
Reactions to a Traumatic Event: Information for Professionals, Parents and Carers
After a traumatic event it can be helpful to know what some of the common reactions are. This information can help us make sense of emotional and physical responses which can otherwise be
worrying or alarming in themselves. This leaflet describes some of these common reactions. It is important to note that reactions vary from person to person in terms of the kind of response, how strong it is, and how long it lasts. Moreover, effects are not necessarily felt immediately after the event.
Common Emotional Reactions in Adults
26
Common Physical Reactions
27
Muscle tension Headaches
chest Tightness in
weakness feelings of
appetite Loss of
Palpitations
Dizziness
Shaking
Tiredness
Nausea
Common Reactions in Children
Children and young people experience the same feelings in response to traumatic events as adults. In addition, they are particularly vulnerable to the impact of the event on adults they love or trust.
They have a similar need for support in coming to terms with what has happened, but they may not be able to express their feelings directly. It is particularly difficult to express feelings when you cannot find the words. Children, particularly young children, often show their feelings by the way they behave/react/respond rather than by what they say.
Common behaviours found among children who have been affected by a traumatic event include the following:
• Increased acting-out and immature behaviour
• Lots of pretend play, including acting out details of what took place around the event • Sleep disturbance, including bad dreams, fear of being alone and fear of the dark • Marked anxiety about any separation, for example, a desire to sleep with parents
• Preoccupation with the event, and consequent difficulty in concentrating (e.g. in school)
• Heightened alertness to danger, including sensitivity to loud noises
• Change in appetite
• Fears for their own safety or safety of family and friends
• Reluctance to talk (children, particularly older children, may choose not to talk for fear of upsetting family or friends)
Ways Forward
28
Sensitivity
Intolerance
Tearfulness
Low mood
disturbance Sleep
Bad Dreamsdifficulties Memory
Insomnia
chest Tightness in
Hyper vigilance
concentrating Difficulty
Common Behavioural Reactions
For both children and adults, it is their naturally available communities (family, friends, classmates, colleagues) who will provide the most appropriate and useful sources of support and help. It is essential that any additional or professional sources of support should aim to empower, enable and resource these natural communities and should actively avoid de-skilling them. This is best achieved if any additional sources of support are sensitive to what natural communities are already providing and offer reassurance on the effectiveness of such day-to-day support.
The following individual actions can be helpful:
This can help you to accept what has happened, to begin to try to make sense of it and ultimately integrate it into your personal experience. Talking things over is an important part of the recovery process, so don’t be self-conscious or embarrassed if you still want to refer to it days, weeks or months later. Even if others who were involved seem to have put it behind them, remember individuals are different - do not judge yourself by how others feel, it’s what you need that matters. Find someone to speak to who is supportive and who will not be upset at hearing you recount distressing details.
Try not to avoid things which may trigger a distressing reaction (e.g. returning to the place where you experienced the traumatic event), but don’t be afraid to get help with doing this. If you confront the relevant places and situations, over time they should lose their power to upset you.
Try to accept the support and concern of others, even if you normally perceive yourself as a ‘strong’ person. Do not automatically reject others’ attempts to help-it may leave you feeling isolated.
Conclusion
Traumatic experiences can be distressing and difficult to cope with. For people who experience severe trauma it can seem at times that nothing will ever be the same again. However, the evidence is that, with time, people can manage to come to terms even with dreadful experiences and to find ways of continuing with their lives and relationships.
For further information or advice contact
Fife Council Educational Psychology Service www.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychology
29
Talk
Confront Your Concerns
Get and Accept Support
Employee Counselling Service (staff only) - search FISH for ‘employee counselling service’
http://fish.fife/fish//subjects/index.cfm?fuseaction=page.display&pageid=BECACF4B-F907-A85C36D59175568A7F56&subjectid=9A72BE42-6315-4945-82461FA165E1357A
Appendix 6b: Leaflet on Reactions to a Traumatic Event - Information for Young People
Reactions to a Traumatic Event: Information for Young People What is a traumatic event? A traumatic event is a situation which has a strong impact on you such as the death of someone close to you, an unusual and significant event such as a house fire or seeing something which could be frightening or upsetting.
How you may react
30
Improving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychology
It can be helpful to know the common thoughts, feelings and behaviours which can happen after you experience a traumatic event. You might have some of these, all of them or none. There is no right or wrong way to react. Everyone is different.
Feelings
Behaviours
31
want to be left That you don’t
happenedto talk about what Like you don’t want
Guilty
Overwhelmed
Angry
do anything
That you don’t want to
all around ike danger is L
Easily Irritated
earfulT
Worried
people
rguing more with A
time
need to move all the Feeling restless and
the time or you are eating all
Don’t feel like eating,
having bad dreams you are worrying or
well, perhaps because Aren’t sleeping as
Avoiding new things
normal more difficult than Finding changes are noises
things such as loud Feeling sensitive to
Thoughts
What can help?
Think about people close to you that you might want to talk to about what happened – family, teachers, other important adults in your life or your friends. You might not feel like talking straight away but it is usually helpful to talk to someone you trust in order to understand what happened and your feelings about it. You might want to talk about it a lot, for a few weeks or months. Or you might not have spoken about it for a while, and then you are reminded of something and want to talk about it again. This is okay and perfectly normal – don’t worry that you are talking about it too much.
Be aware of your own thoughts and notice when negative thoughts and memories are racing round in your mind. When this happens, try to do calming activities as a way to re-
32
don’t want to be here any more That you want to hurt yourself or
other people
Worrying a lot about other things
finding it hard to focus on happened all the time and
what Thinking about
any more
That you can’t cope
happeningdifferently or could have stopped it
done something That you could have
way it was
could go back to the Wishing everything
Talk
Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel Notice how you feel
focus your thoughts on the here and now. Some of these activities could include deep breathing, yoga, listening to music on your headphones and going for a walk, noticing what you see and smell around you. Be kind to yourself and remember that what happened was not your fault. You could also keep a journal and take a mental note of why you think some days have been better. In your journal, try to write three things that you are grateful for each day.
Keep going and focus on activities you enjoy
Make sure you try to keep to your normal routines, take part in hobbies and see your friends. Don’t feel guilty for having fun – it won’t change what happened and it is important to try to enjoy life even when you have faced difficulties. You might not feel up to doing as much as normal but do try not to isolate yourself. Take time to do activities which help you to relax and feel better. Any physical activity, like walking, jogging, swimming or cycling, is a great way to create endorphins (feel-good hormones) and burn up cortisol (a hormone that makes you feel stressed). Try to make plans for the future and stay positive about the places you want to go, the things you want to do and what you want to achieve.
If you are worried about going back to where a traumatic event happened, don’t be afraid to get help with doing this. Over time the things that you are worried about should lose their power to upset you.
Conclusion
After a few months, things should start to feel a bit better. If they aren’t, or if you are feeling worse, think about speaking to someone at home or in school to see if a counsellor or other professional help might be useful for you.
It can seem at times that nothing will ever be the same again. However, the evidence is that, with time, people can manage to come to terms with even dreadful experiences and find ways of continuing with their lives and relationships.
Further information
For taking care of your general wellbeing see: five ways to look after
your wellbeing For further information and advice you can contact the
Educational Psychology Service
www.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychology
33
Confront your concerns
Keep going and focus on the activities you enjoy
Appendix 7a: Leaflet on Bereavement and Loss – Information for Parents and carers
Information Leaflet for Parents and Carers on Bereavement and Loss
How might my child respond to a death?Children and young people experience the same feelings as adults after a bereavement or loss. They have a similar need for support, but they may not be able to express their feelings in words. Children often show their feelings in how they behave rather than what they say. You might see that your child:
34
Improving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychology
• jumps in and out of sadness e.g. they could be distressed one minute and then happily playing the next
• shows anger and/or behaviour that you might expect of a younger child• uses pretend play to try and make sense of what has happened• has difficulties with sleep, such as bad dreams and fear of the dark• is clingier than usual and does not want to be left alone, which is linked to fears for their own
safety or the safety of family and friends• becomes focussed on the death and shows fears about dying• has difficulty in concentrating (e.g. in school)• becomes very aware of danger, including sensitivity to loud noises• is not as interested in food
How can I talk to my child about the death of a loved one?
Children grieve, even at a very young age. You might feel that you are protecting your children by not
talking to them about a serious illness or death; however this can make them feel confused and
excluded. If you are worried about saying the wrong thing the following tips might help.
Explain what has happened
Try to talk to your child honestly and explain what has happened in a way that they can understand. It is clearer to say someone has died rather than the person has ‘gone to sleep’ or ‘gone away’. This may be confusing for the child, or might make them frightened to go to sleep or worry that you might go away and not come back.
Encourage questions
Children will often ask the same questions over and over, which can be distressing, but it’s part of their need for reassurance and can help them process information. When they ask a question, you could start by asking: “What do you think?” Then you can build your answer on their understanding of what’s happened.
Listen to how your child is feelingAllow your child to have the chance to express their feelings and thoughts about the death. Try to avoid telling the child not to worry or be sad. Explain that everybody responds to death in different ways and that it's OK to feel sad, angry, confused, empty, guilty, anxious. Your child might need more time to absorb what has happened if they do not seem sad.
Reassure
Give your child plenty of reassurance. For example, you might need to explain that their loved one did not want to leave them. Let them know they’re still loved
35
and that there are people there to care for them. Or you might need to reassure them that they are not to blame for what has happened. Let them know that being naughty doesn’t make someone die, nor do wishes and thoughts. Everyone says and does things that later they wish they hadn’t.
Should my child go to the funeral?
Include your child in decisions about how they would like to say goodbye. Explain what would happen at the funeral and let them know that funerals can be a good way to say goodbye.
How can I help my child remember?
It might help to make a memory box including some favourite photographs, objects that remind your child of their loved one or a tissue with their perfume or aftershave sprayed on it. Your child might like to write them a letter, poem or do a drawing. It can be helpful to think of some happy memories and favourite stories to write down and put in the box.
Be honest about your feelings
Children easily pick up on tension, distress or anxiety in adults and without an explanation this can leave them confused. It can be helpful to share feelings and explain that it is natural to be upset and to cry (even for adults). If you are feeling completely overwhelmed, be kind to yourself and take some time and space to process your strong emotions before speaking to your child.
Should I keep routines the same?
Yes, keeping routines and behaviour boundaries the same can help your child feel secure. Continue to support them to do the things that they enjoy – it is important to still have fun while you are grieving. Keeping the connections you have with people in the community is also very important because grieving can make both adults and children feel isolated.
Should I get support for myself?
As a parent, it can feel scary to be vulnerable in front of others, but exploring your feelings with those who you trust is an important part of the recovery process. Sharing memories and your sense of loss can strengthen old and create new friendships.
Returning to school after someone dies
36
There are no set policies that say how much time off school or college bereaved children and teenagers can take. However, be aware that keeping normal routines is important and having too much time off could make it harder for them to manage. The following suggestions might be helpful to think about when communicating with school.
• Get in touch with the school as soon as you can so that they are aware of the bereavement. They may help you identify a member of staff who can be available if your child needs to talk to someone.
• Let school staff know how you have explained the death to your child. Create a joint script so that both you and school staff are giving the same messages when your child asks questions.
• Ask your child what they’d like you to tell their school so they feel involved and have a say. This is especially important with older children.
• If your child is finding it hard to go to school, consider giving them an object to remember you (e.g. a handkerchief sprayed with your aftershave/perfume, or, if they are older, make a plan to stay in contact at lunchtime). This can help them feel reassured that you are close and safe.
The organisations below can provide further information and advice:
Winston’s Wish is information, advice and guidance on supporting bereaved
children and young people during the coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak.www.winstonswish.org – Freephone National Helpline 08088 020 021Childhood Bereavement UK brings together guidance and information to help support you at this difficult time.www.childbereavementuk.org – Helpline 0800 02 888 40Bereaved people may have to deal with increased trauma and may be cut off from some of their usual support network. Those who are already struggling with bereavement, or whose relatives or friends die through other causes will also be affected.www.cruse.org/.uk – Helpline 0808 808 1677
Further information on supporting Emotional Wellbeing in Fife can be found on the GIRFEC website:
https://girfec.fife.scot/emotional-health-and-mental-wellbeing/
37
Alternatively, you can contact the Educational Psychology Service for information and advice:www.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychology
Appendix 7b: Leaflet on Bereavement and Loss – Information for Young People
Information Leaflet for Young Person and Children on Bereavement and Loss
What’s Happening?
After the death of someone special, you might begin to notice some emotions that you haven’t felt before. This might leave you confused and questioning how you should act. It is important to know that everybody reacts differently and whatever you’re feeling is okay. Below are some questions that people often ask.
38
Improving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychology
Why does it hurt?
Grief (sadness after a death) is painful. It can affect your body, making you feel achy, ill or tired. It can also cause strong emotions and thoughts that worry you, leaving you feeling overwhelmed. This is common but the pain you are feeling will become easier to manage with time.
Why am I so angry?
It can feel very unfair when a loved one dies. You might feel angry that people don’t understand or that people should have done more to help. Note down some activities that you find relaxing or distract you. Try to switch to these activities when you start to feel angry.
What if I forget?
Over time you will begin to get used to new routines and the grief you felt might not feel as strong anymore. It’s also okay to have fun. It doesn’t mean you are ‘over it’, you don’t care or you have forgotten. Try not to think of this as forgetting your loved one but adjusting to the changes in your life. If you are worried about forgetting, collect items and write down things that remind you of your loved one, perhaps photographs, songs or stories they’ve told. Some people find it useful to keep a memory box to keep these items in one place.
Do I have to be strong for other people?
No. You might feel that you need to hide your feelings from family because you don’t want to make them feel bad. It’s okay to show others that you are finding things difficult even though it might make you feel vulnerable. Crying can release tension and help you feel better. Remember, everyone is different, if you don’t or can’t cry that’s okay too.
Was it my fault?
It was not your fault that your loved one died. It’s natural to think that you could have done something more. Try to focus on the nice things that you said or did. Forgiving yourself is important.
Who can I talk to?
Even if you are keeping busy, grief can make you feel very lonely. There might be other changes happening at home which are affecting how available people seem to be. You might think
39
that you do not want to bother your family because your worries aren’t as important. However, staying connected and sharing what you’re feeling can be a good way to support each other and you might find that they’re feeling the same way.
Think about different people you trust who you can share your thoughts with e.g. teachers or friends who have been through grief themselves. It may not be easy, but try not to isolate yourself.
Apart of Me app A game designed to help young people come to terms with the death of a loved one for ages 11+ but if you are younger ask an adult to play along with you.
The Headspace app (free edition) has 10 (10-minute) exercises allowing you to master the essentials of mindfulness.
MeeTwo app provides a safe and secure forum for teenagers wanting to discuss any issue affecting their lives. You can anonymously get advice from experts or other teenagers going through similar experiences.
The organisations below can provide further information and advice:
Winston’s Wish provides information, advice and guidance on supporting bereaved children and young people during the coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak.
www.winstonswish.org - Freephone National Helpline 08088 020 021
Childhood Bereavement UK brings together guidance and information to help support you at this difficult time.
www.childbereavementuk.org - Helpline 0800 02 888 40
Cruise Bereavement Care: Bereaved people may have to deal with increased trauma, and may be cut off from some of their usual support network. Those who are already struggling with bereavement, or whose relatives or friends die through other causes will also be affected.
www.cruse.org.uk/ - Helpline 0808 808 1677
Further information on supporting Emotional Wellbeing in Fife can be found on the GIRFEC website:www.girfec.fife.scot/emotional-health-and-mental-wellbeing/
Alternatively, you can contact the Educational Psychology Service for information and advice:www.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychology
40
Improving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychologyImproving life chances for allwww.fife.gov.uk/educationalpsychology
Appendix 8a: Information for Business Support Staff
To support Business Support Staff in the event of a phone call about a traumatic indent, please consider the following points:
Business Support Staff should have an awareness of, and easy access to, the checklist (Appendix 8b).
When it is apparent the call relates to a traumatic incident, ask the caller to wait until you have the checklist to hand to ensure you are gathering all the relevant information to pass on.
In the event you are speaking to someone under a lot of stress, it is important to speak clearly and slowly. This will encourage them to do the same. If necessary you can suggest for them to take a minute or a few deep breaths.
You may want to have some prepared scripts. For example:
“I can hear that you have a lot going on. That sounds really stressful. We will need to take some time to make sure that we have all the relevant details.” “Would you like to take a minute?” or “It might be helpful if we slow down and take a deep breath before making sure we have everything we need.”
41
“You can let me know when you are ready, and we can speak about what has happened.”
Allow the caller time to describe the event, with minimal interruptions. However, do clarify where necessary and ensure they know you are listening through smaller vocalisations such as “uh huh”, “ok” or “yes”. Note down the key information on the checklist.
When the caller has finished their description, it is useful to summarise what you have heard to ensure all the details are correct. It will also convey to the caller that they are being listened to. This is also a good time to ask any further questions to fill in any missing information from the checklist.
At the end of the call, ensure you let the caller know your name and extension number and how you are going to take their information forward. Summarise the next steps you will take as per Appendix 8b.
Appendix 8b: Checklist for Business Support Staff
Rothesay House Business Support Staff
Checklist for dealing with initial phone calls relating to traumatic incidents
Remember to give your own name and extension number and ask the caller to write this down.
1. Time/date of call
2. Name of school
3. Name of caller
4. Telephone numbers to return call / email addresses
5. Caller’s job title
42
6. Details and nature of incident
7. Where incident occurred
8. Who was affected
9. Any injuries (emergency service involved)
10. Actions already taken by school
11. Time/date of incident
12. Any other information
When appropriate all Business Support staff in Rothesay House may need to know essential details of an incident particularly when a high volume of telephone enquiries is coming in. This will be co-ordinated by the area Business Support Coordinator after agreement from a Senior Manager.
Additionally, Business Support staff should be informed about the outcome of high-profile incidents.
Appendix 8b continued
Let your caller know what action you will take next.
I will contact: Name and contact no:
Relevant Education Managers
Communications and Customer Insight Team
Educational Psychology Service
Business Support Co-ordinator
Depending on the nature of the incident, other key personnel/departments may also need to be informed. It is important to agree who will make contact with them.
I will also contact (tick as appropriate): Name and contact no:
Resources Section
43
Health & Safety
Janitorial Services
Transport
Tay Connect re transport arrangements
Catering Services
Relevant elected member
Chair of Education Committee
Social Strategy Manager
Chief Executive
Other action (if necessary)
I will ___________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Form completed by________________________________________________________
Appendix 9: Further information and resources
Useful websites and organisations
Childhood Bereavement UK https://www.childbereavementuk.org Helpline 0800 02 888 40
Cruse Bereavement Care https://www.cruse.org.uk Helpline 0808 808 1677
Winston’s Wish https://www.winstonswish.org Helpline 08088 020 021
Nurture UK - https://www.nurtureuk.org/
Scottish Centre for Conflict resolution https://scottishconflictresolution.org.uk/
Useful books
Dyregrov, Atle. (1991). Grief in Children: A Handbook for Adults (Second Edition). Jessica Kingsley Publishers. (ISBN: 978-1-84310-612-8)
Many children experience the death of a relation or friend, or of other known adults or children. At such times it is important for parents, teachers, social workers and other
44
responsible adults to know how to respond appropriately to the child's needs. This practical book explains children's understanding of death at different ages and gives a detailed outline of exactly how the adults around them can best help them cope with the death, whether it is of a parent or sibling, other relation or friend, or of classmate or teacher.
Haines, Steve. (2016). Trauma is really strange. Singing dragon an imprint of Jessica Kingsley Publishers. (ISBN: 978-1-84819-293-5)
A comic that explains the strange nature of trauma and how it confuses the brain and affects the body. With cat and mouse metaphors, essential scientific facts and a healthy dose of wit. The narrator reveals how trauma resolution involves changes the body’s physiology and techniques that can achieve this. Suitable for ages 12+.
Ironside, Virginia. (2011). The huge bags of worries. Hodder Children’s Books. (ISBN: 978-0-34090-317-9)
A reassuring picture book encouraging children to open up about their fears and anxieties to help manage their feelings.
Van der Kolk, Bessel. (2015). The body keeps the Score: Mind, brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma. Penguin Books. (ISBN: 978-0-14197-861-1)
The effects of trauma can be devastating for sufferers, their families and future generations. Here one of the world's experts on traumatic stress offers a bold new paradigm for treatment, moving away from standard talking and drug therapies and towards an alternative approach that heals mind, brain and body.
Ward, Barbara and Associates. (1995). Good Grief 1: Exploring feelings, loss and death with under 11s. Jessica Kingsley Publishers. (ISBN: 978-1-85302-324-8)
With twenty educators contributing ideas piloted with children of different abilities and backgrounds in their care, 'Good Grief' has been designed to explore and demystify the experience of loss - in different contexts - within the framework of the National Curriculum.
Wells, Rosemary. (1998). Helping to cope with grief: Facing a death in the family. Sheldon Press: 2nd Ed. (ISBN: 978-1-84709-022-5)
Nothing can take away the pain and loss for a child who has lost someone close to them, but there is a great deal that a caring adult can do to avoid the long-term distress which can be caused by hidden fears and anxieties. This book also deals with the problems special to terminal illness or sudden death, and the misunderstandings that can arise from a well-meant remark.
Books for children
Picture books 3-5 years Story books 7-11years
45
Carle, Eric. (1994). The very hungry caterpillar. Puffin; Miniature Board Ed edition. (ISBN: 978-0241003008)
Mellonie, Bryan & Ingpen, Robert. (1997). Beginnings and endings with lifetimes in between: a beautiful way to explain life and death to children. Bantam: 1 edition (16 Sept. 2009). (ISBN: 978-1-85561-760-9)
Varley, Susan. (1992). Badger’s Parting Gifts. Andersen Press. (07 March. 2013) (ISBN: 9781849395144)
Waddell, Martin & Firth, Barbara. (1999). We Love them. Gardners Books. (ISBN: 978-0744572568)
Kurtz, Jane (1997) Almaz and the lion. Puffin Books. (ISBN: 978-0140563344)
Wilhelm, Hans. (1986). I’ll always love you. Perfection Learning. (ISBN: 9780780788718)
Classroom resources
Kitbag
Emotion works
How Nurturing is our School? Resource pack
46